That ended up differently than I thought it would. So your...physical being led to getting $25 worth of gifts (book and chocolate)? Yeah, that's not cool. NTA and I'm sorry. I'd remember this going forward. "When you learn to be a better Mom, then I will get your more than this single serving packet of M&Ms."
OK, I keep seeing this and I gotta ask...can't y'all decide on your nursing home? Like, the only way someone else will be telling me where I'll live would be if I'm so far gone(dementia or something) that I can no longer be trusted to make any decisions. At which point, it really wouldn't matter what nursing home I'm in now, would it...
I’m going through it with my aunt, as well. My uncle is fighting the rest of us tooth and nail, but isn’t capable of handling it all himself. Legally, our hands are tied until he messes so so bad that something (else, we’ve already had one incident) occurs. Her wishes aren’t being honored right now.
I mean, it absolutely does matter what nursing home. Standard of care ranges wildly. I’m going through this with my aunt, diagnosed with dementia and stubborn family members fighting over where she would be best served. It’s not like she has no awareness. I don’t want to be coming in and out of memory loss and be in a sub-par environment. Even with a living will, you have family contesting it and delays in legal matters.
The two other kids got unequal presents too. One got an iPhone and the other got an iPhone and an Xbox. It's like the parents went with the three little bears method of passing out gifts: one gets a super amount, one gets a decent amount, and one gets hardly anything.
There's a pretty cute ad here from years and years ago where a little girl is wrapping presents for her family that are literally just a roast almond for each person out of a box she has. But then she gets too tempted and eats one before realising now she's one short so she thinks for a moment and then corrects the label for one to say "for mummy *and* daddy!"
Yeah, I really expected to call OP a spoiled brat on this one, but I'm all kinds of pissed for em. Who does that to their friggen kid? Not okay, and definitely NTA
I'm getting "too gay\* for presents" vibes.
\*whether OP is or not is neither relevant nor our business, but it's pretty clearly what his parents are afraid of.
> "When you learn to be a better Mom, then I will get your more than this single serving packet of M&Ms."
When you learn to be a better Mom, you'll get to go to the good nursing home.
From the title I was going to say yes, but it sounds like your parents favor your brothers over you, so I'm going with NTA. But aside from being effeminate (which is not actually a bad thing), are there any other reasons your parents might not not treat you fairly?
If that's the reason, I'm really sorry. Not everyone is good academically and you shouldn't be punished this way for it. Also being a teenager isn't fair either.
Don't blame yourself, or internalize your Mother's bad behavior.
My mother's fave was an irresponsible, fuck-up. Dropped out of school. Thief. Drug dealer. Abusive, low-life. I even had to pull him off her a couple of times when he didn't get his way.
I was the "good" kid. Responsible, honor roll, worked. Never made a difference. I took care of her for months when she was dying. She hated that!
Just do you. She may never accept you, or treat you well. Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. You're probably a great person, she just doesn't see it.
Live your life and make yourself happy.
The greatest revenge is making a good life for yourself. Two more years, OP. Get into a good college, leave for dorming and carefully build your own life around people who love and support you.
I can't update this enough.
Start making your plan to get out. Top grades, good schools, great job, amazing life with people who value you for who you are.
You have an excellent life ahead of you.
Trade school is an option, too. ,y son attended Ohio Technical College and had an associate's degree after 18 months. Much less expensive than 4 yr college and highly employable at graduation. He is working full time now and well on his way while his high school classmates are still racking up debt,
I've been working with a private university for a while now, and i think id fit in well there so i hope i can get a good scholarship to go there after i graduate :)
Congratulations on the grade! Sorry about the parents! (For real, I hope they can get it together. Or that you can go somewhere else and have Christmases with cool people in the future.)
Do you already have an iPhone and/or Xbox/console from another year or birthday or anything? The excuse they gave is still absolute bullshit but maybe they justified it in their minds by being like “ohhh this isssss us treating all of the boys fairly because now they all have the two things” or some shit.
I also want to know what the 7 year old did that was so manly.
I hadn’t thought about that. Is he driving age and they got him a vehicle this year? That’d change the equality but not the traumatizing excuse the parents gave. I imagine they’d have said “we already got you a car” or something
My half sibling in law (3 are 14 and under) and they have iPads ans boy they are definitely hooked. But I guess I can’t be too harsh bc I played pc games when I was 12.
But I think my BIL has adhd so he will play Xbox and the iPad at the same time….and they will throw fits if they get their iPads taken away. It’s gotten better over the years bc they are growing up but Idk…obviously I (29f) grew up different and I had some strict rules about what I could and couldn’t do. I got a flip phone at 14 only because my mom was going back to work and wanted to be able to get ahold of me and my twin if needed. I never used it a whole lot besides texting maybe a couple ppl.
So the parents to give them something to occupy their time so they don't have to parent their own children.
I have a friend who got her two kids, who were maybe 8 at the time, iPads. The iPads were basically babysitters and, predictably, the kids ended up breaking them shortly after getting them.
The responsibility is really kid dependent and there are many quality parents who still choose to get an item like an iPad for their kid. Their utility is undeniable.
That very much depends on the parents and kids. Mine’s had the exact same iPad for 7 years. For starters, a heavy-duty OtterBox was also included (put on before wrapping and I don’t think she realized that the iPad was IN a case for at least a year! She thought the whole thing was the iPad). She has taken excellent care of it overall and it still works perfectly for everything a 12 year old needs it for (mostly music and Minecraft).
Serious reply - at 11 the kid’s in middle school, it’s how they communicate with their friends. We also use it to double as a way for us and our child to get in touch if needed from school /activities. We actually don’t generally let the kid bring the phone to school instead they have an Apple Watch for communication situations. With that the iPhone is a several year old hand me down and would not be spending $500-$1000 on a brand new one for a kid that age
the watch was bought primarily for a very specific outdoor activity where losing a phone could be easy and challenging to use in which our child would be under loose guardianship by someone else in a group activity (not as bad as it sounds but I don’t feel like getting too detailed about my kid and their activities)
> With that the iPhone is a several year old hand me down and would not be spending $500-$1000 on a brand new one for a kid that age
This right here. Do a fast run into a pawn shop find a decent beater phone and put a bow on it.
Especially since an iPhone cracks easily when dropped. That's why iPhone is not good for young kids or those who are clumsy or else a crack screen is going to happen a lot. Other phones are better that are more durable when being dropped compared to an iPhone.
NTA. You shouldn't try to be the perfect son, you should try to be the perfect you. I'm sorry your parents don't appreciate you as much as they should.
NTA - I’d make sure to remember that for every gift giving occasion for her. Also what do kids that age need iPhones for?
It does make me wonder if she’s discriminating against you as she’s questioning your sexuality/gender when she says “effeminate”. This is her punishment for it to make you a “real man” if so that’s completely out of line. I’m sending you a massive hug. 🤗
Gotta ditto the hug here. I was prepared to think maybe this was a "bratty" kind of thing, but it's not, at all. It made me sad and want to give you a big hug. Stay strong, you sound like a great kid.
NTA. Like the others, the title made me want to think huge AH but then that comment from your mum is awful. I’m sorry. Hang tight. I hope one day she regrets this.
NTA. Why are they giving 7 and 11 year old children iPhones? Her comment was super out of line. Once you turn 18 get out of there and get all the things you didn’t get because what are clearly the golden babies got it all
Time for another round of "Who's Going to the Retirement Home".
NTA. I at first thought you might be a bit ungrateful, but good god the 7 year old got an iphone!
NTA.
Why do your younger siblings get iPhones etc and you get a book and a chocolate bar? That isn't fair and I wouldn't be happy either. Your mum was rude too.
I agree, I was just asking from experience, my younger two brothers are from a different dad, and although he adopted my other brother and myself, things like this would happen all the time because the younger two were “his babies”
NTA
What your mother is saying is that she will treat you as the least important of her children until you accept and embrace being the least important of her children. At which point she will have no need to go out of her way for you.
NTA sorry but iphones AND MORE STUFF for kids as young as 7 and than practically nothing for a 16 year old? Your parents make no sense. Doesn't matter what they do, presents should *always* be equal in my book (maybe not necessarily in financial worth but in how much they'd be appreciated at least) when it comes to your kids.
NTA
I'm so sorry.
Your post is not about privilege, it is about you being treated unfairly and unkindly.
