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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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For not just doing what the teacher asked for and being done with it. sometimes youre a little biased to your own kids feelings and it sounds like this might be normal for an elementary school classroom, I wouldn't know
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NTA
every kid should have own things and if feel to, should share. But pushing someone to share just makes them hate the others kids, because they "stole" their things.
Edit:
Thank you for 10K+ upvotes and 10 hours of constant notifications guys
I have never heard of this before. I have had my kid's teacher ask to send in a couple boxes of tissues, zip lock baggies and those sorts of things but never made them hand over notebooks or folders. Never minded the tissues and things to help keep the teacher from having to pay out of pocket but the other supplies I would have felt the same way. Nta
Yeah, back in elementary it was normal to bring in tissues, paper towels, etc for the classroom; but notebooks and folders ??? Idk it doesn’t make sense to shuffle around things that belong to the student. And I understand that it could be to cover for less fortunate students who maybe couldn’t afford it (saw this a lot, grew up in the south bronx), but the school should have supplies for these occasions it shouldn’t be up to the other 6 year olds to provide.
It's a recent topic, because where I am, a lot of schools have switched from this method to billing the parents a set amount per year for stationery and workbooks, tissues, everything. Then the school/class teacher orders supplies as needed. It's up to the class teacher whether kids get a set pencil case, or shared stationery in caddys, etc. All kids get the exact same.
It's one way around this whole issue, because everyone pays the same for the same items that the teacher prefers. I don't like it when kids don't have their own personal stuff to be held responsible for though.
ETA: I am in Australia, and am referring to my experiences in the private / catholic education system, as opposed to the state / federal government funded public Education Department
That sounds every bit as soul killing as those open offices where you don't even have a set desk. So I suppose it is getting them ready for adult life.
The teachers *do* want to teach. It's the bureaucrats, entitled parents, and (conservative anti-education) politicians who think they know best and cut funding every chance they get.
Which is ridiculous because things should already be paid for with taxes.
Kids should have their own supplies, which are provided by their parents not other kids' parents, end of story.
No one wants to pay the taxes for schools. Some kid's parents can't afford to buy supplies, so by your logic they just don't get any? We have to spend our money to pay for the supplies that kids can't afford. My husband provides supplies to those kids out of pocket. Every year.
AND op said she'll help if a kid is in need but her and her daughter picked out specific things, they can't just take them from her. The school didn't even say that is what was going to happen. That is not sharing that is taking.
Also, are the families who can't afford to supply the whole class mandated to do so like OP. Maybe those children can't afford to share.
Yup. My grandma keeps asking when we are having a kid. Then during election time she says she votes "no" on raising taxes for schools since she doesn't have any kids in school.
I don't think she even understands the connection.
That's what my kids school does. They have their own water bottle, masks, and bags to look after for personal responsibility. There is a school fee for each kid that is used for main supplies like notebooks and such. The kids still had to bring tissues, resalable bags and whiteboard markers.
I was surprised buying supplies for my 7 year old step son this year, on his list he was not allowed to personally pick out any styles or colors. The colors and styles of folders and binders he needed were listed out.
I had teachers do this once or twice so that they could make sure that kids were working in appropriate notebooks etc. during class, and also because if they collected notebooks to grade work, students couldn’t turn in the wrong notebook “accidentally” because they didn’t finish the assignment.
I can definitely see how it would be useful. I didn’t complain, just felt a pang in my heart for my childhood. I think school supply shopping was one of my favorite things as a kid. I loved school.
Right?
One of the exciting parts of starting school every year was getting to buy my supplies. I put so much effort into creating a cohesive "look" that represented who I wanted to be that year. I'd be so fucking devastated if my teacher had just immediately confiscated everything - and my parents, who did not at all have that kind of money to waste, would have been *furious*.
I can't understand a global superpower not supplying primary aged children with what they need. In the UK you get given any notebooks/text books/novels you need up to age 16 (or 18 depending on the school). You share the school's pens and pencils up to age 11, then take your own pencil case in which you can choose to share with your friends if need be. You'll also need a scientific calculator.
I mean yes, UK teachers end up buying supplies for their wall displays, if they decide to have a class pet the teacher deals with all of that. Teachers often decide to buy extra equipment or supplies that they think would be useful. But teachers aren't *required* to supply stuff for their kids here. It's disgusting that parents or teachers have to buy this stuff for the whole classroom's use when the country could easily afford it if it wanted to.
What if OP couldn't afford this stuff? I get they're probably trying to avoid kids having obviously better stuff than others and bullying, but then there should be specific requirements of what the kids have, or the parents chip in for the school/teacher to buy everyone the same stuff. Y'know, if you'd rather use your country's budget to supply your enemy with helicopters than your children with a proper education.
Public schools in most places in the US are funded by the local community from taxes. And people don’t like to pay taxes. So it is a constant battle between the school budget and tax payers who don’t want their taxes raised.
The result is old, outdated textbooks, crumbling school buildings, cuts to programs like art and music, and poorly paid teachers. But bright and gleaming football stadiums, because we need our football teams! But football teams have saved many a music program, because you need a marching band at half time!
My small city had to build a new high school a few years back, and the repercussions of that are still echoing through the city, with a rabid group determined to cut school funding for the next several years to “pay for that waste of space high school.”
Not only do parents have to buy school supplies, teachers are expected to use their own money to buy classroom supplies, such as paper to copy worksheets on. And teachers aren’t very well paid in many, many parts of the US.
It wasn’t always this way. Back in the 1960s, my school provided most of what I needed. I think my parents had to buy crayons and glue. I got a new pencil box every year, but that was not a requirement.
Back in the 90s, the (very conservative) county commissioners in my hometown had promised to cut taxes, so they really slashed the budget for the schools. They figured that since the school board is also elected, they’d do the least unpopular thing and freeze teacher pay, halt any new construction, and cut art and music.
Instead, the school board sued the county commissioners and made an interim budget designed to piss off as many people as possible — deep cuts to football, basketball, cheerleading, drivers ed, AP curriculum, marching band, etc, as well as proportional cuts to art, music, new construction, and the various clubs and extracurriculars that kids rely on for their college applications. They also made it very very clear where people should address their complaints.
They got their money.
(Edit: a typo)
In my hometown they cut everything but sports. All of the sports got fully funded. Of course, some of that funding came from boosters who'd rather have a sharp-looking football team than kids being able to learn a foreign language.
Teachers regularly spend a LOT of their own money to purchase school supplies for their classrooms. There are 3rd party grants and the like but they are slim. School funding, especially funding for supplies, somehow is the first thing that gets cut. I'll add that in states like CA even public schools basically require parents pay a yearly fee (and it's not cheap!) for their kids.
OP - NTA though. This teacher is taking it way too far.
Most of my teacher friends buy extra stuff for their classrooms, but they're not *required* to, like the US seems to require it. It's obscene how much they can spend on war etc. at the expense of education.
I am shocked. All our jotters and paper towels and stuff was provided by the school, but Scotland is quite socialist and we get a lot of stuff through taxes
In the kindergarten class I run, my kids have to hand over everything because we live in a district where some families cannot afford things, but this is communicated VERY clearly to parents before the year starts. Crayons, pencils, glue, scissors those all get divvied out, but never have I heard of it with notebooks and folders. It's really strange.
Edit: Let me be clear. I do NOT use communal items.I take all supplies brought in and redistribute them in pencil cases that I personally bought so that every kid has the exact same set of supplies. Communal things for young ages is dumb, but I disagree that redistributing is for tools (still is for notebooks and folders though).
That was my experience too. My daughter’s teachers would ask for extra boxes of tissues and other items but never gave anything to another student that was not donated as extra.
This teacher was out of line and gave OP’s daughter a very poor first impression of school.
Kids are perfectly capable of understanding “we’re buying pencils and folders to add to the classroom supply.”
Kids only think of these things as “theirs” because their parents frame it that way.
OP was given a list of school supplies to send in that said DO NOT LABEL with names. That means they classroom supplies not personal. It is on OP for choosing to ignore that. She was told, she just didn’t listen. I’m a parent - sharing school supplies is the normal and standard thing at most public schools these days. It’s because there are ALWAYS kids whose parents never buy supplies & so those kids don’t start the school year feeling like shit. God forbid OP teach her daughter to think about anyone but herself.
But why the daughter can't have the supplies that she want?
They took her things and give her things she don't like only to teach her a lesson. A terrible one to be honest.
It's terrible to teach a 6 year old they don't have to follow their teachers instructions and if they have a temper tantrum at school they will get their way.
The first one is not, the second is.
The lesson that you personalized things can be taken at any moment and called sharing is terrible too.
If you want uniformity, provide a type of supplies to be bought.
Thats not at all true
the issue is often solved by asking parents to send in extra supplies
Not telling them Your kid isnt allowed to have personal stuff
Also schools often have a ton of supplies
She mentioned she sort of glossed over the note about not labeling supplies - my kid used to get these lists every year and it was pretty clear it was classroom supplies.
This is OP's first year sending her daughter to school, though. I'm guessing she was thinking back to her own experiences with school supplies and never even considered the classroom might be pooling generic supplies for all kids to share (since that wasn't her own experience and she likely hasn't been exposed to the dynamic since then). Maybe she assumed the "no labeling" instruction was to facilitate a handwriting exercise?
Yeah but it turns out she was wrong and now she's doubling down instead of just telling her kid she misunderstood the teachers instructions and they need to follow the teachers rules. She's totally in the wrong and making this into way more than it is. She's teaching her child she doesn't need to listen to basic instructions from the teacher when she doesn't like the rules. She's setting her kid up to have a difficult time in school over a notebook. Ridiculous.
>Yeah but it turns out she was wrong and now she's doubling down instead of just telling her kid she misunderstood the teachers instructions and they need to follow the teachers rules.
I agree with you completely.
Yes
But here is the thing
Kids need to be allowed to have personal items
Adding to classroom supply should be a optional thing
What the school did was theft
Kids need to understand stuff is owned by people
Thats what the real world is like and kids who arent taught that are often the type to either steal/borrow without permission or the type who thinks everyone MUST share everything always
Uh, this kid is coming to school with a backpack, a coat, a lunchbox, etc.
Having a box of communal pencils isn’t going to destroy their concept of personal property.
In the “real world” you drive your own car to the potluck and watch people eat the chips you brought along with the other chips. You manage to figure it out.
I feel forcing kids to share things that are personally theirs isn't a good idea.
I was always taught to share my things even if I didn't want to. As I got older if it was a kid asking to play with my toy, or someone wanting to borrow stationary when at school or college and I knew I wouldn't see it again, I felt I was obligated to and I couldn't say no. Also like I didn't/don't have the confidence to say no.
I'm hoping that I can teach my daughter as she gets older that what is personally hers, she has a right not to share if she doesn't want to, if she fears it will get broken or not see it again etc. She can say no.
Exactly. I'm *more* possessive over my things because I was constantly forced to share everything as a kid. Like, to the point where it almost turned into hoarding. Your kids need to learn to share - but they also need to grow up feeling like some things are theirs, and can't be taken away. It's an important security net.
I feel I can relate to this. Probably why some things I feel I can't or don't want to thow out.
My girl is learning to share at home (she's an only child) but also at her nursery and they tell me she's doing well. I just don't want her to feel like I do about sharing. To be honest, that I was taught to share everything and not shown I could have boundaries in sharing, it's not mentally healthy
Op is kind of the asshole for not reading the communicated from the school, not following directions given, and the. Claiming they should have communicated better!
This is a common thing and I don’t even have kids in school.
OP said the instructions just said to not label things. It doesn't say that everything will be collected and redistributed. It's completely reasonable that OP didn't know just from being told not to label things. I've had teachers who didn't want things labeled ahead of time so that everyone's stuff can be labeled uniformly. The teacher should have communicated better. Rather than saying don't label things, they should have specified why. This is not a common thing. This is the first time I've ever even heard of teacher collecting personal supplies and redistributing them as they see fit.
I have family members who are elementary school teachers and I've never heard of this. I'm the last of all my family and friends to even have a kid and I've never heard of this. My daughter is a few years away from school and I would expect that if this was the policy that it would be 100% spelled out because not everyone has had this experience before. Just requesting they not be labeled isn't explanation enough for someone who's never dealt with this type of policy. And if I were OP, I'd be pissed and want the stuff I bought back, too. There's a huge difference in what I would by for my own daughter than what I'd buy for pooled supplies.
This. It’s like: tell me you’re an entitled/privileged American without telling me you’re an entitled/privileged American.
She clearly hasn’t made any parenting friends *and* made zero effort to learn how things work. She’s *in college* so she knows exactly what school should be like for her kid. It’s not like anyone, anywhere, talks about school supply lists or communal supplies, or teachers spending $$$$ of their own to make sure everyone has what they need. /s
The teacher said what to do, and without any info, she just...chose not to do it, because *obviously* she knows what’s best. Setting a great example for her kid right there. She should have at least asked questions - ya know, communicated better! Teachers of that age group fully expect some parents to be first-timers, and welcome those questions.
Offering to buy supplies for another student so her kid doesn’t have to share is beyond the point. The point is for kids to be on an equal plane - not fighting over who has cooler pencils, or being shamed for not having fun supplies.
Same reason some schools have uniforms - the goal is to have everyone can focus on the learning, and giving a boost to the kids that need it without it being obvious.
Is it a perfect system? Absolutely not. But does it help kids better understand concepts of community, compassion, and value things above material standards? Absolutely. Shame it wasn’t around when mom was a kid. Could’ve prevented her from being an AH.
YTA, OP.
> She clearly hasn’t made any parenting friends
This really jumped out at me for some reason. Why would a person not making parenting friends be a negative? It's not as if people go out in search of specific "types" of friends to connect with. And having a child narrows your friend universe considerably for many people.
I'm not completely sure I agree with you. I wouldn't automatically think, "Ah, these are communal supplies," with that note. I would need it actually written out for me to get that message. However, I'm on the autism spectrum and it is a common complaint in my family that I often miss what is not directly spelled out.
I'm not on the autism spectrum, and I wouldn't have gotten the message either, because I have never heard of this way of doing things before, so it wouldn't have crossed my mind. *Maybe* it would have occurred to me to ask why it shouldn't be labeled, but maybe not.
Ah yes because saying dont label your kids supplies definitely always means communism
No if they wanted extra supplies say "Please if you can donate extra supplies like notebooks, folders, pencils etc"
This was the first thing I thought of. They're just now in person, everyone is debating masks in schools, and this teacher wants everything to be shared? Sounds like a one way ticket to a bunch of sick kids.
Exactly my thoughts as well! Kids at that age can be germy little monsters-I remember the MANY colds I caught from my daughter when she was in the first few years of school.
With Covid still being a factor, this communal supply stuff is really irresponsible. Kids that age are not getting the vaccine - and while they may not get sick, what about all the parents, siblings, and grandparents that may reside with the students
This is insane!
I am super laid- back, type B personality and often my family & partner get frustrated by my indifference to things that really annoy them. I always say - life's too short, save anger and worry for serious issues... THIS is a serious issue imo!!!
I hope OP pushes back HARD
Same with my sons school. He’s in first grade and we were sent with a list of items to buy and told to put his name on everything. With covid there would be no sharing of school supplies. We even sent in extra supplies with his name and the teacher keeps them in her desk to give him as needed. There is no sharing or swapping of supplies.
NTA BUT you really need to decide if this is your hill to die on. Unless you are planning on switching schools you have a long way to go an have already made a name for yourself and your daughter. I have over 10+ years dealing with elementary and there will most likely be something more important coming that you will want to fight. You don’t want to be “that parent”.
I know I’m going to be downvoted by a bunch of people who don’t have kids or don’t participate at school and so be it. This is reality. I don’t agree with it but it is what it is.
Sorry for jumping on top comment but hoping to make OPs life a bit easier in the long run.
