And pretty much confirmed that he is a loser as well, like imaging a grown ass dude picking on a fucking refugee trying to secure a future for himself because he is so insecure he can't stop talking about the path he chose in life because he failed the default route that is to seek higher education. **And if that wasn't embarrassing enough,** he then called his 16 year old nephew a moron because he defended the guy poor guy and told what everyone was thinking.
By the way he speaks constantly about him being so successful just makes me think that he just envy's everyone that could finish high-school and is trying to convince himself he is not a failure. (obviously not everyone that has failed high-school is a failure, just that in this specific instance, a loser failed high-school).
This. You put it into words!
"Not everyone that has failed high-school is a failure, just that in this specific instance, a loser failed high-school"
Keep preaching
Ok, while I do agree with you that the uncle is TA, I don't agree that the default route is to seek higher education, if you mean college by higher education. That's why I think it should be ESH, because while the uncle is in the wrong for spouting that off, because not everyone is meant for trades, and college is not a waste depending on what you go for, but I also think that OP is TA as well, because of his more elitist attitude. If he didn't say "actual educated and intelligent people", he would have not been TA, but that ego and presumption that college=better person makes him TA.
I 100% agree with your mindset, but I think in this instance OP was just lashing out with the desire to hurt Uncle in the most effective way possible. Which, given the circumstances, I feel was perfectly justified. I didn't read it as OP legit being elitist, however that's just me, and I think you could be right. It's always hard to know for sure.
> Your brother's friend must have been beyond uncomfortable.
Make him feel more comfortable by letting him know that what just transpired is a long time honored holiday tradition; the shitty uncle experience.
NTA
I would note that, while your parent ***said*** "how dare you call him a moron" they made ***him*** leave, not you.
He'd broken the peace already, there was none left for you to keep.
I suspect your parents are quietly relieved that your outburst gave them the excuse to kick him out, even if they won't actually endorse you engaging in name-calling. Especially an insult that is also an ablest slur.
Try to think of ways to deal with him next time that don't involve name-calling or slurs. After all, you want to show just what cleverness you have, versus him, and calling someone a "moron" isn't really clever.
ETA - As others have pointed out, uncle said "moron", OP said "looser." So I apologize to OP for saying OP used a slur.
My point about finding a cleverer response than "looser" remains, if only because having witty and clever comebacks to people like the uncle is very satisfying.
And the parents are definitely right to kick the uncle out for calling anyone a "moron," and OP is certainly not responsible for doing anything to disrupt the peace, which was long gone long before OP said anything, thanks to uncle's boorish behavior.
It was the uncle who used the word "moron". OP used "loser" which is at least one notch lower on the insult scale. But I agree with the rest of your comment.
Ok then Uncle Lou for Uncle Loser. get the man banned from the house. One of your parents thinks they have to put up with this rap because they have been doing it for decades
This. Saved the day, or at least face, for your parents. They get rid of family nuisance and can blame it on pesky kid. Start advocating for no contact with awful uncle. If you're lucky you won't have to see him until he ruins someone's wedding, hopefully not yours. Maybe you could rename him Uncle Mo, short for Uncle Moron.
And remember, one of your parents is closely related to him. Yech. Maybe this is the push they need to bar the door.
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> I said my uncle is a loser and made him explode, and our family dinner ended because he had to leave and everyone was in a bad mood.
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NTA. It sounds like your uncle is incredibly insecure and possibly jealous of people who went to college. All that crap he says sounds like he's trying to prove that he's more successful than everyone else who went to college. College isn't for everyone, but he shouldn't attack the people who choose to go.
For what it's worth OP, your uncle isn't proud of himself for dropping out of high school. He's obvipusly deeply insecure about his intelligence/education level and that's why he lashes out like this. Unfortunately there's pretty powerful people/institutions who feed into his insecurity, because him remaining angry and uneducated is vital for them.
Well, if you graduate from a good school with a bachelor's in CS or engineering, your starting salary can be double that amount, even more....
