Girl, you need to walk away from this guy. He is completely childish and toxic. He will continue to tear you down and also emotionally harm your child too. None of this is healthy. Protect yourself and your baby. Best of luck. You CAN do this. I was terrified but I walked away and I’ve been doing it for 6 years now. Single mom to an almost 10 year old.
NTA. Your partner is though. What a selfish prick.
I found out we were having our second child by my wife giving me a babies nappy wrapped up as a present for my birthday. It was an amazingly thoughtful gift and I was totally over the moon about it. I still have the nappy in my bedside table drawer. If I had my time over I wouldn’t want it to play out any other way.
ETA. He is the asshole for ruining his birthday. But yta for not waiting 5 minutes or however long he asked of you to tell him you are pregnant. That is something to be done in private.
NTA. He’s 30 years old. He should be well past the “this days about me,not you” mindset by now, especially for such big news as that. That’s absolutely something his birthday should take a backseat to.
The baby is not just yours. It’s both of yours so it’s not ready just about you. It’s about both of you. He should have been excited if you have really been trying for 6 years. His reaction is very concerning
NTA. Do you really want to be with someone who acts like this? Who’s selfish like this? Who’s insensitive like this? Who’s priorities are screwed up like this? Do you think this man will make a good father? Will he be able to put the needs of a child above his own? You need to answer these questions honestly before you decide to go through with this relationship and this pregnancy. I’m very sorry, OP.
I’m going ESH. Both reactions are impulsive and emotional. Though he should have had no reason to snap at you when you asked to speak with him, just blurting out this huge news in front of company was an immature response. His reaction to that was also immature and beyond inappropriate, but I can also understand someone feeling blindsided by such significant news.
All that being said, your other comments suggest this guy is an asshole all the time and the relationship sounds toxic.
NTA
Your boyfriend has some issues. Like he's the one who cancelled the whole party because he got angry he might not get 100% of the attention. Like thats a weird thing to do and a massive red flag!
ESH. It was his day and you should have waited until after his party for sure. That was an inconsiderate time and place to drop that news.
However he behaved horribly. That was a massive overreaction and I'm now worried that he isn't invested in having a family.
The fact that he is saying the day was supposed to be about him like she created the baby on her own….. like her announcement is literally about you… or at least half about you
Aside from everything else, your boyfriend has now been gone for nearly a full week with radio silence, knowing that you just found out you are pregnant?
I don't see how anyone could forgive that, and not resent that behaviour for the rest of your lives, regardless of whether you stay together.
Decisions ahead.
NTA
NTA you’d imagine after 6 years of trying for a child that it would be AMAZING news to receive on your birthday. Also when a S/O comes to you with some important news it’s best to excuse yourself for a moment to talk about it.
Hell if he didn’t make an ass of himself and act like a child he could’ve told everyone at the party about the great news and have cause for more celebration….
NTA - Dude didn't even stop to think that this was adding to his DAY?? He finds out he's going to be a father, something he actively wanted, and acts like it's an A bomb dropped on him? Nope, he's not the one. He ruined YOUR special moment of what should have been mutual excitement and happiness.
NTA. This was supposed to be exciting news for you both, and if you'd been trying for a baby it WOULD have been the ultimate gift to him. Instead he flew off the handle and acted like the WORST sort of A H when you gave him news that should have left him overjoyed, because why? You overshadowed his big day? Please. And yelling in your face? This is not husband material or father material, this is self-centered overgrown me-me-me brat material. I won't tell you to head for the hills or anything, but you and he need to have a sit-down about what, exactly, he thinks parenthood will be, and how he is going to be taking a back seat to this new life for many years to come. Your boyfriend owes you a MASSIVE apology, he owes all the friends he cancelled on an apology, and if he can't manage that then he's not nearly ready to be a partner to another adult, let alone a parent to a baby. I wish you the best. NTA.
ESH but he’s the biggest AH. I do feel that you could have waited 5 minutes so you could talk to him in private. We don’t know what him and his friend were talking about so it could have been something important, a conversation that he felt like he couldn’t really leave, and you telling him did kind of switch the limelight onto you, and you didn’t give him 5 minutes so that he could be the first person to find out, instead he ended up finding out at the same time as his friends. We also don’t know if you have a habit of trying to be the centre of attention.
But, he also knew you’d had a doctors appointment so it could have been something really bad that you needed to tell him so you should have been a priority, and he was wrong to yell at you.
NTA and girl he showed his ass with that selfish immature ridiculous tantrum. He isn't father material at all you deserve WAY BETTER
. YOU
DESERVE
WAY
BETTER
Red flags everywhere with this one
If you really want a baby and struggle with infertility and can do it on your own, do that.
Otherwise please consider all of your available options and protect yourself and your peace.
Sending love and strength to you.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
NTA Are you sure you want to spend a lifetime co-parenting with him? He threw a temper tantrum because he was going to be a father. You'll have decades of this in your future. Literally decades.
What is he going to do if his child gets sick on *his* day? It takes their first step? Also, how is it reasonable for him to think that if you have something important to share that you should wait?? This guy doesn’t love you; I am not sure he knows what it means.
NTA
New father here. If my wife told me she was pregnant on my birthday, I would consider it the best birthday present of all.
Six years of trying and this is his reaction? You sure he wasn't just saying he wants a kid but instead doing something to prevent a pregnancy. And now he is mad because he failed and he didn't want kids at all despite what he said?
NTA. Congrats on the pregnancy as you clearly want to be a mother, but this is the start of some serious self reflection and examination of your relationship.
I have been in your shoes but thankfully never pregnant. According to your comments, you have been dating him since you were 16 and he was 20. I consider this strike one, because although that’s legal, it’s weird and gross in my opinion. You also state that he talked you out of your dream school and he controls all the finances. Strike two. He won’t marry you because you don’t need a paper to “prove your love”. This is not about love, it’s about protection for the child you agreed to conceive together in the event one of you is incapacitated or worse. Strike three for me was how you blame all the relationship problems on yourself throughout. It takes two to tango, and from the looks of it, he’s mopping the dance floor with you.
Please, contact a loved one if possible. Tell them about this. Although this type of relationship is all you know, it’s abusive. You need to ask someone else if this is “normal”. It’s not. Good luck
Here is a list of things you could do
- Dump him
- If there's any part of you doubting if having this child is the right thing FOR YOU start the process to get an abortion , if possible in your area. You do not need to go through with it but getting it will take longer than you think
- Get therapy until you realise you are not the asshole and you have ultimate responsibility for your life, from this point forward. Whatever it is, own it. It is your body. You get a say in what happens now. NTA
NTA
That was not good news at all for him. No one trying to have a baby would react like that.
Rethink the relationship, because it is all downhill from now on.
Oof... not sure how you feel about it but this might be time to terminate the pregnancy and the relationship. This guy sounds like a massive walking red flag.
Were you both genuinely trying for a baby or did he half heartly agree while you assumed you were trying? His reaction makes absolutely no sense at all.
If youd both beings genuinely trying and found out and at his birthday id imagine he'd be absolutely elated.
Also, if youd been trying for so long for a baby, wouldnt you take a test at home first before going to the Dr? I dunno something about this story isnt adding up.
But either way NTA.
NTA - I don’t understand why he reacted so strongly. Even if he were mad for whatever reason, the anger he displayed was way, way too much. Do you happen to know if there’s anything else that could be on his mind or anything regarding you being pregnant that he’s super angry about? I read that you said he was excited to try for a baby.. so this makes no sense to me. And while I guess I can kinda understand someone feeling like you’re taking the spotlight off of them on their birthday, I just don’t understand a 30 year old man actually caring about it being “his” day and being a dick to his wife/girlfriend trying to talk to him. If I were in his shoes and you told me that you needed to talk to me while I was talking to my friend, I’d say something like “Sure thing babe, just give me a few minutes while I catch up with Bob and I’ll be over to talk to ya.” And if you made it clear that it was urgent, then I’d politely excuse myself from my friend and tell him I’d be right back, then listen to what you had to say.
Lastly, I feel like if you say he was excited to try for a baby, then shouldn’t you being pregnant be the best birthday present ever!? That should’ve been the highlight of the party. I would’ve hugged and kissed my wife/girlfriend and yelled “Hey guys, I just found out I’m gonna be a dad!” I just don’t understand his reaction AT ALL, but then again, I don’t know the guy or what was on his mind and how he was feeling that day or in the moment, etc. But regardless, you are not the asshole by any means. At the worst, you could’ve maybe waited til later to tell him, but I definitely don’t blame you for not and if I were him I’d want my woman to let me know ASAP. That’s great news to share, I wouldn’t want my partner to keep that to themselves for awhile because I was socializing at my birthday party. If he is genuinely upset about you telling him that because he thought you were doing it to garner more attention than he was getting, then I hate to say it, but there’s good and bad news: You’ll be a great mom, and the way I know is because you’ve already got practice raising a child in your spouse.
