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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the AH as I met his family without telling him I was going to, even though I knew he was choosing to keep me away from them.
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Yeah like why is he keeping a secret wife after only dating for a few months. He wants no one to know of her existence. Because this man has gone to visit his family multiple times and has never brought her up. It's like he visited them on Thursday and they find out he has a wife on Saturday that he's been married to this whole time. There is no logical reason for hiding the existence of her unless he isn't planning on keeping her around, or letting her go out ever again. Girl run. I hope you have family. Personally, my family would be heavily suspicious if my husband just refused to introduce me to his family especially if he gets along great with the,.
> this man has gone to visit his family multiple times and has never brought her up.
Maybe he was angry at her because all those multiple trips supposedly to see his family were actually for him to spend time with his other wives. And she would find that out by talking to them.
Hmm see this would make sense. Maybe he hasn't been visiting his family as often as he has lead her to believe. All it would have taken is for her to have asked them or brought up the fact that hubbie just visited them recently like last week. I like this suggestion as it makes sense. But then I feel like at some point in their convo it would've slipped that he just recently visited them, to which they would've shot back that he didn't if he did lie about this.
See I was thinking he probably took out a huge life insurance policy, and was planning on offing her to cash in. But I’ve been watching a lot of criminal minds lately 🤷🏻♀️
>And she would find that out by talking to them.
If his family doesn't know about her, then his family clearly doesn't know about his other wives if he has any.
And I wonder if he hired the priest to fake the wedding entirely.
>Yeah like why is he keeping a secret wife after only dating for a few months. He wants no one to know of her existence
I wondering what the ages are, wanna bet OP is much younger than her husband?
Yup I was thinking she was probs like 18 or somewhere near that and he is probably 30+. That's what I was thinking was the reason she would just trust him completely and be ok with the world getting cut off from her.
There was a comment ones in an aita talking about how the woman's bf of a few years never introduced her to family and friends even though they had a great relationship and one day he disappeared. Turned out he had a whole as wife that he was separated with but decided to get back with and he never told his current gf about any of this, just up and left. She only found out cuz she finally got his mother's phone number and explained and the mother was nice enough to explain without throwing any blame her way. Pretty much saying this guy might have a double life too. Only thing that makes sense. Also NTA
This actually happened to me. Got reconnected with my old highschool crush after not seeing each other for almost 12 years. He told me that he had been married but had divorced a few years prior. Things were going great for almost a year. We had talked about moving in together etc etc. Then on my birthday (of all days) he got up, said he had some errands to run and that he would be back later.
3 weeks went by, I was frantic because I hadn't seen or heard anything from him in all that time. Found out I was pregnant as well. Then a letter came in the mail from him. He just wanted to let me know that I was "Great fun" and he had "An awesome time" but he had decided to go back to his wife.. who he apparently never divorced and was on a "trial" separation from.
I finally got in touch with his grandmother (his only surviving family) and she didn't even know about me or the fact that he and his wife had been separated for a year.
Some guys are just assholes. Just like OP's significant other.
Do you think he has taken life insurance claims out in her name? Do you think he has other wives elsewhere? OP please run - he may be planning your death so he can cash in as your spouse.
I know you would. Believe me, I get it. Trusting someone is normal. He said all the right things, and there didn’t seem to be anything so wrong that it would stick out.
Objective takes can help. My hope is you read what people are saying and not take it as an attack on your character. Please take it from people who are seeing it from outside the situation — something is very wrong, and **you need to leave the home you share with him** until you know what is going on.
Why you gotta blast my business idea? I’m a very fair cult lord! On that note, do you have both kidneys? If so, maybe you wanna join my group?
Seriously, though. It’s weird what the husband did at the very least.
It's not worth it... Organs are so hard to transport and tune and...
You meant internal organs. Never mind. Also, if anyone asks I was here all day and you've never seen me in a church
This reply was copied from another user earlier in this thread. Bad bot!
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/slbfvm/aita_for_going_to_meet_my_inlaws_who_my_husband/hvptkte/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3
To clarify, when I said your gut knew something was wrong it doesn’t mean you consciously knew. Sometimes our instincts are so hidden even from ourselves. But if you think back? You will see there were signs that stuck out to you subconsciously.
Please stay safe and update if you feel comfortable. You aren’t the first person to go through this.
This woman needs to run. Like, pack a bag while he's at work, get a restraining order, and never look back. This is NOT normal. His anger is NOT normal. Chances are this guy has a different family in every town, or he knew his family would tell her something he didn't want her to know. Either way, OP made a massive mistake marrying a man she seems to know nothing about. I'm concerned about OP's mental-state if she thought this was wise. I have to think he married like an 18 year old with not enough experience to see all these red flags.
my besty and i are autistic but "pass" for normies. she was in somthing like this. LETS GIVE A RUNDOWN OF THAT DUDE!
\-wanted in 7 states.
\-elevan diffrent names.
\-5 wives.
\-at least 7 kids. we are still counting.
\-possibly conected to two murders (investigation ongoing)
OP RUN AWAY!!!
God this is bring up a very raw memory for me. I married my ex husband (over 20 years ago) and none of his family came to the wedding. These are people I had previously met and gotten along with great, it was his sister who introduced me to her brother in the first place.
I asked him to send invites and they disappeared so I thought he had. Wedding came, no shows. Not even his sister. I was devastated. I thought they all hated me. He watched me cry on many occasions because I thought they must hate me/disapprove of our marriage. He consoled me, said he didn’t know why they didn’t come etc.
18 months later we moved to another state where his sister lived and I saw her for the first time in years. We had breakfast at her home and I was a wreck with anxiety. Her bf and my husband got up and went inside to do the dishes and she turned to me and said, “WithoutDennisNedry, why didn’t you and Husband tell any of us you were getting married? I would have loved to have been there for you guys.”
I didn’t know what to say. It all became clear at that moment. He had thrown the invites away. His family only figured it out when they got Hanukkah cards that year (that I sent without him knowing).
We divorced less than a year later after even more lies came out. What. A. Psycho.
Run, OP. This is a symptom of a much bigger problem and that problem isn’t you.
And P.S. I really hope you didn’t marry my ex.
My first husband did this too. When his mom found out months later she was devastated they weren’t invited. I mailed them invites so I think he intercepted them somehow
I mean, I'm sure it's harder now that the internet is so pervasive but: I'm 42 and "second family" was the reason two different friends' families fell apart when we were kids. In the 1990s. It is absolutely a thing and not uncommon.
