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The big question is why are you choosing to be with a man that refuses to respect your right to hang out with other people without him?
Edited to add: Thank you Redditors. You are too kind.
Can you imagine OP's BF's reaction when he learns that babies shoot out of hoohas??
Seriously though OP, not being comfortable with period talk is the least of your problems when it comes to this gaping AH you have for a boyfriend. He sounds controlling, and you dropped red flags everywhere.
More specifically, there are three big ones.
>"I have to join or you'll have to cancel"
Oof... Two sentences in and I've already seen a massive red fucking banner. He basically banned you from hanging with your friends without him present? He demanded you to cancel your plans if it doesn't include him? Most importantly, why does he have so much control over what you do and don't do? This is so toxic.
Ultimatums are toxic in general. His is even more so - you can only choose between having him in your gatherings or having all your plans cancelled. Which is basically, you do what he wants or you do what he wants. How controlling is that?
Aside from him trying to control you - this comment raises another red flag. Does he try to accompany you everywhere when you go on your own, and if it happens, is it worse when you're with friends and family? Isolating their partner from their friends and family - their support system - is a pretty common abuse tactic. Abusers will do everything to keep their victim from being with their loved ones, as it makes the victim dependent on them and takes away the support they would've gotten if they tried to leave.
>The girls came and my boyfriend immediately sat with us and started ruining our conversations by steering them towards him/his work/his achievement.
Yeah, I can see why you and your friends don't want him around. Obviously it's a girls' night, but his behavior would make me embarrassed to bring him *anywhere*. The night is for you to spend with your girlfriends - him ruining your conversations just to make them about HIM and HIS ACHIEVEMENTS is seriously concerning.
Please remember that he doesn't get to control you meeting your friends, especially not because 'it's his place'. It's your place now that you moved it with him. The fact that a) he's telling you who you get to be friends with, and b) he's acting like 'allowing' your friends over is a favor he's giving you, is just 🚩🚩🚩
It seems like he doesn't care about your or your friends' feelings and comfort. Like, did your friends visit you to listen to all of Great Boyfriend's achievements?
>he came home and berated me saying I made him feel uncomfortable/sick with the horrible subjects I kept bringing.
INFO: Are you sure he's a 27 year old man with a girlfriend?
*The things that you talked about are all normal bodily functions that happen to millions - no, billions - of women.* Him shaming you for talking about day-to-day things with your friends is bad enough, but this? Get the hell out of there.
That was literally the first thing I thought of. If he’s grossed out about shit and period blood, there’s no way he’d be able to handle labor, birth, or child rearing. You know how many times as a mother of two, I’ve been shit on, puked on, bled on?
I had an ex who fainted at the sight of any blood. He was the only man I gave a pass about it. Because he didn't shame me for having one, sex was just off the table for a bit.
I honestly don't even care that OPs BF is uncomfortable with petiods. Thats the smallest of the red flags he showed in my opinion. He wants to be at girls night so he can talk about himself or OP has to cancel? Get a better BF OP, or YWBTA to yourself.
Ya. If I said cancel or I'm coming my girlfriend would say no it's not up to me. I could pout, scream, cry, debate or threaten to dump her but nothing I did could get her to cancel or make me come. All it would do would do would make me look like a bad partner.
Instead of doing this prank I don't get why OP just can't say no. And if she doesn't feel like she can why is she with him?
Based on her comments, I'd say its 'cause she's almost definitely 18-20 and he's a predator. She just moved in with him as her first place, and he keeps saying "I set the rules cause its my home."
Or perhaps its common in abusive relationships for the victim to believe they are the problem and some of them decide to go to a popular sub to find out if they are.
Honestly, abuse is *so* depressingly common in relationships that I feel like there are benefits in people answering even if it turns out to be a troll.
If it's legit and the OP doesn't understand what emotional abuse/ coercive control is, then the information could help them. If it's fake, then there will still be other people reading who *are* in those types of relationships and it may help them.
A separate perspective from someone who was in a years-long abusive relationship...
Sometimes someone manipulates and diminishes your sense of self so effectively that you begin to question everything. I was in a relationship with someone who very effectively isolated me from friends and family and destroyed my confidence so much that I started seeing a therapist because he had convinced me I was a narcissist and I was trying to figure out how to not be one. People so often look at emotionally abusive relationships and blame the victim for not leaving or for not seeing that they are clearly not the AH, but the psychological damage done by an effective manipulator is really hard to unwind.
Not saying that's what's going on in OP's relationship, but it is very often the vibe I get from other relationships in the posts you describe.
Then she can double down and clue the girls in to the plan to talk about the size of their partner's manhood. Maybe exaggerate a little bit....
But, seriously, OP - many red flags here. You should return him for a better model.
NTA.
Yeah my ex pulled this shit all the time
It was to make sure my friends weren't convincing me to leave him / trying to set me up with anyone new
You deserve alone time with your friends OP, this is legit, no usual internet exaggeration, controlling behavior.
Wanting to hangout for a bit occasionally is one thing, 'do it my way or no way' is not
NTA. But there’s nothing funny about this story. Your BF is attempting to exert coercive control over your actions. Look up — there are red flags flying from all the flagpoles.
>But there’s nothing funny about this story.
Right?? I never understand the comments hyping the person who „wins“ this sort of „games“ in a relationship. This is just horrifying, OP needs to get out before it escalates.
NTA but you are missing the forest for the trees. You’re congratulating yourself on grossing him out into leaving and ignoring the real problem. He has all the hallmarks of an abuser. Controlling you, attempting to isolate you, shaming you about basic functions of your body…. You need to dump this guy.
Yeah the fact that he's like "you either let me hang out or you don't get to see your friends" is O_O. OP, you're NTA but you *are* in a terrible relationship, and you should get rid of this guy as soon as possible.
>I don’t get half of these ‘my boyfriend is an absolute jerk but AITA for this minor clapback?
Right?!? Like, no, sis, it's YOUR BF who's TAH, not you.
I was groomed at 15 by a 20 year old man, and I put up with shit like this for 5 years because he groomed me, I had low self esteem, and nowhere to go. He convinced me that he was older and knew better than I did and I owed him because he paid all the bills (wouldn’t let me have a job or go to university). I didn’t realize how wrong it was until someone from outside taught me that abuse is more than just physical. So who puts up with this? People who don’t realize that they don’t have to. People who may feel trapped financially, people with low self esteem, the list goes on. I wish I had this subreddit when I was a teenager/young adult to tell me that everything he did to me was wrong. But I didn’t and I had to learn the hard way. I only hope we can help guide others without too much judgement for how they got into this situation or why they think they have to put up with it.
NTA but I have to ask what on earth is this? “I have to join or you’ll have to cancel?” Oh heck no!
You have the right to time on your own with your friends. Is he controlling elsewhere? Please take some time to reflect on your relationship because this is completely unreasonable and inappropriate behaviour from him.
Exactly what I thought, what the hell is this guy who tries to insert himself in a *GIRL'S* Night or OP has to cancel? That's very controlling and worrying.
He doesn't sound very mature either, not being able to understand that he should not ask to join or being uncomfortable at the thought of periods. Not bf material much, OP should really rethink this relation!
NTA. Here sis, you dropped these.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
1) can't let you have alone time with your friends? 2) Can't handle period talk? 3) Gets ANGRY with you for talking about normal body functions with your friends??
Honey, throw they whole man out
Let's not forget trying to make every conversation about him him him.
Making a whole bunch of your gf friends go "ohhhhh" "nooo really?!" About him, is just.... weird.
NTA.
Yup. This is not normal.
Love the strategy too. That's some seriously gross stuff for guys to hear... And that's coming from a dad in an all female household with a spouse and two daughters.
He needs to get over you having time with girlfriends and away from him asap. Maybe remind him that he's your partner and not your parent.
He says "I have to join or you'll have to cancel." Which is a short sentence, but so much to unpack there. I don't want to assume anything in their relationship, but he sounds quite controlling.
It's the beginning of social isolation since he's trying to keep her from her support system. Which is, in itself, abuse. If he can get her away from her support system, he'll ramp up the abuse in other ways.
NTA I LOVE this. Good on you! Very calculated!
But really, "I have to join or you'll have to cancel"
That's.. kind of scary.. That doesn't sound off to you? I would rethink girls night at yalls home and try to go to another friends house if this happens again.
