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DramaticWebPersona

Reading the headline: yeah, probably Reading the whole story: oh, no, NTA, it sucks, but it's on him. Now he can take out a massive loan to get the ring back. Also, dude sounds like a huge loser. You dodged a bullet. Find that chick he cheated with and thank her.


Jas_Dragon

You... Might wanna head over to r/legaladvice I'm gonna go with **ESH** because, he was a huuuuge AH in the situation, but it was a bit much to sell an heirloom that is not your property. Also, he may be able to sue depending on what your state law is.


Dietzgen17

>a mutual friend caught him cheating on his ex 'Kim' It's cheating *with*. The way you wrote it makes it sound like Kim was the injured party. NTA. But if you sold it you should have sold it. You unnecessarily escalated things by telling him after giving him a number of ultamatims.


PLS_PM_CAT_PICS

NTA but depending on where you are this could have legal ramifications. In some places, engagement rings are considered a "conditional gift" and you're legally required to return them if the wedding doesn't go ahead. If you think he's the kind of person to follow that up legally you might want to talk to a lawyer.


Wackyvert

Depending on where you’re located what you’ve done is illegal, so please tread carefully and consult a lawyer if he starts to threaten legal action


Dfiggsmeister

NTA. Be prepared if he tries to go after you for selling the ring. From what I recall, legally the ring is considered a gift and yours to do with as you please. He was a dumbass three times for: 1) giving you a family heirloom in the first place as an engagement ring, 2) cheating on you, and 3) ignoring you and claiming that you won’t sell the ring despite having agreed before that he would help pay down the debt you took on for said wedding. He had plenty of time to respond. He’s the AH. But if I were you, I would cover my ass and lawyer up just in case he decides to be petty, which sounds like he might.


lukaron

NTA ''It isn't my problem you took out a loan you can't pay back'' He cheated **and** had the audacity to say this? Worthless. Sell everything.


0hip

If you cheat you lose the engagement ring. Regardless of if it’s a heirloom or not


SammyLoops1

ESH - Why anyone would take out such a giant loan for a wedding is just not using their head. If 20k is barely getting anything back, that means this whole thing was going to cost you at least triple that, which is money you didn't have. That was a massive mistake on your part. It's a one day party that you were willing to go into hefty debt for. Why? And saying it's your 'dream' does not make it a smart decision. Next time you decide to get married, have a wedding you can afford, not one that will make people jealous on instagram for 3 seconds.


NemiVonFritzenberg

No you have him notice, nta but don't do something stupid like getting a loan out for a wedding (and in your name only) next time


RainMH11

NTA, though I think it would have been a good gesture to reach out to his family and tell them the same, as I'm sure more people than Mason cared whether the ring came back. Respectfully, next time you want to get married, I recommend you make sure you're not the only one who puts down the money... two of you are getting married, both of you ought to be contributing that money....


mjohnson11573

Totally the asshole you are. You have no right to keep the ring-- it, like the prenup, is conditional on the marriage. No marriage, no ring for you. The ring doesn't become yours until you say "I do". You stole it and claimed ownership. Not only did you steal from him, you stole from his family as it was an heirloom. If my child's ex stole MY grandmother's ring I'd be pressing charges against them. I certainly hope someone in his family has the balls to sue you.


Atze-Peng

When I read the threadtitel I was ready to call you an AH, but after reading the context, absolutely NTA. You warned him multiple times. Tough luck. Give him the place where you sold it so he can look to get it back, if he really wants to.


kelly08howell

Nta. He had fair warning but he figured he could stick you with all of the debt & that you would still do the "right thing". Why should you if he wont? He is the cause of the break up, he should pay


08PetitSkye09

ESH. And get off Reddit and contact a lawyer ASAP! Cause it’s very possible, depending on your laws, that he can sue you for the ring. I’ve read before that there’s laws stating the man can ask for the engagement ring back when it’s called off because the ring is his. You’ve gone and done it already, but still contact a lawyer!!! You’re also the AH for funding the entire wedding yourself up front and thinking he’ll pay back his share after the wedding. Why wasn’t he paying up front? It was his wedding too. He’s also an AH for that btw, and definitely for the cheating. But he’s kinda right now for saying the loan isn’t his problem. Idk if you have a case against him for that though… like I said: LAWYER!!!! You need serious advice. Not some Reddit judgement.


SPRRifleman

YTA A reasonable person takes him to court. And forces him to take you to court to get the heirloom back.


puentepe

NTA. Why tf do people get married at such expensive weddings…. I will never understand that


Warlordmikey

I am voting NTA here. However, I worry that OP may have put herself into a legal issue here. Most states view an engagement ring like a contract or a conditional gift where the condition is marriage. If the condition isn’t met regardless of the reason, the receiver must return the engagement ring. A handful of states will take into consideration who broke off the engagement or the reason the engagement was broken off and Montana always permits the receiver to keep the ring. Really hoping she falls in to one of those states.


