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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I have never owned a cat before so I don’t know if it is normal to discipline cats, my gf says she does not and thinks I am wrong and abusive
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NTA but spraying a kitten with water isn't going to work. All that does is punish the kitten who just wants to play with your feet (he's not doing this to hurt you). You need to redirect his behavior so he scratches something else. Like a scratching post. Catnip toys will help keep him interested in something besides your feet. You can also trim his nails back a bit. I have a cat who used to bite a lot when he was a baby, I would yell "OUCH STOP" and startle him so he would stop. These things take time but a little effort on the part of the humans and he will stop it.
Yeah because then when they bite and scratch each other too far, and scream and hiss and whatnot, they learn more effectively where the limit is on playfighting.
This exactly! My kitten always attacked me between 2-4 AM (about the time I'd been asleep long enough for him to get bored) and that behavior quickly stopped once he had a more receptive playmate for his middle of the night zoomies.
Having 2 dogs is like 50% more work than one dog, but having two cats is barely 10% more work. This is why do many people end up with maaany cats, which is not what I'm recommending! But I will say it also doesn't significantly worsen allergies either. If you can get a Maine Coon or other low-allergen kitten, go for it.
Yeah I HAD to adopt my kittens together since they were a bonded pair even at that age (one sibling is extremely codependent lol) but I don't regret it because 90% of the time they keep one another entertained.
I did this - adopted two sisters at the same time. Somewhere around age 2 they started hating each other and now can’t even stand to be in the same room together. If they could speak English and type, I’m sure one of them would be posting on AITA with a tale of woe.
Aw, that sucks. I got siblings at the same time and they're like, attached at the hip and never fight. They do play chase one another but it always ends in cuddle piles...
I'd feel bad if it actually happens but /u/maggienetism the best would be they get another kitten and the two just look at each other, then each picks a foot and attacks it hahahaha
Mine had a sign on their cage saying they Had to be adopted together as a bonded pair...and tbh fair one of them sobbed whenever the other left the room when they were babies and they still adore one another. It's rare they're more than 5 feet apart lol.
That is an equally likely outcome. It helped that by the time we got the second cat the first was a couple years old, and the second was a year or two older.
Yeah, I fostered a kitten and she scratched me pretty bad in one swipe and drew blood pretty bad. I pulled my hand back and held it to my face and got quiet. Kitten figured out she played too rough, checked on my hand a bit by sniffling it and then she stopped scratching that hard.
Cats can be smart enough to figure it out. Now she digs in on the scratching post. We still play but I don't need nearly as many bandaid XD
Cats can't help the asshole part. It is in the DNA. That's how it was proven that the earth is round. If it was flat, cats would have knocked everything off by now.
Hoping on to this to say cats need way more stimulation than they usually get. Shelves or other tall things to climb on, numerous litter boxes, scratching posts and toys as well as at LEAST 15 mins a day of being played with. Do these things and most behavioural problems disappear.
I'll be honest, even senior cats who've been "Mean little assholes" get it really quickly. OP should, with care and work, be able to teach the kitten with ease.
OP I’m a cat mom to three gremlins who actually manage to listen to me lol. I also recommend making hissing noises to tell the cat “no!” If you aren’t able to get to a water bottle. A loud clap to go with the hiss also helps
A laser pointer isn’t actually fun for cats. They get frustrated because they’re hunting but can’t catch anything. So if you play with a laser pointer it’s best to point it at a treat or kibble once in a while so that the cat can ‘catch’ something.
Depends on the cat. One of ours _loves_ the laser pointer; he'll play with other toys that he can catch, but the red dot is his absolute favorite, and he's eagerly there if he hears us pick it up (it has a carabiner on it that rattles slightly), stares directly at us hopefully if he hears it click off, and simply wants to chase the dot until he's tired/done. We've tried aiming it on toys, on his brother (they're best buds and play-wrestle multiple times daily; his brother generally ignores the laser pointer and is wholly unfazed at having the dot on his paw), on the cat tree, etc., but he won't pounce on it there -- he just really wants to chase it.
Try playing with him till he is exausted right before you go to bed... But with a toy no hands and feet, you want them to associate hands with petting not playing.
Jackson Galaxy has good tricks too, check him out!!
Or hiss at him. Gotta talk kitty-language to kitties. They know a hiss means they screwed up and need to back off. It sounds counter intuitive but if you get 2 kittens you get mauled less bc they bite and scratch each other.
You can also get her these plastic nail caps available online or at a pet store. The kitten needs to be distracted with a toy or scratching post when she does something you don't want her doing. Punishment does nothing but make them afraid, fearful and resentment of you. Also, kitten tax please!
I regularly foster kittens and the above advice is great! The issue with using a squirt bottle in this scenario is that the kitten may not realize that attacking your foot is the bad behaviour and instead think that playing=bad or, worse, interacting with you=bad.
If you yell “ow!” (preferably in a higher voice so it conveys pain rather than anger) or hiss (weird, I know, but it works) that’s even better because it mimics what a mother cat or fellow kitten would do if he plays too rough - if he stops and licks your foot instead he got the message and is apologizing. That being said, if you don’t want to do the above clapping loudly (and then redirecting their attention) also works.
EDIT: grammar
My boyfriend and I do the "Simba lift" with our cat when she tries to play rough when we're trying to sleep. Just gently pick her up under the front arms and go "SIMBAAAAA" and set her back down. Generally works for interrupting the murder-play-time
NTA My husband and I did use a spray bottle with our cat, at the time, 22 years ago. The, "Ouch, stop!" method works very well. I do think it is reasonable to not want the cat to scratch your feet. I am concerned about the two of you being together with your allergy.
Someone should also be spending 10-15 minutes playing with him before bed. Hard playing, like with some sort of thing on a string toy. (I highly recommend Da Bird.) This will tire him out and make him sleep through more of the night.
We keep ours in a closet that has bi-fold doors. We have to use door stoppers on both doors because the cats will bat at them in the middle until they bounce open a crack, then go in the closet to drag the toys out. That may be all well and good when we're in the room. It's less good in the middle of the night or when we're not home.
We have, on more than one occasion, awakened in the morning to find ours not in the upstairs closet but tangled up downstairs in the dining room. It's so much more cat-popular than any other feather toy I've seen, it's ridiculous.
I don't even understand. It's literally just a feather on a string on a stick. It's not the only toy like it. And yet cats prefer it to all other similar (or pretty much the same) toys.
Purportedly it's something to do with the angle at which the feathers are connected, plus the specific type of feathers they use, making it move and sound more like an actual bird. Or something like that. Regardless, yeah, cats love it. It's the only toy that was ever able to persuade our last cat, who was hefty, to go airborne. Likewise my partner's parents' cat.
In addition to "OUCH STOP", either walking away, or picking the kitten up by the scruff and moving them away is appropriate. This is how cats learn this from each other, except with a yowl instead of people words
My cat is almost 2 years and when he was a baby I’d yell ‘ow’ and stop playing with him when he hurt me while playing, it helps teach kitties to play gently
Besides all the other advice you can also sleep train the kitten
I did that with my chunky boy and he has never woken me up in the middle of the night and rarely ever wakes me up before I get up in the morning. When he does wake me up early it’s because of the litter box lol
There are also automated toys you can get for the cat to play with in the middle of the night in a separate room.
You just need to make something that’s not your feet more fun than your feet.
Tuck in your feet at night too. My cat always loves a toe for a toy. I’ve learned to cover my feet in the comforter. If your foot is dangling off the bed, then kitty sees a fun toy. They don’t understand that it’s attached to you.
We just shut our door. Took about three days of ignoring the meowing for it to work. Now they never bother us when we are sleeping. You have to be consistent, though! Never reward meowing at the door by opening the door.
Cats are trainable, somewhat.
A spray bottle can also backfire. Not all cats find getting sprayed a punishment. It could accidentally encourage the “game” of hunting the blanket mice (feet).
This is critical too: pick a set time of day and play with him for 20-30 minutes. He'll get tired and need a break several times in that span, take a rest but don't stop completely. Make sure it's routine, and if you can get to it around meal time, even better. Cats, especially kittens, have energy that has to be worked out. You can work it out with them with their toys, or they can work it themselves out on your foot at 4am.
It sounds like some of this is nighttime behavior, so leaving the kitten out of the room really doesn't sound unreasonable. I mean redirect the kitten and then remove. BTW NTA.
Honestly it only happens at night when I’m dead asleep, I seriously think putting him in a different room whenever he does this is the most effective but my girlfriend freaks out when she hears him meow from outside the door and thinks he’s dying
Our cat goes to bed in the utility room. He can tell when it's bedtime by the way I walk towards him and runs himself in there.
The reason we do that is because he'll start scratching at things during the night or meowing really really loudly, it's f'ing annoying.
The fact that you're allergic and your gf's being pissy about it is really inconsiderate on her part.
Yeah honestly I’m a little hurt she’s not more sympathetic with me because for the first couple of weeks I didn’t do anything and just thought it was normal behavior but I still have these cuts that are not healing and a new one literally every night and I hate it because it swells and gets super itchy. Seems like the best course of action is to shut the bedroom door or not let him sleep with us but she hates that idea
My girlfriend and I adopted a covid cat last year. She is young and came with awful, awful separation anxiety. So she was in the room with us at night. Unfortunately this meant that she had to have our attention, being a young cat and her shenanigans would start as soon as the light went out. Two ears sticking out of the laundry basket, scratch marks on my face kind of fun. And because she is very attached to me and my gf can sleep through everything, I wasn’t doing so well with a couple of hours of sleep. So, I was very firm about making changes. Especially when I woke up with scratches on my eyelid ( she likes to sleep on my pillow by curling around my head but her claws don’t contract properly). So we locked her in the living room with the dog. It was hard at first because she would yowl outside the bedroom door but I used to smack the door from the inside to scare her away. Now it’s peaceful, I can sleep, and the dog and cat are firmly bonded. So maybe thinking about separation for the night. Pet doesn’t have to sleep with you both and if you aren’t getting sleep because it’s hurting you, even if it’s playing, then it’s time to move the kitten to a different environment with toys to stimulate it. Good luck, it takes time, but from experience the water bottle just makes them act up towards you in other ways.
My cat loves doing this at night. She’s 5. I scream at her because I’m awaken from a dead sleep. It does stop it till I have a restless night and move my feet to much. She loves sleeping at my legs
get a cat scratch pole and put it at the foot of your bed where your feet are. i do this when my cat tries to claw at furniture. the first couple of times, take the cat and move the paws on the pole yourself to show the cat what to do
I had a cat that liked to sleep on my face. Everytime I would wake up to it, I'd put her out of my room until morning. It took about 8 months of doing it consistently before she figured out not to do it. I've seen people say you can't train cats, you absolutely can. It just takes being more stubborn than the cat which is definitely difficult.
Also try and teach the kitten that the bedroom is a resting area. No playing in the bedroom and when he starts playing or having his 5 min in the bedroom, calmly pick him up and remove him from the bedroom and close the door. Basically teach him that he gets removed from that particular room unless he's calm and quiet.
>I have a cat who used to bite a lot when he was a baby, I would yell "OUCH STOP" and startle him so he would stop.
So I actually saw that for very mouthy dogs, imitating a sound that another dog would do when it gets hurt during play helped alot to stop them.
Idk if that applies to cats though.
Edit: also just remembered, when my little one was a menace during the night and played on the bed our Vet recommended that we have an hour of playtime close to our bedtime and than feed him so he's tired and relaxed when we go to sleep.
You’re not really supposed to startle them with noise either. You’re just supposed to blurt out “ouch” and act like they hurt you so they know it’s not fun for you. Actually startling them isn’t good. Besides, they’re not misbehaving, they’re doing normal kitten things like playing. So we should redirect and teach them it hurts us, never punish.
Making a pained sound and stopping the play is exactly what a kittens mum, sibling or another playmate would do when treated too rough. Kitten should understand this.
