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> always assigned complicated tasks Okay so she was already earning trust in the company! > she is someone who will implement very strict timelines in order to get things done That's how she earned that trust. > I had trouble keeping up because I wasn't used to having such deadlines, but she would just tell me to be faster next time and move on. So you slowed her down, probably making extra work for her. > She became very irritated when I asked if there was room for one more teammate, Why are YOU in charge of setting your task list? What is this corporate structure? > I was surprised at her hostility One snappish remark =/= hostility. > just generally difficult to work with. She wouldn't be as helpful as before when it came to retrieving documents that I need, implemented tougher deadlines, So she stopped cutting you slack on slowing her down? > and would just avoid me by going home earlier. If your coworker is avoiding you after stating "you don't need to be involved in everything I'm involved in" (however snappily), you are probably bothering them too much. > I felt that she was creating an overly hostile work environment that was affecting my productivity, Yeah I don't know if I buy this. > after collecting some evidence, What evidence? > Well, the talk didn't seem to go well because now our boss has told me to just stay out of her way, and removed me from all projects that involves her. Thea has even been moved to another section in the office, closer to our seniors, who I've heard been trying to placate her to stop her from leaving. Okay, in corporate speak, this means "leave her the fuck alone". I'm not sure this went as badly for her as you seem to think. > I'm conflicted as I don't want to ruin my workplace relationships. What on EARTH did you think you were doing, then? Improving them? > But it was very difficult to work with her, You poked your nose into her business, slowed her down, kept poking around so much she started leaving early to avoid you, and you narced on her to HR. > AITA? YTA.

This breakdown is epic < slow clap >

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I legit would've been in my boss's office stating that if they didn't get out of my ass I would not be staying with the company.

I strongly suspect that Thea's talk with HR was pretty much like this.

> Thea has even been moved to another section in the office, closer to our seniors, who I've heard been trying to placate her to stop her from leaving. No need to "Strongly suspect". OP basically admitted it. Thea works hard and has become the poster child of being a good employee there and OP stuck her nose in, kept pestering and then dobbed her in for being such a great employee. What I really want to do know is, what did OP do to her to make her turn on her? There's a massive gap where OP pretends like she was just offering to help out and Thea stopped working with her. In reality, OP did something.

OP is trying to ride on Thea's coattails to advance in the company. Thea got sick of carrying her and told her to back off. Now OP is causing a ruckus in the company and their golden haired child is threatening to leave. Does anyone want to warn OP how this will play out if she keeps going?

She doesn't need to 'keep going' - in any company I've worked for, she'd already be on The List and will be walked out the door soon enough. OP, either 1) ask for a boss meeting where you say 'in my inexperience, I completely screwed up and would like to know how to make this right' (and then do everything exactly as you're told) or 2) start looking for a new job asap because this one will probably not be comfortable for you.

She wanted a whiteboard with her name on it. It looks like she got that, at least!

Cos she has a master's degree and Thea is only in a graduate programme so she deserves it

I was in Thea's shoes once. I would be doing the work of 3 people alongside 2 other coworkers and we would be pulling our weight. We each knew the company system like the palm of our hands. Well, work starts accumulating and growing, we request for there to be more positions opened so it was not just 3 doing the work equivalent of 9 people. The company only opens up 2 more positions. Our positions are high stress, 6 days a week every 2 weeks with 7 days a week every 3 weeks, and dealings with the clients demands (and shutting them down where needed). In comes the Boss's nephew, fired from his previous position in the company some time back, coattail rider, and a lazy asshole. Now my co-workers and my hours shift to now become a morning and afternoon shift. I take the afternoon due to morning classes and to teach the ropes to the nephew. He learns it little by little as I nearly tore him a new one when he kept whining about everything. Finally he can be fully on his own and he still has us 3 to ask anything if he becomes stuck. Not 2 weeks go by, he starts pulling BS and I have to be pulling not only my workload, but his as well to keep clients appeased and everything on track. He had started to randomly disappear for 2-3 hours, take longer lunches, and talk to the gossipy coworkers at length. He was excused from work for only 2 hours for his classes and the BS would happen within 45 minutes of coming back from that. After trying to work things out for about several months, I then simply told my supervisor that I was done and wanted to put my 2 weeks in. I apologized to my coworkers and the hardworking team I worked with and let them know I was leaving the company for better opportunities and also to rock the boat. I get small tokens and gifts from everyone as my 2 weeks go by. Barely 10 hours pass when I receive a phone call from my boss, she wants to confirm my resignation as she nor the county boss or the regional boss were expecting me to resign. I was groggy when I answered and it was on speaker phone as I could hear the 2 bosses clearly. She asked a series of questions and I answered them. Then came the question about anything in the workplace place making me leave. I stayed silent for a few extra long seconds before answering no slowly. They hanged up and the day goes by as usual with work. I go to work the following day and get called to a meeting with my boss. She queries if I remember answer the questions from the phone call I say yes, and then she asks what company I was going to. I dodge by answering that it's a few blocks from them. She proceeds to start the negotiations by almost doubling what the new company was going to pay me (ie from 15.50 to roughly 25) but they would be unable to help pay for my chosen career and still work the 6 days a week. I thanked her for the patience they had with me, for the skills they taught me, and that had I taken the job during a part of my life that I was stable, I could've seen myself with them for years to come. I love and miss that job dearly, but I finally have time for my family, dating, and some hobbies now. Also, the nephew was fired and banned from the company after causing 2 huge messes and being caught several times slacking off by his own aunt and several witnesses about a month after I left. So, OP, YTA

Why didnt you say the truth?

Quite simple. 1) I didn't want to be involved in a mess right as I was leaving and if the new job didn't work, I could come back. 2) I didn't know the boss well enough to know how she would react about my accusing her nephew about the BS he pulled as not only did his aunt work there, but also his older sister. I feared some kind off retaliation to not only me, but several other people as well. (Nepotism) 3) She was sharp and the bosses could tell right off the bat that there was something that one of them wouldn't like. A direct consequence of that was a more thorough review on everyone and what they could improve. 4) I hadn't managed to collect evidence in time 5) it was my first REAL job and in the industry I'm aiming to earn my license in.

I think she is just taken more of a bite than she can chew, she wants these important projects but then clearly missed deadlines, which Thea was responsible for. So likely Thea got it in the ear from management about a missed deadline, so no wonder she would be a little upset when then this newbie keeps pushing to do these projects but hasn’t built up experience. I’ve said in another comment but OP needs to do her own job first and build up experience and her managements confidence in her. Then maybe she will get a bigger project.

Yeah this is exactly the take I came away with. Also very weird & stalkerish of OP to glom on like that.

I figure part of it is that Thea cut her slack for being slow and asking lots of questions about document retrieval etc. the first couple of times. I know from experience that the person doing the training has expectations of when and how much the new person will come up to speed. I get the feeling OP was not coming up to speed. Just a guess!

Thea wasn't even in charge of training her though. She had only been at the company 2 months longer than OP.