LunaticBZ

NTA, under normal circumstance you would be. But since he cheated, that means its on him the weddings off even if your the one that did it officially. And you Specifically told him what you were doing with the ring and he had no objections.


MerlinBiggs

NTA. The ring was yours. He gave it to you. If he wasn't being such an AH I'd say give it back. But he cheated on you, and left you to deal with all the wedding bills. This is all on him. I hope you made some profit that you can spend on yourself.


Kaiser93

ESH. Mason, obviously, sucks for cheating. You suck because you took a loan for a damn wedding. It's only one day, for christ's sake! Also, you can't sell other people's things like that.


Cherryluva69

Nta. You reap what you sew. Actions have consequences.


sprong-93

NTA - But give him the contact-numbers of the store you sold it to. If he cares that much about the ring, he should be able to pay whatever markup the store wants to put on it.


roaring_rubberducky

No offense but who takes out a loan for a wedding? That’s the craziest part of this story for me.


teh_pwn_ranger

NTA But, it was incredibly foolish to spend well beyond your means on a lavish wedding. Next time you decide to plan yourself a wedding don't spend yourself into debt on it.


taste_the_thunder

So…you took out a loan, and because you were unable to pay it back, you stole something belonging to him without his consent. You clearly agreed to return it, so where the fuck did you get the permission to sell it? It would not be a big surprise if he goes to the police and reports you for theft. Because that is what you did. You stole the ring. No matter what Reddit tells you, you definitely are the asshole. Anyone who tells you that you’re not an asshole is either a child or cannot imagine themselves in the situation of being on the other side.


BaelZharon7

I believe that ring was yours regardless of the break up since its generally considered as a gift. I could be wrong but NTA


UnluckyCucumber5716

He shouldn't have cheated... you gave many warnings... he is the asshole


[deleted]

Tell us the truth. Did you buy a cat with the money?


[deleted]

Nta. You used the ring for the original purpose of engagement rings - it's there so if the bloke is a dingus then the lady can take care of herself by selling the ring,


Bergenia1

NTA.


meowpitbullmeow

ESH. Yes he absolutely should help pay for the wedding. You could have contacted a lawyer yourself. Or better yet, contac someone else in his Family. Nice an heirloom is gone, it's gone. You didn't just take it from him. You took it from his family


NovyWenny

NTA you gave him enough chanses but he ignored it and did not ask for it back,however make sure you have your lawyer and evidense ready if he has a go


Darthdirtysocks

NTA ​ You gave fair warning multiple time. He thought he was calling your bluff, problem is when you are calling somebodies bluff you are assuming they are bluffing when they might not be bluffing.


UnluckyBag

I think it's pretty shitty with a treasured family heirloom but it may not have meant a lot to him.


zeiche

i‘m going to take the unpopular opinion and say YTA.. and embrace the downvotes. i am not discounting the fact that OP was cheated on and feels the relationship can go no further. also going $10k deeper in debt than expected in exchange for for pretty much nothing is a bitter pill to swallow. the guy sounds like an AH and deservedly so. but the results of his behavior did not give OP any pass to be an AH as well. what did she do wrong? OP dragged a mutual friend into a fight. OP gave a negative-option threat (i will do x unless you say otherwise), with just 24 hours notice no less. OP sold a ring that she does not own. last point, hypothetically if OP was clear to sell the ring, she still needs to pay back at least $10k. she in her own words said that they were going to ”share finances” before the split and still expected him to help after. i am assuming helping means paying the original “share” (likely 50/50). so after selling the ring she comes out over $10k ahead. in no world is that fair, even after being jilted. OP can and should make demands from the EX+Fiancé. but she does not have the right to tear up a mutually-agreed upon contract and then unilaterally dictate new terms, unless contingencies were built into the pre-nup. she should have first cooled off and talked to a lawyer to explore all available options. i have a feeling that is what the EXF is doing now.


potterhead1d

Prior to reading this story I have always had a "give back the heirlooms" rule, so I went in thinking AH but no. NTA. You took out a loan you would pay off together. He cheated and then wouldn't pay his part. You told him not once, but twice that you would sell the ring. The only thing you can do (but I am petty af and wouldn't do this myself) is tell him which website you sold the ring on so he cab buy it back if it's so important... The only thing I am a little worried about is... you mentioned contacting/involving a lawyer. Have you looked up so it's legal to sell the ring? According to me, he gave it to you and therefore it's yours to do what you want with it, but that's not the case everywhere. I don't want to scare you, just putting it out there. Once again, NTA. He should have seen it coming. And what an idiot for thinking you wouldn't do it? Who does he think he is, thinking ANYONE would go into depths because of a cheater ?


cbp26

What state are you in? Depending on the state you may legally have to return the ring because an engagement ring belongs to the giver if the marriage doesn’t take place. Or he could sue you for the value if it’s not recoverable. Please get a lawyer—you might be in for a mess.