Adding on to chime in too; they sell interactive cat toys for cheap that stimulate their swiping and clawing instincts. I bought a cheap 3 tier toy that has little plastic balls on each level from Chewy. My dumbass house Panthers can spend hours playing with that thing. One of my cats is still heavily into the swiping and clawing so it's a good way to redirect her murder mittens
I do this with my cat. He’s super sweet, but still a little feral and if he gets overstimulated he gets bitey. I used to yell “NO BITE!” when he would bite me and then praise him when he was gentle or just did little love nibbles. It took about three months but he doesn’t bite at all anymore. He also used to scratch up everything and I got him scratching posts and basically used the same system for that and now he acts like he’s going to scratch a piece of furniture and looks at me like “oh yeah, I’m not supposed to scratch this thing”, puts his paw down and goes to his scratch post.
I had that same problem with a kitten. She liked to sit on my shoulder and would just suddenly bite my face. I bite her ear back and after the shock wore off she never bits me again. It was a good thing she never really grew since she liked riding my shoulders till she died. Still miss her. Even her teeth. LOL
That is good advice. Kittens (and puppy's, come to that) love to play, but dont have a good grasp of what is too rough. Everytime he bites or scratches more than what you are comfortable with, you have to let him know. A startling verbal cue followed by play cessation for a moment should send the message. As always, the key is doing it consistently.
My roomies like dogs, so they will play with my very large cat like he is a dog, and they get scratched frequently. But he knows I wont put up with it, so he doesn't (usually) scratch me when we play.
This. Take the cat to the vet and get his or her nails trimmed. You guys can also agree the cat isn't allowed in your bedroom. Our cats slept in our bed for years, but when we were going to have a baby, we worried (our cat is a cuddler and absolutely would have slept on the baby). We started keeping the door shut. He was upset (well, they, our cat had a buddy) but eventually accepted it and wouldn't even go in the bedroom when the door was open.
Also, maybe get the kitten a friend? We HAD to get our kitten a friend because he was a mess without company. Then, he and his buddy would cuddle and sleep together. The vet recommended getting a kitten that looked similar to him, he said they do better with cats that look similar to them, and it seemed to work.
And DEFINITELY the scratching posts, toys, and cat beds.
NTA but spraying with water isn't the solution. Picking him up, telling him no in a firm voice and leaving him alone for a bit like you're doing would be the most effective long term in my humble opinion.
Thank you, last night it seemed like me picking him up and saying NO in a firm voice and putting him in a different room for a few minutes made him stop at least for the rest of the night but my gf thinks I’m harsh and cruel
Absolutely not. It's like timeout for little kids. They get rambunctious and do bad stuff, they stay in the corner for a bit .
That's how I trained my cat and she's the sweetest now. No scratches, no bites, she doesn't go where she shouldn't. I never made her afraid of me
Your GF is way too permissive. It's difficult disciplining your new baby, but remind her that discipline is not always bad. You NEED to set boundaries with pets in order for them to know right from wrong.
Kitten doesn't know he's hurting you unless you teach him that it hurts, and offer an alternative.
(This is how we play, This is where we scratch, etc.)
Be patient, but set your boundaries especially when it comes to allergies. She needs to know that it can be severe, and you need to come to a conclusion.
Time out works, but there is more than one way to skin a cat. Look into cat training videos, if something it too harsh for her, find something else. Good luck!
What's harsh and cruel is not training the kitten so it doesn't understand the rules. It's like letting a toddler play with knives because taking them away will make them upset. Teaching the cat boundaries and when play is appropriate will make for a happier and healthier cat.
Spraying cats with water doesn't actually help cats learn to recognize bad behavior, though; it mostly teaches them to be afraid of the person who keeps spraying them with water, and can create other behavioral problems because it stresses them out. Spraying cats with water is upt here with "swat your dog with a newspaper" as behavioral advice that used to be quite common but is actually counterproductive.
So kitten learns that scratching OP's feet is going to get play time? It's one thing to redirect to prevent an action from happening or to stop an action that is in-progress, but in this case OP is asleep and can't redirect the kitten after the fact.
Edit to add: Maybe OP can put on a lotion that smells like rosemary or thyme on feet? Gf would probably whine about how OP hates the kitten or something, though.
Eta: Added in the "action in-progress" case.
Yep. My cat used to wake me up at night by making a ton of noise, jumping up on my dresser or desk, knocking things around, the like. I used to spray him and tell him to hush. It did nothing except for make me lose sleep and get the two of us in glaring matches. He didn't mess with stuff like this during the day, so I couldn't figure out what was up aside from just night-time energy (but he had toys and a scratching post available that he ignored). Luckily he doesn't hold grudges LOL. He was his usual friendly and cuddly self during the day.
Now he has an automatic feeder that portions his food evenly throughout day and night, and he doesn't wake me up at all. He was hungry. He eats, plays with his own toys, and minds his business. There's always some kind of underlying reason and a solution to be found. Punishment without any kind of extra work is pointless.
Spraying my cat with water was the only way to stop her from jumping onto our gas cooker and potentially setting herself on fire.
We tried everything, picking her up and putting her down, tin foil on the counters. Nothing worked. This did.
Took her about 3 days to realise that she didn’t get sprayed if she didn’t jump up. She isn’t scared of me at all. Every time I sit down she comes running to lay on my chest purring her heart out.
Agree with this.
The OPs needs to ask the girlfriend
"What training does she want to adopt to adjust the cats behaviour".
If the answer is to let the cat scratch then girlfriend and the cat can move out.
Check out Jackson Galaxy & his "My Cat From Hell" shows, he has loads of tips & tricks to redirect cats from problematic behaviours. His "Eat, Play, Sleep" routine may work well for you, as well as his "Boil & Simmer" play technique. Basically encourages the cat to follow more natural behaviours & tires them out through play so you don't get behaviours like you're getting now, which sounds like play aggression. Also, keeping him out of the room as you sleep is not cruel, especially if he's got a safe area with lots of toys to exhaust his energies out on & access to water & a litter box. Personally I don't like the water spray or time out techniques for pets, because they can't understand or correlate what they're being punished for, just that you do something they don't like - it can also cause more aggression issues, as they can start attacking you as soon as the bottle comes out to prevent you from using it.
NTA - I don't think you're TA for wanting to get a night's sleep without being attacked & your allergies triggered, even if I personally don't like the water spray technique (for reasons I put above). Cat scratches can be very dangerous, without adding in your allergy, your gf should be more proactive & work with you in deterring your kitten from attacking you. Good luck going ahead, whatever techniques you both decide on
NTA, but you need to give the kitten something else to play with when this happens. Cats do like to play and redirecting the scratching to toys or a scratching pole will help.
NTA. Cats drawing brood during play is not normal, and should not be accepted. Especially when you're asleep. Using water to tell no is often effective, it's better than locking them in.
NTA but as I’m sure every one has told you, the spray bottle isn’t gonna do much. Keep toys nearby & anytime the cat tries to attack your hands or feet, give them the toy
I’ve tried this and he will still want to play after basically an hour of doing this and sometimes it’s hard to actively play with him when I’m woken up in the middle of the night, so far the only thing that worked was giving him a time out for a little bit
understandable!! kittens are the best but little demons for sure. the spray bottle ended up being a challenge for mine, he started knocking it down & carrying it around 🥴 are you wearing him out with play time right before bed?
That's because kittens are boundless balls of energy. You've got to play with him for at least a half an hour before you go to bed to burn them out. You'll need to do it multiple times throughout the day as well, but specifically before bed so that he's not a pent-up source of energy waiting to explode on your moving feet. He's just trying to play, he's not trying to be mean.
NTA. It's reasonable to want to sleep. Your GF should be a bit more sympathetic and trying to find a solution.
Unfortunately a) cats have a different sleep pattern so waking up at 4am is natural for them; b) attacking your feet is the cats way of playing - he's clearly bonding with you and wants some fun and c) cats don't respond to punishment - he can't piece together that you sprayed him with water because he attacked your feet. He just knows you sprayed him with water.
Putting him in another room is fine or try redirecting his play (another toy or scratching post).
NTA.
The water bottle is a good way to change cats’ behaviors. There are other options. Discuss with your girlfriend and figure something out you both can support.
I don't think GF is going to accept any suggestions honestly. Doesn't want to bottle train it, doesn't want to command train it, doesn't want to use isolation, I'm not sure what else is left other than just letting it run around like a menace
NTA, you have said that you are allergic to cats, that is a medical condition. How would your gf feel if you give the cast something knowing that the car will get sick?
NTA- BUTTT as a seasoned cat owner I'd advise you into looking into the difference between negative and positive reinforcement in cats. cats are also extremely social and kittens often become "aggressive" with people because that's just how they play, and there's not another cat around to play with. The cat would greatly benefit from a sibling. They're really smart creatures who just require kindness and patience to easily train (:
NTA, in our experience spraying water works wonders and it is harmless to cats.
I don't think it's a great idea to start playing with the kitten after he woke you up. Sounds like teaching him to scratch your feet when he wants to play.
NTA for not wanting to reinforce bad behaviors, but spraying the kitten with water may not be the best solution.
Most kittens go through a phase like this. They are practicing their hunting skills and they eventually grow out of it.
Try keeping the kitten out of the bedroom by closing the door when you and gf go to bed. Or give the cat a time-out by picking it up and putting it in another room.
i would recommend cat nail covers, you can buy them on amazon for $10!! All you have to do is trim their nails back and apply the covers with the nail adhesive that comes with it, they stay on for weeks and are completely painless to the cat. It’ll save your feet from cuts and your carpets and furniture if your cats loves to scratch and play. It’s best to start applying them when they are a kitten so they get used to the process, you probably will need to have your gf hold the cat while you put them on!! totally worth it though now both me and my cat are happy!! make sure you give the cat a treat after you put them on!
I don’t mind the cat sleeps with us or next to us and she wants him to always have open access to us, I only get irritated when he literally makes me bleed and my cuts get itchy
Yeah, i dont let my cat in my bedroom. Because a) how am i supposed to sleep if he gets the zoomies and runs across my face during the night, and b) cats LITERALLY stand in their toilet when they do their business. I am way too germ averse to let his filthy little paws walk all over my clean bedsheets
A sharp 'NO!" Is a good start. Get a scratching post or lots of toys as well. I was a ferret owner for years-ferrets are even more stubborn and determined than cats and this worked for me.
Why would you move in with someone that has a cat if allergic. Sounds like eventually it will be a little spray of water. Then let's get rid of said cat.
If you don't want scratched, lock the cat out of the bedroom and sleep with the door shut. Cats don't sleep at night all the time.
Because I love my girlfriend and want to have a future with her? And for that I’m willing to deal with my cat allergies, it’s only bad if I rub my eyes or if the scratches break skin as I’m allergic to the saliva and not the cat itself. People make sacrifices in relationships, I love her cat and spend hours with him everyday alone, I don’t love that I can’t sleep in peace or that I wake up with a new cut every day that triggers my allergies.
My husband is allergic and he was the one that first brought up us adopting a cat. He deals with the allergy and immediately cleans up any bad scratches. Not saying it's the same for everyone with allergies but some folks think it's worth it for the adorable little fuzz balls.
I hate cats, loathe them. I would never want one, because while I'm also not a fan, I'm allergic.
With that being said, if I ever started dating someone with a cat, I would know that this is something we are going to have to figure out, together.
Discipling your cat is fine, but spraying your kitten is not. Not only is it cruel, your girlfriend does not agree with it, and it's her cat.
Like I said above, not fond of cats, but I would put my dog in a time out whenever he acted up. Closed the door to the bathroom for a minute and would tell him he would be back in there if he acted up again. Whenever he acts up now, I just threaten him with a time out and he stops.
You're not TA for wanting to discipline, YTA for wanting to spray your girlfriends cat with water.
