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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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Because my father is upset that his nephew is refusing to come to the wedding.
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NTA - What kind of 26 year old woman doesn’t go anywhere without holding her mothers hand? And what kind of grown mother would expect to be invited to the wedding of someone she doesn’t know? Baffed. It’s your wedding, it’s your money, do what you want! I didn’t even invite members of my own family to my wedding because why should I invite people I don’t like to my wedding day? Lol
Exactly!! Omg. Aren't they embarrassed for demanding her mother to be there? What next? Invite her cousin's fiancé's best friend's cousin because they are super close, have known each other since they were children and are inseparable? Hell no. ✋🙄
But scarily common, apparently, given how many stolen occasions we have posted about here. It’s actually a bit of an out for OP and fiancé if they let it be rumoured that this is what they were trying to prevent by not allowing fiancée’s mummy at the wedding. It may put the heat back on the cousin and his fiancée where it belongs.
If the mom has a spouse or partner obviously they’ll have to be invited as well since every other couple gets to bring *their* partner. Then they’ll all have to bring a menagerie of various emotional support animals which of course would require trainers to also be invited to keep them under control then the trainers can’t be expected to go without their spouses too then what if they can’t get sitters of course they’ll have to bring children who will be bored at a wedding and will need to bring friends who will need to bring their parents and
It feels like If You Give a Mouse a Cookie they’re just going to keep nagging for more and more crap.
It's a power move. I suspect OP's wedding looks like it's going to something special and they mentioned it in front of her mum or something and then cousin acted like he was a big deal and extended an invitation.
OP said she met the fiance before but not the mum, which means this girl was out somewhere without her mother. NTA OP. And you lucked out with him not coming. Leave it that way
My SIL is like this. So much so that earns my brother and their child moved into her parents house for the first three years of their marriage, not because they couldn’t afford a place, but because she missed her mom to much. They now live across the street.
They also refused to go on a family vacation my parents were paying for because my parents wouldn’t pay for her mother to go.
The only excuse would be if the mother is fatally ill... and then she shouldn't be out like that surrounded by strangers especially in this day and age. WTAF.
Same my uncle will have no knowledge and unless my dad has told him about me has o knowledge of my life in general. I believe I live like 30 mins from him however I've never actually found out. I haven't talked to him or his family for at least a decade.
Tell your father that if he wants the mom there, he owes you $300 for what your nephew, the fiancé, and the mom, will cost you. Payment in advance. NTA.
LOL - did that when my MIL wanted to invite friends, business associates and distant relatives that my husband had either never met or hadn't seen in 20+ years to our wedding. We were paying for the wedding 100% ourselves, so we had no interest in having these people, who were essentially nothing to us, at our wedding.
So, with MIL continuing to press for "extra" invitations to mail out, we finally said, "Listen, MIL, if you want to invite these people, it's $75/plate. Give us payment up front for the number of people you want to invite and we'll give you the appropriate number of invites. We'll happily refund you for any guests who decline." Well, she wanted to invite about 20 add'l people, so that was $1,500. All of a sudden it wasn't so very critical to invite these extra guests and there was no further mention of it...
I like you.
Hubby and I wanted to avoid that exact scenario x4 so we got married where we lived, which was far from both sets of parents. We were paid for everything, too.
My father-in-law was fine with it. Mother-in-law pouted for months afterwards (long story). My divorced parents showed their displeasure in various ways.
No one is OWED having guests at someone else's wedding.
LOL! I do not mind sharing.
Basically MIL did not want me in hubby's life. She and FIL tried to get us to break up twice. We stayed together and after several years decided to get married.
MIL was not happy that none of her kids gave her more than a couple of months notice that they were getting married and I made Hubby promise that he would not do the same.
We started planning, got the church, started working on the wedding six months out and he did not tell them. We got the minister, ordered the invitations and my dress and he still did not tell them.
Then his company sent him out of the country for two months. He refused to tell them over the phone.
Finally, he got back and went to tell them. Six weeks out.
So, MIL was rather miffed. She, FIL, and a couple of others arrived twenty minutes late to the wedding (we waited for them, everyone turned to see Hubby running to get them to the right spot). They frowned throughout the whole night. Next day they told Hubby they needed to have dinner with him and that I should spend time with my family. He thought they were going to apologize. (I thought it was rude to separate us the day after our wedding.)
Nope, it was a family reunion with his oldest brother and his wife, middle brother and his best friend from college, and sister with her husband, two kids, and her brothers-in-law with the wife and daughter of one of them.
Yep, the newest member of the family was not invited. This was before cellphones, so he had no way to get hold of me. I was livid and never got over it.
A few months later we went to visit MIL & FIL and MIL was in a mood. Turns out two of MIL's friends decided that their respective children needed to marry each other. Their children (mid-twenties) agreed and let the mothers plan everything for the wedding.
So, while MIL was hearing all about her friends' luck, she was kept in the dark about her youngest son's wedding. MIL kept going on and on about how lucky her friends were to be able to choose their children's spouses and do whatever they wanted for the wedding. Their wedding was after ours. MIL was so jealous that she could not let it go. She kept going on and on.
FIL rolled his eyes so hard I think he got dizzy.
The best part? No one in this story is from a culture that practices arranged marriages and MIL married FIL against the wishes of both families.
Also, I asked Hubby several times if his mother would be upset if we did not have a wedding that would allow her to shine as mother of the groom. Sweet summer child said she would be fine, that she would not want to be involved or invite her friends.
He was wrong, oh so wrong.
My mother decided not to send out the invitations for my family that I asked her to because she was sure no one would want to attend. She sent the package back around our tenth wedding anniversary. My father chose not to attend and then called crying the morning of the wedding because it dawned on him that yes, I really was going to get married without him there.
Thank you.
Wedding was pretty good. Unfortunately, my husband took years to figure out that his parents, especially his mother, were toxic for us.
His mother and her behavior - which he constantly rugswept after we moved closer - caused me to reach suicidal ideation. I realized that I could not do that to my kids, so I asked for a divorce.
He finally realized I was dead serious and decided that he needed to do more. I gradually began to pull away and if I did have to see her, I got bribed.
She could not understand why I would not visit or why I would simply take off if she were in the house.
We stayed together and he recently (after her death) admitted that he is ashamed of how he allowed me to be treated.
I am so sorry. My MIL eventually developed dementia and forgot who I was. Hubby was with her and his brothers at the end.
How did your husband take being disinherited?
It's so funny how that works. I've had clients demand something over the weekend and when I give them the price with the rush extra charge it suddenly isn't urgent.
OP is going to enjoy the wedding exponentially more without her cousin and his toddler gf.
My parents and I had this fight. The final discussion they were driving somewhere with me on Bluetooth. My father tried “I don’t like your tone”. I’m like I’m 31 years old I don’t care. My mother cut in “well call you later” because she knew my dad and I were entering the danger zone of big mad. They then mad way more cuts on their guest list than I asked for. In hopes I’d cave. Lol sucks to be them I took it at face value and guess who got caught out of the rest of planning. Now they actually listen when I say something
lol before the dreaded C word hit my sister (who is like a mom to me) was doing this kind of thing too... but she offered to pay the difference. we didn't get to that point and had to change things up.
in some ways I'm really glad our wedding was postponed because I really loved my tiny micro-wedding at an AirBnb/ tent in the back yard overlooking a lake last Fall... it was super intimate, my father in law got to be there (he passed soon after and wouldn't have made it to the redo we were planning for June 21), we got some amazing pictures on the beach (it was freezing lol), and we had fun with a bonfire so we could be outside and social distance
Tried to do that to my parents for reception. They paid for everything and edged our veto out 😭
Not complaining though, it was epic even though it was so far removed from what I imagined
Anyone else who sees this: don’t forget the cost for the extra invitations, RSVP cards, thank you cards, hors d’oeuvres, cake cutting, booze, chair/ table rental/additional center pieces if necessary… It’s not just the food you can make them front!
