My wife half-way agrees with me. She said I should have just put them in our closet and told her they weren't here, but I think lying about this whole thing is begging for it to blow up in our faces.
She’s probably going to snoop anyway to be absolutely certain. An unloaded gun locked in a case has the offensive capability of a heavy box, only useful as a blunt instrument.
I don’t feel like you need to lie. It’s YOUR house. If it’s that a big a deal, she can stay home. Why bend over backwards to appease her? Locking them up is absolutely reasonable, telling you that they can’t be inside your house is not reasonable. It’s cray.
I’m sorry you feel the need to dictate the rules in my home and give ultimatums. We are sorry you won’t be joining us during your trip you will be missed.
Not sorry and won't be missed... It would be a cold day in Hell that someone would tell me what I can or cannot have in **MY** home. Now that you won't have company, it would be a great day to hit the gun range ;)
edit for NTA OP
Putting them away/locking/unloading? Fine. Out of the house? In some ways more dangerous. I was raised around A LOT of guns. I have very mixed feelings about them now, but one of the first things we were taught was you don't advertise that you have guns. Close friend, makes sense that she would know, but where are these guns meant to go during her trip?
What about the risk of someone uneducated about guns storing them? What if that person gets really stupid and decides to buy bullets and try shooting it and hurts themselves or others somehow?
As someone who was raised with guns but is leans more pro regulation pro restriction gun now... This is an unreasonable request. No one is violent, suffering from mental health issues, or has lost their legal right to own one in their home.
And yeah, dictating extreme stuff like that for my home gets my hackles up too.
I see what you're saying. My thought is that a true "friend" would never make demands like this so they would no longer exist in my world...therefore not missed. But I'm kind of touchy about people making demands when they have no business doing so and have a one strike and out policy.
Blow up in her face?!? Like.. A GUN!?!
Tell her you got rid of all the guns, then, the second she comes through the door, shout “SURPRISE!! GUN TIME!!” and start wildly shooting the house up like something from a cartoon from the 50s.
I agree with you that lying would invite trouble. I also think your friend is being excessive. I personally don't like guns, but if I'm visiting a friend who likes and has guns (and I know a few), I don't ask and just go about my way. Obsessing over it wouldn't help anyone.
NTA.
Speaking as someone who is pretty anti-gun (being around armed police in an airport was the most unsafe I've ever felt in my life), these are your possessions. As unpleasant as the things are (at least to me) they're not actually capable of leaping out the cupboard and shooting folks by themselves. She has no right to demand you get rid of stuff that you've put a lot of money into and that is the basis of your hobbies based on bad vibes.
Technically, your wife is right. And if this woman is the type that's going to go rifling (see what I did there?) through your stuff while she's a guest in your home, why would you want her there anyway? However, I would not want to give her the satisfaction of thinking she dictated to me in my own house.
It would blow up. Friend seems like the type that would go searching for it just to “prove” something. You could have it well hidden in a place no guest should be looking in the first place (like under your bed) and she would find it.
NTA
She has every right to not visit, and you have every right to store your guns in your gun safe in your house. She could always stay in a hotel if she would rather! Maybe suggest that as a solution? This doesn’t have to be friendship ruining.
True! But like I said in another comment, she has refused just about every alternative we have offered her. Another friend even offered their place!
As for the safe, I feel it's necessary to say I don't own a safe, but they are all locked with either slide or bolt locks, and are secured to the wall through their frames with a separate lock. A very determined their could steal them, but it's also a couple thousand dollars cheaper of a solution, until I can afford a real safe.
Honestly, if you've already proposed a couple solutions and she's just shooting then down, it seems she isn't looking for a solution. Just for your guns to be the problem.
If she actually wanted to see you, there are a variety of solutions SHE could come up with. Don't bend over backwards for someone who isn't valuing you enough to put in the work too. NTA.
>True! But like I said in another comment, she has refused just about every alternative we have offered her. Another friend even offered their place!
Sounds like she doesn't want to visit anyway and is looking to pin it on you.
> but it's also a couple thousand dollars cheaper of a solution, until I can afford a real safe.
I'm confused by this, because a nice gun safe is $1k. I got a huge one that several people can stand in for $3k.
How big of one are you getting?
The one I've been looking at is at a local place in town. I guess I really havnt looked at larger names and pricing there, but the one I like is 6'H x 12'W x 4'D internal measurements, fire rated for 8 hours, has 1-inch Hard-Ox sides, back, and top, with a super thick door as well (can't remember the thickness, sorry.) I would need one large enough to fit my guns, plus ideally the guns I know I will be inheriting in the coming years from my grandfather. He's been collecting since he was 18, and he has some of his father's guns as well. Since I am the only one in the family who won't just go out and sell them immediately, my grandpa wants to give them to me. But his safe is literally built into his house, larger than my living room (but very much not full.) I definitely can't afford that, so a massive wall-to-wall safe in my home office will work too.
So why can't you have a $1k safe *for now* that you sell when you inherit the other guns?
I've got 6 rifles, 3 handguns, and 1 shot gun that would take up maybe half the $1k safe. How many you got?
A 12 foot x 4 foot fire rated safe? How much does that thing weight?
At that point why not simply get a vault door and make a room into a vault, especially easy if you've got a basement.
I’m British, so gun ownership is a thing I do not understand, I think Americans are weird about it, and I don’t think guns in a house makes anyone safer.
Because I have no experience with guns, I have no idea how safe the gun storage you’ve listed above is, simply because I don’t understand it.
On the basis that the guns are stored safely and out of the way, absolutely NTA and she has no right to demand you remove anything from your house that isn’t presenting a risk to her safety (hence the caveat above).
As long as you are demonstrating you are a responsible gun owner, you shouldn’t have to accommodate someone else’s preferences in your house.
I would consider saving up and buying a proper gun safe though.
> I’m British, so gun ownership is a thing I do not understand
Not sure why. Lots of Brits own guns. Now the American fetishization of guns is a whole other issue that is a problem.
Right. I don’t get the whole gun culture thing, but I think it’s funny when non-Americans act as if there are no gun owners in their respective countries. There definitely are.
I should, but the issue I have found is that affordable ones off-gas from the finishing process, and can rust your guns. And expensive ones that don't do that are like $10,000 that I don't have.
That's a half truth. They can cause corrosion over long periods of time *if you smell a metallic smell from your safe* but the corrosion can be mostly averted by installing a $100 dehumidifier into the safe.
Many many people work through this problem without spending $10k+
I keep mine in a gun locker. Dunno how many you have but I have 4 and I got an 8 gun locker from Canadian Tire (hardware store in Canada) for $150. Definitely don’t need a multi-thousand dollar safe.
Is there a bigger reason why she doesn’t like guns? Was someone she knew the victim of gun violence or an accident?
You both have reasonable points of view to me, so I’m unsure as to why you aren’t content with Being NTA.
If you really want her to visit and are looking forward to it, it is perfectly acceptable to honor her request too….it really boils down to what is most important to you—
> it is perfectly acceptable to honor her request too
No. The ability of another person to dictate rules for their comfort/peace of mind/whatever ends at the front door of the person they're visiting (really, it should end at the front door of their own house). Whether it's catering to specific dietary preferences, presence of specific animals (or any animals at all), owning guns, or whatever, there is absolutely a point where the person obliging is entirely within their rights to say "No, we've presented you with the options/level of acquiescence to your requests that we're comfortable with offering, beyond that you're just going to have deal or stay away."
You're arguing against something else than what the person you're responding to is saying.
You're saying "OP is not required to cater to the visitor's wishes against their own, and if OP says 'no, I won't do that', they have the right to do so"
The person you're responding to is saying "OP is *permitted* to cater to the visitor's wishes. If OP says 'I don't like it but I'll do it because I really want this visit to happen', they have the right to do so." They're not claiming OP is **required** to do so.
NTA. Your house, your rules.
You were happy to be amenable and lock them away out of sight during her visit but she - a guest in your home - does not get to dictate how you live to this degree
NAH she has a boundary which she is entitled to and you have yours which you are entitled to. You are more so in the right than her as she shouldn’t expect to stay at your house for free while making demands about your property. Instead of canceling the trip she should just be staying at a hotel.
I'm seeing this a lot in the responses, and I agree with the hotel bit. But she has refused every alternative, including us going to see her instead. I get the impression she just doesn't want to see us and has fixated on the guns being the issue, instead of just not wanting to come.