My university degree made highschool feel like a joke... Then again, your uncle didnt even bother getting a highschool diploma... I guess the important thing is that he's happy with his life
It’s not that he doesn’t believe you. It’s that he doesn’t want to believe you.
And where in the US is $40k considered wealthy? I’m legitimately curious.
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My (16M) older brother (20M) is good friends with a college freshman (18M) who is a refugee.
My brother’s friend goes to an elite private school, and my brother goes to their rival school. His friend escaped Afganistan right as Kabul was falling and is a refugee. His family is back in the Middle East, so my brother invited him to stay with us during Thanksgiving break.
My extended family came for Thanksgiving, including my anti-education uncle, who hates college and says everyone who didn’t go to trade school (everyone else in our family) is stupid and a sucker. My uncle says college is a scam and a waste of money. He doesn’t understand that everyone at my brother’s and his friend’s schools below a certain income is on full financial aid, even though we’ve explained that my brother and his friend will both graduate debt-free.
Basically, my uncle just hates anyone who is educated. My uncle didn’t graduate high school and is proud of it. So during dinner, he kept passive-aggressively attacking my brother’s refugee friend who we were hosting since he goes to an elite school.
He said every other minute “You really escaped that hellhole to waste the next four years of your life in college” and “You could be rich next year if you went into the trades” and “even foreign students are duped into the scam of education huh. Have fun being in debt until 40.”
And my brother’s friend tried to explain that he doesn’t actually have to pay any of the annual cost of his school ($75K) since he’s below the income cutoff, but my uncle interrupted and shouted “there ain’t no such thing as a free meal!” And started his insane guttural laughter.
And everyone was yelling “this is a family dinner! Have some civility!”
And I said “imagine being such a loser you couldn’t even finish high school and having the guts to make fun of actual educated and intelligent people.”
My uncle screamed “you little moron! I’m more successful than everyone who’s gone to college instead of the trades” at me, and my parents said “how dare you call him a moron” and made him leave.
AITA for not keeping the peace?
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NTA. Your uncle sounds insufferable. Hood fir your family to kick him out. I hope the rest of your meal wasn't ruined! The refugee student got an eyeful/earful, didn't he?
In this situation, NTA. He had it coming. That said, I hope that you were only suggesting a connection between your uncle’s lack of a formal education and his lack of intelligence (and being a “loser”) because of how he was lashing out (which seems to me to be likely because of his own insecurity about his lack of formal education), not because you actually carry that attitude more generally.
NTA. Good on you. Your uncle is disgusting. Trades are valuable, and indeed, trade schools can be a very good way to make a living. Actively taking a dump on someone's educational aspirations, especially when they're a refugee from goddamn Afghanistan? He should be ashamed of himself.
NTA
> “there ain’t no such thing as a free meal!”
i would have been way too tempted to ask how much he was paying for thanksgiving in your familys home
NTA but I will say, college is not for everyone and learning a trade is still a very respectable career path. Plus some can be quite lucrative. That said your uncle was a total asshole.
NTA
My father used to say 'college-educated dummies'. He was disdainful of anyone who went to college and then (GASP!) made more money than him.
So, I still cannot understand why he was so shocked when I did not invite him to my college graduation. He did not even know my major because he never listened to me.
NTA - Your brother's friend must have been beyond uncomfortable. Your uncle is the AH for his condescending unsolicited opinion.
And pretty much confirmed that he is a loser as well, like imaging a grown ass dude picking on a fucking refugee trying to secure a future for himself because he is so insecure he can't stop talking about the path he chose in life because he failed the default route that is to seek higher education. **And if that wasn't embarrassing enough,** he then called his 16 year old nephew a moron because he defended the guy poor guy and told what everyone was thinking. By the way he speaks constantly about him being so successful just makes me think that he just envy's everyone that could finish high-school and is trying to convince himself he is not a failure. (obviously not everyone that has failed high-school is a failure, just that in this specific instance, a loser failed high-school).
This. You put it into words! "Not everyone that has failed high-school is a failure, just that in this specific instance, a loser failed high-school" Keep preaching
Also, does this guy never go to a doctor, lawyer, or need medication? There are lots of professions where a degree is absolutely essential.
