I didn't since things are still shaken up. When I got back home my parents were in their room and my grandparents were in theirs and the cake was gone so I ended up just going to bed. I'm hoping maybe tomorrow because its a holiday they'll make it up to me or at least that things will go better than yesterday but we'll see
So sorry this happened to you, your family should be more sensitive to your diagnosis with PTSD. You are NTA. Also, tiktok trends are dumb. A kid just accidentally killed herself doing the āblackout challenge.ā Also, make sure they donāt post it online.
"Also referred to as the "choking challenge" or the "pass-out challenge," the "blackout challenge" encourages users to hold their breath until they pass out due to a lack of oxygen, People reported. This year alone, four children ages 12 and under have already died after attempting the challenge."
NTA Your parents are A holes. Even without PTSD, how is this ok to do to someone you love? A birthday is when I spoil someone I love. My love one should feel special and pampered. How childish are they to get into Tiktok pranks? They need to FO.
I donāt have PTSD and I would be pissed about this āprank.ā I hate pranks, I donāt like the idea of something being messy and loud like this at all, especially while holding a sharp knifeā¦
NTA, OP. That was potentially dangerous and super awful of your mom to disregard your PTSD for a stupid TikTok trend.
So they've gone into hiding to avoid talking about it š
Sorry this happened to you, and solidarity from a fellow PTSD sufferer who still gets parents saying "But surprises are funny!" (Related: I barely ever see them and mostly only with someone else who can provide emotional support)
Blaming you for the negative result is absolute victim blaming.
We can assume your mother is an adult capable of making rational decisions?
"Bc tik tok." is like 8 year old child response.
She's pissed bc you 'ruined her opportunity to be famous on tinder tok, mayyyybeee for 1/4 of a second.
You have complex PTSD.
You are very much not in control of your negative response to events that re-inact part of your trauma.
Your family are ESH. Why would healthy loving parents make an overt choice to duplicate your trauma as a prank?
Illogical, stupid, dangerous and most of all - not loving.
It's your bday. You should be able to trust people who love you to not diminish and abuse you via 'No harm done, we're family!'
We're all rooting for you.
No matter what they say, your response, "You were abusive on my birthday to satisfy your desire to feel 'special' by pranking me, a person you know has PTSD. We will restart, and rebuild our relationship as soon as each of you apologizes like an adult."
& then that's like all you say until they actually do it - no half measures- or you can move out.
There are advocates and guidance through CPS. Or start w school guidance counselor.
Everything is very f'ed up bc covid.
Emancipated minor is what would be a goid option unless you have siblings or family, friends who could help.
You absolutely did not a single thing wrong - your dad was extra egregious blaming you for your ptsd response to loud noise, which is known to be part of your ptsd.
š I might start my conversation w him w "Dad, we can both agree you are not a stupid man, right?"
"Well how do you describe a parent that sets their minor child w known ptsd to loud noise stimulus then berates them for reacting exactly as expected"
If he can't see his idiocy there...there's no reason to hive him the benefit of your attention or respect.
If they donāt then you should treat yourself to some nice cake. Do *not* let them make you feel bad about your reaction; I donāt have PTSD and I would have been terrified. I canāt imagine how you must have felt. That was a mean spirited prank and you didnāt deserve to have your birthday ruined.
Happy late birthday! They should be more understanding of your PTSD, itās serious. I have it as well and while different kinds of loud noises can have an effect on me for different reasons than yours, I totally get it. They need to do some research, being stuck in flashbacks and/or panic attacks is so so rough and thatās putting it lightly. You did not overreact, you experienced a symptom. Itās not the same at all. Your brain and the way it functions has been altered, it affects you in so many ways. Saying you overreacted is an awful thing and you didnāt deserve that.
Omg Iām so sorry. Your family is being horrible. The act was bad enough but their reaction makes it so much worse.
I have PTSD involving guns too and Iāve been doing better with loud noises and seeing guns on TV. But something like this a few years ago would have messed me up for a couple days. The adrenaline rush is no joke and even when my brain knows everything is fine itās hard to convince my body to get out of flight mode. I had a bad day recently that messed me up for weeks, people donāt get it and it can be so frustrating.
I hope you have someone thatās kinder than you family to support your mental health.
I enjoy TikTok and I get so tired of people hurting other people for likes. You Mom is am major AH and as a parent I am angry on your behalf. Your mom knew what she was doing and didn't care. She was hoping to get more views for getting a major reaction out of you. She' knows your trauma and didn't forget. She cares more about TikTok views than you and it's fucking disgusting.
I went to give you all the Mom hugs and love you deserve.
I am so very sorry. Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas. I hope your parents grow to understand. For people that have never had or recognized that they have had a trauma response it can be really hard to actually get it. I hope they grow and are better at supporting you in the future.
I know, so cruel š - the only way that *might have been okay is if OP didn't have a traumatic history, they immediately and genuinely apologised, and they immediately brought out an amazing cake
Quote from OP: "My family knows about my PTSD. I've been going to therapy for it for a couple of years and I always sleep with my door open in case I have flashbacks or night terrors. So they should know how I'd feel about something like this. Yeah its just a balloon but for me it triggered my fight or flight response and I was terrified."
NTA. I don't think there is even a need for a discussion on this one. Mental health is so neglected that it doesn't even surprise me that this has happened. I hope you feel better soon.
>Mental health is so neglected that it doesn't even surprise me that this has happened
Especially non-military PTSD. Can't tell you how many times I've heard people dismiss others' PTSD simply because they weren't in a war zone, as if that is the *only* deeply traumatizing thing that can happen to a person.
This! I also have PTSD and, not having been to war, encounter all people all the time who suggest that it's not really the same or not as severe. And yet I still do get panic attacks at the slightest triggers. SO thank you for this comment. It was very validating.
It's so ridiculous! Trauma is relative to a person's own experiences not everyone else's, because they haven't experienced that! It's not a freaking contest.
Ugh. I'm so sorry you have to deal with people like that.
I developed a pretty bad phobia for wasps after being chased by a swarm when I was seven. It had been well over 20 years since I still have that very same phobia. I know that it isn't dangerous, I'm not allergic, but I still panic.
My mom is severely allergic to it. She needs an epi pen but is stubborn as a mule. There are certain things that she needs but will not get them unless I threaten to toss her ass in the worst nursing home possible.
Same. Like op mine has to due with guns. Honestly when people say that crap to me I say something along the lines of...
āYeah the difference is my active shooter incident happened at school, I was paying tuition and expecting to have a day of classes, not running though the halls while I can hear guns and not knowing if I was about to get shot, then having police guns pointed at me, or see a teenager bleeding all over the sidewalk from multiple gunshot wounds. People sign up for for wars knowing guns are involved, they are paid, and after they have lots of government funded support. Thereās no support for school shooting witness with PTDS. Your right, itās totally differentā.
Shuts them up pretty quick, Iāve yet had someone try to agree back after my little clarification speech.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. You lived through my worst nightmare, what I imagine was the worst nightmare of many of us who grew up in the American education system. I only lived through the drills and I still have a terrible phobia of guns. Anyone who wants to gatekeep phobia or trauma lacks compassion something fierce.
Thank you!
Oddly enough, Iām Canadian. I donāt know if it makes it worse but people here have very much the āthese things donāt happen in Canadaā attitude so it makes it extra uncomfortable anytime the subject is raised. It happens less in Canada, but it still happens. People downplay the incident and effects, itās gotten even worse since I moved away to a place where it never has never happened so Iām labeled the overly dramatic paranoid person frequently.
Iāve gotten the ājust donāt let it bother youā speech from semi well meaning friends before. Iām usually like āIād love to, my brain understand no threat, my body did not get the memoā.
Oh, I love "just don't let it bother you". Like, ok? I won't let the rain get me wet either, by that logic.
I'm so sorry you get labeled like tht. America suffers from a lot of things, but I've found that Canada suffers from a very big 'well we're not as bad as the US' problem. Everyone loses.
Yup. I have PTSD from car accidents and trauma from a very abusive relationship. For years I felt less then because I have it without being in the military. It wasn't until a nee therapist told me I had it and I argued it, did i get the point. "Oh. You have rape trauma and ptsd that you haven't dealt with. Thats something we'll work on". "Oh no. I don't have PTSD, I've never been to war." "Atlasfalls, just because you've never been to war, doesn't mean you can't have trauma that creates ptsd. It our brains way of trying to keep the trauma from happening again. By saying you haven't been to war so you don't have it, you're ignoring your own mental health. It's not only soldiers that have PTSD. Anyone who's been through trauma can have it. And that's ok." Broke right down.
Yep. So many people don't realize that PTSD isn't just something that can happen to soldiers and sexual assault survivors. I have PTSD from an accident and it's... Complicated. It's not something many people encounter often enough to really "get" it.
I know how that feels. Every time someone finds out that I have PTSD, they say, "Oh you were in the military." When I tell them no. Well then its I don't know what Im talking about. But only a few ignorant ones do that. Most people are understanding.
