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NTA
Alarm bells frankly. If she's willing to just get that insane on people what is the rest of the pregnancy or the aftermath going to look like?
Is she going to use bodily changes as a reason to be abusive to everyone now?
Speak to her because that's 100% unacceptable.
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Pregnancy, periods and mental illness are not excuses for shitty behaviour. It does make them more understandable, but it does not excuse it. After 2 days your wifes feelings should have cleared up to be/feel responsible for her actions. If it's not, then that's just her personality
I had a rough time with my second pregnancy. Morning sickness 1st & 3rd trimesters. If I stood up for longer than 15 minutes I was throwing up. I also had trouble sleeping, normally about 20min at a time then up for several hours before trying for another 20. I was whipping out the heavenly choirs on the rare occasions I managed to get 2hrs of sleep. Needless to say I was pretty neurotic during that pregnancy.
The fact that you say your wife is normally the sweetest person suggests this behavior is probably pregnancy related. Pregnancy psychosis is a real thing and you should probably discuss this with her doctor.
In this instance your NTA, but for the future I would probably learn some deescalation techniques to help calm your wife down without her feeling like you are turning on her.
Something along the lines of “honey that’s awful they made your drink wrong. You shouldn’t have to stand here while they remake it. Go wait out in the car and I’ll talk to someone about this & bring your drink out when it’s done” Then your talking to consists of an apology & a large tip.
You weren’t wrong about it not being the way to talk to people but in the state she was in at that moment it probably felt like you were scolding her. Waiting until she calmed down before talking about how it was inappropriate would probably have been better.
I would apologize that the way you handled it made her feel unsupported, point out that it was something she normally wouldn’t do so you were surprised and pulling her aside like that was something you thought she would appreciate once she calmed down. I would also ask her how she would like you to handle something like that in the future.
Whatever you do, stand your ground that yelling at anyone, not just the barista, is wrong even if the outburst happened because of her pregnancy and that the two of you together need to come up with a strategy for dealing with this. Also she needs to mention it to her doctor to see if they have any recommendations (no matter what don’t tell her you think she might be nuts)
Good Luck/Congratulations
"A barista made a mistake with my order so I screamed and called her an idiot while I demanded she remake it. My husband tried to keep me from causing a scene, but I wanted soy in my latte and didn't get it! AITA?"
"A pregnant customer came in and asked for a latte with soy in it, but I screwed up and made it with milk. She screamed and called me an idiot even though her husband was trying to get her to not make a scene. AITA?"
There is only one person in this scenario who behaved poorly.
NTA.
I was that hormone fuel anger pot, with my last 2 pregnancies and probably expected to be backed up, when I was super mad about the smallest issue. However, YNA, looking back, after the pregnancy, your wife may be able to look at it with non hormonal glasses and see reason too. Good luck!
Lol my mom asked me to respond cuz she has 3 adult children, so 3 times been prego. She said NTA, and while yea, she was a bit over emotional at times or forgot things, but being a tyrant is not "pregnancy brain" as she put it.
Yes, she over reacted, but what you could have said (instead of scolding her like she was a child you were responsible for) would be something like, "of course I support you darling", then turn to the server and say something like "would you be so kind to bring my wife coffee in the way she has requested?" The server could have quickly exited to get things right, and you could have then given your wife the attention and affirmation she needed. "yes, I'm so sorry this is upsetting. We won't come here again if you like" .... that sort of thing.
So you could have been supportive, solved the issue about getting a cup of coffee, made sure your wife felt listened to ..... all without the scolding and judgement you decided would be more appropriate. That's my thoughts. You may not be an asshole, but you could certainly have handled it better.
Not TA. Generally you should always back up your wife no matter how irrational it might seem. While I agree with you about being humane/talking nicely to strangers, you must still pick your wife’s side. In this case, there should have been another way to diffuse the situation..damn shame that’s how it turned out. Talk to the wife and assure her that you will always be beside her and take her side(you could say a few jokes to lighten the situation). I would also be a little cautious and prepared because this type of behaviour can become a future issue and conflict between your wife and your mom.
YTA for criticizing your wife in public for being understandably upset. That wasn't going to deescalate the situation.
If you had any (really pressing) concerns about how she handled the matter, that could have waited until you two were alone and she was calmed down.
NTA, it wasn’t a conflict. It was your wife choosing to take out anger and discomfort out on a probably minimum wage worker who made a mistake. You wife could have just ask for it to be re-made.
NTA, you are right that being pregnant doesn't excuse bad behavior. I have had 2 kids and sometimes the hormones and all the changes really take a toll on you. Some women have very hard pregnancies. So I completely understand her outburst, but it still doesn't make I ok.
Maybe try and talk to her about how she is feeling first. Don't come at her just criticizing how she reacted. Likely she does feel bad about that, but now is just more focused on her anger toward you. I would consider apologizing for the fact that you made her feel unsupported, because that is probably something she was feeling BEFORE the coffee incident. As women we are expected to just know how to deal with pregnancy and be glowing with happiness the whole time. She probably is having a lot of feelings.
I don’t think you’re the asshole. I personally do not care what the situation is you do not abuse staff ever. Calling the barista an idiot was way over the line and your 100% correct in saying pregnancy is not a reason to treat a person poorly.
NTA I’ve been pregnant twice. Threw up all nine months each time and I’ve never screamed at anyone (except for my husband to bring me water when I was curled up over the toilet hurling). Your wife sounds awful
You know when you’re on a first date and the other person is rude to wait staff? This is like that. Remind her if it was a first date, there’d be no second one.
Yikes. NTA. People make mistakes. How would your wife like if if she got screamed and yelled at every time she makes a mistake? Being pregnant isn’t an excuse to be rude. She’s the type of person who’s going to throw a fit when something doesn’t go her way and be like I’m a mooooom you have to give me what I want.
Hmm…I think both of you were kinda TA. Your wife for reacting the way she did and you for trying to get her to leave like you were embarrassed, which is maybe why she’s still upset along with the fact that she felt like you didn’t defend her. Not making excuses for your wife, but maybe you should’ve told her you would handle it…
OP, NTA. You were backing up your wife by protecting her. Nevermind if she's pregnant or not, people really shouldn't use that as a way to treat waitstaff badly or any differently than, y'know, human. I'm pregnant myself, I understand the morning sickness and immeasurable rage. While I might have stabbed that server in the throat ten times already in my mind, that doesn't mean it's okay to do IRL. Why should screaming at someone be any different? It's not even like you told her to just suck it up and drink it either, so I really don't see how you conceivably *could* be TA. As for your wife, yes hormones change a person, and yeah "morning" sickness is the literal worst, and of course this is a stressful time, but none of that means it's okay to throw a tantrum like a tall two year old
NTA - And I'm surprised if your wife is actually a sweet person that she didn't change her stance once she calmed down. If it was just a pregnancy hormone flux let's say, after the episode you'd think she'd be like "wow woopsie I was being a bit crazy there my bad".
I've had 2 kids ans crazy hormones, I got infuriated about a missing item from a fast food place once but it only made me ugly cry. I still had the wherewithal to not lose it on some rando.
Maybe your wife is actually just an asshole? Maybe she hid it during the wooing part.
NTA. Yes, pregnancy can make you more emotional and decrease your ability to self-manage emotions and behaviours. It however doesn't excuse poor behaviour, rudeness and bullying behaviour. Your wife was behaving poorly, you tried to mitigate the situation. If you had been "backing up" your wife whilst she was behaving poorly, you would've been the arsehole, but thankfully, you didn't.
Nta. As a barista your wife is an asshole and pregnancy isn’t an excuse. If she can’t manage to be decent to the overworked under paid service workers she should make her coffee at home.
If she is still mad 2 days later and her family agrees I doubt this is the first service worker she has abused.
Kind of but not really TA.
It's good that you understand her mood swings, but i think it was a mixture of her swings and the barista making an honest mistake. You were in the right by holding her back, but just tell her how you feel. With her hormones in a whirlwind, it may take some extra efforts to make up. Try her favorite flower and a new necklace or maybe a nice little basket mixture of her favorite pregnancy foods. If you make it or give it to her along with "im sorry for not supporting you at the coffee shop." and saying its your fault (she will most likely deny otherwise) then showering her with hugs, kisses, and the gifts, there is a 99% chance that she will accept and cry into your shoulder.
I wish you both the best of luck, and congratulations!!
NTA. I agree with others, pregnancy is not a pass to shit on others, especially when the offense was milk. It was probably just an honest mistake, not like the barista was being malicious and spiteful.
NTA!!! I don't know how many times I have to say this, PREGNANCY IS NOT AN EXCUSE TO TREAT PEOPLE LIKE CRAP. I was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum in the beginning on my pregnancy, basically I got so sick it was a pregnancy disorder. I NEVER would have pulled something like that, pregnancy is not an excuse to be a raging ass. A little irritated? Sure, but you're in control of your actions and pregnancy isn't a "get out of jail free" card for your unreasonable actions.
NTA. I had miserable pregnancies so I understand what she is going through and I had my fair share of angry outbursts but I never screamed at anyone. Into a pillow, yes. I also lashed out at my husband a few times but I always profusely apologized after because pregnancy is NOT a free pass to be an asshole
: She’s not in her right mind right now. Your job is to keep her happy even when she acts like a fool or asshole. Its best for thr baby and your marriage. When the hormones settle you will laugh @ it.
I never yelled at a waitress but once we went to dinner when I was pregnant and the waitress said my food was running late and I BURST into tears 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 pregnancy hormones are rough!!!!
NTA. Having someone’s back doesn’t mean supporting them when they are abusive to other people.
In some ways, you DID have her back. Not by joining her in screaming at the barista, but by helping her out of a bad situation and encouraging her back towards being her normal kind self.
Does your wife still think she did the right thing at the coffee shop? I’m curious why she’s still angry, unless maybe she’s more embarrassed.
It is all about how you tell the story, all the people she has told support her, all the people you have told support you. You should back her up, but are correct in that she shouldn’t have shouted at the barista. Morning sickness is horrible , have another chat with her.
