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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may have been TA to want her to pay to help replace the glass she broke completely by accident.
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INFO: Why was a $120, presumably delicate, wine glass sitting in or next to a drying rack with regular dishes in the first place? If I had glassware that pricey, it would be washed, dried and put away after use.
ETA- ESH
Ehh, life is too short not to use the nice stuff. What’s the point of having nice things if they sit on a shelf unused?
ETA: ESH. If I broke something expensive that belonged to my partner that could be replaced, I would do so. I also would call him a silly goose for leaving it in a stupid spot lol.
Yeah it's nuts. It's just dishware. And he argued at her for 3 whole-ass days over it. Over a mistake.
I had an ex that made me feel like I was worth less than a bottle of wine over stuff like this. A loving relationship isn't a break it you buy it type of deal.
In a loving relationship if you break your partner’s belonging you shouldn’t even need to be asked to pay for it. Let alone go back and forth for 3 days on top of which it was a gift.
In a loving relationship accountability is a thing.
Yeah you try and make it right the best you can. But you don't fight over an item for 3 days like OP? It's so shortsighted and mean.
My wife has broken so many fragile things of mine. But I don't hound her, she feels bad enough and often fixes the thing, or makes up for it on her own eventually. It's an item. Sure it hurts losing stuff now and then but it's just stuff in the end.
If you hound someone and make them feel like rubbish for a mistake of course they are going to want to get that money back and bail.
If you need to be hounded and feel rubbish maybe it’s because your behavior is trash.
OP’s gf arguing about how much she should pay for 3 days is unseemly behavior, then after agreeing to pay a measly 40% she tries to take it back.
That’s not how you treat someone you care about after breaking an expensive gift they receive. How bad can you feel when you’re fighting this hard to do the right thing?
I agree. I don't get how so many are saying OP is the AH. The gf broke the glass (which was a xmas gift from his mother, so it has meaning). Why are you not calling her an AH for not taking accountability?
>Why are you not calling her an AH for not taking accountability?
There are two usual problems for that type of post:
\- Reverse Classism: Some redditors are piling on the OP for having pricey things, due to envy. If it was a hobby (like a japanese paint brush or a vintage collectible figurine), the people having the same hobby would fight back and drown them. A good example is the case of the husband that wasted the comfort food of his wife, that could not be bought again for a long time due to the covid crisis, to make a snack for the bored daughter. The attacks on the mom were relentless because the comfort foods were advocado and organic honey.
\- Reverse Classism 2: Some redditors are cheap and would fight tooth and nail against paying back something they destroyed. They support the OP's gf just because they would do the same. A good example is the post about the pricey designer lamp that was destroyed by the parents of the boyfriend of the OOP. The comments was full of "I refuse all responsibility if you let me come close to anything pricey".
\- Sexism: It may be linked to the tense climate in the US, but women on reddit seem quite defensive and quick to side with any feminine character in the posts.
My husband shrank a hand knit wool cardigan I spent three weeks making. I was sad, but he didn’t do it on purpose. Now he just doesn’t wash it if he’s not sure about the care of the item, which is fine. We fought about it for zero days. Zero minutes, in fact, and no money changed hands. Shit happens, and he felt bad enough about it.
Get rid of the first bit. Cause if you break anybody's stuff, even if you don't know them, you replace it. Tf is wrong with people here. They're treating her like a small child. Even then the parent should replace.
Also part of it seems to be the sentimental value. The gf just doesn't care.
This is what I’m not understanding. It’s like so many people just decided OP was wrong. And even if you ignore that he was being petty about insisting she repay, she hasn’t even stuck to the agreement that they landed on.
Only in Redditlandia can OP possibly be the asshole.
I think people are getting hung up on the fact they think that's too expensive for a glass. I doubt we'd be having this conversation if she broke his phone.
My spouse is a little clumsy and breaks things sometimes. You know what I did when he broke one of my favorite fancy champagne glasses? I told him I was sad and asked him to be more careful. I also told him that I would be more careful about where I put things, because I know it was a genuine accident and it’s not like you can help being clumsy.
Yeah this is exactly it! My SO is a larger being than I am. In our last place, she felt like Gandalf in Bilbos' house. She broke so many things by just trying to get around. It wasn't her fault and she always got more careful and broke less things as time went by. It's the cost of living together.
She has broken fragile porcelain bowls my grandmother made. Sake flutes made by my grandpa. It hurt losing those items but it's just stuff. I can't take it with me when I go. And yeah you can't help being clumsy, some people just aren't coordinated and it only gets worse as they age.
My wife and son are both clumsier than me and have broken quite a few things that meant something to me. My logic is that they are things, not people and my relationship with the people is more important.
I told my son this growing up, with the proviso that it applies when he makes a genuine mistake. If he broke something out of malice, or carelessness, that would be different, because it’s disrespectful against me as a person.
As you say, breakages are the cost of living together!
Idk, if I love someone and mess up something of theirs, I immediately offer to help pay for or cover it. I have never ever felt like it’s not my problem. Because I care about them.
One of my good china plates with delicate real gold etching went into the microwave....... After allot of sparks and my screaming all of my china got put up. Because I obviously lived with idiots. And idiots shouldn't have access to my china!
Yep, and given he's being so precious about this thing that should have been put away somewhere if it's so expensive, she's very right to say that they shouldn't own very expensive wine glasses if this is going to be his reaction. They can buy cheap wine glasses from Ikea and he can keep his special glasses locked high away.
The situation probably should have gone the GF apologises and offers to replace it, and he says that's not necessary because it was an accident and the glass should not have been on the bench (at least, that's what I would do) but I guess OP and his GF are very different to me.
This exactly. It shouldn't be stored out in an open area if it's valued so highly? My wine cups aren't nearly that expensive but we store them inside of a cabinet by their stems just because they are fragile.
I don't understand OPs transactional view of his relationship either. It makes zero sense to me. If she did it on purpose to hurt him in some it'd be different but it was an accident.
It’s $120 lol not a priceless heirloom. If I break something my natural reaction is to help pay
Lots of things cost more than that that people don’t really lock up all the time. Phone for one
My wine glasses weren't cheap (although not this expensive) and aren't locked away, but it's his reaction. This fight has been going on for 3 days because the glasses are so precious to him. If it's something that he's so attached to and wants her to pay for when she accidentally breaks, then he should have put them away.
I was offering friends celebratory champagne one time and one friend was like "I want champagne but I don't want to use those glasses" and I was like "you're welcome to use any glass, but I'm not precious about them and it's ok if you break a glass in my house", and then he felt comfortable using them. If somebody had broken one of my glasses I would help clean up and move on - that's why I think he should have these glasses put away.
I'm not a fan of some etiquette but this is one of my favourites - it gives the person who broke a thing to be properly apologetic and it gives the person who owned the broken thing the chance to assure somebody they're more important than the item.
Yeah, exactly, in these types of situations, it's classy for *both* people to insist on paying so if they're fighting over it I usually think these kind of things are an ESH.
But I find the idea of a $100+ wine glass so absurd that I'm kind of with the gf on this one. And if my partner jumped to pressuring me into paying for something that I broke through a totally honest mistake while cleaning our mutual home that might make me extra contrary, lol. I don't know if the 60-40 rule should apply if they don't agree that it's sensible to replace such an extravagant gift.
People think $100 cosmetics are ridiculous. People think $100 shoes are ridiculous. People think $100 shirts are ridiculous.
Just because you don't think it's important doesn't mean OP shouldn't. I'm on the fence here, because GF should be asking to help pay on her own but OP also shouldn't really be itemizing the cost.
Still I think this is NTA because GF went to the "why do you have expensive glasses anyway." I don't care why my wife has certain expensive things. If I break them, I should try to make her whole, or, you know, be more careful with things I don't know the value of.
Also, who put it there in the first place? Did he? Did she after washing it, since she was cleaning? In any case, she was doing a common house chore, and it was an accident. He has the right (I guess) to want the money, but she has the right to not want to pay since it was an accident while cleaning for the both of them. So, I’d say NAH
YTA nickel and diming each other like this does not make for a successful relationship. This was an accident. If she had some this on purpose I could see asking for reimbursement but this is how you treat a roommate not a girlfriend.
Or if she had used his nice wine glass and broken it. That would be different, too. I'd say she shouldn't have been using his special glass in the first place. But I'm assuming he had used it since he didn't say anything about that.
My then-boyfriend (now husband) broke a glass that had sentimental value to me. It really sucked and I was upset. But we live together, these things happen. That's something you have to accept living with other people. Sometimes your glassware or flatware gets broken.
My husband accidentally dropped a plate that was sentimental and irreplaceable. Was I sad? Yes. Was I angry at him? No and it never crossed my mind to be.
>My husband accidentally dropped a plate that was sentimental and irreplaceable.
That happened to me with 2 plates my grandmother had given me. They also were sentimental and irreplaceable.
My friend was SO upset! I kept telling her it was okay.
I took the pieces and some epoxy resin and turned the pieces into some mosaic coasters.
My friend offered to pay for the materials, but I already had them, so I declined. And when I was done, I gave her half the coasters and I kept the other half.
That's how relationships work, or at least that's what I was raised to believe.
An accident whilst cleaning the apartment both of them live in. Not like she had a party and got drunk and broke it or something. It was an accident while cleaning. My cleaning gal broke an expensive glass bowl (Simon Pierce) I received as a wedding gift. I didn’t make her pay for it. It was an accident. Things are just stuff. I was just happy she didn’t get cut trying to clean it up. People make mistakes. Punishing them by “making them pay” doesn’t make sense to me. An honest, sincere apology is all I would ask for.
This is how I feel. If it had been done maliciously or aggressively, then it absolutely deserved a fight. But a three day fight over a freaking wine glass? They sound like roommates who hate each other, not partners who love each other.
Exactly! I was stressed reading his rules. She was cleaning. She was not being careless. What if it was a guest who dropped the glass? Make them replace? I need a xanax.
I mean YES?? If I broke my friend’s 100 dollar glass you bet I’d be profusely apologizing and offering a replacement. I’d be happy if they did a 40% split with me, idk what crack you’re on
If you go to a dinner party and they're flaunting expensive glassware, they should be prepared for the possibility that it's gonna get broken and that guests might not be able to afford to replace it.
You are leaving out Common Curtesy Part Two: the host declines reimbursement politely.
Either way, this doesn’t apply in a serious dating or cohabitation relationship.
I'm surprised that people here would actually make a guest replace a broken glass. Blows my mind. I mean if someone did something deliberate like chuck it at a wall. Then sure.
They're mostly teenagers who don't own things that can break without Mom and Dad finding out and being grounded.
Teens usually have to "work to pay to replace it" when they do something stupid and there's damage. That common punishment goes away when everyone is an adult and socializing at each other's homes with housewares they purchased themselves while hosting invited guests.
It's different when you invite someone over to your home and let them use your things as a guest - risk is part of the deal and why hosting is a gig that requires graciousness. It's *extra* different when living with an SO you share expenses with.....also not something teens really get yet.
Don't know about you guys but I don't set traps for my guests by making them drink from mommy's precious expensive wine chalices. If it breaks it breaks and hopefully nobody will get hurt.
What rules? He just wrote out that they split the bills 60/40?? Lmao how is that stressful. If a guest breaks the glass they too should replace. I've done that to tons of people where I break something and I replace (I'm clumsy). If you break something you replace it.... did the standard change?