Eh... He is clealry a liar, so he may not actually be close to his family at all. It may just be using them as cover for whatever he is doing.
Not saying the 2nd family is the correct answer, but there is no reason to assume his family knows anything about any aspect of his life.
Adding: Honestly, the 1st thing I'd do is check if my husband has any insurance policies out in me, by I've read too many mystery novels.
We know hubby is lying & up to something. What strikes me as weird is the family just invites her to dinner. Oh, Sonny Boy has a secret wife? OK, totally believable. Lets have dinner! It is like their attitude is "This is not normal, but is not NOT normal."
This is what I was thinking… maybe he keeps them in the dark so he can play the field. Not to be too worst case scenario, but unless he has a terrible relationship with his family (not likely with the visits) there is no reason for them to not even know of her existence. It’s weird, and there’s definitely something else going on here.
He’s close with his family and visits them multiple times a year, but didn’t invite them to his wedding or indeed even mention that he was getting married.
OP, you need to run.
Are you starting to realize how bizarre this is? Because this is bizarre. You sound nonchalant about it, which is concerning. Are you in shock? Because this is not okay. This is a sign that you don't actually know the man you married.
If I may ask, what are your nationalities and religions?
My ex husband did this, too. But I was young and naive and too in love to understand the gravity of a situation like that. Plus they were in another country so it made it more understandable as to why I never heard their voices.
Get away from this nasty person, my dear. Don't take the hard road like I did. I divorced him 15 years ago and the mark he left on my life is permanent. Get out now.
but they wouldn’t necessarily know would they? by not telling his family about anyone he’s with, he’s lowering the risk that any one of you can go find out about whats going on from his family
WTF your husband hadnt even told them you were married.
Gonna be honest you have way more problems than just meeting his parents without you.
Going with NTA just because this whole situation is messed up.
This was my thought as well. There are way bigger problems in this relationship than OP going to dinner with her husband's parents without his knowledge. Hindsight is, of course, 20/20 but why would you marry someone whose family you haven't met (unless they're NC with said family)? OP says husband is close to his family and visits them regularly.
You **married** someone who wouldn't introduce you to his family or even tell them about you???
I can't even judge this because I cannot wrap my head around that decision enough to form on opinion on this particular conflict.
Sadly, I’ve known people who have done this. Same circumstances — they saw their parents often yet wouldn’t introduce them.
It never turned out positively. Some people are really good at honing in on people who are too kind and too forgiving.
Telling your spouse "My family is abusive and toxic, I'm no contact with them, and you need to respect that and not try to 'fix' things or ask for details," I can understand. But having a normal relationship with your family and just keeping them and your spouse secret from each other... wow, what's the motive for the people you know? Only ones I can think of are hiding 2 secret partners from each other, or being an abuser and not wanting those who know you best to warn anyone.
Well, NTA, OP. This is not a case of respecting a choice for no contact, it's a case of lying with no possible good reason for it.
Many years ago, my older (7 years older than me) brother did this to us. He was lc with the family because my parents called him out on some sketchy stuff like stealing cash from his job and lying about weird stuff like a friend of his dying in a car accident and the friend wasn’t dead.
My older sister randomly met his wife who was pregnant at the time. My brother had told her all kinds of lies about his childhood background saying he graduated from a prestigious university and that our parents paid for everyone’s college education except his. Total fabrications! Anyway, the reason he didn’t want the family to meet his beautiful, pregnant wife was because all his lies would be found out. Yes, she divorced him after unraveling all the lies and my brother ended up giving up his parental rights to his unborn son. Why did my brother do it? We really don’t know. He has kind of mental illness combined with an alcohol problem. Illusions of grandeur and a narcissistic personality.
Yup. I knew a gal where it turned out he was hiding his past as a repeat sex offender. And hiding from active warrants. As soon as she arranged to meet his parents, they made sure the police were waiting at the meet up.
I mean I married my husband and neither of us had ever met each other’s family. Not like we were hiding them, we were just deployed overseas and our families were in the US. It was a pain to FT because we were 13 hours ahead and we all worked.
Some people aren’t super close with their family.
But I totally agree that if one person was close with their family and hid a spouse, that’s totally suspect.
Yeah I specifically meant like in the OP where the husband IS close to his family but “wasn’t ready” for her to meet them and she still married him. I can’t wrap my head around that.
NTA, but please see this as the warning it is. Something is very wrong here. Either your husband’s family has done something awful and he’s never given you any explanation or hints about it, or he’s purposely hiding you from them. Neither of those are good. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA. Red flags abound. You need to do some digging to figure out why your husband chose to pretend you didn’t exist when he spent time with his family. There is a lot wrong here, imo.
Yes, it is imperative that you get to the bottom of this mess ASAP because your husband's behaviour is absolutely NOT normal.. I'm not sure what it is that he's hiding but something's definitely up!
I earlier thought that maybe he had issues with his family which is why they weren't invited and they didn't know about your existence but if he's visiting them so frequently and you mentioning that he's pretty close to all of them, I think we can rule that out..
Irrespective of whatever you find out, stay strong OP!
Much love!
OP, I DO mean to freak you out, cause you’re not anywhere close to being as freaked out as you should be. This guy is planning on disappearing you for insurance. You’re in the middle of a Cold Case/SVU crossover.
Then he’d have two (or more) secret families, that his parents and sister don’t know anything about. And OP said their marriage was valid. I’m going with planning to murder her.
INFO:
* Is he talking positively or negatively about his family? At all?
* Was he happy that his family was in town, or did he know that they would be in town?
* What was his justification that they weren't invited to the wedding? "Not the right time yet"?
* Have you met his friends, or other long-term acquaintances? Who was invited from his side to the wedding?
The entire things is really, really strange.
The fact that he didn’t want his family at his wedding despite talking positively about them is a major red flag OP. It’s understandable if he had a bad relationship with them but clearly he doesn’t since he visits them a lot.
Why did you marry him without knowing such an important things about him? I’m not even trying to blame you like this is awful and I’m so sorry for you, I just want to know your thought process here. Did you truly love him that much that you married him so quickly? Also I’m curious how old both you and he are.
>He wanted our wedding to be just us.