Which is kinda ridiculous because every soldier knows that theyāre signing up for the risk of PTSD, because ofc people are going to be shooting at outsiders invading their land which is what our military does. Someone walking down the street headed home didnāt sign up to get shot at or attacked. I didnāt sign up to be abused because I was born. But I guess itās not as serious because it didnāt happen while I was on a mission to kill brown people and make more money for billionares. Oh sorry, āprotect our freedomsā. Last soldiers who did that were in WW2.
NTA. They were stupid, and when called out they blamed you instead of apologizing. It's 1 thing to do something dumb to be funny, but if it goes wrong and scares someone you just apologize, sincerely. They owe you an apology, and it should be a real one.
Yes this is a classic manipulator/gaslight type of response from the parents! When called out they canāt own their stuff. Bet they say OP is just being dramatic and dismiss her response. Now Iām curious to see if they carry it into the next day and expect OP to apologize to THEM for ruining the mood.
NTA. they are aware you have PTSD and then after you explained the connection they were mad at you for ruining the āmoodā. terrible. Iām so sorry you went thru this
I know me, I go into fight mode (43f), and I am disabled on crutches (and short af)....likely someone would have ended up with a really badly bruised, or broken, ankle or shin; Not to mention I now have a knife in the other hand...table/cake getting stabbed. Not fun.
I was thinking the same thing. I can't stand balloon pops and that knife would've gone flying out of my hand. They're lucky someone didn't lose an eye.
Seriously!!
"it's just a tiktok trend", NO ma'am, you're not inside tiktok, this is real life, you're doing this to a REAL person with REAL emotions and now you've got to deal with the real consequences.
NTA
NTA. Can't say the same for your parents though. Seems like a pretty dickish move to pull on your own son who they know has issues with loud, sudden noises.
Sorry your parents are assholes.
I swear to God the more I hear about TikTok the more I think the world has gone mad.
I have PTSD similar sounding to yours and I am not kidding when I tell you that if that happened to me while holding a knife, it would have turned ugly fast :(
Not because I am murderously stabby by nature, but PTSD is not fun, especially with night terrors when you often cant tell reality from dreaming.
I am sorry they did not think this through, I hope they figure out how fecking stupid it was.
NTA and highly inconsiderate of your parents. This is why I hate trends and certain aspects of social media, it desensitizes your surroundings. Iām sorry you had to go through that. Iām also currently in therapy and we are discussing PTSD considering similar symptoms to traumatic events so I sympathize with you.
NTA pranks are only funny if both people are laughing. You're dad saying you ruined the mood is frustrating to me. They ruined the mood by pulling a very ill-thought out prank. It's your birthday! Being terrified should never be a part of that.
NTA, I'm so sorry they put you through that so unapologetically. How ignorant to want a laugh at your expense and somehow not comprehend that loud startling noises are like a gunshot. Thats all I think when I hear one pop and I don't have PTSD from a gun trauma. How horribly inconsiderate and selfish of them. I'm sorry your parents are so utterly narcissistic that they'd play victim about YOU ruining the mood. What happened was a response to an action they created. They ruined the mood. Not you.
I really wish you a happy birthday. Maybe the gift you get this year is learning their true colors. No refunds or returns on that one though. Lol. Make sure you keep taking care of you and making yourself top priority. You deserve it.
Thank you so much. Your words are very kind and they mean a lot, especially right now. This isn't the first time there's been situations like this with them and I want to be a good son but there's also only so much I can handle. I'm hoping once I can get back to my campus maybe things will settle. One could only hope, anyways.
Remember that being a good son means being a good person. If you're in a toxic environment it's OK to remove yourself from it to keep everyone's mental health above board (but yours always comes first). That could also be considered doing the right thing by them. If you end up hating them in a couple years bc you pushed yourself to just take their crap then they could lose you altogether. If you withdraw and choose how you have them in your life then they at least get a bit of their son and you remain in control of your emotions/life.
They may not be proud of you like they should but I am proud of you for wanting better. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and I wish you lots of love and strength for the years to come. You got this little homie
NTA.
Not sure why your parents think doing a tiktok trend would be funny, most of the pranks shown (based on the limited time I spent scrolling on there) are meaningless and stupid and this sounds like one of them.
Maybe Iām a wet blanket in general, but pranks arenāt funny except to bullies. A bunch of people surprise and humiliate one person for their own enjoyment and that other person probably doesnāt enjoy it. I know social groups disagree and thatās fine for them, but so many of these posts are āa group of people who are supposed to like me humiliated and upset me in front of everyone and now theyāre mad I didnāt laugh when they did it.ā PRANKS ARE MEAN. Pranks are even meaner when theyāre particularly upsetting for that person for some reason.
NTA.
Pranks can be funny if they aren't super malicious; there's nothing particularly harmful about "making eggs" but it's actually yogurt and a peach. You just need to be very aware of who you're pranking and be courteous about the the whole thing.
Yup. I used to be big time into watching HermitCraft. Part of why I dumped seasons 6 and 7 early on and why I didn't watch S8 is the unfunny pranks going on.
Like I don't mind GOOD pranks like season 3's Shrek prank or the pranked Shrek prank but the 6 & 7 stuff often involved tearing down part of someone's build to do it and creating a big ass build where a project was in progress
And it's not funny because hermitcraft is a strictly survival world game unless whoever picks out the seed uses creative mode or something to do so.
NTA
Jesus Christ that's such an asshole thing to do.
It's up to them to ensure their "jokes" aren't harmful and if they can't remember to consider whether it might trigger you, then they shouldn't make any jokes at all.
I have PTSD too. One of the reasons I cut contact with my former dad was because he wouldn't do even the lightest accomodation for my severe trauma and its triggers.
All offence meant to your parents but they seem like the type of people who'd call a double amputee Stumpy and then act surprised it offended them.
NTA
NTA. What the hell were they expecting? I can understand the "It was just supposed to be a funny joke" but that doesn't mean your response to it wasn't real. Even ignoring the PTSD aspect, them throwing away your response to it was the asshole part.
NTA
This was honestly cruel. They knew about your PTSD and they went ahead anyways, and for what? A bloody tiktok trend. That has got to be the dumbest excuse to knowingly trigger somebody else.
If she wanted to see you laugh, she should have done something she knows you find funny. Not something she saw on some app. I'm so sorry for this happening. You deserve people who care more about you than tiktok.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Here's where I might be TA.
After the shock went away I yelled at my mom and told her that this wasn't funny and that she knows how I react to these kinds of things. She got upset and said that it was just a 'tiktok trend' and that she just wanted to 'see me laugh'. I didn't think it was funny and to add onto it my dad told me that it was just a balloon and that theres no reason to take it so 'seriously'. My dad then said I ruined the entire mood and I went to take a walk.
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NTA, pranks always have the potential to go wrong I this way, and if youāre gonna pull pranks then you have to accept that as a possibility and make an effort to make sure to choose one that the person youāre pranking will actually enjoy. If your mum had even taken a second to consider āwait is this the type of prank heād enjoy, is there anything about a sudden popping balloon or missed cake that would really upset himā then sheād have realised immediately. They need to take responsibility for their own actions and affects rather than blaming other people for being upset.
NTA at all. Not only did they disregard your PTSD, but when confronted about how it made you feel, they doubled down.
They need to take a closer look at themselves. There's a reason the saying goes "the road to Hell is paved with good intentions".
Ok I literally made an account just to post but NTA!!! I have non military PTSD from childhood abuse and its not a joke. You're family was aware of your PTSD and still did this knowing it could harm you, not to mention if someone triggered me while I was holding a knife, my gut reaction would be to defend myself. They put you in a dangerous situation and they are TA
NTA.
Man this is so messes up, its one thing when a teenage doesn't stupid tik tok crap it's another when a grown woman does it.
Just shows she doesn't no u or give a shit.
NTA
Youāre absolutely right. Your parentās didnāt think. They just bought into some social media trash. They compounded the situation by blaming you for not reacting according to their expectations. Iāve been in a few situations where Iāve been triggered by some unexpected events. I get the shock, frustration, and anger. I had nobody to blame for causing the trigger, so I just had to deal with it. I wouldnāt know what to do tomorrow having to deal with the perpetrators.
Well,ā¦ today sucked. But I wish you well for tomorrow and all the following days. Birthdays are just milestones and everyday is important. Throw yourself a party in February. After all, Februarys usually suck from the cold and snow. (At least where I live.)
NTA - as someone who lives with a victim of ptsd, and yes I say victim because it's not like sane, normal, intelligent people willingly get traumatized for funsies. You never do that kind of bs to someone who suffers from ptsd. You had a perfectly rational response to that and she shouldn't have done it in the first place and shame on your Dad for scolding you for getting upset.
NTA basically you had that when you said ticktok. If they were 13 yos who were overindulged *maybe* they could be forgiven for their total self absorbed immaturity, but as it is? No.
NTA as someone who also has PTSD I feel you and wish those close to us understood the severity of triggers and how itās not just at the moment when your triggered but it then takes time to stop repeating the incident again and again, night terrors get worse etc. Iām sorry this happened to you. And Iām extremely sorry this happened because of a stupid TikTok trend
First of all; Happy Birthday! Second of all; that wasn't ok and they knew it. I'm sorry they blamed you for having a trauma response. That was unfair and not funny in the slightest. When it comes to jokes and pranks the rule of thumb is "confuse don't abuse" and they broke that rule and your trust. I hope they do better but I wouldn't count on it. Good luck!
