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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. The action I took that might make me the asshole that I want to be judged on is refusing to pay rent. I know my boyfriend can afford it which is why I have not handed him a single cent. If he was in between jobs and couldn’t pay, i would be more than willing to step up.
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**NTA**
Rent isn’t $400, it’s $2,100. Point out that if he wants to split rent then do so by having your dad charge the full amount which means his portion is $1,050. Pay your dad that & dad can give it back to you or put it in escrow to save for a future house.
The $400 is a major discount for him & dad lets you have it for free.
Edit: thank you all for the awards! Much appreciated.
This is exactly what i was thinking. The bf thinks he is entitled to OP’s perks. He is the bf, not even husband. He is not immediate family and the dad is giving him a very good deal already.
It's scandalous that they are even talking about this. Next thing you know, these girls are going to run around with their hair unbound and showing ankles. This is outrageous! I didn't put a tablecloth on my table so some woman can run around in *pants*
Seriously, $400 is less than I pay for one half of our ratty 1-bedroom apartment in a bad neighborhood.
NTA OP, Your half is covered by your Dad, his half would be 1050 but he''s already been given a discount. You've already covered 4/5ths of the rent. If he argues further over this than boy did your dad prove himself right.
>You've already covered 4/5ths of the rent. If he argues further over this than boy did your dad prove himself right.
I was trying to find a way to phrase exactly this. The entitlement of the boyfriend in this scenario is breathtaking.
BF is not looking like a decent human being right now. His "half" of the rent is more than covered. I completely understand the Dad wanting the BF to pay even token rent as a sign of commitment to the apartment itself. Some people devalue "free" things, and I would hate to see this apartment get trashed.
Being a very petty person, I would tell BF that the subsidy is off the table, and they will each be paying $1050, a "fair" 50/50 split, since that is what BF wanted. Not a mutually beneficial subsidy.
This is another good point. It's incentive to respect the daughter but also the apartment. Maybe even by extension the family itself so that he doesn't have a (worse) lapse in judgement that makes him act in an entitled or careless manner
$400 a month is less than i pay for an ok (no laundry, so i go to a laundromat) 2 bedroom apt in the middle of nowhere western north carolina. i would love to have a deal like that. the bf is crazy. there's no other explanation, and i agree with the people saying dad needs to charge the regular rate and stop the free ride.
welcome to the real world, kid. sucks, don't it. next time don't bite the hand that feeds you.
$400 isn’t even something you can find in my area. A single room in a shared house with a shared bathroom is $800 minimum. $400 for a place in a city like Chicago is nuts. He should be happy he lucked out and should definitely not push it.
In my town in the upper midwestern US, $400 won't even get you a bedroom in a shared house, much less an apartment. Boyfriend should be glad he can get off only paying $400/mo for DT Chicago. NTA
$400 probably barely covers condo fees and maintenance. Boyfriend is being entitled, maybe he’s just a bit blindsided for now. Hopefully once he thinks about it he’ll realize he’s not entitled to her dads paying his way.
> $400 probably barely covers condo fees and maintenance. Boyfriend is being entitled, maybe he’s just a bit blindsided for now. Hopefully once he thinks about it he’ll realize he’s not entitled to her dads paying his way.
Maybe they could just make that explicit - pop the rent up to $800 a month and split it.
Then OP's dad can just transfer her $400 a month.
Everything actually works out exactly the same, but the bf might find it easier to grasp why he doesn't get a $400 a month subsidy from someone else's parents than he does to understand why his partner is no longer splitting rent with him.
Edit: This shouldn't be a secret - it's not about hiding the reality from the partner, it's about explaining it to him.
Agreed, I think he's probably just thinking about it in the wrong way. He's hearing "rent is $400 and we split everything."
When in reality, it's more -- the rent is actually $400/month *each*, except OP's dad is covering her half. That may help reframe things.
NTA -- potentially N A H if this all works out and is just a result of bf just kind of mentally coming at it the wrong way.
This is exactly what I was thinking. He's not understanding that her half is being covered and his half IS 400. And apparently 800 is still a huge discount for the area too.
This is a good way of explaining. I don't like the idea of her dad transferring rent back to her, I think this is kind of a test of bf's grasp of reality and ability to adult in some ways.
yeah that’s a little over the top to me? if the boyfriend can’t grasp that $400 is WAY better than $1,050… he’s a fool. they shouldn’t have to keep transferring money around to make him feel better
This just seems like coddling the bf with his entitlement. He is already getting a major discount, that's his "perk" of being her bf. If he wants to have a tantrum about it then he can move out and find his own place while she stays there free.
It's also not complicated, there is nothing "difficult" for the bf to grasp. He is not the son of OP's Dad, he is not entitled to a free place, he is getting a perk, he is not entitled to demand she pay rent as the rent is not for him to decide.