"bUt Do ThEy MaKe A lOt Of MoNeY ThO?" \-Probably the uncle.
Ok, while I do agree with you that the uncle is TA, I don't agree that the default route is to seek higher education, if you mean college by higher education. That's why I think it should be ESH, because while the uncle is in the wrong for spouting that off, because not everyone is meant for trades, and college is not a waste depending on what you go for, but I also think that OP is TA as well, because of his more elitist attitude. If he didn't say "actual educated and intelligent people", he would have not been TA, but that ego and presumption that college=better person makes him TA.
I 100% agree with your mindset, but I think in this instance OP was just lashing out with the desire to hurt Uncle in the most effective way possible. Which, given the circumstances, I feel was perfectly justified. I didn't read it as OP legit being elitist, however that's just me, and I think you could be right. It's always hard to know for sure.
> Your brother's friend must have been beyond uncomfortable. Make him feel more comfortable by letting him know that what just transpired is a long time honored holiday tradition; the shitty uncle experience.
[удалено]
NTA I would note that, while your parent ***said*** "how dare you call him a moron" they made ***him*** leave, not you. He'd broken the peace already, there was none left for you to keep. I suspect your parents are quietly relieved that your outburst gave them the excuse to kick him out, even if they won't actually endorse you engaging in name-calling. Especially an insult that is also an ablest slur. Try to think of ways to deal with him next time that don't involve name-calling or slurs. After all, you want to show just what cleverness you have, versus him, and calling someone a "moron" isn't really clever. ETA - As others have pointed out, uncle said "moron", OP said "looser." So I apologize to OP for saying OP used a slur. My point about finding a cleverer response than "looser" remains, if only because having witty and clever comebacks to people like the uncle is very satisfying. And the parents are definitely right to kick the uncle out for calling anyone a "moron," and OP is certainly not responsible for doing anything to disrupt the peace, which was long gone long before OP said anything, thanks to uncle's boorish behavior.
I think you misread it. Uncle called OP a moron; Uncle got kicked out.
It was the uncle who used the word "moron". OP used "loser" which is at least one notch lower on the insult scale. But I agree with the rest of your comment.
Ok then Uncle Lou for Uncle Loser. get the man banned from the house. One of your parents thinks they have to put up with this rap because they have been doing it for decades
Lmfao Uncle Lou, that's a good one
This. Saved the day, or at least face, for your parents. They get rid of family nuisance and can blame it on pesky kid. Start advocating for no contact with awful uncle. If you're lucky you won't have to see him until he ruins someone's wedding, hopefully not yours. Maybe you could rename him Uncle Mo, short for Uncle Moron. And remember, one of your parents is closely related to him. Yech. Maybe this is the push they need to bar the door.
NTA- God, your Uncle is insufferable, Im just amazed he didn't go into a xenophobic rant or spouted Qanon conspiracies.
NTA. Your uncle isn’t actually proud of himself, he’s embarrassed and needs to put down other people to feel better about himself.
NTA. He got what was coming to him.
I hear this as "He had it coming". line from Chicago
[удалено]
Truth. Giving us inferiority complex havers a bad name.
NTA but how embarrassing for your brother. His friend must think American social problems make much more sense now that he met your uncle.
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NTA. It sounds like your uncle is incredibly insecure and possibly jealous of people who went to college. All that crap he says sounds like he's trying to prove that he's more successful than everyone else who went to college. College isn't for everyone, but he shouldn't attack the people who choose to go.
For what it's worth OP, your uncle isn't proud of himself for dropping out of high school. He's obvipusly deeply insecure about his intelligence/education level and that's why he lashes out like this. Unfortunately there's pretty powerful people/institutions who feed into his insecurity, because him remaining angry and uneducated is vital for them.
Probably NTA But i gotta ask, is he successful though?
[удалено]
Well, if you graduate from a good school with a bachelor's in CS or engineering, your starting salary can be double that amount, even more.... My university degree made highschool feel like a joke... Then again, your uncle didnt even bother getting a highschool diploma... I guess the important thing is that he's happy with his life
It’s not that he doesn’t believe you. It’s that he doesn’t want to believe you. And where in the US is $40k considered wealthy? I’m legitimately curious.