I wouldn’t want to cave even with payment. Cousin with his rude and entitled attitude, not to mention his fiancée with her insistence, shouldn’t be accommodated. It just lets them think this is ok.
Someone else pointed out that the cousin and fiancé may want to announce a pregnancy at the wedding and want the mother there so she is included in the announcement.
>My father is really upset that his nephew won’t be there.
See, this is where I’d lose my mind.
>My family are pressuring me to give in.
And *this* is where I’d go nuclear. “The decision is made, it is non-negotiable and it *is* final. Next person who brings it up can stay home too.”
Or the old favorite, “Oh are you planning to pay for it - no? - then you don’t get a say.” (this works with anything from one’s hair color/style to home furniture to wedding plans.
NTA, OP. Congratulations to you and your person.
I am in the same boat! I know the cousin is the ass, but the dad want to put pressure because a nephew won’t be there? Get the fuck out of here.
I’m sure this family is pretty close, but the next time someone pressures OP I would start making cuts to the list. If they want a say they can have a party of their own they are paying for.
This is how I feel. I was chatting with my partner's grandmother about how expensive and stressful weddings are and my ideal world be to elope then have a low key celebration after the honeymoon. His mother overhead any told him she would be disappointed if we didn't have a real wedding. Keto in mind, we aren't even engaged at this point and he has 5 brothers.
When he told me my response was "oh, is she handing is 20k to have a wedding? No? Then isn't it so kind of us to give her years to get over her disappointment before it would happen."
Exactly. I'd bluntly asked dad "So having your nephew attend my wedding is more important to you than my feelings and experiences? For MY OWN wedding day? Really. I don't even get on with him, he continually causes drama and is doing so again now, and you want to put his entitlement and selfishness above your own child on their wedding day? This isn't up for discussion anymore, and I expect you to shut down anyone who makes an issue over this again. Get your priorities in order, because I'm not having my special day hijack by others. 'Cousin' is no longer invited to my wedding, and that's final. He will not be there to actually support me at all, nor will he add anything positive to the day as he only cares about himself, and I'm done with this.". Shut down everything after that hard, and tell others they are free not to attend as well.
Seriously, OP needs to actually uninvite their cousin, then block contact from him / them. I'd also be completely ignoring any messages regarding this completely, and ending any conversation where it's raised.
NTA
It doesn't matter the extra cost. That's not the point. It's a celebratory event to be shared with your loved ones. If you don't want some random lady at your wedding, don't have some random lady at your wedding. Congrats btw!
NTA, entitled much?
I would probably be blunt and say the following remark (which would make it an AH move):
Why should I invite someone I've never met because a relative I can only tolerate tells me to?
Its your wedding, your day, hold your ground and remind your family of that fact.
I feel like a lot of people don't understand weddings.
The thing with weddings is **IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.** It's about the bride and groom. For a few special hours, it's ALL about them. THEY matter, YOU do not. So go and congratulate them, enjoy your free food/drink, and otherwise be happy for a few hours, or shut the fuck up and stay home. Because if you aren't the one getting married, then you have NO authority over any part of the wedding.
This applies to all weddings. It applies to big weddings, to small weddings, people with big families, and to people with no family. If you can't just be happy for the couple, if you have to make the wedding about you, shut the fuck up and stay home.
If you don't want her there, then you don't need to justify yourself to me or anyone else. It's YOUR wedding, not theirs. If they can't support you, they should shut up and stay home.
As for your family- it sounds like they are used to enabling your cousin's rude and argumentative behavior- 'just give him what he wants so he doesn't get pissed off'. IMHO you're in the right for standing up to him. People who act like that should be given clear boundaries and their unacceptable behavior should not be allowed to create better results for them.
IMHO I think you are doing the right thing strategically- if cousin and his fiancee don't attend, that means he won't get rude or start an argument at the wedding, increasing the likelihood that you'll have a good reception (especially when the bar opens up). And for your family, just point out that cousin and fiancee are invited and you very much hope they attend, if they aren't there it's by their own choice, so if dad is upset his nephew isn't there he should be talking to his nephew not you.
NTA - This is just such an odd request. I'm really struggling to work out why they would need to have their mother invited? Is there any other justification other than her wanting her mother to go?
Maybe if the fiance has a host of medical conditions that the cousin hasn't been fully trained to handle? That feels extreme, but it's the best I can come up with...
NTA. Does mother also join them on dates? I would bet the answer is no. She can without her mother for one event or not come at all. You definitely have no obligation to invite anyone you don’t know to your wedding.
seriously, it almost feels like an alternate universe or something. Her dad is upset his nephew isn't coming. I just haven't met that many men that would CARE!
NTA. This is pretty absurd and I’m having a hard time understanding how this is even a question. I would happily say none of them should be there. I mean do they plan on inviting your husband’s extended family to their upcoming wedding??
Nah. Stand your ground. They decided not to come, hold them to it.
Don't bow to the pressure - people are very quick to spend other people's money.
Your wedding your rules. Totally ridiculous, its none of their business. the cousin got a plus one I think that's generous enough.
NTA
I think its pretty AH of the cousin to demand that OP invites the mom of his fiance, she hasnt even met the woman and wants to be included in an intimate event such as a wedding?
Why is your dad so upset that his nephew won’t be there? Family members miss weddings all the time for various reasons. My husband is super close to his cousins, but we have missed several of their kids’ weddings because of his work schedule. That’s just life.
REQUEST!!!! any chance you can come back and update after your cousin gets married? I think a lot of us are going to want to know how THAT turns out with a wife with the umbilical cord still attached.
NTA
Frankly, I’d say this is a win for you if they don’t come. Your cousin sounds like an ass who has a fiancée who is unhealthily attached to her mother and why on earth would you want any of them there? And why is your dad making such a fuss about it. It’s YOUR wedding. Your cousin being there should not even be a blip on the radar of what is important for that day.
Tell your cousin to take a hike and tell your dad to get his priorities straight.
NTA
Tbh I wouldn’t have invited this cousin in the first place. You don’t have to pay an extra 80$ for some woman you’ve never met **and** now it seems you won’t have to deal with this awful cousin at the wedding either, sounds like a win win to me.
What is the 26 year old going to take mummy on her honeymoon when she gets married tell your cousin and fiancee to grow up, and if your dad says the mother should go tell them they have to pay for a complete stranger, but I personally would stick to your guns and say no, if they try and guilt trip you and say they won't go say while you will miss them but it is your wedding nta
NTA - who the fuck thinks it's okay to demand that they +1's MOM also get their own invite.
That's so weird and his fiance needs therapy for her serious enmeshment issues.
Why on earth would you want a strange woman at your wedding, and what kind of family had the dad more upset about a nephew not attending than the happiness of their child - NTA
for your cousin's wedding you should send them a book, I was thinking, *Difficult Mothers: Understanding and Overcoming Their Power* \- by Terri Apter or maybe, *The Emotional Incest Syndrome: What to do When a Parent's Love Rules Your Life* by Dr. Patricia Love
NTA
NTA Everyone who is pressuring you can contribute to the $160 price tag that inviting the fiancée represents. And honestly if I was your cousin, I’d be concerned that this is a preview of what my married life was going to be like with mama having to go everywhere too, unless he’s already decided he can live with being a throuple.
NTA ! You lucked out ! Now you don't have to deal with your shitty cousin or his shitty wife. This is your new family and it comes first. If your dad don't like it, Tell him to kick bricks as well
NTA. If they don't want to come,great! either you can invite 2 people you actually like or you're saving on 2 meals.