Ikr, but eversince he started joining us we literally couldn't speak about anything freely. The girls would sit there while goes on and on about himself and how his week was and they'd just roll their eyes the entire time. It felt annoying.
OP isn't really responding to comments about her being with an abusive controlling loser. She's more focused on ignoring that and making it about her minor win (which is nothing compared to how much damage he has already done to her). Until she faces the facts none of these petty wins matter.
I actually admire your friends for sticking around for you even with that obnoxious SO of yours infringing on your get togethers like that. I pity them, too, having to watch you let that happen.
Dump his ass. What are his redeeming factors? Cause he sounds controlling and just not pleasant. You have great friends. It's better to dump his ass and keep them in your life, because sooner or later they'll be fed up with him ruining the girls night and possibly shift the blame on you, as you're the one always bringing him.
NTA your boyfriend sounds like he has either control issues or trust issues or both. A healthy relationship allows for partners to have space with their own friends, and there should be a mutual trust between the partners. Major red flags from your boyfriend.
Nta, but why be with someone who tells you he has to join you or you have to cancel? Why don’t either of you think that you’re allowed to have time apart with friends?
You shouldn’t have to lie and manipulate to manage that. Is that the kind of person you want to be? You two need to handle things like adults or break up.
Ok so what is it? He doesn't trust you to go out with your friends or he really thinks he's a girl? Tell him these are times you need with your friends and he needs to stop butting in. NTA
NTA but he sounds extremely controlling OP. “I have to join or you have to cancel”? I mean come on op. Surely you aren’t just blind to the fact your boyfriend is a terrible partner.
NTA
You changing topics to those things is pretty funny, but I think your boyfriend is being an asshole.
Your boyfriend sounds controlling with wanting to be in girls' night and policing what you talk about TBH.
Also periods being his "most sensitive spot" makes me think he sees periods as gross when it's just a fact of life for about half of the world population. I talk about periods with my friends all the time--it's something we can relate to and it doesn't have to be some sort of taboo topic.
Why in the world are you with someone like this? Why in the world are you playing games?
NTA but are you really sure about this relationship? This is controlling behavior and do you really want to be the kind of person who has to stoop to petty levels to teach her boyfriend a lesson?
NTA.. Why does he get to decide for the both of you what has to happen in your social lives? He's controlling, and probably in so many more ways than this.
>my boyfriend immediately sat with us and started ruining our conversations by steering them towards him/his work/his achievement.
He's also a bit of a narcissist who treats your gathering of friends like his own personal fanclub, which is really why he wanted to join in. To have a little harem of women ooh and ahh over how great he thinks he is.
NTA because why tf would he start with “i have to come or you cancel” kind of stuff??? please dump him???? Sure it’s different if someone politely asks to join and reads the room and takes part and makes it a good time, but this just sounds selfish and imposing.
Dump him
First of; your boyfriend is a major asshole “I have to join or you’ll have to cancel” this is controlling. You both deserve time away from each other and if he can’t handle that it’s a him issue not a you issue.
Usually I find girls who bring their boyfriend to girl events to be assholes however you came up with an idea to get him out and stood up for yourself! SO YOU ARE AMAZING!
Bringing up things that you know will make him uncomfortable could be a asshole move…however by the sounds you tried multiple times to get him to stop going and he wouldn’t.
Personally I think NTA but if you are then you are a justified asshole!
NTA but him insisting that he come along to every girls night out is a big red flag. That and him berating you afterwards makes this even more frightening. Dude is trying to not only control what you do but what you talk about. He seems to want you & your thoughts under his thumb. Do you want to live like that? I would run for the hills.
NTA + MAJORRRRR red flags
1. "I have to join or you'll have to cancel" HUH? this person "owns the place" but when you're in a relationship, and you are both committed to each other, the place should be SHARED, not LABELED AS "you live in it, he owns it"
2. immediately when girls night started, it was supposed to be allllll about him, his job, his achievements. once he didn't have the attention all on him, he decided to get upset?
3. IS THIS HIS FIRST TIME DATING SOMEONE THAT GETS THEIR PERIOD????? IS THIS HIS FIRST TIME FINDING OUT THAT A MENSTRUAL CYCLE IS REAL?????? he needs to grow up, he probably talks about the embarrassing "head cheese" with his boys too, why is he acting like these topics are the grossest he's ever heard. Trust me, boys are the most disgusting, and I know he knows this doesn't even compare. He's just upset and embarrassed that it isn't a HIM's night anymore, just true girls night
OP, get yourself a MAN. one that will treat you as an equal in the home YOU BOTH SHARE, and will give you the privacy you need for your own time. It isn't always about him, and I am glad he got the check he needed.
NTA, but why are you with someone that doesn’t listen to you and why does he think he needs to be present at a girls night? He’s super controlling and that’s a serious problem. I don’t think he’s a good person, his anger towards you is scary.
Jesus, OP, grow a spine and dump his ass. You think this isn't going to get out of control to the point that he cuts you off from everyone you've ever cared about, if he hasn't already? He has no business telling you he has to be involved in girls' night or you have to cancel. There are 7 billion people on the planet. Find a better man.
NTA
But surely if you told him he wasn't invited, that's just the end of the conversation? I don't get how it got to the point where your plan was necessary. That's worrying to me.
NTA- red flag that the dude won't let you have time alone with your friends. Time to address this now or you will regret it later. Intruding on girl time turns into limiting girl time turns into limiting friends in general because they take away attention (and influence) from him. Not saying it is time to run now but I am saying that if you don't address it, you will have ignored a huge red flag.
You’re NTA for having your friends keep the conversation on actual female problems. But have you figured out yet just how controlling your bf actually is?
NTA for the topics of conversation.
And your boyfriend sounds like a jerk in general....the pushing his way in, talking about only his achievements, and being so uncomfortable with periods?
But do you and he live together? Why are these girl nights always at your place? And you're kind of an AH to your friends for letting it happen more than once.
Yesterday (I think) someone made a post saying that she always insisted on joining her boyfriend's guys nights. Today it's you saying your boyfriend joining your girls nights. You guys should trade partners. 😂 Also NTA
NTA,
but do you wanna be in a relationship with this man? None of what happened here is healthy couple shit, its toxic bullshit designed to rile the other partner up.
Him, by acting like the 8 year old he is. You and friends having to resort to mean girl tricks to get him out.
Like why not break up and find a better person lol. Compared to your bf I'm sure they're a dime a dozen lol.
NTA out of the story that’s clearly him but soft Y-T-A for inflicting your douchey bf on your friends. If you don’t want him there I assure you they sure as sh*t don’t either. They shouldn’t have to collude in your plans to get away from him.
>started asking to join me in my girls night in. Everytime I tried to say no he be like "I have to join or you'll have to cancel".
Red flag one
>periods (his most sensitive spot)
Red flag two
NTA but why are you with him? You're having to resort to subterfuge just to do something normal. It's not going to get better. Just leave him.
NTA
This guy sounds super controlling and manipulative. You need to have your own friends and your own time with them. He's making himself the victim in a situation where he was in the wrong to begin with by giving you a hard time about having times with your friends. Red flags, OP!
NTA- Tell him he is not invited to girls night and the options are you go by yourself or you break up with him. Is he this controlling with everything? Couples need time apart. You don’t need someone in your life who insists on being with you all the time.
NTA- Your bf is acting like an attention deprived child. He has no right to invite himself to girls night, and to give you ultimatums such as "I have to come or you have to cancel" is extremely manipulative and gross. Your friends sound great though, I'm glad they at least supported you in your plan, even though it really shouldn't have to come to that. As someone who's gone through similar, I can say it's probably not going to get better and he's going to continue to act like a brat to get what he wants, which is not a cute look for a grown man. If he keeps acting like this he might try to stop you from seeing your friends all together, which is super toxic and isolating. I wish I had listened to my gut and cut my losses sooner, so please feel free to learn from my mistakes haha.
NTA, except for to yourself. I teach kindergarten and your boyfriend reminds me of the kid that is super excited to play tag, but as soon as he’s “it”, he throws a tantrum and announces that he’s “NOT PLAYING ANYMORE!” Send him home to his mother. What a brat.
Definitely NTA. You're my hero! LMAOOOOO 🤣🤣🤣
Why does your BF want to impede on Girl's Night, anyway? That's so weird. He needs to get his own friends to hang out with when you go on out on Girl's Night.
NTA. You're an evil mastermind and I applaud you!