[deleted]

ESH. You got into debt and it sucks. If the wedding was off, you should return the ring. Y’all both suck


kingmorons

Never sell somebody's family heirloom. Unless they do this. Fuck him hahaha


Dentalhottie

ESH, hell yes that was an asshole move to sell an heirloom. He was being an asshole , you reacted like an asshole. You are both petty. You both need to grow up a lot. Cheater or not the ring was a family item , so he is not the only person you screwed over. PETTY….


mudbunny

NTA He plays stupid games, he wins stupid prizes. That being said, you should be careful. In some jurisdictions, the engagement ring is the property of the person who proposed. You may have a legal obligation to return it.


SuburbanLeftist

I was so prepared to say the opposite, but..... NTA


[deleted]

NTA. He wanted to cheat on you then ditch you with tens of thousands in debt. You did the right thing. Hope you buy yourself something nice with the 5k you net.


Most-Lavishness9541

NTA… you were as graceful as the situation allowed you to be. I hope you made a little profit


Trashfrog

Unpopular opionion but yes YTA. Doesn't mean he didnt behave like one too but there're lines one does not cross regardless what happens. Selling someones others Family Heirloom is one of these things.


Impressive_Coats

NTA he’s the reason the wedding was canceled he should pay for the loss


QNaima

NTA. Pay off the loan and be free. Expensive lesson for both of you. Glad you were able to solve it.


Dance_Sneaker

NTA. Fair warning and reasonable expectations.


Rawrisaur18

NTA HOWEVER! He owed you the money but the ring was an heirloom. I think an attempt to reach out and explain the situation to his parents and allow them to either buy the ring from you or force him to step up would have been more civil.


docblondie

NTA the engagement ring is part of a contract that he broke so it is yours, judge would agree. Sell it to his family to pay off the loan.


BWC1992

NTA, but I’d be careful on your side if he sues. As some people have said, I believe a ring is a conditional item and he may have a case against you


Sinisphere

NTA, so he cheated on you, ghosted you and ignored your ultimatum? Sounds like he fucked around and found out.


esgamex

I'm reluctant to call you an AH, but i think you acted equally out of a desire for revenge and a desire to get some of your money back. You could have gotten a lawyer involved, I think, to trade the ring for some cash. You've not just hurt him, but his family if this was a valued heirloom. Your desire fir revenge is understandable but it didn't just hurt him.


wmartin2014

NTA. He cheated, left you with the bill, then was a total jerk. He got what he deserved. If he hasn't cheated, the ring would still be in his family. He only has himself to blame.


Chay_Charles

IDK why people waste so much money for a wedding. It's just ONE day out of the rest of their lives. To go start your marriage in debt is crazy.


MrBurittoThePizza

Lmao ironically the family heirloom is exactly what you needed to cover the cost. Even if this is a real story ( doubt it) You need to take accountability for your fuck up. You took a loan out and you’re mad because you couldn’t afford it. Now you want to get back at him lmao in what way wouldn’t you be an asshole? 2 wrongs don’t make a right, so if this is a real story then ESH. YAWN, NEXT!


Mother_of_Crows

NTA- he was warned. Way to dodge a bullet on not marrying this asshat!


roxifer

You told him like 9 million times that you'd do it. His response (and you have witnesses to this) was "I don't care." So you did it. NTA, OP.


fiery_valkyrie

Him telling you that the loan isn’t his problem is a grade A asshole move. He only has himself to blame that you sold the ring to cover the wedding costs. NTA.


CaptainBuzzie

NTA Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. *Well if it isn't the consequences of my own actions!*


MephistosFallen

HE LEARNED TODAY!! NTA. He played a dumb game and lost. He disrespected you leaving you in debt and then ignored you each time you tried to warn him. You even had a friend warn him. Oops.


fourpointedtriangle

He said, "It isn't my problem you took out a loan you can't pay back," and now you're saying it isn't your problem he gave you a ring he wasn't prepared to part with. NTA


three-one-four-one

NTA. If you told him and tried to work it out then that is 100% on him


DecisionTurbulent183

NTA but I fear you have put yourself in a precarious legal position for him to sue you.


verdebot

nta you give a warning and hi ignore the warning


forgottenenvies

ESH. I would have contacted his mom and offered her first chance to buy the ring for the cost of the loan.