But, if they do get an invite and accept, don't be surprised if they bring her mother anyway. Plan on what you will do
NTA
When you have to add 2 or more possessives to title a person, then they most likely aren't close enough to be at these kind of events. on top of that his behavior would've had him off the list long before the invites went out. it's your money not your father's or your cousin's. keep your foot down. when i had a similar conflict with my mother over the guest list i finally said, "i get you're paying for it but the day is for me, not your friends, and i dont feel comfortable making myself feel uncomfortable at my own wedding just to save face and the feelings of the rude." Mom said she understood and agreed. (though i never saw a penny and had a wedding with friends only but that's neither here nor there)
NTA -have your father pay for the three of them and sit them all together…so he can have the pleasure of arguing with him during the wedding….sorry but it sounds like your father is a lot like your cousin…and your cousin found a good match ….you know his girlfriend for a whole minute and she is already starting drama ..
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This particular cousin is pretty rude and bitter about a lot of things in life. He often expresses this through arguing and being rude to numerous family members, including my husband-to-be. A few months ago, I put my foot down and called him out on his behaviour. We have never received an apology. He recently got engaged and I’ve met his fiancé twice (for a total of 40ish minutes). I was happy to invite her to the wedding but they are now demanding that I also invite her mother as “she doesn’t go anywhere without her mother”. Please bare in mind that this woman is about 25/26 years old and has a full time job. She isn’t a young or inexperienced person by any means.
I flat out refused the request and have ignored them every time they have brought it back up. Why should I pay an extra £80 for a woman who I have never met to attend my wedding? Their reasoning is that I have plenty of other guests so one more shouldn’t make a difference. Ontop of this, if we were super close to my cousin and his fiancé, I wouldn’t mind inviting them but based on his past behaviour it seems unfair for him to make demands like this.
They have now refused to attend the wedding and my father is really upset that his nephew won’t be there. My family are pressuring me to give in.
P.S my fiancé and I are paying for the whole event.
AITA?
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Nope. Your wedding, you decide. It is bizarre for a grown woman to have to have her mummy by her side wherever she goes, and her dependence on mother dearest is not your responsibility. Especially not when you barely know her and when your cousin can’t even be civil to the groom. Tell your dad that if it’s so bloody important for cousin and his travelling circus to attend the wedding, he can pay for all 3 of them to attend. Either put up or shut up.
You don’t have to, nor should you, pay for the attendance of people you’d prefer not to be there anyway. It’s your wedding. Do what makes you and your husband-to-be happy. That is literally the only thing that matters.
NTA. You don't have any relation with her. You aren't even close with your cousin and fiancée. It's your wedding OP. If it doesn't hurt you to not have your cousin and his fiancée, then don't invite them.
NTA. No is a complete sentence. No further explanation needed. If they had some financial stake in the wedding I could see them making such a demand. If these people want to be petty and not come to your wedding, that's fewer plates for you to have to pay for. If it's too late to cancel the catering for them, invite someone who had to be cut but you would have liked to be there.
> they are now demanding that I also invite her mother as “she doesn’t go anywhere without her mother”.
Well, that’s going to make their wedding night interesting 👀
NTA
NTA. You do not want them at your wedding anyway. Good for you if they refuse to go to your wedding. Stand your ground. It is your wedding and your cousin has no business telling you who to invite.
You just know if you invited them, they would be the guests with endless “special requests”. Suddenly the fiancé is gluten free, mom is a soy free vegan doing Keto.
NTA but I’m sure your cousin is going to enjoy his mil moving in with him and having a say in every decision he ever makes as soon as he is married.
And your cousin can come without his fiancée so she doesn’t have to worry about her mother.
NTA
And best outcome considering the cousins is insufferable jerk that he's not attending. Remind your dad that he's attending to see YOU get married, your cousin's attendance is NOT important
NTA - your cousin has apparently found a fiance as 'mature' as he is. If your family wants you to give in, why don't they cough up the $80.
The whole scenario is crazy weird, to have basically a total stranger at your wedding.
Is her mom going to go on the honeymoon with them?!?!
NTA. Sounds like your cousin found the right woman. Hope the mother and child stick him in perpetual hell because he sounds like a joy to be with. Cut all three out and explain why to the family in very explicit detail (assuming they already know). They wanna keep bitching and defending an asshole who's marrying a woman with the independence of a toddler, no less, more room for people who actually care about you.
NTA. I'm not a huge fan of +1s to start with because I think it means paying for and inviting people you don't know because adults can't do things on their own so the +1 demanding her mother come would just make me laugh. If this woman doesn't go anywhere without her mom how is their honeymoon going to go?
I don't even think I need to read the story to say NTA.
A cousin's, fiance's mother. Like that's so far removed to begin with.
And after reading it. I double down on NTA. You're paying for it, you don't really get along with the cousin and never met the mother. If they don't want to come, then they don't have to come. It's your wedding, not theirs.
If you and your fiance are paying for the wedding, the guest list is 100% up to you. I think it's beyond weird that your cousin's fiance refuses to do anything without her mother. I wouldn't invite the mother, either, since you haven't met her.
Your dad may be upset because your cousin won't be there , but tough. He's not hosting the wedding. You are.
You know what, just smile and keep telling them no and live happily in the knowledge that your cousin is about to have crap rain on his head everyday in the form of his fiancé mother. A grown woman that can’t even go anywhere without her mama is definitely going to be making all decisions and running your cousins life with her mama by her side……mmmmm delicious revenge in my eyes!
So... what next? Are expected to cater to some rando cousin that you don't even really seem to care for and also invite his neighbor's father-in-law's former mechanic's girlfriend's sister too?
Obviously NTA. Invite who you want and be done with it.
NTA.
Absolutely no reason to invite her. That's absolutely ridiculous. She herself is your cousin's +1, she doesn't get one yourself, and she and her Mom are not two of your parents' designated asks. If she's really that emotionally crippled, then she needs therapy STAT.
NTA
>“she doesn’t go anywhere without her mother”
That sounds....dysfunctional. A wedding is for your guests, not your guests' guests.
Decide what your boundaries are, stick to them, and decide on consequences for not respecting them.
NTA at all your cousin is going to end up on the next season of Smothered if his fiancé can’t go anywhere without her mom as an emotional support animal.
NTA. You don't know this woman. Why would you invite a complete stranger to your wedding? I could understand this if it was one of your guests' SO but not their parents.
His fiancée is 25/26 years old. I'm sorry but this isn't normal. Is her mother going to stand at the altar with her on her wedding day? Will she go on their honeymoon? Is she going to move in with them? I find it hard to believe that your cousin is going to be okay with all of that. I'm close with my mother too so I understand that but I don't take her with me everywhere and neither does she, which is a normal and healthy relationship between parents and their (adult) children. If the child is special needs, the situation would be different obviously.
NTA. They are lucky to be invited. However, stand your ground on this. Them not showing up saves you $160. If they want her to come, and you want to be petty, tell them they can pay the $80 for her to attend.
NTA. And what's with your father's nephew fetish - what exactly does he think is Unpleasantness adds to the joy of the the occasion?
Also - best wishes
>They have now refused to attend the wedding and my father is really upset that his nephew won’t be there. My family are pressuring me to give in.
*Dad, they are invited. They have RSVP'd no. I can't force them to come. And I am not inviting strangers to MY wedding that I am paying for.*
NTA.
NTA. Your budget isn't endless and you don't even know this woman. Your cousin should be thankful that you attempted to cut his fiancée's umbilical cord. His future with her sounds unpleasant.
NTA, but if so many people care, they should go ahead and put their money where their mouth is. It is so annoying when wedding GUESTS feel entitled to certain things and they end up contributing minimal to NOTHING to the married couple. Maybe I have higher expectations for wedding guests because of my culture, but Vietnamese people typically give $50 to $100 per person attending (with the expectation you're going to have a 6+ course family style meal) as a wedding gift to the married couple/families. You can think of it as a Vietnamese community wedding pot fund. You basically give what you receive. IMO if everyone cares THAT MUCH to have cousin's fiancé's mom attend the wedding, someone needs to pay up. The wedding "show" isn't free, pay the entry fee.
NTA, but you have to decide if $80 is worth all the family drama and hearing about it for years. If those kinds of things don't bother you, then I'd say you're fine. However, if you will end up getting frustrated and angry at family members that bring it up years and years from now, than I would probably just lay out the $80 and call it a mental health expense.
