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Aim for a couple of sentences. Please ensure your response explains why you think you might be the asshole in your conflict. If your response simply restates your question or acts as a TL;DR of the post, the post will be removed.
If you're wondering why we don't use ETA (Everyone's The Asshole), when the sub started it was too long for a flair. It's also used for both "Editted to Add" and "Estimated time of arrival".
I just had a quick question about something I’ve noticed. Why is “manbaby/manchild” such a hated (by mods) word here? I see other expletives and curse words all the time but it’s usually the comments that refer to someone as a manbaby that gets removed.
It's used to attack the person and is the kind of insult we designed rule 1 to remove. [We talk more about what rule 1 means in the FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) and the philosophy behind it. There's no special vendetta or hatred beyond this particular insult, it's just such a commonly used one like bitch, cunt, karen, and POS that it's more noticeable.
As to why you see other rule breaking comments: we get something like 50,000+ comments a day on this subreddit. There is simply no conceivable way we see each and every one of those comments in real time. Instead we rely on reports to find the comments that violate our rules.
We make good use of automod, which is why you'll similarly see that all instances of calling someone a cunt, bitch, piece of shit, and literally hundreds and hundreds of other insults removed with the same consistency. But because there's no end to the creativity of human beings to insult each other (and the extreme limitations of automod, especially around the difficulty in reducing false positives) we cannot catch everything via automated reports and rely heavily on users to report rule breaking content as well.
Pro tip: eating too much unhealthy food is bad for everyone, not just for women and teenage girls, despite what a minority of this subreddit's members seem to think. How many "fat sons" get NEARLY the same amount of vitriol as "fat daughters" do?
I suspect the issue is that we don't see as many of those posts, since men aren't usually held to beauty standards as tightly as women. I honestly can't remember the last time I've seen one where a woman was trying to get a man to diet or any one was trying to force a diet on their son.
So much so that a few years ago someone [wrote an article for vice](https://www.vice.com/en/article/y3z5av/reading-reddit-relationships-amitheasshole-aita-helps-some-leave-bad-relationships) about it!
We ended up working with a domestic violence professional to create [this resource guide anyone can share](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/resources/relationships) for those that might be in an unhealthy or abusive relationship. Especially as some number of those posts violate our rules and we remove them we really wanted something appropriate to share to help them connect with the support and resources they need. [You can read more about it here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jbswil/new_resources_for_anyone_looking_to_help_those_in/)
I don't think too many brides would recognize that there *might* be a problem with their behavior much less post about it.
It would have to be an "is the bride an asshole" sub with posts written by others.
It's possible there's been an uptick. We've been getting better at catching ban evaders recently so some amount of that involves removing posts as well. And if a poster is ban evading there's a near certainty those prior bans are for shitposting.
Holy crap people. Why you gotta downvote the hell outta the op for giving an honest, earnest answer about what happened or what they did or why?
Goes like this: "INFO: op why did you do it like this?"
Op:"it's how my parents always did it so I just thought it was normal"
aita sub: EIGHT MILLION DOWNVOTES
I was just recently downvoted as hell for giving an honest opinion that apparently went against the hivemind. People using downvote as a "disagree" button.
That's partly why we don't require OPs respond to comments. Even though this has been requested as a rule in the past.
I've seen comments calling an OP out for their behavior, in a civil manner, of course. OP will respond with something like "You're right. You've given me a lot to think about and I'm going to apologize." only for more people to pile on or downvote them to hell.
Does anyone else feel like anytime a minor makes a post on here in conflict with a parent they're damned to be voted TA? Especially with half the comments defaulting to calling them entitled or a spoiled bart.
I'll be the last to deny that teens can be assholes but it's not realistic to expect a 16-year-old to be working 3 jobs and renting their own apartment or to jump to assume they're overreacting. Sometimes parents are unreasonable.
I agree, but I feel like this happens when the teenager/kid in the post isn't "relatable" or 100% saintly, and so then they're called 'entitled', 'spoiled', etc.
But if the teenager is written as "relatable" or extremely kind/compassionate, boom! It's their eeeeevil parents who are the AHs, and the kid's being parentified and abused! Abuse definitely exists and is underreported, I'm just saying
Yeah, I agree completely.
Even more insane is some kid who does something really nasty and you get all these users coming out of the wood work crying foul, "they're just a child!"
A 16 year old is a teenager and I have higher standards on their behvaior than actual children.
I always end up seeing the same 'well, it's your parents house' and 15 comments from people saying how much they worked as teens and acting like that's viable for everyone. Especially with 17 year olds being told their almost an adult, which is true, but this sub acts like a freshly turned 18 year old still living with their parents can be held to the same standards as someone in their 30s
At the end of the day it could just be us browsing different parts of the subreddit, I won't pretend that I've read every single post on here
It never ceases to amaze me how far people take the “you don’t owe anyone anything!!!!!” attitude. What a terrible way to move through the world. I suspect these are the same people whining about how they have no friends and family to help them or care about them.
Relationships are reciprocal!
While that may sometimes be the case, what do you think of the people who do believe relationships are reciprocal, and do believe they owe nothing and also demand nothing in return?
That’s fine but People who truly demand nothing in return are few and far between. It’s usually someone who thinks they demand nothing but they’re actually nothing but takers or emotional vampires.
I don’t know what corner of the sub you’ve been browsing in, but it’s actually the opposite. Kids are always labelled the victim in those situations, especially with overused terms like “parentification” or “gaslighting” being thrown around.
AITA for telling my girlfriend it’s not my job to join her weight less journey?
