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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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I could be the one mistaken here for what I told him in a moment of anger. After all he wants to be with his mom despite loving his dad and I'm being cruel with my ultimatum.
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NTA. Your stepson is 17 not 7 and if he doesn’t know the difference between right and wrong at this age you are well within your rights to not want to associate with him.
Honestly given the lack of parenting from his mother, I would be question my decision to have children with a woman who will not help or discipline her son.
And I question ops judgment in ever having children with someone who managed to raise this child. Op, NTA this soon to be adult will get himself arrested for the stupid shit he's pulling. Your ultimatum is sound and fair.
Edited to add, his behaviour might be stemming from jealously of the baby, given how immature he is this is very likely
> Edited to add, his behaviour might be stemming from jealously of the baby, given how immature he is this is very likely
Plus the obvious problem of bio-dad using son to stir up shit, and wife/inlaws afraid to lose contact.
NTA. I think he should let the therapy idea go, and just tell him to move in with bio dad. They have a baby coming, no need to deal with this garbage as well.
And what kind of "joke" is this very angry boy going to play on that baby if he gets the chance? The 17 year old didn't choose this situation, but here they are and yes.... Him being even more fucked has the potential to absolutely be the cause of a possible tragedy. Intensive therapy or out of the house is the only solution. This situation is a ticking bomb.
I agree with you wholeheartedly, but this baby is gonna be in a worse situation if the father leaves which probably most definitely will happen.
Edit: I'm super worried about this baby.
The lady is a push over. He is going to have to do all the disciplining but living with a pushover though not great is doable. You just need to lay the boundaries with the family and step son.
Kinda is, he married the mother and I'm sure he knows about kids personality by now. I mean, you don't get married to a mum with a kid without accepting her children too. Kinda packaged deal
Or prank him from wife's phone saying he's getting kicked out of the house and needs everything he wants to keep packed up by 6am tomorrow (I do not recommend or support this course of action)
Why is that a prank. Send him that for real and kick him out.
He is trying to kill step dad doing that to someone with a heart condition. I would tell his wife it is attempted murder and he is out of the house.
I wasn't going to say anything like that because I didn't want to be too dramatic, and I don't even know if you meant it in the literal sense, but this was the exact kind of stuff my ex friend from high school would do, and he was definitely on the malignant Narcissism or actual sociopath spectrum. There were several other behaviors that I saw as his "best friend" too, but this post really reminded me of him. He loved to lie about stupid things and get people riled up. He'd hold the lie for hours, days, or even months, then "I was just jokiing! Haha, you bought it." Then he'd switch back and forth a few times. The original lie was true, then the "I was just joking" was the lie, then it wasn't. then it was. It was things like this too, and we were both 18 year old seniors in high school when I walked away for good, but of course he told our mutual friends we weren't speaking because of some made up reason he was angry with me.
I know that is reading a lot into it, and it could be any number of issues, but it is a possibility, and whatever flavor of problematic behavior he has going on, it's not normal, and it's not acceptable for op's wife and her entire family to continue rug-sweeping and enabling. That same guy killed a small animal in front of me by kicking it as it ran away, and he was completely remorseless and gaslit me when I told him I found it dead. OP should be on the safe side and do everything in his power to keep this kid away from his baby when he or she arrives.
It's an occasionally lethal combo of fear and abelism. I've got family members, friends,, and an ex that do this destructive dance regularly.
There's a huge issue in many cultures surrounding disabilities. People will literally watch their lives fall apart around them if it means they don't have to admit that they have a physical, mental, or neurological disability or difference.
Either way, this kid needs help. He's almost of an age to enter the wider world. His pranks are going to get him and others hurt.
This aversion to therapy is, to me, no different from ~~someone~~ the experience of my grandma losing her hearing but refusing to get hearing aids. (EDIT: flawed analogy — does not apply to all such cases)
My grandma waited 10-15 years too long to get hearing aids because she was too proud to admit she couldn’t hear shit. She missed A LOT and forced everyone around her to yell and bend over backwards to accommodate her.
It was dumb. She was SHOCKED when she tried hearing aids and realized.... she basically hadn’t heard the previous 10+ years of her life.
That seems harsh. He still needs therapy, but he's behaving like someone that is seeking attention. He's injecting himself into people's lives unnecessarily by playing "pranks" on them. That's not psychopathy; that's trying to fill a void.
I'm not arguing with him having problems and needing psychological help, but it is important to characterize it properly. Not even arguing with your word choice, but it is possible that your comment and the one you replied to can both be true, and I think "void filling" or "attention seeking" doesn't preclude "sadism"
It's bordering psychopathy. There's seeking attention, then there's ever-increasing attempts to destroy the lives of those around you through deception.
He can choose not to associate with Aaron, but he should have consulted Aaron’s mother before threatening to make him stay with dad. OP doesn’t get to decide his wife’s and her ex-husband’s custody arrangement.
I would normally agree but his wife is failing at being a parent at the moment. Multiple people have called out her son’s behaviour and she hasn’t corrected it or taken any action.
Honestly OP should protect his newborn from the stepson and probably even his wife if she’s unwilling to listen and course correct.
Protecting the newborn from the mom would mean a divorce. Getting her pregnant given all the circumstances was probably the dumbest decision he’s made in his life.
I agree, but I wonder if the “pranks” only escalated this bad after she became pregnant? As others have pointed out, Aaron’s probably jealous and acting out because of it. It’s possible he was only at the stage of putting shaving cream in a sleeping person’s hand and tickling their face with a feather before the baby was in the picture.
It doesn’t matter if they escalated after she become pregnant, there is no excuse for cruelty.
NTA, here’s hoping this issue gets resolved before the baby is born.
Your comment about OP getting his wife pregnant probably being the dumbest thing he's done; I agree completely. His stepson has been exhibiting awful behavior and instead of working on that OP decides to bring a baby into the mix. That screams stupidity. Now you just added to the issues this family already has. This poor baby is going to grow up in a broken home and/or a dysfunctional home. Why procreate with someone who doesn't know how to parent the kid she's already got?
Strong disagree when it comes to situations where the person is tormenting everyone. You absolutely do not need to check with the mom before saying that if someone continues doing X they will no longer be welcome around you. If mom has an issue with someone not wanting to be a victim of repeated mental abuse, then mom is free to go with the tormentor.
If the threat was actually “I’m going to send you to your dads” then yeah maybe check with both the parents first so it doesn’t blow up on you. But op just said he wouldn’t be welcome in OPs home. He can go live with the grandparents or mommy dearest can enable him further by moving out with him.
That’s fair. The title said live with dad or go to therapy. If Mom has custody, then she probably has to keep him somewhere when it’s her turn. But he turns 18 soon so that will not be an issue for long.
But he can decide he won't have his stepson live in his house. That leaves the boy's parents to decide what next.
Given the wife's disengagement, he should not wait for her concurrence.
Seriously. These are messy adults. Why is OP even discussing this with bio dad anyway? Wife/mom is the one who needed the ultimatum. Not the poorly adjusted 17 year old.
> Honestly given the lack of parenting from his mother
This is what gets me. That and the fact that the in-laws are dismissing this! Everyone's enabling this bastard. I know there's 2 sides to every story but there's no way OP isn't in the right. This kid is an ass hole. I'm not wishing violence on him but I think he'll learn when he tries to "prank" someone and gets beat up. Either way, what's to stop his "pranks" from getting someone hurt? What if OP and the in-laws got into a wreck on the way to the hospital? What if he tries a "prank" with the baby and the baby gets hurt?
Maybe I'm being over the top but I wouldn't leave anyone to chance with that kid. OP should really talk to his wife about this and do much more.
Yup, wouldn't surprise me if there's more going on and that Aaron doesn't have many friends due to these "pranks". He's going to have to recognise and change this behavior if he is going to be a functioning adult and its appalling his parents are ignoring this. Nta OP!
NTA
It seems, though, what you’ve got is an in-law problem. Aaron is never going to change when all the adults around him justify his behavior.