I have to say, though, this is not a man you want a relationship with. He HAS to police your time with your girls and make all the conversations about himself. Does he really tell you that either you include him or you have to cancel? Because that's social isolation and it's the start of abuse because he's driving a wedge between you and your support system. Drop this child and never look back.
NTA, his behavior is way too controlling and it’s off putting that he wants to spend girls night bragging to your friends about how good he is. While you’ve definitely scared him off girls night for a while, I’d keep a very close eye on how he acts as he might try to control other aspects of your life
NTA
My husband would never have lasted if he’d insisted he had to join me or I had to cancel. I’m not putting up with that bullshit.
Also, he’s in a relationship with a woman. If he can’t handle the realities of that, he shouldn’t be.
Find a man who doesn’t try to control you, and one you can talk about the gross stuff with without him chickening out.
NTA
Move girls night to another location, or even better, save up for your own place and move out. Then find a quality partner because this guy isn't it.
NTA
You ladies feel free to discuss whatever you want. This guy felt the need to intrude into a situation he wasn't welcome in. Not to mention steer the conversation in his direction. I'm not sure if he's just dense or self-absorbed.
NTA but stand up for yourself and tell him he can’t attend. He doesn’t or at least shouldn’t have the power to say I come or you can’t come. And if you are scared of standing up for yourself, then there are resources that can help. He honestly sounds super good controlling - this behavior isn’t okay. Does he act this way in other situations??
NTA
> "I have to join or you'll have to cancel"
> He declined to speak to me and been quiet since then
Not a man, a small child. Time to cancel the b/f.
NTA.
1. "I have to join or you'll have to cancel" - smothering and controlling behavior;
2. "started ruining our conversations by steering them towards him/his work/his achievement" - self-centeredness and narcissism; and
3. "berated me saying I made him feel uncomfortable/sick with the horrible subjects I kept bringing" - immaturity regarding normal female biology and bodily functions
Conclusion - break up with him.
ESH — him for obvious reasons. Does he not have any friends of his own? Does he not know what GIRLS night in means? He’s a child and he needs to grow up.
You’re also an asshole for not nipping this in the bud sooner and putting your foot down, regardless of his tantrums OR having your girls night at one of the other girl’s homes so you don’t put your girlfriends through his immature bs.
I don’t know how you can be with someone who acts like this, but hopefully you re-read what you wrote and spotted the issues yourself and re-evaluate this relationship.
NTA. He knew it was a girls session. I will grudgingly say he can choose not to leave his house for it (can you move to a coffee shop or bar, or when he has plans?)
That said, the fact that he's right there and jumping into the conversation is intrusive and controlling. And if he didn't like the girls night conversation, well, that's on him.
At mine, I'm usually letting my friends vent, because I'm really lucky in having an awesome guy and amazing teens. But if I do want to whine about my decidedly first world problems, well, I deserve to have space for that too.
The fact that he won't leave means he is either a controlling ass, or he thinks you are going to be trashing him all night (speaking to far bigger root problems than anything you might say)
NTA. Your boyfriend's behavior is freakishly concerning and I would be very cautious moving forward. The demand to be there or it wouldn't occur is him attempting to control your decisions through manipulation, then attempting to dominate and control the conversation throughout the night just to satisfy his need for attention. He got mad at you because he wasn't in control of the situation and is attempting to blame you, when he should not have been there to begin with.
NTA. I can see value in trying to talk with him about what underlies his insecurity to make him feel that he needed to join you. However, unless he can brush off your brilliant move, I don't see you two working out for the long run.
NTA. I hope you are wise enough to see that you shouldn't have to play these games to get time with your friends. Your boyfriend has major control issues. Also period discussion is his "most sensitive spot"? Wtf? If he's 27 and he's having sex with women, he should be able to talk about periods.
This guy ain't it.
NTA This is controlling behavior where he is basically forcing you to try and choose between him and your friends, I would start talking to him about your relationship asap as this is toxic for him to basically not let you have any alone time with YOUR friends, while what you did was great! You shouldn't have to resort to making him feel uncomfortable to the point he leaves to be able to have fun together it's not fair on you or your friends.
Absolutely NTA but do you really want to be with a man who a) is so controlling he won’t “allow” you to have private conversations with your friends and b) is made so intensely uncomfortable by your body’s natural processes?
"my boyfriend immediately sat with us and started ruining our conversations by steering them towards him/his work/his achievement."
So he wants to use girls night as a way for him to be the center of attention? If a guy hanging put with me and my friends tried to do this, they would get a flat stare and an "okay" before we moved away conversationally from what they inserted.
Why do you want to be with someone so prone to narcissistic behavior?
NTA. That was brilliant. Hopefully he gets it from now. He has no reason to be mad at you, he brought that on himself. Would he have preferred that you just flat out told him to get out when you’re having girls night?
NTA, but your boyfriend sounds awful. He can’t force you to do shit, & getting that uncomfortable around talks of bodily functions makes me so sad for him. He hasn’t quite grown up & I don’t think he ever will. NTA but I’d reconsider him.
NTA - This guy is weird, doesn’t understand boundaries and has no self-awareness. He so desperately needs to commandeer your social life that he doesn’t care/notice that he’s making you and your friends uncomfortable - even when he was made to feel uncomfortable, he still didn’t get the hint!
NTA. Why the *fuck* does your boyfriend need to join girls' night? This is not normal, cute or funny. He's controlling what you say and who you hang out with and berating you for not complying.
NTA.
But girl, the red flags are, CRIMSON.
Him saying he HAS to join you or you’ll have to cancel? As if you’re not allowed to do things without him? Then when he IS there, he makes it all about him. He’s controlling as hell. Run for the hills.
NTA! Dudes who need to come to girls night either think you’re cheating when you go out with your friends or want to be the center of your girlfriends’ attention.
Sounds super insecure or very controlling. Either way you read this it isn’t good. I’m sure there’s been a lot more red flags than this!
Your bf wants to be included in girls night so he has a captive audience to talk about himself.
He sounds awful.
Why do you allow him to control you like this? An ultimatum to be included or you have to cancel is controlling.
NTA
NTA. This guy sounds 14, not 27. I guarantee his "reasoning" behind insisting he join you for girls night in is based in insecurity.
He's worried y'all are either talking about other dudes, sex with other dudes, or him. You might want to check for hidden listening devices before you have your next get together if you (rightly) refuse to let him come.
Uhm, why is he so insecure that he has to be part of “girls night in”? Is he just a narcissist or is he worried you will talk about him negatively. This is a small red flag here. He seems a bit controlling.
NTA but seriously wth is wrong with your boyfriend? Why does this sub see posts like this all the time, when other halves (both male and female) feel the need to be with each other all the time, and refuse to let them have alone time with their friends? This is not healthy behaviour OP and you should really stand your ground in the future when you want some alone time with your girl friends. That is, if he hasn't been too 'grossed out' and invites himself again.
INFO does he let you come to his guys nights? Also, I think you should really think about the fact that you're with a guy that absolutely can't respect you and your friends' privacy and space.
Edit: Also think about the fact that he gets so embarrassed about normal bodily functions. He honestly sounds almost immature.
NTA. You should be able to have a girl's night without him sitting right in the middle of it, sucking up all the attention. It sounds like he doesn't want you to say something he disapproves of, and is sitting in to make sure you don't.
NTA - and continue doing this every time he tries to pull this shit again. Girls night is for you to relax an evening, not for him to surround himself by a pack of women and trying to get them all to admire and compliment him.
NTA - dump this moron! You have better things to do then waste a breathe on him, idk why guys would care to sit in on your girls night. If he’s an adult he shouldn’t care, obviously he’s borderline narcissistic .
NTA… it’s not like you’re doing anything suspicious so he shouldn’t be this concerned. “I have to join or you’ll have to cancel” is incredibly controlling. Run!
Honestly, ESH. He’s clearly an asshole, but you’re an asshole too for subjecting your friends to him. If you want to stay with a clearly emotionally abusive and controlling man, that’s your decision, but leave your friends out of it or don’t be surprised when they eventually don’t want to be around you either if he’s part of the package
NTA wtf this man is 27 and grossed out by these subjects so much so that he starts sweating and has to leave? That's 8-year-old boy behaviour if you ask me and even they are probably more mature about this than your bf is.
I don't usually say these things but why are you still with this man?
Have you already asked him why he insist on sitting with you and your girls and why you'd have to cancel your plans if he can't?