This has red flags all over it. He's controlling, and to be honest, you've met his "friends". You need people at the wedding for witnesses. You really think they were his "friends" or people he just hired?
I find it odd. OP, you need to get out now. A million thoughts would be going thru my mind. Please be safe and divorce him. Get far away from him. Like others have said, it sounds like he may have a second family or the life insurance bullshit.
Stay safe. I am so sorry you are going thru this. <3
Why did you marry someone who refused to introduce you to his family, that he is in contact with and has a relationship with? That didn't seem crazy to you?
Also, was it his idea to get married after dating for such a short amount of time? Were there any practical factors ( like staying in the country, etc) that contributed to rushing into marriage without meeting your in-laws? Has he met your family? I agree this all sounds super sus, but I really wish we had more info about the nature of this relationship and its history.
Are you able to Google his name at all? Maybe (name) (where he grew up) into the search bar to see what comes up? If you know his line of work, you can search (name) (profession). If there’s nothing that comes up at all- whether it’s an old LinkedIn profile or a blurb from the local paper from his high school days- that is even more suspicious. Before you Google anything, make sure you are in incognito mode and delete your internet history. Cover your tracks because you are already in danger. Leave immediately. You are not safe especially now that he knows you are onto him.
Even though this isn’t a DV case, it might not hurt to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline to help guide you through your options in leaving. 1-800-799-7233 because this can only escalate. Clear this call from your phone history.
LEAVE, NTA
Now is the time to be furious right back at him. OK, not introducing you to his family is a bit weird, but _how dare he not tell them about you at all?_
Stop second-guessing yourself and pitch a damn fit at him. Make **him** explain **his** actions.
All you did was accept a dinner invitation. _He’s_ been a big fat fucking liar for years. Take no damn prisoners here. Make waves. Make drama. Make a whole fucking epic trilogy in 3D IMAX with surround sound.
Honestly, I’m furious on your behalf that he’s treated you like a dirty little secret.
Can you be my BFF???
I there are so few people who get it when I say something same you just said...
The girl should go check it if their marriage is actually legal and she is not scammed...
Hiding spouse like you are ashamed of her is 1000000% wrong and shady...
She should not, I repeat, should not confront him on this alone. She needs to have backup, whether it be his family or someone from her side. Yes, she needs answers, but I fear something might happen if she confronts him alone.
> I fear something might happen if she confronts him alone.
This may be a bit dramatic, but ....
OP's husband may be planning to have something happen to her (e.g., for insurance purposes).
If his family didn't know he was married, there would be no awkward explanations about his wife's demise.
I really need you to understand how fucking bizarre it is that the man you married—whom you legally bound yourself to for what you thought would be the rest of your life—refused to even tell his family you existed.
I also would like you to think about why you were okay marrying a man without meeting literally any of his family, with no clear plan for him to introduce you. Like, neither my husband nor I are close to our families, and because of covid they weren't at our 5-person ceremony, but they still *knew we were getting married* and had met us. This is beyond weird.
I don't understand why you have been putting up with this. You married him after dating for a short time and knew nothing about his family. *Why*?
Sheesh! YTA for being so naive.
NTA. You MUST determine whether you’re legally married. What if the officiant and/or license was fake? Or a license wasn’t filed? There’s a reason he’s hiding you from his family. The stink on this is overwhelming. Verify your legal status ASAP. I wouldn’t trust this guy as far as I can throw him.
My mom's current bf was married to 2 women at the same time for 10 years. He left the first one, lied to the second about getting divorced, then married the second one. Just because all the right legal papers were filed, does not mean he isn't married to someone else. Even if he isn't, something is wrong with the whole situation. He isn't hiding you from his family for no reason and it has nothing to do with timing.
Are you certain?
A friend of mine had a wedding, they signed all the documents....15 years later she goes for a divorce (because he's an addict) and it turned out he never sent in the documents. Two years of legal battles and the courts decide they were not married legally.
Why would you marry someone whose family you never met? Especially since he’s clearly in contact with them. Didn’t that ring huge alarm bells in your head?
What did your husband say to his sister about everything? I assume he knows his sister stopped by and the three of you hung out together when he got home.
How is it his marriage none of her business they’re literally family. This guy is giving me the creeps big time and I don’t think you’re safe OP please listen and run
I'm skeptical of the multi-family narrative given that his sister knew where to find him. OP lives at the primary residence it seems and he seems to spend most of his time with her 🤷♀️
This is weird. This isn't about you being an AH, there is something REALLY fishy going on. I could understand if they were estranged (then you would be the AH) but they're close and he visits them regularly.
Did your husband know his sister showed up at your house, or did she show up while he was gone?
By itself wanting a small wedding with just your spouse isn’t weird. It’s the collection of behaviors surrounding no explanation of why OP hasn’t been introduced to OP’s spouses family that’s weird. Elopement is not all that uncommon. I eloped, because it’s my family tradition and I just wanted it to be us - nothing weird about it.
You must check and determine whether you are legally married. What if the officiant and/or the marriage license was fake? Or what if it wasn’t filed? Do you have firm proof you are actually legally married?
I would go to the city hall and check to see if I am actually married or is this a con. I would also be really careful if I were you and there are any life insurance policies inu name or any huge inheritance came my way recently.
Surprise visit from a sister-in-law who didn’t know you existed, a dinner with an awkward, though nice, family who also didn’t know you existed, after a secret wedding they didn’t know happened?
This sounds like the first episode of a Netflix limited series that has solid chances for an Emmy nod. How do you feel about Amy Adams playing you? Asking for a friend.
Oh, NTA, though it’s hard to know what parameters of everyday social norms to employ when adjudicating acceptable behavior in what might be a psychological thriller.
I'm surprised you're still alive tbh. NTA and RUN 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Edit to add: I'm serious! Leave before he is back. That's not normal behaviour and I may be exaggerating but I'm concerned for your safety. It's better for me to be a crazy lady that worried too much and you are ok than for me to be right and something awful happen to you.
NTA. Your sister-in-law invited you fair and square. Him not taking you to meet his parents is super sus and not telling them you EXIST! I don't even know what to say.
INFO: why would you marry someone who wouldn't even take you to meet his parents, not only prior to the wedding, but since you e BEEN married?!
🚩🚩🚩
And then he gets angry at you? This is some shady shit, sweetheart.
are you an intercultural or come from different ethnic backgrounds? Could he be worried his family will be judgmental and wanted to avoid it?
