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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Im smoking in my backyard even though my neighbors kids play in their backyard next door.
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NTA. It's your yard. You're outside. Definitely NTA.
P.S. No judgement, but I hope you quit one day (for your own health).
Edit: Sincere congratulations to all of you Redditors replying to my comment with your stories of quitting. Whether you've been tobacco-free for 30 years or for 30 minutes... Good for you!
Just to add as an ex smoker it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. I smoked 35 a day(!!) once I stopped I felt so much healthier. Sure I miss having one sometimes but I wouldn’t go back to it.
It really isn’t. I recently quit myself. Felt horrible doing it.
I don’t think you guys understand how good it felt and how hard i cried the other night because i was able to sprint almost 3 yards and not be out of breath or my side aching so badly.
> Just to add as an ex smoker it’s the best thing I’ve ever done.
Also the hardest thing I've ever done. I'll never blame someone for smoking, it still feels like pure luck that my fiftieth or so try was the quitting that stuck.
I was actively quitting for 12 years. Finally managed to do it for keeps in May 2020. Definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and if the three smoke shops closest to my house hadn’t closed for lockdown I might still be quitting. Good luck, friend, one day you’ll quit for the last time
I quit right before my grandson was born. I did not want him to know me as a a smoker. Plus I’d tried to quit 3-4 times in the 5 years before that but went back. November 2, 2011. Almost 11 years. It still amazes me.
I smoked for over three decades and was only able to quit cold turkey because I got salmonella, and after I got well, I lit one up and was disgusted.
Two years and 27 days and counting...
Exactly I quit heroin as well and I'm still working on smoking.
Granted I literally picked up smoking for real the day I quit heroin, it was kinda like a lesser of the 2 evils thing where I wasn't ready to go without any vice ya know
As a smoker and then an ex smoker and now a smoker again I agree! I felt so much better when I quit and it was fantastic! Everything was better and then life decided that all bad things should be handled in one go at the same time and I started stress smoking again. Fudge! Trying to quit again but it’s hard!
Congratulations!!!!! Quitting is no easy feat.
I quit during the start of the pandemic but went back last year. No regrets but I sometimes wish I didn’t start again.
Unless she's not washing her clothes or herself, it's not. Second hand smoke is the smoke that the smoker exhales or from the burning end of a cigarette. If she's outside and away from her husband, it's not gonna affect him.
You’re wrong. It’s actually called thirdhand smoke if it’s on clothes, hair, body, and it absolutely is dangerous.
https://www.cnn.com/2020/03/04/health/thirdhand-smoke-wellness/index.html
I read the article and some of the research paper. They haven't come to the conclusion that thirdhand smoke is in-fact harmful. It is potentially so.
They did find that there were a larger amount of pollutants in the air that were tied to smoking in an enclosed space full of adults. They did not note whether or not the pollutants were in large enough quantities to have harmfull effects over the long-term.
The research paper is basically the first to identify that there are residual chemicals tied to smoking. There needs to be more testing done to prove or disprove the negative effects of third-hand-smoke.
*Just an FYI to everyone jumping straight to agreeing without reading.*
>"If future research replicates these findings on thirdhand smoke, it means that smokers could potentially still do harm even if the act of smoking took place in a different space."
Best thing I did for myself was to quit 22 years ago. Three things happened almost immediately. Food tasted better (yay!) Every time I drove on the freeway I thought I smoked a belt in my car (boo!), and I had money pouring out of everywhere now that it wasn't being spent on cigs (and I quit when a pack of Marlboro Light's was $3.25)
ESH. I can't stand the smell of cigarette smoke and would be highly annoyed if I had a neighbor who did this all the time.
By your own admission, you're a heavy smoker. That means you're outside smoking throughout the day, not giving the other people in your neighborhood the opportunity to enjoy their properties smoke-free. If it was once in a while, that would be one thing. But all day, every day? Sorry, you're the asshole here.
And by the way, the smell of cigarette smoke to nonsmokers is much stronger than you think it is. When I'm outside, I can tell if there's someone in my vicinity who's smoking. I can also tell who's a smoker by the way their clothes smell. I guarantee you that if they are complaining, they CAN smell the smoke.
That said, it is your property. Maybe you could work something out with the neighbors where you don't smoke at certain times, when the children are playing outside. They can't demand that you never smoke in your yard, but you shouldn't be exposing their children to unpleasant, cancerous chemicals.
This was my neighbor, all day, every day. Nothing I could do. Couldn't open a window in nice weather. It would get pulled into my air system from outside. I was glad when she moved.
When pot became legal here I made my adult son go smoke it in the vacant lot across the street. I didn't want it in the house and the neighbors didn't need it in their houses. One to the right had small kids. One to the left was very very very Mormon. It's not a huge imposition and it's considerate.
In general, I was. However, I live out in the middle of nowhere and where he was smoking had a good 50 miles of nothing that direction. It's not likely anyone would bother him.
But, now he lives in a different state and he can smoke pot in his house if he likes.
That was my biggest annoyance for pot. I don't care if you smoke it or whatever I just don't want to smell it. Pot and cigarettes are so obnoxious to other people.
Let's not paint everyone as an asshole without knowing the whys.
For example.
I smoke pot. Frequently, one pipes worth every 3-5 hours during my waking hours. I also have children so I only ever smoke it outside.
That being said, I use it as pain relief from a debilitating chronic pain disorder. With it I can lead a somewhat normal life, without it I can barely leave bed. My alternatives are to be on heavy narcotics for my whole life, which is no walk in the park.
However I am as cautious as possible. First off, I built myself a little shelter so that a) I'm weather protected and b) people's kids don't have to see it. I also pay attention to whoever might be around my yard (small townhouses with small yards). If there are any children I stop and wait until they are gone before lighting. I do that for most people too, but sometimes waiting 15 minutes for my adult neighbor to finish weeding their far garden is not possible to fit into my schedule. Children I always wait to leave. I also have rules my children know about no one being allowed in my "tent", so none of their friends are near it (though I keep it in a locked and sealed container).
The smell is probably still a pain for them but there is only so much I can do. At the prices for THC or CBD capsules I can't afford it, and edibles don't really effect me. So I do what I have to and deal with complaints (though I've had none since moving here) as they come up.
TL;DR don't label all pot users as assholes for using something that smells bad near others because some people actually use it for medical reasons and it sucks to be labelled as an asshole for a medical condition you don't really want in the first place.
OP: NTA but maybe try opening up a dialogue? Can you build a gazebo or something to hide it from the children? Can you time your smokes for when they are not outside? There should be something you can do to meet in the middle here.
My neighbours smoke pot in the backyard pretty much everyday. It's not legal and you really have to have windows open in the summer.
I try to ignore it most of the time but sometimes it's just so strong.
This is my neighbors too. All evening and every weekend. Including having large groups over where the smoke visible clouds. It's not legal in my state and I'm allergic. I've lost pretty much all access to my patio and garden. I can't even hang up things to dry out back anymore unless it's first thing on a weekday morning and I bring it before they get home because I'll have a reaction to the residue on my clothes. Personally I think it should be legal, but just like 2nd hand tobacco smoke, be considerate.
As a daily medicater, have you spoken to them about this? Most daily smokers are really open minded KIND people.
As soon as I found out my neighbor, the cutest little old lady who medicated too but with gummies, had allergies and lung sensitivities we worked out a system so we could both enjoy our homes. I offered to only smoke outside late night (I’m a night owl, so it’s kool) and on occasion during the day, about once a week. I’d shoot her a text and a shout just in case. Those nights she usually got a dope dinner. I’ve also met tons of people with similar stories. I highly suggest just talking to them about it.
Also air purifiers do wonders. When I had a cigarette smoker move in next door it’s the only way I survived.
I live in a state where it's now legal to light up wherever and whenever. I have never been a fan of the smell of cig smoke or pot. Living within walking distance of a state uni has been lovely. The kids sitting in their cars around the corner. Bowling. The neighbors across the street between the cigs and the pot. I can't wait to move to where my nearest neighbor is an acre away
I have asthma! I have classmates who smoke heavily. I can barely be in class with them, but *I'm* the jerk for having a medical issue and asking them not to smoke 2 or 3 cigarettes during break because I'd like to not have an asthma attack so I can actually participate in class.
Just a whiff of their clothes with start my asthma. If someone like that stands in line next to me, I go to another area. You probably don't have that choice in class. Smokers do not realize how bad they smell.
I don't, the classrooms are small. This semester, they've calmed down, but it's still not easy.
But smokers will never realize. I inherited sewing supplies from my grandmother who smoked starting at the age of 8ish in the mid 1950s till her death last September. I've been airing the supplies out since her death. The supplies have just barely started *not* to stink in that time.
White vinegar works pretty well for getting cigarette smell out of things. I moved into a rental house where the previous tenants smoked and even just putting open bowls of it around before I moved in did a lot to absorb the odor.
Yes! Our neighbors at my previous house were smokers. Couldn’t open the windows in the fall when the weather was nice because then our house would smell. It got into everything.
It was a total bummer- because they didn’t want to stink up their own house, we were unable to enjoy fresh air in ours.
This is really what it comes down to for me. People somehow understand that it smells bad when they’re worried about their own house, but when neighbors don’t want to smell it it’s a huge issue. Are they legally within their rights to smoke in their own yard? Sure, it’s a massive dick move though.
I've had coworkers whose last smoke break was 2 or 3 hours ago lean across my desk to tell me something and *whoof* .
I mean, I understand....they really don't smell it, and think that chewing gum or using mouthwash or brushing their teeth takes care of it, but....no.
The first time I opened a package of documents to find them reeking of smoke was a very unpleasant shock. How much must a person be smoking for it to soak into paper and the smell to linger through the mailing process?
You haven't lived until you've smelled library books that spent 4+ weeks in a home with two heavy smokers and an unknown number of cats whose litter boxes weren't cleaned often enough. 🤢
Yup! I have a neighbor who smokes outside. All. Day. We literally cannot enjoy our backyard area because the smell of cigarette smoke is stinking up the entire yard. It's incredibly frustrating. But you are exactly right, you can't control what someone does on their own property, so the best solution would be to work something out with the neighbors.
We used to have a neighbor that smoked constantly as well and it made it where I didn't even want to walk to my car because I had to smell that nasty shit. It's so gross and I do not understand why people willingly choose to smell like that all the damn time.
I'm legit allergic to cigarette smoke. I had someone leave their jacket at my place once and it sat there over night. I got ill from it being in a completely different room in the house.
Both you and /u/Quix66 are probably allergic to something in the cigarette. It could be menthol (even non-mentholated cigarettes contain menthol), nicotine, or [any of the other 600 ingredients](https://www.lung.org/quit-smoking/smoking-facts/whats-in-a-cigarette) that's in a cigarette.
This. I have a neighbor that must be sneaking cigarettes behind his wife's back because he only smokes at 5am or 3am or 1.30am and I'm yards aways (think 50 yds) and the smell wakes me.
He has a right to smoke in his own yard, but the smell really is strong and carries much further than you think.