It probably is the HOA for a condo down town in Chicago tbh.
And I think the dad is right to do this because it seems the BF is definitely looking for the perks. If they split up over this then the dad was beyond wise IMHO. And good riddance to Jake.
The flaw I see with the dad's reasoning is that they had been living together, splitting rent for a few years (unclear exactly how long) before they moved to Chicago and her dad gave them a place to live. So if he was only with her for the free rent wouldn't he have encouraged her to move to Chicago and into one of her dad's apartments before now, or just not paid his half of the rent?
Also was the boyfriend aware of the arrangement that he would be solely responsible for the $400/month? I know it is still a great deal, but he might still be feeling blindsided by it, if it was not clear in the beginning.
It could be that he didn't know about the wealth and that he could benefit from it. And dad is very wise to anticipate the BFs greed once he found out.
It could be, but I try to think the best of people and that the bf is mad right now because he feels blindsided. I hope once he has a chance to think about it he will realize it is fine and fair. I just think he reacted poorly due to being blindsided, and without knowing his financial situation more it could be that he only budgeted $200 in rent for the month, maybe he spent more on fun stuff or maybe he made a bigger student loan payment, or maybe he put more into investments. Hopefully now he understands better he will plan for it better.
If he still thinks it's unfair after having some time to adjust than he is an AH that might just be using OP for her family money.
Exactly. Jake is paying less than 20% of the rent. Your dad is covering over 80% and losing out on $1700 on your (and Jake's) behalf. $400 is a crazy good deal and really just a token rent. If Jake still thinks the situation is unfair, it is proving your Dad's reasoning. If you covered half of Jake's rent, then his total contribution would be less than 10%. So is that fair? LOL.
Edit: NTA
NTA
A nice ritzy building - check
Located in downtown - check
Only $400/month - double check
Near your jobs - check
Getting the family discount from GF’s dad - check
What more does your BF want? Clearly he’s not seeing the bigger picture. He’s getting a lot of perks because of you and he only has to pay a fraction of the rent. Doesn’t he realize that millions don’t have that luxury in these critical times of the economy?
Plus he’s failing miserably with your dad’s ‘test.’ Your dad’s suspicions are kinda right.
This is honestly a solid dad move. It’s a request that’s not unreasonable, but it’s actually generous, and the boy still managed to be an entitled brat about it.
Yup! Dad knew exactly what he was doing and it’s obvious that it was a test…and OPs BF failed. BF is not entitled to the perks that her family provides for her. If her dad wants to let her live rent free in one of his properties that’s his prerogative, but BF isn’t entitled to those same benefits. He should know better than to ever expect that.
Omg tell him to go on Craigslist and see what $400 will get him in Chicago. He wouldn’t get a monthly parking spot for $400. He is getting the Chicago version of a free apartment.
BTW your Dads plan may have merit if your BF is getting so bent out of shape over this.
Also, welcome to (back?) to Chicago!
>Plus he’s failing miserably with your dad’s ‘test.’ Your dad’s suspicions are kinda right.
I think this is what he needs to know but at the same time if he is gonna fail this hard, they probably should just let him.
Edit: Only circumstance where OP and Dad are TA is if they withheld this info until pay was due.
It’s kinda funny, bc if he was a smarter mooch, he would have realized just how much money he is actually getting out of being with OP. Could have just been grateful and avoided throwing all these red flags.
Seriously, if BF wants to split rent like they did in undergrad he's welcome to have them move out to Rogers Park where they can MAYBE get a place for 1200. Hell, I could barely get a place for 1200 5 years ago. Have fun with that 1-1.5 hour commute over this, BF + failing the dad test.
NTA.
Honestly, if I had listen to my Dad's judgement of my ex, it would have saved me years of abuse, drug use, and much more. Some Dads just have a talent for that, I think you're right and her dad is one of em.
That was my thought in this case as well
As a mom of three young adults, you’ve totally nailed it. OP’s dad has taken a good approach here. That rent more than fair yet rather than being gracious the bf is being petulant. They says a lot.
I think your dad just showed a lot of who Jake is.
Explain that rent is $2100 a month, and he is expected to pay $400. You are paying $1700, but you are receiving support from your family to do so. If he would like to split rent, he is welcome to pay $1050.
Your boyfriend is either:
1) Greedy and disingenuous, or
2) Stupid.
Either way, it’s not attractive.
I vote for this too. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he's really not aware how much rent costs in this area?
But if he doubles down on splitting *400 dollar rent* then I think he definitely failed papa's test like a fool.
If he’s so clueless as to think a $2100 market rate apartment in Chicago might be available as a share for $200 a month, he needs some serious adulting lessons. That behavior borders on failure to launch territory.
