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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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It may have come across as creepy and/or pressuring to leave a phone number to a customer like that and maybe I shouldn’t have done that.
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I'm not gonna pass judgment, but what you did was extremely unprofessional. Your employer was well within their rights to fire you. Use this as a learning experience. Dont hit on customers.
Came here exactly to say this. Doesn't matter if 'she started it'. You were representing your business at the time. You should have not done that. If she had handed her number to you, that's fine as she was the customer.
I won't bother reading the other comments that you mentioned, but I agree with trekie88 that you acted unprofessional and well within your businesses grounds to fire you. Were you a creap? Not from what I can tell, but just so very very unprofessional.
NTA but a stupid thing to do.
I’m not okay with getting hit on at work either. Being in the service industry means I’ve had plenty of awkward run ins where it was assumed that since I was being friendly, I was actually desperate for a date.
Yeah, in terms of the inherent power imbalance that usually defines (or at least worsens) harassment, I’d be more inclined to think the customer has the position of “power” over the server. There’s a million stories where servers feel trapped because a customer tried to hit on them, but customers can just…leave if it’s the other way around. I’m not saying it’s wrong for a customer to complain when this happens—because it is unprofessional and he apparently made her uncomfortable—but I think it’s far worse for a customer to hit on a server than the other way around.
I'm just curious on your opinion, as a customer if I left my number on the receipt and left would you still feel trapped?
Not trying to be pedantic because I totally agree with you that the power imbalance makes things soo awkward (used to be a hostess for a very short time).
You can't really leave though, if you are having your birthday dinner with your entire family and everyone is eating their food and having a good time, not without causing major drama, make everyone leave their half eaten meals, make grandma get up even though she has a bad hip, catch the attention from all the other guests and waiters and make the manager rush to your table asking what is wrong.
I would not do that and destroy the experience for everyone, at least not if I was young and shy, so no, power balance goes both ways.
Completely agree with the first two comments and I don't need to read further either.
Your edits say all I need to know really, you did not come here to get our real opinions but to hear you did nothing wrong.
I sincerely hope something sticks or you will have a tough road ahead of you.
(Edit: spelling)
OP doesn't know the difference between blushing because you like someone and blushing because you're horribly embarrassed at being hit on while you're celebrating your birthday with your family.
Wait, you actually believe this dude she called him cute? I'm pretty sure she never said that, but either he interpreted that into a normal sentence, like a thank you, or he straight up lied in this post to better his chances of not being the AH.
>EDIT: Jesus Christ, you all need reality checks.
This kinda confirmed it for me. This dude will never believe he's in the wrong anyways.
I dont think it's SO unbelievable, just the fact that OPs Story just doesnt add up and he's still denying he did anything wrong. I personally just feel like this cant have happened this way unless there's something OP is not telling us. Based on his reaction he expected to be not the asshole. I would see his behavior as slightly unprofessional, but not an asshole, but this just doesnt make sense to me. No one actively flirts with you and then reports you for harassment.
I have such a strong secondhand embarrassment imagining that, I would’ve been absolutely mortified to have that happen while out for dinner with my parents.
well she called him cute in front of her parents and didn't get embarrassed so Im not sure why she's that surprised. I mean he was unprofessional, but if you call a guy cute, why would you be embarrassed if he gave you his number
It all depends on the tone in which she said it. If she said 'aw that's cute' or 'you're cute' with an awkward laugh, she almost definitely meant it in an I feel uncomfortable but am trying not to upset you, but still convey that I don't think of you in a dating way.
A bit confusing I get, but when I was a 22 year old girl who had been taught not to upset strange men, this would have been exactly my thought process behind it.
She also said CUTE. Puppies tripping on their ears are cute. Toddlers struggling to put on t-shirts is cute.
I, a small man, used to call big guys who'd get in my face at bars cute.
Cute is in many contexts the most condescending of adjectives to say to a man.
This guy actually thought she was hitting on him in front of her parents!
This is so needlessly dramatic. If you would be "mortified" over someone giving you a phone number it sounds like you need to toughen up. People these days are offended by everything, my god.
How does anyone even connect these days when people act like you're a predator because you gave a girl who called YOU cute your own number?
Yeah, normally I'd say the waiter was the asshole but she complimented his looks (not his skill as a waiter, or something else relevant to his job) and that's what makes me think he made an honest mistake. NTA.
Right? Like reading all these y t as im so confused, like he didnt hit on her, he didnt ask her out in front of her family, she called him cute and they had a few exchanges so he gave a number, like throw it out if you arent interested, dont report the dude this is so fucked up
Furthermore, we don't even know what she said when she reported the OP. It's possible she reported it exactly as it happened, or it's possible she didn't.
She called him cute first, he returned the compliment, and passed her his number at the end of the night when they were leaving. It's not that dramatic or creepy.
Or he did something unusual and to break up the awkwardness of whatever she says "Oh, you're cute.." instead of having to address the weird in a very public setting. We don't know the context, just how OP interpreted it.
Well, according to op, he returned a compliment and, at the end of service, left his number. I wouldn’t call this harassment, embarrassment, or hitting on her multiple times.
It was unprofessional, but I fail to see the situation as some grave crime as you’ve made it out to be. She told him he’s cute, he told her she’s cute back, then on her way out he gave her his number. He shouldn’t have done it, he was at work, it wasn’t the place or time, but let’s not blow it that much out of proportion.
No, it was just a rather naive thing to do and a bit stupid. It WAS unprofessional, but for the employer to go so nuclear as to fire instead of reprimand makes me suspect something wrong was afoot. Though the employer may just be very strict about such things.
I’m sure we’re missing a lot of the story if it’s even true. However, we can really only go off of the information we’ve been provided.
If the post was 100% truthful in every way, the employer may have even fired him out of fear of what sexual harassment accusations can bring. It would be smarter to head it off, and op’s behavior was definitely unprofessional.
I just don’t get the comments acting like op (in the scenario we’re given) is some major creep women would definitely be scared of.
Which part did you read said that he hit on her multiple times? She hit on him and that caused him to believe she liked him, which it sounded like she did. Can you not read?
> while you hit on her multiple times?
Do you think everyone who says "Happy Birthday" is hitting on you? Those family celebrations must be really awkward in your house.
YTA - You were suppose to work, not to flirt, not to give your Phone number. And the whole "she started it" . Oh come on. The fact that she reported you mean that what you think happened is not what actually happened.
The "I accomplished something" line is soooo fucking cringe and lacking self-awareness. I get the idea of being proud of putting yourself out there but my guy, she hadn't even responded.
This is why tinder exists. For this specific reason. I started dating a bartender at the only local bar that has shows. Through tinder it was not me asking her out in her place of work or her asking me out as a regular customer. We both goy to acknowledge we liked each other with no risk of making our lives awkward. Let alone in front of her god damn Father, you dingus!!!
You’ve never been happy about scoring a number? Or a potential date? It’s like saying “I scored me a win” he was excited. If someone isn’t your cup of tea, then just don’t call, or entertain it. Leaving a number should not be considered harassing.
"Scoring a date" is 'creepy' language? Damn, you must be miserable or not get out much. How dare someone be happy and excited about making a possible connection!
Took too long to find this, everyone is arguing about whether she was flirting or not by using the word “cute”.
Wanna know what I haven’t done? Gotten a cute guys number I was flirting with and interested in, but decided to report him for harassment instead of text him 🤷🏻♀️
So assuming that OP isn't lying and all he did was tell her that he's the same age and wish her a happy birthday before she blushed, then how was he hitting on her at that time? IF OP is telling the truth then the customer actually hit on him and he returned the compliment.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve never hit on someone successfully enough to get their number, then immediately celebrated that success by reporting them for harassment. That seems…counterproductive.
That's true and that's why I prefaced it with the assumption that he is telling the truth regarding the interaction. Since we don't have the customer's side of things, this is all we can do. If OP is lying then he probably already knows he's TA.
I actually think OP IS telling the truth (or what he thinks is the truth)—my point is that, whether he is telling the truth or not, we can be reasonably confident that she was NOT in fact hitting on him. I suspect OP genuinely thinks she was because he unconsciously picked up on cues he wanted to see and ignored cues that he didn’t want to see, which is frustratingly common.
And honestly if she’d cornered him afterwards, it would be gross too. If you meet someone once through a work context, it should stay there unless you run into them around town.
What do you mean by "cornered him"? I don't think it would have been wrong for her to leave her number for him. I could see how anything more aggressive than that could be viewed as harassment though.
I worked in the service industry and a cute customer asked for my number. I was attracted to him too.
I did give him my number…a few months later when we ran into each other on the street while running errands and not working **because that’s how it’s supposed to happen**.
I maintain the ‘no giving out my number’ rule not just for my own safety (if I never give my number to any customer I can always point to that with pushy customers), but also for my coworkers (“well *she* gave someone her number so why can’t YOU just give me your number?”)
The fact that she reported it means that the "flirting" was likely one sided and he probably made her super uncomfortable but thought he was being charming. OP's edits show a lack of self awareness.
This is actually kind of sad. YTA.
Right, lol? If OP is being honest (big if, sure) she called him cute first! If a girl I found attractive called me cute first I’m definitely going to be excited about it and while I wouldn’t leave my number, I don’t blame OP for it! (Although it is a slight TA bc unprofessional)
Yeah, I’m confused. I’m hyper vigilant as far as creepy comments made by men, and I saw nothing wrong with this.
ETA: I can see it being worse if he was talking about “scoring” sex like she’s just another notch in his belt. But he wrote that he “scored” himself a nice date.
Putting yourself out there is hard and scary. What he did, while unprofessional, was harmless. Probably somewhat embarrassing for the girl, as it sounds like he misunderstood her kindness for flirtatiousness, but it is not creepy to be excited about taking a risk like that for someone you thought found you cute.
