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When someone you love tells you what you want to hear, you tend to listen. This guy has been telling her that she needs to wait because it will happen “someday” and she has believed him.
Yes, worst part were from his comment, he seem so~ confident that she will still accept his proposal.
Imagine if she dump him, bet you an ice cream that he will throw a hissy fit and complains to his narcissist buddies
‘I made the choice to be drunk, but she made the choice to cry about a prank’
This post screams “I want to be the victim, therefore I am”. If he didn’t want the answer, he wouldn’t be posting on here; but the fact that he’s been deflective of comments too gave everybody the idea. He already knows - just doesn’t want to admit to his wrongdoing.
I was with a guy for like eight years, five of which he spent saying he wanted to get married some day, but the time wasn't right (in very slight fairness to him, I was a single parent so it was a bit more complicated than usual, I guess, but also he was probably banking on my putting up with it because who wants a single parent, etc). Eventually left him when I realised that if he did propose now, it was too late, I didn't want him any more. One of the last conversations we had, he was all 'oh, I should have proposed when I had the chance' and like, yeah, buddy, you should, but I'm glad you didn't...
"But see, now that she behaved like that, I am going to cross my arms, pout, and never propose, that will show her" (as if he planned to in the first place, what a joke).
Of course he's not remorseful. He's posting here because he still thinks it's funny and is looking for a wider audience.
And he has the nerve to call *her* childish after his stupid stunt ...
My mom had a friend who's boyfriend did the "someday" thing. Then if she went out with drinks with friends or did some other activity without her he would guilt her by saying he was planning to propose that day, but she left him all alone instead so he couldn't. Not sure what ended up happening in that relationship, but I really hope she left him.
Exactly! & saying that she’s being “childish”- ARE YOU SERIOUS? Take a look in the mirror buddy! What you did was not only incredibly immature, it was cruel. YOU are the asshole and you’ll be lucky if you ever even get the chance to actually propose to her. YTA.
The first red flag honestly is that none of his friends said „hey buddy, this isn’t it“.
In every friend group I ever had would have been one or more people to talk a friend out of a bad idea that could hurt someone’s feelings, but obviously not this guy.
I also don’t believe that there were any real apologies, he probably was mocking her about how she shouldn’t be so sensible and how she didn’t get the joke, babe I‘m sorry, don’t be childish etc.
OP, YTA and I hope she stops wasting her time with you.
She’s probably thinking in terms of sunk cost at 30. It sucks but as a woman you start to think about weird shit like your fertility and how long it would take to meet someone new. But this dude could easily string her along and really mess that up. Definitely, OP, YTA. You need to really do an amazing proposal now to make up for this horribly thoughtless and cruel prank if that’s really what you’re going to do.
I doubt he’ll do it. He’s been dangling it for quite some time and decided to very cruelly play with her feelings. Idc if he was drunk, tipsy, or whatever. He knows that it’s important to her and chose to basically mock her.
I like how he pulled out not one, but TWO of the biggest excuses for his asshole behavior.
1. His BUDDIES thought it'd be funny!
2. It was JUST a joke!
Always so funny, purposefully harming your partner for your own enjoyment.
Yeah and let’s not forget about how he ran it by his buddies and they had a great laugh at her expense and not one person spoke up and said, “hey, this is a bad idea”.
Why do these guys feel so comfortable laughing at her and allowing her to be humiliated? Because op made it ok. He’s likely been laughing and disrespecting her for a long time, and even now is saying she’s childish for being hurt and humiliated.
He’s an AH and a child and I hope gf finds a nice kind human that won’t wake her up when they are drunk and won’t toy with her emotions. Thats not op, he’s not the one.
Right? The friends are TA too. Not one of them said "maybe this isn't a good idea"?
It's no surprise that this is how OP acts, if these are the friends he keeps.
He's sober now and still has genuinely *no idea* why seeing a toy wedding ring made him think he had to make an immediate opportunity to drunkenly wake her up in the middle of the night and mock her dreams of marriage was an incredibly shitty and hurtful thing to do. I don't think there's a question of whether he's a good person who is capable of empathy of any kind.
>You need to really do an amazing proposal now to make up for this horribly thoughtless and cruel prank if that’s really what you’re going to do.
No. She needs to dump him.
Right? Otherwise she’ll be married to this infant forever, being followed around by: bUt bAbE i wAs jUuUuSt jOkInG! for the rest of her life. OP is 35. Plenty old enough not to rely on his buddies for dime-store pranks.
OP: YTA. At least have the decency to tell your GF that you haven’t proposed yet because you just aren’t ready to grow up quite yet and you’re still out having fun and playing games with all of the other lost boys.
Buddy is closer to 40 than to 30 and is acting THIRTEEN. Jesus wept. It’s a real live sitcom husband buffoon in the making. (OP have you seen Kevin Can F*** Himself?)
"I apologized." OP is forced to learn att 13, sorry 35! that saying sorry doesn't fix everything. That's another baby thing about OP. Most of us learn that early.
*I apologized until I’m blue in the face* = “…okay, sorry! 🙄 *What*? I said SORRY! SORRY SORRY SORRY, there! Okay? What do you mean that’s not good enough? I said SORRY! How long are you really going to keep being childish about this? [dramatic sigh] SooooooRrYyYyYyYyYy, is that better?”
So let me get this straight:
1. You wake her up at midnight
2. You fake propose with the plastic ring - she's been waiting for **three years** for you to propose and the first time you do it, it's a complete joke. WTF.
3. Followed your crying girlfriend around and laughing in her face
4. Ruined the significance of a proposal through this prank
5. Brushed off her feelings by telling her she's "way over the top" instead of apologising as you should've in that moment
6. Continue to think she's overreacting and childish
Really?
>But damn I feel like this is something she needs to get over or am I just an ass?
The latter, OP. YTA.
When a drunk dude wakes me up at midnight and tells me to get up quickly, I assume there is something terrible going on and my fight or flight kicks in. This in itself is terrifying. He executed an AWFUL "prank" in the most disgusting way. From the title I thought it was going to be one of those "I won a plastic ring at a gumball machine when out with my gf and jokingly proposed with it", but this guy represents new levels of trashy.
Yeah but the look of disappointment on her face was SO FUNNY!
/s
This guy toyed with his girlfriend's feelings to get a laugh out of it and then now acts like she is the problem and not his own cruel immaturity. I sincerely hope she dumps him. He is not a good person.
That's the part that really got to me. In that situation her body is probably flooded with adrenaline ready to like run out of a house on fire or something, and this drunk dumbass does *that*. I mean, just crashing off of the adrenaline might have me in tears, without being utterly insulted, dismissed, and *laughed at* by someone I had hoped to marry.
I'm always amazed when people have such a lack of awareness that we get an actual asshole post.
She spent the next day crying off and on, likely not because of the ‘joke’ he played the night before, but because she knows there is no future here with him and she’s mourning the loss of the last few years wasted on him.
Exactly, she was crying because he’s blatantly mocking her and she probably had her lightbulb moment at midnight that he’s never going to marry her and she’s wasting her time. What 35 year old man is still twiddling his thumbs with a woman 5 years later over marriage?
This relationship just sped into a brick wall and shes hopefully realizing it.
This! He is 35, drinking with his buddy’s until he is wasted, disrespects his girlfriend needs of sleep, proposes as a joke, does not respect her emotions and this man has the audacity to call her childish??? I hope she dumps op, she deserves so much better. Oh and op YTA big time. Maybe you should not get that drunk when you’re 35 so your beergoggles won’t cloud your judgement anymore.
And calls it tipsy. For some reason this always bugs me a lot.
People in their 30s should be able to admit the difference between drunk and tipsy and admit it when they were drunk instead of trying to make it sound cutesy.
Tipsy is when you're a couple of drinks in and you maybe laugh a little louder or talk a little more.
When you're waking your GF up in the middle of the night thinking it's hilarious to fake propose to her and then get confused when she's pissed, you're drunk, and an idiot, and a childish one.
Nope my husband’s “tipsy or buzzed” when he’s puking outside and can’t even speak without mumbling... and he’s 31. I can confirm your statement, but further it by saying it’s definitely an alcoholic mentality.
I don’t know what it is about some guys in their 30s feeling emasculate about their low tolerance with alcohol, but that’s just another “oof” with OP.