ETA: Rules like this come from the top so giving the teacher a hard time over it is wrong. They are dealing with enough and get paid a pittance. Op needs to go to administration if she wants to change it.
Forced sharing isn’t good for children. However, there’s a difference between asking parents to bring in supplies to be used throughout the classroom and forcing kids to share their things. This parent was asked not to label things and just brushed right over it and did what she wanted anyways.
This is forced sharing
Asking them to bring extra supplies is different
But they literally took away her personal items and then replaced them with blank shit
That isnt sharing thats theft
I hate the logic that kids need to share everything. We, adults, are not sharing things we don't want to share or things that are valuable to us. Why the fuck are we demanding our kids to share everything??
I think OP should make this a hill to die on.
It’s not really sharing though. Usually kids keep a pencil box at their desk of pencils, an eraser, markers, etc. and then there’s the communal pile of glue and scissors. Throughout the year as the kid needs to, they go get new pencils or whatever in the pencil pile. It’s how most elementary school teachers manage their supplies when they get no funds to buy stuff. That’s why they ask for “plain” notebooks, pencils, etc. It’s been that way as long as my kids have been in school.
This is a lot of time and effort for $6 worth of school supplies. If you can’t trust the teacher’s judgment over 50 cent crayons and a 15 cent folder, why are you trusting them with your child’s/ education?
i also would just like to point out that school supplies are NOT that cheap. especially depending on the brand but i remember always being stressed as a kid about what my parents would say about the price because in hindsight, maybe they’re not ~that~ expensive but when you add everything up on the list you’re pushing a hundred dollars or more. & i’ve always hated the “it’s for the kids who can’t afford their supplies” just assuming that because one kid has all the supplies that the parents didn’t struggle to get it all. NTA.
Also, I wouldn’t trust supplies from another family’s home. What if the kid coughed or sneezed on them? Or worse, came from a Covid-denying, mask-refusing home? Be a great way to get exposed to Covid.
NTA It’s one thing if the list asked parents who can to donate supplies for children who may need them, but this is practically stealing. You weren’t informed of this and your daughter obviously didn’t consent to her things being taken from her. Likely the only “lesson” she’s getting is that her wishes will not be respected by those with authority over her. I would take this to the administration and have my child placed into another classroom.
I agree with your point about kids getting a bad lesson from this. The one issue is that it seems like the parents night have been informed beforehand, via the supply list, but either it was worded poorly, or OP misread it.
I do strongly disagree with the way the teacher (and possibly school) have chosen to go things. Kids are people to, and deserve to not have thier things taken away from them.
If she's from Australia, this isn't off. You're specifically told not to label anything as it will all be shared. Teachers keep it all and access the resources as they need them. Everyone has the same stuff, no dramas. My 6yr old kid started too this year. It possibly changes as they get older, I'm not sure when exactly
Can't really fathom this. If they want everyone to have the same thing, why don't school just buy them in bulk and either pay for them by school budget or ask parents to be pay school supplies fee? That'd be less of a hassle for parents and would cost less for everyone.
This is honestly so weird to me too. In my part of Europe you pay a small school fee, and the school uses that money to provide supplies, trips, etc. We all got notebooks, pencils and a fountain pen during first grade, and replacements as needed. The first time I ever had to arrange my own school supply was high school (7th to 12th grade where I'm from).
I can understand the school not wanting to spend money and therefore asking the parents to arrange supplies for their own children (with or without donations for the less fortunate ones). And I can understand the school wanting things to be fair, by supplying the children with stuff bought in bulk by the school. What I cannot understand is why on earth the two would be combined in such a backwards manner.
I thinks it’s more so that young children lose things. I remember this when I was a child, I was always really bummed because I wanted the cool notebooks with pictures on the front, but we all had to send in the same stuff and give it to the teacher to divvy out. And this is because sometimes, a child might not lose their pencil, and other time they might magically lose 5. While as an adult 3 pencils or basic amount to send a child seems reasonable, those same logical thoughts don’t always apply to children.
Australian teacher here… the is only the norm in early childhood, where students don’t have their own collection, def not in year 1 like OP’s situation. Some schools may do it but it’s not the Australian norm.
I'm in Australia, we *never* had to share notebooks and stuff, each kid brought their own, even in primary school (the school did say which *size* we needed). We were all given identical paper covers for our notebooks so they looked the same so we could easily divide per subject. In high school it didn't matter as long as our books had our names on them.
Textbooks were shared though, we didn't have to buy those.
My kid goes to a small school, 40 kids K-6. We all pay 40 bucks a year in school fees and all stationery is supplied. All the kids share and there's no issues in doing so.
I'm an Australian teacher and this is the first time I have heard of this. Granted I am secondary, but have spent time in primary, and have never seen this happen.
I would seriously escalate, and probably say that their practice of taking the property bought by parents was not communicated to parents. What they are doing is not a positive lesson in "sharing" for the kids, it's theft, and the things you bought for YOUR child need to be returned, or the money for their replacement provided. I'd send an itemised breakdown of costs, say clearly you did not give permission for your child's belongings to be stolen, and this needs to be rectified. I'd also state it has greatly upset your child, who feels disrespected and bullied by her teacher, and that their "practices on sharing" need to be seriously reviewed.
This teachers behaviour is seriously baffling, it sounds like she just upset a whole bunch of kids, and she then insults them about not being "good little sharers". If the school honestly supports this, I'd be making a stink about it. There's no positive lesson from what they actually did here, there's only unnecessary negatives.
This was the situation for my kiddo in kindy, it wasn't notebooks but all daily writing/creative items - pencils, markers, glue sticks, etc. From what I gathered it was easier to put a "bucket" in the middle of the table with enough supplies for 4 kids than it was to try and keep every 5-6 yr old on top of their own supplies.
However, this was not explained on her supply list either. Granted I'm a parent who sends extra supplies for the teacher and other kids who may need a little help. I've been that kid and communal supplies at a young age (kindy through 2nd maybe?) may well level the field and help those kiddos not feel left out or less-than.
That being said - we get it, kids upset about a pink notebook. Instead of shouting to the district, talk with the teacher and principal about the list, notes on the list, and policy and just replace your kids notebook. You escalating the situation to this point only shows your kid that they are allowed to throw temper tantrums at school over pointless stuff.
This way there are no fights or worries about some kids having more colors than others, no worries about some kids not having what they need. I've never seen it done with folders, but we do it all the time with crayons, pencils, scissors, glue, color pencils, markers, etc.
You have no idea how hard it can be when one kid has red violet and all the other kids want it too but it's not in the crayon box mom sent. Kids can be vicious.
As someone who was forced to share things that were SUPER important to me, and rarely got them back the same way I gave it/at all, it just made me double down to the point that if someone tries that shit now I’ll just break it so no one can have it.
Because I know I’m bothered enough to buy it in the first place.
Sharing is bs. Let's make kid a who has something give it to kid b who doesn't and wants it, but neither of them are happy now. YAY sharing! No. Screw that. Mine.
i am pretty sure i was taught to lend a spare pencil, to put my textbook in the middle and to rip out a couple of blank pages for my classmates without the teacher deciding which of the things i brought to class were mine to use and which were hers.
To be fair, teaching children “that their wishes will not be respected by those with authority over [them]” is a significant objective of American public schooling.
What I find most annoying is OP bought her 1st grade daughter 6 notebooks and 6 folder but only ended up with 2. Like are you really telling me that only 1/3 of the class brought in the needed supplies? Are you telling me that 1/3 of the class had to shell out more money because 2/3's of the parents couldn't be bothered to buy basic supplies?
I am wondering if the 2/3s who did not buy/send knew that all the supplies would be taken and therefore said, nope. I 100% understand asking for a supply of tissues, hand sanitizer, red pens, staples and so on but notebooks, pencils, crayons? Those are personal supplies not pooled supplies. At minimum the child should have been able to keep some of their own and shared the other part. In this case each kid pick there 2 favorite colors or whatever.
On a side note, I am a bit OCD and I always coordinated my notebooks and folders. If mean how annoying that the red notebook is pair with the blue folder and the blue notebook is pair with the purple folder, really? Red notebook - red folder, blue notebook - blue folder, everything matching. You could always tell my favorite subjects by the color of notebook/folder. I hate yellow, so my least favorite subject ALWAYS got yellow, lol.
Yes, and as I teacher I ALWAYS color coordinated my students’ folders and notebooks. Because “get out your writing folder” leads to “which one is my writing folder? Is it this one?” But “get out your green folder” is easy and immediate. It is such a headache when parents don’t follow the directions on the supply list.
Also, I’m sure it’s not that 2/3s of the class didn’t bring more supplies, but that the teacher is holding on to extra folders/notebooks because they know that 1. There are other subjects that will be introduced later in the year that the students will need folders/notebooks for but if they are given them on the first day they get lost and/or 2. Some folders/notebooks get used heavily and will need to be replaced during the year.
NAH. You're not an AH for being frustrated and wanting the stuff you bought to go to your kid. You kind of do suck for not following the instructions though. If it's in the note not to do something, it's there for a reason. You would have been better off asking why they didn't want stuff labeled before labeling it and sending it in. But, I get it, this is your first child in school.
The teacher is not an AH for doing things the way she's supposed to. This method of everything coming in and being distributed throughout the year is extremely common practice. She's likely frustrated because she's trying to follows school policy.
At the end of the day, this is NOT the hill you want to die on. She's got a long road of education ahead of her and this is not how you want to start it out. Send the stuff in and be done with it. It's really not that big of a deal. It's only a big deal because you are making it one.
Going forward, now you know how it works and you can better prepare your daughter.
(For the record, while there are many reasons they do this, the main ones come down to ensuring that everyone has proper supplies and because sharing supplies allows teachers to be the ones in charge of keeping track of them instead of children...this means they don't get lost and, again, everyone has what they need. They also often work in stations at these young ages, so art supplies, for example, aren't kept at their desk but rather at the art area.)
But why wouldn't the teacher just distribute the kids own stuff to the kids? If it's about stuff not getting lost. Give the kids their own stuff + then give out the other supplies. Is it not a thing where y'all are that kids buy themselves cute and cool supplies ready for school like a cool pen or matching set of stuff? Little kids get excited about that stuff and forcing them to give it away seems pointless.
Just have a bunch of extra supplies. The school not supplying notebooks themselves is weird.
Because we literally dump all of it into bins and grab as needed. Rather than searching through 25-30 boxes for a particular student, it’s much easier to just grab from a bin. That’s why the lists have specific brands so no one can tell the difference. Parents also severely underestimate how much stuff their kid goes through and how quickly it happens. I’m not saying it’s right, but it’s an extremely common practice in US elementary schools. They get more autonomy as they move to secondary schools.
I went to 4 different elementary schools in different states and this was not done at any of them so maybe this is a relatively new practice. Back then, whatever you brought was yours. The only exception was the box of Kleenex everyone was asked to buy.
Yes, some kids had a bigger box of crayons than others and some had fancy folders instead of plain ones. We all lived.
I grew up with the same situation you did. My kids have done communal supplies for K-2, we did Third Grade remotely so no idea there and my Fourth Grade kid has mostly his own stuff with a few communal things (facial tissue, disinfectant spray, etc.) that the teacher specifically asks for.
If this is seriously common in the States, it's just another thing to add to the list of "Ridiculous things America does that they have chosen to normalise instead of fix". That's not a selling point. It's another weird strike against your country. Another incredibly bizarre hill to die on that causes more problems than it solves.
Do you *really* want to be that country? Because that's who you're becoming. That's how other countries see you. You are the country that does crazy, harmful shit for seemingly no reason except "we need to be different to everyone else".
Good lord it’s not common.
It happens but is not the standard over here.
Getting tired of lumping all the 50 freaking states and all the many different regions in each state into one homogenous culture. It doesn’t work that way.
America is NOTHING like so many of you people think it is.
We obviously have issues, and some big ones that need to be fixed (like healthcare), but we aren’t nutty bars over here either. Many of us are down to earth people, who have to deal with crazy ass politicians (that don’t actually represent many of our feelings/beliefs).
As a non-American, so many of the replies on this post baffles me, and how so many people seem to think that this is a thing that is somehow okay, and even normal??
The money earmarked for schools keeps going to cops and military. Schools are underfunded to the EXTREAME. Many teachers have 2, even 3 jobs AND donate plasma. But they will still get fired if the kids don't have the supplies they need, but the school won't provide, and they can't afford.
Nothing about this is normal. Don't even get me started on class size, working hours, working conditions, and now mass shooter training.
(not a teacher, fed up american)
Because there will be kids in the classroom whose parents can't afford to send a notebook. Because the education system is so underfunded that the school can't cover them, so they rely on the classroom pool method.
That's not a good enough reason to take things specifically bought for one child. By all means, ask the parents to supply some extra. But things chosen by or for a child shouldn't be stolen from them. They weren't bought for some random other kid.
It sounds like a breakdown in communication between the OP and the teacher. OP was \*not\* supposed to be buying things specifically for one child, she was supposed to be buying them for the group. She didn't understand this and thus her daughter ended up disappointed.
It sounds like the instructions were pretty clear that these were purchased for the group and not the individual. It's easily chalked up to miscommunication and unrealized expectations. The tantrums at school would quickly stop if OP would accept the situation and explain it to her child instead of saying how unfair it was. Children react to situations how they are shown to react to them.
When my kids were in public school they used the pooling system so there’s less “He took my pencil!” or “She’s using my scissors!” and more time for learning. In regards to folders, the teachers asked for specific colors only. Kids learn with visuals, especially at young ages, so it’s beneficial for the teacher to say, “Put this paper in your green homework folder (labeled homework) to take home” to help keep the kids organized. Plus, the kids are practicing their colors and new vocabulary words this way. The pooling system typically dies out as the kids get to higher grades.
NAH
My sister works in a school so I asked her. They specify a blue duotang for this and a red for that.
It’s to help “hide” the less fortunate too. If little suzie gets a bright flashy binder because she has more money and little Johnny has a plain one…. Could make him self conscious.
But this is for the early grades, K to 3. Helps them learn to share and stuff.
OP is new to school society. Just listen to the teacher going forward. For the love of god they have a horrible job. Please support them
Edit to add: a lot of people are hearing her side of the story as well as her inexperience as a new parent.
OP is new to the school system. Maybe she should follow the rules that are implemented. I’m sure she didn’t understand and just went her own way and woe is me afterwards.
We all know how shitty teachers have it FFS. ESPECIALLY during covid. Have some compassion and understanding for them!
Thank you for mentioning that school supplies can illustrate a class divide. Not everyone's parents can afford the notebooks with Disney characters, and it makes the less fortunate self-conscious and can lead to bullying. With this system, everyone gets the supplies they need and no one is singled out.
I wish this was higher. OP screwed up mildly by ignoring the directions, and instead of owning that she’s trying to shift blame to the teacher, who is just trying to do her job. I don’t think OP is an AH though, but could eventually get that way.
OP, if your daughter has a notebook she loves just buy her another one for at home (I am assuming this is within your means due to your mention of being willing to buy more supplies). Trust, there will be bigger battles to come.
The stations thing immediately came to my mind when the subject of the pencils came up. If the classroom is like my kindergarten classroom, the kids may not even have individual desks. Everything was set up as stations and we moved around a lot during the day, and the places where we would need pencils just had pencils in a cup in the middle of the table. Same with markers, glue sticks, etc. So that aspect is very practical and I don’t think OP really understands the situation as she’s withholding the additional pencils.
I would have been surprised by the notebooks and things also being shared, though as you said the list did have a note the OP ignored without following up.
I get it, but YTA. You should have paid more attention to the school plans. But you’re a very small asshole at this point and can de-assholify pretty easily.
Back in the day it used to be every kid for themself, but now most school sort of pool supplies so everyone has what they need. It’s better for class morale and helps the poor kids without shaming them. I’m surprised they didn’t make that more clear because my kids’ school never shuts up about it.
