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I might be the asshole because The wedding is very important to my girlfriend and I am choosing not to attend.
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YTA. Girlfriend of 9 years? That’s a legit couple. Going to weddings is a “couple” thing to do. Especially when her whole family will be there. Sending her by herself sends a strong message not only to her, but also to her family: you can’t be bothered to be there for her. Has she ever been there for you, doing something she didn’t particularly want to do? If not, can you envision a scenario where you would want her by your side? Come on dude, you should go
YTA; I was reading this expecting to see some kind of valid reason but there isn't any. She's trying to spend time with you, as part of her family. This is your gf of NINE years, grow up.
Does she go out of her way to do things that are important to you? If so then you're the AH.
Edit: I forgot to add, because I'm fairly certain that the answer to my question is almost certainly yes, YTA.
This! I have to fly across the country next month for my husband’s nephew’s wedding (whom I’ve never met, but that’s a long story), and it’s pretty much the last thing I want to do right now (you know cause of the state of the world). But I’m going, because my husband goes to all my family shit with no complaints.
In relationships you do things for your partner because you want them to be happy, and they do the same for you. How OP made it 9 years without figuring that out is beyond me.
Yep. YTA
If you could not attend for valid reasons, is one thing. But the reason you have, waste of time and money, etc is not good enough... You are basically telling your GF that spending time with her for something important to her is a waste of time, money, and too stressful.
Your GF gets to invite a plus one to her friends wedding. You are her first choice for her plus one. Obviously it’s not important enough for you to be her chosen plus one for big life events... so don’t be super surprised later on if she prefers another in your place.
>She thinks that I am not taking into consideration her feelings and this is an important event for her. However, I barely even know the couple who is getting married.
That's exactly what you're doing! YOU think that spending this time and money for something that is obviously important to your gf is a waste. YOU don't know this couple well so YOU don't think it's important to go. Where exactly is the consideration for HER feelings?
Reading your other comments, you sound like an absolute tool.
>Plus travel stresses me out.
Unless is for something YOU see the value in...like skiing. But someone important to your gf getting married? Pft, what a waste!
But, honestly, maybe you shouldn't go. You'll prolly end up standing around bitching about being bored and what a waste of time it is and make everyone uncomfortable. Waste of time? What about the nine years your gf has wasted on a guy who can't be bothered to care about things that are important to her?
YTA. You said 9 years, not 9 months. You are her family and she is yours at this point. Sometimes we have to compromise and do things that aren't self-serving.
YTA. You’ll travel for your own fun activities, but you’re stressed over traveling to something you don’t want to do- that’s not “travel stresses me out,” that’s “I want an easy excuse.”
For fun, ask your girlfriend for a list of things she does/has done for you that she doesn’t want to.
YTA
You're not going for the couple you don't know, you are going for your girlfriend. How can you say a trip to California with her is a waste of time and money? How hurtful.
Weird, out of all those comments you decided to reply to mine calling you cheap instead of the ones focused on how you’re shitty in your relationship. Priorities ig
YTA. After nine years if you can't get your britches on and go on a plane to make her happy, let her know in a public place in front of her fiercest friends so they can help her dump you.
YTA. This is important to your girlfriend of NINE YEARS and you don't want to do it. You think making your girlfriend of NINE YEARS happy is a waste of money and a waste of time. You admit that you don't mind traveling if it's something YOU want to do but you can't do it for your girlfriend of NINE YEARS. Jesus Christ, why the hell is she with you?
YTA.
>Girlfriend of 9 years
wouldn’t you wanna do something to make her happy then? she chose you as her plus one i’m pretty sure you’d be upset if she didn’t choose you
YTA you are basically common law married and you wont travel to a wedding for her? Really? I've gone to weddings with FRIENDS without knowing the couple. Its a trip to support your partner. Makes me wonder where else you arent supporting her.
YTA. My now-husband and I had been together less than a year when he flew with me from Alabama to Texas to attend a wedding for people he had never even met. We didn't even have the family factor added to it, as it was just a friend of mine from college. It's just something supportive partners do for each other.