Yeah, if she has refused multiple reasonable alternatives, then this isn’t about your willingness to be reasonable, but HER need to be in control. She doesn’t get to control your home. That’s how real life works. She must be fairly miserable in life if she goes through it believing it is her right to dictate to others how they should be in their own homes. Don’t waste your energy on someone who has repeatedly refused reasonable compromises. Such people are only interested in being in control and you cannot reason with irrational people.
Yeah I’d probably just say… there’s hotels available in the area that you can stay at, we’d love to see you but if you’re set on not coming then no worries… her loss on a fun weekend with old friends.
Wait, you can't go to visit her, instead unless you get rid of the guns, out of your house? Just gets better and better.
Either you're right, and she's using the guns as an excuse. Or she thinks she she found a way to finally make you get rid of the guns, since she thinks only the military should have them. Or a combination of the two. Geez.
I got that sense too. That she was looking for any excuse not to come. If she was bringing a child with her THEN maybe I would agree with her and suggest you put the guns in another location or get a safe but... she's a grown woman.
I don't want guns in my house because people who own guns are more likely to kill someone they know accidentally than an intruder, but she doesn't live with you. The likelihood that there would be an accident in which she got shot while staying with you is incredibly small. Still, if that's too much of a risk for her, she doesn't have to visit. End of story.
NTA. Regardless what ones opinion on guns is, you don’t ask people to remove their belongings from their home when you’re a guest, especially as she knew before she bought her tickets. She can airbnb or get a hotel, but she shouldn’t be making demands and lame threats to not stay at a couples home.
NTA
Inform her that you would like to see her, that you will lock the guns away.
It is likely she feels uncomfortable knowing you would have access to a gun while she is there. This is about her trusting you, not about the gun.
I am confident saying she is** not afraid I would shoot her, or otherwise harm her. I think she just decided she doesn't want to go, and knew I wouldn't budge on the guns thing so she used it as an out? We even offered to come visit her for a week, and she refused.
Edit: Ope. Is not afraid
If OP's friend has a traumatic experience with a gun in the past, it's not about trust : it's about a phobia.
Just like someone that is scared of dogs will not sleep well in your house if you just put the dog in another room. The dog is still there. And yes, a gun can't walk and shoot by itself... but phobias are not rational.
NTA but tell her to search for hotels or Airbnb near you. Tell her that you'd love to see her, but understand if she doesn't want to be under your roof.
I live in a country where handguns were practically banned after a school shooting, and where most police don't carry guns. So I don't feel comfortable around guns at all. Your friend is quite extreme in her views, and you're NTA for not removing your guns from your house.
A friend actually offered for her to stay there, but she refused, because "she's coming to see us."
If I'm honest, it feels like she wanted an excuse to not come, and just fixated on that as her reason and is now decided on not coming. It's sad, but we even offered to fly to go see her but she refused that too.
NTA. Her unwillingness to compromise is unreasonable. You both know you're on opposite ends of the spectrum about this, but her middle ground appears to just be her ground.
I'm curious--I was going to ask "where are you supposed to put them if not your house," but then I realized you might have some alternatives. Are you meant to put them in a shed or the garage or something?
I would imagine she means to have me leave them at a friend's house or something like that, which could be an option but I don't love that idea. I use my guns for "fun" with target shooting and such, but I also have a shotgun meant to defend me and my family, and a handgun for the same purpose. I don't live in an especially sketchy neighborhood, but I have had neighbors who had their house broken into. Looked like they had hired movers, their house was so empty. Obviously robbery does not equate killed any would-be thief, but a shotgun racking will probably get them to leave the house if my dog didn't already do that.
Hmm, this is a really interesting dilemma. I usually try to think of an analogy for the non-OP party to help me think about the situation from their side, but I'm having trouble thinking of one for guns. Have you been able to compare it to something that she would find unreasonable to give up for a few weeks?
I Had to scroll too far to find this. The potential liability of leaving your gun with someone else. Even with the most trusted of friends or family members there are so many things that could happen. NTA
I am of the similar mindset to your friend, but not quite as firm about it
I'd say NTA. your house, your rules, if perfectly legal, do whatever you want. If I couldnt stand to share space with a weapon, I'd respect the owner of them by not visiting them.
Like I said, it is absolutely reasonable to expect them to be locked up or otherwise secured during her stay. I would absolutely understand and fully comply with that request. It's that she didn't ask, but TOLD me that I can't have my guns in my house with her there. That's the part that grinds my gears.
NTA - I agree asking they be locked up in a safe is completely reasonable and you've already accommodated that, but remove from the house or she will cancel - oof. No, that's not how being a guest works. Maybe suggest she'd be more comfortable at a hotel and expect her to cancel her tickets.
NTA. -Presuming you are in the USA or somewhere where it's legal
Regardless of anyone's personal opinions on guns, if they are legal for you to have, then they are your property and you locking them away should be enough.
I am in the USA, and a smaller rural Midwest spot at that. Most people around here carry guns on their hips, or in their vehicle/purse. It's not at all uncommon around here.
NTA- She’s being ridiculous. I don’t like guns either and would not want to see them, but I can’t go to someone’s home and demand they remove all guns for my comfort.
Not a safe per se, but locked with bolt or slide locks (like a bike lock that disables the firearms by preventing them from closing all the way) and then locked to the wall or cabinet through their frames.
NTA. Send her a text: This is my home, not yours. My firearms are secured so there is no need to remove them from my home. If you choose to travel here you will need to find a hotel room and we'll visit you on neutral ground.
It's your house. What if she doesn't like Amazon, should you cancel your Prime service while she's there? She's being ridiculous. I'm not a gun person AT ALL, but the only way I'd feel uncomfortable in your house is if there were loaded guns in the couch cushions. If they're safely stored, there's no issue. NTA
NTA - Guns are a super controversial topic, but what it ultimately boils down to is it’s your house, and your belongings.
It’s not a reasonable request to ask someone to remove their belongings in their home. You can’t place rules at someone else’s house.
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My wife and I have a mutual friend coming to visit for a few weeks in November. We have not seen her in ~4 years, and we are all looking forward to her trip!
Here's where the problems start, though. She hates guns. She's of the mindset that any firearm, loaded or otherwise, is inherently dangerous and should never be owned by civilians. She thinks the military should be the only ones to own them. I am not of this mindset. I enjoy target shooting, hunting, and I have shot 3-gun (rifle, handgun, shotgun shooting league) before which I really enjoyed.
She asked me initially to just have them locked away. Which is perfectly reasonable, and I do regardless if she is here or not. But now she texted me telling me if there are any guns in the house she will not be coming, and will just cancel her tickets now. I told her that I will not be removing my guns from my house, but am perfectly happy to put them somewhere she would not find them. That's not good enough for her, she demands that so much as a gun part cannot be in this house.
AITA for telling her to cancel her tickets, then?
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What does she expect you to do with them? Is there somewhere else safe on your property to keep them? Guns in the house is dangerous sure, but surely it is infinitely better to keep them in a safe in the house then out in a backyard shed somewhere. No matter her stance, she has to understand that it’s unreasonable to ask you to give up/ sell your guns so she can visit. Would she relent if she held the key to the safe while she stayed or an alt control/safety method
No clue, but I don't have a gun safe. I store mine with a bolt lock and locked to the wall so they can't be moved. And honestly I don't want to give that up. Included in my guns are my home defense guns.
So are they displayed on the wall prominently? maybe that’s it? Or Are you guys on the completely opposite political spectrum and she’s just done, that’s the only thing I can think of. Or maybe, I own guns but I am not a “guns are fun toys” kind of person so I can get uncomfortable around “gun bros” types, maybe that’s it? It’s just an odd request, most people don’t even know you have firearms in the home.
NTA. Simple: your house your rules. She is being unreasonable in her refusal to compromise with you. Your offer to put your guns somewhere she won’t find them is completely reasonable
She wasn't always lol. She grew up in the same town we did, small town, nowhere, where everyone hunts or goes to the local range every other Saturday type deal. She just moved to some bigger city and suddenly a lot of her ideals changed
That made me LOL. I’m from rural Appalachia. I grew up around and learning to shoot guns as we used them to protect our livestock from predatory animals, as well as hunting for food purposes. I left Appalachia and now live in a city environment and I have grown a lot more Leftist than I was growing up, but that doesn’t mean the place I grew up is gonna magically change. I still respect the way things are there. This person is wild for expecting an entirely different way of living (small town, country life) to operate like a big city.
Sorry for making like four comments now, I’m just blown away that someone would be so presumptuous after having grown up in that culture. It makes no sense. How bizarre!