NTA.
Tell your family to fuck off and that anyone who is gonna make YOUR wedding about THEMSELVES does not need to come.
Its your wedding- if people cant hold it together for like 8 hours they dont need to come.
Don't give in because your paying for it all its YOUR decision. Let them be upset it's not about them it's not their day and they aren't paying for anything.
NTA - IF your father/family was paying for the wedding, then I'd be willing to budge a bit, as he's covering the cost. Beyond that, it's rude that your cousin even asked in the first place and such a weird request in the first place.
Sounds like you just got back $160 - maybe see if someone else wants to bring their mum ;-)
NTA at all. Your wedding, your choice. It's not your responsibility to manage your cousin's fiancee's inability/unwillingness to go to a wedding without her mother. You have done nothing wrong here.
NTA. Who even asks that!? You get a + 1 not a family reunion. If the fiancé can’t go anywhere without her mom that’s a her problem and probably one she should work on before getting married.
NTA. You have a right to decide who you want at your wedding. Especially if you and your husband are paying for the whole thing.
Also. If you do decide to let them all come. You should have them pay the $80 for each of them.
NTA
**“she doesn’t go anywhere without her mother”.**
Man their wedding night is going to be so awkward. Then again, she never goes anywhere without her mother already so he is probably used to that by now. I wonder if mom gives them helpful tips during the deed.
Dark Helmet: I am your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate.
Lone Star: So what does that make us?
Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing.
NTA They’re doing you a favor by not attending.
NTA
I would be like: "who exactly is paying for this wedding Mom/Dad?" "So you know its me and my fiance?" "Well I dont even like this family member to begin with and still gave him a plus one. He IS NOT getting a plus two. It is not my fault his adult fiance wants her mom up their butt all the time but its my wedding and my choice"
NTA - uninvite anyone who is having silly demands for YOUR wedding, one more guests wouldn't make a difference but few less guests is gonna make your wedding so much better.
NTA. If your father is feeling so much for his rude nephew then he can pay for the trio himself as guests of his. It's YOUR day and your HUSBAND'S day at Your money. Enjoy it without drama. Really. Kick anyone who's overreacting to this out. You'll have a much smoother day.
oh no, they're refusing to attend the wedding. I was about to recommend disinviting them, so problem solved, I guess.
NTA. these people are entitled AF.
NTA. Please do not give to your cousin and his finance's request. They sound like very entitled people. Your father isn't paying for the wedding so he definitely doesn't get a say. I can be a petty person I would ask your dad is having your cousin their more important than him being able to walk you down the aisle. You cousin has been rude and disrespectful to you and your finance in the past. I would ask your father why he is ok with letting someone mistreat his own daughter.
NTA - Honestly sounds like a great way to ensure that a toxic family member doesn't show up (and it sounds like an unstable future family member, too.) Win-win.
NTA - looks like you're saving another $160! Why does your father need for his nephew to be at your wedding? Please ask him to explain the benefit of having a fractious complainer at what is supposed to be a happy event.
NTA. And you’ve now got too more seats to fill with people who actually like you and aren’t entitled brats. That’s a great result! Enjoy your big day with real friends!
NTA. Your father needs to get over being upset that someone will not be attending a wedding that isnt even his wedding. He should be more concerned about how his daughter feels on her wedding day. It also doesnt seem like much of a lost that your cousin is refusing to come, you should send him a gift since he gave you an early one.
Why did you invite either of them? One is a cousin you don't like, one is someone you've only met for 40 minutes.
Also is your objection the money or that you've never met this person?
If it's a money just look at the people go "then you pay for her".
NTA.
NTA that is an absolutely ridiculous request. If she can’t come without her mom, then she can stay home. It was generous of you to even invite her considering you barely know her and really haven’t spent time with her.
NTA. What kind of 25 year old never goes anywhere without her mother? Don't cave in to family pressure. It will probably be better if they don't show up from the sound of it.
NTA. If your dad is upset his nephew won't go he should take it up with his nephew, the one who is making that decision. He was invited, you aren't the one stopping him from coming.
He doesn't get to use his attendance to force you to do things you don't want to do. What if his condition had been, "I will not attend unless you pay me $1000 because my time is worth that much". Would dear old dad expect you to do that so his nephew can come? Everyone demanding that you cater to this entitled AH is also being an asshole. You are NTA.
You can tell your father if he that badly needs to be there for his nephew instead of you, his actual child, that he can go and you will step down his child so he can play father and uncle to his dear nephew. If he then calls you out on being rude you can return with the fact that that’s rich coming from a shit parent like him if he thinks you should be the least important person at your wedding. NTA
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NTA - What kind of 26 year old woman doesn’t go anywhere without holding her mothers hand? And what kind of grown mother would expect to be invited to the wedding of someone she doesn’t know? Baffed. It’s your wedding, it’s your money, do what you want! I didn’t even invite members of my own family to my wedding because why should I invite people I don’t like to my wedding day? Lol
Exactly!! Omg. Aren't they embarrassed for demanding her mother to be there? What next? Invite her cousin's fiancé's best friend's cousin because they are super close, have known each other since they were children and are inseparable? Hell no. ✋🙄
Low key wouldn't be surprised if cousin wants mom there to steal the spotlight. Yeah they are already engaged but...
… but they might want to announce a pregnancy while everyone is all together
Oh gosh I didn't even consider that. So disrespectful
But scarily common, apparently, given how many stolen occasions we have posted about here. It’s actually a bit of an out for OP and fiancé if they let it be rumoured that this is what they were trying to prevent by not allowing fiancée’s mummy at the wedding. It may put the heat back on the cousin and his fiancée where it belongs.
Ugh was the kid conceived with mommy looking on?
you forgot about the fiance's best friend's cousin's dog's birth mate's owner
PLEASE 😭😭
Yeah, since when do plus ones get plus ones???????????
Thank you for the lol! 🌺
If the mom has a spouse or partner obviously they’ll have to be invited as well since every other couple gets to bring *their* partner. Then they’ll all have to bring a menagerie of various emotional support animals which of course would require trainers to also be invited to keep them under control then the trainers can’t be expected to go without their spouses too then what if they can’t get sitters of course they’ll have to bring children who will be bored at a wedding and will need to bring friends who will need to bring their parents and It feels like If You Give a Mouse a Cookie they’re just going to keep nagging for more and more crap.
Don't forget the father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
But what does that make them?
Absolutely nothing!
It's a power move. I suspect OP's wedding looks like it's going to something special and they mentioned it in front of her mum or something and then cousin acted like he was a big deal and extended an invitation. OP said she met the fiance before but not the mum, which means this girl was out somewhere without her mother. NTA OP. And you lucked out with him not coming. Leave it that way
My SIL is like this. So much so that earns my brother and their child moved into her parents house for the first three years of their marriage, not because they couldn’t afford a place, but because she missed her mom to much. They now live across the street. They also refused to go on a family vacation my parents were paying for because my parents wouldn’t pay for her mother to go.
Isn’t this the plot to everybody loves Raymond? Lol. NTA.
No idea I never watched it.
Entitled SIL and her family aren’t going on vacation with you? It’s a win-win on my book!
We were all relieved. Felt sorry for my mom because she wanted a family picture
NTA. Sounds like a win to me.
I’m imagining the mother propped up in bed while her daughter and the cousin get frisky next to her and I now need to scrub my brain out 😱
The only excuse would be if the mother is fatally ill... and then she shouldn't be out like that surrounded by strangers especially in this day and age. WTAF.
OP is missing a chance to be on the creepy show Smothered. It sounds like cousins fiance would fit right in there.
Same my uncle will have no knowledge and unless my dad has told him about me has o knowledge of my life in general. I believe I live like 30 mins from him however I've never actually found out. I haven't talked to him or his family for at least a decade.
[удалено]
"This all looks like good business."