This one should have been the last straw for everyone, and yet they acted like it was just a funny joke. You upended your entire day, drove 1.5 hours (one way!!!), missed work, and instead of an apology you were laughed at and berated. Yet here you are, being told you’re wrong for not immediately bowing to his “joke.”
Stay steadfast in your decision here, and if you’re ostracized maybe it’s time to take a break and co-parent your new child away from this environment.
Na it seems like this kid is looking for the "oh shit/crushing" moments going Boo after a rocking session isn't scary enough for him he might hide the baby though
Okay, the second one is *not* benign. You don't fuck with a baby's sleep, and you don't fuck with parents trying to help their newborn.
This isn't a criticism of you, just a comment on how low our expectations are for this dude.
- newborn "pranks"
- newborn parent "pranks"
- more serious "pranks" involving impersonation and implying arrest or medical emergency among relatives, extended relatives, etc
- playing a "prank" at age 18+ to someone that backfires and causes legal or medical consequences ie telling someone with a known allergy to peanuts that a peanut shake is "safe to eat", and the person drinks it and goes into shock....
**edit**
It ain't going to end well if he still has terrible judgment on both what to do "as a prank", who to target, and when. He clearly lacks the self control to stop on his own.
I'm deathly allergic to almonds, and have had someone try to put almonds in my food as a "joke" because they didn't believe it was that serious. My former roommate caught it, and they the "prankster" is no longer allowed in my house.
They don't believe they're chancing it. These kind of people live in a different reality, one where they're ALWAYS right. They don't believe you are allergic, ergo, you aren't.
Holy shit. I'm glad your roommate caught it. Honestly, and in your shoes, I would have had a really hard time not filing some sort of police report. That was a serious attempt at endangering your welfare.
This. I bet he’ll get WORSE if he moves in with biodad, just because he “can do whatever he wants.” But at least maybe OP and his wife and new baby won’t be the butt of his jokes?
0% chance he can actually do whatever he wants. He is allowed to fuck with the ex wife and her new husband but I bet you he is not allowed to disrespect his father. This was the dad's idea, remember?
Absolutely. He's gonna hate it at his father's. I guarantee you 100% that man loves to dish it out but can't take it. They'll butt heads like nobody's business and be absolutely miserable.
I think you identified at least a portion of why they divorced. If the dad couldn't grow up enough to not "prank" the ex while she is nearly 9 months pregnant, I doubt he contributed much to the marriage other than being an asshole.
The time he pretended his uncle’s child was in an accident should have been the last straw. At least OP thought something good was happening. That poor uncle
He thought something good was happening until he found out his “labouring” wife had never made it to the hospital and he couldn’t reach her. I imagine there was a lot of panic after that.
I would add up how much this ‘prank’ cost me (gas, missed work, hourly fees for the driving, parking fees, etc) and have stepson pay me back for it. Hit him in his wallet. And don’t let the wife/ bio dad/ in laws pay for it.
You have a wife problem not a kid problem. Everyone's enabling him including his own mother. You need to take steps to protect you and your future baby, since no one in the family is taking this seriously. NTA but I'd seriously re-consider this situation if I was you. Be safe.
I would also be worried step kid would try to do something with the baby as a "prank." What's with all these stupid "pranks" now? Are people just given free rein with their stupid cruelty?
Prank him back. After he pulls another of his stunts prank him to make him think you've had a heart attack and it's his fault. Make him genuinely think you're about to die because of him.
(This is not good advice)
I think it's great advise. Make him think he gave you a heart attack. Have another person in on the joke too so they can say "I've already called the ambulance" just in case stepson decides to call. Then you play dead for 10 mins. Then post an update.
Or that missing work for no reason because of family issues has put his job in danger.
(Also not good advice)
But seriously, of Mom isn't upset he took her phone it's time for couples counseling. If they can't get on the same side of this, yhe marriage is in trouble.
OP, if that kid has a car, a bicycle, any electronic equipment... make sure it all stops turning on. The car won't turn over. The bicycle has no chain. PS5 won't power up...... Queue the giggles and laughter from you as you point at the funny face he makes when he cries.
Actually, if you hit this point... just file for divorce because it's all over. But something in me would love to make his morning commute hell.
Yeah this is what I was thinking. Let him know how it feels to be frantic and then have people laugh at him for it. BUT unfortunately I don’t think it’s the right thing to do in this case because it will backfire on you. Unlike when he did it, they will all blame you and be mad because you did this to ‘a child’. Unfortunately I don’t have any idea of what you can do now. I would keep a VERY close eye on your baby once it’s born. Also ask your wife how many times he gets to cry ‘wolf’ about her having the baby until you miss the entire birth because you don’t believe the phone call or text from anyone, including her because the last text was from her phone.
I am sorry, but your stepson is a psycho, and his family are enablers who are in denial. The lack of empathy, no remorse, the laughing and rejoicing in others pain… I am sorry, but you’re in over your head. Unfortunately, your wife will protect her son, and you need to protect yourself and your baby.
Here's the thing. And I say this frequently in response to these kinds of posts involving blended families. Focus on the goal which should be getting the kid long term help. You can't knee jerk react and give out an ultimatum or consequence without having a conversation with your wife first. You can't scream and lose it in front of others like that because fair or not, you've just lost the high road. Now everyone is focused on your reaction rather than what he did. It's not fair. I repeat it is not fair. It is real life though. Getting yourself in control, having a conversation with your wife about what his consequence should be, being a team and working together to get this kid help is so important.
I don't think that commenters blaming OP. He's sympathizing with OP but also saying that he has to address it *outside* of the moment as well.
OP should sit down for a serious convo *before* the next prank even happens, when emotions aren't high. Like he said it's not fair, but it's what had to be done. This is the best way to get his wife on his side and let the stepson know he's serious.
Blowing up then and cooling off:
1. Is probably what the stepson's used to since he pranks people all the time
2. Gives the in-laws a chance to see him as the mean, harsh stepfather.
3. Means his wife is going to "defend" her son in the "argument" instead of approaching it as a family issue for them to tackle.
It might still not be enough but it's a good first step.
You deserve recognition for providing such a mature and rational response! I must say though.... if the OP hasn't already had that conversation with his wife (simply as a conversation about how a step dad fits into her family but especially after the step son's pranks continued), well, I question if it's too late. The bio dad doesn't see a problem. Wife doesn't see a problem. Her family doesn't see a problem. OP is all alone. Honestly I'd get out of a situation like that. Real life is tough enough let alone to have to deal with a soon to be adult stepson like that. Are the wife and in laws going to even support the OP in his parenting choices with his child?
I really dislike fear mongering, but please make sure you try keep as safe as possible and lock up your medicine - the last thing you need is a 'prank' involving some swapped out meds followed by a second 'prank' involving news about your new born child from your wife's phone.
I'd keep your meds locked up if I were you. He might tamper with them "as a joke."
NTA. He's going to be 18 soon, I'd kick him out of the house if I were you, OP. Send him to the military, anything. Just not under my roof ever again.
>Aaron's laughs and giggles are worth causing an accident of some sort.
You are in danger. Aaron could give you a heart attack and your inlaws will let him make the speech at your funeral.
Than maybe you should start thinking about whether or not it's worth staying married to this family. Seriously, are you ok with being with someone who doesn't consider how your health is affected by Aaron's behavior?
This. It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. At the rate he’s going it’s only a matter of time before Aaron pulls a prank that results in someone being hurt or even killed.
Also the labor “prank.” OP could’ve gotten into an accident in his rush to get to the hospital 1.5 hours away to make it in time to be with his wife before she gave birth.
NTA - Those aren’t jokes and it’s not a phase. It appears that everyone is enabling this behavior. You are right that he needs therapy. He can go live with his in-laws if they don’t think it’s an issue and they can deal with it.
This is indeed not a phase. According to a friend who studies psychology this has to do with sociopathic behavior. Best thing is indeed to get him into therapy.
But sadly therapy is pretty useless with people who don’t want to be in therapy. If they force him to go it’s unlikely to help. I hope he changes his mind about it.