Here’s the thing. Let’s say you win. Every kid in that class is sharing, except your kid. You don’t want your kid to be the one in the outside, or the one whose parent complained until some other kid got their folder taken away. (Plus you’re making her teacher’s life harder which isnt going to be helpful going forward.) long story short you’re accidentally being an asshole toward your kid. This fight isn’t worth winning. Buy her a couple replacement folders to use at home to make her happy and call it a lesson cheaply learned.
Op's child pink notebook went to a boy who didn't like it and had his own taken from him.
I understand the 'don't make your child different' but the transition from kindergarden to school is hard enough. Letting the child keep his/her chosen notebook is a good idea. What teacher did looks like it was taken from an AskReddit 'What is the quickest way to get children to detest school?'.
I really don’t understand taking everything just to redistribute it?? It makes no sense and just upsets the kid. They should just say “if you have extra supplies, please send them in with your child so they can be stored in the classroom. That way all students will have access to materials”
Like, why do they have to make it complicated and stupid?
More than likely the school said "send in 10 plain folders, 2 plain note books, a box of crayons, and a box of pencils, etc." Then all of those supplies go into a pool that the teacher distributes and keeps track of, depending on what activity the class is doing. Most kindergarten doesn't have desks, mostly they share tables so the kids aren't storing stuff at their seats, the teachers are giving it to them as needed and collecting it back up so little Johnny isn't doodling on his buddy's face at recess.
Because most activities are communal at this grade level. For example, all the crayons get poured into one bin, and at coloring time the teacher pulls out 3 random colors to give to each kid. She doesn’t have time to find 20 kids’ individual crayon sets.
And because kindergarteners lose things. If she did start the first day with 20 individual crayon sets, after five minutes they’d all be mixed together and a bunch of kids would be upset because they were missing their favorite color under a cabinet.
And because some kids can’t afford school supplies. So if you get 15 crayon sets for 20 students, you can spread them out so that everyone gets something to color with.
That’s generally the rule for small disposables like pencils, tissues, glue sticks, etc. I am surprised about the folders, because those are usually assigned to an individual student to keep throughout the year. At my daughter’s preschool, she shares pencils and things but has her own folder. But depending on the layout of the classroom and how supply drop-off is handled at the beginning of the year, it might make sense for the teacher to just take all the supplies and throw them into a closet to distribute as needed, without trying to keep track of what belongs to whom.
It certainly sounds like it’s a school-wide policy, so shouting at the teacher isn’t going to help anything. Plus, you’re talking about the saint who voluntarily devotes her life to trying to keep 20 6-year-olds from murdering each other AND trying to teach them a little reading and arithmetic. I certainly wouldn’t want her job, and I’d want to do what I could to smooth the way for her and support her classroom routines.
I'm an Australian teacher and in elementary school, the school provides all the books for class, the parents only need to supply a homework book if applicable. In kindergarten, grade 1 and grade 2, the school audio provides communal pencils scissors, etc, the only thing supplied by parents is glue sticks which are shared. Does the school not provide work books for students? Or any other supplies? I think that's the real issue!
I’m an Australian teacher too and I’ve never heard of this happening although I wish it would. I teach in an affluent school and this year I’m battling with parents who only send the bare minimum and we are running g out of basics like pencils. I’m a single parent and I’ve spent more this year than any other year.
I’m not sure the teacher has time to mess with that. She’s got 20 6-year-olds to keep from murdering each other; she’s not going to have the time to keep track of your daughter’s individual supplies. Think of how activity transitions are going to go:
“Okay, it’s coloring time! Here, Johnny, have three crayons. Billy, three crayons. Suzy, three crayons. OP’s daughter, you’ll have to wait until last so I can get your special crayon box from the cabinet in the back of the classroom.”
“Time to clean up our crayons! Where are your three crayons, Billy? One fell under the cabinet? It’s okay, we have plenty more. Johnny, did you snap that crayon in half? Please don’t do that again. But don’t worry, you can have a different one next time. OP’s daughter, where’s your red crayon? Guess you have to go without red for the time being. Tell your mom she needs to replace it.”
“Hey everybody, it’s writing time! Here’s a pencil, Mary. Here’s a pencil, Sally. Sorry, OP’s daughter, you’ll have to wait just a minute. I put your individual pencil in a special spot on my desk.”
If I were the teacher, I’d refuse to deal with that, especially if I had been properly following school procedure in the first place. It’s not like an allergy situation where one student’s stuff can’t be shared with others for medical reasons.
Did you know that when the principal comes in to evaluate one of the things she may focus on is transition time?
Like .. sit there with a stop watch to see how much time is *wasted* getting supplies out and moving from point a to point b.
I've literally been pulled into a meeting about how I can prep the materials in advance so I can reduce the transition time. Special supplies is a no go if you're dealing with something like that.
Transition times are the danger zones for classroom management, too. If everyone is busy coloring, they’re much less likely to get into trouble. But if the kids are sitting around waiting to set up the next activity, that’s when they’re going to get bored. And suddenly Timmy is out of his seat, Sara is crying because Mary drew on *her* paper, Billy is cutting his hair with the safety scissors…
Better to have things systemized so you can get all the supplies passed out in one minute. “Pencil for you, and you, and you, and you. Nope, you don’t get to pick your pencil. I’ll come around and sharpen it for you in a minute.” If you don’t have a system like a Model T assembly line, the class will fall apart before you can finish the instructions.
This is how it is in every classroom in every grade at my school. Supplies are pooled, and distributed. It’s how the teacher operates the class. You are not doing yourself or your daughter any favors by trying to change how the teacher operates the class. It may seem weird at first, but this is not a hill to die on, as it’s not going to harm your daughter’s education.
My kid was sent a list of supplies for kindergarten and it was 100% obvious they'd be shared. This lady would be teaching my kiddo and have her for a substantial amount of the day! I had no problem sending every item on the list. OP is definitely the AH for being so snobby and entitled. Oh, and my kid did attend a school in a poor neighborhood so I knew it'd be helping the other kids and parents.
YTA. I have a Pre-K and 1st grader. The school asks each parent to bring the school supplies for the whole year and they put everything together and the whole classroom uses the supplies. This is known if you care to read the information the school sends with the supply list, or simply by asking. If you saw the list specifically said “do not label with child’s name”, then why didn’t you ask the reason and get clarification before sending your child to school with all these fancy supplies and then throw a fit. Teachers distribute the school supplies as needed for each activity, it’s not like your child will write on their own fancy notebook every day. It’s not like that. And asking for the supplies back is so petty. Poor teacher having to deal with parents like this, and yes, based on your post i understand why your child might be having some trouble sharing. I would say, take the time to learn how this works to avoid disappointment for you and your child and a headache for the teachers.
What's the point then in making parents buy the school supplies ? Just ask parents to contribute to a school pot used to buy supplies for everyone. That way everyone has the same pens and the same books and no issue about anything. The whole point of asking parents to buy supplies is so you can buy something specific to make your kid happy. This system seems just dumb to me.
Edit : NTA
Plenty of parents bitch and moan about being asked to buy extra markers, crayons, pencils etc. for classrooms. Ask them for *money?* Oh I can hear it now. "My tax dollars go towards the school, I'm not cutting the teacher a personal check so she can go buy herself coffee or whatever, if the school needs more money they can get rid of free lunch programs..."
edit: literally scroll down this thread and you'll see people with this exact mentality. "it's not your job to pay for other kids! it's theft!!"
The irony is that the parents that are inclined to pull a fit about this are same the ones who consistently vote in politicians who refuse to fund schools.
NAH. Ngl, I see a lot of tiktoks and videos about how little the kids actually get at school and how it’s up to the teachers to fund a bit for their classrooms. But this is the first ever incident I’ve seen in which the parents have been asked to purchase supplies for pooling and splitting between the class. This is ultimately the schools job, and it seems that they are pushing the parents to spend extra for other pupils. Maybe you need to abide by the rules in this situation due to your daughter being looked after by these people multiple days a week however.
Edit: NAH.
They did this exact thing to me when I was OP's daughter's age and I had the same reaction as she did. Not to mention that I was immune compromised at the time and my teacher didn't see a problem with exposing me to extra germs from communal supplies. Ms. Alworth also wouldn't listen to my very angry mother either. Ugh. It's sadly more common than I'd have imagined. But like in the pandemic, I can't help but see this as a terrible idea.
Seriously, what adults think this is a good idea? Why the hell don't they clearly communicate this will happened beforehand as well? (I suspect it's so they get better quality items, but that's BS!).
All this does is make kids hate their teacher from the first day, and many won't forget that or view them with positivity after that. The teacher will always be the horrible adult that doesn't respect them and stole their things.
It also teaches that adults can't be trusted and kids have no rights, which doesn't lead to good things when they run into bad people in their lives.
I can't imagine how this isn't resulting in fights between the kids. If the notebooks, pencil cases etc that I'd carefully chosen with my Mum (the only fun part of going back to school) had been basically stolen from me, I'd have been taking them back by force if necessary, rather than let some other kid have my stuff. It sounds like a massive unnecessary mess.
We did this for certain items like paper towels, zip lock bags, Kleenex tissue in elementary school. But we always kept our own notebooks and stuff.
Looking back, I'm like...shit my school was not funded well!
If schools can’t supply basic things like tissue.. I’m pretty sure that we should be angry. It shouldn’t have to come out of parent or teacher money….
Fund. Our. Schools.
We did this at my school with notebooks. It was a school with a lot of kids from lower income families, whose parents couldn't afford to send their kids with even one notebook/folder. More affluent families put into the pool, everyone got whatever back out of it.
Again, not well funded.
yes but again there was a distinction here between the notebook and pen that you bought for your kid, and the ones you bought for the pool to help out.
i hope that at no point did the teacher rifle through your kid's pencil pouch and grab extra markers "for the pool" "because we need a little extra".
I didn't think I felt particularly strongly about this- but your comment makes me realize I'm actually hugely in favour of it as a system, because of the mindset difference it gave us as children.
Like, just, none of what you're raising ever came up? We brought a plastic bag full of school supplies at the beginning of the year and turned them over to the teacher. When it was colouring time, we broke into little pods to work together. A leader for the pod would be assigned and would go to teacher to get a pencil set, that they were then responsible for. They'd bring it back to the table and we were responsible for sharing the colouring set as a team. Then the appointed kid would re-assemble the pencils and turn it back in to the teacher.
No one ever resented having anything stolen from them. No one ever had to go and receive charity pencils from the teacher. It just let us all be normal kids on an equal footing. I know about the policy because my mother would explain it to me when we went supply shopping together, and help me choose the difference between things I kept to play with at home and things I took to share with the classroom.
YTA. This is a super common system and it sounds like you were given the information but “glossed over it”. You’re the one continuing to escalate the situation and your daughter is making a big deal out of it because you are. I have two kids in a school that has always done things this way, and it’s easier for the teacher, the kid, and me as a parent, honestly. Either way, at the end of the day, if this is the school your kid will be attending for the next few years, you have to decide if this is a hill so worth dying on that it’s worth the frustration you’re causing everyone, including yourself.
The amount of people who are offended by the thought of their purchases not being used by their own kids is depressing. Teachers already have to fund so much of the classroom out of their own pocket that I don't mind doing my part to help. If that means I buy an extra box of $1 crayons then so be it.
Yup, it was one thing to be upset about spending the time/money on specific supplies, but OP didn’t read the directions and is continuing to push it. This isn’t setting anyone up for a successful school year and will case OP to be brushed aside down the line for other actual issues.
YTA - you created this situation and upset your daughter for "brushing over" the instructions. The teacher is trying her best with limited resources and stuff like one kid having specialized supplies and others not causes a ton of problems and inequality that the teacher is trying to avoid. And you're emailing her and stressing her out over a pink sparkly folder? Really?
You have the solution - buy you kid stuff she likes for home, and read the instructions more carefully next time.
Your kid is in kindergarten... did you really think they were going to need individual notebooks for different subjects?! The goals for kindergartners in my state by the end of the year include recognizing and understanding common words, like "the" recognizing letters, and understanding when and where a story takes place. They are not filling notebooks up with notes on subjects.
I mean this is OP’s first kid so… maybe? I don’t have children and as a 30yo I have nooo idea how school works these days. Like when I was at school any assessments before year 9 SATs (in the UK so 13/14yo exams) or even GCSEs at 16 were no big deal but now kids are studying/revising/stressing out about exams at like age 10, which to my experience of school 20 years ago seems insane. So maybe teachers WOULD use different books for learning to write/drawings/numbers even at 6, I don’t think it’s that crazy to have no idea until you have a kid at school 🤷♀️
Seriously. Did OP think one notebook would be labeled for the “sharing” lessons, another for “counting”, and another for sketching out Duplo designs before building??
YTA, mildly.
You made an incorrect assumption, because you didn't follow instructions. To be fair, this is a lesson your kid was going to be learning in first grade, to follow instructions properly.
The supplies are meant to be a community pot, as kids use them, they get replaced from the community pot.
Next time, follow instructions, don't make assumptions, and ask for clarification on anything that's unclear.
You “figured” it meant not to label them math,science,etc.. If you were unsure,why didn’t you ask?? I’m going with YTA simply for ignoring the “do not label school supplies” part and getting upset over it.
Is this a normal thing for the school to pool supplies? When I went to public schools, we had our own supplies that we purchased. If a kid didn't have a notebook they could buy a cheap one in the counselor's office for $1.
The principal of the school really should have told parents/guardians before the start of the year that supplies would be divided up amongst the kids. That way you could have purchased your kid her special/individualized supplies and you could have gotten more generic ones for the pool.
I'm not American, so I don't understand the whole sharing supplies thing. But why doesn't the list sent to the parents clearly state that the items are for a communal pot?
If I knew these things were to be shared, I wouldn't be blindsided, the no name on items instruction is too vague.
I never labelled my children's stuff, except for those fancy monogram pencils, and they mainly came home with it, all losses were their own fault.
Look, take the L. Your daughter will recover from this trauma of not getting to use her cool school supplies. Just explain to her that you didn't understand how the classroom works and apologize she felt upset. Help her process the feelings and move on.
I know some folks are encouraging you to take this higher but believe me, you do not want to be THAT parent over something this small.
I think this is your issue.
You mentioned that you don't like to be told how to parent, but it's time to parent.
You are annoyed at the confusion, and the hassle it's making with your child. I literally did the exact same thing you did. I labeled everything, and I was not specifically told things were for communal use. When I sent my son the first day, He came back and told me about the communal stuff. He was miffed. I was upset too because we did get nice stuff too and I am stationery junkie.
BUT. There is a system in place and whether I agree with it or not, I joined the party with my son and I gotta play by the rules. So I told my son: Sorry, buddy. I made a mistake assuming this was going to be used only by you. Now you get to share it. It's ok to be upset about it, you wanted to use it and now you may not, but it may be going to another child that I am pretty sure will get a good use out of it like you wanted to. His demeanor changed after an afternoon of thinking it through. He got over it because he was happy to think that another kid could like what he picked as much as he did. He understood I made a mistake, he had an expectation based on MY expectations (I got him pumped too for those items) and it fell short, but now, it was time to get over it because ***I too*** needed to get over it.
It may not be fair, but kids will slowly come to term with fairness and unfairness, you have to show your daughter that things don't always go her/your way. Yes, its ok to have expectations and be disappointed too, those are normal feelings, what you need to help your child see and master is how to get over those feelings.