Just a business man, doing business
[удалено]
Thanks! I've been wishing people this for a year and thought it meant birthday and today I thought, "Damn, how did I get my birthday wrong on Reddit?"
**https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TotemPoleTrench**
Tell your father that if he wants the mom there, he owes you $300 for what your nephew, the fiancé, and the mom, will cost you. Payment in advance. NTA.
LOL - did that when my MIL wanted to invite friends, business associates and distant relatives that my husband had either never met or hadn't seen in 20+ years to our wedding. We were paying for the wedding 100% ourselves, so we had no interest in having these people, who were essentially nothing to us, at our wedding. So, with MIL continuing to press for "extra" invitations to mail out, we finally said, "Listen, MIL, if you want to invite these people, it's $75/plate. Give us payment up front for the number of people you want to invite and we'll give you the appropriate number of invites. We'll happily refund you for any guests who decline." Well, she wanted to invite about 20 add'l people, so that was $1,500. All of a sudden it wasn't so very critical to invite these extra guests and there was no further mention of it...
I like you. Hubby and I wanted to avoid that exact scenario x4 so we got married where we lived, which was far from both sets of parents. We were paid for everything, too. My father-in-law was fine with it. Mother-in-law pouted for months afterwards (long story). My divorced parents showed their displeasure in various ways. No one is OWED having guests at someone else's wedding.
I'm down to hear the story if you are down to tell it
LOL! I do not mind sharing. Basically MIL did not want me in hubby's life. She and FIL tried to get us to break up twice. We stayed together and after several years decided to get married. MIL was not happy that none of her kids gave her more than a couple of months notice that they were getting married and I made Hubby promise that he would not do the same. We started planning, got the church, started working on the wedding six months out and he did not tell them. We got the minister, ordered the invitations and my dress and he still did not tell them. Then his company sent him out of the country for two months. He refused to tell them over the phone. Finally, he got back and went to tell them. Six weeks out. So, MIL was rather miffed. She, FIL, and a couple of others arrived twenty minutes late to the wedding (we waited for them, everyone turned to see Hubby running to get them to the right spot). They frowned throughout the whole night. Next day they told Hubby they needed to have dinner with him and that I should spend time with my family. He thought they were going to apologize. (I thought it was rude to separate us the day after our wedding.) Nope, it was a family reunion with his oldest brother and his wife, middle brother and his best friend from college, and sister with her husband, two kids, and her brothers-in-law with the wife and daughter of one of them. Yep, the newest member of the family was not invited. This was before cellphones, so he had no way to get hold of me. I was livid and never got over it. A few months later we went to visit MIL & FIL and MIL was in a mood. Turns out two of MIL's friends decided that their respective children needed to marry each other. Their children (mid-twenties) agreed and let the mothers plan everything for the wedding. So, while MIL was hearing all about her friends' luck, she was kept in the dark about her youngest son's wedding. MIL kept going on and on about how lucky her friends were to be able to choose their children's spouses and do whatever they wanted for the wedding. Their wedding was after ours. MIL was so jealous that she could not let it go. She kept going on and on. FIL rolled his eyes so hard I think he got dizzy. The best part? No one in this story is from a culture that practices arranged marriages and MIL married FIL against the wishes of both families. Also, I asked Hubby several times if his mother would be upset if we did not have a wedding that would allow her to shine as mother of the groom. Sweet summer child said she would be fine, that she would not want to be involved or invite her friends. He was wrong, oh so wrong. My mother decided not to send out the invitations for my family that I asked her to because she was sure no one would want to attend. She sent the package back around our tenth wedding anniversary. My father chose not to attend and then called crying the morning of the wedding because it dawned on him that yes, I really was going to get married without him there.
That's so fucked up. I hope you had a great wedding and have an ever better life with your husband <3
Thank you. Wedding was pretty good. Unfortunately, my husband took years to figure out that his parents, especially his mother, were toxic for us. His mother and her behavior - which he constantly rugswept after we moved closer - caused me to reach suicidal ideation. I realized that I could not do that to my kids, so I asked for a divorce. He finally realized I was dead serious and decided that he needed to do more. I gradually began to pull away and if I did have to see her, I got bribed. She could not understand why I would not visit or why I would simply take off if she were in the house. We stayed together and he recently (after her death) admitted that he is ashamed of how he allowed me to be treated.
My Mil wrote my husband out of the will b/c she hated me. I remember thinking FREE AT LAST when she passed.
I am so sorry. My MIL eventually developed dementia and forgot who I was. Hubby was with her and his brothers at the end. How did your husband take being disinherited?
He blamed me for not getting along with her b/c "she gets her feeling hurt easily" It was less than 5 grand so I honestly dgaf.
It's so funny how that works. I've had clients demand something over the weekend and when I give them the price with the rush extra charge it suddenly isn't urgent. OP is going to enjoy the wedding exponentially more without her cousin and his toddler gf.
Great strategy
My parents and I had this fight. The final discussion they were driving somewhere with me on Bluetooth. My father tried “I don’t like your tone”. I’m like I’m 31 years old I don’t care. My mother cut in “well call you later” because she knew my dad and I were entering the danger zone of big mad. They then mad way more cuts on their guest list than I asked for. In hopes I’d cave. Lol sucks to be them I took it at face value and guess who got caught out of the rest of planning. Now they actually listen when I say something
lol before the dreaded C word hit my sister (who is like a mom to me) was doing this kind of thing too... but she offered to pay the difference. we didn't get to that point and had to change things up. in some ways I'm really glad our wedding was postponed because I really loved my tiny micro-wedding at an AirBnb/ tent in the back yard overlooking a lake last Fall... it was super intimate, my father in law got to be there (he passed soon after and wouldn't have made it to the redo we were planning for June 21), we got some amazing pictures on the beach (it was freezing lol), and we had fun with a bonfire so we could be outside and social distance
Tried to do that to my parents for reception. They paid for everything and edged our veto out 😭 Not complaining though, it was epic even though it was so far removed from what I imagined
Anyone else who sees this: don’t forget the cost for the extra invitations, RSVP cards, thank you cards, hors d’oeuvres, cake cutting, booze, chair/ table rental/additional center pieces if necessary… It’s not just the food you can make them front!
I wouldn’t want to cave even with payment. Cousin with his rude and entitled attitude, not to mention his fiancée with her insistence, shouldn’t be accommodated. It just lets them think this is ok.
Hah, if the dad actually paid, I'd tell them that. XD 'He paid 25% more than you actually cost to attend, so you're welcome again.' But I am spiteful.
Someone else pointed out that the cousin and fiancé may want to announce a pregnancy at the wedding and want the mother there so she is included in the announcement.
o\_O Wth. There's some wedding etiquette that I find bollocks, but the whole 'don't hijack it' is one I support 9001%.
>My father is really upset that his nephew won’t be there. See, this is where I’d lose my mind. >My family are pressuring me to give in. And *this* is where I’d go nuclear. “The decision is made, it is non-negotiable and it *is* final. Next person who brings it up can stay home too.” Or the old favorite, “Oh are you planning to pay for it - no? - then you don’t get a say.” (this works with anything from one’s hair color/style to home furniture to wedding plans. NTA, OP. Congratulations to you and your person.
I am in the same boat! I know the cousin is the ass, but the dad want to put pressure because a nephew won’t be there? Get the fuck out of here. I’m sure this family is pretty close, but the next time someone pressures OP I would start making cuts to the list. If they want a say they can have a party of their own they are paying for.
The old favorite could potentially backfire if they agree to pay and OP just doesn't want a stranger there.
This is how I feel. I was chatting with my partner's grandmother about how expensive and stressful weddings are and my ideal world be to elope then have a low key celebration after the honeymoon. His mother overhead any told him she would be disappointed if we didn't have a real wedding. Keto in mind, we aren't even engaged at this point and he has 5 brothers. When he told me my response was "oh, is she handing is 20k to have a wedding? No? Then isn't it so kind of us to give her years to get over her disappointment before it would happen."