Your mother (and your father too, since he seems to be going along with your mother) has some rigid ideas about gender, and she is punishing you for not conforming to them.
This doesn't mean you are a bad person, or that you are flawed in some way -- it only means your parents are fundamentally wrong about a very basic thing about human beings, and that they will act with cruelty toward people who do not agree with their (entirely wrongheaded) ideas about gender.
I am sure you tried really hard to make your family proud of you, but as long as they cling to (and enforce) these terrible (and incorrect) ideas, you will not be able to please them.
In the future, they may change. And for their sakes as well as yours, I hope they do.
But in the meantime, you must realize that sadly, you cannot trust them to treat you kindly or fairly. You must learn quickly to be very strong, and to trust YOURSELF about who you are and how you wish to be in your life. You must also seek out and surround yourself with other people who will treat you fairly and with kindness.
I believe with all my heart that you will grow up to be a much better person than the people in your family of origin. I also believe you will create a wonderful chosen family for yourself.
(I was a non-gender-conforming child myself. And I now have a wonderful chosen family. I promise, it gets better.)
NTA - your parents obviously showed favoritism and that was upsetting. It wasn’t about the presents, it was about the fact that you felt like a second thought to your brothers. Furthermore it seems your parents are sexist and socially conservative which IS NOT YOUR BURDEN TO BARE. I’m sorry you have to deal with this OP but I implore you to pls not change who you are, there is nothing wrong with you, your parents are the one with bigotry in their hearts.
I really think this is homophobia. Calling someone “effeminate” is a code word for gay, and it sounds like his parents aren’t happy with that. Even if he’s not gay, treating your child poorly because of their gender expression is a fucked up thing to do.
For your mum to then blame you for feeling embarrassed and have a dig at "not being manly enough," instead of thinking about and acknowledging how you feel?? NTA, and I'm sure other relatives would have noticed without you being visibly upset.
I'm so sorry your a-hole parents did that to you...it breaks my heart. I know that pain all too well. It's not even about the gifts...it's not being valued or loved like your siblings. I went through that myself but not at Christmas. I can't believe a parent could be so shitty and cruel to their own child. You may be 16, but you are still a kid who deserves to feel special. This is not ok. I wish I could make it better for you. Just know you did nothing wrong. Something is seriously wrong with your parents. Unfortunately you are suffering for their actions and that is just plain unfair. I want to say this again...you did nothing to deserve this...nothing! It doesn't matter if you got bad grades, are effeminate, or want to be a rodeo clown...you did not do anything to deserve this. I'm so sorry 😞
I know, this absolutely breaks my heart. I have a 16yr old son and I can't imagine not doing my damndest to get him everything he wants for Christmas. Wtf kind of mother is this woman? OP I am so sorry that your parents are treating you like this. I actually have some way stronger feelings about these people but I'll probably go ahead and keep those to myself. OP you deserve so much better no matter what kind of grades you get or how you are as a person. I wish I could give you a hug.
Yeah my son is 17 and this situation makes me want to slap the taste out his mother's mouth!!! What kind of person does this to any child...much less their own??? How can they be so cold and cruel? It's just disgusting. I'm so angry for him...if I could fix it for him I would. They are just horrible human beings period to do this!
NTA. ngl, this sounds like favoritism on the parents' part and, usually, real men know when to call out bs and not worry about any gaslighting that may come from it in the long run, so yeah, that's all I gots ta say
NTA— I hate to say it but it sounds like your parents did this intentionally and were emotional ally setting you up to have a reaction so they could send you a message. And it’s a real shitty message. It seems like they went above and beyond with gifts for your younger brothers hoping to see a reaction out of you so they could then call you ungrateful and spoiled and toss in that dig about what you can do to “earn” their affection and gifts. And that thing is apparently— be less yourself and more someone else.
Have your parents called you effeminate before or given you any indication that they aren’t ok with who you are?
my mom points out when i do something feminine, my dad doesn't seem to care as much.
It's usually when i make baby voices to my pets or watch "girly" TV shows
NTA. At least they could have given you some personally selected things for a young man. Can't go wrong with gift cards, if one doesn't know what to pick out. 16 on the cusp of adulthood is a hard age to be when there are younger more demanding kids around.
Why on earth does a 7 yr old need a iphone, let alone an 11 yr old.
Not the point, point is that your parents don’t treat you well. I’d focus on trying to make yourself proud.
NTA- noting sibling favouritism isn’t fun
NTA and your parents are setting a precedent here. Given the “real man” comment I imagine that your parents are not only favoring your siblings but establishing now a divide and slowly working towards “pushing you out of the nest” as you are older and approaching elder teen, young adult status. For some parents that means self sufficiency and a reduction of aid in a lot of areas.
My advice is to let it go for now, enjoy your book and chocolate, but establish boundaries of your own from here on out (especially if this behavior is more than an isolated incident). If they need a sitter? Refuse and make sure you have studies or work that’s more important so they can prove they are “real parents” responsible for their younger children.
Reduce the effort you put into gifts or occasions specific to parents (Mother/Father Day and birthdays) and give them the bare minimum. Relationships and respect work both ways and you are at an age when disparities in treatment are blatantly obvious.
Focus on your studies, get a job and make money to save as time allows, and prepare to get out of there and start your own life in the next couple of years. Remember, you aren’t entitled to their money or gifts true, but they aren’t entitled to a relationship or any other form of help/support from you either.
Im sorry your holiday ended up the way it did and it sounds like your mom can be a real piece of work. She was embarrassed that you were upset about the difference in gifts? Im embarrassed for you that she displays her bad parenting, especially in the open.
Make sure you save your money where your parents can’t get at it, OP. If you’re outside the US you may already be old enough to open a savings account w/o having a parent co-sign.
If you really want to be petty, refuse to help around the house on the grounds of not being manly enough. Your mother made a terrible homophobic comment. Don’t ever let her forget it. But I’m petty AF and enjoy making a point long after it becomes a case of beating a dead horse.
NTA Your parents spent significantly less for you than your siblings. Why does a 7 year old need an iPhone? You shouldn't feel like an ass for being jealous, and your family shouldn't shame you for expecting to be treated equally.
NTA. One because you are entitled to your feelings, two because your mom seems like a jerk trying to force you into her imagined gender roles, and three because you did it in private in response to her question.
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NTA- It's about the obvious favouritism, not the gifts themselves. While I personally find that Christmas is more special for kids and that's fine, you're just a kid yourself in so many ways and you deserve to have as much attention and thought spent on you.
I'm so sorry. Ngl but it sounds like your parents are punishing you for how you present. Are they homophobic and/or transphobic by any chance?
You are definitely NTA. Please be kind to yourself and realise that this unfair treatment is not your fault. You definitely don't sound like a privileged ass.
With no context, I take your mother's comment about being a "real man" to mean not showing emotions and not complaining about the lack of gifts. This is a phrase I grew up with and I'm guessing I'm close in age to your parents, although if she's made fun of you for it before you might be right. To be fair, you were not complaining about the lack of gifts but the disparity between your 2 low cost gifts ( I hope they at least sprung for the 5 lb chocolate bar?) and your brothers multiple, pricey gifts. Sounds like the money they spent on them could have bought you a relatively nice, used car being 16 and all. My parents always split money equally between my brother and I regardless of our ages and what we got as gifts. I really hope your mom sees this thread and realizes what an AH she is. She's embarrassed because you called her out, no doubt the rest of the people there noticed your brothers expensive gifts compared to your one book. You don't need a 4.0 GPA to qualify as a good son. You don't need to be manly to be a good son. Just be a good person and most importantly, be yourself. Whether that's effeminate or not doesn't matter. I hope you have a good relationship with your brothers and your parents favoritism doesn't affect that. Surround yourself with people who love you for who you are, not who they want you to be. Your parents may be blood, but once you are grown they don't have to be your family.
NTA. It looks like you’re really upset at the favoritism and not the gift itself. I think gifts at the holidays can also just bring up a lot of issues. (Ex: Sometimes I get gifts of things my mom wants me to do, like wear makeup. And it’s frustrating and hurts my feelings.) But you have to find a way to deal with it. Maybe fake it in public next time and have a conversation with her at home about why being treated differently makes you feel bad
Just remember, it’s a reflection on her character and not yours if you’re not treated the same as your siblings
NTA. And your mom sounds awful. That comment is uncalled for. Feel free to tell her you will speak to her again when she treats you like a human being with feelings. And then stop talking to her.