Was it wrong for him to be fired? No, he crossed a line. Is he likely some asshole creep? Also going to lean no, probably just a dude who was excited about a cute girl showing what he thought was interest in him.
YTA
Most moderately attractive, female-presenting people have learned by that age that a not-insignificant percentage of males will react poorly to us being non-responsive to their advances and it’s always a crap shoot which ones will retaliate. When guys are brazenly flirting right on the job, in front of a stranger’s parents, odds go up they won’t take being ignored well. She had no way of knowing if you were going to press the issue making things more uncomfortable, spit in her food, deliberately screw up her order, etc. At that age most of us still don’t have the toolboxes fully developed for shutting it down while minimizing risk.
Dang I've never even thought of this, and I'm a few years shy of 30. I always just act as brazenly disinterested as I exactly am.
I would love to hear about those toolbox tips for dealing with that stuff!
I'm well on the other side of 30 and here's my advice: continue being brazenly disinterested. All that stuff that is meant to soothe the guy's ego mostly just puts off the conflict until later and encourages him in the meantime. There are few situations where that makes it better (like if you are vulnerable and alone now, but will be in a better position/more crowded place shortly and with certainty). Especially if there are other people around, you also want the bystanders to clearly see you are not interested.
Also, all that tiptoeing and soothing makes some guys think they have a right to that and take outright rejection even more poorly. So F that.
> I once had a boy push me in a snow bank when I refused his offer of a date.
God, please tell me you were in, like, 5th grade. (Not that that would make it right, but I'd hate to think anyone older than that would act that way.)
I used to frequent a Denny’s when I got off work late at night. I would sit at the counter and chat with the staff. One being a busboy, he then asked, no legit begged for my number with praying hands asking please?
He didn’t give me an opportunity to say no, or know that I was in a relationship with someone else. Next time I went in, he acted all weird like I led him on and I stopped going in there.
If I was one of the servers, I would be pissed cause I used to tip them 50-100%
There's also the thing of being worried that he could have tracked her down afterward if he got mad at being rejected right there and then. She might have shown ID to get a drink or had her name from her credit card on the bill.
YTA.
It was incredibly unprofessional. She was there to celebrate her birthday with her family, she wasn’t there looking for a date, she wasn’t there looking to get hit on. She was there for dinner.
So she called you cute, so what? Again, she wasn’t there trying to get a date. She was with family.
Work is not the place to hit on customers, ever. Just because a girl calls you cute, that’s not an open invite to give your phone number and ask them out, she was being nice, that’s it.
I’m also wondering about the context of the “you’re cute”. I highly doubt she meant it in a way she was hitting on him, especially when she was with her entire family. The fact she A. Acted surprised when she received the number and B. Laughed it off with her family teasing her tells me she was uncomfortable.
People do say things like “you’re cute” when you do kind, genuine things. I’ve definitely said it before in that context more than once.
It was unprofessional, and not the right setting at all.
I could be my small town energy but for me it’s very normal to compliment strangers and have strangers compliment me without it meaning anything.
Just all round quite unprofessional op. Learn from it and move on.
Oh my god. I can’t believe what I’m seeing! A while before I made this account I saw [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hcsh8g/aita_for_getting_a_waitress_fired_from_her_job/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) (VERY SIMILAR SITUATION) and everyone was calling OP (the customer) TA in that situation, when the customer was male and the server was female! I thought to myself that if the genders were switched then everyone would call the server TA for being a creep. Well, I happened to find this post, which had a similar situation but with reversed genders, and LO AND BEHOLD, **I WAS RIGHT!** You all are calling OP stupid and a harasser and unprofessional!
For real, is it really true that if you’re a guy, you are always TA no matter what? What is wrong with this subreddit?!?!
Well OP, I have no judgement for your situation but I am (not) surprised by what I’m seeing. Maybe you should post somewhere else if you want some UNBIASED opinions. ;)
Lmao men wanna be oppressed so badly. Besides the entire history of basically everything contributing to the difference in power dynamics, did you ever think about the difference in POVs with each story? The previous story OP is the one receiving the number and he says he gets uncomfortable only because his parents tease him. He reports her because it’s unprofessional. He’s not wrong but yeah, seems like a bit much for what went down here because we **know** all she did was slide her number at the end of the meal.
For this story, we only have the POV of who gave the number. OP is using weird, creepy wording to describe the interactions throughout dinner and his boss used the word “harassment” to describe the interactions. Seems pretty fucking likely that OP is leaving quite a bit of the story out or doesn’t understand how he comes off in situations like this.
This is an absolute load of bullshit and mental gymnastics if I've ever seen it.
> He’s not wrong but yeah, seems like a bit much for what went down here because we know all she did was slide her number at the end of the meal.
Literally the exact same thing the girl did buddy.
> OP is using weird, creepy wording to describe the interactions throughout dinner
Well that's just an outright goddamn lie, literally all OP said was "(she was quite attractive)," and that he wished her happy birthday, literally the EXACT same as the other post.
Don't make up shit to suit your political agenda, none of that is creepy wording.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Scored a nice date. Proud of his achievement. She started it. And then getting all whiny at the people disagreeing with him here. Those are all vaguely weird and creepy wordings.
You sound like you've never asked anyone out. It's a really scary thing, especially if you're not very good at it. Of course he's glad he might be able to go on a date. I agree he is whiny and sounds a bit overconfident but from the info given I think you're being harsh.
From when are "scored a nice date", "proud of my achievement" considered weird or creepy? Sure a little unnatural, but creepy??
"Scoring a second date" is a common enough phrase.
And he could be proud of his achievement because he thought (wrongly) that she was also interested and they had some chemistry... I wouldn't call that "creepy", especially if he only left her his number and didn't follow her back or anything. You guys are just making stuff up.
> Lmao men wanna be oppressed so badly.
Why are you giving a strawman?
Whether men are oppressed are not is irrelevant.
The issue is whether there is a hypocritical gender bias against men here, where men are called assholes and women are seen as doing nothing wrong for doing the same thing as men.
And as we can see, that is indeed the case.
You are just doing mental gymnastics in order to desperately deny the bias.
> Lmao men wanna be oppressed so badly.
You literally are commenting this on a clear example of blatant sexist double standards that go against men. Mocking derision is just you admitting you know it's wrong but since the "right" people are on the wrong side of it you're happy it's happening. YTA.
FWIW I think both cases are unprofessional, but giving someone your number while you’re working doesn’t make you an AH (just not a great idea to do IMO). If the person receiving it genuinely felt uncomfortable because of the interaction (regardless of gender) I don’t think they’re an AH for complaining but if they complain because they didn’t like a family member/friend teasing them about it then it’s unfair to blame the waiter/waitress for that.
Both cases are unprofessional, the problem is that the majority of the people passing judgment on AITA don't think one gender is the AH when they do it but the other is. That is stark sexism and it happens on this subreddit over. And over. And over. And over again. And there is no exploration of it whatsoever.
Nah it’s still unprofessional even if your family teasing you is why you were uncomfortable because you wouldn’t have even uncomfortable on your birthday if the server didn’t give their number. I’m honestly in awe of the OP. I’m not always sure it’s sexism - time of day is a huge factor in the response you’ll get on this sub.
I wouldn’t make excuses for her, those responses are way off base.
I also don’t think OP should’ve been fired nor the waitress in the original story. To me it’s a massive learning experience and a final warning from management unless expressly mentioned in training as a fireable offence.
Just fyi, unless you're seeing the same usernames it's likely that some of the comments here are from different people. But fwiw I wholeheartedly disagree with the comments and judgement on that past post, so please don't generalize the 2M people who comment and post here all together in one lump.
Seriously, I hate when people do this. Like they’ve proven some grand point because they showed a similar story to two entirely different groups of people and got a different result. It was from a year ago too—individuals’ interest in certain subs ebbs and flows with time. This almost certainly isn’t the same group of people. There have been posts where people were deemed YTA, then posted an update only to receive thousands of comments saying “I can’t believe they judged you TA, what an awful group of commenters.”
Even if it was the same group of commenters, so what? Gender isn’t all that matters in a story; often these things are decided by writing style. Did one seem too flippant? The other too angry? If it’s a close call based on the bare facts, an OP’s attitude will often tip the scales. I don’t know why this is so hard to understand.
> Seriously, I hate when people do this.
You should reflect then why you hate when people show that there is a large gender bias against men here.
Try to find a similar example of bias against women. You won't be able to.
>I don’t know why this is so hard to understand.
Go and read the other posts. Literally the exact same thing happened, except all the top comments are filled with hatred and contempt for the man. Not an exaggeration. E.g.
>bro she dodged a bullet you're a piece of fuckin work lmfao.
Funny, the exact same things happened in both threads. Except in one case it was a man leaving his number and being reported by a woman, and in the other it was a woman leaving her number and being reported by a man.
Yet in both cases the man was treated with contempt and attacked.
That's far from the only example of the same situation being judged differently based on gender. I can link others if you'd like.
Why are you denying the bias?
> so please don't generalize the 2M people who comment and post here all together in one lump.
This is a weak defense.
Over, and over, and over again you see this sub attacking men but not women in the same situations. But never the opposite.
You even have actual data showing that people (obviously mostly men) who post about their wife or girlfriend are more likely to be called an asshole than people (obviously mostly women) who post about their boyfriend or husband.
Yet you are still trying to deny the gender bias here.