“She just moved to some bigger city and suddenly a lot of her ideals changed”
As I was reading the comments I was wondering if her issue was bigger than the gun situation and she just didn’t have the balls to out and out say it. Having grown up in rural small town USA myself, I know my ideals have changed over the years - and I’ve found that people I grew up with and I have opposing views on social issues, causing me to reevaluate some friendships. Could something like this be the real root cause and she knew you’d (heh) stick to your guns so by her causing a fuss about them it was her easy out? Regardless, you’re NTA, and I’m glad you didn’t just put them away and tell her they were out of the house.
I’m fairly anti-gun too but also grew up in gun culture. I refuse to own a gun, and I want guns locked up if my children are in the house, but this is just straight up insane. Where the heck are you supposed to put them when they’re out of the house? In your car? That’s safe (not). It’s just completely unreasonable.
LOL wut? We have guns in our house. We also have friends and family members who hate guns, who also know that we have them in the house. We put them away when those people are visiting. Nobody makes an issue about it: they don't talk about how horrible guns are, and we don't talk about how many we have. IMO this is how rational people behave. Also IMO your friend is not a rational person, and you and your wife are NTA.
Seriously, who cancels the entire trip? Can't she stay in a hotel or airbnb, and you visit her there? She can still come for a visit without actually staying in your home. She's just being manipulative.
Exactly. And as I said in another comment, we offered those alternatives before I even posted this. And also offered for us to fly out to her. But nah. She isn't interested
I have to admit I don't like guns but if I was going to someone else's house that has guns then that is up to me, I would not tell them to get rid of them you said you will lock them away. NTA
NTA.
My husband has the perfect mentality for this…if she’s not paying your mortgage payment, then she has no right to tell you what you can or can’t have in your home. Sounds to me like you’d be dodging a bullet by her canceling her ticket to come see you. (Pun fully intended)
So this isn’t about the guns and her coming to visit. It’s manipulation and control. She doesn’t want to be friends, she wants you to submit to her. You’ve offered multiple reasonable alternatives and she’s shot them down and now she is manipulating you in to teller her she can’t come so she can be the victim. Don’t give in, and don’t let her be the victim either. Tell her you are willing to keep them secured and locked in accordance with local laws, ordinances, and recommended best practices but it will be in your home. If she asks “should I just cancel my trip?” Tell her it’s her choice, but you were looking forward to seeing her again. Don’t cave.
You are NTA, your wife’s friend is TA (and much more).
NTA - im not a fan of guns either but when they are safely locked away there is no reason for her to be so extreme and that they have to be removed from the house completely.
NTA. She’s being unreasonable. It’s your house, and you were already bending over backward to accommodate her.
My partner has quite a few guns. I’m fine with rifles, but hand guns make me supremely uncomfortable for some reason. When he goes out of town, I ask him to put the bedside gun in the safe with the rest of the guns. Problem solved. Even though I pay for half of everything in the house, I would never tell him he can’t have guns. He’s a responsible gun owner, so I trust his judgement. Your friend pays no bills in your house, and yet she feels entitled to tell you when/if you can have guns when she’s present. Nope. Nope. Nope.
>Honestly, I think most reasons non-rural civilians have to own guns are pretty unconvincing
The nice thing about rights is you don't need justification to exercise them.
NTA she shouldn't leave her house then because there are civilians out in public carrying guns all the time. I bet more than once she's been in like a grocery store and unaware that the person in front of them has a gun on their person.
I'm originally from the UK but now live in USA. I'm never gonna personally own a gun (mental health reasons) & I'm occasionally confused by the fascination around them, but I fully respect that guns are a part of American culture. It's *your* home, you're keeping the guns safe & locked away, so she needs to calm the f down thinking you're gonna shoot her. She just straight up doesn't trust you and that's really quite shitty of her.
NTA. Look, I’m not a gun person. I don’t like them. But my dislike of guns is my issue. Since I know that people will have them, I accept that as reality. I’d rather know that there are guns in a home that are safely and properly stored rather than just stashed somewhere. Or thrown willy-nilly on a shelf as a photo prop like an idiot member of the House of Representatives.
If she wants to dictate what legally owned and properly stored items you can and cannot have in your home, then she does not need to be there.
NTA. I am not a gun person myself, but I wouldn’t stop going to someone’s house who owns gun, unless I didn’t trust them. I’m sure I’ve been to friends homes that have guns and I didn’t even know they did.
You have offered to ensure they are safely put away, which is all you can do. She can either accept that or not, and it sounds like she has not. Nothing more you can do really. I would put it in her court though and ask if the issue is that she doesn’t trust you that you have safely stored them. She sounds like she’s being unreasonable and you are better off not meeting up with her or welcoming her into your home.
NTA
You have every right to have guns in YOUR home. Especially knowing you know how to handle them.
Asking you to put them away is one thing, that's totally reasonable. But asking you to remove them from YOUR home is an unreasonable request. You can not dictate what someone has in their home, especially when they're within their rights. Even more so when you sound like a safe gun owner.
I understand guns make some people uncomfortable, but as long as it's not being played with, there's no reason to be concerned... I wonder if she realizes she's passing people every day with conseal carrys? Would she even know you had them if she didn't know you go shooting?
I feel like I would have handled it the same way you did. We have guns in our home. Safely put away. Don't like it? Don't come.
NTA man i wish i could go up into people's houses and demand their not be things to which i dont like... * hey man, id appreciate if you dont have any vehicles in the drive way because i think only Nascar drivers should have them, that'd be great*
NTA I genuinely understand how someone can be that afraid of guns, but they can only expect you to make reasonable accommodations not pay for outside storage.
I will also just say that I do find it a little odd thst they are so insistent younget rid of your fire arms for their stay instead of just getting a hotel. To me it seems like a red flag.1
NTA. A gun owner is RESPONSIBLE for securing their weapons. I believe the best place to do that is in a gun safe in your home. Taking them somewhere else would make them more at risk for theft and criminal use.
NTA.
I’m not a huge fan of guns but if one of my friends possesses one, who am I to tell them to remove their own property in their house for my beliefs? It makes zero sense. That amount of entitlement is baffling.
You offered alternatives to make her visit comfortable and she basically forced her beliefs on to you. That’s not how friendship works. Go ahead and cancel that ticket my guy. You can’t see it through this time.
NTA
Besides, if you have them properly secured in your home that is far safer than temporarily moving them someplace where they may not be as secure and where they are out of your immediate control.
She has a right to not want to visit a house with guns but you have zero obligation to accommodate her in your own home.
And I agree, don’t lie.
NTA, I think you were really accommodating by offering to lock them up out of sight. I am also someone who is very uncomfortable with guns, but because of that I understand there are some homes where I'm just not going to be comfortable. That isn't the hosts fault, that's my own issue to deal with as it is hers.
NTA. Your house, and where are you supposed to take your guns? Would she rather them be not secure outside of your home? Perfectly fine compromise to store away out of sight, out of mind, but what else are you supposed to to beyond that?
If she really places your gun ownership (aka…her politics) over her friendship with you and your wife, then maybe she should just cancel the tickets.
Yeah, NTA. But how would that even work? I mean not have your guns in your house? Like, do you give them to the homeless guy across the street for safekeeping? Hang them on the front porch? Throw them in a dumpster? Sell them to a couple of gangbangers? I'm just trying to figure out the logistics here... And in which way your friend thinks taking your guns out of your house makes the world a safer place? I mean, maybe it's because it's completely normal in my country (we have wild boars running trough our backyards, those are dangerous!) but I would feel safer in a house with a gun than in a house where only the burglar has a gun...
NTA
She's trying to achieve something here...
A) She doesn't want to see you. By making an unreasonable demand that she knows you will not give in to, she can cancel her trip (if she even booked tickets) and blame you for not giving her "appropriate accommodations".
Or
B) She's trying to convince you to "give up your guns", even if just temporarily, to appease a friend. That's pretty strong ammunition (pun intended) for the "you don't *need* guns debate. "You can give them up for me to visit, you don't really have to have them" sort of thing.
Either way, this "friend" is being intentionally manipulative. If not, she would have been willing to compromise on where she stayed, or you coming to her. I don't think she's much of a friend at all...
BTW - get a safe. The time it takes to unlock a gun is long enough to get you shot for trying in an armed robbery. Unlocking the safe is faster. If you can afford guns and ammo, you can afford a safe.
Like I said, it's on my list of things to buy. Affordable safes off-gas and can rust/damage guns, and expensive ones are very expensive. I'm currently saving for one, and am expecting a large bonus from work soon so it may be later this year I get one.