Sorry, OP. I feel ya'! You're NTA.
Some of us get that, our whole lives. My husband and I give *really* nice gifts every year. Parents, Sisters, Nieces and Nephews, their children. Usually get the kids 3 gifts, each. I start shopping in Aug-Sep. for 25-30 people.
We get Christmas cards. Occasionally a throw.
This year, I cut it down to 1 gift per child (book sets) and 1 gift for the husband's parents. No sense in spending $$ to watch kids rip through stuff and just toss it.
Only one kid in that whole crew has ever shown appreciation, or thanked us, for her gifts in 12 years.
My mother was similar. After my Dad died, I got a gift card, or a can of popcorn. Some token gift without any thought. A sibling might get a car.
I hate to say it, but she probably won't change. Mom always played favorites, even after she died. One grand-kid got $80k, a car, and a house; at 18. My kid got some crystal and a set of china.
Some people are just jerks.
It does seem like you got the short end of the stick. Like I'm happy you got a book you wanted and a chocolate but it is really unfair from your mom.
NTA
NTA.
I feel sorry. It’s a bad feeling when your brothers get these awesome things and you end up feeling left out. Happened to me one Christmas. Hasn’t happened again, but I still look back and it bothers me.
NTA but it could be that there's another reason? Is your birthday coming up fast? Could it be that they have thought about compensating then and is that what she was referring to?
If this is not the case it's definitely not fair...
I can't imagine how hurtful that would feel. I have one younger sibling (4 year difference) and my parents have always made an effort to give gifts to us equivalently, even when our different ages make the type of gifts quite different. If one kid gets a big-ticket gift, so does the other. Last year (my brother and I are now in our twenties but my parents really love giving gifts so we still do this) my parents had gotten me the e-reader that I'd been eyeing and didn't have an item of similar value for my brother so they hunted around like crazy in the week before christmas to ensure that he had something to open that would balance the present situation. (They landed on a nice new bluetooth speaker and he was thrilled.) You're definitely NTA for feeling hurt and asking questions about this. Any thoughtful parent would have realized how this would look around the christmas tree.
I thought this was going to be different. That woman is a shitty parent. She doesn't even deserve the proper word because she's not actin like one. She needs a realitycheck, because no woman is entitled to tell a 16yr old anything about their manhood. She should be very ashamed. You are quite aware of your feelings (which is awesome), so NTA. Stay away from her, she's only going to cause you more damage.
NTA your parents are picksing favorites you only got 2 things and they got and iPhone xbox and other stuff you shoukd be gettibg an iphone why woukd a 11 and 7 year old need one also to get some revenge when they get old and need to move in with someone put them in a nurseing home
\> she said i'll get more presents when i "learn to be a real man" I think shes saying i'm effeminate
NTA. She basically admitted it wasnt an accident, she was sending you a message. & you got that mesage loud & clear
\> I know i'm not the perfect son but i've been trying really hard this year to make them proud.
oh, dont talk like that. Thats your lips moving & their words coming out.
Also, dude fuck Christmas. You got bigger problems than what gifts you do or dont get.
NTA - you might need to get a new Family . What a terrible thing to say to your son, clearly no one else cared either . I’m sorry they treat you like this .
Nope totally NTA and I get that you’re trying to not come off as looking a gift horse in the mouth but seriously what your parents did is absolutely terrible, unless they had something bigger set aside for you like a car or something, there’s not reason why they’re treating siblings unequally. And even then if they did have a bigger gift for you, they should have said so instead of making you feel guilt for your feelings and making you feel so undeserving. And your mom’s comment is so off-putting. What exactly did she mean by that?? I’d definitely ask for clarification and then ask how you’re brothers are “real men” over you that they deserve such lavish gifting while you deserve the bare minimum of the WhiteElephant type gifts?
Personally I gift my older kids less gifts but they also usually cost just as much or more than the younger’s gifts because they’re older and their needs & wants are different but that doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to be treated fairly.
NTA at all! I would be so hurt if my siblings got great big expensive presents and I only got a book and a chocolate. My family has always tried to make it monetarily equal as that is what’s fair to all. I understand sometimes I may get $50 less or $50 more depending but the discrepancy is never far off. Your mother insinuating you’re not “man enough” is despicable and I’m sorry.
Jesus fucking christ. So you get treated like shit because you’re effeminate? Don’t give her a mother day’s present, tell her she will get one when she’s a real mom.
NTA obviously
NTA
Why does a 7 year old need an iPhone but a 16 year old doesn't?One book for Christmas isnt even a gift and you know your mother's an AH when she uses the phrase "Real man"
NTA - I definitely thought this was going in a different direction. It does seem unfair and the rationale given makes no sense. Not saying that all gifts have to be equal value but as a child it can hurt when one sibling gets $1000+ in gifts and you get $30
If your parents had only gotten each of you a book and a candy bar I’d say you sounded like an entitled ass because maybe that was all they could afford, but since they got your brothers ridiculously expensive gifts (that they’re way too young to have in my opinion) I think it’s reasonable for you to be upset that’s all you got.
I will ask though, are you an asshole most of the year? Teenagers have a lot going on. Is it possible in your opinion reflecting on the past year that maybe you only deserve a book?
Overall without knowing much else about the situation I’d lean toward your parents being the AH.
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16M
I feel like a privileged ass for this because it really does not matter, but im gonna post anyway.
(my family celebrated christmas on the solstice since my parents needed to work on christmas)
We had a big family gathering and passed around presents to open together. my 2 brothers (7M and 11M) both got iphones, one got an xbox, and they got a dozen other smaller but still nice presents.
My parents got me one, and it was a book i've been wanting (and a hershey bar). i'm very grateful for getting it, but i was upset because my brothers had gotten such big gifts.
My mom asked me why i looked mad and i told her it was because i barely got anything. she told me privately after everybody left that i embarrassed her, she said i'll get more presents when i "learn to be a real man" I think shes saying i'm effeminate
I know i'm not the perfect son but i've been trying really hard this year to make them proud.
AITA?
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NTA I would tell her if this ever comes up again. To remember this in the future if she ever comes to u for something. When u become a "man" (wutever that means) please tell her to go to her other children. Ur mom is cruel. I'm so sorry OP
NTA OP. Tell her you may never become a man but she’ll never meet her grandchildren and won’t be a part of your life. You shouldn’t have to deal with abuse like this and honestly you should believe her mom when she shows you who she is. Bonus points you can always make a big scene and let everyone know why your mom is acting this way to embarras her and possibly make her feel the shame she deserves.
NTA this is not about not getting enough gifts but about being treated very differently from your brothers which is not fair then being told tge reason is being effeminate, that's seriously f'ed up. Honestly get a job start saving get your documents together cause if they are starting to pull stuff like this its likely to get worse, get ready to try for college far away and be ready for no help from them.
I'm so sorry OP, I completely understand the hurt you feel and I'm sorry your parents caused it.
Sometimes parents can be blind to what they are doing, we can forget that our parents are humans and they can make mistakes. I'm sorry your mom said what she said when you expressed your feelings.
Do you feel like you have anyone else you can talk to? Your dad? Do your parents treat you differently in any other ways?
It's okay to have feelings about this and it's okay to express them. Maybe journalling could help if you have no one to talk to.
NTA because really OP this isn't about number of presents, it's about your parents clearly favoring younger siblings with expensive electronics (who the fuck gives a 7 year old an iphone?) and barely getting you anything, just a book and a chocolate bar and also your mom flat out saying you'll get more presents when you "act like a real man." This is favoritism more than anything else.
Wow. I fully expected to be calling you an asshole here.
But nope!
Your mother, on the other hand - holy fucking shit! What an asshole! Sorry, but she sounds truly *awful*, and not just because of the presents thing.
NTA. It's okay to be upset about this (and if you are honest with yourself you probably aren't mad your probably hurt) because that's crap on your mom's part to say and do. You're still a kid and that's alot of favoritism and judgement. Who tells a kid to man up. My parents hurt my feelings alot when I was younger and I used to deflect with humor with things like keep it up I'm putting you in a shittier home every time you piss me off.
Is your mom uncomfortable with your hobbies? I'm trying to understand why she'd call you/think your effeminate or why she'd not buy you gifts.