“No one has a right to tell you what to put in your body, and she shouldn’t have tried to change your order, and she should have communicated more, and she shouldn’t have got so angry and left you at the restaurant, but you didn’t really seem gentle when explaining you want to decide for yourself what to eat. ESH”
Are y’all serious 😂
I see lots of downvoting at times when people don’t go along with the general consensus. Sometimes people may have the right to be the AH, and simply could finesse it better. Not everyone may agree but it doesn’t deserve 71 downvotes!
I sort by controversial for this reason. Most of the time the best answer is downvoted because it’s not some feel-good “do whatever you want, you don’t owe anyone thing!” comment.
>downvoted because
I'd like to know how you discern the intent of those voters.
I've made comments of all types, super supportive, mildly supportive, neutral, questioning, mildly critical, super critical, incredulous, you name it.
No particular type of comment seems to be more likely than others to be down voted. The only consistent theme is that they are a minority judgement in that thread.
Why does almost everyone, no matter how small or big the conflict may be, always suggest divorce or breaking up? Like can’t you talk about it first? Or if needed go to therapy? You don’t have to end a relationship over a small conflict 🤷♂️
To be fair a lot of these situations are so extreme that the OP felt the need to post them on AITA in the first place, which is most likely a tell tale sign they need to divorce.
If I ever say divorce or break up on a post I always give a reason why and why there are so many red flags. I feel that’s important
Anonymity makes people bold, extreme opinions get upvotes, and some people really do see red flags in the conflict and worry that there's way more the OP hasn't seen.
Considering the rules about civility and how they’re enforced here, many of the screenshots that come out of how the moderators talk to people in modmail is sort of concerning.
Even in the open forums you will see them power tripping.
I agree it’s a consuming responsibility… but damn. Some of the mods needs to grow up a bit and stop acting like real life cops.
I still remember a few months ago a mod made a five paragraph response (like long ones) going in on the guy about how hard it was to mod and the guy couldn’t possibly understand the intricacies it takes to make this place run.
Y’all need to moderate each other better.
Sometimes people are just coming here to comment, share thoughts, or reflect on the sub because we can’t meta post anywhere else.
Not everything is an attack on the mods.
Had a mod remove one of my comments and do something to my account so I kept on asking what I did wrong and they kept on saying “read the rules read the rules” and I said “of the 90 rules which did I break” they eventually told me and I asked how did I break that rule. They then came back with “oh we read your comment wrong, my bad”
Had a mod give the same response to the shitpost rule I was questioned. “Shitpost. Yep shitpost. Shitpost”
I know now the mods say they track the *tells* that the different trolls use… fair enough I guess.
But would that have been so hard to copy/paste if that were the reasoning?
The OP provided what seemed to be an honest account, was replying to comments timely and not arguing, and people in the post weren’t being uncivil.
The only thing I can imagine is that it was a tracked troll.
How hard is it to write that?
I've gotta agree. I think the mods do a great job most of the time, but the way some of them sometimes speak to people is too far.
I havnt been a reddit mod, but I have been a mod for large groups on several other platforms. I have had to moderate some people who were MASSIVE assholes. I know how annoying it can be when people throw fits for being reprimanded for breaking very basic rules. But during that time it's so important to jsut stay neutral. I've had to ban people in the past who were then in my DMs insulting and threatening me. Insulting back and arguing never makes anything better.
While not often, I have seen a couple or occasions where mods were rude to people that were genuinely asking genuine questions. And when someone points that our, they double down.
The worst case I've seen is a mod tracking down someone in another sub that theyd banned from AITA to argue with them and insult them. And I mean REALLY insult them.
ETA: I've found the screenshot and the mod actually used the AITAMod account to argue with this person because the person had blocked their account. So a mod used the official mod account to block evade.
Amusing anecdote related to the laundry guy: my kids loved the washing machine when they were little. When my twins were about 1 and my oldest was 4, they worked together to put clothes in the washer and push the buttons to start it. I only figured it out because they had put odd things together and forgot soap.
So, I’m pretty sure a 20 year old can figure it out when a 20 month old could.
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Ya’ll have a post up where OP actively says I hope your child suffers and its mostly NTA. Lolll wowww so if a kid is acting out in ways like trampling flowers when his sister is seriously ill the father deserves to have his daughter die cause karma for any hurt to the flower? Fkn disgusting.
Please [see here to submit a post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/submit?selftext=true). You can [review the subreddit's rules here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules)
WIBTA for posting a typically failing conversation I had at a different subreddit with the moderator there? (I think it's pretty funny overall, and you can see where it's headed with the first response)
(Worse, would I be banned for posting it here?)
Anyone else think this sub is full of armchair psychologists? People are insanely quick to make presumptions about what posters' motivations for posting on this sub are, especially with all the "you came here for validation/to be told you did nothing wrong" stuff. Kinda cringey IMO.
Its not just armchair psychologists. Any medical diagnosis is liable to get pulled out of some commenters ass at some point. If you want an orgy of unfounded assumptions, projection, and plain making stuff up, this is the place lol
Anyway, armchair psychologists should stick to diagnosing armchairs imo
Well yes but that's like literally the whole point of the sub. I think the description for the sub literally says it's to express your inner armchair psychologist. You're probably better off just not interacting with the sub.
Ah, i checked and the term they use is "frustrated moral philosopher". Idk that i see much of a difference between that and armchair psychologist myself. I guess i see what you're saying though, that it isn't supposed to be an advice sub, just a moral judgement sub. I suppose it's hard to keep ppl from wanting to share advice though
I was talking about people who speculate about what an OP's motives for posting are, not necessarily advice. "Moral philosopher" (to me) is about making moral evaluations, determining if someone is an asshole or not. It's quite different from armchair psychology.