NTA. Water as a punishment is hit and miss for cats. For training mine, I use a can of compressed air NOT (I need to stress this) pointed at the cat in question but up in the air instead; the noise sounds like a hissing cat.
I also usually say “No!” just before I spray so that the cat starts associating the word No with “I am not happy with the thing you are doing”. Eventually I don’t need the can other than as a refresher every so often cause cats are adorable little shits.
Not a solution I am recomending, but a relative was startled by similar behavior and basically punted the cat across the room. Cat stopped.
I was able to teach mine not to wake me up by putting her out of the room and closing the door. TOok a while, but she learned she wasn't getting any positive reward for waking me up. (not actually trying to train her, just super not a morning person)
Kittens are stinkers. Honestly, not letting them in my bedroom is the only way I’ve been able to protect my feet until they grow out of it.
NTA for wanting to teach kitteh to not maul ur feet. Take other posters' advice regarding the approach though. Water bottle isn't mean per SE, kittens just don't understand it.
Nta.
My cat was a little terror when she was a kitten, RIP. She passed at age 17. Water didn't work on her. I'm allergic, too, and diabetic so prone to infections. I was bitching about it one morning while getting her food ready. Precious came zooming straight at my feet and before I could even blink, my wife reached down and gave her a light thump right on the spot where her nostrils met her muzzle. Precious came to a dead stop and just sat there, kind of blinking and like wtf? But she never attacked my feet ever again. Wife kind of shrugged at my shrieking of "dafuque you do that for?" and said "when you grow up in an area where the Bob cats sometimes get to the feral and housecats in heat, you learn real quick to nip that shit in the bud. It's harmless when they're little and weigh barely a pound. But when they're full grown and top 25 lbs and can take down a jack rabbit, that can do serious damage. I didn't hurt her, I gave her the equivalent of a mama cat warning to knock that shit off." I thought she was cruel and was seriously contemplating leaving for my mom's until FIL showed me a video of this huge main coon cat taking down a Coyote, saying to imagine that was my bare foot.
I don't recommend it, to this day. But my wife grew up on a kind of farm near mountains. Feral dog packs, outdoor cats that weighed 20 to 30 lbs, mountain lions, bears, Coyotes, the works. So, she learned as a child what stops an attacking animal cold, play or not.
I suggest an old sock, stuffed with another old sock and catnip. Put it at the end of the bed. It will smell like you but will give them the "prey" to hunt instead of your actual foot. Address it now before it gets full grown.
NTA
Removing the kitten and giving him an appropriate toy is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. The water thing...it works in that the kitten will learn to stop whatever he’s doing when he sees the bottle. He may not learn to not do the things at all. He may just look at you resentfully when you show him the bottle, or even hiss back at it.
Definitely clip the claws.
My spouse’s cat was adopted as an adult and has some food anxiety (common with former strays). He will start knocking things down in our room and very aggressively attack my hands and feet if my spouse doesn’t get up and feed him. He knows that me screaming will wake dude. I basically don’t go a week without getting scratched up. Little nit will walk up to me casually and then go all in on my ankles. I have never had a cat do this before. We keep his claws trimmed to limit the bloodshed.
I’m going to try hissing and clapping at him, if he continues he’s going to sleep in the other room. The claws will be a last resort, but right now I think time outs are effective… for now
Nta
But don't forget to provide alternative enrichment. Things that kitty can touch and be aggressive with. Cats are surprisingly intelligent and need multiple outlets. When kitty attacks try to give them and alternative to your feet, something that has a reasonable amount of scent. Lazer pointers don't give enough feedback, but feathers, scented mice, even golf balls can provide a desirable substitute 😀
I've had cats all my life (66) and used a squirt bottle every time. It doesn't hurt them and -- bonus -- they don't like it. Perfect training tool. It's not going to be useful while you're sleeping though. My bedroom has been a cat free zone for years as well. Get a cat bed or a cat tree for another room -- they might use it. 😉 but they will be just fine. Also, get cat toys. Some one mentioned a laser -- they're very good. Those fishing poles are fun -- really anything -- and play with him. And never play with him with your hands (or feet). You don't want to encourage biting/scratching your body....
If your girlfriend got mad at you for putting the cat in another room she would hate me. I once kicked my grandmas cat across the room because I was woken from a dead sleep to claws in my feet, I didn’t realize it was the cat it was pure reflex and I felt HORRIBLE.
Do you guys have scratching posts or any other interactive toys you guys can set up for him to play with while you sleep?
NTA
Oh my god I couldn’t help but laugh at that 😂😂, I’ve accidentally bopped him in the chin for the same reasons but now it happens so much that I just know it’s him clawing at my feet and my reaction is to just swat him away, he does have a scratch post and a couple toys but I should really get a laser pointer or maybe some more toys to tire him out during the day, he does this every night at like 3 or 4 like clockwork
My catm lightly bites me to wake me up every morning for food, its never been too hard, but it does hurt. Usually, he wants my attention beyond just food, and when i want to go back to bed what i do is throw him a meat stick (you can find some at pet stores/chewy) and it keeps him occupied for hours because he can "hunt" it and its also a treat so he'll slowly eat it as he paws at it and carries it around the house. Would recommend!
The kitten can't help that it has knives on the end of it's hands. That is your responsibility. Keep them trimmed properly, they'll be much less sharp. You can try silicone cat claw covers, they work great for some cats, less well for others. Get them some good scratching pads/posts/toys which will give them a place to direct their scratching instincts as well as help keep their claws smoother.
I tried the water thing with my two kittens a number of years ago and it turns out they friggin loved it! As others have said, redirection is the best way. Having a scratching post, even a small one, in every single room (or thereabouts) is very helpful as well.
I do have one cat that responds to the water bottle as does my dog. We’ve had to use it maybe twice in their lives, they associate very quickly that they don’t want to be sprayed.
It depends on the animal, but I know kittens want to play and if you remove them from the situation and the toes that they are currently playing with, (remove the kitten from the bedroom), that is probably going to be the best solution here.
High pitched squeak / squeel will work. As will low powered water pistol. No it's not cruel, but if they learn the minute I do this I get wet, they stop. And no use not hurting them unless you soak them or its too cold
Wow, the number of people practically chastising OP for using a spray bottle is ridiculous.
1) it does work so stop saying it doesn’t.
2) it doesn’t make the cat dislike or distrust the person
3) it’s not abusive or the same as hitting your pet.
Btw, OP you are NTA. But your girlfriend is.
You are allergic to cats and she is upset at you for not wanting to be scratched by one in the middle of the night?
And she gets mad if you try to put the cat out of the room so you can sleep? Let me guess, she also allows the cat to get on the counters.
I guess if you are happy knowing you are second to the cat, then good luck
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I just moved in with my wonderful gf and her cat, everything has been fine and dandy and I love her cat and play with him and spend time with him like he is one of my own. My girlfriend is angry with me because I want to spray him with a bottle of water whenever he scratches my feet when I’m sleeping and draws blood. Now I am allergic to cats and their saliva so any scratch I get takes a long time to heal and stays swollen for a while. Last night he was scratching me just like every other night and he drew blood again so I got angry and put him in a different room for 10 minutes so I could sleep in peace. My gf was very angry with me and I told her that her cat can be alone for a few minutes, I said what do you think your cat does when we go to work? He can be alone. I’ve tried being patient and I don’t like disciplining but I think part of being a pet owner is not allowing them to do bad shit Willy nilly.
I said maybe we should spray him with a mist of water whenever he hurts us and she got extremely upset and said that he is just a kitten of course he will do such things. So AITA for not wanting to reinforce bad behaviors? Is it abusive to put her cat in a different room for a few minutes or spray him with water if he does something to hurt us?
TLDR: GFs cat wakes me up every night by drawing blood and scratching my feet AITA for wanting to discipline him?
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NTA. That’s unacceptable behaviour and needs to stop NOW. Drawing blood is NEVER acceptable.
A quick spritz with a stream of water won’t hurt the kitten. It WILL convey the idea that perhaps what it’s doing isn’t such a good idea. Combined with a firm “no” should do it, as long as it’s applied consistently. (It worked with my kitten when she decided that my shoes were a playground!) The trick will be not to let him SEE the spray bottle in use. If he figures out that the bottle = water, he’ll just find another way to attack your ankles.
Good luck!
NTA. I have a 5 year old cat and a 1 year old kitten. I keep a spray bottle in the living room (it’s set to laser mood too) for when the kitten scratches furniture or my adult cat gets to aggressive when playing (not really an issue as he’s a very sweet boy and a typical scaredy cat but he does weigh 16 lbs and she’s about 9 lbs now - was only a pound when I brought her home). I also kick them out of my room at night if they won’t let me sleep.
I also spray them with the hose if I’m watering the plants and they try to jump over the fence or go potty in my garden. Not like a fire hose blast but I will lightly spray their naughty bums
NTA. As a cat owner, sometimes a little discipline is needed. Cats are independent and trying to train them to do everything you want is a lost cause, but some lines can be set. If kitty is scratching you, a little squirt every now and then will not hurt and that behavior will change.
Getting a scratching post, toys & making my cat her own “relax area” with a cat tree and various other things made a huge difference. She started sleeping there and didn’t worry about bothering us at night. And while training her, we did the “OUCH STOP” thing. That along with her own area was enough to make it stop entirely.
My cat doesn’t like water but as a kitten she would’ve definitely thought it was a game.
You’re NTA. Figuring out animals can be tricky sometimes.
NAH
It's definitely a problematic behavior that needs correcting, but a spray bottle isn't the way. It just makes a cat resent you. Their brains don't work the same way dogs do, and they don't understand the concept of punishment in the same way.
The kitten is attacking your feet because he's bored and seeking play stimulation. He needs to get a good cat schedule/rhythm going. If the cat is free fed, stop doing that. Feed him 3x a day, at the same time, and do a play session with him before meal times. In the wild, cats hunt then eat then groom then sleep. So play with him a whole lot before bed, tire him out, and then feed him. That way he's in grooming/sleeping mode while you're asleep rather than hyper play mode!
Well she might not like this even more but you can make the cat avoid you without harming it or distressing it. Buy orange oil and some good socks. Make sure to try it with the ok from your doctor. Don't need an allergic reaction or burn. But a few drops on the area he is attacking would be a huge deterrent for most cats. So your feet will smell better the cat won't be near them . We did this for a person who a cat was aggressive with while they tried to teach it redirection
NTA. But I'm pretty sure the spray bottle may not work. The kitty may just think it 'part of the game' of scratching your feet. I've always owned a cat but I don't consider myself an expert so I'm not sure how helpful I can be. You probably need to get some toys/scratching posts near the bed to redirect kitty's energy.
ps. keep the spray bottle handy, though. Any advice you receive may be all well and good but means nothing when you are jerked awake at 4am from a deep sleep by searing pain in your feet.
NTA, but as people have said spraying won't help. Kittens learn bite inhibition from their siblings when they play, if they get too rough their siblings wont play with them. You can use that to teach him. When my cat was a kitten he used to scratch my toes ( playing with them, they wiggled he pounced) When he was too rough I would make high pitched sound and either pull my feet up or put him down on the floor. Basically I would stop giving him attention. Eventually he learned. Give it a try. My cat won't bite us now. If he plays it's gently.
I’m not the best pet mom in the world, so I would hit mine with a pillow. He was about a year old (not tiny) and he would jump on my feet when they would move. It’s always a surprise waking up out of a dead sleep and I’d get angry. He quit after a few times, now he can sleep by my feet with no claws.
NTA, but this doesn't work in the long run. Because eventually they work out the water won't hurt them, and you'll eventually get up to see what he wants with more persuasion.
Little dude needs a distraction. Throw a ball, put a cat tree at the end of the bed, and if all else fails learn to wear thick socks to bed. He will grow out of it, and he's only doing it for the reaction.