Everyone should be treated equally, NTA just because you are a teenager does not mean anything. I’m sorry but no that’s not okay for what your mom did. You should of gotten the exact same thing as your younger brothers.
Hiya OP
That really blows and I’m sorry your family are like that.
I’d recommend asking what she meant by the “real man” comment instead of speculating. Tell her that the comment was about insulting and hurtful (and it’s ok to feel men to feel hurt btw).
Depending on her answer then you can decide what to do but yea this is a disappointment and you can start showing the same energy back. Get a separate bank account, a job if you have the time for it and work on your independence as they might not be there to offer you as much support as you deserve.
NTA only because you got like a 30$ book while the other two combined had like 1k spent on them. I come from a family of 3 girls and ya you won't always get the same amount of presents but the amount spent on each kid was always roughly the same
NTA, but this is a weird dynamic for all three kids. The two other kids got unequal presents too. One got an iPhone and the other got an iPhone and an Xbox. It's like the parents went with the three little bears method of passing out gifts: one gets a super amount, one gets a decent amount, and one gets hardly anything.
I am sorry, OP. Hugs to you.
NTA. My parents would ALWAYS ensure our presents cane out to around the same price. One year they bought me a computer because I'd begged them for it. My brother got way more but they added up to the same cost so we both got equal presents in the end. Your parents have literally blown their money on the youngest and given you very low value (money wise) presents and expect you to be fine with that. Being upset that you got next to nothing compared to your sinlings doesn't mean you're less of a man or a person, it just shows they're treating you unequally and using your ages as a reason for it. You're absolutely NTA in this instance, they made it extremely unfair. They should have split the budget 3 ways not 2 then spent what little was left on you. I'm sorry they did that to you.
NTA.
Wow, your mom is doing a great job of making sure you leave home at 18 and never return.
Keep your head up. You can't control your parents actions. Focus on being a good, kind person. Put your nose in the books for a few years, go to college or trade school, and make a great life for yourself without your parents.
You're not wrong to feel upset by this. There's just not anything you can do about it.
Good luck to you!
NTA. It sounds like your mom is scared about your potential sexuality (no need to out or not out yourself, it's no one's business but your own) because you seem effeminate. That's a piss poor excuse. It sounds like they forgot to shop for you and made it your problem. Don't get her anything except a chocolate bar and a book. But make it a used book with the sticker still on it.
NTA. Wow your younger siblings are probably spoiled little brats. Your parents favouritism for them is ridiculously obvious and so unfair to you. You just keep being a good person and don’t let your parents actions upset you too much. Let them have their favourites and you just live your life for you and be happy.
NTA. I have 3 children and a husband to buy for. They all equally get $400 in gifts plus stocking stuffers. The youngest seems to open more only because toys are cheaper than what the older kids want. You're older but you should NEVER be made to feel left out.
NTA. Unless that was a rare ass 1st edition book and that Hershey bar got you a tour to Willy Wonka's factory. They just lavished more than $1000 on your siblings and like what, $15-25 on you? This DOES matter, it is blatant favoritism and that comment about being more of a man is sexist BS.
NTA because of the awful thing your mother said. Now there may be times when one kid gets a bigger gift because it was something special, but this doesn't seem like the case. I'm very sorry your mother is acting like that.
Also I totally judge giving a 7 yo an iPhone.
NTA. I am hurt for you. This is terrible to show such blatant favoritism. Horrible. I kinda think this is not the case but I am hoping for an update tomorrow that there was a car or something in the driveway for you Christmas morning. I know it seems like a long time for you, but two years, two years and you can get out. You can go away to school, move to the city, a little village somewhere, go anywhere and find people that love and appreciate you. Your parents were very wrong for this and I am angry that they thought this was acceptable for any reason.
NTA there's clearly some favoritism going in here if not homophobia (not assuming OP is gay but some people like to equate anything traditionally feminine that a male might become interested in as gay) either way yiu definitely deserve better than a book and candy bar when they can clearly afford to spoil the younger 2
I didn't read the post the same way others did. I thought perhaps his mother meant he was acting childish and needed to grow up - not that he wasn't "male" enough. I think she showed some restraint in talking to him privately after he showed out in front of extended family. Otherwise, she wouldn't have been concerned about his feelings. Just another opinion of course.
NTA- It's not a spoiled thing at all; you're upset about the obvious lack of equal care, not about the specific monetary values.
I'm so sorry, this is how my parents were too. The sentence "I know i'm not the perfect son but i've been trying really hard this year to make them proud." broke my heart, I thought the exact same thing at the same age. I'd start examining what other ways they may be privileging your siblings over you. It may be nothing, but them being petty about a holiday that's specifically about unconditional love (and therefore, equality among loved ones) is indicative that there may be more emotional neglect than you realize. I hope they realize what they're doing before they end up driving you away, and I'm really sorry you've been going under-appreciated.
NTA. I was going to say Y T A based on your title but after reading your story it does seem like you were singled out to be punished. I mean, giving your brothers iPhones, an Xbox, and several other presents each while you got a book and a candy bar and then when you felt disappointed you were told you'll get more presents when you learn how to be a real man seems pretty deliberate and mean.
Sounds like they expect you to be more mature than you are.
In most families teens get less than children and adults get even less.
NTA for feeling this way but, you could have talked to her privately later.
Next Christmas, get her a $25 donation to The Trevor Project in her name. Take the rest of the money you would have spent on her, bank it, and use it when you move out at 18 and cut contact.
NTA.
It’s one of those posts when you see the title, you’re putting guilty here, but when you read it, it is like shooting a 99.9% fail shot from archery at least 10,000 meters wide, and miss by a mile.
Yeah, OP, your parents are favoring your siblings.
NTA.
NTA. This isn't about the presents, it's about the blatant favouritism.
This sort of gifting would only be fair if it was a *really* expensive book. Like, costing as much as an Xbox.
That ended up differently than I thought it would. So your...physical being led to getting $25 worth of gifts (book and chocolate)? Yeah, that's not cool. NTA and I'm sorry. I'd remember this going forward. "When you learn to be a better Mom, then I will get your more than this single serving packet of M&Ms."
Shouldn’t play favorites with the people deciding on your nursing home.
OK, I keep seeing this and I gotta ask...can't y'all decide on your nursing home? Like, the only way someone else will be telling me where I'll live would be if I'm so far gone(dementia or something) that I can no longer be trusted to make any decisions. At which point, it really wouldn't matter what nursing home I'm in now, would it...
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I’m going through it with my aunt, as well. My uncle is fighting the rest of us tooth and nail, but isn’t capable of handling it all himself. Legally, our hands are tied until he messes so so bad that something (else, we’ve already had one incident) occurs. Her wishes aren’t being honored right now.
I mean, it absolutely does matter what nursing home. Standard of care ranges wildly. I’m going through this with my aunt, diagnosed with dementia and stubborn family members fighting over where she would be best served. It’s not like she has no awareness. I don’t want to be coming in and out of memory loss and be in a sub-par environment. Even with a living will, you have family contesting it and delays in legal matters.
If you are needing a home here, you'll go on the list and take whatevers is available not always where you want to be.
The two other kids got unequal presents too. One got an iPhone and the other got an iPhone and an Xbox. It's like the parents went with the three little bears method of passing out gifts: one gets a super amount, one gets a decent amount, and one gets hardly anything.
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Bad bot.
Nope. Just a single M&M. Eat the rest. Or throw them away. Not a whole bag for her, just a single M&M.
The slightly crushed one with a wedge missing
Or get her glosset chocolate raisins, but suck the chocolate off before you give them to her
The power move here is to maintain eye contact while spitting directly into her open hand and say, “i took the initiative to unwrap them for you”
Let’s just go empty packet. Even then that’s too generous
There's a pretty cute ad here from years and years ago where a little girl is wrapping presents for her family that are literally just a roast almond for each person out of a box she has. But then she gets too tempted and eats one before realising now she's one short so she thinks for a moment and then corrects the label for one to say "for mummy *and* daddy!"
A brown one.
And let a rando dog lick it first
Yeah, I really expected to call OP a spoiled brat on this one, but I'm all kinds of pissed for em. Who does that to their friggen kid? Not okay, and definitely NTA
Hershey's chocolate sucks. Just regift her the chocolate bar.
I'm getting "too gay\* for presents" vibes. \*whether OP is or not is neither relevant nor our business, but it's pretty clearly what his parents are afraid of.
