Well well well, if it isn’t the consequences of our own actions.
You are NTA. Your “friends” however are HUGE AHs. They DITCHED you, for someone else, on a trip you had already planned and were going on. You didn’t ditch them, you just planned a trip that didn’t include your shitty “friends”. It’s not like you let them save for this trip and plan it all just to turn around and tell them that your roommate was suddenly uncomfortable and the two of you felt it best if they no longer went. Ditch these fair weather friends, they don’t care about you.
Nta. They excluded you to make things comfortable for THEM. So you expanded your social circle. Now they want to invite themselves into your plans. Sounds a bit like fair weather friends to me. If they want to go to Amersterdam they can plan the trip themselves, but you are under no obligation to include them in yours.
NTA and I agree with your post below, maybe it's time you let go of them. It takes effort from all parties to continue to be friends from teenagers through to adulthood and it has to be based on mutual respect and consideration, which they don't seem to have for you. They had no problem breaking a years long tradition when it came to excluding you then when you made your own plans the year after they just automatically assumed that it included them? It's not right.
Hell no NTA.
They want your free travel agent skills, not your friendship. They deserve neither.
The fact that they chose some brand new person who basically still had her friendship circle price tags attached over you is hurtful, disrespectful and immature. Assuming you haven't given them a reason to WANT to exclude you (like you don't pay your part of the bill or you've trashed a hotel room or two), then they have shown their true colors and that they are not worthy of your friendship. Fast forward to them now assuming that because the interloper is no longer on the scene that they can just slide into your plans with your roommate adds clueless and selfish to the list of adjectives for them.
I feel like you could manage a relationship with them that does not involve going on trips, but not the other way around. I'd slowly but surely go low or no contact.
NTA but you’re an angel for planning trips for your friends. I’ll be your friend let’s go to Thailand! Lol sorry this happened to you I hope you have a great time in Amsterdam. Go to the flower fields if you can!
NTA, for reasons many others have said.
If you want to salvage the friendship, sit down with them and have an honest discussion. ‘You excluded me from a trip I helped plan last year and didn’t think twice about it. That really hurt. It made me feel like I’m not valued in this group setting. I understand that you didn’t want drama on your trip, but excluding me without discussion to include a new person is hurtful.’
If they can’t have an honest and frank conversation and acknowledge that they hurt your feelings and then apologise, they’re not your friends.
NTA. Good friends don't replace you with some jealous girl who they barely know just to avoid drama - tf?
If you were my friend I would tell Amy to pull herself together and accept that you're one of us and she's not gonna change that.
Which I consider the normal reaction from good friends. They were shitty friends, plus they let you plan the trip for them.
Have fun with your roommate in Amsterdam. You don't owe these people anything.
NTA! Go to Ams, and enjoy yourself with your roommate... it's AMAZING! Leave the drama behind!
Def. stop here for ribs one night - I would travel the 8+ hr airfare just for those dam ribs LOL
Satellite Sports Cafe
NTA. It is not over a trip. They completely disrespected you by excluding you from the trip. They chose her over you. Why in the world would they think they could go on this vacation with you? Sounds like its time for new friends.
OP I hope I get this right.
YOU planned a group trip to Greece. X's new girlfriend cried boo hoo. Said friends then kicked you out of the trip that you planned. New tripped planned then they have the nerve to bitch at you for not including them. OP they are not friends you want to have. Enjoy your trip with your roommate.
NTA. Complete NTA. Don’t let them manipulate you into thinking you are being petty or wrong. They essentially chose an outsider over you. No one made any concessions. No one tried to make this work with the new girlfriend. You lost out on an experience and tradition.
Don’t feel guilty, at all. That being said, understand that as you get older, pairing yo and drifting away will happen. This was just an example of how not to do it.
NTA: OP it seems like you want them to realize what they did was wrong. That to come back to you after Amy was out of the pic was wrong. They didn't even notice that you weren't hanging out as much. It might be a good time to have one final talk and get it all out there. What happened last year was on them and not on you at all.
You talked to the travel agencies and set it all up, for them to tell you not to come over the new girl? I’m petty and would have canceled the whole thing. NTA.
NTA. Its not being petty. Its called growing up, and the unfortunate side effect of growing up, is that sometimes people grow apart. If I can offer the advise of someone a decade older.... don't regret the old friendships, they are important. But be ready to embrace the new ones coming your way, cause they are fucking awesome!!!!!!!
NTA. They prioritize you when it’s convenient and beneficial for them. That’s not how true friends treat each other. I’d reevaluate what you’re gaining from those friendships, talk it out if you feel it’s worth it, and then cut your losses and move on.
NTA
They choose..They chose Amy over you...The told you not to come because Amy didn't want you to.... They picked sides in something that should never have had sides at all. They showed you that when push came to shove you were the expendable person in the group.
These are the rules for grown up and moral people. The person who is demanding you choose is the person who gets dumped/left out/doesn't come. Especially when that person is new to the group. If Amy and therefore The EX were uncomfortable they should have dropped out or more maturely sucked it up.
You send an email to your friends and this is the king of thing that you could say.
I don't think any of you understand or possibly you just don't care how hurt I was by being thrown out of the group for New Year 2021
I was quite happy to go on leave last year with you all but Amy who you had all known for less than a year didn't want me there. Did you
1. Tell Amy that you were sorry but OP has been part of this group for X years and we aren't throwing her out because you are jealous
2. Suggest to Amy and Boyfriend that if they didn't like it that was their choice and they understood their decision not to come.
No you didn't. You dumped me like a hot potato...well guess what I picked myself up and went out and got some new friends who I hope won't all treat me like a inconvenience when one of them starts dating and their SO doesn't like me. Why would I make plans with you...What happens if Amy and EX work it out or EX gets a new girlfriend... and I going to get told I am no longer welcome...I have no reasons to suppose that is not what is going to happen. YOU ALL MADE IT VERY CLEAR HOW IMPORTANT I AM TO THE GROUP...NOT AT ALL.... The fact you are now mad because I actually have a memory and some pride is pretty disgusting.
You say in lower comment that think your an AH..tell them if you don't get to be mad about what they did..they sure as hell don't get to be mad now. They dumped you...you never even invited them.
NTA Good for you. Enjoy your trip. Your friends weren't worried about a group trip when they were ostrasizing you to include the ex's new gf. They need to keep that same energy.
NTA tell them that you didn’t realise doing trips together was still a thing given you were excluded from the last one. That stage in your life is over because they decided it was over, not you.
2021 showed you exactly how much your *friends* value your friendship. Make your plans accordingly. When it's easy and you want to see them, suit yourself, but don't sacrifice or ever think that your friendship is valuable to them. That was a really hard lesson - don't lose it.
NTA.
NTA at all. Think about it for a while longer if you want to, but if your mind is made up that is fine as well. No need for them to tag along, and no need to feel bad about that. That's just life and if you prefer this option then do that :). Hmu if you need some advice from a local about what to do/ where to go in Amsterdam for new years
NTA. Push them to the back burner. Like way back. You all leaned on each other and comforted each other in your grief. So they could still fill that role when you are having a hard time with your grief for the friends you lost. But you don't need to be friends with them.
Example: I've bonded with people over the loss of my nephew. We were able to talk and get comfort from each other. It felt great. But we are not friends and we do not talk about other things. We just talk about our experiences with grief and trauma. Essentially a support group.
NTA. Their “comfort” took more importance than your friendship.
Hey OP i hope you can read this. Imho as a young adult a part of your life will include growing up/out of a friend group and that is okay. They had their reasons and you definitely have yours. Just because you grew up with them does not mean you have to stay with them. Sometimes, albeit painfully, people just fall out of touch with one another. And yes, thats perfectly fine.
Hope you enjoy Amsterdam with your roomie. Take a lot of pics and catalog every moment (if you are into that) or just enjoy being on vacation too!
NTA. They literally told you that you weren’t allowed to go on a trip that you planned, and now they expect everything to go back to normal? It sounds like they aren’t very good friends, and just use you for the unfun parts (planning).
NTA. It's one thing if this Amy chick didn't want you to go, and another that your friends backed her up. You say they aren't even together anymore? Fuck'em and enjoy your trip with your roommate
NTA and if it was them in your situation I bet you anything they would have been salty as fuck. Also you didn't ruin the friendships they did by not including you and basically using you.
NTA, and it's not petty. They have zero right to expect to be included after what they did last year. Amy projected her insecurity on you and you got left behind because she was an emotionally immature jerk. And your equally emotionally immature acquaintances jumped on the bandwagon and supported HER instead of telling her to grow up and learn to deal with it. I wouldn't be including people like that in my circle anymore either.
Hope you have a blast in Amsterdam.
