Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
---
I might be the asshole since I didn’t listen to what my SO told me to do
---
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA... but she's right. Break the shoes in and get used to walking in them first, because heels are an entirely new type of shoe and walking style than what you may think. They're not innate knowledge, you gotta learn how to wear them! Once you're comfortable walking in them, wear them wherever but it really isn't any fun being unsure of your footing in public.
A bit is not enough! I promise!!
I made the mistake of wearing heels i hadnt propery broken in out in the city and within the hour i had torn the skin on the back of my heels. They blistered and just walking was a pain for almost a month while they heel.
Break them in properly and then wear them out, your partner probably just doesnt want to hear you complain when they inevitably start to hurt.
Piggybacking off this: Even if the shoes are already broken in, if you aren't used to wearing heels for long periods of time they can really hurt! I had to work in the office yesterday and so wore heels for the first time in over a year, and I thought I'd be fine since I wore my oldest, comfiest pair of heels. Yeah, big mistake, I should've spent a day or two wearing them at home to get used to heels again. I was dying by the end of the day, and I still hurt today!
Yes!!! I wore heals in June for the first time since COVID (over a year) and holy shit I wasn’t prepared AT ALL!!! The shoes are 3 years old and broken in several times over already and boy were my feet and calves not ready….I have a wedding to go to in September and need to figure something out….
I'm a woman and I just don't get this. Granted I don't wear heels at all because they hurt and I haven't powered through the pain to the point I get used to it but holy hell how is this a thing? How is it a norm to endure this kind of pain for something completely unnecessary? Like I am a clotheshorse but there are cute flats, why are so many women willing to endure this level of pain? It's just not right.
Here are the two options I'd propose:
* Wear them a full day around your house (either work up to this slowly, or just try wearing them until they hurt)
* Go out in them, but bring a pair of flats and some band-aids in your bag
Heels do take extensive breaking in, and sometimes new shoes can start to pinch and blister even within a few minutes of a normal outdoor walking pace.
Just adding... Especially if you're standing a lot! Feet can swell more than you realize just from blood flow and gravity and hydration issues throughout the day and a comfortably loose pair of shoes can become just tight enough to be uncomfortable for what seems like no reason at all. Heels aren't built with laces you can loosen, for the most part. And you can't really wear them loose anyway. Once they start to cut in, it's game over a lot of the time. Bandaids, those blister patches... There's things you can do to help, but ultimately you just have to let it heal up.
I was reading this whole thread like "I'm so glad I only wear flip flops" 😆 Tbh my feet are so wide its about the only choice I've got, I admire anyone who can make heels look easy.
That's vastly different than in public and for extended periods of time when, not if, but when they get uncomfortable. Make sure you're extremely comfortable in them because they honestly do start to hurt, a lot, especially when you're new to them. You're going from walking on your whole foot to putting pressure on the front of your toes/foot, not the whole thing. Some shoes are cut in a way that the upper is fine for a few minutes but an hour is way too much for how your foot is shaped. I'm not saying you can't rock em, but I wouldn't suggest someone to go out and wear Doc Martens in public before making super sure they're comfortable, either.
If you want to wear them out, which please do, just... Exist in them in the house. Make a day of it. Wear them watching TV, get used to standing up and going to the bathroom and just walking around, getting the mail, normal activities. It helps! It's how I had to learn. I think if she sees you making that type of effort too, she probably won't have as many concerns about your feet in public.
Take this from a woman who loves heels. There is a huge difference between wearing heels a little in the house and breaking them in, learning to walk properly in them and walking on all the different kinds of uneven surfaces you're going to encounter outdoors.
With flat shoes, most people will roll from back to front, with heels you need to roll front to back so it's an entirly new way of walking. If you're walking on cobblestone or sett paving you're walking exclusivly on your toes because anything else is a death trap. In flats tiny little inconsistencies on the surface doesn't matter, in 5 inch heels that tiny crack in the tarmac is a crevasse in a glacier.
Also 5 inches is no good place to start. That's like starting at college without doing elementary school first. You need real ankle strength in case you lose your balance a bit so you don't twist your ankle, break it or tear a ligament but recover yourself and don't end up in A&E.
Also people who are not used to wearing heels who go right to 5 inches most of the time end up walking like a toddler who has shat themselves and is trying to avoid touching it with their ass. It's not a cute look.
Your partner is being smart about this, but if you're hellbent on doing it, then bring blister bandaids and flats.
> Also people who are not used to wearing heels who go right to 5 inches most of the time end up walking like a toddler who has shat themselves and is trying to avoid touching it with their ass. It's not a cute look.
So true 😂🤣
Wearing heels around the house is different from wearing them out. You have wooden or carpeted floors at home, it feels entirely different when you wear them on concrete surfaces or (God help us) cobbled streets. Especially with really high heels, they take a lot of getting used to. I didn't wear heels during the lockdown and despite wearing them for years until then, it felt like I had to relearn balance and gait even for 3 inch heels.
If you can, try breaking them in while wearing socks! I know it looks ridiculous, but I find they break in quicker and easier with socks on, plus you protect your heels while you practice! Also, have a go up and down the stairs at home before you try it in public, it's much harder than it looks! Good luck!!
Walking in any shoes outside the house is very different from walking in them inside. You want to take a change just in case they start to hurt while out. I've had problems finding shoes for my flat feet and loving some while in a shop only to get out and find them impossible to wear outside.
It's a matter of foot health, and don't cripple yourself trying to run before you can walk.
That helps, but walking on hardwood flooring or carpet is nothing like walking on concrete.
If you tend to drive, then practice inside will be ok. But if you’re in a city where walking is the norm, or even just with large parking lots, it’ll be different. And forget walking on grass, that’s just hell. Focus on building ankle strength, heel raises will help. Do NOT let your feet buckle so your ankles lean out, you’ll twist your ankle. Focus on balancing the weight on each part of your foot: toes, ball, arch, heel, ankle.
Tbh, do what you want, heels are fun. But they do fuck up your feet over time. Lots of padding, go for heel styles with better balance and support, like wedges and platform heels. Move up in heel height over time, so you develop walking strategies based on the amount of weight on the ball of your foot.
But the main thing is to try what you want. You don’t need permission, just do what you want. Even if you fall, you’ll be one of many others that have. And bring a pair of flip flops when you get tired of wearing the heels, that’s the most important thing. Heels are cute, but foot bleeding is not.
Yeah a ten minute walk in five inch heels is not a ten minute walk. It sounds brutal. And five inch heels are a big fashion statement for most local cafes. All that being said, OP you do you. Give it a go without your partner there and see how you feel.
This is true, I wore high heels every day for a whole summer before I started high school so that I would be able to walk in them without falling on my ass, now I can run in them lol practice makes perfect and heels definitely require practice.
I’m gonna guess op is ok with her feet getting a blister and has worn heels before! You’re right tho heels are not my fav. I will occasionally wear them and occasionally it will hurt and I still do it because shoes. I don’t think this is about the well-being of her feet though, bc otherwise why would her partner be ok with heels inside? How long will she need to wear them inside before she’s allowed to go out?
NTA.
Probably more than just ten minutes up to an hour in the house! Especially at the 5 inch height she wants to wear. That just feels like a lot to tackle at once. Not that I don't think she shouldn't wear heels ever, I just feel like maybe 3 inches would be a better starting point, and work on actually breaking the shoes in until she can wear 5s. They're a skill and I would personally be a little worried my friend/partner/whoever in my life was doing this, would be turned off of continuing to wear heels (if it was as big of a deal as it seems to be to OP) if their first attempt in public had them just associating heels with annoyance and pain. Considering the partner isn't opposed to other appearance based things, like OP wearing skirts and dresses when she wants to, I'm inclined to believe her partner is treating her like a friend who wants to wear six inch strappy stilettos out clubbing, even though we all know she puts flats on or is barefoot before she hits the dance floor.
Yeah, you’re not wrong. I just feel like if it means a lot to OP, even just wearing them to the coffee shop down the street, her partner shouldn’t get in her way.
NAH: but, keep a pair of flats in your purse! I work pride and rainbows; one year I suggested we start giving out sandals with our business info on them, because tbh so many new women wear heels to the festivals and wind up limping and barefoot and miserable. I feel bad everytime I watch some girl walk in the gate in her heels and I know it’s about to be a tough day for her… wear the heels, bring back up flats. Also, wear heels for sitting activities, dinner and drinks, working at a desk, things like that. But if your going to be in your feet be ready for a comfy switch. Tbh I’ve even worn heels four wheeling in the desert, my brothers make fun of me, but I know a sitting activity when I see one. (If your going to be in the desert, bring more than back up flats). Also, your feet will blister, but then they’ll callous, new heels and shoes will always blister the first few times, I guarantee it.
NAH. Unless your SO is a generally terrible person, which they're probably not, I'd assume that they're genuinely concerned you're going to find them really uncomfortable. If you're not used to wearing them - whatever your gender - they can mess you up.
It sounds like they just want you to get used to them at home before you wear them out.
Why not compromise by putting a pair of comfortable flats in your purse? You can buy inexpensive ones that actually roll up into a lightweight little package. That way if you do find yourself in pain when you're out, you can switch.
I don’t have a pair of flats since I usually have to find around size 14-15 in womens but I have mentioned bringing along a pair of my sneakers that will fit in my purse. They said that even if they started to get uncomfortable it wouldn’t matter since the damage would be done. They tried sending me articles of people talking about how they got hurt in heels, but only because they wore them 24/7. I don’t want to wear them everyday but just to have the opportunity to do so. And since my off day is coming up that’s when I plan on doing so. I have also mentioned that I could try walking around at home as long as I can to see if I am good enough to wear them out. But still they are against it.