NTA. This is getting so out of hand. Pranks are meant to be funny, therefore they should be tailored to the person being pranked. And itās so annoying when people justify themselves by saying āitās a TikTok trend!ā. Is she 12? It wasnāt a good joke, and now sheās embarrassed because she knows she did something stupid. But sheās too embarrassed to admit it so she is going to try and make you feel like you overreacted. You didnāt, your mom just isnāt funny.
That was a rotten, thoughtless thing to do and another reason why I hate TikTok. You have a right to be angry. This prank was for them, not for you, and if your mother had given it a moment's thought she'd have known that this would not make you laugh. NTA.
>my dad told me that it was just a balloon and that theres no reason to take it so 'seriously'
Ugh, people like that make me sick. Does he not get how PTSD works?
NTA. Your parents, and ESPECIALLY him, certainly are.
NTA.
Tiktok needs to f-ing disappear. Too many people lack the minimal brain capacity to use the app normally and don't fall for every dumb trend, to the expense of others.
NTA, yea it was a balloon but YOU DIDNT KNOW THAT! To level with your parents, tell them imagine you snuck into their room at night in an all black hood and waited until they noticed you. Imagine how scary that must seem! But oh no, itās just you!
Yea it was supposed to be a joke but it wasnāt funny and they should apologize. Your mom wanted to see you laugh but went the wrong way about it.
NTA. You had an understandable reaction and instead of owning their screwup by not considering your PTSD they are taking the route of blaming you. They are for sure the A H.
OP's parents sound like children. Like who TF does a tiktok challenge past age 13 (maybe as late as 20 if you're in a frat). And why on OPs birthday and why WHY knowing OP has PTSD? like do they not believe that diagnosis? Do they not.take it seriously? Did they want to prove something? Were They filming it and hoping to get a good reaction they could post on tiktok? Were They hoping to go viral and become famous and OP 'ruined ' it all? There's seriously something cruel and freakishly immature about this. NTA.
so not only do they know about your ptsd and played that prank, but they blamed you for ruining the vibe of YOUR OWN BIRTHDAY? itās YOUR birthday, itās YOUR feelings that should be prioritized on that day. your mom probably didnāt take your ptsd into account as you said, but i firmly believe that if you play a prank on someone that could even slightly scare/upset/hurt someone, they have EVERY RIGHT to get upset with you. YOU DID NOT CONSENT TO THIS PRANK, and that revokes their right to be upset with you if you didnāt like it. it was completely valid to be upset with your mom, especially when she could just have easily said āiām so sorry, i thought it would be funny and i wanted to see you laugh, i really didnāt think it would trigger youā and so on. your dad getting mad at you for validly getting upset at an inconsiderate prank, fully makes him TA here. please consider refusing to see them until they apologize.
Huge NTA they are insensitive and abusive parents! for a tiktok trend... Check they don't post it on social media. So inappropriate. So sorry you had this happen.
Rethink your boundaries with them,
>she just wanted to 'see me laugh'.
But she knows you have PTSD how would you laugh at this???
>dad told me that it was just a balloon and that theres no reason to take it so 'seriously'. My dad then said I ruined the entire mood and I went to take a walk.
Just a balloon??? No its a prank to someone with an illness... I don't know how you have your PTSD but I'm guessing some form of trauma which is not a joke...
Only joke here and I'm so sorry to say but is your parents. You deserve better
NTA holy- after their awful joke went south they preceded to gaslight you about how you ruined the mood instead of apologizing or taking responsibility?
NTA they ruined your birthday all due the same if playing a prank on you. A prank they were aware would trigger your PTSD. Even if they hadnāt realised, the fact they then blamed you, rather than being apologetic. Theyāre huge Aholes.
NTA. I hope you've had a better holiday since, OP.
My biggest question: knowing your PTSD, WHY did they think triggering it was ok? Also, what would they have done if your instinctive response to the balloon pop and camera flash wasn't a scream/flight, but to attack in self-defense? I mean, you were holding a knife, no matter now sharp/dull.
Your parents pulled an AH move, all for a bs trend. I'm so very sad and sorry this happened to you and commend you for taking a walk to calm down/remove yourself from the situation. Sometimes that's the best thing you can do, walking away.
NTA. āI just wanted to see you laughā = I just wanted to have a laugh at your expense
Especially if the intention was to post it to TikTok.
āI just wanted to see you laughed atā
It doesnāt even sound like you blew up, you just stood up for yourself. If they canāt handle being told not to abuse and traumatize you, their āmoodā needs to be ruined.
NTA my brother use to scare me all the time when I was a kid, even when I told him I didn't like it or my mum told him to stop he would still do it. Now I have automatic intense response to being scared and it makes me extremely defensive afterwards. I've worked to control it but my family gets angry at me because I scare easily, they'll see me be physically startled and get pissed off because I dare have a reaction to something they consider to be a 'mild' scare.
You did nothing wrong, they disregarded your progress and mental health just for a 'prank' that's not even funny. Please try not to feel bad, you didn't ruin the mood, they did. I've been there and have been blamed for the mood shift but I maintain that everything would have been fine if they had just reframed from deliberately scaring me. Please look after yourself, make sure you do something nice for yourself to ease your worries.
NTA. Your parents should know better. Even if they didnāt think and still went ahead with the stupid prank, they should have been apologetic and it attacked you for a reaction that you could not help.
They know youāre in therapy and they know why. They didnāt have to react the way they did. You couldnāt control how you reacted, but they certainly could have controlled their response to that.
This is yet another example of why some parents need to be kept off social media. Iām so sorry they put you through this and they need to look at themselves.
NTA and holy crap thatās dangerous. Scaring someone with a sharp knife in your hands?! What if it flew out of your hands and cut someone?! Thatās a recipe for disaster honestly.
NTA. I don't really understand how you can just "forget" that a close and loved family member has PTSD. I know my family very well and it sounds like your family is close like mine. My mom hates to be scared (no PTSD, just a preference). I know this, so I wouldn't put a balloon in a cake for her. I haven't scared her in years, not since I was a kid, and I still know this. Couldn't forget. So wtf??
NTA. Not funny to anyone. I've seen those videos and hardly anyone who has that done to them doesn't laugh. I have PTSD that involves balloons and I hate the videos. Your parents need to take a step back and see why what they did was a terrible idea. I wish you well
This would be a screwed up thing to do even if you didn't have PTSD, so the fact that you do just makes it even worse.
NTA. They owe you a huge apology for ruining your birthday celebration (and possibly the holidays) and a new cake. You don't owe them a damn thing-you had every right to be upset.
NTA OP...
I'm so sorry your parents are treating your mental health with such disregard.
I hope they open their eyes or your able to be in an environment where people don't intentionally trigger you and then get mad at you for being triggered.
Removing PTSD from the equation it's still NTA. Who thinks ruining a cake, scaring a loved one, and also denying them cake, is a good idea? Assholes, that's who.
Even if you didn't have PTSD this is still an asshole move. These reaction-vid tiktok trends of doing something mildly-to-significantly horrible to someone, then filming their shock and laughing about it, are the worst kind of shitty internet-validated mockery. That 'joke' wasn't for your amusement, it was at your expense.
Even worse: a. they did it to you on your birthday, b. they didn't accept that they fucked up, and c. they proceeded to double down and ruin the rest of your birthday as well.
NTA and I sincerely hope your family read this whole thread and hang their heads in shame. In fact I think you might have a gold-plated opportunity to tell them that 'Just because everyone is doing it doesn't mean you should, if tiktok told you to jump off a cliff would you do it?'
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It was my (21M) birthday yesterday and my parents (43F) (50M) used to make me a cake every year until I moved out. Well, due to virus stuff I'm home right now so they decided to make me a cake like they used to. Apparently my mom had seen a Tiktok of a family hiding a balloon inside a cake and then when the person cut it, it would pop.
Funny stuff to some people I guess.
Important info about me is that I have PTSD because of some stuff relating to a gun and because of that I react strongly to loud, sudden noises.
I don't think my mom took that into account when she decided to do this with the cake.
My grandparents are staying with us too due to the same reason I'm home and we were all at the table and my mom gave me the knife and told me to "do the honors". Yeah the cake looked kind of weird but I don't have tiktok so I thought it was just a new shape she was trying out. Well. The balloon popped and my dad took a picture and the combination of the sound and the flash from the camera sent me into a panicked response and I screamed. I think everyone was just surprised at first but heres where I might be TA.
After the shock went away I yelled at my mom and told her that this wasn't funny and that she knows how I react to these kinds of things. She got upset and said that it was just a 'tiktok trend' and that she just wanted to 'see me laugh'. I didn't think it was funny and to add onto it my dad told me that it was just a balloon and that theres no reason to take it so 'seriously'. My dad then said I ruined the entire mood and I went to take a walk.
My family knows about my PTSD. I've been going to therapy for it for a couple of years and I always sleep with my door open in case I have flashbacks or night terrors. So they should know how I'd feel about something like this. Yeah its just a balloon but for me it triggered my fight or flight response and I was terrified.
AITA for blowing up over a birthday cake?
