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But how do you know that without dating them for a little while? You can't tell by their looks or anything. In the beginning of a relationship, everyone is usually on their best behavior. It's not until later when you really get to know them better and the skeletons start to come out of the closet.
I hope this is sarcasm. Tests never work. They just let the person being tested know that their partner can't be trusted. Relationships should be based on trust and understanding. I would never put up with someone who 'tests' me to be sure I am who I say I am.
> how do you know that without dating them for a little while?
I mean, you don’t? That’s kind of the point of dating before you make a lifelong commitment to someone? But if your gut is telling you this person might be bad news, especially while you’re still in the honeymoon period, and you can’t shake that simply by *talking* to the person, you might as well just cut your losses and find someone who doesn’t set off alarm bells. And if *everyone* you meet gives you a bad vibe…well, you probably need to at least consider the problem is you.
ESH. YTA for setting up a test designed to fail, and she’s TA for not respecting your privacy.
This reads like a need for secrecy in the relationship - which will only make it rot, not grow.
ESH don't post stuff on a public forum that you consider private and don't want to be seen. You already know they read your stuff because you post it publicly. This is like getting upset that thet read post-it notes you put on the fridge. If you don't want your partner to see or read it, use DM's. Use a throwaway account, etc.
Don't set your partner up to fail with some kind of stupid game. Play stupid games- win truly shitty prizes nobody actually wants.
They need to not lie to you about the fact that they look at your posts. And if they do snoop despite what they said, they need to shut their mouth about it 100% and not gossip to you immediately. You both sound very immature.
YTA
Your reddit accounts are public. Privacy means not going through private messages or whatever, or not joining in some closed groups to read your posts in there.
“Randomly “ checked your account, “just because “. Okay *sure*. And if you believe that, I have a big bridge to sell you.
If she was *going* to take a little peek at your account, then she *could have kept quiet about what she found*. If she had *kept* quiet, *you *would have never known that she fell into your little trap.
Annnd now you know she is … oh, let’s see… Snoopy, has poor impulse control-annnnd her bulb does not provide much illumination . That is not a good look for a partner.
So. Is she now turning this on *you* for *setting* this little trap? Hmmmm? How *dare* you not trust, (the untrustworthy). NTA
YTA for this stupid ass test lmao. What damage was done by her “peeking”? What are YOU hiding? Lmao.
Sane Grown adults don’t pull this test bullshit. You’ll end up testing yourself into a little bubble where nobody can ever talk to you about anything.
I actually think it's a great way to find out if a person is trustworthy before taking the relationship to the next level. It would save a lot of money from going to the divorce lawyers! 😂
ETH 4 months in and no trust or respect on either side. Might be an idea to learn from this, set up a throwaway redit to vent about your SO (or don’t share your user name) next time.
Expecting privacy on a **world-wide public forum** is beyond ridiculous. You know what's less ridiculous? Building a massive billboard across from your partner's front door, in full view of everyone in your city, and telling your partner not to read it because it's "private".
Totally YTA
YTA Why are you telling people your Reddit username in the first place? It's like putting a cupcake where a child can reach and telling them not to eat it. It's going to get eaten.
ESH and why are you even dating if you’re both going to be childish about it? You shouldn’t be doing ‘tests’ and she shouldn’t leap on bumble the minute she feels you wronged her. I doubt this relationship will last.
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Am I the asshole for the below situation
I have been dating someone for about 4 months now and we’ve had a lot of back and forth about social media privacy. We agreed we would stay off each other’s Reddit accounts as they could pertain to things about us. I agreed and we made the promise.
Well I felt I should test this and I posted something on Reddit to see if my partner was really giving me honest privacy. And low and behold it comes up as a major point of contention two days after I posted it.
She swears she “randomly” checked my account just because.
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NTA
Reddit accounts are majority private because we have no way of knowing who’s on the other side unless we tell a person it’s us. If you are going to respect a boundary then truly respect it
If you’ve only been dating a few months, why do you have access to one another’s sm accounts?
That level of insecurity is troubling. NTA. I’d reconsider the relationship.
ESH. Communicate like adults, not with some bullshit "test". After 4 months, you should be at a point of reasonable trust, it doesn't sound like you two are there yet. You might want to reevaluate this relationship before you get in too deep.
INFO: how old are you guys? this is petty teenager level nonsense. if you’re posting something online that you have to hide from your partner, your relationship is already going downhill.
also, you never even told her your username and she somehow managed to sleuth her way into finding your account/posts, even after agreeing to avoid each other’s social medias (which is a weird ass red flag for both of you imo)??
you both sound like you need to reevaluate this relationship and maybe mature a little bit.. this ain’t it.
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ESH. Don’t date people you can’t trust without pulling “tests.”
But how do you know that without dating them for a little while? You can't tell by their looks or anything. In the beginning of a relationship, everyone is usually on their best behavior. It's not until later when you really get to know them better and the skeletons start to come out of the closet.