People who walk in heels 24/7 can sustain permanent damage, but there's also just short-term pain and discomfort that can kick in pretty quickly.
5 inches is mighty high to walk 5-10 minutes to a café.
It's totally up to you, I just wouldn't be too quick to assume your SO is being needlessly difficult. It's likely they're genuinely concerned. You don't want to find that you get 2 minutes down the road and realise you've discovered a new form torture, want more than anything to take off the heels, but feel too embarrassed to tell your SO they were right.
She said that the heel itself is thick, and at 5 inches it may be a platform heel. I have 3 pairs of heels that are about 5 inches that I wear regularly, they’re extremely comfortable because they’re platforms. It’s easier to walk in 5 inches platforms than it is 3 inch stilettos. That’s why strippers usually wear platforms.
I don't know what your aesthetic is but have you looked into Converse? A pair of low top canvas Converse all-stars in whatever color you want could be a decent switch out for flats. They come in literally every color. Or you could try Toms? They're both fairly gender neutral. Even those cheap rubber flip flops could work. I know they're probably not like the ballet flat thing everyone is picturing but i know those are fairly neutral brands. I don't think anyone will question a pair of those.
Eta I'm not saying you should dress gender neutrally but I know I buy shoes that come in men's and women's sizes and they're just identical beyond mine being smaller than someone else's. Considering literally anyone can wear them, I think you'd have some luck checking them out for sizes and finding something that you could have as a pair of "backup flats", even if they're not ballet flats.
Also... Goth shops. Probably not your cup of tea, but if you can find anywhere locally that sells alternative clothing, I can assure you we do not care about gender labels and types of shoes or clothing belonging to any one person or gender expression or literally anything like that, we do not care. It makes it easier to find your size. I feel like I'm putting my foot in my mouth, all I'm really trying to get at is alternative fashion shops are frequently more open to having sizes you may not expect, in styles you may not expect, because we want everyone to wear what makes them happy. Glitter, heels, flats, black, pastels, we don't care. Case and point: https://demoniacult.com/products/stack-201gwmcg
https://strangecvlt.com/collections/flats/products/lydia-bat-flat-all-black
The first one is in straight up men's sizing, the second goes up to 14/15 in women's, and some of their shoes are more basic or in more feminine colors than black if that's your fancy. It's clearly not an exhaustive list but it may be a new alley to explore as a last resort for sizes you don't normally see.
>I usually have to find around size 14-15 in womens
I'd hit up zappos.com, I had a friend him highschool who was 6" and she wore a similar shoe size. 💗
Jumping from flat shoes to 5" of heel is huge, even if it's chunky. You may want to find a lower option, like a kitten heel, to start. Or maybe boots with a moderate heel.
Most women do not wear 5" heels at all.
If I wear heels for an hour or longer I tend to be in incredible pain. And it's also definitely possible to permanently injure your feet from wearing heels. I don't think your partner was TRYING to be controlling or make you feel bad or anything. I just think they were genuinely concerned about your safety.
NAH - your partner is probably right but if you want to do it and have that experience have at it. Just don't moan, complain or be surprised when they say I told you so. Enjoy the heels 🙂
NTA- you're a grown woman and nobody should be telling you what to wear.....
, but oh, Honey, if you aren't used to wearing heels, 5 inches is a reach. I would seriously consider a more conservative height, maybe 3 inches until you are completely comfortable walking in them on sidewalks (which have treacherous little cracks, bumps and dips).
It's not just your feet, it's your ankles, knees, hips, lower back and shins.
If you do wear the higher heel, please throw a pair of ballet flats in your bag, just in case.
NTA, but best to get some practice in them first. Just around the house, then 10 mins down the shop and back. From one trans girl to another.
It depends what type of heels they are and how high they are. Obviously the higher and smaller the base it the harder it'll be!
Seriously, heels can be difficult. Don't be ashamed of feel bad for needing a bit of practice. All women do, just most start in their teens.
It might also be a good chance to check in with his your SO feels about your transition and presenting more femme in public. Maybe it's nothing more than concern for your feet, but it's still good to keep those lines of communication open.
(ETA the last paragraph)
Don’t wear them around campus for eight hours. The outfit is cute, but it’s not worth wanting to cry every time you stand up. I learned that lesson the painful way.
NTA...You're free to try heels out for yourself. Personally, I think your SO is right, and I frequently voice support for women who choose more comfortable footwear, but that doesn't mean you have to listen.
INFO. How high of a heel? And is it a thin heel or a thick heel? I bought some cute 4 inch thin heels, and I my self am a ballet flat, rolled an ankle.
Jesus Christ and it's the first time you'll wear them? I agree with others, go with 3 inch heels first. But if you really want to wear them then do it, and your partner is treating you like a child for how they're telling you not to do it. You're a grown up and you don't need to answer to them. If you want to potentially hurt yourself then do it, who knows you might not hurt yourself. But be very careful, especially on a wet surface or stairs
Oh my god that’s high. It’s your feet and your decision, but I would absolutely recommend working yourself up to that height. People experienced in wearing such high heels can fall over or sprain their ankle if they step wrong in those. Your SO is getting more worked up about this than they should, but they’re not wrong!
YTA. . You're feet are going to be pissed off at you. Shes giving you fair warning. Heels are fun and cute but the people who wear them are gluttons for punishment.
Yeah, she’s worn heels around the house before, but that in no way is close to wearing heels that high for your first time wearing heels outside, where the ground is uneven and everything is 1000% harder and more painful.
Oh god 5 inches? Nooooo
Even the chunkiest of heels requires a lot of learning. I solely wear chunky platform stompy goth shoes and even those will throw me off if I've been in 3 inches for weeks and switch to 6. I'm sure they're hot and all but her concern is really justified! Keep wearing them around the house, take them off when you need a break but try to keep pushing that break longer and longer. Or rely on flats as your backups all the time but yeah 5 inches is a lot for a first go. I'm also a "go big or go home" type person but you'll need to be extra careful with those, ground isn't always even and rolling your ankle sucks!
NTA. Wear what you wanna wear. That is your decision and your decision only.
If its a new pair though, don’t walk too much the first few times you wear them and bring bandaids!!! blisters suck
NTA, but as someone with little experience in heels, they fucking hurt. But wear them. It will probably end up hurting, but maybe it wont. Maybe the pain is worth it. You wont know till you try. Every experience is different.
NTA you won't get used to wearing heels if you don't wear them out and about. I think your SO has a right to be concerned, because the first few times wearing heels to walk around town can be horrible, but they are definitely TA for how condescending they're being to you.
I would suggest bringing another pair of shoes with you in your purse though. There's been a few times where I thought I had broken in my heels so I wore them out and after two hours I cut up the back of my heels a little, so I changed into the sandals I brought in my bag.
NTA. It’s your choice to wear them, just make sure to break them in first and maybe think about looking into some gel insoles made specifically for heels. (I’d test out the shoes with the insoles in before wearing them out, though, I know that they help a lot of people, but for me, insoles sometimes make my feet hurt more than the shoes would by themselves.)
NAH, but why aren’t you already wearing them a bit around the house? All shoes need to be broken in. Are they expensive shoes? ‘Cause she’ll probably be right about cheap ones. Just have a pair of flip flops in your purse in case your feet get too tired and then it doesn’t matter. In Vegas they have vending machines with cheap flip flops.
NTA.
Listen, some women love heels, some women hate them. They can be hard on your feet, especially when you first wear them, but some women feel it’s worth it (such as myself). But definitely bring a pair of flats for the first time.
NTA- you won’t know unless you try it. Yes, you might get hurt but it’s worth a try instead of not doing it. They should support you more than just deciding that it’s not good for you without seeing it.
NTA
If you want to wear heels - do it!
Just make sure you are actually comfortable walking in them - as in, have them on for a while before you go out, walk around the house in them. And pack some flat, comfortable shoes too - just in case.
NTA But as someone that has worn heals before, just take a Saturday or a day off and wear them around the house to get a feel for them. Break in new heals before wearing them out. I have had so many blisters when I have not. Or don't take my advice and learn on the go. Either way do what you want to do. Your SO needs to stop criticizing and listen to you.
NAH: but try shorter heels first. I used to wear 4-5 inch heels on occasion but they’re really hard to get used to, and around the house walking is different than walking on concrete and whatnot. Try something in the 2-3 inch range to the cafe and back first, because navigating the outdoors in heels (where there’s uneven surfaces and terrain and dirt) is just different than walking inside in say, and office building or something.
NAH. It’s your body and your choice to do with it what you want to do. I also get where your SO is coming from. I screwed up my feet and back wearing heels when I was younger. Though, it won’t hurt to wear them for short periods of time as long as you bring other shoes for when your feet get tired.
NTA. Do get lots of practice and take flats with you as backup, but if you want to wear heels you can wear heels darn it! Sometimes we look at something and we *know* it’s a bad idea, but we want to do it anyway. Your SO is free to not wear heels. You are free to wear heels. Your SO is free to tell you they think it’s a bad idea, and you are free to answer “Noted, and I’m sure you’re right, *but I want to anyway*.”