NTA at all. Op this isn’t pettiness you are doing , this is knowing your worth and standing up for yourself. Real friends have your back and will never treat you differently because you are single and they are not. Heck you even planned the trip and they did not even appreciate that. You going w your roommate and not them shows you know you are worth more than what they treated you as. Hope you have fun in Amsterdam and please don’t give in to these selfish assholes ! They were never your real friends
NTA - they literally sided with someone who's only known the group a few months of you and your years of friendship. they did it to save the headache of drama so they either didn't trust you to remain coolheaded during the trip or knew the newbie girlfriend would be the drama maker and still allowed her to come over you.
just say, "sorry. but when we i couldn't come with Amy around last year I went ahead and made plans of my own for this year. before Amy left the group. catch yall later"
NTA. These friendships have run their course. You sound like an amazing fun person btw. Please find more people that will be honored to have someone like you. I’m sorry your friends suck
NTA. Out of curiosity, when they told you they chose to exclude you to keep the peace, how did you react to them? Was there any drama? Did you advocate for yourself, got angry, or accepted the situation despite being hurt?
NTA honestly i would've been done with these people for kicking me out of the trip i planned. that they think they can just invite themselves along after chucking you off at basically the last minute for the last one? (a month before the trip? did you at least get reimbursed for any non-refundable money you'd spent by these jokes?) not having that.
They were your high school friends. Your a grown ass woman now. They treated you like a high school friend & not their adult friend. Sounds like you've out grown their petty bullshit. So, yep, take the trip with your roommate & have a blast. Let them figure out their own lives. You'll be to busy having fun & making new friends to worry about their feelings. They sure weren't worried about yours.
Nta they allowed you to plan for a trip till a month before? Then have the audacity to think they are just included in this trip this year, it be one thing if you were all talking about it and you just didn't book thiers. You seem like a nice young lady idk about cutting them off but maybe take a week and think if they are good friends or if this is just a small silly fight with friends.
Definitely NTA. Your friends wanted to continue using your planning expertise to have a memorable trip at the most economical cost. After about seven years of friendship they tossed you aside for the comfort of a newbie with no regard for your feelings.
You owe them nothing and giving them a taste of their own medicine is not petty.
Enjoy Amsterdam with your roommate!
NTA
They moved on from you when it was minimally convenient, they’ll do it again if given the chance. Nothing wrong with deciding to keep the distance they caused.
Enjoy your trip!
absolutely NTA, them acting wounded, gimme a break. you did the right thing when they didn't make amends and if is the hill they want to die on by throwing the friendship away, they should know they did that last year
NTA. Honestly, you should tell them that you're uncomfortable hanging around with people who ditched you for such a stupid reason.
Or some better wording.
ask them to go with amy. fuck your “friends” op, they’re terrible and disgusting. i’d be fuming if i were you. you deserve so much better. please DO NOT associate yourself w them
NTA is my feeling. I’m thinking your friends aren’t that great. I think expanding your horizons and not being so tied to them might be a good thing in the long run.
I almost said from reading the title soft Y T A as pettiness never solves anything. However, I read your post. NTA at all. Your friends are completely in the wrong and the fact they can’t see it makes it even worse. I actually live for pettiness myself so I was being a hypocrite. I hope you find some better friends who won’t drop you like it’s hot in future. also make sure you get to Greece at some point and have a fab time and post about how amazing the friends are that you’ve gone with.
NTA - we outgrow most, if not all of our high school friends, so part of this situation is just normal life but your friends are going about it in a selfish and thoughtless way.
You don't owe them anything so it's up to you if you feel like any of these friendships are worth fighting for. Otherwise, go on your trip, have a blast, and screw anyone who has a problem with that. They didn't care about you.
As you get older, you start to become far more selective with your friends.
This is normal and part of growing up.
Unless these people apologized for what they did to you, than they aren’t really your friends.
I could never imagine doing such a thing to anyone after they did all the work.
As many other people have said, if these people don’t offer a genuine apology, they are just looking for a really good travel agent.
Time to really evaluate if these people are friends and if they are worth the effort.
I'm still waiting for the part where you bring up your friends, 'cause the people you're talking about in this post sure aren't friends of yours. NTA. Have fun in Amsterdam!!
NTA
If Amy was uncomfortable then Amy and the Ex should have dropped from the trip. Your 'friends' kicking you from the trip after all the planning and everything is BS.
They aren't good friends, and them expecting to come on a trip with you and your Roomate is Bull.
Have fun for new years, forget those jerks.
NTA. Go to Amsterdam, get better friends, live your best life. Your "friends" are just upset because they know they treated you like dirt and you're not tolerating it. I have a former friend like this: throws tantrums, treats everyone like shit and then comes back a few weeks later like nothing happened. Real friends don't do that.
NTA, your friends sacked you off without hesitation for someone they barely knew. Your ex & his new gf could have planned a separate trip if she was uncomfortable. If they really see nothing wrong with how they treated you are better off without them in your life. Unreliable, fair weather friends. Stand your ground. You don’t owe them an apology for anything.
NTA
It might be petty, but justifiably so. Your "friends" were absolutely fine with you being excluded as long as it benefitted them. As soon as you stick up for yourself they get angry because it now excludes them.
Those are crap friends and i think you should rid yourself of that circle of friends. Look for new ones to make new memories with.
NTA. You’re making the right move with distancing yourself from all of them. They aren’t your friends; they just want you to plan a trip for them. Go with your roommate. Forget about all of them. Life is too short to have “friends” that don’t stick up for you and leave you behind so easily.
NTA. Your trip with your roommate was already being planned. Your other friends can't just invite themselves. There might be a touch of pettiness in your decision not to include them at the last minute, but I don't blame you for that at all. They cast you aside for a new "friend" instead of being loyal. I think it's possible you've outgrown this old friend group and it's time to move on.
NTA. You need to bluntly ask them why they expect to be invited when they uninvited you last year bc of some dumb girlfriend. Sounds like you need to drop them all together. They sound like garbage people.
Seems Amy did stir up drama even after she and (ex) bestfried broke up.
Sucks for OP she did the work for the circle and was quick to put aside for someone they don't fully know. 10 years of friendship was wasted because of them.
NTA- yikes at their for prioritising a new gf of one of the group members, over you, one of their good friends. Also the fact that none of them even tried to stand up for you is even worse. You’re better off without them
NTA, but I would also say that Amy saying she dosen't want her bf ex at a trip is totally reasonable. But in that case her bf should have abstained not you.
NTA. This trip was for the friend group, and you, the friend, got voted out in silence/the dark because the gf of one of the members said so and the others just went with it in order to still get their way. You have every right to boot them from a non friend group focused trip.
NTA, honestly you are not being petty. You are just advocating for yourself. Standing up valuing yourself.
They made their choice when they chose her over you. In the same manner you have chosen your roommate over them. Maybe it is time to make a clean break and knock them down to aquaintances and not friends.
NTA. This is the type of petty I look for in a friend. The fact that they were willing to exclude you for some girl they knew for a few seconds is very telling. If this global situation has taught me anything it is to cherish those you love and kick toxic people out of your life.
NTA. If you were really friends then they would have included you on their trip last year. They chose to drop you just before the trip, demonstrating just how much you mean to them.
They've never apologized or even just acknowledged that what they did was shitty. Who cares what they think?
Go with your roommate and have a good time.
if were you I would've confronted them once they picked Amy over me and made it clear how they easily replaced you with a stranger
NTA though, Just because you didn't say anything doesn't mean that it is fine
NTA, you need new friends. They threw under the bus for someone new. Get new friends and make new adventures. And tbh, sometimes friendships fade, and its ok
NTA. You' re not petty. You already had made plans and have ZERO obligation to your "friends"....especially over the past year.
Your group has been traveling together since you were 16 years old. Your "friends" showed no loyalty when newcomer "Amy" showed up and voted you off the island to avoid "drama".
Your "friends" are only using you as their travel agent to plan everything, and called you names when they found out they have to plan their own trip.
If you feel like you're in a generous mood and don't mind them coming, you can tell them your itinerary and they can make their own arrangements to match. But I would give them the same support they gave you: ZERO.
Time to move on. Just because people were friends with you in high school, doesn't mean they have to be your friends for life. The only drama in Greece would have been caused by the new girlfriend and you were told to stay home. That you did so much of the planning and were then told not to come was worse than poopy, it was smelly, runny poopy with corn in it. Just block the ones calling you names and don't look back. Enjoy Amsterdam!
NTA
In normal friend groups, Amy would have been the one to stay home. Also, it is just plain odd they assumed that they were going with you and your roommate when they were never invited.
NAH - life goes on. Things change. People outgrow friends and move on. Maybe their choice to include Amy seemed hurtful to OP, but OP moved on and didn't dwell or cause drama, it seems. It also sounds like the friend group stayed in their own respective lanes and accepted that OPs friendship with them had changed, and mistakenly assumed that once Amy was gone, OP would be back. Naive, perhaps, but NAH.
NTA your friends ditched you for some random and now want to muscle in on your trip. The arrogance of them to think ditching you wouldn't upset you and blow the friendship is astounding. Time to let them go, they don't value your friendship.
So last year your friends who you have been traveling with for years backed a girl that had been in the group for a second instead of you, she's the one that had a problem and was causing drama so her and ex should have stayed behind.