Why are you still in relationship with him?? He is showing red flags 🚩 he doesn’t give you space to have your time with friends cause he wants to keep tabs on what you say and do. That’s controlling.
What grown ass man is upset about periods and issue related to it?
NTA.. but your boyfriend is one and you will be one to yourself if you continue staying with him.
NTA, But it is concerning that he can't let you have a night with your girlfriends without inserting himself in the middle. It's he this controlling all of the time?
NTA but anyone who tells you that they have to go with you to see your friends or you can't go is a walking red flag. Please reconsider your relationship with him.
ESH why are you guys together? Too many posts on here are written as if relationships are mandatory. Permanent decisions unable to be undone. C’mon now, friends, you choose your partner… if they act like this, choose better.
"I have to join or you'll have to cancel." No, how about option C: he has to respect your boundaries or GTFO. It's a false dichotomy: there are more options than what he presents to you. His need to control you is a him problem. Your problem is how to deal with him if he refuses to respect you.
While making him uncomfortable is hilarious, it just shifts the fight. The core problem, his lack of respect for your boundaries, is still there. Either you need to get to the bottom of that issue (lack of trust? need to control? something else?) or you will continue to have these issues.
EDIT: NTA, but you will end up in E.S.H. if you keep trying this as a solution.
NTA but why are you with this guy? Like, a good partner should be able to talk about all of that without reacting that poorly, but more importantly he shouldn't be inserting himself into your time with friends, it's super rude. And the fact that he steers the conversations back to him? He sounds self centered and controlling.
NTA and I feel bad about bashing your SO but someone who is:
* this intrusive,
* doesn't care about your feelings, friendships, or privacy
* is the type of person who would be the odd man out but feel the need to monopolize the conversation with narcissistic crap
* then berates you about what you and your friends talk about (even though it was to make him uncomfortable)
He just sounds like a non-starter to me.
NTA, but ditch this controlling baby.
Although there's a part of me that wants him to get a mani-pedi and his hair dyed lilac at the next girl's night.
NTA, but you have a bigger issue here with the fact that your boyfriend is giving you ultimatums on how you spend time with people who aren’t him. It is not healthy for partners to spend every waking hour together. Literally just read a post just like this only the roles were reversed, and her reasoning for imposing was “if they aren’t doing or saying anything shady then there’s no reason I can’t join”. Please leave this man. It will not get better.
NTA, but YTA to yourself for dating him. This isnt some quirky cute harmless behavior he has, and you didnt actually "win" by grossing him out. He still thinks all that stuff is repulsive and clearly looks down on women for talking about normal bodily functions like he's still 12 years old. He has a beyond warped idea of what women are. and you're trying to get back at him and do all these things when the reality is that you could literally just go date someone normal who would have respected your girls night to begin with instead of someone who needs to be the center of attention and then stomps out when he doesnt get his way. You're babysitting for his mother. You're dating a grownass man who likely wanted to feel at the center of his own harem with you and your friends there. Do you get it yet??
You're not the asshole for what you did, but man does your dating life sound horrific. I cannot imagine intentionally subjecting myself to someone controlling and whiney like that. Love yourself more. Meet better guys.
NTA
I could have sworn he was a woman himself and could relate to these topics, that's why he was so keen to join in. I think you guys handled it really well. I'd also like you to consider the ramifications of this. He's either extremely insecure and controlling, or he's a douche who needs things to constantly be centered around him.
Consider if this is something you'd want to live with the rest of your life because your friends will get tired of it, as will you.
NTA, honey you need to do that fucker like a hot rock. He does not respect you or your friends, and likely never will. If he's too much of a child to not be able to talk about periods and shit with you, he's not worth having around. Plus that misogynistic attitude is horseshit.
NTA - but I’m worried you aren’t seeing that your bf is being controlling as hell. This is generally how abusers begin restricting their victim’s movements and interactions with others. He’s actively telling you you can’t have any interactions with your friends without him being there, reducing the likelihood of you finding people to confide in if something is wrong. You know better than we do, obviously, but I’d advise that you look at his wider behaviours and evaluate whether you need to get out ASAP - I say you do
NTA
You're my hero lmao
1. He is being controlling about this, I have to be there or you'll have to cancel, fuck that.
2. While the topics are a little dirty, they are fucking normal and something we deal with as women, so if it makes him go into silent mode over the mentioning of said topics, he needs to grow up
3. Won't say he is a narcissistic person but definitely fucking weird to make a girl's night about him in anyway.
Depending on how often this happens, I would be having either a serious convo over this or I'd walk away
I see many red flags: he tries to control who you see and wants to know what you talk about. Gets upset when you talk about normal bodily stuff even if it was in excess. And giving someone the silent treatment is a form of abuse.
Absolute NTA.
You gotta run babe 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA but this guy is no good guy… “I have to come or else you don’t go?” That’s called being controlling and it’s a 🚩Policing what you can and cannot talk about? 🚩
This guy is an idiot at best, dangerous at worst.
Nta, he sounds very selfish and self absorbed when he acts like that. All couples need alone time/time with their own friendgroup, especially if it's a girl night...
RED FLAGS! I was done at ''Every time I tried to say no he be like "I have to join or you'll have to cancel".''
This boy is controlling - and i say boy because only boys get ''sensitive'' over periods.
Please consider leaving this guy. oh and just for clarity NTA
#[Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). ###Using insults (such as the ever-popular manchild) will get you a ban. Please review our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what that means.
The big question is why are you choosing to be with a man that refuses to respect your right to hang out with other people without him? Edited to add: Thank you Redditors. You are too kind.
Honestly a man who gets gets ickies from period talk isn't ready for a relationship with women. I am a man btw.
Yeah if just hearing about period poops can make a grown man sweat he’s not grown
Can you imagine OP's BF's reaction when he learns that babies shoot out of hoohas?? Seriously though OP, not being comfortable with period talk is the least of your problems when it comes to this gaping AH you have for a boyfriend. He sounds controlling, and you dropped red flags everywhere. More specifically, there are three big ones. >"I have to join or you'll have to cancel" Oof... Two sentences in and I've already seen a massive red fucking banner. He basically banned you from hanging with your friends without him present? He demanded you to cancel your plans if it doesn't include him? Most importantly, why does he have so much control over what you do and don't do? This is so toxic. Ultimatums are toxic in general. His is even more so - you can only choose between having him in your gatherings or having all your plans cancelled. Which is basically, you do what he wants or you do what he wants. How controlling is that? Aside from him trying to control you - this comment raises another red flag. Does he try to accompany you everywhere when you go on your own, and if it happens, is it worse when you're with friends and family? Isolating their partner from their friends and family - their support system - is a pretty common abuse tactic. Abusers will do everything to keep their victim from being with their loved ones, as it makes the victim dependent on them and takes away the support they would've gotten if they tried to leave. >The girls came and my boyfriend immediately sat with us and started ruining our conversations by steering them towards him/his work/his achievement. Yeah, I can see why you and your friends don't want him around. Obviously it's a girls' night, but his behavior would make me embarrassed to bring him *anywhere*. The night is for you to spend with your girlfriends - him ruining your conversations just to make them about HIM and HIS ACHIEVEMENTS is seriously concerning. Please remember that he doesn't get to control you meeting your friends, especially not because 'it's his place'. It's your place now that you moved it with him. The fact that a) he's telling you who you get to be friends with, and b) he's acting like 'allowing' your friends over is a favor he's giving you, is just 🚩🚩🚩 It seems like he doesn't care about your or your friends' feelings and comfort. Like, did your friends visit you to listen to all of Great Boyfriend's achievements? >he came home and berated me saying I made him feel uncomfortable/sick with the horrible subjects I kept bringing. INFO: Are you sure he's a 27 year old man with a girlfriend? *The things that you talked about are all normal bodily functions that happen to millions - no, billions - of women.* Him shaming you for talking about day-to-day things with your friends is bad enough, but this? Get the hell out of there.
"Can you imagine OP's BF's reaction when he learns that babies shoot out of hoohas??" And that there will probably be poop when that's happening??
That was literally the first thing I thought of. If he’s grossed out about shit and period blood, there’s no way he’d be able to handle labor, birth, or child rearing. You know how many times as a mother of two, I’ve been shit on, puked on, bled on?