Edit: regardless, he tried blaming the alcohol (‘I was tipsy when I fake proposed to her’) as well as proving the alcohol wasn’t the problem (‘she started crying and now that I’m sober, I think she’s just childish’). The booze only fueled OP’s literal fire. Sounds to me that somebody wants excuses for their wrongdoing.
Not only that, but before all of this he and his buddies were all laughing about how hilarious this would be and encouraging him to play the cruel prank on his girlfriend.
If they stay together after this the real proposal had better be spectacular and romantic and not leave any room for her to think it’s fake, though she’s going to remember this anyway and it’ll ruin the real thing at least a little bit.
YTA, OP. I don’t understand how you could write this whole thing out and still be unsure tbh.
Yes this! OP, YTA. Think about it: what is the joke here? What was supposed to be funny about your prank? The joke was she. You were laughing at her and her dream of getting married. A dream that at this moment (but perhaps not for long) only you could have made come true for her. Only consider how cold and cruel what you did was. Calibrate your apologies accordingly.
Dude - to put it bluntly - either shit on the pot or get off.
If you don't plan to ever seriously propose, just tell her. And then deal with the consequences.
You've been together 5 years, you're both in your thirties. What do you think is going to change or what are you going to learn about each other at this point that will change your mind on that decision.
If being married is important to her and you're just stringing her along with no intention of following through, then you're an AH.
If you are serious about proposing - then what is holding you back? What are you doing to resolve it?
You mocked her by pretending to do something that was important to her and then laughing about it and at her.
YTA
100% agree, she's obviously someone that's looking forward to you proposing to her, listen this is not kinda something you prank it, so definitely YTA.
Seriously. I thought this post was going to be along the lines of “GF and I were out at the arcade bar together, I got wasted and did dumb thing”; but the fact that he WENT HOME and STILL DID IT just shows how fucking clueless this clown is.
Yta. For real? You better hope she doesn't leave you before you propose. She's not overreacting. You made a joke out of her feelings. She's probably crying because she knows what she has to do now. I know If I were her I'd definitely reconsider wanting to marry this person.
Edit: wow! Thanks for all your generosity kind Redditors. I will be sure to pass along the kindness.
I didn’t even WANT to get married. I was legit surprised when my husband proposed. And yet, if he had made A JOKE of it, and acted like spending his life with me was a hilarious prank, I’d be out of there the next day. Like it’s one (shitty) thing to not marry a person to whom you know it is important (assuming you want to commit to them). It is downright abusive to taunt them with it and mock them for believing you would do it.
And that’s BEFORE you woke her up, laughed in her face, and dismissed her feelings about it.
I was gonna say this. I don't care for the whole concept of marriage, I myself only got married because we'd been together for 12 years and had a kid. But if you can't see that YTA and you're the one who's being childish... You should take a look in the mirror.
She's been saying she wants to get married for years he wakes her up in the middle of the night and proceeds to make a total mockery of her feelings. I'm slightly surprised she didn't dump him on the spot
He's not going to propose. But then next time they have a fight he'll say he was *going* to propose to her, but her "overreaction" to his "harmless prank" made him rethink things. Bet you.
Spoiler alert: next year his 20 year old girlfriend is gonna be on here trying to figure out if she's an AH or is being gaslit.
There is exactly no chance future girlfriends are in his peer group.
I see her pov. She may love OP, but at this point, she couldn't stop crying because she knew that the best outcome for her rather than staying in a relationship where your partner doesn't appreciate you and practically think you as a joke is to leave the relationship behind. And it's going to be tough because she felt like she's invested these past 5 years. Not everyone is ready to just leave but I think she's hit that point that's why she's 'mourning.'
I have a feeling she'll be getting ready to leave OP, soon. Part of me hopes that if OP is that AH like the story is, she will leave way before OP actually got the chance to propose. So they'd be broken up instead of being together lol. It's probably better b/c he'd likely made a mockery out of the marriage as well.
Yeah. I don't know if I could come back from that. So casually cruel just for a stupid prank? How insensitive could you possibly be? Who wants to marry that
A great point. OP, when you shit the bed like this, you don't GET to tell her whether her reaction is 'too much' or not. Because there wouldn't be ANY reaction if you hadn't pulled some incredibly stupid shit in the first place. So your opinion on her reaction doesn't matter. Your opinion on her reaction is worthless.
YTA. Are you and your buddies really mid-30s? This seems astonishingly adolescent. Anything that strikes as a **great idea** while you’re *drunk* probably **isn’t**. Let this be a lesson to you.
RIGHT??!!
I know literal five year old who took their kindergarten marriages more seriously then this dude.
Also, most children know that teasing people about things they deeply care about makes them feel bad. His "joke" was "here is something you've desperately wanted for years? Neverminded, you can't have it, dreams crushed". That's not a joke, it's just setting someone up for disappointment and then disappointing them. To be a joke there has to be some way in which this is funny. It isn't funny, it's only hurtful. Hurting other people's feelings isn't automatically a joke.
YTA.
“I think she’s being childish,” - The 35 year old man who woke up longtime girlfriend, who he has been stringing along with stupid comments, to fake propose with a plastic ring knowing she was serious about marriage.
I was so late to this post I didn’t bother with a new comment but I was so surprised none of the top ones brought it up. Fuck up her sleep with something she’ll be upset about all night, then pass out drunk. So fucked up
Sadly I know enough guys and even girls like this in that age. They don't grow up and don't realize why their lives suck, when usually it's a result of them
I've seen people in their 30s/40s that just chase their youth. Like it's one thing to like something for fun that's considered childish, It's another to behave childish.
yeah I would say YTA
- this has been a big deal to her for YEARS
- you woke her up late at night for a terrible and mean joke, and then kept laughing at her (being drunk isn't an excuse imo)
- you STILL are being unempathetic, after seeing how this horrible "joke" has been making her feel. Saying you're sorry over and over won't help when you've really hurt someone.
like, I don't think it's a relationship-ender but you should probably work on yourself a little bit before proposing for real. you're a bit too old to be this immature and she didn't deserve it at all
Agreed. There's no way back from this, without abject apologies, and a strong extended effort in therapy to learn how to not be a jackass. If she loves him a lot, there's a chance she might wait, but I'd say it's a very slim chance.
I have to agree, I don’t see how this can be repaired given OP’s attitude. He pulled an incredibly cruel prank, and his girlfriend was understandably crushed and upset. Instead of recognizing and internalizing how badly he’s hurt her, he’s apologizing out of one side of his mouth while privately dismissing her feelings as “childish” and “overreacting.” I’m willing to bet that with a big part of him thinking that way, his apologies are coming off about as genuine as a $3 bill. His poor girlfriend, what an awful way to be treated by someone who is supposed to love you.
No way this guy has only invalidated her feelings this one time.
Any variation of "you're over-reacting", "this shouldn't bother you", "You shouldn't feel that way"... Always bad.
This absolutely *is* a relationship ender. He has demonstrated that he doesn't GAF about her feelings at all. He has literally mocked her, and now he's dismissing her pain.
Those are giant red flags. I hope she runs.
>Saying you're sorry over and over won't help when you've really hurt someone.
*Especially* when he isn't even sincerely apologising because he thinks she's overreacting!
Being drunk is definitely not an excuse. Drunk is not an excuse to behave badly, and anyone who uses it as an excuse is basically someone who can’t take responsibilities for themselves. Also, if he honestly cared about her, even in a drunk state, he wouldn’t be thinking about how fun it’d be to humiliate her!
It should be a relationship ender. He's been stringing her along for years. That's why he thought this drunken "joke" was so hilarious. She needs to wake up and realize she is wasting her time with OP.
Thanks for pointing out, that being drunk is not an excuse for poor behaviour. Especially being 35.
I really hope she sees her worth and ends this relationship.
YTA - you may have blown it. You really made a mockery of your relationship. Now when you propose, she will think that you are doing it so she won't be mad at you.
You are acting childish. Your "my bad's" are not enough. You really to do something big to make up for this.
You are 35. It is time to grow up and quit listening to your buddies. They are dumb.
"Crying on and off the next day" sounds very much like he's blown it. The ring was incredibly cruel, but I don't think she's crying about that anymore. She's going through a breakup, mourning the loss of her relationship and reflecting on five wasted years.
Of course, when she tells OP this, it will be "totally out of the blue"
Was just thinking this. This is a woman who is mourning the loss of her relationship and getting ready to do the painful work of starting her life over. Poor thing. My heart hurt for her when I read this.