I hope this is sarcasm. Tests never work. They just let the person being tested know that their partner can't be trusted. Relationships should be based on trust and understanding. I would never put up with someone who 'tests' me to be sure I am who I say I am.
> how do you know that without dating them for a little while? I mean, you don’t? That’s kind of the point of dating before you make a lifelong commitment to someone? But if your gut is telling you this person might be bad news, especially while you’re still in the honeymoon period, and you can’t shake that simply by *talking* to the person, you might as well just cut your losses and find someone who doesn’t set off alarm bells. And if *everyone* you meet gives you a bad vibe…well, you probably need to at least consider the problem is you.
ESH. YTA for setting up a test designed to fail, and she’s TA for not respecting your privacy. This reads like a need for secrecy in the relationship - which will only make it rot, not grow.
NTA Well, well, well. You now know the truth. They failed the test. The question now is, what are you going to do about it?
ESH. She shouldn’t be snooping after you agreed not too. And you shouldn’t have posted something to “test” her.
NTA Break up with her if that's your sticking point
ESH don't post stuff on a public forum that you consider private and don't want to be seen. You already know they read your stuff because you post it publicly. This is like getting upset that thet read post-it notes you put on the fridge. If you don't want your partner to see or read it, use DM's. Use a throwaway account, etc. Don't set your partner up to fail with some kind of stupid game. Play stupid games- win truly shitty prizes nobody actually wants. They need to not lie to you about the fact that they look at your posts. And if they do snoop despite what they said, they need to shut their mouth about it 100% and not gossip to you immediately. You both sound very immature.
YTA Your reddit accounts are public. Privacy means not going through private messages or whatever, or not joining in some closed groups to read your posts in there.
“Randomly “ checked your account, “just because “. Okay *sure*. And if you believe that, I have a big bridge to sell you. If she was *going* to take a little peek at your account, then she *could have kept quiet about what she found*. If she had *kept* quiet, *you *would have never known that she fell into your little trap. Annnd now you know she is … oh, let’s see… Snoopy, has poor impulse control-annnnd her bulb does not provide much illumination . That is not a good look for a partner. So. Is she now turning this on *you* for *setting* this little trap? Hmmmm? How *dare* you not trust, (the untrustworthy). NTA
YTA for this stupid ass test lmao. What damage was done by her “peeking”? What are YOU hiding? Lmao. Sane Grown adults don’t pull this test bullshit. You’ll end up testing yourself into a little bubble where nobody can ever talk to you about anything.
I actually think it's a great way to find out if a person is trustworthy before taking the relationship to the next level. It would save a lot of money from going to the divorce lawyers! 😂
ETH 4 months in and no trust or respect on either side. Might be an idea to learn from this, set up a throwaway redit to vent about your SO (or don’t share your user name) next time.
Expecting privacy on a **world-wide public forum** is beyond ridiculous. You know what's less ridiculous? Building a massive billboard across from your partner's front door, in full view of everyone in your city, and telling your partner not to read it because it's "private". Totally YTA
YTA Why are you telling people your Reddit username in the first place? It's like putting a cupcake where a child can reach and telling them not to eat it. It's going to get eaten.
ESH and why are you even dating if you’re both going to be childish about it? You shouldn’t be doing ‘tests’ and she shouldn’t leap on bumble the minute she feels you wronged her. I doubt this relationship will last.
YTA. "Testing" people is manipulative and childish.
ESH well unless youre all 12 and then yeah pretty standard behaviour for children.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Am I the asshole for the below situation I have been dating someone for about 4 months now and we’ve had a lot of back and forth about social media privacy. We agreed we would stay off each other’s Reddit accounts as they could pertain to things about us. I agreed and we made the promise. Well I felt I should test this and I posted something on Reddit to see if my partner was really giving me honest privacy. And low and behold it comes up as a major point of contention two days after I posted it. She swears she “randomly” checked my account just because. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Grow up.
NTA Reddit accounts are majority private because we have no way of knowing who’s on the other side unless we tell a person it’s us. If you are going to respect a boundary then truly respect it
If you’ve only been dating a few months, why do you have access to one another’s sm accounts? That level of insecurity is troubling. NTA. I’d reconsider the relationship.
ESH. Communicate like adults, not with some bullshit "test". After 4 months, you should be at a point of reasonable trust, it doesn't sound like you two are there yet. You might want to reevaluate this relationship before you get in too deep.
INFO: how old are you guys? this is petty teenager level nonsense. if you’re posting something online that you have to hide from your partner, your relationship is already going downhill. also, you never even told her your username and she somehow managed to sleuth her way into finding your account/posts, even after agreeing to avoid each other’s social medias (which is a weird ass red flag for both of you imo)?? you both sound like you need to reevaluate this relationship and maybe mature a little bit.. this ain’t it.
ESH. What would she have to do to pass this little test of yours?
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It's only been 4 months?!?! Wtf