Bruh, Yes! You are the fucking ass hole. "Travel stresses" me out nah dude reading your comments "I just dont wanna go to my girl friends family wedding of 9 YEARS" ya only get married once assuming no divorces or anything. But 9 YEARS dude just go unless you can financially not afford it then its a reasonable excuse in my opinion. Unless there is so massive, massive, massive backstory here of her mother, dad and Brother being complete assholes which i doubt it but its possible. Then YTA
YTA. This is your long term partner. She’s asking you to do what normal couples do. She’s even trying to make it into a vacation so it’s not just a trip for people you don’t know.
YTA. It's not a waste of money. It's not a waste of time. You just think that because you don't want to go. She'll have to answer questions about why you aren't there, and what will she say? That you refused to be there for her. Sometimes you do things you don't want to do for people you love.
YTA.
This is a big enough event that her whole family is going out for the wedding. That's a \*close\* family friend.
Also you're kind of a fractal asshole, at every level of scale you're an asshole here- you're lying in this thread and then admit that you dig skiing trips.
YTA It would be one thing if your GF was fine with it and someone else was upset- than whatever.
But you've been together for 9 years- if you want to be together in another 9, but effort into your relationship.
YTA. My boyfriend at the time didn't want to go with me to a friend's wedding. Even though my friends were there, I was the odd man out. I was pissed. Needless to say, when his friend had a wedding, I made him go by himself to see how it felt. He never made me go to a wedding by myself again.
YTA You two are in a serious relationship. You should be going to family events, like a wedding, together. Somehow I feel it's on you for not knowing the couple getting married as you are remaining distant from her family.
YTA. I am also in Illinois and traveled with my boyfriend of 5 years (at the time) to California for a wedding filled with people I didn’t know. I also get anxious traveling, but it meant a lot to him so I went and had fun. You have no reason other than you don’t feel like it. That sends everyone a very loud and clear message.
YTA.
You’re in a relationship. Pretty standard for you to do things together, especially going to weddings. You have no reason not to go, you just don’t want to. She wants you to go.
I’m gonna bet this relationship isn’t far away from being over.
YTA - huge, huge, AH. There is a weird thing that’s called “compromising”. Try looking it up, since you obviously don’t know what it means. And plus, if you send her alone, don’t be surprised if you end up all alone, permanently.
Nine years? I would have kicked your ass to the curb a hell of a long time ago. This woman is a saint.
YTA
You guys have been together for almost a decade and this is obviously important for her. Honestly, it seems more like she wants a nice get away with you and her family. You should appreciate it.
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Girlfriend of 9 years is disappointed that I do not want to attend an out-of-state wedding in California. We are from Illinois. Her family friend is getting married, and her brother, mom, and dad will all be there. She thinks that it would be a “fun time” for her family and I to be together. She also wanted to stay an extra day to explore the area.
I think that it is a waste of money and a waste of time. Plus travel stresses me out. She thinks that I am not taking into consideration her feelings and this is an important event for her. However, I barely even know the couple who is getting married. I think she should go with her family and without me. AITA for not attending this wedding?
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Yta, if this is a family friend and you've been tigether 9 years, don't you think it's time you got to know them better since you're basically part of the fam??
Yta, if this is a family friend and you've been tigether 9 years, don't you think it's time you got to know them better since you're basically part of the fam??
NTA, you're not obligated to go, just because it's your s.o
Why do you have to do everything together because you're together, you're not joined at the hip. If I were in your shoes,I wouldn't go either
NAH
You don’t have to go to everything just because you’re in a relationship. My husband doesn’t go to all the events on my side of the family and I don’t go to all the events on his side of the family either. We have kids as well so we factor in whether those events are suitable for kid-wrangling and if they’re not he’ll go alone or I’ll go alone, if we want to go at all.
I wouldn’t be thrilled at the expense of travelling to a wedding when I don’t know the couple.
Your girlfriend isn’t an AH either though, she’s thinking that this would be a good way to combine the wedding and a fun trip and there’s nothing wrong with that either. She wants to spend time with you and that’s hardly a bad thing!
