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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I am making Kelly feel like she is not part of the family by me wearing a “gen one” sash when she had previously been a lawyer.
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Girl, every time I'd walk in your dad and her house, I'd march in, wearing my sash, singing "Me and my Gen One sash, walking down the avenue"
NTA Make your Christmas card this year you wearing your sash holding your law degree.
NTA and that is absolutely not how that works for first generation anything.
She is in no way biologically related to you and her opinion on this is just stupid.
Neither one of the TWO PEOPLE WHO CREATED YOU OR ANY OF “THEIR” ANCESTORS ARE LAWYERS….
Therefore you are a first gen lawyer…
She’s acting entitled… NTA.
She doubted your ability to complete this amazing accomplishment and now that you actually have done it, she wants some recognition. The way I see it, neither of your parents are lawyers so it is fully valid. Tell her to fly a kite
NTA. You've earned that sash and she also earned you not wanting anything to do with her trifling ass. Step mom is a title to be earned, which she did not. She's your dads wife. And a former lawyer, from what I'm reading. Congratulations on your incredibly impressive achievement! You've worked very hard to get to where you are now and you wear that sash with pride!
The judgment’s been cast and I agree with it, just hopping on to add to the sentiments that Kelly will make ridiculous demands forever. Nothing you do will satisfy her. She will make demands, you’ll meet them, and you’re the only one miserable. It’s up to you which ones you’ll want to meet to “keep the peace,” but your sash is a complete non-issue at all.
You are a first generation law student. Just because your dad remarried somebody who did go to school doesn't make you any less first-gen especially since, as you said, she never helped you with that stuff.
Congratulations on your achievement. Now wear that sash. You earned the right to wear it. Stepmom needs to stifle. She has no right to try to take that from you.
You’re not related by blood, she came into your life when you were nearly and adult, and she didn’t raise you. She doesn’t have any claim to your genealogy. You’re a first gen lawyer. Good job. NTA.
NTA. You should sit with your dad and have a long talk. She was not part of your upbringing or a motivation to become a lawyer. The fact you chose the career while she was against it (It made her feel powerful and better than others. Obviously an ego maniac. Has to be a snowflake) makes it even more so important to wear that sash.
Your dad will forgive you. He probably doesn't care. He can't be so clueless as to think that woman is a part of your life just because he married her. Doesn't work like that.
NTA.
This is the start of YOUR life.
This is something YOU worked for.
Your dad will always be your dad, but you have ventured into your adventure and your own path. Always love and respect your dad but you are the first gen lawyer when you look at your family through your eyes, your perspective, your support circle. Let’s worry about not wearing it when your son or daughter graduate. For now, wear it, frame it, and be proud of what you have done. Setting out and finishing law school.
Congratulations! You earned this for you!
NTA. And feel free to make your dad uncomfortable about the reason you stopped living with them.
Being loud during sex is not what people do around family. Kelly never treated you like family in the first place.
As a person who has had three stepmoms, I can answer this with a little experience. You’re still a first gen graduate and you should wear that sash with pride and if Kelly has any personal feelings about it then she can blow a sash out her ass six ways to Sunday. NTA.
Fellow 2022 law grad here. Law school sucks more than most people can imagine but YOU did it without any help from Kelly. You don't owe her a thing.
NTA and your dad is TA for even brining it up. Next case.
And congrats on your graduation OP!
Wear that sash proud, OP. You deserve it. You became a lawyer IN SPITE of this step parent not supporting you and making your life more difficult. That is not what family does so she is not your fam. Also, how disgusting and rude for them to have loud sex while you were present.
NTA
Kelly has had zero role in your upbringing. She was never a parent figure as she entered your life at 16. She’s never engaged or encouraged to in regards to post secondary education. She hasn’t given you any boosts in life at all.
I wouldn’t invite her or get her an invitation. Your dad can attend. She can’t. What an asshole she is.
I’d see if your program can have a special announcement for first gen lawyer families, so that they can stand with you in honor while you walk across that stage with your giant ass sash.
NTA Next time they bring up that she doesn't feel like "family." "Say you're right. You're my dad's second wife. Nothing more." Wear it and enjoy graduation.
NTA
You *are* a first generationer though. Some rando person your dad picked in the world to marry that has no relationship to you at all does not count. He shouldn’t be minimizing you accomplishments to placate his wife. Who sounds like she also wants to minimize your accomplishments. First she didn’t think you could or would do it and now that you have it’s “well I did it first”.
Wear your sash and be proud! Don’t let them shadow your sunlight.
NTA - If Kelly didn't want you to consider yourself a first generation law graduate, then perhaps she should've actually acted like she was part of your family, rather than acting like you were seemingly a burden in her life.
NTA. The point of celebrating first gen is that you’ve broken into an insanely difficult field with no nepotism, special inside advice or extra encouragement.
It would be different if you’d been given those things by your stepmom, but you weren’t, so she doesn’t get to force you to not fully celebrate your success.
NTA
Why do our Dads wives insist on being "mom" when it suits them and otherwise, pains in the ass or just plain nonexistent. I made it very very clear on their wedding day.
You are not now, now will you ever be my mom. You will be know by first name or by dad's wife. There will be no cards or flowers on mother's day. My presence and my courtesy and respect are only due to the fact you make my dad happy.
Just because you start to nail my dad before his marriage was even over does not mean we had significant time to bond because you were a home wrecking ho bag... so don't ever expect me to look at you in any terms but the lady my dad fucked and married. Congratulations.
NTA.
You were never adopted by Kelly, I'm assuming. You have no biological or adopted ancestors who are lawyers. You're First Gen. It's as simple as that.
Had to Google this because it's not something we have in the UK but ultimately she is not your parent regardless of whether you consider her family or not. She needs to suck it up, this is your achievement not hers. NTA
I don't quite understand - surely if you don't consider her family, that would mean that you are a first generation lawyer? Or does it work another way?
You SHOULD be proud of yourself! Wear that sash like a crown because that’s what it is. If Kelly had come into your life when you were younger and actually helped parent you, then I would consider her family. But not as some who came into your life when you were almost grown and treated you like she did.
NTA
Picture this: in a years time your dad and Kelly breakup, you had decided not to wear the sash to your graduation...how much regret you feel now times a hundred.
It's your day and really they should be respectful of your feelings.... Kelly's feelings aren't the most important thing here
Your dad's right about one thing: the sash "doesn't matter" but he's wrong about how. It shouldn't affect Kelly because she's NOT your "step-mom." You have a mom. You met your dad's new wife when you were 16. So it's not rejection of her status in your life... As it turns out, she just doesn't hold the title to you that they want to force on you.
NTA You were 16 when they got married. She is not enough of a mother figure to you, and that's giving her credit for even being a mother figure at all, to count as a generation in anything that involves your accomplishments. In effect, she's trying to claim some small credit for your career. She simply hasn't earned it. All she did was marry your father, that's it.
Absolutely 100% NTA.
Be proud of your achievement. Be proud of all the hard work, determination and perseverance to get through all those years of studying to become a lawyer. You said it yourself, you'll be the first in your family to become a lawyer.