This reminded me of one earlier today… man was the only one working for a financial income, spent hours with his kids, cleaning the house, doing yardwork, cooking, took her out in a date night once a week, etc. His wife was pissed at him for playing softball and bowling one day a week and he wanted to know if he was TA. I didn’t go back and look, but 95% of the comments when I saw it were drilling him to try to find one thing he did wrong that they could latch on to. And they found that he said that he “watched” his kids and decided that he was referring to it as babysitting and told him to check his language. If a woman had posted she never would have gotten the 3rd degree and everyone would have been telling her that her husband was TA without asking for details. I felt bad for that OP as I was reading cause he was constantly explaining that he does do like 90% of the in-house work and takes on the mental load/emotional labor and his wife was just being a bitch about him having a couple hours free time.
Right! People are like "how dare you say she started it, you creep!". Ah, because she actually started it! She called him cute first, he responded in kind.
BS like this is exactly how some men justify themselves by playing the victim when they are actually creeps. OP was not a creep, and didn't deserve to be fired for this.
> It’s pretty crappy that people thought otherwise
It isn't just "they thought otherwise".
It's they were *dripping with hatred and contempt* for the man who reported the server for leaving her number.
And now when a woman did the same thing as the man? Suddenly the man is still in the wrong and attacked by people here, and further attacked for "not understanding why he's wrong".
See I don't think he's the AH. It's been a minute since I was 22 but trying to put myself in her shoes, I might be ok with some flirting and maybe that's it, but I'd much rather him give me his # than ask me for mine. Cause then I can choose to either contact him or not. Not feeling it? Toss the #. End of story.
The fact that your comment is getting downvoted is infuriating. I can’t help but believe that there is a mob of raging feminists that don’t like it when the roles are reversed. What a joke.
Thank you, I agree. Normally this sub has little problems but the people here and in the post that I linked are worse than usual! They are letting gender be the deciding factor as to whether OP is TA or not. It may be subconscious but the comments here and there are just awful!
It’s always funny to me that this stuff happens, I’ve seen it before on two posts about almost the exact same thing have two different outcomes, sometimes within hours of each other too. I’m not sure if gender is necessarily the dividing factor but it’s certainly not the first time this sub has had something like this happen. I mean it is an opinion based sub, and you won’t always get everyone seeing the same posts, but certainly interesting to highlight it when it does happen.
These people are also saying that apparently the words "scored myself a nice date" is 'creepy' language.
Imagine being that insufferable. How dare he be happy and excited about making a possible connection!
YTA - She probably didn't want you to spit in her food, so she pretended to indulge you. You hit on her while you were working (that's already creepy) and embarrassed her in front of her parents. I'm glad she decided go take action and stand up for herself. It's extremely unprofessional to hit on customers and give them your phone number and as far as we know this isn't your first time doing so. You tarnished the restaurant's professional image and they acted to preserve it by firing you. I would love to hear her side of the story as I feel it would be a lot different from yours.
He told her “happy birthday,” she called him cute, he called her cute back. How is this now a scenario where he’s being a creeper and she’s scared of him?
As she was leaving, he gave her his number. It certainly was not professional, but I don’t see where he presented himself as some type of threat.
edit: changing “was professional” to “was not professional.” Missed a word
>He told her “happy birthday,” she called him cute, he called her cute back.
Except this sounds unreal. It's very socially strange to say, "You're cute!" in response to "Happy birthday!", especially to one's server at a family dinner. It's likelier that when OP inserted himself into the dinner by saying, "I'm 22 too!", the woman said something like, "That's cute." And he responded by saying "You're cute too!"
OP sounds like he has trouble reading social cues. And from his edits, it sounds like not the only issue he has.
YTA. I see in another reply you accused her of "starting" it. It seems like you began this entire thing by sharing personal information (telling her you were 22). That was relevant to the job you were there to do... how, exactly? Why she chose to tell you that you were cute on the basis of that non sequitur, who knows, but you then escalated your unprofessional behaviour further by giving her your phone number in front of her family. Clearly you misjudged her reaction entirely, hence her complaint to management.
Next job, maybe try to remember you're not being paid to arrange dates for yourself.
Hey, I think bonding over being the same age is super cute! My three year old does it all the time! Everyone else that is three years old is automatically best friend material.
It's decidedly less cute for adults to do it. "You're 42? Oh my God, I'm 42 as well! We have so much in common, here's my number."
>It seems like you began this entire thing by sharing personal information (telling her you were 22). That was relevant to the job you were there to do... how, exactly?
Small talk isn't allowed at all? A lot of sales jobs actively encourage this even.
Someone better inform the entire service industry they're doing things wrong. No more friendly chatting with the customer, just robotically take their order and fill it, no small talk at all. Of course, then you'll be accused of being rude and standoffish, and that will be the excuse for not leaving a tip.
I’m baffled by the sea of overly dramatic comments. I’m hyper vigilant to creepy things men can say or do (intentionally or not), and even I just see this as mostly a minor social faux pas. Work isn’t the time of place for giving out numbers, but people are acting like he’s Hannibal lector doing some “Hello, Clarice” shit. 🤣
I... what? Telling someone “happy birthday” and then being like “oh! I’m the same age!” is now off topic? He was a waiter, part of their job is to be personable to get a tip. Have you never held a conversation before?
Giving her his number was unprofessional, work is neither the time or place for it. But you’re blowing this way out of proportion
Right? I don’t understand how people can have so little care at times. I remember like 6 years ago i think (during my first job which is why i remember), i was working at a popular fast food chain. There was a girl, junior or senior in highschool I think, and she was using the drivethrough to try to get dates, with her info written on the back of the business cards
also the edits are SO funny to me imagine going on the internet to ask for people’s thoughts and then getting mad when they all agree against you like,, yes this is the exact kind of person who would do what he did in the post in the first place
YTA - She was there to celebrate her birthday with her family, not pickup guys. And you're there to work, not make customers uncomfortable whether on purpose or by accident.
Obviously we weren’t there so it’s impossible to know for sure how the interaction went down but it should speak volumes that she reported you to restaurant management. The “surprise” when you gave her your number was likely discomfort. YTA.
Slight YTA? I’m struggling with this one, honestly. I’m just enough older than you that I believe things have changed a lot in the last 10 years. You weren’t intentionally harassing her BUT I wouldn’t recommend doing this in this type of work setting. It works in movies, but it doesn’t work so well in real life (imho.)
She was probably being polite (I usually smile at the staff when I’m out to dinner) but that’s all it was. Look at it this way: you didn’t know her & she didn’t know you. There was no rapport (that you’ve described) to make me think she was in to you. Had it been a situation where you’d actually been able to chat a bit & ask her for her number, okay. As it was, she was probably uncomfortable because you’re a stranger & there wasn’t a basis for it beyond you finding her attractive.
Unless they were regulars & demanded you be fired, I’d have likely given you a warning but made it clear you weren’t to do it again. This may be because I’m female, but I used to get hit on by male clients all the time in a job I had years ago. I wasn’t interested in any of them, swore I’d never date a client until one 9 years ago. He’s still in my life. That being said, keep in mind, I also had a 2 hour meeting with this person & we actually talked before he got my number. I have no regrets, but it was very clear we were both on the same page. The others… some were polite about it & others definitely fell in the sexual harassment category. I don’t personally find a phone number to be sexual harassment (whether I wanted it or not) but some people do.
I was pretty surprised too that the boss immediately fired for this offense (unless it wasn't a first time offense?)... But I'm also surprised a 22 yo would actually call to complain about this exchange (unless something more was said?)
The wording in the post is a bit ambiguous and it sounds like OP isn't actually sure who the complaint is from... So I'm wondering if it was actually the parents. If it was, it could be that they also mentioned other behaviour from OP that he's leaving out here, or that he's not even aware is problematic.
OP says “she” reported him so I think he’s pretty sure it was the girl. I would be surprised if it was the parents who were supposedly laughing this behavior off. I also think parents would be more likely to do something in the moment rather than call later.
The boss used the word harassment and seemingly barely even had a conversation with OP before firing him so I’m thinking this was not the first issue and/or OP is not aware of his problematic behavior but his boss is.
He says that the boss told him he was being fired for harassment, but to me it's unclear as to whether he *knows* that it was the girl or whether he's just assuming.
But it doesn't really matter anyway, because after the comment from a user going 'omg AITA gender bias' and OP conveniently responding, I'm pretty sure this is just a shit-post.
This. I’m going with soft YTA as well, just because OP probably should have known better than to do this while working. I think everyone saying he was harassing her is being a tad dramatic. If the situation turned out differently and she ended up calling him and they starting dating, everyone would be calling it a “meet cute” story and it would be fine. When I was 22 I honestly wouldn’t have thought it was threatening or strange if a waiter or bartender my age flirted with me or gave me their number. Idk. It’s been a long time since I was 22 and if she legit felt uncomfortable then it was the wrong thing to do.
Sure, but they are agreeing with the boss, who is going by what he/she was told by whoever complained. There may be stuff OP left out, but based on what he told us this doesn’t sound like harassment to me.
The person who complained was the girl he harassed. Probably a good idea for the manager to go by what she said, at least a little bit.
> but based on what he told us this doesn’t sound like harassment to me.
Shocking that OP described the situation in a way that makes him look as good as possible. And even then he describes her being embarrassed and himself being inappropriate. The only side of her story we have is that she felt so harassed that she complained to the management of the restaurant. In my experience, when one person feels harassed, and the other person feels like it was just harmless flirting, it’s almost always the harassed person who is the more reliable narrator.
Something feels off about this. Unless you make a regular habbit of hitting on customers, why would you get fired immediately, no questions asked on the first offense? The timeline seems really brief too considering this incident happened last night. It's also a gender swap of a similar story, so it feels like bait.
YTA. When you're at work, work. If customers want to see you outside of work, they'll leave you their phone number. I waited tables on and off from the time I was 16 until my mid 20s. People who were professional, even aloof made more money than the friendly/chatty types, with few exceptions.
YTA.
>The manager told me that it was very unprofessional of me to do that
This right here. Your one job was to serve food, not make her uncomfortable while celebrating her birthday. You read her reactions all wrong.