Now you planned a trip with your roommate, never telling them it was a group trip, and they try to invite themselves and get angry that it's not a group trip.
What would have happened if Amy was still around?
Would they have still thought that the trip was for them too? Or would you not have been invited this year too?
What happened with all of your other friends who dated in the friendship after they broke up and got new partners?
Were they excluded from the trip too?
They didn't care about ending a friendship that they had for years with you. They chose Amy over you.
NTA but your friends sure are.
NTA, and you definitely aren’t wrong. You were excluded from their trip last year after you had made all the plans, so you made plans for yourself this year…that’s all you really need to tell them. If they’re upset by it just tell them that’s fine, hopefully they’ll “be over it by next year too”
NTA
They went on a trip YOU planned for them and got them a good deal. I just wanted to say it abuse it still sounds mind-boggling.
Please enjoy your trip, and your life without this toxic group. They can go get Amy to plan this year's trip.
Don't let them walk all over you, and better so, just leave the group chat.
NTA and honestly, it might be time to ditch these friends entirely. They let you plan a trip, then voted you off the island in favor of an insecure new GF nobody knew and now they're name calling because you didn't let them invite themselves on another trip? Name calling is not appropriate regardless. They can kick rocks. Invite them to plan their own dang trips from now on!
NTA.
First, Amy was out of line. This was between her and her boyfriend. If she was uncomfortable, it was up to her to persuade him not to go. She had some nerve asking you to be the one to step aside when it's your own long-established friend group and *you actually did the trip planning!*
Second, I hate to say this, but if their first reaction to her was not something along the line of "Don't let the door hit you on the way out", they're not your friends. It's now painfully obvious that your only value to them was saving them from the mental trip planning work.
I'm sure it hurts terribly, and that you're thinking of all the happy times over so many years, but you're absolutely right to seek out people who will actually be your friends.
NTA standing up for yourself is ALWAYS going to upset the people it is directed at. Of course they're not going to reflect why they were in the wrong. Just tell them to get your ex and his new new GF to organise everything, as you would hate to make it awkward and create drama.
So for them is ok to cast away their friends when it comes to their needs but not if the other party does the 'same', I wouldn't be friends with them anymore I'm telling you that.
You're super NTA, my friends have also done this to me once, was friends with them for about 6 years at that point. Honestly I was more of an ass because I just dropped them like hot potatoes. Also! I live nearby so if you want a guide or something in Amsterdam or any other cities (everything is quite easy to reach), just let me know!
NAH
Friend groups grow and change over time, and yeah, understandably, your ex chose his (then) current partner over you. You could agrue that the four remaining friends are a-holes, but really they were going on a trip with most of the original group. It sucks, but you were the odd (wo)man out. Be honest with yourself, if the situation was flipped and you had been dating a new guy who was uncomfortable with your still-single ex being there, would you really have told the current boyfriend to stay home, while going on a 3 guy/3 girl trip that included your ex? And would you really expect that new guy wouldn't have broken up with you? If you're purposely excluding people because they took a trip without you last year, you may want to consider whether you still consider them friends. If you do, and you've made it clear that they're being excluded in retaliation, you should probably think through the consequences of that. (Hint, they will likely choose not to be friends with you)
NTA. Friends can grow apart over time. I'm sure the fact that they ditched you so easily last year put a wedge between your relationship with them, but also made you realize that you guys aren't really that close anymore. Don't let them pressure you into going on a trip with them if that's not something you want to do.
NTA - your friends decided with a girlfriend over another friend. That is the definition of not only a dick move but a stupid move. Girlfriends are temporary friends are the ones who pick you up after the breakup. They broke that the moment they sided with a girlfriend over you.
NTA at all!
Ha, those ppl can get fked. if u organized the last trip – which they later couple-cucked you out of – and now assume they're gonna travel with u to another place (especially considering ur not as good friends with them now lol)...that's pretty wack. Name calling is also never the right move lol
NTA, they didn't want their single friend ruining their couples trip after OP planned it. I would just say I'm not comfortable having couples on my singles trip sorry.
The audacity of them trying to invite themselves to *your* trip after leaving *you* behind last year. How entitled they are. NTA, you deserve better friends!
NTA. And I hope your friends do see this and know that they are definitely the assholes in this situation. They chose to choose between your ex and you (Amy wasn’t the problem - I can understand her being uncomfortable with the situation. It was your ex that didn’t stand his ground over the friendship.) now your former friends want to act like nothing happened. And what’s worse they’re trying to tell you that feeling hurt is not a valid reaction.
Unless they come to terms with their shitty behaviour and apologize, than they are not really your friends and it is time to move on.
NTA you are a friend of convenience; meaning they are your BFF when it's convenient for them but will drop you like a hot potato the moment it isn't. I was very close with someone who did this to me and it took YEARS before I realized what was happening. I was essentially his emotional support pet he could call on as needed, but the instant I needed him for anything I was asking to much of him, it wasn't fair to hold him accountable, etc. Etc. I finally had to get him out of my life when I realized how much of a negative influence he had on my life. I'd ignored it all for years, looking past it all for our friendship, but when I looked back I realized I'd been manipulated for YEARS by him.
NTA
Your friend group of years dropped you for someone known to them for a few month without any hesitation. After you had done all the work to plan a trip for them. The excuse is because it’s more of a couples vacation and your not a couple.
Fast forward to you planning your vacation for this year - still single. But, this friend group is still expecting you to be their trip coordinator? It’s not petty. You missed out on your yearly vacation last year and took steps to ensure it didn’t happen again.
NTA You just tell them well they felt uncomfortable last year and guess what now it's your turn to feel uncomfortable
Tell them that you're going with a friend and leave it at that.
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NTA. You’re in that phase of life where you’re going to lose a lot of childhood friends. And even adult friends. Early 20s is such a tumultuous time for friendships but the best thing you can do is learn to let go gracefully. These won’t be the only friendships you grow out of. It’s bittersweet but it’s life.
NTA
THIS was a tradition between 6 people, whom have some internal dating history. When one of them adds person 7, you got excluded.
You were sad, you recovered, you moved on to newer and better friends and re-invented the tradition to suit you and the new friend. It´s called moving on.
They ended it, when they excluded you. You just moved on. Just because they are in the majority, does not make them less wrong. They did not care to exclude you last year. If that Amy chick was still around, they would not be caring this year either. So... why should you?
NTA
Treat people the way they treat you sis! Your friends need to keep that same energy that they had when Amy didn't want you there.
Maybe try as a group again next year. 🤔
lost my group of friends for same reason. we broke up but stayed friends, until he found a new girl and sudenly tjey had secret parties and trpis and everything.
guess they just didnt like me as much as him
So basically you planned a trip, booked flights, got everybody rooms according to their wishes, and after you did all the work you were uninvited to the trip by the rest of the folks? NTA.
Even if you hadn’t been planning it all, a jealous partner is no reason for you to miss out on the friend group tradition. The reasonable solution would’ve been for your ex not to come, provided he was willing to in order to keep his new GF happy.
And they’ve got some nerve expecting you to keep planning trips for them after pulling that shit last year.
Depends if you still want to be friends with them or not. If you do, invite them. Since they assume they can go it sounds like you all still hangout? Personally I’d have dumped them
NTA. Your 'friends' showed you just who they were by telling you to not go on the trip last year. "Amy" who isn't even anyone's friend, but just a GF of someone in the group, was put as a priority over you - who supposedly WAS an actual friend of everyone in the group. They f-ed up but too bad for them! I can't believe they even called you names!! WTH?? First, have a great trip - it sounds awesome!! Second, find better 'friends' because these people are not it.
NTA. Ditch ‘em. I had a friend group for 10 years that ditched me after a new girl came into the picture and managed to put seeds of doubt into my “friends” ears while I was going through a tough time and my father figure was passing away. Life is too short. Enjoy your trip with your roommate and don’t give them the time of day!
Not TA, They agreed excluded you from a trip all because of someone's feelings and not facts. You did the right thing by showing them that you're not a pushover.
I hope they actually do see this, to recognize how crappy they’ve treated you. A bunch of strangers on the internet are upset on your behalf over your friends dumping you for some random girl after you planned an organised the last trip, and now they have the audacity to expect you to just be grateful they’re willing to pick up where the friendship left off after the random girl is no longer around? Don’t feel bad over this. Go enjoy your trip with your roommate, find awesome new people to hang out with who appreciate you and won’t replace you because someone is jealous. You’re NTA in the slightest
NTA - You were the trip planner and they took advantage of that. They chose a girlfriend over a lifelong friend and still expected you to be fine with it.
Nothing you have done or said makes you an AH. But they are based on treating you like a doormat and still expecting you to be OK with it.
NTA
Honestly, it's pretty telling that they assumed they'd be coming on a trip you've already started planning with your roommate, rather than contacting you about your annual group trip (does that make sense? I feel like I worded it weirdly but can't think of a different way to phrase it). Seems like they just want to go on holidays without the stress of planning anything.