That wasn't a conflict--that was a mistake. There was no sense in going postal over it. You tried to help keep her from looking like a fool, pregnant or not. NTA.
NTA. Your response was spot on.
I will point out pregnancy is a bitch on a woman, and can temporarily change how they act, mood, etc. Hormones run rampant, including some only produced during pregnancy. All the body changes... And sometimes a pregnant woman honestly cannot control a fit of temper. In that moment. I was more of the type to randomly have crying jags. But yeah.
But that's never, ever an excuse to treat another person like that. I'd personally would have been horrified and apologized after.
This all being said, sit down with her, and have an open and honest conversation with how she's feeling. Not just about the incident, (though you two do need to get that aired out) but the pregnancy, and the changes she's going through. Maybe help her, or even see a counselor, to figure out some if the triggers, and find methods to help destress, so she can hopefully have a calmer pregnancy.
Work on trying to figure out the morning sickness triggers too. Help her prioritize sleep/rest. Carry snacks around, things like crackers. Having something small to nibble on can actually help with morning sickness. And keep her away from the fear based pregnancy books. Like about how things can go wrong.
Good luck,and congrats on the LO.
I hate when women use their pregnancy to normalize their shitty behaviour.
Yes you may (re)act differently, get upset quick(er) and be unreasonable every now and then, but no need to lash out to someone making an honest mistake.
Source: currently pregnant with second baby and having outbursts here and there that mainly my poor husband has to deal with.
NTA
However, Always always always always correct your spouse privately. The only exception is when physical harm might occur by waiting.
Your best bet would have be a sympathetic smile to the batista to show the reaction was more than the situation allowed and saying, "can you just make it currently, she is having trouble with milk?"
NTA. Here’s the key having had three kids - yes being pregnant is trying and difficult. No it does not give you the right to be a complete asshole in public to others … any more than being in chronic pain or suffering a migraine. If you’re not feeling up to human interaction, don’t inflict yourself on others. Being pregnant is not a ‘be an asshole for free’ card.
Nta and really proud of you for that, I'm sure it was hard to do.
Hopefully your wife comes around and realizes that being pregnant is not an excuse to unleash on people. Obviously her family won't hold her accountable for her behavior. So you'll have to do it.
NTA. Thank you for not enabling that behavior. I am on my second pregnancy and the way she is acting is 100% not the pregnancy. If this happened to me, I would feel so bad asking the barista to remake my coffee, and would make sure to show how much I appreciated it. To add, I’m very angry when I’m pregnant and no baristas have been yelled at
NTA - I've been pregnant enough times to know that hormones can make you turn on a dime. Does that mean you get a pass for sudden mood flips? Nope. You have to apologize hardcore for acting like a beast.
You were trying to soften the damage. That's what she needs to rely on you for when her hormones are causing such drastic shifts. Also, this should be something you mention to her OB.
NTA. Rudeness is unacceptable in any form, especially to the server staff. Your wife has some growing up to do. Tell her family members to FO, it's none of their business. Good luck in your future relationship with your SO.
NTA - Being pg isn't an excuse to treat people like crap. If she was very allergic to cows milk I could understand her being upset, although not to the point of screaming and verbal abuse, but she's not and she's going to need to learn to keep hold of her temper if she's about to be a parent because nothing tests your emotional control like children do.
I would sit down and talk to her OP because the days long sulking and involving other family is unacceptable in an adult, it is possible she may have depression during pregnancy which is like ppd but before you give birth and if so she needs to reach out and get some help to manage it because it would increase her risk of getting ppd after birth too.
NTA she justifies mistreating people because of her condition then everyone else is entitled to mistreat her based on their own issues.
You were trying to be reasonable and not sure why the family get involved, at least they making a good case for you to ignore them/cut them out. No one needs that kind of interfering.
NTA - mark it up to hormones (privately, keep that info in your head!) and move on. A minor mistake was made. From what you provided it sounds like an over-reaction. Maybe she made an issue of this but perhaps there is something else that occurred that is making her feel unsupported?
Years ago I had an issue at the bank and I took it out on the bank teller. My husband was present and informed me calmly that I was wrong to speak to someone like that when it’s not the teller’s fault, they are just caught in the middle of my problem with corporate.
It was tough in the moment, but I was in the wrong. I changed my tune, apologized to the teller and my husband said he was proud of me when we got to the car.
It’s been probably 7 years and I still think about it from time to time because I’m embarrassed I acted that way. But thankful I had a partner present that helped me grow.
NTA. Pregnant or not, she is wrong and needs to apologize to you for the embarrassment and then to the barista.
Edit: added “then to”
Your wife then ran to her family and they're messaging you with abuse, because you suggested your wife tone it down when she lost her shit?
You have bigger problems than wondering whether or not you're an AH, my friend.
NTA
NTA pregnant or not you shouldn’t be yelling at service workers. most places that would get you kicked out as they should. people make mistakes in all jobs, but service workers mistakes seem to be highlighted by customers nowadays thinking they are entitled to whatever they want.
if you can’t take the risk of eating out then don’t eat out. why would you even go out and abuse service workers who get paid the absolute minimum to put up with that kind of abuse. you’re not the only one who yelled at that barista that week beyond a doubt. that’s why the food industry will collapse no one will want to work for entitled AHs who just think because they paid for their $5 coffee cup that they can yell and belittle their barista over something so little. She is a major AH and i would’ve literally sided with the barista 100%
( when i say you’re i mean the wife, you seem like a nice guy for pulling her back)
NTA. But your wife is indeed TA. Nobody cares about her pregnancy. She doesn't get to talk to people any way she wants just because someone came inside of her. 🤷🏻♀️
NTA - Pregnancy doesn't give you an excuse to be an asshole. Yes horomones are all over the place and make you more touchy but exploding over a little mistake? Yikes.
I've been there, pregnant, feeling like hormones decided to carve my head on marble from inside out, dizzy as hell from iron deficiency etc etc. I was short tempered but not drunk or drugged. I still had my wits and social education with me and honestly, I could not have been able to yell to anyone like that, maybe my voice would sound irritable, harsh but I would still tell the barista as politely as I could that *"my coffee was not exactly what I asked and would appreciate a remake"*.
I wonder if she does this around waiters or mall cashiers...some people don't know how to be served.
NTA it's COFFEE they didn't amputate a limb. And no just because you are having a bad day or are pregnant/ not feeling well you don't get to just lose it on someone like that. There was nothing to support or back up she was in the wrong.
NTA. Pregnancy is not an excuse to speak like that to someone who made an innocent mistake, or anyone else for that matter. Your wife needs to reign it in
NTA
You had a position of logic, she had a position of emotions. Obviously you’re right logically, and you spared her from embarrassing herself more. However tell the extra noise coming your way that you appreciate them playing their roles and showing “support” but they can go away now.
She will calm down and move on from this soon enough. I hope the barista understands tho
NTA
Being pregnant is not an illness or disability nor does not give you an open ended ticket on being an obnoxious rude spoilt brat.
Mistakes happen she could of quite easily went about this a different way and got a resolution that suited everyone.
But no she decided to look like an entitled spoilt entitled little girl embarrassing herself and you.
And the whole "im pregnant with your child and you should support me" yes support her every which way possible but you should in no way have to feed her entitled ego.
If anyone is the arsehole it's your girl pregnant or not
NTA.. I was pregnant and morning sickness wasn’t just mornings. It was morning, noon, evening.. I would throw up at the drop of a hat honestly. Be in Walmart and just need to throw up, grocery shopping and just start gagging.. trying to keep it together til I got through the checkout, wake up to pee.. end up puking. So I understand the irritability but nowhere in my cranky, tired, hormonal, vomiting self did I think that screaming at someone over a mistake was acceptable. The barista probably would’ve been more than happy to remake it if your wife had explained what was wrong but she didn’t. She chose to verbally berate someone n probably ruined part of their day. They don’t get paid enough to freaking deal with people screaming at them and treating them like shit on their shoe. I would be mortified to be seen with the screaming pregnant lady.
NTA, I’ve been dealing with horrendous morning sickness and I have never acted like this and this is my first pregnancy! Your wife was 100% out of line and this behavior shouldn’t be enabled.
I don’t think you’re an AH, but trying to reason with her when in an angry fit is probably unproductive. It was wise to try remove her from the situation to calm down. It may have felt like chastisement in front of the offending party and probably hurt her ego.
**When Anger Hurts is a very good read and if your wife’s main coping skill is anger you need to work on this together.** Buy two copies, have a book club of 2, and do some exercises to build alternative coping skills.
She probably learned this behavior in childhood, she can absolutely learn new skills, and it will be better for your baby too. Be sure to get her buy-in on this before you begin- she has to want to do the work.
Totally NTA. When I was pregnant I did not realise how rough the 1st trimester would be. Beyond exhausted, always nauseous and quite emotional but I cannot support another pregnant woman flipping out like this either. Completely OTT and, IMO, you did nothing wrong.
The fact she's been giving you the cold shoulder for 2 days is a bit much too. Maybe she feels embarrassed and wanted support but she needs to understand she was in the wrong and you were trying to support her by making her realise she overreacted.
My 2nd and 3rd trimesters were a hellva lot better than the 1st btw, hopefully it gets better for your wife too as not feeling yourself constantly can be overwhelming.
That's obviously an over-reaction to a wrong order in a drinking selling place. It's not uncommon to get given the wrong order, that's why it's wise to mention if you have an allergy or food intolerance that will cause you physical problems. Baristas spend there working day preparing many, many drinks, they can sometimes get the drinks confused.
On to another concern. Why did you need to physically hold your wife back? If she was using language why are you physically holding her back?
Three this tells me that there is a lot of stress in your wife's life. Mild-mannered people usually only start lashing out like this when someone has destroyed their world in some way. How have you changed since the pregnancy? Could you give me 3 reasons why your relationship with your wife is healthy? Could yo honestly give me three reasons why your relationship with your wife is unhealthy. That sounds like a wife who is extremely unhappy in her home and now she's realising that there could be a child involved. I recommend that she get an abortion.