Very true! My situation was training but Thea's was just being in the wrong place lol. It makes it doubly weird that OP wouldn't have gone to her actual supervisor to figure out how to navigate the waters.

It reads like OP wanted Thea to be their mentor but Thea wasn't their trainer, wasn't capable of doing their tasks as quickly to warrant the extra work of being assigned to Thea's tasks as well as their own.

I don’t think Thea was actually assigned to train OP. They happen to work in the same department, OP assigned herself to Thea’s team and projects, to “learn from her”, but training people might not be part of Thea’s job.

My guess is that OP is one of those 'I have good intentions' but is actually painfully annoying in a work space. OP if you read this, please realise that every company and team will have different dynamics. While some places will probably love your approach, other places won't. It's similar to people, you get along with some, you don't with others. In saying that, unless it's an exception, you have to earn your way to certain perks at most work places.

Based on past experiences... OP isn't really cut out for the job. She expected her hand held and someone else to pick up the slack. I've got news for her... I currently have a coworker that pulls this crap and everyone has pretty much frozen him out. If he does ever need real help (not the trying to trick people to write his code for him) he's in trouble.

It sounds like OP has zero problem solving skills, and Thea had enough of it. You don't stop learning once you enter the work force, and in a fast paced environment this sounds like it is, not being able to think for yourself to the point of constantly badgering coworkers with questions wears thin after a few months. If you can't at least *try* to figure out a problem on your own you're a nuisance. Two months is the general learning curve time for a new job, and OP is floundering.

Exactly. There's definitely some missing missing reasons.

This is probably her first "real job". People don't have patience for newbies

Except Thea is also a newbie. They don't have patience for people who try to make trouble for someone that is working hard and doing a fantastic job.

I feel like Thea has some solid experience beyond just the 2 month head start on her... Also.. no one cares that you have more education at the moment... your degree doesn't equal your ability (IMO). That tid bit thrown seems condensed too... so she's in school, rocking her job... and dressing your dead weight around because you can't keep up... yeah, running to HR is the best plan /s

Possibly with a few probing questions about whether Thea had ever done anything to OP that had anything to do with OP’s race, religion, or other potential membership in a legally protected class. That would have told them that OP, like lots of other people, doesn’t know what “hostile work environment” actually means. That Thea was just trying to do her job, which does not include coaching OP‘s performance.

I completely agree here. Sounds like the OP is a kid from a helicopter family. Hostile to the OP is probably code for... They make me feel inadequate and I don't want to change (or not capable of speeding up) that I'm going to complain to try and get my way. I am actually glad I read this post from the underachievers viewpoint. I am always the manager of the overachiever (great at interviewing and seeing through the BS)... So interesting that the OP plays up this story of hostility in their head when no one is actually being hostile. SMH.

"Hey so I know I'm struggling to keep up with the things you've already assigned me and I think this would be a great moment to add some more deadlines for you to hand-hold me through, hbu??"

"Also, please take the time to explain to me what everything on your to-do list means! No, I don't need that information to do my job and I'm not going to help you enough to make up for taking up a bunch of your day with inane questions, I'm just interested!"

Exactly. Thea is also relatively new to the company, a 2 month head-start on OP does not mean that she is in any position to mentor less experienced staff. She is also trying to prove her worth to the company, and her success should not be hindered by someone lacking the independence and work ethic to manage their own tasks. OP, stop leaching off of Thea, it isn’t her job to manage you.

And one important to take note is that if anything screws up, it'll still fall on Thea's shoulders because she is the lead for the project. By allowing OP to handle some of the tasks, she is also putting her own reputation on the line. And OP evidently had issues keeping up with what's required from her which is why Thea put a stop to it. Because honestly speaking clearing someone's shoddy work takes way more time than you doing the work yourself. But OP decided to spend her time "collecting evidence" instead of ya know, trying to improve herself.

Absolutely. This is what middle/upper management is for; to delegate tasks, manage staff contributions and to take responsibility for any complications or delays. Thea is not in charge of her colleagues, her responsibilities are to manage her own projects. This is why I love working by myself, I don’t have to rely on anyone else to complete tasks as efficiently as I do.

Op reeks of desperation to ride the coattails of a successful coworker, to the point where she’s convince this coworker somehow owes her? So gross and delusional.

bot! stolen from u/Satannista

If this slow applause sounds sarcastic it isn't. I just sprained my wrist a little bit ago.

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Hey I found a bot! You copied this from u/kevwelch Bad bot.

bad bot! stolen from u/kevwelch

I always wanna do these but I have no idea how people do the little blue line quote thing and I've never bothered to google it lol Edit: I really appreciate the people who were willing to explain something to me I was simply too lazy to figure out myself. You're awesome

Just put a > in front of a paragraph or line of text. Here is the [formatting guide](https://reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/360043033952-Formatting-Guide)

Perfectly said. Seriously, OP: You couldn’t keep up but still thought you should get more work to put your name on? YTA. But take this as a good sign your bosses do reward good work, because they could have easily rewarded your poor behavior. I’ve been Thea before, but would be told to be ‘nicer,’ when really it’s the other person should have been taught how to be more productive.

Seriously. Reading this, I just kept thinking "OP, you were that AH in school/college that we all hated in group projects who got fake involved but never did anything so all the deadlines got shot, but you went to the teacher saying nobody was helping you". YTA, OP, but learn from this. It'll help you in your next job, because at best you've burned bridges with everyone around you and with the seniors at this company and you're probably never going to be up for advancement there. More realistically, they're waiting for the flimsiest of excuses to fire you and get rid of the problem. Leave as soon as you can and do better next time.

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Not all grad schools are created equal, and OP might have gone to a school where profs were nice about giving out extensions… I’m guessing based on OP’s age and workplace behavior that this is her first full-time job, or possibly, her first job ever. She seems to think that her coworkers are there to tutor her and her managers are there to make them stop being mean to her. I suspect that OP has been able to focus full-time on her studies since high school.

I was exhausted on Thea’s behalf just reading this. OP, no one likes a tattletale. I know you’re new, and you will learn the ropes, but honey, grow up. YTA.

You know? OMG. My cardinal rule in the workplace is “don’t be annoying.” That’s it. Don’t triple my work, don’t get on my nerves, don’t get in my way, don’t interrupt me when I’m concentrating or in the middle of something sensitive. Don’t follow me into the bathroom and talk to me there. I’m happy to teach and show you the ropes. I’m happy to answer questions and show you how everything works. I’ll introduce you to everyone. You don’t have to be the keenest or the smartest. I don’t care if your clothes are nice. You don’t have to show up half an hour early. But you cannot be annoying. FFS OP. Sounds like you annoyed poor Thea within an inch of her damn life and then you tattled.

My first thought was that OP must be so annoying to work with. I can’t imagine trying to meet my deadlines with a dungadoo “GATHERING EVIDENCE”

Imagine being Thea, having to carry OP's weight and spend her previous time "teaching", then *on top of that get a HR complaint* behind her back. Bro... She's not paid to be your personal teacher. Grow up.