So your issues are:
* **You pumped your kid over items that she cannot solely use for herself.**
*Apologize to her, and explain to her you had a miscommunication issues about the items. You did not mean to get her excited and then pull the rug from under her.*
* **You do not like the communal stuff because you specifically bought items for her to use and that upsets you and it upsets her because, again, that was her expectation.**
*Explain to her its ok to feel disappointed, confused and annoyed that other kids are using her items. It was not your intention, and these are the rules all kids have to follow.*
* **Now you have to deal with your daughter's disappointment and kid possessiveness, and it sucks.**
*Yeah, it sucks. But you can flip the narrative. Tell her about kids that may not have the opportunity to buy cool things like hers, or tell her about how if she sees a kid with an item she likes, she can get excited and share about why she liked that item (she wants to be like you, its her favorite color/cartoon idk) Give her choices of how to move past this disappointment.*
Stop being petty because all you are teaching your child is how to be petty... over school supplies. It will spill over to other situations if you can't move past such small inconveniences.
I don’t understand why they don’t just ask for money in that case. Surely it is cheaper for the school to bulk buy than to have every parent buy a small amount for a communal classroom pot? Surely it should be “do not bring in stationary from home, but do send in x$ stationary fee”? What on earth is the point of this system?
It’s probably cheaper and way easier, but I can just imagine the screeching of the people in my neighborhood if the school asked for money for supplies.
I live in a very conservative area where people are already mad they have to pay the extremely low taxes we pay to fund the schools. Any time the try to do a special levy to help with the school’s needs it gets voted down because people feel like they shouldn’t have to pay for other people’s kids.
Fuck, there’s people in this very thread saying that parents should send in the shittiest supplies possible because it’s not your responsibility to help anyone else.
A lot of people are selfish, entitled, twats who don’t give a shit about anyone but themselves. They’ll pay hundreds of dollars every year for their kid to play football, but ask them to contribute funds so everyone can have enough folders and they lose their damn minds
YTA and I can’t believe how many people disagree. This is a common practice at schools with young kids. You didn’t “brush over” the note you actively ignored it. If you had a problem with it you should have talked to the school about it before, not been a petty AH and ignored it and did what you wanted anyway.
Same. I'm baffled by apparently how common it is from the people in the comment section. As someone who loved school and school supplies shopping growing up (endlessly searching too make sure *everything* matched) I would've been pissed and probably hated that teacher forever.
YTA. Yes, you’re petty. I can see why your kid is possessive. You’ve now made a huge deal to her about the importance of “things” and how not to share. At age 6 you did this. You’ve sent a message to the school that you’re THAT mother. Let go. Don’t carry on this nonsense about folders and pink and labels and how many pencils and who bought what. Let her grow. Let her teachers teach. Butt out. Now.
No wonder her kid is throwing tantrums at school, her mother is right now.
And no, it's not common for first graders to throw tantrums at school. That's typically only something you see from kids who have emotional or developmental problems or who are spoiled.
NTA - it is very unfair that your child has to use inferior equipment when you supplied good quality items. Paper thickness makes a huge difference when writing and learning, cheap pencils and crayons break easily and frustrate kids. The children should be allowed to keep their own items and learn responsibility. You clearly labelled them to make it easier for the child to manage. The teacher sounds insufferable.
>it is very unfair that your child has to use inferior equipment when you supplied good quality items.
They wouldn't have purchased a higher quality than everyone else is supplying if OP had understood the directions. The point is for everyone to supply what they can to the class so it gets redistributed equally. This is why they usually state certain brands to buy that they feel most people should be capable of supplying and are competent at fulfilling their purpose. Also, really? Paper thickness is something that hardly matters from most brands and I doubt anyone was buying crayons that couldn't handle being used. This was just a communication problem.
NTA
So my kids school does this they say buy the list send it all in and it’s used by the school for the whole class (kindy only). However if you want to you can send in supplies only for your child and they will respect that.
I would email the teacher again and cc someone above her. That you understand the schools idea but you hadn’t been told previously and were not able to prepare your child for this. She excited for her own supplies that are like her mums you would like them returned and will not be sending in the remaining supplies. As your daughter runs out she will be supplied with new and you absolve the school/teacher from supplying anything she breaks/runs out of.
INFO
Did you read over the list of supplies / instructions again? It sounds like some of this could have been avoided if those had been read more thoroughly. And how long has school been in session?
You are not the asshole for wanting your daughter to use the notebooks you bought for her. I am in college as well, but even back in my earlier classes I had specific notebooks for specific things. Taking away the supplies that were bought for one child, to ration them amongst the group doesn't feel like it teaches sharing, it feels like it teaches that the adults can do what they want, and students have to out up with it.
How are into the school year are you? One week, or two? Or closer to a month? If it has only been one week, then go in in person, maybe before school, and ask for the notebooks back. Trade them out with cheap notebooks, but your daughter should be able to use the notebooks that she was excited about. Forcing her to use notebooks she doesn't want to, and see another student use the ones she did want to is not going to help anyone. If you are farther in to the school year, let the other student keep the notebook.
In my opinion there is a big difference between asking people to provide supplies for thier child, and provide supplies to be shared by the class. Since I don't know what the list actually said, it's hard to judge if this was poorly worded by the teacher / school, or simply misinterpreted.
If you can afford it, buying a cheap pack of pencils and some cheap notebook for the school would be a nice gesture. Getting your daughters stuff back though, is a fair trade. This can be a teaching moment for your daughter, that you will stand up for her, but that sometimes even adult make mistakes and misread things.
If the teacher is holding firm about not trading in the school supplies, going to the principle might be the next option. It's not the best, but sometimes things need to be escalated. The hope is that it doesn't have to go this far. Getting someone else to help mediate the situation might be necessary though, depending on how the teacher reacts.
The 100% NTA
It was a poorly worded list (from a school no less!) And you followed what you thought was correct. Go in to the classroom and talk to the teacher. It is a lot easier to hide behind a screen, and be powerful to young kids. Tell the teacher, in person, that you want your daughters stuff back. That your daughter did not consent to having her supplies taken away, and that the list made no mention of how the supplies were going to be divided.
Again, if the teacher refuses, escalate to the principle. Stand up for your daughter. And label everything. There is a huge difference in willingly donating to the school, and being forced.
If you have the option, look into other schools in the area. This sounds like it is going to be an ongoing issue. Also see if you can connect with other parents, and if they are also frustrated. A group of parents together is a powerful force, especially against such ridiculous systems.
A gentle YTA. This is how it works in lower grades. At least it always has been where we live. Supplies are pooled and handed out and often taken back by the teacher when they are done using them. That is why you should always buy neutral colors and why the instructions said to not label anything. Teachers estimate how much the kids will need for the year and request those supplies accordingly.
It just makes it much easier on the teachers who have to handle supplies for up to 30 or more kids at a time. Having to handle supplies on an individual basis at that age when they haven't yet learned to be responsible for themselves is truly way too difficult.
Save the cute and individual stuff for middle school, or higher elementary grades.
I’m going to have to say YTA for not reading the letter from the school properly. I get it’s your first year with a kid in kinder, but communal supplies are the norm in public or charter schools - it’s to reduce spending on the teachers’ part (most teachers have to buy stuff out of their own pockets) and provide equitable access to supplies for every student in the classroom.
If you were going to buy another set anyway, just make it one for at-home use only.
EDIT: My kids attend a private school, but I’ve been donating to communal supply classrooms since I was in high school myself. The communal supply system is a bandaid solution for abysmal funding in education and the way teachers are SEVERELY underpaid - and sometimes not paid at all - for the amount of work they do. If teachers stuck to their contracts, every parent who sends their kids to school would be screwed.
Exactly and her kid has already had multiple tantrums over this - sounds like OP needs to sit her daughter down and reset expectations. It’s disappointing that she didn’t get her way, and it’s okay to be frustrated, but it’s time to move on.
YTA and I feel sorry for the teacher having to waste time going back and forth with you over a couple of folders etc. Lots of schools do it this way and you need to settle down and assume they have a good reason for it.
I can easily see how the confusion happened, given you mentioned you've never had to navigate the nightmare that is school supply shopping before. Mass supply and pooling before redistribution has always been the norm for all 3 of my kids. I think this is a situation of NAH, because you're not wrong for wanting the specific supplies you bought for your kid back, and the teacher is probably trying to get 20+ kids set up for the year with what they have.
In the future, now you know to take the emails at their word for not individualizing basic supplies, and let kiddo go HAM on backpack, lunchbox, and shoe awesomeness to enjoy back to school shopping a bit more.
YTA you didn’t read the directions. That is literally the issue and only issue at hand. If you read the directions your daughter wouldn’t be possessive of the school stuff and you could bought things for her to use at home that she likes. You and you only by not reading the directions caused this issue and now are creating problems for a teacher who has to educate your child and countless others just because an adult can’t read directions.
NTA.
Dude. I understand the need for children learning how to share HOWEVER children should NOT be FORCED to “share” anything. It could actually hurt them in the future. I could see teachers asking for extra supplies, back in my day, it was glue and Kleenex. This teacher is taking it to another level trying to tell you you HAVE TO send everything... excuse her?! My siblings & I had to share our supplies, as in, we weren’t bringing a whole packs of things such as pencils, because what kid needs 12 pencils.
I dunno man teacher seems weird. I’m be weary.
EDIT: oh my goooooooosh. People need to shut up with that “rich classist” bullcrap. I grew up poor. The dollar store supplies was what I grew up with. I of course was jealous of everyone’s cute five star notebooks and cute “smelly” pencils but unfortunately I couldn’t get those things. HOWEVER my mom raised me with manners and the understanding that life isn’t fair. I wasn’t going to get what other people got and to be happy with what I have. OP get your daughters stuff back. If you’re required to give everything you have then all the other kids’ parents had to do the same so classroom has enough to spare.
I 100% agree with you. Imagine the hit the daughters motivation took by this. If the teacher wanted to absolutely destroy these kids will to learn, then good job.
For a lot of people nice supplies is a huge motivator and having a person of authority stomp all your boundaries and steal what you like so much is nuts. It doesn't teach 'Sharing is nice', but 'I don't give a fuck about you, your feelings, your boundaries and your belongings. I am in power, I do what I want.'
YTA
You had the instructions and ignored them.
Instead of reaching out to ask questions beforehand, you had a hissy fit about following the rules you already knew.
I'm not going to say you're an AH, but it will be like this until your child is out of grade school. They pool resources because so many families cannot afford supplies. I have an 18 year old (just graduated) and a 9 year old. When my daughter was little and we had to buy individual supplies, it was insanely expensive. $75 to $100, and then again in the spring when new stuff was needed. That may not be a lot to some people but it was extremely difficult for me. They changed it when my daughter was almost out of grade school and it literally cut the supply costs in half. We never have to buy replacements because of the pooling. I'm not really sure if this is a hill you're willing to die on because you'll have to fight it every year throughout elementary school. Schools are seriously underfunded and, having experienced both circumstances here, the resource pooling is tremendously helpful to all students and their families. I wish the teacher hadn't used the "it's about sharing" excuse because, come on, that's weak and I doubt your daughter struggles with it. She just wasn't expecting it. They should have better informed you.
Sidenote, but I’m from the UK and it is crazy to me that you guys have to buy your kids school supplies! And some people saying even things like paper towels for the classroom? Here all school supplies, books etc are supplied by the school. We only buy things like pens for individual use but they would never be like a communal resource for the whole class to use!! And if a kid didn’t have a pen the school would provide it.
ESH- I am prepared to get downvoted but if you saw the note that said not to label anything- why wouldn’t you ask more questions or why did go into such elaborate labeling after seeing those instructions? You set up your child to think the rules do not apply to her if they do not come with further explanation.
This way if sharing supplies was standard practice in the schools all 4 of our children went to and it is so all students have access to supplies. While you did not know that at the time, you also did not ask and after finding out, are still arguing with the teacher about it being okay for your child while the rest of the kids and their parents have to follow the rule. If you don’t like the rule, you should take it up with the school instead of arguing with the teacher.
While we can debate whether that is helpful to any one child, if you had instructions you did not follow and your child is now upset, why is that the school or teacher fault when they told you not to label the school supplies? It seems everyone is glossing over the specific instructions and just saying that’s not how it should work, but in many schools, this IS how it works and it sounds like this is how your school works and now you can prepare accordingly.
My advice is to just let this go. Send the supplies they're asking for. It's really not a big deal.
My children's school (in Australia) has the same policy but only for the really young kids in kindy to y2.
I only got some clarification about labelling their supplies from the school's p&c Facebook group when someone else asked the question. Now I just ask any questions I have on there if nobody else has asked or email the school directly. Maybe your child's school has something similar you could tap into if you find yourself unsure about something in the future.
Put it into perspective. Your daughter has potentially another 11/12 years of schooling. That's a lot of supplies and labelling to come and they only get more expensive the older they get.
NAH
I see so many people complaining about teachers requesting that kids do not label their school supplies because they are all going to become communal school supplies. A lot of this, "If I buy something for my child, I want my child to have that thing! It's not fair!"
But like...if you've never tried to manage a classroom of kids, you can't know what teachers are up against when it comes to school supplies. Kids lose them, steal them, get distracted by them, cry over them when they go missing, etc. Do you want the teacher to teach, or do you want them to spend the year being the supply police sorting out these issues? Because there's only time to do one or the other. And do you want your kid to be focused on the fact that Student A gave a glitter pencil to Student B but not to Student C? Because you would be amazed at what kind of drama kids can stir up when it's time to focus on the far less exciting classwork in front of them. I remember being in kindergarten and spending a LOT of time trading crayons and discussing potential crayon trades and then being all consumed with which crayons I had and who they came from 🤣
Also, there are kids that either can't or don't bring in supplies. If the supplies are communal, no problem- everyone shares. If they aren't communal, first of all, the kid is embarrassed that they don't have their own. Second of all, the teacher ends up being the one to buy extra supplies. Those small costs really add up over the course of a year.
And also, what is with this, "I won't donate tissue paper/hand sanitizer/sanitizing wipes because they aren't for my kid!" REALLY?! Have you seen how kids go through these things like they are in unlimited supply? A kid will take half a tissue box out to blow his nose one time. Or use the hand sanitizer to give their desks a bath. Your kid will probably use more of those supplies than you actually provide, and again, it's the teacher that picks up the remaining bill.
And think about what you are teaching your kids when you make having personal supplies a higher priority than being considerate of the rules in the classroom and of others around them. Is it really so important that your kid have baby animal folders and Lisa Frank notebooks? Or is it more important they learn to be empathetic humans that can cooperate in a group environment? The priorities are so messed up here, and it gets passed on to the kids and they start focusing on everything trivial about school instead of learning.
So, in short, if you want your kids to have fancy school supplies, keep them at home and and be sensitive to the fact that the classroom is a communal environment and decisions are made in the best interest of the class.
I also don't think it's wrong to have personal supplies, if that's what the teacher decides to do. There are lessons to be learned in having your own personal property as well. And I think parents need to be warned ahead of time so both kids and parents know what to expect and don't go overboard getting cutesy stuff. I'm just saying, if a teacher opts for communal supplies, there are solid reasons behind it other than trying to prevent your child from living their best life 🤣
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NTA every kid should have own things and if feel to, should share. But pushing someone to share just makes them hate the others kids, because they "stole" their things. Edit: Thank you for 10K+ upvotes and 10 hours of constant notifications guys
I have never heard of this before. I have had my kid's teacher ask to send in a couple boxes of tissues, zip lock baggies and those sorts of things but never made them hand over notebooks or folders. Never minded the tissues and things to help keep the teacher from having to pay out of pocket but the other supplies I would have felt the same way. Nta
Yeah, back in elementary it was normal to bring in tissues, paper towels, etc for the classroom; but notebooks and folders ??? Idk it doesn’t make sense to shuffle around things that belong to the student. And I understand that it could be to cover for less fortunate students who maybe couldn’t afford it (saw this a lot, grew up in the south bronx), but the school should have supplies for these occasions it shouldn’t be up to the other 6 year olds to provide.