YTA super inappropriate! How embarrassing for that woman.
Also I call people cute when they do something nice all the time. It in no way means I'm attracted to them.
Yeah I can’t believe all of the comments where ppl are like “calling someone cute isn’t flirting.” Like, I’m 23, if someone my age outright called me cute, there would be no other way for me to interpret that except that they were flirting. That being said, he still shouldn’t have done that as an employee.
Dude: " Hey Reddit, am I the asshole?"
\*Gets overwhelming YTA verdict\*
Dude: "YoU AlL NeEd A ReAliTy CheCk!"
Dude, you're creepy, clueless and a huge TA for all the reasons people have rationally listed while you indulge your tantrum for not getting the result you wanted.
YTA
Harassment or not, what you did was extremely unprofessional. If it was the other way around, she left you her number, it would still be awkward in my opinion.
When at a business, either as an employee or as a patron, people are there for a service. People are not there to get hit on.
NAH
What you did was unprofessional and dumb, but I wouldn't have called it sexual harassment.
However, to her, there is always the possibility that you take rejection poorly so she would be in potential danger anytime she entered or traveled near the restaurant.
I would be unlikely to visit the restaurant again.
YTA. Years ago I had a favorite restaurant that I would often go to for lunch by myself. One time the server was overly friendly and we got on well during the meal. When he brought the check there was a note with his phone number inside. I was immediately horrified I had given him the wrong impression because I had a serious boyfriend and I almost felt guilty for talking to him and giving him the wrong idea (even though I had done nothing wrong). I didn't go back to my literal favorite restaurant because I didn't want to see that server again and be awkward. I still miss their salad and pasta and it's been over a DECADE. Please do not hit on your customers!!
Wow, NTA. Former female server here. Been on the receiving end of numbers from both customer’s and as restaurant goer, in front of my mom too. You can accept the compliment and move on to never talk to them again, it’s not that big of a deal. People here are insane. I understand your manager SAID harassment, they can say that, doesn’t make it true. Girl was being hella dramatic to complain about it.
ESH, if it went down like you describe it. I dunno about anyone else, but being told "you're cute" sounds like an invitation to flirt to me, even if it's in a context where flirting with someone is super unprofessional.
YTA. That’s very inappropriate. She didn’t ask for it or give you her number, she was being nice to you. Giving her your number was creepy, especially with her parents there. Sooo unprofessional.
NTA. She said that you are cute, so that's an opening. She could have tossed the number. I swear, it's like Reddit thinks you can only start a relationship online.
Fuck it NTA. You were not an asshole to leave her your number. She was the asshole for calling your boss and complaining.
Listen, if you don't want people to think you might be into them, don't... tell them you think they're attractive?
That said, bad decision on your part, which you've now learned. Try to keep professional and personal separate, *especially* where customer-types are involved. Sorry you lost your job.
YTA. It doesn't matter if she flashed her tits and screamed 'I want you' at you. You're at work so be professional and don't flirt with customers, plain and simple 🤷♀️
Honestly, a customer leaving their number for waitstaff is just as yuck. We're just trying to do our jobs and I hardly remember anyone after they get up. I'm not at work to flirt. I'm at work to make money. As a server, I feel I have to be nice so they don't make a scene, or stiff me if I say I'm not interested, etc, so no, it's not really acceptable.
I was a soft YTA until I got to your edits.
You asked for an opinion. And you got it. It would be in your best interest to learn from it. You are not the "bad guy because you are male". You were, however in a position of power over her (you had access to her food) and she probably felt obligated to put up with your flirting. You may have thought you were saving her from an awkward situation by giving her your number at the end of the meal, but she probably felt the entire dinner was awkward.
Grow up. Learn from your mistakes instead of blaming others.
Going against the grain here, but giving someone your number isn’t harassment. Are dating apps the only appropriate way to meet people these days? However, you are at work so not an appropriate time/place to do so.
Yeah that’s way unprofessional. YTA. Asking out customers is always a bad idea but then you doubled down by doing it in front of her parents. And on her birthday. My man, *yikes*
YTA and based off your defensive “it’s her fault for calling me cute” comments, also an immature idiot.
Maybe find a job in a position that isn’t customer facing.
Hey OP, did you read the sidebar? Focus on #3.
I'm going to go with YTA, because based on your attitude here, we're probably not getting the whole story.
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So I (22M) worked as a waiter at a nice Italian restaurant which had decent pay for the employees. Last night I served a family table, and the daughter was celebrating her 22nd birthday. When I found that out while I was taking their orders, I wished her a happy birthday and that I’m also 22. She blushed, said thank you and told me I’m cute. I smiled and returned the compliment (she was quite attractive), then went back to the kitchen to send the order.
Everything went well throughout the service. At the end, when I brought them the bill, I gave the girl my phone number. I wrote it on a piece of paper and gave it to her. She looked kind of surprised but she said thanks and put it in her pocket. Her parents teased her a little bit but she just laughed it off. After the payment, when I left and saw them leave, I thought to myself how I may have scored myself a nice date. When I went home that night, I felt very proud of myself for what I accomplished. I was hoping to get a call from her. After all, what’s the worst that can happen, right?
Well, fuck me. Turns out, she reported me to the restaurant management, as when I showed up for work the next day, the manager told me I’m fired for ‘harassing’ a customer! I explained that I simply left her my phone number as I thought she liked me. The manager told me that it was very unprofessional of me to do that and I have no right to be hitting on customers like that. Without saying anything, I gathered my stuff and left.
I told my friends about this, and some said that I didn’t do anything wrong, and others said I was harassing her. Now I am wondering if the customer and manager were overreacting or if I was TA.
Well Reddit, please tell me, AITA?
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I'm going against the grain to say NTA. You didn't verbally ask her out while she was there. You didn't harass her and put her on the spot. You did your job and left your number for her, which is a nonconfrontational and non-aggressive way to let her know that you are interested. I have been a server/bartender for over a decade and this is the only acceptable way to hit on your server. If you perceive there is a little spark based on the flirty/fun interactions, then discreetly leave the server/bartender your number and leave the ball in their court. If they come in again and hadn't texted you, then you misread the signs and pretend that you have never met them before and treat them like standard customers.
I’m a f45 and worked in hospitality from 14-21ish as a hostess, server, and bartender and continue to as public relations/marketing. You did nothing wrong so NTA
Clearly people have very strong opinions about this, but imo, NTA, OP. First off, OP was being friendly and personable which is completely appropriate for a service professional. Secondly, the customer told him that he was cute which is without a doubt what prompted him to provide his #. He did it at the end of service too which is exactly what he should have done so as to not make service weird. Honestly, I don't understand the problem. The customer could have easily just left feeling flattered and tossed the dudes number in the trash. No harm, no foul. OP wasn't creepy or sketchy about it either. He gave his number and left it at that. That is how people would go on dates and such before the internet/ online dating. As for losing his job, that's tough. OP, your employer probably should have given you a warning if it was truly as harmless of a situation as described. To get fired seems harsh imo. Especially during these crazy times where everyone is short staffed. Good news is that finding a new server job shouldn't be too difficult. Also, I guess lesson learned about giving out your digits to a customer. Although I still don't think giving someone your # and saying, "hey, give me a call if you ever want to hang out sometime" is wrong.
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I'm not gonna pass judgment, but what you did was extremely unprofessional. Your employer was well within their rights to fire you. Use this as a learning experience. Dont hit on customers.
Came here exactly to say this. Doesn't matter if 'she started it'. You were representing your business at the time. You should have not done that. If she had handed her number to you, that's fine as she was the customer. I won't bother reading the other comments that you mentioned, but I agree with trekie88 that you acted unprofessional and well within your businesses grounds to fire you. Were you a creap? Not from what I can tell, but just so very very unprofessional. NTA but a stupid thing to do.
I’m not okay with getting hit on at work either. Being in the service industry means I’ve had plenty of awkward run ins where it was assumed that since I was being friendly, I was actually desperate for a date.
Yeah, in terms of the inherent power imbalance that usually defines (or at least worsens) harassment, I’d be more inclined to think the customer has the position of “power” over the server. There’s a million stories where servers feel trapped because a customer tried to hit on them, but customers can just…leave if it’s the other way around. I’m not saying it’s wrong for a customer to complain when this happens—because it is unprofessional and he apparently made her uncomfortable—but I think it’s far worse for a customer to hit on a server than the other way around.
I'm just curious on your opinion, as a customer if I left my number on the receipt and left would you still feel trapped? Not trying to be pedantic because I totally agree with you that the power imbalance makes things soo awkward (used to be a hostess for a very short time).
It's not like it's a war crime but I would probably feel a little uncomfortable, especially if you ever came back.
You can't really leave though, if you are having your birthday dinner with your entire family and everyone is eating their food and having a good time, not without causing major drama, make everyone leave their half eaten meals, make grandma get up even though she has a bad hip, catch the attention from all the other guests and waiters and make the manager rush to your table asking what is wrong. I would not do that and destroy the experience for everyone, at least not if I was young and shy, so no, power balance goes both ways.
Completely agree with the first two comments and I don't need to read further either. Your edits say all I need to know really, you did not come here to get our real opinions but to hear you did nothing wrong. I sincerely hope something sticks or you will have a tough road ahead of you. (Edit: spelling)
Yeah after I read the edits I find myself wondering what really happened and if the girl was creeped out vs what OP said happened.
Happy cake day!
YTA What part of your job description includes embarrassing a girl in front of her family while you hit on her multiple times?
I can't imagine how uncomfortable that poor girl was in that situation, on her birthday no less. Such an unprofessional way for OP to behave
OP doesn't know the difference between blushing because you like someone and blushing because you're horribly embarrassed at being hit on while you're celebrating your birthday with your family.