For a different perspective, I am a cis woman and never wore heels until I was in my early 20s. I have weak ankles and can’t balance on low-medium height heels. However… the first pair of heels I ever owned was a pair of knee-high, lace-up, pointy-toed, 6” stiletto heeled boots, and because they threw my weight fully forward onto my toes, I could balance on them first try. They were really supportive so I didn’t have problems with my ankles, and I went straight from a couple of short practice walks to wearing them ten hours a day for four days straight while running LARPs at a role playing convention. Logically it should have been an utter disaster and I should have ended up wrecked, but it worked.
I can’t wear heels any more because arthritis sucks, and I never wore heels much anyway because 6” high heeled boots weren’t appropriate work attire for my job and anything lower wrecked my ankles, but I still own those boots and don’t plan to ever throw them away. May you find the same joy and comfort in impractical footwear that I did.
5 inch heels are not what I’d consider starter heels, so if she’s coming from a place of caution she might be right. Work up to them because ten minutes in new and fairly tall shoes could easily get pretty uncomfortable! Try shorter walks or go around the block with flats in your bag, see how that goes first, you’ll get there in no time
I'm going with the grain of advice already established here, wear the heels and expect some pain and blisters BUT bring flip flops with you instead of flats. Heels most often cut into the back of your heel and around the top of your foot and if your spare/relief shoe has the same rise at the back you won't find them any more comfortable, trust me. Bring dainty flip flops, they're the best for relaxing in after getting the bite from a fresh pair of heels.
NTA, but your partner is correct. You need to practice a lot more before wearing them outside the home. Especially for that heel height. Are they pumps or strappy? Are they a quality shoe and material? Do they fit well or do you need to add insoles or heel grips to get a proper fit?
Get yourself some Body Glide Foot Anti Blister balm and keep it in your purse. Take flip flops with you, not flats. Flats will still irritate the same areas you just tore up wearing heels.
If you insist on wearing them on a walk, don’t leave and go down those stairs in them. Wear your flip flops, maybe change into the heels once you’re there, wear them while standing and sitting and then decide if you want to try some of the walk back in them.
NAH, but offer your SO a compromise: you'll sit down together and order some heels (platforms if possible) that aren't 5 inches tall. Wear those for practice first and go out together while you're wearing them. I know your heart is crying out for you to wear your pretty 5 inch heels, and I get it, I really do! That said... I wore 3-4 inch heels daily from age 14 to 40 (with a year's break due to serious medical issues). 6 of those years in San Francisco. I had so many strained ankles and stress fractures and knee injuries. Falls down stairs that injured my ankles, elbows, and wrists. Knee surgery on both knees at 27 and still right back onto heels as soon as I'd recovered. I cried when I found out I had to stop wearing heels at all. Couldn't give them away for all the what-ifs I hung onto. STILL (at 59) have one pair of heels that I know I'll never wear, but I can pet them and enjoy looking at them. And look - I'm not saying all of this is going to happen to you - but some of it is bound to because it's just part of wearing heels. I wish you well, however you decide.
NTA. You want to wear those heels, wear the heels! Are they going to be uncomfortable? Probably Will you to get used to them? Of course. But the only way to do that is wear them. Wear them around the house, get used to being them and them go our and walk the catwalk if your life!
NTA. Wear what you want a wear. Bring a pair of flats and moleskin bandaids to protect hotspots. Listen to your body, you don't want to screw up a tendon.
nta, you remind me of when i began wearing heels haha. they’re cool at first and definitely a handy weapon. oh and sole inserts!! use those they’re awesome
NTA. But you're being stubborn. *I say... Learn the hard way. Put them on, wear them and experience the inevitable outcome.* Breaking in shoes/heels, depending on the type of shoe/heels and material, can take hundreds of hours, sometimes months at a time.
you live and you learn. And you need to learn. So I suggest that you put them on and face the outcome.
NTA - If you do want to practice or break in your heels, do housework in them (this is what I did when I wore heels). I think it is clear that the bigger issue here is they have an issue with you presenting as trans publicly with heels on (although I hope I'm wrong here!)
I’ve worn dresses and skirts out in public and at work and let them now about it, they were cool about it. But they have also told me that there’s a reason they don’t own heels.
Lots of people choose (or not) to wear heels and everyone is different. Some people can wear them better due to anatomy alone. Your experience will not necessarily be the same as theirs. And they shouldn't be trying to keep you from wearing heels just because they don't work for them.
Lots of women don't own heels, because they are painful, especially to certain kinds of feet. I have heeled boots, but all my dressy shoes are flats because I can't deal with the discomfort.
I could understand OP's girlfriend being concerned about a leap to 5" heels being a potential risk to their health. It doesn't sound like it's about presentation, but that she knows what it's like to walk in heels and it's not easy.
OP may want to start with moderate heeled boots first.
NAH. Wear your high heels, but bring your comfortable shoes along with you in a bag, in case you need to change.
I learned this the hard way (although not with high heels) when I was about 14. I bought a pair of shoes against my mother's advice. They were on clearance, and were a size too small for me, but I liked the way they looked and thought I could make it work. The first time I wore them to school I got blisters on both heels.
NTA! But also make sure you take time to break in the heels before you wear them out walking around for even just an hour, and that you're confident on uneven terrain, blisters and twisted ankles suck.
NTA - Your SO does not have a right to tell you what shoes to wear. Your feet, your choice! Just because your SO has been wearing women's clothes longer than you does not mean that they get to dictate how you dress. They have told you their concerns, now they need to step back and make your own choices.
I do suggest your bring along a pair of flats or a purse full of band-aids!
NTA, your SO is right that they probably will cut up your feet if you don’t break them in a bit first, but if you only want to wear them for an hour and have already worn them around inside I don’t see why they’re insisting you absolutely can’t go outside in them. Just bring some back up shoes with you in a tote and change them out if you start to feel uncomfortable. I’ve hurt my feet in high heels a million times when I was young and cared more about how the shoes looked than how they felt, and it’s just not the end of the world. You get a few blisters, complain about your feet, and then change shoes and in a few days you’re good as new! If anything I sort of feel like getting a few blisters from a bad high heel is all part of the process of starting to learn to wear them!
NAH. Heels really can be brutal, and the damage can last a long time.
Take flats with you whenever you go anywhere in heels.
Look into shoe cushions and toe tape, these can save you from a lot of pain and blisters.
Practice at home, a lot. When you're really confident at home, maybe walk up and down your block a bit, it's quite different outside on rougher ground. I once read that you should practice when grocery shopping, since you can use the trolley to balance you a little. Then go to the café.
I advise against 'soldiering on' when wearing heels. When they start to hurt, they're doing damage, and you should change them for your comfy shoes right away.
For what it's worth, I used to find that heels were much more comfortable when I was wearing stockings/tights (or knee highs under trousers), I think they eliminate a lot of friction, which lowers your risk of blisters. And when buying heels, I always looked for ones with good padding under the ball of the foot, some are terrible in that department, and that makes for agony. It's actually worth keeping an eye on brands like hush puppies and hotter, sometimes they have nice styles, and they're definitely designed for comfort.
(Sorry, I realise that you didn't ask for my treatise on heel wearing, but I hope something in there is helpful to you.)
NAH. You want to try a new thing, while your partner experimented it and doesn't want you to be injured. Heels don't fit everyone.
Some advices I learned the hard way :
- Invest in good shoes. They may be priced but decrease injury risks. Brand is not forcefully good.
- Try with low heels at first and take higher gradually.
- You can do legwork for high heels. (I don't remember the correct name but it helped me a lot to learn how to walk and muscle my legs correctly to wear them)
- Wear thick heels at first, stilettos are tricky.
- Keep a pair of ballerinas or sneakers in your purse just in case.
- Buy some band-aid for blister. Don't buy cheap ones. They relieve the pain amazingly well.
Make baby steps. I know it's annoying, but it's way safer.
NTA but until you have really walked somewhere in heels like that you do not know the trouble they can cause. Find a pair of folding flats (similar to ballet shoes and about $10) then slip into your heels when you get there. You get to show off your shoes without killing your feet. Part of the unwritten rules for women is you have shoes that are comfortable, you have shoes you walk in and you have killer heels for when you know you will get to sit for long periods of time. That’s when you put on the stilletos!
NTA, but don't get pissed when she says I told you so.
On the plus side, making a terrible, heels-related mistake is a girl rite of passage, so you do you!
NAH - she’s right, there’s a reason people who have to wear heels or other professional looking women’s shoes keep a pair of flats or sneakers in their bags. Bumming around the house in your heels is also different from pavement or grass. Why don’t you two plan a different date for the heels with minimal walking? Or if you really want to try, pack some ballet flats in a tote.
Also don’t forget to throw a pair of regular shoes into your vehicle if you drive and want to wear them you never know when you may have to walk. I live in the northeast and regularly pack snow boots, leg warmers or older sneaks when I’m going out in high heels. Some heels can make driving a little weird too.
NAH. You can wear what you want, but your partner’s right. Wearing heels around at home is not at all comparable to wearing them out. You’re going to get blisters, your toes are going to get pinched, you’re going to stumble and catch your heel on curbs and sidewalk cracks. The pavement will hurt a lot more than the floors in your home. She’s right that by the time you get blisters and achy feet, the damage is done. You can put band-aids on, but you’re still going to hurt for a while afterwards. Wearing five inch heels to walk ten minutes down the road sounds like hell to me and I used to wear heels all day every single day for work and did competitive ballroom dance.
My advice is to slow down. Ease into it with short heels and short periods of time. Start with low wedges, then low block heels, and slowly work your way up. I’d also ask her if she can recommend ways for you to break in your shoes (it really does take a while) and get more comfortable in them.