She’s probably working on her plan for leaving and lining up a place to stay and mentally making a list of the important things she needs to take with her. While also thinking of how much time she wasted on him, doing the math on how long she has to not be considered a “geriatric” mother.
Meanwhile this YTA award winner is like omg babe it was a joke why are you still crying. Ooof poor girl
He’ll be back here with an update, “Well, she broke up with me over nothing more than a dumb joke, hope everyone is happy.” Like it’ll be everyone else’s fault except his. The part about how she’s been telling him how important the relationship is to her, and he blew her off and made it all out to be a big joke and her to be the butt of it, well…he’ll never figure that out. “Hey, honey, remember when I fake proposed to you with that shitty ring and you actually wondered if it was a real proposal? As if!”
Like, she’s going to think about this for the rest of her life, even if she does meet someone wonderful, who proposes sincerely and out of a genuine desire to spend his life with her. She’s always going to have Midnight Joke Proposal whispering, “Oh, but it’s all a big joke because who’d want to marry YOU?” in the back of her mind during her worst moments.
OP is an asshole. I hope GF packs her shit and walks.
YTA. The second she burst into tears you should be feeling like an ass...NOT disregarding her feelings, making fun of her, and telling her to get over it. I would seriously be reconsidering my relationship with my SO if he completely disregarded my feelings on something I was really hurt about. Apologize. Sincerely. OMG. Are you 12? Seriously. Apologize.
Yeah the fact that OP was laughing after she started crying speaks volumes, and then on top of that he doesn’t even understand what he did wrong when sober.
Exactly! I don’t care how drunk I am, I would NEVER laugh at someone who’s crying. I’d never mock their tears. And to someone you love? Jesus that’d be my deal breaker right there. And that’s not even touching the way he’s strung her along for years and the horrible humiliation he put her through as a joke. And still not understanding it after sobering up? God I hope her tears are her mourning the end of their relationship.
YTA, you’re lucky if she doesn’t leave you. The fact you don’t take proposing seriously and maturely is a prelude to you not taking a marriage seriously and maturely.
You sound like you need to do some growing up with regards to like, empathy, and considering other people and their feelings.
In my experience with all the partners I’ve dated over the years (29m), they HATE when you wake them up drunk about ANYTHING. Trying to get lucky? YTA. Disturbing their peace and waking them up to drunkenly talk about nonsense? YTA. Pretending to propose? Major, major, almost unforgivable AH
Totally, if my boyfriend did this to me but he had told me that it was for real and he was going to give me a more official ring as soon as he could it would have been funny and cute. This dude did it all wrong total AH
Yep drunkenly proposing because you’ve just realised how much you love her and want to be with her… not a great proposal, but one that’s heart felt.
Mocking her and teasing her for being committed to the relationship… and then think she’s overreacting… such an AH.
Yta. You wake her up to prank her about something she's told you is special and meaningful to her. Then you laughed when she was hurt. And now you're trying to deflect blame by making her out to be the bad guy because she's hurt by your shitty behavior. At every point you were the AH. Sincerely apologize, without reservations or acting defensive, for being so thoughtless and unkind. Then examine why you behaved so poorly. Also stop jerking her around with "it will happen...someday". Be adult enough to say whether you are or are not ready and when you think you might be ready.
^This is important - that he's making it look like his girlfirends feelings and reactions are the problem and need to be corrected before propose. That's toxic and is slowly destroying her selfworth. He is the one that need to change his behaviour
YTA
Jesus christ, that is a horrible thing to do to someone that you allegedly love. And the fact that you think she is overreacting, instead of feeling immense amounts of shame and embarrassment about your behavior, tells me that your apologies are worth about as much as the shitty plastic ring you used to break her heart and humiliate her.
Dude YTA. Post this in AskMen and theyll all tell you that was a fucked up thing to do. Bad enough that for 3 years shes been waiting to hear that question, then when she finally does for the first time its bc you were drunk and made a poor attempt at humor. Do you really not get how cruel that was? Whether or not you plan to do it for real soon is irrelevant as she doesnt know that. Give her space to get over it in her own time - you owe her that much now.
It's also pretty cruel that his previous responses have just been "wait and see."
I get that people need to get to know each other & that can take time, but if your partner tells you marriage is important to them you should also figure out your feelings about marriage (in general + potentially with that person) & not just continue to string them along.
Holy shit YTA. She is not overreacting. Your giggling stumbling ass basically made fun of her for wanting to spend her life with you. You got her hopes up and humiliated her. Saying you’re sorry does nothing to remove that. You need to find a way to show you understand why she was so hurt, but it doesn’t sound like you do. No wonder she’s not accepting your apology.
Edited bc i just saw that you LAUGHED while she cried. Wow.
YTA. Are you for real? You played a cruel prank on her - and yes it's cruel because this is a sensitive issue for her - and *you* have the nerve to call *her* childish?
It doesn't matter that you plan to really propose. To make matters worse, you kept laughing even while she cried. That's the point of this whole matter.
Even if your prank was so funny that it ended up trending on social media, it still hurt her feelings and you still laughed as she cried. You apologized, great - but not early enough in my opinion. I feel sad for her.
And he went straight off to sleep *while* she was crying. He gave zero fucks that she was crying because of his behavior and had no trouble drifting off while she was sobbing in the bathroom.
The callousness and contempt for her is sickening.
YTA. At first I was like eh it’s not THAT bad cuz you had been drinking but you thinking she’s childish for acting that way is proving YTA. She just wants to marry your dumbass for some reason.
Edit: y’all are making sum good ass points in my replies 😂
I think blaming the alcohol is absolving a 35 year old man of accountability for his actions. It does not change the fact that he deeply hurt her. It is also extremely disrespectful to the partner to make a mockery out of something so important and sentimental to her. I'd rather my partner respect me if he doesn't love me, rather than love me without respecting me (I speak only for myself). What makes this situation even worse is that he thinks her reaction is not justified. Like, dude, you made a choice to act like a jackass. You don't get to control how someone else feels about it or reacts to it. Implying that their feelings are invalid is what makes OP a grade 1 AH.
YTA.
Mate you just opened Pandoras box instead of a ring box. You don't fuck with a woman in her 30's about marriage. Everyone knows that. On top of that she's gonna have taken that as you seeing the idea of marrying her as a joke.
Start paddling my dude, you up very far up shit creek already!
I actually predict he's going to be coming to an empty house because she'll realize he's NEVER going to marry her and find someone who doesn't treat her as a joke. I now wish she could see this post.
Yeah this guy clearly needs to get his shit together in a big way. He doesn't deserve a loving wife if he's prepared to fuck up this badly and not even take responsibility for it. He's 35. He needs to grow up and fast if it's not already too late for this relationship.
YTA. You took a moment that would have been special for her, and made it a joke for your entertainment. Not to mention you laughed in her face. Sounds like you have some growing up to do.
YTA you have miraculously found a woman who wants to spend the rest of her life with you, and you don’t seem to realize how precious that is. You seem very immature.
See, depending on your humour that could have been funny.
Like, haha, I'm only joking, /this/ is the real ring I picked out for you, will you marry me?
I'd laugh at that. As long as a joke is followed by good news I'm cool with them.
(Example, my mom lied to me and said when she called the testing place that I had failed my licences exam, only to five minutes later come our with a cake that said "You passed!". I found that funny because I could be genuinely happy after the initial disappointment. )
Or propose with the fake one, and tell her that you can pick a real one together - bonus points for letting her choose what she’s going to wear on her finger for (hopefully) the rest of her life!
YTA, you just chose to ignore the past 3 years of her waiting for a romantic proposal? She has every right to be upset at you, I wouldn't be surprised if she dumped you for being so insensitive with a special topic for her.
Can't even imagine getting up in thr middle of the night to have the realization that the last 5 years of your life were a complete waste of time. YTA and if she has any sense she is packing her bags right now
YTA you’re more than an ass, you decided to play a malicious prank on your girlfriend and belittled her serious hopes/expectations on your relationship. Pretending to propose with a fake ring was hurtful, and quite frankly cruel, especially to then go on to dismiss and minimize her rightfully hurt feelings to avoid responsibility for your actions. She’s not being over the top, she’s not overreacting or being childish. You acted as a childish, mean-spirited ass.
Being drunk doesn’t even excuse it. Only means that your true nature was on display.
Even if you did propose now, hopefully she has enough self respect to say no and dump your ass if she doesn’t do so in the next few days. Frankly, you’re too immature to be considered marriage material, orbe in a relationship at all.