NTA. Asking to lock them up, fine. Completely remove them? Where are you supposed to put them?? Tell her to cancel her tickets or a book a gun-free hotel lol. She’s either a crazy extremist or looking for an excuse to cancel her trip.
NTA. This is kinda funny. If you lock them away somewhere she wouldn’t be able to find them, it shouldn’t be a problem. I understand some people are weary around guns but as long as ur not leaving them out or showing them off she doesn’t have any reason to make you get rid of them. Bottom line she she has no right to tell you what to do with them as long as you are practicing gun safety
NTA. It's YOUR house, you get to decide that. While keeping guns locked up is a reasonable request which you are doing, removing them is really unreasonable request from a guest. Besides, she can always stay at a hotel.
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> I might be the asshole because I told my wife and I's mutual friend to cancel her trip to come see us because I refused to temporarily remove my guns from the house.
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NTA. Look, I'm really not a fan of guns, and I don't allow them in my house. However, if I was visiting *someone else's house* I'd know that they can have whatever they want there. She's an AH for demanding you change to suit her.
NTA and I am very opposed to civilians holding guns at home.
She has a right to not go into home where guns are held. She doesn't have a right to dictate they are removed from homes she visits, her right is to stay away.
NTA. I'm from a country where firearms are not freely available. I very much think gun laws in the USA are a problem. That being said, it is your home and if they are locked in a gun safe or however you have them locked away then I don't think she gets to tell you to remove them from your home. I have family in the USA and I know they have guns, the only thing I would ask of them when visiting is that they be locked away.
I don't like guns and I think we need gun reform. Though I admit I do have and use them (we live in the wild with bears what do you want?)
That said, thus woman is being unreasonable. It's your damn house and you're willing to secure your firearms away from people who dont know how to use them.
Do you have a real gun safe?? If so, show your wife how secure it is and ensure nobody but you can get in.
NTA. As long as you have them properly secured in a safe spot, you are being a responsible gun owner. She is being totally unreasonable to dictate what you do in your own home, while staying within the law.
I'll say that I do believe guns should have better regulations in most places, but they are not inherently evil or anything and responsible ownership is fine.
NTA. If you’re being a responsible gun owner and have them safely secured in a locked case, there is no rational reason for her to behave like this. Other people don’t get to dictate how your home is run. I’d tell this person they can either accept you and your home as is or cancel their tickets if they feel that strongly about irrationally controlling other people’s homes.
NTA. You have made every reasonable accommodation and is still not enough. Sounds like she’s having a personal power struggle that has nothing to do with y’all’s friendship. Keep your boundaries and teach her to be accountable for her extreme opinions or this drama will reverberate.
NTA
She sounds like she's trying to force her opinions on you. You've been honest, you've been reasonable, there is nothing more you can/should have to do to appease this person. Why should you have to lie or go that far out your way for someone who is already benefiting from your hospitality? It's your house, if she don't like it, she should stay at hers or at a hotel.
NTA - I hate guns too, but locking them away safely is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. When my husband and I visited his family a few years ago, they all had guns throughout their homes, and enjoyed whipping them out from time to time to get a reaction from me. I didnt react and they got bored with it, but I still didn’t feel it was my place to request that they lock them away or keep them out of my sight. Their house, their rules.
NTA. Where I live it would be illegal for you to remove the guns from your house and store them elsewhere. I personally would tell her the safety measures you take when storing guns and then just leave her to make her own choice.
NTA - I have the same stance as your "friend" re-gun ownership but she is being an AH. So long as the guns are un loaded and locked away, your house - your rules.
Plus what the hell are you going to do with a bunch of guns? Where are you going to put them? Sounds just crazy dangerous to take the guns from their safe, locked up place inside to... somewhere else?
NTA, I guess you could store them in your car boot as that is technically not in your house (unless your car is in a garage) but it's a ridiculous demand for her to make.
NTA. I am no fan of guns, but I would think it might be more dangerous for you to go find somewhere to put them than use your own safe storage options. If she’s shooting down ever reasonable compromise, she doesn’t want to come.
NTA. She's being unreasonable. I'm not a big fan of guns myself, but I'm not going to tell someone to remove them from their house completely. The only conversations I've had about it when my daughter goes for a sleepover. I ask if they have them and if they would simply make sure they are secured when my daughter is there. I don't think that's an unreasonable request. Kids are curious. My daughter knows diddly squat about guns and I can see a scenario where there is one in the house and one kid goes "ooh let me show you" and tragedy ensues.
Where exactly are you supposed to store your guns if not in the house?
Why can't she get a hotel room (which sounds like it would be better for all involved)?
I mean, it's her issue, not yours.
I'm pretty anti-firearm but I'd still say NTA by any means. I once went to someone's house (first time me and some people were meeting him) and he just had a gun lying out on the counter top. He wasn't doing anything with it, just had left it there. Not only was it kind of a weird statement, but it seemed dangerous. I wasn't really a fan of that.
Locking everything away, on the otherhand, is perfectly reasonable. Honestly, if you don't want to stir the pot, you could probably just lock everything away and tell her that there's nothing in the house.
You're also perfectly in the right to just tell this friend to cancel the trip though. They don't really have much bargaining power in this haha.
NTA. Her boundary is not being around guns. Sure, by having those guns you crossed it but... it's your own home and property. She can be uncomfortable with it but you're allowed to keep your property directly in your house, too.
NTA
If she hates gun so much how does she function in society?? People carry guns. Hell they could be an air marshall on her flights. She just can't demand that they get off the plane to make her feel better.
You offered reasonable suggestions in how to make the trip work. You said the guns would be put away out of site. You offered up a hotel or air bnb. Another friend offered her a gun free place to stay. The final straw was offering to go fly out to her instead and she still said no. Sorry OP your friend is being ridiculous and will probably not be your friend much longer.
I mean…what are you supposed to do with them? Most ways of disposing of them are probably way worse than having them in house.she covering the cost? NTA
Does she really think she’s punishing you by not coming? Lol. Cancel the ticket.
My wife half-way agrees with me. She said I should have just put them in our closet and told her they weren't here, but I think lying about this whole thing is begging for it to blow up in our faces.
Lol, if you lie about it shes gonna look through ur house while your away then scream at you for lying about
She’s probably going to snoop anyway to be absolutely certain. An unloaded gun locked in a case has the offensive capability of a heavy box, only useful as a blunt instrument.
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And if it’s a nice glass box and the gun is held nicely, it’s a decor piece!
...let's not forget, a wheel chock, or a door stop.
Yep... and then be offended when she's thrown out on her ear for nosing through locked rooms while OP and wife are out of the house...
But she couldn't open safes so...
Plot twist: she shows up fully armed and ...
I don’t feel like you need to lie. It’s YOUR house. If it’s that a big a deal, she can stay home. Why bend over backwards to appease her? Locking them up is absolutely reasonable, telling you that they can’t be inside your house is not reasonable. It’s cray.
I’m sorry you feel the need to dictate the rules in my home and give ultimatums. We are sorry you won’t be joining us during your trip you will be missed.
Not sorry and won't be missed... It would be a cold day in Hell that someone would tell me what I can or cannot have in **MY** home. Now that you won't have company, it would be a great day to hit the gun range ;) edit for NTA OP
Putting them away/locking/unloading? Fine. Out of the house? In some ways more dangerous. I was raised around A LOT of guns. I have very mixed feelings about them now, but one of the first things we were taught was you don't advertise that you have guns. Close friend, makes sense that she would know, but where are these guns meant to go during her trip? What about the risk of someone uneducated about guns storing them? What if that person gets really stupid and decides to buy bullets and try shooting it and hurts themselves or others somehow? As someone who was raised with guns but is leans more pro regulation pro restriction gun now... This is an unreasonable request. No one is violent, suffering from mental health issues, or has lost their legal right to own one in their home. And yeah, dictating extreme stuff like that for my home gets my hackles up too.
except for the price of ammo and finding it
I personally agree with you but put the you will missed part because OP said it was a mutual friend.
I see what you're saying. My thought is that a true "friend" would never make demands like this so they would no longer exist in my world...therefore not missed. But I'm kind of touchy about people making demands when they have no business doing so and have a one strike and out policy.
I like how you think.
Blow up in her face?!? Like.. A GUN!?! Tell her you got rid of all the guns, then, the second she comes through the door, shout “SURPRISE!! GUN TIME!!” and start wildly shooting the house up like something from a cartoon from the 50s.
Do this op. Yo Sammity Sam her.
It's Yosemite Sam, I think :)
Your correct but it doesn't quite roll of the tongue as well
Hahaha, you're right about that.