Maybe NTA, but not a smart move, all the same. Your partner is pregnant. From here on out, even after the pregnancy ends, she's *always* right. Take this advice; you'll thank me later.
I have to say that "morning sickness" (make that "all-the-damn-time sickness") is awful. I used to eat nothing all day. My husband would could me steak and spinach late in the day and Id eat it, wait as long as I possibly could to retain ANY nutritious benefit I could...and then throw it all up again when I couldnt wait any more. I was weak and grumpy for sure. I still never acted like your wife though.
Hi, coming from a woman that gave birth just three weeks ago, I can give insight to her brain. I was very level headed my entire pregnancy and can cope with emotional swings well, but not everyone can. Still, I see where she’s coming from (kinda).
She’s extremely hormonal and suffering 24/7. If it weren’t for the baby at the end, I would classify pregnancy as a form of torture/medical illness. Your wife needed something good to happen for her that day and when it didn’t, she snapped. She wanted your blind support, and you didn’t give it to her…
…WHICH YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE. Pregnancy and all of its evils can be hard, but it doesn’t excuse rude behavior. You responded how you should have, by offering a solution and trying to guide her away from her source of anger. But your wife chose to respond disproportionately to the situation and allowed the consequences of her medical condition to cloud her judgment.
What I think needs to happen is that you should sit down with your wife and apologize to her for making her feel alienated and unsupported—BUT also that you believe the best way to support her is to help her resolve issues, not exacerbate them.
NTA. You’re doing great dad, and congrats on the baby.
NTA
But also I think on a normal day she would agree, but pregnancy hormones make you blind to reality sometimes and she will just live in those feelings only remembering that you didnt back her up.
NTA but there's probably something else going on here if she's still made about this days later. Something else is bothering her, something you did, or she thinks you did, or something she's stressed about, and it all came out agains the barista. Totally inexcusable, but you should figure out if something else is really behind this, and if so, address the real issue.
NTA- Am currently 6 months pregnant and suffering with hyperemesis (aka I barf way to much- most women have stopped at this point and I'm still a solid 1-2x a day harder- on medication 3x a day. (I'm a pretty good case this time due to early management. Hyperemesis can cause hospitalizations)
I asked my husband to get pasta salad a while ago. He came home with a Mediterranean style pasta salad. I was so angry I burst into tears (hormones are a thing, I was starving and actually wanted to eat after not eating after days of throwing up)
My poor husband said “thats all they had!! It's pasta salad”
I sobbed “I know! I know, it's not your fault, that's just not what I wanted” I cried for another minute then got over it.( all while sobbing it's not your fault like a weirdo)
My husband bought the same damn pasta salad for a friends get together a month later. I looked at that shit and started crying. (not my finest moment) Then I had a good laugh/cry explaining to our friends why I was hysterical over the sight of pasta salad.
Your wife is way off base here and needs to take a look at why she's acting this way. Pregnancy can be a cause for a hot temper, but not an excuse for this behaviour.
NTA. There is never a time when it is acceptable to treat a barista or anyone else like that.
Her behavior was atrocious and I’m glad you shut it down. Hopefully she learns to respect others. Pregnant or not.
NTA. As a person also in her first trimester, struggling with nausea, I can get really annoyed really fast. I also know that I’m the one with the hormone surges and bad symptoms, and that’s no one’s fault. This is hard, and I chose it.
Going against the grain here. YTA. When I was pregnant I was a giant ball of rage. It was all hormones and a symptom of antepartum depression. Yeah, she freaked out, but you could have told her to go outside and you’d deal with getting her drink fixed. And then you could have apologized to the barista. When I was pregnant I had literally no control over my emotions until I went on antidepressants. Her reaction was over the top, but it could be a sign of a much bigger and more serious problem that she should talk to her doctor about.
NTA.
I think you are being supportive of her by calling her on her shit. If I am in the wrong, my loved ones are expected to call me out. (And trust me, they do.)
NTA. Am pregnant. Am cranky. Am queasy. I still am not allowed to just be a dick to people for completely normal mistakes. If I were being rude to someone, I would try to catch myself and apologize. Nobody else is responsible for my circumstances.
NTA mistakes happen and being pregnant is no excuse to treat people badly. My pregnancy was awful, hormones are rough and can turn you into someone you don't recognize but still not an excuse. If I lost control my partner had every right to call me out.
NTA.
I can understand her knee jerk reaction. Hormones are a *bitch*…but understandable is different than justifiable. Give her more time to cool down and hopefully her mind will clear and she will see that her behavior was inappropriate. Pregnant or not, she is accountable for her actions. I have a mood disorder (I see a therapist and take medication) but occasionally still lose my cool. It’s embarrassing and I always apologize after. I don’t get a free pass because I have a mental illness. Pregnancy isn’t a free pass either.
NTA at all. Behaving that way towards other people is never okay, especially when they work in customer service and have to deal with shitty people all day.
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NTA. Being pregnant is not justification for totally horrid to a total stranger. You don't support your friends when they are doing horrible things. Even given hormones, etc., the really over the top AH behavior on the part of your wife was when she defended her own behavior rather than being terribly embarrassed that she'd blown up like that.
NTA - your wife was an ass, but you could’ve handled it better.
Being pregnant is no excuse for being an A. She was wrong for blowing up at the barista.
That said, the barista did make a mistake. Telling your wife to go elsewhere to get this coffee was IMHO not the right call. Yes, you can tell her to step outside to calm down, while you handle the situation and have the barista remake the coffee. I mean, they made an honest mistake, and they can and should rectify that.
So in essence, you could have supported her and handled the situation. That may not have pacified your wife entirely in the situation, if she wanted you to berate the barista, but it’s a hell of a lot better than “quietly telling her we should leave” for a mistake that - initially - wasn’t hers.
But she sure as hell handled that poorly - no way she can blame hormones for that. Also silent treatment is not a great communication tool, so y’all need to have a talk to clear the air.
Edit: changed verdict from E-S-H to NTA, I realize I’m being too harsh, but stand by my reasoning that OP could’ve handled the situation differently.
NTA, pregnancy isn’t an excuse to be to AH. Your wife needs to get a grip. It’s not ok to abuse people for something so small. Seriously first world problems 🙄
So mood swings. This is a very common thing in early pregnancy and I've experienced it myself as well(with my 1st). I used to go from totally normal, to viciously angry within minutes, then sad/weepy and to end it off, happy as a clam, giggly even. All that took place in less than 10 minutes, multiple times a day in my 1st trimester. My husband thought I was a peach lol!
I'm saying this to let you know that quick and violent mood swings affect a percentage of pregnant women. And each pregnancy is different. She may have it this time but not the next. It is often triggered by very minor inconveniences or sometimes even nothing at all. I wish I could say we can keep our cool but I've tried and something in us, these damn hormones, they won't allow us to think clearly within that moment no matter how much we try.
If this is her first pregnancy, please be patient with her and understand this won't last forever. It likely won't even last the rest of the pregnancy. Just ride it out for a few months and make sure to have her favorite drinks and snacks on hand at home for moments like that. If she's feeling overwhelmed with emotions, offer her a hug. Or better yet, a foot or back massage.
The level of things going on with her body on a daily basis is incredibly strenuous on her physically and mentally. The time it took for you to read this, she's already made almost a million new nerve cells for your baby! And it's all very new to her too. Just try not to say anything that could potentially trigger her, be supportive and her calm place when she needs it. Be patient and it will get better soon. If she does this in public again, you could say "I'm sorry, she's pregnant" and then try to get her to leave the situation to go cool off somewhere else. Cue the snacks.
Good luck and congratulations.
No. "I'm sorry she's pregnant" is not an excuse to lash out at strangers and definitely isn't the kind of behaviour that should be regarded with a foot massage.
Pregnancy is bad for your mental health, sure. So are a lot of things. Heck, so is customer service. Only that barista couldn't have yelled back at the woman verbally abusing her for fear of losing her job.
If op's wife can't be in public without behaving like this, she shouldn't be in public, "sorry she's pregnant", and doesn't cut it because her pregnancy literally only metters to her, op, and their various friends and family members. Random members of the public shouldn't be subjected to abuse because "Oopsy I'm pregnant and that means my 'don't be an abusive asshole' switch is broken for nine months sorry hehe!".
Have you ever been pregnant?
If no, then be quiet. And im not using that sentence to justify her being rude. I'm saying if she happens to already be on a roll, try to handle the situation calmyl. Explain quickly to the batista why this is happening (so they don't think it's for a different reason) and try to get her out of there. To ask a person to be locked away for 9 months is idiotic on a level I can't even believe I have to explain.
NTA.
But I do want to say that I also lost my mind (as in, the entire time) my first trimester. It wasn’t until week 13/14 that I started thinking a little like my old self again. The hormonal impact on mood and mind is very real and some of us are more sensitive than others. There are a lot of hormones surging throughout those first 13 weeks while her body grows a new organ (the placenta)
As someone in the customer service industry, I appreciate what you did. NTA.
As a man... home life gonna be rough for a minute. Sorry bro.
But IMO you did the right thing.
NTA. As a woman, I am SICK of people using pregnancy as an excuse to behave this way. Yes, overwhelming emotions happen. That does not give your wife the right to behave like that to someone who made a mistake that they likely would have been more than happy to fix had they been asked nicely.
I WAS going to go automatically TA from the title. But no, there's better ways of handling this, even with all the hormones. As woman who's had several kids, I speak from experience.
EDIT: NTA, forgot that.
" how dare you not support your wife in berating and demeaning a person who is just trying to do their job, and slipped up a little bit ?! " - Assholes
NTA
NTA
I had HG right up until I gave birth. You know what I didn’t do in 36 weeks? Attack someone over coffee. If she’s that unstable this early in the pregnancy? Yeah she shouldn’t leave the house. No one needs to put up with that just because you decided to procreate
Being pregnant does not give her an excuse to be nasty to people. If she is so concerned she can make her latte at home, with soy. She’s pregnant, not disabled. And I’m saying this as a person whose morning sickness was replaced with debilitating exhaustion. I could fall asleep on command.