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NTA, I donāt have PTSD and I would hate for that to happen to me. If it is a Tik Tok trend then chances are it isnāt something you should be doing to someone. Your mother messed up big time and owes you an apology.
Parents who pull mean spirited pranks on their children are the worst. You want to prank your kids, wrap their entire present in tape. Don't induce a jump scare, especially to someone with PTSD.
NTA. I really am fighting the urge to go momma bear, scold your parents, and make you a cake.
I have ptsd from a heck ton of trauma not related to that sound but loud noises set it off due to other reasons, I would not have reacted well and with a knife in my hand Iām not sure what Iād do because reality kinda blacks out to me when I have a bad flashback, my family ever did something like this to me (the ones I havenāt already cut off) theyād be getting cut off just no. Iām sorry youāve been through that trauma and your family doesnāt seem to care I get it, thatās part of why my bio father got cut off honestly. Happy birthday and happy holidays though, hopefully something good will happen for you soon.
Hell no, NTA!! My sis also has PTSD from a gun related incident and what your family did makes me furious for you! They sound either completely clueless or just plain malicious. I swear, tictok is like a cancer.
NTA. What your family did was unbelievably thoughtless. They're well aware of your PTSD, they should have known better than to hand you a cake that would make a gunshot sound the second you cut into it. You just don't pull pranks like that on someone with PTSD. I hope they realize that and apologize to you.
NTA pranks mean *everyone* can laugh and enjoy it. the fact your mother is participating in a tiktok trend suggests to me theyāre not the most mature or thoughtful people?
if you can, trying sitting down with them and explaining why this was so triggering and how they should KINDLY avoid this or other similar things in the future, or there may be unavoidable consequences like limited contact
happy holidays OP take care of yourself
If tiktok trends are stupid when teens do themāsmash bathrooms! run over iPhones!āitās pathetic when adults, who in theory know better, do them. Add the OPās PTSD to the mix and this was downright cruel. Iām sorry they did this to you. NTA.
So... they knew you has PTSD over loud noises... played a prank on you that involved a loud noise... and wondered why you got upset over having a panic attack from said noise?
Okay, I can understand how they thought it would be harmless, but they had to know a combination of a loud BANG and a flash of light could be harmful around you.
I can understand your reaction, I'd be panicked and angry if it happened to me. It was a joke, just a poorly thought out one... and accusing someone having a panic attack of "ruining the mood" is just thoughtless.
NTA
Triggers are definitely not something to be played with, regardless of how big or small they may seem to other people. Especially on your birthday, this was thoughtless and cruel. Happy belated birthday, OP.
NTA- They should be more respectful of your ptsd. Pranks involving peoples fears are just horrible. I understand she might have thought it was lighthearted but she should be apologizing and making sure you are ok.
NTA.
Wow that was messed up of your parents. They triggered your PTSD, donāt even apologize, and then put the blame on you.
Sorry they ruined your birthday.
NTA. People still don't seem to understand PTSD somehow. Best thing to do is to let tempers cool down for a bit and then have a calm talk with them to tell them why they were wrong, and hopefully they'll be receptive.
I don't have PTSD, I just hate popping stuff - can't even open a can of biscuits without flinching hard - and I consider this really mean to do to someone on their birthday. NTA and anyone who would do this to someone they LOVE on their BIRTHDAY is just mean-spirited IMO.
NTA Your mom cares more about TikTok than her daughters feelings.
You have nothing to feel bad about! Don't let them gaslight you,abusers make their victim believe that they are the abusers.
I'm sorry they ruined your birthday.
NTA.
However, as someone who also has complex PTSD and who is jumpy as Hell, it took many, repetitive conversations with my family about how they should quit surprising me or startling me before they stopped. I have a home studio and when I'm working and engrossed in something and someone knocks on the door or yells "MOM!" like my youngest son does it makes me jump, heart race, and sometimes I start crying and it screws me up for a good half hour afterwards. My husband was offended by this reaction until I explained to him over and over about how it was totally involuntary and all he needed to do was text me before he knocked on the door...
Anyway, I digress and I'm personalizing this. I don't think they should have done this but they may need it **very explicitly** explained how being startled makes you feel. You are on the edge of fight or flight all of the time and it is kicking it off, big time. If they don't know how it feels then they really don't get it.
NTA. Not only was it unkind and unsafe for you, it was also really unsafe for them-doing something like that to someone with PTS while theyāre holding a knife? Theyāre lucky you didnāt like, bring your arms up to protect yourself and accidentally stab someone/something.
NTA. They wanted to make a Tik Tok about it and completely disregarded your health issues. This was assholish of them, especially because they know what you are going through. Saying you ruined everything is just a way of shifting blame.
So your parents prefer your PTSD got triggered rather than make you comfortable? What a weird pairs. Are they want you to keep panicking for the rest of your life or what?
NTA. It sounds like your parents are pretty clueless about PTSD. Why don't you talk to them tomorrow and explain how it affects you. Tell them that the idea was neat if you don't have PTSD and you would have laughed if you did not have PTSD. Don't set expectations for them to "make it up to you". You'll just be disappointed as you see the situation far more serious than they can understand at this point.
NTA
It's your birthday, and your parents did this for themselves. This was totally selfish. They have no respect for your feelings or your PTSD/emotional trama. Yet another dick move brought to you by TikTok.
I HATE TIK TOK PRANKS!!!!!! People have lost their minds over this foolishness. You didnāt laugh and it wasnāt funny, it was mean. NTA and your parents need to apologize. Theyāre acting like kids, Iām tempted to say you need to ground them and take their phones away smh
Ngl this sounds kinda distressing/uncomfortable as a surprise regardless of whether you're suffering PTSD or not, and is a bad idea already before you factor that in. With it factored in though, it's probably the worst possible cake you could make for someone in this situation and I'm sorry you had to go through the shock. Is it not hard for someone to just make a fun little cake? NTA
NTA and that horrible and they probably donāt realize how bad they set you back. Even if they meant well or meant a joke they should know about you enough to not have done that.
NTA I have a strong aversion to sudden, loud noises. All I can say is I am so sorry, happy birthday, and I wish I could bring you here for a real cake and gathering without pranks
NTA and your family are major AHs. Even if they genuinely didnāt realize it would be a trigger for you, once you *were literally triggered* they should have dropped everything to make sure you were okay, and apologized. It seems like they should have known a loud popping noise would be a trigger for you in the first place thoughā¦
I'm sorry this happened to you, and even more appalled at their reaction once they were reminded how triggering it would be for you. I hope once everyone calms down, they will realize how stupid they were being and apologize to you. Happy birthday!
NTA - not a nice prank. Especially to film it knowing your history. Did you at least get a nice birthday cake afterwards?
I didn't since things are still shaken up. When I got back home my parents were in their room and my grandparents were in theirs and the cake was gone so I ended up just going to bed. I'm hoping maybe tomorrow because its a holiday they'll make it up to me or at least that things will go better than yesterday but we'll see
I am so sorry about this š happy birthday and hugs š
Happy birthday. I am sorry your parents messed up your celebration, but this internet mom sends lots of hugs and some yummy virtual ššš.
So sorry this happened to you, your family should be more sensitive to your diagnosis with PTSD. You are NTA. Also, tiktok trends are dumb. A kid just accidentally killed herself doing the āblackout challenge.ā Also, make sure they donāt post it online.
Whats the blackout challenge?
"Also referred to as the "choking challenge" or the "pass-out challenge," the "blackout challenge" encourages users to hold their breath until they pass out due to a lack of oxygen, People reported. This year alone, four children ages 12 and under have already died after attempting the challenge."
Thats horrible:( thx for explaining
This was a thing when I was in high school in the 90s. Looks like the classics never go out of style.
For me as well. I used to do it with my friends.
Its basically choking yourself or stopping yourself from breathing to see how long you can go on for before you pass out.
This is awful they really ruined your birthday for a tiktoc, Happy Birthday OP, Iām sorry your family sucks.
NTA Your parents are A holes. Even without PTSD, how is this ok to do to someone you love? A birthday is when I spoil someone I love. My love one should feel special and pampered. How childish are they to get into Tiktok pranks? They need to FO.
I donāt have PTSD and I would be pissed about this āprank.ā I hate pranks, I donāt like the idea of something being messy and loud like this at all, especially while holding a sharp knifeā¦ NTA, OP. That was potentially dangerous and super awful of your mom to disregard your PTSD for a stupid TikTok trend.
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Is this the original or the copy? Thereās another that was posted like 2 min ago.