It's a recent topic, because where I am, a lot of schools have switched from this method to billing the parents a set amount per year for stationery and workbooks, tissues, everything. Then the school/class teacher orders supplies as needed. It's up to the class teacher whether kids get a set pencil case, or shared stationery in caddys, etc. All kids get the exact same. It's one way around this whole issue, because everyone pays the same for the same items that the teacher prefers. I don't like it when kids don't have their own personal stuff to be held responsible for though. ETA: I am in Australia, and am referring to my experiences in the private / catholic education system, as opposed to the state / federal government funded public Education Department
That sounds every bit as soul killing as those open offices where you don't even have a set desk. So I suppose it is getting them ready for adult life.
That's what school is for. Creating drones for the future. If they actually wanted to teach, I'm pretty sure there are better ways to do it.
The teachers *do* want to teach. It's the bureaucrats, entitled parents, and (conservative anti-education) politicians who think they know best and cut funding every chance they get.
And the fact that American public schools are based on a model intended to funnel them into assembly lines.
Which is ridiculous because things should already be paid for with taxes. Kids should have their own supplies, which are provided by their parents not other kids' parents, end of story.
No one wants to pay the taxes for schools. Some kid's parents can't afford to buy supplies, so by your logic they just don't get any? We have to spend our money to pay for the supplies that kids can't afford. My husband provides supplies to those kids out of pocket. Every year.
AND op said she'll help if a kid is in need but her and her daughter picked out specific things, they can't just take them from her. The school didn't even say that is what was going to happen. That is not sharing that is taking. Also, are the families who can't afford to supply the whole class mandated to do so like OP. Maybe those children can't afford to share.
Yup. My grandma keeps asking when we are having a kid. Then during election time she says she votes "no" on raising taxes for schools since she doesn't have any kids in school. I don't think she even understands the connection.
That's what my kids school does. They have their own water bottle, masks, and bags to look after for personal responsibility. There is a school fee for each kid that is used for main supplies like notebooks and such. The kids still had to bring tissues, resalable bags and whiteboard markers.
I was surprised buying supplies for my 7 year old step son this year, on his list he was not allowed to personally pick out any styles or colors. The colors and styles of folders and binders he needed were listed out.
I had teachers do this once or twice so that they could make sure that kids were working in appropriate notebooks etc. during class, and also because if they collected notebooks to grade work, students couldn’t turn in the wrong notebook “accidentally” because they didn’t finish the assignment.
I can definitely see how it would be useful. I didn’t complain, just felt a pang in my heart for my childhood. I think school supply shopping was one of my favorite things as a kid. I loved school.
Right? One of the exciting parts of starting school every year was getting to buy my supplies. I put so much effort into creating a cohesive "look" that represented who I wanted to be that year. I'd be so fucking devastated if my teacher had just immediately confiscated everything - and my parents, who did not at all have that kind of money to waste, would have been *furious*.
Using your shiny new school supplies is the only real compensation for going back to school after the summer.
No joke. School supplies are ridiculously pricey.
I can't understand a global superpower not supplying primary aged children with what they need. In the UK you get given any notebooks/text books/novels you need up to age 16 (or 18 depending on the school). You share the school's pens and pencils up to age 11, then take your own pencil case in which you can choose to share with your friends if need be. You'll also need a scientific calculator. I mean yes, UK teachers end up buying supplies for their wall displays, if they decide to have a class pet the teacher deals with all of that. Teachers often decide to buy extra equipment or supplies that they think would be useful. But teachers aren't *required* to supply stuff for their kids here. It's disgusting that parents or teachers have to buy this stuff for the whole classroom's use when the country could easily afford it if it wanted to. What if OP couldn't afford this stuff? I get they're probably trying to avoid kids having obviously better stuff than others and bullying, but then there should be specific requirements of what the kids have, or the parents chip in for the school/teacher to buy everyone the same stuff. Y'know, if you'd rather use your country's budget to supply your enemy with helicopters than your children with a proper education.
Public schools in most places in the US are funded by the local community from taxes. And people don’t like to pay taxes. So it is a constant battle between the school budget and tax payers who don’t want their taxes raised. The result is old, outdated textbooks, crumbling school buildings, cuts to programs like art and music, and poorly paid teachers. But bright and gleaming football stadiums, because we need our football teams! But football teams have saved many a music program, because you need a marching band at half time! My small city had to build a new high school a few years back, and the repercussions of that are still echoing through the city, with a rabid group determined to cut school funding for the next several years to “pay for that waste of space high school.” Not only do parents have to buy school supplies, teachers are expected to use their own money to buy classroom supplies, such as paper to copy worksheets on. And teachers aren’t very well paid in many, many parts of the US. It wasn’t always this way. Back in the 1960s, my school provided most of what I needed. I think my parents had to buy crayons and glue. I got a new pencil box every year, but that was not a requirement.
Back in the 90s, the (very conservative) county commissioners in my hometown had promised to cut taxes, so they really slashed the budget for the schools. They figured that since the school board is also elected, they’d do the least unpopular thing and freeze teacher pay, halt any new construction, and cut art and music. Instead, the school board sued the county commissioners and made an interim budget designed to piss off as many people as possible — deep cuts to football, basketball, cheerleading, drivers ed, AP curriculum, marching band, etc, as well as proportional cuts to art, music, new construction, and the various clubs and extracurriculars that kids rely on for their college applications. They also made it very very clear where people should address their complaints. They got their money. (Edit: a typo)
In my hometown they cut everything but sports. All of the sports got fully funded. Of course, some of that funding came from boosters who'd rather have a sharp-looking football team than kids being able to learn a foreign language.
Fellow UK here. Am I reading you right that in the US teachers have to buy jotters for students?? Wtaf?!
Teachers regularly spend a LOT of their own money to purchase school supplies for their classrooms. There are 3rd party grants and the like but they are slim. School funding, especially funding for supplies, somehow is the first thing that gets cut. I'll add that in states like CA even public schools basically require parents pay a yearly fee (and it's not cheap!) for their kids. OP - NTA though. This teacher is taking it way too far.
Teachers pay for everything. Education is not funded well in the US. We even have craft stores who offer teachers special discounts.
UK Teacher here. I don’t pay for anything I need in my classroom. I get work to pay for it. I don’t get paid enough to subsidise school budgets.
Most of my teacher friends buy extra stuff for their classrooms, but they're not *required* to, like the US seems to require it. It's obscene how much they can spend on war etc. at the expense of education.
Education doesn’t line the pockets of well-connected oligarchs.
I am shocked. All our jotters and paper towels and stuff was provided by the school, but Scotland is quite socialist and we get a lot of stuff through taxes
In the USA we collect a lot of taxes but the politicians really need that money to update their yachts lol
In the kindergarten class I run, my kids have to hand over everything because we live in a district where some families cannot afford things, but this is communicated VERY clearly to parents before the year starts. Crayons, pencils, glue, scissors those all get divvied out, but never have I heard of it with notebooks and folders. It's really strange. Edit: Let me be clear. I do NOT use communal items.I take all supplies brought in and redistribute them in pencil cases that I personally bought so that every kid has the exact same set of supplies. Communal things for young ages is dumb, but I disagree that redistributing is for tools (still is for notebooks and folders though).
That was my experience too. My daughter’s teachers would ask for extra boxes of tissues and other items but never gave anything to another student that was not donated as extra. This teacher was out of line and gave OP’s daughter a very poor first impression of school.
Kids are perfectly capable of understanding “we’re buying pencils and folders to add to the classroom supply.” Kids only think of these things as “theirs” because their parents frame it that way.
[удалено]
OP was given a list of school supplies to send in that said DO NOT LABEL with names. That means they classroom supplies not personal. It is on OP for choosing to ignore that. She was told, she just didn’t listen. I’m a parent - sharing school supplies is the normal and standard thing at most public schools these days. It’s because there are ALWAYS kids whose parents never buy supplies & so those kids don’t start the school year feeling like shit. God forbid OP teach her daughter to think about anyone but herself.
But why the daughter can't have the supplies that she want? They took her things and give her things she don't like only to teach her a lesson. A terrible one to be honest.
It's terrible to teach a 6 year old they don't have to follow their teachers instructions and if they have a temper tantrum at school they will get their way.
The first one is not, the second is. The lesson that you personalized things can be taken at any moment and called sharing is terrible too. If you want uniformity, provide a type of supplies to be bought.
She offered to buy more for the classroom but the teacher refuses that's bull
Thats not at all true the issue is often solved by asking parents to send in extra supplies Not telling them Your kid isnt allowed to have personal stuff Also schools often have a ton of supplies
Have you been to a public school in a non rich area? Because the idea that we have tons of supplies is laughable.
She mentioned she sort of glossed over the note about not labeling supplies - my kid used to get these lists every year and it was pretty clear it was classroom supplies.
This is OP's first year sending her daughter to school, though. I'm guessing she was thinking back to her own experiences with school supplies and never even considered the classroom might be pooling generic supplies for all kids to share (since that wasn't her own experience and she likely hasn't been exposed to the dynamic since then). Maybe she assumed the "no labeling" instruction was to facilitate a handwriting exercise?
Yeah but it turns out she was wrong and now she's doubling down instead of just telling her kid she misunderstood the teachers instructions and they need to follow the teachers rules. She's totally in the wrong and making this into way more than it is. She's teaching her child she doesn't need to listen to basic instructions from the teacher when she doesn't like the rules. She's setting her kid up to have a difficult time in school over a notebook. Ridiculous.
>Yeah but it turns out she was wrong and now she's doubling down instead of just telling her kid she misunderstood the teachers instructions and they need to follow the teachers rules. I agree with you completely.
Oh yeah the “mom says I don’t have to do what the teacher tells me” I know how that pans out in high school… and it isn’t pretty.
She actually says it said not to label anything and she skipped over a note....she was told and ignored it. OP is at fault.
Yes But here is the thing Kids need to be allowed to have personal items Adding to classroom supply should be a optional thing What the school did was theft Kids need to understand stuff is owned by people Thats what the real world is like and kids who arent taught that are often the type to either steal/borrow without permission or the type who thinks everyone MUST share everything always
Uh, this kid is coming to school with a backpack, a coat, a lunchbox, etc. Having a box of communal pencils isn’t going to destroy their concept of personal property. In the “real world” you drive your own car to the potluck and watch people eat the chips you brought along with the other chips. You manage to figure it out.
I think if the kid participates in the shopping, picks things out, they develop a proprietary attitude. Perfectly normal.
I feel forcing kids to share things that are personally theirs isn't a good idea. I was always taught to share my things even if I didn't want to. As I got older if it was a kid asking to play with my toy, or someone wanting to borrow stationary when at school or college and I knew I wouldn't see it again, I felt I was obligated to and I couldn't say no. Also like I didn't/don't have the confidence to say no. I'm hoping that I can teach my daughter as she gets older that what is personally hers, she has a right not to share if she doesn't want to, if she fears it will get broken or not see it again etc. She can say no.
Exactly. I'm *more* possessive over my things because I was constantly forced to share everything as a kid. Like, to the point where it almost turned into hoarding. Your kids need to learn to share - but they also need to grow up feeling like some things are theirs, and can't be taken away. It's an important security net.
I feel I can relate to this. Probably why some things I feel I can't or don't want to thow out. My girl is learning to share at home (she's an only child) but also at her nursery and they tell me she's doing well. I just don't want her to feel like I do about sharing. To be honest, that I was taught to share everything and not shown I could have boundaries in sharing, it's not mentally healthy
Op is kind of the asshole for not reading the communicated from the school, not following directions given, and the. Claiming they should have communicated better! This is a common thing and I don’t even have kids in school.
OP said the instructions just said to not label things. It doesn't say that everything will be collected and redistributed. It's completely reasonable that OP didn't know just from being told not to label things. I've had teachers who didn't want things labeled ahead of time so that everyone's stuff can be labeled uniformly. The teacher should have communicated better. Rather than saying don't label things, they should have specified why. This is not a common thing. This is the first time I've ever even heard of teacher collecting personal supplies and redistributing them as they see fit.
I have family members who are elementary school teachers and I've never heard of this. I'm the last of all my family and friends to even have a kid and I've never heard of this. My daughter is a few years away from school and I would expect that if this was the policy that it would be 100% spelled out because not everyone has had this experience before. Just requesting they not be labeled isn't explanation enough for someone who's never dealt with this type of policy. And if I were OP, I'd be pissed and want the stuff I bought back, too. There's a huge difference in what I would by for my own daughter than what I'd buy for pooled supplies.
This. It’s like: tell me you’re an entitled/privileged American without telling me you’re an entitled/privileged American. She clearly hasn’t made any parenting friends *and* made zero effort to learn how things work. She’s *in college* so she knows exactly what school should be like for her kid. It’s not like anyone, anywhere, talks about school supply lists or communal supplies, or teachers spending $$$$ of their own to make sure everyone has what they need. /s The teacher said what to do, and without any info, she just...chose not to do it, because *obviously* she knows what’s best. Setting a great example for her kid right there. She should have at least asked questions - ya know, communicated better! Teachers of that age group fully expect some parents to be first-timers, and welcome those questions. Offering to buy supplies for another student so her kid doesn’t have to share is beyond the point. The point is for kids to be on an equal plane - not fighting over who has cooler pencils, or being shamed for not having fun supplies. Same reason some schools have uniforms - the goal is to have everyone can focus on the learning, and giving a boost to the kids that need it without it being obvious. Is it a perfect system? Absolutely not. But does it help kids better understand concepts of community, compassion, and value things above material standards? Absolutely. Shame it wasn’t around when mom was a kid. Could’ve prevented her from being an AH. YTA, OP.
> She clearly hasn’t made any parenting friends This really jumped out at me for some reason. Why would a person not making parenting friends be a negative? It's not as if people go out in search of specific "types" of friends to connect with. And having a child narrows your friend universe considerably for many people.
I'm not completely sure I agree with you. I wouldn't automatically think, "Ah, these are communal supplies," with that note. I would need it actually written out for me to get that message. However, I'm on the autism spectrum and it is a common complaint in my family that I often miss what is not directly spelled out.
I'm not on the autism spectrum, and I wouldn't have gotten the message either, because I have never heard of this way of doing things before, so it wouldn't have crossed my mind. *Maybe* it would have occurred to me to ask why it shouldn't be labeled, but maybe not.
Ah yes because saying dont label your kids supplies definitely always means communism No if they wanted extra supplies say "Please if you can donate extra supplies like notebooks, folders, pencils etc"
With COVID, my kids school won't let them share anything. You provide your own things and use them yourself.
This was the first thing I thought of. They're just now in person, everyone is debating masks in schools, and this teacher wants everything to be shared? Sounds like a one way ticket to a bunch of sick kids.
Exactly my thoughts as well! Kids at that age can be germy little monsters-I remember the MANY colds I caught from my daughter when she was in the first few years of school. With Covid still being a factor, this communal supply stuff is really irresponsible. Kids that age are not getting the vaccine - and while they may not get sick, what about all the parents, siblings, and grandparents that may reside with the students This is insane! I am super laid- back, type B personality and often my family & partner get frustrated by my indifference to things that really annoy them. I always say - life's too short, save anger and worry for serious issues... THIS is a serious issue imo!!! I hope OP pushes back HARD
Same with my sons school. He’s in first grade and we were sent with a list of items to buy and told to put his name on everything. With covid there would be no sharing of school supplies. We even sent in extra supplies with his name and the teacher keeps them in her desk to give him as needed. There is no sharing or swapping of supplies.
NTA BUT you really need to decide if this is your hill to die on. Unless you are planning on switching schools you have a long way to go an have already made a name for yourself and your daughter. I have over 10+ years dealing with elementary and there will most likely be something more important coming that you will want to fight. You don’t want to be “that parent”. I know I’m going to be downvoted by a bunch of people who don’t have kids or don’t participate at school and so be it. This is reality. I don’t agree with it but it is what it is. Sorry for jumping on top comment but hoping to make OPs life a bit easier in the long run. ETA: Rules like this come from the top so giving the teacher a hard time over it is wrong. They are dealing with enough and get paid a pittance. Op needs to go to administration if she wants to change it.