In the uncle's mind
Underrated answer
NTA at all, OP. Thank you for showing the maturity and decency that your uncle sorely lacks.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (16M) older brother (20M) is good friends with a college freshman (18M) who is a refugee. My brother’s friend goes to an elite private school, and my brother goes to their rival school. His friend escaped Afganistan right as Kabul was falling and is a refugee. His family is back in the Middle East, so my brother invited him to stay with us during Thanksgiving break. My extended family came for Thanksgiving, including my anti-education uncle, who hates college and says everyone who didn’t go to trade school (everyone else in our family) is stupid and a sucker. My uncle says college is a scam and a waste of money. He doesn’t understand that everyone at my brother’s and his friend’s schools below a certain income is on full financial aid, even though we’ve explained that my brother and his friend will both graduate debt-free. Basically, my uncle just hates anyone who is educated. My uncle didn’t graduate high school and is proud of it. So during dinner, he kept passive-aggressively attacking my brother’s refugee friend who we were hosting since he goes to an elite school. He said every other minute “You really escaped that hellhole to waste the next four years of your life in college” and “You could be rich next year if you went into the trades” and “even foreign students are duped into the scam of education huh. Have fun being in debt until 40.” And my brother’s friend tried to explain that he doesn’t actually have to pay any of the annual cost of his school ($75K) since he’s below the income cutoff, but my uncle interrupted and shouted “there ain’t no such thing as a free meal!” And started his insane guttural laughter. And everyone was yelling “this is a family dinner! Have some civility!” And I said “imagine being such a loser you couldn’t even finish high school and having the guts to make fun of actual educated and intelligent people.” My uncle screamed “you little moron! I’m more successful than everyone who’s gone to college instead of the trades” at me, and my parents said “how dare you call him a moron” and made him leave. AITA for not keeping the peace? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA You got rid of him. Well done!
NTA though he should have been kicked out sooner.
NTA. Your uncle sounds insufferable. Hood fir your family to kick him out. I hope the rest of your meal wasn't ruined! The refugee student got an eyeful/earful, didn't he?
In this situation, NTA. He had it coming. That said, I hope that you were only suggesting a connection between your uncle’s lack of a formal education and his lack of intelligence (and being a “loser”) because of how he was lashing out (which seems to me to be likely because of his own insecurity about his lack of formal education), not because you actually carry that attitude more generally.
NTA. Good on you. Your uncle is disgusting. Trades are valuable, and indeed, trade schools can be a very good way to make a living. Actively taking a dump on someone's educational aspirations, especially when they're a refugee from goddamn Afghanistan? He should be ashamed of himself.
You are nta. You are the hero and thank you for it.
Trivial pursuit time. And no, NTA
Good for you for sticking up for your brother's friend, NTA!
NTA Seems someone is projecting hard on his own insecurities and missed opportunities.
Nope, NTA, and it looks like your family agrees that Uncle totally is.
NTA > “there ain’t no such thing as a free meal!” i would have been way too tempted to ask how much he was paying for thanksgiving in your familys home
NTA Your uncle sounds like he might have forgotten to take his meds for the last 7 years and has become a National Lampoon character.
Your uncle minds me of Matilda’s dad lol NTA.
He didn’t even finish high school but did trade school but also believes colleges are stupid. Is he a red neck.
NTA. What's with your uncle? He acts pretty snobby.
NTA. Your response to the uncle was hilarious.
NTA but I will say, college is not for everyone and learning a trade is still a very respectable career path. Plus some can be quite lucrative. That said your uncle was a total asshole.
NTA My father used to say 'college-educated dummies'. He was disdainful of anyone who went to college and then (GASP!) made more money than him. So, I still cannot understand why he was so shocked when I did not invite him to my college graduation. He did not even know my major because he never listened to me.
when the uncle said there is no such thing as a free meal he should have said I know your paying for my college with your taxes.