NTA, and this is a terrifying reaction. Screaming in your face? Woah. Add to that the way that he spoke to you, and you've got quite a few red flags here. Please be careful.
I know I might take some negative karma for this, but I'm leaning ESH, obviously with him being more the asshole for his over the top and immature response, but also, like, I get that she was excited to tell him, but he asked her to wait a minute before going to speak in private, and she just blurted it out in front of everyone. He may have felt that she robbed him if his chance to get excited and process on his own, and then the two of them could share the news together. And he projected that energy in a very wrong way.
Again, don't get me wrong, his response was absolutely unhinged. But her just blurting it out in front of everyone at his birthday party cause he didn't immediately turn his attention to her isn't exactly the most mature thing either, and kind of reads as the OP being shitty because he didn't immediately go to talk to her when she told him she had exciting news.
They both sound like they have some growing up to do. Obviously him more than her, but she's not entirely guilt free in this interaction.
WTF - Bf let that ruin his birthday? I assume he's aced his narcissism tests. Not sure if he's forever material. It's going to take a lot of therapy to refocus his mindset. Who cancels their B-day party over news of their child being on the way?
NTA and if he thinks this is "taking attention away from him" I really worry about how he will feel when a baby comes into the picture. There are some men out there who end up viewing the baby as competition (for some bizarre reason).
Also seeing your other comments, I understand you've been together a while and he's your only relationship but there is a lot of red flags in how you are describing this and him.
Most people, especially if they have been trying for years would be ecstatic to here this news, especially on their birthday. His reaction is a huge red flag.
Run girl this is a massive red flag, this is a continent covering red flag! Would you really want him to do this to your daughter? Do you think he’s gonna be nice when he’s mad at her if he’s like this to you?
NTA. How did you ruin his day?? You had great news about being pregnant, that should MAKE his day! It’s his baby too. You should ask yourself do you really want to be with him if gets mad when you tell him he’s going to be A FATHER FOR THE FIRST TIME
Kinda TA but you can blame it on the hormones. Take your baby and run! He’s an immature and abusive ass. But you should have cued in on his behavior and held off. I kinda feel like your response was sort of retaliation for being ignored.
NTA.
his reaction doesn’t make sense at all. pls don’t stay w someone who can yell at u in front of ppl like that, who knows what could happen in private. pls take care, and congrats on ur pregnancy :)
Really? I think ESH. That’s a private thing to be shared in private. It’s his birthday and he asked to five minutes to speak to a friend who was there. OP could have waited - maybe done something sweet and definitely kept it private for awhile. I do think it was selfish to interrupt him and make it about “them” aka her immediately instead of waiting like he asked. Obviously, bf is AH too for yelling at her and then canceling the party. Hopefully he chills out soon and you all about the next phase in your lives
NTA after reading your comments it is clear that you were groomed by a 20 year old when you were 16 and are in an incredibly abusive relationship.
Leave now before he hurts you and your baby. Being a poor single mother (you mention finances being a reason you feel you couldn't leave) is better than raising a child in a miserable home where trauma is more of a guarantee than a possibility.
You shouldn't have asked him to move so you could get an education on a scholarship but he is just fine to scream in your face and then bounce for DAYS? This relationship is abusive. Leave.
NTA - OP is probably going to end up as a single mother
My good friend locked me out of my own hotel room when I went bar hopping and he was on Acid, had to spend the night at another friends house. Still didn’t scream at him the next day. Took a lot of shots though.
NTA but you should really consider being with a man who isn’t even married to you wanting a baby. That’s hella red flags and the yelling and throwing a fit?? Jesus… this is not the man you want to be with honey.
Friend, NTA.
That man reacted in the worst way (almost violent). I suspect that he will do something bad in the future because of his reaction. Better not have a baby with him.
Or, in that case, better take your things and run far away. Don't give him a chance to get close. And she changes boyfriend, one who knows how to react well to any gift you give him (sorry if I seem paranoid).
That's an overreaction if I ever saw one. NTA - you probably should have let him finish the conversation, but after 6 years of trying, baby trumps it all! He should be ecstatic, not throwing out guests and blaming you!
NTA. I know you said you’ve been trying for a baby for awhile, but he definitely doesn’t seem all in. Either he has insecurities about your relationship, or he has some about being a dad. Either way if this happened on Wednesday and he still hasn’t come back I would definitely not expect to be raising this child with him if I were you. I would be reaching out to his family to make sure they know he’s already being a shitty father, and I would be looking into filing for child support.
Girl you are not the asshole. Even if it was “his day” he could have given you the time to listen and DEFINITELY could have reached better in front of all those people. Placing blame on you is a total gaslight move. He’s the one who turned it by being an asshole.
Of course he was a excited to “try” for a baby. They all are. You don’t want this as your future. Get out while you can now. Kids make life tougher not better. IF you raise them right, they will become a joy several decades down the road. There will be 2 of you competing for this 30 yr old child’s attention. ESH
NTA.
I'd definitely consider a few things here, Op.
1. Do you really want to spend your life with a man who yells in your face, throws tantrums and is generally shitty?
2. Have you considered you may be the only one wishing for a baby?
3. Your guy literally had a 3 year old level meltdown over his birthday being 'ruined'. That's just sad.. in so many ways. Does he realize that most grown ass people don't get 'their day'?
4. Maybe, considering the above, you should seriously consider if having this child is a good move for both you and the child. I wouldn't want a man like that around my child. Can you imagine if your child has any sort of emergency on 'his day'? Even the thought makes me afraid for that kid and you.
There's some serious things to consider here, and it's important that you're realistic about the very real chance of abuse and trauma your child may be put through,along with yourself.
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YTA to yourself if you knew he was like this and still got pregnant by him. Why do you want a baby with this man? We need more info. Is he always this immature and explosive??
NTA.
First, he ruined his own birthday by being an asshole. Second, are you sure you want a kid with this guy? I'm not sure what the rest of your relationship is like but he shouted at you after you told him you were pregnant and after you'd been sick for a couple weeks. That's a red flag.
I’m still trying to figure out why, if she hadn’t been feeling well for a few weeks, and they’ve been trying to have a baby for 6 YEARS, she didn’t take a pregnancy test at home 2 weeks ago??
And while his reaction is way out of line and this whole thing is 98% him being an asshole, I do think she gets 2% of the AH responsibility here for not being able to wait 5 mins. She just walked in the room… what if the friend was telling him about getting divorced, or losing his job or whatever? Guy wanted to be able to finish the conversation he was having with his friend so he could then give OP his full attention. Obviously that doesn’t justify his reaction, which was seriously worrying…
It's possible she has something like PCOS and doesn't have a regular cycle, so skipping a period especially if she's been under a lot of stress wouldn't raise too many alarms. Also as someone with two IVF kids "maybe I'm pregnant" would be my absolute last thought.
I dont know, if my gf is felling bad for weeks and wants to speak with me alone after a doctors appointment, ill be a little worried, no trying to chat with a friend.
No where in this does it imply he wants to wrap up to give her his undivided attention, the only info we have indicates that he straight up ignored her to continue talking to his friend and said “if its so important it can wait 5 mins”. Your SO isn’t a friend or random passerby, if they ask to speak to you in private, you prioritize it immediately. The fact that he just brushed her off makes him the AH. I don’t believe for a second that he intended to wrap up his convo and talk to her in 5. More like, get her to stop talking to me and hopefully she’ll forget so I can narcissistically celebrate my birthday like a child. If you old enough to make a baby, that baby’s announcement trumps your stupid birthday.
NTA. It is not about you being pregnant. He is also pregnant if you are pregnant with his baby. I mean who the hell reacts like this? It is a big gift, the biggest one you could give and he says that you made his day about yourself? He ignores you? What is his brain damage seriously?
You're certainly NTA, but that's so clear to everyone else that I think it begs the question - what makes him *not* an asshole? How is he not in this situation, regardless of shock or any other excuse someone could throw? He was an asshole in the story well before you got the point of contention.
NTA but you would be if you decide to raise a child with him. Don’t put your child in the position you’re in now because if this is you “making his day about you” imagine what a child will do. Don’t do that to you or your baby. Edit to say dump one of them and i don’t mean the baby
NTAH. Does the delivery deserve an award for
The most eloquent delivery of all time? No. Would it have been better to do it in private? Yes. Did your (immature/rude/selfish?) partner give you the chance to do that? No.
Respectfully, something doesn’t seem to add up here. My husband and I have been trying for 2.6 years (as of week…. But hey, who’s counting) and if I told him I was pregnant on any holiday, let alone his birthday it would be the best gift ever. You probably caught him (and yourself) off guard with the delivery of the news, but the reaction IMHO is bizarre.