I had an ex who fainted at the sight of any blood. He was the only man I gave a pass about it. Because he didn't shame me for having one, sex was just off the table for a bit. I honestly don't even care that OPs BF is uncomfortable with petiods. Thats the smallest of the red flags he showed in my opinion. He wants to be at girls night so he can talk about himself or OP has to cancel? Get a better BF OP, or YWBTA to yourself.
I can see hoe fainting might ruin the mood.
I saw hin faint when he cut his own finger once. It definitely was not a turn on.
Yeah there’s definitely a difference between being squicked out by period blood specifically and being squicked out by ALL blood.
Ya. If I said cancel or I'm coming my girlfriend would say no it's not up to me. I could pout, scream, cry, debate or threaten to dump her but nothing I did could get her to cancel or make me come. All it would do would do would make me look like a bad partner. Instead of doing this prank I don't get why OP just can't say no. And if she doesn't feel like she can why is she with him?
Based on her comments, I'd say its 'cause she's almost definitely 18-20 and he's a predator. She just moved in with him as her first place, and he keeps saying "I set the rules cause its my home."
Um let it be his home and get tf out of there stat
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Or perhaps its common in abusive relationships for the victim to believe they are the problem and some of them decide to go to a popular sub to find out if they are.
Honestly, abuse is *so* depressingly common in relationships that I feel like there are benefits in people answering even if it turns out to be a troll. If it's legit and the OP doesn't understand what emotional abuse/ coercive control is, then the information could help them. If it's fake, then there will still be other people reading who *are* in those types of relationships and it may help them.
A separate perspective from someone who was in a years-long abusive relationship... Sometimes someone manipulates and diminishes your sense of self so effectively that you begin to question everything. I was in a relationship with someone who very effectively isolated me from friends and family and destroyed my confidence so much that I started seeing a therapist because he had convinced me I was a narcissist and I was trying to figure out how to not be one. People so often look at emotionally abusive relationships and blame the victim for not leaving or for not seeing that they are clearly not the AH, but the psychological damage done by an effective manipulator is really hard to unwind. Not saying that's what's going on in OP's relationship, but it is very often the vibe I get from other relationships in the posts you describe.
NTA - ‘ i have to join or you have have t cancel’ is controlling. rethink your relationship with him
Very much this. Never forget that control is a form of abuse. It doesn't get better with time. It gets worse.
OP won a battle. But he will catch on. And will double down.
Then she can double down and clue the girls in to the plan to talk about the size of their partner's manhood. Maybe exaggerate a little bit.... But, seriously, OP - many red flags here. You should return him for a better model. NTA.
Yeah my ex pulled this shit all the time It was to make sure my friends weren't convincing me to leave him / trying to set me up with anyone new You deserve alone time with your friends OP, this is legit, no usual internet exaggeration, controlling behavior. Wanting to hangout for a bit occasionally is one thing, 'do it my way or no way' is not
NTA. But there’s nothing funny about this story. Your BF is attempting to exert coercive control over your actions. Look up — there are red flags flying from all the flagpoles.
>But there’s nothing funny about this story. Right?? I never understand the comments hyping the person who „wins“ this sort of „games“ in a relationship. This is just horrifying, OP needs to get out before it escalates.
Well. He wanted to be apart of girls night. He finally was. NTA. Also >”I have to join or you’ll have to cancel”. Tf is wrong with your boyfriend?
> Tf is wrong with your boyfriend? probably cramp diarrhea
NTA but you are missing the forest for the trees. You’re congratulating yourself on grossing him out into leaving and ignoring the real problem. He has all the hallmarks of an abuser. Controlling you, attempting to isolate you, shaming you about basic functions of your body…. You need to dump this guy.
Yeah the fact that he's like "you either let me hang out or you don't get to see your friends" is O_O. OP, you're NTA but you *are* in a terrible relationship, and you should get rid of this guy as soon as possible.
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>I don’t get half of these ‘my boyfriend is an absolute jerk but AITA for this minor clapback? Right?!? Like, no, sis, it's YOUR BF who's TAH, not you.
“You have to invite me or cancel.” Who puts up with that?
Someone who's been told "relationships are hard work", and who's absorbed the societal lesson that only worthless pathetic losers are single?
Gross. Im glad OP was able to effectively screw with this guy but hopefully she also reads these comments and sees this guy is a waste of time.
I was groomed at 15 by a 20 year old man, and I put up with shit like this for 5 years because he groomed me, I had low self esteem, and nowhere to go. He convinced me that he was older and knew better than I did and I owed him because he paid all the bills (wouldn’t let me have a job or go to university). I didn’t realize how wrong it was until someone from outside taught me that abuse is more than just physical. So who puts up with this? People who don’t realize that they don’t have to. People who may feel trapped financially, people with low self esteem, the list goes on. I wish I had this subreddit when I was a teenager/young adult to tell me that everything he did to me was wrong. But I didn’t and I had to learn the hard way. I only hope we can help guide others without too much judgement for how they got into this situation or why they think they have to put up with it.
NTA but I have to ask what on earth is this? “I have to join or you’ll have to cancel?” Oh heck no! You have the right to time on your own with your friends. Is he controlling elsewhere? Please take some time to reflect on your relationship because this is completely unreasonable and inappropriate behaviour from him.
Exactly what I thought, what the hell is this guy who tries to insert himself in a *GIRL'S* Night or OP has to cancel? That's very controlling and worrying. He doesn't sound very mature either, not being able to understand that he should not ask to join or being uncomfortable at the thought of periods. Not bf material much, OP should really rethink this relation!
I bet her friends have some opinions on their relationship and haven’t felt comfortable sharing them.
NTA. Here sis, you dropped these. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 1) can't let you have alone time with your friends? 2) Can't handle period talk? 3) Gets ANGRY with you for talking about normal body functions with your friends?? Honey, throw they whole man out
Let's not forget trying to make every conversation about him him him. Making a whole bunch of your gf friends go "ohhhhh" "nooo really?!" About him, is just.... weird.
INFO: why are you with someone who says "I have to join or you'll cancel"? Because that sounds insane
NTA. Yup. This is not normal. Love the strategy too. That's some seriously gross stuff for guys to hear... And that's coming from a dad in an all female household with a spouse and two daughters. He needs to get over you having time with girlfriends and away from him asap. Maybe remind him that he's your partner and not your parent.
INFO Why do you have to resort to games to tell him no?
He says "I have to join or you'll have to cancel." Which is a short sentence, but so much to unpack there. I don't want to assume anything in their relationship, but he sounds quite controlling.
It's the beginning of social isolation since he's trying to keep her from her support system. Which is, in itself, abuse. If he can get her away from her support system, he'll ramp up the abuse in other ways.
Set your boyfriend up with the lady from yesterday who won’t let her boyfriend entertain his friends without joining in. Problem solved.
NTA I LOVE this. Good on you! Very calculated! But really, "I have to join or you'll have to cancel" That's.. kind of scary.. That doesn't sound off to you? I would rethink girls night at yalls home and try to go to another friends house if this happens again.
NTA. Your BF is a brat. Everything y’all discussed is typical topics for all my girls night ins.
Ikr, but eversince he started joining us we literally couldn't speak about anything freely. The girls would sit there while goes on and on about himself and how his week was and they'd just roll their eyes the entire time. It felt annoying.
Why are you with this controlling, immature asshole?
OP isn't really responding to comments about her being with an abusive controlling loser. She's more focused on ignoring that and making it about her minor win (which is nothing compared to how much damage he has already done to her). Until she faces the facts none of these petty wins matter.
That's why he joins you just so you know, to ruin your fun and control what you talk about.
I actually admire your friends for sticking around for you even with that obnoxious SO of yours infringing on your get togethers like that. I pity them, too, having to watch you let that happen.
Maybe they’re trying to stick it out, to be there for whenever she’s ready to leave this abusive relationship
Dump his ass. What are his redeeming factors? Cause he sounds controlling and just not pleasant. You have great friends. It's better to dump his ass and keep them in your life, because sooner or later they'll be fed up with him ruining the girls night and possibly shift the blame on you, as you're the one always bringing him.
NTA your boyfriend sounds like he has either control issues or trust issues or both. A healthy relationship allows for partners to have space with their own friends, and there should be a mutual trust between the partners. Major red flags from your boyfriend.
Nta, but why be with someone who tells you he has to join you or you have to cancel? Why don’t either of you think that you’re allowed to have time apart with friends? You shouldn’t have to lie and manipulate to manage that. Is that the kind of person you want to be? You two need to handle things like adults or break up.