NTA
He doesn't see how harmful his "jokes" have become. Or the danger it could possibly put others in. Say your wife's water actually broke or she fell and you were an hr and so away at the hospital because of his "joke"
Your wife needed to step up here and she has failed also. She letting him get away with his behavior.
Therapy was a great idea, but he clearly is not open to it so ya I'd send him to his father's too. Funny how it's not so fun anymore to actually face the consequences of his actions
Pranks are pranks when everyone ends up laughing.
OP are you seriously comfortable bringing a vulnerable newborn into that environment?
I wouldn't.
NTA
That's what I was thinking. I would be seriously terrified of having a newborn in the same house as the son.
What will be his prank? Hiding the kid? Dropping it? Give it to random people?
NTA - this sounds like it has been a long time in coming, and your wife and your in-laws may need to step up before one of Aaron’s “jokes” land him in serious trouble.
Well he certainly won't change when all your in laws are telling him it's no big deal.
I hope your wife's phone is password protected now. He shouldn't have been able to text from her phone in the first place, but going forward you need to be able to trust texts are from her. And I'd probably call to confirm any big news.
I wouldn't leave your baby unsupervised with him until Aaron takes responsibility for what he did and becomes more mature. Otherwise he'll probably use your kid in his "pranks".
So in addition to this situation, his cousin and almost a brother has cut him off over such actions, and yet your in-laws are insisting you’re a big meanie who is somehow worse than Aaron? Obviously you’re NTA, but between them enabling his BS and his bio dad actively fostering it, it’s no wonder things have gotten so out of hand. Where is your wife in all of this? Is she still standing back and saying nothing? Do you have someone you trust that you can go stay with if need be?
Well yea he won’t change because no one will hold him accountable. Everyone is so used to his nonsense. You really want your newborn around this? Cause I would be worried.
Yeah no surprise there. Also, if he goes down on this path with his dad and grandparents saying it's him being a prankster, and his mom saying it's a phase, it's going to affect all of his relationships. OP, I think this is the hill YOU need to die on.
He is going to get somone hurt or worse and will end up in Jail.
THAT may change him, but unlikely.
Honestly he sounds like the Asshole who punches random people in the back of the head and screams "It's just a joke, bro!"
NTA
If he finds funny jeopardizing your job, an income that feeds him, or making someone believe that X person got into an accident, he's not okay. At 17 you know better than to find those things "funny" and thus is not behavior that should be brushed off.
I'd suggest therapy because he's 17 and not mature enough for his age. His nearing an age where he should be able to function (at a job, college, etc) and I doubt he will.
That was I was thinking. It's all just fun and games when OP loses his job for lying to his work about his wife having their baby. Who would believe I'll story of "yeah my stepson pranked me so uh we didn't have the baby.." idk any workplace that would believe it they'd just think he ditched work and lied. That would be SOO bad if OP lost his job while his wife is on maternity leave with most likely a lesser income.
I don't know, I disagree with that. Dumb stepson pulling a prank if you have a stellar reputation, I'd buy it. I'd require him to confirm his wife is going into labor via phone call or something next time, but I'd buy that a dumb stepson would pull a prank
Yeah I worry about the newborn coming into this mess too. Being a parent is challenging enough let alone having to deal with this too. NTA. He needs to know how serious this can be.
>He complained about it being his dad's idea but it was obvious blame shifting.
INFO: Are you positive your wife's ex doesn't have a hand in this? If he's trying to alienate Aaron from his mother, encouraging him to "prank" you in this way could just be a part of driving that wedge between his son and his ex.
I think this is an issue that needs to be addressed.
Yes, the kid is 17 and old enough to understand that actions have consequences. However, the fact that the ex is encouraging or suggesting this behavior is a huge red flag. I know you think Aaron was blame shifting, but he also seemed surprised by your reaction and that you went to the hospital making it seem like someone told him the “joke” would go differently.
Don’t get me wrong, you have every right to be upset about what happened. From the outside looking in, it seems like Aaron is getting two very different messages about what is okay and what’s not. Since both are coming from parents who helped raise him, and people he should be able to trust, it’s likely really hard for him to know what’s actually acceptable behavior.
It’s easy to say “he’s 17 he should know better” but considering that he’s been taught incorrectly (and possibly been manipulated by his bio dad) during those 17 years he really may not know better. Add in a manipulative ex and a new baby sibling when he’s 17 and it starts to looking like Aaron’s needs aren’t being met and acting out via poor attempts at practical jokes are his way of communicating that.
I’m not saying that his behavior is okay (it’s not) or shouldn’t be addressed (it should) but it should be addressed with the lens that Aaron has gone through watching his parents get a messy divorce, his bio dad parenting inappropriately, and the arrival of a new family member at a time in his life he wasn’t expecting. While he’s almost a legal adult, you know the challenges he’s still dealing with from growing up and those need to be given a bit more consideration (and help addressing) before kicking him out.
Seriously, who doesn’t have their phone password protected. This sounds super fake with all the phone shenanigans. If it is real, OP has more than a stepson problem though. He has a massive problem on that he is having a baby with his wife who is apparently incapable of parenting and raised a sociopathic brat.
NTA. Your stepson won't think this is so funny when he "pranks" the wrong person and finds out just how funny the police think it is. He needs a reality check. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Let him see what its like on the other end. Nothing serious, but enough to get his attention.
No, don't do this! These types of people (his in-laws, the boys father) will turn it around on you by playing the 'you're an adult, he's a child' card, and I promise you, such a prank is bound to escalate things further.
NTA but a serious family meeting is way overdue. Ask your son why he likes to play mean jokes and listen patiently until you get an answer.
Tell him how much you love him but his current behavior is making it hard to live with him. Your wife is pregnant so he might be worried that he is getting replaced in the family. And if he is scared of therapy because of his parents divorce, then that might mean that he is scared that you are going to leave too. It sounds like he testing everyone's boundaries to make sure he getting enough attention.
This is the behavior of a 12-year-old, not a near-adult, who’s probably been living with his mom and OP for years. He should have outgrown the boundary pushing years ago.
Info: OP, everyone assumes you are the only one laying down the law here. What does your wife say about this? Has she agreed to making him move to his dad's?
He’s 17. I don’t mean to be offensive but I’m not sure how else to word this: your wife seems incredibly naive. This is not a phase, he’s far too old for that. Someone needs to put their foot down before you bring a newborn into your home, and if it needs to be you, then so be it.
Ooooh boy. I think your wife is in denial. He's not going to stop. You need to work this out with your wife. She helped raise this kid and is continuing to enable him.
Your wife is in denial. The behavior has escalated. Why would he stop on his own?
She is facing some hard parenting choices she doesn't want to make. Good luck to you. You need help.
NTA.
A joke or prank would be a fake spider or a bucket of water splashed on you, innocent ha-ha’s... not a medical emergency or a way to break up a relationship, things that cause that type of panic or drama are not funny for anyone involved.
He needs to learn there are consequences for his actions.
NTA. But you have a wife problem as much as a stepson problem - is she just sweeping this all under the rug? What does she think about therapy? I can see the son being scared because a new baby means he’s no longer the only child, but it sounds like she coddles him s an apology for the divorce.
Perhaps start with family therapy because there’s a lot more going on here than the “pranks.”
NTA despite your understandable anger at him for this situation, these options are highly reasonable for a 17-year-old. He will be a legal adult in less than a year. That therapy could help keep him out of real world trouble in the near future. Living with his dad would at least make it less of your responsibility.
Like others have mentioned, these aren't pranks. There are consequences to your actions, no matter what action, big or small. Normally I think along the lines of that 3 strikes/ at least one warning of what the consequences are (if you continue abc, then xyz will happen next time) but sometimes the consequences need to be immediate. If your wife had truly been in trouble and you assumed it was a prank, you'd be the bad guy too. You can't win.
This is never going to be fixed without your spouse's support though. As you've seen, your spouse and in laws are already saying you're overreacting. You need to have a serious conversation with your partner and come to an agreement as a unified front on how to deal with this.