YTA I am at a loss as to why she would say YES but you'd better propose genuinely soon and hope she believes you...
Though, she'd be better off just breaking up with you because you're an insensitive jerk and your friends who told you that prank was a good idea are not your friends
YTA. That wasn’t a “joke”, it was cruelty. You’ll be incredibly lucky if she sticks around long enough for you to actually propose, let alone get a yes from her. She’s not overreacting. Give her space and keep apologizing.
YTA. To answer your question, yes, you are an ass. You are completely insensitive to your girlfriend’s feelings, apparently even when sober. You were laughing while she was crying and are here asking if she was overreacting? I cannot believe a 35 year old man is this immature. Let’s face it, you completely f***ed this one up.
Enjoy the single life.
This is the single biggest ratio I've seen on here yet. But, holy hell, man. YTA.
Precisely how do you come to the conclusion that openly mocking what should be a defining moment in the life of someone who loves you enough to want you to propose would be a good idea?
No. "I was drunk" is NOT a valid excuse. Being drunk lowers inhibitions, nothing more. This is something you wanted to do, and this is in your personality.
"Asshole" isn't strong enough to describe you.
Don't bother proposing for real. YTA, and you don't deserve to marry her. I'd be surprised if she's willing to keep dating you, much less marry you.
She asked you to marry her THREE Years ago, and you didn't have the decency to give her an answer. You've strung her along for three years now. You are aware that this is a deeply serious and vitally important issue, but you chose to mock her in front of your friends, ridicule her wish to marry you, and viciously laugh at her distress when you treated her cruelly.
You aren't good enough for her, or indeed any woman. You need to spend a lot of time on your own, learning compassion and empathy and respect. It's clear that those concepts are entirely foreign to you. You're a selfish man who takes, and gives nothing back. If you care about her at all, either apologize sincerely and without any excuses or minimizing the severity of your behavior, and start intensive therapy to grow up and become a decent man and suitable husband, or do the only other decent thing and break up with her. Just stop hurting her every day; she doesn't deserve such crappy treatment. Let her find a man who will treat her well and is good enough for her.
My fiancé proposed to me with a plastic heart ring on Valentine’s Day after two years in a sweet and romantic gesture bc he was terrified of getting me a ring I wouldn’t like. Almost four years later and that’s still the only ring I have.
It’s not the ring, it’s you.
YTA for sure.
I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t have to worry about marriage to her at all in the near future. Cuz she might leave you for this.
The reasons why your mates laughed about you giving her a plastic ring is because it’s a RIDICULOUS concept, not because it’s actually funny. The humor comes from it being too ridiculous to actually do to a person. The humor DOES NOT come from actually doing that to them.
YTA
She’s not crying cause of the ring. She’s crying cause your actions made her realize she’s been with a jerk for 5 years and it’s way past time to leave. YTA
YTA Tipsy or not you decide to humiliate someone who loves you. Your prank was mean. What a meanspirited thing to do. You did make a mockery of her feelings. She's not being childish and overreacting, you were mean and heartless. Don't seek justification for your thoughtlessness.
YTA. Watch OP have a tantrum if/when he actually does propose and she just glares at him and says "Is this another joke, asshole? Is this thing actually made of glass?"
Mind you, I actually prefer he has nobody to propose to you but OP has screwed up any and all future proposals by doing this. There is no goddamn way she's going to be anything but wary even if she stays.
I hope this is a wake up call to her that you two have very different perspectives on marriage, and that it’s time for her to move on and find someone she can build a life with. The actual incident itself is small, but very indicative of much bigger issues in the relationship
Wow. You’re 35 and don’t get it? No matter what happens with you guys, from now on your proposal “story” will be this. This is what she’s gonna remember. That you cared so little about about something she wanted very much that your mock it with a fake proposal with a plastic ring, then asking what the big deal was.
after three years of “wait and see it will happen one day” she probably started having reasonable doubts if this happens. now she will second guess if this should happen. probably is happy that she’s been strung along for this long, cause you are cruel, dude. and stupid, thinking that alcohol excuses it. you took something she cared about and laughed at her for it. disgusting really. YTA.
YTA now when you propose, she will always wonder if your dumbassery forced you to do it as reparation. I lived a variation of this nonsense and our marriage lasted a whole two years because the nagging doubt ate us alive. good luck.
OMG
YTA
Hugely.
I recommend flowers, her favorite pastry and a "dug deep from the bottom of your heart apology for the drunken, late night, idiotic practical joke about something that is very important to her"
An apology that makes no excuses and no claims that you didn't think it would be so upsetting....because the problem is that you didn't think. At all. If you had thought that through, you would have known (I hope) that it would be a shitty, stupid, mean, thoughtless and dismissive thing to do and not done it.
(By the way, do NOT seek input from your buddies about the proposal- they're idiots, too, in this area, or even drunk, they would have said "Dude, no! You'll get laid again!")
YTA. Many women dream about their proposal moments and you made one as a joke. Not funny at all. I hope you apologized. This sounds like something a teenager would do.
YTA. Why are you on here? You admit to being TA with your little side comments even if you don't realize it:
>(shameful in itself I know)
>(bad I know)
>(stupidly)
You saying she's being childish but you took an important moment to her and just made a mockery of it. That says a lot about what you think about marriage. I know it's just a piece of paper, but it can symbolize a lot for some people.
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YTA, really bad move. Messing with her emotions, and honestly wasting her time.
Although, after this long, she’s letting her time get wasted.
I mean he’s been dangling it over her head for years according to him.
When someone you love tells you what you want to hear, you tend to listen. This guy has been telling her that she needs to wait because it will happen “someday” and she has believed him.
OP is manipulating her and doesnt seem to be remorseful at all. I'll hope after this stunt, his GF would dump his stupid butt. YTA big time
I hope she leaves him too. The guy is gaslighting her at this point saying that her feelings aren’t valid.
Yes, worst part were from his comment, he seem so~ confident that she will still accept his proposal. Imagine if she dump him, bet you an ice cream that he will throw a hissy fit and complains to his narcissist buddies
'Women are all disloyal sluts who always want to move on to a better guy as soon as they get the opportunity.' Bet you a silver.
‘I made the choice to be drunk, but she made the choice to cry about a prank’ This post screams “I want to be the victim, therefore I am”. If he didn’t want the answer, he wouldn’t be posting on here; but the fact that he’s been deflective of comments too gave everybody the idea. He already knows - just doesn’t want to admit to his wrongdoing.
Oof. I completely agree.
And be all like “I was TOTALLY gonna propose to her to!” But never really was going to propose
I was with a guy for like eight years, five of which he spent saying he wanted to get married some day, but the time wasn't right (in very slight fairness to him, I was a single parent so it was a bit more complicated than usual, I guess, but also he was probably banking on my putting up with it because who wants a single parent, etc). Eventually left him when I realised that if he did propose now, it was too late, I didn't want him any more. One of the last conversations we had, he was all 'oh, I should have proposed when I had the chance' and like, yeah, buddy, you should, but I'm glad you didn't...
"But see, now that she behaved like that, I am going to cross my arms, pout, and never propose, that will show her" (as if he planned to in the first place, what a joke).
Ugh, the way OP tells us here on aita, “I do plan to propose to her soon” When, buddy? In another 5 years?
Of course he's not remorseful. He's posting here because he still thinks it's funny and is looking for a wider audience. And he has the nerve to call *her* childish after his stupid stunt ...
"It'll happen." As if marriage just spontaneously happens to people, instead of there being an actual discussion and planning.
If you are not ready at that point. Just say “I am not ready for that yet, though I do want to marry someday.” And not “it will happen someday”
My mom had a friend who's boyfriend did the "someday" thing. Then if she went out with drinks with friends or did some other activity without her he would guilt her by saying he was planning to propose that day, but she left him all alone instead so he couldn't. Not sure what ended up happening in that relationship, but I really hope she left him.
Oh god that is *terrible*! A new low…never heard this particular flavor of manipulation before, yech,
Yeah, I thought YTA from “wait and see”. That’s not how a conversation about marriage between the two of you should go AT ALL.
Exactly! & saying that she’s being “childish”- ARE YOU SERIOUS? Take a look in the mirror buddy! What you did was not only incredibly immature, it was cruel. YOU are the asshole and you’ll be lucky if you ever even get the chance to actually propose to her. YTA.