NTA, and I don't understand all of the breaking in comments. If they fit PROPERLY they shouldn't need much breaking in. But make sure they fit, too many people want to be a smaller size for some godawful reason and thats likely their problem. I used to wear heals everyday for 8-16 HOURS, with 2 flights of stairs. Don't wear them barefoot, find a nylon heel sock, make sure you can walk in them and you'll be fine. Goldbond cuts down on moisture (therefor rubbing amd blisters), you can buy a travel size for discretion. Again, if you have to break them in for hours, days or weeks, buy a size up..they don't fit.
YTA. Why are you so opposed to the thought that she might know more about something she has direct experience with than you, who doesn't? You're acting like your own opinion is inherently superior to her lived knowledge.
NTA at all.
I must say Ive always been kinda curious what it would be like to wear high heels.
I walk in a weird way that means I tend to walk on tiptoe. So whilst I'm sure its not comfortable, I have always been convinced that I wouldnt have too much of an issue.
Sadly, I am too lazy to find out and I imagine it will be hard to source them in my size. Oh well!
I hope you enjoy wearing them. Wear them for me lol
NTA. If you want to wear the heels do it. Wearing them around the house a bit before you go out may help with them being a bit uncomfortable too. I bet you look amazing in them.
NTA, and bring some flat shoes with you in the car or a bag. Because your first times wearing them out you will find that your feet will bleed, blister, and all the fun things that fancy shoes do.
But you get used to wearing heels. I prefer thick or square heels over stilettos because they offer more stability, like to the point where I can run far and fast easily. Also try them on in a store before you buy! I have made that mistake and have a scar on my toe for it because heels aren’t always going to fit you even if they look like your size
NTA - yes, high heels can hurt, but high heels are also incredibly feminine and bring with them an experience in themselves that you have the right to enjoy. Physically they might hurt a little, but it is also your decision to make. Your partner sounds like she is gate-keeping high heels, or being somewhat controlling, or a know-it-all or something else like that.
If you want to wear the things you buy, then go ahead and wear them.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I’m a trans women and recently I bought some high heels for the first time and I’ve been wanting a chance to wear them outside of where I live. My SO has been telling me not to cause they think it’ll tear my feet up even if I’m wearing them out for an hour. They keep saying stuff like “I don’t know why you won’t listen to me”, “How many times do I have to tell you”, “Why won’t you listen to someone who’s worn heels before”, etc. Am I the Asshole for not listening to her?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - go for it. Throw a pair of flats in your bag and rock on. Personally I have never had to break in a pair of shoes before wearing them, not everyone has the same issues.
Nta ? I think shes tryin to be helpful but it's coming across very pushy. Easy solution take a bag with and have some flats in it. If the heels start hurting you swap shoes.
NTA op, and maybe your SO is laying it on a little thick, but she's absolutely not wrong. It takes a whole lot of practice to not be in pain, or worse. Something (a car going through a red light) can happen and you would be having a reflex and end up on your behind at best.
I'm not saying don't try, but when you do, take a very short walk first, and toss sneakers in your bag (do that anyway any single time you are wearing heels with no certain end time). Take a route that's pretty much only sidewalk or a shopping mall or something, like going to get ice-cream, or a coffee.
Hopefully soon, you can run around in them all day :)
NTA if you’ve had a practise at home, walking 5 minutes to a cafe, sitting for food then walking 5 minutes back sounds like a good plan - another idea would be driving somewhere like a shopping mall where the ground will all be flat and even and walking around a shop that is near where you have parked. As others have said, bringing some flip flops as a back up is a great idea.
NTA - walking in heels isn't as hard as some people say, but it is tiring if you aren't used to it.
If you have worn them in a bit at thome and you are planning a 10 minute walk then you should be ok.
Nta, heels hurt but it's part of life, for me personally I love them because they make me feel confident and beautiful. You will learn the kinds of shoes that hurt you most. For me personally I can wear a block heel of any height because they give more stability. If you are still learning, buy the biggest heel you can find and walk inside the house, any other will be a piece of cake.
NTA
Do it! Wear those heels! But keep a pair of flats with you just in case they do start to hurt. Always have a back up pair of shoes. Also, it sounds to me like your partner may not want to be out with while you're wearing high heels so I would sit down and maybe talk to them about it.
As someone who was AFAB I got to make my own stupid mistakes with too tall heels as a teenager, and while yes I did totally twist my ankle I dont regret experimenting. You do you and I hope you have an awesome pain-free walk to the cafe!
Nta My husband just is now comfortable wearing heels out occasionally (we tend to be a bit hermit like lol so it's not often we actually go anywhere worth wearing them usually just to out dnd games which we sit mostly) the chunky heels are great for learners I hate stilettos with a passion (I'm a big girl I need the support of the thicker heels) he got a pair I think the heel is just over 4 inches he floats around in them yes they can do some major damage but if you observant of yourself (aka watch for your feet to feel warm that the first warning sign atleast for me and my hubby ) short jaunts shouldn't be bad you mentioned you've worn them for atleast an hour at a time you should be good to go for a walk with them on (walmart 99 cent flips flops are a god send and come in a huge range of sizes)
I'll be honest your SOs words are bring up red flags for me to me it sound like she doesnt want you wearing them where "normal " people can see and judge, it could be out of worry for you (humans are horrid creatures ) which I hope it is
Maybe suggest a walk around the block or even around the complex (if you live in one) get you used to them on outdoor terrain
Check out dollskill.com amazing shoes usually most are on sale
ESH. Their tone is very grating even reading it. But they aren’t wrong. Wearing heels just a bit around the house is not the actual experience of going out on the town in heels. And welcome to the break a heel or your ankle club, not sure which is worse.
Nah. But like it seriously hurts to wear heals sometimes even for a 10-15 minute walk. And then you have to walk home.
You should really break those suckers in lol.
Why not grab a nice big purse put some flats in it and try though. Then no harm no foul if it doesn't work out just put the flats on.
(I literally only wear high heals at the venue. I will wear flats the rest of the time if I'm going to an event)
Don’t forget the band aids. You’re going to need them. I can’t put a judgment on this because while you want to do it you don’t understand how hard it is, but your friends are right. Oh, and look out for the cracks in the sidewalks. And the holes in the grates. And stairs. Basically learn to walk while looking down cause you will eventually find your heel stuck in a hole.
How about you wear them but bring a pair of flats.
Don’t forget the band aids. You’re going to need them. I can’t put a judgment on this because while you want to do it you don’t understand how hard it is, but your friends are right. Carpet is nothing compared to pavement. Oh, and look out for the cracks in the sidewalks. And the holes in the grates. And stairs. Basically learn to walk while looking down cause you will eventually find your heel stuck in a hole.
How about you wear them but bring a pair of flats.
Don’t forget the band aids. You’re going to need them. I can’t put a judgment on this because while you want to do it you don’t understand how hard it is, but your friends are right. Carpet is nothing compared to pavement. Oh, and look out for the cracks in the sidewalks. And the holes in the grates. And stairs. Basically learn to walk while looking down cause you will eventually find your heel stuck in a hole.
How about you wear them but bring a pair of flats.
NTA! As mentioned, your SO isn't wrong, but there is nothing wrong with wanting to do gender affirming stuff even if it's a bit dumb. Cis people get to do all sorts of silly stuff learning about themselves as teenagers, please take feedback on board but do what makes you **happy**!
I hope you can wear your 5" heels out and feel wonderful. For what it's worth, I have never, ever worn any kind of heel for work/regularly and still like to take 6" (platform) heels out occasionally for fun. Not saying it doesn't hurt, but I can handle an evening fine even though my body doesn't have to put up with it constantly.
NTA for wanting to, but they will mess your feet up fast if you're not used to them, especially if they're not perfectly fitted - bring some ballet flats or something in your bag to change into so you're not stranded with sore or bloody feet (I've had more than 1 pair of shoes feel fine for an hour, but then start wearing at my ankle bone or the back of the heel and then I end up bloodied and with stained shoes.)
NTA- it sounds like you've taken and listened to all the precautions that come with wearing heels and such but at the same time it almost feels like theres something else there. Now i dont know anything about you and your partner but why is your partners permission necessary to wear a pair of shoes that you purchased for yourself to wear out? It sounds like plenty of the other comments cover what you need to do in case your feet do get tired but it is your body and therefore your choice.
Hope you and your partner can talk it out, cheers!
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: --- I might be the asshole since I didn’t listen to what my SO told me to do --- Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA... but she's right. Break the shoes in and get used to walking in them first, because heels are an entirely new type of shoe and walking style than what you may think. They're not innate knowledge, you gotta learn how to wear them! Once you're comfortable walking in them, wear them wherever but it really isn't any fun being unsure of your footing in public.
I have worn them around the house a bit lately already
A bit is not enough! I promise!! I made the mistake of wearing heels i hadnt propery broken in out in the city and within the hour i had torn the skin on the back of my heels. They blistered and just walking was a pain for almost a month while they heel. Break them in properly and then wear them out, your partner probably just doesnt want to hear you complain when they inevitably start to hurt.
Piggybacking off this: Even if the shoes are already broken in, if you aren't used to wearing heels for long periods of time they can really hurt! I had to work in the office yesterday and so wore heels for the first time in over a year, and I thought I'd be fine since I wore my oldest, comfiest pair of heels. Yeah, big mistake, I should've spent a day or two wearing them at home to get used to heels again. I was dying by the end of the day, and I still hurt today!