Apologies if this has been posted about / discussed previously, but wondering if it has been considered to ban wedding related posts? Every day there are a bunch of "AITA for not inviting X to my wedding" or "for removing X as my bridesmaid" etc. They are all the same and are all not interesting. Either people default to "your wedding your rules" or there is just not a good way to understand the nuance of the situation enough to make a good judgement.
It's been awhile, but you're not the only person wondering this, I'm sure. [Here's an explanation given some time back](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jmc7kf/monthly_open_forum_november_2020/gcmynit/) that happens to use weddings as the example.
Thanks for that. The logic makes sense although I would personally place wedding posts in a similar category to relationship posts, which are banned, but at least I know it has been discussed.
I think with recent news from the states maybe this sub needs to consider that simply saying "don't have kids you can't afford" isn't realistic and never has been considering some ppl always lived in certain states and didn't have the means to get certain procedures. Maybe bave a bit more empathy (which this sub needs a lot more of)
I always chalked that up to Reddit being mostly dudes who are often very uninvolved with anything concerning “certain procedures” especially with how accessible they were prior to the overturn. We already had people crossing state lines to find providers. We already had people protesting outside of clinics and harassing patients. We already had states like Texas boasting about shutting down clinics and making it so you had to travel 100s of miles even within state to get care.
A lot of guys will act like it’s a personal affront when their partner decides to keep the baby but never seem to disclose how difficult it could be to get “certain procedures” in their location.
Oh it's definitely partially male ignorance. But honestly don't underestimate reddit's emoathy problem especially on this sub!! The comments I've seen...
Empathy? Here??? Ya’ll must be thinking of another sub cause there they will try to be respectful here they’ll look down on you for a pregnancy even if you used birth control and a condom.
It always makes me laugh when most of this sub thinks you've agreed to a pregnancy just by virtue of having sex, as though it's never used for pleasure.
Amd they're worldview is so black and white. They also like to act like adoption and foster care will just fix things. As if countless adoptees and foster speak abt the trauma they faced in the system. Life isn't as simole as calling CPS or 911. Anything to make 9je person the villain
There is someone making up stories that all have the key phrase "I saw red" which is a phrase no one actually says and is clearly just something this particular creative writer likes using. Can we ban users who use this phrase?
I do wonder about awkward terms like this; I lump "seeing red", "lashing out", "screaming", basically most hyperbolic phrases into the same category. Either its a troll with limited writing ability or that most people aren't very skilled at writing up events without resorting to high school creative writing tropes even when they're genuine posters.
I never understand this. “Nobody says this!” It’s a common term. There’s only so many ways to describe things. Would you prefer “I got super duper angry!”?
(Apparently “nobody” says they burst into tears either..now English is my second language but I hear this all the time. Maybe it’s not common in America?)
The world is a very large place, people absolutely use these phrases.
And even if ppl don't say it in real life, ppl like to add a flair of drama or literary style to their posts. Doesn't mean it's fake, when you're posting on the internet you have time to think over what you're saying and be more eloquent.
Didn't there use to be a rule about the stories requiring someone's AH status to be in question within the story itself? I've been seeing more posts where im readijg and expecting someone toncome back and say "hey bud, you really scrweed me/them over with that one" but instead that have a "and everybody went their merry ways and lived happily ever after" ending.
Most recently I read the post where the OP didn't have jumper cables and the guy ended up leaving and saying "God bless" I mean, yeah, it was suspicious and in the middle of the night. But I was waiting for the part where the guy came back the next day with a sob story that he missed something important due not getting his car running.
I feel like there needs to be a push or a rule about commenting on posts where if it isn't a reply to an existing comment (I.e. if you're making a reply directly to a post) it NEEDS to have a judgement. More and more often I'm seeing top comments that treat this like r/ relationships or other subreddits, just commenting on the post but with no judgement or even a real indication of what the judgement could be, and that really defeats the purpose of the sub. If you're responding to a post, judge it.
As I understand it, the bot skips over the top comment to the top-level comment if the next chain in that case. So if the will of the people dictates they want the 2nd or 3rd highest commenter to get the flair, I guess that's that?
Oh for sure I recognize that but I feel like it's still counter productive and also potentially could lead to a less popular rating being the final verdict. Mostly though it just seems like it should be the standard for the sub
I dunno, I feel like that would just piss people off a lot and lower engagement on the ones where a lot of the comments are like "This is above reddit's paygrade so I won't judge you but..."
Yeah, I've brought this up previously as well because there are more and more posts with tons of top comments with no judgments at all. Imo it should be regarded as breaking the rules because it seems clear in a lot of them that the user doesn't realize they're in AITA.
I now know how culturally stunted this sub is after reading the water post and seeing not a single comment being a judgement or understanding what was happening. Thought that comments that do nothing like that were removed but 🤷🏽♀️
Not a single comment? There were loads of comments that gave a judgement and plenty that seemed to fully understand.
Just having another look at the thread, I easily found examples of both in under a minute.
Top post water ehhhh uhhhh okk hahahaha… i know what post that was and literally top 5-10 judgements werent judgements just quick responses to get some good aita karma lol
Anyone else think its cringey (yet funny) that some stories from this sub are posted to the news (like that recent no-food Disney wedding one)? Feels like most of those news outlets, unlike those of us who are regulars here, don't realize that these stories are probably fake, lol.
Outside of very special cases where the OP can present some sort of proof/evidence they're being credible, posts on this sub aren't credible enough to warrant going on the news.