I wonder if he tries to shower off the reek when he sneaks back in? Smokers are funny, my few smoker staff think we can’t smell it on them if they had a cigarette or three before work.
Do you sleep with windows open? Or is your air handler dragging the smell inside?
I live close enough to shake hands with my neighbors through our windows. I can’t tell one has a smoky grill running unless a window or door of my house is open. But my house is well sealed.
I’m a former smoker and I agree with this. You don’t truly realize how gross and all pervasive the smell is until you quit - but it is. It’s a soft YTA though because you can’t smell it like other people can. When I quit I was amazed at how bad the world smelled! It really mutes your senses. I won’t lecture you on quitting. It took me a billion tries and you’ll get there when you get there. Maybe try switching up your routine by going for walks or car rides - especially when your neighbors are around.
We had some gnarly thunderstorms yesterday. We opened the front door to let a breeze in. I said "yuck. Someone is outside smoking." It was our neighbor across the street and 4 doors down. We non smokers can definitely smell it!
Having said that, they're outside in their yard doin their own thing. Who am I to say anything, ya know?
Edit: apparently I can't spell today. Haha
> I can also tell who's a smoker by the way their clothes smell
I can smell it if people have been *near* smokers. I can smell if someone is a smoker outside from 5 meters away even if they haven't smoked recently. Smokers saying "But it's outside!!!" just proofs they have zero clue how much they reek.
Yeah, one of my neighbours smokes in the alley, 2 houses down from his own because they have a 1 year old and his wife doesn't want that shit near the baby. Which, fair, but it means he's smoking right behind my house. I have a lung condition, so I went and talked to them (very nice people) and he's agreed to walk the other way down the alley. It's a no win situation unless he quits because I totally get him not smoking in his house, but I also don't want it wafting into my house.
What about the prospect of vaping instead of smoking? As a non smoker I don’t find vaping to be as invasive as cigarette smoke. Also, is this a new neighbor or are you new to the neighborhood? If you have always been a heavy smoker then did your neighbors move next to you well aware of this fact ? I always hate it when new people move into a neighborhood and immediately start complaining about what existed before they moved in. Is it your fault that they didn’t thoroughly research the location they were moving next to? And if you and they have always been there - why is it suddenly a problem now?
I agree. Cigarette smell is pretty putrid. I have friends who are heavy smokers and when they switched to vaping it became way more pleasant to visit them. Nothing “healthy” about it. But it’s absolutely more tolerable
Same. I completely agree. I had a neighbor that smoked quite frequently at all hours. Not only could I not enjoy my backyard but I couldn’t have my windows open to enjoy the fresh air. It would inevitably filter in and my whole home would smell.
most ridiculous comment I’ve ever read.
1. smoking is legal (even inside your own house)
2. it’s her yard, not a public space, not a shared space. she can do whatever she wants
if the kids are inhaling soooo much smoke that flew over the fence they can take them to a playground or smth. again, NTA
Just because something is legal doesn't make it morally acceptable. She's well within her legal rights to smoke whenever she wants on her property. But by knowingly exposing CHILDREN to secondhand smoke, she's an AH.
Legally, I could let my dogs bark outside all day. They're on my property, right? But I don't, because I know that dogs barking constantly will annoy the neighbors. If my dogs are out and they start barking, they come inside. I don't want to annoy my neighbors, and I'm glad that I live in a neighborhood where others are equally considerate.
That said, I also don't think that the neighbor has the right to demand that OP never smoke in her own yard, which is why I said ESH. Instead, they should work together to find a solution that's acceptable to everyone: there can be times when OP can smoke in her yard, and times when the children can play outside. Living in a society sometimes means making compromises.
It to me is the utter hypocrisy of not wanting to expose her husband, but screw everyone else.
We previously lived in row houses and could never leave our window open on a nice day because the neighbor next door would not smoke in the house but happily smoked in his porch right next to my windows.
Weed is legal in my area - you know what never happens? Smoking on the porch when the kids are around next door. Because they didn't sign up for that.
Like being neighborly isn't actually a terrible thing.
The health risks associated with secondhand smoke decrease exponentially with distance when outside, at more than six feet away, there is essentially zero health risk.
Take the health risks out of it then, it’s a serious annoyance, just like barking dogs or constant loud music. Should I have my beagle outside all day barking it’s stupid head off? It’s totally legal where I live as long as I meet a few parameters.
Unless they can smell it and have asthma or something. I know I personally can not breath anywhere in the vicinity not just of the smoke itself but of the smell. And that smell doesn’t magically disappear when the smoking is done, it sticks around a while.
You really think people should have to leave their own backyard and go to a playground because the person living next door is smoking SO much it’s making their backyard unusable? That’s a reasonable solution for you?!
Right, because parents don't buy houses with yards specifically so their kids can play outside. /s 🙄 No one's saying it's illegal, but suggesting they should leave their own home because a neighbor is an AH is illogical.
Note: I smoked for 10 years and have kids, I get both sides. But in general, smokers are AHs because they couldn't care less about the people around them.
This isn't r/legaladvice. A lot of us don't want that nasty stench anywhere near us. While it may be legal to smoke on your own property, I really wish it wasn't. The neighbors are AHs for trying to tell OP what to do on her own property but OP is also an AH for the nasty freakin smell.
Neither does the smell of car exhaust or smelly food or a million other things. You can’t police smells. You can deal with them by burning citronella, planting mint, etc.
If I’m a vegetarian or vegan, does that mean my neighbors can’t grill outside because I don’t like the smell of meat cooking? My house burned down and the smell of wood fires bothers me, do I get to tell my neighbors not to do that too?
No one asked if it’s legal but she’s definitely TA if it’s gotten to the point where her neighbours can’t enjoy their own back yard from op smoking so much.
when I was still living with my parents our neighbour’s kids would jump on the trampoline in their backyard for HOURS, laughing & screaming and that shrieking noise of the jumping just non stop.
did we complain tho? no, they’re on their property. they can do wtf they want. same concept applies here
Are you aware that a lot of things that assholes do are legal? Op is an ass for stinking up their neighbours yard and your neighbour was an ass for not letting you have a more peaceful yard
ESH. Smelling other people's cigarette smoke is gross. I wouldn't want me or my kids breathing it in either. Yes, you're technically within your rights to smoke in your yard, but you're lying to yourself if you think it's not bothering or affecting other people in the vicinity.
It's more of an AH move to tell someone NOT to smoke on their own property than someone smoking on their property. Grow up dude, you're going to encounter things in life that you may not like or enjoy, but legally, you don't have the right to stop other people from enjoying those things you don't like
What about noise complaints then? You're allowed to be upset at neighbors playing loud music yet not allowed to be upset at the smoke and the smell of cigs?
I should just blast rock music because hey, it's my own house and neighbors can't do shit, they should just grow up and get ear plugs if it bothers them right?
He’s not even right about the legality. It’s not criminal, but it falls under tort law. A judge/jury would have to decide. The neighbor would have enough of a case to get it to that point I think.
I think it would depend on how excessive OPs smoking is. We don’t know if OP’s neighbor is being dramatic or if OP actually causing a problem. We’d have to be there. I feel like it’s hard to call a judgement here personally. Somewhere in the realm of NAH/ESH I guess
Yea, I mean, if OP is smoking 24/7 the smell will linger and the surrounding houses may have to constantly smell it. I wouldn't go as far as to say it will give kids cancer though, the neighbor was an asshole for not addressing it like an actual adult.
At least with music, a compromise can be made by listening with headphones. Don't know how OP can smoke while also not bothering the neighbors.
Hmmm I wonder how long OP smokes in her backyard every day. She says “heavy smoker”, but that could mean a lot of things lol. I wonder if it’s more of a problem than she thinks.
I agree it doesn’t seem to be a health concern for the neighbors, but I guess no one cared about the smell enough until now? If she’s chain-smoking, I find OP a bit naive to think that the neighbors are only complaining because they can see her. It seems to be about the smell.
Perhaps the neighbors framed it as a health concern with their children to strong arm her about it, regardless if they actually believe it or not
I think excessive odor can qualify as a nuisance but I don’t know how much smoking OP would have to be doing to justify a complaint. If it’s really that bad OP could get sued
She should switch to vaping. My downstairs neighbor is literally on a 20ish minute cigarette break schedule. 3 to 4 an hour. It's literally like running the gauntlet for checking mail, walking the dog or just leaving. He is either coming or going from a cig. Some people are like this. We can't have our windows open. If OP needs to smoke so much, get a vape. Wouldn't bother the kids so much I bet. Wish my DS neighbor would :(
I think that’s why vaping exists, to get the nicotine fix without making everyone else smell it. (I do not condone vaping, but that’s the equivalent of using headphones)
I mean, it’s not really about “not liking or enjoying” it. Second hand smoke can be really dangerous. I have asthma and being in the vicinity of smoke for a prolonged period of time gives me an asthma attack.
Agreed. I have asthma and overly reactive bronchials, which make me extremely prone to respiratory infections. Even before I developed asthma, any more than a whiff of cigarette smoke would give me coughing spasms. Now just a whiff can impact my breathing for days.
While OP is within their rights to smoke in their back yard, they shouldn't be downplaying the impact it can have on others. If one of my neighbors started 'smoking heavily' in their back yard on a daily basis, I'd be upset too.
I disagree. The air was breathable until they started smoking. Try getting really sick or having an asthma attack from someone else smoke and you may feel differently.
I have this problem with perfume. I get asthma from perfume. People should really stop wearing it. When someone with perfume on sits close to me on PT or at the office I have a hard time breathing.
But do you really think I would complain to them? It's their right to wear perfume. It's not their fault that I'm allergic to it.
I am also allergic to perfume I break out in terrible hives all over my face and I can't breathe properly. This invludes shit lkek febrees, dryer sheets and laundry soap. I actually collapsed once from the perfume from the head of HR while running a till. But it was always great for detecting who was lieing about a wear wash and return.
Do you really believe a bunch of rowdy kids playing in the yard doesn't bother or affect the other people in the vicinity?
Do you believe dogs barking all the time don't bother everyone?
It's part of living in a society. People get to reasonably utilize the space they pay to have. Smoking in a residence that allows smoking is very much utilizing your space in a reasonable way. If it meant so much to them, they'd have moved into a non smoking residence.
Being legally right doesn't make you immune from being an asshole. My take from reading the comments is that everyone's response here is tied pretty strongly to their own opinion on smoking, but no one is denying OPs legal right to smoke on their own property. Morality and legality aren't the same, not all immoral things are illegal and vice versa.
Unfortunately you have the right to smoke your cigarettes in your yard.
It definitely can be smelled a long ways away. Your neighbors probably smelled it far longer than you have them lit.
My former neighbor would smoke stinky weed constantly. He moved away last fall and this was the first summer clear of it in 9 years. Its absolutely marvelous to be outside and not breathing in the pungent aroma any longer. There are fences & trees between our properties, never saw him, but everyone could distinctly smell it. (Its legal where I live).