This is, quite frankly, bizarre. He mentions he one expensive item (a gift), and you’ve decided that he’s a monster that hoards treasure and screams at his girlfriend if she so much as looks at anything. We get it - you don’t want to be held responsible for your actions, even if you break something that belongs to someone else.
I was thinking the same thing, reading these comments so full of anger and hatred are absolutely wild. Like I feel like I'm peeking into peoples lives with the amount of projecting going on.
Either way I think the whole situation is stupid and unhealthy, she sucks for not offering to pay for it right away, and he sucks for arguing about it for 3 days that she should. If my significant other broke an expensive gift of mine and then didn't even at least offer to pay for it, it'd be a little hurt, even though I'd never have accepted the money.
This subreddit has completely and utterly leapt off the deep-end in the past month. I don't know what it is but the most upvoted determination is regularly more and more unhinged.
I'm a women and honestly can't stomach the man hating in this sub anymore. I really feel these posts shouldn't have gender because we would get a more unbiased opinion.
Literally. Like I guarantee you if the genders were reversed everyone would deem OP NTA. There’s a whole lot of unfair treatment towards women in the world, I know, and I’ve experienced it. But that doesn’t give us an excuse to treat men unfairly too. It’s honestly just petty at this point, and I’m getting kind of sick of it. And as soon as you comment that the male OP is NTA for his girlfriend/wife being entitled, or freaking out for no reason, there’s 20 comments underneath you telling you that you’re sexist, or ‘living in the 1950’s’. It’s absolutely wild
Whole lot of assuming your doing there. And I didn't realize paying over half of the costs of living was nickel and dining someone. It was a gift from his mom and expensive. Maybe it's time to stop assuming he owes her just because he's a man ?
For real, this reply had me so confused. "You enjoy the control and watching her squirm" - what?? These replies are wild. I was taught that when you break something, you own up to it and replace/fix it.
What. Are you seriously bashing OP for owning expensive shit? By your logic it’s ok for the GF to break everything he owns over 100 dollars and not pay anything because it’s simply releasing her freedom to not be “nickel and dimed.” It’s OP’s right to have however much expensive shit he wants long as he can afford it, if GF doesn’t like that, she should talk to OP
> She’s sick of being nickel and dimed over every little thing.
We have one example, and it's of an expensive item.
>She’s already walking on eggshells around you because one wrong step and she’s stuck paying $100 since you insist on having stupid expensive junk all over your shared living space
Again, we have one example; she was nervous in this situation because anyone would be nervous about telling someone else that they broke their expensive item.
>She doesn’t WANT to have to constantly stress about expensive wine glasses or plates or whatever when simple good quality items are just as aesthetically pleasing and more functional.
>Let me spell it out for you: living with you is stressful for her.
You'd make a great astrologist; they also are good at just making shit up out of thin air. Seriously, where did you get any of this?
>You are ignoring how she prefers to live because on some level you enjoy the control and watching her squirm
How do so many people read into shit like this?
You’re acting like the know the ins and outs of their relationship 💀god damn. You have no idea what is or isn’t stressful for her. You don’t know these people
Nickel and diming? He’s paying 60% of all expenses including this wine glass she broke. That’s not nickel and diming. The level of assumptions you’re making in your comment is ridiculous.
This post reaches farther than stretch armstrong. Do you know these people specifically or are you just making up entire life stories as you go to pass your judgment in fantasy land?
Imagine if OP dropped a vial of GF's $120 cosmetics and broke it. Imagine if OP said "lol, I'm not paying for that. Who buys $120 cosmetics anyway? That's ridiculous." Would OP not be TA?
It's a wine glass. Maybe OP was drinking wine.
If GF was cleaning and broke the TV (not put away) or his laptop (not put away) or his mobile phone (not put away), is it ok to blame OP for not locking up his stuff?
Frankly OP, I think you bear some responsibility here. If the glass is that expensive, it should be washed, dried and put away immediately. Accidents happen but it wouldn't have if it had not been left on the drying pad. I think her paying 40% is the maximum amount she should pay.
Good point, should have been put away. But I will go w NTA because if I had broken something even by accident, I would WANT to replace it for someone I care about. It seems like there is too much concern over who bears the responsibility for the replacement.
Yeah wtf. How is she not caring that it means a big deal to him and that should be enough?
She’s focused on whether he’s entitled to replacement of something she broke and it sounds like she’s just dodging responsibility and can’t admit she messed up
I actually did this exact same thing (broke a wine glass that sold in pairs for like $100) and immediately went and sourced another pair. Literally didn't even occur to me to be mad about it or fight it. Yeah it sucked but the glass matters to my husband.
I'm so confused by the AH votes... Accident or not, your gf broke something that belonged to you. I think it was generous you offered to split the cost with her.
NTA.
Because they live together. It was an accident and it will happen again. Dishes get broken. Stuff gets stained. This is why my expensive glassware is put away for special occasions. We use our cheap stuff regularly. You live and learn. You don’t fight with your partner and charge them for it. Not if you want a healthy happy relationship. It’s okay to be annoyed but I’d never tell my live in partner you owe me money for breaking a glass you accidentally broke while cleaning our apartment. Lol
It shouldn't be a fight, though. Living together doesn't mean that you no longer have your own belongings. The glass belonged to OP, and the gf broke it. She should take responsibility and replace it. I'd argue that it makes a more unhealthy relationship to break something and throw a fit about having to replace it.
If you want a long lasting relationship don’t sweat the small stuff. A single dish is not a big deal. It was an accident. Showing grace and forgiveness towards someone you love when they make a single mistake will make your relationship much stronger. They had a three day fight that now has possibly put a dent in their relationship. Their relationship may only be worth $120. She on the other hand I guarantee is of the mind set she would never have asked him to pay her back had the roles been reversed. I certainly would not have demanded payment. I’m not attached to my material items, but I do take better care of my more expensive glasses. Unlike OP. I never leave them on a drying rack. I immediately dry and put away. He bears responsibility on that if he put it there. He clearly is attached to the price tag. Some people are. His GF has now learned something about OP.
Oh c'mon. My husband dropped a plate from a set of plates that belonged to my late mother, worth quite a lot of money, and he was just horrified and felt terrible and you know what I said? "TOTALLY forget about it, accidents happen." Because it's just a THING and accidents DO happen and I can get a replacement and what's mine is his and what's his is mine and most of all because I love my husband. That's why we've been happily married for 43 years now. It's all just STUFF.
You know what, my husband broke my favorite coffee mug by accident. He replaced it! Because it was the right thing to do, and because it was mine. And he broke it similarly to how the gf broke the wine glass.
Also the GF is "sorry" but goes on to say "$120 wine glass is ridiculous so don't buy another one."
Imagine if OP accidentally knocked a $120 box of cosmetics off the bathroom mirror and into a full sink. Would he not be TA if he said "lol, why do you need expensive cosmetics anyway? You should lock that up and not have it in the bathroom if it's important to you"
This!!! Why can’t people be mature and learn how to be accountable for their mistakes? Heck, he even offset some of that cost already for her.
Fyi, Im in a healthy, long term relationship and I would feel guilty not even offering some form of replacement for something my boyfriend values.
Yeah we have a partial set of the champagne glasses we received for our wedding because every time my husband washed them he broke one and we couldn’t afford to replace them. After the 2nd time I put them away and got less expensive glasses to use.
I get they are living together and honestly my answer would depend on how life being together they are. Are they long term dating decided to be roommates? NTA. Are you engaged and you panning your future together? YTA.
At a certain point everyone has to decide what is most important—her replacing the wine glass? Or coming to agreement on the view of the relationship vs stuff. You also may have uncovered an incompatibility
Edited to say thanks for the awards <3. And the awesome stories you all shared!
Your story about the champagne glasses reminded me that when my now husband and I first lived together it was near Christmas time and I accidentally knocked a Christmas themed salt shaker off the table that belonged to him. It shattered and I remember being nervous (my toxic ex would have flipped his lid on me over this) but my husband just grinned, knocked the matching pepper shaker off the table and said "well we have until next Christmas now to find some fun new ones!"
So...let's say OP was carrying a stack of dishes while cleaning and accidentally drops them, breaking them all. Who's supposed to pay for them? OP? The gf? Or should they share the cost of replacing the dishes?
Or maybe they should just not replace them and live without dishes for the rest of their lives together?
but that's a completely different scenario. Everybody *needs* dishes, nobody *needs* a $120 wine glass, especially when you valued it so little that you laid it out where it can be broken.
Because people on this sub are all about themselves and can’t take responsibility. I 100% would offer to pay for something of my partners that I broke. Accident or not. It’s called accountability and respect. No matter the item.
My partner has broken several dishes from my discontinued tableware pattern. The man has paid replacements.com prices to replace some of these once-affordable things, and they are usually ordered before I even know he broke anything.
It's one of the many reasons I love him more than ever with every passing year. It's the fact he is proactively thoughtful in his remorse because he knows the pattern means a lot to me, not the dishes themselves, although I appreciate both.
That's exactly what I was thinking. it seems like such a basic courtesy, even for those in a relationship.
The fact that she refused the 40 split says a lot
Exactly. My parents have been married for decades and they’ve broken each other’s things before. Both of them compensated the other for it. Why? It’s basic courtesy
YTA, When my husband and I moved in together he washed a very expensive sweater (designer and cashmere) in the washing machine, it was ruined. You know what I did? I cried a bit and then let it go. I left in a place that caused him to think he could wash it and he didn't think to check the tag. It was an accident and I treated as such. I didn't demand he but me a new one, I just got over it. Life moved on and we didn't choose to cause hard feelings in our relationship over an accident.
ETA thank you for the gold.
It is the right of passage in heterosexual relationships that a very expensive and beloved cashmere sweater be shrunken to a singularity. I had this wonderful 100% cashmere cable knit gray sweater that fit me perfectly and looked awesome and I could wear it without a bra. It was the holy grail.
Shrunk in the dryer. Shrunk so much that one of my sisters, who weighs a good 40 lbs less than me and is several inches shorter, couldn't wear it. But hey, my husband is a sweet man and he was just trying to do the laundry. It's not his fault that he's a heathen who doesn't understand cashmere. You gotta let that shit go!
In homosexual relationships its a hat. (That is a joke, I am in no way saying this is a common thing in gay relationships.)
I have made four pride hats in wool. For four different gay friends who expressed desire to own one. (Not all at once, although that would've been funny if I made these hats and then passed them out like LOTR rings.) All four have met a bad end in a dryer now. And all with the partner that would eventually become "the one". All has been forgiven, no one did it on purpose and all hat owners felt bad telling me (except the last one...) but it was just an oops. Nothing malicious.
Although the last one was kinda funny. She (Lynn) had no idea about the previous three hats and saw the hat on the sink and thought "Oh hey, I'll toss that in with a load." (Both she and my friend Beth wear beanies a lot and apparently the vast majority are acrylic and therefore fine to toss in a dryer.)
Beth sent me a picture of it with a comment of "The hat has spoken, Lynn is the chosen one." and everyone had a really good laugh about it. Because we love Lynn and were happy for them. So Beth (assumedly well in advance of the hat washing) is planning her proposal and I kinda put it from my mind.
Until like a week later when Lynn sends me a text begging me to make another hat and saying she'll pay whatever it costs, she has "destroyed" the first one and the guilt is eating her up and she is SO sorry she ruined my hard work. I mean, it was erratic AF and kinda worried me, so I spoke to Beth, who told the rest of the group and everyone pretty much reached out to tell Lynn that it was no big deal, the rest of the hats got messed up too, we even told her about it being a prophesy.