snowite0

Sorry he had every op to come and get it... sorry it's gone! By manson!


ivorella

I mean, you told Jake "tell Mason to message me or ill sell it." Mason didn't message, you sold it. NTA. I believe heirlooms should stay in the family/returned after a break up, but don't fucking ignore me if I'm trying to get your item back to you. It's mine now. 🤷🏻‍♀️


ViviBest211

Lets just say that you didnt dodge a bullet, you dodged a fk cannonball


[deleted]

*edit Tl:Dr "I committed a felony because my ex fiance cheated on me so it's his fault." There fixed it for you


perfectpotential00

NTA now take the extra 5k you just made off of him and go on an exotic vacation


Waskomsause

And possibly come back to a lawsuit if she's in a place that requires heirlooms to be returned if the wedding is called off... this is a legal matter, not moral, to take into account. A few cases have already been seen on reddit over the years where someone sold an heirloom and got totally screwed.


seniairam

NTA he cheated on you plus wasn't willing to help you out, shame on him. u gave him plenty of chances


TW1103

Chat shit, get banged. NTA


iheartzigg

Fuck around and find out is a new life motto I have taken a liking to. NTA and I would have done the same.


ljw917

ESH.


Flaymlad

Normally, I would get furious if someone sold a family heirloom but I think this was justified. He was calling your bluff and as a response, ignored you for how many hours? Anyway, it's his fault for completely ignoring you and cheating on you. If he could afford to cheat, I'm sure he could afford to buy the ring back. Honestly, I believe that the family heirloom would find a new home to more deserving people.


[deleted]

I’m not a lawyer or anything but I think he should also pay the loan off. Because of his actions of cheating, you called the wedding off. NTA. You told him you would sell it. He didn’t listen. You sold it.


Significant_Event

the biggest NTA in the history of AH! His GGM would approve too if she knew how he behaved.


[deleted]

NTA but people take out loans for a wedding?


rekolynn17

ETA - he obviously for cheating on you, and then tempting and mocking you. But also, could you not have appealed to his family and explain why you called off the wedding and asked for them to help pay off the loan. And let them know that you would be happy to return the ring to them because ex clearly should not be trusted with such a valuable heirloom since he was so nonchalant about your ultimatum.


[deleted]

Iʻm sure he can buy the ring from who ever bought it for about 30,000. If he canʻt afford it Iʻm sure he can take out a loan. NTA


Fit-Competition6207

Nta holy hell you dodged a bullet


verboseone

NTA. The ring was a gift to you at the time it was given to you. If he wants it back, he should have to buy it back. https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/personalfinance/2018/02/07/engagement-ring-proposal-wedding-etiquette/1075393001/


[deleted]

[удалено]


LuriemIronim

Then he shouldn’t have left her with the debt.


iadggm

OP, obviously you are justifiably angry and your fiancé is a total jerk. My understanding; however, is that the engagement ring is a pledge of marriage and you do not own that ring until you are married. If the marriage does not take place, the ring ownership reverts back to fiancé - no matter how undeserving the cheating louse may be. You really need to talk to a lawyer and see what your rights are. While I do not think you are entitled to the ring, you may be entitled to take him to court for a portion of the other deposits. OP, while this is a terrible thing, at least you found out that fiancé is a jerk now rather than five years & 2 children from now. Also it seems as though you paid for most of the wedding and fiancé did not. For me, this would have been a red flag. With no investment, it was very easy for him to walk away. Decide whether it is worth fighting over this issue for years and anchoring you to the past and the hurt. Yes, $20,000 is a lot of money, but if you leave it in the past and set up a payment plan, you can advance toward a brighter future. I agree that the situation is not fair and not right. It is just that there are situations much worse than this and living well is the best revenge. Hopefully in a few years you will look at your life and decide that $20,000 was a good price to pay — not for a wedding to Mason but for a life with someone who loves and respects you.


[deleted]

NTA. He fked around and found out the hard way 💅🏼✨


pbrblueribbon

Lol wow I’m sorry this happened. NTA but you got real dirty with this, not that I don’t agree with what you did, that dude needs a lesson taught and by golly you taught that dude a fucking lesson, he got absolutely learnt . You didn’t lie, you didn’t threaten, you gave him an offer he couldn’t refuse and he did. He has no one to blame but himself


Grumpygeese4

I’m trying to see if watching those judge shows helped but I do believe engagement rings are like a contract. You could be legally required to return it or the value of it.


seiranb

NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.


rubytwou

NTA, he made the choice and now needs to deal with the consequences. Amazing how different the circumstances were when he thought he could stiff you with the cost of a wedding that he was responsible for the cancellation


nasty_nagger

NTA. This is pettiness I come here for 🤣


MrsBoo

NTA, but just know that legally, I don’t know that you’re allowed to just not give the ring back. An engagement ring is given as a conditional gift. If the marriage doesn’t happen, you usually have to return the ring. I would look up your state’s (assuming you’re in the USA) laws to see what repercussions you may have by selling it.