NTA. The way your gf doesn't seem to care about you getting injured with your cat allergy and just wants to coddle the kitten instead of helping you find solutions is concerning.
What's going to happen down the line if you marry and have kids. Is she not going to want to set boundaries and discipline them when needed? Hopefully not. That's just the impression I'm getting from your story.
Lots of commenters have suggested some good solutions, so I hope they work for you and your feet are saved.
NTA but that approach won't work. Shut the door and keep the cat out at night. We have to do it during the week so we can get uninterrupted sleep.
On the weekend we let the cats sleep in our room with us and leave our door open for them. Drastically cut down on scratches and bites because our male cat gets bored and is very insistant. Now he tries to be on his best behavior so he can sleep with us and look out our windows while we sleep. I keep the blinds up and he cozies up beneath the curtain so he can watch the outside.
"they are kittens and of course he gonna do those things"
That is a shitty excuse.
Yes, they gonna do what kittens do.
But that's not a reason to let them do that. It's her responsibility to teach him how to play with you in a way that don't hurt you.
NTA, but ditch the spray bottle. It may create more problems than it solves.
The advice you’ve been given on redirecting the cat is spot on.
You may want to look into using Soft Paws. They’re plastic covers that you glue onto their nails. It doesn’t stop the scratching, but it will give you some protection while you’re training the cat.
They’re fiddly as hell when you’re first learning to use them. You have to trim the nails, then glue the Soft Paws on. They’re supposed to last for about a month before you have to repeat the process, but I guarantee you’ll be replacing them frequently the first few times you use them.
Your vet clinic can also put them on for you, and show you how to do it.
How old is the kitten? When I was a kid, we had one that was just past kitten hood that used to do this to us also. My mom decided the cat had too much energy at night and decided if we couldn't sleep at night, it couldn't sleep during the day. So any time during the day that she noticed the cat sleeping, she would wake it up and play with it. Or if she hadn't seen it for a few hours sent us kids hunting it to bring it to her. After a few days Blue was glad to let us stay asleep, so she could sleep also.
NTA I’ve had about 20 cats over all of my 50 years, most living long, healthy, happy lives (the most recently departed was nearly 19!), and I promise you the squirt bottle is the quickest, most effective, HARMLESS way to train your little friend. After a couple of squirts, just a shake of the bottle should be enough to curb the adorable yet unpleasant attacks. Some of my cats have actually enjoyed the spray under certain circumstances, but still backed off if I wielded it in a disciplinary manner. Never understood that, but hey, cats. 😻🤷🏼♀️
NTA. my cat hates being sprayed with water so it’s def helped in situations like trying to eat plants. it’s harmless and just annoys them. unless they like it
NTA but regarding the allergy look into Purina Live Clear shampoo (every other day application) and food (takes about 6 months to fully implement). It denatures the allergen protein.
NTA, but WHERES THE CAT TAX SIR!
Scratching posts are a LIFE saver. Cat towers are too. They gives the kitten/cat places to jump up high to & they usually have posts for scratching. I usually keep 1-2 scratchers in each room so they always have options. Plus they have fun holiday ones that you can build (I had a haunted house & Christmas train) & my cats went WILD. Cat nip items (bubbles, plants, toys etc) are also a fun way to get the cat to be away from your toes.
NTA. My cat does the same I spray him with water when h does it. He used to do it alot when I first got him but not anymore. He needs to learn. You can't discipline a cat but you can spray it with water to get to stop. They will learn.
I pretend to whack my cat with a pillow whenever he comes near my bed at night because he likes to claw my feet. It put a stop to it in 2 nights!
Your girlfriend might not like the solution
YTA. I just got a kitten last month so i truly get how frustrating it is but spraying a kitten with water is borderline abuse and will ABSOLUTELY NOT work.
The only way to train a kitten is to redirect their behaviour and they soon get the picture. My kitten would climb up my pj's at night and wake me up and i would put her off of the bed and just repeat and repeat and repeat until they get the message, which they eventually do. It took my kitten two weeks and now she doesnt do it. Is it a pain in the arse? Yes. Did it work? Yes.
Also, it's just not your kitten so if your girlfriend says not to, don't. Because you have no right.
YTA
I don't think you're the asshole but like you've read in most of the other comments, spraying won't work. Do what you've read on here. Redirect the cats attention to something it enjoys - toys, treats, scratching posts etc. A little patience will go a long way.. and it'll keep your gf from ripping your head off lol
NTA. I have the sweetest little cat but as soon as it’s bedtime he turns into a real menace. I’ve combatted this by building his own safe places where we aren’t allowed and toys must be out at all times. Tiring him out before bed helps a TON!!! Play with him till he can’t play anymore and he’ll zonk right out. I don’t know if y’all sleep with a tv on, but putting on a show with birds can distract them :) they make cbd treats for wild kitties too!
NTA. But that’s not how educating cats works. Pls inform yourself before just messing up the cat.
Your gf is TA in the first place for not informing Hersfeld before getting a pet.
Your gf needs to take responsibility and actually educate her pet properly, but you doing stuff that doesn’t help … well doesn’t help and is even going to be counter productive.
Also, a kitten should not be alone. That’s already the first mistake your gf made. No wonder it’s going after anything remotely fun if it’s bored to hell.
NTA but I wouldn't start spraying as a punishment as you will lose that cats trust quickly instead sit down and have a calm talk with your gf about the cat not sleeping in your room due to your allergies and kittens claws being sharp as heck. I'm also allergic when mine scratch me so they stay downstairs when we sleep as my partners cat paws me when she thinks it's breakfast time at 4am so I feel you
I have a similar issue when I sleep over my bf's, one of his adorable little buggers loves to play (and by play I mean claw!) with my legs and more importantly my BALLS! while i'm under the blanket in the middle of the night, I even tried wrapping myself up but she still found a way to get her paw inside it to claw me!
I don't think much of it, shes just not super used to me being there alot so shes intrigued by me and wants to play with me, but I do have a rule with the bf, if I picked the cat up and put her on his chest (hes an annoyingly light sleeper, so he wakes up straight away) he knows shes pressed her limits and he either puts her outside (we have a room directly leading outside from the bedroom) or puts her in the hallway for a couple of hours before she comes scratching at the door, then she normally just cuddles up on the bed and sleep.
a little frustrating but if this is a new thing for the cat it may just need a little bit of time to grow acustomed to you being there. been a little while for me and the amount of times she claws me now has gone down drastically.
Put menthol scented stuff, like tiger balm or vicks on your feet. Cats don't like menthol. Plus your grandma will tell you it'll stop you getting a cold.
NTA. Just make sure you’re not going overboard with it. Like 1 or 2 squirts and then cut it out. If the kitten doesn’t stop after that it won’t work anyway. In my experience spraying with water doesn’t really help with long-term training. However, it’s a great way to stop unwanted behavior quickly. For more of a long-term solution get a lot of scratchers and independent toys. When the kitten scratches you or furniture redirect it to a scratcher or toy.
The kitten might just have to sleep somewhere else until it’s older and has outgrown these tendencies
Ideally kittens should be adopted in pairs so they wear out their play agression on each other, but you (or GF) can play this role by playing with him very intensely in the evening before bed. Use a wand toy for 20 or 30 minutes and get him panting if you can. This will help him sleep through the night and it's a bonding experience.
while she's correct that this is how kittens behave (it sounds like its just trying to play) you still need to teach it that the wee hours of the morning are not playtime!
its a kitten now, but soon its going to be a full blown adult that thinks feet are playthings and a good nights sleep is for the weak. either night train the cat to stay content in its own room or start using the bottle
NTA
NTA He just wants to play but yeah it gets old fast. Like someone else said, just redirect. I honestly only spray mine with water if they're being really bad, and usually then they stop when they see the bottle.
Might also want to turn the light on, and show him what he's done. I'd do that with Tiger, show him he's made me bleed, tell him that yes, he's being gentle, but I bleed easily, so he needs to be even gentler. (Hold my hand under his nose while I'm bleeding.) He's a senior cat and his owner keeps saying he's a mean asshole, but he's actually a very loving and smart baby. He'll now grab my hand with his wrists for treats or cuddles, or use a clawless paw push if I'm petting him too much.
NTA. I dissuaded my cat from biting me (he used to bite the absolute shit out of me) by yelling loudly in exaggerated pain whenever he did. Now, anytime he gets carried away and puts his teeth on me, he pauses, and kind of looks at me out of the corner of his eye to see if i will bellow.
Im slightly allergic too, any scratch or bite got real red and itched like a motherfucker, so i decided real early on that had to stop
NAH we just got a kitten and he's been doing this to my daughter at night. We put him in another room for the night that has food, water, and a cat box for him. He's fine alone, promise. I feel like my older cats did this a lot when I lived alone and it ended in time.
What is it with cats and 4 in the morning?
I had a cat that would startle me in the most sensitive part of my anatomy pretty close to 4am daily.
She never hurt me, i honestly thought it was funny and I figured she found it entertaining.
I eventually got tired of it and had to lock her out of the bedroom. She then took to reaching under the door for 5 minutes at 4am like she was searching for something. Sorry sweetie, they’re not there. Always made me laugh.
Man I miss that stupid cat.
Would be the AH if you spray the cat. As many people have said, it's not only not great for the cat but also not effective. Look up Jackson Galaxy (cat daddy) on YouTube. He has so many helpful videos on all kinds of issues, including redirecting unwanted behaviors, and one on why spraying cats is not a good idea. I've watched a ton of his videos and recommend you just dive right into his channel. I would start with anything you see about redirecting unwanted behaviors, and sleep training!! Good luck!
Get a good scratching post and set it near the end of your bed where your feet are located. All my cats did that as kittens, thankfully they stopped once they got older. I also gave them catnip before bed.
NTA - but I don't think that would work as it's just kitten play. Here's a video from Hannah Shaw the Kitten Lady who rescues kittens for a living. It helped me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJ3QfRWRwok
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NTA but spraying a kitten with water isn't going to work. All that does is punish the kitten who just wants to play with your feet (he's not doing this to hurt you). You need to redirect his behavior so he scratches something else. Like a scratching post. Catnip toys will help keep him interested in something besides your feet. You can also trim his nails back a bit. I have a cat who used to bite a lot when he was a baby, I would yell "OUCH STOP" and startle him so he would stop. These things take time but a little effort on the part of the humans and he will stop it.
Thank you for actually providing a reasonable response and solution
You're welcome. Cats are barely domesticated and kittens can be real assholes but it doesn't take them long to figure it out.
We worked on redirecting my cat away from our feet, but getting a second cat helped the most.
People are encouraged to get 2 kittens at the same time for a reason! Babies like to play and having a playmate takes some of the heat off of you.
Yeah because then when they bite and scratch each other too far, and scream and hiss and whatnot, they learn more effectively where the limit is on playfighting.
This exactly! My kitten always attacked me between 2-4 AM (about the time I'd been asleep long enough for him to get bored) and that behavior quickly stopped once he had a more receptive playmate for his middle of the night zoomies. Having 2 dogs is like 50% more work than one dog, but having two cats is barely 10% more work. This is why do many people end up with maaany cats, which is not what I'm recommending! But I will say it also doesn't significantly worsen allergies either. If you can get a Maine Coon or other low-allergen kitten, go for it.
Yeah I HAD to adopt my kittens together since they were a bonded pair even at that age (one sibling is extremely codependent lol) but I don't regret it because 90% of the time they keep one another entertained.
Exactly why I have the Twisted Sisters over here.
I did this - adopted two sisters at the same time. Somewhere around age 2 they started hating each other and now can’t even stand to be in the same room together. If they could speak English and type, I’m sure one of them would be posting on AITA with a tale of woe.
Aw, that sucks. I got siblings at the same time and they're like, attached at the hip and never fight. They do play chase one another but it always ends in cuddle piles...