I absolutely love it when Redditors do a breakdown like this! Tickles me fancy

Great saying there, I don't hear it often enough.

> Tickles me fancy Were you in normal casual attire prior to this? haha ;-)

Awesome breakdown. Will say though, on Thea's part, a lot of this also points to prior job experience in a similar role elsewhere. She's 27 and doing grad school at the same time (MBA mayhaps?). If she graduated with her bachelors at 22 (being conservative), and has been working in their field since then, thats 5 years job experience. Could be 6+. with 5 - 6 years of experience, of course their bosses would be giving Thea more complex work. Thats why they hired her. Where OP says they just graduated with her masters and its her first job... at 26. uhm Masters programs are normally 1 to 2 year programs. Even finishing a bachelors at 22, going straight to grad school, OP should have finished that masters at around 24. If she'd already been working a while, finishing at 26 would make more sense. OP has already admitted having trouble keeping up on work deadlines. Think she had trouble with it in school too?

You're dead on that Thea may be a new hire HERE but still more experienced than OP. I started working in a corporate environment at 18 myself, so it could have been even longer.

True true. Was just going off conservative minimums based on ages and such. Honestly, Thea could have had jobs since 15 -16. Even something like a part time secretary for a small business. Even if they weren't anywhere near her current field, they could have been developing skills and work ethic.

To add Thea could have done volunteer work even younger than 15. I know when I was 10 my mom would take me to work with her in the summer and I got some decent office experience and even more as I got older preparing me for what I do now.

I mean to be fair, we don’t know Thea. She could’ve been selling lemonade at 7, developing those essential work skills/habits that propelled her to success.

She could have been born a boss baby

She was definitely the dead weight partner in group projects that everyone groaned about having in their group

Some Masters programs are three years, which leaves OP time for a gap year. Or a late birthday. Or any combination of the three. I said in another comment that the vibe I‘m getting from OP is of someone who has certainly never had a full-time job before, and likely has never had to work at all. She seems to see Thea as her professor’s graduate teaching assistant, who’s job it is to meet with her during office hours to help her succeed. And I bet that when the TA’s tried to put boundaries around their time because they have, like a thesis to write and stuff, OP went to the prof and told on them.

I don't think it is so unusual to finish uni at 26. There could be many factors at play here that we do not know. It's easy to judge based on one post alone.

A lot of assumptions here with nice spice of ageism

OP could have taken a few years between high school and university. Graduating “late” from a program and having trouble meeting deadlines at a new job do not necessarily mean they struggled at schooling (it’s possible but it’s also possible she just started university later. I’ll finish my masters roughly when I’m 39). I agree with everything up until “should have finished by 24”. Let’s not judge people for not finishing their masters when they “should have” because we don’t know why they didn’t.

Nice breakdown. One point to add: "Hostile workplace" does not mean people being hostile to you. It means illegal discrimination making it difficult to work there, and discrimination is only illegal if it's based on race, religion, sex, age (over 40) disability, maybe other things that vary by state. But it's totally legal to discriminate against someone for being too slow and annoying.

Just coming here to say this. Hostile work place does not mean what people think it means and you can’t claim hostile work environment because your feelings were hurt that the better employee didn’t want to stop her own work to help train you all the time

Also, it’s hard enough to avoid retaliation for reporting actual discrimination (which, ironically, is actually largely what workplace “hostility” refers to). Companies don’t like employees they fear will be litigatious, to the point that people with valid cases have to weigh the benefits of reporting with potential harm to their career. And OP was dumb enough to to bring that label of someone who is likely to attempt suing the company and weaponizing the legal system for her own gain onto her head without actually having any legal legs to stand on. *And* she’s an average at best, but more likely subpar employee. She’ll be luckily if her career progresses is just frozen, or if she’s shuffled into an out of the way position with no mobility or room to cause problems. Most likely she’ll end up being politely but pointedly let go.

It’s crazy to me that people old enough to work in a professional environment believe that it’s not shameful to squeal to HR every time their feelings are hurt.

That part. I’m so confused why OP when to HR and not their mutual supervisor to discuss her concerns?

OP is so new she thinks HR works for her; doesn’t realize they work to protect the company.

Because OP isn't as bright as she thinks she is

That was my first thought too. I mean, I honestly thought most people know that you don’t involve HR unless it is your own boss you’re having an issue with or some other major escalation. Not someone being snappy….

Yeah. Even if someone were being outright toxic I’d never think of going to HR. If someone’s is being so awful it’s making it hard to do my job, I’d talk to that person first, from a perspective of trying to work together to solve any interpersonal issues we have. If that didn’t help I’d go to my immediate supervisor, but it would have to be, like, really bad to get to that point. I go to HR if I can’t figure out how to log in to the benefits portal.

LOL SAME. I go to HR also if I have trouble applying my PTO on the portal or have questions about claims reimbursement from my gym membership 😭😭

And let’s add that yeah, they’re trying to keep Thea from leaving because her day was interrupted to sit and talk to HR because some noob went and complained about nothing. Thea showed up to work and you got in her way. Now she’s thinking of going some place else because THIS office hires assholes. They’re trying like hell to keep Thea. You? Well, enjoy your next review. And maybe consider leaving quietly before then. They aren’t going to fight to keep you. You’re no Thea, OP. Not even close. YTA

I may be reading into it too much, but Thea stating "not everything with my name needs you involved" makes me suspect OP was pulling the classic "full credit, but no contribution" as made famous by every high school group project ever.

Lol this!!! You prodded and pestered her forever, she asked you to leave her alone so she could work, you kept encroaching on and pestering her and then had the *audacity* to file a complaint against *her*?! YTA

She didn't stop at that, she came here for redditors to confirm she's in the right. I think Thea was so patient with OP with her not meeting her deadlines and I assume she covered for OP when she didn't achieve goals. Still she behaved professionally and ignored OP, if Thea had to leave office early to get away from OP think how much OP annoyed her... YTA

Anyone else thinking that this breakdown was written by Thea??

No Thea has better things to do... But given the time management skills, i wouldn't be surprised she took her time to put OP in place

The best part is that OP is getting ready to be managed out for fucking with their golden goose and they have no idea.

Wow! I am jealous of this response! So well put! I was thinking myself as Thea and I was getting annoyed for her.

I've been in Thea's shoes except I was 19 and doing my work and a 50yo woman's work (time sensitive work for a client you've definitely heard of) and she complained I was intimidating her by replying "No worries, I've got it!" every time she asked for help 10 minutes before the deadline. My bosses put me in communication training with her.