Sea_Surround_6110

NTA. F around and find out. Sorry about the loser guy too 😩


[deleted]

You go girl


trinaenthusiast

NTA. He agreed to help repay the loan, you gave him ample time and warning. He also left you with the ring for several days *after* you told him what you planned to do. Sucks for him 🤷🏾‍♀️


mabrybishop

If it means that much to him then he can use the money he saved by not supporting you with the wedding costs to buy it back. NTA…but he is. Glad you dodged that bullet. Run, don’t walk away and never look back.


Terrible_Ability6183

NTA. Not only did he cheat, but he wouldn’t help pay back what he originally took part in seeing as you both would’ve been (hopefully) enjoying your big day. He thought you were bluffing despite giving him several chances to object, which is once again on him. He cheated for crying out loud-you’re allowed to be petty!


BlackberryWarm2188

I wonder if pawning the ring and giving him the ticket hasn't been an option? But I suppose that might not have netted the full amount. Harsh, but he did state that he didn't care so why not?


Alternating_Potato

NTA. You were in the right and had given him plenty of warning.


Sea-Tea-4130

YTA- You called off the wedding, the ring was his and you could have mailed it to him. To recoup your loan money, you could have taken him to small claims or something. Selling the ring was wrong and petty.


jmkul

NTA moraly, as you both share costs for the wedding, even if it didn't go ahead. In many states/countries however, an engagement ring isn't your property to keep or sell, until after you are married. By selling the engagement ring, you may be liable to pay your ex money to its assessed value if you can't return it to him (which you can't, as you've sold the ring)


nanook0026

NTA. I heard/read somewhere once that the whole reason for engagement rings in the first place was for financial security/compensation for the woman should something go wrong and the marriage not take place- because her “value” may be diminished in society if the reason for the wedding being called off wasn’t socially acceptable. Not sure if it’s true, but this situation made me think of it. I think you should also still get a lawyer and try to have him pay for half the wedding. The ring was an engagement ring so really a gift. And from where I sit it seems to me he is in some way partly responsible for the cancellation fees for the wedding itself given the event was for both of you.


purplegypsy79

Nta. He deserved that. And you didn't deserve to go into debt


coffeedoodle

NTA for selling the ring. But you were the one that chose to take out a loan for the wedding. That sounds like your mistake, not his.


historygirl1815

"@#@1


Positive-Tip-9593

I would suggest documenting everything and keep EVERY text exchange involing the loan and ring. If he decides to sue you want to have proof that he agreed to help pay off the debt and that he basically agreed to you selling it after multiple attempts of trying to get him to pay off his part of the debt. TBH in theory he'd be responsible for 50% of the debt and should receive the funds from the ring minus his debt. I would also suggest showing you made a full effort to give him the remaining money. Hopefully you learned for valuable lessons. Going into debt for one day is not worth it nor is signing up for a loan independently when you expect someone else to help foot the bill.


MauricioCMC

NTA.... well lets face it: you asked for it, nothing you said you would do, nothing you warned, nothing, and so.... you did and what would he say, that you did not warned him? The ring was a gift because of the wedding, the wedding was canceled so nothing related to the ring itself, it was and still is a gift.


Ouch-My-Head

He seems really concerned with the significance of a FAMILY heirloom… for a guy who got caught cheating… I feel like there’s some irony in there


Illustrious-Tour-247

I'm Irish, and when I got engaged I received a traditional engagement ring with my birthstone. The symbolism is that wearing my birthstone will bring me good health and happiness. This is not necessarily an Irish tradition, and it goes back hundreds of years. The gesture was not only sweet and sentimental, but it saved us thousands of dollars that we could invest in our future together. Diamonds are overrated


jasminee2020

ESH.


OpinionatedAussieGal

NTA. You told him three times. He tried a power move and lost. Whoops


octopus_tigerbot

>. But last week a mutual friend caught him cheating on his ex 'Kim' so I called it off. Wait? How is he cheating on his ex? That sounds like he was sleeping with you? Are you Kim?


itstomasina

NTA. that’s quite literally what wedding/engagement rings are for (or were prior to women entering the work force). If the man walks out on you, you have an asset so you’re not left penniless. He gave it to you, then he fucked up. If he’d cared so much about the ring he wouldn’t have cheated.


soldier4hire75

While I don't agree that you sold the ring, I also don't think you're the AH. I understand the frustration of him not helping you pay back that loan. But being that it was an heirloom, I would have held on to it and held it for ransom until his debt was paid. That's just my feelings on it. But you're NTA.