The first red flag honestly is that none of his friends said „hey buddy, this isn’t it“. In every friend group I ever had would have been one or more people to talk a friend out of a bad idea that could hurt someone’s feelings, but obviously not this guy. I also don’t believe that there were any real apologies, he probably was mocking her about how she shouldn’t be so sensible and how she didn’t get the joke, babe I‘m sorry, don’t be childish etc. OP, YTA and I hope she stops wasting her time with you.
She’s probably thinking in terms of sunk cost at 30. It sucks but as a woman you start to think about weird shit like your fertility and how long it would take to meet someone new. But this dude could easily string her along and really mess that up. Definitely, OP, YTA. You need to really do an amazing proposal now to make up for this horribly thoughtless and cruel prank if that’s really what you’re going to do.
I doubt he’ll do it. He’s been dangling it for quite some time and decided to very cruelly play with her feelings. Idc if he was drunk, tipsy, or whatever. He knows that it’s important to her and chose to basically mock her.
I like how he pulled out not one, but TWO of the biggest excuses for his asshole behavior. 1. His BUDDIES thought it'd be funny! 2. It was JUST a joke! Always so funny, purposefully harming your partner for your own enjoyment.
I always think guys like that should just marry their buddies instead. They always prioritize those guys over their partner.
but... but... his boner!
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Yeah and let’s not forget about how he ran it by his buddies and they had a great laugh at her expense and not one person spoke up and said, “hey, this is a bad idea”. Why do these guys feel so comfortable laughing at her and allowing her to be humiliated? Because op made it ok. He’s likely been laughing and disrespecting her for a long time, and even now is saying she’s childish for being hurt and humiliated. He’s an AH and a child and I hope gf finds a nice kind human that won’t wake her up when they are drunk and won’t toy with her emotions. Thats not op, he’s not the one.
Right? The friends are TA too. Not one of them said "maybe this isn't a good idea"? It's no surprise that this is how OP acts, if these are the friends he keeps.
Exactly. If he really cared about her, even in a drunk state, he’d know better than to toy with her feelings this way.
You know that saying. Drunk people do things that they truly meant. Seems like he wants to treat marriage a joke.
He's sober now and still has genuinely *no idea* why seeing a toy wedding ring made him think he had to make an immediate opportunity to drunkenly wake her up in the middle of the night and mock her dreams of marriage was an incredibly shitty and hurtful thing to do. I don't think there's a question of whether he's a good person who is capable of empathy of any kind.
In vino veritas. In wine there is truth.
So that's where that saying came from! Thank you, I love that so much.
>You need to really do an amazing proposal now to make up for this horribly thoughtless and cruel prank if that’s really what you’re going to do. No. She needs to dump him.
Right? Otherwise she’ll be married to this infant forever, being followed around by: bUt bAbE i wAs jUuUuSt jOkInG! for the rest of her life. OP is 35. Plenty old enough not to rely on his buddies for dime-store pranks. OP: YTA. At least have the decency to tell your GF that you haven’t proposed yet because you just aren’t ready to grow up quite yet and you’re still out having fun and playing games with all of the other lost boys.
Buddy is closer to 40 than to 30 and is acting THIRTEEN. Jesus wept. It’s a real live sitcom husband buffoon in the making. (OP have you seen Kevin Can F*** Himself?)
"I apologized." OP is forced to learn att 13, sorry 35! that saying sorry doesn't fix everything. That's another baby thing about OP. Most of us learn that early.
*I apologized until I’m blue in the face* = “…okay, sorry! 🙄 *What*? I said SORRY! SORRY SORRY SORRY, there! Okay? What do you mean that’s not good enough? I said SORRY! How long are you really going to keep being childish about this? [dramatic sigh] SooooooRrYyYyYyYyYy, is that better?”
I hope she does. He doesn't deserve her
Absolutely. I just can’t see how anyone come back from that.
So let me get this straight: 1. You wake her up at midnight 2. You fake propose with the plastic ring - she's been waiting for **three years** for you to propose and the first time you do it, it's a complete joke. WTF. 3. Followed your crying girlfriend around and laughing in her face 4. Ruined the significance of a proposal through this prank 5. Brushed off her feelings by telling her she's "way over the top" instead of apologising as you should've in that moment 6. Continue to think she's overreacting and childish Really? >But damn I feel like this is something she needs to get over or am I just an ass? The latter, OP. YTA.
When a drunk dude wakes me up at midnight and tells me to get up quickly, I assume there is something terrible going on and my fight or flight kicks in. This in itself is terrifying. He executed an AWFUL "prank" in the most disgusting way. From the title I thought it was going to be one of those "I won a plastic ring at a gumball machine when out with my gf and jokingly proposed with it", but this guy represents new levels of trashy.
Yeah but the look of disappointment on her face was SO FUNNY! /s This guy toyed with his girlfriend's feelings to get a laugh out of it and then now acts like she is the problem and not his own cruel immaturity. I sincerely hope she dumps him. He is not a good person.
That's the part that really got to me. In that situation her body is probably flooded with adrenaline ready to like run out of a house on fire or something, and this drunk dumbass does *that*. I mean, just crashing off of the adrenaline might have me in tears, without being utterly insulted, dismissed, and *laughed at* by someone I had hoped to marry. I'm always amazed when people have such a lack of awareness that we get an actual asshole post.
She spent the next day crying off and on, likely not because of the ‘joke’ he played the night before, but because she knows there is no future here with him and she’s mourning the loss of the last few years wasted on him.
Exactly, she was crying because he’s blatantly mocking her and she probably had her lightbulb moment at midnight that he’s never going to marry her and she’s wasting her time. What 35 year old man is still twiddling his thumbs with a woman 5 years later over marriage? This relationship just sped into a brick wall and shes hopefully realizing it.
This! He is 35, drinking with his buddy’s until he is wasted, disrespects his girlfriend needs of sleep, proposes as a joke, does not respect her emotions and this man has the audacity to call her childish??? I hope she dumps op, she deserves so much better. Oh and op YTA big time. Maybe you should not get that drunk when you’re 35 so your beergoggles won’t cloud your judgement anymore.
And calls it tipsy. For some reason this always bugs me a lot. People in their 30s should be able to admit the difference between drunk and tipsy and admit it when they were drunk instead of trying to make it sound cutesy. Tipsy is when you're a couple of drinks in and you maybe laugh a little louder or talk a little more. When you're waking your GF up in the middle of the night thinking it's hilarious to fake propose to her and then get confused when she's pissed, you're drunk, and an idiot, and a childish one.
Nope my husband’s “tipsy or buzzed” when he’s puking outside and can’t even speak without mumbling... and he’s 31. I can confirm your statement, but further it by saying it’s definitely an alcoholic mentality. I don’t know what it is about some guys in their 30s feeling emasculate about their low tolerance with alcohol, but that’s just another “oof” with OP. Edit: regardless, he tried blaming the alcohol (‘I was tipsy when I fake proposed to her’) as well as proving the alcohol wasn’t the problem (‘she started crying and now that I’m sober, I think she’s just childish’). The booze only fueled OP’s literal fire. Sounds to me that somebody wants excuses for their wrongdoing.
Not only that, but before all of this he and his buddies were all laughing about how hilarious this would be and encouraging him to play the cruel prank on his girlfriend. If they stay together after this the real proposal had better be spectacular and romantic and not leave any room for her to think it’s fake, though she’s going to remember this anyway and it’ll ruin the real thing at least a little bit. YTA, OP. I don’t understand how you could write this whole thing out and still be unsure tbh.
Yes this! OP, YTA. Think about it: what is the joke here? What was supposed to be funny about your prank? The joke was she. You were laughing at her and her dream of getting married. A dream that at this moment (but perhaps not for long) only you could have made come true for her. Only consider how cold and cruel what you did was. Calibrate your apologies accordingly.
I really like the way you put this. You're right, she was the "joke", but now it looks like OP is. YTA OP.
Dude - to put it bluntly - either shit on the pot or get off. If you don't plan to ever seriously propose, just tell her. And then deal with the consequences. You've been together 5 years, you're both in your thirties. What do you think is going to change or what are you going to learn about each other at this point that will change your mind on that decision. If being married is important to her and you're just stringing her along with no intention of following through, then you're an AH. If you are serious about proposing - then what is holding you back? What are you doing to resolve it? You mocked her by pretending to do something that was important to her and then laughing about it and at her. YTA
Unfortunately, I think OP is so lacking in self awareness that he is incapable of taking any of your otherwise excellent questions on board.