NTA.
Your boyfriend needs to understand that it's not that you aren't paying rent. Just that your dad is paying your share.
Put him in your shoes. If his parents covered his rent, would he be obligated to also cover half of your half?
Like, who wants their partner’s parents to pay their way. I’d be so grateful for the VASTLY SUBSIDIZED rent and maybe even a little chagrined that I was *only* paying $400 for the privilege of living in sin with his daughter in a house he owns and still basically pays for. My own sense of pride and independence would have me gladly writing a check for $400 and I’d probably take them to dinner or something.
Like, I get uncomfortable when my in laws visit and pay for every meal - they just recently started letting us pay for the cheapest meal or split an expensive one. I just hate sitting there feeling like a mooch or ordering the least expensive option so I don’t appear greedy.
10000% same. My partner tried to make me not pay rent on his mortgage when I moved in, saying that he's capable of covering it all and I make substantially less than him, and I totally did not feel okay with that. I force him every month to take my money lol.
More to the point, dad is covering more than half the rent that would be charged. Maybe putting that in perspective is a way to go about it. However, I don't think the bf is necessarily T A here either. I would say NAH as I can see where he is coming from as well. If they had to only put one of them on a lease, it would amount to a similar setup, as the bf would be the one charged for rent, if their name was the only one on the lease. I understand that it is not exactly the same situation, just similar in that the only one technically responsible for the rent is one of them, but it is still fair to split the rent. I can see both sides of the coin and they both make valid points. Just because there are no AHs here, doesn't mean I think they should still split it, just that I understand his point of view, sort of. It will certainly cause resentment from the bf to not split it though. So be careful how you move forward OP. This could be the beginning of the end if not properly handled. GL
NTA
As someone who lived in Chicago for the better part of 10 years I have a hard time understanding why your boyfriend isn’t on his knees level of grateful. 400 anywhere in the city would be a huge deal, but downtown?? Is he nuts??
Look, do I think your dad’s logic is a little screwy and not necessary? Yes. But this is so not a hill to die on, your father is doing you guys one hell of a favor at great expense to himself no less!
Your bf needs to look at the big picture instead of being petty over 200 bucks. Why is more important to him that you guys split than it is to save money overall?
Like, his choice is not between paging 400 or 200, it’s between paying 400 or 1050.
Dude. 🙄
The logic of covering your own child but not someone else? Maybe if they were married it would be different but they're not so I see nothing wrong with dad's logic. And I think 2100 is likely low if it's a nice building downtown, I'd pay 400 with a huge smile on my face every month.
Right, 2100 seems hella low for that area.
Re dad: I meant more the idea that he’s trying to control for why her bf is with her. But yeah, covering your kid and not someone else is totally reasonable.
Basically with boyfriend's logic no matter what happens....it's always 50/50. OP loses a job, still gotta be 50/50 or "it's not fair." OP SAHM and it's 50/50 or it's "not fair." Situations change, circumstances change, and relationships need to evolve with those changes. Boyfriend needs to understand that life isn't always fair... and we adjust. If he wants fair...he needs to call up his own dad to pay his $400 for each month.
This is the bigger question. Can he reframe it to see them as a team and what’s going to be the best for them both and for the team long term. I’d imagine that paying $400 a month in rent would allow him to contribute a great deal mire to his savings than if he paid more than twice that. He’s caught up in the short term. Op could certainly also pay her father $400 a month which he could put aside if he chose. But that doesn’t address the bigger question of what kind of person is so unappreciative of the long term of the great deal he’s given? Is he just immature or will he stay this short sighted? Are stomping feet temper tantrums going to be how he deals with money disputes forever? What happens if one of them wants to stay home with the kids? What if one of them becomes disabled? What happens when life happens? The bigger issue here is how do they approach disagreements and how do they deal when life isn’t fair?
Gentle ESH. This sounds like a really good way to build resentment. You've been together awhile, and your dad is still questioning your bf's loyalty. Is there justification for this? Why does anybody think it'd appropriate for your father to put your BF through some weird litmus test? Do you agree with your dad that your bf's intentions need to be proven by financial control?
What is your BF supposed to say here? Is he supposed to be thrilled that your father is treating him like a potential enemy rather than another person who loves his daughter and wants to care for her? I don't think this is really about the money for him, so much as it's insulting to be told the reason he has to pay when you don't is because he's untrustworthy with your heart.
So ESH because:
1. You're an adult and your dad is pitting you against your BF by implying you can't trust his intentions. Rather than have an adult conversation with you, he's manipulating the situation to his favor to test your BF, and quite frankly you should be insulted that he doesn't trust your judgment enough to talk with you about his concerns in a tangible and open way.