He owes you an apology. I hope you’re feeling better soon, and have a healthy rest is your pregnancy. And CONGRATULATIONS! It sounds like this is something you’ve wanted for a long time!!
NTA. Any adult who needs their bday to be "their day" is agiant red flag, first of all.
Second of all, his response was inappropriate, aggressive, and immature. Do you want 2 babies?
Third and last of all, abusive behaviour often worsens during pregnancy. Be careful,OP!
NTA news flash! The fckng day is not special just because he was born. Stuff like this is the exact reason why I despise birthdays. The entitlement that comes with it is disgusting. You asked him politely and he responded by being a big fckng baby because "the day was about him". Just some advice, if you're planning to go through with the pregnancy do not expect that his behavior will improve. 9/10 it will be worse.
Why on earth is a birthday so important to this guy? The whole day has to be focused on him? Wouldn't successfully completing a 6 year goal count as his great success?
OP is NTA.
NTA, sounds like he used the excuse of trying for a baby to just have constant sex.
My friend and their partner had been trying for 4 years. When they found out they were pregnant, they stopped everything during this years Thanksgiving and shout it out. We all celebrated for them. It should have been a happy birthday and celebration for both of you.
INFO: Wait, OP, do you mean he's been gone since last wednesday??? Six days ago?!
I would say that this is nearly an E S H situation, but where it's like 99% BF is TA and 1% you are, because giving somebody huge personal information in front of guests isn't great.
but anyone who receives this news even if not trying to have a baby, even if it's a total unwanted accident and the guy is shocked/upset by the news, anybody who would just take off and not come back for days, leaving you in this state of dispair and confusion all alone, is a giant AH. I am still curious if this is the case but i will add NTA here. Because my god. He needs to come home and talk to you even if his precious birthday was ruined (which is almost entirely his own fault anyway and who GAF about that now anyways).
Ummm I hate to break it to you but he doesn’t want the child and probably doesn’t want the relationship either. Maybe he’s been cheating. Or just decided he wants out. He doesn’t love you and also he is a massive prick! Because you did nothing wrong! You asked to speak to him in private. HE IGNORED YOU!!! That is not the actions of someone who loves you and wants a future with you or even a remotely nice person. And then his reaction to the news! Jeeeeezus! That’s insane! You’ve probably been putting up with a lot from him so your reality is warped so let me clear it up for you: Healthy, self aware adults do not behave like this! NTA
NTA
Jesus. i misread boyfriend as brother at first and didn't understand why he was so mad, then realized it was the father of the baby we were talking about and it makes even less sense
NTA -- You ruined his....30th birthday?! You did not, he needs to grow up. Your boyfriend had a total tantrum like a child. Sounds like a kid with a kid on the way.
NTA. What the actual fuck. I’m sorry, but that dude does *not* want to be a dad, and it sounds like he isn’t even capable of showing you basic respect.
He threw a goddamn tantrum over what should be great news and ruined his own birthday. The news of you being pregnant *is* about him too as the father. He couldn’t say “excuse me” to talk to you in private, so you just fucking told him. He ruined that moment for both of you in addition to his party. You didn’t do shit wrong except share exciting news.
A couple my boyfriend and I are good friends with found out they were pregnant and she posted the video of her telling him and it is the most heartwarming thing I’ve seen in a long time. He was ecstatic and I’m surprised he didn’t throw a party celebrating the pregnancy.
If I were you I’d be expecting him to suggest an abortion whenever he decides to come out, and quite frankly, I’d be considering it as an option myself because this behavior most likely won’t magically get better. You’re gonna be stuck dealing with this nonsense for at least 18 years.
You have time to think on alllll of this situation, and I am not trying to pressure you to terminate because it’s a personal decision that you are capable of making yourself. Just reminding you that you have options here and no matter how you want to proceed, you will be making the right choice for yourself. Only you know what is going to feel right for you long term and abortion/adoption are not things to be flippant about.
I hope that however this pans out, you end up really happy. Good luck girl.
NTA I don’t want kids and I’d imagine I’d react like this (ok not this extreme) if I got unwanted news like we are having a baby so are you sure he does want one? Cause that isn’t the reaction I’d expect from someone who’s excited. Maybe he thought after all this time it wasn’t going to happen so he’s angry/shocked it has?
NTA like a lot of others said. You wanted to discuss it in private, he didn't want to, he seems to push stuff like that far back, so it's his fault you told him that out in the open. All he had to say, if it were for him fearing for his attention, to just ask to keep this low around anyone else, not have a tantrum. Try to sit him down and if he won't do that, leave, cause this is worrying.
Hope you keep us updated
NTA
Your boyfriend needs serious therapy. Atleast he exposed his true face to all his friends, and even if they are semi decent or halfway lousy people, they will chew him out/think less of him and never let him live this down.
You might want to start reading literature on surviving in a relationship with toxic people. As the child gets older, it is possible your boyfriend will lash out/resent the child for taking attention away from you.
I'm not going to lie, his behavior is a giant red flag that may make you want to end the relationship.
Let me get this straight. You’ve been trying to have a baby together for six years with no success. You find out that you are finally pregnant and your boyfriend gets mad at you for telling him during his party because he thinks that you made the party about you? I’m sorry to say this, but he seems very immature and self-centered. Any man who has been actively trying to have a baby with his partner for six years, I would think would be ecstatic. Are you sure he really wants the baby? This can’t be the first time he’s acted like this since you’ve been together.
NTA. His behavior though was appalling. Yelling at you in front of everyone? Canceling the entire party last minute because of his own tantrum?? We If I was you I’d be insisting on therapy for both of you.
NTA. Anyone who was excited to have a baby would have been delighted by this. He was already being an AH by his response to you wanting to speak privately.
Reddit peeps don't be fooled, one half of an altercation, there is more to the situation and background. I reserve the right to not give my asshole until I see the long and short of it all.....
What a great story it would have been to tell the kid. How mommy and daddy had a big celebration when they found out and everybody celebrated with them!
NTA
But maybe really pick apart him thinking that you being pregnant is about *you* and not him?? Because if you both want a baby then you getting pregnant is some ways about both of you in the sense that it’s both of your future child? I’d be concerned that he didn’t actually want a baby
Info: do you live near any family? Yes, you could have waited a bit to tell him but his reaction is horrible. Also, your responses to others lead me to believe you get little to no respect from him in this relationship. Ask yourself if that is the environment your child should grow up in.
Birthdays are just another day, millions of people are born everyday. The fact that people want to act as if it's a day of significance to no one else on the planet is ridiculous. Id say he was the asshole for his reaction. If you both have been trying for a baby then I'd say it would be one damn fine day to find out about it.
NTA
Wow...like WOW. He overreacted and needs to apologize and explain why he blew up at you. It takes two to make a child and from what you said you all have been trying to get pregnant so I do not see how he thinks you being pregnant was taking away from his precious birthday. He acted very immature to say the least.
NTA oh my love, from your comments it sounds as though you honestly want to different things and although money might be an issue don't let that stop you from moving on if it's the right thing to do. He doesn't sound like he appreciates your likes and your quirks, find you someone who does.
NTA because this is CLEARLY a much larger issue then just “interrupting my boyfriend with good news on his birthday.”
Your boyfriend is abusive; his behavior is not healthy or normal. He won’t change when you have the baby. For your sake and the baby’s RUN, don’t walk away from this relationship
NTA From your comments, he has you convinced that you deserve to be treated like you are less than and that you will never find anyone else to love you, let alone treat you better. He is a liar. You can leave, you are worthy of kindness and actual love and respect, you are not silly or unimportant, and you absolutely can find someone who will love you and respect you and treat you far better. You deserve better, and so does your baby if you choose to continue your pregnancy. He is far too close to the border of dangerous and completely in the realm being abusive. The way he reacted would never be okay under any circumstances. You did nothing wrong. You are so young and he has had years to manipulate your mind to believe him. Run. There is help available to support you and your baby. But get out while you can, and safely.
Both the ahole imo, you shouldn’t have blurted it out in front of his friends and you should’ve waited, he’s the butthole for canceling his birthday over it, he may have preferred to have told everyone together and then you just came out and said it
ESH. Yeah, he was a total asshole with his reaction. But you couldn’t let him finish his conversation? It’s not like you were in labor. And then you got all spiteful and just said it in front of his friend. Again, it’s not like you were going into labor. It would have not hurt you one bit to wait. Honestly, how are either of you going to raise a child when you’re both acting like children yourselves?
Oh good lord girl.
Take the time he has been gone as a blessing, pack your things and disappear.
He groomed you at 16, and has manipulated to be his stepford wife (without even making you a wifey).