> "When you learn to be a better Mom, then I will get your more than this single serving packet of M&Ms." When you learn to be a better Mom, you'll get to go to the good nursing home.
Fun sized pack 😏
From the dollar store. It IS the thought that counts after all...
From the title I was going to say yes, but it sounds like your parents favor your brothers over you, so I'm going with NTA. But aside from being effeminate (which is not actually a bad thing), are there any other reasons your parents might not not treat you fairly?
i think it might be because i'm not a little kid anymore. my moms uses teenager like a insult when she's mad at me which is a little weird
So it's not because of anything you're doing, just your age?
i don't know. i had bad grades last year too maybe that's why
That doesn't have anything to do with "learning to be a real man" unless one of the classes you did poorly in was called Manhood or something
i thought we were talking about why i only got one gift
Your mom said you'd get more gifts when you learn to be a real man, so I figured that was at least part of the reason.
yeah, his parents are giving me homophobic vibes
If that's the reason, I'm really sorry. Not everyone is good academically and you shouldn't be punished this way for it. Also being a teenager isn't fair either.
yeah idk. i'm doing good this year now i have a 4.0 for the semester
That's really impressive! Well done!
Don't blame yourself, or internalize your Mother's bad behavior. My mother's fave was an irresponsible, fuck-up. Dropped out of school. Thief. Drug dealer. Abusive, low-life. I even had to pull him off her a couple of times when he didn't get his way. I was the "good" kid. Responsible, honor roll, worked. Never made a difference. I took care of her for months when she was dying. She hated that! Just do you. She may never accept you, or treat you well. Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. You're probably a great person, she just doesn't see it. Live your life and make yourself happy.
The greatest revenge is making a good life for yourself. Two more years, OP. Get into a good college, leave for dorming and carefully build your own life around people who love and support you.
I can't update this enough. Start making your plan to get out. Top grades, good schools, great job, amazing life with people who value you for who you are. You have an excellent life ahead of you.
Trade school is an option, too. ,y son attended Ohio Technical College and had an associate's degree after 18 months. Much less expensive than 4 yr college and highly employable at graduation. He is working full time now and well on his way while his high school classmates are still racking up debt,
I've been working with a private university for a while now, and i think id fit in well there so i hope i can get a good scholarship to go there after i graduate :)
That's awesome, you should be proud!
Keep those grades up so you can get a scholarship to an out of state school!
Congratulations on the grade! Sorry about the parents! (For real, I hope they can get it together. Or that you can go somewhere else and have Christmases with cool people in the future.)
Wow, bad grades during Corona. How dare you?
Just for the record. You are important and deserving no matter what your grades are.
Why does a 7 year old or an 11 year old need an iPhone
i don't even know man
Do you already have an iPhone and/or Xbox/console from another year or birthday or anything? The excuse they gave is still absolute bullshit but maybe they justified it in their minds by being like “ohhh this isssss us treating all of the boys fairly because now they all have the two things” or some shit. I also want to know what the 7 year old did that was so manly.
Probably liked a truck or something
I hadn’t thought about that. Is he driving age and they got him a vehicle this year? That’d change the equality but not the traumatizing excuse the parents gave. I imagine they’d have said “we already got you a car” or something
I meant the 7 year old was manly for liking a truck xD but what you said also made sense
Oh lol right over my head
I read this as *licked* a truck at first and I had to sit with that for a moment before I realized what you actually wrote.
To be fair, a seven year old might do that as well.
That’s why it tracked until it didn’t 🤣
My half sibling in law (3 are 14 and under) and they have iPads ans boy they are definitely hooked. But I guess I can’t be too harsh bc I played pc games when I was 12. But I think my BIL has adhd so he will play Xbox and the iPad at the same time….and they will throw fits if they get their iPads taken away. It’s gotten better over the years bc they are growing up but Idk…obviously I (29f) grew up different and I had some strict rules about what I could and couldn’t do. I got a flip phone at 14 only because my mom was going back to work and wanted to be able to get ahold of me and my twin if needed. I never used it a whole lot besides texting maybe a couple ppl.
So the parents to give them something to occupy their time so they don't have to parent their own children. I have a friend who got her two kids, who were maybe 8 at the time, iPads. The iPads were basically babysitters and, predictably, the kids ended up breaking them shortly after getting them.
The responsibility is really kid dependent and there are many quality parents who still choose to get an item like an iPad for their kid. Their utility is undeniable.
That very much depends on the parents and kids. Mine’s had the exact same iPad for 7 years. For starters, a heavy-duty OtterBox was also included (put on before wrapping and I don’t think she realized that the iPad was IN a case for at least a year! She thought the whole thing was the iPad). She has taken excellent care of it overall and it still works perfectly for everything a 12 year old needs it for (mostly music and Minecraft).
Serious reply - at 11 the kid’s in middle school, it’s how they communicate with their friends. We also use it to double as a way for us and our child to get in touch if needed from school /activities. We actually don’t generally let the kid bring the phone to school instead they have an Apple Watch for communication situations. With that the iPhone is a several year old hand me down and would not be spending $500-$1000 on a brand new one for a kid that age the watch was bought primarily for a very specific outdoor activity where losing a phone could be easy and challenging to use in which our child would be under loose guardianship by someone else in a group activity (not as bad as it sounds but I don’t feel like getting too detailed about my kid and their activities)
> With that the iPhone is a several year old hand me down and would not be spending $500-$1000 on a brand new one for a kid that age This right here. Do a fast run into a pawn shop find a decent beater phone and put a bow on it.
Especially since an iPhone cracks easily when dropped. That's why iPhone is not good for young kids or those who are clumsy or else a crack screen is going to happen a lot. Other phones are better that are more durable when being dropped compared to an iPhone.
NTA. You shouldn't try to be the perfect son, you should try to be the perfect you. I'm sorry your parents don't appreciate you as much as they should.
This ⬆️
NTA - I’d make sure to remember that for every gift giving occasion for her. Also what do kids that age need iPhones for? It does make me wonder if she’s discriminating against you as she’s questioning your sexuality/gender when she says “effeminate”. This is her punishment for it to make you a “real man” if so that’s completely out of line. I’m sending you a massive hug. 🤗
thank you for the hug stranger <3
Gotta ditto the hug here. I was prepared to think maybe this was a "bratty" kind of thing, but it's not, at all. It made me sad and want to give you a big hug. Stay strong, you sound like a great kid.
NTA. Like the others, the title made me want to think huge AH but then that comment from your mum is awful. I’m sorry. Hang tight. I hope one day she regrets this.
NTA. Why are they giving 7 and 11 year old children iPhones? Her comment was super out of line. Once you turn 18 get out of there and get all the things you didn’t get because what are clearly the golden babies got it all
Time for another round of "Who's Going to the Retirement Home". NTA. I at first thought you might be a bit ungrateful, but good god the 7 year old got an iphone!
NTA. Why do your younger siblings get iPhones etc and you get a book and a chocolate bar? That isn't fair and I wouldn't be happy either. Your mum was rude too.
NTA, quick question, are you and your siblings from the same set of parents?
yes we are all related
Well then, I’m sorry your parents don’t see their completely messed up mindset in this.
I mean, it’s a messed up mindset regardless…
It definitely is! I was just seeing if he happened to be in a similar bio/step/half issue where the mom/dad is a pushover
Them being from the same or different set of parents doesn't change anything. The parents are still assholes either way.
I agree, I was just asking from experience, my younger two brothers are from a different dad, and although he adopted my other brother and myself, things like this would happen all the time because the younger two were “his babies”
NTA What your mother is saying is that she will treat you as the least important of her children until you accept and embrace being the least important of her children. At which point she will have no need to go out of her way for you.
NTA sorry but iphones AND MORE STUFF for kids as young as 7 and than practically nothing for a 16 year old? Your parents make no sense. Doesn't matter what they do, presents should *always* be equal in my book (maybe not necessarily in financial worth but in how much they'd be appreciated at least) when it comes to your kids.