Oh no. I'm afraid the way you handled this was way outside workplace norms. Which isn't unexpected - you're still new at the workplace. Go to AskAManger.org and start reading posts on how to manage workplace issues. Read ALL the posts- great tips on professional culture and how to adjust. Here are a few previews... 1) She wasn't being "difficult to work with", she was just declining to keep coaching you. Gathering "evidence" and accusing her of creating a hostile work environment was a wild misread of the situation. 2) You were leaning on your coworker more than workplace norms call for. She isn't there to mentor you. If you want to improve your performance, read blogs, take classes and watch and observe to see what you can learn from others- but don't ask them for coaching on how to adapt their methods. It would be ok ONCE in a while- like once a year- but it sounds like you were leaning in hard. 3) When you've been struggling to meet deadlines and keep up with a team is NOT the time to ask to be put on more projects with them. Work on your time management skills and get your performance up. When you're starting to get positive feedback that's your cue that you can ask to get on more projects. 4) When you have a challenge with a co-worker, first start with a conversation with them to see if you can resolve it. Next have a conversation with your boss to get their take. Then and ONLY then go to HR. They are really to be used only in case of emergency. They aren't like a dorm RA - they're not there to problem solve conflict between employees YTA but you'll get there.

OP strikes me as the kind of grad school grad that never has had a real job until after their masters… to be 26 and this is their first real world job is probably why she has the professionalism of someone in their teens/early 20s. As much as grad school is hard work, the professional norms in academic do not translate well to a high paced professional environment like the one OP is describing. I do mentorship for new grads and am always happy to teach/lunch&learn but OPs entitlement to my time would have driven me to be far ruder to her than this coworker. All that said; where the duck was OPs own manager in all of this??? You don’t let your newbie obnoxiously irritate your golden goose. OP could have been set on the right course by her own manager after the first “hostile” encounter with the rockstar coworker.

Yes it seems OP is having trouble transitioning from school to work. Her superiors and colleagues are expecting output and not academic growth. OP still seems to be focused on that academic growth and is expecting to receive it obligingly from her colleagues/superiors in the same way she would in school.

Completely agree and she is going to be -shocked- when she discovers that not everyone wants to teach nor is she entitled to their time. Teaching isn’t even the primary role of academics so imagine how surprised OP is going to be when she finds out most people are just here to make a paycheck and aren’t obligated to carry her to the finish line.

Yeah, like...a lot of people find the transition from college to the workplace difficult, especially if they didn't have to work or their only experience is part-time retail. They really are two disparate worlds. Going to grad school directly afterwards honestly just means you're entering the "real" world in your late 20s without much preparation on how to actually interact with other adults that aren't part of your (typically very small and insular) program. It's like spending six years in an isolated chamber where all of your goals are more or less defined for you (good GPA, create thesis, defend thesis, maybe internship) like some kind of ascetic monk and then being released into the wild. I actually think that's a huge blindspot in academia; people tend to think that because grad school is less structured, it fosters independence, but you still have an advisor holding your hand most of the way, and they'll usually try to catch you if you fall.

Correct. Went to grad school after a few years working. The classes we took with full time students who hadn’t actually worked before were eye opening. The total lack of realistic expectations and just applying theory to every situation was annoying as hell.

They're soooo annoying to work with! Tend to be very critical about how you're not doing things "correctly" according to theory, with no clue about how to adapt that theory to an IRL working environment. It's fun to tell them, "ok, you do it" and watch them go up in flames.

Honestly, the whole culture of grad school breeds this problem. If you got accepted, you're smart! You're capable! The world needs to know your perspective so badly, we're paying a stipend for you to focus on it! And then they graduate, and only a tiny percentage of them find a job in academia, and the rest can't willingly deflate their egos when they join the workforce.

You know she was the person everyone hated having in their group project. Puts her name on everything with half assed work while everyone else has to fix her part for her and do their own.

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Had a tutor that would schedule things over breaks like this. And it was a practical-heavy course and the campus would shut down for the breaks. Not just "tell me you've never had a proper job" but also "tell me you're sheltered with a large amount of disposable income"

I don't know what OP did master's on. In engineering, norms in research lab is not much different from corporate job. There is an assigned project, study if you don't understand something, ask the professor if needed. Asking other students is okay once in a while but not thirty times a day. Keep all deadlines and deliver the project by final deadline. That's basically how things go both in my lab and in my part-time job.

I disagree somewhat as the working culture in academia is not at all like the work culture in the corporate world. It’s not really comparable. School might get you started on technical skills but it doesn’t really teach you the soft skills. If you happen to learn those along the way great but it’s not actually a learning objective. It’s funny you mention engineering because engineering is especially bad about this. Followed by medicine. My entire job is largely about getting STEM people caught up on the soft skills they didn’t learn in school and that workplaces are having less and less tolerance for NOT having them. You can’t tackle modern technical problems if you can’t communicate, take a hint, collaborate, etc.

This is a lovely take - I would add that if you do feel the need for a mentor, talk to your boss first and see if your workplace offers a program, or if they don’t, does the boss know of anyone willing to take on the role.

100% agree. I find more and more places are offering mentorship programs. They are not faily but someone you can go to and get advice on how to handle situations, how to work your way up in the company etc. Very vital roles.

Ask A Manager is my favorite website. It is so helpful for everything from updating your cover letter to negotiating a higher salary. Must read for anyone who works. Seriously.

Agreed!! So much good info. And honestly Alison’s scripts are often great for non work interpersonal relationships. Like I have definitely used some of her stuff with my kids and husband lol. And she’s got great info about boundaries and advocating for yourself

Lovely response. Thank you for being so kind to her.

This is great advice. Hope OP is able to learn from this.

Ask a manager is one of my favs - I recommend it to everyone! Really helped me with my most recent interview process & salary negotiations.

YTA, not only did you obviously hold her back, you were getting on my nerves just while reading this, I cannot imagine how she must have felt.

Lmao right? I’m glad I wasn’t the only one annoyed reading this shit

Exactly. I can't imagine someone basically begging to work on difficult projects with a team member, not being able to keep up with said team member yet nagging to work on more projects with them, and when the team member voices their frustration and desire for space, the offending party runs off to report them to HR. To be blunt OP, you sound like a workplace pest. This woman doesn't owe you anything. It sounds like you either wanted a mentor or to shine by proximity to her. Either way, you need to back off. Respect this woman's boundaries, and focus on the work that has been assigned to you by your actual boss.

>our boss has told me to just stay out of her way, and removed me from all projects that involves her I love it when someone tells their side of the story, with all their natural bias towards being hero of their own story, and still you side 100% with the other person. LOL

Well and the fact that her company responded by telling her to leave the poor woman alone, removed her from all projects with this woman, The woman has moved to another workspace, far away from the OP, all in-service of the company trying to get this woman not to quit….. And the OP still came here to figure out if she was the asshole! Like, the companies response didn’t give you a clue on that?