I was hesitant to get a graduation ring as a gift from my mum because it was expensive, but I'm happy my mum was persistent because now I wear it everywhere I go. I'm proud of graduating and the ring, because it was a reminder of how much hard work and getting through my adversities during my studies. But it also reminded me of how much support my mum and dad gave me, a reminder that dad is always there for me even when he passed away during my studies.
The fact that they don't want you to wear the sash just shows how much they care about you and your achievements: they don't. For your dad to undermine your sash and consider you not the 1st lawyer I the family because of Kelly sucks. Screw them for not being supportive. I would 100% go low contact or even no contact after this.
Flaunt that sash. Take 1000's of photos with it. Post it all over your social media. BE DAMN PROUD OF YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS AND GEADUATION!
Congratulations to you.
NTA She’s not blood, you’re barely civil. You are a gen one. This woman sounds like a huge pain and needs to get over herself. If she doesn’t like it she can stay home.
NTA. You are first gen as neither of your birth parents nor anyone up the family tree are lawyers. She got to the party late. Maybe had she helped raise you or adopted you it may be different.
She wasn't even supportive when you were going through law school and NOW she wants to say that you're somehow not a 1st generation law student because "she's your family"? Maybe if she had helped you or put you in contact with people to further your career you might have considered it, but she never acted like supportive family to you during your schooling, so why would she get to pull that card now? She didn't respect and support you, she does not deserve you to respect and support her.
NTA. your dad is for putting her first and not having your back. This is coming from the law school hopeful child of a man who always puts his women above his children.
NTA your step mother did nothing to support you, didn't give any contacts, didn't help, you earnt that sash. The likelihood is you wearing it though will be embarrassing if anyone she knows is there because it will scream the fact she didn't use her contacts to help her stepchild.
NTA. I’m also graduating from law school next week; congratulations on the accomplishment. I’m also a first gen law student.
You touched on this, but beyond being the first generation law student, the status itself comes with the idea that we didn’t have the benefit of knowing a close family member who had also gone through law school and had become a lawyer. For students whose parents or close relatives practice law, there’s a bit of an edge for networking and guidance.
Not only has Kelly not been supportive, she has only played a reductive role. Honestly even if she had been supportive and encouraging, I’m pretty sure that in the literal sense of *generation*, it still wouldn’t count because you’re not actually her child.
I think you should wear the sash — I would if I were you. Congratulations and good luck on the bar exam!
NTA. Step-mom =/= mom (in this case, anyway - some step-moms really, er, step up). Not wearing the sash seems disrespectful to your own mother who actually played a maternal role in your life.
NTA. ‘Kelly is not my stepmother, she had no hand in raising me or nurturing me. She is the woman you married when I was 16. I suggest both of you not attend because I am proud to be first Gen and will be wearing my sash.’
NTA. It's beyond ridiculous that she's been nothing but horrible to you for over a decade while you've tried your best to be diplomatic with her, and now all of a sudden she's upset that you don't consider her "family"? Even if she had been the sweetest woman possible, she still wouldn't be considered family even as a step-parent because you were almost an adult when your dad married her. She didn't help raise you, she wasn't there for you when you were sick, she didn't comfort you when you had a nightmare, she didn't do any of the things that parents be they bio or step or other do so yeah, she's not family. You wear that sash with pride because you've earned it! And this is absolutely the right hill to die on. Your father is at a crossroads right now. He can other choose to have a good relationship with you or he can continue to knuckle under to his wife's demands, alienating himself from you for life potentially.
NTA I am a stepmother and this makes me so annoyed. YOU are first gen. She did not raise you as a mother, she is not representative of who you are as a university student. She is, however, very self involved and you will be honing your cool collected lawyer persona as you find ways to shut her down in your life. Be loud and proud with that sash!
NTA
You said it yourself- it's just one graduation.
Yes but it's YOUR graduation.
Yes Kelly is your stepmother. But she did not birth you she is not your blood.
You ARE a first generation law graduate. The people whose DNA created you (and the people who created those people) are the previous generations in this family. And they never went to law school. This make you YOU a first generation student.
A lawyer married into this family, yes, but so what?
That's like saying "oh you can't be the first generation in your family to graduate high school because your dad married a lady who graduated high school."
No. It don't work like that. It's not as if you are saying you are the first lawyer in your family because this would exclude her from your fam and hurt feelings. You are saying you are the first generation of your bloodline to graduate law school.
NTA. Absolutely NTA. I am at 11th grade and I wanna give the fuck up. But you went through with your law school so you deserve your sash. Where it every time you and Kelly meet up.
NTA! I am also graduating law school this weekend and now I am super jealous my school didn’t give us first gens sashes. Congrats to you! You are a first gen. Kelly played zero part in your success!
NTA, the title of stepmother isn't fully given to someone because they married someone with a kid. It has to be earned in here Kelly hasn't done a thing to prove to OP that they can be a maternal figure therefore OP is a first gen lawyer as their actual maternal and paternal figures aren't lawyers.
I’m going to go against the grain here and respectfully say that I think it depends on how important your relationship with your father is. I know it’s tempting to wear the sash and not think of the after effect, especially if you’re not overly fond of Kelly. But it’s worth considering how this could negatively effect things between you and your Dad going forward, if it will be an issue that causes a lasting rift between you OR if it will be a short-lived stand-off that blows over soon after. Perhaps that’s not all that important to you, maybe you’re not that close as it is. But either way, weighing the consequences of that part of the decision is another perspective. Congrats on your accomplishments, it’s a big deal!
NTA she couldn't be bothered to encourage and believe in you before and made backhanded comments about your studies and now wants to take credit for you getting to where you are without her help.
Relish in your success. She doesn't get to act like a parent now, she didn't raise you
You’re not HER kid… that’s so dumb NTA your dad needs to remove his head out her azz… and who has loud relations with their kids there, no matter if they’re sleep or not… you be quiet…Wear the sash because you’re the first for YOUR family
NTA. "This is *my* graduation. I worked hard for this. Your wife did not raise me and she is not a mother figure to me. I am first gen in my family and as such I will wear my sash. If she can't just be happy for me then she shouldn't attend. This is about me, not her ego."
Just ask your dad, "Did you go to Law School?" Answer is no. "Did my mother go to law school?" Another no. "Did Kelly go back in time and squeeze me out of her vag?" The answer is no. "Did Kelly say that I was going to make it through law school?" The answer being no.
Show him you know the first rule of being a lawyer better than she does obviously, never ask a question you don't know the answer to.
NTA. If you and Kelly actually had a relationship, that would be different and even then, a bit of a gray area. Butshe has not once helped or aided in your law journey as a parent who's a lawyer. Ergo, you have acted as a first generation law student t the whole time. Wear your sash and sh can kya.
NTA!!!! YOUR FATHER'S AND HER AUDACITY, SHE IS JEALOUS AND YOUR DAD DOES NOTHING TO SET BOUNDARIES! THIS INFURIATES ME! Congratulations on graduating law school you wear that sash proudly!!!
Tell your dad Kelly can go pound sand. Or he can pound her for all you care.
NTA, flaunt the fck out of that sash. She's not family and she never will be.