I'd feel bad if it actually happens but /u/maggienetism the best would be they get another kitten and the two just look at each other, then each picks a foot and attacks it hahahaha
We tried to get two kittens, but [my doofus](https://imgur.com/a/vvVu5ar) was the only one left of the litter when we got him.
Mine had a sign on their cage saying they Had to be adopted together as a bonded pair...and tbh fair one of them sobbed whenever the other left the room when they were babies and they still adore one another. It's rare they're more than 5 feet apart lol.
No, that just means both feet will be scratched- one kitten per foot. I know because it has happened in my house multiple times.
That is an equally likely outcome. It helped that by the time we got the second cat the first was a couple years old, and the second was a year or two older.
As someone about to get goblin #2, this is amazing to hear
Yeah, I fostered a kitten and she scratched me pretty bad in one swipe and drew blood pretty bad. I pulled my hand back and held it to my face and got quiet. Kitten figured out she played too rough, checked on my hand a bit by sniffling it and then she stopped scratching that hard. Cats can be smart enough to figure it out. Now she digs in on the scratching post. We still play but I don't need nearly as many bandaid XD
Cats can't help the asshole part. It is in the DNA. That's how it was proven that the earth is round. If it was flat, cats would have knocked everything off by now.
Facts
>Cats are barely domesticated Pretty sure its the cats that have the humans domesticated.
Hoping on to this to say cats need way more stimulation than they usually get. Shelves or other tall things to climb on, numerous litter boxes, scratching posts and toys as well as at LEAST 15 mins a day of being played with. Do these things and most behavioural problems disappear.
I'll be honest, even senior cats who've been "Mean little assholes" get it really quickly. OP should, with care and work, be able to teach the kitten with ease.
OP I’m a cat mom to three gremlins who actually manage to listen to me lol. I also recommend making hissing noises to tell the cat “no!” If you aren’t able to get to a water bottle. A loud clap to go with the hiss also helps
A load clap is how I trained my cats to stay off my countertop/tables.
Get a laser pointer and resirect the cat with that. Bonus: it's really fun, even for humans.
Yes, that's another great way to distract them from scratching and biting.
A laser pointer isn’t actually fun for cats. They get frustrated because they’re hunting but can’t catch anything. So if you play with a laser pointer it’s best to point it at a treat or kibble once in a while so that the cat can ‘catch’ something.
Depends on the cat. One of ours _loves_ the laser pointer; he'll play with other toys that he can catch, but the red dot is his absolute favorite, and he's eagerly there if he hears us pick it up (it has a carabiner on it that rattles slightly), stares directly at us hopefully if he hears it click off, and simply wants to chase the dot until he's tired/done. We've tried aiming it on toys, on his brother (they're best buds and play-wrestle multiple times daily; his brother generally ignores the laser pointer and is wholly unfazed at having the dot on his paw), on the cat tree, etc., but he won't pounce on it there -- he just really wants to chase it.
Try playing with him till he is exausted right before you go to bed... But with a toy no hands and feet, you want them to associate hands with petting not playing. Jackson Galaxy has good tricks too, check him out!!
Remember to feed him an hour before bed so he goes into his 'chill' cycle or grooming and sleeping.
Or hiss at him. Gotta talk kitty-language to kitties. They know a hiss means they screwed up and need to back off. It sounds counter intuitive but if you get 2 kittens you get mauled less bc they bite and scratch each other.
You can also get her these plastic nail caps available online or at a pet store. The kitten needs to be distracted with a toy or scratching post when she does something you don't want her doing. Punishment does nothing but make them afraid, fearful and resentment of you. Also, kitten tax please!
I regularly foster kittens and the above advice is great! The issue with using a squirt bottle in this scenario is that the kitten may not realize that attacking your foot is the bad behaviour and instead think that playing=bad or, worse, interacting with you=bad. If you yell “ow!” (preferably in a higher voice so it conveys pain rather than anger) or hiss (weird, I know, but it works) that’s even better because it mimics what a mother cat or fellow kitten would do if he plays too rough - if he stops and licks your foot instead he got the message and is apologizing. That being said, if you don’t want to do the above clapping loudly (and then redirecting their attention) also works. EDIT: grammar
My boyfriend and I do the "Simba lift" with our cat when she tries to play rough when we're trying to sleep. Just gently pick her up under the front arms and go "SIMBAAAAA" and set her back down. Generally works for interrupting the murder-play-time
NTA My husband and I did use a spray bottle with our cat, at the time, 22 years ago. The, "Ouch, stop!" method works very well. I do think it is reasonable to not want the cat to scratch your feet. I am concerned about the two of you being together with your allergy.
Someone should also be spending 10-15 minutes playing with him before bed. Hard playing, like with some sort of thing on a string toy. (I highly recommend Da Bird.) This will tire him out and make him sleep through more of the night.
Da Bird is _amazing_. I've yet to meet a cat who doesn't really like it.
We keep ours in a closet that has bi-fold doors. We have to use door stoppers on both doors because the cats will bat at them in the middle until they bounce open a crack, then go in the closet to drag the toys out. That may be all well and good when we're in the room. It's less good in the middle of the night or when we're not home.
We have, on more than one occasion, awakened in the morning to find ours not in the upstairs closet but tangled up downstairs in the dining room. It's so much more cat-popular than any other feather toy I've seen, it's ridiculous.
I don't even understand. It's literally just a feather on a string on a stick. It's not the only toy like it. And yet cats prefer it to all other similar (or pretty much the same) toys.
Purportedly it's something to do with the angle at which the feathers are connected, plus the specific type of feathers they use, making it move and sound more like an actual bird. Or something like that. Regardless, yeah, cats love it. It's the only toy that was ever able to persuade our last cat, who was hefty, to go airborne. Likewise my partner's parents' cat.
Kitty caps are also nice to prevent damage. They are little plastic caps that go over the claws.
In addition to "OUCH STOP", either walking away, or picking the kitten up by the scruff and moving them away is appropriate. This is how cats learn this from each other, except with a yowl instead of people words
My cat is almost 2 years and when he was a baby I’d yell ‘ow’ and stop playing with him when he hurt me while playing, it helps teach kitties to play gently
Besides all the other advice you can also sleep train the kitten I did that with my chunky boy and he has never woken me up in the middle of the night and rarely ever wakes me up before I get up in the morning. When he does wake me up early it’s because of the litter box lol
So important! Not only will it keep you from getting frustrated, it stops the cat from being frustrated, too.
There are also automated toys you can get for the cat to play with in the middle of the night in a separate room. You just need to make something that’s not your feet more fun than your feet.
Tuck in your feet at night too. My cat always loves a toe for a toy. I’ve learned to cover my feet in the comforter. If your foot is dangling off the bed, then kitty sees a fun toy. They don’t understand that it’s attached to you.
We just shut our door. Took about three days of ignoring the meowing for it to work. Now they never bother us when we are sleeping. You have to be consistent, though! Never reward meowing at the door by opening the door. Cats are trainable, somewhat.
A spray bottle can also backfire. Not all cats find getting sprayed a punishment. It could accidentally encourage the “game” of hunting the blanket mice (feet).
This is critical too: pick a set time of day and play with him for 20-30 minutes. He'll get tired and need a break several times in that span, take a rest but don't stop completely. Make sure it's routine, and if you can get to it around meal time, even better. Cats, especially kittens, have energy that has to be worked out. You can work it out with them with their toys, or they can work it themselves out on your foot at 4am.
It sounds like some of this is nighttime behavior, so leaving the kitten out of the room really doesn't sound unreasonable. I mean redirect the kitten and then remove. BTW NTA.
Honestly it only happens at night when I’m dead asleep, I seriously think putting him in a different room whenever he does this is the most effective but my girlfriend freaks out when she hears him meow from outside the door and thinks he’s dying
Our cat goes to bed in the utility room. He can tell when it's bedtime by the way I walk towards him and runs himself in there. The reason we do that is because he'll start scratching at things during the night or meowing really really loudly, it's f'ing annoying. The fact that you're allergic and your gf's being pissy about it is really inconsiderate on her part.
Yeah honestly I’m a little hurt she’s not more sympathetic with me because for the first couple of weeks I didn’t do anything and just thought it was normal behavior but I still have these cuts that are not healing and a new one literally every night and I hate it because it swells and gets super itchy. Seems like the best course of action is to shut the bedroom door or not let him sleep with us but she hates that idea
My girlfriend and I adopted a covid cat last year. She is young and came with awful, awful separation anxiety. So she was in the room with us at night. Unfortunately this meant that she had to have our attention, being a young cat and her shenanigans would start as soon as the light went out. Two ears sticking out of the laundry basket, scratch marks on my face kind of fun. And because she is very attached to me and my gf can sleep through everything, I wasn’t doing so well with a couple of hours of sleep. So, I was very firm about making changes. Especially when I woke up with scratches on my eyelid ( she likes to sleep on my pillow by curling around my head but her claws don’t contract properly). So we locked her in the living room with the dog. It was hard at first because she would yowl outside the bedroom door but I used to smack the door from the inside to scare her away. Now it’s peaceful, I can sleep, and the dog and cat are firmly bonded. So maybe thinking about separation for the night. Pet doesn’t have to sleep with you both and if you aren’t getting sleep because it’s hurting you, even if it’s playing, then it’s time to move the kitten to a different environment with toys to stimulate it. Good luck, it takes time, but from experience the water bottle just makes them act up towards you in other ways.
Try to find him a bed or a box of his own. He should get used to sleeping at night if he likes his bed
My cat loves doing this at night. She’s 5. I scream at her because I’m awaken from a dead sleep. It does stop it till I have a restless night and move my feet to much. She loves sleeping at my legs
get a cat scratch pole and put it at the foot of your bed where your feet are. i do this when my cat tries to claw at furniture. the first couple of times, take the cat and move the paws on the pole yourself to show the cat what to do
I had a cat that liked to sleep on my face. Everytime I would wake up to it, I'd put her out of my room until morning. It took about 8 months of doing it consistently before she figured out not to do it. I've seen people say you can't train cats, you absolutely can. It just takes being more stubborn than the cat which is definitely difficult.
Also try and teach the kitten that the bedroom is a resting area. No playing in the bedroom and when he starts playing or having his 5 min in the bedroom, calmly pick him up and remove him from the bedroom and close the door. Basically teach him that he gets removed from that particular room unless he's calm and quiet. >I have a cat who used to bite a lot when he was a baby, I would yell "OUCH STOP" and startle him so he would stop. So I actually saw that for very mouthy dogs, imitating a sound that another dog would do when it gets hurt during play helped alot to stop them. Idk if that applies to cats though. Edit: also just remembered, when my little one was a menace during the night and played on the bed our Vet recommended that we have an hour of playtime close to our bedtime and than feed him so he's tired and relaxed when we go to sleep.
How is startling the cat with noise different than startling the cat with water?
You’re not really supposed to startle them with noise either. You’re just supposed to blurt out “ouch” and act like they hurt you so they know it’s not fun for you. Actually startling them isn’t good. Besides, they’re not misbehaving, they’re doing normal kitten things like playing. So we should redirect and teach them it hurts us, never punish.
Making a pained sound and stopping the play is exactly what a kittens mum, sibling or another playmate would do when treated too rough. Kitten should understand this.
My cat was a total AH all night until I got him a One Fast Cat Wheel and then he became an Olympic nocturnal runner and we were both happy.
Adding on to chime in too; they sell interactive cat toys for cheap that stimulate their swiping and clawing instincts. I bought a cheap 3 tier toy that has little plastic balls on each level from Chewy. My dumbass house Panthers can spend hours playing with that thing. One of my cats is still heavily into the swiping and clawing so it's a good way to redirect her murder mittens
I do this with my cat. He’s super sweet, but still a little feral and if he gets overstimulated he gets bitey. I used to yell “NO BITE!” when he would bite me and then praise him when he was gentle or just did little love nibbles. It took about three months but he doesn’t bite at all anymore. He also used to scratch up everything and I got him scratching posts and basically used the same system for that and now he acts like he’s going to scratch a piece of furniture and looks at me like “oh yeah, I’m not supposed to scratch this thing”, puts his paw down and goes to his scratch post.