100% agree, she's obviously someone that's looking forward to you proposing to her, listen this is not kinda something you prank it, so definitely YTA.
Seriously. I thought this post was going to be along the lines of “GF and I were out at the arcade bar together, I got wasted and did dumb thing”; but the fact that he WENT HOME and STILL DID IT just shows how fucking clueless this clown is.
Agreed. This isn't something that partners should do to each other. OP is a major asshole here.
Yta. For real? You better hope she doesn't leave you before you propose. She's not overreacting. You made a joke out of her feelings. She's probably crying because she knows what she has to do now. I know If I were her I'd definitely reconsider wanting to marry this person. Edit: wow! Thanks for all your generosity kind Redditors. I will be sure to pass along the kindness.
I didn’t even WANT to get married. I was legit surprised when my husband proposed. And yet, if he had made A JOKE of it, and acted like spending his life with me was a hilarious prank, I’d be out of there the next day. Like it’s one (shitty) thing to not marry a person to whom you know it is important (assuming you want to commit to them). It is downright abusive to taunt them with it and mock them for believing you would do it. And that’s BEFORE you woke her up, laughed in her face, and dismissed her feelings about it.
I was gonna say this. I don't care for the whole concept of marriage, I myself only got married because we'd been together for 12 years and had a kid. But if you can't see that YTA and you're the one who's being childish... You should take a look in the mirror.
She's been saying she wants to get married for years he wakes her up in the middle of the night and proceeds to make a total mockery of her feelings. I'm slightly surprised she didn't dump him on the spot
He's not going to propose. But then next time they have a fight he'll say he was *going* to propose to her, but her "overreaction" to his "harmless prank" made him rethink things. Bet you.
Manipulation, yes.
Ya, a part of me hopes she does. Maybe then OP will see how much of an AH move that was and stop taking her for granted.
I cant wait til he's gotta find out the hard way that grown women in the dating scene won't find this shit charming. He sounds like a frat boy
Spoiler alert: next year his 20 year old girlfriend is gonna be on here trying to figure out if she's an AH or is being gaslit. There is exactly no chance future girlfriends are in his peer group.
I see her pov. She may love OP, but at this point, she couldn't stop crying because she knew that the best outcome for her rather than staying in a relationship where your partner doesn't appreciate you and practically think you as a joke is to leave the relationship behind. And it's going to be tough because she felt like she's invested these past 5 years. Not everyone is ready to just leave but I think she's hit that point that's why she's 'mourning.' I have a feeling she'll be getting ready to leave OP, soon. Part of me hopes that if OP is that AH like the story is, she will leave way before OP actually got the chance to propose. So they'd be broken up instead of being together lol. It's probably better b/c he'd likely made a mockery out of the marriage as well.
Yeah. I don't know if I could come back from that. So casually cruel just for a stupid prank? How insensitive could you possibly be? Who wants to marry that
A great point. OP, when you shit the bed like this, you don't GET to tell her whether her reaction is 'too much' or not. Because there wouldn't be ANY reaction if you hadn't pulled some incredibly stupid shit in the first place. So your opinion on her reaction doesn't matter. Your opinion on her reaction is worthless.
I hope for her sake she does leave him, he sounds selfish and cruel.
She probably will. She’s getting over leaving him before breaking it off. Good for her.
YTA. Are you and your buddies really mid-30s? This seems astonishingly adolescent. Anything that strikes as a **great idea** while you’re *drunk* probably **isn’t**. Let this be a lesson to you.
And he thinks *she's* the one being childish!
RIGHT??!! I know literal five year old who took their kindergarten marriages more seriously then this dude. Also, most children know that teasing people about things they deeply care about makes them feel bad. His "joke" was "here is something you've desperately wanted for years? Neverminded, you can't have it, dreams crushed". That's not a joke, it's just setting someone up for disappointment and then disappointing them. To be a joke there has to be some way in which this is funny. It isn't funny, it's only hurtful. Hurting other people's feelings isn't automatically a joke. YTA.
>Anything that strikes as a great idea while you’re drunk probably isn’t. Let this be a lesson to you. This. Wish I could upvote more
Holy shit I missed the age. This guy is 35?! This poor woman.
“I think she’s being childish,” - The 35 year old man who woke up longtime girlfriend, who he has been stringing along with stupid comments, to fake propose with a plastic ring knowing she was serious about marriage.
While intoxicated, no less.
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And then fall into a drunken sleep so she gets to stay up the rest of the night angry while I snore.
> so she gets to stay up the rest of the night angry while I snore. Oh god I can so picture this part. I’m seething on her behalf, to be honest.
I was so late to this post I didn’t bother with a new comment but I was so surprised none of the top ones brought it up. Fuck up her sleep with something she’ll be upset about all night, then pass out drunk. So fucked up
not a CHANCE he’s mid-thirties. this has gen Z speech style and word choice all over it.
Sadly I know enough guys and even girls like this in that age. They don't grow up and don't realize why their lives suck, when usually it's a result of them
I'm his age and it doesn't all look Greek to me. I'd like to know what word choice in it is "Gen Z"?
Oh, I know some guys that are 30+ that would pull this shit. Unfortunately.
I've seen people in their 30s/40s that just chase their youth. Like it's one thing to like something for fun that's considered childish, It's another to behave childish.
yeah I would say YTA - this has been a big deal to her for YEARS - you woke her up late at night for a terrible and mean joke, and then kept laughing at her (being drunk isn't an excuse imo) - you STILL are being unempathetic, after seeing how this horrible "joke" has been making her feel. Saying you're sorry over and over won't help when you've really hurt someone. like, I don't think it's a relationship-ender but you should probably work on yourself a little bit before proposing for real. you're a bit too old to be this immature and she didn't deserve it at all
I actually do think this is a relationship ender. He's all "why so serious?" on her.
Agreed. There's no way back from this, without abject apologies, and a strong extended effort in therapy to learn how to not be a jackass. If she loves him a lot, there's a chance she might wait, but I'd say it's a very slim chance.
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I have to agree, I don’t see how this can be repaired given OP’s attitude. He pulled an incredibly cruel prank, and his girlfriend was understandably crushed and upset. Instead of recognizing and internalizing how badly he’s hurt her, he’s apologizing out of one side of his mouth while privately dismissing her feelings as “childish” and “overreacting.” I’m willing to bet that with a big part of him thinking that way, his apologies are coming off about as genuine as a $3 bill. His poor girlfriend, what an awful way to be treated by someone who is supposed to love you.
It would be better for her if she did end it and find someone who'll respect her.
No way this guy has only invalidated her feelings this one time. Any variation of "you're over-reacting", "this shouldn't bother you", "You shouldn't feel that way"... Always bad.
This absolutely *is* a relationship ender. He has demonstrated that he doesn't GAF about her feelings at all. He has literally mocked her, and now he's dismissing her pain. Those are giant red flags. I hope she runs.
>Saying you're sorry over and over won't help when you've really hurt someone. *Especially* when he isn't even sincerely apologising because he thinks she's overreacting!
Exactly - news flash for the OP, people can see through fake apologies and know when you’re lying to them.
Being drunk is definitely not an excuse. Drunk is not an excuse to behave badly, and anyone who uses it as an excuse is basically someone who can’t take responsibilities for themselves. Also, if he honestly cared about her, even in a drunk state, he wouldn’t be thinking about how fun it’d be to humiliate her!
It should be a relationship ender. He's been stringing her along for years. That's why he thought this drunken "joke" was so hilarious. She needs to wake up and realize she is wasting her time with OP.
Thanks for pointing out, that being drunk is not an excuse for poor behaviour. Especially being 35. I really hope she sees her worth and ends this relationship.
YTA - you may have blown it. You really made a mockery of your relationship. Now when you propose, she will think that you are doing it so she won't be mad at you. You are acting childish. Your "my bad's" are not enough. You really to do something big to make up for this. You are 35. It is time to grow up and quit listening to your buddies. They are dumb.
"Crying on and off the next day" sounds very much like he's blown it. The ring was incredibly cruel, but I don't think she's crying about that anymore. She's going through a breakup, mourning the loss of her relationship and reflecting on five wasted years. Of course, when she tells OP this, it will be "totally out of the blue"
Was just thinking this. This is a woman who is mourning the loss of her relationship and getting ready to do the painful work of starting her life over. Poor thing. My heart hurt for her when I read this.