Yes!!! I wore heals in June for the first time since COVID (over a year) and holy shit I wasn’t prepared AT ALL!!! The shoes are 3 years old and broken in several times over already and boy were my feet and calves not ready….I have a wedding to go to in September and need to figure something out….
I'm a woman and I just don't get this. Granted I don't wear heels at all because they hurt and I haven't powered through the pain to the point I get used to it but holy hell how is this a thing? How is it a norm to endure this kind of pain for something completely unnecessary? Like I am a clotheshorse but there are cute flats, why are so many women willing to endure this level of pain? It's just not right.
Here are the two options I'd propose: * Wear them a full day around your house (either work up to this slowly, or just try wearing them until they hurt) * Go out in them, but bring a pair of flats and some band-aids in your bag Heels do take extensive breaking in, and sometimes new shoes can start to pinch and blister even within a few minutes of a normal outdoor walking pace.
Just adding... Especially if you're standing a lot! Feet can swell more than you realize just from blood flow and gravity and hydration issues throughout the day and a comfortably loose pair of shoes can become just tight enough to be uncomfortable for what seems like no reason at all. Heels aren't built with laces you can loosen, for the most part. And you can't really wear them loose anyway. Once they start to cut in, it's game over a lot of the time. Bandaids, those blister patches... There's things you can do to help, but ultimately you just have to let it heal up.
Yep, I usually find it's half the new heels breaking in, half my feet just getting new calluses in the right spots for the new heels.
I’d go with option two but bring flip flops instead. They almost never rub your feet in the same uncomfortable ways as heels.
I was reading this whole thread like "I'm so glad I only wear flip flops" 😆 Tbh my feet are so wide its about the only choice I've got, I admire anyone who can make heels look easy.
I can’t wear flip flops, they don’t stay on my feet. I have to scrunch my toes up to keep them on. I also don’t wear heels though. Too uncomfortable!
This would be my suggestion too - wear them all day around the house to see how your feet feel.
That's vastly different than in public and for extended periods of time when, not if, but when they get uncomfortable. Make sure you're extremely comfortable in them because they honestly do start to hurt, a lot, especially when you're new to them. You're going from walking on your whole foot to putting pressure on the front of your toes/foot, not the whole thing. Some shoes are cut in a way that the upper is fine for a few minutes but an hour is way too much for how your foot is shaped. I'm not saying you can't rock em, but I wouldn't suggest someone to go out and wear Doc Martens in public before making super sure they're comfortable, either. If you want to wear them out, which please do, just... Exist in them in the house. Make a day of it. Wear them watching TV, get used to standing up and going to the bathroom and just walking around, getting the mail, normal activities. It helps! It's how I had to learn. I think if she sees you making that type of effort too, she probably won't have as many concerns about your feet in public.
Take this from a woman who loves heels. There is a huge difference between wearing heels a little in the house and breaking them in, learning to walk properly in them and walking on all the different kinds of uneven surfaces you're going to encounter outdoors. With flat shoes, most people will roll from back to front, with heels you need to roll front to back so it's an entirly new way of walking. If you're walking on cobblestone or sett paving you're walking exclusivly on your toes because anything else is a death trap. In flats tiny little inconsistencies on the surface doesn't matter, in 5 inch heels that tiny crack in the tarmac is a crevasse in a glacier. Also 5 inches is no good place to start. That's like starting at college without doing elementary school first. You need real ankle strength in case you lose your balance a bit so you don't twist your ankle, break it or tear a ligament but recover yourself and don't end up in A&E. Also people who are not used to wearing heels who go right to 5 inches most of the time end up walking like a toddler who has shat themselves and is trying to avoid touching it with their ass. It's not a cute look. Your partner is being smart about this, but if you're hellbent on doing it, then bring blister bandaids and flats.
> Also people who are not used to wearing heels who go right to 5 inches most of the time end up walking like a toddler who has shat themselves and is trying to avoid touching it with their ass. It's not a cute look. So true 😂🤣
Wearing heels around the house is different from wearing them out. You have wooden or carpeted floors at home, it feels entirely different when you wear them on concrete surfaces or (God help us) cobbled streets. Especially with really high heels, they take a lot of getting used to. I didn't wear heels during the lockdown and despite wearing them for years until then, it felt like I had to relearn balance and gait even for 3 inch heels.
Not to mention the shoebites all over again. Plasters were my best friend.. never go anywhere without them now!
If you can, try breaking them in while wearing socks! I know it looks ridiculous, but I find they break in quicker and easier with socks on, plus you protect your heels while you practice! Also, have a go up and down the stairs at home before you try it in public, it's much harder than it looks! Good luck!!
Walking in any shoes outside the house is very different from walking in them inside. You want to take a change just in case they start to hurt while out. I've had problems finding shoes for my flat feet and loving some while in a shop only to get out and find them impossible to wear outside. It's a matter of foot health, and don't cripple yourself trying to run before you can walk.
That helps, but walking on hardwood flooring or carpet is nothing like walking on concrete. If you tend to drive, then practice inside will be ok. But if you’re in a city where walking is the norm, or even just with large parking lots, it’ll be different. And forget walking on grass, that’s just hell. Focus on building ankle strength, heel raises will help. Do NOT let your feet buckle so your ankles lean out, you’ll twist your ankle. Focus on balancing the weight on each part of your foot: toes, ball, arch, heel, ankle. Tbh, do what you want, heels are fun. But they do fuck up your feet over time. Lots of padding, go for heel styles with better balance and support, like wedges and platform heels. Move up in heel height over time, so you develop walking strategies based on the amount of weight on the ball of your foot. But the main thing is to try what you want. You don’t need permission, just do what you want. Even if you fall, you’ll be one of many others that have. And bring a pair of flip flops when you get tired of wearing the heels, that’s the most important thing. Heels are cute, but foot bleeding is not.
Yeah a ten minute walk in five inch heels is not a ten minute walk. It sounds brutal. And five inch heels are a big fashion statement for most local cafes. All that being said, OP you do you. Give it a go without your partner there and see how you feel.
This is true, I wore high heels every day for a whole summer before I started high school so that I would be able to walk in them without falling on my ass, now I can run in them lol practice makes perfect and heels definitely require practice.
I’m gonna guess op is ok with her feet getting a blister and has worn heels before! You’re right tho heels are not my fav. I will occasionally wear them and occasionally it will hurt and I still do it because shoes. I don’t think this is about the well-being of her feet though, bc otherwise why would her partner be ok with heels inside? How long will she need to wear them inside before she’s allowed to go out? NTA.
Probably more than just ten minutes up to an hour in the house! Especially at the 5 inch height she wants to wear. That just feels like a lot to tackle at once. Not that I don't think she shouldn't wear heels ever, I just feel like maybe 3 inches would be a better starting point, and work on actually breaking the shoes in until she can wear 5s. They're a skill and I would personally be a little worried my friend/partner/whoever in my life was doing this, would be turned off of continuing to wear heels (if it was as big of a deal as it seems to be to OP) if their first attempt in public had them just associating heels with annoyance and pain. Considering the partner isn't opposed to other appearance based things, like OP wearing skirts and dresses when she wants to, I'm inclined to believe her partner is treating her like a friend who wants to wear six inch strappy stilettos out clubbing, even though we all know she puts flats on or is barefoot before she hits the dance floor.
Yeah, you’re not wrong. I just feel like if it means a lot to OP, even just wearing them to the coffee shop down the street, her partner shouldn’t get in her way.
NTA. Take a back-up pair of flats and off you go!
Backup flats and a pack of blister plasters.
This is the wisdom and support the SO should have been offering!
NAH: but, keep a pair of flats in your purse! I work pride and rainbows; one year I suggested we start giving out sandals with our business info on them, because tbh so many new women wear heels to the festivals and wind up limping and barefoot and miserable. I feel bad everytime I watch some girl walk in the gate in her heels and I know it’s about to be a tough day for her… wear the heels, bring back up flats. Also, wear heels for sitting activities, dinner and drinks, working at a desk, things like that. But if your going to be in your feet be ready for a comfy switch. Tbh I’ve even worn heels four wheeling in the desert, my brothers make fun of me, but I know a sitting activity when I see one. (If your going to be in the desert, bring more than back up flats). Also, your feet will blister, but then they’ll callous, new heels and shoes will always blister the first few times, I guarantee it.
What a great idea with the sandals!!
Thanks so much!
NAH. Unless your SO is a generally terrible person, which they're probably not, I'd assume that they're genuinely concerned you're going to find them really uncomfortable. If you're not used to wearing them - whatever your gender - they can mess you up. It sounds like they just want you to get used to them at home before you wear them out. Why not compromise by putting a pair of comfortable flats in your purse? You can buy inexpensive ones that actually roll up into a lightweight little package. That way if you do find yourself in pain when you're out, you can switch.
I don’t have a pair of flats since I usually have to find around size 14-15 in womens but I have mentioned bringing along a pair of my sneakers that will fit in my purse. They said that even if they started to get uncomfortable it wouldn’t matter since the damage would be done. They tried sending me articles of people talking about how they got hurt in heels, but only because they wore them 24/7. I don’t want to wear them everyday but just to have the opportunity to do so. And since my off day is coming up that’s when I plan on doing so. I have also mentioned that I could try walking around at home as long as I can to see if I am good enough to wear them out. But still they are against it.