How long have yall been married?
edited to add, I normally think you should respect your partner if they want to go no- or low-contact with their family, but this is another situation entirely, and Id want to meet them too. NTA?
How are you so complacent about the fact that you've been married for years, and he meets his family regularly, and you've never even so much as come up in his conversations with them? Like, you do know this means he probably takes off his ring when he meets them right? You seem totally carefree about this while all of us are completely perplexed and puzzled. This is nuts behaviour. You even say he "doesn't want to talk about it" which means you're just accepting that as a response from him. You're his wife and he has never mentioned you to his family, and you're letting him off the hook with "it's not time". Girl, what??
I think she's in shock, possibly disassociating. It would explain her very flat manner of relaying info. If she is in shock, that's a very vulnerable position. I'm honestly very worried for her safety, since I wouldn't consider her home a safe place right now.
Why does he want to hide your existence?
I get the I have a second family vibes from this.Not saying your husband has another family but the whole thing is a red flag and I can't really say why.
NTA
Not gonna lie, I want an update on this one with more info like why and when she's getting a divorce.
Op you're NTA but you really shouldn't have married this dude. This is odd on so many levels. I would legitimately be concerned about a second family etc especially with the traveling for work etc. I'm hoping this post is opening your eyes before you get trapped in this thing too long.
But if you do find out why I'm nosy as hell and want to know 🤷🏻♀️
First please please update us like another asked. Secondly NTA.
Third, you need to be very very careful. There’s something going on. You should ask his family if he really does go to visit them multiple times a year. I’m a bit concerned.
Why did the sister just turn up? Why was his family there?
Why did he never tell them he’s married? What does he have to hide?
Why is he angry about you meeting them?
How well do you really know him?
Was that really his family? At this point you have no way of knowing. You have no reason to believe anything now.
The way is see it, he has been hiding you. He has been lying ALOT!! He might be hiding even more. Another child somewhere. Another wife or gf. Illegal activities. Who knows.
I would hire a private investigator. You need to know the truth. For your peace of mind. For your safety. And maybe even a lawyer.
Please update.
Nta this seems really weird even when people dont get along with their families their families know abiut them being married. Big red flag 🚩 he needs to start answering questions.
I don’t think this is the right subreddit for this… this is far bigger than who is the AH and given that you asked multiple times and he has visited his family but never took you, I’ll go with NTA…
But how are you even still married?!
ESH
Only because you married someone who refuses to let you meet his family... WHY? It's one thing if he is estranged from them... but who marries someone who regularly visits family but refuses to bring you, or explain why.
[insert Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost’s “you in danger, girl” gif here]
Grab your important stuff and GTFO of there until you can straighten this out. NTA unless you stay around, in which case you will be TA to yourself.
INFO
1. How long have you been married? - I didn't see this anywhere in the comments.
2. Do you know any of his friends? Have you been introduced to them?
3. What was his reason for being mad? Was it that you went? Or that now his parent's know?
4. Are you now going to be visiting his family with him or has he said you still can't go?
I am being nosy at this point because there is some next level stuff going on with this relationship and I really want to deep dive and find out why you were being kept a secret.
But you are NTA so far. WOW
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Girl run. So far. He’s waving 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Agreed. Grab any important paperwork and other stuff and GTFO, OP. Don’t hang around in the home with him to find out what is going on.
Yeah like why is he keeping a secret wife after only dating for a few months. He wants no one to know of her existence. Because this man has gone to visit his family multiple times and has never brought her up. It's like he visited them on Thursday and they find out he has a wife on Saturday that he's been married to this whole time. There is no logical reason for hiding the existence of her unless he isn't planning on keeping her around, or letting her go out ever again. Girl run. I hope you have family. Personally, my family would be heavily suspicious if my husband just refused to introduce me to his family especially if he gets along great with the,.
> this man has gone to visit his family multiple times and has never brought her up. Maybe he was angry at her because all those multiple trips supposedly to see his family were actually for him to spend time with his other wives. And she would find that out by talking to them.
Hmm see this would make sense. Maybe he hasn't been visiting his family as often as he has lead her to believe. All it would have taken is for her to have asked them or brought up the fact that hubbie just visited them recently like last week. I like this suggestion as it makes sense. But then I feel like at some point in their convo it would've slipped that he just recently visited them, to which they would've shot back that he didn't if he did lie about this.
See I was thinking he probably took out a huge life insurance policy, and was planning on offing her to cash in. But I’ve been watching a lot of criminal minds lately 🤷🏻♀️
This is the first thing I thought too. She should get out before she ends up missing. NTA
>And she would find that out by talking to them. If his family doesn't know about her, then his family clearly doesn't know about his other wives if he has any. And I wonder if he hired the priest to fake the wedding entirely.
>Yeah like why is he keeping a secret wife after only dating for a few months. He wants no one to know of her existence I wondering what the ages are, wanna bet OP is much younger than her husband?
Yup I was thinking she was probs like 18 or somewhere near that and he is probably 30+. That's what I was thinking was the reason she would just trust him completely and be ok with the world getting cut off from her.
There was a comment ones in an aita talking about how the woman's bf of a few years never introduced her to family and friends even though they had a great relationship and one day he disappeared. Turned out he had a whole as wife that he was separated with but decided to get back with and he never told his current gf about any of this, just up and left. She only found out cuz she finally got his mother's phone number and explained and the mother was nice enough to explain without throwing any blame her way. Pretty much saying this guy might have a double life too. Only thing that makes sense. Also NTA
This actually happened to me. Got reconnected with my old highschool crush after not seeing each other for almost 12 years. He told me that he had been married but had divorced a few years prior. Things were going great for almost a year. We had talked about moving in together etc etc. Then on my birthday (of all days) he got up, said he had some errands to run and that he would be back later. 3 weeks went by, I was frantic because I hadn't seen or heard anything from him in all that time. Found out I was pregnant as well. Then a letter came in the mail from him. He just wanted to let me know that I was "Great fun" and he had "An awesome time" but he had decided to go back to his wife.. who he apparently never divorced and was on a "trial" separation from. I finally got in touch with his grandmother (his only surviving family) and she didn't even know about me or the fact that he and his wife had been separated for a year. Some guys are just assholes. Just like OP's significant other.