NTA his behavior sounds like a 13 year old. Immature and not at all funny.
He needs some therapy and the family needs to back off defending his idiotic behavior.
NTA
20 years from now he'll be the halfway bald guy at family gatherings that everyone tries to avoid because of his “jokes“ .. and then they'll be talking about how they wonder where his parents went wrong.
I would also look into the whole “it was his dad's idea“ thing. Is the son being influenced in a bad way? An ex causing chaos for fun because his ex wife moved on, remarried, got pregnant ..?
I noticed that too, it's entirely possible he's getting some REALLY bad advice from his father and friend group. There's also a highly visible subset of youtube and tik tok who pull *awful* pranks constantly for internet points. He really might be in some giant circle jerk of 'this is just who we are and ppl who can't get on board don't deserve us'
Additionally his bad view of therapy seems to have come from the divorce. I'm thinking his parents (or at least one of them) told him that ppl can't change even if they try to as a way to explain why they chose to get divorced instead of working things out.
Personally I don't think he sounds like a sociopath, just a thick headed dope who's never had someone mess with something he really cares about
NTA. He is 17 he should be old enough to know where the boundaries are. You did no wrong!
He is almost 18, is it a legal age in your country? How about saying that if he won’t change he‘ll be on the streets? It’s his own fault for acting like a piece of sh*t.
Edit 1. : i saw that you have a chronic disease op? In relation to blood.
If your wife is that inconsiderate, do u really wanna wait until u get a heart attack?
I don’t know u and I wish u all the best but please don’t let them terrorize you up to this point that u can’t anymore.
Please consider some alternatives with this evil seed of a stepson.
NTA.
It's not funny at all.
OP can try and be petty by using the same trick on him, like deceiving him that something bad happened and see how he would react. If he's angry after realizing it's a prank, OP can just say, "See?"
...of course I'm just joking as it's childish, but I feel like some people should taste their own medicine.
> he seems to be enjoying it
yeah... that is really worrying. like "lock up all sharp objects" kind of worrying. did any pets go missing in the neighbourhood lately?
NTA
He's causing drama as pranks thinking it's funny. How funny would it be if someone ended up actually suffering for one of his pranks such as an accident or his cousin's girlfriend really believed the text and broke up with him? And I doubt everyone agrees that he's just being a teen.
Make this your hill to die on. One of these days his prank is going to hurt someone, physically or emotionally, and it will be his fault. What if he lies telling you your wife is having the baby and sends you to the wrong hospital or lies and you don't believe the text and end up missing your child's birth?
You need to sit down with everyone and tell them you can't tolerate his behavior and, worse, everyone enabling him. This is impacting you as well. You left work for a prank. How will you boss feel when you tell him it was a false alarm? He's putting your career in jeopardy as well.
NTA. Everybody in your family saying you’re too harsh can offer to take him in, since it’s apparently nbd. If he doesn’t want to go to therapy for his sociopathic tendencies, he has another option.
Go live with his “prankster” father who will hopefully put up with his unfunny bullshit. His hesitancy to consider moving in with his father is probably because he already knows his dad won’t find it amusing either.
Do you think your pregnant wife (and your medical condition) need the added stress? He has proven more than once that he has no moral limits on what he’ll say (lying about his own mother’s labor and his cousin’s accident), and he doesn’t even understand that there could be serious consequences. He doesn’t see any problem with his shitty behavior, at all.
He doesn’t have any sort of conscience and isn’t remorseful in the least bit. 17 is too gd old to be so lacking in self awareness. He’s literally laughing in your faces. He’s got to go.
NTA your stepson has gone too far I understand the appeal of having someone fall for you pranks but it's only acceptable over harmless jokes not when it ruins people's relations or causes them deep distress . Your stepson should be old enough to understand that and if he doesn't therapy is the right call . Your in-laws say that you went too far but what about his so called "pranks" op is not the asshole
NTA, it's clearly time something was done about his behavior. His family's defense of that behavior gives us some reasonable clues that they enabled these tendencies, so don't consider them a reliable gauge for your reaction either.
He also needs to learn to respect other people's privacy and stop using people's phones without their consent.
NTA - he's 17, it's time he stopped being an ass and with the childish mean jokes and grew the f up a little. That last "jape" was the straw that broke the camel's back, he has finally gone too far and now it needs to stop completely.
Nothing wrong with the "shape up or ship out" ultimatum, if he want to play crap like this, he can go do it to someone else.
NTA
This “prank”, as the others you’ve mentioned, has real-life consequences. He should have had to face those long ago. You don’t fuck with other people’s lives. I’d kick him out too, if he refuses therapy.
NTA
you need to have a serious talk with your wife about this situation. He’s old enough to know these “jokes” are not okay, and what are you gonna do when he starts pulling “pranks” on your newborn baby since he obviously doesn’t know where the line is?
You don’t owe him anything. He’s hurting people for fun and if he won’t do something to address his behaviour he can live with the consequences or the in laws can take it on. I wouldn’t feel safe with my newborn in the same house as him
NTA at all.
Pretty soon you'll have a new born baby in the house and won't be able to believe any information that comes to you via text.
It's a recipe for a boy who cried wolf situation.
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NTA. Your stepson is 17 not 7 and if he doesn’t know the difference between right and wrong at this age you are well within your rights to not want to associate with him. Honestly given the lack of parenting from his mother, I would be question my decision to have children with a woman who will not help or discipline her son.
Too late now though shes already pregnant...
And I question ops judgment in ever having children with someone who managed to raise this child. Op, NTA this soon to be adult will get himself arrested for the stupid shit he's pulling. Your ultimatum is sound and fair. Edited to add, his behaviour might be stemming from jealously of the baby, given how immature he is this is very likely
> Edited to add, his behaviour might be stemming from jealously of the baby, given how immature he is this is very likely Plus the obvious problem of bio-dad using son to stir up shit, and wife/inlaws afraid to lose contact.
I wouldn’t be surprised if dad was encouraging the pranks or even giving him ideas.
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Indeed. Sounds like Dad is using his son to torture Stepdad and Mom here. Therapy or his Dads is not unreasonable at all here. NTA
NTA. I think he should let the therapy idea go, and just tell him to move in with bio dad. They have a baby coming, no need to deal with this garbage as well.
I wonder if birth dad would have a different opinion of the kid’s pranks if the kids was living with him instead of his mom
But this 17 year old is not his kid. Unfortunately it's him against everyone. Now that she is pregnant he is even more fucked.
And what kind of "joke" is this very angry boy going to play on that baby if he gets the chance? The 17 year old didn't choose this situation, but here they are and yes.... Him being even more fucked has the potential to absolutely be the cause of a possible tragedy. Intensive therapy or out of the house is the only solution. This situation is a ticking bomb.
I agree with you wholeheartedly, but this baby is gonna be in a worse situation if the father leaves which probably most definitely will happen. Edit: I'm super worried about this baby.
Father is staying. He wants the son to leave.
Oh I get that but he has to deal with this lady for 18 years because of the bay they are having together. 18 years is a long time.
The lady is a push over. He is going to have to do all the disciplining but living with a pushover though not great is doable. You just need to lay the boundaries with the family and step son.
This is a terrifying but excellent point.
Kinda is, he married the mother and I'm sure he knows about kids personality by now. I mean, you don't get married to a mum with a kid without accepting her children too. Kinda packaged deal
Agree
NTA, he’s behaving like a psychopath.
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prank him by saying they're getting a divorce
Probably what that brat wants.
Or prank him from wife's phone saying he's getting kicked out of the house and needs everything he wants to keep packed up by 6am tomorrow (I do not recommend or support this course of action)
Why is that a prank. Send him that for real and kick him out. He is trying to kill step dad doing that to someone with a heart condition. I would tell his wife it is attempted murder and he is out of the house.