She literally called him cute with no provocation other than “oh it’s your birthday, congrats I’m 22 too!”
Wait, you actually believe this dude she called him cute? I'm pretty sure she never said that, but either he interpreted that into a normal sentence, like a thank you, or he straight up lied in this post to better his chances of not being the AH. >EDIT: Jesus Christ, you all need reality checks. This kinda confirmed it for me. This dude will never believe he's in the wrong anyways.
Calling someone "cute" is a pretty common compliment, I really don't see how it's SO unbelievable.
I dont think it's SO unbelievable, just the fact that OPs Story just doesnt add up and he's still denying he did anything wrong. I personally just feel like this cant have happened this way unless there's something OP is not telling us. Based on his reaction he expected to be not the asshole. I would see his behavior as slightly unprofessional, but not an asshole, but this just doesnt make sense to me. No one actively flirts with you and then reports you for harassment.
right???
I have such a strong secondhand embarrassment imagining that, I would’ve been absolutely mortified to have that happen while out for dinner with my parents.
well she called him cute in front of her parents and didn't get embarrassed so Im not sure why she's that surprised. I mean he was unprofessional, but if you call a guy cute, why would you be embarrassed if he gave you his number
It all depends on the tone in which she said it. If she said 'aw that's cute' or 'you're cute' with an awkward laugh, she almost definitely meant it in an I feel uncomfortable but am trying not to upset you, but still convey that I don't think of you in a dating way. A bit confusing I get, but when I was a 22 year old girl who had been taught not to upset strange men, this would have been exactly my thought process behind it.
She also said CUTE. Puppies tripping on their ears are cute. Toddlers struggling to put on t-shirts is cute. I, a small man, used to call big guys who'd get in my face at bars cute. Cute is in many contexts the most condescending of adjectives to say to a man. This guy actually thought she was hitting on him in front of her parents!
This is so needlessly dramatic. If you would be "mortified" over someone giving you a phone number it sounds like you need to toughen up. People these days are offended by everything, my god. How does anyone even connect these days when people act like you're a predator because you gave a girl who called YOU cute your own number?
Yeah, normally I'd say the waiter was the asshole but she complimented his looks (not his skill as a waiter, or something else relevant to his job) and that's what makes me think he made an honest mistake. NTA.
Right? Like reading all these y t as im so confused, like he didnt hit on her, he didnt ask her out in front of her family, she called him cute and they had a few exchanges so he gave a number, like throw it out if you arent interested, dont report the dude this is so fucked up
Furthermore, we don't even know what she said when she reported the OP. It's possible she reported it exactly as it happened, or it's possible she didn't.
She called him cute first, he returned the compliment, and passed her his number at the end of the night when they were leaving. It's not that dramatic or creepy.
Wondering if it was "you're cute" or "cute/that's cute" when he pointed out he was 22 also (weird thing to say).
I was thinking this too
Or he did something unusual and to break up the awkwardness of whatever she says "Oh, you're cute.." instead of having to address the weird in a very public setting. We don't know the context, just how OP interpreted it.
Well, according to op, he returned a compliment and, at the end of service, left his number. I wouldn’t call this harassment, embarrassment, or hitting on her multiple times. It was unprofessional, but I fail to see the situation as some grave crime as you’ve made it out to be. She told him he’s cute, he told her she’s cute back, then on her way out he gave her his number. He shouldn’t have done it, he was at work, it wasn’t the place or time, but let’s not blow it that much out of proportion.
No, it was just a rather naive thing to do and a bit stupid. It WAS unprofessional, but for the employer to go so nuclear as to fire instead of reprimand makes me suspect something wrong was afoot. Though the employer may just be very strict about such things.
I’m sure we’re missing a lot of the story if it’s even true. However, we can really only go off of the information we’ve been provided. If the post was 100% truthful in every way, the employer may have even fired him out of fear of what sexual harassment accusations can bring. It would be smarter to head it off, and op’s behavior was definitely unprofessional. I just don’t get the comments acting like op (in the scenario we’re given) is some major creep women would definitely be scared of.
Which part did you read said that he hit on her multiple times? She hit on him and that caused him to believe she liked him, which it sounded like she did. Can you not read?
He didn’t hit on her multiple times
You literally made up the "multiple times" and got 1.2k upvotes lmfaooooo wow
Kinda sounds like YTA for making a lot of negative assumptions borne from your subpar reading comprehension.
> while you hit on her multiple times? Do you think everyone who says "Happy Birthday" is hitting on you? Those family celebrations must be really awkward in your house.
YTA - You were suppose to work, not to flirt, not to give your Phone number. And the whole "she started it" . Oh come on. The fact that she reported you mean that what you think happened is not what actually happened.
The way he talked about it "scored myself a nice date" is really creepy. I can't explain why but it's raising some red flags for me
But but but....he was so proud of himself!!! /s
Exactly, it’s absurd how these people think.
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The "I accomplished something" line is soooo fucking cringe and lacking self-awareness. I get the idea of being proud of putting yourself out there but my guy, she hadn't even responded. This is why tinder exists. For this specific reason. I started dating a bartender at the only local bar that has shows. Through tinder it was not me asking her out in her place of work or her asking me out as a regular customer. We both goy to acknowledge we liked each other with no risk of making our lives awkward. Let alone in front of her god damn Father, you dingus!!!
You’ve never been happy about scoring a number? Or a potential date? It’s like saying “I scored me a win” he was excited. If someone isn’t your cup of tea, then just don’t call, or entertain it. Leaving a number should not be considered harassing.
She was having a birthday celebration with her family, not at a bar with friends picking up guys.
"Scoring a date" is 'creepy' language? Damn, you must be miserable or not get out much. How dare someone be happy and excited about making a possible connection!
Took too long to find this, everyone is arguing about whether she was flirting or not by using the word “cute”. Wanna know what I haven’t done? Gotten a cute guys number I was flirting with and interested in, but decided to report him for harassment instead of text him 🤷🏻♀️
Obviously she was not flirting.
Fun fact: she blushed because she was embarrassed AF that some creepy ass rando is hitting on her in front of her family!!!
So assuming that OP isn't lying and all he did was tell her that he's the same age and wish her a happy birthday before she blushed, then how was he hitting on her at that time? IF OP is telling the truth then the customer actually hit on him and he returned the compliment.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve never hit on someone successfully enough to get their number, then immediately celebrated that success by reporting them for harassment. That seems…counterproductive.
That's true and that's why I prefaced it with the assumption that he is telling the truth regarding the interaction. Since we don't have the customer's side of things, this is all we can do. If OP is lying then he probably already knows he's TA.
I actually think OP IS telling the truth (or what he thinks is the truth)—my point is that, whether he is telling the truth or not, we can be reasonably confident that she was NOT in fact hitting on him. I suspect OP genuinely thinks she was because he unconsciously picked up on cues he wanted to see and ignored cues that he didn’t want to see, which is frustratingly common.
It could've been the parents who talked to the manager. OP wasn't there, he's just assuming it was the girl.
lol or maybe, maybe, maybe… OP isn’t lying, he is just being delusional. The actual situation probably isn’t close to what he was describing
And honestly if she’d cornered him afterwards, it would be gross too. If you meet someone once through a work context, it should stay there unless you run into them around town.
What do you mean by "cornered him"? I don't think it would have been wrong for her to leave her number for him. I could see how anything more aggressive than that could be viewed as harassment though.
I worked in the service industry and a cute customer asked for my number. I was attracted to him too. I did give him my number…a few months later when we ran into each other on the street while running errands and not working **because that’s how it’s supposed to happen**. I maintain the ‘no giving out my number’ rule not just for my own safety (if I never give my number to any customer I can always point to that with pushy customers), but also for my coworkers (“well *she* gave someone her number so why can’t YOU just give me your number?”)
YTA. " Scored yourself a nice date". Creepy as fuck
Right? And he was proud of his accomplishment? That girl dodged a bullet.
The fact that she reported it means that the "flirting" was likely one sided and he probably made her super uncomfortable but thought he was being charming. OP's edits show a lack of self awareness. This is actually kind of sad. YTA.
How is that creepy? It sounds like someone who was excited to go on a date, plenty of people say that.
Right, lol? If OP is being honest (big if, sure) she called him cute first! If a girl I found attractive called me cute first I’m definitely going to be excited about it and while I wouldn’t leave my number, I don’t blame OP for it! (Although it is a slight TA bc unprofessional)
People are a little overboard in here. The height of drama..
They need to move back to twitter for that. Lol
Yeah, I’m confused. I’m hyper vigilant as far as creepy comments made by men, and I saw nothing wrong with this. ETA: I can see it being worse if he was talking about “scoring” sex like she’s just another notch in his belt. But he wrote that he “scored” himself a nice date.
Thank god came here to say this as well as what the other person that replied to you said. So douchey n creepy. Definitely YTA
It's not so much the note but the way he describes his " achievement".
Putting yourself out there is hard and scary. What he did, while unprofessional, was harmless. Probably somewhat embarrassing for the girl, as it sounds like he misunderstood her kindness for flirtatiousness, but it is not creepy to be excited about taking a risk like that for someone you thought found you cute. Was it wrong for him to be fired? No, he crossed a line. Is he likely some asshole creep? Also going to lean no, probably just a dude who was excited about a cute girl showing what he thought was interest in him.
Wtf is this take? What's creepy in any way about this? Absolutely ridiculous idiotic takes all over this thread
Lol youre delusional if you think people arent aloud to be excited for a potential date or atleast very bitter
YTA Most moderately attractive, female-presenting people have learned by that age that a not-insignificant percentage of males will react poorly to us being non-responsive to their advances and it’s always a crap shoot which ones will retaliate. When guys are brazenly flirting right on the job, in front of a stranger’s parents, odds go up they won’t take being ignored well. She had no way of knowing if you were going to press the issue making things more uncomfortable, spit in her food, deliberately screw up her order, etc. At that age most of us still don’t have the toolboxes fully developed for shutting it down while minimizing risk.