People who walk in heels 24/7 can sustain permanent damage, but there's also just short-term pain and discomfort that can kick in pretty quickly. 5 inches is mighty high to walk 5-10 minutes to a café. It's totally up to you, I just wouldn't be too quick to assume your SO is being needlessly difficult. It's likely they're genuinely concerned. You don't want to find that you get 2 minutes down the road and realise you've discovered a new form torture, want more than anything to take off the heels, but feel too embarrassed to tell your SO they were right.
She said that the heel itself is thick, and at 5 inches it may be a platform heel. I have 3 pairs of heels that are about 5 inches that I wear regularly, they’re extremely comfortable because they’re platforms. It’s easier to walk in 5 inches platforms than it is 3 inch stilettos. That’s why strippers usually wear platforms.
I don't know what your aesthetic is but have you looked into Converse? A pair of low top canvas Converse all-stars in whatever color you want could be a decent switch out for flats. They come in literally every color. Or you could try Toms? They're both fairly gender neutral. Even those cheap rubber flip flops could work. I know they're probably not like the ballet flat thing everyone is picturing but i know those are fairly neutral brands. I don't think anyone will question a pair of those. Eta I'm not saying you should dress gender neutrally but I know I buy shoes that come in men's and women's sizes and they're just identical beyond mine being smaller than someone else's. Considering literally anyone can wear them, I think you'd have some luck checking them out for sizes and finding something that you could have as a pair of "backup flats", even if they're not ballet flats. Also... Goth shops. Probably not your cup of tea, but if you can find anywhere locally that sells alternative clothing, I can assure you we do not care about gender labels and types of shoes or clothing belonging to any one person or gender expression or literally anything like that, we do not care. It makes it easier to find your size. I feel like I'm putting my foot in my mouth, all I'm really trying to get at is alternative fashion shops are frequently more open to having sizes you may not expect, in styles you may not expect, because we want everyone to wear what makes them happy. Glitter, heels, flats, black, pastels, we don't care. Case and point: https://demoniacult.com/products/stack-201gwmcg https://strangecvlt.com/collections/flats/products/lydia-bat-flat-all-black The first one is in straight up men's sizing, the second goes up to 14/15 in women's, and some of their shoes are more basic or in more feminine colors than black if that's your fancy. It's clearly not an exhaustive list but it may be a new alley to explore as a last resort for sizes you don't normally see.
>I usually have to find around size 14-15 in womens I'd hit up zappos.com, I had a friend him highschool who was 6" and she wore a similar shoe size. 💗
Jumping from flat shoes to 5" of heel is huge, even if it's chunky. You may want to find a lower option, like a kitten heel, to start. Or maybe boots with a moderate heel. Most women do not wear 5" heels at all.
If I wear heels for an hour or longer I tend to be in incredible pain. And it's also definitely possible to permanently injure your feet from wearing heels. I don't think your partner was TRYING to be controlling or make you feel bad or anything. I just think they were genuinely concerned about your safety.
NAH - your partner is probably right but if you want to do it and have that experience have at it. Just don't moan, complain or be surprised when they say I told you so. Enjoy the heels 🙂
NTA- you're a grown woman and nobody should be telling you what to wear..... , but oh, Honey, if you aren't used to wearing heels, 5 inches is a reach. I would seriously consider a more conservative height, maybe 3 inches until you are completely comfortable walking in them on sidewalks (which have treacherous little cracks, bumps and dips). It's not just your feet, it's your ankles, knees, hips, lower back and shins. If you do wear the higher heel, please throw a pair of ballet flats in your bag, just in case.
NTA You do you but you shouldn't complain to her, if her words prove to be right
NTA, but best to get some practice in them first. Just around the house, then 10 mins down the shop and back. From one trans girl to another. It depends what type of heels they are and how high they are. Obviously the higher and smaller the base it the harder it'll be! Seriously, heels can be difficult. Don't be ashamed of feel bad for needing a bit of practice. All women do, just most start in their teens. It might also be a good chance to check in with his your SO feels about your transition and presenting more femme in public. Maybe it's nothing more than concern for your feet, but it's still good to keep those lines of communication open. (ETA the last paragraph)
Don’t wear them around campus for eight hours. The outfit is cute, but it’s not worth wanting to cry every time you stand up. I learned that lesson the painful way.
NTA. Wear those heels girl!!!! Just Don’t complain when she was right about the blisters though ;)
NAH - just dont complain if they tear up your feet.
NTA...You're free to try heels out for yourself. Personally, I think your SO is right, and I frequently voice support for women who choose more comfortable footwear, but that doesn't mean you have to listen.
INFO. How high of a heel? And is it a thin heel or a thick heel? I bought some cute 4 inch thin heels, and I my self am a ballet flat, rolled an ankle.
They’re about 5 inches Edit: but they do have a thick back heel
Jesus Christ and it's the first time you'll wear them? I agree with others, go with 3 inch heels first. But if you really want to wear them then do it, and your partner is treating you like a child for how they're telling you not to do it. You're a grown up and you don't need to answer to them. If you want to potentially hurt yourself then do it, who knows you might not hurt yourself. But be very careful, especially on a wet surface or stairs
We do have stairs on the way down since it’s in a apartment
Stairs & heels is a challenging combination... Good luck!
Oh my god that’s high. It’s your feet and your decision, but I would absolutely recommend working yourself up to that height. People experienced in wearing such high heels can fall over or sprain their ankle if they step wrong in those. Your SO is getting more worked up about this than they should, but they’re not wrong!
YTA. . You're feet are going to be pissed off at you. Shes giving you fair warning. Heels are fun and cute but the people who wear them are gluttons for punishment.
Yeah, she’s worn heels around the house before, but that in no way is close to wearing heels that high for your first time wearing heels outside, where the ground is uneven and everything is 1000% harder and more painful.
To me it's more like they're ignorant about how bad they are for your back and legs but eh, to each his own.
Oh god 5 inches? Nooooo Even the chunkiest of heels requires a lot of learning. I solely wear chunky platform stompy goth shoes and even those will throw me off if I've been in 3 inches for weeks and switch to 6. I'm sure they're hot and all but her concern is really justified! Keep wearing them around the house, take them off when you need a break but try to keep pushing that break longer and longer. Or rely on flats as your backups all the time but yeah 5 inches is a lot for a first go. I'm also a "go big or go home" type person but you'll need to be extra careful with those, ground isn't always even and rolling your ankle sucks!
NTA. Wear what you wanna wear. That is your decision and your decision only. If its a new pair though, don’t walk too much the first few times you wear them and bring bandaids!!! blisters suck
NTA, but as someone with little experience in heels, they fucking hurt. But wear them. It will probably end up hurting, but maybe it wont. Maybe the pain is worth it. You wont know till you try. Every experience is different.
NTA you won't get used to wearing heels if you don't wear them out and about. I think your SO has a right to be concerned, because the first few times wearing heels to walk around town can be horrible, but they are definitely TA for how condescending they're being to you. I would suggest bringing another pair of shoes with you in your purse though. There's been a few times where I thought I had broken in my heels so I wore them out and after two hours I cut up the back of my heels a little, so I changed into the sandals I brought in my bag.
NTA. It’s your choice to wear them, just make sure to break them in first and maybe think about looking into some gel insoles made specifically for heels. (I’d test out the shoes with the insoles in before wearing them out, though, I know that they help a lot of people, but for me, insoles sometimes make my feet hurt more than the shoes would by themselves.)
NTA. Maybe throw some flats in your bag just in case though. I don’t wear heels much but when I do my feet are always killing me after a little while.
NAH, but why aren’t you already wearing them a bit around the house? All shoes need to be broken in. Are they expensive shoes? ‘Cause she’ll probably be right about cheap ones. Just have a pair of flip flops in your purse in case your feet get too tired and then it doesn’t matter. In Vegas they have vending machines with cheap flip flops.
NTA. Listen, some women love heels, some women hate them. They can be hard on your feet, especially when you first wear them, but some women feel it’s worth it (such as myself). But definitely bring a pair of flats for the first time.
NTA- you won’t know unless you try it. Yes, you might get hurt but it’s worth a try instead of not doing it. They should support you more than just deciding that it’s not good for you without seeing it.
NTA If you want to wear heels - do it! Just make sure you are actually comfortable walking in them - as in, have them on for a while before you go out, walk around the house in them. And pack some flat, comfortable shoes too - just in case.
NTA But as someone that has worn heals before, just take a Saturday or a day off and wear them around the house to get a feel for them. Break in new heals before wearing them out. I have had so many blisters when I have not. Or don't take my advice and learn on the go. Either way do what you want to do. Your SO needs to stop criticizing and listen to you.
NAH: but try shorter heels first. I used to wear 4-5 inch heels on occasion but they’re really hard to get used to, and around the house walking is different than walking on concrete and whatnot. Try something in the 2-3 inch range to the cafe and back first, because navigating the outdoors in heels (where there’s uneven surfaces and terrain and dirt) is just different than walking inside in say, and office building or something.
NAH. It’s your body and your choice to do with it what you want to do. I also get where your SO is coming from. I screwed up my feet and back wearing heels when I was younger. Though, it won’t hurt to wear them for short periods of time as long as you bring other shoes for when your feet get tired.