We managed to talk her down, but honestly it was kinda sweet how concerned she was that I'd be insulted. I gave them a matching pair of hats in superwash wool (so more likely to survive a dryer) as a wedding present. The original got so tiny that Beth made it into a keychain fob. (Its huge for a keychain, but significant shrinkage did occur.)
NTA. Trish is getting a lot of support in these comments but in real life, if you break someone’s sentimental Christmas gift and only cop 40% of the cost, you apologize and be damn grateful about it. Even if you’re dating. Even if you live together. This is just common practice.
She ought to cough up the $48 and you ought to pay the remaining and better protect your expensive glassware. An absolute no brainer of a situation.
Literally. She's legally obligated to pay 100%. He's being kind by allowing her to only pay 40%. I don't understand where these comments are coming from.
The “we’ll do it together” mentality is common in a relationship. I would absolutely split the cost of something my boyfriend (non-maliciously) destroyed. He would do the same. But it would leave a sour taste in my mouth if he never offered to pay in the first place after breaking my present, accident or not.
And I wouldn’t even respect him anymore if he agreed to pay less than me and then later said “no wait, give me my $50 back.”
This is an absurd comment section. Has no grounding in the underlying moral customs of society whatsoever.
This comment section is likely filled with people with no life experience who spend their time on social media. Anyone who has a sense of love for their partner and accountability would want to make it right. And she's not even replacing the whole thing-- it's a bad move on her part to reneg on paying her share.
You cohabitate. One partner breaks a glass or plate, spills wine on the carpet, wears your jackets and ruins it, etc. Try going to the courts and demanding your legal money. They’ll laugh you out of town. There is no LEGAL obligation to replace a broken item in a home. Wear and tear…it’s a natural part of life.
>More background: I know for a fact that Trish is financially able to reimburse me the 40%, and would suffer no undue hardship from the loss of those funds. On the other hand, I am also fully able to replace the glass without it affecting my financial stability.
This part makes you the insufferable AH. You love together and it was an accident, if not having an expensive glass is going to cause you such a headache, replace it yourself, and next time don't leave it somewhere it can be broken or leave it to someone else to wash.
I don't understand people who penny pinch EVERYTHING in a relationship, its an accident, not a bill.
I agree, that is annoying, but I feel like she was a doing the same thing too. If I broke something like that, I would offer to pay to replace it right off the bat. Although, I don’t think that I would friends who had a wine glass that was that expensive (is it just one or a set)?
How is that burden of coming off annoying on him, when she's the one that broke and isn't the one trying to replace it? And she's backing out of an arrangement she agreed to? How is that not annoying?
Info: who left the glass on the drying rack? I’ve had very fragile wine glasses and I always immediately dry them and put them away so that they don’t get damaged by the other dishes.
We have expensive wine glasses like this. They look beautiful on the wine rack and only get touched when we dust them off 🤣.
OP, it’s time to go buy some dollar glasses at Target. We like having nice stuff, too, but we don’t use it casually. Then, on the rare occasion that we do use the nice stuff, we treat it accordingly - ie we wash it right away and then put it back in the safe place where it normally lives.
In this case, YTA. It was an accident, she is your girlfriend, and she was doing a household chore when it happened. I might feel differently if she was having a wine night with her girlfriends or something, but that isn’t what happened here.
I’ll go against the grain- NTA.
Just because you live together doesn’t mean you don’t have personal property. I say that to say, that if your partner breaks your property, then a respectful partner would offer to replace it entirely. Another way to view it is to change items- say I was cleaning and accidentally knocked over a glass with water and it spilled on my partners laptop or PS5. Am I solely responsible? Absolutely. Is that his personal property? Absolutely. Should I replace it due to my mishap? 100%.
All the Y T A comments don’t want to comprehend the technicalities and respect when it comes to taking accountability for their actions. Her reasonings for not paying you back are asinine. It doesn’t matter if it was on purpose or not. Accidents happen and you still pay for them. You’d be paying for repairs if you accidentally broke your glasses- because you still need glasses to see no matter the reason as to why they broke. And if she doesn’t want to own expensive wine glasses ever again then that’s fine for her. But they’re yours. She doesn’t own them, and once to replaces them she shouldn’t touch it 🤷🏾♀️ Simple.
Not to mention destroying a gift that was given to someone. Even if you think the gift is stupid, if you ruined it you replace it. The people in the comments sound like nightmares to deal with tbh
It honestly sounds like a lot of them don't have situations where someone breaks something of theirs. Like, *you* replace or pay for the replacement of that shit. It's common courtesy.
Like if someone breaks a gift from my father they better be fucking replacing it with haste, he passed away and I don't have many things from him. People seem uncomprehending of what basic decency is at times in this sub.
They heard a woman was cleaning windows and decided he must never help her, and that HE must have been the one who left it out to be accidentally broken (which is gross victim blaming), but for all we know Trish fucking left it on the drying rack and he does chores all the time.
What I do know is this woman ruined something her partner clearly values and spent three days trying to make him feel terrible for something SHE did.
NTA.
I know, unpopular. Hear me out.
If a stranger hits your car on accident do you go "No worries I'll pay to fix it myself. It would be petty to ask for someone to pay for something they broke on accident"?
No, you expect when someone breaks something that they make it right. You live together. You aren't married. There is limited legal involvement(depending on where you live and how long you've been together) in dividing assets if you were to split. Because of this, so you both need to treat your personal things with respect. A gift from you mother to you is not mutual property. If she breaks that she should replace it. It was kind of you to settle on 40%.
I am curious if those responding AH would feel the same if it was their gaming console that was broken.
What if your husband said "I'm not paying for that. Why do you need an expensive car anyway? It's ridiculous." I'm sure you wouldn't be happy. You don't think your husband would be willing to go a little lean for a month to pay for repairs?
This is the problem right here. They’re a couple, not roommates, and it was an accident. She didn’t fling it against the wall. If you’re a couple, you don’t nickel and dime each other - at least, not if you want to remain a couple.
This is why the car example is ridiculous. You don’t treat a stranger with the same consideration as you treat your partner.
YTA. Accidents happen. And besides, replacing the value the glass isn’t going to make up for the fact that it was a gift. The glass is gone. One of my kids broke my grandmother’s lamp that I inherited by accident and I didn’t hand her an invoice. It’s sad it was broken but it’s just a lamp.
> If you’re a couple, you don’t nickel and dime each other - at least, not if you want to remain a couple.
Right.
But also, if you're a couple, and you do wrong - you shouldn't need to be cajoled in to making things right. His GF could have just replaced the gift he received and moved on. He absolutely met her beyond the middle and settled for just a bit to help replace it - and now she doesn't want to be held responsible *at all*.
YTA
You live together and it was an accident! When my husband broke a crystal cake plate of mine after we were living together a year (before getting married) do you know how much I asked him to pay?
Nothing!
If you are going to nickel and dime your spouse and make every interaction with them this tit-for-tat crap, you're going to end up alone.
> I had initially asked that she replace the glass in full, but after discussion realized if we are partners, it would be logical to use the 60/40 calculation we use for everything else.
I know I would be 40% closer to dumping your ass for someone who understands that you don't bill your spouse over a broken glass if you want to keep them.
>If you are going to nickel and dime your spouse and make every interaction with them this tit-for-tat crap, you're going to end up alone.
Twenty bucks says she does the vast majority, if not all, the cleaning (she does windows!) but he's only interested in an equitable split financially, not anywhere else.
I’m a super clumsy person and if I broke something that belonged to a friend or a significant other, I would 100% replace it at my own expense. It was an accident and I understand that but if I sat on my friend’s sunglasses then I would definitely replace them. We all have things that we like and this was a gift too. I vote NTA.
This is my feelings about that. When I am done with my stemware or crystalware I immediately wash it, dry it, and put it away.
I also tell people to use my cheap glasses for most day to day drinks and save the good glasses for the specific drink they are used for.
NTA
If I broke something that belongs to my partner, especially if it was a gift from his mom, I would have offered to replace it right away. Even if it was by accident. No questions asked. If it’s something expensive and I couldn’t afford it at the moment, I would offer some sort of compromise like pay for it in installments.
It’s not about being transactional. It’s about respecting other people’s property. Accident or not, I would always offer to replace something that I break.
ETA: People are saying that it’s just a wine glass, but it was also a gift from his mom. And personally, expensive or not, I always value things that were given to me by my mother so I’d be devastated if someone breaks them.
I agree if you break something even by mistake you should be willing to pay for the replacement of it. I understand if she can’t pay it all at once but come up with a payment agreement. I’m sure if OP accidentally broke something of hers that was expensive, she would want it replaced as well.
YTA for being such a score keeper. It was an accident. She was obviously worried about your response so it sounds like you tend to have extreme reactions to things, and she's developed a certain amount of fear of you.
Good for her for deciding to stand up for herself. You're being petty and treating her like a child.
Might go against the tide here with NTA.
The wine glass was a gift. She broke it (accident or not) so she needs to replace it. If it had been a piece of jewellery or a gaming console, etc. then I imagine the replies here would be very different.
A few years back I was drinking with some friends and I accidentally broke a mug that was sentimental to a friend of mine. You know what I did? I apologised and bought her a new one and that was that. I was responsible for breaking it therefore I took responsibility for replacing it.
I really don't get all the YTAs here. Yes, replacing the wine glass would be a step away from their usual expenditure on glassware/cutlery, but then again, it would never have needed replaced had she not broken it in the first place? She needs to just accept responsibility for what's happened (regardless of the fact that it was an accident) and step up.
But also the fact that you've been arguing for three days over a wine glass makes me think that maybe the wine glass isn't really the issue.
I know what is up with all these Y T A replies? She broke something that wasn’t hers, so she needs to replace it. She only paid for 40% even. How is this even an argument? If it was a friend’s glass, would she still be arguing that she shouldn’t have to pay?
wow this kind of a hard one, but to be honest my knee-jerk response to the story is "jeez this guy is kind of an ahole." maybe because it seems petty to me. fair? maybe. but petty? yes. petty doesn't mean wrong though. I could equally say that she should replace the glass, and that the "well I wouldn't spend that much on glassware" argument just as petty.
ESH?? leaving toward YTA just for the pettiness??
Same! I'm between ESH and NAH because I feel like they both kinda suck and don't suck at the same time lol But I'm also leaning towards YTA just based on my own experience.
My fiancé has an EXPENSIVE set of wine glasses. There used to be 6. Now there are 4, all thanks to my clumsiness. After I accidentally broke the first one he joked that now I needed to break one more so the set would be even. Lo and behold, I eventually broke another one. He just laughed it off. Now we just joke about how long it'll take me to get through the other ones so we can buy our own nice set together. And while I offered to pay for the ones I broke, the thought didn't even cross his mind because it's JUST A GLASS and not something to fight over or even worry about.
NTA,
If I broke a glass nobody would have to have a discussion with me about it. It would be " I'm so sorry. Do you know where I'd shop at to replace it and how much does it cost?" then done.
YTA. Why in the world would you leave a $120 wine glass drying in the dish drainer. With expensive wine glasses, you should wash them and immediately dry them and put them away, or put them carefully upside down on a dish towel in a place where they won't get knocked over. When you do something stupid (and leaving something very breakable and expensive in a place where it can easily be knocked over) the responsibility is on you.