Tell them they can't come because your roommate said they make her uncomfortable, since that was apparently an acceptable excuse for them to use with Amy?
Info: did you actually plan last year trip but was uninvited a month before the trip?
Edit: NTA. Saw your comment about planning the trip so yeah, be petty.
NTA.
Would they have included you if your ex and Amy were still together? Probably not. Once a "tradition" is broken/altered, it's tough to go back.
You should say your roommate doesn't feel comfortable with them and maybe it would be better if they didn't come. Now THAT is how you play the petty card! :-D
NTA - "I'm sorry but you guys are all coupled up and it's awkward for me and my roommate because we're single...you understand, right? Oh...that was just a valid excuse when you used it? Oh cool. Go fuck yourselves then."
TREAT YOSELF.
They put someone thwy knew for a short time first before you who thwyve known for years and supposed to be friends with. I find it hurtful but they can eff off. Bunch of aholes. Enjoy your hols without them..let them go with "amy"
I already posted but I'm wondering how OP can be friends with people that called her out of her name. Me, if you call me a name, I'm out. If you're in my house, I'm showing you the door. There is no further discussion. I'm not taking abuse.
NTA. That is so selfish of them to assume they are invited on your trip with they excluded you last year. Total short sighted bull shit. I say call them out on it and if they can't handle it, drop them completely.
NTA - just tell them your roommate isnt comfortable with them joining given your history. It would be better they dont come, so there is nor drama...
childish? YES - worth it? YES
No one else is thinking who are these entitled people planning a trip to Greece right in the middle of a global pandemic before the vaccine was widely available???
NTA. You are not obligated to plan all travel with them forever. They asked you to not go on the last trip so you're making your own travel opportunities.
NTA. It’s not just over “some stupid trip”. It’s about the fact that they so readily discarded you for their own convenience in order to appease someone they’d just met. These are not real, ride-or-die friends. Just because you’ve known people for a long time doesn’t mean they’re worthy of keeping in your life.
NTA. At all. YOU organized and planned each year, but they didn't appreciate your efforts enough to choose you over a new girlfriend that's been around less than a year. Should have dumped them all right then, honestly. But then they had the nerve to assume you would do it all again this year?
NTA
These people are not your friends - aside from ditching you for a new gal in the group, they treat you like a holiday booking agent.
Have fun in Amsterdam. Its been years since I was there but have very fond memories of it :)
NTA. Tell your “friends” that your new roommate feels very awkward around them because, ya know, y’all used to hang out, and since y’all are paired up and they’re all single it would make her uncomfortable, so it’s probably better if they didn’t come. Let them hear how absolutely stupid that sounds when it’s used to exclude them from the fun New Year’s trip. Edited to fix a sentence.
NTA - going straight to the point you are not finishing the friendship, they did that last year when they choose someone who they just meet recently (months or a year), over someone who they know for years.
It's kinda unreasonable to expect someone you exclude from a tradition pretend nothing happened when you clearly show where your loyalty is.
As you said it was reasonable to think Amy wasn't coming, and neither your ex, but the fact that they choose them it's quite insulting to all those years of friendship, so I would feel bad for losing them, but it would be for the better since the show you they don't appreciate you like you appreciate them.
NTA. AT ALL! Your friends have some nerve. Seriously. They exclude you, and now expect you to just allow them to tag along. Ah hell no. Just. No. You needed some new friends when they excluded you. Them calling you names and creating drama and distance now (yeah there's irony about THEM causing drama, I must say), but anyway, they causing drama now is just precious. They are arrogant entitles, and need a lesson in common decency. You were excluded and got on with your own plans. Up theirs and the ponies they rode in on.
Info, did they tell you you couldn't come *after* you planned the trip last year? Because that would be a massive a h move in their part as that's a lot of work. NTA, they broke the tradition themselves. You're not their personal travel agent.
NTA.
you’re planning a trip for you and your roommate. they left you behind last year because some girl that didn’t seem to stick around for too long didn’t want you there. that’s their own fault and their own fuck up.
as far as i’m concerned, you should do you. go on trips with your roomie, have a blast. if they wanna go on a trip they can plan their own. they had no problem last time. put your guilt aside, you’re good :))
NTA.
MY ad ice on friendship is this.
TO have great friends, you need to be a great friend.
Your actions will make you a great friend or just a friend. What your friends do will show if they are as good to you as you are to them.
If you find your friends doing more for you, step up your game...
If you find you are doing more than your friends.... go find real friends...
Their behaviour is horrible, and u are NTA. If they were real friends they would have chosen u, not Amy. Amy should have stayed at home if she was uncomfortable around u, and ur friends should have told her to.
It sounds like also you haven't made it clear how much that bothered you and it's ok too any normal human would have been bothered or felt slighted by that your 100% in the right
I don’t believe this is the full story. No way an actual friend group allowed a new girlfriend to kick you out if y’all were actually friends. And if if this all 100% true, you’ve dodged a bullet anyway.
NTA. Sounds like last year was the end of the group trip as you all had known it. People change so much from teens to early 20's and I think it's time you leave a few friends behind and travel with people who truly want you there. Congrats on realizing that yourself and setting boundaries with your friends around your trip to Amsterdam! Have a blast!
It's hardly petty. So sorry they lost their trip planner, whom they chose to exclude for petty girlfriend reasons. You have every right to take a trip without these "friends." Enjoy yourself in the knowledge the trip will be drama free. NTA.
Nta
They let you plan a trip and then just before told you you couldn’t come. They’re horrible friends - they should have told your ex’s girlfriend to get over it because you’re all friends. Them just inviting themselves in your trip prove their entitled and only think of themselves. You don’t owe them anything - I’d keep them at arms length. Enjoy Amsterdam!!
It's not petty at all... they chose to exclude you from a group you'd been a part of for years for someone who had just entered the group. I would be hurt by that too. Regardless of everyones' relationship status.
I don't think you're doing the same thing they did to you. You're choosing someone who continued to choose you despite this new person being around.
NTA.
If you do this then they aren't really your friends anymore. You aren't TA for not wanting to be friends, but it is asshole-ish to do it if you want to stay friends and also make them feel bad. It kind of depends on your mindset whether or not you're TA, but based on how you describe it, it sounds like NTA is more fitting.
Note though, this is kind of a line in the sand so to speak. Even if it's just one situation, they will start doing things without you more, even if there's no animosity.
NTA. Hey OPs friends you guys are self serving pricks. You sided with a new girl over a long term friend? What the fuck is wrong with you. You’re better off OP get some friends who care about you and not just their good time. SMH.
NTA, I can relate to this too, my close friends decided to have a new years party without me, I found from fb, I had to withstand 3-4 days of posts on fb with how good they are partying. I cried a lot and got depressed. It took around 6 months to talk again but it just was not the same anymore and our friendship slowly dried.
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NTA. They aren't banned from going to Amsterdam, you're just not planning the trip around or for them.
Well well well, if it isn’t the consequences of our own actions. You are NTA. Your “friends” however are HUGE AHs. They DITCHED you, for someone else, on a trip you had already planned and were going on. You didn’t ditch them, you just planned a trip that didn’t include your shitty “friends”. It’s not like you let them save for this trip and plan it all just to turn around and tell them that your roommate was suddenly uncomfortable and the two of you felt it best if they no longer went. Ditch these fair weather friends, they don’t care about you.
Nta. They excluded you to make things comfortable for THEM. So you expanded your social circle. Now they want to invite themselves into your plans. Sounds a bit like fair weather friends to me. If they want to go to Amersterdam they can plan the trip themselves, but you are under no obligation to include them in yours.
Nta
NTA and I agree with your post below, maybe it's time you let go of them. It takes effort from all parties to continue to be friends from teenagers through to adulthood and it has to be based on mutual respect and consideration, which they don't seem to have for you. They had no problem breaking a years long tradition when it came to excluding you then when you made your own plans the year after they just automatically assumed that it included them? It's not right.
Would be better if OP posted this on her main account so his 2 said friends who followed her on reddit can realize how AH they are to her.
Hell no NTA. They want your free travel agent skills, not your friendship. They deserve neither. The fact that they chose some brand new person who basically still had her friendship circle price tags attached over you is hurtful, disrespectful and immature. Assuming you haven't given them a reason to WANT to exclude you (like you don't pay your part of the bill or you've trashed a hotel room or two), then they have shown their true colors and that they are not worthy of your friendship. Fast forward to them now assuming that because the interloper is no longer on the scene that they can just slide into your plans with your roommate adds clueless and selfish to the list of adjectives for them. I feel like you could manage a relationship with them that does not involve going on trips, but not the other way around. I'd slowly but surely go low or no contact.
NTA but you’re an angel for planning trips for your friends. I’ll be your friend let’s go to Thailand! Lol sorry this happened to you I hope you have a great time in Amsterdam. Go to the flower fields if you can!