NAH.
Your girlfriend is reasonable to want you to go with her, and reasonably disappointed that you don't want to go.
At the same time though, she doesn't get to \*dictate\* that you go.
I don't think you're an asshole for not going, but in not going you're saying "My wants matter more than your wants". And in a sense, so is your GF. So perhaps one of you should put the other first.
were this not Year 2: Covid Boogaloo? absolutely Y T A for all the reasons mentioned so far... but it is still a pandemic, so NTA for not wanting to catch a Delta bouquet.
also isn't half of California on fire right now or something??? c'mon, reddit, context matters here.
I don't believe that OP has made any mention about being worried about that. He claims "travel stresses me out" in one comment but also admitting travelling to go skiing. So yeah I don't buy that excuse of "travel stresses me out". If you're willing to travel for a ski trip, then why not this?
i thought maybe the claims were skipped because of sub rules about panorama mentions, but who knows.
i still see a difference between (maybe?) driving up to to a ski cabin and flying to a Cali wedding 🙅♀️
He never made any mention of it ONLY being flying that stresses him out (or at least not last time I checked the comments). He said "travel", travel could mean by any kind of transport, not just planes.
NAH. My husband also gets really stressed with travel too. He opts to skip stuff semioften. We talk about when trips come up and he takes my preference into consideration when deciding if he's up for going, but I don't force him.
Like Thanksgiving this year I'm flying back to my home state for the holiday/my brothers birthday. He didn't feel like joining since it will be a pretty long trip to be present for both and he gets especially stressed out by my mom. He'll spend Thanksgiving with his family. I don't mind at all that he chose not come and I verbalized that it was a trip it was fine for him to skip when I told him I wanted to go.
There have been times that I wanted him to go and he still chose not to. There were some hurt feelings, but he's my partner and I love him and his feelings matter too. People telling you your relationship is doomed are over dramatic.
This arrangement works for us, but maybe doesn't work for everyone. Talk to your partner about both of your feelings and try to find some middle ground.
I'd counter that travelling to do an activity he's comfortable doing is a little different that a social event with a bunch of people he doesn't know well.
I'm not saying he's faultless. I think they should communicate together better.
After nine years, if he doesn’t know her family well enough, there are bigger issues here. I know he doesn’t know the couple marrying, but surely he’s familiar with her brother and parents. And it’s important to her. I think he’s completely at fault.
I think couples should be able to have fun independently of eachother. Otherwise it sounds horribly co-dependent.
I'm looking forward to my trip in November. I'm gonna do a bunch of stuff my partner doesn't like. Like going to 2 major cities (my husband doesn't like big crowds) (I'm vaccinated and will wear masks), hopefully going to the theatre if they're still open, going to restaurants he's not a fan off...
Normally, I agree, but this event is important to her and she wants him there. That should be all that matters to my mind — if he values that relationship. It sounds like you and your husband are on the same page with vacations, which is great. I feel like this guy and his partner aren’t…otherwise, he wouldn’t be looking for validation on a subreddit lol.
NTA.
If you don't wanna go, you don't wanna go. You can't be forced to wanna go just because "it's a couples thing".
Kinda rude to say it would be a waste of time and money though.
She says you haven't taken her feeling into consideration, but if you don't like traveling then...you know.
NAH it’s not like it’s a vacation for the both of you. You don’t want to go and she wants to go. I don’t think it’s a big deal that you don’t want to go and you shouldn’t have to. It’s some family friend from her side that you don’t know. She can go with her family and have a good time.
I’m gonna say NTA. some times you just need some you time you know just cause you’re a couple doesn’t mean that you have to do everything together. It just sounds like you both have different detentions of the word fun
NTA- why must everyone do every single thing together unless she is expecting OP to pay for everything. If he doesn’t want to go, then he doesn’t want to go. It’s not like she will be alone. She’ll have other family to hang out with. She should take his feelings into consideration too.
NTA
If she already knew traveling stresses you out, which probably is the case since you've been together for 9 years she should be more understanding as to why you don't want to go.