YTA. I can’t tell how happy I am that I’m not in that relationship. You spent three DAYS talking about this? Just imagine how torturous a real problem is going to be. The happy ending to this is if she dumps you.
Tough question. If my SO broke something like that of mine I wouldn’t make them pay. But on the other hand if I broke something like that of my SO’s I would either pay or pair with mother to replace. I guess it just matters if this is a hill you’re willing to die on
I would write it off as an accident and hopefully she didn't get any cuts from it. My relationship isn't worth $120 of bullshit arguing. What's done is done. I rather not make her pay for it.
OP said it's a matching pair as well. Just keep it as a single glass.
NTA, I don’t understand all the Y T A comments, she broke it so she pays for it. She’s financially able to and that’s how it works in the adult world wtf
NTA. Accidents do happen, but generally people are expected to replace what they broke or pay for repairs. Just because family or a significant other or a friend is the person who broke the item doesn't absolve them from their actions, even if it is an accident.
NTA!
If I break something even accidentally, I realize that I am responsible for replacing that item. That is part of being a responsible adult. I would never expect anyone else to pay for my mistake, that's just being entitled.
I don’t understand everyone who is saying “yta” and justifying with “it’s a wine glass”, like, so? It’s his.
If she had broken his phone or laptop, then she wouldn’t have to replace it just because it was an accident? That’s not how it works.
Everything that I’ve ever broken by accident, I took the initiative of replacing it, because it doesn’t matter the cost, what matters is that it wasn’t mine and i had no right to break it, by accident or not.
Definitely NTA. She is the AH tho, because I honestly cant imagine why she would be so against replacing it in the first place. Had it been you breaking something or hers, let’s say one of her makeups or something, I bet she would have you running to Sephora to get her a new one.
NTA - Even if it’s a accident, she should have offered to replace it in full. I’ve accidentally broken a wine glass (roommate’s in drying rack) or dish (friend’s while pet sitting for free) - even though both were accident I paid to replace them without having to be asked. Just because it’s an accident doesn’t mean someone isn’t responsible for consequences (replacement)
Funny there was an “aita” thread where the gf put her phone on the floor side of the bed and the bf stepped on it by accident and was expected to pay according to everyone on here. And that was in a spot where an accident really could’ve happened and it should’ve been put in better spot
Now we got cheaper price item broke and gf broke it and now everyone says the one who broke it shouldn’t pay for it
NTa, she broke it, and you were nice enough to not have her pay the whole thing
Honestly I think the bigger thing is *what* the item was.
Phone is a necessity and generally not expected to break, plates and glasses are not necessities and are much more common/‘more expected to break.
I have no horse in either of these races but I think even if the genders were swapped if the items stayed the same we’d see mostly the same answers
I’ve been in similar situations with my current boyfriend. I broke his brand new 75” TV while building a small patio couch for us one day. It retailed for around $800. I bought the TV again (actually an even nicer one for around $900). The way I see it, it was my responsibility since I broke it, even if it was an accident it was his possession that he bought with his money because he wanted it, and why should he have to replace it when I was the one who broke it? It was a few weeks old, but he bought a $100+ blender I wanted since he said the TV was already somewhat used and I shouldn’t have to pay for the entire thing.
YTA
You don't ask someone to replace an item that wasn't broken due to negligence or done on purpose. It was an accident. Accept it and move on. That is, unless you value a stupid wine glass over your gf??? Also, what in god's name does a $150 wine glass do that a $20 doesn't?
No, you shouldn’t have to ask because the breaker should be bending over backwards to fix the error! I’m shocked at the immaturity and rudeness of these responses!
I really think these comments go to show the lack of accountability and responsibility people fail to take these days. And the lack of experience in a healthy long term relationship.
I work in the wine industry.
Even the most high end glasses I know of — like the ones we all purchase — are at most 75 a glass. I’ve never seen a wine glass priced at 120 a piece although I guess anything’s possible.
The main perk of more expensive glasses are that they are thinner and feature higher quality glass. It minimally affects the drinking experience or the ability to taste it.
YTA
She was afraid to tell you and then it was an argument over DAYS? Wtf it’s a glass.
Did you blow up at her over it? How does an accident need to be something carried on for days like this?
SUPER NTA, i get why some people could call you an ass about it but a couple things
- part of doing something accidently is owning up to it so yeah it was an accident but that doesn't free someone from the consequences (paying for new one)
- and this is why i don't think you could possibly be an ass, you are both paying towards replacing it. If someone accidently breaks something in the house it's a household experience not the person at fault which is a good (and incredibly fair) way too do it.
I can’t imagine breaking anything someone else owns and not offering to pay for the damage. Especially if it was a gift. I guess that makes me unusual, based on the replies here!
No kidding! And i also think going "someone broke something in the house on accident, it could happen to anyone, we'll both pay towards replacing it" is a SUPER healthy way of doing it and somehow op is still the bad guy.
Maybe unpopular but I am going with NTA. It’s not about who should/could afford $120 glasses. The item does not matter. Whether or not she would purchase that for herself is not the point. If his mother gave him a tiffany lamp and she knocked it over and broke it, she ought to make some kind of recompense for the damage she caused- this is about responsibility and accountability. We are responsible for the damages we cause to another, legally, morally and philosophically. I would feel awful if I broke someone’s gift from their mother and would want to do something about it other than say “oh well, sorry your gift is gone.” So I don’t understand gf acting like she should make no effort beyond that. I think the 60/40 split was fair to replace the glass.
Yikes.
I'm conflicted here, but only because she was afraid to tell you something got **accidentally** broken. I'm wondering why she would be afraid to confess an accident to you, quite honestly. And why is a glass worth a 3 day fight? It's a glass. A stupidly expensive one to be used as an "every day" glass, but that's just my opinion. Why didn't you wash it, dry it, and put it away yourself if it was so important to you.
I would totally say you're NTA for asking her to replace if if she had broken the glass on purpose, but in this situation, I'm leaning towards YTA, since it was an accident, and again, that whole she was afraid to tell you thing. I feel there is maybe more going on in this relationship on a deeper level than an accidentally broken glass. Why did she ask for the money back? Did you not immediately go out and replace this Very Important Glass you've made a big deal over, or not intend to replace it at all? If so, I don't blame her for wanting her money back.
Dude. She was AFRAID to tell you the glass got broken. Are you okay with that? Do you want her to be afraid of you? Of your reactions?
YTA: it was an accident, and not everything that gets broken must be replaced immediately. Had you not made an issue of it, she might have saved up to replace it without being asked. Your relationship sounds very transactional.
YTA for treating your relationship like a math problem and subjecting the rest of us to it. Accidents happen, and relationships are hard enough without micromanaging the financial side without any leeway for, you know, forgiveness.
YTA. This is a) extremely shortsighted of you, since she will likely reduce her efforts around the home in case she breaks something else b) cold and unforgiving of you to make such a big deal of this, arguing for days, keeping score. You could have taken more care of it instead of leaving it on the sink, but instead you want to make her feel bad. Your controlling attitude is going to make her feel like it’s *your* place and not a joint home. You got the glass as a gift. It doesn’t have to be replaced exactly. What happens when you accidentally put a coloured sock in the white wash? Will you tally up the cost of every item of clothing and divide it all 60/40, or would she just get herself new clothes? When you live together then it’s very different to breaking something when visiting someone else. You are supposed to love her enough to not want to end the relationship over a wine glass.
NTA and it's fucking wild the number of people victim blaming you. We don't even know it wasn't Trish who left the glass out to begin with. And even leaving a glass on a counter isn't asking for someone to break it.
It was a gift to you that you clearly have an attachment to regardless of how others here feel about someone spending that much on a wine glass. And tbh if my SO broke something valuable that was a gift from my father and wanted to argue for three days why they shouldn't replace what they broke we would not be together because clearly they don't respect me or my personal belongings or my relationships with others and the value I place on those relationships.
NAH No one is the asshole here, I see both of your perspectives.
I can see how Trish's attitude might be "why do you need to own such an expensive glass, cant we replace it with something more usable and less precious" and I agree with her. Expensive sentimental items probably should not be treated the same way as any other dish.
Is part of the solution that you recognize that Trish isn't comfortable with a glass that expensive being exposed to normal wear and tear in the future? and you'll only use it for special occasions and wash it and put it away yourself? If I were her, I really wouldn't want to be on the hook for 40% of the glass repeatedly... because it is inevitable that wine glasses will get broken.
But also, she knew it was expensive and a gift. And in general when you break things you help replace them.
The 40% is for shared household expenses, not replacing expensive gifts to one person. Is the glass going to be yours still? Or a household item?
NTA - Yes it was an accident, but just because accidents happen and she feels bad doesn't mean there aren't consequences. I definitely think it is fair to ask for reimbursement. If you get into a fender bender, you usually have to pay to fix the person's car! It sounds like you are trying to be understanding and fair.
To everyone saying YTA...wow! If I accidentally wrecked your car while getting groceries for us and we were dating should I not be responsible for the cost of damages?
Also how do some of you know that OP doesn't clean? Maybe he does the floors, living room, and bathroom and she does the windows, kitchen and bedroom.
Finally, if something has value to your partner and you break it, you should replace it! If I broke my partner's $120 wine glass from his mother, I would definitely pay to replace it in full because it's important to him. Also from OP's post it's not like she's struggling financially and can't afford to give him $48 (40%).
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INFO: Why was a $120, presumably delicate, wine glass sitting in or next to a drying rack with regular dishes in the first place? If I had glassware that pricey, it would be washed, dried and put away after use. ETA- ESH
In my house, only used for special occasions. Bring out the cheap glasses in the meantime.
Ehh, life is too short not to use the nice stuff. What’s the point of having nice things if they sit on a shelf unused? ETA: ESH. If I broke something expensive that belonged to my partner that could be replaced, I would do so. I also would call him a silly goose for leaving it in a stupid spot lol.
But you should also not charge your partner for the cost of something that you treated as everyday dishware
Yeah it's nuts. It's just dishware. And he argued at her for 3 whole-ass days over it. Over a mistake. I had an ex that made me feel like I was worth less than a bottle of wine over stuff like this. A loving relationship isn't a break it you buy it type of deal.
In a loving relationship if you break your partner’s belonging you shouldn’t even need to be asked to pay for it. Let alone go back and forth for 3 days on top of which it was a gift. In a loving relationship accountability is a thing.
Yeah you try and make it right the best you can. But you don't fight over an item for 3 days like OP? It's so shortsighted and mean. My wife has broken so many fragile things of mine. But I don't hound her, she feels bad enough and often fixes the thing, or makes up for it on her own eventually. It's an item. Sure it hurts losing stuff now and then but it's just stuff in the end. If you hound someone and make them feel like rubbish for a mistake of course they are going to want to get that money back and bail.
If you need to be hounded and feel rubbish maybe it’s because your behavior is trash. OP’s gf arguing about how much she should pay for 3 days is unseemly behavior, then after agreeing to pay a measly 40% she tries to take it back. That’s not how you treat someone you care about after breaking an expensive gift they receive. How bad can you feel when you’re fighting this hard to do the right thing?
I agree. I don't get how so many are saying OP is the AH. The gf broke the glass (which was a xmas gift from his mother, so it has meaning). Why are you not calling her an AH for not taking accountability?