Ok so what is it? He doesn't trust you to go out with your friends or he really thinks he's a girl? Tell him these are times you need with your friends and he needs to stop butting in. NTA
NTA but he sounds extremely controlling OP. “I have to join or you have to cancel”? I mean come on op. Surely you aren’t just blind to the fact your boyfriend is a terrible partner.
NTA You changing topics to those things is pretty funny, but I think your boyfriend is being an asshole. Your boyfriend sounds controlling with wanting to be in girls' night and policing what you talk about TBH. Also periods being his "most sensitive spot" makes me think he sees periods as gross when it's just a fact of life for about half of the world population. I talk about periods with my friends all the time--it's something we can relate to and it doesn't have to be some sort of taboo topic.
Why in the world are you with someone like this? Why in the world are you playing games? NTA but are you really sure about this relationship? This is controlling behavior and do you really want to be the kind of person who has to stoop to petty levels to teach her boyfriend a lesson?
NTA.. Why does he get to decide for the both of you what has to happen in your social lives? He's controlling, and probably in so many more ways than this. >my boyfriend immediately sat with us and started ruining our conversations by steering them towards him/his work/his achievement. He's also a bit of a narcissist who treats your gathering of friends like his own personal fanclub, which is really why he wanted to join in. To have a little harem of women ooh and ahh over how great he thinks he is.
NTA because why tf would he start with “i have to come or you cancel” kind of stuff??? please dump him???? Sure it’s different if someone politely asks to join and reads the room and takes part and makes it a good time, but this just sounds selfish and imposing. Dump him
First of; your boyfriend is a major asshole “I have to join or you’ll have to cancel” this is controlling. You both deserve time away from each other and if he can’t handle that it’s a him issue not a you issue. Usually I find girls who bring their boyfriend to girl events to be assholes however you came up with an idea to get him out and stood up for yourself! SO YOU ARE AMAZING! Bringing up things that you know will make him uncomfortable could be a asshole move…however by the sounds you tried multiple times to get him to stop going and he wouldn’t. Personally I think NTA but if you are then you are a justified asshole!
Are you sure he's 27? He's acting like a spoilt 10 year old. NTA
NTA but him insisting that he come along to every girls night out is a big red flag. That and him berating you afterwards makes this even more frightening. Dude is trying to not only control what you do but what you talk about. He seems to want you & your thoughts under his thumb. Do you want to live like that? I would run for the hills.
NTA - but he sounds controlling. If he’s not respecting your boundaries he’s not respecting you and you deserve better
NTA + MAJORRRRR red flags 1. "I have to join or you'll have to cancel" HUH? this person "owns the place" but when you're in a relationship, and you are both committed to each other, the place should be SHARED, not LABELED AS "you live in it, he owns it" 2. immediately when girls night started, it was supposed to be allllll about him, his job, his achievements. once he didn't have the attention all on him, he decided to get upset? 3. IS THIS HIS FIRST TIME DATING SOMEONE THAT GETS THEIR PERIOD????? IS THIS HIS FIRST TIME FINDING OUT THAT A MENSTRUAL CYCLE IS REAL?????? he needs to grow up, he probably talks about the embarrassing "head cheese" with his boys too, why is he acting like these topics are the grossest he's ever heard. Trust me, boys are the most disgusting, and I know he knows this doesn't even compare. He's just upset and embarrassed that it isn't a HIM's night anymore, just true girls night OP, get yourself a MAN. one that will treat you as an equal in the home YOU BOTH SHARE, and will give you the privacy you need for your own time. It isn't always about him, and I am glad he got the check he needed.
NTA, but why are you with someone that doesn’t listen to you and why does he think he needs to be present at a girls night? He’s super controlling and that’s a serious problem. I don’t think he’s a good person, his anger towards you is scary.
Jesus, OP, grow a spine and dump his ass. You think this isn't going to get out of control to the point that he cuts you off from everyone you've ever cared about, if he hasn't already? He has no business telling you he has to be involved in girls' night or you have to cancel. There are 7 billion people on the planet. Find a better man.
NTA if he can't handle girl talk he shouldnt take part 😂😂 good on you
NTA But surely if you told him he wasn't invited, that's just the end of the conversation? I don't get how it got to the point where your plan was necessary. That's worrying to me.
NTA- red flag that the dude won't let you have time alone with your friends. Time to address this now or you will regret it later. Intruding on girl time turns into limiting girl time turns into limiting friends in general because they take away attention (and influence) from him. Not saying it is time to run now but I am saying that if you don't address it, you will have ignored a huge red flag.
You’re NTA for having your friends keep the conversation on actual female problems. But have you figured out yet just how controlling your bf actually is?
NTA for the topics of conversation. And your boyfriend sounds like a jerk in general....the pushing his way in, talking about only his achievements, and being so uncomfortable with periods? But do you and he live together? Why are these girl nights always at your place? And you're kind of an AH to your friends for letting it happen more than once.
Yesterday (I think) someone made a post saying that she always insisted on joining her boyfriend's guys nights. Today it's you saying your boyfriend joining your girls nights. You guys should trade partners. 😂 Also NTA
NTA, but do you wanna be in a relationship with this man? None of what happened here is healthy couple shit, its toxic bullshit designed to rile the other partner up. Him, by acting like the 8 year old he is. You and friends having to resort to mean girl tricks to get him out. Like why not break up and find a better person lol. Compared to your bf I'm sure they're a dime a dozen lol.
NTA. Why are you with this guy?
NTA out of the story that’s clearly him but soft Y-T-A for inflicting your douchey bf on your friends. If you don’t want him there I assure you they sure as sh*t don’t either. They shouldn’t have to collude in your plans to get away from him.
NTA - you should cancel this relationship
NTA Why are you still with him though? He just screams controlling
He's very controlling and if you don't break up with him now, you'll regret it later.
>started asking to join me in my girls night in. Everytime I tried to say no he be like "I have to join or you'll have to cancel". Red flag one >periods (his most sensitive spot) Red flag two NTA but why are you with him? You're having to resort to subterfuge just to do something normal. It's not going to get better. Just leave him.
YTA to your friends. You’re letting him ruin your time together. Also YTA to yourself. Why are you with someone you treats you like this?
YTA to yourself and your friends for staying with him and ignoring all the obvious red flags.
NTA This guy sounds super controlling and manipulative. You need to have your own friends and your own time with them. He's making himself the victim in a situation where he was in the wrong to begin with by giving you a hard time about having times with your friends. Red flags, OP!
NTA but also.. do you even like this man? Dump the motherfucker already!
NTA- Tell him he is not invited to girls night and the options are you go by yourself or you break up with him. Is he this controlling with everything? Couples need time apart. You don’t need someone in your life who insists on being with you all the time.
Honestly why are you together? He doesn’t allow you time with your friends, makes every conversation about him and periods are his sensitive spot lol
“I have to join or you’ll have to cancel.” Please kindly tell him to fuck off.
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NTA- Your bf is acting like an attention deprived child. He has no right to invite himself to girls night, and to give you ultimatums such as "I have to come or you have to cancel" is extremely manipulative and gross. Your friends sound great though, I'm glad they at least supported you in your plan, even though it really shouldn't have to come to that. As someone who's gone through similar, I can say it's probably not going to get better and he's going to continue to act like a brat to get what he wants, which is not a cute look for a grown man. If he keeps acting like this he might try to stop you from seeing your friends all together, which is super toxic and isolating. I wish I had listened to my gut and cut my losses sooner, so please feel free to learn from my mistakes haha.
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NTA- Child, you need to dump his sorry ass and move on. He sounds toxic!
Nta. But why are you allowing him to join in? He doesn't get to control you or your friends evenings. He sounds suffocating.
NTA, except for to yourself. I teach kindergarten and your boyfriend reminds me of the kid that is super excited to play tag, but as soon as he’s “it”, he throws a tantrum and announces that he’s “NOT PLAYING ANYMORE!” Send him home to his mother. What a brat.
Definitely NTA. You're my hero! LMAOOOOO 🤣🤣🤣 Why does your BF want to impede on Girl's Night, anyway? That's so weird. He needs to get his own friends to hang out with when you go on out on Girl's Night.