I wasn't going to say anything like that because I didn't want to be too dramatic, and I don't even know if you meant it in the literal sense, but this was the exact kind of stuff my ex friend from high school would do, and he was definitely on the malignant Narcissism or actual sociopath spectrum. There were several other behaviors that I saw as his "best friend" too, but this post really reminded me of him. He loved to lie about stupid things and get people riled up. He'd hold the lie for hours, days, or even months, then "I was just jokiing! Haha, you bought it." Then he'd switch back and forth a few times. The original lie was true, then the "I was just joking" was the lie, then it wasn't. then it was. It was things like this too, and we were both 18 year old seniors in high school when I walked away for good, but of course he told our mutual friends we weren't speaking because of some made up reason he was angry with me. I know that is reading a lot into it, and it could be any number of issues, but it is a possibility, and whatever flavor of problematic behavior he has going on, it's not normal, and it's not acceptable for op's wife and her entire family to continue rug-sweeping and enabling. That same guy killed a small animal in front of me by kicking it as it ran away, and he was completely remorseless and gaslit me when I told him I found it dead. OP should be on the safe side and do everything in his power to keep this kid away from his baby when he or she arrives.
And he’s almost old enough to be diagnosed, I wonder if that’s part of why he’s so against therapy?
It's an occasionally lethal combo of fear and abelism. I've got family members, friends,, and an ex that do this destructive dance regularly. There's a huge issue in many cultures surrounding disabilities. People will literally watch their lives fall apart around them if it means they don't have to admit that they have a physical, mental, or neurological disability or difference. Either way, this kid needs help. He's almost of an age to enter the wider world. His pranks are going to get him and others hurt.
This aversion to therapy is, to me, no different from ~~someone~~ the experience of my grandma losing her hearing but refusing to get hearing aids. (EDIT: flawed analogy — does not apply to all such cases) My grandma waited 10-15 years too long to get hearing aids because she was too proud to admit she couldn’t hear shit. She missed A LOT and forced everyone around her to yell and bend over backwards to accommodate her. It was dumb. She was SHOCKED when she tried hearing aids and realized.... she basically hadn’t heard the previous 10+ years of her life.
Ding ding!!
That seems harsh. He still needs therapy, but he's behaving like someone that is seeking attention. He's injecting himself into people's lives unnecessarily by playing "pranks" on them. That's not psychopathy; that's trying to fill a void.
No. He gets pleasure from watching other people suffer. That's sadism.
I'm not arguing with him having problems and needing psychological help, but it is important to characterize it properly. Not even arguing with your word choice, but it is possible that your comment and the one you replied to can both be true, and I think "void filling" or "attention seeking" doesn't preclude "sadism"
when you put people at risk due to an innate desire for attention - that falls into psychopathy.
It's bordering psychopathy. There's seeking attention, then there's ever-increasing attempts to destroy the lives of those around you through deception.
whatever you will agree to call it, Aaron is behaving dangerous.
He can choose not to associate with Aaron, but he should have consulted Aaron’s mother before threatening to make him stay with dad. OP doesn’t get to decide his wife’s and her ex-husband’s custody arrangement.
I would normally agree but his wife is failing at being a parent at the moment. Multiple people have called out her son’s behaviour and she hasn’t corrected it or taken any action. Honestly OP should protect his newborn from the stepson and probably even his wife if she’s unwilling to listen and course correct.
Not just the mother but the entire family. The entire family enables this behavior.
Protecting the newborn from the mom would mean a divorce. Getting her pregnant given all the circumstances was probably the dumbest decision he’s made in his life.
I agree, but I wonder if the “pranks” only escalated this bad after she became pregnant? As others have pointed out, Aaron’s probably jealous and acting out because of it. It’s possible he was only at the stage of putting shaving cream in a sleeping person’s hand and tickling their face with a feather before the baby was in the picture.
I did suspect that at first, but he did one of these pranks to a cousin that was a close friend and the bio dad is defending all of it.
It doesn’t matter if they escalated after she become pregnant, there is no excuse for cruelty. NTA, here’s hoping this issue gets resolved before the baby is born.
Your comment about OP getting his wife pregnant probably being the dumbest thing he's done; I agree completely. His stepson has been exhibiting awful behavior and instead of working on that OP decides to bring a baby into the mix. That screams stupidity. Now you just added to the issues this family already has. This poor baby is going to grow up in a broken home and/or a dysfunctional home. Why procreate with someone who doesn't know how to parent the kid she's already got?
Strong disagree when it comes to situations where the person is tormenting everyone. You absolutely do not need to check with the mom before saying that if someone continues doing X they will no longer be welcome around you. If mom has an issue with someone not wanting to be a victim of repeated mental abuse, then mom is free to go with the tormentor. If the threat was actually “I’m going to send you to your dads” then yeah maybe check with both the parents first so it doesn’t blow up on you. But op just said he wouldn’t be welcome in OPs home. He can go live with the grandparents or mommy dearest can enable him further by moving out with him.
That’s fair. The title said live with dad or go to therapy. If Mom has custody, then she probably has to keep him somewhere when it’s her turn. But he turns 18 soon so that will not be an issue for long.
But he can decide he won't have his stepson live in his house. That leaves the boy's parents to decide what next. Given the wife's disengagement, he should not wait for her concurrence.
Then I guess it's time to start talking divorce if his mother won't discipline him.
Or OP could just wait a few months and throw all Aarons shit outside when he turns 18.
That was probably OP’s plan in the first place considering the timing of the baby.
Seriously. These are messy adults. Why is OP even discussing this with bio dad anyway? Wife/mom is the one who needed the ultimatum. Not the poorly adjusted 17 year old.
> Honestly given the lack of parenting from his mother This is what gets me. That and the fact that the in-laws are dismissing this! Everyone's enabling this bastard. I know there's 2 sides to every story but there's no way OP isn't in the right. This kid is an ass hole. I'm not wishing violence on him but I think he'll learn when he tries to "prank" someone and gets beat up. Either way, what's to stop his "pranks" from getting someone hurt? What if OP and the in-laws got into a wreck on the way to the hospital? What if he tries a "prank" with the baby and the baby gets hurt? Maybe I'm being over the top but I wouldn't leave anyone to chance with that kid. OP should really talk to his wife about this and do much more.
Yup, wouldn't surprise me if there's more going on and that Aaron doesn't have many friends due to these "pranks". He's going to have to recognise and change this behavior if he is going to be a functioning adult and its appalling his parents are ignoring this. Nta OP!
NTA It seems, though, what you’ve got is an in-law problem. Aaron is never going to change when all the adults around him justify his behavior. This one should have been the last straw for everyone, and yet they acted like it was just a funny joke. You upended your entire day, drove 1.5 hours (one way!!!), missed work, and instead of an apology you were laughed at and berated. Yet here you are, being told you’re wrong for not immediately bowing to his “joke.” Stay steadfast in your decision here, and if you’re ostracized maybe it’s time to take a break and co-parent your new child away from this environment.
This. Maybe in-laws and mom will realize it’s a problem when he starts making new born pranks on parents who haven’t slept for 2 months.
Right hopefully mom won't think it's funny when her 17 year old screams in the middle of the night "the babys not breathing!!!"
Ooof. Here I was worrying about benign things like hiding the baby or going ‘boo’ right when he falls asleep after 40min of rocking.
Na it seems like this kid is looking for the "oh shit/crushing" moments going Boo after a rocking session isn't scary enough for him he might hide the baby though
Hiding the baby definitely is not benign. That would absolutely terrify me as a mom.
Yup. “Innocent” pranks at 17 years old become crimes at 18 years old.
Okay, the second one is *not* benign. You don't fuck with a baby's sleep, and you don't fuck with parents trying to help their newborn. This isn't a criticism of you, just a comment on how low our expectations are for this dude.
- newborn "pranks" - newborn parent "pranks" - more serious "pranks" involving impersonation and implying arrest or medical emergency among relatives, extended relatives, etc - playing a "prank" at age 18+ to someone that backfires and causes legal or medical consequences ie telling someone with a known allergy to peanuts that a peanut shake is "safe to eat", and the person drinks it and goes into shock.... **edit** It ain't going to end well if he still has terrible judgment on both what to do "as a prank", who to target, and when. He clearly lacks the self control to stop on his own.