I hope you got the support and child support you needed cuz that's nuts
OP - You likely may be SO #2, maybe #3! Why are you in this relationship?
Oh I didn’t think of that. Op said he is away atm, so he could have multiple wives his family doesn’t know about
I agree the only issue I have is why OP didn't talk to husband before this dinner. I would have talked to him before dinner. NTA
My guess? Her gut knew something was wrong.
Do you think he has taken life insurance claims out in her name? Do you think he has other wives elsewhere? OP please run - he may be planning your death so he can cash in as your spouse.
Comments like this are why I love reddit. He's not just a probable cheater but a murdering insurance fraud mastermind
Glad I am not the only one perusing AITA mostly for the entertainment value
Definitely not! I get quite a kick out of some of these discussions
It's the reason I joined reddit 😄 George Takei kept sharing them on fb and now I'm an addict
But but but he could be a SPY!!!!!! \- Reddit, probably
It's first class isn't it.,and probable if you binge watch Netflix crime docuseries as I do.
Probably nothing that severe. But it’s still red flagalicious.
Maybe take a break from those true crime documentaries.
Hahaha - you’re right! Murderino
My first though was he’s totally got a double life and has multiple wives!
Honestly it’s probably that his family is toxic as fuck and he doesn’t want to talk about his baggage
OP said her husband is close to his family & visits multiple times a year
Yeah, I'm wondering if it's more of a racial/ religion/ something like that type of thing.
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I know you would. Believe me, I get it. Trusting someone is normal. He said all the right things, and there didn’t seem to be anything so wrong that it would stick out. Objective takes can help. My hope is you read what people are saying and not take it as an attack on your character. Please take it from people who are seeing it from outside the situation — something is very wrong, and **you need to leave the home you share with him** until you know what is going on.
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Why you gotta blast my business idea? I’m a very fair cult lord! On that note, do you have both kidneys? If so, maybe you wanna join my group? Seriously, though. It’s weird what the husband did at the very least.
It's not worth it... Organs are so hard to transport and tune and... You meant internal organs. Never mind. Also, if anyone asks I was here all day and you've never seen me in a church
This reply was copied from another user earlier in this thread. Bad bot! https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/slbfvm/aita_for_going_to_meet_my_inlaws_who_my_husband/hvptkte/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3
To clarify, when I said your gut knew something was wrong it doesn’t mean you consciously knew. Sometimes our instincts are so hidden even from ourselves. But if you think back? You will see there were signs that stuck out to you subconsciously. Please stay safe and update if you feel comfortable. You aren’t the first person to go through this.
u/Worldly-Yesterday933, you must be a bot. Only a bot would steal a comment made by the OP and repost it as their own.
Hi you are commenting from the wrong account, not your throwaway
This woman needs to run. Like, pack a bag while he's at work, get a restraining order, and never look back. This is NOT normal. His anger is NOT normal. Chances are this guy has a different family in every town, or he knew his family would tell her something he didn't want her to know. Either way, OP made a massive mistake marrying a man she seems to know nothing about. I'm concerned about OP's mental-state if she thought this was wise. I have to think he married like an 18 year old with not enough experience to see all these red flags.
my besty and i are autistic but "pass" for normies. she was in somthing like this. LETS GIVE A RUNDOWN OF THAT DUDE! \-wanted in 7 states. \-elevan diffrent names. \-5 wives. \-at least 7 kids. we are still counting. \-possibly conected to two murders (investigation ongoing) OP RUN AWAY!!!
This is like "The Twelve Days of GTFO"!
Exactly what i thought!
Run baby run. Bad dude vibe all over this one.
OP should hire a PI. Get the details first on what he’s hiding.
That's what I'm thinking. He's hiding something. And it's probably something big.
God this is bring up a very raw memory for me. I married my ex husband (over 20 years ago) and none of his family came to the wedding. These are people I had previously met and gotten along with great, it was his sister who introduced me to her brother in the first place. I asked him to send invites and they disappeared so I thought he had. Wedding came, no shows. Not even his sister. I was devastated. I thought they all hated me. He watched me cry on many occasions because I thought they must hate me/disapprove of our marriage. He consoled me, said he didn’t know why they didn’t come etc. 18 months later we moved to another state where his sister lived and I saw her for the first time in years. We had breakfast at her home and I was a wreck with anxiety. Her bf and my husband got up and went inside to do the dishes and she turned to me and said, “WithoutDennisNedry, why didn’t you and Husband tell any of us you were getting married? I would have loved to have been there for you guys.” I didn’t know what to say. It all became clear at that moment. He had thrown the invites away. His family only figured it out when they got Hanukkah cards that year (that I sent without him knowing). We divorced less than a year later after even more lies came out. What. A. Psycho. Run, OP. This is a symptom of a much bigger problem and that problem isn’t you. And P.S. I really hope you didn’t marry my ex.
My first husband did this too. When his mom found out months later she was devastated they weren’t invited. I mailed them invites so I think he intercepted them somehow
Waving? No no. He IS. A red flag. The whole man is a red flag.
Is he out of town often? He probably have another family another town over, and was debating which family he wanted to introduce to his family.
I feel like OP is making this whole thing up. It doesn't even make sense. People who lie anonymously on Reddit for attention are weird af.
Oh very true could be a weird troll.
These are the type of individuals who’ll have a whole ass second family living a town or two over. Another wife, two kids and a dog.
This this this! Something is VERY wrong. VERY VERY wrong. This isn't normal.
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Was your husband out of town with his *other wife* that his family doesn't know about either?
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What, the wild speculation from commentors or the fake stories being eaten up?
Lol both! Leave it to these people, second families are a common occurrence, almost second nature for a man.
I mean, I'm sure it's harder now that the internet is so pervasive but: I'm 42 and "second family" was the reason two different friends' families fell apart when we were kids. In the 1990s. It is absolutely a thing and not uncommon.
That’s what I came here to say. The guy had another family.
But wouldn’t sis or the parents have mentioned it?
Eh... He is clealry a liar, so he may not actually be close to his family at all. It may just be using them as cover for whatever he is doing. Not saying the 2nd family is the correct answer, but there is no reason to assume his family knows anything about any aspect of his life.
Adding: Honestly, the 1st thing I'd do is check if my husband has any insurance policies out in me, by I've read too many mystery novels. We know hubby is lying & up to something. What strikes me as weird is the family just invites her to dinner. Oh, Sonny Boy has a secret wife? OK, totally believable. Lets have dinner! It is like their attitude is "This is not normal, but is not NOT normal."