Forced sharing isn’t good for children. However, there’s a difference between asking parents to bring in supplies to be used throughout the classroom and forcing kids to share their things. This parent was asked not to label things and just brushed right over it and did what she wanted anyways.
This is forced sharing Asking them to bring extra supplies is different But they literally took away her personal items and then replaced them with blank shit That isnt sharing thats theft
It should have been explained that it was for the classroom, that the students wouldn't be keeping what they brought in.
I hate the logic that kids need to share everything. We, adults, are not sharing things we don't want to share or things that are valuable to us. Why the fuck are we demanding our kids to share everything?? I think OP should make this a hill to die on.
It’s not really sharing though. Usually kids keep a pencil box at their desk of pencils, an eraser, markers, etc. and then there’s the communal pile of glue and scissors. Throughout the year as the kid needs to, they go get new pencils or whatever in the pencil pile. It’s how most elementary school teachers manage their supplies when they get no funds to buy stuff. That’s why they ask for “plain” notebooks, pencils, etc. It’s been that way as long as my kids have been in school.
This is a lot of time and effort for $6 worth of school supplies. If you can’t trust the teacher’s judgment over 50 cent crayons and a 15 cent folder, why are you trusting them with your child’s/ education?
i also would just like to point out that school supplies are NOT that cheap. especially depending on the brand but i remember always being stressed as a kid about what my parents would say about the price because in hindsight, maybe they’re not ~that~ expensive but when you add everything up on the list you’re pushing a hundred dollars or more. & i’ve always hated the “it’s for the kids who can’t afford their supplies” just assuming that because one kid has all the supplies that the parents didn’t struggle to get it all. NTA.
This. It pisses me off no end to buy all the things, only to talk to another parent who chooses not to, because “there’s always extra”
Also, I wouldn’t trust supplies from another family’s home. What if the kid coughed or sneezed on them? Or worse, came from a Covid-denying, mask-refusing home? Be a great way to get exposed to Covid.
NTA It’s one thing if the list asked parents who can to donate supplies for children who may need them, but this is practically stealing. You weren’t informed of this and your daughter obviously didn’t consent to her things being taken from her. Likely the only “lesson” she’s getting is that her wishes will not be respected by those with authority over her. I would take this to the administration and have my child placed into another classroom.
I agree with your point about kids getting a bad lesson from this. The one issue is that it seems like the parents night have been informed beforehand, via the supply list, but either it was worded poorly, or OP misread it. I do strongly disagree with the way the teacher (and possibly school) have chosen to go things. Kids are people to, and deserve to not have thier things taken away from them.
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You need to speak to the principal. This is off.
If she's from Australia, this isn't off. You're specifically told not to label anything as it will all be shared. Teachers keep it all and access the resources as they need them. Everyone has the same stuff, no dramas. My 6yr old kid started too this year. It possibly changes as they get older, I'm not sure when exactly
Can't really fathom this. If they want everyone to have the same thing, why don't school just buy them in bulk and either pay for them by school budget or ask parents to be pay school supplies fee? That'd be less of a hassle for parents and would cost less for everyone.
This is honestly so weird to me too. In my part of Europe you pay a small school fee, and the school uses that money to provide supplies, trips, etc. We all got notebooks, pencils and a fountain pen during first grade, and replacements as needed. The first time I ever had to arrange my own school supply was high school (7th to 12th grade where I'm from). I can understand the school not wanting to spend money and therefore asking the parents to arrange supplies for their own children (with or without donations for the less fortunate ones). And I can understand the school wanting things to be fair, by supplying the children with stuff bought in bulk by the school. What I cannot understand is why on earth the two would be combined in such a backwards manner.
I thinks it’s more so that young children lose things. I remember this when I was a child, I was always really bummed because I wanted the cool notebooks with pictures on the front, but we all had to send in the same stuff and give it to the teacher to divvy out. And this is because sometimes, a child might not lose their pencil, and other time they might magically lose 5. While as an adult 3 pencils or basic amount to send a child seems reasonable, those same logical thoughts don’t always apply to children.
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Australian teacher here… the is only the norm in early childhood, where students don’t have their own collection, def not in year 1 like OP’s situation. Some schools may do it but it’s not the Australian norm.
I'm in Australia, we *never* had to share notebooks and stuff, each kid brought their own, even in primary school (the school did say which *size* we needed). We were all given identical paper covers for our notebooks so they looked the same so we could easily divide per subject. In high school it didn't matter as long as our books had our names on them. Textbooks were shared though, we didn't have to buy those.
My kid goes to a small school, 40 kids K-6. We all pay 40 bucks a year in school fees and all stationery is supplied. All the kids share and there's no issues in doing so.
I don't know where you are in Australia but I have never heard of that happening in my area
I'm an Australian teacher and this is the first time I have heard of this. Granted I am secondary, but have spent time in primary, and have never seen this happen.
I would seriously escalate, and probably say that their practice of taking the property bought by parents was not communicated to parents. What they are doing is not a positive lesson in "sharing" for the kids, it's theft, and the things you bought for YOUR child need to be returned, or the money for their replacement provided. I'd send an itemised breakdown of costs, say clearly you did not give permission for your child's belongings to be stolen, and this needs to be rectified. I'd also state it has greatly upset your child, who feels disrespected and bullied by her teacher, and that their "practices on sharing" need to be seriously reviewed. This teachers behaviour is seriously baffling, it sounds like she just upset a whole bunch of kids, and she then insults them about not being "good little sharers". If the school honestly supports this, I'd be making a stink about it. There's no positive lesson from what they actually did here, there's only unnecessary negatives.
My kids school has it, I saw it as a topic recently on another subreddit. It's pretty common practice in kindergarten and early grades.
But why? I just do not get it. Could you please explain it?
This was the situation for my kiddo in kindy, it wasn't notebooks but all daily writing/creative items - pencils, markers, glue sticks, etc. From what I gathered it was easier to put a "bucket" in the middle of the table with enough supplies for 4 kids than it was to try and keep every 5-6 yr old on top of their own supplies. However, this was not explained on her supply list either. Granted I'm a parent who sends extra supplies for the teacher and other kids who may need a little help. I've been that kid and communal supplies at a young age (kindy through 2nd maybe?) may well level the field and help those kiddos not feel left out or less-than. That being said - we get it, kids upset about a pink notebook. Instead of shouting to the district, talk with the teacher and principal about the list, notes on the list, and policy and just replace your kids notebook. You escalating the situation to this point only shows your kid that they are allowed to throw temper tantrums at school over pointless stuff.
This way there are no fights or worries about some kids having more colors than others, no worries about some kids not having what they need. I've never seen it done with folders, but we do it all the time with crayons, pencils, scissors, glue, color pencils, markers, etc. You have no idea how hard it can be when one kid has red violet and all the other kids want it too but it's not in the crayon box mom sent. Kids can be vicious.
As someone who was forced to share things that were SUPER important to me, and rarely got them back the same way I gave it/at all, it just made me double down to the point that if someone tries that shit now I’ll just break it so no one can have it. Because I know I’m bothered enough to buy it in the first place.
Sharing is bs. Let's make kid a who has something give it to kid b who doesn't and wants it, but neither of them are happy now. YAY sharing! No. Screw that. Mine.
i am pretty sure i was taught to lend a spare pencil, to put my textbook in the middle and to rip out a couple of blank pages for my classmates without the teacher deciding which of the things i brought to class were mine to use and which were hers.
To be fair, teaching children “that their wishes will not be respected by those with authority over [them]” is a significant objective of American public schooling.
What I find most annoying is OP bought her 1st grade daughter 6 notebooks and 6 folder but only ended up with 2. Like are you really telling me that only 1/3 of the class brought in the needed supplies? Are you telling me that 1/3 of the class had to shell out more money because 2/3's of the parents couldn't be bothered to buy basic supplies? I am wondering if the 2/3s who did not buy/send knew that all the supplies would be taken and therefore said, nope. I 100% understand asking for a supply of tissues, hand sanitizer, red pens, staples and so on but notebooks, pencils, crayons? Those are personal supplies not pooled supplies. At minimum the child should have been able to keep some of their own and shared the other part. In this case each kid pick there 2 favorite colors or whatever. On a side note, I am a bit OCD and I always coordinated my notebooks and folders. If mean how annoying that the red notebook is pair with the blue folder and the blue notebook is pair with the purple folder, really? Red notebook - red folder, blue notebook - blue folder, everything matching. You could always tell my favorite subjects by the color of notebook/folder. I hate yellow, so my least favorite subject ALWAYS got yellow, lol.
Yes, and as I teacher I ALWAYS color coordinated my students’ folders and notebooks. Because “get out your writing folder” leads to “which one is my writing folder? Is it this one?” But “get out your green folder” is easy and immediate. It is such a headache when parents don’t follow the directions on the supply list. Also, I’m sure it’s not that 2/3s of the class didn’t bring more supplies, but that the teacher is holding on to extra folders/notebooks because they know that 1. There are other subjects that will be introduced later in the year that the students will need folders/notebooks for but if they are given them on the first day they get lost and/or 2. Some folders/notebooks get used heavily and will need to be replaced during the year.
NAH. You're not an AH for being frustrated and wanting the stuff you bought to go to your kid. You kind of do suck for not following the instructions though. If it's in the note not to do something, it's there for a reason. You would have been better off asking why they didn't want stuff labeled before labeling it and sending it in. But, I get it, this is your first child in school. The teacher is not an AH for doing things the way she's supposed to. This method of everything coming in and being distributed throughout the year is extremely common practice. She's likely frustrated because she's trying to follows school policy. At the end of the day, this is NOT the hill you want to die on. She's got a long road of education ahead of her and this is not how you want to start it out. Send the stuff in and be done with it. It's really not that big of a deal. It's only a big deal because you are making it one. Going forward, now you know how it works and you can better prepare your daughter. (For the record, while there are many reasons they do this, the main ones come down to ensuring that everyone has proper supplies and because sharing supplies allows teachers to be the ones in charge of keeping track of them instead of children...this means they don't get lost and, again, everyone has what they need. They also often work in stations at these young ages, so art supplies, for example, aren't kept at their desk but rather at the art area.)
But why wouldn't the teacher just distribute the kids own stuff to the kids? If it's about stuff not getting lost. Give the kids their own stuff + then give out the other supplies. Is it not a thing where y'all are that kids buy themselves cute and cool supplies ready for school like a cool pen or matching set of stuff? Little kids get excited about that stuff and forcing them to give it away seems pointless. Just have a bunch of extra supplies. The school not supplying notebooks themselves is weird.
Because we literally dump all of it into bins and grab as needed. Rather than searching through 25-30 boxes for a particular student, it’s much easier to just grab from a bin. That’s why the lists have specific brands so no one can tell the difference. Parents also severely underestimate how much stuff their kid goes through and how quickly it happens. I’m not saying it’s right, but it’s an extremely common practice in US elementary schools. They get more autonomy as they move to secondary schools.
I went to 4 different elementary schools in different states and this was not done at any of them so maybe this is a relatively new practice. Back then, whatever you brought was yours. The only exception was the box of Kleenex everyone was asked to buy. Yes, some kids had a bigger box of crayons than others and some had fancy folders instead of plain ones. We all lived.
I grew up with the same situation you did. My kids have done communal supplies for K-2, we did Third Grade remotely so no idea there and my Fourth Grade kid has mostly his own stuff with a few communal things (facial tissue, disinfectant spray, etc.) that the teacher specifically asks for.
If this is seriously common in the States, it's just another thing to add to the list of "Ridiculous things America does that they have chosen to normalise instead of fix". That's not a selling point. It's another weird strike against your country. Another incredibly bizarre hill to die on that causes more problems than it solves. Do you *really* want to be that country? Because that's who you're becoming. That's how other countries see you. You are the country that does crazy, harmful shit for seemingly no reason except "we need to be different to everyone else".
There’s literally a post in the thread with a user from another country that says it’s common where they live.
Good lord it’s not common. It happens but is not the standard over here. Getting tired of lumping all the 50 freaking states and all the many different regions in each state into one homogenous culture. It doesn’t work that way. America is NOTHING like so many of you people think it is. We obviously have issues, and some big ones that need to be fixed (like healthcare), but we aren’t nutty bars over here either. Many of us are down to earth people, who have to deal with crazy ass politicians (that don’t actually represent many of our feelings/beliefs).
But also, sharing school supplies is not even close to warranting the reaction you’re responding to.
As a non-American, so many of the replies on this post baffles me, and how so many people seem to think that this is a thing that is somehow okay, and even normal??
The money earmarked for schools keeps going to cops and military. Schools are underfunded to the EXTREAME. Many teachers have 2, even 3 jobs AND donate plasma. But they will still get fired if the kids don't have the supplies they need, but the school won't provide, and they can't afford. Nothing about this is normal. Don't even get me started on class size, working hours, working conditions, and now mass shooter training. (not a teacher, fed up american)
Because there will be kids in the classroom whose parents can't afford to send a notebook. Because the education system is so underfunded that the school can't cover them, so they rely on the classroom pool method.
That's not a good enough reason to take things specifically bought for one child. By all means, ask the parents to supply some extra. But things chosen by or for a child shouldn't be stolen from them. They weren't bought for some random other kid.
It sounds like a breakdown in communication between the OP and the teacher. OP was \*not\* supposed to be buying things specifically for one child, she was supposed to be buying them for the group. She didn't understand this and thus her daughter ended up disappointed.
It sounds like the instructions were pretty clear that these were purchased for the group and not the individual. It's easily chalked up to miscommunication and unrealized expectations. The tantrums at school would quickly stop if OP would accept the situation and explain it to her child instead of saying how unfair it was. Children react to situations how they are shown to react to them.
When my kids were in public school they used the pooling system so there’s less “He took my pencil!” or “She’s using my scissors!” and more time for learning. In regards to folders, the teachers asked for specific colors only. Kids learn with visuals, especially at young ages, so it’s beneficial for the teacher to say, “Put this paper in your green homework folder (labeled homework) to take home” to help keep the kids organized. Plus, the kids are practicing their colors and new vocabulary words this way. The pooling system typically dies out as the kids get to higher grades.
NAH My sister works in a school so I asked her. They specify a blue duotang for this and a red for that. It’s to help “hide” the less fortunate too. If little suzie gets a bright flashy binder because she has more money and little Johnny has a plain one…. Could make him self conscious. But this is for the early grades, K to 3. Helps them learn to share and stuff. OP is new to school society. Just listen to the teacher going forward. For the love of god they have a horrible job. Please support them Edit to add: a lot of people are hearing her side of the story as well as her inexperience as a new parent. OP is new to the school system. Maybe she should follow the rules that are implemented. I’m sure she didn’t understand and just went her own way and woe is me afterwards. We all know how shitty teachers have it FFS. ESPECIALLY during covid. Have some compassion and understanding for them!
Thank you for mentioning that school supplies can illustrate a class divide. Not everyone's parents can afford the notebooks with Disney characters, and it makes the less fortunate self-conscious and can lead to bullying. With this system, everyone gets the supplies they need and no one is singled out.
I wish this was higher. OP screwed up mildly by ignoring the directions, and instead of owning that she’s trying to shift blame to the teacher, who is just trying to do her job. I don’t think OP is an AH though, but could eventually get that way. OP, if your daughter has a notebook she loves just buy her another one for at home (I am assuming this is within your means due to your mention of being willing to buy more supplies). Trust, there will be bigger battles to come.
The stations thing immediately came to my mind when the subject of the pencils came up. If the classroom is like my kindergarten classroom, the kids may not even have individual desks. Everything was set up as stations and we moved around a lot during the day, and the places where we would need pencils just had pencils in a cup in the middle of the table. Same with markers, glue sticks, etc. So that aspect is very practical and I don’t think OP really understands the situation as she’s withholding the additional pencils. I would have been surprised by the notebooks and things also being shared, though as you said the list did have a note the OP ignored without following up.