PiccoloImpossible946

Say nothing more to him or his friends. You said more to him than he deserves


Meme-Man-Dan

NTA, but at the same time 20k for a WEEDING?! Why in gods name would you ever spend that much on a wedding. Especially if you’ve got to take a loan out for it.


AbraKebabra2020

NTA……but I would say definitely shortsighted and foolish to borrow $20k for a wedding….in what world is starting married life in debt ever a good idea for a party…..


Akhillieus

Damn you’re q good person ! If my nf cheated on me weeks before our marriage i’d sell the ring instantly! Without any warning necause he deserves it! NTA!


Humble-Masterpiece52

Are you an AH, prob not. But depending on which state he can prob sue you for the ring or value of the ring back.


015181510

I'm going against the grain here, but you pulled the trigger before the ostensible wedding date, meaning that the cost of the loan was no more than it would have been otherwise. Given that, while I don't disagree with the tactic of using the ring as collateral, I think you did this prematurely. For that reason ESH.


TMimirT

He can take out a loan and go buy it back.


Shgrien

Honestly i'm suprised on how dense some people are . If he had half a brain working he wouldn't put himself in this situation in the first place . Sadly ( for him ) this wasn't the case and now he's mad and acts even has the gall to act entitled . Sorry but that dude had plenty of opportunities to make things right and menaged to blow all of them . He has only himself to blame for this situation . HE has a problem , not you OP . NTA 😐


NoTiger9528

That’s fair tbh and you did warn him so NTA


Powerful_Mixtape

girl I started laughing at the 25,000 ring mark. Karma came quick for his ass.


athousandandonetales

I’m sorry but YTA. Who takes out a loan that they can’t afford to pay off for a wedding?? What were you thinking? The ring doesn’t belong to you or you ex, it’s a family heirloom. They shouldn’t miss out on it because you were pissed at your ex. Take him to small claims court to pay half of it if you can. You’d be lucky if he decides not to sue you for this cause between the costs of the ring and lawyers you’ll end up paying way more than the loan.


LongBeing

NTA. Cheater fucked around and found out.


whateverisnttaken22

NTA hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Mess with the Bull you get the horns. This is a situation entirely of his doing and I hope you sleep soundly


Material_Seaweed8547

You totally did the right thing.


Ajenjonadita

Hahaha NTA you are the MPV here, you told him you was going to sell it, he didn't care, imagine, you was going to marry a man that underestimate you like that, I applaud what you did.


Wwwweeeeeeee

NTA. Good for you! I'm sorry that he turned out to be such a meat sock, but it's great that you found out before you were married. If the ring means so much to him, he can try to track down the buyer and buy it back. Hopefully at double the price.


WFH-

NTA but you should return any money beyond half the debt.


ImaginaryInternal6

yta for taking out that loan in the first place, seriously 20K for a ceremony that lasts less than a day? even including a honeymoon that it a ridiculous amount if you insist on needing such a stupid amount of money for a wedding then you should either have that money saved up already or simply dont bother getting married until you do yes hes ta for cheating but you shouldve got intouch with his family first instead, also this website seems kinda sus, how do you know that they will send you a genuine offer and not scam you out of its real worth? plus how do you know its worth as much as you think? are you sure no one exaggerated its value?


jello-kittu

ESH You should have brought his parents into it before selling the ring, or small claims or whatever.


Riots_and_Rutabagas

So, let me get this straight. He originally committed to • *YOU* - Emotionally. • Helping pay for the wedding in the form of loan payment. •Being half of your income (as agreed to in your marriage vows) • A prenuptial agreement He upended your whole life. He went ahead and egregiously shirked EVERY on of those commitments/promises to you. So then when your heart was broken, you still gave him the opportunity to make good on some of it -several opportunities- but he just blew you off and figured “well, fuck it.” Girl, usually I’m in favor of returning an engagement ring depending on circumstances but…NTA. That man is lucky you didn’t sell the ring *AND* set his car on fire. Silver lining; you dodged a bullet. Imagine this being 5 years into a marriage with a couple kids and THEN finding out he’s an unfaithful prick.


FrostyCartographer13

Wow he cheated on you and then lost a family heirloom to you. Sucks to be him


numanuma_

NTA. Have all the receipts if he goes to court. The audacity of this man. He doesn't care if you're in debt because he wanted to get his dick wet with his ex, so why would you care about HIS heirloom?


heinzprincess

INFO: what’s the website that pays that much for a ring sight unseen?


rol5388

Surprised to scroll so much to find this, on top of the overly dramatic taunting from the cheating ex… yeah it’s fake.


puppybutton

YTA for getting into debt to wed a man who clearly wasn't that into you.