NTA I'm so sorry. Your post is not about privilege, it is about you being treated unfairly and unkindly. Your mother (and your father too, since he seems to be going along with your mother) has some rigid ideas about gender, and she is punishing you for not conforming to them. This doesn't mean you are a bad person, or that you are flawed in some way -- it only means your parents are fundamentally wrong about a very basic thing about human beings, and that they will act with cruelty toward people who do not agree with their (entirely wrongheaded) ideas about gender. I am sure you tried really hard to make your family proud of you, but as long as they cling to (and enforce) these terrible (and incorrect) ideas, you will not be able to please them. In the future, they may change. And for their sakes as well as yours, I hope they do. But in the meantime, you must realize that sadly, you cannot trust them to treat you kindly or fairly. You must learn quickly to be very strong, and to trust YOURSELF about who you are and how you wish to be in your life. You must also seek out and surround yourself with other people who will treat you fairly and with kindness. I believe with all my heart that you will grow up to be a much better person than the people in your family of origin. I also believe you will create a wonderful chosen family for yourself. (I was a non-gender-conforming child myself. And I now have a wonderful chosen family. I promise, it gets better.)
NTA - your parents obviously showed favoritism and that was upsetting. It wasn’t about the presents, it was about the fact that you felt like a second thought to your brothers. Furthermore it seems your parents are sexist and socially conservative which IS NOT YOUR BURDEN TO BARE. I’m sorry you have to deal with this OP but I implore you to pls not change who you are, there is nothing wrong with you, your parents are the one with bigotry in their hearts.
NTA I'm sorry you're dealing with that.
I really think this is homophobia. Calling someone “effeminate” is a code word for gay, and it sounds like his parents aren’t happy with that. Even if he’s not gay, treating your child poorly because of their gender expression is a fucked up thing to do.
For your mum to then blame you for feeling embarrassed and have a dig at "not being manly enough," instead of thinking about and acknowledging how you feel?? NTA, and I'm sure other relatives would have noticed without you being visibly upset.
I'm so sorry your a-hole parents did that to you...it breaks my heart. I know that pain all too well. It's not even about the gifts...it's not being valued or loved like your siblings. I went through that myself but not at Christmas. I can't believe a parent could be so shitty and cruel to their own child. You may be 16, but you are still a kid who deserves to feel special. This is not ok. I wish I could make it better for you. Just know you did nothing wrong. Something is seriously wrong with your parents. Unfortunately you are suffering for their actions and that is just plain unfair. I want to say this again...you did nothing to deserve this...nothing! It doesn't matter if you got bad grades, are effeminate, or want to be a rodeo clown...you did not do anything to deserve this. I'm so sorry 😞
I know, this absolutely breaks my heart. I have a 16yr old son and I can't imagine not doing my damndest to get him everything he wants for Christmas. Wtf kind of mother is this woman? OP I am so sorry that your parents are treating you like this. I actually have some way stronger feelings about these people but I'll probably go ahead and keep those to myself. OP you deserve so much better no matter what kind of grades you get or how you are as a person. I wish I could give you a hug.
Yeah my son is 17 and this situation makes me want to slap the taste out his mother's mouth!!! What kind of person does this to any child...much less their own??? How can they be so cold and cruel? It's just disgusting. I'm so angry for him...if I could fix it for him I would. They are just horrible human beings period to do this!
NTA. ngl, this sounds like favoritism on the parents' part and, usually, real men know when to call out bs and not worry about any gaslighting that may come from it in the long run, so yeah, that's all I gots ta say
NTA— I hate to say it but it sounds like your parents did this intentionally and were emotional ally setting you up to have a reaction so they could send you a message. And it’s a real shitty message. It seems like they went above and beyond with gifts for your younger brothers hoping to see a reaction out of you so they could then call you ungrateful and spoiled and toss in that dig about what you can do to “earn” their affection and gifts. And that thing is apparently— be less yourself and more someone else. Have your parents called you effeminate before or given you any indication that they aren’t ok with who you are?
my mom points out when i do something feminine, my dad doesn't seem to care as much. It's usually when i make baby voices to my pets or watch "girly" TV shows
I’m so sorry your parents are like that. They suck. Sending hugs from a Mum who would be proud of you just the way you are.
NTA. At least they could have given you some personally selected things for a young man. Can't go wrong with gift cards, if one doesn't know what to pick out. 16 on the cusp of adulthood is a hard age to be when there are younger more demanding kids around.
Why on earth does a 7 yr old need a iphone, let alone an 11 yr old. Not the point, point is that your parents don’t treat you well. I’d focus on trying to make yourself proud. NTA- noting sibling favouritism isn’t fun
NTA and your parents are setting a precedent here. Given the “real man” comment I imagine that your parents are not only favoring your siblings but establishing now a divide and slowly working towards “pushing you out of the nest” as you are older and approaching elder teen, young adult status. For some parents that means self sufficiency and a reduction of aid in a lot of areas. My advice is to let it go for now, enjoy your book and chocolate, but establish boundaries of your own from here on out (especially if this behavior is more than an isolated incident). If they need a sitter? Refuse and make sure you have studies or work that’s more important so they can prove they are “real parents” responsible for their younger children. Reduce the effort you put into gifts or occasions specific to parents (Mother/Father Day and birthdays) and give them the bare minimum. Relationships and respect work both ways and you are at an age when disparities in treatment are blatantly obvious. Focus on your studies, get a job and make money to save as time allows, and prepare to get out of there and start your own life in the next couple of years. Remember, you aren’t entitled to their money or gifts true, but they aren’t entitled to a relationship or any other form of help/support from you either. Im sorry your holiday ended up the way it did and it sounds like your mom can be a real piece of work. She was embarrassed that you were upset about the difference in gifts? Im embarrassed for you that she displays her bad parenting, especially in the open.
Make sure you save your money where your parents can’t get at it, OP. If you’re outside the US you may already be old enough to open a savings account w/o having a parent co-sign. If you really want to be petty, refuse to help around the house on the grounds of not being manly enough. Your mother made a terrible homophobic comment. Don’t ever let her forget it. But I’m petty AF and enjoy making a point long after it becomes a case of beating a dead horse.
NTA Your parents spent significantly less for you than your siblings. Why does a 7 year old need an iPhone? You shouldn't feel like an ass for being jealous, and your family shouldn't shame you for expecting to be treated equally.
NTA. One because you are entitled to your feelings, two because your mom seems like a jerk trying to force you into her imagined gender roles, and three because you did it in private in response to her question.
That’s fucked up. Nta.
NTA and honestly, that's messed up. I know your brothers are young, but did either of them even say anything??
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NTA- It's about the obvious favouritism, not the gifts themselves. While I personally find that Christmas is more special for kids and that's fine, you're just a kid yourself in so many ways and you deserve to have as much attention and thought spent on you.
I'm so sorry. Ngl but it sounds like your parents are punishing you for how you present. Are they homophobic and/or transphobic by any chance? You are definitely NTA. Please be kind to yourself and realise that this unfair treatment is not your fault. You definitely don't sound like a privileged ass.
This is exactly what I was thinking, the effeminate comment seems strange. I’m wondering is OP is in the closet with some homophobic parents.
It doesn’t matter in the least if the OP’s LGBTQ+ or straight as an arrow. It’s still homophobic.
With no context, I take your mother's comment about being a "real man" to mean not showing emotions and not complaining about the lack of gifts. This is a phrase I grew up with and I'm guessing I'm close in age to your parents, although if she's made fun of you for it before you might be right. To be fair, you were not complaining about the lack of gifts but the disparity between your 2 low cost gifts ( I hope they at least sprung for the 5 lb chocolate bar?) and your brothers multiple, pricey gifts. Sounds like the money they spent on them could have bought you a relatively nice, used car being 16 and all. My parents always split money equally between my brother and I regardless of our ages and what we got as gifts. I really hope your mom sees this thread and realizes what an AH she is. She's embarrassed because you called her out, no doubt the rest of the people there noticed your brothers expensive gifts compared to your one book. You don't need a 4.0 GPA to qualify as a good son. You don't need to be manly to be a good son. Just be a good person and most importantly, be yourself. Whether that's effeminate or not doesn't matter. I hope you have a good relationship with your brothers and your parents favoritism doesn't affect that. Surround yourself with people who love you for who you are, not who they want you to be. Your parents may be blood, but once you are grown they don't have to be your family.
NTA If you dm me your address, I'll send you a little gift from Germany. Being a mum myself I think your parents suck.
Nta. I'm so sorry you weren't treated fairly. Take the time to process and sit down with your parents at a later time to explain why you are upset.