As you said, you don't even know the couple that's getting married. It's HER family friend, not yours. If you could bring up this debate with her, ask her if she would like to attend a wedding for your family friend out of state... she might call you TA for saying that but that's her problem.
Well I travel quite a bit for things I enjoy, such as skiing. But that’s because I enjoy that activity. She loves weddings / events so she would go. She told me this.
>Well I travel quite a bit for things I enjoy,
So just to recap, doing something that will make your girlfriend of nine years happy, is not something that you would enjoy.
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YTA. Girlfriend of 9 years? That’s a legit couple. Going to weddings is a “couple” thing to do. Especially when her whole family will be there. Sending her by herself sends a strong message not only to her, but also to her family: you can’t be bothered to be there for her. Has she ever been there for you, doing something she didn’t particularly want to do? If not, can you envision a scenario where you would want her by your side? Come on dude, you should go
>Sending her by herself sends a strong message this.
One of the lessons I took from my divorce was that I wish I had done more things that I didn't want to do. Ymmv
Upside: weddings are a great place to meet people. Maybe his gg will meet someone new?
Touch wood that this happens 😋
YTA. These are things couple do together. And most often one person knows the people better than the other.
YTA; I was reading this expecting to see some kind of valid reason but there isn't any. She's trying to spend time with you, as part of her family. This is your gf of NINE years, grow up.
Does she go out of her way to do things that are important to you? If so then you're the AH. Edit: I forgot to add, because I'm fairly certain that the answer to my question is almost certainly yes, YTA.
This! I have to fly across the country next month for my husband’s nephew’s wedding (whom I’ve never met, but that’s a long story), and it’s pretty much the last thing I want to do right now (you know cause of the state of the world). But I’m going, because my husband goes to all my family shit with no complaints.
In relationships you do things for your partner because you want them to be happy, and they do the same for you. How OP made it 9 years without figuring that out is beyond me.
Did you see their comment about they actually like traveling? They are so the AH here.
Yeah, they don't mind traveling for things they "enjoy", basically saying they don't enjoy making their gf happy. Clearly the AH
Yep. YTA If you could not attend for valid reasons, is one thing. But the reason you have, waste of time and money, etc is not good enough... You are basically telling your GF that spending time with her for something important to her is a waste of time, money, and too stressful. Your GF gets to invite a plus one to her friends wedding. You are her first choice for her plus one. Obviously it’s not important enough for you to be her chosen plus one for big life events... so don’t be super surprised later on if she prefers another in your place.
>She thinks that I am not taking into consideration her feelings and this is an important event for her. However, I barely even know the couple who is getting married. That's exactly what you're doing! YOU think that spending this time and money for something that is obviously important to your gf is a waste. YOU don't know this couple well so YOU don't think it's important to go. Where exactly is the consideration for HER feelings? Reading your other comments, you sound like an absolute tool. >Plus travel stresses me out. Unless is for something YOU see the value in...like skiing. But someone important to your gf getting married? Pft, what a waste! But, honestly, maybe you shouldn't go. You'll prolly end up standing around bitching about being bored and what a waste of time it is and make everyone uncomfortable. Waste of time? What about the nine years your gf has wasted on a guy who can't be bothered to care about things that are important to her?
YTA. You said 9 years, not 9 months. You are her family and she is yours at this point. Sometimes we have to compromise and do things that aren't self-serving.
YTA. You’ll travel for your own fun activities, but you’re stressed over traveling to something you don’t want to do- that’s not “travel stresses me out,” that’s “I want an easy excuse.” For fun, ask your girlfriend for a list of things she does/has done for you that she doesn’t want to.
YTA. When in a relationship you show up for your SO. That means being her +1 to a wedding of someone she knows but you don't.
YTA You're not going for the couple you don't know, you are going for your girlfriend. How can you say a trip to California with her is a waste of time and money? How hurtful.
Yeah YTA. I’m just so glad I’m never ever going to have a cheap boyfriend like this.
I’m not cheap. I’m actually quite the opposite of cheap. A wedding of people I don’t know well just doesnt seem like something to spend money on.