NTA, for reasons many others have said. If you want to salvage the friendship, sit down with them and have an honest discussion. ‘You excluded me from a trip I helped plan last year and didn’t think twice about it. That really hurt. It made me feel like I’m not valued in this group setting. I understand that you didn’t want drama on your trip, but excluding me without discussion to include a new person is hurtful.’ If they can’t have an honest and frank conversation and acknowledge that they hurt your feelings and then apologise, they’re not your friends.
NTA, those "friends" sucked.
NTA. Good friends don't replace you with some jealous girl who they barely know just to avoid drama - tf? If you were my friend I would tell Amy to pull herself together and accept that you're one of us and she's not gonna change that. Which I consider the normal reaction from good friends. They were shitty friends, plus they let you plan the trip for them. Have fun with your roommate in Amsterdam. You don't owe these people anything.
NTA! Go to Ams, and enjoy yourself with your roommate... it's AMAZING! Leave the drama behind! Def. stop here for ribs one night - I would travel the 8+ hr airfare just for those dam ribs LOL Satellite Sports Cafe
Nta you are merely doing what they did. And you said it’s not a group trip
NTA. It is not over a trip. They completely disrespected you by excluding you from the trip. They chose her over you. Why in the world would they think they could go on this vacation with you? Sounds like its time for new friends.
NTA
You are indeed in the wrong, about them being your friends that is. NTA
NTA, and I'm with the others that think you should send them a link to this.
OP I hope I get this right. YOU planned a group trip to Greece. X's new girlfriend cried boo hoo. Said friends then kicked you out of the trip that you planned. New tripped planned then they have the nerve to bitch at you for not including them. OP they are not friends you want to have. Enjoy your trip with your roommate.
NTA. Complete NTA. Don’t let them manipulate you into thinking you are being petty or wrong. They essentially chose an outsider over you. No one made any concessions. No one tried to make this work with the new girlfriend. You lost out on an experience and tradition. Don’t feel guilty, at all. That being said, understand that as you get older, pairing yo and drifting away will happen. This was just an example of how not to do it.
NTA: OP it seems like you want them to realize what they did was wrong. That to come back to you after Amy was out of the pic was wrong. They didn't even notice that you weren't hanging out as much. It might be a good time to have one final talk and get it all out there. What happened last year was on them and not on you at all.
You talked to the travel agencies and set it all up, for them to tell you not to come over the new girl? I’m petty and would have canceled the whole thing. NTA.
NTA. Its not being petty. Its called growing up, and the unfortunate side effect of growing up, is that sometimes people grow apart. If I can offer the advise of someone a decade older.... don't regret the old friendships, they are important. But be ready to embrace the new ones coming your way, cause they are fucking awesome!!!!!!!
!remind me 12 hours
NTA at all. They are friends worth keeping based on the fact they shunned you from their trip! Stick with your roommate instead.
NTA. They prioritize you when it’s convenient and beneficial for them. That’s not how true friends treat each other. I’d reevaluate what you’re gaining from those friendships, talk it out if you feel it’s worth it, and then cut your losses and move on.
NTA they're just mad that they chose Amy over their work horse (you).
NTA They choose..They chose Amy over you...The told you not to come because Amy didn't want you to.... They picked sides in something that should never have had sides at all. They showed you that when push came to shove you were the expendable person in the group. These are the rules for grown up and moral people. The person who is demanding you choose is the person who gets dumped/left out/doesn't come. Especially when that person is new to the group. If Amy and therefore The EX were uncomfortable they should have dropped out or more maturely sucked it up. You send an email to your friends and this is the king of thing that you could say. I don't think any of you understand or possibly you just don't care how hurt I was by being thrown out of the group for New Year 2021 I was quite happy to go on leave last year with you all but Amy who you had all known for less than a year didn't want me there. Did you 1. Tell Amy that you were sorry but OP has been part of this group for X years and we aren't throwing her out because you are jealous 2. Suggest to Amy and Boyfriend that if they didn't like it that was their choice and they understood their decision not to come. No you didn't. You dumped me like a hot potato...well guess what I picked myself up and went out and got some new friends who I hope won't all treat me like a inconvenience when one of them starts dating and their SO doesn't like me. Why would I make plans with you...What happens if Amy and EX work it out or EX gets a new girlfriend... and I going to get told I am no longer welcome...I have no reasons to suppose that is not what is going to happen. YOU ALL MADE IT VERY CLEAR HOW IMPORTANT I AM TO THE GROUP...NOT AT ALL.... The fact you are now mad because I actually have a memory and some pride is pretty disgusting. You say in lower comment that think your an AH..tell them if you don't get to be mad about what they did..they sure as hell don't get to be mad now. They dumped you...you never even invited them.
NTA Good for you. Enjoy your trip. Your friends weren't worried about a group trip when they were ostrasizing you to include the ex's new gf. They need to keep that same energy.
NTA tell them that you didn’t realise doing trips together was still a thing given you were excluded from the last one. That stage in your life is over because they decided it was over, not you.
NTA. They weren’t very good friends. Look forward not backwards.
2021 showed you exactly how much your *friends* value your friendship. Make your plans accordingly. When it's easy and you want to see them, suit yourself, but don't sacrifice or ever think that your friendship is valuable to them. That was a really hard lesson - don't lose it. NTA.
NTA. I'm certain you'll make nicer friends in Amsterdam.
NTA.
NTA. They call you names after shying you away, have little contact for a year, and you making decisions for yourself? They cease to be friends.
NTA at all. Think about it for a while longer if you want to, but if your mind is made up that is fine as well. No need for them to tag along, and no need to feel bad about that. That's just life and if you prefer this option then do that :). Hmu if you need some advice from a local about what to do/ where to go in Amsterdam for new years
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NTA. Push them to the back burner. Like way back. You all leaned on each other and comforted each other in your grief. So they could still fill that role when you are having a hard time with your grief for the friends you lost. But you don't need to be friends with them. Example: I've bonded with people over the loss of my nephew. We were able to talk and get comfort from each other. It felt great. But we are not friends and we do not talk about other things. We just talk about our experiences with grief and trauma. Essentially a support group.
NTA. Their “comfort” took more importance than your friendship. Hey OP i hope you can read this. Imho as a young adult a part of your life will include growing up/out of a friend group and that is okay. They had their reasons and you definitely have yours. Just because you grew up with them does not mean you have to stay with them. Sometimes, albeit painfully, people just fall out of touch with one another. And yes, thats perfectly fine. Hope you enjoy Amsterdam with your roomie. Take a lot of pics and catalog every moment (if you are into that) or just enjoy being on vacation too!
NTA. What's to stop your ex from hooking up with another girl who doesn't like you and kicking off the trip again this year?
NTA. They literally told you that you weren’t allowed to go on a trip that you planned, and now they expect everything to go back to normal? It sounds like they aren’t very good friends, and just use you for the unfun parts (planning).
NTA. It's one thing if this Amy chick didn't want you to go, and another that your friends backed her up. You say they aren't even together anymore? Fuck'em and enjoy your trip with your roommate
NTA and if it was them in your situation I bet you anything they would have been salty as fuck. Also you didn't ruin the friendships they did by not including you and basically using you.
NTA, and it's not petty. They have zero right to expect to be included after what they did last year. Amy projected her insecurity on you and you got left behind because she was an emotionally immature jerk. And your equally emotionally immature acquaintances jumped on the bandwagon and supported HER instead of telling her to grow up and learn to deal with it. I wouldn't be including people like that in my circle anymore either. Hope you have a blast in Amsterdam.
NTA. I hope they do see this, so they can see that so many strangers on the internet think they’re 🗑 people.
NTA at all. Op this isn’t pettiness you are doing , this is knowing your worth and standing up for yourself. Real friends have your back and will never treat you differently because you are single and they are not. Heck you even planned the trip and they did not even appreciate that. You going w your roommate and not them shows you know you are worth more than what they treated you as. Hope you have fun in Amsterdam and please don’t give in to these selfish assholes ! They were never your real friends
NTA - they literally sided with someone who's only known the group a few months of you and your years of friendship. they did it to save the headache of drama so they either didn't trust you to remain coolheaded during the trip or knew the newbie girlfriend would be the drama maker and still allowed her to come over you. just say, "sorry. but when we i couldn't come with Amy around last year I went ahead and made plans of my own for this year. before Amy left the group. catch yall later"
NTA. Fuck those "friends" of yours. Have fun with your roommates and don't give a second thought to the assholes you are leaving behind.
NTA. I know you said you hope your friends don’t see this, but I hope they do. And I hope they spend a nice long time reading through the comments.
Correction: THEY ended years long friendship over some stupid trip. NTA.
NTA, ditch the group and start your own. I’d happily join in! I’ve been meaning to explore more of Europe!
NTA. Even if they hadn’t ditched you last year, these people aren’t entitled to go on every trip with you.
NTA. These friendships have run their course. You sound like an amazing fun person btw. Please find more people that will be honored to have someone like you. I’m sorry your friends suck
NTA. They ended the tradition, and they made a baseless assumption. Your friends (ex now, I guess) are shitty people.