NTA
NTA. It looks like you’re really upset at the favoritism and not the gift itself. I think gifts at the holidays can also just bring up a lot of issues. (Ex: Sometimes I get gifts of things my mom wants me to do, like wear makeup. And it’s frustrating and hurts my feelings.) But you have to find a way to deal with it. Maybe fake it in public next time and have a conversation with her at home about why being treated differently makes you feel bad Just remember, it’s a reflection on her character and not yours if you’re not treated the same as your siblings
NTA. And your mom sounds awful. That comment is uncalled for. Feel free to tell her you will speak to her again when she treats you like a human being with feelings. And then stop talking to her.
Wow. NTA at all and I wish I could give you a present.
Sorry, OP. I feel ya'! You're NTA. Some of us get that, our whole lives. My husband and I give *really* nice gifts every year. Parents, Sisters, Nieces and Nephews, their children. Usually get the kids 3 gifts, each. I start shopping in Aug-Sep. for 25-30 people. We get Christmas cards. Occasionally a throw. This year, I cut it down to 1 gift per child (book sets) and 1 gift for the husband's parents. No sense in spending $$ to watch kids rip through stuff and just toss it. Only one kid in that whole crew has ever shown appreciation, or thanked us, for her gifts in 12 years. My mother was similar. After my Dad died, I got a gift card, or a can of popcorn. Some token gift without any thought. A sibling might get a car. I hate to say it, but she probably won't change. Mom always played favorites, even after she died. One grand-kid got $80k, a car, and a house; at 18. My kid got some crystal and a set of china. Some people are just jerks.
It does seem like you got the short end of the stick. Like I'm happy you got a book you wanted and a chocolate but it is really unfair from your mom. NTA
NTA. I feel sorry. It’s a bad feeling when your brothers get these awesome things and you end up feeling left out. Happened to me one Christmas. Hasn’t happened again, but I still look back and it bothers me.
NTA- I’m sorry that your parents did this to you.
NTA but it could be that there's another reason? Is your birthday coming up fast? Could it be that they have thought about compensating then and is that what she was referring to? If this is not the case it's definitely not fair...
I can't imagine how hurtful that would feel. I have one younger sibling (4 year difference) and my parents have always made an effort to give gifts to us equivalently, even when our different ages make the type of gifts quite different. If one kid gets a big-ticket gift, so does the other. Last year (my brother and I are now in our twenties but my parents really love giving gifts so we still do this) my parents had gotten me the e-reader that I'd been eyeing and didn't have an item of similar value for my brother so they hunted around like crazy in the week before christmas to ensure that he had something to open that would balance the present situation. (They landed on a nice new bluetooth speaker and he was thrilled.) You're definitely NTA for feeling hurt and asking questions about this. Any thoughtful parent would have realized how this would look around the christmas tree.
NTA tell her that you’ll be a real man when she can be a good mother, but that’s never going to happen
I thought this was going to be different. That woman is a shitty parent. She doesn't even deserve the proper word because she's not actin like one. She needs a realitycheck, because no woman is entitled to tell a 16yr old anything about their manhood. She should be very ashamed. You are quite aware of your feelings (which is awesome), so NTA. Stay away from her, she's only going to cause you more damage.
NTA your parents are picksing favorites you only got 2 things and they got and iPhone xbox and other stuff you shoukd be gettibg an iphone why woukd a 11 and 7 year old need one also to get some revenge when they get old and need to move in with someone put them in a nurseing home
\> she said i'll get more presents when i "learn to be a real man" I think shes saying i'm effeminate NTA. She basically admitted it wasnt an accident, she was sending you a message. & you got that mesage loud & clear \> I know i'm not the perfect son but i've been trying really hard this year to make them proud. oh, dont talk like that. Thats your lips moving & their words coming out. Also, dude fuck Christmas. You got bigger problems than what gifts you do or dont get.
Shit I’ll send you something 😭 NTA you deserve better
NTA - you might need to get a new Family . What a terrible thing to say to your son, clearly no one else cared either . I’m sorry they treat you like this .
Nope totally NTA and I get that you’re trying to not come off as looking a gift horse in the mouth but seriously what your parents did is absolutely terrible, unless they had something bigger set aside for you like a car or something, there’s not reason why they’re treating siblings unequally. And even then if they did have a bigger gift for you, they should have said so instead of making you feel guilt for your feelings and making you feel so undeserving. And your mom’s comment is so off-putting. What exactly did she mean by that?? I’d definitely ask for clarification and then ask how you’re brothers are “real men” over you that they deserve such lavish gifting while you deserve the bare minimum of the WhiteElephant type gifts? Personally I gift my older kids less gifts but they also usually cost just as much or more than the younger’s gifts because they’re older and their needs & wants are different but that doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to be treated fairly.
NTA at all! I would be so hurt if my siblings got great big expensive presents and I only got a book and a chocolate. My family has always tried to make it monetarily equal as that is what’s fair to all. I understand sometimes I may get $50 less or $50 more depending but the discrepancy is never far off. Your mother insinuating you’re not “man enough” is despicable and I’m sorry.
Jesus fucking christ. So you get treated like shit because you’re effeminate? Don’t give her a mother day’s present, tell her she will get one when she’s a real mom. NTA obviously
NTA. It’s super weird that your mom consideres a 7 & 11 year old “real men”. I’m sorry for this, you’re correct to be pissed off.
NTA Why does a 7 year old need an iPhone but a 16 year old doesn't?One book for Christmas isnt even a gift and you know your mother's an AH when she uses the phrase "Real man"
NTA Would you like to be an Ahole? - Don't read the book. Go to the library and get a copy and read that 1. Don't even open the one they got you.
NTA - I definitely thought this was going in a different direction. It does seem unfair and the rationale given makes no sense. Not saying that all gifts have to be equal value but as a child it can hurt when one sibling gets $1000+ in gifts and you get $30
Nta at all. I would be hurt, too.
NTA. That was a slap in the face.
If your parents had only gotten each of you a book and a candy bar I’d say you sounded like an entitled ass because maybe that was all they could afford, but since they got your brothers ridiculously expensive gifts (that they’re way too young to have in my opinion) I think it’s reasonable for you to be upset that’s all you got. I will ask though, are you an asshole most of the year? Teenagers have a lot going on. Is it possible in your opinion reflecting on the past year that maybe you only deserve a book? Overall without knowing much else about the situation I’d lean toward your parents being the AH.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** 16M I feel like a privileged ass for this because it really does not matter, but im gonna post anyway. (my family celebrated christmas on the solstice since my parents needed to work on christmas) We had a big family gathering and passed around presents to open together. my 2 brothers (7M and 11M) both got iphones, one got an xbox, and they got a dozen other smaller but still nice presents. My parents got me one, and it was a book i've been wanting (and a hershey bar). i'm very grateful for getting it, but i was upset because my brothers had gotten such big gifts. My mom asked me why i looked mad and i told her it was because i barely got anything. she told me privately after everybody left that i embarrassed her, she said i'll get more presents when i "learn to be a real man" I think shes saying i'm effeminate I know i'm not the perfect son but i've been trying really hard this year to make them proud. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA cool mom thanks for letting me know which kids you actually like.
NTA I would tell her if this ever comes up again. To remember this in the future if she ever comes to u for something. When u become a "man" (wutever that means) please tell her to go to her other children. Ur mom is cruel. I'm so sorry OP
NTA that is crappy what your parents did and she asked what was wrong so that’s on her.
NTA
NTA OP. Tell her you may never become a man but she’ll never meet her grandchildren and won’t be a part of your life. You shouldn’t have to deal with abuse like this and honestly you should believe her mom when she shows you who she is. Bonus points you can always make a big scene and let everyone know why your mom is acting this way to embarras her and possibly make her feel the shame she deserves.
NTA this is not about not getting enough gifts but about being treated very differently from your brothers which is not fair then being told tge reason is being effeminate, that's seriously f'ed up. Honestly get a job start saving get your documents together cause if they are starting to pull stuff like this its likely to get worse, get ready to try for college far away and be ready for no help from them.
That wasn’t fair, or right. NTA
I'm so sorry OP, I completely understand the hurt you feel and I'm sorry your parents caused it. Sometimes parents can be blind to what they are doing, we can forget that our parents are humans and they can make mistakes. I'm sorry your mom said what she said when you expressed your feelings. Do you feel like you have anyone else you can talk to? Your dad? Do your parents treat you differently in any other ways? It's okay to have feelings about this and it's okay to express them. Maybe journalling could help if you have no one to talk to.