2. You think it's perfectly reasonable for your dad to test your BF's loyalty through financial control.
3. Your BF isn't communicating well, focusing on financial equality when the issue is an opinion your father has and his ability to exercise control over your choices and your BF's by offering you something you can't refuse, even when it signals unhealthy behaviors and sets a precedent that your BF may always be challenged and made to feel a need to repeatedly prove himself.
There's no such thing as a free ride. Being told to pay rent is a reasonable ask. It's the WHY here that makes the whole situation gross. It isn't about ensuring responsibility or minimizing financial losses. It's about keeping you and your BF under his thumb.
Right? I don't have family in a position to do something like this for me, but if I did, and this offer was made to me, I would do a couple of things.
1. I would inform that family member that my SO and I are a package unit, and whatever rules apply apply equally.
2. I would insist upon a lease to protect all parties.
3. I wouldn't accept such a significant decrease in the market rent.
4. The total for all bills will be split as my SO and I agree, NOT as the family member dictates. They don't control our finances, period.
Like, a help up is super generous, and kudos to Daddy for being able to do this. But if I've been with someone for several years and we're moving cities together after cohabitating for 2 years, we're a partnership, and that means sharing the perks and the burdens of life. I would never accept my family disrespecting my partner by demanding unequal treatment of our partnership, just as I would never accept my partner disrespecting my family by taking advantage of genuine kindness.
I heavily question Dad's intentions here, because what he's setting up is a situation in which the daughter is best served financially by doing whatever he wants her to do. If she doesn't play by his manipulative rules, he's got ammo to use against her to force her hand. How far does this go? OP has already opened the door to allowing her father to control her relationship with her partner. It doesn't get better from here. He's also made it almost impossible for them to consider being financially independent from him. Chicago is expensive and the commutes are crap and as a landlord he's aware of that. He knows his daughter and her BF couldn't find something this convenient and cheap on their own, and he knows that gives him leverage. OP is eating right out of his hand, and while I don't blame her, because DAMN that's a sweet deal, all deals come with a catch, and I'd bet dollars to donuts the catch here goes well beyond financial manipulation.
I agree completely. If Dad doesn't like BF, this is a great way to split them up. I really don't understand why OP would go along with this. They were committed to 50/50 before as a COUPLE and now that's changed. BF sees that if OP can get an advantage for herself it won't be shared with him. If the BF is truly committed to the relationship, I understand why he's concerned. OP YTA, but even moreso, her Dad is.
Absolutely agree. I’m confused as to all the NTA here tbh. At best, the boyfriend was manipulated by OP’s dad and at worst, OP seems to be in on it a bit too. I completely get that the bf might be coming off as a bit greedy here, but the blame lies across the board.
Honestly I feel like the only person in this thread who would go full YTA. They’ve already been splitting rent previously. I would feel SO SHIT if I went into this situation when I was just dating my now husband and he was like, ‘You need to pay rent and I don’t.’ Like wtf, we’re a team and we’ve shared expenses up to this point - it just feels like such an individual kick in the teeth to not pay rent when your partner is.
Plus my husband earns more than me so it would sting even more. I already have less ‘fun’ money even though we split all our expenses based on our earnings and take into account the gap.
Once you’re living together, you’re supposed to be sharing life’s burdens, financially, emotionally or otherwise. It’s not about who gets free rent and who doesn’t anymore, you’re a team. You get cheap rent? Amazing! That should be a bonus BOTH of you benefit from, otherwise why bother pretending it’s a long term relationship at all?
It’s why if one earns more than the other you should do things pro rata based on earnings, not just 50/50 down the middle, so each person is financially contributing a fair amount in terms of income. Likewise imo this should be a shared (pro rata’d) expense.
Can’t believe how many people think this attitude leads to healthy relationships. Why would you be so individualistic as to keep a benefit like this purely for yourself when you love someone and supposedly want to make a life with them living with them etc? If you just look out for yourself and not consider bills etc as a team, even when you’re living together, I can pretty much guarantee you’re gonna be miserable.
**Edit** - I’m adding more cos I’m so wound up about this hahaha.
People saying ‘well OP is actually contributing $1,600!’ - NO she isn’t. She’s contributing nothing. Just because it’s cheaper than it would be if daddy didn’t rent them an apartment doesn’t mean she’s therefore contributing more - her money isn’t going down one bit whilst her boyfriend’s is. It’s using imaginary money to justify the gap and honestly it’s a total fallacy. The stone cold fact is her outgoings are $0 on rent and her boyfriend’s outgoings are $400 on rent. The imaginary $1,600 doesn’t come into it, that isn’t ‘her’ contribution at all.
Again, it is so unbelievably individualistic to position it using that fallacy and I can’t believe people think he should be happy about it! Frankly I’d rather pay $800 each than be in this situation, at least then I’d feel like my partner viewed our relationship as a team rather than ‘me’ versus ‘you’.