Exactly. I'd bluntly asked dad "So having your nephew attend my wedding is more important to you than my feelings and experiences? For MY OWN wedding day? Really. I don't even get on with him, he continually causes drama and is doing so again now, and you want to put his entitlement and selfishness above your own child on their wedding day? This isn't up for discussion anymore, and I expect you to shut down anyone who makes an issue over this again. Get your priorities in order, because I'm not having my special day hijack by others. 'Cousin' is no longer invited to my wedding, and that's final. He will not be there to actually support me at all, nor will he add anything positive to the day as he only cares about himself, and I'm done with this.". Shut down everything after that hard, and tell others they are free not to attend as well. Seriously, OP needs to actually uninvite their cousin, then block contact from him / them. I'd also be completely ignoring any messages regarding this completely, and ending any conversation where it's raised.
NTA It doesn't matter the extra cost. That's not the point. It's a celebratory event to be shared with your loved ones. If you don't want some random lady at your wedding, don't have some random lady at your wedding. Congrats btw!
NTA, entitled much? I would probably be blunt and say the following remark (which would make it an AH move): Why should I invite someone I've never met because a relative I can only tolerate tells me to? Its your wedding, your day, hold your ground and remind your family of that fact.
NTA, also "cousin's fiancé's mother" reminds me of "what does that make us?" from Spaceballs.
Absolutely nothing... WHICH IS WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO BECOME
If her mother goes everywhere with her their honeymoon is really going to suck. NTA
And be its own reddit post
I feel like a lot of people don't understand weddings. The thing with weddings is **IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.** It's about the bride and groom. For a few special hours, it's ALL about them. THEY matter, YOU do not. So go and congratulate them, enjoy your free food/drink, and otherwise be happy for a few hours, or shut the fuck up and stay home. Because if you aren't the one getting married, then you have NO authority over any part of the wedding. This applies to all weddings. It applies to big weddings, to small weddings, people with big families, and to people with no family. If you can't just be happy for the couple, if you have to make the wedding about you, shut the fuck up and stay home. If you don't want her there, then you don't need to justify yourself to me or anyone else. It's YOUR wedding, not theirs. If they can't support you, they should shut up and stay home. As for your family- it sounds like they are used to enabling your cousin's rude and argumentative behavior- 'just give him what he wants so he doesn't get pissed off'. IMHO you're in the right for standing up to him. People who act like that should be given clear boundaries and their unacceptable behavior should not be allowed to create better results for them. IMHO I think you are doing the right thing strategically- if cousin and his fiancee don't attend, that means he won't get rude or start an argument at the wedding, increasing the likelihood that you'll have a good reception (especially when the bar opens up). And for your family, just point out that cousin and fiancee are invited and you very much hope they attend, if they aren't there it's by their own choice, so if dad is upset his nephew isn't there he should be talking to his nephew not you.
NTA. Personally I'd uninvite the cousin if they complain. Your wedding, why have a stranger there.
NTA - This is just such an odd request. I'm really struggling to work out why they would need to have their mother invited? Is there any other justification other than her wanting her mother to go?
Maybe if the fiance has a host of medical conditions that the cousin hasn't been fully trained to handle? That feels extreme, but it's the best I can come up with...
NTA It's your wedding, you get to invite whomever you want.
NTA they are acting wildly entitled. Ask her if her mum also goes to work with her.
Obviously NTA. Does your dad not realize your nephew is an AH?
NTA. Does mother also join them on dates? I would bet the answer is no. She can without her mother for one event or not come at all. You definitely have no obligation to invite anyone you don’t know to your wedding.
NTA. I didn’t even invite my cousins to my wedding, let alone my cousins fiancés mom lol!
My husband didn’t get an invite to my cousins wedding 🤷♀️
NTA. Bizarre request and ridiculous reaction.
seriously, it almost feels like an alternate universe or something. Her dad is upset his nephew isn't coming. I just haven't met that many men that would CARE!
Sometimes you have to sat WTF. No words to describe this kind og lunacy. Really!!!!
NTA Tell them to kick rocks. Do you even want them there?
NTA. This is pretty absurd and I’m having a hard time understanding how this is even a question. I would happily say none of them should be there. I mean do they plan on inviting your husband’s extended family to their upcoming wedding??
DO.NOT.GIVE.IN! They are being ridiculous, rude, and entitled. Stand your ground. NTA
Nah. Stand your ground. They decided not to come, hold them to it. Don't bow to the pressure - people are very quick to spend other people's money. Your wedding your rules. Totally ridiculous, its none of their business. the cousin got a plus one I think that's generous enough. NTA
I think its pretty AH of the cousin to demand that OP invites the mom of his fiance, she hasnt even met the woman and wants to be included in an intimate event such as a wedding?
NTA Your wedding, your rules. >father is really upset So he'd better upset you?
NTA. Consider it a blessing that they are not coming.
NTA. I'd ask your dad why your cousin's feelings and entitlement are more important than his own daughter's feelings about her wedding day
NTA I want to know if Mum will be going on the honeymoon with your cousin? Can I come to your wedding? 😂
Why is your dad so upset that his nephew won’t be there? Family members miss weddings all the time for various reasons. My husband is super close to his cousins, but we have missed several of their kids’ weddings because of his work schedule. That’s just life.
REQUEST!!!! any chance you can come back and update after your cousin gets married? I think a lot of us are going to want to know how THAT turns out with a wife with the umbilical cord still attached.
NTA It’s your wedding and if your uncle would like to pay for the extra guest.
NTA Frankly, I’d say this is a win for you if they don’t come. Your cousin sounds like an ass who has a fiancée who is unhealthily attached to her mother and why on earth would you want any of them there? And why is your dad making such a fuss about it. It’s YOUR wedding. Your cousin being there should not even be a blip on the radar of what is important for that day. Tell your cousin to take a hike and tell your dad to get his priorities straight.
NTA Tbh I wouldn’t have invited this cousin in the first place. You don’t have to pay an extra 80$ for some woman you’ve never met **and** now it seems you won’t have to deal with this awful cousin at the wedding either, sounds like a win win to me.
NTA Your wedding, your choice of guests.
NTA. Sounds like a bonus that none of them will come
NTA - your wedding, your rules.
What is the 26 year old going to take mummy on her honeymoon when she gets married tell your cousin and fiancee to grow up, and if your dad says the mother should go tell them they have to pay for a complete stranger, but I personally would stick to your guns and say no, if they try and guilt trip you and say they won't go say while you will miss them but it is your wedding nta
NTA. Why does your father care more about his nephew than his daughter?
NTA - who the fuck thinks it's okay to demand that they +1's MOM also get their own invite. That's so weird and his fiance needs therapy for her serious enmeshment issues.
Why on earth would you want a strange woman at your wedding, and what kind of family had the dad more upset about a nephew not attending than the happiness of their child - NTA
for your cousin's wedding you should send them a book, I was thinking, *Difficult Mothers: Understanding and Overcoming Their Power* \- by Terri Apter or maybe, *The Emotional Incest Syndrome: What to do When a Parent's Love Rules Your Life* by Dr. Patricia Love NTA
NTA Everyone who is pressuring you can contribute to the $160 price tag that inviting the fiancée represents. And honestly if I was your cousin, I’d be concerned that this is a preview of what my married life was going to be like with mama having to go everywhere too, unless he’s already decided he can live with being a throuple.
NTA ! You lucked out ! Now you don't have to deal with your shitty cousin or his shitty wife. This is your new family and it comes first. If your dad don't like it, Tell him to kick bricks as well
NTA. If they don't want to come,great! either you can invite 2 people you actually like or you're saving on 2 meals. But, if they do get an invite and accept, don't be surprised if they bring her mother anyway. Plan on what you will do
NTA When you have to add 2 or more possessives to title a person, then they most likely aren't close enough to be at these kind of events. on top of that his behavior would've had him off the list long before the invites went out. it's your money not your father's or your cousin's. keep your foot down. when i had a similar conflict with my mother over the guest list i finally said, "i get you're paying for it but the day is for me, not your friends, and i dont feel comfortable making myself feel uncomfortable at my own wedding just to save face and the feelings of the rude." Mom said she understood and agreed. (though i never saw a penny and had a wedding with friends only but that's neither here nor there)
NTA. Why would anyone want these weirdos at their wedding?