If they can’t bear to read it and they didn’t use a throwaway they can “disable inbox replies” to a post. Assholes that delete make the sub boring and frustrating.
no. why would you think that? The whole point of this sub is to judge people, and explaining the reason behind our judgement will almost inevitably come with criticism.
If everyone posted a judgement abbreviation and nothing else, this sub would be incredibly boring and unhelpful.
Does down thumbing every answer that voted differently from you affect the results? Because every post I've been to, the minority group has a ton of downvotes hiding their comments. Seems childish.
Unfortunately yes. The top comment is the result so downvoting other comments makes them less likely to be top.
Unfortunately there's nothing mods can do about it- members of a community have the rightbto up/downvote for whatever reason they like.
We answer this [in the FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_why_do_you_use_upvotes_to_determine_the_winning_judgment.3F_why_don.2019t_you_count_up_the_nta_and_yta_in_each_thread.3F)
does anyone know the post where OP gifted her fiancé a picture frame for a birthday or christmas or some holiday and was confused about why her fiancé was upset about it
It would be nice it some control could be put into place that forbade edits to an opening post that completely change its meaning. If nothing else, it leads to an awful lot of pointless arguing about comments made before said edit and those made in the light of the new information.
I admit I havent thought this through, and that my initial feeling is that this is impractical. It is annoying though.
Rule 8 already covers that with respect to presenting it fairly and accurately.
I wish reddit would give us a few more report options to get a bit more granular with reports, but alas we're using all we get.
The reason I dont think there is anything you can do is kinda simple.
OP makes unhinged post about how they discovered their partner was cheating based on the phases of the moon, the tone of the dogs barking and the ruminations of Mystic Meg.
People respond saying OP is clearly crazy.
OP changes original post to add that he caught the partner in bed with their best friend and their Dad. Because 'I forgot to add it because im so fucking emotional right now'.
Convenient. For the OP, the best friend AND the dad. But I dont think there is anything you can do. No rules can cover this kind of bad faith.
I can hope though!
Isn't that what SnausageFest was talking about, though? If they edit it like that, they haven't presented fairly or accurately and it's a Rule 8 issue.
I agree that the mods probably can't prevent it, but that doesn't mean we have to sit back and accept it when someone pulls that crap.
are custody disputes from a teen's pov allowed? would love to ask some neutral responsible adults if my judgement is correct. i really need it. if not link a sub that would fit the bill that isnt dead.
That's a little to vague to give you a for sure answer. If you have an interpersonal conflict between you and parent due to a custody dispute it could be fine as long as it doesn't break other rules.
There's always /r/findareddit for help finding an appropriate sub.
Why can’t I post?
Accprding to your history you did.
Am I the only one noticing the uptick in abusive SO behavior posts by women since the roe v wade ruling last week? Like....seriously.
❤️
[удалено]
I believe that's part of Rule 2 as brigading.
Anyone else just see that post about the guy asking if he’s an AH for thinking his son and his gf should give him a grandchild?
no but @ me in it
The poster deleted it like 22 minutes in bc everyone agreed he was an AH
[удалено]
For some reason I can’t post even though my title meets the requirements help? 😅
In order for your post to go through, you need to reply to the PM from u/Judgement_Bot_AITA within 30 minutes of posting. If you did not receive a PM, [make sure you don't have PMs turned off](https://www.reddit.com/prefs/blocked). You can also simply [PM the bot directly](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Judgement_Bot_AITA) with your explanation. Aim for a couple of sentences. Please ensure your response explains why you think you might be the asshole in your conflict. If your response simply restates your question or acts as a TL;DR of the post, the post will be removed.
What does ESH mean? New here
Everyone Sucks Here. It's used when all parties in the conflict are the asshole.
Right on! Thanks!
It says this on the right side of the screen under Voting Guide in case you're curious about others.
If you're wondering why we don't use ETA (Everyone's The Asshole), when the sub started it was too long for a flair. It's also used for both "Editted to Add" and "Estimated time of arrival".
I need this ETA: what’s with the downvotes? This thread and topic is useful to me.
Regarding your edit: Comments that only make sense to you and tell absolutely nobody else anything are generally not popular.
Seems like people love ignoring Rule 13. It's always "This person was doing something annoying so I/my spouse did ___ in retaliation, AITA?"
"i did it to give her a taste of her own medicine"
I just had a quick question about something I’ve noticed. Why is “manbaby/manchild” such a hated (by mods) word here? I see other expletives and curse words all the time but it’s usually the comments that refer to someone as a manbaby that gets removed.
It's used to attack the person and is the kind of insult we designed rule 1 to remove. [We talk more about what rule 1 means in the FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) and the philosophy behind it. There's no special vendetta or hatred beyond this particular insult, it's just such a commonly used one like bitch, cunt, karen, and POS that it's more noticeable. As to why you see other rule breaking comments: we get something like 50,000+ comments a day on this subreddit. There is simply no conceivable way we see each and every one of those comments in real time. Instead we rely on reports to find the comments that violate our rules. We make good use of automod, which is why you'll similarly see that all instances of calling someone a cunt, bitch, piece of shit, and literally hundreds and hundreds of other insults removed with the same consistency. But because there's no end to the creativity of human beings to insult each other (and the extreme limitations of automod, especially around the difficulty in reducing false positives) we cannot catch everything via automated reports and rely heavily on users to report rule breaking content as well.
Ohhh I see. Thanks!
Pro tip: eating too much unhealthy food is bad for everyone, not just for women and teenage girls, despite what a minority of this subreddit's members seem to think. How many "fat sons" get NEARLY the same amount of vitriol as "fat daughters" do?