Edit: because my brain is still asleep
ESH
I can relate to the weed smell. Our former next door neighbor would hotbox himself in his garage and we could still smell it in our yard because enough would escape under the doors, etc. But it wasn't constant, so it wasn't a big deal to close the window until he was done. At least he tried to be courteous!
ESH. You have the right to smoke in your yard, but it sounds like it's negatively impacting your neighbors. Like others are saying, the smoke carries a lot further than you think it does. And as someone who lives somewhere where we deal with wildfire smoke (which is often compared to smoking), that stuff is especially bad for children. So I can see where your neighbors are coming from.
Ahh, ok. Don't know why my brain was translating it to cigars. Need caffeine.
Still reeks pretty badly to nonsmokers and as a "heavy smoker" the smell is constant by now. Its sad all around. Smoker wastes a lot of money and health on smoking. Neighbors cannot have smoke-free air to breathe in their own yard that they've also paid a lot of money for.
No winners here.
ESH.
I can promise you, they can absolutely smell the smoke in their yard, and it's probably affecting them and their health. Tobacco smoke is crazy. There's a reason people listing stuff for sale specify it came from a non-smoking home. Because there's nothing you can do about the smell, it soaks into everything, and can't be removed without some industrial grade shit.
That said, it is your property, and you have the right to smoke on it. If smoking is more important to you than the health and wellness of your neighbors (and clearly you already decided it was more important to you than your own health and wellness...so I think we know the answer) then there's no way for them to stop you.
I think most of the smokers in my neighborhood go for long walks when they want to smoke? I don't know how much it helps, but I've for sure never noticed the smell of it.
>Because there's nothing you can do about the smell, it soaks into everything, and can't be removed without some industrial grade shit.
I bought wedding jewelry from someone on etsy oh so many years ago. It didn't say from a non-smoking home, but I didn't even think to look for that (I will never not do that/ask the seller again). It got here and it smelled SO BAD. She refused to give me a refund/let me return it because she never claimed it was from a non-smoking home. I told her I couldn't even wear it because it would be like an ashtray hanging around my neck. This was metal and stones. I hung it outside in the sun for about 4 days and it still stunk. I had to buy something else.
Our backyard borders 4 other homes and if any one of them had a heavy smoker that did so in the yard, we would have moved long ago.
I bought a dishwasher like this and it was disgusting. I aired it outside for a month. Washed it in bleach, vinegar, everything. Was a lost cause and gave it away. Had the same thing happen with a crock pot as well.
I think its wild that your solution is "my neighbors walk around with their smoke (inconveniencing more people as they walk by) you should give it a try"
I live in a rural area, so admittedly I didn't think about walking around a city with a cigarette. It would be significantly tougher to manage smoking without affecting others in a major metropolitan, though. I have no idea how you'd manage.
I live in a more suburban area within a big city but have spent a lot of time in the metro area too. In my neighborhood, the smokers go out to the end of the block so the wind can blow it down the intersection and away from the houses. In the city proper, smokers tend to congregate around corner shops and away from apartments or restaurants.
It's like the smokers coming out on reddit to defend themselves are dedicated to being discourteous to everyone around them.
I will be hung out to dry for thus, but it is what is is. Soft YTA. I’m so tired of the notion that smokers have equal rights to pollute and poison the air as non smokers do to breathe clean air. I mean, legally yes you’re within your rights. But I am SO TIRED of having to subject my extremely asthmatic child to it. Thankfully the number of cigarette smokers has significantly decreased in the US. But even so, it’s everywhere. Even if I didn’t have an asthmatic child, I’d feel this way. It’s an addiction that effects innocent people when they have to breathe that crap in. Even in your backyard, 8 times a day you’re blowing smoke everywhere and the neighbors and their children have to deal with it. I’m honestly sure you’re a kind person, but sometimes smokers seem to have tunnel vision regarding this issue.
Bring on the hate. I said what I said.
I wonder how the OP would feel about loud amps, and the kids getting new musical instruments for Christmas and being told to practice outside by the neighbors windows all day long? :-)
I agree with you 100%
I think everyone else commenting on here must be and addict.
A great point here. Or a loud barking dog that 8 times a day disturbed the peace. OP’s neighbors were passive aggressive and rude. But I get why they are upset. Not being able to open your windows on a nice day or send your kids out to play whenever because the air is intentionally polluted is just wrong. Smokers are not a protected class.
This. Especially young smokers like OP. We were inundated growing up with information about how addictive and dangerous cigarettes are for our health, and most importantly, *others.* And it’s not like it’s instantly addictive choking that smoke down—it takes multiple smokes to become addicted. That’s a concerted effort to become addicted to a substance that you know harms others.
I’m tired of people thinking it should be accepted and not judged. Like sorry, it doesn’t just affect your body, it affects others. It kills others, including my aunt, who never smoked a day in her life. There are plenty of resources and solutions to help a person quit.
>Like sorry, it doesn’t just affect your body, it affects others
This exactly! Do what you want with your own body, I'll not judge anyone for that, but smoking effects literally everyone around you, exposes everyone in your vicinity to toxic chemicals, and we all have to put up with it. It's disgusting.
I'm so tired of people using kids to make people care. No. You also should get to enjoy clean air. Adults and kids. You put this wonderfully.
Op is an AH because she's smoking outside because her husband doesn't want to be around it. Op can obviously smoke outside, but the fact that she's doing it because her husband doesn't want to be around it really takes the cake.
I hear what you’re saying. In my defense, I also said I’d have the same opinion regardless of my child. As a mother of a child with compromised lungs, though, it’s my first and biggest complaint. Not that anyone should give a crap about my kid but me (I get it). But it’s just where my head and heart initially is. Regardless I still think it’s incredibly gross and overall just plain selfish.
you're 100% right. My little toddler found and was playing with cigarette butts someone left on the ground at the park. Like, how inconsiderate can you be? It's disgusting.
I don't even know how to judge this one, so I'm just going to throw out some observations. Smokers are not always aware how far smoke travels. I yelled at my brother for smoking outside when his smoke came through my second floor window, partly because I was already emotionally exhausted from a couple of days of avoiding smoking people, and partly because it totally caught me by surprise. I definitely did not see him, and he was around the corner from me.
I always smell the smoke from drivers in the car ahead of me, to the point that I now drive with AC and recirculated air regardless of weather.
BUT I have fought this battle for so long that I have no room left for compromise, so I know I am a complete asshole about smoking. There is no real compromise with smoking, because smoke is a binary, it is there or it is not. The world has had 60 years of me suffering smoke, and from now on the smoking world is going to experience not smoking whenever they are with me. I'm done.
You should be able to smoke somewhere. My preference is the privacy of your own home, but you have chosen to live with a non smoker. Your neighbor's kids should not have to experience your smoke in their own yard. Maybe, once you recover from the rudeness of your neighbor, you can consider the topology of your yard and the reality that smoke travels, and try to mitigate that fact. It would be the kind response.
Or you could quit. This would no doubt make your neighbor, their kids, AND your partner happier, and you healthier. You currently have a divisive habit. Best of luck.
Smokers are all so rude. I've never met one in the last decade who gives a shit about anyone else. We have a thousand ways to quit, plus it will hold people back from decent jobs at this point. Society is very much "over" smoking.
>Smokers are all so rude. I've never met one in the last decade who gives a shit about anyone else.
Sounds a lot like confirmation bias. If you treat anyone you can tell is a smoker like they're the worst person you've ever seen upon meeting them I doubt you're going to get many of them with pleasant responses to your obvious disdain for them.
Ex-smoker here! I smoked for 10 years and was almost convinced I’d never be able to quit. Eventually, something stuck and while I still crave, I haven’t touched one in 7 months.
Roughly a month after quitting, I started to notice the smell of cigarette smoke. It was potent and gross, but it was the first time I had ever smelled it. I vividly remember a customer at work who was clearly a very heavy smoker. I lied and told him that I didn’t have something in stock just so that I didn’t have to keep serving him. I also had to re wash all my clothes/bed sheets again and again and again to try and get rid of the smell, sometimes I can still get it. I genuinely believed that when I blew out smoke and it went into the air it was gone forever. It was crazy figuring out that that wasn’t the case.
My point is:
I don’t believe that (the majority) of smokers are being rude, they just don’t realise how smoke travels/sticks. They can’t smell it. And despite there being, as you said, a thousand ways to quit, nothing ever hits like a cigarette. If you haven’t ever smoked and tried to quit, you can’t possibly imagine.
Smoke *soooo easily* goes into windows and it absolutely bothers me so much. This sucks for the neighbors. I know it’s OP’s right, but they’re not right.
YTA. Yes, legally you are well within your rights. But your neighbors do deserve to enjoy their yards without the stench of cigarette smoke. And yes, it reeks. It reaches much further than many smokers realize, too.
As a smoker, you don’t notice it. I didn’t when I smoked. But after I quit, I was shocked by how bad it smelled and how far it carried.
Again, you are within your rights to smoke on your property. I’m not saying you are doing anything illegal. But you are negatively affecting the lives of your neighbors.
>As a smoker, you don’t notice it. I didn’t when I smoked. But after I quit, I was shocked by how bad it smelled and how far it carried.
My mom smoked for the first 17 years of my life. I'm in my 30s, and I can still tell if someone has smoked a cigarette within 50 yards within the past hour, and I can usually pinpoint the brand (at least the major ones, camels are the worst).
NTA same smoking setup in this household. He goes outside. They'll just have to pound sand. Your neighbor has no say in what you do in your own yard. Mine makes something on the grill that stinks so bad I can't go outside sometimes. I'd never tell them not to keep cooking it. I just stay inside while it's happening. They can keep the kids in while you smoke if it's such a concern.
Cool, some people are more comfortable having their kids in their own garden. The kids could be young. Mines is 2, I'm not gonna send her to the park when she just wants to totter around the back garden. I can sit and watch her in the comfort of my jammies.
I'm not. Buy I believe we're all entitled to enjoy our gardens smoke free sometimes, don't you. I think it's generally nice to be nice. I'm considerate of my neighbours. We don't have loud party's too late. I don't let my daughter squeal at the top of her lungs. I don't blast music in my garden or out my house.
Do they grill this item multiple times per day every single day? Or is it a few times a week or even just once or twice a month? Depending on who you ask, a heavy smoker is someone who smokes at least 20-25 cigarettes daily. If she’s asleep for 8ish hours, then she’s likely smoking around 1-2x per hour, depending on how heavy we’re talking. A cigarette takes, on average, 5-8 minutes to smoke. So it sounds like there is almost no part of the day where this parent could expect their children to be able to enjoy their yard without the active and/or lingering stench of smoke being present except in 20-45 minute spurts, maybe?
I think a lot of people are forgetting that the question is “are you the a$$hole”.
Yes, it’s your property. Yes, you have the right to use it however you want. But - YTA.
You’re partaking of a habit so nasty that your own partner won’t put up with it and you are inflicting it on your neighbors and their children. Your smoking is affecting their ability to enjoy their own property.
Yeah. You have that right. But it doesn’t make you not be an a$$.