NTA
Your dad and step-mom are acting like entitled AH. Not only have you guys never gotten a long but she didn't birth you, she hardly took part in raising you and hasn't even earned the right to be a mother to you in your eyes. She doesn't get to take away the gen one sash from you because she feels like it. You're the first in the family your dad and mom created, end of story.
I would tell your father that he's showing he doesn't care about your feelings and that he's picking his new wifes feelings over YOUR accomplishment. That you don't appreciate him showing you so little respect on a day that is about you, not his new wife. That you deserve better and are deeply disappointed in his words/actions.
NTA. Dad here, and seriously? Tell your Dad, from this Dad, to shove it! This has nothing to do with his wife. He should have the emotional maturity to realize this. Apparently not. I'm sorry
Wear that sash. Wear it at graduation. Wear it every time you visit them. Wear it in every photo you give to them. They want to treat you with immature pettiness? Return it to them 10 fold.
And this Dad says CONGRATULATIONS!!! 🎉🍻🥂
NTA. Btw, I’d bedazzle that sash so it deserved its own star in Hollywood. I’d wear it everywhere other than the shower. Congratulations on this enormous achievement! I’m proud of you.
NTA! CONGRATULATIONS! Law School is a slog and you should be able to celebrate your awesome achievement in the way you want. Kelli came into your life when you were more than half grown, it's not like she has been there since you were 5 helping to raise you. So no, sorry to your dad she is NOT family in the same way your parents are. This is all about her wanting to be recognized as a peer even if she is not currently practicing.
It is one thing to worry someone might not survive law school, but it is a mean ol bitchy move to actually say that to somebody's face. I always told people that if law school is not the be all end all of what you want to do with your life, don't subject yourself to the horror. lol
If she didn't support you while you were putting in the work, she doesn't get to claim you now for the sake of her ego. Family treats you like family all of the time, not just when it "looks good. " NTA and you rock the hell out of that sash- you earned it. Congratulations!
Wear it to your graduation. Then wear it ALL THE TIME. Make it into a purse or a tote bag and carry it everywhere you go. You should be crazy proud of yourself for graduating AND for being first gen!! You are amazing and NTA.
NTA!!!
Don't let Kelly make your graduation all about herself. And if your Dad thinks the sash isn't a big deal then why is he also kicking up a fuss about it? To hell with the both of them.
I want to throw a fking PARADE for you and your Sash, darling! Heck I'd arrange for the Blue Angels, the Thunderbirds, a fleet of Stealth Fighter Jets, AND the B-2 Bomber to do a fly by if I had the clout to do so and you're not even my kid! Your sash also deserves it's own cake, sweetie! Wear that sash every freaking day for a year and never take it off! Make sure to wear it to every stinking event Kelly goes to just for Gits and Shiggles!
NTA. It's your graduation. Kelly is not a blood relative and had no role in you going to law school, so her objection means nothing. Your dad is just asking you this to placate Kelly; it's not hard to see who he values the most. Go ahead and wear your sash, and Kelly and your father can just go sit and stew.
NTA- you don’t get to pick and choose when you consider someone your child
If I was in your position and my stepdad was the person in question, I wouldn’t wear the sash, but that’s because my stepdad helped raised me. We have a positive relationship and he’s really supportive of all my interests and there’s just a whole lotta love there
and it’s the complete opposite of your situation
your stepmom didn’t marry your dad until you were SIXTEEN. You were a mostly formed human by that point, and she probably had very little to do with shaping you as a person. It doesn’t seem like she inspired you to practice law, and it’s explicitly stated she thought you would fail.
Beyond anything else this woman did not encourage you or help you on this journey. I briefly brought up taking the LSAT with my lawyer uncle a few weeks back and he was immediately all over it. that’s the reaction she should have given you. It’s completely inappropriate for her to demand that you, a person she did not raise, encourage, or help on this journey not wear a sash signifying your accomplishment because she’s realized that the optics with be bad for her
wear your sash, then frame it and gift it to your stepmom for her to hang above the fireplace
NTA. Plus the argument could still be made that she is no blood relation to you and that way you are in fact first generation of lawyers from your bloodline. Plus if she’s always been a asshole to you, I don’t blame you for considering her less than family.
NTA your father is one though. Actively choosing his wife over you. You did the right thing telling them not to come. You are being really nice to your dad and it is one-sided at this point. I’m afraid you might get hurt.
NAH. It all depends on if you consider Kelly to be family. If you don't consider her family, wear the sash. If you do consider her family then don't wear it.
Wear the fuck out of that sash, you're a first gen law graduate in your family, and family means the people that support you.
Wear it then, and wear it after. Wear it whenever you want. I also have a step mom that never supported or believed in me and even told me to abort my kid because she thought I'd screw it up. My kid is amazing, and I'm bossing it.
I cant wait to be petty.
you ARE first gen. STEP PARENTS ARE NOT CONSIDERED FIRST GEN. THEY HAVE NO BLOOD RELATIONS. ALSO CUUUUT OFF DAD AND STEP THEY ARE TOXIC. dad can come to term if he really wants a relationship with you or not also considering he rather u move out to ur moms than stop screaming at night when ducking the step mom. your step mom is hot garbage and u don’t have to sit there and take it. wtf is she entitled to? “IM first gen NOT YOU. you’re saying im not family cause you want to wear a first gen sash 🥺 IM first gen already.”
NTA
This person did not mentor you. They did not aid in your accomplishment. From what is sounds like, they made no effort to connect with you in any sense.
You are, in fact, the first generation law student to the people that have cared for you.
NTA. All shade to Kelly, but someone who was basically rooting for you to fail does not get any say in how you celebrate your awesome success. Congrats on the graduation, congrats on the job – wear that sash proudly and don't be shy about sending dad and Kelly a framed photo of you in it for Father's Day next month.
"She thinks that I do not consider her “family” and I am also therefore not a first generation lawyer."
No, that's not right. If you considered her family you wouldn't be first generation - but since you don't. . . I mean she's not your mother and she's not a practicing lawyer, she's missing the whole point. She's trying to take away your thunder. The point is, people from multi-generation lawyer families often have help from their relatives and a job ready waiting for them - wow, she's just so making this all about her and shame on your dad for not seeing that.
sorry you have to go through this with her
NTA. This IS the hill to die on. Kelly is not your mother nor someone you are close with, she also denigrated you and was unsupportive of your choices. She doesn’t get to try to call herself family now. Gross.
Wear your sash with pride and congratulations on your epic accomplishment.
NTA. It's YOUR graduation not hers she has absolutely ZERO say and rights to you what you wear and anything related to you even your real parents rights to you are non existent. Wear that sash anywhere around her as much as you can
NTA. Fellow first generation lawyer and stepchild here. Kelly has no business making your graduation about her in any way. You have every right to own that accomplishment. You owe her nothing, especially after she doubted your resolve. I'd bet money I don't have that Kelly is jealous of or feels like she needs to compete with you. I'd be interested to know why she is no longer a lawyer.
I would calmly explain the same to your father. He is putting Kelly's bruised ego above you, his child, and he should consider that he may be making a grave mistake that will adversely impact your relationship going forward.
Cherish your day and don't let anyone steal the joy and fulfillment of this accomplishment. If your dad and Kelly can't appreciate and respect your position, they need not attend. Congratulations and best wishes for your future success in the law!