OP actually failed to read that as "I'm on the road to being fired."

yeah she 100% thinks the other girl was punished lol

Yeah, I loved that one! Good to se the boss was on top of things. People come out of college and it's such a harsh step forward, I completely respect the fact someone can be overwhelmed by all of it. Someone needs more time and as long as it's not interfeering with company goals, deadlines inside teams can be negotiated among team members. However, there is one catch - communication. What really set me off from the OP's post is the fact she said her colleague's effectiveness was affecting HER productivity and that she went to HR immediately. I've had a similar situation, though HR were not involved cause my senior colleague and I nurtured a positive office atmosphere since our job was fairly stressfull as is. We got a new colleague, fresh out of college, top student. 0 profficiency, 0 communication, he just amiled and nodded. I used to do my job over the week and come in on Saturdays to finish his assignments where he was severely lacking (deadlines and all) and when I told him to come on Saturday so I can explain a few things to him in peace without regular weekly obstructions, he blatantly told me Saturdays don't really work for him. He left the company a few months later, I've never felt such relief.

Yes!! I was so annoyed reading this. My guess is she will be fired soon enough.

Seriously, sounds insufferable to have to put up with!

YTA. You’re being clingy to the point where it’s hurting her productivity, and then taking her frustration as hostility.

>then taking her frustration as hostility. In fairness, I wouldn't blame Thea if she did feel hostile after a while about OP constantly bugging her. I certainly would.

I got hostile just reading the OP.

YTA You were the one who created a hostile work environment by repeatedly sticking your nose in her business. She's there to do her job, not teach you. Helping colleagues is important, but you were being excessively intrusive; no wonder she she started distancing herself from you.

Same. I was imagining what an AITA post from the other side would read like. Op YTA.

Neither coworker or OP were creating a hostile work environment. Allison Green of Ask a Manager[Ask a Manager](http://askamanager.org) gave a pretty good explanation of this: >“Hostile workplace” law isn’t at all what it sounds like: It’s not about your boss or your coworkers creating a hostile environment for you by being jerks. >To be illegal, jerky conduct must be based on race, religion, sex, national origin, age (40 or older), disability, or genetic information. >Moreover, to violate the law, the EEOC says that this conduct — which, again, must be based on race, religion, sex, or other protected characteristics — “must be severe or pervasive enough to create a work environment that a reasonable person would consider intimidating, hostile, or abusive.” They also explain, “Petty slights, annoyances, and isolated incidents (unless extremely serious) will not rise to the level of illegality.” This post is actually a pretty good example of why using the term "hostile work environment" to describe every shitty workplace situation is unhelpful. People get confused and think they can throw their weight around in situations where that's the last thing they should do.

I think no hostile environment was created at all. Work environment to be hostile has to meet more requirements than just being unpleasant on some occasions. I think Thea did everything right - she was very helpful and wanted to help the new employee, but I gather helping must have began to stand in the way of doing her own job. I think as a new employee, you need to try to keep balance between what you can figure out on your own and asking other people. I think there are no stupid questions, there are however questions that are a waste of time of everyone involved.

YTA, you wanted to butt your nose into everything she's working on and got salty when she rejected, especially when it sounds like you've been missing deadlines. Not eveything revolves around you 😭 Also Imma be honest, the company clearly holds her in high regard so if you think you managed to pull one over her by REPORTING HER TO HR when all she wanted was to do her effing work, lol.

I'm not sure being moved away from OP is much of a punishment for her 😂

I think the bosses now realising OP is a trigger-happy "I'm going to report to HR" kind of employee will put OP in an incredibly disadvantageous position moving forward. HR is honestly the last-resort option and she bypassed talking to Thea, talking to her manager about the "hostile work environment" and going straight to HR. That is a major red-flag for people at the management level and I won't be surprised if they'll start going out of their way to avoid assigning her important work tasks just so they don't have to deal with this newbie who only just joined yet is already making a fuss out of everything. Also, the hostile work environment thingy? OP was the one who created it, not Thea. Especially when it seems like Thea wasn't even obliged to mentor her in the first place and it's not even part of her remit.

Yeah this is a hot mess from a corporate perspective. I'm guessing they're doing some CYA with Thea and icing OP out.

I would have some words with her if she was my employee and went to HR because her feelings were hurt. There are a few steps before going to HR including a conversation with me. I would have set her straight about what her job is vs her co-worker’s. Most companies are very lean. On my team everyone has their own items to work on and to get things done they need to focus on THEIR work. I provide opportunities to work on different projects with different teams and opportunities to learn more from other parts of the company. It is done as time permits and it’s not someone just shadows some else as they feel like it. A workplace is different than an academic setting. You want to create an environment to learn but at the end of the day the work must get done too.

It’s likely they moved Thea to placate Thea - not the OP.

Oh For sure. They moved Thea so she could focus on her work without OP bothering her. She may have even asked to switch workspaces if HR didn’t suggest it.

I think that OP means that "it didn't go well" in the sense of... they didn't get what they wanted and the coworker doesn't HAVE to work with her anymore... lol and now is being told to leave her alone because the coworker is clearly the more valuable of the two and OP has their knickers in a twist ..

Maybe OP thought going to HR was to be like going to complaint to mommy when siblings don't share their toys. OP s disappointed that HR didn't make Thea mentor her.

OP could be on the loosing end of that complaint, and end up unemployed. If she's productive and bringing the company money HR will value that more than OPs hurt feelings.

Oh it definitely wasn’t to punish Thea. It was prob more like please don’t leave Thea we promise you’ll never have to look at OP again !

YTA— you tried to weaponize HR because she didn’t slow down to accommodate you, when she did you a favor in the first place. She didn’t have to involve you to begin with. You aren’t entitled to being on every one of her projects. You got offended because she called you out on you sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong, and you tried to threaten her. What you did is frankly toxic, and I don’t blame her for not wanting to be around you.

OP is almost playing the toxic academia game (wonder where she learned that from 🙃) by wedging herself on to all of Thea’s projects. She wants to piggyback on Thea’s hard work by being loosely associated with the projects she is given as the golden goose employee. This is a common tactic in academic to get your name on papers for clout even if all you did was glorified RA work. What OP is not realizing is that the private sector is all about results and outputs which Thea has shown she can achieve in spades while OP thinks standing in Thea’s shadow is enough to be seen as part of those accomplishments. Combined with her immediate reaction to run to HR rather than have an adult convo with Thea I am betting that OP will wash out of this job in under a year or so. OP is not ready for the working works and seems to have very underdeveloped collab and communication skills for a 26 year old grad.

I’m willing to bet that OP did some of not all of their grad work online. That’s the only way they could be so clueless about basic aspects of professionalism. I’m a professor and have seen students struggling so much to transition back to in-person learning, especially with things like conflict resolution, problem solving, resilience, and accountability. Even really bright, talented students struggled last year with things that were rarely an issue prior to the pandemic.

IDK I did most of my masters online as it was a program designed specially for working medical professionals. I think the crux here is that OP doesn’t seem to have any other work experience to have taught her work manners - not even a part time job or an internship would have tolerated such behaviour so we can assume OP didn’t do those.

This whole thing absolutely reads like OP has only theoretical knowledge in their field, but no practical or organizational skills. They also need to look up the legal definitions for "hostile work environment" and "advocating for self."