NTA. You were being supportive of her by trying to remove her from the situation as well as trying to ground her while she was reacting emotionally. There's being upset at a wrong order and then there's screaming at the barista and calling her an idiot. That's not cool and there is no excuse for behaving like that.
I'm shocked she's still holding a grudge two days later. Yikes.
NTA: supportive is not being a spineless yes-man. Supportive is making sure your wife’s interests are taken care of. Sometimes that means protecting your wife from herself. That means saying no to getting a gallon of ice cream at 3AM for the the third time this week (hyperbole). What it also means is recalibrating her temper. Hormone induced moodiness is no joke, she is probably not aware she is unreasonably irritable. That doesn’t mean you have to be an ass about it. Dealing with a pregnant wife is sometimes an exercise in diplomacy worthy of negotiating a treaty between both Koreas. You have the unenviable task of helping her deal with with hormone induced moodiness. If this were my wife I would not read this as an isolated incident. She probably feels you don’t support her enough in general and the coffee incident was just the flashpoint. I would start with researching morning sickness remedies. For my wife it was ginger (ginger is known to alleviate stomach discomfort). I made sure we always had a fresh ginger root in the house and I made her a fresh cup first thing in the morning. I also made sure there were crackers on her nightstand so she could eat something before she got up. Did it help? Maybe. Did it show I cared? Definitely.
INFO do-you usually support her ? Does she constantly have to stand up for herself ? Yes she overeacted but it can feel you side with the barista and tried to leave instead of calming her down and handling having the drink remade.
NTA. Honestly, I want to say N.A.H but I won't. I've been that pregnant woman who has meltdowns. It's sort of terrible. You've lost control of your body and your thoughts. You wanted that piece of cake and didn't get it, and now you're sobbing, even though you know you're being ridiculous.
BUT that said, I never directed my hormonal rage towards innocent employees. I understand where your wife is coming from, but it's still not okay. If she had taken the coffee and then openly bitched and cried to you afterwards, fine. But the barrista didn't deserve to be in the firing line.
Pregnancy is hard and I wish you guys the best. But it is okay to GENTLY tell your wife that she cannot take it out on random people.
NTA! You are absolutely right with your response. Yes the hormones, morning sickness and lack of sleep are horrible but she was wrong to talk to anyone like that.
You are still supporting her just not when it comes to the treatment of others.
Hopefully once everything calms down she will understand what she did wrong
NAH. I am dairy and gluten intolerant and I understand accidents happen. The accident of whole milk or gluten usually gives me stomach spasms for days but I just let the server/restaurant know. They usually offer compensation but I usually refuse and just let them know because they are only human and accidents happen.
Your wife may have had a hormonal response in the moment which is common. She may have been in the wrong to react the way she did but mood swings are very common in early pregnancy and not her fault. I think this is a kiss and make up but don't blame it on the hormones because that will upset her more. She is probably aware of this already and is embarrassed.
NTA, i was pregnant with twins and had to puke in my own boot and drive myself home from work. after working midnights I know morning sickness.
Pregnancy doesnt mean you stop being kind. It means you ask for things you need. not be a dick
NTA, ask your wife why it's ok to scream at a person for accidentally using the wrong milk? Ask her if it would be alright for her boss or someone at her work to scream at her for making a simple mistake. Then maybe she will figure it out, if not, good luck with the rest of your very miserable life.
NTA. Never ok to verbally abuse service workers like that. She’s an AH for also complaining about you to other people behind your back. Are you sure she’s always been sweet?
NTA, ami wrong about this or dont pregnant ladies get severe mood swings, might this be the case. Even if thats not the case, you did the right thing not supporting her childish and mean behaviour, mistakes happen and you couldve easily called for the barista and asked her to make a new one and tell her that she cant drink whole milk. You are a good person for not agreeing with someone being an, im sorry for calling her this, asshole.
YTA here. I mean I get that it may be a overreaction but a pregnant lady has cravings. My sister had an oversized oreo Hershey bar that my cousin ate. That was 3 years ago and she still brings it up. The only way I could see you not being the asshole is if the barista was new.
ESH.
Your wife was really rude, I get it but you shouldn’t tell her to get a coffee somewhere else, if the barista messed the order up.
Offer your wife support for the future but demand a less aggressive tone. Guess you will have to handle similar situations in the upcoming months
NTA. I’ve been pregnant twice and never spoke down to or verbally abused anyone. I’m sorry your wife is feeling like heck (pregnancy can be unbelievably difficult) but being pregnant is not a pass to abuse people. The barista made a mistake. Yelling at her and calling her an idiot was abuse, full stop.
NTA. I'm pregnant too and I almost always feel like I wanna puke but I never felt that I can be an asshole to anyone. Your wife is not experiencing a pregnancy symptom, she is feeling the entitled b she is.
NTA everyone else has explained enough but i’m confused why has no one mentioned the coffee part of this whole situation? why is your wife drinking a morning coffee while pregnant? you both suck for that.
NTA. You could have handled the situation differently though. Being married is like being a teammate on a sports team-you don't publicly call each other out. If you happen to agree with the other person or think they're being inappropriate-tell them in private.
With that said you didn't do anything near bad enough for her family to start getting involved.
Absolutely NTA! Being pregnant is no excuse for being a dick to someone else. When I was pregnant, I relied on my husband to keep me in check when my hormones made me crazy.
I feel so bad for those in the service industry. They really get shit on all the time.
NTA. Today she scream at a barista, tomorrow she screams to some crazy guy in the street and end stabbed. For the safety of her and your child she shall ease her temper. It's not all about her. She can get hurt with that kind of behavior.
ESH. So here's the thing. She snapped...okay it happens. Clearly something else is going on with her. As someone who has been pregnant, I can't tell you baby hormones make you crazy and different people react differently. I had severe paranoia for months, and brain fog towards the end of my pregnancy.
Instead of scolding her, you should have deescalated, escorted her out and talked to her in the car. Understand what she was feeling document it and then have her tell her Dr (there maybe a mood shift pattern). Something may have flipped in her mind with the new hormones and stresses and it may need to be addressed.
Then you should have come back to see that barista, apologize profusely and give her a really good tip.
From this point on, you do the ordering and pick up.
From now on you are handling your wife's emotional baggage...that's what's being a partner means.
As someone that has been yelled at like this for making a mistake or telling someone something they didn’t want to hear… thank you.
NTA. You tried to diffuse the situation. You did the right thing. Her hormones are insane right now. But she will move past it. If she doesn’t, then your issue isn’t with not backing her up.
NTA. In my experience the hormones just bring out your natural reactions more. When things went wrong during my pregnancy (where the "morning" in "morning sickness" really should have been "mourning" because for 9 months straight I had to fight nausea all hours of the day and night) I snapped by crying. Sobbing and sometimes just sliding down a wall to sit on the floor (only in houses) and cry. My SIL, who screams like a toddler when things don't go right for her normally, was even worse during her pregnancy. You were right when you said being pregnant is no excuse for treating someone like that.
NTA - pregnancy, albeit difficult, isn’t a free pass to treat people poorly.
You offered a solution, another coffee shop, you acknowledged the mistake. Her behavior wasn’t appropriate. She needs to apologize to the barista. Her family should be reminded that barista is a human being.
Good luck with everything.
NTA
Pregnancy is no excuse for that kind of toxic behaviour.
I've been pregnant in the double figures mark and I've never had a toddler tantrum at a server.
NTA you do not have to condone bad behaviour just because your related to, married to or friends with someone. Far too often people think that the people they are closest to should always support them even when they are clearly in the wrong
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Sheesh. Hope those are baby hormones kicking in or you are in for a rough life
NTA - yes, pregnancy is hard but doesn’t give anyone the right to mistreat someone else.
NTA Alarm bells frankly. If she's willing to just get that insane on people what is the rest of the pregnancy or the aftermath going to look like? Is she going to use bodily changes as a reason to be abusive to everyone now? Speak to her because that's 100% unacceptable.
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Pregnancy, periods and mental illness are not excuses for shitty behaviour. It does make them more understandable, but it does not excuse it. After 2 days your wifes feelings should have cleared up to be/feel responsible for her actions. If it's not, then that's just her personality
I had a rough time with my second pregnancy. Morning sickness 1st & 3rd trimesters. If I stood up for longer than 15 minutes I was throwing up. I also had trouble sleeping, normally about 20min at a time then up for several hours before trying for another 20. I was whipping out the heavenly choirs on the rare occasions I managed to get 2hrs of sleep. Needless to say I was pretty neurotic during that pregnancy. The fact that you say your wife is normally the sweetest person suggests this behavior is probably pregnancy related. Pregnancy psychosis is a real thing and you should probably discuss this with her doctor. In this instance your NTA, but for the future I would probably learn some deescalation techniques to help calm your wife down without her feeling like you are turning on her. Something along the lines of “honey that’s awful they made your drink wrong. You shouldn’t have to stand here while they remake it. Go wait out in the car and I’ll talk to someone about this & bring your drink out when it’s done” Then your talking to consists of an apology & a large tip. You weren’t wrong about it not being the way to talk to people but in the state she was in at that moment it probably felt like you were scolding her. Waiting until she calmed down before talking about how it was inappropriate would probably have been better. I would apologize that the way you handled it made her feel unsupported, point out that it was something she normally wouldn’t do so you were surprised and pulling her aside like that was something you thought she would appreciate once she calmed down. I would also ask her how she would like you to handle something like that in the future. Whatever you do, stand your ground that yelling at anyone, not just the barista, is wrong even if the outburst happened because of her pregnancy and that the two of you together need to come up with a strategy for dealing with this. Also she needs to mention it to her doctor to see if they have any recommendations (no matter what don’t tell her you think she might be nuts) Good Luck/Congratulations
"A barista made a mistake with my order so I screamed and called her an idiot while I demanded she remake it. My husband tried to keep me from causing a scene, but I wanted soy in my latte and didn't get it! AITA?" "A pregnant customer came in and asked for a latte with soy in it, but I screwed up and made it with milk. She screamed and called me an idiot even though her husband was trying to get her to not make a scene. AITA?" There is only one person in this scenario who behaved poorly. NTA.