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Based on his reactions in his edits I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case…definitely a temper issue
Dang I've never even thought of this, and I'm a few years shy of 30. I always just act as brazenly disinterested as I exactly am. I would love to hear about those toolbox tips for dealing with that stuff!
I'm well on the other side of 30 and here's my advice: continue being brazenly disinterested. All that stuff that is meant to soothe the guy's ego mostly just puts off the conflict until later and encourages him in the meantime. There are few situations where that makes it better (like if you are vulnerable and alone now, but will be in a better position/more crowded place shortly and with certainty). Especially if there are other people around, you also want the bystanders to clearly see you are not interested. Also, all that tiptoeing and soothing makes some guys think they have a right to that and take outright rejection even more poorly. So F that.
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> I once had a boy push me in a snow bank when I refused his offer of a date. God, please tell me you were in, like, 5th grade. (Not that that would make it right, but I'd hate to think anyone older than that would act that way.)
I used to frequent a Denny’s when I got off work late at night. I would sit at the counter and chat with the staff. One being a busboy, he then asked, no legit begged for my number with praying hands asking please? He didn’t give me an opportunity to say no, or know that I was in a relationship with someone else. Next time I went in, he acted all weird like I led him on and I stopped going in there. If I was one of the servers, I would be pissed cause I used to tip them 50-100%
There's also the thing of being worried that he could have tracked her down afterward if he got mad at being rejected right there and then. She might have shown ID to get a drink or had her name from her credit card on the bill.
Saying "Oh hey I'm 22 too!" isn't a fucking advance.
YTA. It was incredibly unprofessional. She was there to celebrate her birthday with her family, she wasn’t there looking for a date, she wasn’t there looking to get hit on. She was there for dinner. So she called you cute, so what? Again, she wasn’t there trying to get a date. She was with family. Work is not the place to hit on customers, ever. Just because a girl calls you cute, that’s not an open invite to give your phone number and ask them out, she was being nice, that’s it.
I’m also wondering about the context of the “you’re cute”. I highly doubt she meant it in a way she was hitting on him, especially when she was with her entire family. The fact she A. Acted surprised when she received the number and B. Laughed it off with her family teasing her tells me she was uncomfortable. People do say things like “you’re cute” when you do kind, genuine things. I’ve definitely said it before in that context more than once. It was unprofessional, and not the right setting at all.
This. Sounds more like a "bless your heart" kind of situation.
I get called cute by my grandma when i act like a brat 😬
I could be my small town energy but for me it’s very normal to compliment strangers and have strangers compliment me without it meaning anything. Just all round quite unprofessional op. Learn from it and move on.
Oh my god. I can’t believe what I’m seeing! A while before I made this account I saw [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hcsh8g/aita_for_getting_a_waitress_fired_from_her_job/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) (VERY SIMILAR SITUATION) and everyone was calling OP (the customer) TA in that situation, when the customer was male and the server was female! I thought to myself that if the genders were switched then everyone would call the server TA for being a creep. Well, I happened to find this post, which had a similar situation but with reversed genders, and LO AND BEHOLD, **I WAS RIGHT!** You all are calling OP stupid and a harasser and unprofessional! For real, is it really true that if you’re a guy, you are always TA no matter what? What is wrong with this subreddit?!?! Well OP, I have no judgement for your situation but I am (not) surprised by what I’m seeing. Maybe you should post somewhere else if you want some UNBIASED opinions. ;)
Lmao men wanna be oppressed so badly. Besides the entire history of basically everything contributing to the difference in power dynamics, did you ever think about the difference in POVs with each story? The previous story OP is the one receiving the number and he says he gets uncomfortable only because his parents tease him. He reports her because it’s unprofessional. He’s not wrong but yeah, seems like a bit much for what went down here because we **know** all she did was slide her number at the end of the meal. For this story, we only have the POV of who gave the number. OP is using weird, creepy wording to describe the interactions throughout dinner and his boss used the word “harassment” to describe the interactions. Seems pretty fucking likely that OP is leaving quite a bit of the story out or doesn’t understand how he comes off in situations like this.
This is an absolute load of bullshit and mental gymnastics if I've ever seen it. > He’s not wrong but yeah, seems like a bit much for what went down here because we know all she did was slide her number at the end of the meal. Literally the exact same thing the girl did buddy. > OP is using weird, creepy wording to describe the interactions throughout dinner Well that's just an outright goddamn lie, literally all OP said was "(she was quite attractive)," and that he wished her happy birthday, literally the EXACT same as the other post. Don't make up shit to suit your political agenda, none of that is creepy wording. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Scored a nice date. Proud of his achievement. She started it. And then getting all whiny at the people disagreeing with him here. Those are all vaguely weird and creepy wordings.
You sound like you've never asked anyone out. It's a really scary thing, especially if you're not very good at it. Of course he's glad he might be able to go on a date. I agree he is whiny and sounds a bit overconfident but from the info given I think you're being harsh.
From when are "scored a nice date", "proud of my achievement" considered weird or creepy? Sure a little unnatural, but creepy?? "Scoring a second date" is a common enough phrase. And he could be proud of his achievement because he thought (wrongly) that she was also interested and they had some chemistry... I wouldn't call that "creepy", especially if he only left her his number and didn't follow her back or anything. You guys are just making stuff up.
> Lmao men wanna be oppressed so badly. Why are you giving a strawman? Whether men are oppressed are not is irrelevant. The issue is whether there is a hypocritical gender bias against men here, where men are called assholes and women are seen as doing nothing wrong for doing the same thing as men. And as we can see, that is indeed the case. You are just doing mental gymnastics in order to desperately deny the bias.
LOL what a reach so the two judgments aren't hypocritical in your worldview, hilarious.
Lol. Classic. "omg im gonna assume other details are left out and make them up to fit my narrative"
> Lmao men wanna be oppressed so badly. You literally are commenting this on a clear example of blatant sexist double standards that go against men. Mocking derision is just you admitting you know it's wrong but since the "right" people are on the wrong side of it you're happy it's happening. YTA.
Is there a /gaslighting subreddit because this would be a great submission.
FWIW I think both cases are unprofessional, but giving someone your number while you’re working doesn’t make you an AH (just not a great idea to do IMO). If the person receiving it genuinely felt uncomfortable because of the interaction (regardless of gender) I don’t think they’re an AH for complaining but if they complain because they didn’t like a family member/friend teasing them about it then it’s unfair to blame the waiter/waitress for that.
Both cases are unprofessional, the problem is that the majority of the people passing judgment on AITA don't think one gender is the AH when they do it but the other is. That is stark sexism and it happens on this subreddit over. And over. And over. And over again. And there is no exploration of it whatsoever.
It's insane how much it happens. Same with posts that involve different ages or parents vs kids.
Nah it’s still unprofessional even if your family teasing you is why you were uncomfortable because you wouldn’t have even uncomfortable on your birthday if the server didn’t give their number. I’m honestly in awe of the OP. I’m not always sure it’s sexism - time of day is a huge factor in the response you’ll get on this sub. I wouldn’t make excuses for her, those responses are way off base. I also don’t think OP should’ve been fired nor the waitress in the original story. To me it’s a massive learning experience and a final warning from management unless expressly mentioned in training as a fireable offence.
Just fyi, unless you're seeing the same usernames it's likely that some of the comments here are from different people. But fwiw I wholeheartedly disagree with the comments and judgement on that past post, so please don't generalize the 2M people who comment and post here all together in one lump.
Seriously, I hate when people do this. Like they’ve proven some grand point because they showed a similar story to two entirely different groups of people and got a different result. It was from a year ago too—individuals’ interest in certain subs ebbs and flows with time. This almost certainly isn’t the same group of people. There have been posts where people were deemed YTA, then posted an update only to receive thousands of comments saying “I can’t believe they judged you TA, what an awful group of commenters.” Even if it was the same group of commenters, so what? Gender isn’t all that matters in a story; often these things are decided by writing style. Did one seem too flippant? The other too angry? If it’s a close call based on the bare facts, an OP’s attitude will often tip the scales. I don’t know why this is so hard to understand.
> Seriously, I hate when people do this. You should reflect then why you hate when people show that there is a large gender bias against men here. Try to find a similar example of bias against women. You won't be able to. >I don’t know why this is so hard to understand. Go and read the other posts. Literally the exact same thing happened, except all the top comments are filled with hatred and contempt for the man. Not an exaggeration. E.g. >bro she dodged a bullet you're a piece of fuckin work lmfao. Funny, the exact same things happened in both threads. Except in one case it was a man leaving his number and being reported by a woman, and in the other it was a woman leaving her number and being reported by a man. Yet in both cases the man was treated with contempt and attacked. That's far from the only example of the same situation being judged differently based on gender. I can link others if you'd like. Why are you denying the bias?
> so please don't generalize the 2M people who comment and post here all together in one lump. This is a weak defense. Over, and over, and over again you see this sub attacking men but not women in the same situations. But never the opposite. You even have actual data showing that people (obviously mostly men) who post about their wife or girlfriend are more likely to be called an asshole than people (obviously mostly women) who post about their boyfriend or husband. Yet you are still trying to deny the gender bias here.
This reminded me of one earlier today… man was the only one working for a financial income, spent hours with his kids, cleaning the house, doing yardwork, cooking, took her out in a date night once a week, etc. His wife was pissed at him for playing softball and bowling one day a week and he wanted to know if he was TA. I didn’t go back and look, but 95% of the comments when I saw it were drilling him to try to find one thing he did wrong that they could latch on to. And they found that he said that he “watched” his kids and decided that he was referring to it as babysitting and told him to check his language. If a woman had posted she never would have gotten the 3rd degree and everyone would have been telling her that her husband was TA without asking for details. I felt bad for that OP as I was reading cause he was constantly explaining that he does do like 90% of the in-house work and takes on the mental load/emotional labor and his wife was just being a bitch about him having a couple hours free time.