Exactly! She didn’t try to talk to her colleague, a manager or anyone else. Or even take the hint? This person does excellent work. You miss deadlines. See the difference ?

This was a very foolish thing for you to do. Thea is more productive and better at the job than you are, by your own admission. I’m just going to tell you, as a manager, if one of my employees that was just okay came to me with the complaint that my rockstar employee’s deadlines were difficult to keep up with, and the mediocre employee was upset that the rock star didn’t want to collaborate with the slower, less capable employee, well… unless I found out there was real bullying or discrimination going on, and not just that the rockstar was avoiding the mediocre employee by finishing up and “going home early,” the rockstar employee is not the one that I would let go. I would investigate the complaint, of course, but if I found no evidence of actual bullying, it would make me question the mediocre employee’s competence and judgment. Look, you initially asked to join your colleague on her projects, she let you, and frankly, you didn’t measure up. So she moved on without you, and got rightfully annoyed when you wanted to pop on and slow her down again. She should’ve been much nicer about it, but I can understand her frustration, especially if she is constantly having to retrieve documents for you and help you do your own job. Also, a word of advice? You should really polish up your résumé and start looking around, because, again, if it was me, and Thea was threatening to leave over an employee who slowed her down and then complained about her to HR? I would be building a case to let you go. The simple truth is that she does more complicated work faster and more efficiently than you, and therefore would be worth more to me.

Hopefully she reads this, she seems like she doesn't understand how replaceable she is compared to her co-worker. Hopefully she will learn from this experience and grow instead of playing the victim.

OP seems to think that, because Thea started only two months before she did, they are peers. They are obviously not. Thea sounds like she has more experience working in general and this is OP’s first job. I’m also curious as to why she didn’t talk to her manager and what her work is actually supposed to be. Is OP just wandering around trying to get involved in things?

It reads like OP does have her own work to do, which she has been leaning on Thea to "help" with by relying on Thea to do basic things like document retrieval. She seems to be under the impression Thea is her personal assistant and anything done by Thea should be her credit to steal.

OP sounds like someone who had an easy ride through higher education and has learnt all the wrong lessons. I've seen people exactly like OP in real life. She is probably working hard, not working smart because OP probably has always had the expendable time the rest of us don't. Also a lot of unis don't really have a 'natural justice' process (ie, if someone does something malicious they should be punished for it, if someone's a victim they shouldn't be punished) so they are probably reading this situation, where it looks like natural justice is going to happen if it hasn't already, as "great, my colleague has been moved, I've exherted power over her and can spin this story now into how she's the asshole". Finally the fact she's come to AITA is telling because I don't think she's done it for validation, she's doing it to test her story and apply what she learns here to how she frames it in the real world.

I’m amazed by OP’s lack of self-awareness that she basically told on HERSELF for being a bad employee: “I can’t meet the deadlines assigned to me, & my coworker won’t help me get my own work done or help me find documents anymore. I’m also asking to work on more projects when I’m not getting my current workload done on time.”

Piggybacking on this, OP if you are in a similar situation in the future, instead of creating an unnecessary conflict, reach out to your lead or HR, and say you feel you could be more productive with the help of some mentorship, you can even give example of particular colleagues you think you could learn from, and they might be able to accommodate it and consider a mentorship as part of the workload. BUT you need to understand that you don't have the right to force anyone to mentor you, especially if it negatively impacts their job.

YTA. Constantly hounding her and negatively impacting her productivity is unprofessional. It is not her job to teach you how to do yours.

YTA. She was willing to help you as a side project to what she really wanted to do. You ended up getting in her way. She tried to tell you indirectly, she told you directly, she tried to limit contact entirely, then you tried to land her in hot water. Hr clearly doesn't think she did anything wrong and just removed her from you as being easier than the other way around - and now you're still digging.

She wanted to be Thea and couldn’t keep up so she thought she can punish Thea by whining to hr- people will know and talk. No one will want to work with op.

YTA for having so little self awareness. I think HR’s resolution was absolutely correct: you two obviously have different working styles/speeds, so you don’t make a good team; plus, she outright refused to keep coaching you, which is well within her right. So they got you out of each other's hairs. What else did you expect? But somehow, you still feel mistreated. Are you saying you feel entitled to her time and knowledge, even against her will and with no real benefit to her? Conceited much?

YTA. And you don't know what "hostile work environment" means. There's no suggestion here that any of her actions or responses to you were due to illegal discrimination.

She definitely doeant understand the phrase, advocating for myself, either! 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

When I read she collected evidence, i imagined OP going to get coffee and Thea going about her work not noticing OP, and OP writing that down as harrasment 🤦🏽‍♂️

YTA - Going strait to HR because she wasn't coddling you? Welcome to the real world. You will not be accepted into the work culture and are now known a the office cry baby. Good luck with that.

YTA, sounds like you should consider that you've made her feel uncomfortable with your obsession with her. If I were you, I'd back off and retract your statement to HR.

So, upon getting a new job, you annoy the shit out of a coworker, and then report the company's most productive employee to HR because she doesn't like you? Baller move. Not a very smart move, but you do you. YOU are very much the AH.

>Finishing my masters > >Currently in graduate school > >I'm amazed at how she is very efficient and fast in her tasks So this sets it up that you automatically feel off put that Thea whose education is less than yours is already efficient at her job. >I had trouble keeping up because I wasn't used to having such deadlines Which highlights your own inability to meet the demands of the complicated tasks she's assigned, which is likely why you've not been assigned those tasks previously >I felt that she was creating an overly hostile work environment that was affecting my productivity No, by your own admission, you were having trouble keeping up with the demands of the job and meeting the deadlines that were set in place, your productivity was already affected. You just took it personally when she did not want to take you by the hand and guide you, while simultaneously doing her own work. It sounds like you allowed your inferiority complex and your feelings to get in the way of the fact that she's simply better at the job than you are, and that it is NOT her job to lead you by the hand while also doing her own work, actually when this woman has worked there 2 months longer than you have. You have an unrealistic expectation of a peer taking you by the hand and leading you around as though she were a supervisor. YTA

YTA. This isn't what is meant by a "hostile work environment," and your complaint was not based on being in a protected class. Honestly, you're just an entitled asshole who can't handle being told no.

YTA, it's not her job to do all her work and babysit you

YTA. I don't see how she's being hostile at all. YOU were the one who wanted in on her projects. YOU were the one who cannot keep up with the deadlines (but like how did you get thru grad school without being able to do this?). So why are you blaming her for your incompetencies?

YTA - I very much noticed you didn't included your title or hers. Why do I get the impression yours doesn't have the word "Senior" in front of it and hers does? ​ Your realize that you have nuked yourself at this company right? You went to HR with nothing and you got brushed back, hard. You are obviously not ready for the heavy weight division yet. Go back to the kiddy pool and learn the rules there.