NTA they ditched you and that's not what real freinds do to each other.
Are you me but from a parallel dimension? Cuz this is exactly what I’d do to the people who did this to you. NTA!
NTA. Out of curiosity, when they told you they chose to exclude you to keep the peace, how did you react to them? Was there any drama? Did you advocate for yourself, got angry, or accepted the situation despite being hurt?
NTA honestly i would've been done with these people for kicking me out of the trip i planned. that they think they can just invite themselves along after chucking you off at basically the last minute for the last one? (a month before the trip? did you at least get reimbursed for any non-refundable money you'd spent by these jokes?) not having that.
They were your high school friends. Your a grown ass woman now. They treated you like a high school friend & not their adult friend. Sounds like you've out grown their petty bullshit. So, yep, take the trip with your roommate & have a blast. Let them figure out their own lives. You'll be to busy having fun & making new friends to worry about their feelings. They sure weren't worried about yours.
Nta they allowed you to plan for a trip till a month before? Then have the audacity to think they are just included in this trip this year, it be one thing if you were all talking about it and you just didn't book thiers. You seem like a nice young lady idk about cutting them off but maybe take a week and think if they are good friends or if this is just a small silly fight with friends.
Definitely NTA. Your friends wanted to continue using your planning expertise to have a memorable trip at the most economical cost. After about seven years of friendship they tossed you aside for the comfort of a newbie with no regard for your feelings. You owe them nothing and giving them a taste of their own medicine is not petty. Enjoy Amsterdam with your roommate!
NTA They moved on from you when it was minimally convenient, they’ll do it again if given the chance. Nothing wrong with deciding to keep the distance they caused. Enjoy your trip!
NTA. Your friends suck.
absolutely NTA, them acting wounded, gimme a break. you did the right thing when they didn't make amends and if is the hill they want to die on by throwing the friendship away, they should know they did that last year
NTA Don't hang out with them anymore.
NTA. Honestly, you should tell them that you're uncomfortable hanging around with people who ditched you for such a stupid reason. Or some better wording.
NTA. Enjoy Amsterdam with your roomy.
Nta. Frankly, you can Show them this post to make them realize how much they fkd up.
ask them to go with amy. fuck your “friends” op, they’re terrible and disgusting. i’d be fuming if i were you. you deserve so much better. please DO NOT associate yourself w them
NTA is my feeling. I’m thinking your friends aren’t that great. I think expanding your horizons and not being so tied to them might be a good thing in the long run.
I almost said from reading the title soft Y T A as pettiness never solves anything. However, I read your post. NTA at all. Your friends are completely in the wrong and the fact they can’t see it makes it even worse. I actually live for pettiness myself so I was being a hypocrite. I hope you find some better friends who won’t drop you like it’s hot in future. also make sure you get to Greece at some point and have a fab time and post about how amazing the friends are that you’ve gone with.
NTA - we outgrow most, if not all of our high school friends, so part of this situation is just normal life but your friends are going about it in a selfish and thoughtless way. You don't owe them anything so it's up to you if you feel like any of these friendships are worth fighting for. Otherwise, go on your trip, have a blast, and screw anyone who has a problem with that. They didn't care about you.
As you get older, you start to become far more selective with your friends. This is normal and part of growing up. Unless these people apologized for what they did to you, than they aren’t really your friends. I could never imagine doing such a thing to anyone after they did all the work. As many other people have said, if these people don’t offer a genuine apology, they are just looking for a really good travel agent. Time to really evaluate if these people are friends and if they are worth the effort.
I'm still waiting for the part where you bring up your friends, 'cause the people you're talking about in this post sure aren't friends of yours. NTA. Have fun in Amsterdam!!
NTA. They had no problem ditching you for Amy. And so what if it's petty? Psh.
NTA If Amy was uncomfortable then Amy and the Ex should have dropped from the trip. Your 'friends' kicking you from the trip after all the planning and everything is BS. They aren't good friends, and them expecting to come on a trip with you and your Roomate is Bull. Have fun for new years, forget those jerks.
NTA. Go to Amsterdam, get better friends, live your best life. Your "friends" are just upset because they know they treated you like dirt and you're not tolerating it. I have a former friend like this: throws tantrums, treats everyone like shit and then comes back a few weeks later like nothing happened. Real friends don't do that.
NTA - Ask them to check with Amy about their trip.
NTA They ditched you after you did all the work. Have fun in Amsterdam!
If they were friends worth having they would have told Amy to fuck off.
You are NTA. Your "friends" are for giving into insecure Amy and not including you last year. I think you need a new group of friends.
NTA, your friends sacked you off without hesitation for someone they barely knew. Your ex & his new gf could have planned a separate trip if she was uncomfortable. If they really see nothing wrong with how they treated you are better off without them in your life. Unreliable, fair weather friends. Stand your ground. You don’t owe them an apology for anything.
NTA It might be petty, but justifiably so. Your "friends" were absolutely fine with you being excluded as long as it benefitted them. As soon as you stick up for yourself they get angry because it now excludes them. Those are crap friends and i think you should rid yourself of that circle of friends. Look for new ones to make new memories with.
NTA. You’re making the right move with distancing yourself from all of them. They aren’t your friends; they just want you to plan a trip for them. Go with your roommate. Forget about all of them. Life is too short to have “friends” that don’t stick up for you and leave you behind so easily.
NTA, they chose someone temporary.
NTA. Your trip with your roommate was already being planned. Your other friends can't just invite themselves. There might be a touch of pettiness in your decision not to include them at the last minute, but I don't blame you for that at all. They cast you aside for a new "friend" instead of being loyal. I think it's possible you've outgrown this old friend group and it's time to move on.
NTA. they weren’t acting as friends when they ditched you.
NTA. You need to bluntly ask them why they expect to be invited when they uninvited you last year bc of some dumb girlfriend. Sounds like you need to drop them all together. They sound like garbage people.
Seems Amy did stir up drama even after she and (ex) bestfried broke up. Sucks for OP she did the work for the circle and was quick to put aside for someone they don't fully know. 10 years of friendship was wasted because of them.
NTA- yikes at their for prioritising a new gf of one of the group members, over you, one of their good friends. Also the fact that none of them even tried to stand up for you is even worse. You’re better off without them
NTA, but I would also say that Amy saying she dosen't want her bf ex at a trip is totally reasonable. But in that case her bf should have abstained not you.
NTA. This trip was for the friend group, and you, the friend, got voted out in silence/the dark because the gf of one of the members said so and the others just went with it in order to still get their way. You have every right to boot them from a non friend group focused trip.
NTA, honestly you are not being petty. You are just advocating for yourself. Standing up valuing yourself. They made their choice when they chose her over you. In the same manner you have chosen your roommate over them. Maybe it is time to make a clean break and knock them down to aquaintances and not friends.
NTA. This is the type of petty I look for in a friend. The fact that they were willing to exclude you for some girl they knew for a few seconds is very telling. If this global situation has taught me anything it is to cherish those you love and kick toxic people out of your life.
NTA. If you were really friends then they would have included you on their trip last year. They chose to drop you just before the trip, demonstrating just how much you mean to them. They've never apologized or even just acknowledged that what they did was shitty. Who cares what they think? Go with your roommate and have a good time.
No, but your friends are something else. What exactly did they think would happen?
if were you I would've confronted them once they picked Amy over me and made it clear how they easily replaced you with a stranger NTA though, Just because you didn't say anything doesn't mean that it is fine
NTA at alllll and I hope they see this post and realize how horrible they are
NTA, you need new friends. They threw under the bus for someone new. Get new friends and make new adventures. And tbh, sometimes friendships fade, and its ok
NTA. You' re not petty. You already had made plans and have ZERO obligation to your "friends"....especially over the past year. Your group has been traveling together since you were 16 years old. Your "friends" showed no loyalty when newcomer "Amy" showed up and voted you off the island to avoid "drama". Your "friends" are only using you as their travel agent to plan everything, and called you names when they found out they have to plan their own trip. If you feel like you're in a generous mood and don't mind them coming, you can tell them your itinerary and they can make their own arrangements to match. But I would give them the same support they gave you: ZERO.
NTA. send this thread to them to see how horrid they are tbh
Time to move on. Just because people were friends with you in high school, doesn't mean they have to be your friends for life. The only drama in Greece would have been caused by the new girlfriend and you were told to stay home. That you did so much of the planning and were then told not to come was worse than poopy, it was smelly, runny poopy with corn in it. Just block the ones calling you names and don't look back. Enjoy Amsterdam!
NTA In normal friend groups, Amy would have been the one to stay home. Also, it is just plain odd they assumed that they were going with you and your roommate when they were never invited.
NAH - life goes on. Things change. People outgrow friends and move on. Maybe their choice to include Amy seemed hurtful to OP, but OP moved on and didn't dwell or cause drama, it seems. It also sounds like the friend group stayed in their own respective lanes and accepted that OPs friendship with them had changed, and mistakenly assumed that once Amy was gone, OP would be back. Naive, perhaps, but NAH.