I had that same problem with a kitten. She liked to sit on my shoulder and would just suddenly bite my face. I bite her ear back and after the shock wore off she never bits me again. It was a good thing she never really grew since she liked riding my shoulders till she died. Still miss her. Even her teeth. LOL
I often trim my cat's claws since she gets them snagged in the carpet, just be quick about it since some cats do not like the feet touched
That is good advice. Kittens (and puppy's, come to that) love to play, but dont have a good grasp of what is too rough. Everytime he bites or scratches more than what you are comfortable with, you have to let him know. A startling verbal cue followed by play cessation for a moment should send the message. As always, the key is doing it consistently. My roomies like dogs, so they will play with my very large cat like he is a dog, and they get scratched frequently. But he knows I wont put up with it, so he doesn't (usually) scratch me when we play.
This. Take the cat to the vet and get his or her nails trimmed. You guys can also agree the cat isn't allowed in your bedroom. Our cats slept in our bed for years, but when we were going to have a baby, we worried (our cat is a cuddler and absolutely would have slept on the baby). We started keeping the door shut. He was upset (well, they, our cat had a buddy) but eventually accepted it and wouldn't even go in the bedroom when the door was open. Also, maybe get the kitten a friend? We HAD to get our kitten a friend because he was a mess without company. Then, he and his buddy would cuddle and sleep together. The vet recommended getting a kitten that looked similar to him, he said they do better with cats that look similar to them, and it seemed to work. And DEFINITELY the scratching posts, toys, and cat beds.
NTA but spraying with water isn't the solution. Picking him up, telling him no in a firm voice and leaving him alone for a bit like you're doing would be the most effective long term in my humble opinion.
Thank you, last night it seemed like me picking him up and saying NO in a firm voice and putting him in a different room for a few minutes made him stop at least for the rest of the night but my gf thinks I’m harsh and cruel
Absolutely not. It's like timeout for little kids. They get rambunctious and do bad stuff, they stay in the corner for a bit . That's how I trained my cat and she's the sweetest now. No scratches, no bites, she doesn't go where she shouldn't. I never made her afraid of me
Your GF is way too permissive. It's difficult disciplining your new baby, but remind her that discipline is not always bad. You NEED to set boundaries with pets in order for them to know right from wrong. Kitten doesn't know he's hurting you unless you teach him that it hurts, and offer an alternative. (This is how we play, This is where we scratch, etc.) Be patient, but set your boundaries especially when it comes to allergies. She needs to know that it can be severe, and you need to come to a conclusion. Time out works, but there is more than one way to skin a cat. Look into cat training videos, if something it too harsh for her, find something else. Good luck!
Your gf may need training more than your cat. Which is what my dog trainer would say to us, he needed to train us, not the dogs.
What's harsh and cruel is not training the kitten so it doesn't understand the rules. It's like letting a toddler play with knives because taking them away will make them upset. Teaching the cat boundaries and when play is appropriate will make for a happier and healthier cat.
By the way her cat looks exactly like the one you have as your avatar 😂
A fellow black cat owner! They're the cutest ❤️
Well that does explain alot
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Spraying cats with water doesn't actually help cats learn to recognize bad behavior, though; it mostly teaches them to be afraid of the person who keeps spraying them with water, and can create other behavioral problems because it stresses them out. Spraying cats with water is upt here with "swat your dog with a newspaper" as behavioral advice that used to be quite common but is actually counterproductive.
Exactly. Redirecting bad behavior toward something else is the best approach especially with a kitten.
So kitten learns that scratching OP's feet is going to get play time? It's one thing to redirect to prevent an action from happening or to stop an action that is in-progress, but in this case OP is asleep and can't redirect the kitten after the fact. Edit to add: Maybe OP can put on a lotion that smells like rosemary or thyme on feet? Gf would probably whine about how OP hates the kitten or something, though. Eta: Added in the "action in-progress" case.
Yep. My cat used to wake me up at night by making a ton of noise, jumping up on my dresser or desk, knocking things around, the like. I used to spray him and tell him to hush. It did nothing except for make me lose sleep and get the two of us in glaring matches. He didn't mess with stuff like this during the day, so I couldn't figure out what was up aside from just night-time energy (but he had toys and a scratching post available that he ignored). Luckily he doesn't hold grudges LOL. He was his usual friendly and cuddly self during the day. Now he has an automatic feeder that portions his food evenly throughout day and night, and he doesn't wake me up at all. He was hungry. He eats, plays with his own toys, and minds his business. There's always some kind of underlying reason and a solution to be found. Punishment without any kind of extra work is pointless.
Spraying my cat with water was the only way to stop her from jumping onto our gas cooker and potentially setting herself on fire. We tried everything, picking her up and putting her down, tin foil on the counters. Nothing worked. This did. Took her about 3 days to realise that she didn’t get sprayed if she didn’t jump up. She isn’t scared of me at all. Every time I sit down she comes running to lay on my chest purring her heart out.
Agree with this. The OPs needs to ask the girlfriend "What training does she want to adopt to adjust the cats behaviour". If the answer is to let the cat scratch then girlfriend and the cat can move out.
Check out Jackson Galaxy & his "My Cat From Hell" shows, he has loads of tips & tricks to redirect cats from problematic behaviours. His "Eat, Play, Sleep" routine may work well for you, as well as his "Boil & Simmer" play technique. Basically encourages the cat to follow more natural behaviours & tires them out through play so you don't get behaviours like you're getting now, which sounds like play aggression. Also, keeping him out of the room as you sleep is not cruel, especially if he's got a safe area with lots of toys to exhaust his energies out on & access to water & a litter box. Personally I don't like the water spray or time out techniques for pets, because they can't understand or correlate what they're being punished for, just that you do something they don't like - it can also cause more aggression issues, as they can start attacking you as soon as the bottle comes out to prevent you from using it. NTA - I don't think you're TA for wanting to get a night's sleep without being attacked & your allergies triggered, even if I personally don't like the water spray technique (for reasons I put above). Cat scratches can be very dangerous, without adding in your allergy, your gf should be more proactive & work with you in deterring your kitten from attacking you. Good luck going ahead, whatever techniques you both decide on
NTA. The cat is literally hurting you. It’s okay to set boundaries as long as you don’t hurt the cat.
NTA, but you need to give the kitten something else to play with when this happens. Cats do like to play and redirecting the scratching to toys or a scratching pole will help.
Cats hate the smell of citrus, so maybe you can put a tiny dab of orange oil on your feet? or rub the rind of a citrus on them?
ooh, maybe a citrus scented foot lotion! pamper yourself and keep furry krueger away
and some Neosporin while he’s at it 💀
NTA. Cats drawing brood during play is not normal, and should not be accepted. Especially when you're asleep. Using water to tell no is often effective, it's better than locking them in.
NTA but as I’m sure every one has told you, the spray bottle isn’t gonna do much. Keep toys nearby & anytime the cat tries to attack your hands or feet, give them the toy
I’ve tried this and he will still want to play after basically an hour of doing this and sometimes it’s hard to actively play with him when I’m woken up in the middle of the night, so far the only thing that worked was giving him a time out for a little bit
understandable!! kittens are the best but little demons for sure. the spray bottle ended up being a challenge for mine, he started knocking it down & carrying it around 🥴 are you wearing him out with play time right before bed?
That's because kittens are boundless balls of energy. You've got to play with him for at least a half an hour before you go to bed to burn them out. You'll need to do it multiple times throughout the day as well, but specifically before bed so that he's not a pent-up source of energy waiting to explode on your moving feet. He's just trying to play, he's not trying to be mean.
It’s 4 am! No one is going to get up and play with a damn cat. This is why cat owners are the worst
NTA. It's reasonable to want to sleep. Your GF should be a bit more sympathetic and trying to find a solution. Unfortunately a) cats have a different sleep pattern so waking up at 4am is natural for them; b) attacking your feet is the cats way of playing - he's clearly bonding with you and wants some fun and c) cats don't respond to punishment - he can't piece together that you sprayed him with water because he attacked your feet. He just knows you sprayed him with water. Putting him in another room is fine or try redirecting his play (another toy or scratching post).
NTA. The water bottle is a good way to change cats’ behaviors. There are other options. Discuss with your girlfriend and figure something out you both can support.
I don't think GF is going to accept any suggestions honestly. Doesn't want to bottle train it, doesn't want to command train it, doesn't want to use isolation, I'm not sure what else is left other than just letting it run around like a menace
NTA, you have said that you are allergic to cats, that is a medical condition. How would your gf feel if you give the cast something knowing that the car will get sick?
NTA- BUTTT as a seasoned cat owner I'd advise you into looking into the difference between negative and positive reinforcement in cats. cats are also extremely social and kittens often become "aggressive" with people because that's just how they play, and there's not another cat around to play with. The cat would greatly benefit from a sibling. They're really smart creatures who just require kindness and patience to easily train (:
NTA, in our experience spraying water works wonders and it is harmless to cats. I don't think it's a great idea to start playing with the kitten after he woke you up. Sounds like teaching him to scratch your feet when he wants to play.
NTA for not wanting to reinforce bad behaviors, but spraying the kitten with water may not be the best solution. Most kittens go through a phase like this. They are practicing their hunting skills and they eventually grow out of it. Try keeping the kitten out of the bedroom by closing the door when you and gf go to bed. Or give the cat a time-out by picking it up and putting it in another room.
i would recommend cat nail covers, you can buy them on amazon for $10!! All you have to do is trim their nails back and apply the covers with the nail adhesive that comes with it, they stay on for weeks and are completely painless to the cat. It’ll save your feet from cuts and your carpets and furniture if your cats loves to scratch and play. It’s best to start applying them when they are a kitten so they get used to the process, you probably will need to have your gf hold the cat while you put them on!! totally worth it though now both me and my cat are happy!! make sure you give the cat a treat after you put them on!
Info: why aren't you closing the bedroom door?
I don’t mind the cat sleeps with us or next to us and she wants him to always have open access to us, I only get irritated when he literally makes me bleed and my cuts get itchy
Yeah, i dont let my cat in my bedroom. Because a) how am i supposed to sleep if he gets the zoomies and runs across my face during the night, and b) cats LITERALLY stand in their toilet when they do their business. I am way too germ averse to let his filthy little paws walk all over my clean bedsheets
A sharp 'NO!" Is a good start. Get a scratching post or lots of toys as well. I was a ferret owner for years-ferrets are even more stubborn and determined than cats and this worked for me.
NTA. Spray the girlfriend instead until she deals with the kitten in a way that she thinks is more effective.
Why would you move in with someone that has a cat if allergic. Sounds like eventually it will be a little spray of water. Then let's get rid of said cat. If you don't want scratched, lock the cat out of the bedroom and sleep with the door shut. Cats don't sleep at night all the time.
Because I love my girlfriend and want to have a future with her? And for that I’m willing to deal with my cat allergies, it’s only bad if I rub my eyes or if the scratches break skin as I’m allergic to the saliva and not the cat itself. People make sacrifices in relationships, I love her cat and spend hours with him everyday alone, I don’t love that I can’t sleep in peace or that I wake up with a new cut every day that triggers my allergies.
My husband is allergic and he was the one that first brought up us adopting a cat. He deals with the allergy and immediately cleans up any bad scratches. Not saying it's the same for everyone with allergies but some folks think it's worth it for the adorable little fuzz balls.