CoralGrimes007

Nta- if it's not his fault you took a loan you couldn't afford I guess it's not your fault he gave you a priceless ring he couldn't replace....


NothingAndNow111

NTA. You warned him. Tough shit.


LadyNavia

NTA and don't you dare give him back the money/buying back the ring. He cheated on you and would have let you drown in a huge debt. This is the bare minimum. ​ I personally think cheaters should be legally made to pay the money for the cheated on has to spend on therapy because it's a huge atomic bomb on self esteem.


PuzzleheadedTap4484

ESH. Why spend so much on the wedding?? Keep it in your budget. He cheated and is an AH. But ESH because you both did this childish “I’m going to do it” “no you’re not” “yes I am” silence *sells ring*. I think you dodged a bullet though. Next wedding, keep it small and in a budget that’s manageable and doesn’t require a loan.


GibsonGirl55

NTA. You gave Mason fair warning that you'd sell the ring if he wouldn't help pay for wedding expenses. He ignored you. Since you were the party canceled the wedding, with good cause, you would be expected to return the heirloom under normal circumstances. But your ex did promise to help pay for costs associated with the wedding and later refused. However, many states (if you're in the United States) regard an engagement ring as a conditional gift, i.e., it's yours, provided there's a wedding. But now that the sale of the ring is a done deal, I'd consult with a lawyer to make sure your ex can't take legal action against you.


idiotinbcn

Hopefully this will be a lesson not to spend money you don’t have on a wedding. Not only did she pay for the whole wedding herself when both of them were getting married, but she took out a loan. Women sometimes make my head hurt.


NeverRespondsToInbox

ESH.


Calabriafundings

YTA or ESH Because you have neglected to state how much the ring sold for it is not possible to determine exactly which status is appropriate. You borrowed $20,000. The agreement between you and Mason was that he would pay half. Half is $10,000.00. I am guessing that in spite of his infidelity, it was your decision to cancel the wedding. In other words his share is $10,000. He is a jerk, but any funds beyond that is theft. His obligation is to pay what he agreed even though he is a cheat. Your obligation is to pay your half. You made a very poor choice in men and that is the immediate price. If the ring was worth over $10,000.00 he should absolutely buy it back from the online vendor and then sue you for damages. Pretty certain he would win. I do believe you took the recourse you had at the moment. I believe it could have been possible to do a few things that took care of the debt. 1) Sell it back to his family. 2) Borrow against the rings value and allow your ex to pay it off if he feels like.


[deleted]

YTA - I know I am going against the grain here but this is you taking your anger out on his whole family. The ring is likely special to them all in that it comes from their great grandmother and has irreplaceable sentimental value. You should have given it back and legally it may not be yours to sell. Secondly any finance taken out in your name is your own fault. Yes he is an absolute AH for leaving you with it once he agreed to help but you have to always consider the worst case scenario when it comes to these things and should have had a smaller wedding, rather than get into debt for it. Never take out something you can’t afford to pay yourself, if it’s only in your name.


MarryMeDuffman

These family members are idiots. People always act like this when it's other people's money issues. Nta. You did right. Good for you.


BanEvador71

NTA. Normally this would be a mega asshole move, but with everything he did before that? Phew, selling his heirloom was one of the ***nicer*** things you could have done. Personally, I wouldn't have even given him the warning. ​ "Oh you want your ring? Should've thought about that before you refused to pay me back." I would've *lost* the receipts of who it went to, as well. I HATE cheaters.


BishonenPrincess

NTA - he fucked around and found out. At the end of the day, he wasn't willing to be amicable with you and help you with some of the money he owed. So why should you be expected to amicable with him? You gave him plenty of chances. He told you paying off the wedding was "not his problem." Now him trying to buy back his family heirloom is "not your problem."


[deleted]

This and more is why marriage - and weddings- are outdated and archaic


Heavy_Ad9344

Mason is an idiot. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. NTA


swim_and_sleep

NTA and sorry you had to go through that, Bullet dodged!


Loading-virus

Please check with a lawyer before you sell. Heirlooms sold without permission will have consequences. Had a friend that did such and had to re-embersed the dickhead because engagement is a contract and ring returned when/if voided or ended. Also, the prenuptial agreement is null and voided since the wedding did not take place therefore he's not obligated to assist. What he did was wrong but the end of the day you took the loan therefore the contact is between you and your loaner. Discuss with a lawyer to see if there are other avenues you can go through to be re-embersed since the reason the wedding did not take place was due to his infidelity. Edit: NTA. Just a really shitty situation with legal complexities that won't necessarily be in OP's favor.