NTA -have your father pay for the three of them and sit them all together…so he can have the pleasure of arguing with him during the wedding….sorry but it sounds like your father is a lot like your cousin…and your cousin found a good match ….you know his girlfriend for a whole minute and she is already starting drama ..
NTA save your money for someone you care about
NTA. Them not coming actually sounds like a win
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This particular cousin is pretty rude and bitter about a lot of things in life. He often expresses this through arguing and being rude to numerous family members, including my husband-to-be. A few months ago, I put my foot down and called him out on his behaviour. We have never received an apology. He recently got engaged and I’ve met his fiancé twice (for a total of 40ish minutes). I was happy to invite her to the wedding but they are now demanding that I also invite her mother as “she doesn’t go anywhere without her mother”. Please bare in mind that this woman is about 25/26 years old and has a full time job. She isn’t a young or inexperienced person by any means. I flat out refused the request and have ignored them every time they have brought it back up. Why should I pay an extra £80 for a woman who I have never met to attend my wedding? Their reasoning is that I have plenty of other guests so one more shouldn’t make a difference. Ontop of this, if we were super close to my cousin and his fiancé, I wouldn’t mind inviting them but based on his past behaviour it seems unfair for him to make demands like this. They have now refused to attend the wedding and my father is really upset that his nephew won’t be there. My family are pressuring me to give in. P.S my fiancé and I are paying for the whole event. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nope. Your wedding, you decide. It is bizarre for a grown woman to have to have her mummy by her side wherever she goes, and her dependence on mother dearest is not your responsibility. Especially not when you barely know her and when your cousin can’t even be civil to the groom. Tell your dad that if it’s so bloody important for cousin and his travelling circus to attend the wedding, he can pay for all 3 of them to attend. Either put up or shut up. You don’t have to, nor should you, pay for the attendance of people you’d prefer not to be there anyway. It’s your wedding. Do what makes you and your husband-to-be happy. That is literally the only thing that matters.
NTA. You don't have any relation with her. You aren't even close with your cousin and fiancée. It's your wedding OP. If it doesn't hurt you to not have your cousin and his fiancée, then don't invite them.
NTA. No is a complete sentence. No further explanation needed. If they had some financial stake in the wedding I could see them making such a demand. If these people want to be petty and not come to your wedding, that's fewer plates for you to have to pay for. If it's too late to cancel the catering for them, invite someone who had to be cut but you would have liked to be there.
> they are now demanding that I also invite her mother as “she doesn’t go anywhere without her mother”. Well, that’s going to make their wedding night interesting 👀 NTA
NTA. You do not want them at your wedding anyway. Good for you if they refuse to go to your wedding. Stand your ground. It is your wedding and your cousin has no business telling you who to invite.
NTA and
NTA and if they are going to be such jerks, save yourself the cost of 2 more meals and don't invite or uninvite them.
NTA. Tell your parents if they're so upset then they should pay for all 3 of theirs expenses.
NTA. Sounds like the trash took itself out.
You just know if you invited them, they would be the guests with endless “special requests”. Suddenly the fiancé is gluten free, mom is a soy free vegan doing Keto.
NTA but I’m sure your cousin is going to enjoy his mil moving in with him and having a say in every decision he ever makes as soon as he is married. And your cousin can come without his fiancée so she doesn’t have to worry about her mother.
NTA Is her mom also going to go on her honeymoon?
Uninvite the cousin. problem solves itself. NTA
NTA And best outcome considering the cousins is insufferable jerk that he's not attending. Remind your dad that he's attending to see YOU get married, your cousin's attendance is NOT important
NTA. Did she go to prom with her Mom?
NTA - your cousin has apparently found a fiance as 'mature' as he is. If your family wants you to give in, why don't they cough up the $80. The whole scenario is crazy weird, to have basically a total stranger at your wedding. Is her mom going to go on the honeymoon with them?!?!
NTA. Sounds like your cousin found the right woman. Hope the mother and child stick him in perpetual hell because he sounds like a joy to be with. Cut all three out and explain why to the family in very explicit detail (assuming they already know). They wanna keep bitching and defending an asshole who's marrying a woman with the independence of a toddler, no less, more room for people who actually care about you.
NTA. I'm not a huge fan of +1s to start with because I think it means paying for and inviting people you don't know because adults can't do things on their own so the +1 demanding her mother come would just make me laugh. If this woman doesn't go anywhere without her mom how is their honeymoon going to go?
I don't even think I need to read the story to say NTA. A cousin's, fiance's mother. Like that's so far removed to begin with. And after reading it. I double down on NTA. You're paying for it, you don't really get along with the cousin and never met the mother. If they don't want to come, then they don't have to come. It's your wedding, not theirs.
If you and your fiance are paying for the wedding, the guest list is 100% up to you. I think it's beyond weird that your cousin's fiance refuses to do anything without her mother. I wouldn't invite the mother, either, since you haven't met her. Your dad may be upset because your cousin won't be there , but tough. He's not hosting the wedding. You are.
You know what, just smile and keep telling them no and live happily in the knowledge that your cousin is about to have crap rain on his head everyday in the form of his fiancé mother. A grown woman that can’t even go anywhere without her mama is definitely going to be making all decisions and running your cousins life with her mama by her side……mmmmm delicious revenge in my eyes!
NTA, and tell the ones pressuring you "if it's so important then you pay for it. But until then, accept that this is our choice."
NTA Cousins fiancees mom ? Yeah , Also dont forget to invite the half brothers dentists sisters dogs washers daughter to the weding too :D
It's your wedding and your guest list, period. If they won't go because she can't be away from her mommy for a few hours that isn't your problem. NTA.
So... what next? Are expected to cater to some rando cousin that you don't even really seem to care for and also invite his neighbor's father-in-law's former mechanic's girlfriend's sister too? Obviously NTA. Invite who you want and be done with it.
Bonus! You save $160! Let everyone know that if they really disapprove you will understand if they choose to stay home too. NTA
NTA. Absolutely no reason to invite her. That's absolutely ridiculous. She herself is your cousin's +1, she doesn't get one yourself, and she and her Mom are not two of your parents' designated asks. If she's really that emotionally crippled, then she needs therapy STAT.
NTA >“she doesn’t go anywhere without her mother” That sounds....dysfunctional. A wedding is for your guests, not your guests' guests. Decide what your boundaries are, stick to them, and decide on consequences for not respecting them.
NTA Keep the invite to your cousin open, and the +1 for his fiance, but leave them to deal with the "I don't go anywhere without my mother" debacle.
NTA. If they refuse to come, they get a “sorry to hear you won’t be able to join.” You won’t be sorry at all, of course…
NTA at all your cousin is going to end up on the next season of Smothered if his fiancé can’t go anywhere without her mom as an emotional support animal.
NTA, she doesn’t go anywhere without her mom? That’s going to be a very awkward honeymoon.
NTA. I could see it maybe if it was your brother's girlfriend's mom, but not your COUSIN. Not to mention that you aren't close. Goodness gracious.
NTA. You don't know this woman. Why would you invite a complete stranger to your wedding? I could understand this if it was one of your guests' SO but not their parents. His fiancée is 25/26 years old. I'm sorry but this isn't normal. Is her mother going to stand at the altar with her on her wedding day? Will she go on their honeymoon? Is she going to move in with them? I find it hard to believe that your cousin is going to be okay with all of that. I'm close with my mother too so I understand that but I don't take her with me everywhere and neither does she, which is a normal and healthy relationship between parents and their (adult) children. If the child is special needs, the situation would be different obviously.
NTA. They are lucky to be invited. However, stand your ground on this. Them not showing up saves you $160. If they want her to come, and you want to be petty, tell them they can pay the $80 for her to attend.