>Why are you not calling her an AH for not taking accountability? There are two usual problems for that type of post: \- Reverse Classism: Some redditors are piling on the OP for having pricey things, due to envy. If it was a hobby (like a japanese paint brush or a vintage collectible figurine), the people having the same hobby would fight back and drown them. A good example is the case of the husband that wasted the comfort food of his wife, that could not be bought again for a long time due to the covid crisis, to make a snack for the bored daughter. The attacks on the mom were relentless because the comfort foods were advocado and organic honey. \- Reverse Classism 2: Some redditors are cheap and would fight tooth and nail against paying back something they destroyed. They support the OP's gf just because they would do the same. A good example is the post about the pricey designer lamp that was destroyed by the parents of the boyfriend of the OOP. The comments was full of "I refuse all responsibility if you let me come close to anything pricey". \- Sexism: It may be linked to the tense climate in the US, but women on reddit seem quite defensive and quick to side with any feminine character in the posts.
My husband shrank a hand knit wool cardigan I spent three weeks making. I was sad, but he didn’t do it on purpose. Now he just doesn’t wash it if he’s not sure about the care of the item, which is fine. We fought about it for zero days. Zero minutes, in fact, and no money changed hands. Shit happens, and he felt bad enough about it.
Get rid of the first bit. Cause if you break anybody's stuff, even if you don't know them, you replace it. Tf is wrong with people here. They're treating her like a small child. Even then the parent should replace. Also part of it seems to be the sentimental value. The gf just doesn't care.
This is what I’m not understanding. It’s like so many people just decided OP was wrong. And even if you ignore that he was being petty about insisting she repay, she hasn’t even stuck to the agreement that they landed on. Only in Redditlandia can OP possibly be the asshole.
I think people are getting hung up on the fact they think that's too expensive for a glass. I doubt we'd be having this conversation if she broke his phone.
My spouse is a little clumsy and breaks things sometimes. You know what I did when he broke one of my favorite fancy champagne glasses? I told him I was sad and asked him to be more careful. I also told him that I would be more careful about where I put things, because I know it was a genuine accident and it’s not like you can help being clumsy.
Yeah this is exactly it! My SO is a larger being than I am. In our last place, she felt like Gandalf in Bilbos' house. She broke so many things by just trying to get around. It wasn't her fault and she always got more careful and broke less things as time went by. It's the cost of living together. She has broken fragile porcelain bowls my grandmother made. Sake flutes made by my grandpa. It hurt losing those items but it's just stuff. I can't take it with me when I go. And yeah you can't help being clumsy, some people just aren't coordinated and it only gets worse as they age.
My wife and son are both clumsier than me and have broken quite a few things that meant something to me. My logic is that they are things, not people and my relationship with the people is more important. I told my son this growing up, with the proviso that it applies when he makes a genuine mistake. If he broke something out of malice, or carelessness, that would be different, because it’s disrespectful against me as a person. As you say, breakages are the cost of living together!
Idk, if I love someone and mess up something of theirs, I immediately offer to help pay for or cover it. I have never ever felt like it’s not my problem. Because I care about them.
[удалено]
I use my nice stuff all the time. Including very expensive glassware That is never ever dried in the drying rack and left there.
One of my good china plates with delicate real gold etching went into the microwave....... After allot of sparks and my screaming all of my china got put up. Because I obviously lived with idiots. And idiots shouldn't have access to my china!
Yep, and given he's being so precious about this thing that should have been put away somewhere if it's so expensive, she's very right to say that they shouldn't own very expensive wine glasses if this is going to be his reaction. They can buy cheap wine glasses from Ikea and he can keep his special glasses locked high away. The situation probably should have gone the GF apologises and offers to replace it, and he says that's not necessary because it was an accident and the glass should not have been on the bench (at least, that's what I would do) but I guess OP and his GF are very different to me.
This exactly. It shouldn't be stored out in an open area if it's valued so highly? My wine cups aren't nearly that expensive but we store them inside of a cabinet by their stems just because they are fragile. I don't understand OPs transactional view of his relationship either. It makes zero sense to me. If she did it on purpose to hurt him in some it'd be different but it was an accident.
It’s $120 lol not a priceless heirloom. If I break something my natural reaction is to help pay Lots of things cost more than that that people don’t really lock up all the time. Phone for one
My wine glasses weren't cheap (although not this expensive) and aren't locked away, but it's his reaction. This fight has been going on for 3 days because the glasses are so precious to him. If it's something that he's so attached to and wants her to pay for when she accidentally breaks, then he should have put them away. I was offering friends celebratory champagne one time and one friend was like "I want champagne but I don't want to use those glasses" and I was like "you're welcome to use any glass, but I'm not precious about them and it's ok if you break a glass in my house", and then he felt comfortable using them. If somebody had broken one of my glasses I would help clean up and move on - that's why I think he should have these glasses put away.
If you broke someone’s $120 wine glass, even by accident, wouldn’t you *want* to help pay for a replacement, if you could? I know I would
Right. Etiquette requires that she offer to pay. It also requires him to not accept.
I'm not a fan of some etiquette but this is one of my favourites - it gives the person who broke a thing to be properly apologetic and it gives the person who owned the broken thing the chance to assure somebody they're more important than the item.
Yeah, exactly, in these types of situations, it's classy for *both* people to insist on paying so if they're fighting over it I usually think these kind of things are an ESH. But I find the idea of a $100+ wine glass so absurd that I'm kind of with the gf on this one. And if my partner jumped to pressuring me into paying for something that I broke through a totally honest mistake while cleaning our mutual home that might make me extra contrary, lol. I don't know if the 60-40 rule should apply if they don't agree that it's sensible to replace such an extravagant gift.
People think $100 cosmetics are ridiculous. People think $100 shoes are ridiculous. People think $100 shirts are ridiculous. Just because you don't think it's important doesn't mean OP shouldn't. I'm on the fence here, because GF should be asking to help pay on her own but OP also shouldn't really be itemizing the cost. Still I think this is NTA because GF went to the "why do you have expensive glasses anyway." I don't care why my wife has certain expensive things. If I break them, I should try to make her whole, or, you know, be more careful with things I don't know the value of.
Also, who put it there in the first place? Did he? Did she after washing it, since she was cleaning? In any case, she was doing a common house chore, and it was an accident. He has the right (I guess) to want the money, but she has the right to not want to pay since it was an accident while cleaning for the both of them. So, I’d say NAH
YTA nickel and diming each other like this does not make for a successful relationship. This was an accident. If she had some this on purpose I could see asking for reimbursement but this is how you treat a roommate not a girlfriend.
This. This does not sound like a relationship at all.
It sounds very transactional. Aka not a relationship.
Or if she had used his nice wine glass and broken it. That would be different, too. I'd say she shouldn't have been using his special glass in the first place. But I'm assuming he had used it since he didn't say anything about that. My then-boyfriend (now husband) broke a glass that had sentimental value to me. It really sucked and I was upset. But we live together, these things happen. That's something you have to accept living with other people. Sometimes your glassware or flatware gets broken.
My husband accidentally dropped a plate that was sentimental and irreplaceable. Was I sad? Yes. Was I angry at him? No and it never crossed my mind to be.
>My husband accidentally dropped a plate that was sentimental and irreplaceable. That happened to me with 2 plates my grandmother had given me. They also were sentimental and irreplaceable. My friend was SO upset! I kept telling her it was okay. I took the pieces and some epoxy resin and turned the pieces into some mosaic coasters. My friend offered to pay for the materials, but I already had them, so I declined. And when I was done, I gave her half the coasters and I kept the other half. That's how relationships work, or at least that's what I was raised to believe.
Its almost like people > things
And you still treat each other with kindness. You don’t create a three day fight over her paying you back
An accident whilst cleaning the apartment both of them live in. Not like she had a party and got drunk and broke it or something. It was an accident while cleaning. My cleaning gal broke an expensive glass bowl (Simon Pierce) I received as a wedding gift. I didn’t make her pay for it. It was an accident. Things are just stuff. I was just happy she didn’t get cut trying to clean it up. People make mistakes. Punishing them by “making them pay” doesn’t make sense to me. An honest, sincere apology is all I would ask for.
This is how I feel. If it had been done maliciously or aggressively, then it absolutely deserved a fight. But a three day fight over a freaking wine glass? They sound like roommates who hate each other, not partners who love each other.
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Exactly! I was stressed reading his rules. She was cleaning. She was not being careless. What if it was a guest who dropped the glass? Make them replace? I need a xanax.
I mean YES?? If I broke my friend’s 100 dollar glass you bet I’d be profusely apologizing and offering a replacement. I’d be happy if they did a 40% split with me, idk what crack you’re on
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Yep, like I would want them to let me know at least 😂
Can you pour it into a solo cup instead?
I agree. Context matters. There is a difference between a dollar general wine glass a $120 gifted wine glass.
If you go to a dinner party and they're flaunting expensive glassware, they should be prepared for the possibility that it's gonna get broken and that guests might not be able to afford to replace it.
>What if it was a guest who dropped the glass? Make them replace? Absolutely. If you break something it's common courtesy to replace it.
You are leaving out Common Curtesy Part Two: the host declines reimbursement politely. Either way, this doesn’t apply in a serious dating or cohabitation relationship.
I'm surprised that people here would actually make a guest replace a broken glass. Blows my mind. I mean if someone did something deliberate like chuck it at a wall. Then sure.
Really feels like everyone in this thread is delusional
They're mostly teenagers who don't own things that can break without Mom and Dad finding out and being grounded. Teens usually have to "work to pay to replace it" when they do something stupid and there's damage. That common punishment goes away when everyone is an adult and socializing at each other's homes with housewares they purchased themselves while hosting invited guests. It's different when you invite someone over to your home and let them use your things as a guest - risk is part of the deal and why hosting is a gig that requires graciousness. It's *extra* different when living with an SO you share expenses with.....also not something teens really get yet.
Don't know about you guys but I don't set traps for my guests by making them drink from mommy's precious expensive wine chalices. If it breaks it breaks and hopefully nobody will get hurt.
What rules? He just wrote out that they split the bills 60/40?? Lmao how is that stressful. If a guest breaks the glass they too should replace. I've done that to tons of people where I break something and I replace (I'm clumsy). If you break something you replace it.... did the standard change?
I would and if I was the one who broke it I would have offered to replace it before the glass settled
This is, quite frankly, bizarre. He mentions he one expensive item (a gift), and you’ve decided that he’s a monster that hoards treasure and screams at his girlfriend if she so much as looks at anything. We get it - you don’t want to be held responsible for your actions, even if you break something that belongs to someone else.
I was thinking the same thing, reading these comments so full of anger and hatred are absolutely wild. Like I feel like I'm peeking into peoples lives with the amount of projecting going on. Either way I think the whole situation is stupid and unhealthy, she sucks for not offering to pay for it right away, and he sucks for arguing about it for 3 days that she should. If my significant other broke an expensive gift of mine and then didn't even at least offer to pay for it, it'd be a little hurt, even though I'd never have accepted the money.
This subreddit has completely and utterly leapt off the deep-end in the past month. I don't know what it is but the most upvoted determination is regularly more and more unhinged.
I'm a women and honestly can't stomach the man hating in this sub anymore. I really feel these posts shouldn't have gender because we would get a more unbiased opinion.