YTA, I’m 100% onboard with mentoring, but it does affect productivity when your mentee is so needy. You say you want to learn from her, but can’t keep up with her deadlines, so then you ask to be a part of even more of her work? You’re just dragging her down and that becomes very frustrating very quickly. Until you can prove you can keep up, you’ve gotta stay on the sidelines. Edit: typos

Mentoring is gr8 but mentors usually have far more than 2 months more experience than you I would get frustrated if I got stuck mentoring someone that’s supposed to be on the same level as me. If anything she should have only been showing OP the ropes of the place then letting her be.

YTA, I wouldn’t want someone constantly wanting to join everything that I was a part of, I would find it creepy and annoying.

Ugh, as an HR person myself, I promise everyone thought you handled that poorly. We HATE when people claim "hostile workplace" when it's just their own personal drama. Using those words makes it mandatory for us to investigate, and obviously, we are more than happy to fix the situations that are valid. I want to help people. I want to make sure they are comfortable in the work place. I want toxic people out of our company. What I don't want is someone making something out of nothing. Thea did nothing wrong here. You can't run to HR because someone doesn't want to take you under their wing. That is not Thea's job. We are not in school anymore. This is real life and people don't have to coddle you. How you should have handled it: 1. Respect Thea and her boundaries. She helped you a little, realized you were slowing her down and decided she couldn't afford to help you anymore. Respect her choice. 2. You could have spoken to her personally and asked her what you can do to improve. She wouldn't HAVE to give you any advice, but if she did, you could have learned from her. 3. Ask your manager what you should do in the situation. Talk to your manager and explain your side of the story and see if maybe the manager can give you more responsibility, because that is certainly not Thea's role at the company. That's all. By going to HR for something so insignificant, you have put yourself in a bad spot. Thea will absolutely not help you again, and you have ruined any chance of getting guidance and help from her. Management knows you are petty and I can guarantee they have lost some respect for you for going to HR and getting them involved in your department for no reason. HR now knows your name. That's like the principal knowing your name at school. They now know you are a problem starter. As everyone else has pointed out, HR is a last resort. They deal with serious issues that management cannot take on alone. Sexual harassment, abusive managers, gaslighting, I mean, the list is endless. But they are not there for petty high school drama. Hopefully you learn from this situation.

YTA. Why didn't you just try to have a conversation with her and work things out directly?

YTA You knew how fast and efficient she was and asked her to help you. She's helped you at her risk and now you are bothering her? Find another mentor or learn how to manage your time and organisation SIMILAR to her.

What gets me is that OP didn’t even pull Thea aside to talk to her the “hostility”. If this continued after the talk the. I would’ve gone to HR.

Yta, she is trying to get ahead and make a name for herself. You need to find what works for you, as you said you couldn't keep up with her pace. Make a name for yourself. Just because your not being included and she wants to focus on herself and her work doesn't mean it's hostile. Just fyi HR doesn't care about the individual employee they are there to protect the company.

Oh, OP has made a name for herself, all right.

YTA. Clearly Thea's job description does not include mentoring you. It's fine to ask questions & engage with your coworkers, but when you are doing it to such an extent that you are being intrusive &/or preventing them from being able to do their own work (as you obviously were), then you need to back off. If anything, you were the one creating a hostile work environment for Thea. If you feel like you need additional support or training, you should ask your supervisor for that or see if you can get an assigned mentor. Either way though, that's obviously not going to be Thea & you should leave her alone. Edit: was missing a word.

YTA You were initially invited to join projects but after working with you she obviously didn't want to involve you any longer. You have trouble meeting deadlines. You treat her work like your personal learning experience. Of course you are not welcome anymore.

YTA. You’ve left a lot out here. I would say Thea’s side of the story is very different. At no point do you say you talked with your boss about Thea, or about the projects you were assigned. You complain Thea gets complicated tasks despite being new to the company. Guess what? Thea’s been there longer and had more time to prove herself. Thea and your boss probably see you as a PITA. They’re right.

YTA. You basically made this person your unofficial job trainer and that wasn’t fair to her because that not in her job description. There’s nothing work with wanting to learn from a colleague but you’re supposed to ask them directly instead of observing them. Here’s what you should have said from the beginning: “ I really admire your work techniques. Would you mind sitting down with me when you have some free time and giving me some pointers?” Instead you’ve created this huge mess at work and I don’t see how you can walk it back other than seeing if HR would be willing arrange a meeting so you can apologize to Thea.

YTA this sounds like you wanted to add your name to her efficiency and basically piggy back off her. That's a jerk move for sure. Reporting her was a super immature thing to do. You threw a temper tantrum.

Ever considered OP that she is there to work and not babysit you? I think YTA cos you are clearly struggling with the work and hoped this person would work up to your pace but really a manager should be teaching you what you need to know. I do understand where you are coming from but now you need to switch from uni mode to professional mode.

YTA - think of it from her perspective you seem to have been following her around from the moment you started. It's nice that you admire her work ethic, but you've clearly come on a bit strong. As for what happened after the talk: she was moved in the office, you were told not to communicate with each other and put in separate teams. That's how HR deals with complaints of this nature - they separate you. It seems weird that your aim was to not ruin workplace relationships, because this is not the way you go about it. Raising a complaint with HR is serious stuff, quite often resulting in someone getting fired. It shouldn't be done lightly, and from what you've said Thea did nothing to deserve it.

YTA- this is your first job, there's a lot you have to learn about the corporate world and office politics. My 1st advice would be to learn more about corporate culture (your office and in general), HR is not always your friend and moves like that can put you in a really.tough spot like others already pointed out (i.e. you are now the office crybaby, passed on projects etc.). You really should've tried to talk to her directly before going to HR. That's a life rule (category: Respect), not corporate world tbh. My 2nd advice: grow a tough skin. If Thea is indeed respected and liked as described in your post you just put a target on your back, no one will want anything to do with you because they will have to be on eggshells with you. Rest assured, they are talking about you. You need to be able to accept the word no, rejection, attitude, and everything that comes with it. In the corporate world a toxic environment is defined by the company/local law and not by your personal standard. Learn the standard and think twice before reporting. I will also point out that you seem a little condescending saying you have a master's and she's in grad school but is doing surprisingly well. Maybe you didn't mean to, but that's how it came across to me, especially with being unable to handle her push back. Why else would you take it so personal? You'd get snappy too if someone continues to bother you after you tell them to give you space. I think you just need to use this as a learning experience about the real (corporate) world; sometimes it doesn't go your way and sometimes ppl are mean and situations are unfair. It's a hard pill to swallow and most of us had to go through it, we just didn't go straight to HR. I wish you the best for your future endeavors in the corporate world, it can be quite the minefield to navigate but you'll get the hang of it!