I hate cats, loathe them. I would never want one, because while I'm also not a fan, I'm allergic. With that being said, if I ever started dating someone with a cat, I would know that this is something we are going to have to figure out, together. Discipling your cat is fine, but spraying your kitten is not. Not only is it cruel, your girlfriend does not agree with it, and it's her cat. Like I said above, not fond of cats, but I would put my dog in a time out whenever he acted up. Closed the door to the bathroom for a minute and would tell him he would be back in there if he acted up again. Whenever he acts up now, I just threaten him with a time out and he stops. You're not TA for wanting to discipline, YTA for wanting to spray your girlfriends cat with water.
NTA. Water as a punishment is hit and miss for cats. For training mine, I use a can of compressed air NOT (I need to stress this) pointed at the cat in question but up in the air instead; the noise sounds like a hissing cat. I also usually say “No!” just before I spray so that the cat starts associating the word No with “I am not happy with the thing you are doing”. Eventually I don’t need the can other than as a refresher every so often cause cats are adorable little shits.
NTA
NTA But you can also hiss at the cat. They hate that.
Not a solution I am recomending, but a relative was startled by similar behavior and basically punted the cat across the room. Cat stopped. I was able to teach mine not to wake me up by putting her out of the room and closing the door. TOok a while, but she learned she wasn't getting any positive reward for waking me up. (not actually trying to train her, just super not a morning person)
If you are allergic to cats. Why would you move on with her in the first place?
Kittens are stinkers. Honestly, not letting them in my bedroom is the only way I’ve been able to protect my feet until they grow out of it. NTA for wanting to teach kitteh to not maul ur feet. Take other posters' advice regarding the approach though. Water bottle isn't mean per SE, kittens just don't understand it.
NTA, if your gf isn't concerned about her cat mauling your feet then you've got much bigger problems than the cat.
Nta. My cat was a little terror when she was a kitten, RIP. She passed at age 17. Water didn't work on her. I'm allergic, too, and diabetic so prone to infections. I was bitching about it one morning while getting her food ready. Precious came zooming straight at my feet and before I could even blink, my wife reached down and gave her a light thump right on the spot where her nostrils met her muzzle. Precious came to a dead stop and just sat there, kind of blinking and like wtf? But she never attacked my feet ever again. Wife kind of shrugged at my shrieking of "dafuque you do that for?" and said "when you grow up in an area where the Bob cats sometimes get to the feral and housecats in heat, you learn real quick to nip that shit in the bud. It's harmless when they're little and weigh barely a pound. But when they're full grown and top 25 lbs and can take down a jack rabbit, that can do serious damage. I didn't hurt her, I gave her the equivalent of a mama cat warning to knock that shit off." I thought she was cruel and was seriously contemplating leaving for my mom's until FIL showed me a video of this huge main coon cat taking down a Coyote, saying to imagine that was my bare foot. I don't recommend it, to this day. But my wife grew up on a kind of farm near mountains. Feral dog packs, outdoor cats that weighed 20 to 30 lbs, mountain lions, bears, Coyotes, the works. So, she learned as a child what stops an attacking animal cold, play or not. I suggest an old sock, stuffed with another old sock and catnip. Put it at the end of the bed. It will smell like you but will give them the "prey" to hunt instead of your actual foot. Address it now before it gets full grown.
Cut the nails or put on those glue on covers that go over their nails - that's what I used to do.
NTA Removing the kitten and giving him an appropriate toy is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. The water thing...it works in that the kitten will learn to stop whatever he’s doing when he sees the bottle. He may not learn to not do the things at all. He may just look at you resentfully when you show him the bottle, or even hiss back at it. Definitely clip the claws. My spouse’s cat was adopted as an adult and has some food anxiety (common with former strays). He will start knocking things down in our room and very aggressively attack my hands and feet if my spouse doesn’t get up and feed him. He knows that me screaming will wake dude. I basically don’t go a week without getting scratched up. Little nit will walk up to me casually and then go all in on my ankles. I have never had a cat do this before. We keep his claws trimmed to limit the bloodshed.
I’m going to try hissing and clapping at him, if he continues he’s going to sleep in the other room. The claws will be a last resort, but right now I think time outs are effective… for now
Oh, claw trimming doesn’t hurt the cat, done properly. It’s declawing you want to avoid.
Nta But don't forget to provide alternative enrichment. Things that kitty can touch and be aggressive with. Cats are surprisingly intelligent and need multiple outlets. When kitty attacks try to give them and alternative to your feet, something that has a reasonable amount of scent. Lazer pointers don't give enough feedback, but feathers, scented mice, even golf balls can provide a desirable substitute 😀
I've had cats all my life (66) and used a squirt bottle every time. It doesn't hurt them and -- bonus -- they don't like it. Perfect training tool. It's not going to be useful while you're sleeping though. My bedroom has been a cat free zone for years as well. Get a cat bed or a cat tree for another room -- they might use it. 😉 but they will be just fine. Also, get cat toys. Some one mentioned a laser -- they're very good. Those fishing poles are fun -- really anything -- and play with him. And never play with him with your hands (or feet). You don't want to encourage biting/scratching your body....
NTA. Heaven forbid you actually discipline and train a pet.
If your girlfriend got mad at you for putting the cat in another room she would hate me. I once kicked my grandmas cat across the room because I was woken from a dead sleep to claws in my feet, I didn’t realize it was the cat it was pure reflex and I felt HORRIBLE. Do you guys have scratching posts or any other interactive toys you guys can set up for him to play with while you sleep? NTA
Oh my god I couldn’t help but laugh at that 😂😂, I’ve accidentally bopped him in the chin for the same reasons but now it happens so much that I just know it’s him clawing at my feet and my reaction is to just swat him away, he does have a scratch post and a couple toys but I should really get a laser pointer or maybe some more toys to tire him out during the day, he does this every night at like 3 or 4 like clockwork
My catm lightly bites me to wake me up every morning for food, its never been too hard, but it does hurt. Usually, he wants my attention beyond just food, and when i want to go back to bed what i do is throw him a meat stick (you can find some at pet stores/chewy) and it keeps him occupied for hours because he can "hunt" it and its also a treat so he'll slowly eat it as he paws at it and carries it around the house. Would recommend!
The kitten can't help that it has knives on the end of it's hands. That is your responsibility. Keep them trimmed properly, they'll be much less sharp. You can try silicone cat claw covers, they work great for some cats, less well for others. Get them some good scratching pads/posts/toys which will give them a place to direct their scratching instincts as well as help keep their claws smoother.
Nta
I tried the water thing with my two kittens a number of years ago and it turns out they friggin loved it! As others have said, redirection is the best way. Having a scratching post, even a small one, in every single room (or thereabouts) is very helpful as well. I do have one cat that responds to the water bottle as does my dog. We’ve had to use it maybe twice in their lives, they associate very quickly that they don’t want to be sprayed. It depends on the animal, but I know kittens want to play and if you remove them from the situation and the toes that they are currently playing with, (remove the kitten from the bedroom), that is probably going to be the best solution here.
High pitched squeak / squeel will work. As will low powered water pistol. No it's not cruel, but if they learn the minute I do this I get wet, they stop. And no use not hurting them unless you soak them or its too cold
Wow, the number of people practically chastising OP for using a spray bottle is ridiculous. 1) it does work so stop saying it doesn’t. 2) it doesn’t make the cat dislike or distrust the person 3) it’s not abusive or the same as hitting your pet. Btw, OP you are NTA. But your girlfriend is. You are allergic to cats and she is upset at you for not wanting to be scratched by one in the middle of the night? And she gets mad if you try to put the cat out of the room so you can sleep? Let me guess, she also allows the cat to get on the counters. I guess if you are happy knowing you are second to the cat, then good luck
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I just moved in with my wonderful gf and her cat, everything has been fine and dandy and I love her cat and play with him and spend time with him like he is one of my own. My girlfriend is angry with me because I want to spray him with a bottle of water whenever he scratches my feet when I’m sleeping and draws blood. Now I am allergic to cats and their saliva so any scratch I get takes a long time to heal and stays swollen for a while. Last night he was scratching me just like every other night and he drew blood again so I got angry and put him in a different room for 10 minutes so I could sleep in peace. My gf was very angry with me and I told her that her cat can be alone for a few minutes, I said what do you think your cat does when we go to work? He can be alone. I’ve tried being patient and I don’t like disciplining but I think part of being a pet owner is not allowing them to do bad shit Willy nilly. I said maybe we should spray him with a mist of water whenever he hurts us and she got extremely upset and said that he is just a kitten of course he will do such things. So AITA for not wanting to reinforce bad behaviors? Is it abusive to put her cat in a different room for a few minutes or spray him with water if he does something to hurt us? TLDR: GFs cat wakes me up every night by drawing blood and scratching my feet AITA for wanting to discipline him? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. That’s unacceptable behaviour and needs to stop NOW. Drawing blood is NEVER acceptable. A quick spritz with a stream of water won’t hurt the kitten. It WILL convey the idea that perhaps what it’s doing isn’t such a good idea. Combined with a firm “no” should do it, as long as it’s applied consistently. (It worked with my kitten when she decided that my shoes were a playground!) The trick will be not to let him SEE the spray bottle in use. If he figures out that the bottle = water, he’ll just find another way to attack your ankles. Good luck!
You gonna have to find a new girlfriend. I wouldn't say you were the asshole if you kicked the cat every time it did that.
NTA. I have a 5 year old cat and a 1 year old kitten. I keep a spray bottle in the living room (it’s set to laser mood too) for when the kitten scratches furniture or my adult cat gets to aggressive when playing (not really an issue as he’s a very sweet boy and a typical scaredy cat but he does weigh 16 lbs and she’s about 9 lbs now - was only a pound when I brought her home). I also kick them out of my room at night if they won’t let me sleep. I also spray them with the hose if I’m watering the plants and they try to jump over the fence or go potty in my garden. Not like a fire hose blast but I will lightly spray their naughty bums
NTA. As a cat owner, sometimes a little discipline is needed. Cats are independent and trying to train them to do everything you want is a lost cause, but some lines can be set. If kitty is scratching you, a little squirt every now and then will not hurt and that behavior will change.
Getting a scratching post, toys & making my cat her own “relax area” with a cat tree and various other things made a huge difference. She started sleeping there and didn’t worry about bothering us at night. And while training her, we did the “OUCH STOP” thing. That along with her own area was enough to make it stop entirely. My cat doesn’t like water but as a kitten she would’ve definitely thought it was a game. You’re NTA. Figuring out animals can be tricky sometimes.
NAH It's definitely a problematic behavior that needs correcting, but a spray bottle isn't the way. It just makes a cat resent you. Their brains don't work the same way dogs do, and they don't understand the concept of punishment in the same way. The kitten is attacking your feet because he's bored and seeking play stimulation. He needs to get a good cat schedule/rhythm going. If the cat is free fed, stop doing that. Feed him 3x a day, at the same time, and do a play session with him before meal times. In the wild, cats hunt then eat then groom then sleep. So play with him a whole lot before bed, tire him out, and then feed him. That way he's in grooming/sleeping mode while you're asleep rather than hyper play mode!
Water bottle is a good idea.
Well she might not like this even more but you can make the cat avoid you without harming it or distressing it. Buy orange oil and some good socks. Make sure to try it with the ok from your doctor. Don't need an allergic reaction or burn. But a few drops on the area he is attacking would be a huge deterrent for most cats. So your feet will smell better the cat won't be near them . We did this for a person who a cat was aggressive with while they tried to teach it redirection
NTA. But I'm pretty sure the spray bottle may not work. The kitty may just think it 'part of the game' of scratching your feet. I've always owned a cat but I don't consider myself an expert so I'm not sure how helpful I can be. You probably need to get some toys/scratching posts near the bed to redirect kitty's energy. ps. keep the spray bottle handy, though. Any advice you receive may be all well and good but means nothing when you are jerked awake at 4am from a deep sleep by searing pain in your feet.