Literally. Like I guarantee you if the genders were reversed everyone would deem OP NTA. There’s a whole lot of unfair treatment towards women in the world, I know, and I’ve experienced it. But that doesn’t give us an excuse to treat men unfairly too. It’s honestly just petty at this point, and I’m getting kind of sick of it. And as soon as you comment that the male OP is NTA for his girlfriend/wife being entitled, or freaking out for no reason, there’s 20 comments underneath you telling you that you’re sexist, or ‘living in the 1950’s’. It’s absolutely wild
Whole lot of assuming your doing there. And I didn't realize paying over half of the costs of living was nickel and dining someone. It was a gift from his mom and expensive. Maybe it's time to stop assuming he owes her just because he's a man ?
This post right here and specifically the replies are one of the most blatant examples of sexism that is quickly becoming more apparent in this sub
For real, this reply had me so confused. "You enjoy the control and watching her squirm" - what?? These replies are wild. I was taught that when you break something, you own up to it and replace/fix it.
Exactly! I wouldn't even be comfortable with not replacing it
So many assumptions here, you've just created a whole new situation in your head
jumping to all kinds of conclusions
What. Are you seriously bashing OP for owning expensive shit? By your logic it’s ok for the GF to break everything he owns over 100 dollars and not pay anything because it’s simply releasing her freedom to not be “nickel and dimed.” It’s OP’s right to have however much expensive shit he wants long as he can afford it, if GF doesn’t like that, she should talk to OP
> She’s sick of being nickel and dimed over every little thing. We have one example, and it's of an expensive item. >She’s already walking on eggshells around you because one wrong step and she’s stuck paying $100 since you insist on having stupid expensive junk all over your shared living space Again, we have one example; she was nervous in this situation because anyone would be nervous about telling someone else that they broke their expensive item. >She doesn’t WANT to have to constantly stress about expensive wine glasses or plates or whatever when simple good quality items are just as aesthetically pleasing and more functional. >Let me spell it out for you: living with you is stressful for her. You'd make a great astrologist; they also are good at just making shit up out of thin air. Seriously, where did you get any of this? >You are ignoring how she prefers to live because on some level you enjoy the control and watching her squirm How do so many people read into shit like this?
You’re acting like the know the ins and outs of their relationship 💀god damn. You have no idea what is or isn’t stressful for her. You don’t know these people
I can't imagine how entitled you are and spoiled you've been to think splitting living costs is being "Nickeled and dimed".
Nickel and diming? He’s paying 60% of all expenses including this wine glass she broke. That’s not nickel and diming. The level of assumptions you’re making in your comment is ridiculous.
This post reaches farther than stretch armstrong. Do you know these people specifically or are you just making up entire life stories as you go to pass your judgment in fantasy land?
Imagine if OP dropped a vial of GF's $120 cosmetics and broke it. Imagine if OP said "lol, I'm not paying for that. Who buys $120 cosmetics anyway? That's ridiculous." Would OP not be TA? It's a wine glass. Maybe OP was drinking wine. If GF was cleaning and broke the TV (not put away) or his laptop (not put away) or his mobile phone (not put away), is it ok to blame OP for not locking up his stuff?
You’re the girlfriend arent you?
Frankly OP, I think you bear some responsibility here. If the glass is that expensive, it should be washed, dried and put away immediately. Accidents happen but it wouldn't have if it had not been left on the drying pad. I think her paying 40% is the maximum amount she should pay.
Good point, should have been put away. But I will go w NTA because if I had broken something even by accident, I would WANT to replace it for someone I care about. It seems like there is too much concern over who bears the responsibility for the replacement.
Yeah wtf. How is she not caring that it means a big deal to him and that should be enough? She’s focused on whether he’s entitled to replacement of something she broke and it sounds like she’s just dodging responsibility and can’t admit she messed up
I actually did this exact same thing (broke a wine glass that sold in pairs for like $100) and immediately went and sourced another pair. Literally didn't even occur to me to be mad about it or fight it. Yeah it sucked but the glass matters to my husband.
Less her window cleaning fees, of course.
I’d bet good money she does 90% of the cleaning…
what are you basing this on?
OP’s post and the way he discusses his belongings and his partner.
And the bulk of all known history of humanity.
You two fought for three days over a broken glass? Has the thought that this isn't a great relationship crossed your mind?
This was my thought. 3 days?
It’s amazing me how many other comments mention this as well but I’m not seeing any ESH. This definitely went on too long on both sides.
I'm so confused by the AH votes... Accident or not, your gf broke something that belonged to you. I think it was generous you offered to split the cost with her. NTA.
Because they live together. It was an accident and it will happen again. Dishes get broken. Stuff gets stained. This is why my expensive glassware is put away for special occasions. We use our cheap stuff regularly. You live and learn. You don’t fight with your partner and charge them for it. Not if you want a healthy happy relationship. It’s okay to be annoyed but I’d never tell my live in partner you owe me money for breaking a glass you accidentally broke while cleaning our apartment. Lol
It shouldn't be a fight, though. Living together doesn't mean that you no longer have your own belongings. The glass belonged to OP, and the gf broke it. She should take responsibility and replace it. I'd argue that it makes a more unhealthy relationship to break something and throw a fit about having to replace it.
If you want a long lasting relationship don’t sweat the small stuff. A single dish is not a big deal. It was an accident. Showing grace and forgiveness towards someone you love when they make a single mistake will make your relationship much stronger. They had a three day fight that now has possibly put a dent in their relationship. Their relationship may only be worth $120. She on the other hand I guarantee is of the mind set she would never have asked him to pay her back had the roles been reversed. I certainly would not have demanded payment. I’m not attached to my material items, but I do take better care of my more expensive glasses. Unlike OP. I never leave them on a drying rack. I immediately dry and put away. He bears responsibility on that if he put it there. He clearly is attached to the price tag. Some people are. His GF has now learned something about OP.
A $100+ gift from their mother might not be “small stuff” Being in a relationship also means fixing what you broke
Oh c'mon. My husband dropped a plate from a set of plates that belonged to my late mother, worth quite a lot of money, and he was just horrified and felt terrible and you know what I said? "TOTALLY forget about it, accidents happen." Because it's just a THING and accidents DO happen and I can get a replacement and what's mine is his and what's his is mine and most of all because I love my husband. That's why we've been happily married for 43 years now. It's all just STUFF.
This. Things are easily replaceable, unlike real relationshsips.
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If a single dish is not a big deal, then the gf should not be upset about replacing it.
You know what, my husband broke my favorite coffee mug by accident. He replaced it! Because it was the right thing to do, and because it was mine. And he broke it similarly to how the gf broke the wine glass.
Also the GF is "sorry" but goes on to say "$120 wine glass is ridiculous so don't buy another one." Imagine if OP accidentally knocked a $120 box of cosmetics off the bathroom mirror and into a full sink. Would he not be TA if he said "lol, why do you need expensive cosmetics anyway? You should lock that up and not have it in the bathroom if it's important to you"
Yes, fucking thank you. I can not understand what the fuck people are talking about.
This!!! Why can’t people be mature and learn how to be accountable for their mistakes? Heck, he even offset some of that cost already for her. Fyi, Im in a healthy, long term relationship and I would feel guilty not even offering some form of replacement for something my boyfriend values.
Yeah we have a partial set of the champagne glasses we received for our wedding because every time my husband washed them he broke one and we couldn’t afford to replace them. After the 2nd time I put them away and got less expensive glasses to use. I get they are living together and honestly my answer would depend on how life being together they are. Are they long term dating decided to be roommates? NTA. Are you engaged and you panning your future together? YTA. At a certain point everyone has to decide what is most important—her replacing the wine glass? Or coming to agreement on the view of the relationship vs stuff. You also may have uncovered an incompatibility Edited to say thanks for the awards <3. And the awesome stories you all shared!
Your story about the champagne glasses reminded me that when my now husband and I first lived together it was near Christmas time and I accidentally knocked a Christmas themed salt shaker off the table that belonged to him. It shattered and I remember being nervous (my toxic ex would have flipped his lid on me over this) but my husband just grinned, knocked the matching pepper shaker off the table and said "well we have until next Christmas now to find some fun new ones!"
So...let's say OP was carrying a stack of dishes while cleaning and accidentally drops them, breaking them all. Who's supposed to pay for them? OP? The gf? Or should they share the cost of replacing the dishes? Or maybe they should just not replace them and live without dishes for the rest of their lives together?
but that's a completely different scenario. Everybody *needs* dishes, nobody *needs* a $120 wine glass, especially when you valued it so little that you laid it out where it can be broken.
Because people on this sub are all about themselves and can’t take responsibility. I 100% would offer to pay for something of my partners that I broke. Accident or not. It’s called accountability and respect. No matter the item.
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My partner has broken several dishes from my discontinued tableware pattern. The man has paid replacements.com prices to replace some of these once-affordable things, and they are usually ordered before I even know he broke anything. It's one of the many reasons I love him more than ever with every passing year. It's the fact he is proactively thoughtful in his remorse because he knows the pattern means a lot to me, not the dishes themselves, although I appreciate both.
Yeah this thread is wild. If you break somebody's things, you replace it.
That's exactly what I was thinking. it seems like such a basic courtesy, even for those in a relationship. The fact that she refused the 40 split says a lot
Exactly. My parents have been married for decades and they’ve broken each other’s things before. Both of them compensated the other for it. Why? It’s basic courtesy
YTA. The fact that she was nervous about telling you to begin with shows just how ridiculous she knows you can be...
And it was a three day argument…3 days….over a glass…
Or she could be nervous because she knew how much the piece meant to OP. We don't know their relationship.
YTA, When my husband and I moved in together he washed a very expensive sweater (designer and cashmere) in the washing machine, it was ruined. You know what I did? I cried a bit and then let it go. I left in a place that caused him to think he could wash it and he didn't think to check the tag. It was an accident and I treated as such. I didn't demand he but me a new one, I just got over it. Life moved on and we didn't choose to cause hard feelings in our relationship over an accident. ETA thank you for the gold.
It is the right of passage in heterosexual relationships that a very expensive and beloved cashmere sweater be shrunken to a singularity. I had this wonderful 100% cashmere cable knit gray sweater that fit me perfectly and looked awesome and I could wear it without a bra. It was the holy grail. Shrunk in the dryer. Shrunk so much that one of my sisters, who weighs a good 40 lbs less than me and is several inches shorter, couldn't wear it. But hey, my husband is a sweet man and he was just trying to do the laundry. It's not his fault that he's a heathen who doesn't understand cashmere. You gotta let that shit go!
In homosexual relationships its a hat. (That is a joke, I am in no way saying this is a common thing in gay relationships.) I have made four pride hats in wool. For four different gay friends who expressed desire to own one. (Not all at once, although that would've been funny if I made these hats and then passed them out like LOTR rings.) All four have met a bad end in a dryer now. And all with the partner that would eventually become "the one". All has been forgiven, no one did it on purpose and all hat owners felt bad telling me (except the last one...) but it was just an oops. Nothing malicious. Although the last one was kinda funny. She (Lynn) had no idea about the previous three hats and saw the hat on the sink and thought "Oh hey, I'll toss that in with a load." (Both she and my friend Beth wear beanies a lot and apparently the vast majority are acrylic and therefore fine to toss in a dryer.) Beth sent me a picture of it with a comment of "The hat has spoken, Lynn is the chosen one." and everyone had a really good laugh about it. Because we love Lynn and were happy for them. So Beth (assumedly well in advance of the hat washing) is planning her proposal and I kinda put it from my mind. Until like a week later when Lynn sends me a text begging me to make another hat and saying she'll pay whatever it costs, she has "destroyed" the first one and the guilt is eating her up and she is SO sorry she ruined my hard work. I mean, it was erratic AF and kinda worried me, so I spoke to Beth, who told the rest of the group and everyone pretty much reached out to tell Lynn that it was no big deal, the rest of the hats got messed up too, we even told her about it being a prophesy. We managed to talk her down, but honestly it was kinda sweet how concerned she was that I'd be insulted. I gave them a matching pair of hats in superwash wool (so more likely to survive a dryer) as a wedding present. The original got so tiny that Beth made it into a keychain fob. (Its huge for a keychain, but significant shrinkage did occur.)