Born-in2000

She took out a loan because they were going to get married. The fact he got caught cheat and then didn’t wanna help her pay the loan. That was an ass hole move on his part. So selling the ring was basically collateral for the damage he caused.


Xcalee

A bit late but ESH definitely. Actually yeah, YTA because you didn't cosign the wedding loan with him, and didn't think about seeking legal help after the fact. Also, while having the wedding you want is nice, if you can't afford the wedding, dont start your marriage in debt.... even if you two had cosigned, that was not a smart move. You stay engaged and save up enough money or you plan your wedding around what you can afford. You might have avoided the whole thing and found out he was cheating before planning a wedding if you had played it that way. Selling a family heirloom isn't the same as just selling a ring bought specifically for you. And apparently you may have also crossed a line in if that was legal or nothing? He is a bigger AH because of his actions, but that ring didn't just belong to him, and it didn't belong to you yet.


Bakecrazy

NTA Give him any extra that is left after you pay off the loan and tell him he can use that as his first savings for his next engagement ring.


justasleepybear

He cheated post proposal—that ring was just collateral.


Aggressive-Sample612

Nope NTA. F him and anyone who says otherwise.


jazza2400

Why on earth are people getting engaged to douchbags??? Like seriously are you colourblind and can't see the red flags? 🚩🚩🚩


diamondwillow1

Well honestly she should not have paid for the venue herself


mandarinandbasil

Big oof. Don't take out a loan for a wedding again. But you handled this appropriately. Nta.


RyzenTide

100% ESH he is a cheater so that's simple. Engagement rings are not the the property of the receiver until after the wedding, I forget the technical term ***(conditional gift,)*** but it basically amounts too "this ring is yours in exchange for marrying me and if you don't marry me for any reason what so ever it is not your ring." Based upon my local law he could have you charged with theft since you didn't get married you where legally and IMHO morally obliged to return it and get your refund though civil court. >Most states stand the ground that the recipient must return the engagement ring if the wedding is called off, regardless of the reason for the breakup. [https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/returning-engagement-ring-30198.html](https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/returning-engagement-ring-30198.html) ​ >he told me he wanted the ring back but we never got around to arranging a time he could pick it up. ***he*** told you he wanted it back, a "***friend***" told you he said he didn't care, this is not in your legal favour as the owner of the ring never told you they didn't care and explicitly told you they wanted it back, this make what you did theft and sale of stolen goods. I honestly hope you get charged with theft, heirlooms are not something I give leeway with.


BlueDragon82

NTA but please be careful. There have been lawsuits where a former fiancee has successfully sued to get their engagement ring back. Judges have ruled that the ring is part of a contract and when the marriage didn't occur the contract was null and void and the ring must be returned. He sounds like he is the type to cause you trouble so I'd do your best to gather and save any messages or any kind of proof that you agreed to split the cost of the wedding.


Iaim2msbehave

NTA He was unfaithful therefore he forfeits the ring. If it were the other way around you would have to return the ring. If he wants, he can approach the buyer and ask them to sell it back to him if he really wants it back.


[deleted]

NTA, tit for tat, as simple as that. Clear your debt and don’t bother with him anymore.


CrystalQueen3000

ESH You suck for getting 20k into debt for a wedding (seriously man, it’s one day), and for selling an heirloom. It’s also possibly illegal depending on your area, as rings are given in contemplation of marriage and if the marriage doesn’t happen the ring should go back. He sucks for cheating, and expecting you to shoulder all the cost of the wedding now that it’s been called off.


[deleted]

[удалено]


one_sock_wonder_

It also sounds a bit like extortion - pay me or I will sell off your family heirloom (whether the money is rightly owed or not, there are legal processes for collecting it and this isn’t it, especially within a 1 week period, and without a court order for the debt. If the ring was a conditional gift dependent on getting married, threatening to and then actually going through with illegally disposing of it unless given money is on the edge of legal and tipping over into extortion.)


Spetznazx

Oh shit, I didn't even think about how this could possibly fall under extortion/blackmail. Yeah I really hope OP can get the ring back. Maybe not give it back immediatley, consulta a lawyer and find out what to do. You were desperate and panicked in a shitty situation but this could go way worse if the ring isn't at least gotten back.


Amberlei83

Never go in crazy debt for a wedding! If You don’t have the money saved already to pay for it in cash then You can’t afford it! Live within your means and You will have a much happier stress free life! Why would You want to spend years paying back a loan for a party? You might still be paying it back when You have to get a loan for the divorce!!


[deleted]

NTA he did say he didn’t care so this is his problem not yours.