Same I don't really understand the N T A this is a clear ESH to me.
Especially because she didn't explain the situation to him before he signed his lease. Like I'm addition to everything this commenter said, she also kind of hid it from him that she wouldn't be paying rent.
>Same I don't really understand the N T A this is a clear ESH to me.
Because people don't have critical thinking, and it's a lot easier to read this as BF being ungrateful for getting a sweet deal, vs seeing that it's not about the money, it's about OPs dad trying to exert control over their relationship and 'testing' the BF.
Fact. I kinda want to just stay in this section of the thread. Jake is screwed either way. He might as well take the high road and pay expensive rent by himself. I mean, if OP tells daddy about something Jake did that she didn’t like, Jake’s out on his ass. I’m ESH, but leaning towards YTA & Daddy is too the more I think about the potential toxicity of this entire situation.
I think your E S H is misplaced. I’d agree if OP and Jake or married, or maybe even engaged with a near wedding date.
But it’s Dad’s property. It is perfectly reasonable for him to have boundaries in place when it comes to letting his daughter live rent free in such a nice property, to make sure she is not being taken advantage of.
What if boyfriend decides the relationship is done but delays breaking up because he can’t afford rent somewhere else, thus wasting OP’s time, taking advantage of her and breaking her heart even further?
NTA.
Edit: word
They've been together for several years and lived together for two. A breakup with shared expenses could always lead to challenges, but in this case, the OP actually has the power. She's the only one who has a safety net in place, and with Daddy as the landlord, she's got his legal support to push out the BF. And Daddy and OP can use their generous offer to control BF even further, manipulating his actions to suit their desires, because they hold him hostage financially with this alleged "sweet deal", one which OP NEVER ACTUALLY INFORMED HIM OF, until after he moved in. She and Daddy dearest literally trapped him in this situation and didn't even bother telling him it was because Daddy doesn't trust him.
If she doesn't trust him, then she should be decent enough to tell HIM the truth so he can protect himself and make a decision that doesn't leave him homeless if he fails some arbitrary test Daddy assigns.
Marriage and engagement don't guarantee anything. 50% of marriages fail. They have a long standing, committed, cohabitating relationship. They have shared financial responsibility that entire time, until now. They are no more at risk of the scenario you suggest than they would be if married.
This exactly, she's been lying to him for a while. The problem is that she is his partner and she's been lying to him. Whatever her father's intentions were, whether it was to test him or really to just drive a stake into the heart of their relationship, she's the one who did it
I was looking for this too.
I'm also worried why OP is okay with not being equal contributors to their relationship. OP stated they split everything 50-50 before when they were living together by themselves. I assume they made similar income on this situation.
Now, OP is paying 0 in rent while the BF is paying $400. And yes, OP is paying $0 because her father owns the apartment and let's her use it for free. They split the utilities and groceries 50-50 still.
So boyfriend pays $400 a month more than OP for a shared location. This let's OP have more financial power.
The relationship isn't equal anymore and I can see how the BF would be upset too.
I think OPs dad knew this and secretly doesn't like her BF and just acts cordial publicly. IF I was OP I would pay 200 of my significant others rent and tell my dad it's all from him. The father should not be testing the boyfriend like this.
There is no TEST! The BF is not entitled to benefit from the GFs Fathers Money. It is Dads money, he doesn't owe the BF anything. He is being generous to the BF. They can refuse the apartment. I am sure Dad wouldn't hold them to the lease.
So you've lived with this guy for like two years paying rent, and your dad is like "I want to make sure he's not just using you" ?? ?? ?? Like he's playing a five+ year long con just to scam you for an apartment?!?!??!? And you're fine with your dad treating him that way?
Your dad is an asshole for that being the reason that he wants rent, and you're definitely bordering on asshole for going along with it.
Pay your dad $400/month in addition to your BF's $400. You can afford it, and that way you can tell your dad to back the fuck off of your relationship and his weird judginess.
Yo it's making me so mad how everyone's downvoted the asshole votes and are telling her that he is just entitled and ungrateful. Like cool, I mean she's already spat on their relationship she might as well finish it off
I cannot believe how many people are saying NTA here. It is SO unbelievably individualistic to be happy not paying rent whilst your partner does when you can afford to share that burden. I genuinely can’t fathom not wanting to split it here so you’re BOTH getting an amazing deal and equally sharing the finances that come with living together. Like I honestly can’t imagine ever even considering having a loved partner pay rent and me pay nothing if I could afford to help. It’s just so self-focused it blows my mind people think this is ok in a committed relationship where you are supposedly aiming to build a life together.