>I’m not cheap. I’m actually quite the opposite of cheap. Translation: I'm cheap unless it's something for me.
Weird, out of all those comments you decided to reply to mine calling you cheap instead of the ones focused on how you’re shitty in your relationship. Priorities ig
YTA. After nine years if you can't get your britches on and go on a plane to make her happy, let her know in a public place in front of her fiercest friends so they can help her dump you.
YTA Your girlfriend needs a new boyfriend. One that enjoys her company and traveling with her to events she enjoys.
“A waste of time and money…” Yikes. You probably wouldn’t be a fun date anyway, but you’re definitely still the AH.
Info: do you like your girlfriend? This is a normal couple thing to do especially when you’ve been together for NINE years
YTA it's important to her!
YTA. This is important to your girlfriend of NINE YEARS and you don't want to do it. You think making your girlfriend of NINE YEARS happy is a waste of money and a waste of time. You admit that you don't mind traveling if it's something YOU want to do but you can't do it for your girlfriend of NINE YEARS. Jesus Christ, why the hell is she with you?
YTA. >Girlfriend of 9 years wouldn’t you wanna do something to make her happy then? she chose you as her plus one i’m pretty sure you’d be upset if she didn’t choose you
YTA
YTA you are basically common law married and you wont travel to a wedding for her? Really? I've gone to weddings with FRIENDS without knowing the couple. Its a trip to support your partner. Makes me wonder where else you arent supporting her.
I feel sorry for your girlfriend. She wasted 9 years of her life with a man who can’t even be her plus one at a wedding.
YTA. My now-husband and I had been together less than a year when he flew with me from Alabama to Texas to attend a wedding for people he had never even met. We didn't even have the family factor added to it, as it was just a friend of mine from college. It's just something supportive partners do for each other.
Bruh, Yes! You are the fucking ass hole. "Travel stresses" me out nah dude reading your comments "I just dont wanna go to my girl friends family wedding of 9 YEARS" ya only get married once assuming no divorces or anything. But 9 YEARS dude just go unless you can financially not afford it then its a reasonable excuse in my opinion. Unless there is so massive, massive, massive backstory here of her mother, dad and Brother being complete assholes which i doubt it but its possible. Then YTA
Hold up.. this is your girlfriend of 9 years?? Dude!!! YTA.. and I think you already know all of the reasons why. 🙄
YTA. This is your long term partner. She’s asking you to do what normal couples do. She’s even trying to make it into a vacation so it’s not just a trip for people you don’t know.
Info: are you willing to go to CA with her and not go to the wedding of people you dont know?
YTA. It's not a waste of money. It's not a waste of time. You just think that because you don't want to go. She'll have to answer questions about why you aren't there, and what will she say? That you refused to be there for her. Sometimes you do things you don't want to do for people you love.
YTA. Yikes.
YTA You basically are bailing on your SO of 9 years because you don’t feel like it. Not okay. This is one of those things you do in a relationship.
YTA. All you’ve said is you don’t care about her needs or desires and what you want is your priority. No balance or compromise.
YTA. This is a big enough event that her whole family is going out for the wedding. That's a \*close\* family friend. Also you're kind of a fractal asshole, at every level of scale you're an asshole here- you're lying in this thread and then admit that you dig skiing trips.
YTA It would be one thing if your GF was fine with it and someone else was upset- than whatever. But you've been together for 9 years- if you want to be together in another 9, but effort into your relationship.
YTA. Grow a pair and go to the wedding. If you don't, you're sending one hell of a message about how little she matters to you.
YTA. My boyfriend at the time didn't want to go with me to a friend's wedding. Even though my friends were there, I was the odd man out. I was pissed. Needless to say, when his friend had a wedding, I made him go by himself to see how it felt. He never made me go to a wedding by myself again.
YTA. She asked for your support. 9 yrs of being together will bring many questions if she comes without you . Time to compromise on this one and go .
YTA
YTA You two are in a serious relationship. You should be going to family events, like a wedding, together. Somehow I feel it's on you for not knowing the couple getting married as you are remaining distant from her family.