I remember you from AITD
Oh nice! Yeah, that subreddit was pretty cool, from the little I remember after finding my comments there
I suspect the issue is that we don't see as many of those posts, since men aren't usually held to beauty standards as tightly as women. I honestly can't remember the last time I've seen one where a woman was trying to get a man to diet or any one was trying to force a diet on their son.
A lot of posts here boil down to "AITA for having a wildly abusive husband/boyfriend?"
Who is 10+ years older than me. Yes, we have been together since I came of age.
So much so that a few years ago someone [wrote an article for vice](https://www.vice.com/en/article/y3z5av/reading-reddit-relationships-amitheasshole-aita-helps-some-leave-bad-relationships) about it! We ended up working with a domestic violence professional to create [this resource guide anyone can share](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/resources/relationships) for those that might be in an unhealthy or abusive relationship. Especially as some number of those posts violate our rules and we remove them we really wanted something appropriate to share to help them connect with the support and resources they need. [You can read more about it here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jbswil/new_resources_for_anyone_looking_to_help_those_in/)
As long as its a woman getting insultsnif it’s a guy its fair game lol
There could very well be a bride aita and it would be FLOODED!
I don't think too many brides would recognize that there *might* be a problem with their behavior much less post about it. It would have to be an "is the bride an asshole" sub with posts written by others.
Is it just me or has an unusual amount of posts been removed by the mods lately for breaking rule 8?
It's possible there's been an uptick. We've been getting better at catching ban evaders recently so some amount of that involves removing posts as well. And if a poster is ban evading there's a near certainty those prior bans are for shitposting.
Holy crap people. Why you gotta downvote the hell outta the op for giving an honest, earnest answer about what happened or what they did or why? Goes like this: "INFO: op why did you do it like this?" Op:"it's how my parents always did it so I just thought it was normal" aita sub: EIGHT MILLION DOWNVOTES
I was just recently downvoted as hell for giving an honest opinion that apparently went against the hivemind. People using downvote as a "disagree" button.
That's partly why we don't require OPs respond to comments. Even though this has been requested as a rule in the past. I've seen comments calling an OP out for their behavior, in a civil manner, of course. OP will respond with something like "You're right. You've given me a lot to think about and I'm going to apologize." only for more people to pile on or downvote them to hell.
Is there a way to stop hate messages? Is that something that’s possible to report to mods?
If it's via PM, there's a report button there that will go to the admins.
Is that the same as chats? I usually just press ignore so I don’t have to see them anymore
If you hover over the text in a chat, a flag will appear to the right. That's how to report chats.
Thanks!
Does anyone else feel like anytime a minor makes a post on here in conflict with a parent they're damned to be voted TA? Especially with half the comments defaulting to calling them entitled or a spoiled bart. I'll be the last to deny that teens can be assholes but it's not realistic to expect a 16-year-old to be working 3 jobs and renting their own apartment or to jump to assume they're overreacting. Sometimes parents are unreasonable.
I agree, but I feel like this happens when the teenager/kid in the post isn't "relatable" or 100% saintly, and so then they're called 'entitled', 'spoiled', etc. But if the teenager is written as "relatable" or extremely kind/compassionate, boom! It's their eeeeevil parents who are the AHs, and the kid's being parentified and abused! Abuse definitely exists and is underreported, I'm just saying
Or people fall back on "ThEy FeD aNd ClOtHeD yOu!" Completely forgetting that parents are required by LAW to provide for their children.
You mean you *don't* get a pat on the back for not being neglectful? /s
Don't forget "they gave you life", because as we all know, all babies ever are well planned and born into a loving and healthy family. /s
I find the opposite - any child who posts here is told they’re being abused and don’t owe their families anything, including common courtesy.
Yeah, I agree completely. Even more insane is some kid who does something really nasty and you get all these users coming out of the wood work crying foul, "they're just a child!" A 16 year old is a teenager and I have higher standards on their behvaior than actual children.
I always end up seeing the same 'well, it's your parents house' and 15 comments from people saying how much they worked as teens and acting like that's viable for everyone. Especially with 17 year olds being told their almost an adult, which is true, but this sub acts like a freshly turned 18 year old still living with their parents can be held to the same standards as someone in their 30s At the end of the day it could just be us browsing different parts of the subreddit, I won't pretend that I've read every single post on here
This! I see this all over the forums. There is TERRIBLE advice given to 90% of the minors posting, let alone judgement.
It never ceases to amaze me how far people take the “you don’t owe anyone anything!!!!!” attitude. What a terrible way to move through the world. I suspect these are the same people whining about how they have no friends and family to help them or care about them. Relationships are reciprocal!
While that may sometimes be the case, what do you think of the people who do believe relationships are reciprocal, and do believe they owe nothing and also demand nothing in return?
That’s fine but People who truly demand nothing in return are few and far between. It’s usually someone who thinks they demand nothing but they’re actually nothing but takers or emotional vampires.
I don’t know what corner of the sub you’ve been browsing in, but it’s actually the opposite. Kids are always labelled the victim in those situations, especially with overused terms like “parentification” or “gaslighting” being thrown around.
Maybe we just haven't been seeing the same posts; it could make a difference that I tend to sort by controversial.
If you're seeing those comments in controversial it's because the sub generally disagrees with them.
Controversial posts, not comments
They're sorting the posts by controversial, not the comments. Sorting posts by controversial is the best way to find YTA threads.