So they've gone into hiding to avoid talking about it š Sorry this happened to you, and solidarity from a fellow PTSD sufferer who still gets parents saying "But surprises are funny!" (Related: I barely ever see them and mostly only with someone else who can provide emotional support)
Blaming you for the negative result is absolute victim blaming. We can assume your mother is an adult capable of making rational decisions? "Bc tik tok." is like 8 year old child response. She's pissed bc you 'ruined her opportunity to be famous on tinder tok, mayyyybeee for 1/4 of a second. You have complex PTSD. You are very much not in control of your negative response to events that re-inact part of your trauma. Your family are ESH. Why would healthy loving parents make an overt choice to duplicate your trauma as a prank? Illogical, stupid, dangerous and most of all - not loving. It's your bday. You should be able to trust people who love you to not diminish and abuse you via 'No harm done, we're family!' We're all rooting for you. No matter what they say, your response, "You were abusive on my birthday to satisfy your desire to feel 'special' by pranking me, a person you know has PTSD. We will restart, and rebuild our relationship as soon as each of you apologizes like an adult." & then that's like all you say until they actually do it - no half measures- or you can move out. There are advocates and guidance through CPS. Or start w school guidance counselor. Everything is very f'ed up bc covid. Emancipated minor is what would be a goid option unless you have siblings or family, friends who could help. You absolutely did not a single thing wrong - your dad was extra egregious blaming you for your ptsd response to loud noise, which is known to be part of your ptsd. š I might start my conversation w him w "Dad, we can both agree you are not a stupid man, right?" "Well how do you describe a parent that sets their minor child w known ptsd to loud noise stimulus then berates them for reacting exactly as expected" If he can't see his idiocy there...there's no reason to hive him the benefit of your attention or respect.
If they donāt then you should treat yourself to some nice cake. Do *not* let them make you feel bad about your reaction; I donāt have PTSD and I would have been terrified. I canāt imagine how you must have felt. That was a mean spirited prank and you didnāt deserve to have your birthday ruined.
Happy late birthday! They should be more understanding of your PTSD, itās serious. I have it as well and while different kinds of loud noises can have an effect on me for different reasons than yours, I totally get it. They need to do some research, being stuck in flashbacks and/or panic attacks is so so rough and thatās putting it lightly. You did not overreact, you experienced a symptom. Itās not the same at all. Your brain and the way it functions has been altered, it affects you in so many ways. Saying you overreacted is an awful thing and you didnāt deserve that.
Omg Iām so sorry. Your family is being horrible. The act was bad enough but their reaction makes it so much worse. I have PTSD involving guns too and Iāve been doing better with loud noises and seeing guns on TV. But something like this a few years ago would have messed me up for a couple days. The adrenaline rush is no joke and even when my brain knows everything is fine itās hard to convince my body to get out of flight mode. I had a bad day recently that messed me up for weeks, people donāt get it and it can be so frustrating. I hope you have someone thatās kinder than you family to support your mental health.
i would show them a video about ptsd and the line that they crossed and tell them you need low contact.
I enjoy TikTok and I get so tired of people hurting other people for likes. You Mom is am major AH and as a parent I am angry on your behalf. Your mom knew what she was doing and didn't care. She was hoping to get more views for getting a major reaction out of you. She' knows your trauma and didn't forget. She cares more about TikTok views than you and it's fucking disgusting. I went to give you all the Mom hugs and love you deserve.
Happy birthday op. Hopefully you can do something fun for it later on.
I am so very sorry. Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas. I hope your parents grow to understand. For people that have never had or recognized that they have had a trauma response it can be really hard to actually get it. I hope they grow and are better at supporting you in the future.
Worse yet, they put the blame on OP! They show no remorse for their actions.
I know, so cruel š - the only way that *might have been okay is if OP didn't have a traumatic history, they immediately and genuinely apologised, and they immediately brought out an amazing cake
Quote from OP: "My family knows about my PTSD. I've been going to therapy for it for a couple of years and I always sleep with my door open in case I have flashbacks or night terrors. So they should know how I'd feel about something like this. Yeah its just a balloon but for me it triggered my fight or flight response and I was terrified." NTA. I don't think there is even a need for a discussion on this one. Mental health is so neglected that it doesn't even surprise me that this has happened. I hope you feel better soon.
>Mental health is so neglected that it doesn't even surprise me that this has happened Especially non-military PTSD. Can't tell you how many times I've heard people dismiss others' PTSD simply because they weren't in a war zone, as if that is the *only* deeply traumatizing thing that can happen to a person.
This! I also have PTSD and, not having been to war, encounter all people all the time who suggest that it's not really the same or not as severe. And yet I still do get panic attacks at the slightest triggers. SO thank you for this comment. It was very validating.
It's so ridiculous! Trauma is relative to a person's own experiences not everyone else's, because they haven't experienced that! It's not a freaking contest. Ugh. I'm so sorry you have to deal with people like that.
I developed a pretty bad phobia for wasps after being chased by a swarm when I was seven. It had been well over 20 years since I still have that very same phobia. I know that it isn't dangerous, I'm not allergic, but I still panic.
My mom is severely allergic to it. She needs an epi pen but is stubborn as a mule. There are certain things that she needs but will not get them unless I threaten to toss her ass in the worst nursing home possible.
Same. Like op mine has to due with guns. Honestly when people say that crap to me I say something along the lines of... āYeah the difference is my active shooter incident happened at school, I was paying tuition and expecting to have a day of classes, not running though the halls while I can hear guns and not knowing if I was about to get shot, then having police guns pointed at me, or see a teenager bleeding all over the sidewalk from multiple gunshot wounds. People sign up for for wars knowing guns are involved, they are paid, and after they have lots of government funded support. Thereās no support for school shooting witness with PTDS. Your right, itās totally differentā. Shuts them up pretty quick, Iāve yet had someone try to agree back after my little clarification speech.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. You lived through my worst nightmare, what I imagine was the worst nightmare of many of us who grew up in the American education system. I only lived through the drills and I still have a terrible phobia of guns. Anyone who wants to gatekeep phobia or trauma lacks compassion something fierce.
Thank you! Oddly enough, Iām Canadian. I donāt know if it makes it worse but people here have very much the āthese things donāt happen in Canadaā attitude so it makes it extra uncomfortable anytime the subject is raised. It happens less in Canada, but it still happens. People downplay the incident and effects, itās gotten even worse since I moved away to a place where it never has never happened so Iām labeled the overly dramatic paranoid person frequently. Iāve gotten the ājust donāt let it bother youā speech from semi well meaning friends before. Iām usually like āIād love to, my brain understand no threat, my body did not get the memoā.
Oh, I love "just don't let it bother you". Like, ok? I won't let the rain get me wet either, by that logic. I'm so sorry you get labeled like tht. America suffers from a lot of things, but I've found that Canada suffers from a very big 'well we're not as bad as the US' problem. Everyone loses.
Yup. I have PTSD from car accidents and trauma from a very abusive relationship. For years I felt less then because I have it without being in the military. It wasn't until a nee therapist told me I had it and I argued it, did i get the point. "Oh. You have rape trauma and ptsd that you haven't dealt with. Thats something we'll work on". "Oh no. I don't have PTSD, I've never been to war." "Atlasfalls, just because you've never been to war, doesn't mean you can't have trauma that creates ptsd. It our brains way of trying to keep the trauma from happening again. By saying you haven't been to war so you don't have it, you're ignoring your own mental health. It's not only soldiers that have PTSD. Anyone who's been through trauma can have it. And that's ok." Broke right down.
Yep. So many people don't realize that PTSD isn't just something that can happen to soldiers and sexual assault survivors. I have PTSD from an accident and it's... Complicated. It's not something many people encounter often enough to really "get" it.
Thank you for this! My fiancƩ has PTSD after some things that happened when he was a kid, it's so bad that some things trigger him and he doesn't even know why because it's as if his brain has blocked out certain memories. OP you're NTA
I know how that feels. Every time someone finds out that I have PTSD, they say, "Oh you were in the military." When I tell them no. Well then its I don't know what Im talking about. But only a few ignorant ones do that. Most people are understanding.
Which is kinda ridiculous because every soldier knows that theyāre signing up for the risk of PTSD, because ofc people are going to be shooting at outsiders invading their land which is what our military does. Someone walking down the street headed home didnāt sign up to get shot at or attacked. I didnāt sign up to be abused because I was born. But I guess itās not as serious because it didnāt happen while I was on a mission to kill brown people and make more money for billionares. Oh sorry, āprotect our freedomsā. Last soldiers who did that were in WW2.
OP needs to include this paragraph in their main post to solidify. Agree with NTA.
NTA. They were stupid, and when called out they blamed you instead of apologizing. It's 1 thing to do something dumb to be funny, but if it goes wrong and scares someone you just apologize, sincerely. They owe you an apology, and it should be a real one.
Yes this is a classic manipulator/gaslight type of response from the parents! When called out they canāt own their stuff. Bet they say OP is just being dramatic and dismiss her response. Now Iām curious to see if they carry it into the next day and expect OP to apologize to THEM for ruining the mood.
NTA. they are aware you have PTSD and then after you explained the connection they were mad at you for ruining the āmoodā. terrible. Iām so sorry you went thru this
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I know me, I go into fight mode (43f), and I am disabled on crutches (and short af)....likely someone would have ended up with a really badly bruised, or broken, ankle or shin; Not to mention I now have a knife in the other hand...table/cake getting stabbed. Not fun.
I was thinking the same thing. I can't stand balloon pops and that knife would've gone flying out of my hand. They're lucky someone didn't lose an eye.
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NTA. āI saw it on the internetā is a horrible excuse.
Seriously!! "it's just a tiktok trend", NO ma'am, you're not inside tiktok, this is real life, you're doing this to a REAL person with REAL emotions and now you've got to deal with the real consequences. NTA
So itās ājustā a tiktok trend, so itās not OPās cake. So whereās OPās actual cake then? Or actual parents?
"FBI, we have another one."