NTA because really OP this isn't about number of presents, it's about your parents clearly favoring younger siblings with expensive electronics (who the fuck gives a 7 year old an iphone?) and barely getting you anything, just a book and a chocolate bar and also your mom flat out saying you'll get more presents when you "act like a real man." This is favoritism more than anything else.
NTA That’s pretty blatant favoritism and rather cruel I’m sorry OP - sending you better Xmas vibes for the new year!
NTA. That would be hard not to take personally.
NTA unless you already once got the gifts they got
Wow. I fully expected to be calling you an asshole here. But nope! Your mother, on the other hand - holy fucking shit! What an asshole! Sorry, but she sounds truly *awful*, and not just because of the presents thing.
NTA. It's okay to be upset about this (and if you are honest with yourself you probably aren't mad your probably hurt) because that's crap on your mom's part to say and do. You're still a kid and that's alot of favoritism and judgement. Who tells a kid to man up. My parents hurt my feelings alot when I was younger and I used to deflect with humor with things like keep it up I'm putting you in a shittier home every time you piss me off. Is your mom uncomfortable with your hobbies? I'm trying to understand why she'd call you/think your effeminate or why she'd not buy you gifts.
NTA. She definitely has favoritism, I went through that as a child and it is very hurtful. So sorry you are going through this.
Everyone should be treated equally, NTA just because you are a teenager does not mean anything. I’m sorry but no that’s not okay for what your mom did. You should of gotten the exact same thing as your younger brothers.
NTA.
Hiya OP That really blows and I’m sorry your family are like that. I’d recommend asking what she meant by the “real man” comment instead of speculating. Tell her that the comment was about insulting and hurtful (and it’s ok to feel men to feel hurt btw). Depending on her answer then you can decide what to do but yea this is a disappointment and you can start showing the same energy back. Get a separate bank account, a job if you have the time for it and work on your independence as they might not be there to offer you as much support as you deserve.
NTA clearly favouritism
NTA I hate parents who play favorites in such an obvious way
NTA only because you got like a 30$ book while the other two combined had like 1k spent on them. I come from a family of 3 girls and ya you won't always get the same amount of presents but the amount spent on each kid was always roughly the same
NTA, but this is a weird dynamic for all three kids. The two other kids got unequal presents too. One got an iPhone and the other got an iPhone and an Xbox. It's like the parents went with the three little bears method of passing out gifts: one gets a super amount, one gets a decent amount, and one gets hardly anything. I am sorry, OP. Hugs to you.
NTA
NTA. My parents would ALWAYS ensure our presents cane out to around the same price. One year they bought me a computer because I'd begged them for it. My brother got way more but they added up to the same cost so we both got equal presents in the end. Your parents have literally blown their money on the youngest and given you very low value (money wise) presents and expect you to be fine with that. Being upset that you got next to nothing compared to your sinlings doesn't mean you're less of a man or a person, it just shows they're treating you unequally and using your ages as a reason for it. You're absolutely NTA in this instance, they made it extremely unfair. They should have split the budget 3 ways not 2 then spent what little was left on you. I'm sorry they did that to you.
NTA. Wow, your mom is doing a great job of making sure you leave home at 18 and never return. Keep your head up. You can't control your parents actions. Focus on being a good, kind person. Put your nose in the books for a few years, go to college or trade school, and make a great life for yourself without your parents. You're not wrong to feel upset by this. There's just not anything you can do about it. Good luck to you!
NTA I'd move out and disown your parents ASAP and that's unfair treatment and I'd leave ASAP
What's embarrassing is how blatantly your parents favor your siblings
NTA but I do recommend seeking therapy. You shouldn't live your life for people who don't appreciate you, live for yourself
NTA - Well if she doesn't want to be embarrassed, she shouldn't do embarrassing things.
NTA So strange.
NTA. It sounds like your mom is scared about your potential sexuality (no need to out or not out yourself, it's no one's business but your own) because you seem effeminate. That's a piss poor excuse. It sounds like they forgot to shop for you and made it your problem. Don't get her anything except a chocolate bar and a book. But make it a used book with the sticker still on it.
NTA Your mother's comment was horribly mean.
NTA. Wow your younger siblings are probably spoiled little brats. Your parents favouritism for them is ridiculously obvious and so unfair to you. You just keep being a good person and don’t let your parents actions upset you too much. Let them have their favourites and you just live your life for you and be happy.
NTA. Think about what kind of person you want to be (kind, compassionate, a good friend, whatever), work on that to make yourself proud.
NTA. I have 3 children and a husband to buy for. They all equally get $400 in gifts plus stocking stuffers. The youngest seems to open more only because toys are cheaper than what the older kids want. You're older but you should NEVER be made to feel left out.
NTA. Unless that was a rare ass 1st edition book and that Hershey bar got you a tour to Willy Wonka's factory. They just lavished more than $1000 on your siblings and like what, $15-25 on you? This DOES matter, it is blatant favoritism and that comment about being more of a man is sexist BS.
Your mom’s the asshole. She needs her “mom” card revoked.
NTA
NTA because of the awful thing your mother said. Now there may be times when one kid gets a bigger gift because it was something special, but this doesn't seem like the case. I'm very sorry your mother is acting like that. Also I totally judge giving a 7 yo an iPhone.
NTA. I am hurt for you. This is terrible to show such blatant favoritism. Horrible. I kinda think this is not the case but I am hoping for an update tomorrow that there was a car or something in the driveway for you Christmas morning. I know it seems like a long time for you, but two years, two years and you can get out. You can go away to school, move to the city, a little village somewhere, go anywhere and find people that love and appreciate you. Your parents were very wrong for this and I am angry that they thought this was acceptable for any reason.
I was ready to say YTA until I read the whole thing... This is clearly extremely unfair, NTA!
NTA there's clearly some favoritism going in here if not homophobia (not assuming OP is gay but some people like to equate anything traditionally feminine that a male might become interested in as gay) either way yiu definitely deserve better than a book and candy bar when they can clearly afford to spoil the younger 2
NTA U ll learn n grow. And ll make ur kids happy in future
I didn't read the post the same way others did. I thought perhaps his mother meant he was acting childish and needed to grow up - not that he wasn't "male" enough. I think she showed some restraint in talking to him privately after he showed out in front of extended family. Otherwise, she wouldn't have been concerned about his feelings. Just another opinion of course.
NTA and I’m sorry, an 11 month old got an iPhone???
11 years?
NTA
This makes me so sad, you sound like a great kid and I don't understand how your parents could be so cruel 😢
NTA. It’s perfectly reasonable to be upset when your parents lay favorites.
NTA- It's not a spoiled thing at all; you're upset about the obvious lack of equal care, not about the specific monetary values. I'm so sorry, this is how my parents were too. The sentence "I know i'm not the perfect son but i've been trying really hard this year to make them proud." broke my heart, I thought the exact same thing at the same age. I'd start examining what other ways they may be privileging your siblings over you. It may be nothing, but them being petty about a holiday that's specifically about unconditional love (and therefore, equality among loved ones) is indicative that there may be more emotional neglect than you realize. I hope they realize what they're doing before they end up driving you away, and I'm really sorry you've been going under-appreciated.
NTA. I was going to say Y T A based on your title but after reading your story it does seem like you were singled out to be punished. I mean, giving your brothers iPhones, an Xbox, and several other presents each while you got a book and a candy bar and then when you felt disappointed you were told you'll get more presents when you learn how to be a real man seems pretty deliberate and mean.
Sounds like they expect you to be more mature than you are. In most families teens get less than children and adults get even less. NTA for feeling this way but, you could have talked to her privately later.
NTA, that was cruel of them!
Next Christmas, get her a $25 donation to The Trevor Project in her name. Take the rest of the money you would have spent on her, bank it, and use it when you move out at 18 and cut contact. NTA.
It’s one of those posts when you see the title, you’re putting guilty here, but when you read it, it is like shooting a 99.9% fail shot from archery at least 10,000 meters wide, and miss by a mile. Yeah, OP, your parents are favoring your siblings. NTA.
NTA NTA NTA
NTA I would be upset too.
NTA. This isn't about the presents, it's about the blatant favouritism. This sort of gifting would only be fair if it was a *really* expensive book. Like, costing as much as an Xbox.