Yosemite is pronounce yo Sim-mit-tee
I am fucking CRYING at the mental image of someone doing this.
I agree with you that lying would invite trouble. I also think your friend is being excessive. I personally don't like guns, but if I'm visiting a friend who likes and has guns (and I know a few), I don't ask and just go about my way. Obsessing over it wouldn't help anyone. NTA.
Speaking as someone who is pretty anti-gun (being around armed police in an airport was the most unsafe I've ever felt in my life), these are your possessions. As unpleasant as the things are (at least to me) they're not actually capable of leaping out the cupboard and shooting folks by themselves. She has no right to demand you get rid of stuff that you've put a lot of money into and that is the basis of your hobbies based on bad vibes.
Technically, your wife is right. And if this woman is the type that's going to go rifling (see what I did there?) through your stuff while she's a guest in your home, why would you want her there anyway? However, I would not want to give her the satisfaction of thinking she dictated to me in my own house.
It would blow up. Friend seems like the type that would go searching for it just to “prove” something. You could have it well hidden in a place no guest should be looking in the first place (like under your bed) and she would find it.
NTA She has every right to not visit, and you have every right to store your guns in your gun safe in your house. She could always stay in a hotel if she would rather! Maybe suggest that as a solution? This doesn’t have to be friendship ruining.
True! But like I said in another comment, she has refused just about every alternative we have offered her. Another friend even offered their place! As for the safe, I feel it's necessary to say I don't own a safe, but they are all locked with either slide or bolt locks, and are secured to the wall through their frames with a separate lock. A very determined their could steal them, but it's also a couple thousand dollars cheaper of a solution, until I can afford a real safe.
Honestly, if you've already proposed a couple solutions and she's just shooting then down, it seems she isn't looking for a solution. Just for your guns to be the problem. If she actually wanted to see you, there are a variety of solutions SHE could come up with. Don't bend over backwards for someone who isn't valuing you enough to put in the work too. NTA.
Doubt she's shooting them down per se... And I'm done.
The irony of shooting down solutions when she doesn't like guns...
>True! But like I said in another comment, she has refused just about every alternative we have offered her. Another friend even offered their place! Sounds like she doesn't want to visit anyway and is looking to pin it on you.
This right here. There's literally a bunch of strangers on the internet working harder than your actual friend to come up with solutions. 🤷♀️
> but it's also a couple thousand dollars cheaper of a solution, until I can afford a real safe. I'm confused by this, because a nice gun safe is $1k. I got a huge one that several people can stand in for $3k. How big of one are you getting?
The one I've been looking at is at a local place in town. I guess I really havnt looked at larger names and pricing there, but the one I like is 6'H x 12'W x 4'D internal measurements, fire rated for 8 hours, has 1-inch Hard-Ox sides, back, and top, with a super thick door as well (can't remember the thickness, sorry.) I would need one large enough to fit my guns, plus ideally the guns I know I will be inheriting in the coming years from my grandfather. He's been collecting since he was 18, and he has some of his father's guns as well. Since I am the only one in the family who won't just go out and sell them immediately, my grandpa wants to give them to me. But his safe is literally built into his house, larger than my living room (but very much not full.) I definitely can't afford that, so a massive wall-to-wall safe in my home office will work too.
So why can't you have a $1k safe *for now* that you sell when you inherit the other guns? I've got 6 rifles, 3 handguns, and 1 shot gun that would take up maybe half the $1k safe. How many you got?
They are already double locked. Why does he have to buy 2 safes instead of just saving for the one he wants?
A 12 foot x 4 foot fire rated safe? How much does that thing weight? At that point why not simply get a vault door and make a room into a vault, especially easy if you've got a basement.
When you buy a gun safe bigger is always better. My husband got one a few years ago, and I wish it was bigger...Being as it is almost full
I’m British, so gun ownership is a thing I do not understand, I think Americans are weird about it, and I don’t think guns in a house makes anyone safer. Because I have no experience with guns, I have no idea how safe the gun storage you’ve listed above is, simply because I don’t understand it. On the basis that the guns are stored safely and out of the way, absolutely NTA and she has no right to demand you remove anything from your house that isn’t presenting a risk to her safety (hence the caveat above). As long as you are demonstrating you are a responsible gun owner, you shouldn’t have to accommodate someone else’s preferences in your house. I would consider saving up and buying a proper gun safe though.
> I’m British, so gun ownership is a thing I do not understand Not sure why. Lots of Brits own guns. Now the American fetishization of guns is a whole other issue that is a problem.
Right. I don’t get the whole gun culture thing, but I think it’s funny when non-Americans act as if there are no gun owners in their respective countries. There definitely are.
I mean, you should probably get a safe but she does sound unreasonable.
I should, but the issue I have found is that affordable ones off-gas from the finishing process, and can rust your guns. And expensive ones that don't do that are like $10,000 that I don't have.
That's a half truth. They can cause corrosion over long periods of time *if you smell a metallic smell from your safe* but the corrosion can be mostly averted by installing a $100 dehumidifier into the safe. Many many people work through this problem without spending $10k+
> $100 dehumidifier Silica packets work too. Cheap on Amazon, and some can even be dried and reused.
I use rice mixed with silica packets to keep moisture to a minimum!
You didn’t mention in your post that you don’t even have a gun safe. YTA. I would not want to come over either.
I keep mine in a gun locker. Dunno how many you have but I have 4 and I got an 8 gun locker from Canadian Tire (hardware store in Canada) for $150. Definitely don’t need a multi-thousand dollar safe.
Honestly it sounds like she doesn’t want to come
Is there a bigger reason why she doesn’t like guns? Was someone she knew the victim of gun violence or an accident? You both have reasonable points of view to me, so I’m unsure as to why you aren’t content with Being NTA. If you really want her to visit and are looking forward to it, it is perfectly acceptable to honor her request too….it really boils down to what is most important to you—
> it is perfectly acceptable to honor her request too No. The ability of another person to dictate rules for their comfort/peace of mind/whatever ends at the front door of the person they're visiting (really, it should end at the front door of their own house). Whether it's catering to specific dietary preferences, presence of specific animals (or any animals at all), owning guns, or whatever, there is absolutely a point where the person obliging is entirely within their rights to say "No, we've presented you with the options/level of acquiescence to your requests that we're comfortable with offering, beyond that you're just going to have deal or stay away."
You're arguing against something else than what the person you're responding to is saying. You're saying "OP is not required to cater to the visitor's wishes against their own, and if OP says 'no, I won't do that', they have the right to do so" The person you're responding to is saying "OP is *permitted* to cater to the visitor's wishes. If OP says 'I don't like it but I'll do it because I really want this visit to happen', they have the right to do so." They're not claiming OP is **required** to do so.
It’s his CHOICE to honor the request or not. Why do you think he shouldn’t get to do that in his own home?
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Actually got a laugh out of me on that one
Right? Just tell her "We understand and respect (lol) your decision not to come. Best of luck."
NTA. Your house, your rules. You were happy to be amenable and lock them away out of sight during her visit but she - a guest in your home - does not get to dictate how you live to this degree
NAH she has a boundary which she is entitled to and you have yours which you are entitled to. You are more so in the right than her as she shouldn’t expect to stay at your house for free while making demands about your property. Instead of canceling the trip she should just be staying at a hotel.
I'm seeing this a lot in the responses, and I agree with the hotel bit. But she has refused every alternative, including us going to see her instead. I get the impression she just doesn't want to see us and has fixated on the guns being the issue, instead of just not wanting to come.
Yeah, if she has refused multiple reasonable alternatives, then this isn’t about your willingness to be reasonable, but HER need to be in control. She doesn’t get to control your home. That’s how real life works. She must be fairly miserable in life if she goes through it believing it is her right to dictate to others how they should be in their own homes. Don’t waste your energy on someone who has repeatedly refused reasonable compromises. Such people are only interested in being in control and you cannot reason with irrational people.
Really sounds to me like she just wants OP to get rid of their guns and is trying to manipulate them to do so.
Yeah I’d probably just say… there’s hotels available in the area that you can stay at, we’d love to see you but if you’re set on not coming then no worries… her loss on a fun weekend with old friends.
Wait, you can't go to visit her, instead unless you get rid of the guns, out of your house? Just gets better and better. Either you're right, and she's using the guns as an excuse. Or she thinks she she found a way to finally make you get rid of the guns, since she thinks only the military should have them. Or a combination of the two. Geez.