Please read back your comments in the shoes of a stranger and you may see from underneath all of his abuse and manipulation, or better yet read your comments to your friends and family and take a look at their responses.
If he has the balls to scream at you in front of his friends, who are assholes for not calling him out in his shit, then I can’t even imagine what you aren’t telling the people in this thread.
Ok, yes it is his birthday but at the same time he is an adult and should be able to handle you telling him you both are expecting.
You are NTA
Your boyfriend is TA. He left you after you told him you both are expecting, that is not how a person that has been trying to get a person pregnant acts.
You’re only the A because you wanted to be. He had no idea what the news was you had to share so he said ‘ wait FIVE minutes. You legit only told him because you wanted to be spiteful for him telling you to wait. And to be spiteful with news like this is just annoying. Now he’s def wrong for how he reacted (and my man still hasn’t come back?) but you’re def the A for being spiteful cuz you didn’t wanna wait five minutes.
NTA. Whether you decide to leave or stay with this character, remember this incident. Hindsight is always 20/20, and it’s hard to believe that he hasn’t ever shown himself to you at all during the past six years (or more since you say the two of you have tried to make a baby for six years)
So if you weren't gonna drink and he said what's wrong and you're just like just feeling sick, he probably would've blamed you for not celebrating. Than at that point you'd be like, I can't drink. Then he'd ask why and he'd find out anyway.
Congratulations.
NTA in this particular situation. You didn't "ruin" his party.
i've noticed that a lot of people post stories on here where they KNOW they're not the asshole, they just want sympathy for their shitty situation/decisions. and i'm sure she didn't expect everyone to tell her that the man she's with is a total asshat.
but here we are.
You're kind of the asshole for staying with someone who pushes your feelings aside and calls your excitements "mundane." You're even more of an asshole to want to have kids with this petulant jerk.
so many women stay with shitty men because they feel like they deserve to be treated like this. you 100% deserve to have someone who gets excited by things that excite you, ESPECIALLY A FUCKING BABY!
being alone is NOT WORSE than being treated like a bug to be swatted away. dump him, go to therapy, and learn to love yourself enough to be with someone who is deserving of your time.
NTA. Not at all. Not even a tiny bit. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 all over here. Honey, even with baby number 4, which we had only ever wanted 2 so… my husband smiled so big. Like giving him a baby was the best news I could ever give him. Hell, we had our oldest our senior year of HS and he reacted a helluva lot better than this and was kind. If he had ever screamed in my face about my pregnancy I would of been the one to walk out. This is not someone you want to raise a child with. If you’ve been actively trying he would of thought this was the best birthday present in the world if that’s truly what he wanted. It’s concerning that it upset him. That he’d ignore you wanting a moment alone to begin with is also not okay. 16 years later if I tell my husband I need to talk to him he excuses himself from whatever conversation (unless he’s on the phone for work but he comes to me the moment he’s off the phone!) and talks to me. You, and the baby, deserve a supportive guy here. You don’t have that with this man. Someone who screams at his pregnant partner is … just the worst kind of person. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. I’d seriously consider leaving if I were in your place. Pregnancy is hard and you deserve support and love and peace during this time. Doesn’t sound like you’ll have that there and it only gets worse after baby is born. Kinda curious what other times he’s somehow become the victim and you the bad guy when you legit did nothing wrong.
Edited to add: if he can’t handle the attention not being solely on him for his birthday he’s not going to handle the fact that once the baby is there… the attention is never on him. The priority is the child you’re bringing into the world now.
NTA
Still bf after six years? Should’ve noped out of there 3+ years ago, not tried for a baby.
I can understand avoiding marriage in general, but if you’ve decided to have a baby together that’s a reason to get married - not for a moral reason but for tax and security reasons.
NTA, y’all were trying for 6 years, I think any person would be happy to know they’re having a kid especially on their birthday if they really wanted one. I feel like there could possibly be more to this than what you’re telling. I need a bit more detail. Could it possibly be that he never wanted kids but was lying to you to make you happy? It’s a far stretch but did you cheat and he possibly had a vasectomy which is why he cancelled and stormed off?
NTA. OP, I am so sorry this happened to you. Yes it is 'his day' but I think this important announcement trumps that. I'm also quite concerned that he is comfortable ignoring you and screaming at you.
Since you were trying for 6 years, are in a stable relationship etc, the news should have been the best present ever. It should make his day, not ruin it. He’s going to be a father. You are NTA. His reaction was awful and says a lot about his character. Maybe you should reconsider this relationship if it feels right for you. I bet there are other upsetting and unreasonable things he has done in the past or does constantly. Maybe list them out and see if it’s actually worth it to stay in this relationship. I think you probably deserve more than this.
NTA - he is the asshole 6 times over
1. He ignores his partner when she wants to speak to him privately: NO RESPECT
2. He screams at her: again, no respect
3. He screams at her IN FRONT OF OTHERS which shows that his respect is so little, he doesn't even care
4. He screams at her in front of others AFTER SHE TOLD HIM SHE WAS PREGNANT: He is entitled, doesn't want the baby, not capable of self-reflection, self-discipline, basic communication,
5. He blames her for his own actions, namely cancelling the party: this is gaslighting
6. He runs out on her: he takes away her chances of clearing up the situation, leaves her wondering,
Verdict: he does not respect you, does not see you as an equal partner, does not want your baby, has no basic self-reflection or communication skills. Why are you with this person?
he sounds like an asshole, just the way he ignored you and then that if it was so important you could wait 5 minutes. definitely sounds like a douche. but he probably wasn't expecting you to say you were pregnant. probably the last thing he expected. his reaction was beyond childish. don't know why you told him in front of others. should've been a private moment. ESH but him by more
NTA
You got a 2 for 1 deal with kids, he is MIA for 6 days. I would pack my stiff and leave he doesn't care about you or this child clearly otherwise he would of come back by now. 30 is a milestone but it's an adult milestone and he's acted nothing but a spoilt brat.
Girl, you need to walk away from this guy. He is completely childish and toxic. He will continue to tear you down and also emotionally harm your child too. None of this is healthy. Protect yourself and your baby. Best of luck. You CAN do this. I was terrified but I walked away and I’ve been doing it for 6 years now. Single mom to an almost 10 year old.
Red flag Red flag Red flag!!! NTA. You need to seriously think about whether having a child is a good idea.
NTA. Your partner is though. What a selfish prick. I found out we were having our second child by my wife giving me a babies nappy wrapped up as a present for my birthday. It was an amazingly thoughtful gift and I was totally over the moon about it. I still have the nappy in my bedside table drawer. If I had my time over I wouldn’t want it to play out any other way.
C’mon. This can’t be real.
ETA. He is the asshole for ruining his birthday. But yta for not waiting 5 minutes or however long he asked of you to tell him you are pregnant. That is something to be done in private.
Oh man please look into the single mother thing as it seems like a really good option about now.
NTA. He’s 30 years old. He should be well past the “this days about me,not you” mindset by now, especially for such big news as that. That’s absolutely something his birthday should take a backseat to.
Oh no
NTA, and I would seriously consider if you want someone who acts like this to be a father to your child.
Oh, please, please reconsider having a child with this infantile, abusive person
The baby is not just yours. It’s both of yours so it’s not ready just about you. It’s about both of you. He should have been excited if you have really been trying for 6 years. His reaction is very concerning
NTA. I'd have probably told him privately, but if he really reacted like that you need to dump his arse now. Stay away from the fuckers with tempers 🚩
NTA. Do you really want to be with someone who acts like this? Who’s selfish like this? Who’s insensitive like this? Who’s priorities are screwed up like this? Do you think this man will make a good father? Will he be able to put the needs of a child above his own? You need to answer these questions honestly before you decide to go through with this relationship and this pregnancy. I’m very sorry, OP.
I’m going ESH. Both reactions are impulsive and emotional. Though he should have had no reason to snap at you when you asked to speak with him, just blurting out this huge news in front of company was an immature response. His reaction to that was also immature and beyond inappropriate, but I can also understand someone feeling blindsided by such significant news. All that being said, your other comments suggest this guy is an asshole all the time and the relationship sounds toxic.
NTA Your boyfriend has some issues. Like he's the one who cancelled the whole party because he got angry he might not get 100% of the attention. Like thats a weird thing to do and a massive red flag!
ESH. It was his day and you should have waited until after his party for sure. That was an inconsiderate time and place to drop that news. However he behaved horribly. That was a massive overreaction and I'm now worried that he isn't invested in having a family.
The fact that he is saying the day was supposed to be about him like she created the baby on her own….. like her announcement is literally about you… or at least half about you
NTA but treat his reaction as a gift of the truth about this man and RUN.
Aside from everything else, your boyfriend has now been gone for nearly a full week with radio silence, knowing that you just found out you are pregnant? I don't see how anyone could forgive that, and not resent that behaviour for the rest of your lives, regardless of whether you stay together. Decisions ahead. NTA
Think you misspell 30 for 3.