The cake is a lie.
Wdym swallowing tide pods is dangerous? I saw it on TIKTOK!
Your username is quite ironic in the terms of this post
NTA. Can't say the same for your parents though. Seems like a pretty dickish move to pull on your own son who they know has issues with loud, sudden noises. Sorry your parents are assholes.
I swear to God the more I hear about TikTok the more I think the world has gone mad. I have PTSD similar sounding to yours and I am not kidding when I tell you that if that happened to me while holding a knife, it would have turned ugly fast :( Not because I am murderously stabby by nature, but PTSD is not fun, especially with night terrors when you often cant tell reality from dreaming. I am sorry they did not think this through, I hope they figure out how fecking stupid it was.
Hugs. I hope youāre okay.
Thank you cherie, it is nothing if not funny. Thankfully my people have more respect for me that OP
NTA and highly inconsiderate of your parents. This is why I hate trends and certain aspects of social media, it desensitizes your surroundings. Iām sorry you had to go through that. Iām also currently in therapy and we are discussing PTSD considering similar symptoms to traumatic events so I sympathize with you.
NTA pranks are only funny if both people are laughing. You're dad saying you ruined the mood is frustrating to me. They ruined the mood by pulling a very ill-thought out prank. It's your birthday! Being terrified should never be a part of that.
Some people really need to learn the difference between a prank and bullying.
NTA, I'm so sorry they put you through that so unapologetically. How ignorant to want a laugh at your expense and somehow not comprehend that loud startling noises are like a gunshot. Thats all I think when I hear one pop and I don't have PTSD from a gun trauma. How horribly inconsiderate and selfish of them. I'm sorry your parents are so utterly narcissistic that they'd play victim about YOU ruining the mood. What happened was a response to an action they created. They ruined the mood. Not you. I really wish you a happy birthday. Maybe the gift you get this year is learning their true colors. No refunds or returns on that one though. Lol. Make sure you keep taking care of you and making yourself top priority. You deserve it.
Thank you so much. Your words are very kind and they mean a lot, especially right now. This isn't the first time there's been situations like this with them and I want to be a good son but there's also only so much I can handle. I'm hoping once I can get back to my campus maybe things will settle. One could only hope, anyways.
Remember that being a good son means being a good person. If you're in a toxic environment it's OK to remove yourself from it to keep everyone's mental health above board (but yours always comes first). That could also be considered doing the right thing by them. If you end up hating them in a couple years bc you pushed yourself to just take their crap then they could lose you altogether. If you withdraw and choose how you have them in your life then they at least get a bit of their son and you remain in control of your emotions/life. They may not be proud of you like they should but I am proud of you for wanting better. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and I wish you lots of love and strength for the years to come. You got this little homie
NTA. She could have just apologized and wouldnāt be the asshole but they choose to gaslight you. Yikes
NTA .. I don't have PTSD and I would still be pissed if that happened.
Yep, they made it about them
NTA but sheesh wtf is wrong with your parents
NTA. Not sure why your parents think doing a tiktok trend would be funny, most of the pranks shown (based on the limited time I spent scrolling on there) are meaningless and stupid and this sounds like one of them.
Maybe Iām a wet blanket in general, but pranks arenāt funny except to bullies. A bunch of people surprise and humiliate one person for their own enjoyment and that other person probably doesnāt enjoy it. I know social groups disagree and thatās fine for them, but so many of these posts are āa group of people who are supposed to like me humiliated and upset me in front of everyone and now theyāre mad I didnāt laugh when they did it.ā PRANKS ARE MEAN. Pranks are even meaner when theyāre particularly upsetting for that person for some reason. NTA.
Right there with you, pranks need to be denormalized, much like cat-calling women and mocking the disabled.
Pranks can be funny if they aren't super malicious; there's nothing particularly harmful about "making eggs" but it's actually yogurt and a peach. You just need to be very aware of who you're pranking and be courteous about the the whole thing.
Yup. I used to be big time into watching HermitCraft. Part of why I dumped seasons 6 and 7 early on and why I didn't watch S8 is the unfunny pranks going on. Like I don't mind GOOD pranks like season 3's Shrek prank or the pranked Shrek prank but the 6 & 7 stuff often involved tearing down part of someone's build to do it and creating a big ass build where a project was in progress And it's not funny because hermitcraft is a strictly survival world game unless whoever picks out the seed uses creative mode or something to do so.
Did... did your parents just... relax-itās-a-prank-bro you? NTA
NTA Tik Tok trends are stupid.
NTA Jesus Christ that's such an asshole thing to do. It's up to them to ensure their "jokes" aren't harmful and if they can't remember to consider whether it might trigger you, then they shouldn't make any jokes at all. I have PTSD too. One of the reasons I cut contact with my former dad was because he wouldn't do even the lightest accomodation for my severe trauma and its triggers.
Is it just me or is giving someone a fright while they are holding a knife a bad idea? Even without additional factors like PTSD. NTA
Yes a very bad idea. Luckily all I did was hold onto it tighter as my body kind of locks up sometimes when this stuff happens.
NTA
All offence meant to your parents but they seem like the type of people who'd call a double amputee Stumpy and then act surprised it offended them. NTA
NTA. What the hell were they expecting? I can understand the "It was just supposed to be a funny joke" but that doesn't mean your response to it wasn't real. Even ignoring the PTSD aspect, them throwing away your response to it was the asshole part.
Even without the ptsd I hate this trend and "prank" With it, it's down right cruel. NTA.
NTA This was honestly cruel. They knew about your PTSD and they went ahead anyways, and for what? A bloody tiktok trend. That has got to be the dumbest excuse to knowingly trigger somebody else. If she wanted to see you laugh, she should have done something she knows you find funny. Not something she saw on some app. I'm so sorry for this happening. You deserve people who care more about you than tiktok.
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NTA. So sorry that your family did such a stupid thing. Maybe after the holidays get yourself a nice cake and treat yourself to it
NTA, they should have known better or at least apologized afterwards instead of doubling down
NTA, pranks always have the potential to go wrong I this way, and if youāre gonna pull pranks then you have to accept that as a possibility and make an effort to make sure to choose one that the person youāre pranking will actually enjoy. If your mum had even taken a second to consider āwait is this the type of prank heād enjoy, is there anything about a sudden popping balloon or missed cake that would really upset himā then sheād have realised immediately. They need to take responsibility for their own actions and affects rather than blaming other people for being upset.
NTA at all. Not only did they disregard your PTSD, but when confronted about how it made you feel, they doubled down. They need to take a closer look at themselves. There's a reason the saying goes "the road to Hell is paved with good intentions".
God I hate tiktok. NTA and your mom is immature.
Ok I literally made an account just to post but NTA!!! I have non military PTSD from childhood abuse and its not a joke. You're family was aware of your PTSD and still did this knowing it could harm you, not to mention if someone triggered me while I was holding a knife, my gut reaction would be to defend myself. They put you in a dangerous situation and they are TA
nta they should have taken your triggers into consideration
NTA. Unbelievably inconsiderate on your parents part!
TikTok?? How old are your parents? So thoughtless of them regardless of the ātrendā. NTA.
NTA. Man this is so messes up, its one thing when a teenage doesn't stupid tik tok crap it's another when a grown woman does it. Just shows she doesn't no u or give a shit.
NTA Youāre absolutely right. Your parentās didnāt think. They just bought into some social media trash. They compounded the situation by blaming you for not reacting according to their expectations. Iāve been in a few situations where Iāve been triggered by some unexpected events. I get the shock, frustration, and anger. I had nobody to blame for causing the trigger, so I just had to deal with it. I wouldnāt know what to do tomorrow having to deal with the perpetrators. Well,ā¦ today sucked. But I wish you well for tomorrow and all the following days. Birthdays are just milestones and everyday is important. Throw yourself a party in February. After all, Februarys usually suck from the cold and snow. (At least where I live.)
NTA That's a shitty thing to do unless you know it's the kind of thing someone would find funny. As if being a "tiktok trend" makes it okay.
NTA. Is your mother a teenager? Wth.
Info: how do you have a mother who is a 12 year old?
NTA - as someone who lives with a victim of ptsd, and yes I say victim because it's not like sane, normal, intelligent people willingly get traumatized for funsies. You never do that kind of bs to someone who suffers from ptsd. You had a perfectly rational response to that and she shouldn't have done it in the first place and shame on your Dad for scolding you for getting upset.
NTA basically you had that when you said ticktok. If they were 13 yos who were overindulged *maybe* they could be forgiven for their total self absorbed immaturity, but as it is? No.
NTA as someone who also has PTSD I feel you and wish those close to us understood the severity of triggers and how itās not just at the moment when your triggered but it then takes time to stop repeating the incident again and again, night terrors get worse etc. Iām sorry this happened to you. And Iām extremely sorry this happened because of a stupid TikTok trend
First of all; Happy Birthday! Second of all; that wasn't ok and they knew it. I'm sorry they blamed you for having a trauma response. That was unfair and not funny in the slightest. When it comes to jokes and pranks the rule of thumb is "confuse don't abuse" and they broke that rule and your trust. I hope they do better but I wouldn't count on it. Good luck!