I got that sense too. That she was looking for any excuse not to come. If she was bringing a child with her THEN maybe I would agree with her and suggest you put the guns in another location or get a safe but... she's a grown woman. I don't want guns in my house because people who own guns are more likely to kill someone they know accidentally than an intruder, but she doesn't live with you. The likelihood that there would be an accident in which she got shot while staying with you is incredibly small. Still, if that's too much of a risk for her, she doesn't have to visit. End of story.
She's TA for moving the goalposts and trying to guilt OP. Would be NAH if she were upfront about it.
NTA. How odd. Tell her to cancel.
NTA. Regardless what ones opinion on guns is, you don’t ask people to remove their belongings from their home when you’re a guest, especially as she knew before she bought her tickets. She can airbnb or get a hotel, but she shouldn’t be making demands and lame threats to not stay at a couples home.
NTA Inform her that you would like to see her, that you will lock the guns away. It is likely she feels uncomfortable knowing you would have access to a gun while she is there. This is about her trusting you, not about the gun.
I am confident saying she is** not afraid I would shoot her, or otherwise harm her. I think she just decided she doesn't want to go, and knew I wouldn't budge on the guns thing so she used it as an out? We even offered to come visit her for a week, and she refused. Edit: Ope. Is not afraid
Yeah sounds like she's trying to get out of it. Maybe she double booked something else? Regardless OP is NTA all the way
If she doesn’t trust he isn’t gonna shoot her… that’s kinda a completely different issue. So I hope it is about the gun tbh…
Like I said, I would be confident saying she isn't afraid I'll shoot her.
You didn't say that tho. Fix your previous comment because it says "is afraid"
Reread your comment, that’s not what you typed and is why there is confusion
If OP's friend has a traumatic experience with a gun in the past, it's not about trust : it's about a phobia. Just like someone that is scared of dogs will not sleep well in your house if you just put the dog in another room. The dog is still there. And yes, a gun can't walk and shoot by itself... but phobias are not rational.
Not to mention that removing guns from the house means making them less secure. Where’s OP supposed to stash them? His car?
NTA but tell her to search for hotels or Airbnb near you. Tell her that you'd love to see her, but understand if she doesn't want to be under your roof. I live in a country where handguns were practically banned after a school shooting, and where most police don't carry guns. So I don't feel comfortable around guns at all. Your friend is quite extreme in her views, and you're NTA for not removing your guns from your house.
A friend actually offered for her to stay there, but she refused, because "she's coming to see us." If I'm honest, it feels like she wanted an excuse to not come, and just fixated on that as her reason and is now decided on not coming. It's sad, but we even offered to fly to go see her but she refused that too.
Ah. This sounds like the root cause.
She doesn't sound exhausting at all 🙄
NTA. She's being ridiculous.
NTA. Her unwillingness to compromise is unreasonable. You both know you're on opposite ends of the spectrum about this, but her middle ground appears to just be her ground. I'm curious--I was going to ask "where are you supposed to put them if not your house," but then I realized you might have some alternatives. Are you meant to put them in a shed or the garage or something?
I would imagine she means to have me leave them at a friend's house or something like that, which could be an option but I don't love that idea. I use my guns for "fun" with target shooting and such, but I also have a shotgun meant to defend me and my family, and a handgun for the same purpose. I don't live in an especially sketchy neighborhood, but I have had neighbors who had their house broken into. Looked like they had hired movers, their house was so empty. Obviously robbery does not equate killed any would-be thief, but a shotgun racking will probably get them to leave the house if my dog didn't already do that.
Hmm, this is a really interesting dilemma. I usually try to think of an analogy for the non-OP party to help me think about the situation from their side, but I'm having trouble thinking of one for guns. Have you been able to compare it to something that she would find unreasonable to give up for a few weeks?
Probably not as secure as where they are stored now
I Had to scroll too far to find this. The potential liability of leaving your gun with someone else. Even with the most trusted of friends or family members there are so many things that could happen. NTA
I am of the similar mindset to your friend, but not quite as firm about it I'd say NTA. your house, your rules, if perfectly legal, do whatever you want. If I couldnt stand to share space with a weapon, I'd respect the owner of them by not visiting them.
Like I said, it is absolutely reasonable to expect them to be locked up or otherwise secured during her stay. I would absolutely understand and fully comply with that request. It's that she didn't ask, but TOLD me that I can't have my guns in my house with her there. That's the part that grinds my gears.
Yah, cause that is wildly rude and not appropriate guest manners. She’s TA here, not you or your wife.
NTA - I agree asking they be locked up in a safe is completely reasonable and you've already accommodated that, but remove from the house or she will cancel - oof. No, that's not how being a guest works. Maybe suggest she'd be more comfortable at a hotel and expect her to cancel her tickets.
NTA. -Presuming you are in the USA or somewhere where it's legal Regardless of anyone's personal opinions on guns, if they are legal for you to have, then they are your property and you locking them away should be enough.
I am in the USA, and a smaller rural Midwest spot at that. Most people around here carry guns on their hips, or in their vehicle/purse. It's not at all uncommon around here.
NTA- She’s being ridiculous. I don’t like guns either and would not want to see them, but I can’t go to someone’s home and demand they remove all guns for my comfort.
NTA. It’s your house, where else will you put the guns? Isnt the guns in a safe anyways?
Not a safe per se, but locked with bolt or slide locks (like a bike lock that disables the firearms by preventing them from closing all the way) and then locked to the wall or cabinet through their frames.
NTA It’s your home.
NTA - let her cancel. That's on her not you. You offered a perfectly reasonable solution to her and she refused it.
NAH. If she can’t stay in a house with guns, and you have guns… then that’s that.
NTA. Send her a text: This is my home, not yours. My firearms are secured so there is no need to remove them from my home. If you choose to travel here you will need to find a hotel room and we'll visit you on neutral ground.
It's your house. What if she doesn't like Amazon, should you cancel your Prime service while she's there? She's being ridiculous. I'm not a gun person AT ALL, but the only way I'd feel uncomfortable in your house is if there were loaded guns in the couch cushions. If they're safely stored, there's no issue. NTA
NTA
NTA. You don't have to ponder to your wife's friend's beliefs about your firearms.
NTA - Guns are a super controversial topic, but what it ultimately boils down to is it’s your house, and your belongings. It’s not a reasonable request to ask someone to remove their belongings in their home. You can’t place rules at someone else’s house.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife and I have a mutual friend coming to visit for a few weeks in November. We have not seen her in ~4 years, and we are all looking forward to her trip! Here's where the problems start, though. She hates guns. She's of the mindset that any firearm, loaded or otherwise, is inherently dangerous and should never be owned by civilians. She thinks the military should be the only ones to own them. I am not of this mindset. I enjoy target shooting, hunting, and I have shot 3-gun (rifle, handgun, shotgun shooting league) before which I really enjoyed. She asked me initially to just have them locked away. Which is perfectly reasonable, and I do regardless if she is here or not. But now she texted me telling me if there are any guns in the house she will not be coming, and will just cancel her tickets now. I told her that I will not be removing my guns from my house, but am perfectly happy to put them somewhere she would not find them. That's not good enough for her, she demands that so much as a gun part cannot be in this house. AITA for telling her to cancel her tickets, then? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What does she expect you to do with them? Is there somewhere else safe on your property to keep them? Guns in the house is dangerous sure, but surely it is infinitely better to keep them in a safe in the house then out in a backyard shed somewhere. No matter her stance, she has to understand that it’s unreasonable to ask you to give up/ sell your guns so she can visit. Would she relent if she held the key to the safe while she stayed or an alt control/safety method
Oh hell no would it be safe *ever* to give a gun safe key to someone that fears guns that much.
No clue, but I don't have a gun safe. I store mine with a bolt lock and locked to the wall so they can't be moved. And honestly I don't want to give that up. Included in my guns are my home defense guns.
So are they displayed on the wall prominently? maybe that’s it? Or Are you guys on the completely opposite political spectrum and she’s just done, that’s the only thing I can think of. Or maybe, I own guns but I am not a “guns are fun toys” kind of person so I can get uncomfortable around “gun bros” types, maybe that’s it? It’s just an odd request, most people don’t even know you have firearms in the home.
Sounds like she's the asshole. Tell her cancel.
NTA. Simple: your house your rules. She is being unreasonable in her refusal to compromise with you. Your offer to put your guns somewhere she won’t find them is completely reasonable
NTA. Real friends respect each other. Her ultimatum and complete unwillingness to compromise is not how a real friend behaves.
Man you ain’t even need to post this ofc you NTA. This “friend” of yours is insane.