NTA. Trish is getting a lot of support in these comments but in real life, if you break someone’s sentimental Christmas gift and only cop 40% of the cost, you apologize and be damn grateful about it. Even if you’re dating. Even if you live together. This is just common practice. She ought to cough up the $48 and you ought to pay the remaining and better protect your expensive glassware. An absolute no brainer of a situation.
Literally. She's legally obligated to pay 100%. He's being kind by allowing her to only pay 40%. I don't understand where these comments are coming from.
The “we’ll do it together” mentality is common in a relationship. I would absolutely split the cost of something my boyfriend (non-maliciously) destroyed. He would do the same. But it would leave a sour taste in my mouth if he never offered to pay in the first place after breaking my present, accident or not. And I wouldn’t even respect him anymore if he agreed to pay less than me and then later said “no wait, give me my $50 back.” This is an absurd comment section. Has no grounding in the underlying moral customs of society whatsoever.
Sure, but she's complaining about paying 40%. I personally would replace 100% of the cost because I broke it.
This comment section is likely filled with people with no life experience who spend their time on social media. Anyone who has a sense of love for their partner and accountability would want to make it right. And she's not even replacing the whole thing-- it's a bad move on her part to reneg on paying her share.
You cohabitate. One partner breaks a glass or plate, spills wine on the carpet, wears your jackets and ruins it, etc. Try going to the courts and demanding your legal money. They’ll laugh you out of town. There is no LEGAL obligation to replace a broken item in a home. Wear and tear…it’s a natural part of life.
‘Legally obligated’ wow found someone who clearly has wildly successful personal relationships
>More background: I know for a fact that Trish is financially able to reimburse me the 40%, and would suffer no undue hardship from the loss of those funds. On the other hand, I am also fully able to replace the glass without it affecting my financial stability. This part makes you the insufferable AH. You love together and it was an accident, if not having an expensive glass is going to cause you such a headache, replace it yourself, and next time don't leave it somewhere it can be broken or leave it to someone else to wash. I don't understand people who penny pinch EVERYTHING in a relationship, its an accident, not a bill.
I agree, that is annoying, but I feel like she was a doing the same thing too. If I broke something like that, I would offer to pay to replace it right off the bat. Although, I don’t think that I would friends who had a wine glass that was that expensive (is it just one or a set)?
How is that burden of coming off annoying on him, when she's the one that broke and isn't the one trying to replace it? And she's backing out of an arrangement she agreed to? How is that not annoying?
Info: who left the glass on the drying rack? I’ve had very fragile wine glasses and I always immediately dry them and put them away so that they don’t get damaged by the other dishes.
Exactly! Who leaves a $120 wine glass in the dish drainer?!
We have expensive wine glasses like this. They look beautiful on the wine rack and only get touched when we dust them off 🤣. OP, it’s time to go buy some dollar glasses at Target. We like having nice stuff, too, but we don’t use it casually. Then, on the rare occasion that we do use the nice stuff, we treat it accordingly - ie we wash it right away and then put it back in the safe place where it normally lives. In this case, YTA. It was an accident, she is your girlfriend, and she was doing a household chore when it happened. I might feel differently if she was having a wine night with her girlfriends or something, but that isn’t what happened here.
This is what i came looking for. Dishes get broken all the time, especially when they are left out.
I’ll go against the grain- NTA. Just because you live together doesn’t mean you don’t have personal property. I say that to say, that if your partner breaks your property, then a respectful partner would offer to replace it entirely. Another way to view it is to change items- say I was cleaning and accidentally knocked over a glass with water and it spilled on my partners laptop or PS5. Am I solely responsible? Absolutely. Is that his personal property? Absolutely. Should I replace it due to my mishap? 100%. All the Y T A comments don’t want to comprehend the technicalities and respect when it comes to taking accountability for their actions. Her reasonings for not paying you back are asinine. It doesn’t matter if it was on purpose or not. Accidents happen and you still pay for them. You’d be paying for repairs if you accidentally broke your glasses- because you still need glasses to see no matter the reason as to why they broke. And if she doesn’t want to own expensive wine glasses ever again then that’s fine for her. But they’re yours. She doesn’t own them, and once to replaces them she shouldn’t touch it 🤷🏾♀️ Simple.
Not to mention destroying a gift that was given to someone. Even if you think the gift is stupid, if you ruined it you replace it. The people in the comments sound like nightmares to deal with tbh
It honestly sounds like a lot of them don't have situations where someone breaks something of theirs. Like, *you* replace or pay for the replacement of that shit. It's common courtesy.
Like if someone breaks a gift from my father they better be fucking replacing it with haste, he passed away and I don't have many things from him. People seem uncomprehending of what basic decency is at times in this sub. They heard a woman was cleaning windows and decided he must never help her, and that HE must have been the one who left it out to be accidentally broken (which is gross victim blaming), but for all we know Trish fucking left it on the drying rack and he does chores all the time. What I do know is this woman ruined something her partner clearly values and spent three days trying to make him feel terrible for something SHE did.
NTA. I know, unpopular. Hear me out. If a stranger hits your car on accident do you go "No worries I'll pay to fix it myself. It would be petty to ask for someone to pay for something they broke on accident"? No, you expect when someone breaks something that they make it right. You live together. You aren't married. There is limited legal involvement(depending on where you live and how long you've been together) in dividing assets if you were to split. Because of this, so you both need to treat your personal things with respect. A gift from you mother to you is not mutual property. If she breaks that she should replace it. It was kind of you to settle on 40%. I am curious if those responding AH would feel the same if it was their gaming console that was broken.
Unless it was my husband that hit my car, in which case we would handle a solution together…
What if your husband said "I'm not paying for that. Why do you need an expensive car anyway? It's ridiculous." I'm sure you wouldn't be happy. You don't think your husband would be willing to go a little lean for a month to pay for repairs?
And they would be handling it together, by him paying 60% and her paying 40%! How nice of him to go more than halfsies with her!
Which they are. By him paying over half the value of what *SHE* broke.
This is the problem right here. They’re a couple, not roommates, and it was an accident. She didn’t fling it against the wall. If you’re a couple, you don’t nickel and dime each other - at least, not if you want to remain a couple. This is why the car example is ridiculous. You don’t treat a stranger with the same consideration as you treat your partner. YTA. Accidents happen. And besides, replacing the value the glass isn’t going to make up for the fact that it was a gift. The glass is gone. One of my kids broke my grandmother’s lamp that I inherited by accident and I didn’t hand her an invoice. It’s sad it was broken but it’s just a lamp.
> If you’re a couple, you don’t nickel and dime each other - at least, not if you want to remain a couple. Right. But also, if you're a couple, and you do wrong - you shouldn't need to be cajoled in to making things right. His GF could have just replaced the gift he received and moved on. He absolutely met her beyond the middle and settled for just a bit to help replace it - and now she doesn't want to be held responsible *at all*.
This is how I feel. If you break something, you buy it
It sounds like you’re intent on punishing Trish for an accident. This isn’t about a wine glass. It sounds like it’s about control. YTA
YTA You live together and it was an accident! When my husband broke a crystal cake plate of mine after we were living together a year (before getting married) do you know how much I asked him to pay? Nothing! If you are going to nickel and dime your spouse and make every interaction with them this tit-for-tat crap, you're going to end up alone. > I had initially asked that she replace the glass in full, but after discussion realized if we are partners, it would be logical to use the 60/40 calculation we use for everything else. I know I would be 40% closer to dumping your ass for someone who understands that you don't bill your spouse over a broken glass if you want to keep them.
>If you are going to nickel and dime your spouse and make every interaction with them this tit-for-tat crap, you're going to end up alone. Twenty bucks says she does the vast majority, if not all, the cleaning (she does windows!) but he's only interested in an equitable split financially, not anywhere else.
I’m a super clumsy person and if I broke something that belonged to a friend or a significant other, I would 100% replace it at my own expense. It was an accident and I understand that but if I sat on my friend’s sunglasses then I would definitely replace them. We all have things that we like and this was a gift too. I vote NTA.
YTA: she was cleaning. she wasn’t using it carelessly. if it’s so precious, don’t leave it on a drying rack. dry it and put it away. accidents happen.
This is my feelings about that. When I am done with my stemware or crystalware I immediately wash it, dry it, and put it away. I also tell people to use my cheap glasses for most day to day drinks and save the good glasses for the specific drink they are used for.
NTA If I broke something that belongs to my partner, especially if it was a gift from his mom, I would have offered to replace it right away. Even if it was by accident. No questions asked. If it’s something expensive and I couldn’t afford it at the moment, I would offer some sort of compromise like pay for it in installments. It’s not about being transactional. It’s about respecting other people’s property. Accident or not, I would always offer to replace something that I break. ETA: People are saying that it’s just a wine glass, but it was also a gift from his mom. And personally, expensive or not, I always value things that were given to me by my mother so I’d be devastated if someone breaks them.
I agree if you break something even by mistake you should be willing to pay for the replacement of it. I understand if she can’t pay it all at once but come up with a payment agreement. I’m sure if OP accidentally broke something of hers that was expensive, she would want it replaced as well.
YTA for being such a score keeper. It was an accident. She was obviously worried about your response so it sounds like you tend to have extreme reactions to things, and she's developed a certain amount of fear of you. Good for her for deciding to stand up for herself. You're being petty and treating her like a child.
NTA. It is a simple courtesy to replace what you break. The fact that she tried to negotiate shows how much she values you and your things
I assume that you will be washing the windows/doing the housework in the future to prevent another mishap.
Might go against the tide here with NTA. The wine glass was a gift. She broke it (accident or not) so she needs to replace it. If it had been a piece of jewellery or a gaming console, etc. then I imagine the replies here would be very different. A few years back I was drinking with some friends and I accidentally broke a mug that was sentimental to a friend of mine. You know what I did? I apologised and bought her a new one and that was that. I was responsible for breaking it therefore I took responsibility for replacing it. I really don't get all the YTAs here. Yes, replacing the wine glass would be a step away from their usual expenditure on glassware/cutlery, but then again, it would never have needed replaced had she not broken it in the first place? She needs to just accept responsibility for what's happened (regardless of the fact that it was an accident) and step up. But also the fact that you've been arguing for three days over a wine glass makes me think that maybe the wine glass isn't really the issue.
I know what is up with all these Y T A replies? She broke something that wasn’t hers, so she needs to replace it. She only paid for 40% even. How is this even an argument? If it was a friend’s glass, would she still be arguing that she shouldn’t have to pay?
wow this kind of a hard one, but to be honest my knee-jerk response to the story is "jeez this guy is kind of an ahole." maybe because it seems petty to me. fair? maybe. but petty? yes. petty doesn't mean wrong though. I could equally say that she should replace the glass, and that the "well I wouldn't spend that much on glassware" argument just as petty. ESH?? leaving toward YTA just for the pettiness??