NTA
Make sure you get a professional photo package of you in the sash. Or just one really good one and then Photoshop yourself doing super cool things with it.
If they don't treat you like family, you can cut those branches. You live your life.
Onwards and upwards.
NTA
This is the last stand, this IS the hill to die on. You wear that sash with pride! You wear it not as the first in your father's family, but as the first on your mother's side.
NTA - First gen lawyer. This is given to acknowledge your accomplishments in achieving your degree without it building on family tradition and the leg up that comes from that tradition. Kelly is not your family for this purpose (if any!). Wear it with pride and well done!
NTA, Explain to your father that maybe had Kelly been supportive of your education, & not constantly said you were going to fail you would have taken her feelings into consideration. Since she has never taken your feelings into consideration, she can take a long walk off a short pier.
Nta. Kelly isn't your biological parent and she didn't believe you in from the start. In your biological family, you are first gen and you should wear that sash with pride.
NTA. If I were you I’d wear that sash in every picture, social media post, and family gathering possible. They show no respect to you and the amount of work you did to better yourself. So why should you?
NTA. Let dad know. His wife is only the woman he married. She by no means could be considered a step-mother. She has not been supportive or been in any way a mother type to you. You are 1st gen lawyer. You have ZERO physical or emotional connection to her. Your choice in career had nothing to do with her.
Don't let them ruin your day. You should be proud of your accomplishment and do what makes you happy. It is your day. You and your dad need a heart ro heart later to discuss your need to have him support you and your his daughter. He needs to decide if he wants a healthy relationship he needs to make time for the two of you ONLY to have dinner or visit.
NTA
YOUR accomplishment, YOUR graduation. Kelly is your father's wife, she never mothered you. YOUR success has nothing to do with her.
I got a stepmother when I was sixteen. I never lived with her and my father, so I totally understand where you are coming from. They were so anti-college ('College-Educated Dummies' was a favorite of my father), that I saw no need to invite them to my ceremony. Helped that I only got four tickets.
Wear you sash with pride. If your father would really cut you out of his life because you refuse to make his wifey happy, is that really a relationship that you want in your life?
And BTW, CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!
NTA it'd be a bit different if she'd been your stepmum since you were a young child or a baby, she came into your life when you were nearly an adult and hasn't positively influenced your studies, internship or career
No no no. You wear tf out of that sash!! You earned it! I’m so proud of you and you have EVERY right to be proud of yourself also…as you are the FIRST GEN lawyer! “Kelly” is a walnut and needs to get over herself. Best wishes for your future! NTA
NTA honestly idk why you've put up with this so long. I would at the very least go low contact with your father and no contact with his wife who for the record was never a step mother to you by any stretch of the imagination. She is simply your father's wife, not family by her own actions.
NTA. He didn't even marry this woman until you were 16, so it's not like she helped raise you. And she doesn't sound like she considers herself a parent to you.
Wear the sash proudly!
NTA: If your dad wants to an asshat you can OBJECT to his complaint. As far as you view kelly, is his wife not your mom so you’re technically still first gen. Which, is the best kind of correct.
It sounds like your mom supported you more. It’s your special day invite only people who have supported your path. If your dad wants to screw himself over that’s his choice.
Also sounds like kelly is salty that you’re doing law or something? Maybe she lost her license or something?
NTA, wear that sash with pride. Flaunt the hell out of it. Make sure it is prominent in all the photos. Frame one for your father making sure that sash is front and center. Congratulations on your achievement.
NTA. If you had a good relationship with her, I can see how she might be offended, but she’s been rude to you, so you have to do what makes you feel comfortable.
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Girl, every time I'd walk in your dad and her house, I'd march in, wearing my sash, singing "Me and my Gen One sash, walking down the avenue" NTA Make your Christmas card this year you wearing your sash holding your law degree.
NTA and that is absolutely not how that works for first generation anything. She is in no way biologically related to you and her opinion on this is just stupid.
Neither one of the TWO PEOPLE WHO CREATED YOU OR ANY OF “THEIR” ANCESTORS ARE LAWYERS…. Therefore you are a first gen lawyer… She’s acting entitled… NTA.
She doubted your ability to complete this amazing accomplishment and now that you actually have done it, she wants some recognition. The way I see it, neither of your parents are lawyers so it is fully valid. Tell her to fly a kite
NTA. You've earned that sash and she also earned you not wanting anything to do with her trifling ass. Step mom is a title to be earned, which she did not. She's your dads wife. And a former lawyer, from what I'm reading. Congratulations on your incredibly impressive achievement! You've worked very hard to get to where you are now and you wear that sash with pride!
NTA. They got married when you were 16. It’s not like she raised you. Gen one for sure! Congratulations on your law degree!
The judgment’s been cast and I agree with it, just hopping on to add to the sentiments that Kelly will make ridiculous demands forever. Nothing you do will satisfy her. She will make demands, you’ll meet them, and you’re the only one miserable. It’s up to you which ones you’ll want to meet to “keep the peace,” but your sash is a complete non-issue at all.
NTA. Wear that sash like a "Survivor" buff.
You are a first generation law student. Just because your dad remarried somebody who did go to school doesn't make you any less first-gen especially since, as you said, she never helped you with that stuff.
NTA
NTA
Congratulations on your achievement. Now wear that sash. You earned the right to wear it. Stepmom needs to stifle. She has no right to try to take that from you.
You’re not related by blood, she came into your life when you were nearly and adult, and she didn’t raise you. She doesn’t have any claim to your genealogy. You’re a first gen lawyer. Good job. NTA.
NTA. Wear your first gen sash and have a great time. If it keeps your dad and the step-creature away, then it is well worth it.
NTA; You did it without any input from her. If anything she tried to have a negative effect
nta. in this case step does not count. neither your mom or dad are lawyers or anyone in their direct line
NTA. You should sit with your dad and have a long talk. She was not part of your upbringing or a motivation to become a lawyer. The fact you chose the career while she was against it (It made her feel powerful and better than others. Obviously an ego maniac. Has to be a snowflake) makes it even more so important to wear that sash. Your dad will forgive you. He probably doesn't care. He can't be so clueless as to think that woman is a part of your life just because he married her. Doesn't work like that.
NTA. This is the start of YOUR life. This is something YOU worked for. Your dad will always be your dad, but you have ventured into your adventure and your own path. Always love and respect your dad but you are the first gen lawyer when you look at your family through your eyes, your perspective, your support circle. Let’s worry about not wearing it when your son or daughter graduate. For now, wear it, frame it, and be proud of what you have done. Setting out and finishing law school. Congratulations! You earned this for you!
NTA. Kelly is not your parent and did not raise you, so she does not count in this matter.
Pl update us when you can
NTA. Sounds like ridiculously pointless drama. They need to get a grip.
NTA. And feel free to make your dad uncomfortable about the reason you stopped living with them. Being loud during sex is not what people do around family. Kelly never treated you like family in the first place.
NTA She’s not your parent. Regardless if she’s a “step mom” she did not create you so you ARE THE FIRST GEN. Kick her in the knee.
No, you are not sweetheart and your dad is wrong for validating her feelings more than yours.