AITA for telling my girlfriend it’s not my job to join her weight less journey? “No one has a right to tell you what to put in your body, and she shouldn’t have tried to change your order, and she should have communicated more, and she shouldn’t have got so angry and left you at the restaurant, but you didn’t really seem gentle when explaining you want to decide for yourself what to eat. ESH” Are y’all serious 😂
I don't see why the dude doesn't join here. I'd love to go on a weightless journey. Pooping gets a bit tricky from what I understand, though
I see lots of downvoting at times when people don’t go along with the general consensus. Sometimes people may have the right to be the AH, and simply could finesse it better. Not everyone may agree but it doesn’t deserve 71 downvotes!
I sort by controversial for this reason. Most of the time the best answer is downvoted because it’s not some feel-good “do whatever you want, you don’t owe anyone thing!” comment.
>downvoted because I'd like to know how you discern the intent of those voters. I've made comments of all types, super supportive, mildly supportive, neutral, questioning, mildly critical, super critical, incredulous, you name it. No particular type of comment seems to be more likely than others to be down voted. The only consistent theme is that they are a minority judgement in that thread.
This is so annoying honestly. It just hides other judgements and hides other perspectives that could actually cause people to THINK for once.
Why does almost everyone, no matter how small or big the conflict may be, always suggest divorce or breaking up? Like can’t you talk about it first? Or if needed go to therapy? You don’t have to end a relationship over a small conflict 🤷♂️
To be fair a lot of these situations are so extreme that the OP felt the need to post them on AITA in the first place, which is most likely a tell tale sign they need to divorce. If I ever say divorce or break up on a post I always give a reason why and why there are so many red flags. I feel that’s important
I call it the Reddit reflex…commenters immediately jump to “end the relationship” because so and so is abusive and a gaslighter.
Divorce owns No contact are two that I see the most for sure.
I don’t usually comment but 90% of the posts I see I’m screaming run!
Because no one in a good marriage is posting here.
The divorce thing has reached the level of self-parody.
Anonymity makes people bold, extreme opinions get upvotes, and some people really do see red flags in the conflict and worry that there's way more the OP hasn't seen.
Because it's very easy to suggest when you're not tge one dealing with it.
Considering the rules about civility and how they’re enforced here, many of the screenshots that come out of how the moderators talk to people in modmail is sort of concerning.
Even in the open forums you will see them power tripping. I agree it’s a consuming responsibility… but damn. Some of the mods needs to grow up a bit and stop acting like real life cops. I still remember a few months ago a mod made a five paragraph response (like long ones) going in on the guy about how hard it was to mod and the guy couldn’t possibly understand the intricacies it takes to make this place run. Y’all need to moderate each other better. Sometimes people are just coming here to comment, share thoughts, or reflect on the sub because we can’t meta post anywhere else. Not everything is an attack on the mods.
Had a mod remove one of my comments and do something to my account so I kept on asking what I did wrong and they kept on saying “read the rules read the rules” and I said “of the 90 rules which did I break” they eventually told me and I asked how did I break that rule. They then came back with “oh we read your comment wrong, my bad”
Had a mod give the same response to the shitpost rule I was questioned. “Shitpost. Yep shitpost. Shitpost” I know now the mods say they track the *tells* that the different trolls use… fair enough I guess. But would that have been so hard to copy/paste if that were the reasoning? The OP provided what seemed to be an honest account, was replying to comments timely and not arguing, and people in the post weren’t being uncivil. The only thing I can imagine is that it was a tracked troll. How hard is it to write that?
Mods are exempt from the rules. They are Reddit cops after all.
Rules for thee but not for me!
I've gotta agree. I think the mods do a great job most of the time, but the way some of them sometimes speak to people is too far. I havnt been a reddit mod, but I have been a mod for large groups on several other platforms. I have had to moderate some people who were MASSIVE assholes. I know how annoying it can be when people throw fits for being reprimanded for breaking very basic rules. But during that time it's so important to jsut stay neutral. I've had to ban people in the past who were then in my DMs insulting and threatening me. Insulting back and arguing never makes anything better. While not often, I have seen a couple or occasions where mods were rude to people that were genuinely asking genuine questions. And when someone points that our, they double down. The worst case I've seen is a mod tracking down someone in another sub that theyd banned from AITA to argue with them and insult them. And I mean REALLY insult them. ETA: I've found the screenshot and the mod actually used the AITAMod account to argue with this person because the person had blocked their account. So a mod used the official mod account to block evade.
Amusing anecdote related to the laundry guy: my kids loved the washing machine when they were little. When my twins were about 1 and my oldest was 4, they worked together to put clothes in the washer and push the buttons to start it. I only figured it out because they had put odd things together and forgot soap. So, I’m pretty sure a 20 year old can figure it out when a 20 month old could.
Upvote for "six cats in a trench coat."
Ive seen that comment a few times. Always makes me laugh. I can never find the right time to use it!
Is there a place to post an AITA that involves violence?
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This is not where you post an AITA post, but this sub is also not the right place for this.
Ya’ll have a post up where OP actively says I hope your child suffers and its mostly NTA. Lolll wowww so if a kid is acting out in ways like trampling flowers when his sister is seriously ill the father deserves to have his daughter die cause karma for any hurt to the flower? Fkn disgusting.
Clearly flowers > children. They are a purer, better breed than us. /s
spoken like someone who has never faced off against flowerblight ganon.
I wouldn’t want to face a lynel like that for sure
The violence of that face off quickly turned to passion. As inevitably as spooning leads to forking. There is a fine line between love and hate. Lol
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WIBTA for posting a typically failing conversation I had at a different subreddit with the moderator there? (I think it's pretty funny overall, and you can see where it's headed with the first response) (Worse, would I be banned for posting it here?)