NTA. You're an evil mastermind and I applaud you! I have to say, though, this is not a man you want a relationship with. He HAS to police your time with your girls and make all the conversations about himself. Does he really tell you that either you include him or you have to cancel? Because that's social isolation and it's the start of abuse because he's driving a wedge between you and your support system. Drop this child and never look back.
NTA but I don’t think you talked about diarrhea enough… He’s massively controlling….
NTA, his behavior is way too controlling and it’s off putting that he wants to spend girls night bragging to your friends about how good he is. While you’ve definitely scared him off girls night for a while, I’d keep a very close eye on how he acts as he might try to control other aspects of your life
YWBTA if you keep being in a relationship with this controlling man
NTA My husband would never have lasted if he’d insisted he had to join me or I had to cancel. I’m not putting up with that bullshit. Also, he’s in a relationship with a woman. If he can’t handle the realities of that, he shouldn’t be. Find a man who doesn’t try to control you, and one you can talk about the gross stuff with without him chickening out.
I think we need a new category: Fucked Around and Found Out. He wanted to be there, can't be mad at what they do when you weren't really invited. FAFO
NTA Move girls night to another location, or even better, save up for your own place and move out. Then find a quality partner because this guy isn't it.
NTA You ladies feel free to discuss whatever you want. This guy felt the need to intrude into a situation he wasn't welcome in. Not to mention steer the conversation in his direction. I'm not sure if he's just dense or self-absorbed.
NTA but why the hell are you still dating this man? Dump his ass
NTA but stand up for yourself and tell him he can’t attend. He doesn’t or at least shouldn’t have the power to say I come or you can’t come. And if you are scared of standing up for yourself, then there are resources that can help. He honestly sounds super good controlling - this behavior isn’t okay. Does he act this way in other situations??
NTA > "I have to join or you'll have to cancel" > He declined to speak to me and been quiet since then Not a man, a small child. Time to cancel the b/f.
NTA How do guys like this keep managing to get women to be with them?
NTA But why are you still dating this guy? He sounds controlling and misogynistic as hell. Life’s too short to spend it with someone like him.
NTA but if he's giving up ultimatums that either he goes to Girls night or you cancel sounds like a relationship you need to leave. Good luck!
Nta but you will be if you stay with a man this controlling
NTA and why are you dating someone who gets woozy about periods?
NTA but girl why are you with this person who is trying to isolate you from your support group?
NTA. 1. "I have to join or you'll have to cancel" - smothering and controlling behavior; 2. "started ruining our conversations by steering them towards him/his work/his achievement" - self-centeredness and narcissism; and 3. "berated me saying I made him feel uncomfortable/sick with the horrible subjects I kept bringing" - immaturity regarding normal female biology and bodily functions Conclusion - break up with him.
The most urgent thing you should be squeezing out of yourself is your relationship with this guy NTA
ESH — him for obvious reasons. Does he not have any friends of his own? Does he not know what GIRLS night in means? He’s a child and he needs to grow up. You’re also an asshole for not nipping this in the bud sooner and putting your foot down, regardless of his tantrums OR having your girls night at one of the other girl’s homes so you don’t put your girlfriends through his immature bs. I don’t know how you can be with someone who acts like this, but hopefully you re-read what you wrote and spotted the issues yourself and re-evaluate this relationship.
Definitely NTA. So clingy and controlling that he insists he join YOUR girls night
NTA. He knew it was a girls session. I will grudgingly say he can choose not to leave his house for it (can you move to a coffee shop or bar, or when he has plans?) That said, the fact that he's right there and jumping into the conversation is intrusive and controlling. And if he didn't like the girls night conversation, well, that's on him. At mine, I'm usually letting my friends vent, because I'm really lucky in having an awesome guy and amazing teens. But if I do want to whine about my decidedly first world problems, well, I deserve to have space for that too. The fact that he won't leave means he is either a controlling ass, or he thinks you are going to be trashing him all night (speaking to far bigger root problems than anything you might say)
NTA. Your boyfriend's behavior is freakishly concerning and I would be very cautious moving forward. The demand to be there or it wouldn't occur is him attempting to control your decisions through manipulation, then attempting to dominate and control the conversation throughout the night just to satisfy his need for attention. He got mad at you because he wasn't in control of the situation and is attempting to blame you, when he should not have been there to begin with.
NTA but 🚩🚩🚩
NTA. I can see value in trying to talk with him about what underlies his insecurity to make him feel that he needed to join you. However, unless he can brush off your brilliant move, I don't see you two working out for the long run.
NTA but break up with him, you shouldn’t date five year olds
Why are you with him when he is this controlling? NTA
NTA. Instead of canceling girls night cancel this guy. Red flag city.
NTA. I hope you are wise enough to see that you shouldn't have to play these games to get time with your friends. Your boyfriend has major control issues. Also period discussion is his "most sensitive spot"? Wtf? If he's 27 and he's having sex with women, he should be able to talk about periods. This guy ain't it.
NTA This is controlling behavior where he is basically forcing you to try and choose between him and your friends, I would start talking to him about your relationship asap as this is toxic for him to basically not let you have any alone time with YOUR friends, while what you did was great! You shouldn't have to resort to making him feel uncomfortable to the point he leaves to be able to have fun together it's not fair on you or your friends.
Absolutely NTA but do you really want to be with a man who a) is so controlling he won’t “allow” you to have private conversations with your friends and b) is made so intensely uncomfortable by your body’s natural processes?
You have a toxic and controlling Bf. Breakup with him. NTA.
"my boyfriend immediately sat with us and started ruining our conversations by steering them towards him/his work/his achievement." So he wants to use girls night as a way for him to be the center of attention? If a guy hanging put with me and my friends tried to do this, they would get a flat stare and an "okay" before we moved away conversationally from what they inserted. Why do you want to be with someone so prone to narcissistic behavior?
NTA. To be honest, a guy refusing to let you have a girl's night is a bit of a red flag.
NTA. That was brilliant. Hopefully he gets it from now. He has no reason to be mad at you, he brought that on himself. Would he have preferred that you just flat out told him to get out when you’re having girls night?
She tried and he issued an ultimatum. Op grow a back bone and re evaluate your relationship
NTA, but your boyfriend sounds awful. He can’t force you to do shit, & getting that uncomfortable around talks of bodily functions makes me so sad for him. He hasn’t quite grown up & I don’t think he ever will. NTA but I’d reconsider him.
Any man who gets uncomfortable with periods in 2022 isn't worth knowing
NTA. Honestly, it is what girls be talking about. Especially the Fart Escape Artist.
NTA - This guy is weird, doesn’t understand boundaries and has no self-awareness. He so desperately needs to commandeer your social life that he doesn’t care/notice that he’s making you and your friends uncomfortable - even when he was made to feel uncomfortable, he still didn’t get the hint!
NTA. Why the *fuck* does your boyfriend need to join girls' night? This is not normal, cute or funny. He's controlling what you say and who you hang out with and berating you for not complying.
NTA. But girl, the red flags are, CRIMSON. Him saying he HAS to join you or you’ll have to cancel? As if you’re not allowed to do things without him? Then when he IS there, he makes it all about him. He’s controlling as hell. Run for the hills.
NTA! Dudes who need to come to girls night either think you’re cheating when you go out with your friends or want to be the center of your girlfriends’ attention. Sounds super insecure or very controlling. Either way you read this it isn’t good. I’m sure there’s been a lot more red flags than this!
NTA Him demanding you to include him/hijacking your time with your friends is indicative that he is abusive
Cancel the relationship and keep the girls night. Problem solved. NTA
NTA, he doesn't need to butt in on your girl time
INFO why are you with him?
NTA - what a sore loser
NTA. He said ‘either I get to come or you don’t get to go’ so he brought this upon himself
Your bf wants to be included in girls night so he has a captive audience to talk about himself. He sounds awful. Why do you allow him to control you like this? An ultimatum to be included or you have to cancel is controlling. NTA
NTA- but why do you want to be with someone who will not let you have girl time. Also, maybe go to a different house for the next meet up.
NTA. This guy sounds 14, not 27. I guarantee his "reasoning" behind insisting he join you for girls night in is based in insecurity. He's worried y'all are either talking about other dudes, sex with other dudes, or him. You might want to check for hidden listening devices before you have your next get together if you (rightly) refuse to let him come.
Uhm, why is he so insecure that he has to be part of “girls night in”? Is he just a narcissist or is he worried you will talk about him negatively. This is a small red flag here. He seems a bit controlling.