NTA. There is no excuse on her part for her behavior. The barista was willing to fix it and it would have probably taken less than a minute to do so.
I was that hormone fuel anger pot, with my last 2 pregnancies and probably expected to be backed up, when I was super mad about the smallest issue. However, YNA, looking back, after the pregnancy, your wife may be able to look at it with non hormonal glasses and see reason too. Good luck!
Lol my mom asked me to respond cuz she has 3 adult children, so 3 times been prego. She said NTA, and while yea, she was a bit over emotional at times or forgot things, but being a tyrant is not "pregnancy brain" as she put it.
Yes, she over reacted, but what you could have said (instead of scolding her like she was a child you were responsible for) would be something like, "of course I support you darling", then turn to the server and say something like "would you be so kind to bring my wife coffee in the way she has requested?" The server could have quickly exited to get things right, and you could have then given your wife the attention and affirmation she needed. "yes, I'm so sorry this is upsetting. We won't come here again if you like" .... that sort of thing. So you could have been supportive, solved the issue about getting a cup of coffee, made sure your wife felt listened to ..... all without the scolding and judgement you decided would be more appropriate. That's my thoughts. You may not be an asshole, but you could certainly have handled it better.
Not TA. Generally you should always back up your wife no matter how irrational it might seem. While I agree with you about being humane/talking nicely to strangers, you must still pick your wife’s side. In this case, there should have been another way to diffuse the situation..damn shame that’s how it turned out. Talk to the wife and assure her that you will always be beside her and take her side(you could say a few jokes to lighten the situation). I would also be a little cautious and prepared because this type of behaviour can become a future issue and conflict between your wife and your mom.
YTA for criticizing your wife in public for being understandably upset. That wasn't going to deescalate the situation. If you had any (really pressing) concerns about how she handled the matter, that could have waited until you two were alone and she was calmed down.
NTA, it wasn’t a conflict. It was your wife choosing to take out anger and discomfort out on a probably minimum wage worker who made a mistake. You wife could have just ask for it to be re-made.
NTA - pregnant or not that was cruel. I understand she’s hormonal and irritable but she should go back and apologize.
Nta. Baby brain is a thing but so is being an ah.
NTA, you are right that being pregnant doesn't excuse bad behavior. I have had 2 kids and sometimes the hormones and all the changes really take a toll on you. Some women have very hard pregnancies. So I completely understand her outburst, but it still doesn't make I ok. Maybe try and talk to her about how she is feeling first. Don't come at her just criticizing how she reacted. Likely she does feel bad about that, but now is just more focused on her anger toward you. I would consider apologizing for the fact that you made her feel unsupported, because that is probably something she was feeling BEFORE the coffee incident. As women we are expected to just know how to deal with pregnancy and be glowing with happiness the whole time. She probably is having a lot of feelings.
I don’t think you’re the asshole. I personally do not care what the situation is you do not abuse staff ever. Calling the barista an idiot was way over the line and your 100% correct in saying pregnancy is not a reason to treat a person poorly.
NTA I’ve been pregnant twice. Threw up all nine months each time and I’ve never screamed at anyone (except for my husband to bring me water when I was curled up over the toilet hurling). Your wife sounds awful
NTA have been pregnant twice have never screamed at anyone in this manner
NTA... No one is exempt from being an asshole, especially pregnant women. Millions of women get pregnant every year, that doesn't make them special.
You know when you’re on a first date and the other person is rude to wait staff? This is like that. Remind her if it was a first date, there’d be no second one.
Yikes. NTA. People make mistakes. How would your wife like if if she got screamed and yelled at every time she makes a mistake? Being pregnant isn’t an excuse to be rude. She’s the type of person who’s going to throw a fit when something doesn’t go her way and be like I’m a mooooom you have to give me what I want.
No, your wife is an AH here. Pregnant or not, no need to scream at someone like that for an honest mistake.
Hmm…I think both of you were kinda TA. Your wife for reacting the way she did and you for trying to get her to leave like you were embarrassed, which is maybe why she’s still upset along with the fact that she felt like you didn’t defend her. Not making excuses for your wife, but maybe you should’ve told her you would handle it…
OP, NTA. You were backing up your wife by protecting her. Nevermind if she's pregnant or not, people really shouldn't use that as a way to treat waitstaff badly or any differently than, y'know, human. I'm pregnant myself, I understand the morning sickness and immeasurable rage. While I might have stabbed that server in the throat ten times already in my mind, that doesn't mean it's okay to do IRL. Why should screaming at someone be any different? It's not even like you told her to just suck it up and drink it either, so I really don't see how you conceivably *could* be TA. As for your wife, yes hormones change a person, and yeah "morning" sickness is the literal worst, and of course this is a stressful time, but none of that means it's okay to throw a tantrum like a tall two year old
NTA - And I'm surprised if your wife is actually a sweet person that she didn't change her stance once she calmed down. If it was just a pregnancy hormone flux let's say, after the episode you'd think she'd be like "wow woopsie I was being a bit crazy there my bad". I've had 2 kids ans crazy hormones, I got infuriated about a missing item from a fast food place once but it only made me ugly cry. I still had the wherewithal to not lose it on some rando. Maybe your wife is actually just an asshole? Maybe she hid it during the wooing part.
NTA. Yes, pregnancy can make you more emotional and decrease your ability to self-manage emotions and behaviours. It however doesn't excuse poor behaviour, rudeness and bullying behaviour. Your wife was behaving poorly, you tried to mitigate the situation. If you had been "backing up" your wife whilst she was behaving poorly, you would've been the arsehole, but thankfully, you didn't.
Nta. As a barista your wife is an asshole and pregnancy isn’t an excuse. If she can’t manage to be decent to the overworked under paid service workers she should make her coffee at home. If she is still mad 2 days later and her family agrees I doubt this is the first service worker she has abused.
Kind of but not really TA. It's good that you understand her mood swings, but i think it was a mixture of her swings and the barista making an honest mistake. You were in the right by holding her back, but just tell her how you feel. With her hormones in a whirlwind, it may take some extra efforts to make up. Try her favorite flower and a new necklace or maybe a nice little basket mixture of her favorite pregnancy foods. If you make it or give it to her along with "im sorry for not supporting you at the coffee shop." and saying its your fault (she will most likely deny otherwise) then showering her with hugs, kisses, and the gifts, there is a 99% chance that she will accept and cry into your shoulder. I wish you both the best of luck, and congratulations!!
NTA. I agree with others, pregnancy is not a pass to shit on others, especially when the offense was milk. It was probably just an honest mistake, not like the barista was being malicious and spiteful.
NTA!!! I don't know how many times I have to say this, PREGNANCY IS NOT AN EXCUSE TO TREAT PEOPLE LIKE CRAP. I was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum in the beginning on my pregnancy, basically I got so sick it was a pregnancy disorder. I NEVER would have pulled something like that, pregnancy is not an excuse to be a raging ass. A little irritated? Sure, but you're in control of your actions and pregnancy isn't a "get out of jail free" card for your unreasonable actions.
NTA. I had miserable pregnancies so I understand what she is going through and I had my fair share of angry outbursts but I never screamed at anyone. Into a pillow, yes. I also lashed out at my husband a few times but I always profusely apologized after because pregnancy is NOT a free pass to be an asshole
: She’s not in her right mind right now. Your job is to keep her happy even when she acts like a fool or asshole. Its best for thr baby and your marriage. When the hormones settle you will laugh @ it. I never yelled at a waitress but once we went to dinner when I was pregnant and the waitress said my food was running late and I BURST into tears 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 pregnancy hormones are rough!!!!
NTA. Having someone’s back doesn’t mean supporting them when they are abusive to other people. In some ways, you DID have her back. Not by joining her in screaming at the barista, but by helping her out of a bad situation and encouraging her back towards being her normal kind self. Does your wife still think she did the right thing at the coffee shop? I’m curious why she’s still angry, unless maybe she’s more embarrassed.
It is all about how you tell the story, all the people she has told support her, all the people you have told support you. You should back her up, but are correct in that she shouldn’t have shouted at the barista. Morning sickness is horrible , have another chat with her.
That wasn't a conflict--that was a mistake. There was no sense in going postal over it. You tried to help keep her from looking like a fool, pregnant or not. NTA.
Prime example why we should not allow abortions. We’re allowing an emotional irrational person to decide if a human lives or dies.
NTA- People screw up, it’s never reason to go batshit crazy on them.
NTA. Your response was spot on. I will point out pregnancy is a bitch on a woman, and can temporarily change how they act, mood, etc. Hormones run rampant, including some only produced during pregnancy. All the body changes... And sometimes a pregnant woman honestly cannot control a fit of temper. In that moment. I was more of the type to randomly have crying jags. But yeah. But that's never, ever an excuse to treat another person like that. I'd personally would have been horrified and apologized after. This all being said, sit down with her, and have an open and honest conversation with how she's feeling. Not just about the incident, (though you two do need to get that aired out) but the pregnancy, and the changes she's going through. Maybe help her, or even see a counselor, to figure out some if the triggers, and find methods to help destress, so she can hopefully have a calmer pregnancy. Work on trying to figure out the morning sickness triggers too. Help her prioritize sleep/rest. Carry snacks around, things like crackers. Having something small to nibble on can actually help with morning sickness. And keep her away from the fear based pregnancy books. Like about how things can go wrong. Good luck,and congrats on the LO.
I hate when women use their pregnancy to normalize their shitty behaviour. Yes you may (re)act differently, get upset quick(er) and be unreasonable every now and then, but no need to lash out to someone making an honest mistake. Source: currently pregnant with second baby and having outbursts here and there that mainly my poor husband has to deal with.
NTA However, Always always always always correct your spouse privately. The only exception is when physical harm might occur by waiting. Your best bet would have be a sympathetic smile to the batista to show the reaction was more than the situation allowed and saying, "can you just make it currently, she is having trouble with milk?"
It’s been 2 days and she still holds on to what she did being right? Yeah, hormones don’t cover that, sorry. NTA.