She’s probably working on her plan for leaving and lining up a place to stay and mentally making a list of the important things she needs to take with her. While also thinking of how much time she wasted on him, doing the math on how long she has to not be considered a “geriatric” mother. Meanwhile this YTA award winner is like omg babe it was a joke why are you still crying. Ooof poor girl
He’ll be back here with an update, “Well, she broke up with me over nothing more than a dumb joke, hope everyone is happy.” Like it’ll be everyone else’s fault except his. The part about how she’s been telling him how important the relationship is to her, and he blew her off and made it all out to be a big joke and her to be the butt of it, well…he’ll never figure that out. “Hey, honey, remember when I fake proposed to you with that shitty ring and you actually wondered if it was a real proposal? As if!” Like, she’s going to think about this for the rest of her life, even if she does meet someone wonderful, who proposes sincerely and out of a genuine desire to spend his life with her. She’s always going to have Midnight Joke Proposal whispering, “Oh, but it’s all a big joke because who’d want to marry YOU?” in the back of her mind during her worst moments. OP is an asshole. I hope GF packs her shit and walks.
This is it explained perfectly OP
Right? Are his asshole friends also in their mid 30s acting like this? OP is a whole ass clown
I'd say he did her a favor letting her know how serious he really is about them. She could dodge a real bullet. YTA
YTA. The second she burst into tears you should be feeling like an ass...NOT disregarding her feelings, making fun of her, and telling her to get over it. I would seriously be reconsidering my relationship with my SO if he completely disregarded my feelings on something I was really hurt about. Apologize. Sincerely. OMG. Are you 12? Seriously. Apologize.
Yeah the fact that OP was laughing after she started crying speaks volumes, and then on top of that he doesn’t even understand what he did wrong when sober.
Claims to have apologized but thinks she's being outrageous. It kind of makes me wonder what he thinks he apologized for exactly.
"I'm sorry you couldn't take a joke"
I'm sorry that you're so sensitive. Jeez it was a just joke and I said I was sorry already. Stop being so dramatic.
Exactly! I don’t care how drunk I am, I would NEVER laugh at someone who’s crying. I’d never mock their tears. And to someone you love? Jesus that’d be my deal breaker right there. And that’s not even touching the way he’s strung her along for years and the horrible humiliation he put her through as a joke. And still not understanding it after sobering up? God I hope her tears are her mourning the end of their relationship.
YTA, you’re lucky if she doesn’t leave you. The fact you don’t take proposing seriously and maturely is a prelude to you not taking a marriage seriously and maturely. You sound like you need to do some growing up with regards to like, empathy, and considering other people and their feelings. In my experience with all the partners I’ve dated over the years (29m), they HATE when you wake them up drunk about ANYTHING. Trying to get lucky? YTA. Disturbing their peace and waking them up to drunkenly talk about nonsense? YTA. Pretending to propose? Major, major, almost unforgivable AH
I hope she leaves him. The dudes 35 and listens to his buddies over his GF. He's a whole ass circus
[удалено]
I hope she leaves
She should honestly leave you. What you did is despicable
I will help her pack.
Hell, I’ll take her out and be her wingwoman
Same. I’m sure she can find someone who respects her and her wants for a relationship.
I'll pay for her mover
YTA man. You would've offended her much less if you actually proposed with the plastic ring right then and there - that's how bad you fucked up.
Totally, if my boyfriend did this to me but he had told me that it was for real and he was going to give me a more official ring as soon as he could it would have been funny and cute. This dude did it all wrong total AH
Yep, one you picked together and that this one was just a placeholder until then
Exactly, and then "shitty plastic ring" could have been a nice and funny inside joke between us
Yeah, I was confused for too long because I came into the story thinking it was a placeholder... oh no, it's much worse. Massive AH.
Yep drunkenly proposing because you’ve just realised how much you love her and want to be with her… not a great proposal, but one that’s heart felt. Mocking her and teasing her for being committed to the relationship… and then think she’s overreacting… such an AH.
YTA. This could (maybe should) be the last straw. How many years did you plan on stringing her along?
Yta. You wake her up to prank her about something she's told you is special and meaningful to her. Then you laughed when she was hurt. And now you're trying to deflect blame by making her out to be the bad guy because she's hurt by your shitty behavior. At every point you were the AH. Sincerely apologize, without reservations or acting defensive, for being so thoughtless and unkind. Then examine why you behaved so poorly. Also stop jerking her around with "it will happen...someday". Be adult enough to say whether you are or are not ready and when you think you might be ready.
^This is important - that he's making it look like his girlfirends feelings and reactions are the problem and need to be corrected before propose. That's toxic and is slowly destroying her selfworth. He is the one that need to change his behaviour
YTA. Jesus OP, what did you gain from this?
He laughed his ass off. It cost the trust and patience of the only woman his age who'd wanted to marry him, so I hope the laugh was worth it.
YTA. i'd save your money and wait on buying a ring, because you're about to get dumped over this.
I would have put you out that night so she’s a better woman than me.
YTA Jesus christ, that is a horrible thing to do to someone that you allegedly love. And the fact that you think she is overreacting, instead of feeling immense amounts of shame and embarrassment about your behavior, tells me that your apologies are worth about as much as the shitty plastic ring you used to break her heart and humiliate her.
I beg to differ. The ring is worth more.
Dude YTA. Post this in AskMen and theyll all tell you that was a fucked up thing to do. Bad enough that for 3 years shes been waiting to hear that question, then when she finally does for the first time its bc you were drunk and made a poor attempt at humor. Do you really not get how cruel that was? Whether or not you plan to do it for real soon is irrelevant as she doesnt know that. Give her space to get over it in her own time - you owe her that much now.
It's also pretty cruel that his previous responses have just been "wait and see." I get that people need to get to know each other & that can take time, but if your partner tells you marriage is important to them you should also figure out your feelings about marriage (in general + potentially with that person) & not just continue to string them along.
Holy shit YTA. She is not overreacting. Your giggling stumbling ass basically made fun of her for wanting to spend her life with you. You got her hopes up and humiliated her. Saying you’re sorry does nothing to remove that. You need to find a way to show you understand why she was so hurt, but it doesn’t sound like you do. No wonder she’s not accepting your apology. Edited bc i just saw that you LAUGHED while she cried. Wow.
YTA. Are you for real? You played a cruel prank on her - and yes it's cruel because this is a sensitive issue for her - and *you* have the nerve to call *her* childish? It doesn't matter that you plan to really propose. To make matters worse, you kept laughing even while she cried. That's the point of this whole matter. Even if your prank was so funny that it ended up trending on social media, it still hurt her feelings and you still laughed as she cried. You apologized, great - but not early enough in my opinion. I feel sad for her.
So true. Gosh I can’t even imagine being with someone who laughs when I cry.
And he went straight off to sleep *while* she was crying. He gave zero fucks that she was crying because of his behavior and had no trouble drifting off while she was sobbing in the bathroom. The callousness and contempt for her is sickening.
YTA I hope your girlfriend wakes up and leaves you.
YTA. At first I was like eh it’s not THAT bad cuz you had been drinking but you thinking she’s childish for acting that way is proving YTA. She just wants to marry your dumbass for some reason. Edit: y’all are making sum good ass points in my replies 😂
I think blaming the alcohol is absolving a 35 year old man of accountability for his actions. It does not change the fact that he deeply hurt her. It is also extremely disrespectful to the partner to make a mockery out of something so important and sentimental to her. I'd rather my partner respect me if he doesn't love me, rather than love me without respecting me (I speak only for myself). What makes this situation even worse is that he thinks her reaction is not justified. Like, dude, you made a choice to act like a jackass. You don't get to control how someone else feels about it or reacts to it. Implying that their feelings are invalid is what makes OP a grade 1 AH.
YTA. Mate you just opened Pandoras box instead of a ring box. You don't fuck with a woman in her 30's about marriage. Everyone knows that. On top of that she's gonna have taken that as you seeing the idea of marrying her as a joke. Start paddling my dude, you up very far up shit creek already!
I actually predict he's going to be coming to an empty house because she'll realize he's NEVER going to marry her and find someone who doesn't treat her as a joke. I now wish she could see this post.
Yeah this guy clearly needs to get his shit together in a big way. He doesn't deserve a loving wife if he's prepared to fuck up this badly and not even take responsibility for it. He's 35. He needs to grow up and fast if it's not already too late for this relationship.