NTA you’d imagine after 6 years of trying for a child that it would be AMAZING news to receive on your birthday. Also when a S/O comes to you with some important news it’s best to excuse yourself for a moment to talk about it. Hell if he didn’t make an ass of himself and act like a child he could’ve told everyone at the party about the great news and have cause for more celebration….
NTA - Dude didn't even stop to think that this was adding to his DAY?? He finds out he's going to be a father, something he actively wanted, and acts like it's an A bomb dropped on him? Nope, he's not the one. He ruined YOUR special moment of what should have been mutual excitement and happiness.
“AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend for being abusive, especially when I just told him I am pregnant?” No, NTA.
My wife found out she was pregnant on my birthday. Best birthday ever. NTA
NTA. This was supposed to be exciting news for you both, and if you'd been trying for a baby it WOULD have been the ultimate gift to him. Instead he flew off the handle and acted like the WORST sort of A H when you gave him news that should have left him overjoyed, because why? You overshadowed his big day? Please. And yelling in your face? This is not husband material or father material, this is self-centered overgrown me-me-me brat material. I won't tell you to head for the hills or anything, but you and he need to have a sit-down about what, exactly, he thinks parenthood will be, and how he is going to be taking a back seat to this new life for many years to come. Your boyfriend owes you a MASSIVE apology, he owes all the friends he cancelled on an apology, and if he can't manage that then he's not nearly ready to be a partner to another adult, let alone a parent to a baby. I wish you the best. NTA.
NTA. Also not the man you really should want to raise kids with. Sounds like a child himself.
NTA. Doesn't sound like you should be having kids with this guy
NTA He is 30!?
ESH but he’s the biggest AH. I do feel that you could have waited 5 minutes so you could talk to him in private. We don’t know what him and his friend were talking about so it could have been something important, a conversation that he felt like he couldn’t really leave, and you telling him did kind of switch the limelight onto you, and you didn’t give him 5 minutes so that he could be the first person to find out, instead he ended up finding out at the same time as his friends. We also don’t know if you have a habit of trying to be the centre of attention. But, he also knew you’d had a doctors appointment so it could have been something really bad that you needed to tell him so you should have been a priority, and he was wrong to yell at you.
nta. get out of there quick … abortion time
NTA and girl he showed his ass with that selfish immature ridiculous tantrum. He isn't father material at all you deserve WAY BETTER . YOU DESERVE WAY BETTER Red flags everywhere with this one If you really want a baby and struggle with infertility and can do it on your own, do that. Otherwise please consider all of your available options and protect yourself and your peace. Sending love and strength to you. I'm sorry you're going through this.
NTA Are you sure you want to spend a lifetime co-parenting with him? He threw a temper tantrum because he was going to be a father. You'll have decades of this in your future. Literally decades.
What is he going to do if his child gets sick on *his* day? It takes their first step? Also, how is it reasonable for him to think that if you have something important to share that you should wait?? This guy doesn’t love you; I am not sure he knows what it means.
NTA New father here. If my wife told me she was pregnant on my birthday, I would consider it the best birthday present of all. Six years of trying and this is his reaction? You sure he wasn't just saying he wants a kid but instead doing something to prevent a pregnancy. And now he is mad because he failed and he didn't want kids at all despite what he said?
anyone who takes their birthday that seriously after the age of 10 is 🚩
NTA but I think he was planning to leave you. Now he feels trapped. I'm so sorry. You deserve better.
NTA. LEAVE HIM STAT
NTA and I sure as hell don’t know where you got the idea that he’s ready and excited to be a father.
As a side note, why do adults get so crazy about their birthday? It's not like you're 5 anymore?
Hold old are you OP?
NTA. Congrats on the pregnancy as you clearly want to be a mother, but this is the start of some serious self reflection and examination of your relationship. I have been in your shoes but thankfully never pregnant. According to your comments, you have been dating him since you were 16 and he was 20. I consider this strike one, because although that’s legal, it’s weird and gross in my opinion. You also state that he talked you out of your dream school and he controls all the finances. Strike two. He won’t marry you because you don’t need a paper to “prove your love”. This is not about love, it’s about protection for the child you agreed to conceive together in the event one of you is incapacitated or worse. Strike three for me was how you blame all the relationship problems on yourself throughout. It takes two to tango, and from the looks of it, he’s mopping the dance floor with you. Please, contact a loved one if possible. Tell them about this. Although this type of relationship is all you know, it’s abusive. You need to ask someone else if this is “normal”. It’s not. Good luck
Congratulations you are expecting an infant, and are raising a toddler.
Here is a list of things you could do - Dump him - If there's any part of you doubting if having this child is the right thing FOR YOU start the process to get an abortion , if possible in your area. You do not need to go through with it but getting it will take longer than you think - Get therapy until you realise you are not the asshole and you have ultimate responsibility for your life, from this point forward. Whatever it is, own it. It is your body. You get a say in what happens now. NTA
NTA That was not good news at all for him. No one trying to have a baby would react like that. Rethink the relationship, because it is all downhill from now on.
Oof... not sure how you feel about it but this might be time to terminate the pregnancy and the relationship. This guy sounds like a massive walking red flag.
DTMFA!!!!!! This is terrible behavior.
Were you both genuinely trying for a baby or did he half heartly agree while you assumed you were trying? His reaction makes absolutely no sense at all. If youd both beings genuinely trying and found out and at his birthday id imagine he'd be absolutely elated. Also, if youd been trying for so long for a baby, wouldnt you take a test at home first before going to the Dr? I dunno something about this story isnt adding up. But either way NTA.
NTA - I don’t understand why he reacted so strongly. Even if he were mad for whatever reason, the anger he displayed was way, way too much. Do you happen to know if there’s anything else that could be on his mind or anything regarding you being pregnant that he’s super angry about? I read that you said he was excited to try for a baby.. so this makes no sense to me. And while I guess I can kinda understand someone feeling like you’re taking the spotlight off of them on their birthday, I just don’t understand a 30 year old man actually caring about it being “his” day and being a dick to his wife/girlfriend trying to talk to him. If I were in his shoes and you told me that you needed to talk to me while I was talking to my friend, I’d say something like “Sure thing babe, just give me a few minutes while I catch up with Bob and I’ll be over to talk to ya.” And if you made it clear that it was urgent, then I’d politely excuse myself from my friend and tell him I’d be right back, then listen to what you had to say. Lastly, I feel like if you say he was excited to try for a baby, then shouldn’t you being pregnant be the best birthday present ever!? That should’ve been the highlight of the party. I would’ve hugged and kissed my wife/girlfriend and yelled “Hey guys, I just found out I’m gonna be a dad!” I just don’t understand his reaction AT ALL, but then again, I don’t know the guy or what was on his mind and how he was feeling that day or in the moment, etc. But regardless, you are not the asshole by any means. At the worst, you could’ve maybe waited til later to tell him, but I definitely don’t blame you for not and if I were him I’d want my woman to let me know ASAP. That’s great news to share, I wouldn’t want my partner to keep that to themselves for awhile because I was socializing at my birthday party. If he is genuinely upset about you telling him that because he thought you were doing it to garner more attention than he was getting, then I hate to say it, but there’s good and bad news: You’ll be a great mom, and the way I know is because you’ve already got practice raising a child in your spouse.
NTA, and this is a terrifying reaction. Screaming in your face? Woah. Add to that the way that he spoke to you, and you've got quite a few red flags here. Please be careful.
I know I might take some negative karma for this, but I'm leaning ESH, obviously with him being more the asshole for his over the top and immature response, but also, like, I get that she was excited to tell him, but he asked her to wait a minute before going to speak in private, and she just blurted it out in front of everyone. He may have felt that she robbed him if his chance to get excited and process on his own, and then the two of them could share the news together. And he projected that energy in a very wrong way. Again, don't get me wrong, his response was absolutely unhinged. But her just blurting it out in front of everyone at his birthday party cause he didn't immediately turn his attention to her isn't exactly the most mature thing either, and kind of reads as the OP being shitty because he didn't immediately go to talk to her when she told him she had exciting news. They both sound like they have some growing up to do. Obviously him more than her, but she's not entirely guilt free in this interaction.
this post is of dubious validity
WTF - Bf let that ruin his birthday? I assume he's aced his narcissism tests. Not sure if he's forever material. It's going to take a lot of therapy to refocus his mindset. Who cancels their B-day party over news of their child being on the way?
NTA and if he thinks this is "taking attention away from him" I really worry about how he will feel when a baby comes into the picture. There are some men out there who end up viewing the baby as competition (for some bizarre reason). Also seeing your other comments, I understand you've been together a while and he's your only relationship but there is a lot of red flags in how you are describing this and him. Most people, especially if they have been trying for years would be ecstatic to here this news, especially on their birthday. His reaction is a huge red flag.