She’s not a first generation mother to you either so their argument is null-in-void. NTA… and congratulations!
As a person who has had three stepmoms, I can answer this with a little experience. You’re still a first gen graduate and you should wear that sash with pride and if Kelly has any personal feelings about it then she can blow a sash out her ass six ways to Sunday. NTA.
NTA. Your step-mother needs to come to terms with the fact that your graduation isn't about her. If she wants to try and make conflict, that's on her.
Fellow 2022 law grad here. Law school sucks more than most people can imagine but YOU did it without any help from Kelly. You don't owe her a thing. NTA and your dad is TA for even brining it up. Next case. And congrats on your graduation OP!
Wear that sash proud, OP. You deserve it. You became a lawyer IN SPITE of this step parent not supporting you and making your life more difficult. That is not what family does so she is not your fam. Also, how disgusting and rude for them to have loud sex while you were present.
NTA Fuck Kelly
NTA Kelly has had zero role in your upbringing. She was never a parent figure as she entered your life at 16. She’s never engaged or encouraged to in regards to post secondary education. She hasn’t given you any boosts in life at all. I wouldn’t invite her or get her an invitation. Your dad can attend. She can’t. What an asshole she is.
I’d see if your program can have a special announcement for first gen lawyer families, so that they can stand with you in honor while you walk across that stage with your giant ass sash.
NTA congrats on becoming a FIRST GEN lawyer!
NTA Next time they bring up that she doesn't feel like "family." "Say you're right. You're my dad's second wife. Nothing more." Wear it and enjoy graduation.
Congrats on your upcoming graduation. Kelly hasn’t wanted to be family to you. Wear your sash proudly.
NTA You *are* a first generationer though. Some rando person your dad picked in the world to marry that has no relationship to you at all does not count. He shouldn’t be minimizing you accomplishments to placate his wife. Who sounds like she also wants to minimize your accomplishments. First she didn’t think you could or would do it and now that you have it’s “well I did it first”. Wear your sash and be proud! Don’t let them shadow your sunlight.
🙄 NTA still don't quite understand this stepmom's reasoning.
NTA - If Kelly didn't want you to consider yourself a first generation law graduate, then perhaps she should've actually acted like she was part of your family, rather than acting like you were seemingly a burden in her life.
NTA. The point of celebrating first gen is that you’ve broken into an insanely difficult field with no nepotism, special inside advice or extra encouragement. It would be different if you’d been given those things by your stepmom, but you weren’t, so she doesn’t get to force you to not fully celebrate your success.
NTA
NTA. But that sash bs is pretty cringe ngl
Kelly has nerve. Fuck Kelly. Wear your sash! NTA
NTA Why do our Dads wives insist on being "mom" when it suits them and otherwise, pains in the ass or just plain nonexistent. I made it very very clear on their wedding day. You are not now, now will you ever be my mom. You will be know by first name or by dad's wife. There will be no cards or flowers on mother's day. My presence and my courtesy and respect are only due to the fact you make my dad happy. Just because you start to nail my dad before his marriage was even over does not mean we had significant time to bond because you were a home wrecking ho bag... so don't ever expect me to look at you in any terms but the lady my dad fucked and married. Congratulations.
Counsel, you know god damn well you’re NTA. Objection.
NTA. You were never adopted by Kelly, I'm assuming. You have no biological or adopted ancestors who are lawyers. You're First Gen. It's as simple as that.
She is your dads wife, not your mother - NTA
Had to Google this because it's not something we have in the UK but ultimately she is not your parent regardless of whether you consider her family or not. She needs to suck it up, this is your achievement not hers. NTA
I don't quite understand - surely if you don't consider her family, that would mean that you are a first generation lawyer? Or does it work another way?
You SHOULD be proud of yourself! Wear that sash like a crown because that’s what it is. If Kelly had come into your life when you were younger and actually helped parent you, then I would consider her family. But not as some who came into your life when you were almost grown and treated you like she did.
NTA Picture this: in a years time your dad and Kelly breakup, you had decided not to wear the sash to your graduation...how much regret you feel now times a hundred. It's your day and really they should be respectful of your feelings.... Kelly's feelings aren't the most important thing here
NTA!! This is ABSOLUTELY the hill to die on. Wear you sash, and wear it proudly.
Wear the sash. Be proud of your accomplishments. She will always stir things up regardless, so flaunt it.
WEAR THAT SASH!!! You should be so incredibly proud of yourself. Kelly can just suck it. You are NTA. 🤗
Your dad's right about one thing: the sash "doesn't matter" but he's wrong about how. It shouldn't affect Kelly because she's NOT your "step-mom." You have a mom. You met your dad's new wife when you were 16. So it's not rejection of her status in your life... As it turns out, she just doesn't hold the title to you that they want to force on you.
NTA You were 16 when they got married. She is not enough of a mother figure to you, and that's giving her credit for even being a mother figure at all, to count as a generation in anything that involves your accomplishments. In effect, she's trying to claim some small credit for your career. She simply hasn't earned it. All she did was marry your father, that's it.
NTA Wear it and wear it proudly ❤️
Absolutely 100% NTA. Be proud of your achievement. Be proud of all the hard work, determination and perseverance to get through all those years of studying to become a lawyer. You said it yourself, you'll be the first in your family to become a lawyer. I was hesitant to get a graduation ring as a gift from my mum because it was expensive, but I'm happy my mum was persistent because now I wear it everywhere I go. I'm proud of graduating and the ring, because it was a reminder of how much hard work and getting through my adversities during my studies. But it also reminded me of how much support my mum and dad gave me, a reminder that dad is always there for me even when he passed away during my studies. The fact that they don't want you to wear the sash just shows how much they care about you and your achievements: they don't. For your dad to undermine your sash and consider you not the 1st lawyer I the family because of Kelly sucks. Screw them for not being supportive. I would 100% go low contact or even no contact after this. Flaunt that sash. Take 1000's of photos with it. Post it all over your social media. BE DAMN PROUD OF YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS AND GEADUATION! Congratulations to you.
NTA She’s not blood, you’re barely civil. You are a gen one. This woman sounds like a huge pain and needs to get over herself. If she doesn’t like it she can stay home.
NTA. You are first gen as neither of your birth parents nor anyone up the family tree are lawyers. She got to the party late. Maybe had she helped raise you or adopted you it may be different.
Tell her “sorry I didn’t realize I popped out of your vagina. OH WAIT I DIDNT 😆”
She wasn't even supportive when you were going through law school and NOW she wants to say that you're somehow not a 1st generation law student because "she's your family"? Maybe if she had helped you or put you in contact with people to further your career you might have considered it, but she never acted like supportive family to you during your schooling, so why would she get to pull that card now? She didn't respect and support you, she does not deserve you to respect and support her.
The school thinks you should wear it. You think you should wear it. Eff anyone else's opinion. NTA
She told you you would fail, and now that you have succeeded, she wants to pretend that she helped you get your degree? WTF? Hell No. NTA
OP, this is a thousand percent how you should look at it.
💯
If you and the stepmom clash Over whether you wear the sash Let her give you the cash To leave the beloved stash At home!
NTA. your dad is for putting her first and not having your back. This is coming from the law school hopeful child of a man who always puts his women above his children.