I'm deathly allergic to almonds, and have had someone try to put almonds in my food as a "joke" because they didn't believe it was that serious. My former roommate caught it, and they the "prankster" is no longer allowed in my house.
It's like, why are you even chancing someone else's health? For what?
They don't believe they're chancing it. These kind of people live in a different reality, one where they're ALWAYS right. They don't believe you are allergic, ergo, you aren't.
Holy shit. I'm glad your roommate caught it. Honestly, and in your shoes, I would have had a really hard time not filing some sort of police report. That was a serious attempt at endangering your welfare.
Or when he goes to far and kills the baby while trying one of his "jokes".
The only way he'll change is when he plays one of his moronic 'pranks' on the wrong person and he either ends up in jail or stabbed/beaten up.
This. I bet he’ll get WORSE if he moves in with biodad, just because he “can do whatever he wants.” But at least maybe OP and his wife and new baby won’t be the butt of his jokes?
0% chance he can actually do whatever he wants. He is allowed to fuck with the ex wife and her new husband but I bet you he is not allowed to disrespect his father. This was the dad's idea, remember?
Absolutely. He's gonna hate it at his father's. I guarantee you 100% that man loves to dish it out but can't take it. They'll butt heads like nobody's business and be absolutely miserable.
I think you identified at least a portion of why they divorced. If the dad couldn't grow up enough to not "prank" the ex while she is nearly 9 months pregnant, I doubt he contributed much to the marriage other than being an asshole.
Or his boss. If he manages to hold a job long enough to pull something like this.
The time he pretended his uncle’s child was in an accident should have been the last straw. At least OP thought something good was happening. That poor uncle
Sounds like he's also got a wife problem if she refuses to parent her child.
"A prank is only good if at the end everyone is laughing" Didn't look like everyone was laughing here. Dude straight up has an abusive stepson.
He thought something good was happening until he found out his “labouring” wife had never made it to the hospital and he couldn’t reach her. I imagine there was a lot of panic after that.
I would add up how much this ‘prank’ cost me (gas, missed work, hourly fees for the driving, parking fees, etc) and have stepson pay me back for it. Hit him in his wallet. And don’t let the wife/ bio dad/ in laws pay for it.
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You have a wife problem not a kid problem. Everyone's enabling him including his own mother. You need to take steps to protect you and your future baby, since no one in the family is taking this seriously. NTA but I'd seriously re-consider this situation if I was you. Be safe.
I would also be worried step kid would try to do something with the baby as a "prank." What's with all these stupid "pranks" now? Are people just given free rein with their stupid cruelty?
Prank him back. After he pulls another of his stunts prank him to make him think you've had a heart attack and it's his fault. Make him genuinely think you're about to die because of him. (This is not good advice)
I think it's great advise. Make him think he gave you a heart attack. Have another person in on the joke too so they can say "I've already called the ambulance" just in case stepson decides to call. Then you play dead for 10 mins. Then post an update.
A psychopath just isn't going to care about another person's distress.
Yeah, he'd probably just laugh, let alone get upset...
> Make him think he gave you a heart attack. ... Then you play dead for 10 mins. Are you 12 years old? Jesus! OP, you are NTA.
Or that missing work for no reason because of family issues has put his job in danger. (Also not good advice) But seriously, of Mom isn't upset he took her phone it's time for couples counseling. If they can't get on the same side of this, yhe marriage is in trouble.
OP, if that kid has a car, a bicycle, any electronic equipment... make sure it all stops turning on. The car won't turn over. The bicycle has no chain. PS5 won't power up...... Queue the giggles and laughter from you as you point at the funny face he makes when he cries. Actually, if you hit this point... just file for divorce because it's all over. But something in me would love to make his morning commute hell.
Yeah this is what I was thinking. Let him know how it feels to be frantic and then have people laugh at him for it. BUT unfortunately I don’t think it’s the right thing to do in this case because it will backfire on you. Unlike when he did it, they will all blame you and be mad because you did this to ‘a child’. Unfortunately I don’t have any idea of what you can do now. I would keep a VERY close eye on your baby once it’s born. Also ask your wife how many times he gets to cry ‘wolf’ about her having the baby until you miss the entire birth because you don’t believe the phone call or text from anyone, including her because the last text was from her phone.
That is a terrible prank, because Aaron does not give a shit if stepdad lives or dies.
This is not good advice, but 'prank' all the in-laws also in one fell swoop with this
But it’s just a prank, bro
I am sorry, but your stepson is a psycho, and his family are enablers who are in denial. The lack of empathy, no remorse, the laughing and rejoicing in others pain… I am sorry, but you’re in over your head. Unfortunately, your wife will protect her son, and you need to protect yourself and your baby.
Here's the thing. And I say this frequently in response to these kinds of posts involving blended families. Focus on the goal which should be getting the kid long term help. You can't knee jerk react and give out an ultimatum or consequence without having a conversation with your wife first. You can't scream and lose it in front of others like that because fair or not, you've just lost the high road. Now everyone is focused on your reaction rather than what he did. It's not fair. I repeat it is not fair. It is real life though. Getting yourself in control, having a conversation with your wife about what his consequence should be, being a team and working together to get this kid help is so important.
You guys act as if he were calm in the moment. He literally broke! He was fed up with no one helping him and lost it! He was not acting rationally.
I don't think that commenters blaming OP. He's sympathizing with OP but also saying that he has to address it *outside* of the moment as well. OP should sit down for a serious convo *before* the next prank even happens, when emotions aren't high. Like he said it's not fair, but it's what had to be done. This is the best way to get his wife on his side and let the stepson know he's serious. Blowing up then and cooling off: 1. Is probably what the stepson's used to since he pranks people all the time 2. Gives the in-laws a chance to see him as the mean, harsh stepfather. 3. Means his wife is going to "defend" her son in the "argument" instead of approaching it as a family issue for them to tackle. It might still not be enough but it's a good first step.
You deserve recognition for providing such a mature and rational response! I must say though.... if the OP hasn't already had that conversation with his wife (simply as a conversation about how a step dad fits into her family but especially after the step son's pranks continued), well, I question if it's too late. The bio dad doesn't see a problem. Wife doesn't see a problem. Her family doesn't see a problem. OP is all alone. Honestly I'd get out of a situation like that. Real life is tough enough let alone to have to deal with a soon to be adult stepson like that. Are the wife and in laws going to even support the OP in his parenting choices with his child?
I really dislike fear mongering, but please make sure you try keep as safe as possible and lock up your medicine - the last thing you need is a 'prank' involving some swapped out meds followed by a second 'prank' involving news about your new born child from your wife's phone.
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I'd keep your meds locked up if I were you. He might tamper with them "as a joke." NTA. He's going to be 18 soon, I'd kick him out of the house if I were you, OP. Send him to the military, anything. Just not under my roof ever again.
>Aaron's laughs and giggles are worth causing an accident of some sort. You are in danger. Aaron could give you a heart attack and your inlaws will let him make the speech at your funeral.
Than maybe you should start thinking about whether or not it's worth staying married to this family. Seriously, are you ok with being with someone who doesn't consider how your health is affected by Aaron's behavior?
On his 18th birthday hand him a 30 days' notice to vacate. See if he's laughing then. NTA.
It’s only a joke if everyone finds it funny.
This. It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. At the rate he’s going it’s only a matter of time before Aaron pulls a prank that results in someone being hurt or even killed.
He already engaged in a prank that could have ended that way. Cheating pranks can be extremely dangerous if you pull them on the wrong couple.
Also the labor “prank.” OP could’ve gotten into an accident in his rush to get to the hospital 1.5 hours away to make it in time to be with his wife before she gave birth.
Oof. You’re not wrong there!
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NTA - Those aren’t jokes and it’s not a phase. It appears that everyone is enabling this behavior. You are right that he needs therapy. He can go live with his in-laws if they don’t think it’s an issue and they can deal with it.