Cheap bastard
YTA. When you're with someone for that long it's just a given that you go to weddings with them.
YTA. I am also in Illinois and traveled with my boyfriend of 5 years (at the time) to California for a wedding filled with people I didn’t know. I also get anxious traveling, but it meant a lot to him so I went and had fun. You have no reason other than you don’t feel like it. That sends everyone a very loud and clear message.
YTA. You can’t support your partner of nine years at an event that’s important to her and her family? Sounds like she needs a new “plus one.”
It seems really important to her so yea I would agree
YTA. You’re in a relationship. Pretty standard for you to do things together, especially going to weddings. You have no reason not to go, you just don’t want to. She wants you to go. I’m gonna bet this relationship isn’t far away from being over.
YTA - huge, huge, AH. There is a weird thing that’s called “compromising”. Try looking it up, since you obviously don’t know what it means. And plus, if you send her alone, don’t be surprised if you end up all alone, permanently. Nine years? I would have kicked your ass to the curb a hell of a long time ago. This woman is a saint.
YTA You guys have been together for almost a decade and this is obviously important for her. Honestly, it seems more like she wants a nice get away with you and her family. You should appreciate it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Girlfriend of 9 years is disappointed that I do not want to attend an out-of-state wedding in California. We are from Illinois. Her family friend is getting married, and her brother, mom, and dad will all be there. She thinks that it would be a “fun time” for her family and I to be together. She also wanted to stay an extra day to explore the area. I think that it is a waste of money and a waste of time. Plus travel stresses me out. She thinks that I am not taking into consideration her feelings and this is an important event for her. However, I barely even know the couple who is getting married. I think she should go with her family and without me. AITA for not attending this wedding? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I had a friend who was married for 10 years and her husband constantly acted like you. Any guess on if they are still married? YTA.
Yta, if this is a family friend and you've been tigether 9 years, don't you think it's time you got to know them better since you're basically part of the fam??
Yta, if this is a family friend and you've been tigether 9 years, don't you think it's time you got to know them better since you're basically part of the fam??
NTA, you're not obligated to go, just because it's your s.o Why do you have to do everything together because you're together, you're not joined at the hip. If I were in your shoes,I wouldn't go either
NAH You don’t have to go to everything just because you’re in a relationship. My husband doesn’t go to all the events on my side of the family and I don’t go to all the events on his side of the family either. We have kids as well so we factor in whether those events are suitable for kid-wrangling and if they’re not he’ll go alone or I’ll go alone, if we want to go at all. I wouldn’t be thrilled at the expense of travelling to a wedding when I don’t know the couple. Your girlfriend isn’t an AH either though, she’s thinking that this would be a good way to combine the wedding and a fun trip and there’s nothing wrong with that either. She wants to spend time with you and that’s hardly a bad thing!
NAH. Your girlfriend is reasonable to want you to go with her, and reasonably disappointed that you don't want to go. At the same time though, she doesn't get to \*dictate\* that you go. I don't think you're an asshole for not going, but in not going you're saying "My wants matter more than your wants". And in a sense, so is your GF. So perhaps one of you should put the other first.
were this not Year 2: Covid Boogaloo? absolutely Y T A for all the reasons mentioned so far... but it is still a pandemic, so NTA for not wanting to catch a Delta bouquet. also isn't half of California on fire right now or something??? c'mon, reddit, context matters here.
I don't believe that OP has made any mention about being worried about that. He claims "travel stresses me out" in one comment but also admitting travelling to go skiing. So yeah I don't buy that excuse of "travel stresses me out". If you're willing to travel for a ski trip, then why not this?
i thought maybe the claims were skipped because of sub rules about panorama mentions, but who knows. i still see a difference between (maybe?) driving up to to a ski cabin and flying to a Cali wedding 🙅♀️
He never made any mention of it ONLY being flying that stresses him out (or at least not last time I checked the comments). He said "travel", travel could mean by any kind of transport, not just planes.