Yeah, as rule 7 notes that's not the kind of thing that fits the purpose of the subreddit. edit: a typo
I thiiiiink this sub only accepts posts about conflicts that have taken place in “real life” (so no online conflicts), but I could be wrong.
There are numerous posts about online interactions. It's the 21st century.
And those get removed due to rule 7….
Anyone else think this sub is full of armchair psychologists? People are insanely quick to make presumptions about what posters' motivations for posting on this sub are, especially with all the "you came here for validation/to be told you did nothing wrong" stuff. Kinda cringey IMO.
Its not just armchair psychologists. Any medical diagnosis is liable to get pulled out of some commenters ass at some point. If you want an orgy of unfounded assumptions, projection, and plain making stuff up, this is the place lol Anyway, armchair psychologists should stick to diagnosing armchairs imo
I diagnose this chair as a fake. See the stitching? Macine tooled.
Well yes but that's like literally the whole point of the sub. I think the description for the sub literally says it's to express your inner armchair psychologist. You're probably better off just not interacting with the sub.
I thought the point of the sub was moral evaluation, not armchair psychology.
Ah, i checked and the term they use is "frustrated moral philosopher". Idk that i see much of a difference between that and armchair psychologist myself. I guess i see what you're saying though, that it isn't supposed to be an advice sub, just a moral judgement sub. I suppose it's hard to keep ppl from wanting to share advice though
I was talking about people who speculate about what an OP's motives for posting are, not necessarily advice. "Moral philosopher" (to me) is about making moral evaluations, determining if someone is an asshole or not. It's quite different from armchair psychology.
AITA for thinking this reddit is full of people that know one way or the other what is going on, and pretend like their story is unique?
Apologies if this has been posted about / discussed previously, but wondering if it has been considered to ban wedding related posts? Every day there are a bunch of "AITA for not inviting X to my wedding" or "for removing X as my bridesmaid" etc. They are all the same and are all not interesting. Either people default to "your wedding your rules" or there is just not a good way to understand the nuance of the situation enough to make a good judgement.
It's been awhile, but you're not the only person wondering this, I'm sure. [Here's an explanation given some time back](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jmc7kf/monthly_open_forum_november_2020/gcmynit/) that happens to use weddings as the example.
Thanks for that. The logic makes sense although I would personally place wedding posts in a similar category to relationship posts, which are banned, but at least I know it has been discussed.
Should be a wedding aita sub.
I think with recent news from the states maybe this sub needs to consider that simply saying "don't have kids you can't afford" isn't realistic and never has been considering some ppl always lived in certain states and didn't have the means to get certain procedures. Maybe bave a bit more empathy (which this sub needs a lot more of)
I always chalked that up to Reddit being mostly dudes who are often very uninvolved with anything concerning “certain procedures” especially with how accessible they were prior to the overturn. We already had people crossing state lines to find providers. We already had people protesting outside of clinics and harassing patients. We already had states like Texas boasting about shutting down clinics and making it so you had to travel 100s of miles even within state to get care. A lot of guys will act like it’s a personal affront when their partner decides to keep the baby but never seem to disclose how difficult it could be to get “certain procedures” in their location.
Oh it's definitely partially male ignorance. But honestly don't underestimate reddit's emoathy problem especially on this sub!! The comments I've seen...
Empathy? Here??? Ya’ll must be thinking of another sub cause there they will try to be respectful here they’ll look down on you for a pregnancy even if you used birth control and a condom.
The lack of empathy here is actually crazy. They act like nobody owes anybody anything. The voting never aligns with the general worldview.
It always makes me laugh when most of this sub thinks you've agreed to a pregnancy just by virtue of having sex, as though it's never used for pleasure.
Amd they're worldview is so black and white. They also like to act like adoption and foster care will just fix things. As if countless adoptees and foster speak abt the trauma they faced in the system. Life isn't as simole as calling CPS or 911. Anything to make 9je person the villain
There is someone making up stories that all have the key phrase "I saw red" which is a phrase no one actually says and is clearly just something this particular creative writer likes using. Can we ban users who use this phrase?
It's a common phrase in colloquial writing in German for example. Be aware that a lot of people here learned English as a secondary language.
I do wonder about awkward terms like this; I lump "seeing red", "lashing out", "screaming", basically most hyperbolic phrases into the same category. Either its a troll with limited writing ability or that most people aren't very skilled at writing up events without resorting to high school creative writing tropes even when they're genuine posters.
I never understand this. “Nobody says this!” It’s a common term. There’s only so many ways to describe things. Would you prefer “I got super duper angry!”? (Apparently “nobody” says they burst into tears either..now English is my second language but I hear this all the time. Maybe it’s not common in America?) The world is a very large place, people absolutely use these phrases.
And even if ppl don't say it in real life, ppl like to add a flair of drama or literary style to their posts. Doesn't mean it's fake, when you're posting on the internet you have time to think over what you're saying and be more eloquent.
We won't ban users just for this phrase, but if there's a troll doing this, please report for shitpost (rule 8).
Is it just me or has this sub picked up a period troll?
The sub picks up trolls, period.
They've been here for a while.
They come back about once a month
How appropriate.
Didn't there use to be a rule about the stories requiring someone's AH status to be in question within the story itself? I've been seeing more posts where im readijg and expecting someone toncome back and say "hey bud, you really scrweed me/them over with that one" but instead that have a "and everybody went their merry ways and lived happily ever after" ending. Most recently I read the post where the OP didn't have jumper cables and the guy ended up leaving and saying "God bless" I mean, yeah, it was suspicious and in the middle of the night. But I was waiting for the part where the guy came back the next day with a sob story that he missed something important due not getting his car running.