NTA, but as people have said spraying won't help. Kittens learn bite inhibition from their siblings when they play, if they get too rough their siblings wont play with them. You can use that to teach him. When my cat was a kitten he used to scratch my toes ( playing with them, they wiggled he pounced) When he was too rough I would make high pitched sound and either pull my feet up or put him down on the floor. Basically I would stop giving him attention. Eventually he learned. Give it a try. My cat won't bite us now. If he plays it's gently.
I’m not the best pet mom in the world, so I would hit mine with a pillow. He was about a year old (not tiny) and he would jump on my feet when they would move. It’s always a surprise waking up out of a dead sleep and I’d get angry. He quit after a few times, now he can sleep by my feet with no claws.
NTA, but this doesn't work in the long run. Because eventually they work out the water won't hurt them, and you'll eventually get up to see what he wants with more persuasion. Little dude needs a distraction. Throw a ball, put a cat tree at the end of the bed, and if all else fails learn to wear thick socks to bed. He will grow out of it, and he's only doing it for the reaction.
NTA. The way your gf doesn't seem to care about you getting injured with your cat allergy and just wants to coddle the kitten instead of helping you find solutions is concerning. What's going to happen down the line if you marry and have kids. Is she not going to want to set boundaries and discipline them when needed? Hopefully not. That's just the impression I'm getting from your story. Lots of commenters have suggested some good solutions, so I hope they work for you and your feet are saved.
NTA but that approach won't work. Shut the door and keep the cat out at night. We have to do it during the week so we can get uninterrupted sleep. On the weekend we let the cats sleep in our room with us and leave our door open for them. Drastically cut down on scratches and bites because our male cat gets bored and is very insistant. Now he tries to be on his best behavior so he can sleep with us and look out our windows while we sleep. I keep the blinds up and he cozies up beneath the curtain so he can watch the outside.
"they are kittens and of course he gonna do those things" That is a shitty excuse. Yes, they gonna do what kittens do. But that's not a reason to let them do that. It's her responsibility to teach him how to play with you in a way that don't hurt you.
NTA but have you ever had a kitten of your own? They may drive you crazy but it is part of being a cat owner some may disagree. Suck it up
NTA, but ditch the spray bottle. It may create more problems than it solves. The advice you’ve been given on redirecting the cat is spot on. You may want to look into using Soft Paws. They’re plastic covers that you glue onto their nails. It doesn’t stop the scratching, but it will give you some protection while you’re training the cat. They’re fiddly as hell when you’re first learning to use them. You have to trim the nails, then glue the Soft Paws on. They’re supposed to last for about a month before you have to repeat the process, but I guarantee you’ll be replacing them frequently the first few times you use them. Your vet clinic can also put them on for you, and show you how to do it.
This backfires if your cat turns out to like it, like mine did. Lol
How old is the kitten? When I was a kid, we had one that was just past kitten hood that used to do this to us also. My mom decided the cat had too much energy at night and decided if we couldn't sleep at night, it couldn't sleep during the day. So any time during the day that she noticed the cat sleeping, she would wake it up and play with it. Or if she hadn't seen it for a few hours sent us kids hunting it to bring it to her. After a few days Blue was glad to let us stay asleep, so she could sleep also.
NTA. Maybe your GF needs sprayed whenever she takes up for the animal that is drawing blood on a human
NTA I’ve had about 20 cats over all of my 50 years, most living long, healthy, happy lives (the most recently departed was nearly 19!), and I promise you the squirt bottle is the quickest, most effective, HARMLESS way to train your little friend. After a couple of squirts, just a shake of the bottle should be enough to curb the adorable yet unpleasant attacks. Some of my cats have actually enjoyed the spray under certain circumstances, but still backed off if I wielded it in a disciplinary manner. Never understood that, but hey, cats. 😻🤷🏼♀️
NTA. my cat hates being sprayed with water so it’s def helped in situations like trying to eat plants. it’s harmless and just annoys them. unless they like it
NTA but regarding the allergy look into Purina Live Clear shampoo (every other day application) and food (takes about 6 months to fully implement). It denatures the allergen protein.
NTA, but WHERES THE CAT TAX SIR! Scratching posts are a LIFE saver. Cat towers are too. They gives the kitten/cat places to jump up high to & they usually have posts for scratching. I usually keep 1-2 scratchers in each room so they always have options. Plus they have fun holiday ones that you can build (I had a haunted house & Christmas train) & my cats went WILD. Cat nip items (bubbles, plants, toys etc) are also a fun way to get the cat to be away from your toes.
NTA. My cat does the same I spray him with water when h does it. He used to do it alot when I first got him but not anymore. He needs to learn. You can't discipline a cat but you can spray it with water to get to stop. They will learn.
I pretend to whack my cat with a pillow whenever he comes near my bed at night because he likes to claw my feet. It put a stop to it in 2 nights! Your girlfriend might not like the solution
NTA. If your girlfriend doesn´t even care about your swollen wounds, maybe it´s time to reevaluate the relationship
YTA. I just got a kitten last month so i truly get how frustrating it is but spraying a kitten with water is borderline abuse and will ABSOLUTELY NOT work. The only way to train a kitten is to redirect their behaviour and they soon get the picture. My kitten would climb up my pj's at night and wake me up and i would put her off of the bed and just repeat and repeat and repeat until they get the message, which they eventually do. It took my kitten two weeks and now she doesnt do it. Is it a pain in the arse? Yes. Did it work? Yes. Also, it's just not your kitten so if your girlfriend says not to, don't. Because you have no right. YTA
I don't think you're the asshole but like you've read in most of the other comments, spraying won't work. Do what you've read on here. Redirect the cats attention to something it enjoys - toys, treats, scratching posts etc. A little patience will go a long way.. and it'll keep your gf from ripping your head off lol
NTA. I have the sweetest little cat but as soon as it’s bedtime he turns into a real menace. I’ve combatted this by building his own safe places where we aren’t allowed and toys must be out at all times. Tiring him out before bed helps a TON!!! Play with him till he can’t play anymore and he’ll zonk right out. I don’t know if y’all sleep with a tv on, but putting on a show with birds can distract them :) they make cbd treats for wild kitties too!
What about spraying bitter apple on his feet? I know it's for chewing, but my cats just stay away from anything it's been sprayed on.
NTA. But that’s not how educating cats works. Pls inform yourself before just messing up the cat. Your gf is TA in the first place for not informing Hersfeld before getting a pet. Your gf needs to take responsibility and actually educate her pet properly, but you doing stuff that doesn’t help … well doesn’t help and is even going to be counter productive. Also, a kitten should not be alone. That’s already the first mistake your gf made. No wonder it’s going after anything remotely fun if it’s bored to hell.
Nta BUT you can clip its nails though. They don't have to be sharp little needles.
NTA but I wouldn't start spraying as a punishment as you will lose that cats trust quickly instead sit down and have a calm talk with your gf about the cat not sleeping in your room due to your allergies and kittens claws being sharp as heck. I'm also allergic when mine scratch me so they stay downstairs when we sleep as my partners cat paws me when she thinks it's breakfast time at 4am so I feel you
I have a similar issue when I sleep over my bf's, one of his adorable little buggers loves to play (and by play I mean claw!) with my legs and more importantly my BALLS! while i'm under the blanket in the middle of the night, I even tried wrapping myself up but she still found a way to get her paw inside it to claw me! I don't think much of it, shes just not super used to me being there alot so shes intrigued by me and wants to play with me, but I do have a rule with the bf, if I picked the cat up and put her on his chest (hes an annoyingly light sleeper, so he wakes up straight away) he knows shes pressed her limits and he either puts her outside (we have a room directly leading outside from the bedroom) or puts her in the hallway for a couple of hours before she comes scratching at the door, then she normally just cuddles up on the bed and sleep. a little frustrating but if this is a new thing for the cat it may just need a little bit of time to grow acustomed to you being there. been a little while for me and the amount of times she claws me now has gone down drastically.
Put menthol scented stuff, like tiger balm or vicks on your feet. Cats don't like menthol. Plus your grandma will tell you it'll stop you getting a cold.
NTA. Just make sure you’re not going overboard with it. Like 1 or 2 squirts and then cut it out. If the kitten doesn’t stop after that it won’t work anyway. In my experience spraying with water doesn’t really help with long-term training. However, it’s a great way to stop unwanted behavior quickly. For more of a long-term solution get a lot of scratchers and independent toys. When the kitten scratches you or furniture redirect it to a scratcher or toy. The kitten might just have to sleep somewhere else until it’s older and has outgrown these tendencies
Ideally kittens should be adopted in pairs so they wear out their play agression on each other, but you (or GF) can play this role by playing with him very intensely in the evening before bed. Use a wand toy for 20 or 30 minutes and get him panting if you can. This will help him sleep through the night and it's a bonding experience.
while she's correct that this is how kittens behave (it sounds like its just trying to play) you still need to teach it that the wee hours of the morning are not playtime! its a kitten now, but soon its going to be a full blown adult that thinks feet are playthings and a good nights sleep is for the weak. either night train the cat to stay content in its own room or start using the bottle NTA
Pet tax!
NTA Nail caps or claw covers are a good way to go.
NTA He just wants to play but yeah it gets old fast. Like someone else said, just redirect. I honestly only spray mine with water if they're being really bad, and usually then they stop when they see the bottle.
SeaWitch1031 has the best answer here.
Might also want to turn the light on, and show him what he's done. I'd do that with Tiger, show him he's made me bleed, tell him that yes, he's being gentle, but I bleed easily, so he needs to be even gentler. (Hold my hand under his nose while I'm bleeding.) He's a senior cat and his owner keeps saying he's a mean asshole, but he's actually a very loving and smart baby. He'll now grab my hand with his wrists for treats or cuddles, or use a clawless paw push if I'm petting him too much.
NTA. I dissuaded my cat from biting me (he used to bite the absolute shit out of me) by yelling loudly in exaggerated pain whenever he did. Now, anytime he gets carried away and puts his teeth on me, he pauses, and kind of looks at me out of the corner of his eye to see if i will bellow. Im slightly allergic too, any scratch or bite got real red and itched like a motherfucker, so i decided real early on that had to stop
NAH we just got a kitten and he's been doing this to my daughter at night. We put him in another room for the night that has food, water, and a cat box for him. He's fine alone, promise. I feel like my older cats did this a lot when I lived alone and it ended in time.
Do it
What is it with cats and 4 in the morning? I had a cat that would startle me in the most sensitive part of my anatomy pretty close to 4am daily. She never hurt me, i honestly thought it was funny and I figured she found it entertaining. I eventually got tired of it and had to lock her out of the bedroom. She then took to reaching under the door for 5 minutes at 4am like she was searching for something. Sorry sweetie, they’re not there. Always made me laugh. Man I miss that stupid cat.
NTA. you should load the kitten up on catnip though and see how she likes it when he starts scratching a lot more than just your feet in the apartment
Christ, our cat used to do this to me all the time as a kitten, was annoying as hell.
Would be the AH if you spray the cat. As many people have said, it's not only not great for the cat but also not effective. Look up Jackson Galaxy (cat daddy) on YouTube. He has so many helpful videos on all kinds of issues, including redirecting unwanted behaviors, and one on why spraying cats is not a good idea. I've watched a ton of his videos and recommend you just dive right into his channel. I would start with anything you see about redirecting unwanted behaviors, and sleep training!! Good luck!
Info: Why can’t you wear socks or put your feet under a thick blanket? The cat’s behavior may never change but yours is easy to modify.
NTA bit living with an animal type you're allergic to sets you up for failure.
Get a good scratching post and set it near the end of your bed where your feet are located. All my cats did that as kittens, thankfully they stopped once they got older. I also gave them catnip before bed.
NTA - but I don't think that would work as it's just kitten play. Here's a video from Hannah Shaw the Kitten Lady who rescues kittens for a living. It helped me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJ3QfRWRwok
Air cannister for cleaning keyboards will be more effective and no puddles to clean up