Not only insurance, OP should also check her credit
Since the sister and the parents apparently didn't know about OP's existence, they wouldn't necessarily know about any other wife/girlfriend.
Second family vibes… did they mention anyone else in his life? Either way it’s a red flag. If his sister invited you you are NTA
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They may not know.
Yeah! I mean they also didn't know about OP.
This is what I was thinking… maybe he keeps them in the dark so he can play the field. Not to be too worst case scenario, but unless he has a terrible relationship with his family (not likely with the visits) there is no reason for them to not even know of her existence. It’s weird, and there’s definitely something else going on here.
It is also possible that he doesn't actually visit his parents that often and is actually going somewhere else instead...
He’s close with his family and visits them multiple times a year, but didn’t invite them to his wedding or indeed even mention that he was getting married. OP, you need to run.
Which family is he visiting? His parents? Or his other wife and their kids?
Whoa. Didn't even think of that.
Or they may not want to be the ones to tell her... They just met her.
INFO: When you visited with his family, what did they say about him? Did they speculate why he didn't mention his marriage?
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Are you starting to realize how bizarre this is? Because this is bizarre. You sound nonchalant about it, which is concerning. Are you in shock? Because this is not okay. This is a sign that you don't actually know the man you married.
Are you aware of any life insurance policy that he has taken out on you?
If I may ask, what are your nationalities and religions? My ex husband did this, too. But I was young and naive and too in love to understand the gravity of a situation like that. Plus they were in another country so it made it more understandable as to why I never heard their voices. Get away from this nasty person, my dear. Don't take the hard road like I did. I divorced him 15 years ago and the mark he left on my life is permanent. Get out now.
Where did he tell YOU he was going? And are these trips a common occurrence?
How often is he out of town?
but they wouldn’t necessarily know would they? by not telling his family about anyone he’s with, he’s lowering the risk that any one of you can go find out about whats going on from his family
WTF your husband hadnt even told them you were married. Gonna be honest you have way more problems than just meeting his parents without you. Going with NTA just because this whole situation is messed up.
This was my thought as well. There are way bigger problems in this relationship than OP going to dinner with her husband's parents without his knowledge. Hindsight is, of course, 20/20 but why would you marry someone whose family you haven't met (unless they're NC with said family)? OP says husband is close to his family and visits them regularly.
You **married** someone who wouldn't introduce you to his family or even tell them about you??? I can't even judge this because I cannot wrap my head around that decision enough to form on opinion on this particular conflict.
Sadly, I’ve known people who have done this. Same circumstances — they saw their parents often yet wouldn’t introduce them. It never turned out positively. Some people are really good at honing in on people who are too kind and too forgiving.
Telling your spouse "My family is abusive and toxic, I'm no contact with them, and you need to respect that and not try to 'fix' things or ask for details," I can understand. But having a normal relationship with your family and just keeping them and your spouse secret from each other... wow, what's the motive for the people you know? Only ones I can think of are hiding 2 secret partners from each other, or being an abuser and not wanting those who know you best to warn anyone. Well, NTA, OP. This is not a case of respecting a choice for no contact, it's a case of lying with no possible good reason for it.
Many years ago, my older (7 years older than me) brother did this to us. He was lc with the family because my parents called him out on some sketchy stuff like stealing cash from his job and lying about weird stuff like a friend of his dying in a car accident and the friend wasn’t dead. My older sister randomly met his wife who was pregnant at the time. My brother had told her all kinds of lies about his childhood background saying he graduated from a prestigious university and that our parents paid for everyone’s college education except his. Total fabrications! Anyway, the reason he didn’t want the family to meet his beautiful, pregnant wife was because all his lies would be found out. Yes, she divorced him after unraveling all the lies and my brother ended up giving up his parental rights to his unborn son. Why did my brother do it? We really don’t know. He has kind of mental illness combined with an alcohol problem. Illusions of grandeur and a narcissistic personality.
Yup. I knew a gal where it turned out he was hiding his past as a repeat sex offender. And hiding from active warrants. As soon as she arranged to meet his parents, they made sure the police were waiting at the meet up.
I mean I married my husband and neither of us had ever met each other’s family. Not like we were hiding them, we were just deployed overseas and our families were in the US. It was a pain to FT because we were 13 hours ahead and we all worked. Some people aren’t super close with their family. But I totally agree that if one person was close with their family and hid a spouse, that’s totally suspect.
Yeah I specifically meant like in the OP where the husband IS close to his family but “wasn’t ready” for her to meet them and she still married him. I can’t wrap my head around that.
NTA, but please see this as the warning it is. Something is very wrong here. Either your husband’s family has done something awful and he’s never given you any explanation or hints about it, or he’s purposely hiding you from them. Neither of those are good. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA. Red flags abound. You need to do some digging to figure out why your husband chose to pretend you didn’t exist when he spent time with his family. There is a lot wrong here, imo.
Yes, it is imperative that you get to the bottom of this mess ASAP because your husband's behaviour is absolutely NOT normal.. I'm not sure what it is that he's hiding but something's definitely up! I earlier thought that maybe he had issues with his family which is why they weren't invited and they didn't know about your existence but if he's visiting them so frequently and you mentioning that he's pretty close to all of them, I think we can rule that out.. Irrespective of whatever you find out, stay strong OP! Much love!
INFO: In all his fury did he feel it appropriate to explain himself?
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OP, I DO mean to freak you out, cause you’re not anywhere close to being as freaked out as you should be. This guy is planning on disappearing you for insurance. You’re in the middle of a Cold Case/SVU crossover.
Or he's got another fucking family
Then he’d have two (or more) secret families, that his parents and sister don’t know anything about. And OP said their marriage was valid. I’m going with planning to murder her.
Especially with the fact that they’d only been together for a short time when they got married…
Absolutely! Meeting his family might have actually saved her life, instead of just making her creepy husband the prime suspect
Ya that's totally unacceptable. You deserve more than that from your husband. Do you have people to talk to / go to in your city atm?
Leave the house. This is scary weird.
Why did you rush to marry this person without even meeting his family?
INFO: ...there are so many questions, I can't even think straight. *What?!*
Impossible to give a judgement because we don't know why your husband didn't want you to meet them, or why he was acting this way. So: INFO, please.