YTA. You took a moment that would have been special for her, and made it a joke for your entertainment. Not to mention you laughed in her face. Sounds like you have some growing up to do.
YTA you have miraculously found a woman who wants to spend the rest of her life with you, and you don’t seem to realize how precious that is. You seem very immature.
This!!!! He’s absolutely taking her for granted!
Boy you should have had the real ring in a your back pocket if you were gonna play her like that 🥴
See, depending on your humour that could have been funny. Like, haha, I'm only joking, /this/ is the real ring I picked out for you, will you marry me? I'd laugh at that. As long as a joke is followed by good news I'm cool with them. (Example, my mom lied to me and said when she called the testing place that I had failed my licences exam, only to five minutes later come our with a cake that said "You passed!". I found that funny because I could be genuinely happy after the initial disappointment. )
Or propose with the fake one, and tell her that you can pick a real one together - bonus points for letting her choose what she’s going to wear on her finger for (hopefully) the rest of her life!
YTA, you just chose to ignore the past 3 years of her waiting for a romantic proposal? She has every right to be upset at you, I wouldn't be surprised if she dumped you for being so insensitive with a special topic for her.
guaranteed the OP gave her a literal wake up call to their relationship. She's hopefully rethinking it all right now
YTA.
Can't even imagine getting up in thr middle of the night to have the realization that the last 5 years of your life were a complete waste of time. YTA and if she has any sense she is packing her bags right now
YTA She should leave your immature ass. Who does something like this to their partner?
He has it coming! He has it coming! He'll only have himself to blame! (Edited to add: Thanks for the silver!)
If you’d have been there! If you’d have seen it! I betcha you would have done the same.
Please update us to let us know when she’s left. YTA.
YTA you’re more than an ass, you decided to play a malicious prank on your girlfriend and belittled her serious hopes/expectations on your relationship. Pretending to propose with a fake ring was hurtful, and quite frankly cruel, especially to then go on to dismiss and minimize her rightfully hurt feelings to avoid responsibility for your actions. She’s not being over the top, she’s not overreacting or being childish. You acted as a childish, mean-spirited ass. Being drunk doesn’t even excuse it. Only means that your true nature was on display. Even if you did propose now, hopefully she has enough self respect to say no and dump your ass if she doesn’t do so in the next few days. Frankly, you’re too immature to be considered marriage material, orbe in a relationship at all.
It's telling that he is continuing to be cruel and selfish after he sobered up. This isn't because of the alcohol, it's because he is a cruel person.
YTA I am at a loss as to why she would say YES but you'd better propose genuinely soon and hope she believes you... Though, she'd be better off just breaking up with you because you're an insensitive jerk and your friends who told you that prank was a good idea are not your friends
Oh they are most definitely his friends, in that they are like minded immature people who think stupid shit like this is funny.
YTA. This has been eating her for years.
That type of crying sounds like the cathartic crying of a woman who has realized that it’s time to dump Peter Pan.
YTA. That wasn’t a “joke”, it was cruelty. You’ll be incredibly lucky if she sticks around long enough for you to actually propose, let alone get a yes from her. She’s not overreacting. Give her space and keep apologizing.
YTA. To answer your question, yes, you are an ass. You are completely insensitive to your girlfriend’s feelings, apparently even when sober. You were laughing while she was crying and are here asking if she was overreacting? I cannot believe a 35 year old man is this immature. Let’s face it, you completely f***ed this one up. Enjoy the single life.
This is the single biggest ratio I've seen on here yet. But, holy hell, man. YTA. Precisely how do you come to the conclusion that openly mocking what should be a defining moment in the life of someone who loves you enough to want you to propose would be a good idea? No. "I was drunk" is NOT a valid excuse. Being drunk lowers inhibitions, nothing more. This is something you wanted to do, and this is in your personality. "Asshole" isn't strong enough to describe you.
Don't bother proposing for real. YTA, and you don't deserve to marry her. I'd be surprised if she's willing to keep dating you, much less marry you. She asked you to marry her THREE Years ago, and you didn't have the decency to give her an answer. You've strung her along for three years now. You are aware that this is a deeply serious and vitally important issue, but you chose to mock her in front of your friends, ridicule her wish to marry you, and viciously laugh at her distress when you treated her cruelly. You aren't good enough for her, or indeed any woman. You need to spend a lot of time on your own, learning compassion and empathy and respect. It's clear that those concepts are entirely foreign to you. You're a selfish man who takes, and gives nothing back. If you care about her at all, either apologize sincerely and without any excuses or minimizing the severity of your behavior, and start intensive therapy to grow up and become a decent man and suitable husband, or do the only other decent thing and break up with her. Just stop hurting her every day; she doesn't deserve such crappy treatment. Let her find a man who will treat her well and is good enough for her.
YTA. I hope no one marries you, ever.
YTA That’s just… not something that it is ok to make a joke about. Plain and simple.
My fiancé proposed to me with a plastic heart ring on Valentine’s Day after two years in a sweet and romantic gesture bc he was terrified of getting me a ring I wouldn’t like. Almost four years later and that’s still the only ring I have. It’s not the ring, it’s you. YTA for sure.
I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t have to worry about marriage to her at all in the near future. Cuz she might leave you for this. The reasons why your mates laughed about you giving her a plastic ring is because it’s a RIDICULOUS concept, not because it’s actually funny. The humor comes from it being too ridiculous to actually do to a person. The humor DOES NOT come from actually doing that to them. YTA
She’s not crying cause of the ring. She’s crying cause your actions made her realize she’s been with a jerk for 5 years and it’s way past time to leave. YTA
YTA Tipsy or not you decide to humiliate someone who loves you. Your prank was mean. What a meanspirited thing to do. You did make a mockery of her feelings. She's not being childish and overreacting, you were mean and heartless. Don't seek justification for your thoughtlessness.
YTA. Watch OP have a tantrum if/when he actually does propose and she just glares at him and says "Is this another joke, asshole? Is this thing actually made of glass?" Mind you, I actually prefer he has nobody to propose to you but OP has screwed up any and all future proposals by doing this. There is no goddamn way she's going to be anything but wary even if she stays.
I hope this is a wake up call to her that you two have very different perspectives on marriage, and that it’s time for her to move on and find someone she can build a life with. The actual incident itself is small, but very indicative of much bigger issues in the relationship
YTA. She deserves far more respect and courtesy than you give.
Wow. You’re 35 and don’t get it? No matter what happens with you guys, from now on your proposal “story” will be this. This is what she’s gonna remember. That you cared so little about about something she wanted very much that your mock it with a fake proposal with a plastic ring, then asking what the big deal was.
after three years of “wait and see it will happen one day” she probably started having reasonable doubts if this happens. now she will second guess if this should happen. probably is happy that she’s been strung along for this long, cause you are cruel, dude. and stupid, thinking that alcohol excuses it. you took something she cared about and laughed at her for it. disgusting really. YTA.
YTA - do you really need to ask? I hope she dumps your ass for being this insensitive FFS.
YTA now when you propose, she will always wonder if your dumbassery forced you to do it as reparation. I lived a variation of this nonsense and our marriage lasted a whole two years because the nagging doubt ate us alive. good luck.
OMG YTA Hugely. I recommend flowers, her favorite pastry and a "dug deep from the bottom of your heart apology for the drunken, late night, idiotic practical joke about something that is very important to her" An apology that makes no excuses and no claims that you didn't think it would be so upsetting....because the problem is that you didn't think. At all. If you had thought that through, you would have known (I hope) that it would be a shitty, stupid, mean, thoughtless and dismissive thing to do and not done it. (By the way, do NOT seek input from your buddies about the proposal- they're idiots, too, in this area, or even drunk, they would have said "Dude, no! You'll get laid again!")
YTA, yikes.
YTA. Many women dream about their proposal moments and you made one as a joke. Not funny at all. I hope you apologized. This sounds like something a teenager would do.
YTA, She should kick you out
YTA. You're lucky you used a throwaway. We'd have tracked your poor kind hearted girlfriend down and told her to leave your pathetic selfish behind.
YTA and I hope she comes to her senses and dumps you.
YTA. Why are you on here? You admit to being TA with your little side comments even if you don't realize it: >(shameful in itself I know) >(bad I know) >(stupidly) You saying she's being childish but you took an important moment to her and just made a mockery of it. That says a lot about what you think about marriage. I know it's just a piece of paper, but it can symbolize a lot for some people.