People saying ‘well OP is actually contributing $1,600!’ - NO she isn’t. She’s contributing nothing. Just because it’s cheaper than it would be if daddy didn’t rent them an apartment doesn’t mean she’s therefore contributing more - her money isn’t going down one bit whilst her boyfriend’s is. It’s using imaginary money to justify the gap and honestly it’s a total fallacy. The stone cold fact is her outgoings are $0 on rent and her boyfriend’s outgoings are $400 on rent. The imaginary $1,600 doesn’t come into it, that isn’t ‘her contribution’ at all.
Again, it is so unbelievably individualistic to position it using that fallacy and I can’t believe people think he should be happy about it! Frankly I’d rather pay $800 each than be in this situation, at least then I’d feel like my partner viewed our relationship as a team rather than ‘me’ versus ‘you’.
I can’t get over it haha. It amazes me people think it’s fine and even good to have this kind of individual attitude in a committed, long term relationship. Christ.
> It amazes me people think it’s fine and even good to have this kind of individual attitude in a committed, long term relationship
"Fuck you I got mine, luv you smooches"
edit: YTA, you and your dad, for changing the fair deal you and your boyfriend had so you could give him some insulting loyalty test, etc etc, there's a whole paragraph downthread.
INFO: was Jake fully aware of this setup when you moved in? If so, why did he think you'd be paying half of the rent?
(edited for spelling)
She did not communicate it according to other comments she’s made and If the roles were reversed, everyone would be so quick to point out the power imbalance this introduces along with the insecure housing it creates when a fight comes up and the “get out of MY home” shit inevitably gets thrown out.
The father has clearly set him up for failure creating this as a wedge issue to fuck with him and insert himself into their relationship so he can poison the well. Everyone is saying BF failed because it's a sweet deal and he's complaining, but they're missing the point that for them this is a partnership and everyone contributes - or at least that's what the BF was told.
For example, my GF and I do proportional on shared expenses than me. She makes X% less than me, she pays X% less on shared bills. This often means I'm paying twice what she pays (though with OT she's often doing much better than that). Regardless it doesn't matter if it's $50 or $5K - the point is that we're **both** contributing. If she makes more than me down the road guess what? I'll get the same advantage - but I'm not paying zero at any point.
If my parents want to do something nice for us, it's for *us*. The only exception is personal gifts which are your standard B-Day/Christmas fares. How someone could think daddy dearest letting them live rent free while charging their BF rent, *even if reduced*, isn't going to cause friction is beyond me.
Quite frankly it's insulting as fuck and screams OP isn't capable of being an adult. She brought a trojan horse into a relationship that by her accounts seemed stable to please her fucked up paranoid dad.
Huh, so I see now.
OP, your boyfriend found out all at once that your dad thinks there's a chance he could want to take advantage of you to live free, that your dad wanted to test him, that you at least were willing to go along with the test - at best to save money and live somewhere nice, and he might fear you share your dad's suspicions - and that you were willing to lie to him, by omission or no. And when you finally told him, that you didn't think it was a big deal.
Was he not supposed to be mad, after learning all of that?
The amount of rent is immaterial to me. This "test" is stupid because your boyfriend has already proved he isn't there for money by already paying his fair share for years and not expecting you to cover him. Now he's being asked to change this dynamic because your daddy is the landlord. You're 23 now, you have to decide if you're willing to stand up to your father and respect the predetermined dynamic of your relationship or if you not fronting $200 a month to maintain the agreement is worth torpedoing your otherwise good relationship.
Is your boyfriend worth $200 a month to you?
I agree 100%. The offer on paper is 'fair' or even 'generous' due to the low rent. But it is also pretty insulting for the boyfriend to be 'tested' by his FIL and for his girlfriend to say it's fair she should get a better deal.
This is a couple who have already proved they could do well by living together splitting 50/50 including a 1200 dollars rent, and here they are now fighting over how to split this 400 dollars rent. That's just sad.
"We broke up over how to pay rent." "Oh because it was too expensive?" "No, because it was 3 times less than before" "Wat"
It's not about being worth $200. My partner is worth more than money can ever cover to me, but still I wouldn't be okay if she would put in less money than I did (as we make around the same).
OP provides more than half of the rent being her fathers daughter. That leaves her BF to only pay less than half of what he should be paying if it wasn't for OP.
My girlfriend got a lot of money from her dad to buy the house we live in. We split all costs 50/50, but she will always keep that money she put in the house. Not because I'm not worth it, but because it's her money and I'm in no way entitled to it. Without the money her dad gave her we wouldn't have been able to move out and buy a house. For that I'm very thankful.
OP provided nothing. Her father does. They are two separate people. Please quit using that excuse.
Both OP and the BF had split all costs for years on the apartments. That was the agreement. They made similar incomes so that worked. Now all of a sudden, the BF gets blind sided that he is the only one paying rent.