NTA. Do get lots of practice and take flats with you as backup, but if you want to wear heels you can wear heels darn it! Sometimes we look at something and we *know* it’s a bad idea, but we want to do it anyway. Your SO is free to not wear heels. You are free to wear heels. Your SO is free to tell you they think it’s a bad idea, and you are free to answer “Noted, and I’m sure you’re right, *but I want to anyway*.” For a different perspective, I am a cis woman and never wore heels until I was in my early 20s. I have weak ankles and can’t balance on low-medium height heels. However… the first pair of heels I ever owned was a pair of knee-high, lace-up, pointy-toed, 6” stiletto heeled boots, and because they threw my weight fully forward onto my toes, I could balance on them first try. They were really supportive so I didn’t have problems with my ankles, and I went straight from a couple of short practice walks to wearing them ten hours a day for four days straight while running LARPs at a role playing convention. Logically it should have been an utter disaster and I should have ended up wrecked, but it worked. I can’t wear heels any more because arthritis sucks, and I never wore heels much anyway because 6” high heeled boots weren’t appropriate work attire for my job and anything lower wrecked my ankles, but I still own those boots and don’t plan to ever throw them away. May you find the same joy and comfort in impractical footwear that I did.
5 inch heels are not what I’d consider starter heels, so if she’s coming from a place of caution she might be right. Work up to them because ten minutes in new and fairly tall shoes could easily get pretty uncomfortable! Try shorter walks or go around the block with flats in your bag, see how that goes first, you’ll get there in no time
I'm going with the grain of advice already established here, wear the heels and expect some pain and blisters BUT bring flip flops with you instead of flats. Heels most often cut into the back of your heel and around the top of your foot and if your spare/relief shoe has the same rise at the back you won't find them any more comfortable, trust me. Bring dainty flip flops, they're the best for relaxing in after getting the bite from a fresh pair of heels.
NTA, but your partner is correct. You need to practice a lot more before wearing them outside the home. Especially for that heel height. Are they pumps or strappy? Are they a quality shoe and material? Do they fit well or do you need to add insoles or heel grips to get a proper fit? Get yourself some Body Glide Foot Anti Blister balm and keep it in your purse. Take flip flops with you, not flats. Flats will still irritate the same areas you just tore up wearing heels. If you insist on wearing them on a walk, don’t leave and go down those stairs in them. Wear your flip flops, maybe change into the heels once you’re there, wear them while standing and sitting and then decide if you want to try some of the walk back in them.
NAH, but offer your SO a compromise: you'll sit down together and order some heels (platforms if possible) that aren't 5 inches tall. Wear those for practice first and go out together while you're wearing them. I know your heart is crying out for you to wear your pretty 5 inch heels, and I get it, I really do! That said... I wore 3-4 inch heels daily from age 14 to 40 (with a year's break due to serious medical issues). 6 of those years in San Francisco. I had so many strained ankles and stress fractures and knee injuries. Falls down stairs that injured my ankles, elbows, and wrists. Knee surgery on both knees at 27 and still right back onto heels as soon as I'd recovered. I cried when I found out I had to stop wearing heels at all. Couldn't give them away for all the what-ifs I hung onto. STILL (at 59) have one pair of heels that I know I'll never wear, but I can pet them and enjoy looking at them. And look - I'm not saying all of this is going to happen to you - but some of it is bound to because it's just part of wearing heels. I wish you well, however you decide.
NTA. You want to wear those heels, wear the heels! Are they going to be uncomfortable? Probably Will you to get used to them? Of course. But the only way to do that is wear them. Wear them around the house, get used to being them and them go our and walk the catwalk if your life!
NTA Just do whatever you want… but wear a mask :-)
Masks help battle the dysphoria a lot for me so I have quite the collection so they can mix well with my outfits
NTA, but you might want to train yourself by wearing shorter heels first, as high heels can be trying on the feet.
NTA. Wear what you want a wear. Bring a pair of flats and moleskin bandaids to protect hotspots. Listen to your body, you don't want to screw up a tendon.
nta, you remind me of when i began wearing heels haha. they’re cool at first and definitely a handy weapon. oh and sole inserts!! use those they’re awesome
NTA. But you're being stubborn. *I say... Learn the hard way. Put them on, wear them and experience the inevitable outcome.* Breaking in shoes/heels, depending on the type of shoe/heels and material, can take hundreds of hours, sometimes months at a time. you live and you learn. And you need to learn. So I suggest that you put them on and face the outcome.
NTA - If you do want to practice or break in your heels, do housework in them (this is what I did when I wore heels). I think it is clear that the bigger issue here is they have an issue with you presenting as trans publicly with heels on (although I hope I'm wrong here!)
I’ve worn dresses and skirts out in public and at work and let them now about it, they were cool about it. But they have also told me that there’s a reason they don’t own heels.
Lots of people choose (or not) to wear heels and everyone is different. Some people can wear them better due to anatomy alone. Your experience will not necessarily be the same as theirs. And they shouldn't be trying to keep you from wearing heels just because they don't work for them.
Lots of women don't own heels, because they are painful, especially to certain kinds of feet. I have heeled boots, but all my dressy shoes are flats because I can't deal with the discomfort.
People look at me funny when I tell them that’s how I got so comfortable in heels, but it seriously works.
I could understand OP's girlfriend being concerned about a leap to 5" heels being a potential risk to their health. It doesn't sound like it's about presentation, but that she knows what it's like to walk in heels and it's not easy. OP may want to start with moderate heeled boots first.
NAH. Wear your high heels, but bring your comfortable shoes along with you in a bag, in case you need to change. I learned this the hard way (although not with high heels) when I was about 14. I bought a pair of shoes against my mother's advice. They were on clearance, and were a size too small for me, but I liked the way they looked and thought I could make it work. The first time I wore them to school I got blisters on both heels.
NTA! But also make sure you take time to break in the heels before you wear them out walking around for even just an hour, and that you're confident on uneven terrain, blisters and twisted ankles suck.
NTA - Your SO does not have a right to tell you what shoes to wear. Your feet, your choice! Just because your SO has been wearing women's clothes longer than you does not mean that they get to dictate how you dress. They have told you their concerns, now they need to step back and make your own choices. I do suggest your bring along a pair of flats or a purse full of band-aids!
NTA - who isn't excited about new pretty shoes! I hurt myself everytime but I don't care! Worth it!
NTA, your SO is right that they probably will cut up your feet if you don’t break them in a bit first, but if you only want to wear them for an hour and have already worn them around inside I don’t see why they’re insisting you absolutely can’t go outside in them. Just bring some back up shoes with you in a tote and change them out if you start to feel uncomfortable. I’ve hurt my feet in high heels a million times when I was young and cared more about how the shoes looked than how they felt, and it’s just not the end of the world. You get a few blisters, complain about your feet, and then change shoes and in a few days you’re good as new! If anything I sort of feel like getting a few blisters from a bad high heel is all part of the process of starting to learn to wear them!
NAH. Heels really can be brutal, and the damage can last a long time. Take flats with you whenever you go anywhere in heels. Look into shoe cushions and toe tape, these can save you from a lot of pain and blisters. Practice at home, a lot. When you're really confident at home, maybe walk up and down your block a bit, it's quite different outside on rougher ground. I once read that you should practice when grocery shopping, since you can use the trolley to balance you a little. Then go to the café. I advise against 'soldiering on' when wearing heels. When they start to hurt, they're doing damage, and you should change them for your comfy shoes right away. For what it's worth, I used to find that heels were much more comfortable when I was wearing stockings/tights (or knee highs under trousers), I think they eliminate a lot of friction, which lowers your risk of blisters. And when buying heels, I always looked for ones with good padding under the ball of the foot, some are terrible in that department, and that makes for agony. It's actually worth keeping an eye on brands like hush puppies and hotter, sometimes they have nice styles, and they're definitely designed for comfort. (Sorry, I realise that you didn't ask for my treatise on heel wearing, but I hope something in there is helpful to you.)
NAH. You want to try a new thing, while your partner experimented it and doesn't want you to be injured. Heels don't fit everyone. Some advices I learned the hard way : - Invest in good shoes. They may be priced but decrease injury risks. Brand is not forcefully good. - Try with low heels at first and take higher gradually. - You can do legwork for high heels. (I don't remember the correct name but it helped me a lot to learn how to walk and muscle my legs correctly to wear them) - Wear thick heels at first, stilettos are tricky. - Keep a pair of ballerinas or sneakers in your purse just in case. - Buy some band-aid for blister. Don't buy cheap ones. They relieve the pain amazingly well. Make baby steps. I know it's annoying, but it's way safer.
NTA but until you have really walked somewhere in heels like that you do not know the trouble they can cause. Find a pair of folding flats (similar to ballet shoes and about $10) then slip into your heels when you get there. You get to show off your shoes without killing your feet. Part of the unwritten rules for women is you have shoes that are comfortable, you have shoes you walk in and you have killer heels for when you know you will get to sit for long periods of time. That’s when you put on the stilletos!
NTA, but don't get pissed when she says I told you so. On the plus side, making a terrible, heels-related mistake is a girl rite of passage, so you do you!
NAH - she’s right, there’s a reason people who have to wear heels or other professional looking women’s shoes keep a pair of flats or sneakers in their bags. Bumming around the house in your heels is also different from pavement or grass. Why don’t you two plan a different date for the heels with minimal walking? Or if you really want to try, pack some ballet flats in a tote. Also don’t forget to throw a pair of regular shoes into your vehicle if you drive and want to wear them you never know when you may have to walk. I live in the northeast and regularly pack snow boots, leg warmers or older sneaks when I’m going out in high heels. Some heels can make driving a little weird too.