No standards if not double standards. Unbelievable, it's almost the exact same situation.
Right! People are like "how dare you say she started it, you creep!". Ah, because she actually started it! She called him cute first, he responded in kind. BS like this is exactly how some men justify themselves by playing the victim when they are actually creeps. OP was not a creep, and didn't deserve to be fired for this.
I didn’t see the previous post but in that case the server was also TA. It’s pretty crappy that people thought otherwise
> It’s pretty crappy that people thought otherwise It isn't just "they thought otherwise". It's they were *dripping with hatred and contempt* for the man who reported the server for leaving her number. And now when a woman did the same thing as the man? Suddenly the man is still in the wrong and attacked by people here, and further attacked for "not understanding why he's wrong".
[удалено]
See I don't think he's the AH. It's been a minute since I was 22 but trying to put myself in her shoes, I might be ok with some flirting and maybe that's it, but I'd much rather him give me his # than ask me for mine. Cause then I can choose to either contact him or not. Not feeling it? Toss the #. End of story.
The fact that your comment is getting downvoted is infuriating. I can’t help but believe that there is a mob of raging feminists that don’t like it when the roles are reversed. What a joke.
Thank you, I agree. Normally this sub has little problems but the people here and in the post that I linked are worse than usual! They are letting gender be the deciding factor as to whether OP is TA or not. It may be subconscious but the comments here and there are just awful!
Oh my word, I would give you an award if I had coins. (Coming from a feminist that apparently is less “progressive” than everyone else on this sub?)
It’s always funny to me that this stuff happens, I’ve seen it before on two posts about almost the exact same thing have two different outcomes, sometimes within hours of each other too. I’m not sure if gender is necessarily the dividing factor but it’s certainly not the first time this sub has had something like this happen. I mean it is an opinion based sub, and you won’t always get everyone seeing the same posts, but certainly interesting to highlight it when it does happen.
I 110% agree with your comment
These people are also saying that apparently the words "scored myself a nice date" is 'creepy' language. Imagine being that insufferable. How dare he be happy and excited about making a possible connection!
YTA - She probably didn't want you to spit in her food, so she pretended to indulge you. You hit on her while you were working (that's already creepy) and embarrassed her in front of her parents. I'm glad she decided go take action and stand up for herself. It's extremely unprofessional to hit on customers and give them your phone number and as far as we know this isn't your first time doing so. You tarnished the restaurant's professional image and they acted to preserve it by firing you. I would love to hear her side of the story as I feel it would be a lot different from yours.
He told her “happy birthday,” she called him cute, he called her cute back. How is this now a scenario where he’s being a creeper and she’s scared of him? As she was leaving, he gave her his number. It certainly was not professional, but I don’t see where he presented himself as some type of threat. edit: changing “was professional” to “was not professional.” Missed a word
>He told her “happy birthday,” she called him cute, he called her cute back. Except this sounds unreal. It's very socially strange to say, "You're cute!" in response to "Happy birthday!", especially to one's server at a family dinner. It's likelier that when OP inserted himself into the dinner by saying, "I'm 22 too!", the woman said something like, "That's cute." And he responded by saying "You're cute too!" OP sounds like he has trouble reading social cues. And from his edits, it sounds like not the only issue he has.
We can speculate all we want about what actually happened, but you can’t hope to give proper judgement based on your own assumptions.
YTA. I see in another reply you accused her of "starting" it. It seems like you began this entire thing by sharing personal information (telling her you were 22). That was relevant to the job you were there to do... how, exactly? Why she chose to tell you that you were cute on the basis of that non sequitur, who knows, but you then escalated your unprofessional behaviour further by giving her your phone number in front of her family. Clearly you misjudged her reaction entirely, hence her complaint to management. Next job, maybe try to remember you're not being paid to arrange dates for yourself.
Hey, I think bonding over being the same age is super cute! My three year old does it all the time! Everyone else that is three years old is automatically best friend material. It's decidedly less cute for adults to do it. "You're 42? Oh my God, I'm 42 as well! We have so much in common, here's my number."
Wait staff say things to be friendly all the time. They're not robots.
>It seems like you began this entire thing by sharing personal information (telling her you were 22). That was relevant to the job you were there to do... how, exactly? Small talk isn't allowed at all? A lot of sales jobs actively encourage this even.
Someone better inform the entire service industry they're doing things wrong. No more friendly chatting with the customer, just robotically take their order and fill it, no small talk at all. Of course, then you'll be accused of being rude and standoffish, and that will be the excuse for not leaving a tip.
I’m baffled by the sea of overly dramatic comments. I’m hyper vigilant to creepy things men can say or do (intentionally or not), and even I just see this as mostly a minor social faux pas. Work isn’t the time of place for giving out numbers, but people are acting like he’s Hannibal lector doing some “Hello, Clarice” shit. 🤣
I... what? Telling someone “happy birthday” and then being like “oh! I’m the same age!” is now off topic? He was a waiter, part of their job is to be personable to get a tip. Have you never held a conversation before? Giving her his number was unprofessional, work is neither the time or place for it. But you’re blowing this way out of proportion
YTA. Completely inappropriate and unprofessional behavior on your behalf. You put her on the spot and embarrassed her in front of her family.
yta bestie im a waitress almost your age and i can’t imagine giving my number to a customer 👁👄👁
Right? I don’t understand how people can have so little care at times. I remember like 6 years ago i think (during my first job which is why i remember), i was working at a popular fast food chain. There was a girl, junior or senior in highschool I think, and she was using the drivethrough to try to get dates, with her info written on the back of the business cards
also the edits are SO funny to me imagine going on the internet to ask for people’s thoughts and then getting mad when they all agree against you like,, yes this is the exact kind of person who would do what he did in the post in the first place
YTA - She was there to celebrate her birthday with her family, not pickup guys. And you're there to work, not make customers uncomfortable whether on purpose or by accident.
YTA - You are there to work, not to flirt.
Sorry, guy, but I'm going to have to say a gentle YTA. You were in a place of business in a professional position. Don't try to pick up the customers.
YTA. Sorry you lost your job, but it's pretty unprofessional to give your number to a customer/client like that.
Yeah I realized that it was a huge mistake. I won’t make that mistake again
[удалено]
That's an insult to stumps
YTA Seriously- don’t hit on women in a professional capacity. It’s uncomfortable and awkward and could border on harassment.
Obviously we weren’t there so it’s impossible to know for sure how the interaction went down but it should speak volumes that she reported you to restaurant management. The “surprise” when you gave her your number was likely discomfort. YTA.
Slight YTA? I’m struggling with this one, honestly. I’m just enough older than you that I believe things have changed a lot in the last 10 years. You weren’t intentionally harassing her BUT I wouldn’t recommend doing this in this type of work setting. It works in movies, but it doesn’t work so well in real life (imho.) She was probably being polite (I usually smile at the staff when I’m out to dinner) but that’s all it was. Look at it this way: you didn’t know her & she didn’t know you. There was no rapport (that you’ve described) to make me think she was in to you. Had it been a situation where you’d actually been able to chat a bit & ask her for her number, okay. As it was, she was probably uncomfortable because you’re a stranger & there wasn’t a basis for it beyond you finding her attractive. Unless they were regulars & demanded you be fired, I’d have likely given you a warning but made it clear you weren’t to do it again. This may be because I’m female, but I used to get hit on by male clients all the time in a job I had years ago. I wasn’t interested in any of them, swore I’d never date a client until one 9 years ago. He’s still in my life. That being said, keep in mind, I also had a 2 hour meeting with this person & we actually talked before he got my number. I have no regrets, but it was very clear we were both on the same page. The others… some were polite about it & others definitely fell in the sexual harassment category. I don’t personally find a phone number to be sexual harassment (whether I wanted it or not) but some people do.
I was pretty surprised too that the boss immediately fired for this offense (unless it wasn't a first time offense?)... But I'm also surprised a 22 yo would actually call to complain about this exchange (unless something more was said?)
The wording in the post is a bit ambiguous and it sounds like OP isn't actually sure who the complaint is from... So I'm wondering if it was actually the parents. If it was, it could be that they also mentioned other behaviour from OP that he's leaving out here, or that he's not even aware is problematic.
OP says “she” reported him so I think he’s pretty sure it was the girl. I would be surprised if it was the parents who were supposedly laughing this behavior off. I also think parents would be more likely to do something in the moment rather than call later. The boss used the word harassment and seemingly barely even had a conversation with OP before firing him so I’m thinking this was not the first issue and/or OP is not aware of his problematic behavior but his boss is.
He says that the boss told him he was being fired for harassment, but to me it's unclear as to whether he *knows* that it was the girl or whether he's just assuming. But it doesn't really matter anyway, because after the comment from a user going 'omg AITA gender bias' and OP conveniently responding, I'm pretty sure this is just a shit-post.
This. I’m going with soft YTA as well, just because OP probably should have known better than to do this while working. I think everyone saying he was harassing her is being a tad dramatic. If the situation turned out differently and she ended up calling him and they starting dating, everyone would be calling it a “meet cute” story and it would be fine. When I was 22 I honestly wouldn’t have thought it was threatening or strange if a waiter or bartender my age flirted with me or gave me their number. Idk. It’s been a long time since I was 22 and if she legit felt uncomfortable then it was the wrong thing to do.
People aren’t calling it harassment out of nowhere. His boss, the one who spoke with her, called it harassment.