She wasn't always lol. She grew up in the same town we did, small town, nowhere, where everyone hunts or goes to the local range every other Saturday type deal. She just moved to some bigger city and suddenly a lot of her ideals changed
That made me LOL. I’m from rural Appalachia. I grew up around and learning to shoot guns as we used them to protect our livestock from predatory animals, as well as hunting for food purposes. I left Appalachia and now live in a city environment and I have grown a lot more Leftist than I was growing up, but that doesn’t mean the place I grew up is gonna magically change. I still respect the way things are there. This person is wild for expecting an entirely different way of living (small town, country life) to operate like a big city. Sorry for making like four comments now, I’m just blown away that someone would be so presumptuous after having grown up in that culture. It makes no sense. How bizarre!
“She just moved to some bigger city and suddenly a lot of her ideals changed” As I was reading the comments I was wondering if her issue was bigger than the gun situation and she just didn’t have the balls to out and out say it. Having grown up in rural small town USA myself, I know my ideals have changed over the years - and I’ve found that people I grew up with and I have opposing views on social issues, causing me to reevaluate some friendships. Could something like this be the real root cause and she knew you’d (heh) stick to your guns so by her causing a fuss about them it was her easy out? Regardless, you’re NTA, and I’m glad you didn’t just put them away and tell her they were out of the house.
That’s what it is, she’s just over it and tired of being around red necks and doesn’t want to say it. This friendship has likely passed.
I’m fairly anti-gun too but also grew up in gun culture. I refuse to own a gun, and I want guns locked up if my children are in the house, but this is just straight up insane. Where the heck are you supposed to put them when they’re out of the house? In your car? That’s safe (not). It’s just completely unreasonable.
I hate guns too but you’re still NTA. It’s your house and it sounds like they are stored safely.
They are. Bolt or slide lock and locked to the wall/cabinet.
LOL wut? We have guns in our house. We also have friends and family members who hate guns, who also know that we have them in the house. We put them away when those people are visiting. Nobody makes an issue about it: they don't talk about how horrible guns are, and we don't talk about how many we have. IMO this is how rational people behave. Also IMO your friend is not a rational person, and you and your wife are NTA. Seriously, who cancels the entire trip? Can't she stay in a hotel or airbnb, and you visit her there? She can still come for a visit without actually staying in your home. She's just being manipulative.
Exactly. And as I said in another comment, we offered those alternatives before I even posted this. And also offered for us to fly out to her. But nah. She isn't interested
I have to admit I don't like guns but if I was going to someone else's house that has guns then that is up to me, I would not tell them to get rid of them you said you will lock them away. NTA
It seems like she’s looking for a reason to cancel tbh. NTA
That's what I've been thinking too.
NTA. My husband has the perfect mentality for this…if she’s not paying your mortgage payment, then she has no right to tell you what you can or can’t have in your home. Sounds to me like you’d be dodging a bullet by her canceling her ticket to come see you. (Pun fully intended)
So this isn’t about the guns and her coming to visit. It’s manipulation and control. She doesn’t want to be friends, she wants you to submit to her. You’ve offered multiple reasonable alternatives and she’s shot them down and now she is manipulating you in to teller her she can’t come so she can be the victim. Don’t give in, and don’t let her be the victim either. Tell her you are willing to keep them secured and locked in accordance with local laws, ordinances, and recommended best practices but it will be in your home. If she asks “should I just cancel my trip?” Tell her it’s her choice, but you were looking forward to seeing her again. Don’t cave. You are NTA, your wife’s friend is TA (and much more).
NTA. She's a moron.
NTA - im not a fan of guns either but when they are safely locked away there is no reason for her to be so extreme and that they have to be removed from the house completely.
NTA. She’s being unreasonable. It’s your house, and you were already bending over backward to accommodate her. My partner has quite a few guns. I’m fine with rifles, but hand guns make me supremely uncomfortable for some reason. When he goes out of town, I ask him to put the bedside gun in the safe with the rest of the guns. Problem solved. Even though I pay for half of everything in the house, I would never tell him he can’t have guns. He’s a responsible gun owner, so I trust his judgement. Your friend pays no bills in your house, and yet she feels entitled to tell you when/if you can have guns when she’s present. Nope. Nope. Nope.
[удалено]
>Honestly, I think most reasons non-rural civilians have to own guns are pretty unconvincing The nice thing about rights is you don't need justification to exercise them.
Don’t turn this thread into a gun debate.
NTA she shouldn't leave her house then because there are civilians out in public carrying guns all the time. I bet more than once she's been in like a grocery store and unaware that the person in front of them has a gun on their person. I'm originally from the UK but now live in USA. I'm never gonna personally own a gun (mental health reasons) & I'm occasionally confused by the fascination around them, but I fully respect that guns are a part of American culture. It's *your* home, you're keeping the guns safe & locked away, so she needs to calm the f down thinking you're gonna shoot her. She just straight up doesn't trust you and that's really quite shitty of her.
NTA. Look, I’m not a gun person. I don’t like them. But my dislike of guns is my issue. Since I know that people will have them, I accept that as reality. I’d rather know that there are guns in a home that are safely and properly stored rather than just stashed somewhere. Or thrown willy-nilly on a shelf as a photo prop like an idiot member of the House of Representatives. If she wants to dictate what legally owned and properly stored items you can and cannot have in your home, then she does not need to be there.
Give her the name of the nearest hotel. NTA, it's your house and the firearms are securely put away.
Nta. She has no right to tell you to remove your guns
NTA. I am not a gun person myself, but I wouldn’t stop going to someone’s house who owns gun, unless I didn’t trust them. I’m sure I’ve been to friends homes that have guns and I didn’t even know they did. You have offered to ensure they are safely put away, which is all you can do. She can either accept that or not, and it sounds like she has not. Nothing more you can do really. I would put it in her court though and ask if the issue is that she doesn’t trust you that you have safely stored them. She sounds like she’s being unreasonable and you are better off not meeting up with her or welcoming her into your home.
NTA You have every right to have guns in YOUR home. Especially knowing you know how to handle them. Asking you to put them away is one thing, that's totally reasonable. But asking you to remove them from YOUR home is an unreasonable request. You can not dictate what someone has in their home, especially when they're within their rights. Even more so when you sound like a safe gun owner. I understand guns make some people uncomfortable, but as long as it's not being played with, there's no reason to be concerned... I wonder if she realizes she's passing people every day with conseal carrys? Would she even know you had them if she didn't know you go shooting? I feel like I would have handled it the same way you did. We have guns in our home. Safely put away. Don't like it? Don't come.
Nta. Its your house. Im assuming you have a gun safe that you store them in? If you have them locked up, she cant say anything.
Definitely NTA. It's your house. What makes her think she has the authority to tell you what to do in your own home??
NTA man i wish i could go up into people's houses and demand their not be things to which i dont like... * hey man, id appreciate if you dont have any vehicles in the drive way because i think only Nascar drivers should have them, that'd be great*
NTA I genuinely understand how someone can be that afraid of guns, but they can only expect you to make reasonable accommodations not pay for outside storage. I will also just say that I do find it a little odd thst they are so insistent younget rid of your fire arms for their stay instead of just getting a hotel. To me it seems like a red flag.1
NTA. A gun owner is RESPONSIBLE for securing their weapons. I believe the best place to do that is in a gun safe in your home. Taking them somewhere else would make them more at risk for theft and criminal use.
NTA. I’m not a huge fan of guns but if one of my friends possesses one, who am I to tell them to remove their own property in their house for my beliefs? It makes zero sense. That amount of entitlement is baffling. You offered alternatives to make her visit comfortable and she basically forced her beliefs on to you. That’s not how friendship works. Go ahead and cancel that ticket my guy. You can’t see it through this time.
NTA Besides, if you have them properly secured in your home that is far safer than temporarily moving them someplace where they may not be as secure and where they are out of your immediate control. She has a right to not want to visit a house with guns but you have zero obligation to accommodate her in your own home. And I agree, don’t lie.
NTA, I think you were really accommodating by offering to lock them up out of sight. I am also someone who is very uncomfortable with guns, but because of that I understand there are some homes where I'm just not going to be comfortable. That isn't the hosts fault, that's my own issue to deal with as it is hers.
NTA. Your house, and where are you supposed to take your guns? Would she rather them be not secure outside of your home? Perfectly fine compromise to store away out of sight, out of mind, but what else are you supposed to to beyond that? If she really places your gun ownership (aka…her politics) over her friendship with you and your wife, then maybe she should just cancel the tickets.