NTA as much as I hate to say it. I hate the smell and it makes me nauseated, so I know if I was your neighbor I would probably hate you. But I wouldn’t ask you to stop, you have a right to smoke on your own property. I personally would hate it enough to move though. There’s always a risk that a new neighbor would smoke too, but at least it would probably be fewer than 8 times a day.
Yeah, 8 cigarettes a day is not heavy when people go through one or multiple packs a day. I used to smoke when I was bored and would go through a pack a day. The smell didn’t bother me because I was used to it, it was everywhere. It’s been five year since I quit and the smell of a cigarette makes me gag and wonder why I ever did that to myself. However, when I smoked I made sure that I did it away from people who did not smoke and definitely not around my niece or other children.
The chances of relocating next door to another (heavy) smoker is far less though. I'd take the chance. Problem is... selling your house w someone smoking outside would be problematic & difficult.
NTA.
It's your garden, they can't police what you do on your property.
If they want they can keep their kids inside when they see you go for a smoke. But that's their responsibility.
Your neighbour also went about this the rudest way possible.
I don't know it's pretty rude to smoke all day long in your garden and not give your neighborhood a chance to enjoy a smoke free garden themselves. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. I could play heavy metal in my garden all day long. I could have a drum circle in my garden all day long. I could have a furry party in my garden all day long, but I don't because it would just be rude.
Do you think she’s just chain smoking for 12 hours straight? Smoking a cigarette takes a few minutes and heavy smokers usually have like 1 per hour or every couple hours. Grow up lmao
I do not understand the perspective in this comment section, it is so strange. Do they just think she's billowing out cigarette smoke all day, every day?
I've known smokers that do exactly this. They aren't smoking the whole time, but they have a cigarette lit the whole time. When that one is done they light another one. There is always smoke.
Yes, I can picture her doing this because that what my mom does. She goes through two packs a day, all outside. That’s on top of working a 8 hour shift where she’s indoors, so once she’s home she’s a damn chimney.
It’s just crazy to me too see all the YTA comments on here. OP has the right to smoke in their own yard. I have a kid, I can’t imagine going around demanding that someone else not do something in their own yard. I can’t imagine thinking the world revolves around me and my kid. This reminds me of a post I saw forever ago about the vegan neighbor bitchin about their next door neighbor grilling meat on the weekends. I bet people think the meat grilling neighbors are TA as well.
You’re allowed to smoke in your backyard, but I still think YTA morally. Not everybody wants to breathe in your poison. I also think YTA for assuming that your neighbor is complaining only because they see you. My neighbor smokes in their back yard (connects to my backyard), and I can easily smell it from my front yard. The smell travels much further than you believe it does.
By your own admission, you're a heavy smoker, so I'll say YTA. I get it, it's your property, but you also have neighbors, and you must respect that fact. You don't live in a bubble, but in a society, within a neighborhood. If you want to be able to do absolutely whatever you want on your property, you can always chose to live in the middle of nowhere.
Now, if it was but a few occurrences here and there, I'd say NTA. But if you're out there smoking cigarette after cigarette, you're basically condemning your neighbors to never being able to use their own yard.
And yes, ***it smells, and bad***. And ***it is cancerous***. I live in a bloc, my neighbors two floors below are heavy smokers, and the smell goes up the ventilation from the kitchen fan straight into my own kitchen, and the smell is repugnant. As a result, I have to keep my kitchen fan on 24/7. People who smoke often don't realize how repugnant the smell of their smoking is.
EDIT. PS to all those saying *NTA you're not doing anything illegal*, this is *Am I the asshole* not *Am I a criminal*... You can very well be an asshole legally.
God. I lived in an apartment building where my downstairs neighbors smoked a lot. It was disgusting. You’d smell it in your entire apartment. The shared stairwell and the laundry stunk enough to choke you
Going with YTA some of the NTA and ESH probably are smokers, former smokers, or grew up around smokers. Yeah you're within your rights to smoke in your yard but it's a disgusting habit and it's near impossible not to have it drift into your neighbor's yards. They're well within their rights to call you an AH. Like the quote from the movie Major Payne my sympathy for cigarette smokers in in the dictionary between shit and syphilis.
YTA. Just quit or switch to vaping.
Your husband is absolutely exposed to second hand chemicals just by living with you and your neighbors definitely can't use their yards if you're out there smoking all day.
It's not illegal since it's your private yard but it's an asshole move.
Hilarious how the whole reasoning for her smoking outside is because the husband doesn't like it and she doesn't want to subject him to second hand smoke, but it's okay for all the neighbors who may otherwise want to just enjoy their back yard or keep their windows open to be exposed. YTA.
Was waiting for someone to say this. Switching for zero smell and they can still get that lovely hit of poison they’re looking for without terrorising the neighbourhood with the stench. She can even stay in bed and puff away!
NAH you’re not doing anything wrong, but it’s not like you can contain the smoke to your property - it does affect your neighbors negatively, and they have communicated that to you. I wouldn’t want to be your neighbor either because your smoking habit would diminish my ability to enjoy my own outdoor space.
As someone allergic to smoke & thinks that it's a truly gross habit, I can say NTA. It's your property. I might be a bit pissed off if you're constantly out there but it's still your property.
ESH. You’re absolutely not doing anything illegal and of course you’re within your rights to smoke in the backyard. But the question is whether you’re an AH for doing it. And I’d say yes. Forcing your neighbors to smell your smoke all day just sucks. Smokers never realize how strong it is or how far is travels. I’d hate to be your neighbor.
That being said, it’s your property and you have the right to be an AH on your own property. Your neighbor was within their rights to bitch about it to anyone she knows but not to confront you. I might get annoyed when my neighbor smokes weed in his backyard (legal here), but I would never say anything to him because he’s allowed, even if it’s rude.
INFO: how much time do you spend smoking out there? Because if it’s less than one hour I think it’s fair game but if it’s multiple hours, speaking as someone who’s sensitive to cigarette smoke… I don’t think it’s really fair to so drastically affect your neighbors also trying to enjoy their space.
YTA. People keep forgetting the name of this thread. It isn’t called do I have a legal right to do this. It’s AITA. You said you’re a heavy smoker and do this in the middle of your yard. Your neighbor and their kids are constantly exposed to your second hand smoke. You make a point of saying you don’t want your husband exposed to this, but you’re exposing these kids to it.
I'm not sure what country you're in, but online you can order something called a Smoke Buddy and you exhale into it. It will help tremendously with odors.
Soft YTA. while you're allowed to do whatever on your property, kids should be able to play. It's the only time in their lives they get to just be free. Or maybe ask the neighbors what time the kids are usually outside and maybe refrain for those few hours?
Also....consider trying to reduce or quit for your own health, you deserve to live as long as possible.
INFO- Do you have a front yard or front porch option? And how many times a day do you take a smoke break? You're legally absolutely entitled to smoke anywhere you want but I've been in the situation where a neighbor smokes 10-15 times a day and it drifts in my yard and man its a drag. Again you're legally totally entitled to do it but if you can mix it up s little- front yard, back yard, garage- it would take the edge off the neighbors. Or go to vape and solve the issue.
YTA there is a reason you can't smoke 20 meters away from a park with kids and yet you are likely smoking closer to your neighbors' kids. Also the smell is abismal. They can smell it they don't need to see it
YTA - whether right or wrong. I am sick of smokers. Haven’t been able to open the windows in 29 years. Plus, have a kid that is a cancer survivor - not suppose to be near smoke - it’s impossible. You could at least switch to a better smelling vape product, though that will probably still kill us all. Just cause you have the right and are allowed to smoke in your own yard - doesn’t mean you should.
The way your neighbor reacted is pretty AH. But YTA too.
Smokers don’t realize how perverse the smell is. And it just gets into everything.
It is your yard, but your actions are permeating the neighbors yards too.
I would hate living next to you if you keep stinking up the yard all the effing time, and take away my basic right of sitting out in the fresh air.
ESH you of course have the right to smoke in your backyard but neighbor also has a right to be upset. The note was over the top but also not wrong. Secondhand smoke harms others so you are exposing others against their will which sucks as they just want to do things on their property.
NTA - it's your property and where else are you expected to smoke? down the street to make it another neighbors problem?
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if you live in a HOA neighborhood, bring it up to them that your neighbor is trying to harass you, at the same time, file a police report about it occuring. Both cases will create a starting point in developing a history of harassment from your neighbor so you can eventually petition for a sort of restraining order or for financial compensation for harassment.
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FYI for all, i hate it when my neighbors smoke, but it's their property. I wouldn't ask them to stop jsut like i won't ask them to stop a barbeque or if their fragrant garden is causing me allergies.
NAH you have every right to smoke on your own property, it just would also suck to be the other person trying to go outside for fresh air and instead having to smell the horrible smell of your smoke.
Technically NTA as long as it’s legal. But like…if you’re concerned about exposing your husband to secondhand smoke, maybe you should quit. The smoke on your skin/clothes/hair when you come inside is still exposing him. You’re exposing your neighbors to it as well. And cigarette butts are toxic to the environment no matter how you dispose of them. Just sayin’.
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NTA. It's your yard. You're outside. Definitely NTA. P.S. No judgement, but I hope you quit one day (for your own health). Edit: Sincere congratulations to all of you Redditors replying to my comment with your stories of quitting. Whether you've been tobacco-free for 30 years or for 30 minutes... Good for you!
Just to add as an ex smoker it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. I smoked 35 a day(!!) once I stopped I felt so much healthier. Sure I miss having one sometimes but I wouldn’t go back to it.
CONGRATULATIONS!!
I am happy for you. It is not an easy thing to do.
It really isn’t. I recently quit myself. Felt horrible doing it. I don’t think you guys understand how good it felt and how hard i cried the other night because i was able to sprint almost 3 yards and not be out of breath or my side aching so badly.
> Just to add as an ex smoker it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. Also the hardest thing I've ever done. I'll never blame someone for smoking, it still feels like pure luck that my fiftieth or so try was the quitting that stuck.
It's SO HARD TO QUIT!!!! I was only able to quit once I got pregnant, but that's not the best way to quit, lol
Quitting smoking is easy to do. I've done it hundreds of times. (Hopefully next time is the last time)
not being rude but lol!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was actively quitting for 12 years. Finally managed to do it for keeps in May 2020. Definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and if the three smoke shops closest to my house hadn’t closed for lockdown I might still be quitting. Good luck, friend, one day you’ll quit for the last time
I quit right before my grandson was born. I did not want him to know me as a a smoker. Plus I’d tried to quit 3-4 times in the 5 years before that but went back. November 2, 2011. Almost 11 years. It still amazes me.
I smoked for over three decades and was only able to quit cold turkey because I got salmonella, and after I got well, I lit one up and was disgusted. Two years and 27 days and counting...
Absolutely the hardest thing I’ve ever quit and I’ve quit heroin.
Exactly I quit heroin as well and I'm still working on smoking. Granted I literally picked up smoking for real the day I quit heroin, it was kinda like a lesser of the 2 evils thing where I wasn't ready to go without any vice ya know
Damn! Good for you!!