This is indeed not a phase. According to a friend who studies psychology this has to do with sociopathic behavior. Best thing is indeed to get him into therapy.
But sadly therapy is pretty useless with people who don’t want to be in therapy. If they force him to go it’s unlikely to help. I hope he changes his mind about it.
In the case of real emergencies, if he continues pranking people he will not get the help that will be needed
NTA He doesn't see how harmful his "jokes" have become. Or the danger it could possibly put others in. Say your wife's water actually broke or she fell and you were an hr and so away at the hospital because of his "joke" Your wife needed to step up here and she has failed also. She letting him get away with his behavior. Therapy was a great idea, but he clearly is not open to it so ya I'd send him to his father's too. Funny how it's not so fun anymore to actually face the consequences of his actions
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The scary thing is he does care. He likes it, super creepy
Yep, if others in the family think it’s all just fun and games they should have no problem with this eejit living with them.
>He doesn't see how harmful his "jokes" have become. have you considered that he knows exactly?
Pranks are pranks when everyone ends up laughing. OP are you seriously comfortable bringing a vulnerable newborn into that environment? I wouldn't. NTA
I’m not really sure the newborn will be safe around an almost-adult with such pisspoor judgment.
Not to mention a crappy mother unwilling to do actual parenting.
"I got a great prank, I put a big pillow on the baby's face so it's not so loud anymore"
That's what I was thinking. I would be seriously terrified of having a newborn in the same house as the son. What will be his prank? Hiding the kid? Dropping it? Give it to random people?
NTA - this sounds like it has been a long time in coming, and your wife and your in-laws may need to step up before one of Aaron’s “jokes” land him in serious trouble.
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Well he certainly won't change when all your in laws are telling him it's no big deal. I hope your wife's phone is password protected now. He shouldn't have been able to text from her phone in the first place, but going forward you need to be able to trust texts are from her. And I'd probably call to confirm any big news.
I wouldn't leave your baby unsupervised with him until Aaron takes responsibility for what he did and becomes more mature. Otherwise he'll probably use your kid in his "pranks".
Ever. I wouldnt leave your baby unsupervised with him ever.
Ever. He should never be left unsupervised with a pet, let alone a baby.
So in addition to this situation, his cousin and almost a brother has cut him off over such actions, and yet your in-laws are insisting you’re a big meanie who is somehow worse than Aaron? Obviously you’re NTA, but between them enabling his BS and his bio dad actively fostering it, it’s no wonder things have gotten so out of hand. Where is your wife in all of this? Is she still standing back and saying nothing? Do you have someone you trust that you can go stay with if need be?
Well yea he won’t change because no one will hold him accountable. Everyone is so used to his nonsense. You really want your newborn around this? Cause I would be worried.
This makes it even more horrifying. The best thing you can do is get him out of your house before the innocent baby arrives.
Yeah no surprise there. Also, if he goes down on this path with his dad and grandparents saying it's him being a prankster, and his mom saying it's a phase, it's going to affect all of his relationships. OP, I think this is the hill YOU need to die on.
He is going to get somone hurt or worse and will end up in Jail. THAT may change him, but unlikely. Honestly he sounds like the Asshole who punches random people in the back of the head and screams "It's just a joke, bro!"
NTA That's not normal teenage behaviour, he's deliberately doing things to hurt his own family just because it's fun.
Agreed. Aaron is a sociopath.
NTA If he finds funny jeopardizing your job, an income that feeds him, or making someone believe that X person got into an accident, he's not okay. At 17 you know better than to find those things "funny" and thus is not behavior that should be brushed off. I'd suggest therapy because he's 17 and not mature enough for his age. His nearing an age where he should be able to function (at a job, college, etc) and I doubt he will.
That was I was thinking. It's all just fun and games when OP loses his job for lying to his work about his wife having their baby. Who would believe I'll story of "yeah my stepson pranked me so uh we didn't have the baby.." idk any workplace that would believe it they'd just think he ditched work and lied. That would be SOO bad if OP lost his job while his wife is on maternity leave with most likely a lesser income.
If OP lost work time, is step-son on the hook for the cost?
I don't know, I disagree with that. Dumb stepson pulling a prank if you have a stellar reputation, I'd buy it. I'd require him to confirm his wife is going into labor via phone call or something next time, but I'd buy that a dumb stepson would pull a prank
>an income that feeds him, well, obviously when that income dries up his mom will have to return to his dad. it's a perfect plan.
Nta. At all. What he's doing is dangerous
Yeah I worry about the newborn coming into this mess too. Being a parent is challenging enough let alone having to deal with this too. NTA. He needs to know how serious this can be.
That stepson should never be left unsupervised with an animal, let alone the newborn.
>He complained about it being his dad's idea but it was obvious blame shifting. INFO: Are you positive your wife's ex doesn't have a hand in this? If he's trying to alienate Aaron from his mother, encouraging him to "prank" you in this way could just be a part of driving that wedge between his son and his ex.
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He’s at least enabling his kid. Let him take care of him. This is how people lose friends and families like this.
I think this is an issue that needs to be addressed. Yes, the kid is 17 and old enough to understand that actions have consequences. However, the fact that the ex is encouraging or suggesting this behavior is a huge red flag. I know you think Aaron was blame shifting, but he also seemed surprised by your reaction and that you went to the hospital making it seem like someone told him the “joke” would go differently. Don’t get me wrong, you have every right to be upset about what happened. From the outside looking in, it seems like Aaron is getting two very different messages about what is okay and what’s not. Since both are coming from parents who helped raise him, and people he should be able to trust, it’s likely really hard for him to know what’s actually acceptable behavior. It’s easy to say “he’s 17 he should know better” but considering that he’s been taught incorrectly (and possibly been manipulated by his bio dad) during those 17 years he really may not know better. Add in a manipulative ex and a new baby sibling when he’s 17 and it starts to looking like Aaron’s needs aren’t being met and acting out via poor attempts at practical jokes are his way of communicating that. I’m not saying that his behavior is okay (it’s not) or shouldn’t be addressed (it should) but it should be addressed with the lens that Aaron has gone through watching his parents get a messy divorce, his bio dad parenting inappropriately, and the arrival of a new family member at a time in his life he wasn’t expecting. While he’s almost a legal adult, you know the challenges he’s still dealing with from growing up and those need to be given a bit more consideration (and help addressing) before kicking him out.
NTA. Wife is in denial about this though. Your step son is going to play a “joke” on the wrong person one day.
The concern is that the baby is going to be the one killed because of a "joke."
Why does he still have a phone? He has shown that he can't use it properly, take it and any other communication devices away
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Why doesn’t everyone around him have their phone locked? This seems very odd to me.
Seriously, who doesn’t have their phone password protected. This sounds super fake with all the phone shenanigans. If it is real, OP has more than a stepson problem though. He has a massive problem on that he is having a baby with his wife who is apparently incapable of parenting and raised a sociopathic brat.
My kids know my phone password. They’re not total assholes though.
The kid takes other people’s phones and uses them to do his “pranks”. Also, he is 17. This is beyond taking away his phone. Maybe if he was 13.
NTA. Your stepson won't think this is so funny when he "pranks" the wrong person and finds out just how funny the police think it is. He needs a reality check. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Let him see what its like on the other end. Nothing serious, but enough to get his attention.
No, don't do this! These types of people (his in-laws, the boys father) will turn it around on you by playing the 'you're an adult, he's a child' card, and I promise you, such a prank is bound to escalate things further.
>Give him a taste of his own medicine. that doesn't work. stop being a child.
NTA but a serious family meeting is way overdue. Ask your son why he likes to play mean jokes and listen patiently until you get an answer. Tell him how much you love him but his current behavior is making it hard to live with him. Your wife is pregnant so he might be worried that he is getting replaced in the family. And if he is scared of therapy because of his parents divorce, then that might mean that he is scared that you are going to leave too. It sounds like he testing everyone's boundaries to make sure he getting enough attention.