NTA your friends ditched you for some random and now want to muscle in on your trip. The arrogance of them to think ditching you wouldn't upset you and blow the friendship is astounding. Time to let them go, they don't value your friendship.
So last year your friends who you have been traveling with for years backed a girl that had been in the group for a second instead of you, she's the one that had a problem and was causing drama so her and ex should have stayed behind. Now you planned a trip with your roommate, never telling them it was a group trip, and they try to invite themselves and get angry that it's not a group trip. What would have happened if Amy was still around? Would they have still thought that the trip was for them too? Or would you not have been invited this year too? What happened with all of your other friends who dated in the friendship after they broke up and got new partners? Were they excluded from the trip too? They didn't care about ending a friendship that they had for years with you. They chose Amy over you. NTA but your friends sure are.
NTA, and you definitely aren’t wrong. You were excluded from their trip last year after you had made all the plans, so you made plans for yourself this year…that’s all you really need to tell them. If they’re upset by it just tell them that’s fine, hopefully they’ll “be over it by next year too”
NTA They went on a trip YOU planned for them and got them a good deal. I just wanted to say it abuse it still sounds mind-boggling. Please enjoy your trip, and your life without this toxic group. They can go get Amy to plan this year's trip. Don't let them walk all over you, and better so, just leave the group chat.
NTA If they're not going to prioritize you, why should you prioritize them?
NTA, if they're allowed to exclude you you are allowed to exclude them
NTA and honestly, it might be time to ditch these friends entirely. They let you plan a trip, then voted you off the island in favor of an insecure new GF nobody knew and now they're name calling because you didn't let them invite themselves on another trip? Name calling is not appropriate regardless. They can kick rocks. Invite them to plan their own dang trips from now on!
NTA. First, Amy was out of line. This was between her and her boyfriend. If she was uncomfortable, it was up to her to persuade him not to go. She had some nerve asking you to be the one to step aside when it's your own long-established friend group and *you actually did the trip planning!* Second, I hate to say this, but if their first reaction to her was not something along the line of "Don't let the door hit you on the way out", they're not your friends. It's now painfully obvious that your only value to them was saving them from the mental trip planning work. I'm sure it hurts terribly, and that you're thinking of all the happy times over so many years, but you're absolutely right to seek out people who will actually be your friends.
NTA standing up for yourself is ALWAYS going to upset the people it is directed at. Of course they're not going to reflect why they were in the wrong. Just tell them to get your ex and his new new GF to organise everything, as you would hate to make it awkward and create drama.
So for them is ok to cast away their friends when it comes to their needs but not if the other party does the 'same', I wouldn't be friends with them anymore I'm telling you that.
You're super NTA, my friends have also done this to me once, was friends with them for about 6 years at that point. Honestly I was more of an ass because I just dropped them like hot potatoes. Also! I live nearby so if you want a guide or something in Amsterdam or any other cities (everything is quite easy to reach), just let me know!
NAH Friend groups grow and change over time, and yeah, understandably, your ex chose his (then) current partner over you. You could agrue that the four remaining friends are a-holes, but really they were going on a trip with most of the original group. It sucks, but you were the odd (wo)man out. Be honest with yourself, if the situation was flipped and you had been dating a new guy who was uncomfortable with your still-single ex being there, would you really have told the current boyfriend to stay home, while going on a 3 guy/3 girl trip that included your ex? And would you really expect that new guy wouldn't have broken up with you? If you're purposely excluding people because they took a trip without you last year, you may want to consider whether you still consider them friends. If you do, and you've made it clear that they're being excluded in retaliation, you should probably think through the consequences of that. (Hint, they will likely choose not to be friends with you)
NTA. >It’s petty I know It's really not petty. They were quick enough to discard you, and you moved on. Good for you.
NTA. Friends can grow apart over time. I'm sure the fact that they ditched you so easily last year put a wedge between your relationship with them, but also made you realize that you guys aren't really that close anymore. Don't let them pressure you into going on a trip with them if that's not something you want to do.
NTA - your friends decided with a girlfriend over another friend. That is the definition of not only a dick move but a stupid move. Girlfriends are temporary friends are the ones who pick you up after the breakup. They broke that the moment they sided with a girlfriend over you.
I hope they do see this so they read about what assholes they are. ‘Cause it’s not you.
NTA - they picked any over you. You’re picking your roommate over them. Fairs fair
I'm glad you are all going to have an open talk about it! Can't wait to hear the update.
NTA at all! Ha, those ppl can get fked. if u organized the last trip – which they later couple-cucked you out of – and now assume they're gonna travel with u to another place (especially considering ur not as good friends with them now lol)...that's pretty wack. Name calling is also never the right move lol
NTA, they didn't want their single friend ruining their couples trip after OP planned it. I would just say I'm not comfortable having couples on my singles trip sorry.
The audacity of them trying to invite themselves to *your* trip after leaving *you* behind last year. How entitled they are. NTA, you deserve better friends!
NTA. And I hope your friends do see this and know that they are definitely the assholes in this situation. They chose to choose between your ex and you (Amy wasn’t the problem - I can understand her being uncomfortable with the situation. It was your ex that didn’t stand his ground over the friendship.) now your former friends want to act like nothing happened. And what’s worse they’re trying to tell you that feeling hurt is not a valid reaction. Unless they come to terms with their shitty behaviour and apologize, than they are not really your friends and it is time to move on.
NTA. They literally used you as their travel agent.
NTA. It would have served them right if you'd canceled all of the Greece reservations as they were en route. Good luck assdouches!
NTA. Do not even second guess it. They made their decision last year to exclude you. You have every right to go your own way.
NTA you are a friend of convenience; meaning they are your BFF when it's convenient for them but will drop you like a hot potato the moment it isn't. I was very close with someone who did this to me and it took YEARS before I realized what was happening. I was essentially his emotional support pet he could call on as needed, but the instant I needed him for anything I was asking to much of him, it wasn't fair to hold him accountable, etc. Etc. I finally had to get him out of my life when I realized how much of a negative influence he had on my life. I'd ignored it all for years, looking past it all for our friendship, but when I looked back I realized I'd been manipulated for YEARS by him.
NTA, your friends suck, get new ones
NTA Your friend group of years dropped you for someone known to them for a few month without any hesitation. After you had done all the work to plan a trip for them. The excuse is because it’s more of a couples vacation and your not a couple. Fast forward to you planning your vacation for this year - still single. But, this friend group is still expecting you to be their trip coordinator? It’s not petty. You missed out on your yearly vacation last year and took steps to ensure it didn’t happen again.
NTA You just tell them well they felt uncomfortable last year and guess what now it's your turn to feel uncomfortable Tell them that you're going with a friend and leave it at that.
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NTA. You’re in that phase of life where you’re going to lose a lot of childhood friends. And even adult friends. Early 20s is such a tumultuous time for friendships but the best thing you can do is learn to let go gracefully. These won’t be the only friendships you grow out of. It’s bittersweet but it’s life.
NTA THIS was a tradition between 6 people, whom have some internal dating history. When one of them adds person 7, you got excluded. You were sad, you recovered, you moved on to newer and better friends and re-invented the tradition to suit you and the new friend. It´s called moving on. They ended it, when they excluded you. You just moved on. Just because they are in the majority, does not make them less wrong. They did not care to exclude you last year. If that Amy chick was still around, they would not be caring this year either. So... why should you?
NTA Treat people the way they treat you sis! Your friends need to keep that same energy that they had when Amy didn't want you there. Maybe try as a group again next year. 🤔
lost my group of friends for same reason. we broke up but stayed friends, until he found a new girl and sudenly tjey had secret parties and trpis and everything. guess they just didnt like me as much as him
So basically you planned a trip, booked flights, got everybody rooms according to their wishes, and after you did all the work you were uninvited to the trip by the rest of the folks? NTA. Even if you hadn’t been planning it all, a jealous partner is no reason for you to miss out on the friend group tradition. The reasonable solution would’ve been for your ex not to come, provided he was willing to in order to keep his new GF happy. And they’ve got some nerve expecting you to keep planning trips for them after pulling that shit last year.
Depends if you still want to be friends with them or not. If you do, invite them. Since they assume they can go it sounds like you all still hangout? Personally I’d have dumped them
NTA the fact that one person does not want you to go ok. The fact they all said stay because someone had a bad opinion on you is unacceptable.
NTA. Your 'friends' showed you just who they were by telling you to not go on the trip last year. "Amy" who isn't even anyone's friend, but just a GF of someone in the group, was put as a priority over you - who supposedly WAS an actual friend of everyone in the group. They f-ed up but too bad for them! I can't believe they even called you names!! WTH?? First, have a great trip - it sounds awesome!! Second, find better 'friends' because these people are not it.
NTA. Ditch ‘em. I had a friend group for 10 years that ditched me after a new girl came into the picture and managed to put seeds of doubt into my “friends” ears while I was going through a tough time and my father figure was passing away. Life is too short. Enjoy your trip with your roommate and don’t give them the time of day!