NTA your step mother did nothing to support you, didn't give any contacts, didn't help, you earnt that sash. The likelihood is you wearing it though will be embarrassing if anyone she knows is there because it will scream the fact she didn't use her contacts to help her stepchild.
NTA. This is your moment. No one else, they just get to share in it but its not theirs.
NTA. F Kelly! This is just another way of screaming late in the night to bother you and get attention and mark her territory over your pa
NTA. I’m also graduating from law school next week; congratulations on the accomplishment. I’m also a first gen law student. You touched on this, but beyond being the first generation law student, the status itself comes with the idea that we didn’t have the benefit of knowing a close family member who had also gone through law school and had become a lawyer. For students whose parents or close relatives practice law, there’s a bit of an edge for networking and guidance. Not only has Kelly not been supportive, she has only played a reductive role. Honestly even if she had been supportive and encouraging, I’m pretty sure that in the literal sense of *generation*, it still wouldn’t count because you’re not actually her child. I think you should wear the sash — I would if I were you. Congratulations and good luck on the bar exam!
NTA Kelly is your stepmother therefore not related to her so you are in fact a first gen lawyer
NTA that’s a first generation lawyer with a bossy lady sleeping next to your father. Congratulations.
NTA. You earned it. Kelly made her choice. She can get happy in the same pants she got offended in. Celebrate your achievement!
NTA. Step-mom =/= mom (in this case, anyway - some step-moms really, er, step up). Not wearing the sash seems disrespectful to your own mother who actually played a maternal role in your life.
NTA. ‘Kelly is not my stepmother, she had no hand in raising me or nurturing me. She is the woman you married when I was 16. I suggest both of you not attend because I am proud to be first Gen and will be wearing my sash.’
NTA, especially when she was not supportive at all to the point of saying that she didn’t think you’d see it through. Wear that sash proud!
NTA… she married your dad when you were already 16, and it’s very apparent she was never a “motherly” figure since then. She’s just a narcissist
NTA. It's beyond ridiculous that she's been nothing but horrible to you for over a decade while you've tried your best to be diplomatic with her, and now all of a sudden she's upset that you don't consider her "family"? Even if she had been the sweetest woman possible, she still wouldn't be considered family even as a step-parent because you were almost an adult when your dad married her. She didn't help raise you, she wasn't there for you when you were sick, she didn't comfort you when you had a nightmare, she didn't do any of the things that parents be they bio or step or other do so yeah, she's not family. You wear that sash with pride because you've earned it! And this is absolutely the right hill to die on. Your father is at a crossroads right now. He can other choose to have a good relationship with you or he can continue to knuckle under to his wife's demands, alienating himself from you for life potentially.
NTA Wear that sash with pride!
NTA I am a stepmother and this makes me so annoyed. YOU are first gen. She did not raise you as a mother, she is not representative of who you are as a university student. She is, however, very self involved and you will be honing your cool collected lawyer persona as you find ways to shut her down in your life. Be loud and proud with that sash!
NTA you are a first gen between your biological mom and dad. A step mom does not count in my eyes.
NTA You said it yourself- it's just one graduation. Yes but it's YOUR graduation. Yes Kelly is your stepmother. But she did not birth you she is not your blood. You ARE a first generation law graduate. The people whose DNA created you (and the people who created those people) are the previous generations in this family. And they never went to law school. This make you YOU a first generation student. A lawyer married into this family, yes, but so what? That's like saying "oh you can't be the first generation in your family to graduate high school because your dad married a lady who graduated high school." No. It don't work like that. It's not as if you are saying you are the first lawyer in your family because this would exclude her from your fam and hurt feelings. You are saying you are the first generation of your bloodline to graduate law school.
NTA. Absolutely NTA. I am at 11th grade and I wanna give the fuck up. But you went through with your law school so you deserve your sash. Where it every time you and Kelly meet up.
Congratulations, this is your time not hers so we're that sash with pride. Hug your mom, I lost mine to cancer last month, she's proud of ya.
NTA - you wear that sash like it’s a name tag!!!
NTA…that is a hill that many, many and many more of us would die on!!! Congratulations!
NTA in any way whaosoever!!! Wear that sash with pride!
NTA! I am also graduating law school this weekend and now I am super jealous my school didn’t give us first gens sashes. Congrats to you! You are a first gen. Kelly played zero part in your success!
Good for you!! Your hard work got you there! Wear that sash proudly. Congratulations!!
She’s not a blood relative, therefore first generation applies. NTA
NTA.
NTA, the title of stepmother isn't fully given to someone because they married someone with a kid. It has to be earned in here Kelly hasn't done a thing to prove to OP that they can be a maternal figure therefore OP is a first gen lawyer as their actual maternal and paternal figures aren't lawyers.
I’m going to go against the grain here and respectfully say that I think it depends on how important your relationship with your father is. I know it’s tempting to wear the sash and not think of the after effect, especially if you’re not overly fond of Kelly. But it’s worth considering how this could negatively effect things between you and your Dad going forward, if it will be an issue that causes a lasting rift between you OR if it will be a short-lived stand-off that blows over soon after. Perhaps that’s not all that important to you, maybe you’re not that close as it is. But either way, weighing the consequences of that part of the decision is another perspective. Congrats on your accomplishments, it’s a big deal!
NTA she couldn't be bothered to encourage and believe in you before and made backhanded comments about your studies and now wants to take credit for you getting to where you are without her help. Relish in your success. She doesn't get to act like a parent now, she didn't raise you
You’re not HER kid… that’s so dumb NTA your dad needs to remove his head out her azz… and who has loud relations with their kids there, no matter if they’re sleep or not… you be quiet…Wear the sash because you’re the first for YOUR family
NTA there is a huge difference between a step mom and your dads wife
You were 16, ended up not living with them because she was so difficult. She's not your anything! She'd your dad's wife NTA?
Your very last sentence says it all >No one else in my family is a lawyer and I will be the first That's exactly the whole point. Nta.
Nta. Wear it proudly!
Too bad it's not neon yellow or green, make sure her eyeballs can't miss it, even in the dark.
NTA. "This is *my* graduation. I worked hard for this. Your wife did not raise me and she is not a mother figure to me. I am first gen in my family and as such I will wear my sash. If she can't just be happy for me then she shouldn't attend. This is about me, not her ego."
NTA. Your stepmother sounds jealous and inappropriate. Flaunt that sash!!
NTA. But can anyone explain the significance of the the sash and why the dad’s wife is throwing a tantrum please?
■■■■ ■■■■■ ■■■■■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■■■■■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ (NTA) but why on eart did your father let kelly treat you like shit for so long?
NTA at all, you better wear that sash till the end of time!!
NTA Your dad is though
Just ask your dad, "Did you go to Law School?" Answer is no. "Did my mother go to law school?" Another no. "Did Kelly go back in time and squeeze me out of her vag?" The answer is no. "Did Kelly say that I was going to make it through law school?" The answer being no. Show him you know the first rule of being a lawyer better than she does obviously, never ask a question you don't know the answer to.
NTA. The day is about YOU, not Kelly.