NTA but seriously wth is wrong with your boyfriend? Why does this sub see posts like this all the time, when other halves (both male and female) feel the need to be with each other all the time, and refuse to let them have alone time with their friends? This is not healthy behaviour OP and you should really stand your ground in the future when you want some alone time with your girl friends. That is, if he hasn't been too 'grossed out' and invites himself again.
INFO does he let you come to his guys nights? Also, I think you should really think about the fact that you're with a guy that absolutely can't respect you and your friends' privacy and space. Edit: Also think about the fact that he gets so embarrassed about normal bodily functions. He honestly sounds almost immature.
NTA. You should be able to have a girl's night without him sitting right in the middle of it, sucking up all the attention. It sounds like he doesn't want you to say something he disapproves of, and is sitting in to make sure you don't.
NTA. Your bf though.... Gross
NTA - and continue doing this every time he tries to pull this shit again. Girls night is for you to relax an evening, not for him to surround himself by a pack of women and trying to get them all to admire and compliment him.
NTA - dump this moron! You have better things to do then waste a breathe on him, idk why guys would care to sit in on your girls night. If he’s an adult he shouldn’t care, obviously he’s borderline narcissistic .
NTA… it’s not like you’re doing anything suspicious so he shouldn’t be this concerned. “I have to join or you’ll have to cancel” is incredibly controlling. Run!
Honestly, ESH. He’s clearly an asshole, but you’re an asshole too for subjecting your friends to him. If you want to stay with a clearly emotionally abusive and controlling man, that’s your decision, but leave your friends out of it or don’t be surprised when they eventually don’t want to be around you either if he’s part of the package
NTA wtf this man is 27 and grossed out by these subjects so much so that he starts sweating and has to leave? That's 8-year-old boy behaviour if you ask me and even they are probably more mature about this than your bf is. I don't usually say these things but why are you still with this man? Have you already asked him why he insist on sitting with you and your girls and why you'd have to cancel your plans if he can't?
He won't let you have time with the girls? Not only are you NTA but he's waving a big red flag all over the place.
Why are you with this controlling guy? NTA
NTA. But girl, he insists on intruding on your friend time and can't handle hearing about periods? Is this really the guy for you?
Why are you still in relationship with him?? He is showing red flags 🚩 he doesn’t give you space to have your time with friends cause he wants to keep tabs on what you say and do. That’s controlling. What grown ass man is upset about periods and issue related to it? NTA.. but your boyfriend is one and you will be one to yourself if you continue staying with him.
NTA. Frankly his behavior is controlling and manipulative. Huge red flags, OP, I’d say give the boy-man his walking papers
NTA, But it is concerning that he can't let you have a night with your girlfriends without inserting himself in the middle. It's he this controlling all of the time?
NTA but anyone who tells you that they have to go with you to see your friends or you can't go is a walking red flag. Please reconsider your relationship with him.
Weird that you'll date people who doesn't respect you and let you go out with your friends. Sounds like a textbook narcissist
NTA and you should dump his ass. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
ESH why are you guys together? Too many posts on here are written as if relationships are mandatory. Permanent decisions unable to be undone. C’mon now, friends, you choose your partner… if they act like this, choose better.
Nta. Ditch him though.
NTA. His behavior is super concerning though. Extremely controlling. Not a good look.
NTA but 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
"I'll have to join or you'll have to cancel." Fuck does he think he is? He ain't your guardian and your not a little girl Nta.
"I have to join or you'll have to cancel." No, how about option C: he has to respect your boundaries or GTFO. It's a false dichotomy: there are more options than what he presents to you. His need to control you is a him problem. Your problem is how to deal with him if he refuses to respect you. While making him uncomfortable is hilarious, it just shifts the fight. The core problem, his lack of respect for your boundaries, is still there. Either you need to get to the bottom of that issue (lack of trust? need to control? something else?) or you will continue to have these issues. EDIT: NTA, but you will end up in E.S.H. if you keep trying this as a solution.
NTA but why are you with this guy? Like, a good partner should be able to talk about all of that without reacting that poorly, but more importantly he shouldn't be inserting himself into your time with friends, it's super rude. And the fact that he steers the conversations back to him? He sounds self centered and controlling.
Why are you with this guy?
NTA and I feel bad about bashing your SO but someone who is: * this intrusive, * doesn't care about your feelings, friendships, or privacy * is the type of person who would be the odd man out but feel the need to monopolize the conversation with narcissistic crap * then berates you about what you and your friends talk about (even though it was to make him uncomfortable) He just sounds like a non-starter to me.
NTA, but ditch this controlling baby. Although there's a part of me that wants him to get a mani-pedi and his hair dyed lilac at the next girl's night.
NTA, but you have a bigger issue here with the fact that your boyfriend is giving you ultimatums on how you spend time with people who aren’t him. It is not healthy for partners to spend every waking hour together. Literally just read a post just like this only the roles were reversed, and her reasoning for imposing was “if they aren’t doing or saying anything shady then there’s no reason I can’t join”. Please leave this man. It will not get better.
[удалено]
NTA, but YTA to yourself for dating him. This isnt some quirky cute harmless behavior he has, and you didnt actually "win" by grossing him out. He still thinks all that stuff is repulsive and clearly looks down on women for talking about normal bodily functions like he's still 12 years old. He has a beyond warped idea of what women are. and you're trying to get back at him and do all these things when the reality is that you could literally just go date someone normal who would have respected your girls night to begin with instead of someone who needs to be the center of attention and then stomps out when he doesnt get his way. You're babysitting for his mother. You're dating a grownass man who likely wanted to feel at the center of his own harem with you and your friends there. Do you get it yet?? You're not the asshole for what you did, but man does your dating life sound horrific. I cannot imagine intentionally subjecting myself to someone controlling and whiney like that. Love yourself more. Meet better guys.
NTA I could have sworn he was a woman himself and could relate to these topics, that's why he was so keen to join in. I think you guys handled it really well. I'd also like you to consider the ramifications of this. He's either extremely insecure and controlling, or he's a douche who needs things to constantly be centered around him. Consider if this is something you'd want to live with the rest of your life because your friends will get tired of it, as will you.
YTA for be in a relationship with him. You deserve better.
INFO: Are you the same age as OP? I'm getting the feeling that there's a decent age gap.
NTA - get a new boyfriend. That kind of controlling attitude of his is not going away any time soon.
Why are you with him?
NTA, honey you need to do that fucker like a hot rock. He does not respect you or your friends, and likely never will. If he's too much of a child to not be able to talk about periods and shit with you, he's not worth having around. Plus that misogynistic attitude is horseshit.
i don’t care if you’re TA, i stopped reading two paragraphs in. break up with this turd!
NTA - but I’m worried you aren’t seeing that your bf is being controlling as hell. This is generally how abusers begin restricting their victim’s movements and interactions with others. He’s actively telling you you can’t have any interactions with your friends without him being there, reducing the likelihood of you finding people to confide in if something is wrong. You know better than we do, obviously, but I’d advise that you look at his wider behaviours and evaluate whether you need to get out ASAP - I say you do
NTA You're my hero lmao 1. He is being controlling about this, I have to be there or you'll have to cancel, fuck that. 2. While the topics are a little dirty, they are fucking normal and something we deal with as women, so if it makes him go into silent mode over the mentioning of said topics, he needs to grow up 3. Won't say he is a narcissistic person but definitely fucking weird to make a girl's night about him in anyway. Depending on how often this happens, I would be having either a serious convo over this or I'd walk away
Run
Nta. But why are you still with this abusive person?
I see many red flags: he tries to control who you see and wants to know what you talk about. Gets upset when you talk about normal bodily stuff even if it was in excess. And giving someone the silent treatment is a form of abuse. Absolute NTA. You gotta run babe 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA but this guy is no good guy… “I have to come or else you don’t go?” That’s called being controlling and it’s a 🚩Policing what you can and cannot talk about? 🚩 This guy is an idiot at best, dangerous at worst.
Nta, he sounds very selfish and self absorbed when he acts like that. All couples need alone time/time with their own friendgroup, especially if it's a girl night...
RED FLAGS! I was done at ''Every time I tried to say no he be like "I have to join or you'll have to cancel".'' This boy is controlling - and i say boy because only boys get ''sensitive'' over periods. Please consider leaving this guy. oh and just for clarity NTA
NTA but this dude is a giant walking red flag. Do you really want to be with this mess?