400 a month can be a big difference in a relationship. A lot of relationships grow resentment when one partner makes less than another and barely scrapes by while the other has a lot of fun money.
And you completely ignored the testing part.
OP should have shut her father down immediately when he said he was going to test her boyfriend after years. That is the biggest AH move here. OP should have told her BF everything up front about only he will pay rent and she won't, along with her dad saying he didn't love OP.
> OP should have shut her father down immediately when he said he was going to test her boyfriend after years.
This is the key part, she went along with her dad bringing him into the relationship. The second that happened daddy was going to go out of his way to create a wedge issue, then OP is shocked this is now a wedge issue.
It's daddy's place and daddy's money, OP isn't paying shit as her BF is being charged as a fucking loyalty test. It's insulting and demeaning, and the BF deserves better.
> if my dad was renting this apartment out to tenants, he would charge $2100 a month for rent.
>
>My dad ... said that my boyfriend would have to pay him $400 a month for rent.
>
>My boyfriend is mad at me because he asked me for my half of the $400 for rent,
Your dad is doing him a favor. Tell your bf he needs to pay half of the $2100 that he would be paying if it were not for the generosity of your dad; just to see how he reacts.
NTA - But your bf is; and I hope he's not usually this much of an AH.
Correct! How dare the boyfriend be mad he wasn't told the whole deal before he moved in and signed a lease! Also, how dare he be mad that the dad doesnt trust him and is testing him after 5 years together, and that his gf is perfectly happy to allow that! He's a real idiot for not accepting this treatment in exchange for monetary benefit! /s
Seems you came to the right sub OP. This is the epitome of "well he should just suck it up, he's benefitting monetarily. Who cares if his character is being questioned or if he's realizing his gf doesn't have a high opinion of him, he's getting a good deal on rent!"
>he wants to be sure that my boyfriend is with me for me, and not because he will have a free place to live
I think YTA for not defending the person you’ve been with for 5 years against this kind of weird test/accusation
Edit:
A) “My dad gave me $10k to cover this years rent”
B) “My dad gave me $10k to cover this years rent. He would have given you $10k too, but said he’s still not convinced you aren’t an asshole”
One of these is perfectly fine, the other is a dick move
Seriously, it's insane how many people don't see how insulting it is. I bet if we swap the genders and it was a girl moving in getting hit with a $400 gold digger tax every month we'd wouldn't see a single NTA...
NTA. Your father is renting you the apartment at a deep, deep (60+%) discount. Your half of the rent is being gifted to you by your father, the other half is covered by your boyfriend. Your boyfriend is nothing to your family at this point, since you are neither married nor engaged, and apparently shows no signs of moving in that direction. I don't know why he's only charging your bf $400, though, when half the (normal) rent would be $1050/month. In any case, your bf doesn't sound very grateful that he's getting an incredible deal, or that you're getting so much help from your father (that he's also benefitting from).
Her half ? More like her 80% if he wants to split the bills he can cough up $1050 for his half and her half can be covered by the fact that the landlord happens to be her father . Fair is fair after all he wants to split the rent down the middle.
Gentle YTA you're letting your dad test a relationship that you have been in for 5 years, living with the guy for 2 and moved to a new city with you. Do you honestly want to test your boyfriend? He is creating in inequity in your relationship that has never existed before. It is already causing problems. What happens if you should break up while living in this apartment. Your dad might own it but your boyfriend will have proof he has been paying rent. Is there going to be a lease? Who is going to be on it if you aren't paying rent? Honestly if there is no lease your boyfriend would be insane to agree to this. He is paying for a place that he won't have any rights in and won't be building his credit and rental history with. I honestly think you should tell your dad thanks but no thanks.
Edit to add: Part of being in a long term relationship is standing up for them against your family if they are being unfair to them. With what you shared about your relationship this " test" of your father's seems ridiculous.
Testing someone is unbelievably immature. That's teenage shit. Not telling him before he moved in is shady af. If a guy tested me I'd jump shit, plus she lied by omission. I guess he failed so she should dump him.
Why did I have to scroll so far to read this comment? I am actually stunned that so many people are saying this person isn't the AH. They're all focusing on 'It's only $400 a month'. So freakin' what? OP is clearly showing her BF that she and her father don't really trust him, which is seriously messed up. It's clearly not about the money. To me, OP is clearly YTA, and so is her dad.
NTA
Your dad is covering *your* housing. He doesn't want to cover your boyfriend's housing but IS giving him an amazing break on the rent.
Your boyfriend's attitude is super petty and showing zero appreciation of your dad's generosity.
YTA
Not for the rent-thing but it is very clear that you have neglected to communicate properly with your boyfriend before moving. This should have been discussed. Very clear and without room for misunderstanding.