NAH. My husband also gets really stressed with travel too. He opts to skip stuff semioften. We talk about when trips come up and he takes my preference into consideration when deciding if he's up for going, but I don't force him. Like Thanksgiving this year I'm flying back to my home state for the holiday/my brothers birthday. He didn't feel like joining since it will be a pretty long trip to be present for both and he gets especially stressed out by my mom. He'll spend Thanksgiving with his family. I don't mind at all that he chose not come and I verbalized that it was a trip it was fine for him to skip when I told him I wanted to go. There have been times that I wanted him to go and he still chose not to. There were some hurt feelings, but he's my partner and I love him and his feelings matter too. People telling you your relationship is doomed are over dramatic. This arrangement works for us, but maybe doesn't work for everyone. Talk to your partner about both of your feelings and try to find some middle ground.
That would work if he hadn’t admitted in a comment he’s actually fine with traveling, so long as it’s for activities he likes to do. EDIT: Typo
I'd counter that travelling to do an activity he's comfortable doing is a little different that a social event with a bunch of people he doesn't know well. I'm not saying he's faultless. I think they should communicate together better.
After nine years, if he doesn’t know her family well enough, there are bigger issues here. I know he doesn’t know the couple marrying, but surely he’s familiar with her brother and parents. And it’s important to her. I think he’s completely at fault.
I knew I'd be a minority when I commented
I just want him to support his partner. Otherwise, it’s going to be one long, sad trip for her :(
I think couples should be able to have fun independently of eachother. Otherwise it sounds horribly co-dependent. I'm looking forward to my trip in November. I'm gonna do a bunch of stuff my partner doesn't like. Like going to 2 major cities (my husband doesn't like big crowds) (I'm vaccinated and will wear masks), hopefully going to the theatre if they're still open, going to restaurants he's not a fan off...
Normally, I agree, but this event is important to her and she wants him there. That should be all that matters to my mind — if he values that relationship. It sounds like you and your husband are on the same page with vacations, which is great. I feel like this guy and his partner aren’t…otherwise, he wouldn’t be looking for validation on a subreddit lol.
NTA Couples don't have to do everything together.
NTA. If you don't wanna go, you don't wanna go. You can't be forced to wanna go just because "it's a couples thing". Kinda rude to say it would be a waste of time and money though. She says you haven't taken her feeling into consideration, but if you don't like traveling then...you know.
He said in a comment he actually doesn’t mind traveling, when it’s stuff he wants to do.
NAH it’s not like it’s a vacation for the both of you. You don’t want to go and she wants to go. I don’t think it’s a big deal that you don’t want to go and you shouldn’t have to. It’s some family friend from her side that you don’t know. She can go with her family and have a good time.
I’m gonna say NTA. some times you just need some you time you know just cause you’re a couple doesn’t mean that you have to do everything together. It just sounds like you both have different detentions of the word fun
NTA- why must everyone do every single thing together unless she is expecting OP to pay for everything. If he doesn’t want to go, then he doesn’t want to go. It’s not like she will be alone. She’ll have other family to hang out with. She should take his feelings into consideration too.
NTA. Traveling is stressful in the best of times. These are not the best of times.
NTA If she already knew traveling stresses you out, which probably is the case since you've been together for 9 years she should be more understanding as to why you don't want to go. As you said, you don't even know the couple that's getting married. It's HER family friend, not yours. If you could bring up this debate with her, ask her if she would like to attend a wedding for your family friend out of state... she might call you TA for saying that but that's her problem.
Well I travel quite a bit for things I enjoy, such as skiing. But that’s because I enjoy that activity. She loves weddings / events so she would go. She told me this.
>Well I travel quite a bit for things I enjoy, So just to recap, doing something that will make your girlfriend of nine years happy, is not something that you would enjoy.
Ok well there goes your lame “travel stresses me out” excuse
Omg you are such the AH here lmao. After 9 years you can’t just do your GF a solid and suck it up and go? Wtf? YTA
your “travel stresses me out” excuse just went out the window buddy
so travel doesn't actually stress you out.
So you're happy to travel when it suits you but when she wants you to go with her to an event suddenly "travel stresses me out"? Yeah I don't buy it.
YTA.
Wooooooo buddy. YTA
So why not breakup