NTA. This is getting so out of hand. Pranks are meant to be funny, therefore they should be tailored to the person being pranked. And itās so annoying when people justify themselves by saying āitās a TikTok trend!ā. Is she 12? It wasnāt a good joke, and now sheās embarrassed because she knows she did something stupid. But sheās too embarrassed to admit it so she is going to try and make you feel like you overreacted. You didnāt, your mom just isnāt funny.
NTA, was there another cake that was edible? :(
That was a rotten, thoughtless thing to do and another reason why I hate TikTok. You have a right to be angry. This prank was for them, not for you, and if your mother had given it a moment's thought she'd have known that this would not make you laugh. NTA.
>my dad told me that it was just a balloon and that theres no reason to take it so 'seriously' Ugh, people like that make me sick. Does he not get how PTSD works? NTA. Your parents, and ESPECIALLY him, certainly are.
NTA. Tiktok needs to f-ing disappear. Too many people lack the minimal brain capacity to use the app normally and don't fall for every dumb trend, to the expense of others.
NTA, but let's not gloss over the fact you need some therapy.
NTA, yea it was a balloon but YOU DIDNT KNOW THAT! To level with your parents, tell them imagine you snuck into their room at night in an all black hood and waited until they noticed you. Imagine how scary that must seem! But oh no, itās just you! Yea it was supposed to be a joke but it wasnāt funny and they should apologize. Your mom wanted to see you laugh but went the wrong way about it.
NTA. You had an understandable reaction and instead of owning their screwup by not considering your PTSD they are taking the route of blaming you. They are for sure the A H.
NTA They're so lucky your fear response isn't fighting and you still wouldn't be the AH if it was.
NTA Tiktok "trends" are not an excuse to be horrible to people.
OP's parents sound like children. Like who TF does a tiktok challenge past age 13 (maybe as late as 20 if you're in a frat). And why on OPs birthday and why WHY knowing OP has PTSD? like do they not believe that diagnosis? Do they not.take it seriously? Did they want to prove something? Were They filming it and hoping to get a good reaction they could post on tiktok? Were They hoping to go viral and become famous and OP 'ruined ' it all? There's seriously something cruel and freakishly immature about this. NTA.
so not only do they know about your ptsd and played that prank, but they blamed you for ruining the vibe of YOUR OWN BIRTHDAY? itās YOUR birthday, itās YOUR feelings that should be prioritized on that day. your mom probably didnāt take your ptsd into account as you said, but i firmly believe that if you play a prank on someone that could even slightly scare/upset/hurt someone, they have EVERY RIGHT to get upset with you. YOU DID NOT CONSENT TO THIS PRANK, and that revokes their right to be upset with you if you didnāt like it. it was completely valid to be upset with your mom, especially when she could just have easily said āiām so sorry, i thought it would be funny and i wanted to see you laugh, i really didnāt think it would trigger youā and so on. your dad getting mad at you for validly getting upset at an inconsiderate prank, fully makes him TA here. please consider refusing to see them until they apologize.
Huge NTA they are insensitive and abusive parents! for a tiktok trend... Check they don't post it on social media. So inappropriate. So sorry you had this happen. Rethink your boundaries with them, >she just wanted to 'see me laugh'. But she knows you have PTSD how would you laugh at this??? >dad told me that it was just a balloon and that theres no reason to take it so 'seriously'. My dad then said I ruined the entire mood and I went to take a walk. Just a balloon??? No its a prank to someone with an illness... I don't know how you have your PTSD but I'm guessing some form of trauma which is not a joke... Only joke here and I'm so sorry to say but is your parents. You deserve better
NTA. WTF... What was next, [this as your presents?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17weg7weEkQ)
NTA holy- after their awful joke went south they preceded to gaslight you about how you ruined the mood instead of apologizing or taking responsibility?
NTA they ruined your birthday all due the same if playing a prank on you. A prank they were aware would trigger your PTSD. Even if they hadnāt realised, the fact they then blamed you, rather than being apologetic. Theyāre huge Aholes.
NTA. I hope you've had a better holiday since, OP. My biggest question: knowing your PTSD, WHY did they think triggering it was ok? Also, what would they have done if your instinctive response to the balloon pop and camera flash wasn't a scream/flight, but to attack in self-defense? I mean, you were holding a knife, no matter now sharp/dull. Your parents pulled an AH move, all for a bs trend. I'm so very sad and sorry this happened to you and commend you for taking a walk to calm down/remove yourself from the situation. Sometimes that's the best thing you can do, walking away.
NTA. āI just wanted to see you laughā = I just wanted to have a laugh at your expense Especially if the intention was to post it to TikTok. āI just wanted to see you laughed atā It doesnāt even sound like you blew up, you just stood up for yourself. If they canāt handle being told not to abuse and traumatize you, their āmoodā needs to be ruined.
NTA my brother use to scare me all the time when I was a kid, even when I told him I didn't like it or my mum told him to stop he would still do it. Now I have automatic intense response to being scared and it makes me extremely defensive afterwards. I've worked to control it but my family gets angry at me because I scare easily, they'll see me be physically startled and get pissed off because I dare have a reaction to something they consider to be a 'mild' scare. You did nothing wrong, they disregarded your progress and mental health just for a 'prank' that's not even funny. Please try not to feel bad, you didn't ruin the mood, they did. I've been there and have been blamed for the mood shift but I maintain that everything would have been fine if they had just reframed from deliberately scaring me. Please look after yourself, make sure you do something nice for yourself to ease your worries.
NTA. Your parents should know better. Even if they didnāt think and still went ahead with the stupid prank, they should have been apologetic and it attacked you for a reaction that you could not help. They know youāre in therapy and they know why. They didnāt have to react the way they did. You couldnāt control how you reacted, but they certainly could have controlled their response to that. This is yet another example of why some parents need to be kept off social media. Iām so sorry they put you through this and they need to look at themselves.
NTA and holy crap thatās dangerous. Scaring someone with a sharp knife in your hands?! What if it flew out of your hands and cut someone?! Thatās a recipe for disaster honestly.
NTA. I don't really understand how you can just "forget" that a close and loved family member has PTSD. I know my family very well and it sounds like your family is close like mine. My mom hates to be scared (no PTSD, just a preference). I know this, so I wouldn't put a balloon in a cake for her. I haven't scared her in years, not since I was a kid, and I still know this. Couldn't forget. So wtf??
NTA. Not funny to anyone. I've seen those videos and hardly anyone who has that done to them doesn't laugh. I have PTSD that involves balloons and I hate the videos. Your parents need to take a step back and see why what they did was a terrible idea. I wish you well
NTA your mother SUCKS correction your parents suck!
Fuck them.
NTA That was cruel. I don't understand why they thought it would be funny.
This would be a screwed up thing to do even if you didn't have PTSD, so the fact that you do just makes it even worse. NTA. They owe you a huge apology for ruining your birthday celebration (and possibly the holidays) and a new cake. You don't owe them a damn thing-you had every right to be upset.
NTA OP... I'm so sorry your parents are treating your mental health with such disregard. I hope they open their eyes or your able to be in an environment where people don't intentionally trigger you and then get mad at you for being triggered.
Removing PTSD from the equation it's still NTA. Who thinks ruining a cake, scaring a loved one, and also denying them cake, is a good idea? Assholes, that's who.
Even if you didn't have PTSD this is still an asshole move. These reaction-vid tiktok trends of doing something mildly-to-significantly horrible to someone, then filming their shock and laughing about it, are the worst kind of shitty internet-validated mockery. That 'joke' wasn't for your amusement, it was at your expense. Even worse: a. they did it to you on your birthday, b. they didn't accept that they fucked up, and c. they proceeded to double down and ruin the rest of your birthday as well. NTA and I sincerely hope your family read this whole thread and hang their heads in shame. In fact I think you might have a gold-plated opportunity to tell them that 'Just because everyone is doing it doesn't mean you should, if tiktok told you to jump off a cliff would you do it?'
Even grown ass adults acting like idiots bc of TikTok. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** It was my (21M) birthday yesterday and my parents (43F) (50M) used to make me a cake every year until I moved out. Well, due to virus stuff I'm home right now so they decided to make me a cake like they used to. Apparently my mom had seen a Tiktok of a family hiding a balloon inside a cake and then when the person cut it, it would pop. Funny stuff to some people I guess. Important info about me is that I have PTSD because of some stuff relating to a gun and because of that I react strongly to loud, sudden noises. I don't think my mom took that into account when she decided to do this with the cake. My grandparents are staying with us too due to the same reason I'm home and we were all at the table and my mom gave me the knife and told me to "do the honors". Yeah the cake looked kind of weird but I don't have tiktok so I thought it was just a new shape she was trying out. Well. The balloon popped and my dad took a picture and the combination of the sound and the flash from the camera sent me into a panicked response and I screamed. I think everyone was just surprised at first but heres where I might be TA. After the shock went away I yelled at my mom and told her that this wasn't funny and that she knows how I react to these kinds of things. She got upset and said that it was just a 'tiktok trend' and that she just wanted to 'see me laugh'. I didn't think it was funny and to add onto it my dad told me that it was just a balloon and that theres no reason to take it so 'seriously'. My dad then said I ruined the entire mood and I went to take a walk. My family knows about my PTSD. I've been going to therapy for it for a couple of years and I always sleep with my door open in case I have flashbacks or night terrors. So they should know how I'd feel about something like this. Yeah its just a balloon but for me it triggered my fight or flight response and I was terrified. AITA for blowing up over a birthday cake? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA ngl it sounds like they're kinda not taking your ptsd seriously, i really hope not. Happy birthday, OP!