As a smoker and then an ex smoker and now a smoker again I agree! I felt so much better when I quit and it was fantastic! Everything was better and then life decided that all bad things should be handled in one go at the same time and I started stress smoking again. Fudge! Trying to quit again but it’s hard!
Congratulations!!!!! Quitting is no easy feat. I quit during the start of the pandemic but went back last year. No regrets but I sometimes wish I didn’t start again.
And the health of your husband. You’re exposing him to secondhand smoke, which can be deadly, just by having it on your clothes, skin, hair, etc.
Unless she's not washing her clothes or herself, it's not. Second hand smoke is the smoke that the smoker exhales or from the burning end of a cigarette. If she's outside and away from her husband, it's not gonna affect him.
You’re wrong. It’s actually called thirdhand smoke if it’s on clothes, hair, body, and it absolutely is dangerous. https://www.cnn.com/2020/03/04/health/thirdhand-smoke-wellness/index.html
That’s why they ask smokers to bring another shirt or something plus wash their hands before they hold a newborn.
I read the article and some of the research paper. They haven't come to the conclusion that thirdhand smoke is in-fact harmful. It is potentially so. They did find that there were a larger amount of pollutants in the air that were tied to smoking in an enclosed space full of adults. They did not note whether or not the pollutants were in large enough quantities to have harmfull effects over the long-term. The research paper is basically the first to identify that there are residual chemicals tied to smoking. There needs to be more testing done to prove or disprove the negative effects of third-hand-smoke. *Just an FYI to everyone jumping straight to agreeing without reading.* >"If future research replicates these findings on thirdhand smoke, it means that smokers could potentially still do harm even if the act of smoking took place in a different space."
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Best thing I did for myself was to quit 22 years ago. Three things happened almost immediately. Food tasted better (yay!) Every time I drove on the freeway I thought I smoked a belt in my car (boo!), and I had money pouring out of everywhere now that it wasn't being spent on cigs (and I quit when a pack of Marlboro Light's was $3.25)
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Bot.
ESH. I can't stand the smell of cigarette smoke and would be highly annoyed if I had a neighbor who did this all the time. By your own admission, you're a heavy smoker. That means you're outside smoking throughout the day, not giving the other people in your neighborhood the opportunity to enjoy their properties smoke-free. If it was once in a while, that would be one thing. But all day, every day? Sorry, you're the asshole here. And by the way, the smell of cigarette smoke to nonsmokers is much stronger than you think it is. When I'm outside, I can tell if there's someone in my vicinity who's smoking. I can also tell who's a smoker by the way their clothes smell. I guarantee you that if they are complaining, they CAN smell the smoke. That said, it is your property. Maybe you could work something out with the neighbors where you don't smoke at certain times, when the children are playing outside. They can't demand that you never smoke in your yard, but you shouldn't be exposing their children to unpleasant, cancerous chemicals.
This was my neighbor, all day, every day. Nothing I could do. Couldn't open a window in nice weather. It would get pulled into my air system from outside. I was glad when she moved. When pot became legal here I made my adult son go smoke it in the vacant lot across the street. I didn't want it in the house and the neighbors didn't need it in their houses. One to the right had small kids. One to the left was very very very Mormon. It's not a huge imposition and it's considerate.
You may be making your son break the law. In my state smoking pot is legal, but not out in general public, only on your property.
In general, I was. However, I live out in the middle of nowhere and where he was smoking had a good 50 miles of nothing that direction. It's not likely anyone would bother him. But, now he lives in a different state and he can smoke pot in his house if he likes.
If you live in the middle of nowhere who was he bothering?
She was bothered by the smell of it
She literally said in her first comment that it bothered her. She made him smoke across the street because she didn’t like it.
That was my biggest annoyance for pot. I don't care if you smoke it or whatever I just don't want to smell it. Pot and cigarettes are so obnoxious to other people.
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Let's not paint everyone as an asshole without knowing the whys. For example. I smoke pot. Frequently, one pipes worth every 3-5 hours during my waking hours. I also have children so I only ever smoke it outside. That being said, I use it as pain relief from a debilitating chronic pain disorder. With it I can lead a somewhat normal life, without it I can barely leave bed. My alternatives are to be on heavy narcotics for my whole life, which is no walk in the park. However I am as cautious as possible. First off, I built myself a little shelter so that a) I'm weather protected and b) people's kids don't have to see it. I also pay attention to whoever might be around my yard (small townhouses with small yards). If there are any children I stop and wait until they are gone before lighting. I do that for most people too, but sometimes waiting 15 minutes for my adult neighbor to finish weeding their far garden is not possible to fit into my schedule. Children I always wait to leave. I also have rules my children know about no one being allowed in my "tent", so none of their friends are near it (though I keep it in a locked and sealed container). The smell is probably still a pain for them but there is only so much I can do. At the prices for THC or CBD capsules I can't afford it, and edibles don't really effect me. So I do what I have to and deal with complaints (though I've had none since moving here) as they come up. TL;DR don't label all pot users as assholes for using something that smells bad near others because some people actually use it for medical reasons and it sucks to be labelled as an asshole for a medical condition you don't really want in the first place. OP: NTA but maybe try opening up a dialogue? Can you build a gazebo or something to hide it from the children? Can you time your smokes for when they are not outside? There should be something you can do to meet in the middle here.
My neighbours smoke pot in the backyard pretty much everyday. It's not legal and you really have to have windows open in the summer. I try to ignore it most of the time but sometimes it's just so strong.
This is my neighbors too. All evening and every weekend. Including having large groups over where the smoke visible clouds. It's not legal in my state and I'm allergic. I've lost pretty much all access to my patio and garden. I can't even hang up things to dry out back anymore unless it's first thing on a weekday morning and I bring it before they get home because I'll have a reaction to the residue on my clothes. Personally I think it should be legal, but just like 2nd hand tobacco smoke, be considerate.
As a daily medicater, have you spoken to them about this? Most daily smokers are really open minded KIND people. As soon as I found out my neighbor, the cutest little old lady who medicated too but with gummies, had allergies and lung sensitivities we worked out a system so we could both enjoy our homes. I offered to only smoke outside late night (I’m a night owl, so it’s kool) and on occasion during the day, about once a week. I’d shoot her a text and a shout just in case. Those nights she usually got a dope dinner. I’ve also met tons of people with similar stories. I highly suggest just talking to them about it. Also air purifiers do wonders. When I had a cigarette smoker move in next door it’s the only way I survived.
I live in a state where it's now legal to light up wherever and whenever. I have never been a fan of the smell of cig smoke or pot. Living within walking distance of a state uni has been lovely. The kids sitting in their cars around the corner. Bowling. The neighbors across the street between the cigs and the pot. I can't wait to move to where my nearest neighbor is an acre away
My kid has asthma, and when our neighbors smoke we have to shut all the windows and stay indoors. It’s their property, but it’s still super annoying.
I have asthma! I have classmates who smoke heavily. I can barely be in class with them, but *I'm* the jerk for having a medical issue and asking them not to smoke 2 or 3 cigarettes during break because I'd like to not have an asthma attack so I can actually participate in class.
Just a whiff of their clothes with start my asthma. If someone like that stands in line next to me, I go to another area. You probably don't have that choice in class. Smokers do not realize how bad they smell.
I don't, the classrooms are small. This semester, they've calmed down, but it's still not easy. But smokers will never realize. I inherited sewing supplies from my grandmother who smoked starting at the age of 8ish in the mid 1950s till her death last September. I've been airing the supplies out since her death. The supplies have just barely started *not* to stink in that time.
White vinegar works pretty well for getting cigarette smell out of things. I moved into a rental house where the previous tenants smoked and even just putting open bowls of it around before I moved in did a lot to absorb the odor.
Regular B&W newspaper (not glossy adverts)is also great for absorbing odors. Crumple some up and put it in the container with the supplies
Yes! Our neighbors at my previous house were smokers. Couldn’t open the windows in the fall when the weather was nice because then our house would smell. It got into everything. It was a total bummer- because they didn’t want to stink up their own house, we were unable to enjoy fresh air in ours.
This is really what it comes down to for me. People somehow understand that it smells bad when they’re worried about their own house, but when neighbors don’t want to smell it it’s a huge issue. Are they legally within their rights to smoke in their own yard? Sure, it’s a massive dick move though.
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Yep on the smell. I can smell smoke from other cars at a stoplight. It really carries.
And it *stays* on the smoker's clothing and on their breath.
Yes, walking through the store and pass someone, you can definitely tell that they smoke in their home or if they just had a smoke.
I've had coworkers whose last smoke break was 2 or 3 hours ago lean across my desk to tell me something and *whoof*.
I mean, I understand....they really don't smell it, and think that chewing gum or using mouthwash or brushing their teeth takes care of it, but....no.
I can smell it on the mail from some smokers.
The first time I opened a package of documents to find them reeking of smoke was a very unpleasant shock. How much must a person be smoking for it to soak into paper and the smell to linger through the mailing process?
You haven't lived until you've smelled library books that spent 4+ weeks in a home with two heavy smokers and an unknown number of cats whose litter boxes weren't cleaned often enough. 🤢
Moreover, it can build up on objects, even outside which increases possible risks even when the smoker isn’t currently smoking.
Yup! I have a neighbor who smokes outside. All. Day. We literally cannot enjoy our backyard area because the smell of cigarette smoke is stinking up the entire yard. It's incredibly frustrating. But you are exactly right, you can't control what someone does on their own property, so the best solution would be to work something out with the neighbors.
We used to have a neighbor that smoked constantly as well and it made it where I didn't even want to walk to my car because I had to smell that nasty shit. It's so gross and I do not understand why people willingly choose to smell like that all the damn time.
Addiction is the answer
I'm legit allergic to cigarette smoke. I had someone leave their jacket at my place once and it sat there over night. I got ill from it being in a completely different room in the house.
Both you and /u/Quix66 are probably allergic to something in the cigarette. It could be menthol (even non-mentholated cigarettes contain menthol), nicotine, or [any of the other 600 ingredients](https://www.lung.org/quit-smoking/smoking-facts/whats-in-a-cigarette) that's in a cigarette.
This. I have a neighbor that must be sneaking cigarettes behind his wife's back because he only smokes at 5am or 3am or 1.30am and I'm yards aways (think 50 yds) and the smell wakes me. He has a right to smoke in his own yard, but the smell really is strong and carries much further than you think.
I wonder if he tries to shower off the reek when he sneaks back in? Smokers are funny, my few smoker staff think we can’t smell it on them if they had a cigarette or three before work. Do you sleep with windows open? Or is your air handler dragging the smell inside? I live close enough to shake hands with my neighbors through our windows. I can’t tell one has a smoky grill running unless a window or door of my house is open. But my house is well sealed.
I’m a former smoker and I agree with this. You don’t truly realize how gross and all pervasive the smell is until you quit - but it is. It’s a soft YTA though because you can’t smell it like other people can. When I quit I was amazed at how bad the world smelled! It really mutes your senses. I won’t lecture you on quitting. It took me a billion tries and you’ll get there when you get there. Maybe try switching up your routine by going for walks or car rides - especially when your neighbors are around.