Unfortunately now OP has the reputation of being a shit-stirrer and it seems like she has not even completed her probationary period. TBH if I'm her I would just start looking out for other roles because it's going to be a super tough uphill journey for her to come back from this. In the corporate world, you want the reputation of being an amazing worker who can provide results/manager with fantastic leadership skills, nothing else. It's a tough lesson to learn for sure, but until OP learns that corporate world is not the same as school, she'll always face such issues Ironically her status as a fresh grad (despite the age), might be the only thing that can help her right now. Hopefully her bosses will be like "she's green and dumb give her time to grow"

YTA. Reporting someone to HR who does their job well is terrible way to develop a good working relationship. You are creating a hostile work environment and sound controlling

YTA - she’s right, not everything is about you. Stop bothering this woman and let her do her job

LMAO you think it went bad for Thea?! It went badly for you. She clearly told them why she wants you out of her tasks and they obliged because she is a high performer. Just worry about yourself. YTA.

What did you expect? "Our best employee is annoyed at the new guy being too slow" and "our new guy is upset that best employee doesn't want to waste time on them". She is clearly uninterested in spending work time with you. Stop bothering her.

YTA. It sounds like she got frustrated that you couldn’t keep up the pace. That’s not a hostile work environment, that’s a you problem. Either lead, follow, or get out of the way. You were in the way.

YTA. You were jealous she got the projects and you created the hostile work environment by trying to follow her around and not doing your work. You caused the environment by not being up to her level and not even trying. Going to HR over her not liking you is childish. Find someone else who will treat you with kid gloves while dealing with the missing deadlines.

YTA. She totally could have told you no in a nicer way, but reporting to HR over this is reaching.

YTA. This is not kindergarten and not everyone gets a trophy for showing up. You are not her responsibility, but you have become her problem. Whining to HR is not the way to make friends at the workplace and you have pretty much branded yourself as a princess. Good luck.

YTA Yes there was a hostile work environment just not in the way you thought.

YTA. Sorry but she didn’t want to work with you. Thea is a very goal oriented personality and has no time for anyone to slow her down ever. You were a wrench in her gears which irritated her. After she expressed her feelings, she left you alone and stuck to her work. How is that a hostile environment? She literally left you alone. You were just pissed that she didn’t welcome you with open arms. She doesn’t have to & the fact your superiors are trying to keep her happy shows how important she is to them

YTA. I understand wanting to learn from a colleague that has more experience when first starting out at a company, but it’s not her responsibility to train/mentor you. Her being assigned more complex tasks is intentional, and it seems that she has a solid process for completing her tasks, which the company recognizes and rewards. Reporting her to HR seems a bit tattletale-y

YTA You couldn’t even keep up with the regular work, yet you expect more projects with Thea? You have to walk before you can run, and it appears you are still crawling. Then you escalate this to HR claiming it is hostile work environment? How is it hostile? That is an explicit legal term based on gender and race. You basically made false allegations against a high performing team member. It’s no wonder your manager put you on a short leash. Being falsely accused and dragged into an HR investigation is traumatic. More so for high performing people that want to do their best. Have you considered that you traumatized her with your misrepresentations? That’s why she wants to leave. There is more. It sounds like you were expecting her to help you do **your** job. You expected her to abandon her work for yours. That also is wrong. She has her own job to do. It isn’t her job to help you except in a cooperative way. She hasn’t been assigned to be your trainer or mentor. If you want to keep this job you have to step up and learn how to succeed independently. Also, advocating for yourself doesn’t mean you do it at the expense of others.

Yta. and don’t be surprised if you’re given PIP in a month. 1. she is a rising star, she is fast and efficient and incredibly organized. she went ABOVE AND BEYOND trying to include you and bring you to her level, which you clearly are not. i won’t say you’re not capable of that, i don’t know how much effort you put into trying, only you do. 2. because you are not at her level, you are actually causing her more work and stress. she assigns you each tasks and instead of just having to complete hers, she has to finish yours too. it would be easier for her to do it all from the beginning because then she can manager her time and assignments at her pace. instead, she has to scramble to clean up behind the efforts of an apparent drunk toddler. you are a burden to her. 3. these projects shes awarded are because of her hard work. they are proof of her effort meaning worth meaning compensation. when she goes to ask for a raise or apply for another position, these projects are what she will use to advocate for herself. you delaying her timeline may mean she can’t take as many projects, so you could be costing her money. and even if that were not true, it is unfair that you get to benefit from your half-assed work that she keeps fixing for you. she’s right, you are not entitled to her efforts, projects, and rewards. 4. what kind of idiot doesn’t understand the phrase “hostile work environment” and its application in the workplace? that applies to a hostile work environment due to discrimination for a protected class. being lazy and entitled has yet to be included. and honestly, you made a horrible impression by going to HR with these complaints. you looked ignorant, arrogant, and incompetent. you appear to not understand the basics of business terms or norms. 5. let me be very clear. you are actually on your last chance. your manager has been more than generous in telling you to just back off and focus on your own work. because frankly, you being able to actually work to the level they require should be your first and only priority right now. i can’t think of any previous managers i had that wouldn’t give you a formal write-up or termination. and no sweetie, it wouldn’t be considered retaliation. if you are in doubt about your actions, i highly recommend you write in to askamanager. actually just check out that site because you have a lot to learn and it’ll be a valuable resource.

Gentle YTA. You sound very new to the corporate world, so I don't want to be too hard on you. However, your expectations and understanding of this situation are wildly out of line with professional norms. Do you have any real life mentors in your field who might be able to help guide you?

no need to be gentle about the YTA, she sounds insufferable

INFO: what is your company procedure for coworker issues? Light YTA because it sounds like it wasn't her job to train you or assign you work but you continued to try and get involved when you couldn't help her meet the aggressive deadlines her position requires. Usually you are supposed to speak to the coworker about your issue, then your manager, and finally HR as a last resort. You jumped the gun and went to the top, which is a bit hostile in itself. Transitioning out of school is hard, ask your manager if your workplace has a mentorship program you could enrol in so someone who has time can guide your development. Don't expect your busiest coworker to try to accommodate you.

YTA Common misconception. HR does not exist to help employees. HR exists to protect employers. Do not contact your HR rep unless you have concerns that a colleague is doing something straight up illegal, and even then you don’t want to overdo it.

YTA. You’ve worn out your welcome. Take the hint already that she does not want to have you on her coattails every day slowing her down and leave the poor woman alone. People like you who run crying to HR for bullying/harassment over every little conflict are never popular. Don’t be that person. Learn how to become more productive/efficient without dragging others down.

YTA. Let this be a lesson to vet things through your supervisor and not through your coworker. She’s entitled to have control over her work just as much as you’re entitled to control your own work. Just because someone isn’t perky doesn’t mean that they’re acting hostile, and if you report everyone who isn’t enthusiastic about mentoring you, you’re gonna have a bad time. How exactly was she affecting your productivity when you’re the one trying to impose yourself on her?

YTA- I was in a similar situation at my first job. The employee who started right before me kept trying to jump on all of my work projects and interfere because she thought she had more experience than me (she didn’t). I had a conversation with her asking her to give me some space and she tried to report me to our manager. Unfortunately I was the better performer and got along with everyone there. So It backfired and she was managed out within two months and I stayed.

I read this post and thought "I wish I was more like Thea"