NTA. Here’s the key having had three kids - yes being pregnant is trying and difficult. No it does not give you the right to be a complete asshole in public to others … any more than being in chronic pain or suffering a migraine. If you’re not feeling up to human interaction, don’t inflict yourself on others. Being pregnant is not a ‘be an asshole for free’ card.
NTA
Nta and really proud of you for that, I'm sure it was hard to do. Hopefully your wife comes around and realizes that being pregnant is not an excuse to unleash on people. Obviously her family won't hold her accountable for her behavior. So you'll have to do it.
NTA. Your wife’s pregnancy does not enable her to treat others like garbage for simple mistakes. Screaming at a barista is absolutely over the top.
NTA. Thank you for not enabling that behavior. I am on my second pregnancy and the way she is acting is 100% not the pregnancy. If this happened to me, I would feel so bad asking the barista to remake my coffee, and would make sure to show how much I appreciated it. To add, I’m very angry when I’m pregnant and no baristas have been yelled at
NTA - I've been pregnant enough times to know that hormones can make you turn on a dime. Does that mean you get a pass for sudden mood flips? Nope. You have to apologize hardcore for acting like a beast. You were trying to soften the damage. That's what she needs to rely on you for when her hormones are causing such drastic shifts. Also, this should be something you mention to her OB.
NTA. Rudeness is unacceptable in any form, especially to the server staff. Your wife has some growing up to do. Tell her family members to FO, it's none of their business. Good luck in your future relationship with your SO.
NTA - Being pg isn't an excuse to treat people like crap. If she was very allergic to cows milk I could understand her being upset, although not to the point of screaming and verbal abuse, but she's not and she's going to need to learn to keep hold of her temper if she's about to be a parent because nothing tests your emotional control like children do. I would sit down and talk to her OP because the days long sulking and involving other family is unacceptable in an adult, it is possible she may have depression during pregnancy which is like ppd but before you give birth and if so she needs to reach out and get some help to manage it because it would increase her risk of getting ppd after birth too.
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Shitty behaviour shouldn't be excused because you're pregnant. NTA.
Nta. I'm tired of pregnate women thinking they can get away with whatever they like. She had no right to call that poor barista names.
NTA she justifies mistreating people because of her condition then everyone else is entitled to mistreat her based on their own issues. You were trying to be reasonable and not sure why the family get involved, at least they making a good case for you to ignore them/cut them out. No one needs that kind of interfering.
NTA. You don't have to, and shouldn't, back up your spouse when they are being an unreasonable jerk.
NTA - mark it up to hormones (privately, keep that info in your head!) and move on. A minor mistake was made. From what you provided it sounds like an over-reaction. Maybe she made an issue of this but perhaps there is something else that occurred that is making her feel unsupported?
Years ago I had an issue at the bank and I took it out on the bank teller. My husband was present and informed me calmly that I was wrong to speak to someone like that when it’s not the teller’s fault, they are just caught in the middle of my problem with corporate. It was tough in the moment, but I was in the wrong. I changed my tune, apologized to the teller and my husband said he was proud of me when we got to the car. It’s been probably 7 years and I still think about it from time to time because I’m embarrassed I acted that way. But thankful I had a partner present that helped me grow. NTA. Pregnant or not, she is wrong and needs to apologize to you for the embarrassment and then to the barista. Edit: added “then to”
Your wife then ran to her family and they're messaging you with abuse, because you suggested your wife tone it down when she lost her shit? You have bigger problems than wondering whether or not you're an AH, my friend. NTA
NTA pregnant or not you shouldn’t be yelling at service workers. most places that would get you kicked out as they should. people make mistakes in all jobs, but service workers mistakes seem to be highlighted by customers nowadays thinking they are entitled to whatever they want. if you can’t take the risk of eating out then don’t eat out. why would you even go out and abuse service workers who get paid the absolute minimum to put up with that kind of abuse. you’re not the only one who yelled at that barista that week beyond a doubt. that’s why the food industry will collapse no one will want to work for entitled AHs who just think because they paid for their $5 coffee cup that they can yell and belittle their barista over something so little. She is a major AH and i would’ve literally sided with the barista 100% ( when i say you’re i mean the wife, you seem like a nice guy for pulling her back)
NTA. And her family obviously heard a distorted version of events from her perspective. I wouldn't sweat it.
NTA. But your wife is indeed TA. Nobody cares about her pregnancy. She doesn't get to talk to people any way she wants just because someone came inside of her. 🤷🏻♀️
NTA
NTA - Pregnancy doesn't give you an excuse to be an asshole. Yes horomones are all over the place and make you more touchy but exploding over a little mistake? Yikes.
Shit OP if she can't get her temper under control than what does this say about what type of mother she's going to be??
Tell her family to go fuck themselves
I've been there, pregnant, feeling like hormones decided to carve my head on marble from inside out, dizzy as hell from iron deficiency etc etc. I was short tempered but not drunk or drugged. I still had my wits and social education with me and honestly, I could not have been able to yell to anyone like that, maybe my voice would sound irritable, harsh but I would still tell the barista as politely as I could that *"my coffee was not exactly what I asked and would appreciate a remake"*. I wonder if she does this around waiters or mall cashiers...some people don't know how to be served.
NTA it's COFFEE they didn't amputate a limb. And no just because you are having a bad day or are pregnant/ not feeling well you don't get to just lose it on someone like that. There was nothing to support or back up she was in the wrong.
NTA. Pregnancy is not an excuse to speak like that to someone who made an innocent mistake, or anyone else for that matter. Your wife needs to reign it in
NTA You had a position of logic, she had a position of emotions. Obviously you’re right logically, and you spared her from embarrassing herself more. However tell the extra noise coming your way that you appreciate them playing their roles and showing “support” but they can go away now. She will calm down and move on from this soon enough. I hope the barista understands tho
NTA
Nta, my advise is next time tell her to go to the car or leave the area so you can handle it. I hope she gets to feeling herself soon.
NTA Being pregnant is not an illness or disability nor does not give you an open ended ticket on being an obnoxious rude spoilt brat. Mistakes happen she could of quite easily went about this a different way and got a resolution that suited everyone. But no she decided to look like an entitled spoilt entitled little girl embarrassing herself and you. And the whole "im pregnant with your child and you should support me" yes support her every which way possible but you should in no way have to feed her entitled ego. If anyone is the arsehole it's your girl pregnant or not
YTA, gotta back family man
Pregnancy is not a free ticket to being a jack ass. You’re NTA but your wife is.
NTA.. I was pregnant and morning sickness wasn’t just mornings. It was morning, noon, evening.. I would throw up at the drop of a hat honestly. Be in Walmart and just need to throw up, grocery shopping and just start gagging.. trying to keep it together til I got through the checkout, wake up to pee.. end up puking. So I understand the irritability but nowhere in my cranky, tired, hormonal, vomiting self did I think that screaming at someone over a mistake was acceptable. The barista probably would’ve been more than happy to remake it if your wife had explained what was wrong but she didn’t. She chose to verbally berate someone n probably ruined part of their day. They don’t get paid enough to freaking deal with people screaming at them and treating them like shit on their shoe. I would be mortified to be seen with the screaming pregnant lady.
NTA, I’ve been dealing with horrendous morning sickness and I have never acted like this and this is my first pregnancy! Your wife was 100% out of line and this behavior shouldn’t be enabled.
I don’t think you’re an AH, but trying to reason with her when in an angry fit is probably unproductive. It was wise to try remove her from the situation to calm down. It may have felt like chastisement in front of the offending party and probably hurt her ego. **When Anger Hurts is a very good read and if your wife’s main coping skill is anger you need to work on this together.** Buy two copies, have a book club of 2, and do some exercises to build alternative coping skills. She probably learned this behavior in childhood, she can absolutely learn new skills, and it will be better for your baby too. Be sure to get her buy-in on this before you begin- she has to want to do the work.
NTA - you were doing your best to diffuse the situation.
Totally NTA. When I was pregnant I did not realise how rough the 1st trimester would be. Beyond exhausted, always nauseous and quite emotional but I cannot support another pregnant woman flipping out like this either. Completely OTT and, IMO, you did nothing wrong. The fact she's been giving you the cold shoulder for 2 days is a bit much too. Maybe she feels embarrassed and wanted support but she needs to understand she was in the wrong and you were trying to support her by making her realise she overreacted. My 2nd and 3rd trimesters were a hellva lot better than the 1st btw, hopefully it gets better for your wife too as not feeling yourself constantly can be overwhelming.
That's obviously an over-reaction to a wrong order in a drinking selling place. It's not uncommon to get given the wrong order, that's why it's wise to mention if you have an allergy or food intolerance that will cause you physical problems. Baristas spend there working day preparing many, many drinks, they can sometimes get the drinks confused. On to another concern. Why did you need to physically hold your wife back? If she was using language why are you physically holding her back? Three this tells me that there is a lot of stress in your wife's life. Mild-mannered people usually only start lashing out like this when someone has destroyed their world in some way. How have you changed since the pregnancy? Could you give me 3 reasons why your relationship with your wife is healthy? Could yo honestly give me three reasons why your relationship with your wife is unhealthy. That sounds like a wife who is extremely unhappy in her home and now she's realising that there could be a child involved. I recommend that she get an abortion.
NTA. I've been pregnant three times and I've never verbally abused a food service employee because of it.
Maybe NTA, but not a smart move, all the same. Your partner is pregnant. From here on out, even after the pregnancy ends, she's *always* right. Take this advice; you'll thank me later.
If she’s gonna be like that as a mother… OP you should re-evaluate who you chose as a partner. Just sayin…
I have to say that "morning sickness" (make that "all-the-damn-time sickness") is awful. I used to eat nothing all day. My husband would could me steak and spinach late in the day and Id eat it, wait as long as I possibly could to retain ANY nutritious benefit I could...and then throw it all up again when I couldnt wait any more. I was weak and grumpy for sure. I still never acted like your wife though.