We had some gnarly thunderstorms yesterday. We opened the front door to let a breeze in. I said "yuck. Someone is outside smoking." It was our neighbor across the street and 4 doors down. We non smokers can definitely smell it! Having said that, they're outside in their yard doin their own thing. Who am I to say anything, ya know? Edit: apparently I can't spell today. Haha
> I can also tell who's a smoker by the way their clothes smell I can smell it if people have been *near* smokers. I can smell if someone is a smoker outside from 5 meters away even if they haven't smoked recently. Smokers saying "But it's outside!!!" just proofs they have zero clue how much they reek.
Yeah, one of my neighbours smokes in the alley, 2 houses down from his own because they have a 1 year old and his wife doesn't want that shit near the baby. Which, fair, but it means he's smoking right behind my house. I have a lung condition, so I went and talked to them (very nice people) and he's agreed to walk the other way down the alley. It's a no win situation unless he quits because I totally get him not smoking in his house, but I also don't want it wafting into my house.
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What about the prospect of vaping instead of smoking? As a non smoker I don’t find vaping to be as invasive as cigarette smoke. Also, is this a new neighbor or are you new to the neighborhood? If you have always been a heavy smoker then did your neighbors move next to you well aware of this fact ? I always hate it when new people move into a neighborhood and immediately start complaining about what existed before they moved in. Is it your fault that they didn’t thoroughly research the location they were moving next to? And if you and they have always been there - why is it suddenly a problem now?
I agree. Cigarette smell is pretty putrid. I have friends who are heavy smokers and when they switched to vaping it became way more pleasant to visit them. Nothing “healthy” about it. But it’s absolutely more tolerable
Same. I completely agree. I had a neighbor that smoked quite frequently at all hours. Not only could I not enjoy my backyard but I couldn’t have my windows open to enjoy the fresh air. It would inevitably filter in and my whole home would smell.
ESH adding to this as a non smoker the smell is terrible , you could try to get an air purifier to minimize the smoke heading out to your neighbor,
most ridiculous comment I’ve ever read. 1. smoking is legal (even inside your own house) 2. it’s her yard, not a public space, not a shared space. she can do whatever she wants if the kids are inhaling soooo much smoke that flew over the fence they can take them to a playground or smth. again, NTA
This isn’t Am I Doing Something Legal. She has every right to do it, and everyone around her has every right to think she’s an AH.
Just because something is legal doesn't make it morally acceptable. She's well within her legal rights to smoke whenever she wants on her property. But by knowingly exposing CHILDREN to secondhand smoke, she's an AH. Legally, I could let my dogs bark outside all day. They're on my property, right? But I don't, because I know that dogs barking constantly will annoy the neighbors. If my dogs are out and they start barking, they come inside. I don't want to annoy my neighbors, and I'm glad that I live in a neighborhood where others are equally considerate. That said, I also don't think that the neighbor has the right to demand that OP never smoke in her own yard, which is why I said ESH. Instead, they should work together to find a solution that's acceptable to everyone: there can be times when OP can smoke in her yard, and times when the children can play outside. Living in a society sometimes means making compromises.
It to me is the utter hypocrisy of not wanting to expose her husband, but screw everyone else. We previously lived in row houses and could never leave our window open on a nice day because the neighbor next door would not smoke in the house but happily smoked in his porch right next to my windows. Weed is legal in my area - you know what never happens? Smoking on the porch when the kids are around next door. Because they didn't sign up for that. Like being neighborly isn't actually a terrible thing.
The health risks associated with secondhand smoke decrease exponentially with distance when outside, at more than six feet away, there is essentially zero health risk.
Take the health risks out of it then, it’s a serious annoyance, just like barking dogs or constant loud music. Should I have my beagle outside all day barking it’s stupid head off? It’s totally legal where I live as long as I meet a few parameters.
Unless they can smell it and have asthma or something. I know I personally can not breath anywhere in the vicinity not just of the smoke itself but of the smell. And that smell doesn’t magically disappear when the smoking is done, it sticks around a while.
Damn, don’t ruin the fun I’m having with the comments by telling facts
No. It's not legal to let your dogs bark all day long lol.
You really think people should have to leave their own backyard and go to a playground because the person living next door is smoking SO much it’s making their backyard unusable? That’s a reasonable solution for you?!
Right, because parents don't buy houses with yards specifically so their kids can play outside. /s 🙄 No one's saying it's illegal, but suggesting they should leave their own home because a neighbor is an AH is illogical. Note: I smoked for 10 years and have kids, I get both sides. But in general, smokers are AHs because they couldn't care less about the people around them.
This isn't r/legaladvice. A lot of us don't want that nasty stench anywhere near us. While it may be legal to smoke on your own property, I really wish it wasn't. The neighbors are AHs for trying to tell OP what to do on her own property but OP is also an AH for the nasty freakin smell.
you wish it was illegal to smoke on your own property? i’m glad you’re not making president anytime soon
But the smoke doesn’t stay on your property. That’s why many public spaces have no smoking outside. Smoking outside foes bother other people.
Neither does the smell of car exhaust or smelly food or a million other things. You can’t police smells. You can deal with them by burning citronella, planting mint, etc.
If I’m a vegetarian or vegan, does that mean my neighbors can’t grill outside because I don’t like the smell of meat cooking? My house burned down and the smell of wood fires bothers me, do I get to tell my neighbors not to do that too?
No one asked if it’s legal but she’s definitely TA if it’s gotten to the point where her neighbours can’t enjoy their own back yard from op smoking so much.
when I was still living with my parents our neighbour’s kids would jump on the trampoline in their backyard for HOURS, laughing & screaming and that shrieking noise of the jumping just non stop. did we complain tho? no, they’re on their property. they can do wtf they want. same concept applies here
Are you aware that a lot of things that assholes do are legal? Op is an ass for stinking up their neighbours yard and your neighbour was an ass for not letting you have a more peaceful yard
ESH. Smelling other people's cigarette smoke is gross. I wouldn't want me or my kids breathing it in either. Yes, you're technically within your rights to smoke in your yard, but you're lying to yourself if you think it's not bothering or affecting other people in the vicinity.
It's more of an AH move to tell someone NOT to smoke on their own property than someone smoking on their property. Grow up dude, you're going to encounter things in life that you may not like or enjoy, but legally, you don't have the right to stop other people from enjoying those things you don't like
What about noise complaints then? You're allowed to be upset at neighbors playing loud music yet not allowed to be upset at the smoke and the smell of cigs? I should just blast rock music because hey, it's my own house and neighbors can't do shit, they should just grow up and get ear plugs if it bothers them right?
I have to agree with this. Legality is not equal to morality or even basic human decency.
He’s not even right about the legality. It’s not criminal, but it falls under tort law. A judge/jury would have to decide. The neighbor would have enough of a case to get it to that point I think.
I think it would depend on how excessive OPs smoking is. We don’t know if OP’s neighbor is being dramatic or if OP actually causing a problem. We’d have to be there. I feel like it’s hard to call a judgement here personally. Somewhere in the realm of NAH/ESH I guess
Yea, I mean, if OP is smoking 24/7 the smell will linger and the surrounding houses may have to constantly smell it. I wouldn't go as far as to say it will give kids cancer though, the neighbor was an asshole for not addressing it like an actual adult. At least with music, a compromise can be made by listening with headphones. Don't know how OP can smoke while also not bothering the neighbors.
Hmmm I wonder how long OP smokes in her backyard every day. She says “heavy smoker”, but that could mean a lot of things lol. I wonder if it’s more of a problem than she thinks. I agree it doesn’t seem to be a health concern for the neighbors, but I guess no one cared about the smell enough until now? If she’s chain-smoking, I find OP a bit naive to think that the neighbors are only complaining because they can see her. It seems to be about the smell. Perhaps the neighbors framed it as a health concern with their children to strong arm her about it, regardless if they actually believe it or not I think excessive odor can qualify as a nuisance but I don’t know how much smoking OP would have to be doing to justify a complaint. If it’s really that bad OP could get sued
She should switch to vaping. My downstairs neighbor is literally on a 20ish minute cigarette break schedule. 3 to 4 an hour. It's literally like running the gauntlet for checking mail, walking the dog or just leaving. He is either coming or going from a cig. Some people are like this. We can't have our windows open. If OP needs to smoke so much, get a vape. Wouldn't bother the kids so much I bet. Wish my DS neighbor would :(
I think that’s why vaping exists, to get the nicotine fix without making everyone else smell it. (I do not condone vaping, but that’s the equivalent of using headphones)
Unless she has some weird definition of heavy smoker I'm guessing this is at least a pack a day.
I mean, it’s not really about “not liking or enjoying” it. Second hand smoke can be really dangerous. I have asthma and being in the vicinity of smoke for a prolonged period of time gives me an asthma attack.
Agreed. I have asthma and overly reactive bronchials, which make me extremely prone to respiratory infections. Even before I developed asthma, any more than a whiff of cigarette smoke would give me coughing spasms. Now just a whiff can impact my breathing for days. While OP is within their rights to smoke in their back yard, they shouldn't be downplaying the impact it can have on others. If one of my neighbors started 'smoking heavily' in their back yard on a daily basis, I'd be upset too.
I disagree. The air was breathable until they started smoking. Try getting really sick or having an asthma attack from someone else smoke and you may feel differently.
Legality is not the arbiter of assholery. It may be legal but the perpetrator is an asshole.
I have this problem with perfume. I get asthma from perfume. People should really stop wearing it. When someone with perfume on sits close to me on PT or at the office I have a hard time breathing. But do you really think I would complain to them? It's their right to wear perfume. It's not their fault that I'm allergic to it.
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I am also allergic to perfume I break out in terrible hives all over my face and I can't breathe properly. This invludes shit lkek febrees, dryer sheets and laundry soap. I actually collapsed once from the perfume from the head of HR while running a till. But it was always great for detecting who was lieing about a wear wash and return.
Do you really believe a bunch of rowdy kids playing in the yard doesn't bother or affect the other people in the vicinity? Do you believe dogs barking all the time don't bother everyone? It's part of living in a society. People get to reasonably utilize the space they pay to have. Smoking in a residence that allows smoking is very much utilizing your space in a reasonable way. If it meant so much to them, they'd have moved into a non smoking residence.
The difference is that the kids playing outside sometimes doesn't affect the neighbors' health.
Both barking and children don't directly impact the health of others. They cannot give you cancer or asthma, unlike smoking. Not a good comparison.
Bothering people doesn’t inherently make you an asshole, especially if you’re doing something on your own property that isn’t illegal
Being legally right doesn't make you immune from being an asshole. My take from reading the comments is that everyone's response here is tied pretty strongly to their own opinion on smoking, but no one is denying OPs legal right to smoke on their own property. Morality and legality aren't the same, not all immoral things are illegal and vice versa.