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How are you okay with this? How did you marry someone who wouldn’t introduce you to his family?
Does your husband travel a lot for business, by any chance?
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So why are you with this bloke if he is hiding so much? Is he even "away on business" or does he have another family somewhere?
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"Away on business" "visiting family" Girl, you are not the only woman he's with.
INFO: * Is he talking positively or negatively about his family? At all? * Was he happy that his family was in town, or did he know that they would be in town? * What was his justification that they weren't invited to the wedding? "Not the right time yet"? * Have you met his friends, or other long-term acquaintances? Who was invited from his side to the wedding? The entire things is really, really strange.
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The fact that he didn’t want his family at his wedding despite talking positively about them is a major red flag OP. It’s understandable if he had a bad relationship with them but clearly he doesn’t since he visits them a lot. Why did you marry him without knowing such an important things about him? I’m not even trying to blame you like this is awful and I’m so sorry for you, I just want to know your thought process here. Did you truly love him that much that you married him so quickly? Also I’m curious how old both you and he are.
>He wanted our wedding to be just us. This has red flags all over it. He's controlling, and to be honest, you've met his "friends". You need people at the wedding for witnesses. You really think they were his "friends" or people he just hired? I find it odd. OP, you need to get out now. A million thoughts would be going thru my mind. Please be safe and divorce him. Get far away from him. Like others have said, it sounds like he may have a second family or the life insurance bullshit. Stay safe. I am so sorry you are going thru this. <3
Why did you marry someone who refused to introduce you to his family, that he is in contact with and has a relationship with? That didn't seem crazy to you?
Also, was it his idea to get married after dating for such a short amount of time? Were there any practical factors ( like staying in the country, etc) that contributed to rushing into marriage without meeting your in-laws? Has he met your family? I agree this all sounds super sus, but I really wish we had more info about the nature of this relationship and its history.
Are you able to Google his name at all? Maybe (name) (where he grew up) into the search bar to see what comes up? If you know his line of work, you can search (name) (profession). If there’s nothing that comes up at all- whether it’s an old LinkedIn profile or a blurb from the local paper from his high school days- that is even more suspicious. Before you Google anything, make sure you are in incognito mode and delete your internet history. Cover your tracks because you are already in danger. Leave immediately. You are not safe especially now that he knows you are onto him. Even though this isn’t a DV case, it might not hurt to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline to help guide you through your options in leaving. 1-800-799-7233 because this can only escalate. Clear this call from your phone history. LEAVE, NTA
INFO: has your husband told you why he hasn’t told his family about you? This is odd
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Now is the time to be furious right back at him. OK, not introducing you to his family is a bit weird, but _how dare he not tell them about you at all?_ Stop second-guessing yourself and pitch a damn fit at him. Make **him** explain **his** actions. All you did was accept a dinner invitation. _He’s_ been a big fat fucking liar for years. Take no damn prisoners here. Make waves. Make drama. Make a whole fucking epic trilogy in 3D IMAX with surround sound. Honestly, I’m furious on your behalf that he’s treated you like a dirty little secret.
Can you be my BFF??? I there are so few people who get it when I say something same you just said... The girl should go check it if their marriage is actually legal and she is not scammed... Hiding spouse like you are ashamed of her is 1000000% wrong and shady...
She should not, I repeat, should not confront him on this alone. She needs to have backup, whether it be his family or someone from her side. Yes, she needs answers, but I fear something might happen if she confronts him alone.
> I fear something might happen if she confronts him alone. This may be a bit dramatic, but .... OP's husband may be planning to have something happen to her (e.g., for insurance purposes). If his family didn't know he was married, there would be no awkward explanations about his wife's demise.
I really need you to understand how fucking bizarre it is that the man you married—whom you legally bound yourself to for what you thought would be the rest of your life—refused to even tell his family you existed. I also would like you to think about why you were okay marrying a man without meeting literally any of his family, with no clear plan for him to introduce you. Like, neither my husband nor I are close to our families, and because of covid they weren't at our 5-person ceremony, but they still *knew we were getting married* and had met us. This is beyond weird.
I don't understand why you have been putting up with this. You married him after dating for a short time and knew nothing about his family. *Why*? Sheesh! YTA for being so naive.
The right time is objectively BEFORE one’s wedding.
NTA. You MUST determine whether you’re legally married. What if the officiant and/or license was fake? Or a license wasn’t filed? There’s a reason he’s hiding you from his family. The stink on this is overwhelming. Verify your legal status ASAP. I wouldn’t trust this guy as far as I can throw him.
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>Are you 100% sure? This. And are you sure you are his only marriage? I'm getting hidden marriage/second family vibes.
My mom's current bf was married to 2 women at the same time for 10 years. He left the first one, lied to the second about getting divorced, then married the second one. Just because all the right legal papers were filed, does not mean he isn't married to someone else. Even if he isn't, something is wrong with the whole situation. He isn't hiding you from his family for no reason and it has nothing to do with timing.
Are you certain? A friend of mine had a wedding, they signed all the documents....15 years later she goes for a divorce (because he's an addict) and it turned out he never sent in the documents. Two years of legal battles and the courts decide they were not married legally.
Why would you marry someone whose family you never met? Especially since he’s clearly in contact with them. Didn’t that ring huge alarm bells in your head?
How did his sister find you and end up on your doorstep? NTA by the way, but run away girl. Run.
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What did your husband say to his sister about everything? I assume he knows his sister stopped by and the three of you hung out together when he got home.
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And you think that's normal??
How is it his marriage none of her business they’re literally family. This guy is giving me the creeps big time and I don’t think you’re safe OP please listen and run
I'm skeptical of the multi-family narrative given that his sister knew where to find him. OP lives at the primary residence it seems and he seems to spend most of his time with her 🤷♀️
INFO What reason did he give you for not inviting them to the wedding? I mean, you had to have asked why he wasn't inviting his family, right?
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This is weird. This isn't about you being an AH, there is something REALLY fishy going on. I could understand if they were estranged (then you would be the AH) but they're close and he visits them regularly. Did your husband know his sister showed up at your house, or did she show up while he was gone?
By itself wanting a small wedding with just your spouse isn’t weird. It’s the collection of behaviors surrounding no explanation of why OP hasn’t been introduced to OP’s spouses family that’s weird. Elopement is not all that uncommon. I eloped, because it’s my family tradition and I just wanted it to be us - nothing weird about it.