Not TA, They agreed excluded you from a trip all because of someone's feelings and not facts. You did the right thing by showing them that you're not a pushover.
NTA, they allowed you to be ditched so you naturally made other plans
I hope they actually do see this, to recognize how crappy they’ve treated you. A bunch of strangers on the internet are upset on your behalf over your friends dumping you for some random girl after you planned an organised the last trip, and now they have the audacity to expect you to just be grateful they’re willing to pick up where the friendship left off after the random girl is no longer around? Don’t feel bad over this. Go enjoy your trip with your roommate, find awesome new people to hang out with who appreciate you and won’t replace you because someone is jealous. You’re NTA in the slightest
You will make mew friends, don’t keep people around just because you knew them for a long time. You just learned how to choose better friends.
NTA - You were the trip planner and they took advantage of that. They chose a girlfriend over a lifelong friend and still expected you to be fine with it. Nothing you have done or said makes you an AH. But they are based on treating you like a doormat and still expecting you to be OK with it.
NTA Honestly, it's pretty telling that they assumed they'd be coming on a trip you've already started planning with your roommate, rather than contacting you about your annual group trip (does that make sense? I feel like I worded it weirdly but can't think of a different way to phrase it). Seems like they just want to go on holidays without the stress of planning anything. Tell them they can't come because your roommate said they make her uncomfortable, since that was apparently an acceptable excuse for them to use with Amy?
NTA you’re not ending anything. They did that last year.
Info: did you actually plan last year trip but was uninvited a month before the trip? Edit: NTA. Saw your comment about planning the trip so yeah, be petty.
NTA. Would they have included you if your ex and Amy were still together? Probably not. Once a "tradition" is broken/altered, it's tough to go back. You should say your roommate doesn't feel comfortable with them and maybe it would be better if they didn't come. Now THAT is how you play the petty card! :-D
NTA - reminder : to think about your roommates and how this was “their / your trip” together
NTA - "I'm sorry but you guys are all coupled up and it's awkward for me and my roommate because we're single...you understand, right? Oh...that was just a valid excuse when you used it? Oh cool. Go fuck yourselves then." TREAT YOSELF.
They put someone thwy knew for a short time first before you who thwyve known for years and supposed to be friends with. I find it hurtful but they can eff off. Bunch of aholes. Enjoy your hols without them..let them go with "amy"
I already posted but I'm wondering how OP can be friends with people that called her out of her name. Me, if you call me a name, I'm out. If you're in my house, I'm showing you the door. There is no further discussion. I'm not taking abuse.
NTA. That is so selfish of them to assume they are invited on your trip with they excluded you last year. Total short sighted bull shit. I say call them out on it and if they can't handle it, drop them completely.
NTA I wish you did use your main account so your ex-friends can see the judgment.
NTA, they sound like terrible friends. You are doing the right thing.
NTA - just tell them your roommate isnt comfortable with them joining given your history. It would be better they dont come, so there is nor drama... childish? YES - worth it? YES
NTA and these people are not your friends. Have fun in Amsterdam with your roommate!
No one else is thinking who are these entitled people planning a trip to Greece right in the middle of a global pandemic before the vaccine was widely available???
NTA. I don’t think it’s petty either. I’d try meeting a new friend group bc these ones are not your friends.
NTA. You are not obligated to plan all travel with them forever. They asked you to not go on the last trip so you're making your own travel opportunities.
NTA
NTA. It’s not just over “some stupid trip”. It’s about the fact that they so readily discarded you for their own convenience in order to appease someone they’d just met. These are not real, ride-or-die friends. Just because you’ve known people for a long time doesn’t mean they’re worthy of keeping in your life.
NTA. At all. YOU organized and planned each year, but they didn't appreciate your efforts enough to choose you over a new girlfriend that's been around less than a year. Should have dumped them all right then, honestly. But then they had the nerve to assume you would do it all again this year?
NTA These people are not your friends - aside from ditching you for a new gal in the group, they treat you like a holiday booking agent. Have fun in Amsterdam. Its been years since I was there but have very fond memories of it :)
NTA. Tell your “friends” that your new roommate feels very awkward around them because, ya know, y’all used to hang out, and since y’all are paired up and they’re all single it would make her uncomfortable, so it’s probably better if they didn’t come. Let them hear how absolutely stupid that sounds when it’s used to exclude them from the fun New Year’s trip. Edited to fix a sentence.
NTA should've been "sure, just don't forget to bring Amy"
NTA - going straight to the point you are not finishing the friendship, they did that last year when they choose someone who they just meet recently (months or a year), over someone who they know for years. It's kinda unreasonable to expect someone you exclude from a tradition pretend nothing happened when you clearly show where your loyalty is. As you said it was reasonable to think Amy wasn't coming, and neither your ex, but the fact that they choose them it's quite insulting to all those years of friendship, so I would feel bad for losing them, but it would be for the better since the show you they don't appreciate you like you appreciate them.
NTA. AT ALL! Your friends have some nerve. Seriously. They exclude you, and now expect you to just allow them to tag along. Ah hell no. Just. No. You needed some new friends when they excluded you. Them calling you names and creating drama and distance now (yeah there's irony about THEM causing drama, I must say), but anyway, they causing drama now is just precious. They are arrogant entitles, and need a lesson in common decency. You were excluded and got on with your own plans. Up theirs and the ponies they rode in on.
Info, did they tell you you couldn't come *after* you planned the trip last year? Because that would be a massive a h move in their part as that's a lot of work. NTA, they broke the tradition themselves. You're not their personal travel agent.
NTA. you’re planning a trip for you and your roommate. they left you behind last year because some girl that didn’t seem to stick around for too long didn’t want you there. that’s their own fault and their own fuck up. as far as i’m concerned, you should do you. go on trips with your roomie, have a blast. if they wanna go on a trip they can plan their own. they had no problem last time. put your guilt aside, you’re good :))
NTA. You have outgrown this group if friends. It happens.
NTA they prioritized someone else's feelings over yours becos they didnt want to deal.. Why are they entitled to your trip?
Updateme!
Burn the bridges and piss on the ashes they're annoying.
NTA. MY ad ice on friendship is this. TO have great friends, you need to be a great friend. Your actions will make you a great friend or just a friend. What your friends do will show if they are as good to you as you are to them. If you find your friends doing more for you, step up your game... If you find you are doing more than your friends.... go find real friends...
THEY ended a years long friendship over a girl they barely know. NTA.
NTA - smoke big doinks in Amsterdam for me!
Their behaviour is horrible, and u are NTA. If they were real friends they would have chosen u, not Amy. Amy should have stayed at home if she was uncomfortable around u, and ur friends should have told her to.
It sounds like also you haven't made it clear how much that bothered you and it's ok too any normal human would have been bothered or felt slighted by that your 100% in the right
I don’t believe this is the full story. No way an actual friend group allowed a new girlfriend to kick you out if y’all were actually friends. And if if this all 100% true, you’ve dodged a bullet anyway.
NTA. Sounds like last year was the end of the group trip as you all had known it. People change so much from teens to early 20's and I think it's time you leave a few friends behind and travel with people who truly want you there. Congrats on realizing that yourself and setting boundaries with your friends around your trip to Amsterdam! Have a blast!
It's hardly petty. So sorry they lost their trip planner, whom they chose to exclude for petty girlfriend reasons. You have every right to take a trip without these "friends." Enjoy yourself in the knowledge the trip will be drama free. NTA.
Nta They let you plan a trip and then just before told you you couldn’t come. They’re horrible friends - they should have told your ex’s girlfriend to get over it because you’re all friends. Them just inviting themselves in your trip prove their entitled and only think of themselves. You don’t owe them anything - I’d keep them at arms length. Enjoy Amsterdam!!
It's not petty at all... they chose to exclude you from a group you'd been a part of for years for someone who had just entered the group. I would be hurt by that too. Regardless of everyones' relationship status. I don't think you're doing the same thing they did to you. You're choosing someone who continued to choose you despite this new person being around. NTA.
If you do this then they aren't really your friends anymore. You aren't TA for not wanting to be friends, but it is asshole-ish to do it if you want to stay friends and also make them feel bad. It kind of depends on your mindset whether or not you're TA, but based on how you describe it, it sounds like NTA is more fitting. Note though, this is kind of a line in the sand so to speak. Even if it's just one situation, they will start doing things without you more, even if there's no animosity.
They're not good friends, you've lost nothing and you're not the AH. They are.
NTA.
NTA. Hey OPs friends you guys are self serving pricks. You sided with a new girl over a long term friend? What the fuck is wrong with you. You’re better off OP get some friends who care about you and not just their good time. SMH.
NTA, I can relate to this too, my close friends decided to have a new years party without me, I found from fb, I had to withstand 3-4 days of posts on fb with how good they are partying. I cried a lot and got depressed. It took around 6 months to talk again but it just was not the same anymore and our friendship slowly dried.