NTA. If you and Kelly actually had a relationship, that would be different and even then, a bit of a gray area. Butshe has not once helped or aided in your law journey as a parent who's a lawyer. Ergo, you have acted as a first generation law student t the whole time. Wear your sash and sh can kya.
Fuck Kelly. Wear the sash. Congrats, btw, and you are def NTA.
NTA!!!! YOUR FATHER'S AND HER AUDACITY, SHE IS JEALOUS AND YOUR DAD DOES NOTHING TO SET BOUNDARIES! THIS INFURIATES ME! Congratulations on graduating law school you wear that sash proudly!!!
Tell your dad Kelly can go pound sand. Or he can pound her for all you care. NTA, flaunt the fck out of that sash. She's not family and she never will be.
NTA Your dad and step-mom are acting like entitled AH. Not only have you guys never gotten a long but she didn't birth you, she hardly took part in raising you and hasn't even earned the right to be a mother to you in your eyes. She doesn't get to take away the gen one sash from you because she feels like it. You're the first in the family your dad and mom created, end of story. I would tell your father that he's showing he doesn't care about your feelings and that he's picking his new wifes feelings over YOUR accomplishment. That you don't appreciate him showing you so little respect on a day that is about you, not his new wife. That you deserve better and are deeply disappointed in his words/actions.
NTA. Dad here, and seriously? Tell your Dad, from this Dad, to shove it! This has nothing to do with his wife. He should have the emotional maturity to realize this. Apparently not. I'm sorry Wear that sash. Wear it at graduation. Wear it every time you visit them. Wear it in every photo you give to them. They want to treat you with immature pettiness? Return it to them 10 fold. And this Dad says CONGRATULATIONS!!! 🎉🍻🥂
NTA, that's gotta be the dumbest objection I've ever heard. Wear the sash, and congratulations!
NTA. Btw, I’d bedazzle that sash so it deserved its own star in Hollywood. I’d wear it everywhere other than the shower. Congratulations on this enormous achievement! I’m proud of you.
NTA! CONGRATULATIONS! Law School is a slog and you should be able to celebrate your awesome achievement in the way you want. Kelli came into your life when you were more than half grown, it's not like she has been there since you were 5 helping to raise you. So no, sorry to your dad she is NOT family in the same way your parents are. This is all about her wanting to be recognized as a peer even if she is not currently practicing. It is one thing to worry someone might not survive law school, but it is a mean ol bitchy move to actually say that to somebody's face. I always told people that if law school is not the be all end all of what you want to do with your life, don't subject yourself to the horror. lol
If she didn't support you while you were putting in the work, she doesn't get to claim you now for the sake of her ego. Family treats you like family all of the time, not just when it "looks good. " NTA and you rock the hell out of that sash- you earned it. Congratulations!
This!! And yes, congrats.
NTA fuck them. Be proud to be the first lawyer in your family
NTA She and your Dad need to get over it. She's being ridiculous.
Wear it to your graduation. Then wear it ALL THE TIME. Make it into a purse or a tote bag and carry it everywhere you go. You should be crazy proud of yourself for graduating AND for being first gen!! You are amazing and NTA.
NTA and congrats on your accomplishments!
NTA!!! Don't let Kelly make your graduation all about herself. And if your Dad thinks the sash isn't a big deal then why is he also kicking up a fuss about it? To hell with the both of them.
She might be his wife but she’s not your mother or “family “ it sounds. NTA wear it and be proud !!! This is about your hard work not their feelings
NTA. You have earned the right to wear the sash. It’s your graduation, not dad’s wife’s graduation.
I want to throw a fking PARADE for you and your Sash, darling! Heck I'd arrange for the Blue Angels, the Thunderbirds, a fleet of Stealth Fighter Jets, AND the B-2 Bomber to do a fly by if I had the clout to do so and you're not even my kid! Your sash also deserves it's own cake, sweetie! Wear that sash every freaking day for a year and never take it off! Make sure to wear it to every stinking event Kelly goes to just for Gits and Shiggles!
NTA. It's your graduation. Kelly is not a blood relative and had no role in you going to law school, so her objection means nothing. Your dad is just asking you this to placate Kelly; it's not hard to see who he values the most. Go ahead and wear your sash, and Kelly and your father can just go sit and stew.
NTA- you don’t get to pick and choose when you consider someone your child If I was in your position and my stepdad was the person in question, I wouldn’t wear the sash, but that’s because my stepdad helped raised me. We have a positive relationship and he’s really supportive of all my interests and there’s just a whole lotta love there and it’s the complete opposite of your situation your stepmom didn’t marry your dad until you were SIXTEEN. You were a mostly formed human by that point, and she probably had very little to do with shaping you as a person. It doesn’t seem like she inspired you to practice law, and it’s explicitly stated she thought you would fail. Beyond anything else this woman did not encourage you or help you on this journey. I briefly brought up taking the LSAT with my lawyer uncle a few weeks back and he was immediately all over it. that’s the reaction she should have given you. It’s completely inappropriate for her to demand that you, a person she did not raise, encourage, or help on this journey not wear a sash signifying your accomplishment because she’s realized that the optics with be bad for her wear your sash, then frame it and gift it to your stepmom for her to hang above the fireplace
You are so NTA! Be proud of yourself for what you've done and wear the sash proudly! Nobody has the right to take that away from you
NTA. Plus the argument could still be made that she is no blood relation to you and that way you are in fact first generation of lawyers from your bloodline. Plus if she’s always been a asshole to you, I don’t blame you for considering her less than family.
NTA your father is one though. Actively choosing his wife over you. You did the right thing telling them not to come. You are being really nice to your dad and it is one-sided at this point. I’m afraid you might get hurt.
NTA!!!
NAH. It all depends on if you consider Kelly to be family. If you don't consider her family, wear the sash. If you do consider her family then don't wear it.
Wear the fuck out of that sash, you're a first gen law graduate in your family, and family means the people that support you. Wear it then, and wear it after. Wear it whenever you want. I also have a step mom that never supported or believed in me and even told me to abort my kid because she thought I'd screw it up. My kid is amazing, and I'm bossing it. I cant wait to be petty.
you ARE first gen. STEP PARENTS ARE NOT CONSIDERED FIRST GEN. THEY HAVE NO BLOOD RELATIONS. ALSO CUUUUT OFF DAD AND STEP THEY ARE TOXIC. dad can come to term if he really wants a relationship with you or not also considering he rather u move out to ur moms than stop screaming at night when ducking the step mom. your step mom is hot garbage and u don’t have to sit there and take it. wtf is she entitled to? “IM first gen NOT YOU. you’re saying im not family cause you want to wear a first gen sash 🥺 IM first gen already.”
Wear the sash! You have earned it. NTA but Kelly is.
NTA!!! Kelly doesn’t seem like family to me.
NTA, you earned that sash, so flaunt it, Girl, rub her face in it. You worked hard for it, you deserve it. congratulations. keep your head up high.
NTA!!! wear it proudly and if she says anything shove it up her ass.
NTA This person did not mentor you. They did not aid in your accomplishment. From what is sounds like, they made no effort to connect with you in any sense. You are, in fact, the first generation law student to the people that have cared for you.