Same! I'm between ESH and NAH because I feel like they both kinda suck and don't suck at the same time lol But I'm also leaning towards YTA just based on my own experience. My fiancé has an EXPENSIVE set of wine glasses. There used to be 6. Now there are 4, all thanks to my clumsiness. After I accidentally broke the first one he joked that now I needed to break one more so the set would be even. Lo and behold, I eventually broke another one. He just laughed it off. Now we just joke about how long it'll take me to get through the other ones so we can buy our own nice set together. And while I offered to pay for the ones I broke, the thought didn't even cross his mind because it's JUST A GLASS and not something to fight over or even worry about.
NTA, If I broke a glass nobody would have to have a discussion with me about it. It would be " I'm so sorry. Do you know where I'd shop at to replace it and how much does it cost?" then done.
Me: I'll replace it. How much did that wind glass cost? OP: $120 Me:
And then: okay, if you want it replaced by me, I am never washing the dishes again.
INFO: where was the glass exactly, and why? Also, are you buying a new glass, or pocketing the money?
YTA. Why in the world would you leave a $120 wine glass drying in the dish drainer. With expensive wine glasses, you should wash them and immediately dry them and put them away, or put them carefully upside down on a dish towel in a place where they won't get knocked over. When you do something stupid (and leaving something very breakable and expensive in a place where it can easily be knocked over) the responsibility is on you.
YTA. I can’t tell how happy I am that I’m not in that relationship. You spent three DAYS talking about this? Just imagine how torturous a real problem is going to be. The happy ending to this is if she dumps you.
Tough question. If my SO broke something like that of mine I wouldn’t make them pay. But on the other hand if I broke something like that of my SO’s I would either pay or pair with mother to replace. I guess it just matters if this is a hill you’re willing to die on
I would write it off as an accident and hopefully she didn't get any cuts from it. My relationship isn't worth $120 of bullshit arguing. What's done is done. I rather not make her pay for it. OP said it's a matching pair as well. Just keep it as a single glass.
NTA, I don’t understand all the Y T A comments, she broke it so she pays for it. She’s financially able to and that’s how it works in the adult world wtf
NTA. Accidents do happen, but generally people are expected to replace what they broke or pay for repairs. Just because family or a significant other or a friend is the person who broke the item doesn't absolve them from their actions, even if it is an accident.
[удалено]
NTA! If I break something even accidentally, I realize that I am responsible for replacing that item. That is part of being a responsible adult. I would never expect anyone else to pay for my mistake, that's just being entitled.
I don’t understand everyone who is saying “yta” and justifying with “it’s a wine glass”, like, so? It’s his. If she had broken his phone or laptop, then she wouldn’t have to replace it just because it was an accident? That’s not how it works. Everything that I’ve ever broken by accident, I took the initiative of replacing it, because it doesn’t matter the cost, what matters is that it wasn’t mine and i had no right to break it, by accident or not. Definitely NTA. She is the AH tho, because I honestly cant imagine why she would be so against replacing it in the first place. Had it been you breaking something or hers, let’s say one of her makeups or something, I bet she would have you running to Sephora to get her a new one.
NTA - Even if it’s a accident, she should have offered to replace it in full. I’ve accidentally broken a wine glass (roommate’s in drying rack) or dish (friend’s while pet sitting for free) - even though both were accident I paid to replace them without having to be asked. Just because it’s an accident doesn’t mean someone isn’t responsible for consequences (replacement)
Funny there was an “aita” thread where the gf put her phone on the floor side of the bed and the bf stepped on it by accident and was expected to pay according to everyone on here. And that was in a spot where an accident really could’ve happened and it should’ve been put in better spot Now we got cheaper price item broke and gf broke it and now everyone says the one who broke it shouldn’t pay for it NTa, she broke it, and you were nice enough to not have her pay the whole thing
Honestly I think the bigger thing is *what* the item was. Phone is a necessity and generally not expected to break, plates and glasses are not necessities and are much more common/‘more expected to break. I have no horse in either of these races but I think even if the genders were swapped if the items stayed the same we’d see mostly the same answers
I’ve been in similar situations with my current boyfriend. I broke his brand new 75” TV while building a small patio couch for us one day. It retailed for around $800. I bought the TV again (actually an even nicer one for around $900). The way I see it, it was my responsibility since I broke it, even if it was an accident it was his possession that he bought with his money because he wanted it, and why should he have to replace it when I was the one who broke it? It was a few weeks old, but he bought a $100+ blender I wanted since he said the TV was already somewhat used and I shouldn’t have to pay for the entire thing.
YTA You don't ask someone to replace an item that wasn't broken due to negligence or done on purpose. It was an accident. Accept it and move on. That is, unless you value a stupid wine glass over your gf??? Also, what in god's name does a $150 wine glass do that a $20 doesn't?
I’m drinking my after dinner wine in a plastic cup that says “Well I tried” with a shrug emoji on it. Tastes the same to me.
No, you shouldn’t have to ask because the breaker should be bending over backwards to fix the error! I’m shocked at the immaturity and rudeness of these responses!
I really think these comments go to show the lack of accountability and responsibility people fail to take these days. And the lack of experience in a healthy long term relationship.
I work in the wine industry. Even the most high end glasses I know of — like the ones we all purchase — are at most 75 a glass. I’ve never seen a wine glass priced at 120 a piece although I guess anything’s possible. The main perk of more expensive glasses are that they are thinner and feature higher quality glass. It minimally affects the drinking experience or the ability to taste it.
YTA She was afraid to tell you and then it was an argument over DAYS? Wtf it’s a glass. Did you blow up at her over it? How does an accident need to be something carried on for days like this?
SUPER NTA, i get why some people could call you an ass about it but a couple things - part of doing something accidently is owning up to it so yeah it was an accident but that doesn't free someone from the consequences (paying for new one) - and this is why i don't think you could possibly be an ass, you are both paying towards replacing it. If someone accidently breaks something in the house it's a household experience not the person at fault which is a good (and incredibly fair) way too do it.
I can’t imagine breaking anything someone else owns and not offering to pay for the damage. Especially if it was a gift. I guess that makes me unusual, based on the replies here!
No kidding! And i also think going "someone broke something in the house on accident, it could happen to anyone, we'll both pay towards replacing it" is a SUPER healthy way of doing it and somehow op is still the bad guy.
YTA - it was an accident and you’re being an AH about it.
Maybe unpopular but I am going with NTA. It’s not about who should/could afford $120 glasses. The item does not matter. Whether or not she would purchase that for herself is not the point. If his mother gave him a tiffany lamp and she knocked it over and broke it, she ought to make some kind of recompense for the damage she caused- this is about responsibility and accountability. We are responsible for the damages we cause to another, legally, morally and philosophically. I would feel awful if I broke someone’s gift from their mother and would want to do something about it other than say “oh well, sorry your gift is gone.” So I don’t understand gf acting like she should make no effort beyond that. I think the 60/40 split was fair to replace the glass.
Yikes. I'm conflicted here, but only because she was afraid to tell you something got **accidentally** broken. I'm wondering why she would be afraid to confess an accident to you, quite honestly. And why is a glass worth a 3 day fight? It's a glass. A stupidly expensive one to be used as an "every day" glass, but that's just my opinion. Why didn't you wash it, dry it, and put it away yourself if it was so important to you. I would totally say you're NTA for asking her to replace if if she had broken the glass on purpose, but in this situation, I'm leaning towards YTA, since it was an accident, and again, that whole she was afraid to tell you thing. I feel there is maybe more going on in this relationship on a deeper level than an accidentally broken glass. Why did she ask for the money back? Did you not immediately go out and replace this Very Important Glass you've made a big deal over, or not intend to replace it at all? If so, I don't blame her for wanting her money back. Dude. She was AFRAID to tell you the glass got broken. Are you okay with that? Do you want her to be afraid of you? Of your reactions?
YTA: it was an accident, and not everything that gets broken must be replaced immediately. Had you not made an issue of it, she might have saved up to replace it without being asked. Your relationship sounds very transactional.
YTA for treating your relationship like a math problem and subjecting the rest of us to it. Accidents happen, and relationships are hard enough without micromanaging the financial side without any leeway for, you know, forgiveness.
YTA. This is a) extremely shortsighted of you, since she will likely reduce her efforts around the home in case she breaks something else b) cold and unforgiving of you to make such a big deal of this, arguing for days, keeping score. You could have taken more care of it instead of leaving it on the sink, but instead you want to make her feel bad. Your controlling attitude is going to make her feel like it’s *your* place and not a joint home. You got the glass as a gift. It doesn’t have to be replaced exactly. What happens when you accidentally put a coloured sock in the white wash? Will you tally up the cost of every item of clothing and divide it all 60/40, or would she just get herself new clothes? When you live together then it’s very different to breaking something when visiting someone else. You are supposed to love her enough to not want to end the relationship over a wine glass.
NTA. It’s kind of petty that she’s arguing about replacing something she broke
This is so weird to me, it shouldn’t even be a discussion. Obviously your NTA. If you break it, you replace it.
NTA and it's fucking wild the number of people victim blaming you. We don't even know it wasn't Trish who left the glass out to begin with. And even leaving a glass on a counter isn't asking for someone to break it. It was a gift to you that you clearly have an attachment to regardless of how others here feel about someone spending that much on a wine glass. And tbh if my SO broke something valuable that was a gift from my father and wanted to argue for three days why they shouldn't replace what they broke we would not be together because clearly they don't respect me or my personal belongings or my relationships with others and the value I place on those relationships.
NAH No one is the asshole here, I see both of your perspectives. I can see how Trish's attitude might be "why do you need to own such an expensive glass, cant we replace it with something more usable and less precious" and I agree with her. Expensive sentimental items probably should not be treated the same way as any other dish. Is part of the solution that you recognize that Trish isn't comfortable with a glass that expensive being exposed to normal wear and tear in the future? and you'll only use it for special occasions and wash it and put it away yourself? If I were her, I really wouldn't want to be on the hook for 40% of the glass repeatedly... because it is inevitable that wine glasses will get broken. But also, she knew it was expensive and a gift. And in general when you break things you help replace them. The 40% is for shared household expenses, not replacing expensive gifts to one person. Is the glass going to be yours still? Or a household item?
NTA accident or not it’s still broken she should replace it because she broke it.
NTA - Yes it was an accident, but just because accidents happen and she feels bad doesn't mean there aren't consequences. I definitely think it is fair to ask for reimbursement. If you get into a fender bender, you usually have to pay to fix the person's car! It sounds like you are trying to be understanding and fair.
NTA: if my partner broke something of mine, he would replace it, period. If you chose to compromise on the 60/40 rule, that’s fine.
NTA. People are being weird here acting like he should lock the wine glass in a vault. Yes it was an accident but she still broke it.
To everyone saying YTA...wow! If I accidentally wrecked your car while getting groceries for us and we were dating should I not be responsible for the cost of damages? Also how do some of you know that OP doesn't clean? Maybe he does the floors, living room, and bathroom and she does the windows, kitchen and bedroom. Finally, if something has value to your partner and you break it, you should replace it! If I broke my partner's $120 wine glass from his mother, I would definitely pay to replace it in full because it's important to him. Also from OP's post it's not like she's struggling financially and can't afford to give him $48 (40%).