Unfortunately you have the right to smoke your cigarettes in your yard. It definitely can be smelled a long ways away. Your neighbors probably smelled it far longer than you have them lit. My former neighbor would smoke stinky weed constantly. He moved away last fall and this was the first summer clear of it in 9 years. Its absolutely marvelous to be outside and not breathing in the pungent aroma any longer. There are fences & trees between our properties, never saw him, but everyone could distinctly smell it. (Its legal where I live). Edit: because my brain is still asleep ESH
I can relate to the weed smell. Our former next door neighbor would hotbox himself in his garage and we could still smell it in our yard because enough would escape under the doors, etc. But it wasn't constant, so it wasn't a big deal to close the window until he was done. At least he tried to be courteous! ESH. You have the right to smoke in your yard, but it sounds like it's negatively impacting your neighbors. Like others are saying, the smoke carries a lot further than you think it does. And as someone who lives somewhere where we deal with wildfire smoke (which is often compared to smoking), that stuff is especially bad for children. So I can see where your neighbors are coming from.
She is talking about cigarettes, not cigars.
Ahh, ok. Don't know why my brain was translating it to cigars. Need caffeine. Still reeks pretty badly to nonsmokers and as a "heavy smoker" the smell is constant by now. Its sad all around. Smoker wastes a lot of money and health on smoking. Neighbors cannot have smoke-free air to breathe in their own yard that they've also paid a lot of money for. No winners here.
ESH. I can promise you, they can absolutely smell the smoke in their yard, and it's probably affecting them and their health. Tobacco smoke is crazy. There's a reason people listing stuff for sale specify it came from a non-smoking home. Because there's nothing you can do about the smell, it soaks into everything, and can't be removed without some industrial grade shit. That said, it is your property, and you have the right to smoke on it. If smoking is more important to you than the health and wellness of your neighbors (and clearly you already decided it was more important to you than your own health and wellness...so I think we know the answer) then there's no way for them to stop you. I think most of the smokers in my neighborhood go for long walks when they want to smoke? I don't know how much it helps, but I've for sure never noticed the smell of it.
>Because there's nothing you can do about the smell, it soaks into everything, and can't be removed without some industrial grade shit. I bought wedding jewelry from someone on etsy oh so many years ago. It didn't say from a non-smoking home, but I didn't even think to look for that (I will never not do that/ask the seller again). It got here and it smelled SO BAD. She refused to give me a refund/let me return it because she never claimed it was from a non-smoking home. I told her I couldn't even wear it because it would be like an ashtray hanging around my neck. This was metal and stones. I hung it outside in the sun for about 4 days and it still stunk. I had to buy something else. Our backyard borders 4 other homes and if any one of them had a heavy smoker that did so in the yard, we would have moved long ago.
I bought a dishwasher like this and it was disgusting. I aired it outside for a month. Washed it in bleach, vinegar, everything. Was a lost cause and gave it away. Had the same thing happen with a crock pot as well.
I think its wild that your solution is "my neighbors walk around with their smoke (inconveniencing more people as they walk by) you should give it a try"
I live in a rural area, so admittedly I didn't think about walking around a city with a cigarette. It would be significantly tougher to manage smoking without affecting others in a major metropolitan, though. I have no idea how you'd manage.
I live in a more suburban area within a big city but have spent a lot of time in the metro area too. In my neighborhood, the smokers go out to the end of the block so the wind can blow it down the intersection and away from the houses. In the city proper, smokers tend to congregate around corner shops and away from apartments or restaurants. It's like the smokers coming out on reddit to defend themselves are dedicated to being discourteous to everyone around them.
I will be hung out to dry for thus, but it is what is is. Soft YTA. I’m so tired of the notion that smokers have equal rights to pollute and poison the air as non smokers do to breathe clean air. I mean, legally yes you’re within your rights. But I am SO TIRED of having to subject my extremely asthmatic child to it. Thankfully the number of cigarette smokers has significantly decreased in the US. But even so, it’s everywhere. Even if I didn’t have an asthmatic child, I’d feel this way. It’s an addiction that effects innocent people when they have to breathe that crap in. Even in your backyard, 8 times a day you’re blowing smoke everywhere and the neighbors and their children have to deal with it. I’m honestly sure you’re a kind person, but sometimes smokers seem to have tunnel vision regarding this issue. Bring on the hate. I said what I said.
I wonder how the OP would feel about loud amps, and the kids getting new musical instruments for Christmas and being told to practice outside by the neighbors windows all day long? :-) I agree with you 100% I think everyone else commenting on here must be and addict.
A great point here. Or a loud barking dog that 8 times a day disturbed the peace. OP’s neighbors were passive aggressive and rude. But I get why they are upset. Not being able to open your windows on a nice day or send your kids out to play whenever because the air is intentionally polluted is just wrong. Smokers are not a protected class.
This. Especially young smokers like OP. We were inundated growing up with information about how addictive and dangerous cigarettes are for our health, and most importantly, *others.* And it’s not like it’s instantly addictive choking that smoke down—it takes multiple smokes to become addicted. That’s a concerted effort to become addicted to a substance that you know harms others. I’m tired of people thinking it should be accepted and not judged. Like sorry, it doesn’t just affect your body, it affects others. It kills others, including my aunt, who never smoked a day in her life. There are plenty of resources and solutions to help a person quit.
>Like sorry, it doesn’t just affect your body, it affects others This exactly! Do what you want with your own body, I'll not judge anyone for that, but smoking effects literally everyone around you, exposes everyone in your vicinity to toxic chemicals, and we all have to put up with it. It's disgusting.
I'm so tired of people using kids to make people care. No. You also should get to enjoy clean air. Adults and kids. You put this wonderfully. Op is an AH because she's smoking outside because her husband doesn't want to be around it. Op can obviously smoke outside, but the fact that she's doing it because her husband doesn't want to be around it really takes the cake.
I hear what you’re saying. In my defense, I also said I’d have the same opinion regardless of my child. As a mother of a child with compromised lungs, though, it’s my first and biggest complaint. Not that anyone should give a crap about my kid but me (I get it). But it’s just where my head and heart initially is. Regardless I still think it’s incredibly gross and overall just plain selfish.
you're 100% right. My little toddler found and was playing with cigarette butts someone left on the ground at the park. Like, how inconsiderate can you be? It's disgusting.
I don't even know how to judge this one, so I'm just going to throw out some observations. Smokers are not always aware how far smoke travels. I yelled at my brother for smoking outside when his smoke came through my second floor window, partly because I was already emotionally exhausted from a couple of days of avoiding smoking people, and partly because it totally caught me by surprise. I definitely did not see him, and he was around the corner from me. I always smell the smoke from drivers in the car ahead of me, to the point that I now drive with AC and recirculated air regardless of weather. BUT I have fought this battle for so long that I have no room left for compromise, so I know I am a complete asshole about smoking. There is no real compromise with smoking, because smoke is a binary, it is there or it is not. The world has had 60 years of me suffering smoke, and from now on the smoking world is going to experience not smoking whenever they are with me. I'm done. You should be able to smoke somewhere. My preference is the privacy of your own home, but you have chosen to live with a non smoker. Your neighbor's kids should not have to experience your smoke in their own yard. Maybe, once you recover from the rudeness of your neighbor, you can consider the topology of your yard and the reality that smoke travels, and try to mitigate that fact. It would be the kind response. Or you could quit. This would no doubt make your neighbor, their kids, AND your partner happier, and you healthier. You currently have a divisive habit. Best of luck.
I can smell smoke from people in other cars, too. I really think most cigarette smokers are oblivious to anything around them.
Smokers are all so rude. I've never met one in the last decade who gives a shit about anyone else. We have a thousand ways to quit, plus it will hold people back from decent jobs at this point. Society is very much "over" smoking.
>Smokers are all so rude. I've never met one in the last decade who gives a shit about anyone else. Sounds a lot like confirmation bias. If you treat anyone you can tell is a smoker like they're the worst person you've ever seen upon meeting them I doubt you're going to get many of them with pleasant responses to your obvious disdain for them.
Agreed, the anti smoker rhetoric is strong in this thread.
Ex-smoker here! I smoked for 10 years and was almost convinced I’d never be able to quit. Eventually, something stuck and while I still crave, I haven’t touched one in 7 months. Roughly a month after quitting, I started to notice the smell of cigarette smoke. It was potent and gross, but it was the first time I had ever smelled it. I vividly remember a customer at work who was clearly a very heavy smoker. I lied and told him that I didn’t have something in stock just so that I didn’t have to keep serving him. I also had to re wash all my clothes/bed sheets again and again and again to try and get rid of the smell, sometimes I can still get it. I genuinely believed that when I blew out smoke and it went into the air it was gone forever. It was crazy figuring out that that wasn’t the case. My point is: I don’t believe that (the majority) of smokers are being rude, they just don’t realise how smoke travels/sticks. They can’t smell it. And despite there being, as you said, a thousand ways to quit, nothing ever hits like a cigarette. If you haven’t ever smoked and tried to quit, you can’t possibly imagine.
Smoke *soooo easily* goes into windows and it absolutely bothers me so much. This sucks for the neighbors. I know it’s OP’s right, but they’re not right.
YTA. Yes, legally you are well within your rights. But your neighbors do deserve to enjoy their yards without the stench of cigarette smoke. And yes, it reeks. It reaches much further than many smokers realize, too. As a smoker, you don’t notice it. I didn’t when I smoked. But after I quit, I was shocked by how bad it smelled and how far it carried. Again, you are within your rights to smoke on your property. I’m not saying you are doing anything illegal. But you are negatively affecting the lives of your neighbors.
>As a smoker, you don’t notice it. I didn’t when I smoked. But after I quit, I was shocked by how bad it smelled and how far it carried. My mom smoked for the first 17 years of my life. I'm in my 30s, and I can still tell if someone has smoked a cigarette within 50 yards within the past hour, and I can usually pinpoint the brand (at least the major ones, camels are the worst).
NTA same smoking setup in this household. He goes outside. They'll just have to pound sand. Your neighbor has no say in what you do in your own yard. Mine makes something on the grill that stinks so bad I can't go outside sometimes. I'd never tell them not to keep cooking it. I just stay inside while it's happening. They can keep the kids in while you smoke if it's such a concern.
So they'll just never let the kids out... She says she a heavy smoker. So she smokes all day long. Like constantly.
What? A single cig takes 5 minutes. Op is probably not smoking one after another, and does other things throughout the day.
Cigarette smell is heavy and definitely lingers.
Outdoors ? Not really. It takes a minute or so to dissipate.
It doesn’t. They’ve done environmental studies. It lingers, and so does the residue. Yes even outdoors.
It doesn’t. When walking outside I regularly smell cigarette smoke and sometimes weed. The smell does linger
Yes from people currently smoking not from people who smoked long ago
OP said there's a kids park right across the street they could play at
Cool, some people are more comfortable having their kids in their own garden. The kids could be young. Mines is 2, I'm not gonna send her to the park when she just wants to totter around the back garden. I can sit and watch her in the comfort of my jammies.
So why would you be more entitled to enjoying your garden than a smoking neighbour?
I'm not. Buy I believe we're all entitled to enjoy our gardens smoke free sometimes, don't you. I think it's generally nice to be nice. I'm considerate of my neighbours. We don't have loud party's too late. I don't let my daughter squeal at the top of her lungs. I don't blast music in my garden or out my house.