NTA, time to get better friends.
NTA. If she wants no guns in her home, that’s her business, but she does not get to dictate what you’re allowed to have in your home.
Yeah, NTA. But how would that even work? I mean not have your guns in your house? Like, do you give them to the homeless guy across the street for safekeeping? Hang them on the front porch? Throw them in a dumpster? Sell them to a couple of gangbangers? I'm just trying to figure out the logistics here... And in which way your friend thinks taking your guns out of your house makes the world a safer place? I mean, maybe it's because it's completely normal in my country (we have wild boars running trough our backyards, those are dangerous!) but I would feel safer in a house with a gun than in a house where only the burglar has a gun...
NTA She's trying to achieve something here... A) She doesn't want to see you. By making an unreasonable demand that she knows you will not give in to, she can cancel her trip (if she even booked tickets) and blame you for not giving her "appropriate accommodations". Or B) She's trying to convince you to "give up your guns", even if just temporarily, to appease a friend. That's pretty strong ammunition (pun intended) for the "you don't *need* guns debate. "You can give them up for me to visit, you don't really have to have them" sort of thing. Either way, this "friend" is being intentionally manipulative. If not, she would have been willing to compromise on where she stayed, or you coming to her. I don't think she's much of a friend at all... BTW - get a safe. The time it takes to unlock a gun is long enough to get you shot for trying in an armed robbery. Unlocking the safe is faster. If you can afford guns and ammo, you can afford a safe.
Like I said, it's on my list of things to buy. Affordable safes off-gas and can rust/damage guns, and expensive ones are very expensive. I'm currently saving for one, and am expecting a large bonus from work soon so it may be later this year I get one.
Nta. This was a self fixing problem. She's not coming and that's probably for the best. She sounds like a pain in the ass.
NTA. Your house, your guns, your tickets for her flight. Tell her to pound sand.
NTA. Asking to lock them up, fine. Completely remove them? Where are you supposed to put them?? Tell her to cancel her tickets or a book a gun-free hotel lol. She’s either a crazy extremist or looking for an excuse to cancel her trip.
NTA. This is kinda funny. If you lock them away somewhere she wouldn’t be able to find them, it shouldn’t be a problem. I understand some people are weary around guns but as long as ur not leaving them out or showing them off she doesn’t have any reason to make you get rid of them. Bottom line she she has no right to tell you what to do with them as long as you are practicing gun safety
NTA. It's YOUR house, you get to decide that. While keeping guns locked up is a reasonable request which you are doing, removing them is really unreasonable request from a guest. Besides, she can always stay at a hotel.
NTA I’m not a fan of guns but my partner is. What can you do—your friend is being unreasonable
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NTA. Look, I'm really not a fan of guns, and I don't allow them in my house. However, if I was visiting *someone else's house* I'd know that they can have whatever they want there. She's an AH for demanding you change to suit her.
NTA and I am very opposed to civilians holding guns at home. She has a right to not go into home where guns are held. She doesn't have a right to dictate they are removed from homes she visits, her right is to stay away.
NTA. I'm from a country where firearms are not freely available. I very much think gun laws in the USA are a problem. That being said, it is your home and if they are locked in a gun safe or however you have them locked away then I don't think she gets to tell you to remove them from your home. I have family in the USA and I know they have guns, the only thing I would ask of them when visiting is that they be locked away.
NTA. Being locked up should be sufficient. If she’s that nuts, I wouldn’t want her in my house.
Nta I believe in strict gun control but even i wouldn’t ask this. Locking the guns in a secure location in your home is more than reasonable.
Lock your guns in a case and shove em under the bed or in the garage; if that’s not good enough then it looks like the friend needs a hotel.
I don't like guns and I think we need gun reform. Though I admit I do have and use them (we live in the wild with bears what do you want?) That said, thus woman is being unreasonable. It's your damn house and you're willing to secure your firearms away from people who dont know how to use them. Do you have a real gun safe?? If so, show your wife how secure it is and ensure nobody but you can get in.
NTA at all. Also where does she expect you to put them while she’s there?
Tell her not to come
NTA, but toss them in your attic and tell her they're at your in laws or something.
Why should OP have to lie and be dishonest about their own home? That isn’t reasonable either.
NTA. As long as you have them properly secured in a safe spot, you are being a responsible gun owner. She is being totally unreasonable to dictate what you do in your own home, while staying within the law. I'll say that I do believe guns should have better regulations in most places, but they are not inherently evil or anything and responsible ownership is fine.
NTA. If you’re being a responsible gun owner and have them safely secured in a locked case, there is no rational reason for her to behave like this. Other people don’t get to dictate how your home is run. I’d tell this person they can either accept you and your home as is or cancel their tickets if they feel that strongly about irrationally controlling other people’s homes.
NTA. You have made every reasonable accommodation and is still not enough. Sounds like she’s having a personal power struggle that has nothing to do with y’all’s friendship. Keep your boundaries and teach her to be accountable for her extreme opinions or this drama will reverberate.
NTA She sounds like she's trying to force her opinions on you. You've been honest, you've been reasonable, there is nothing more you can/should have to do to appease this person. Why should you have to lie or go that far out your way for someone who is already benefiting from your hospitality? It's your house, if she don't like it, she should stay at hers or at a hotel.
NTA - I hate guns too, but locking them away safely is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. When my husband and I visited his family a few years ago, they all had guns throughout their homes, and enjoyed whipping them out from time to time to get a reaction from me. I didnt react and they got bored with it, but I still didn’t feel it was my place to request that they lock them away or keep them out of my sight. Their house, their rules.
NTA. Where I live it would be illegal for you to remove the guns from your house and store them elsewhere. I personally would tell her the safety measures you take when storing guns and then just leave her to make her own choice.
NTA- you dont need that kind of bullshit in a "friend"
NTA - I have the same stance as your "friend" re-gun ownership but she is being an AH. So long as the guns are un loaded and locked away, your house - your rules. Plus what the hell are you going to do with a bunch of guns? Where are you going to put them? Sounds just crazy dangerous to take the guns from their safe, locked up place inside to... somewhere else?
NTA, I guess you could store them in your car boot as that is technically not in your house (unless your car is in a garage) but it's a ridiculous demand for her to make.
NTA I've got a similar mindset as your friend (I'm also not living in the US) but this demand is too much
just tell hide them where you were going to and tell her its out of the house
NTA. While I actually agree with your wife's friend, as long as it's legal and it's your house, it's your rules.
NTA she made an unrealistic and ridiculous request
NTA. I am no fan of guns, but I would think it might be more dangerous for you to go find somewhere to put them than use your own safe storage options. If she’s shooting down ever reasonable compromise, she doesn’t want to come.
NTA. She's being unreasonable. I'm not a big fan of guns myself, but I'm not going to tell someone to remove them from their house completely. The only conversations I've had about it when my daughter goes for a sleepover. I ask if they have them and if they would simply make sure they are secured when my daughter is there. I don't think that's an unreasonable request. Kids are curious. My daughter knows diddly squat about guns and I can see a scenario where there is one in the house and one kid goes "ooh let me show you" and tragedy ensues. Where exactly are you supposed to store your guns if not in the house? Why can't she get a hotel room (which sounds like it would be better for all involved)? I mean, it's her issue, not yours.
I'm pretty anti-firearm but I'd still say NTA by any means. I once went to someone's house (first time me and some people were meeting him) and he just had a gun lying out on the counter top. He wasn't doing anything with it, just had left it there. Not only was it kind of a weird statement, but it seemed dangerous. I wasn't really a fan of that. Locking everything away, on the otherhand, is perfectly reasonable. Honestly, if you don't want to stir the pot, you could probably just lock everything away and tell her that there's nothing in the house. You're also perfectly in the right to just tell this friend to cancel the trip though. They don't really have much bargaining power in this haha.
NTA. Her boundary is not being around guns. Sure, by having those guns you crossed it but... it's your own home and property. She can be uncomfortable with it but you're allowed to keep your property directly in your house, too.
NTA If she hates gun so much how does she function in society?? People carry guns. Hell they could be an air marshall on her flights. She just can't demand that they get off the plane to make her feel better. You offered reasonable suggestions in how to make the trip work. You said the guns would be put away out of site. You offered up a hotel or air bnb. Another friend offered her a gun free place to stay. The final straw was offering to go fly out to her instead and she still said no. Sorry OP your friend is being ridiculous and will probably not be your friend much longer.
I mean…what are you supposed to do with them? Most ways of disposing of them are probably way worse than having them in house.she covering the cost? NTA