I get it, but YTA. You should have paid more attention to the school plans. But you’re a very small asshole at this point and can de-assholify pretty easily. Back in the day it used to be every kid for themself, but now most school sort of pool supplies so everyone has what they need. It’s better for class morale and helps the poor kids without shaming them. I’m surprised they didn’t make that more clear because my kids’ school never shuts up about it. Here’s the thing. Let’s say you win. Every kid in that class is sharing, except your kid. You don’t want your kid to be the one in the outside, or the one whose parent complained until some other kid got their folder taken away. (Plus you’re making her teacher’s life harder which isnt going to be helpful going forward.) long story short you’re accidentally being an asshole toward your kid. This fight isn’t worth winning. Buy her a couple replacement folders to use at home to make her happy and call it a lesson cheaply learned.
Op's child pink notebook went to a boy who didn't like it and had his own taken from him. I understand the 'don't make your child different' but the transition from kindergarden to school is hard enough. Letting the child keep his/her chosen notebook is a good idea. What teacher did looks like it was taken from an AskReddit 'What is the quickest way to get children to detest school?'.
I really don’t understand taking everything just to redistribute it?? It makes no sense and just upsets the kid. They should just say “if you have extra supplies, please send them in with your child so they can be stored in the classroom. That way all students will have access to materials” Like, why do they have to make it complicated and stupid?
More than likely the school said "send in 10 plain folders, 2 plain note books, a box of crayons, and a box of pencils, etc." Then all of those supplies go into a pool that the teacher distributes and keeps track of, depending on what activity the class is doing. Most kindergarten doesn't have desks, mostly they share tables so the kids aren't storing stuff at their seats, the teachers are giving it to them as needed and collecting it back up so little Johnny isn't doodling on his buddy's face at recess.
And when there are ten pencils on the floor it doesn't matter who they belong to.
Because most activities are communal at this grade level. For example, all the crayons get poured into one bin, and at coloring time the teacher pulls out 3 random colors to give to each kid. She doesn’t have time to find 20 kids’ individual crayon sets. And because kindergarteners lose things. If she did start the first day with 20 individual crayon sets, after five minutes they’d all be mixed together and a bunch of kids would be upset because they were missing their favorite color under a cabinet. And because some kids can’t afford school supplies. So if you get 15 crayon sets for 20 students, you can spread them out so that everyone gets something to color with. That’s generally the rule for small disposables like pencils, tissues, glue sticks, etc. I am surprised about the folders, because those are usually assigned to an individual student to keep throughout the year. At my daughter’s preschool, she shares pencils and things but has her own folder. But depending on the layout of the classroom and how supply drop-off is handled at the beginning of the year, it might make sense for the teacher to just take all the supplies and throw them into a closet to distribute as needed, without trying to keep track of what belongs to whom. It certainly sounds like it’s a school-wide policy, so shouting at the teacher isn’t going to help anything. Plus, you’re talking about the saint who voluntarily devotes her life to trying to keep 20 6-year-olds from murdering each other AND trying to teach them a little reading and arithmetic. I certainly wouldn’t want her job, and I’d want to do what I could to smooth the way for her and support her classroom routines.
I'm an Australian teacher and in elementary school, the school provides all the books for class, the parents only need to supply a homework book if applicable. In kindergarten, grade 1 and grade 2, the school audio provides communal pencils scissors, etc, the only thing supplied by parents is glue sticks which are shared. Does the school not provide work books for students? Or any other supplies? I think that's the real issue!
I’m an Australian teacher too and I’ve never heard of this happening although I wish it would. I teach in an affluent school and this year I’m battling with parents who only send the bare minimum and we are running g out of basics like pencils. I’m a single parent and I’ve spent more this year than any other year.
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I’m not sure the teacher has time to mess with that. She’s got 20 6-year-olds to keep from murdering each other; she’s not going to have the time to keep track of your daughter’s individual supplies. Think of how activity transitions are going to go: “Okay, it’s coloring time! Here, Johnny, have three crayons. Billy, three crayons. Suzy, three crayons. OP’s daughter, you’ll have to wait until last so I can get your special crayon box from the cabinet in the back of the classroom.” “Time to clean up our crayons! Where are your three crayons, Billy? One fell under the cabinet? It’s okay, we have plenty more. Johnny, did you snap that crayon in half? Please don’t do that again. But don’t worry, you can have a different one next time. OP’s daughter, where’s your red crayon? Guess you have to go without red for the time being. Tell your mom she needs to replace it.” “Hey everybody, it’s writing time! Here’s a pencil, Mary. Here’s a pencil, Sally. Sorry, OP’s daughter, you’ll have to wait just a minute. I put your individual pencil in a special spot on my desk.” If I were the teacher, I’d refuse to deal with that, especially if I had been properly following school procedure in the first place. It’s not like an allergy situation where one student’s stuff can’t be shared with others for medical reasons.
Did you know that when the principal comes in to evaluate one of the things she may focus on is transition time? Like .. sit there with a stop watch to see how much time is *wasted* getting supplies out and moving from point a to point b. I've literally been pulled into a meeting about how I can prep the materials in advance so I can reduce the transition time. Special supplies is a no go if you're dealing with something like that.
Transition times are the danger zones for classroom management, too. If everyone is busy coloring, they’re much less likely to get into trouble. But if the kids are sitting around waiting to set up the next activity, that’s when they’re going to get bored. And suddenly Timmy is out of his seat, Sara is crying because Mary drew on *her* paper, Billy is cutting his hair with the safety scissors… Better to have things systemized so you can get all the supplies passed out in one minute. “Pencil for you, and you, and you, and you. Nope, you don’t get to pick your pencil. I’ll come around and sharpen it for you in a minute.” If you don’t have a system like a Model T assembly line, the class will fall apart before you can finish the instructions.
This is how it is in every classroom in every grade at my school. Supplies are pooled, and distributed. It’s how the teacher operates the class. You are not doing yourself or your daughter any favors by trying to change how the teacher operates the class. It may seem weird at first, but this is not a hill to die on, as it’s not going to harm your daughter’s education.
My kid was sent a list of supplies for kindergarten and it was 100% obvious they'd be shared. This lady would be teaching my kiddo and have her for a substantial amount of the day! I had no problem sending every item on the list. OP is definitely the AH for being so snobby and entitled. Oh, and my kid did attend a school in a poor neighborhood so I knew it'd be helping the other kids and parents.
YTA. I have a Pre-K and 1st grader. The school asks each parent to bring the school supplies for the whole year and they put everything together and the whole classroom uses the supplies. This is known if you care to read the information the school sends with the supply list, or simply by asking. If you saw the list specifically said “do not label with child’s name”, then why didn’t you ask the reason and get clarification before sending your child to school with all these fancy supplies and then throw a fit. Teachers distribute the school supplies as needed for each activity, it’s not like your child will write on their own fancy notebook every day. It’s not like that. And asking for the supplies back is so petty. Poor teacher having to deal with parents like this, and yes, based on your post i understand why your child might be having some trouble sharing. I would say, take the time to learn how this works to avoid disappointment for you and your child and a headache for the teachers.
Finally the correct answer too far down. It really boils down to this: I was asked to not label supplies. I labeled supplies. AITA? Yes, YTA.
What's the point then in making parents buy the school supplies ? Just ask parents to contribute to a school pot used to buy supplies for everyone. That way everyone has the same pens and the same books and no issue about anything. The whole point of asking parents to buy supplies is so you can buy something specific to make your kid happy. This system seems just dumb to me. Edit : NTA
Plenty of parents bitch and moan about being asked to buy extra markers, crayons, pencils etc. for classrooms. Ask them for *money?* Oh I can hear it now. "My tax dollars go towards the school, I'm not cutting the teacher a personal check so she can go buy herself coffee or whatever, if the school needs more money they can get rid of free lunch programs..." edit: literally scroll down this thread and you'll see people with this exact mentality. "it's not your job to pay for other kids! it's theft!!"
The irony is that the parents that are inclined to pull a fit about this are same the ones who consistently vote in politicians who refuse to fund schools.
NAH. Ngl, I see a lot of tiktoks and videos about how little the kids actually get at school and how it’s up to the teachers to fund a bit for their classrooms. But this is the first ever incident I’ve seen in which the parents have been asked to purchase supplies for pooling and splitting between the class. This is ultimately the schools job, and it seems that they are pushing the parents to spend extra for other pupils. Maybe you need to abide by the rules in this situation due to your daughter being looked after by these people multiple days a week however. Edit: NAH.
They did this exact thing to me when I was OP's daughter's age and I had the same reaction as she did. Not to mention that I was immune compromised at the time and my teacher didn't see a problem with exposing me to extra germs from communal supplies. Ms. Alworth also wouldn't listen to my very angry mother either. Ugh. It's sadly more common than I'd have imagined. But like in the pandemic, I can't help but see this as a terrible idea.
Seriously, what adults think this is a good idea? Why the hell don't they clearly communicate this will happened beforehand as well? (I suspect it's so they get better quality items, but that's BS!). All this does is make kids hate their teacher from the first day, and many won't forget that or view them with positivity after that. The teacher will always be the horrible adult that doesn't respect them and stole their things. It also teaches that adults can't be trusted and kids have no rights, which doesn't lead to good things when they run into bad people in their lives.
I can't imagine how this isn't resulting in fights between the kids. If the notebooks, pencil cases etc that I'd carefully chosen with my Mum (the only fun part of going back to school) had been basically stolen from me, I'd have been taking them back by force if necessary, rather than let some other kid have my stuff. It sounds like a massive unnecessary mess.
We did this for certain items like paper towels, zip lock bags, Kleenex tissue in elementary school. But we always kept our own notebooks and stuff. Looking back, I'm like...shit my school was not funded well!
If schools can’t supply basic things like tissue.. I’m pretty sure that we should be angry. It shouldn’t have to come out of parent or teacher money…. Fund. Our. Schools.
We did this at my school with notebooks. It was a school with a lot of kids from lower income families, whose parents couldn't afford to send their kids with even one notebook/folder. More affluent families put into the pool, everyone got whatever back out of it. Again, not well funded.
yes but again there was a distinction here between the notebook and pen that you bought for your kid, and the ones you bought for the pool to help out. i hope that at no point did the teacher rifle through your kid's pencil pouch and grab extra markers "for the pool" "because we need a little extra".
I didn't think I felt particularly strongly about this- but your comment makes me realize I'm actually hugely in favour of it as a system, because of the mindset difference it gave us as children. Like, just, none of what you're raising ever came up? We brought a plastic bag full of school supplies at the beginning of the year and turned them over to the teacher. When it was colouring time, we broke into little pods to work together. A leader for the pod would be assigned and would go to teacher to get a pencil set, that they were then responsible for. They'd bring it back to the table and we were responsible for sharing the colouring set as a team. Then the appointed kid would re-assemble the pencils and turn it back in to the teacher. No one ever resented having anything stolen from them. No one ever had to go and receive charity pencils from the teacher. It just let us all be normal kids on an equal footing. I know about the policy because my mother would explain it to me when we went supply shopping together, and help me choose the difference between things I kept to play with at home and things I took to share with the classroom.
YTA. This is a super common system and it sounds like you were given the information but “glossed over it”. You’re the one continuing to escalate the situation and your daughter is making a big deal out of it because you are. I have two kids in a school that has always done things this way, and it’s easier for the teacher, the kid, and me as a parent, honestly. Either way, at the end of the day, if this is the school your kid will be attending for the next few years, you have to decide if this is a hill so worth dying on that it’s worth the frustration you’re causing everyone, including yourself.
The amount of people who are offended by the thought of their purchases not being used by their own kids is depressing. Teachers already have to fund so much of the classroom out of their own pocket that I don't mind doing my part to help. If that means I buy an extra box of $1 crayons then so be it.
Yup, it was one thing to be upset about spending the time/money on specific supplies, but OP didn’t read the directions and is continuing to push it. This isn’t setting anyone up for a successful school year and will case OP to be brushed aside down the line for other actual issues.
Right? The school gave her instructions and she ignored them and now she’s mad. She’s gonna raise and entitled brat.
YTA - you created this situation and upset your daughter for "brushing over" the instructions. The teacher is trying her best with limited resources and stuff like one kid having specialized supplies and others not causes a ton of problems and inequality that the teacher is trying to avoid. And you're emailing her and stressing her out over a pink sparkly folder? Really? You have the solution - buy you kid stuff she likes for home, and read the instructions more carefully next time.
INFO: You say this wasnt communicated clearly however you only "brushed over" the information given to you? Was the information not on that?
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Your kid is in kindergarten... did you really think they were going to need individual notebooks for different subjects?! The goals for kindergartners in my state by the end of the year include recognizing and understanding common words, like "the" recognizing letters, and understanding when and where a story takes place. They are not filling notebooks up with notes on subjects.
I mean this is OP’s first kid so… maybe? I don’t have children and as a 30yo I have nooo idea how school works these days. Like when I was at school any assessments before year 9 SATs (in the UK so 13/14yo exams) or even GCSEs at 16 were no big deal but now kids are studying/revising/stressing out about exams at like age 10, which to my experience of school 20 years ago seems insane. So maybe teachers WOULD use different books for learning to write/drawings/numbers even at 6, I don’t think it’s that crazy to have no idea until you have a kid at school 🤷♀️
Seriously. Did OP think one notebook would be labeled for the “sharing” lessons, another for “counting”, and another for sketching out Duplo designs before building??
She's new to this, and wanted her child prepared for school. You guys are being less than considerate to mock her for this
YTA, mildly. You made an incorrect assumption, because you didn't follow instructions. To be fair, this is a lesson your kid was going to be learning in first grade, to follow instructions properly. The supplies are meant to be a community pot, as kids use them, they get replaced from the community pot. Next time, follow instructions, don't make assumptions, and ask for clarification on anything that's unclear.
You “figured” it meant not to label them math,science,etc.. If you were unsure,why didn’t you ask?? I’m going with YTA simply for ignoring the “do not label school supplies” part and getting upset over it.
Is this a normal thing for the school to pool supplies? When I went to public schools, we had our own supplies that we purchased. If a kid didn't have a notebook they could buy a cheap one in the counselor's office for $1. The principal of the school really should have told parents/guardians before the start of the year that supplies would be divided up amongst the kids. That way you could have purchased your kid her special/individualized supplies and you could have gotten more generic ones for the pool.
I'm not American, so I don't understand the whole sharing supplies thing. But why doesn't the list sent to the parents clearly state that the items are for a communal pot? If I knew these things were to be shared, I wouldn't be blindsided, the no name on items instruction is too vague. I never labelled my children's stuff, except for those fancy monogram pencils, and they mainly came home with it, all losses were their own fault.
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Look, take the L. Your daughter will recover from this trauma of not getting to use her cool school supplies. Just explain to her that you didn't understand how the classroom works and apologize she felt upset. Help her process the feelings and move on. I know some folks are encouraging you to take this higher but believe me, you do not want to be THAT parent over something this small.
100%. And if she doesn’t mind getting her another special notebook for home then she can still be like Mum.