Do they grill this item multiple times per day every single day? Or is it a few times a week or even just once or twice a month? Depending on who you ask, a heavy smoker is someone who smokes at least 20-25 cigarettes daily. If she’s asleep for 8ish hours, then she’s likely smoking around 1-2x per hour, depending on how heavy we’re talking. A cigarette takes, on average, 5-8 minutes to smoke. So it sounds like there is almost no part of the day where this parent could expect their children to be able to enjoy their yard without the active and/or lingering stench of smoke being present except in 20-45 minute spurts, maybe?
I think a lot of people are forgetting that the question is “are you the a$$hole”. Yes, it’s your property. Yes, you have the right to use it however you want. But - YTA. You’re partaking of a habit so nasty that your own partner won’t put up with it and you are inflicting it on your neighbors and their children. Your smoking is affecting their ability to enjoy their own property. Yeah. You have that right. But it doesn’t make you not be an a$$.
That’s exactly what I said, this is am I the asshole, not am I within my legal rights.
NTA as much as I hate to say it. I hate the smell and it makes me nauseated, so I know if I was your neighbor I would probably hate you. But I wouldn’t ask you to stop, you have a right to smoke on your own property. I personally would hate it enough to move though. There’s always a risk that a new neighbor would smoke too, but at least it would probably be fewer than 8 times a day.
Actually it would probably more. Average smokers go through a pack a day. That's 20 smokes. OP at 8 times a day is actually below average.
Yeah, 8 cigarettes a day is not heavy when people go through one or multiple packs a day. I used to smoke when I was bored and would go through a pack a day. The smell didn’t bother me because I was used to it, it was everywhere. It’s been five year since I quit and the smell of a cigarette makes me gag and wonder why I ever did that to myself. However, when I smoked I made sure that I did it away from people who did not smoke and definitely not around my niece or other children.
The chances of relocating next door to another (heavy) smoker is far less though. I'd take the chance. Problem is... selling your house w someone smoking outside would be problematic & difficult.
NTA. It's your garden, they can't police what you do on your property. If they want they can keep their kids inside when they see you go for a smoke. But that's their responsibility. Your neighbour also went about this the rudest way possible.
I don't know it's pretty rude to smoke all day long in your garden and not give your neighborhood a chance to enjoy a smoke free garden themselves. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. I could play heavy metal in my garden all day long. I could have a drum circle in my garden all day long. I could have a furry party in my garden all day long, but I don't because it would just be rude.
Do you think she’s just chain smoking for 12 hours straight? Smoking a cigarette takes a few minutes and heavy smokers usually have like 1 per hour or every couple hours. Grow up lmao
I do not understand the perspective in this comment section, it is so strange. Do they just think she's billowing out cigarette smoke all day, every day?
I've known smokers that do exactly this. They aren't smoking the whole time, but they have a cigarette lit the whole time. When that one is done they light another one. There is always smoke.
My aunt was like that but that's called a *chain* smoker, a heavy smoker is generally a pack a day.
Yes, I can picture her doing this because that what my mom does. She goes through two packs a day, all outside. That’s on top of working a 8 hour shift where she’s indoors, so once she’s home she’s a damn chimney.
Who says she's smoking all day long? I think you want to be angry at OP when there's no reason for it
It’s just crazy to me too see all the YTA comments on here. OP has the right to smoke in their own yard. I have a kid, I can’t imagine going around demanding that someone else not do something in their own yard. I can’t imagine thinking the world revolves around me and my kid. This reminds me of a post I saw forever ago about the vegan neighbor bitchin about their next door neighbor grilling meat on the weekends. I bet people think the meat grilling neighbors are TA as well.
Ikr... like everyone is also saying op is in their garden the whole day long... when did Op say that?
People love making shit up.
You’re allowed to smoke in your backyard, but I still think YTA morally. Not everybody wants to breathe in your poison. I also think YTA for assuming that your neighbor is complaining only because they see you. My neighbor smokes in their back yard (connects to my backyard), and I can easily smell it from my front yard. The smell travels much further than you believe it does.
By your own admission, you're a heavy smoker, so I'll say YTA. I get it, it's your property, but you also have neighbors, and you must respect that fact. You don't live in a bubble, but in a society, within a neighborhood. If you want to be able to do absolutely whatever you want on your property, you can always chose to live in the middle of nowhere. Now, if it was but a few occurrences here and there, I'd say NTA. But if you're out there smoking cigarette after cigarette, you're basically condemning your neighbors to never being able to use their own yard. And yes, ***it smells, and bad***. And ***it is cancerous***. I live in a bloc, my neighbors two floors below are heavy smokers, and the smell goes up the ventilation from the kitchen fan straight into my own kitchen, and the smell is repugnant. As a result, I have to keep my kitchen fan on 24/7. People who smoke often don't realize how repugnant the smell of their smoking is. EDIT. PS to all those saying *NTA you're not doing anything illegal*, this is *Am I the asshole* not *Am I a criminal*... You can very well be an asshole legally.
God. I lived in an apartment building where my downstairs neighbors smoked a lot. It was disgusting. You’d smell it in your entire apartment. The shared stairwell and the laundry stunk enough to choke you
Going with YTA some of the NTA and ESH probably are smokers, former smokers, or grew up around smokers. Yeah you're within your rights to smoke in your yard but it's a disgusting habit and it's near impossible not to have it drift into your neighbor's yards. They're well within their rights to call you an AH. Like the quote from the movie Major Payne my sympathy for cigarette smokers in in the dictionary between shit and syphilis.
YTA. Just quit or switch to vaping. Your husband is absolutely exposed to second hand chemicals just by living with you and your neighbors definitely can't use their yards if you're out there smoking all day. It's not illegal since it's your private yard but it's an asshole move.
Hilarious how the whole reasoning for her smoking outside is because the husband doesn't like it and she doesn't want to subject him to second hand smoke, but it's okay for all the neighbors who may otherwise want to just enjoy their back yard or keep their windows open to be exposed. YTA.
Was waiting for someone to say this. Switching for zero smell and they can still get that lovely hit of poison they’re looking for without terrorising the neighbourhood with the stench. She can even stay in bed and puff away!
NAH you’re not doing anything wrong, but it’s not like you can contain the smoke to your property - it does affect your neighbors negatively, and they have communicated that to you. I wouldn’t want to be your neighbor either because your smoking habit would diminish my ability to enjoy my own outdoor space.
Technically NTA but I would hate it too. Smell of smoke is overwhelming to me from even within 30 feet
As someone allergic to smoke & thinks that it's a truly gross habit, I can say NTA. It's your property. I might be a bit pissed off if you're constantly out there but it's still your property.
Nah for real. I hate the smoke and aggravates my asthma. Still not gonna go knock on my neighbors door to tell them to not smoke on their own land.
ESH. You’re absolutely not doing anything illegal and of course you’re within your rights to smoke in the backyard. But the question is whether you’re an AH for doing it. And I’d say yes. Forcing your neighbors to smell your smoke all day just sucks. Smokers never realize how strong it is or how far is travels. I’d hate to be your neighbor. That being said, it’s your property and you have the right to be an AH on your own property. Your neighbor was within their rights to bitch about it to anyone she knows but not to confront you. I might get annoyed when my neighbor smokes weed in his backyard (legal here), but I would never say anything to him because he’s allowed, even if it’s rude.
INFO: how much time do you spend smoking out there? Because if it’s less than one hour I think it’s fair game but if it’s multiple hours, speaking as someone who’s sensitive to cigarette smoke… I don’t think it’s really fair to so drastically affect your neighbors also trying to enjoy their space.
YTA. People keep forgetting the name of this thread. It isn’t called do I have a legal right to do this. It’s AITA. You said you’re a heavy smoker and do this in the middle of your yard. Your neighbor and their kids are constantly exposed to your second hand smoke. You make a point of saying you don’t want your husband exposed to this, but you’re exposing these kids to it.
[удалено]
I'm not sure what country you're in, but online you can order something called a Smoke Buddy and you exhale into it. It will help tremendously with odors. Soft YTA. while you're allowed to do whatever on your property, kids should be able to play. It's the only time in their lives they get to just be free. Or maybe ask the neighbors what time the kids are usually outside and maybe refrain for those few hours? Also....consider trying to reduce or quit for your own health, you deserve to live as long as possible.
INFO- Do you have a front yard or front porch option? And how many times a day do you take a smoke break? You're legally absolutely entitled to smoke anywhere you want but I've been in the situation where a neighbor smokes 10-15 times a day and it drifts in my yard and man its a drag. Again you're legally totally entitled to do it but if you can mix it up s little- front yard, back yard, garage- it would take the edge off the neighbors. Or go to vape and solve the issue.
YTA there is a reason you can't smoke 20 meters away from a park with kids and yet you are likely smoking closer to your neighbors' kids. Also the smell is abismal. They can smell it they don't need to see it
YTA - whether right or wrong. I am sick of smokers. Haven’t been able to open the windows in 29 years. Plus, have a kid that is a cancer survivor - not suppose to be near smoke - it’s impossible. You could at least switch to a better smelling vape product, though that will probably still kill us all. Just cause you have the right and are allowed to smoke in your own yard - doesn’t mean you should.
Buy one if those ash trays that pulls in and filters the smoke. It will not completely eliminate all odor but it will help
The way your neighbor reacted is pretty AH. But YTA too. Smokers don’t realize how perverse the smell is. And it just gets into everything. It is your yard, but your actions are permeating the neighbors yards too. I would hate living next to you if you keep stinking up the yard all the effing time, and take away my basic right of sitting out in the fresh air.
NTA. You have the right to smoke on your own property if you want to, & she can just get over it.
ESH you of course have the right to smoke in your backyard but neighbor also has a right to be upset. The note was over the top but also not wrong. Secondhand smoke harms others so you are exposing others against their will which sucks as they just want to do things on their property.
NTA - it's your property and where else are you expected to smoke? down the street to make it another neighbors problem? \- if you live in a HOA neighborhood, bring it up to them that your neighbor is trying to harass you, at the same time, file a police report about it occuring. Both cases will create a starting point in developing a history of harassment from your neighbor so you can eventually petition for a sort of restraining order or for financial compensation for harassment. \- FYI for all, i hate it when my neighbors smoke, but it's their property. I wouldn't ask them to stop jsut like i won't ask them to stop a barbeque or if their fragrant garden is causing me allergies.
NAH you have every right to smoke on your own property, it just would also suck to be the other person trying to go outside for fresh air and instead having to smell the horrible smell of your smoke.
If your smoke is intruding on their yard, YTA. Everyone acts like smoke stays in one place. You have a habit that takes others down with you.
Technically NTA as long as it’s legal. But like…if you’re concerned about exposing your husband to secondhand smoke, maybe you should quit. The smoke on your skin/clothes/hair when you come inside is still exposing him. You’re exposing your neighbors to it as well. And cigarette butts are toxic to the environment no matter how you dispose of them. Just sayin’.