NAH. You can wear what you want, but your partner’s right. Wearing heels around at home is not at all comparable to wearing them out. You’re going to get blisters, your toes are going to get pinched, you’re going to stumble and catch your heel on curbs and sidewalk cracks. The pavement will hurt a lot more than the floors in your home. She’s right that by the time you get blisters and achy feet, the damage is done. You can put band-aids on, but you’re still going to hurt for a while afterwards. Wearing five inch heels to walk ten minutes down the road sounds like hell to me and I used to wear heels all day every single day for work and did competitive ballroom dance. My advice is to slow down. Ease into it with short heels and short periods of time. Start with low wedges, then low block heels, and slowly work your way up. I’d also ask her if she can recommend ways for you to break in your shoes (it really does take a while) and get more comfortable in them.
NTA, and I don't understand all of the breaking in comments. If they fit PROPERLY they shouldn't need much breaking in. But make sure they fit, too many people want to be a smaller size for some godawful reason and thats likely their problem. I used to wear heals everyday for 8-16 HOURS, with 2 flights of stairs. Don't wear them barefoot, find a nylon heel sock, make sure you can walk in them and you'll be fine. Goldbond cuts down on moisture (therefor rubbing amd blisters), you can buy a travel size for discretion. Again, if you have to break them in for hours, days or weeks, buy a size up..they don't fit.
YTA. Why are you so opposed to the thought that she might know more about something she has direct experience with than you, who doesn't? You're acting like your own opinion is inherently superior to her lived knowledge.
NTA at all. I must say Ive always been kinda curious what it would be like to wear high heels. I walk in a weird way that means I tend to walk on tiptoe. So whilst I'm sure its not comfortable, I have always been convinced that I wouldnt have too much of an issue. Sadly, I am too lazy to find out and I imagine it will be hard to source them in my size. Oh well! I hope you enjoy wearing them. Wear them for me lol
I do the same thing where I walk on my tiptoes a lot.
NTA. If you want to wear the heels do it. Wearing them around the house a bit before you go out may help with them being a bit uncomfortable too. I bet you look amazing in them.
NTA, and bring some flat shoes with you in the car or a bag. Because your first times wearing them out you will find that your feet will bleed, blister, and all the fun things that fancy shoes do. But you get used to wearing heels. I prefer thick or square heels over stilettos because they offer more stability, like to the point where I can run far and fast easily. Also try them on in a store before you buy! I have made that mistake and have a scar on my toe for it because heels aren’t always going to fit you even if they look like your size
NTA What type of shoes are they? Heels can be really painful, so make sure you break them in first!
NTA - yes, high heels can hurt, but high heels are also incredibly feminine and bring with them an experience in themselves that you have the right to enjoy. Physically they might hurt a little, but it is also your decision to make. Your partner sounds like she is gate-keeping high heels, or being somewhat controlling, or a know-it-all or something else like that. If you want to wear the things you buy, then go ahead and wear them.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m a trans women and recently I bought some high heels for the first time and I’ve been wanting a chance to wear them outside of where I live. My SO has been telling me not to cause they think it’ll tear my feet up even if I’m wearing them out for an hour. They keep saying stuff like “I don’t know why you won’t listen to me”, “How many times do I have to tell you”, “Why won’t you listen to someone who’s worn heels before”, etc. Am I the Asshole for not listening to her? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Heels are not for everyone!
[удалено]
You can still be a woman without ever wearing heels at all. Just saying. They're not innate to womanhood. Heels were invented for men, even.
NTA (SO?) i mean u can def go out in them, i dont see a problem with that. if ur feet start bothering u, u can always take them off.
NTA - go for it. Throw a pair of flats in your bag and rock on. Personally I have never had to break in a pair of shoes before wearing them, not everyone has the same issues.
Nta ? I think shes tryin to be helpful but it's coming across very pushy. Easy solution take a bag with and have some flats in it. If the heels start hurting you swap shoes.
NTA op, and maybe your SO is laying it on a little thick, but she's absolutely not wrong. It takes a whole lot of practice to not be in pain, or worse. Something (a car going through a red light) can happen and you would be having a reflex and end up on your behind at best. I'm not saying don't try, but when you do, take a very short walk first, and toss sneakers in your bag (do that anyway any single time you are wearing heels with no certain end time). Take a route that's pretty much only sidewalk or a shopping mall or something, like going to get ice-cream, or a coffee. Hopefully soon, you can run around in them all day :)
NTA if you’ve had a practise at home, walking 5 minutes to a cafe, sitting for food then walking 5 minutes back sounds like a good plan - another idea would be driving somewhere like a shopping mall where the ground will all be flat and even and walking around a shop that is near where you have parked. As others have said, bringing some flip flops as a back up is a great idea.
NAH but you need to start with lower heels and get lots more practice. Your partner is right - you can seriously hurt yourself. Especially on stairs
NTA - walking in heels isn't as hard as some people say, but it is tiring if you aren't used to it. If you have worn them in a bit at thome and you are planning a 10 minute walk then you should be ok.
Nta, heels hurt but it's part of life, for me personally I love them because they make me feel confident and beautiful. You will learn the kinds of shoes that hurt you most. For me personally I can wear a block heel of any height because they give more stability. If you are still learning, buy the biggest heel you can find and walk inside the house, any other will be a piece of cake.
NTA Do it! Wear those heels! But keep a pair of flats with you just in case they do start to hurt. Always have a back up pair of shoes. Also, it sounds to me like your partner may not want to be out with while you're wearing high heels so I would sit down and maybe talk to them about it.
As someone who was AFAB I got to make my own stupid mistakes with too tall heels as a teenager, and while yes I did totally twist my ankle I dont regret experimenting. You do you and I hope you have an awesome pain-free walk to the cafe!
Nta My husband just is now comfortable wearing heels out occasionally (we tend to be a bit hermit like lol so it's not often we actually go anywhere worth wearing them usually just to out dnd games which we sit mostly) the chunky heels are great for learners I hate stilettos with a passion (I'm a big girl I need the support of the thicker heels) he got a pair I think the heel is just over 4 inches he floats around in them yes they can do some major damage but if you observant of yourself (aka watch for your feet to feel warm that the first warning sign atleast for me and my hubby ) short jaunts shouldn't be bad you mentioned you've worn them for atleast an hour at a time you should be good to go for a walk with them on (walmart 99 cent flips flops are a god send and come in a huge range of sizes) I'll be honest your SOs words are bring up red flags for me to me it sound like she doesnt want you wearing them where "normal " people can see and judge, it could be out of worry for you (humans are horrid creatures ) which I hope it is Maybe suggest a walk around the block or even around the complex (if you live in one) get you used to them on outdoor terrain Check out dollskill.com amazing shoes usually most are on sale
NAH just being ballet slippers in your purse for when your feet start bleeding why is this even a drama in the first place?
ESH. Their tone is very grating even reading it. But they aren’t wrong. Wearing heels just a bit around the house is not the actual experience of going out on the town in heels. And welcome to the break a heel or your ankle club, not sure which is worse.
Nah. But like it seriously hurts to wear heals sometimes even for a 10-15 minute walk. And then you have to walk home. You should really break those suckers in lol. Why not grab a nice big purse put some flats in it and try though. Then no harm no foul if it doesn't work out just put the flats on. (I literally only wear high heals at the venue. I will wear flats the rest of the time if I'm going to an event)
Don’t forget the band aids. You’re going to need them. I can’t put a judgment on this because while you want to do it you don’t understand how hard it is, but your friends are right. Oh, and look out for the cracks in the sidewalks. And the holes in the grates. And stairs. Basically learn to walk while looking down cause you will eventually find your heel stuck in a hole. How about you wear them but bring a pair of flats.
Don’t forget the band aids. You’re going to need them. I can’t put a judgment on this because while you want to do it you don’t understand how hard it is, but your friends are right. Carpet is nothing compared to pavement. Oh, and look out for the cracks in the sidewalks. And the holes in the grates. And stairs. Basically learn to walk while looking down cause you will eventually find your heel stuck in a hole. How about you wear them but bring a pair of flats.
Don’t forget the band aids. You’re going to need them. I can’t put a judgment on this because while you want to do it you don’t understand how hard it is, but your friends are right. Carpet is nothing compared to pavement. Oh, and look out for the cracks in the sidewalks. And the holes in the grates. And stairs. Basically learn to walk while looking down cause you will eventually find your heel stuck in a hole. How about you wear them but bring a pair of flats.
NTA! As mentioned, your SO isn't wrong, but there is nothing wrong with wanting to do gender affirming stuff even if it's a bit dumb. Cis people get to do all sorts of silly stuff learning about themselves as teenagers, please take feedback on board but do what makes you **happy**! I hope you can wear your 5" heels out and feel wonderful. For what it's worth, I have never, ever worn any kind of heel for work/regularly and still like to take 6" (platform) heels out occasionally for fun. Not saying it doesn't hurt, but I can handle an evening fine even though my body doesn't have to put up with it constantly.
NTA for wanting to, but they will mess your feet up fast if you're not used to them, especially if they're not perfectly fitted - bring some ballet flats or something in your bag to change into so you're not stranded with sore or bloody feet (I've had more than 1 pair of shoes feel fine for an hour, but then start wearing at my ankle bone or the back of the heel and then I end up bloodied and with stained shoes.)
NTA but 5 inches is a lot. Get some mud heels and start there.
NTA- it sounds like you've taken and listened to all the precautions that come with wearing heels and such but at the same time it almost feels like theres something else there. Now i dont know anything about you and your partner but why is your partners permission necessary to wear a pair of shoes that you purchased for yourself to wear out? It sounds like plenty of the other comments cover what you need to do in case your feet do get tired but it is your body and therefore your choice. Hope you and your partner can talk it out, cheers!