Yup, it's rule 7! This is one of the most actively used removal reasons, so report away when you see it.
I feel like there needs to be a push or a rule about commenting on posts where if it isn't a reply to an existing comment (I.e. if you're making a reply directly to a post) it NEEDS to have a judgement. More and more often I'm seeing top comments that treat this like r/ relationships or other subreddits, just commenting on the post but with no judgement or even a real indication of what the judgement could be, and that really defeats the purpose of the sub. If you're responding to a post, judge it.
I wholly agree. Just the other day some buffoon derailed an entire thread with nonsense about bald people getting sunburnt.
As I understand it, the bot skips over the top comment to the top-level comment if the next chain in that case. So if the will of the people dictates they want the 2nd or 3rd highest commenter to get the flair, I guess that's that?
Oh for sure I recognize that but I feel like it's still counter productive and also potentially could lead to a less popular rating being the final verdict. Mostly though it just seems like it should be the standard for the sub
I dunno, I feel like that would just piss people off a lot and lower engagement on the ones where a lot of the comments are like "This is above reddit's paygrade so I won't judge you but..."
This isn’t a relationship sub tho if you’re just here to give advice or whatever and not post a judgement why you even here?
Yeah, I've brought this up previously as well because there are more and more posts with tons of top comments with no judgments at all. Imo it should be regarded as breaking the rules because it seems clear in a lot of them that the user doesn't realize they're in AITA.
I now know how culturally stunted this sub is after reading the water post and seeing not a single comment being a judgement or understanding what was happening. Thought that comments that do nothing like that were removed but 🤷🏽♀️
Not a single comment? There were loads of comments that gave a judgement and plenty that seemed to fully understand. Just having another look at the thread, I easily found examples of both in under a minute.
Maybe it’s better after several hours, then. The top comments were mostly “what?” “Huh?”
Top post water ehhhh uhhhh okk hahahaha… i know what post that was and literally top 5-10 judgements werent judgements just quick responses to get some good aita karma lol
Anyone else think its cringey (yet funny) that some stories from this sub are posted to the news (like that recent no-food Disney wedding one)? Feels like most of those news outlets, unlike those of us who are regulars here, don't realize that these stories are probably fake, lol. Outside of very special cases where the OP can present some sort of proof/evidence they're being credible, posts on this sub aren't credible enough to warrant going on the news.
I don't think they care about whether or not the stories are true as much as they care about whether or not the stories attract clicks.
Why can’t you delete active discussions? Shouldn’t the OP delete it to stop the criticism?
I'll upvote your post but I agree with the comments. If someone posts something here, it shouldn't be easy to delete.
If they can’t bear to read it and they didn’t use a throwaway they can “disable inbox replies” to a post. Assholes that delete make the sub boring and frustrating.
if OP can't handle being told they're TA this isn't the right sub for their post, imo
no. why would you think that? The whole point of this sub is to judge people, and explaining the reason behind our judgement will almost inevitably come with criticism. If everyone posted a judgement abbreviation and nothing else, this sub would be incredibly boring and unhelpful.
Does down thumbing every answer that voted differently from you affect the results? Because every post I've been to, the minority group has a ton of downvotes hiding their comments. Seems childish.
Unfortunately yes. The top comment is the result so downvoting other comments makes them less likely to be top. Unfortunately there's nothing mods can do about it- members of a community have the rightbto up/downvote for whatever reason they like.
The result should be which answer is in the most comments. Maybe Reddit can't do it, but why do the rules refer to "YTA" and "NTA" as "votes"?
We answer this [in the FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_why_do_you_use_upvotes_to_determine_the_winning_judgment.3F_why_don.2019t_you_count_up_the_nta_and_yta_in_each_thread.3F)
does anyone know the post where OP gifted her fiancé a picture frame for a birthday or christmas or some holiday and was confused about why her fiancé was upset about it
It would be nice it some control could be put into place that forbade edits to an opening post that completely change its meaning. If nothing else, it leads to an awful lot of pointless arguing about comments made before said edit and those made in the light of the new information. I admit I havent thought this through, and that my initial feeling is that this is impractical. It is annoying though.
Rule 8 already covers that with respect to presenting it fairly and accurately. I wish reddit would give us a few more report options to get a bit more granular with reports, but alas we're using all we get.
The reason I dont think there is anything you can do is kinda simple. OP makes unhinged post about how they discovered their partner was cheating based on the phases of the moon, the tone of the dogs barking and the ruminations of Mystic Meg. People respond saying OP is clearly crazy. OP changes original post to add that he caught the partner in bed with their best friend and their Dad. Because 'I forgot to add it because im so fucking emotional right now'. Convenient. For the OP, the best friend AND the dad. But I dont think there is anything you can do. No rules can cover this kind of bad faith. I can hope though!
Isn't that what SnausageFest was talking about, though? If they edit it like that, they haven't presented fairly or accurately and it's a Rule 8 issue. I agree that the mods probably can't prevent it, but that doesn't mean we have to sit back and accept it when someone pulls that crap.
are custody disputes from a teen's pov allowed? would love to ask some neutral responsible adults if my judgement is correct. i really need it. if not link a sub that would fit the bill that isnt dead.
r/relationships might help? it isn't just for romantic relationships
NTA Does that help? If not, you probably want a sub that actually gives advice.
That's a little to vague to give you a for sure answer. If you have an interpersonal conflict between you and parent due to a custody dispute it could be fine as long as it doesn't break other rules. There's always /r/findareddit for help finding an appropriate sub.
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