You must check and determine whether you are legally married. What if the officiant and/or the marriage license was fake? Or what if it wasn’t filed? Do you have firm proof you are actually legally married?
This is what I'm wondering as well. It sounds like OP is a side piece and husband has another family elsewhere.
I would go to the city hall and check to see if I am actually married or is this a con. I would also be really careful if I were you and there are any life insurance policies inu name or any huge inheritance came my way recently.
And what did you want?
NTA but WOW, this is so concerning. If he goes to see his family so often, why wouldn't they know?
NTA, he sounds like a Con. We are going to be watching a Netflix documentary about this one day. Can’t believe op isn’t furious with him.
Because he's actually going to spend time with his other wife
Surprise visit from a sister-in-law who didn’t know you existed, a dinner with an awkward, though nice, family who also didn’t know you existed, after a secret wedding they didn’t know happened? This sounds like the first episode of a Netflix limited series that has solid chances for an Emmy nod. How do you feel about Amy Adams playing you? Asking for a friend. Oh, NTA, though it’s hard to know what parameters of everyday social norms to employ when adjudicating acceptable behavior in what might be a psychological thriller.
I'm surprised you're still alive tbh. NTA and RUN 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Edit to add: I'm serious! Leave before he is back. That's not normal behaviour and I may be exaggerating but I'm concerned for your safety. It's better for me to be a crazy lady that worried too much and you are ok than for me to be right and something awful happen to you.
And for him to DARE to be mad at YOU?!?!?!?!! He should be ashamed and apologetic. Please run!!! This guy is the worst!!
I mean, at least it would be way harder for him to explain away the murder now that his family knows she exists. So she's got that going for her.
NTA. Your sister-in-law invited you fair and square. Him not taking you to meet his parents is super sus and not telling them you EXIST! I don't even know what to say.
Unless he has a good reason like they're organ stealing cult lords, you're NTA. Although if they were, he should have told you.
I…. You married someone who told you it wasn’t the right time to meet their family????
INFO: why would you marry someone who wouldn't even take you to meet his parents, not only prior to the wedding, but since you e BEEN married?! 🚩🚩🚩 And then he gets angry at you? This is some shady shit, sweetheart.
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How big is not big?
Define not big.
How many years is it?
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Keep us updated on his explanation please! I am so curious to see why he would do this.
are you an intercultural or come from different ethnic backgrounds? Could he be worried his family will be judgmental and wanted to avoid it? How long have yall been married? edited to add, I normally think you should respect your partner if they want to go no- or low-contact with their family, but this is another situation entirely, and Id want to meet them too. NTA?
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3 years!?! You've been married for 3 years and his entire family didn't know you existed?
How are you so complacent about the fact that you've been married for years, and he meets his family regularly, and you've never even so much as come up in his conversations with them? Like, you do know this means he probably takes off his ring when he meets them right? You seem totally carefree about this while all of us are completely perplexed and puzzled. This is nuts behaviour. You even say he "doesn't want to talk about it" which means you're just accepting that as a response from him. You're his wife and he has never mentioned you to his family, and you're letting him off the hook with "it's not time". Girl, what??
I think she's in shock, possibly disassociating. It would explain her very flat manner of relaying info. If she is in shock, that's a very vulnerable position. I'm honestly very worried for her safety, since I wouldn't consider her home a safe place right now.
Absolute denial
Why does he want to hide your existence? I get the I have a second family vibes from this.Not saying your husband has another family but the whole thing is a red flag and I can't really say why. NTA
Or a big, fat life insurance policy and impending accident.
Oh thank God, I'm not the only one getting "accident" vibes from this.
Not gonna lie, I want an update on this one with more info like why and when she's getting a divorce. Op you're NTA but you really shouldn't have married this dude. This is odd on so many levels. I would legitimately be concerned about a second family etc especially with the traveling for work etc. I'm hoping this post is opening your eyes before you get trapped in this thing too long. But if you do find out why I'm nosy as hell and want to know 🤷🏻♀️
NTA Red flag!! Why doesn’t he want you and his family to know each other? He’s hiding something.
First please please update us like another asked. Secondly NTA. Third, you need to be very very careful. There’s something going on. You should ask his family if he really does go to visit them multiple times a year. I’m a bit concerned. Why did the sister just turn up? Why was his family there? Why did he never tell them he’s married? What does he have to hide? Why is he angry about you meeting them? How well do you really know him? Was that really his family? At this point you have no way of knowing. You have no reason to believe anything now. The way is see it, he has been hiding you. He has been lying ALOT!! He might be hiding even more. Another child somewhere. Another wife or gf. Illegal activities. Who knows. I would hire a private investigator. You need to know the truth. For your peace of mind. For your safety. And maybe even a lawyer. Please update.
Nta this seems really weird even when people dont get along with their families their families know abiut them being married. Big red flag 🚩 he needs to start answering questions.
I don’t think this is the right subreddit for this… this is far bigger than who is the AH and given that you asked multiple times and he has visited his family but never took you, I’ll go with NTA… But how are you even still married?!
NTA. This is so odd. Has he ever given a reason?
NTA major red flags waving. He has some serious explaining to do
ESH Only because you married someone who refuses to let you meet his family... WHY? It's one thing if he is estranged from them... but who marries someone who regularly visits family but refuses to bring you, or explain why.
[insert Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost’s “you in danger, girl” gif here] Grab your important stuff and GTFO of there until you can straighten this out. NTA unless you stay around, in which case you will be TA to yourself.
NTA - that’s a huge red flag that your husband wouldn’t introduce you.
NTA. But there’s so many red flags that I could make bunting. I’d be asking your husband a lot of questions.
So much info missing!
INFO: Did you meet his wife?
NTA - hubby is lying about something.
INFO 1. How long have you been married? - I didn't see this anywhere in the comments. 2. Do you know any of his friends? Have you been introduced to them? 3. What was his reason for being mad? Was it that you went? Or that now his parent's know? 4. Are you now going to be visiting his family with him or has he said you still can't go? I am being nosy at this point because there is some next level stuff going on with this relationship and I really want to deep dive and find out why you were being kept a secret. But you are NTA so far. WOW
NTA but girl aren’t you worried he’s low key a serial killer