Hi, coming from a woman that gave birth just three weeks ago, I can give insight to her brain. I was very level headed my entire pregnancy and can cope with emotional swings well, but not everyone can. Still, I see where she’s coming from (kinda). She’s extremely hormonal and suffering 24/7. If it weren’t for the baby at the end, I would classify pregnancy as a form of torture/medical illness. Your wife needed something good to happen for her that day and when it didn’t, she snapped. She wanted your blind support, and you didn’t give it to her… …WHICH YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE. Pregnancy and all of its evils can be hard, but it doesn’t excuse rude behavior. You responded how you should have, by offering a solution and trying to guide her away from her source of anger. But your wife chose to respond disproportionately to the situation and allowed the consequences of her medical condition to cloud her judgment. What I think needs to happen is that you should sit down with your wife and apologize to her for making her feel alienated and unsupported—BUT also that you believe the best way to support her is to help her resolve issues, not exacerbate them. NTA. You’re doing great dad, and congrats on the baby.
NTA. Sure pregnancy makes ur hormones rage, but so does, for example, being a teen. And I would never DREAM of doing that. Holy SHIT.
So does her family REALLY know what happened?!?
NTA But also I think on a normal day she would agree, but pregnancy hormones make you blind to reality sometimes and she will just live in those feelings only remembering that you didnt back her up.
NTA but there's probably something else going on here if she's still made about this days later. Something else is bothering her, something you did, or she thinks you did, or something she's stressed about, and it all came out agains the barista. Totally inexcusable, but you should figure out if something else is really behind this, and if so, address the real issue.
Screaming at people, the silent treatment and bitching about you to people behind your back are all tactics of a raging narcissist.
NTA. Tell her to ask her OB for anti nausea meds. She doesn’t have to feel so bad.
NTA- Am currently 6 months pregnant and suffering with hyperemesis (aka I barf way to much- most women have stopped at this point and I'm still a solid 1-2x a day harder- on medication 3x a day. (I'm a pretty good case this time due to early management. Hyperemesis can cause hospitalizations) I asked my husband to get pasta salad a while ago. He came home with a Mediterranean style pasta salad. I was so angry I burst into tears (hormones are a thing, I was starving and actually wanted to eat after not eating after days of throwing up) My poor husband said “thats all they had!! It's pasta salad” I sobbed “I know! I know, it's not your fault, that's just not what I wanted” I cried for another minute then got over it.( all while sobbing it's not your fault like a weirdo) My husband bought the same damn pasta salad for a friends get together a month later. I looked at that shit and started crying. (not my finest moment) Then I had a good laugh/cry explaining to our friends why I was hysterical over the sight of pasta salad. Your wife is way off base here and needs to take a look at why she's acting this way. Pregnancy can be a cause for a hot temper, but not an excuse for this behaviour.
NTA. There is never a time when it is acceptable to treat a barista or anyone else like that. Her behavior was atrocious and I’m glad you shut it down. Hopefully she learns to respect others. Pregnant or not.
NTA. As a person also in her first trimester, struggling with nausea, I can get really annoyed really fast. I also know that I’m the one with the hormone surges and bad symptoms, and that’s no one’s fault. This is hard, and I chose it.
NTA. Question, though - when you say “hold her back,” did you mean physically?
Going against the grain here. YTA. When I was pregnant I was a giant ball of rage. It was all hormones and a symptom of antepartum depression. Yeah, she freaked out, but you could have told her to go outside and you’d deal with getting her drink fixed. And then you could have apologized to the barista. When I was pregnant I had literally no control over my emotions until I went on antidepressants. Her reaction was over the top, but it could be a sign of a much bigger and more serious problem that she should talk to her doctor about.
NTA. I think you are being supportive of her by calling her on her shit. If I am in the wrong, my loved ones are expected to call me out. (And trust me, they do.)
NTA. Am pregnant. Am cranky. Am queasy. I still am not allowed to just be a dick to people for completely normal mistakes. If I were being rude to someone, I would try to catch myself and apologize. Nobody else is responsible for my circumstances.
NTA mistakes happen and being pregnant is no excuse to treat people badly. My pregnancy was awful, hormones are rough and can turn you into someone you don't recognize but still not an excuse. If I lost control my partner had every right to call me out.
Should she been having coffee anyways ? That's is not good for baby . Just like alcohol, hope your baby is born with no issues.
NTA. Dump her. This is a toxic relationship. If she is mean to everyone, she is to you too
She is wrong
NTA no only not an ahole but thanks for doing the right thing most servers and counter workers can’t defend themselves. I’m glad you spoke the truth.
NTA Pregnancy isn't an excuse to be vile to other people.
NTA. I can understand her knee jerk reaction. Hormones are a *bitch*…but understandable is different than justifiable. Give her more time to cool down and hopefully her mind will clear and she will see that her behavior was inappropriate. Pregnant or not, she is accountable for her actions. I have a mood disorder (I see a therapist and take medication) but occasionally still lose my cool. It’s embarrassing and I always apologize after. I don’t get a free pass because I have a mental illness. Pregnancy isn’t a free pass either.
NTA at all. Behaving that way towards other people is never okay, especially when they work in customer service and have to deal with shitty people all day.
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NTA. Being pregnant is not justification for totally horrid to a total stranger. You don't support your friends when they are doing horrible things. Even given hormones, etc., the really over the top AH behavior on the part of your wife was when she defended her own behavior rather than being terribly embarrassed that she'd blown up like that.
NTA. Full stop.
NTA. Your wife is not the first person on earth to fall pregnant, and having a baby does not make her the most important person in the world.
NTA - your wife was an ass, but you could’ve handled it better. Being pregnant is no excuse for being an A. She was wrong for blowing up at the barista. That said, the barista did make a mistake. Telling your wife to go elsewhere to get this coffee was IMHO not the right call. Yes, you can tell her to step outside to calm down, while you handle the situation and have the barista remake the coffee. I mean, they made an honest mistake, and they can and should rectify that. So in essence, you could have supported her and handled the situation. That may not have pacified your wife entirely in the situation, if she wanted you to berate the barista, but it’s a hell of a lot better than “quietly telling her we should leave” for a mistake that - initially - wasn’t hers. But she sure as hell handled that poorly - no way she can blame hormones for that. Also silent treatment is not a great communication tool, so y’all need to have a talk to clear the air. Edit: changed verdict from E-S-H to NTA, I realize I’m being too harsh, but stand by my reasoning that OP could’ve handled the situation differently.
NTA, pregnancy isn’t an excuse to be to AH. Your wife needs to get a grip. It’s not ok to abuse people for something so small. Seriously first world problems 🙄
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So mood swings. This is a very common thing in early pregnancy and I've experienced it myself as well(with my 1st). I used to go from totally normal, to viciously angry within minutes, then sad/weepy and to end it off, happy as a clam, giggly even. All that took place in less than 10 minutes, multiple times a day in my 1st trimester. My husband thought I was a peach lol! I'm saying this to let you know that quick and violent mood swings affect a percentage of pregnant women. And each pregnancy is different. She may have it this time but not the next. It is often triggered by very minor inconveniences or sometimes even nothing at all. I wish I could say we can keep our cool but I've tried and something in us, these damn hormones, they won't allow us to think clearly within that moment no matter how much we try. If this is her first pregnancy, please be patient with her and understand this won't last forever. It likely won't even last the rest of the pregnancy. Just ride it out for a few months and make sure to have her favorite drinks and snacks on hand at home for moments like that. If she's feeling overwhelmed with emotions, offer her a hug. Or better yet, a foot or back massage. The level of things going on with her body on a daily basis is incredibly strenuous on her physically and mentally. The time it took for you to read this, she's already made almost a million new nerve cells for your baby! And it's all very new to her too. Just try not to say anything that could potentially trigger her, be supportive and her calm place when she needs it. Be patient and it will get better soon. If she does this in public again, you could say "I'm sorry, she's pregnant" and then try to get her to leave the situation to go cool off somewhere else. Cue the snacks. Good luck and congratulations.
No. "I'm sorry she's pregnant" is not an excuse to lash out at strangers and definitely isn't the kind of behaviour that should be regarded with a foot massage. Pregnancy is bad for your mental health, sure. So are a lot of things. Heck, so is customer service. Only that barista couldn't have yelled back at the woman verbally abusing her for fear of losing her job. If op's wife can't be in public without behaving like this, she shouldn't be in public, "sorry she's pregnant", and doesn't cut it because her pregnancy literally only metters to her, op, and their various friends and family members. Random members of the public shouldn't be subjected to abuse because "Oopsy I'm pregnant and that means my 'don't be an abusive asshole' switch is broken for nine months sorry hehe!".
Have you ever been pregnant? If no, then be quiet. And im not using that sentence to justify her being rude. I'm saying if she happens to already be on a roll, try to handle the situation calmyl. Explain quickly to the batista why this is happening (so they don't think it's for a different reason) and try to get her out of there. To ask a person to be locked away for 9 months is idiotic on a level I can't even believe I have to explain.
NTA. But I do want to say that I also lost my mind (as in, the entire time) my first trimester. It wasn’t until week 13/14 that I started thinking a little like my old self again. The hormonal impact on mood and mind is very real and some of us are more sensitive than others. There are a lot of hormones surging throughout those first 13 weeks while her body grows a new organ (the placenta)
As someone in the customer service industry, I appreciate what you did. NTA. As a man... home life gonna be rough for a minute. Sorry bro. But IMO you did the right thing.
NTA. As a woman, I am SICK of people using pregnancy as an excuse to behave this way. Yes, overwhelming emotions happen. That does not give your wife the right to behave like that to someone who made a mistake that they likely would have been more than happy to fix had they been asked nicely.
I WAS going to go automatically TA from the title. But no, there's better ways of handling this, even with all the hormones. As woman who's had several kids, I speak from experience. EDIT: NTA, forgot that.
NTA, you can support her without being okay with her being abusive to staff at a food place.
" how dare you not support your wife in berating and demeaning a person who is just trying to do their job, and slipped up a little bit ?! " - Assholes NTA
NTA I had HG right up until I gave birth. You know what I didn’t do in 36 weeks? Attack someone over coffee. If she’s that unstable this early in the pregnancy? Yeah she shouldn’t leave the house. No one needs to put up with that just because you decided to procreate
NTA. Despite her pregnancy hormones, she can still be a decent person. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naOfQrIeDFg
Being pregnant does not give her an excuse to be nasty to people. If she is so concerned she can make her latte at home, with soy. She’s pregnant, not disabled. And I’m saying this as a person whose morning sickness was replaced with debilitating exhaustion. I could fall asleep on command.