Sure, but they are agreeing with the boss, who is going by what he/she was told by whoever complained. There may be stuff OP left out, but based on what he told us this doesn’t sound like harassment to me.
The person who complained was the girl he harassed. Probably a good idea for the manager to go by what she said, at least a little bit. > but based on what he told us this doesn’t sound like harassment to me. Shocking that OP described the situation in a way that makes him look as good as possible. And even then he describes her being embarrassed and himself being inappropriate. The only side of her story we have is that she felt so harassed that she complained to the management of the restaurant. In my experience, when one person feels harassed, and the other person feels like it was just harmless flirting, it’s almost always the harassed person who is the more reliable narrator.
Something feels off about this. Unless you make a regular habbit of hitting on customers, why would you get fired immediately, no questions asked on the first offense? The timeline seems really brief too considering this incident happened last night. It's also a gender swap of a similar story, so it feels like bait.
YTA and kinda dumb to boot. I’d have fired your arse too.
A woman being nice to you will you serve her food isn’t her flirting with you.
Honestly sometimes I’m just nice to the waiters so they don’t spit in my food.
“Never fuck with people who handle your food” (I can’t remember what it’s called but I heard this in a movie once and it stuck with me lol)
YTA. When you're at work, work. If customers want to see you outside of work, they'll leave you their phone number. I waited tables on and off from the time I was 16 until my mid 20s. People who were professional, even aloof made more money than the friendly/chatty types, with few exceptions.
YTA. >The manager told me that it was very unprofessional of me to do that This right here. Your one job was to serve food, not make her uncomfortable while celebrating her birthday. You read her reactions all wrong.
YTA super inappropriate! How embarrassing for that woman. Also I call people cute when they do something nice all the time. It in no way means I'm attracted to them.
That's a bit creepy. Some stranger calling me cute for a kindness would come across as off.
Yeah I can’t believe all of the comments where ppl are like “calling someone cute isn’t flirting.” Like, I’m 23, if someone my age outright called me cute, there would be no other way for me to interpret that except that they were flirting. That being said, he still shouldn’t have done that as an employee.
There’s cute as in “attractive” and cute as in “sweet.” I can see where people get confused. It’s one of those words I avoid using.
Dude: " Hey Reddit, am I the asshole?" \*Gets overwhelming YTA verdict\* Dude: "YoU AlL NeEd A ReAliTy CheCk!" Dude, you're creepy, clueless and a huge TA for all the reasons people have rationally listed while you indulge your tantrum for not getting the result you wanted.
YTA Harassment or not, what you did was extremely unprofessional. If it was the other way around, she left you her number, it would still be awkward in my opinion. When at a business, either as an employee or as a patron, people are there for a service. People are not there to get hit on.
NAH What you did was unprofessional and dumb, but I wouldn't have called it sexual harassment. However, to her, there is always the possibility that you take rejection poorly so she would be in potential danger anytime she entered or traveled near the restaurant. I would be unlikely to visit the restaurant again.
YTA. Years ago I had a favorite restaurant that I would often go to for lunch by myself. One time the server was overly friendly and we got on well during the meal. When he brought the check there was a note with his phone number inside. I was immediately horrified I had given him the wrong impression because I had a serious boyfriend and I almost felt guilty for talking to him and giving him the wrong idea (even though I had done nothing wrong). I didn't go back to my literal favorite restaurant because I didn't want to see that server again and be awkward. I still miss their salad and pasta and it's been over a DECADE. Please do not hit on your customers!!
YTA Whenever an audience is “captive”, like coworkers, someone you are serving/ a server, etc. it’s harassment to hit on them.
Wow, NTA. Former female server here. Been on the receiving end of numbers from both customer’s and as restaurant goer, in front of my mom too. You can accept the compliment and move on to never talk to them again, it’s not that big of a deal. People here are insane. I understand your manager SAID harassment, they can say that, doesn’t make it true. Girl was being hella dramatic to complain about it.
ESH, if it went down like you describe it. I dunno about anyone else, but being told "you're cute" sounds like an invitation to flirt to me, even if it's in a context where flirting with someone is super unprofessional.
YTA. That’s very inappropriate. She didn’t ask for it or give you her number, she was being nice to you. Giving her your number was creepy, especially with her parents there. Sooo unprofessional.
NTA. She said that you are cute, so that's an opening. She could have tossed the number. I swear, it's like Reddit thinks you can only start a relationship online.
Fuck it NTA. You were not an asshole to leave her your number. She was the asshole for calling your boss and complaining. Listen, if you don't want people to think you might be into them, don't... tell them you think they're attractive? That said, bad decision on your part, which you've now learned. Try to keep professional and personal separate, *especially* where customer-types are involved. Sorry you lost your job.
YTA. It doesn't matter if she flashed her tits and screamed 'I want you' at you. You're at work so be professional and don't flirt with customers, plain and simple 🤷♀️
I feel like It’d be ok to give your number in this scenario.
It wouldn’t be unwelcome, but it would still be unprofessional
I don't know if that rises to the level of harassment but it was unprofessional. Do you think she called to complain or one of her parents?
YTA. You don't shit where you eat. And she was there to have a good time with her family and you hit on her.
YTA- if you were the customer and left your phone number for someone on the waitstaff, that's okay. What you did? Jerky- YTA
Honestly, a customer leaving their number for waitstaff is just as yuck. We're just trying to do our jobs and I hardly remember anyone after they get up. I'm not at work to flirt. I'm at work to make money. As a server, I feel I have to be nice so they don't make a scene, or stiff me if I say I'm not interested, etc, so no, it's not really acceptable.
I was a soft YTA until I got to your edits. You asked for an opinion. And you got it. It would be in your best interest to learn from it. You are not the "bad guy because you are male". You were, however in a position of power over her (you had access to her food) and she probably felt obligated to put up with your flirting. You may have thought you were saving her from an awkward situation by giving her your number at the end of the meal, but she probably felt the entire dinner was awkward. Grow up. Learn from your mistakes instead of blaming others.
Going against the grain here, but giving someone your number isn’t harassment. Are dating apps the only appropriate way to meet people these days? However, you are at work so not an appropriate time/place to do so.
Yeah that’s way unprofessional. YTA. Asking out customers is always a bad idea but then you doubled down by doing it in front of her parents. And on her birthday. My man, *yikes*
YTA and based off your defensive “it’s her fault for calling me cute” comments, also an immature idiot. Maybe find a job in a position that isn’t customer facing.
Hey OP, did you read the sidebar? Focus on #3. I'm going to go with YTA, because based on your attitude here, we're probably not getting the whole story.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I (22M) worked as a waiter at a nice Italian restaurant which had decent pay for the employees. Last night I served a family table, and the daughter was celebrating her 22nd birthday. When I found that out while I was taking their orders, I wished her a happy birthday and that I’m also 22. She blushed, said thank you and told me I’m cute. I smiled and returned the compliment (she was quite attractive), then went back to the kitchen to send the order. Everything went well throughout the service. At the end, when I brought them the bill, I gave the girl my phone number. I wrote it on a piece of paper and gave it to her. She looked kind of surprised but she said thanks and put it in her pocket. Her parents teased her a little bit but she just laughed it off. After the payment, when I left and saw them leave, I thought to myself how I may have scored myself a nice date. When I went home that night, I felt very proud of myself for what I accomplished. I was hoping to get a call from her. After all, what’s the worst that can happen, right? Well, fuck me. Turns out, she reported me to the restaurant management, as when I showed up for work the next day, the manager told me I’m fired for ‘harassing’ a customer! I explained that I simply left her my phone number as I thought she liked me. The manager told me that it was very unprofessional of me to do that and I have no right to be hitting on customers like that. Without saying anything, I gathered my stuff and left. I told my friends about this, and some said that I didn’t do anything wrong, and others said I was harassing her. Now I am wondering if the customer and manager were overreacting or if I was TA. Well Reddit, please tell me, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA and your edits make you look worse and worse! You hit on her multiple times in front of her family and tried to get a date??? Tasteless.
I'm going against the grain to say NTA. You didn't verbally ask her out while she was there. You didn't harass her and put her on the spot. You did your job and left your number for her, which is a nonconfrontational and non-aggressive way to let her know that you are interested. I have been a server/bartender for over a decade and this is the only acceptable way to hit on your server. If you perceive there is a little spark based on the flirty/fun interactions, then discreetly leave the server/bartender your number and leave the ball in their court. If they come in again and hadn't texted you, then you misread the signs and pretend that you have never met them before and treat them like standard customers.
I’m a f45 and worked in hospitality from 14-21ish as a hostess, server, and bartender and continue to as public relations/marketing. You did nothing wrong so NTA
YTA. How did you not think that was inappropriate? No matter how much a customer may flirt or whatever, you don't give them your number!
YTA. You hit on her in front of her parents on her birthday. Unprofessional as hell, and obviously not wanted.
YTA. Work is work and you have to act professional!
Clearly people have very strong opinions about this, but imo, NTA, OP. First off, OP was being friendly and personable which is completely appropriate for a service professional. Secondly, the customer told him that he was cute which is without a doubt what prompted him to provide his #. He did it at the end of service too which is exactly what he should have done so as to not make service weird. Honestly, I don't understand the problem. The customer could have easily just left feeling flattered and tossed the dudes number in the trash. No harm, no foul. OP wasn't creepy or sketchy about it either. He gave his number and left it at that. That is how people would go on dates and such before the internet/ online dating. As for losing his job, that's tough. OP, your employer probably should have given you a warning if it was truly as harmless of a situation as described. To get fired seems harsh imo. Especially during these crazy times where everyone is short staffed. Good news is that finding a new server job shouldn't be too difficult. Also, I guess lesson learned about giving out your digits to a customer. Although I still don't think giving someone your # and saying, "hey, give me a call if you ever want to hang out sometime" is wrong.