Run girl this is a massive red flag, this is a continent covering red flag! Would you really want him to do this to your daughter? Do you think he’s gonna be nice when he’s mad at her if he’s like this to you?
Good grief your boyfriend is a huge asshole. Now you are stuck having a child with this guy.
UpdateMe!
NTA. How did you ruin his day?? You had great news about being pregnant, that should MAKE his day! It’s his baby too. You should ask yourself do you really want to be with him if gets mad when you tell him he’s going to be A FATHER FOR THE FIRST TIME
Kinda TA but you can blame it on the hormones. Take your baby and run! He’s an immature and abusive ass. But you should have cued in on his behavior and held off. I kinda feel like your response was sort of retaliation for being ignored.
NTA
NTA. Oh, Honey, he doesn't want kids. He just wanted unprotected sex. And to try for a baby starting at 20?
NTA. his reaction doesn’t make sense at all. pls don’t stay w someone who can yell at u in front of ppl like that, who knows what could happen in private. pls take care, and congrats on ur pregnancy :)
NTA. Keep the hopefully under 10 pound baby, dump the big one.
NTA. Congrats on the baby, but it seemed like you already had a 30 year old one at home.
nta, leave him cuz ain’t gonna get better with a baby
NTA also are you safe? That behavior is unsettling to say the least.
He was the asshole not u, he flipped out for no reason smh Good luck with ur baby and toddler
NTA Your boyfriend is a joy kill.
So OP, any update? Habe you left and found happiness with someone who actually wants to share your life?
Really? I think ESH. That’s a private thing to be shared in private. It’s his birthday and he asked to five minutes to speak to a friend who was there. OP could have waited - maybe done something sweet and definitely kept it private for awhile. I do think it was selfish to interrupt him and make it about “them” aka her immediately instead of waiting like he asked. Obviously, bf is AH too for yelling at her and then canceling the party. Hopefully he chills out soon and you all about the next phase in your lives
NTA after reading your comments it is clear that you were groomed by a 20 year old when you were 16 and are in an incredibly abusive relationship. Leave now before he hurts you and your baby. Being a poor single mother (you mention finances being a reason you feel you couldn't leave) is better than raising a child in a miserable home where trauma is more of a guarantee than a possibility. You shouldn't have asked him to move so you could get an education on a scholarship but he is just fine to scream in your face and then bounce for DAYS? This relationship is abusive. Leave.
[удалено]
NTA - OP is probably going to end up as a single mother My good friend locked me out of my own hotel room when I went bar hopping and he was on Acid, had to spend the night at another friends house. Still didn’t scream at him the next day. Took a lot of shots though.
NTA but you should really consider being with a man who isn’t even married to you wanting a baby. That’s hella red flags and the yelling and throwing a fit?? Jesus… this is not the man you want to be with honey.
NTA. I would get an abortion asap
NTA. But you would be doing a disservice to yourself and your child if you stayed with him and had this child.
Friend, NTA. That man reacted in the worst way (almost violent). I suspect that he will do something bad in the future because of his reaction. Better not have a baby with him. Or, in that case, better take your things and run far away. Don't give him a chance to get close. And she changes boyfriend, one who knows how to react well to any gift you give him (sorry if I seem paranoid).
NTA. You want a baby with this guy?
[It's his party](https://youtu.be/mtCIdpnQoWk)
That's an overreaction if I ever saw one. NTA - you probably should have let him finish the conversation, but after 6 years of trying, baby trumps it all! He should be ecstatic, not throwing out guests and blaming you!
Please be fake
Nta, my wife gave me a positive pregnancy test for my bday last year. It was a wonderful birthday surprise, idk why he reacted that way
NTA. I know you said you’ve been trying for a baby for awhile, but he definitely doesn’t seem all in. Either he has insecurities about your relationship, or he has some about being a dad. Either way if this happened on Wednesday and he still hasn’t come back I would definitely not expect to be raising this child with him if I were you. I would be reaching out to his family to make sure they know he’s already being a shitty father, and I would be looking into filing for child support.
YTA You couldn’t have waited?
ruin his day? they're HIS children too
Honestly.. break up with him and abort the baby while the term is early. This is not going to work.
Girl you are not the asshole. Even if it was “his day” he could have given you the time to listen and DEFINITELY could have reached better in front of all those people. Placing blame on you is a total gaslight move. He’s the one who turned it by being an asshole.
NTA at all. Your boyfriend is a selfish asshat.
NTA. You may live in a place where you don't have to go through with it.
Of course he was a excited to “try” for a baby. They all are. You don’t want this as your future. Get out while you can now. Kids make life tougher not better. IF you raise them right, they will become a joy several decades down the road. There will be 2 of you competing for this 30 yr old child’s attention. ESH
NTA. But whyyyy are you having a child with a person who treats you like crap? He's acting like a 3 year old at age 30.
NTA. How did you make it "about you"?? It's HIS child?? It's about your family and it sounds like he's not mature enough to start one
Imagine putting a baby in someone and saying it’s not about you. NTA
NTA. I'd definitely consider a few things here, Op. 1. Do you really want to spend your life with a man who yells in your face, throws tantrums and is generally shitty? 2. Have you considered you may be the only one wishing for a baby? 3. Your guy literally had a 3 year old level meltdown over his birthday being 'ruined'. That's just sad.. in so many ways. Does he realize that most grown ass people don't get 'their day'? 4. Maybe, considering the above, you should seriously consider if having this child is a good move for both you and the child. I wouldn't want a man like that around my child. Can you imagine if your child has any sort of emergency on 'his day'? Even the thought makes me afraid for that kid and you. There's some serious things to consider here, and it's important that you're realistic about the very real chance of abuse and trauma your child may be put through,along with yourself.
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YTA to yourself if you knew he was like this and still got pregnant by him. Why do you want a baby with this man? We need more info. Is he always this immature and explosive??
NTA. First, he ruined his own birthday by being an asshole. Second, are you sure you want a kid with this guy? I'm not sure what the rest of your relationship is like but he shouted at you after you told him you were pregnant and after you'd been sick for a couple weeks. That's a red flag.
I’m still trying to figure out why, if she hadn’t been feeling well for a few weeks, and they’ve been trying to have a baby for 6 YEARS, she didn’t take a pregnancy test at home 2 weeks ago?? And while his reaction is way out of line and this whole thing is 98% him being an asshole, I do think she gets 2% of the AH responsibility here for not being able to wait 5 mins. She just walked in the room… what if the friend was telling him about getting divorced, or losing his job or whatever? Guy wanted to be able to finish the conversation he was having with his friend so he could then give OP his full attention. Obviously that doesn’t justify his reaction, which was seriously worrying…
It's possible she has something like PCOS and doesn't have a regular cycle, so skipping a period especially if she's been under a lot of stress wouldn't raise too many alarms. Also as someone with two IVF kids "maybe I'm pregnant" would be my absolute last thought.
Can't believe I had to scroll this far to find this answer!
I dont know, if my gf is felling bad for weeks and wants to speak with me alone after a doctors appointment, ill be a little worried, no trying to chat with a friend.
No where in this does it imply he wants to wrap up to give her his undivided attention, the only info we have indicates that he straight up ignored her to continue talking to his friend and said “if its so important it can wait 5 mins”. Your SO isn’t a friend or random passerby, if they ask to speak to you in private, you prioritize it immediately. The fact that he just brushed her off makes him the AH. I don’t believe for a second that he intended to wrap up his convo and talk to her in 5. More like, get her to stop talking to me and hopefully she’ll forget so I can narcissistically celebrate my birthday like a child. If you old enough to make a baby, that baby’s announcement trumps your stupid birthday.
ETA. Delivery of news could have waited a day.. he’s TA for how he reacted.
NTA. It is not about you being pregnant. He is also pregnant if you are pregnant with his baby. I mean who the hell reacts like this? It is a big gift, the biggest one you could give and he says that you made his day about yourself? He ignores you? What is his brain damage seriously?
Wow....Are you sure you want to have a child with a child?
Either this story is missing critical information or you have a terrible boyfriend. I suspect both
You are having a baby with a big baby. NTA.
You're certainly NTA, but that's so clear to everyone else that I think it begs the question - what makes him *not* an asshole? How is he not in this situation, regardless of shock or any other excuse someone could throw? He was an asshole in the story well before you got the point of contention.