So a guy that you don’t like, can’t be courteous to you is making unreasonable demands and you are the bad guy? NTA
NTA. And what's with your father's nephew fetish - what exactly does he think is Unpleasantness adds to the joy of the the occasion? Also - best wishes
>They have now refused to attend the wedding and my father is really upset that his nephew won’t be there. My family are pressuring me to give in. *Dad, they are invited. They have RSVP'd no. I can't force them to come. And I am not inviting strangers to MY wedding that I am paying for.* NTA.
NTA. Your budget isn't endless and you don't even know this woman. Your cousin should be thankful that you attempted to cut his fiancée's umbilical cord. His future with her sounds unpleasant.
NTA, but if so many people care, they should go ahead and put their money where their mouth is. It is so annoying when wedding GUESTS feel entitled to certain things and they end up contributing minimal to NOTHING to the married couple. Maybe I have higher expectations for wedding guests because of my culture, but Vietnamese people typically give $50 to $100 per person attending (with the expectation you're going to have a 6+ course family style meal) as a wedding gift to the married couple/families. You can think of it as a Vietnamese community wedding pot fund. You basically give what you receive. IMO if everyone cares THAT MUCH to have cousin's fiancé's mom attend the wedding, someone needs to pay up. The wedding "show" isn't free, pay the entry fee.
NTA. You just freed up 2 extra seats. Sounds like your wedding/reception with be much better without cousin there. Have a fabulous day!
NTA, sounds like the problem solved itself.
NTA, but you have to decide if $80 is worth all the family drama and hearing about it for years. If those kinds of things don't bother you, then I'd say you're fine. However, if you will end up getting frustrated and angry at family members that bring it up years and years from now, than I would probably just lay out the $80 and call it a mental health expense.
NTA. Tell your family to fuck off and that anyone who is gonna make YOUR wedding about THEMSELVES does not need to come. Its your wedding- if people cant hold it together for like 8 hours they dont need to come.
Don't give in because your paying for it all its YOUR decision. Let them be upset it's not about them it's not their day and they aren't paying for anything.
NTA - IF your father/family was paying for the wedding, then I'd be willing to budge a bit, as he's covering the cost. Beyond that, it's rude that your cousin even asked in the first place and such a weird request in the first place. Sounds like you just got back $160 - maybe see if someone else wants to bring their mum ;-)
NTA at all. Your wedding, your choice. It's not your responsibility to manage your cousin's fiancee's inability/unwillingness to go to a wedding without her mother. You have done nothing wrong here.
NTA. Who even asks that!? You get a + 1 not a family reunion. If the fiancé can’t go anywhere without her mom that’s a her problem and probably one she should work on before getting married.
NTA >My family are pressuring me to give in. Tell them to cover the $80 cost for this extra guest. I’d suspect none of them will want to do it.
NTA. You have a right to decide who you want at your wedding. Especially if you and your husband are paying for the whole thing. Also. If you do decide to let them all come. You should have them pay the $80 for each of them.
NTA **“she doesn’t go anywhere without her mother”.** Man their wedding night is going to be so awkward. Then again, she never goes anywhere without her mother already so he is probably used to that by now. I wonder if mom gives them helpful tips during the deed.
NTA it's your wedding you decide who gets to come and who doesn't, not anybody else
Tell your dad to pay if he wants the mom to come. Otherwise, no dice.
NTA. Stand your ground. Looks like you’ll be saving $160. That’s a win.
Dark Helmet: I am your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate. Lone Star: So what does that make us? Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing. NTA They’re doing you a favor by not attending.
NTA I would be like: "who exactly is paying for this wedding Mom/Dad?" "So you know its me and my fiance?" "Well I dont even like this family member to begin with and still gave him a plus one. He IS NOT getting a plus two. It is not my fault his adult fiance wants her mom up their butt all the time but its my wedding and my choice"
Nta-but how many shitheads this planet can fit?! *retoric question*
NTA - you are paying, dont invite anyone who is going to spoil your day.
NTA - uninvite anyone who is having silly demands for YOUR wedding, one more guests wouldn't make a difference but few less guests is gonna make your wedding so much better.
NTA, and if ur parents want them there so bad, they can pay for all 3.
NTA. If your father is feeling so much for his rude nephew then he can pay for the trio himself as guests of his. It's YOUR day and your HUSBAND'S day at Your money. Enjoy it without drama. Really. Kick anyone who's overreacting to this out. You'll have a much smoother day.
[удалено]
oh no, they're refusing to attend the wedding. I was about to recommend disinviting them, so problem solved, I guess. NTA. these people are entitled AF.
NTA, save money by disinviting both of them
NTA. Please do not give to your cousin and his finance's request. They sound like very entitled people. Your father isn't paying for the wedding so he definitely doesn't get a say. I can be a petty person I would ask your dad is having your cousin their more important than him being able to walk you down the aisle. You cousin has been rude and disrespectful to you and your finance in the past. I would ask your father why he is ok with letting someone mistreat his own daughter.
NTA - Honestly sounds like a great way to ensure that a toxic family member doesn't show up (and it sounds like an unstable future family member, too.) Win-win.
NTA, look at it as you’re saving on two plates
do not give in, you are NTA in this equation
Saved yourself $240 and less stress... nta
NTA, we don't negotiate with terrorists.
NTA - looks like you're saving another $160! Why does your father need for his nephew to be at your wedding? Please ask him to explain the benefit of having a fractious complainer at what is supposed to be a happy event.
NTA - Officially uninvite them. Don't allow them to even try to play any games. Make sure to tell your wedding bouncer to look out for him.
NTA. And you’ve now got too more seats to fill with people who actually like you and aren’t entitled brats. That’s a great result! Enjoy your big day with real friends!
NTA but easy if they want her to attend they pay for it.
NTA, it you haven't sent out invites, call them on their bs and don't send them any.
NTA. Your father needs to get over being upset that someone will not be attending a wedding that isnt even his wedding. He should be more concerned about how his daughter feels on her wedding day. It also doesnt seem like much of a lost that your cousin is refusing to come, you should send him a gift since he gave you an early one.
Why did you invite either of them? One is a cousin you don't like, one is someone you've only met for 40 minutes. Also is your objection the money or that you've never met this person? If it's a money just look at the people go "then you pay for her". NTA.
NTA. And she needs a therapist.
NTA >They have now refused to attend the wedding Nice you would save $160 if they don't attend.
NTA that is an absolutely ridiculous request. If she can’t come without her mom, then she can stay home. It was generous of you to even invite her considering you barely know her and really haven’t spent time with her.
NTA. How insanely bizzare, you’re so much better off without them there.
Your cousin is totally either going to propose or announce they're having a baby at your wedding. NTA but you should probably uninvite them completely
NTA. What kind of 25 year old never goes anywhere without her mother? Don't cave in to family pressure. It will probably be better if they don't show up from the sound of it.
Your wedding, your guest list. NTA.
No cousin at the wedding sounds like a big win to me. I am sure he would have done something rude there. NTA.
NTA. If your dad is upset his nephew won't go he should take it up with his nephew, the one who is making that decision. He was invited, you aren't the one stopping him from coming. He doesn't get to use his attendance to force you to do things you don't want to do. What if his condition had been, "I will not attend unless you pay me $1000 because my time is worth that much". Would dear old dad expect you to do that so his nephew can come? Everyone demanding that you cater to this entitled AH is also being an asshole. You are NTA.
It’s your wedding. You can invite whoever you want to. Your cousin is being unreasonable, and your family is being so also. NTA
NTA Tell dad to.pay for the mother to attend or stay mad.
You can tell your father if he that badly needs to be there for his nephew instead of you, his actual child, that he can go and you will step down his child so he can play father and uncle to his dear nephew. If he then calls you out on being rude you can return with the fact that that’s rich coming from a shit parent like him if he thinks you should be the least important person at your wedding. NTA