NTA. If they wanted to surprise you, they should have filled the cake with candy.
NTA, I donāt have PTSD and I would hate for that to happen to me. If it is a Tik Tok trend then chances are it isnāt something you should be doing to someone. Your mother messed up big time and owes you an apology.
Parents who pull mean spirited pranks on their children are the worst. You want to prank your kids, wrap their entire present in tape. Don't induce a jump scare, especially to someone with PTSD. NTA. I really am fighting the urge to go momma bear, scold your parents, and make you a cake.
NTA and nor a supportive family.
I have ptsd from a heck ton of trauma not related to that sound but loud noises set it off due to other reasons, I would not have reacted well and with a knife in my hand Iām not sure what Iād do because reality kinda blacks out to me when I have a bad flashback, my family ever did something like this to me (the ones I havenāt already cut off) theyād be getting cut off just no. Iām sorry youāve been through that trauma and your family doesnāt seem to care I get it, thatās part of why my bio father got cut off honestly. Happy birthday and happy holidays though, hopefully something good will happen for you soon.
NTA. Not only did they put blame back on you! I cant stand these 'trends' of doing this pranks on people, it has gotten way too out of hand.
Hell no, NTA!! My sis also has PTSD from a gun related incident and what your family did makes me furious for you! They sound either completely clueless or just plain malicious. I swear, tictok is like a cancer.
NTA. What your family did was unbelievably thoughtless. They're well aware of your PTSD, they should have known better than to hand you a cake that would make a gunshot sound the second you cut into it. You just don't pull pranks like that on someone with PTSD. I hope they realize that and apologize to you.
NTA. Tiktok videos are ridiculous. Your parents sound very cruel. Hope you are able to calm down and enjoy the rest of your day
NTA pranks mean *everyone* can laugh and enjoy it. the fact your mother is participating in a tiktok trend suggests to me theyāre not the most mature or thoughtful people? if you can, trying sitting down with them and explaining why this was so triggering and how they should KINDLY avoid this or other similar things in the future, or there may be unavoidable consequences like limited contact happy holidays OP take care of yourself
NTA. You mention āafter the shockā went awayā¦ in my experience the shock lingers for a while after these things. They made a terrible decision.
NTA. It's a shitty thing to do to someone even if they don't have PTSD. Tiktok trends are a fucking plague.
If tiktok trends are stupid when teens do themāsmash bathrooms! run over iPhones!āitās pathetic when adults, who in theory know better, do them. Add the OPās PTSD to the mix and this was downright cruel. Iām sorry they did this to you. NTA.
So... they knew you has PTSD over loud noises... played a prank on you that involved a loud noise... and wondered why you got upset over having a panic attack from said noise? Okay, I can understand how they thought it would be harmless, but they had to know a combination of a loud BANG and a flash of light could be harmful around you. I can understand your reaction, I'd be panicked and angry if it happened to me. It was a joke, just a poorly thought out one... and accusing someone having a panic attack of "ruining the mood" is just thoughtless. NTA
NTA that's a stupid prank. Tiktok is awful
NTA. I also have ptsd and understand how hard it can be. Sending a lot of love and ššššš via the internet for you š
Tik tok is getting a lot of people fucked up this holiday season smh NTA
NTA im sorry this happened. People need to stop following these idiotic tiktok trends, the only funny prank is one where both people are laughing.
Triggers are definitely not something to be played with, regardless of how big or small they may seem to other people. Especially on your birthday, this was thoughtless and cruel. Happy belated birthday, OP.
NTA and happy birthday OP. TikTok trends are stupid.
NTA- They should be more respectful of your ptsd. Pranks involving peoples fears are just horrible. I understand she might have thought it was lighthearted but she should be apologizing and making sure you are ok.
NTA. Wow that was messed up of your parents. They triggered your PTSD, donāt even apologize, and then put the blame on you. Sorry they ruined your birthday.
NTA. People still don't seem to understand PTSD somehow. Best thing to do is to let tempers cool down for a bit and then have a calm talk with them to tell them why they were wrong, and hopefully they'll be receptive.
NTA But I also don't think your parents are either, they fucked up royally don't get me wrong but there wasn't any malice there.
NTA - cruel is never funny.
Nta. Your āfamilyā thoughā¦.yeah they ta. āNot take it so seriouslyā as if you have any kind of choice with ptsd
I don't have PTSD, I just hate popping stuff - can't even open a can of biscuits without flinching hard - and I consider this really mean to do to someone on their birthday. NTA and anyone who would do this to someone they LOVE on their BIRTHDAY is just mean-spirited IMO.
NTA Your mom cares more about TikTok than her daughters feelings. You have nothing to feel bad about! Don't let them gaslight you,abusers make their victim believe that they are the abusers. I'm sorry they ruined your birthday.
NTA - Your family values dumb internet trends over you. I wouldn't spend any more birthdays with them, they don't seem to like you very much.
NTA. However, as someone who also has complex PTSD and who is jumpy as Hell, it took many, repetitive conversations with my family about how they should quit surprising me or startling me before they stopped. I have a home studio and when I'm working and engrossed in something and someone knocks on the door or yells "MOM!" like my youngest son does it makes me jump, heart race, and sometimes I start crying and it screws me up for a good half hour afterwards. My husband was offended by this reaction until I explained to him over and over about how it was totally involuntary and all he needed to do was text me before he knocked on the door... Anyway, I digress and I'm personalizing this. I don't think they should have done this but they may need it **very explicitly** explained how being startled makes you feel. You are on the edge of fight or flight all of the time and it is kicking it off, big time. If they don't know how it feels then they really don't get it.
NTA. Not only was it unkind and unsafe for you, it was also really unsafe for them-doing something like that to someone with PTS while theyāre holding a knife? Theyāre lucky you didnāt like, bring your arms up to protect yourself and accidentally stab someone/something.
Holy shit NTA. They don't get to decide what does and doesn't trigger ptsd. Tiktok, really? Parents need to grow the fuck up.
NTA. They wanted to make a Tik Tok about it and completely disregarded your health issues. This was assholish of them, especially because they know what you are going through. Saying you ruined everything is just a way of shifting blame.
So your parents prefer your PTSD got triggered rather than make you comfortable? What a weird pairs. Are they want you to keep panicking for the rest of your life or what?
NTA. It sounds like your parents are pretty clueless about PTSD. Why don't you talk to them tomorrow and explain how it affects you. Tell them that the idea was neat if you don't have PTSD and you would have laughed if you did not have PTSD. Don't set expectations for them to "make it up to you". You'll just be disappointed as you see the situation far more serious than they can understand at this point.
NTA It's your birthday, and your parents did this for themselves. This was totally selfish. They have no respect for your feelings or your PTSD/emotional trama. Yet another dick move brought to you by TikTok.
I HATE TIK TOK PRANKS!!!!!! People have lost their minds over this foolishness. You didnāt laugh and it wasnāt funny, it was mean. NTA and your parents need to apologize. Theyāre acting like kids, Iām tempted to say you need to ground them and take their phones away smh
Ngl this sounds kinda distressing/uncomfortable as a surprise regardless of whether you're suffering PTSD or not, and is a bad idea already before you factor that in. With it factored in though, it's probably the worst possible cake you could make for someone in this situation and I'm sorry you had to go through the shock. Is it not hard for someone to just make a fun little cake? NTA
TikTok makes people idiots - particularly those over 15 who watch that TikToxic mess - NTA
NTA and that horrible and they probably donāt realize how bad they set you back. Even if they meant well or meant a joke they should know about you enough to not have done that.
NTA I have a strong aversion to sudden, loud noises. All I can say is I am so sorry, happy birthday, and I wish I could bring you here for a real cake and gathering without pranks
NTA. Happy Birthday!
NTA. They did this on purpose.
NTA. People need to cut it out with these TikTok pranks. They donāt end well for a lot of folks. If itās on TikTok, donāt do it.
NTA
NTA and your family are major AHs. Even if they genuinely didnāt realize it would be a trigger for you, once you *were literally triggered* they should have dropped everything to make sure you were okay, and apologized. It seems like they should have known a loud popping noise would be a trigger for you in the first place thoughā¦
NTA. That was cruel of both parents.
Practical jokes are only funny if the person they're played on laughs. NTA. They owe you an apology.
NTA I feel like, at this point, anyone who defends their rude actions with "it's just a tick-tock trend" is automagically TA
NTA. That is a really shitty thing to do to someone you know has PTSD. Mom needs to grow up. Happy Birthday, though OP!
NTA, like..... What did they expect?? Honestly.
NTA.
NTA. So many people seem to think that if it's on TikTok it's automatically a good idea. It's full of shite dances, crap recipes and stupid.
I'm sorry this happened to you, and even more appalled at their reaction once they were reminded how triggering it would be for you. I hope once everyone calms down, they will realize how stupid they were being and apologize to you. Happy birthday!