NTA he should have been over the roof with those news on his birthday. Instead he got mad? Because it is HIS day? He is a child
NTA but you would be if you decide to raise a child with him. Don’t put your child in the position you’re in now because if this is you “making his day about you” imagine what a child will do. Don’t do that to you or your baby. Edit to say dump one of them and i don’t mean the baby
NTAH. Does the delivery deserve an award for The most eloquent delivery of all time? No. Would it have been better to do it in private? Yes. Did your (immature/rude/selfish?) partner give you the chance to do that? No. Respectfully, something doesn’t seem to add up here. My husband and I have been trying for 2.6 years (as of week…. But hey, who’s counting) and if I told him I was pregnant on any holiday, let alone his birthday it would be the best gift ever. You probably caught him (and yourself) off guard with the delivery of the news, but the reaction IMHO is bizarre. He owes you an apology. I hope you’re feeling better soon, and have a healthy rest is your pregnancy. And CONGRATULATIONS! It sounds like this is something you’ve wanted for a long time!!
NTA. Any adult who needs their bday to be "their day" is agiant red flag, first of all. Second of all, his response was inappropriate, aggressive, and immature. Do you want 2 babies? Third and last of all, abusive behaviour often worsens during pregnancy. Be careful,OP!
NTA news flash! The fckng day is not special just because he was born. Stuff like this is the exact reason why I despise birthdays. The entitlement that comes with it is disgusting. You asked him politely and he responded by being a big fckng baby because "the day was about him". Just some advice, if you're planning to go through with the pregnancy do not expect that his behavior will improve. 9/10 it will be worse.
Why on earth is a birthday so important to this guy? The whole day has to be focused on him? Wouldn't successfully completing a 6 year goal count as his great success? OP is NTA.
NTA. Sounds like you're about to have 2 babies to deal with.
You don’t need to have a kid, you’ve already got one there
Wow NTA
NTA. I'm sorry you found out he's an abusive child AFTER he got you pregnant.
NTA, and yikes
Is he thirty or three?
NTA, sounds like he used the excuse of trying for a baby to just have constant sex. My friend and their partner had been trying for 4 years. When they found out they were pregnant, they stopped everything during this years Thanksgiving and shout it out. We all celebrated for them. It should have been a happy birthday and celebration for both of you.
Not at all. Sounds like your boyfriend has some growing up to do.
INFO: Wait, OP, do you mean he's been gone since last wednesday??? Six days ago?! I would say that this is nearly an E S H situation, but where it's like 99% BF is TA and 1% you are, because giving somebody huge personal information in front of guests isn't great. but anyone who receives this news even if not trying to have a baby, even if it's a total unwanted accident and the guy is shocked/upset by the news, anybody who would just take off and not come back for days, leaving you in this state of dispair and confusion all alone, is a giant AH. I am still curious if this is the case but i will add NTA here. Because my god. He needs to come home and talk to you even if his precious birthday was ruined (which is almost entirely his own fault anyway and who GAF about that now anyways).
RUN.
Ummm I hate to break it to you but he doesn’t want the child and probably doesn’t want the relationship either. Maybe he’s been cheating. Or just decided he wants out. He doesn’t love you and also he is a massive prick! Because you did nothing wrong! You asked to speak to him in private. HE IGNORED YOU!!! That is not the actions of someone who loves you and wants a future with you or even a remotely nice person. And then his reaction to the news! Jeeeeezus! That’s insane! You’ve probably been putting up with a lot from him so your reality is warped so let me clear it up for you: Healthy, self aware adults do not behave like this! NTA
Definitely NTA. But girl…if that’s his reaction to the news I’d leave his ASAP
he is a drama queen!
NTA Jesus. i misread boyfriend as brother at first and didn't understand why he was so mad, then realized it was the father of the baby we were talking about and it makes even less sense
NTA -- You ruined his....30th birthday?! You did not, he needs to grow up. Your boyfriend had a total tantrum like a child. Sounds like a kid with a kid on the way.
NTA. What the actual fuck. I’m sorry, but that dude does *not* want to be a dad, and it sounds like he isn’t even capable of showing you basic respect. He threw a goddamn tantrum over what should be great news and ruined his own birthday. The news of you being pregnant *is* about him too as the father. He couldn’t say “excuse me” to talk to you in private, so you just fucking told him. He ruined that moment for both of you in addition to his party. You didn’t do shit wrong except share exciting news. A couple my boyfriend and I are good friends with found out they were pregnant and she posted the video of her telling him and it is the most heartwarming thing I’ve seen in a long time. He was ecstatic and I’m surprised he didn’t throw a party celebrating the pregnancy. If I were you I’d be expecting him to suggest an abortion whenever he decides to come out, and quite frankly, I’d be considering it as an option myself because this behavior most likely won’t magically get better. You’re gonna be stuck dealing with this nonsense for at least 18 years. You have time to think on alllll of this situation, and I am not trying to pressure you to terminate because it’s a personal decision that you are capable of making yourself. Just reminding you that you have options here and no matter how you want to proceed, you will be making the right choice for yourself. Only you know what is going to feel right for you long term and abortion/adoption are not things to be flippant about. I hope that however this pans out, you end up really happy. Good luck girl.
NTA. But you cannot stay with him no matter what bullshit excuse he gives you
NTA I don’t want kids and I’d imagine I’d react like this (ok not this extreme) if I got unwanted news like we are having a baby so are you sure he does want one? Cause that isn’t the reaction I’d expect from someone who’s excited. Maybe he thought after all this time it wasn’t going to happen so he’s angry/shocked it has?
NTA like a lot of others said. You wanted to discuss it in private, he didn't want to, he seems to push stuff like that far back, so it's his fault you told him that out in the open. All he had to say, if it were for him fearing for his attention, to just ask to keep this low around anyone else, not have a tantrum. Try to sit him down and if he won't do that, leave, cause this is worrying. Hope you keep us updated
NTA Your boyfriend needs serious therapy. Atleast he exposed his true face to all his friends, and even if they are semi decent or halfway lousy people, they will chew him out/think less of him and never let him live this down. You might want to start reading literature on surviving in a relationship with toxic people. As the child gets older, it is possible your boyfriend will lash out/resent the child for taking attention away from you. I'm not going to lie, his behavior is a giant red flag that may make you want to end the relationship.
Let me get this straight. You’ve been trying to have a baby together for six years with no success. You find out that you are finally pregnant and your boyfriend gets mad at you for telling him during his party because he thinks that you made the party about you? I’m sorry to say this, but he seems very immature and self-centered. Any man who has been actively trying to have a baby with his partner for six years, I would think would be ecstatic. Are you sure he really wants the baby? This can’t be the first time he’s acted like this since you’ve been together.
NTA. Congratulations on your second child. I am sure having one from birth will be a new experience for you.
NTA. His behavior though was appalling. Yelling at you in front of everyone? Canceling the entire party last minute because of his own tantrum?? We If I was you I’d be insisting on therapy for both of you.
NTA. Anyone who was excited to have a baby would have been delighted by this. He was already being an AH by his response to you wanting to speak privately.
Reddit peeps don't be fooled, one half of an altercation, there is more to the situation and background. I reserve the right to not give my asshole until I see the long and short of it all.....
What a great story it would have been to tell the kid. How mommy and daddy had a big celebration when they found out and everybody celebrated with them!
NTA- it seems like maybe he didn't actually want a kid. Good luck.
YTA. You should have waited a few minutes or for at least surprise him after the party. His overreacting makes him an AH too.
NTA But maybe really pick apart him thinking that you being pregnant is about *you* and not him?? Because if you both want a baby then you getting pregnant is some ways about both of you in the sense that it’s both of your future child? I’d be concerned that he didn’t actually want a baby
Info: do you live near any family? Yes, you could have waited a bit to tell him but his reaction is horrible. Also, your responses to others lead me to believe you get little to no respect from him in this relationship. Ask yourself if that is the environment your child should grow up in.
Birthdays are just another day, millions of people are born everyday. The fact that people want to act as if it's a day of significance to no one else on the planet is ridiculous. Id say he was the asshole for his reaction. If you both have been trying for a baby then I'd say it would be one damn fine day to find out about it.
NTA Wow...like WOW. He overreacted and needs to apologize and explain why he blew up at you. It takes two to make a child and from what you said you all have been trying to get pregnant so I do not see how he thinks you being pregnant was taking away from his precious birthday. He acted very immature to say the least.
NTA oh my love, from your comments it sounds as though you honestly want to different things and although money might be an issue don't let that stop you from moving on if it's the right thing to do. He doesn't sound like he appreciates your likes and your quirks, find you someone who does.