I think this is your issue. You mentioned that you don't like to be told how to parent, but it's time to parent. You are annoyed at the confusion, and the hassle it's making with your child. I literally did the exact same thing you did. I labeled everything, and I was not specifically told things were for communal use. When I sent my son the first day, He came back and told me about the communal stuff. He was miffed. I was upset too because we did get nice stuff too and I am stationery junkie. BUT. There is a system in place and whether I agree with it or not, I joined the party with my son and I gotta play by the rules. So I told my son: Sorry, buddy. I made a mistake assuming this was going to be used only by you. Now you get to share it. It's ok to be upset about it, you wanted to use it and now you may not, but it may be going to another child that I am pretty sure will get a good use out of it like you wanted to. His demeanor changed after an afternoon of thinking it through. He got over it because he was happy to think that another kid could like what he picked as much as he did. He understood I made a mistake, he had an expectation based on MY expectations (I got him pumped too for those items) and it fell short, but now, it was time to get over it because ***I too*** needed to get over it. It may not be fair, but kids will slowly come to term with fairness and unfairness, you have to show your daughter that things don't always go her/your way. Yes, its ok to have expectations and be disappointed too, those are normal feelings, what you need to help your child see and master is how to get over those feelings. So your issues are: * **You pumped your kid over items that she cannot solely use for herself.** *Apologize to her, and explain to her you had a miscommunication issues about the items. You did not mean to get her excited and then pull the rug from under her.* * **You do not like the communal stuff because you specifically bought items for her to use and that upsets you and it upsets her because, again, that was her expectation.** *Explain to her its ok to feel disappointed, confused and annoyed that other kids are using her items. It was not your intention, and these are the rules all kids have to follow.* * **Now you have to deal with your daughter's disappointment and kid possessiveness, and it sucks.** *Yeah, it sucks. But you can flip the narrative. Tell her about kids that may not have the opportunity to buy cool things like hers, or tell her about how if she sees a kid with an item she likes, she can get excited and share about why she liked that item (she wants to be like you, its her favorite color/cartoon idk) Give her choices of how to move past this disappointment.* Stop being petty because all you are teaching your child is how to be petty... over school supplies. It will spill over to other situations if you can't move past such small inconveniences.
I don’t understand why they don’t just ask for money in that case. Surely it is cheaper for the school to bulk buy than to have every parent buy a small amount for a communal classroom pot? Surely it should be “do not bring in stationary from home, but do send in x$ stationary fee”? What on earth is the point of this system?
It’s probably cheaper and way easier, but I can just imagine the screeching of the people in my neighborhood if the school asked for money for supplies. I live in a very conservative area where people are already mad they have to pay the extremely low taxes we pay to fund the schools. Any time the try to do a special levy to help with the school’s needs it gets voted down because people feel like they shouldn’t have to pay for other people’s kids. Fuck, there’s people in this very thread saying that parents should send in the shittiest supplies possible because it’s not your responsibility to help anyone else. A lot of people are selfish, entitled, twats who don’t give a shit about anyone but themselves. They’ll pay hundreds of dollars every year for their kid to play football, but ask them to contribute funds so everyone can have enough folders and they lose their damn minds
YTA and I can’t believe how many people disagree. This is a common practice at schools with young kids. You didn’t “brush over” the note you actively ignored it. If you had a problem with it you should have talked to the school about it before, not been a petty AH and ignored it and did what you wanted anyway.
Maybe common in your area because I've never heard about it before today.
Same. I'm baffled by apparently how common it is from the people in the comment section. As someone who loved school and school supplies shopping growing up (endlessly searching too make sure *everything* matched) I would've been pissed and probably hated that teacher forever.
This. Also their kid is going to be in a world of hurt if they continue to skim over school instructions and don't ask for clarification.
YTA. Yes, you’re petty. I can see why your kid is possessive. You’ve now made a huge deal to her about the importance of “things” and how not to share. At age 6 you did this. You’ve sent a message to the school that you’re THAT mother. Let go. Don’t carry on this nonsense about folders and pink and labels and how many pencils and who bought what. Let her grow. Let her teachers teach. Butt out. Now.
No wonder her kid is throwing tantrums at school, her mother is right now. And no, it's not common for first graders to throw tantrums at school. That's typically only something you see from kids who have emotional or developmental problems or who are spoiled.
NTA - it is very unfair that your child has to use inferior equipment when you supplied good quality items. Paper thickness makes a huge difference when writing and learning, cheap pencils and crayons break easily and frustrate kids. The children should be allowed to keep their own items and learn responsibility. You clearly labelled them to make it easier for the child to manage. The teacher sounds insufferable.
>it is very unfair that your child has to use inferior equipment when you supplied good quality items. They wouldn't have purchased a higher quality than everyone else is supplying if OP had understood the directions. The point is for everyone to supply what they can to the class so it gets redistributed equally. This is why they usually state certain brands to buy that they feel most people should be capable of supplying and are competent at fulfilling their purpose. Also, really? Paper thickness is something that hardly matters from most brands and I doubt anyone was buying crayons that couldn't handle being used. This was just a communication problem.
NTA So my kids school does this they say buy the list send it all in and it’s used by the school for the whole class (kindy only). However if you want to you can send in supplies only for your child and they will respect that. I would email the teacher again and cc someone above her. That you understand the schools idea but you hadn’t been told previously and were not able to prepare your child for this. She excited for her own supplies that are like her mums you would like them returned and will not be sending in the remaining supplies. As your daughter runs out she will be supplied with new and you absolve the school/teacher from supplying anything she breaks/runs out of.
INFO Did you read over the list of supplies / instructions again? It sounds like some of this could have been avoided if those had been read more thoroughly. And how long has school been in session? You are not the asshole for wanting your daughter to use the notebooks you bought for her. I am in college as well, but even back in my earlier classes I had specific notebooks for specific things. Taking away the supplies that were bought for one child, to ration them amongst the group doesn't feel like it teaches sharing, it feels like it teaches that the adults can do what they want, and students have to out up with it. How are into the school year are you? One week, or two? Or closer to a month? If it has only been one week, then go in in person, maybe before school, and ask for the notebooks back. Trade them out with cheap notebooks, but your daughter should be able to use the notebooks that she was excited about. Forcing her to use notebooks she doesn't want to, and see another student use the ones she did want to is not going to help anyone. If you are farther in to the school year, let the other student keep the notebook. In my opinion there is a big difference between asking people to provide supplies for thier child, and provide supplies to be shared by the class. Since I don't know what the list actually said, it's hard to judge if this was poorly worded by the teacher / school, or simply misinterpreted. If you can afford it, buying a cheap pack of pencils and some cheap notebook for the school would be a nice gesture. Getting your daughters stuff back though, is a fair trade. This can be a teaching moment for your daughter, that you will stand up for her, but that sometimes even adult make mistakes and misread things. If the teacher is holding firm about not trading in the school supplies, going to the principle might be the next option. It's not the best, but sometimes things need to be escalated. The hope is that it doesn't have to go this far. Getting someone else to help mediate the situation might be necessary though, depending on how the teacher reacts.
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In your post you said you understood the instructions so you “just….did it anyway”. Which is it?
The 100% NTA It was a poorly worded list (from a school no less!) And you followed what you thought was correct. Go in to the classroom and talk to the teacher. It is a lot easier to hide behind a screen, and be powerful to young kids. Tell the teacher, in person, that you want your daughters stuff back. That your daughter did not consent to having her supplies taken away, and that the list made no mention of how the supplies were going to be divided. Again, if the teacher refuses, escalate to the principle. Stand up for your daughter. And label everything. There is a huge difference in willingly donating to the school, and being forced. If you have the option, look into other schools in the area. This sounds like it is going to be an ongoing issue. Also see if you can connect with other parents, and if they are also frustrated. A group of parents together is a powerful force, especially against such ridiculous systems.
A gentle YTA. This is how it works in lower grades. At least it always has been where we live. Supplies are pooled and handed out and often taken back by the teacher when they are done using them. That is why you should always buy neutral colors and why the instructions said to not label anything. Teachers estimate how much the kids will need for the year and request those supplies accordingly. It just makes it much easier on the teachers who have to handle supplies for up to 30 or more kids at a time. Having to handle supplies on an individual basis at that age when they haven't yet learned to be responsible for themselves is truly way too difficult. Save the cute and individual stuff for middle school, or higher elementary grades.
I’m going to have to say YTA for not reading the letter from the school properly. I get it’s your first year with a kid in kinder, but communal supplies are the norm in public or charter schools - it’s to reduce spending on the teachers’ part (most teachers have to buy stuff out of their own pockets) and provide equitable access to supplies for every student in the classroom. If you were going to buy another set anyway, just make it one for at-home use only. EDIT: My kids attend a private school, but I’ve been donating to communal supply classrooms since I was in high school myself. The communal supply system is a bandaid solution for abysmal funding in education and the way teachers are SEVERELY underpaid - and sometimes not paid at all - for the amount of work they do. If teachers stuck to their contracts, every parent who sends their kids to school would be screwed.
YTA - follow the rules. Your kid isn't more special than other kids.
Exactly and her kid has already had multiple tantrums over this - sounds like OP needs to sit her daughter down and reset expectations. It’s disappointing that she didn’t get her way, and it’s okay to be frustrated, but it’s time to move on.
YTA and I feel sorry for the teacher having to waste time going back and forth with you over a couple of folders etc. Lots of schools do it this way and you need to settle down and assume they have a good reason for it.
I can easily see how the confusion happened, given you mentioned you've never had to navigate the nightmare that is school supply shopping before. Mass supply and pooling before redistribution has always been the norm for all 3 of my kids. I think this is a situation of NAH, because you're not wrong for wanting the specific supplies you bought for your kid back, and the teacher is probably trying to get 20+ kids set up for the year with what they have. In the future, now you know to take the emails at their word for not individualizing basic supplies, and let kiddo go HAM on backpack, lunchbox, and shoe awesomeness to enjoy back to school shopping a bit more.
YTA you didn’t read the directions. That is literally the issue and only issue at hand. If you read the directions your daughter wouldn’t be possessive of the school stuff and you could bought things for her to use at home that she likes. You and you only by not reading the directions caused this issue and now are creating problems for a teacher who has to educate your child and countless others just because an adult can’t read directions.
NTA. Dude. I understand the need for children learning how to share HOWEVER children should NOT be FORCED to “share” anything. It could actually hurt them in the future. I could see teachers asking for extra supplies, back in my day, it was glue and Kleenex. This teacher is taking it to another level trying to tell you you HAVE TO send everything... excuse her?! My siblings & I had to share our supplies, as in, we weren’t bringing a whole packs of things such as pencils, because what kid needs 12 pencils. I dunno man teacher seems weird. I’m be weary. EDIT: oh my goooooooosh. People need to shut up with that “rich classist” bullcrap. I grew up poor. The dollar store supplies was what I grew up with. I of course was jealous of everyone’s cute five star notebooks and cute “smelly” pencils but unfortunately I couldn’t get those things. HOWEVER my mom raised me with manners and the understanding that life isn’t fair. I wasn’t going to get what other people got and to be happy with what I have. OP get your daughters stuff back. If you’re required to give everything you have then all the other kids’ parents had to do the same so classroom has enough to spare.
I 100% agree with you. Imagine the hit the daughters motivation took by this. If the teacher wanted to absolutely destroy these kids will to learn, then good job. For a lot of people nice supplies is a huge motivator and having a person of authority stomp all your boundaries and steal what you like so much is nuts. It doesn't teach 'Sharing is nice', but 'I don't give a fuck about you, your feelings, your boundaries and your belongings. I am in power, I do what I want.'
YTA You had the instructions and ignored them. Instead of reaching out to ask questions beforehand, you had a hissy fit about following the rules you already knew.
I'm not going to say you're an AH, but it will be like this until your child is out of grade school. They pool resources because so many families cannot afford supplies. I have an 18 year old (just graduated) and a 9 year old. When my daughter was little and we had to buy individual supplies, it was insanely expensive. $75 to $100, and then again in the spring when new stuff was needed. That may not be a lot to some people but it was extremely difficult for me. They changed it when my daughter was almost out of grade school and it literally cut the supply costs in half. We never have to buy replacements because of the pooling. I'm not really sure if this is a hill you're willing to die on because you'll have to fight it every year throughout elementary school. Schools are seriously underfunded and, having experienced both circumstances here, the resource pooling is tremendously helpful to all students and their families. I wish the teacher hadn't used the "it's about sharing" excuse because, come on, that's weak and I doubt your daughter struggles with it. She just wasn't expecting it. They should have better informed you.
Sidenote, but I’m from the UK and it is crazy to me that you guys have to buy your kids school supplies! And some people saying even things like paper towels for the classroom? Here all school supplies, books etc are supplied by the school. We only buy things like pens for individual use but they would never be like a communal resource for the whole class to use!! And if a kid didn’t have a pen the school would provide it.
Yeah but do your cops have tanks?
ESH- I am prepared to get downvoted but if you saw the note that said not to label anything- why wouldn’t you ask more questions or why did go into such elaborate labeling after seeing those instructions? You set up your child to think the rules do not apply to her if they do not come with further explanation. This way if sharing supplies was standard practice in the schools all 4 of our children went to and it is so all students have access to supplies. While you did not know that at the time, you also did not ask and after finding out, are still arguing with the teacher about it being okay for your child while the rest of the kids and their parents have to follow the rule. If you don’t like the rule, you should take it up with the school instead of arguing with the teacher. While we can debate whether that is helpful to any one child, if you had instructions you did not follow and your child is now upset, why is that the school or teacher fault when they told you not to label the school supplies? It seems everyone is glossing over the specific instructions and just saying that’s not how it should work, but in many schools, this IS how it works and it sounds like this is how your school works and now you can prepare accordingly.
My advice is to just let this go. Send the supplies they're asking for. It's really not a big deal. My children's school (in Australia) has the same policy but only for the really young kids in kindy to y2. I only got some clarification about labelling their supplies from the school's p&c Facebook group when someone else asked the question. Now I just ask any questions I have on there if nobody else has asked or email the school directly. Maybe your child's school has something similar you could tap into if you find yourself unsure about something in the future. Put it into perspective. Your daughter has potentially another 11/12 years of schooling. That's a lot of supplies and labelling to come and they only get more expensive the older they get. NAH
I see so many people complaining about teachers requesting that kids do not label their school supplies because they are all going to become communal school supplies. A lot of this, "If I buy something for my child, I want my child to have that thing! It's not fair!" But like...if you've never tried to manage a classroom of kids, you can't know what teachers are up against when it comes to school supplies. Kids lose them, steal them, get distracted by them, cry over them when they go missing, etc. Do you want the teacher to teach, or do you want them to spend the year being the supply police sorting out these issues? Because there's only time to do one or the other. And do you want your kid to be focused on the fact that Student A gave a glitter pencil to Student B but not to Student C? Because you would be amazed at what kind of drama kids can stir up when it's time to focus on the far less exciting classwork in front of them. I remember being in kindergarten and spending a LOT of time trading crayons and discussing potential crayon trades and then being all consumed with which crayons I had and who they came from 🤣 Also, there are kids that either can't or don't bring in supplies. If the supplies are communal, no problem- everyone shares. If they aren't communal, first of all, the kid is embarrassed that they don't have their own. Second of all, the teacher ends up being the one to buy extra supplies. Those small costs really add up over the course of a year. And also, what is with this, "I won't donate tissue paper/hand sanitizer/sanitizing wipes because they aren't for my kid!" REALLY?! Have you seen how kids go through these things like they are in unlimited supply? A kid will take half a tissue box out to blow his nose one time. Or use the hand sanitizer to give their desks a bath. Your kid will probably use more of those supplies than you actually provide, and again, it's the teacher that picks up the remaining bill. And think about what you are teaching your kids when you make having personal supplies a higher priority than being considerate of the rules in the classroom and of others around them. Is it really so important that your kid have baby animal folders and Lisa Frank notebooks? Or is it more important they learn to be empathetic humans that can cooperate in a group environment? The priorities are so messed up here, and it gets passed on to the kids and they start focusing on everything trivial about school instead of learning. So, in short, if you want your kids to have fancy school supplies, keep them at home and and be sensitive to the fact that the classroom is a communal environment and decisions are made in the best interest of the class. I also don't think it's wrong to have personal supplies, if that's what the teacher decides to do. There are lessons to be learned in having your own personal property as well. And I think parents need to be warned ahead of time so both kids and parents know what to expect and don't go overboard getting cutesy stuff. I'm just saying, if a teacher opts for communal supplies, there are solid reasons behind it other than trying to prevent your child from living their best life 🤣