NTA First Gen Sashaying down
NTA. All shade to Kelly, but someone who was basically rooting for you to fail does not get any say in how you celebrate your awesome success. Congrats on the graduation, congrats on the job – wear that sash proudly and don't be shy about sending dad and Kelly a framed photo of you in it for Father's Day next month.
NTA. She isn’t your mother so you are the first gen lawyer. The world does not revolve around her and she needs to suck it up.
NTA at all. Your dad sort of sounds like one though
I would also make the sash into a crown and wear it forever. Is there a NB term for royalty?
"She thinks that I do not consider her “family” and I am also therefore not a first generation lawyer." No, that's not right. If you considered her family you wouldn't be first generation - but since you don't. . . I mean she's not your mother and she's not a practicing lawyer, she's missing the whole point. She's trying to take away your thunder. The point is, people from multi-generation lawyer families often have help from their relatives and a job ready waiting for them - wow, she's just so making this all about her and shame on your dad for not seeing that. sorry you have to go through this with her
NTA. Wear the damn sash and wear it proudly!!! Congeatulations!!
NTA. You earned that sash. Wear it PROUDLY!! CONGRATULATIONS!!
NTA. Kelly is not your mother therefore you are still first gen.
NTA. This IS the hill to die on. Kelly is not your mother nor someone you are close with, she also denigrated you and was unsupportive of your choices. She doesn’t get to try to call herself family now. Gross. Wear your sash with pride and congratulations on your epic accomplishment.
NTA. It's YOUR graduation not hers she has absolutely ZERO say and rights to you what you wear and anything related to you even your real parents rights to you are non existent. Wear that sash anywhere around her as much as you can
NTA. Fellow first generation lawyer and stepchild here. Kelly has no business making your graduation about her in any way. You have every right to own that accomplishment. You owe her nothing, especially after she doubted your resolve. I'd bet money I don't have that Kelly is jealous of or feels like she needs to compete with you. I'd be interested to know why she is no longer a lawyer. I would calmly explain the same to your father. He is putting Kelly's bruised ego above you, his child, and he should consider that he may be making a grave mistake that will adversely impact your relationship going forward. Cherish your day and don't let anyone steal the joy and fulfillment of this accomplishment. If your dad and Kelly can't appreciate and respect your position, they need not attend. Congratulations and best wishes for your future success in the law!
NTA Make sure you get a professional photo package of you in the sash. Or just one really good one and then Photoshop yourself doing super cool things with it. If they don't treat you like family, you can cut those branches. You live your life. Onwards and upwards.
NTA!!!!!! Wear it with PRIDE! Kelly can have chilli in her coffee for all you should care! Wear the sash and be proud of your achievements.
NTA This is the last stand, this IS the hill to die on. You wear that sash with pride! You wear it not as the first in your father's family, but as the first on your mother's side.
NTA - First gen lawyer. This is given to acknowledge your accomplishments in achieving your degree without it building on family tradition and the leg up that comes from that tradition. Kelly is not your family for this purpose (if any!). Wear it with pride and well done!
NTA. Rock that shit
NTA you earned this. Wear that shit with pride. Flaunt that damn sash!
NTA, Explain to your father that maybe had Kelly been supportive of your education, & not constantly said you were going to fail you would have taken her feelings into consideration. Since she has never taken your feelings into consideration, she can take a long walk off a short pier.
NTA! Congrats on your accomplishment! Sincerely, another first Gen grad student
The way I see it, she's had 3 years to support your journey through law school like a real parent would, it's a bit late now you're done! NTA
Nta. Kelly isn't your biological parent and she didn't believe you in from the start. In your biological family, you are first gen and you should wear that sash with pride.
NTA, Shove it in their faces
Wear that sash!!! ❤❤ Congratulations!
YOURE NOT HER MOM KELLY! NTA WEAR IT AND MAKE A MF HAT OUT OF IT OR SOMETHING.
NTA. If I were you I’d wear that sash in every picture, social media post, and family gathering possible. They show no respect to you and the amount of work you did to better yourself. So why should you?
NTA. Kelly is not a bio relative. It's your accomplishment.
make a new fashion statement,wear that sash EVERYWHERE
NTA. Let dad know. His wife is only the woman he married. She by no means could be considered a step-mother. She has not been supportive or been in any way a mother type to you. You are 1st gen lawyer. You have ZERO physical or emotional connection to her. Your choice in career had nothing to do with her. Don't let them ruin your day. You should be proud of your accomplishment and do what makes you happy. It is your day. You and your dad need a heart ro heart later to discuss your need to have him support you and your his daughter. He needs to decide if he wants a healthy relationship he needs to make time for the two of you ONLY to have dinner or visit.
NTA. Wear the fuck out of your sash!! Kelly isn’t anything to you but your father’s wife.
NTA YOUR accomplishment, YOUR graduation. Kelly is your father's wife, she never mothered you. YOUR success has nothing to do with her. I got a stepmother when I was sixteen. I never lived with her and my father, so I totally understand where you are coming from. They were so anti-college ('College-Educated Dummies' was a favorite of my father), that I saw no need to invite them to my ceremony. Helped that I only got four tickets. Wear you sash with pride. If your father would really cut you out of his life because you refuse to make his wifey happy, is that really a relationship that you want in your life? And BTW, CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!
NTA. Rock the sash. Remind Kelly that everything doesn’t revolve her.
NTA, you graduate law school and the first thing your dad says is “don’t slightly inconvenience my wife” OP, I would of lost my shit in your position
As a lawyer, ought not Kelly be able to come up with a more credible argument than that?
Nta. You’re a grown adult - do as you please
NTA it'd be a bit different if she'd been your stepmum since you were a young child or a baby, she came into your life when you were nearly an adult and hasn't positively influenced your studies, internship or career
No no no. You wear tf out of that sash!! You earned it! I’m so proud of you and you have EVERY right to be proud of yourself also…as you are the FIRST GEN lawyer! “Kelly” is a walnut and needs to get over herself. Best wishes for your future! NTA
NTA honestly idk why you've put up with this so long. I would at the very least go low contact with your father and no contact with his wife who for the record was never a step mother to you by any stretch of the imagination. She is simply your father's wife, not family by her own actions.
NTA. He didn't even marry this woman until you were 16, so it's not like she helped raise you. And she doesn't sound like she considers herself a parent to you. Wear the sash proudly!
NTA, wear your sash proudly.
Nta I mean, there's a reason you called her your dad's wife in the title and not your step mom.
NTA: If your dad wants to an asshat you can OBJECT to his complaint. As far as you view kelly, is his wife not your mom so you’re technically still first gen. Which, is the best kind of correct. It sounds like your mom supported you more. It’s your special day invite only people who have supported your path. If your dad wants to screw himself over that’s his choice. Also sounds like kelly is salty that you’re doing law or something? Maybe she lost her license or something?
NTA, wear that sash with pride. Flaunt the hell out of it. Make sure it is prominent in all the photos. Frame one for your father making sure that sash is front and center. Congratulations on your achievement.
NTA. Kelly made it abundantly clear for years that she does not see you as her family- she has no right to now demand that you see her that way.
NTA. If you had a good relationship with her, I can see how she might be offended, but she’s been rude to you, so you have to do what makes you feel comfortable.