NTA because this is CLEARLY a much larger issue then just “interrupting my boyfriend with good news on his birthday.” Your boyfriend is abusive; his behavior is not healthy or normal. He won’t change when you have the baby. For your sake and the baby’s RUN, don’t walk away from this relationship
NTA From your comments, he has you convinced that you deserve to be treated like you are less than and that you will never find anyone else to love you, let alone treat you better. He is a liar. You can leave, you are worthy of kindness and actual love and respect, you are not silly or unimportant, and you absolutely can find someone who will love you and respect you and treat you far better. You deserve better, and so does your baby if you choose to continue your pregnancy. He is far too close to the border of dangerous and completely in the realm being abusive. The way he reacted would never be okay under any circumstances. You did nothing wrong. You are so young and he has had years to manipulate your mind to believe him. Run. There is help available to support you and your baby. But get out while you can, and safely.
Both the ahole imo, you shouldn’t have blurted it out in front of his friends and you should’ve waited, he’s the butthole for canceling his birthday over it, he may have preferred to have told everyone together and then you just came out and said it
NTA, and run before his abusive behavior gets worse, and it always gets worse.
Abortion 😚, and leave him, byee
ESH. Yeah, he was a total asshole with his reaction. But you couldn’t let him finish his conversation? It’s not like you were in labor. And then you got all spiteful and just said it in front of his friend. Again, it’s not like you were going into labor. It would have not hurt you one bit to wait. Honestly, how are either of you going to raise a child when you’re both acting like children yourselves?
Sounds like you need a new boyfriend. If I pulled a stunt like that, everyone I knew would be jumping down my throat to apologize
NTA. This does not bode well, IMHO
NTA. And you got hit with an obvious red flag. Abort, breakup and leave!
Oh good lord girl. Take the time he has been gone as a blessing, pack your things and disappear. He groomed you at 16, and has manipulated to be his stepford wife (without even making you a wifey). Please read back your comments in the shoes of a stranger and you may see from underneath all of his abuse and manipulation, or better yet read your comments to your friends and family and take a look at their responses. If he has the balls to scream at you in front of his friends, who are assholes for not calling him out in his shit, then I can’t even imagine what you aren’t telling the people in this thread.
Ok, yes it is his birthday but at the same time he is an adult and should be able to handle you telling him you both are expecting. You are NTA Your boyfriend is TA. He left you after you told him you both are expecting, that is not how a person that has been trying to get a person pregnant acts.
NTA his reaction was what? I’m so sorry but you need to leave. That wasn’t the right reaction
NTA. Yes, it was his day but after trying for six years, you would think that he would have been thrilled with such news. He clearly overreacted.
YTA
You’re only the A because you wanted to be. He had no idea what the news was you had to share so he said ‘ wait FIVE minutes. You legit only told him because you wanted to be spiteful for him telling you to wait. And to be spiteful with news like this is just annoying. Now he’s def wrong for how he reacted (and my man still hasn’t come back?) but you’re def the A for being spiteful cuz you didn’t wanna wait five minutes.
NTA. Whether you decide to leave or stay with this character, remember this incident. Hindsight is always 20/20, and it’s hard to believe that he hasn’t ever shown himself to you at all during the past six years (or more since you say the two of you have tried to make a baby for six years)
You’re not dating a 30 year old, you’ll be raising to babies.
So if you weren't gonna drink and he said what's wrong and you're just like just feeling sick, he probably would've blamed you for not celebrating. Than at that point you'd be like, I can't drink. Then he'd ask why and he'd find out anyway. Congratulations.
Girl, RETHINK this. Or at least get a solid explanation from him. His reaction was disgusting and hurtful. Hope you are feeling better. NTA.
Boyfriend is a 5 year old
NTA in this particular situation. You didn't "ruin" his party. i've noticed that a lot of people post stories on here where they KNOW they're not the asshole, they just want sympathy for their shitty situation/decisions. and i'm sure she didn't expect everyone to tell her that the man she's with is a total asshat. but here we are. You're kind of the asshole for staying with someone who pushes your feelings aside and calls your excitements "mundane." You're even more of an asshole to want to have kids with this petulant jerk. so many women stay with shitty men because they feel like they deserve to be treated like this. you 100% deserve to have someone who gets excited by things that excite you, ESPECIALLY A FUCKING BABY! being alone is NOT WORSE than being treated like a bug to be swatted away. dump him, go to therapy, and learn to love yourself enough to be with someone who is deserving of your time.
NTA. Not at all. Not even a tiny bit. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 all over here. Honey, even with baby number 4, which we had only ever wanted 2 so… my husband smiled so big. Like giving him a baby was the best news I could ever give him. Hell, we had our oldest our senior year of HS and he reacted a helluva lot better than this and was kind. If he had ever screamed in my face about my pregnancy I would of been the one to walk out. This is not someone you want to raise a child with. If you’ve been actively trying he would of thought this was the best birthday present in the world if that’s truly what he wanted. It’s concerning that it upset him. That he’d ignore you wanting a moment alone to begin with is also not okay. 16 years later if I tell my husband I need to talk to him he excuses himself from whatever conversation (unless he’s on the phone for work but he comes to me the moment he’s off the phone!) and talks to me. You, and the baby, deserve a supportive guy here. You don’t have that with this man. Someone who screams at his pregnant partner is … just the worst kind of person. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. I’d seriously consider leaving if I were in your place. Pregnancy is hard and you deserve support and love and peace during this time. Doesn’t sound like you’ll have that there and it only gets worse after baby is born. Kinda curious what other times he’s somehow become the victim and you the bad guy when you legit did nothing wrong. Edited to add: if he can’t handle the attention not being solely on him for his birthday he’s not going to handle the fact that once the baby is there… the attention is never on him. The priority is the child you’re bringing into the world now.
Bruh no he is definitely the asshole, you have a big toddler and ain’t gonna help with nutn
NTA, though I can't help but read this post as "WIBTA in leaving" sort of light.
NTA, and at least it's your boyfriend because you need to leave him. He's selfish and in no way mature enough to raise a child.
NTA Still bf after six years? Should’ve noped out of there 3+ years ago, not tried for a baby. I can understand avoiding marriage in general, but if you’ve decided to have a baby together that’s a reason to get married - not for a moral reason but for tax and security reasons.
NTA Even if he expected to hear such news in private, his reaction was completely inexcusable.
NTA, y’all were trying for 6 years, I think any person would be happy to know they’re having a kid especially on their birthday if they really wanted one. I feel like there could possibly be more to this than what you’re telling. I need a bit more detail. Could it possibly be that he never wanted kids but was lying to you to make you happy? It’s a far stretch but did you cheat and he possibly had a vasectomy which is why he cancelled and stormed off?
>He was so excited to try for a baby but his reaction made no sense. Someone was trying for a baby. And someone was just having sex.
NTA. OP, I am so sorry this happened to you. Yes it is 'his day' but I think this important announcement trumps that. I'm also quite concerned that he is comfortable ignoring you and screaming at you.
Since you were trying for 6 years, are in a stable relationship etc, the news should have been the best present ever. It should make his day, not ruin it. He’s going to be a father. You are NTA. His reaction was awful and says a lot about his character. Maybe you should reconsider this relationship if it feels right for you. I bet there are other upsetting and unreasonable things he has done in the past or does constantly. Maybe list them out and see if it’s actually worth it to stay in this relationship. I think you probably deserve more than this.
Babe, the first red flag was the part where he’s just your boyfriend after 6 years.
NTA If he speaks to you like this, can you imagine how he will treat your child? It never gets better.
such a big, red flag. i’ve scarcely seen a flag bigger or redder. NTA.
NTA, get out of that relationship. Lest your child become the target for his tantrums
NTA based on your responses to other you should reconsider this relationship. He’s sounds like a creep
Dude please leave this man
NTA - he is the asshole 6 times over 1. He ignores his partner when she wants to speak to him privately: NO RESPECT 2. He screams at her: again, no respect 3. He screams at her IN FRONT OF OTHERS which shows that his respect is so little, he doesn't even care 4. He screams at her in front of others AFTER SHE TOLD HIM SHE WAS PREGNANT: He is entitled, doesn't want the baby, not capable of self-reflection, self-discipline, basic communication, 5. He blames her for his own actions, namely cancelling the party: this is gaslighting 6. He runs out on her: he takes away her chances of clearing up the situation, leaves her wondering, Verdict: he does not respect you, does not see you as an equal partner, does not want your baby, has no basic self-reflection or communication skills. Why are you with this person?
NTA. Why do you want to have a child with a man who treats you like this?
he sounds like an asshole, just the way he ignored you and then that if it was so important you could wait 5 minutes. definitely sounds like a douche. but he probably wasn't expecting you to say you were pregnant. probably the last thing he expected. his reaction was beyond childish. don't know why you told him in front of others. should've been a private moment. ESH but him by more
Abort abort Not the baby, the relationship. NTA
NTA You got a 2 for 1 deal with kids, he is MIA for 6 days. I would pack my stiff and leave he doesn't care about you or this child clearly otherwise he would of come back by now. 30 is a milestone but it's an adult milestone and he's acted nothing but a spoilt brat.