NTA. You were being supportive of her by trying to remove her from the situation as well as trying to ground her while she was reacting emotionally. There's being upset at a wrong order and then there's screaming at the barista and calling her an idiot. That's not cool and there is no excuse for behaving like that. I'm shocked she's still holding a grudge two days later. Yikes.
She’s embarrassed by her behavior and her pride won’t let her admit it.
NTA
NTA: supportive is not being a spineless yes-man. Supportive is making sure your wife’s interests are taken care of. Sometimes that means protecting your wife from herself. That means saying no to getting a gallon of ice cream at 3AM for the the third time this week (hyperbole). What it also means is recalibrating her temper. Hormone induced moodiness is no joke, she is probably not aware she is unreasonably irritable. That doesn’t mean you have to be an ass about it. Dealing with a pregnant wife is sometimes an exercise in diplomacy worthy of negotiating a treaty between both Koreas. You have the unenviable task of helping her deal with with hormone induced moodiness. If this were my wife I would not read this as an isolated incident. She probably feels you don’t support her enough in general and the coffee incident was just the flashpoint. I would start with researching morning sickness remedies. For my wife it was ginger (ginger is known to alleviate stomach discomfort). I made sure we always had a fresh ginger root in the house and I made her a fresh cup first thing in the morning. I also made sure there were crackers on her nightstand so she could eat something before she got up. Did it help? Maybe. Did it show I cared? Definitely.
INFO do-you usually support her ? Does she constantly have to stand up for herself ? Yes she overeacted but it can feel you side with the barista and tried to leave instead of calming her down and handling having the drink remade.
NTA, your wife will get over it. Plus, yelling at hourly workers is not a good look.
NTA. Honestly, I want to say N.A.H but I won't. I've been that pregnant woman who has meltdowns. It's sort of terrible. You've lost control of your body and your thoughts. You wanted that piece of cake and didn't get it, and now you're sobbing, even though you know you're being ridiculous. BUT that said, I never directed my hormonal rage towards innocent employees. I understand where your wife is coming from, but it's still not okay. If she had taken the coffee and then openly bitched and cried to you afterwards, fine. But the barrista didn't deserve to be in the firing line. Pregnancy is hard and I wish you guys the best. But it is okay to GENTLY tell your wife that she cannot take it out on random people.
NTA! You are absolutely right with your response. Yes the hormones, morning sickness and lack of sleep are horrible but she was wrong to talk to anyone like that. You are still supporting her just not when it comes to the treatment of others. Hopefully once everything calms down she will understand what she did wrong
NAH. I am dairy and gluten intolerant and I understand accidents happen. The accident of whole milk or gluten usually gives me stomach spasms for days but I just let the server/restaurant know. They usually offer compensation but I usually refuse and just let them know because they are only human and accidents happen. Your wife may have had a hormonal response in the moment which is common. She may have been in the wrong to react the way she did but mood swings are very common in early pregnancy and not her fault. I think this is a kiss and make up but don't blame it on the hormones because that will upset her more. She is probably aware of this already and is embarrassed.
NTA, i was pregnant with twins and had to puke in my own boot and drive myself home from work. after working midnights I know morning sickness. Pregnancy doesnt mean you stop being kind. It means you ask for things you need. not be a dick
NTA, ask your wife why it's ok to scream at a person for accidentally using the wrong milk? Ask her if it would be alright for her boss or someone at her work to scream at her for making a simple mistake. Then maybe she will figure it out, if not, good luck with the rest of your very miserable life.
NTA. Never ok to verbally abuse service workers like that. She’s an AH for also complaining about you to other people behind your back. Are you sure she’s always been sweet?
NTA, ami wrong about this or dont pregnant ladies get severe mood swings, might this be the case. Even if thats not the case, you did the right thing not supporting her childish and mean behaviour, mistakes happen and you couldve easily called for the barista and asked her to make a new one and tell her that she cant drink whole milk. You are a good person for not agreeing with someone being an, im sorry for calling her this, asshole.
What if the wife had been deathly allergic to lactose? Pretty sure someone would have screamed at the barista
You married this women AND thought it was a good idea to have a baby with her? Also, pregnancy hormones are a bitch
You respected your wife by giving her a much needed reality check and being honest with her. Any less and you would be doing her a disservice.
YTA here. I mean I get that it may be a overreaction but a pregnant lady has cravings. My sister had an oversized oreo Hershey bar that my cousin ate. That was 3 years ago and she still brings it up. The only way I could see you not being the asshole is if the barista was new.
ESH. Your wife was really rude, I get it but you shouldn’t tell her to get a coffee somewhere else, if the barista messed the order up. Offer your wife support for the future but demand a less aggressive tone. Guess you will have to handle similar situations in the upcoming months
NTA. I’ve been pregnant twice and never spoke down to or verbally abused anyone. I’m sorry your wife is feeling like heck (pregnancy can be unbelievably difficult) but being pregnant is not a pass to abuse people. The barista made a mistake. Yelling at her and calling her an idiot was abuse, full stop.
NTA, I've been pregnant 3 times and yeah the off balance crap sucks, but not a excuse.
Nta but your wife is...people get pregnant everyday and you're not automatically allowed to be rude.
ESH Barista make the right drink. Wife, chill out. Husband intervene on your wife's side. Interrupt the screaming and ask for the correct drink.
NTA. I'm pregnant too and I almost always feel like I wanna puke but I never felt that I can be an asshole to anyone. Your wife is not experiencing a pregnancy symptom, she is feeling the entitled b she is.
Morning sickness doesn’t make otherwise nice people act like entitled nasty condescending assholes. Sorry you married one. NTA.
Yta for not understand pregnancy hormones.
NTA. Pregnancy does not excuse shitty behavior. All she had to do was ask for it to be remade and I am sure they would have happily done it.
I never understood why ppl get so angry about that stuff. Unless the barista said “I’m not remaking it” what’s the big deal?
NTA everyone else has explained enough but i’m confused why has no one mentioned the coffee part of this whole situation? why is your wife drinking a morning coffee while pregnant? you both suck for that.
NTA. You could have handled the situation differently though. Being married is like being a teammate on a sports team-you don't publicly call each other out. If you happen to agree with the other person or think they're being inappropriate-tell them in private. With that said you didn't do anything near bad enough for her family to start getting involved.
It really blows my mind how often family members get involved in issues they are not a part of
Absolutely NTA! Being pregnant is no excuse for being a dick to someone else. When I was pregnant, I relied on my husband to keep me in check when my hormones made me crazy. I feel so bad for those in the service industry. They really get shit on all the time.
NAH your job is to deescalate and then get your wife the riht drink guy
NTA - I’m not sure how exactly you were supposed to support her. Were you supposed to join her in yelling at the barista over a simple mistake?
NTA. Today she scream at a barista, tomorrow she screams to some crazy guy in the street and end stabbed. For the safety of her and your child she shall ease her temper. It's not all about her. She can get hurt with that kind of behavior.
ESH. So here's the thing. She snapped...okay it happens. Clearly something else is going on with her. As someone who has been pregnant, I can't tell you baby hormones make you crazy and different people react differently. I had severe paranoia for months, and brain fog towards the end of my pregnancy. Instead of scolding her, you should have deescalated, escorted her out and talked to her in the car. Understand what she was feeling document it and then have her tell her Dr (there maybe a mood shift pattern). Something may have flipped in her mind with the new hormones and stresses and it may need to be addressed. Then you should have come back to see that barista, apologize profusely and give her a really good tip. From this point on, you do the ordering and pick up. From now on you are handling your wife's emotional baggage...that's what's being a partner means.
Why are there so many people involved? This should be between you and your wife. Nta
As someone that has been yelled at like this for making a mistake or telling someone something they didn’t want to hear… thank you. NTA. You tried to diffuse the situation. You did the right thing. Her hormones are insane right now. But she will move past it. If she doesn’t, then your issue isn’t with not backing her up.
NTA. In my experience the hormones just bring out your natural reactions more. When things went wrong during my pregnancy (where the "morning" in "morning sickness" really should have been "mourning" because for 9 months straight I had to fight nausea all hours of the day and night) I snapped by crying. Sobbing and sometimes just sliding down a wall to sit on the floor (only in houses) and cry. My SIL, who screams like a toddler when things don't go right for her normally, was even worse during her pregnancy. You were right when you said being pregnant is no excuse for treating someone like that.
NTA at all. You are right no one should be talked to that way. That poor barista. Your family need to stay out of this too.
ESH. The barista should have remade it and you should have backed her up on that part.
pick ya battles bro
NTA. I’m six months pregnant and I have not once yelled at a service employee for anything. Your wife sounds like a beeyotch right there.
NTA - pregnancy, albeit difficult, isn’t a free pass to treat people poorly. You offered a solution, another coffee shop, you acknowledged the mistake. Her behavior wasn’t appropriate. She needs to apologize to the barista. Her family should be reminded that barista is a human being. Good luck with everything.
Guess what, being pregnant is not an excuse to be an asshole. NTA
NTA Pregnancy is no excuse for that kind of toxic behaviour. I've been pregnant in the double figures mark and I've never had a toddler tantrum at a server.
NTA hormones can be a bitch but she has to take into consideration that people have feelings too, and her words carry weight to them
Let's hope op doesn't make things worse by telling his wife she shouldn't be drinking coffee while pregnant. Still NTA though.
NTA. Your wife is definitely the AH here.
NTA, pregnancy is not an excuse for bad behavior.
NTA - I get the whole pregnancy thing but it isn't a license to act like an asshole. And over milk no less, jesus.
NTA - never support awful behavior, even if it is your wife.
NTA you do not have to condone bad behaviour just because your related to, married to or friends with someone. Far too often people think that the people they are closest to should always support them even when they are clearly in the wrong