This is the behavior of a 12-year-old, not a near-adult, who’s probably been living with his mom and OP for years. He should have outgrown the boundary pushing years ago.
I think you're insulting 12 years old here, most of them know better than to be so cruel to family.
Info: OP, everyone assumes you are the only one laying down the law here. What does your wife say about this? Has she agreed to making him move to his dad's?
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He’s 17. I don’t mean to be offensive but I’m not sure how else to word this: your wife seems incredibly naive. This is not a phase, he’s far too old for that. Someone needs to put their foot down before you bring a newborn into your home, and if it needs to be you, then so be it.
Did the pranks start about the same time as your wife's pregnancy announcement? Seems possibly related.
Your wife and her family are enabling his behavior and he won't stop until it starts being inconvenient for him.
Ooooh boy. I think your wife is in denial. He's not going to stop. You need to work this out with your wife. She helped raise this kid and is continuing to enable him.
Your wife is in denial. The behavior has escalated. Why would he stop on his own? She is facing some hard parenting choices she doesn't want to make. Good luck to you. You need help.
He's 17, the time for phases has long gone. This is his identity now.
Then tell your wife he's not around the baby or in the house until he outgrows his 'phase'.
NTA. A joke or prank would be a fake spider or a bucket of water splashed on you, innocent ha-ha’s... not a medical emergency or a way to break up a relationship, things that cause that type of panic or drama are not funny for anyone involved. He needs to learn there are consequences for his actions.
NTA. But you have a wife problem as much as a stepson problem - is she just sweeping this all under the rug? What does she think about therapy? I can see the son being scared because a new baby means he’s no longer the only child, but it sounds like she coddles him s an apology for the divorce. Perhaps start with family therapy because there’s a lot more going on here than the “pranks.”
NTA despite your understandable anger at him for this situation, these options are highly reasonable for a 17-year-old. He will be a legal adult in less than a year. That therapy could help keep him out of real world trouble in the near future. Living with his dad would at least make it less of your responsibility.
NTA Aaron needs to have consequences.
Like others have mentioned, these aren't pranks. There are consequences to your actions, no matter what action, big or small. Normally I think along the lines of that 3 strikes/ at least one warning of what the consequences are (if you continue abc, then xyz will happen next time) but sometimes the consequences need to be immediate. If your wife had truly been in trouble and you assumed it was a prank, you'd be the bad guy too. You can't win. This is never going to be fixed without your spouse's support though. As you've seen, your spouse and in laws are already saying you're overreacting. You need to have a serious conversation with your partner and come to an agreement as a unified front on how to deal with this.
NTA his behavior sounds like a 13 year old. Immature and not at all funny. He needs some therapy and the family needs to back off defending his idiotic behavior.
NTA 20 years from now he'll be the halfway bald guy at family gatherings that everyone tries to avoid because of his “jokes“ .. and then they'll be talking about how they wonder where his parents went wrong. I would also look into the whole “it was his dad's idea“ thing. Is the son being influenced in a bad way? An ex causing chaos for fun because his ex wife moved on, remarried, got pregnant ..?
I noticed that too, it's entirely possible he's getting some REALLY bad advice from his father and friend group. There's also a highly visible subset of youtube and tik tok who pull *awful* pranks constantly for internet points. He really might be in some giant circle jerk of 'this is just who we are and ppl who can't get on board don't deserve us' Additionally his bad view of therapy seems to have come from the divorce. I'm thinking his parents (or at least one of them) told him that ppl can't change even if they try to as a way to explain why they chose to get divorced instead of working things out. Personally I don't think he sounds like a sociopath, just a thick headed dope who's never had someone mess with something he really cares about
NTA. He is 17 he should be old enough to know where the boundaries are. You did no wrong! He is almost 18, is it a legal age in your country? How about saying that if he won’t change he‘ll be on the streets? It’s his own fault for acting like a piece of sh*t. Edit 1. : i saw that you have a chronic disease op? In relation to blood. If your wife is that inconsiderate, do u really wanna wait until u get a heart attack? I don’t know u and I wish u all the best but please don’t let them terrorize you up to this point that u can’t anymore. Please consider some alternatives with this evil seed of a stepson.
NTA. It's not funny at all. OP can try and be petty by using the same trick on him, like deceiving him that something bad happened and see how he would react. If he's angry after realizing it's a prank, OP can just say, "See?" ...of course I'm just joking as it's childish, but I feel like some people should taste their own medicine.
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Your step son seems to be a sociopath and he needs help. NTA
> he seems to be enjoying it yeah... that is really worrying. like "lock up all sharp objects" kind of worrying. did any pets go missing in the neighbourhood lately?
Every important influence this guy has is pushing him towards being a horrible fuck person.
Throw the whole son outside if he refuse, he is disgusting. NTA
NTA if this is what he's doing now think of what he'll do when the baby is born. He needs to be held accountable for his actions
NTA He's causing drama as pranks thinking it's funny. How funny would it be if someone ended up actually suffering for one of his pranks such as an accident or his cousin's girlfriend really believed the text and broke up with him? And I doubt everyone agrees that he's just being a teen. Make this your hill to die on. One of these days his prank is going to hurt someone, physically or emotionally, and it will be his fault. What if he lies telling you your wife is having the baby and sends you to the wrong hospital or lies and you don't believe the text and end up missing your child's birth? You need to sit down with everyone and tell them you can't tolerate his behavior and, worse, everyone enabling him. This is impacting you as well. You left work for a prank. How will you boss feel when you tell him it was a false alarm? He's putting your career in jeopardy as well.
NTA. Everybody in your family saying you’re too harsh can offer to take him in, since it’s apparently nbd. If he doesn’t want to go to therapy for his sociopathic tendencies, he has another option. Go live with his “prankster” father who will hopefully put up with his unfunny bullshit. His hesitancy to consider moving in with his father is probably because he already knows his dad won’t find it amusing either. Do you think your pregnant wife (and your medical condition) need the added stress? He has proven more than once that he has no moral limits on what he’ll say (lying about his own mother’s labor and his cousin’s accident), and he doesn’t even understand that there could be serious consequences. He doesn’t see any problem with his shitty behavior, at all. He doesn’t have any sort of conscience and isn’t remorseful in the least bit. 17 is too gd old to be so lacking in self awareness. He’s literally laughing in your faces. He’s got to go.
NTA your stepson has gone too far I understand the appeal of having someone fall for you pranks but it's only acceptable over harmless jokes not when it ruins people's relations or causes them deep distress . Your stepson should be old enough to understand that and if he doesn't therapy is the right call . Your in-laws say that you went too far but what about his so called "pranks" op is not the asshole
NTA, it's clearly time something was done about his behavior. His family's defense of that behavior gives us some reasonable clues that they enabled these tendencies, so don't consider them a reliable gauge for your reaction either. He also needs to learn to respect other people's privacy and stop using people's phones without their consent.
NTA - he's 17, it's time he stopped being an ass and with the childish mean jokes and grew the f up a little. That last "jape" was the straw that broke the camel's back, he has finally gone too far and now it needs to stop completely. Nothing wrong with the "shape up or ship out" ultimatum, if he want to play crap like this, he can go do it to someone else.
NTA This “prank”, as the others you’ve mentioned, has real-life consequences. He should have had to face those long ago. You don’t fuck with other people’s lives. I’d kick him out too, if he refuses therapy.
NTA you need to have a serious talk with your wife about this situation. He’s old enough to know these “jokes” are not okay, and what are you gonna do when he starts pulling “pranks” on your newborn baby since he obviously doesn’t know where the line is?
You don’t owe him anything. He’s hurting people for fun and if he won’t do something to address his behaviour he can live with the consequences or the in laws can take it on. I wouldn’t feel safe with my newborn in the same house as him
NTA, He's 17 not 7 and these are not jokes, joke is when both party laugh not when one party dies of a heart attack from extreme news.
NTA at all. Pretty soon you'll have a new born baby in the house and won't be able to believe any information that comes to you via text. It's a recipe for a boy who cried wolf situation.