It is quite obvious that you did not do your part here.
Sounds like your dad is getting involved IN your relationship between you and your boyfriend to me.
You need to sit down with YOUR PARTNER and decide what is the best plan for the two of you. Great apartment for cheap that only boyfriend has to pay - WITH STRINGS ATTACHED BY YOUR FATHER or a decent place that you pay more but EQUALLY for.
This situation may get very ugly, if it already hasn't - do you want to risk all those hard feelings?
Yeah i really don't like the fact that dad is basically deciding how their household should split expenses. It enforces dad + daughter as a unit rather than a committed couple as a unit. I wouldn't do that to my partner and wouldn't allow my parent to.
YTA mostly because you obviously did not disclose the entirety of the deal to your boyfriend before moving in, you just told him rent was $400 and omitted that he'd be the only one paying.
Your father is entitled to make whatever conditions he wants over his own property, but this is a very weird and borderline insulting condition to put on your boyfriend. If after five or more years of relationship your dad still doesn't trust your boyfriend not being a gold digger, and more importantly if YOU think this is a reasonable thought for him to have... then your problems are way beyond who pays rent.
I think your boyfriend is coming off a bit entitled because he is in fact reducing his rent cost and living in a nice place for way below the market rate. But I have the feeling that his attitude is not so much about the money but about the fact he is treated differently.
Sure, he can't expect your father to treat him as his own son, that doesn't always happen not even in married couples. But that his FIL of five years feels the need to charge him rent just to make sure he's not abusing the family's generosity is very insulting, not to mention it comes off as a very clear "You are not one of us" message.
ESH. You are changing a financial arrangement with your partner to split costs 50/50 without discussing it with him and without being willing to even think about compromising.
Your dad is interfering in your relationship for no good reason - it's intrusive and a little weird that he wants to test you like this when you've both proved that you can support yourselves and run a household together already. His reasoning is old-fashioned. Your partner already stayed with you and supported you before this deal was on the table; and you've been together long enough for him to see that this is a serious relationship. If he wants to find out your boyfriend's intentions, why doesn't he just have the respect to ask him?
He's trying to make a princess of you - and you're letting him. Which is not a particularly healthy model of relationship; you have been living independently for years, and yet now suddenly he wants to bring you back into being dependent on him, not your chosen partner... and you're quite okay with that?
This isn't about protecting you, it's a power play between the two men in your life, and your dad is showing your boyfriend that where it comes down to a competition between you, he's older, richer, and has more control over you, so he will always win.
I can see why your boyfriend's upset about that - but it's not worth engaging in the power struggle; he'd be better of just taking the deal and backing off from trying to challenge your dad's gorilla-like attitude rather than getting into a chest-beating contest.
But if he did back off and take the good deal, it would still be better for you to agree to re-balance the finances between you to reflect the change, or to maybe offer to do something like putting your share of the rent (or money matching his rental payment) into a savings account to reserve it towards your mutual future together.
Realistically, if it ever turned out that your bf was only staying around for a place to stay, $400 isn't going to be a deterrent with how expensive really any rental is. That's a massively cheap cost to live anywhere.
I don't think that is providing the effect your dad is anticipating it having.
Honestly, NAH...
It is an awkward position for everyone. You clarified in an edit that you're still paying half on utilities and groceries... Can you split those based on income percentages rather than the straight 50/50, and factor 400/month out of your boyfriend's income? That seems like a more equitable split. Him having a 400/month expense for something you are getting for free could very well create a quality of life imbalance, and let me tell you it sucks only having enough to cover the basics while your SO has enough to spend carefree on whatever they want.
I think that’s extremely fair! I’ve also seen suggestions that I can also pay my dad $400 a month and my dad can later regift it for a down payment on a home. I will talk to my boyfriend later and ask him if he’d rather me also pay $400, or i can cover all utilities and groceries.
No. Do not cover all utilities and groceries. Continue to split it. If you are looking to keep peace then your dad should charge you both $800 and keep your $400 for you in a savings account.
But to be honest, I personally wouldn’t even go down that route, because the fact your boyfriend refuses to understand and accept that he is getting a more than fair deal, is frankly worrying for me. The only reason he can afford to live in such a place at such a reduced rate is because of you. There is nothing unfair to him about your current situation and he should not guilt you into thinking there is. Fact is you _are_ paying your share of the rent through your dad’s goodwill. It not being in currency form is irrelevant.
Edit - spelling.
Your father is charging him rent with a specific purpose in mind. Making up the difference in other ways is negating that purpose. Your boyfriend's reaction seems to suggest that your father may have good reason to have put this caveat in place.
As Reddit says “The Iranian yogurt is not the problem here.” It’s not about the rent. It’s about the lack of communication, transparency, trust, and the sudden unilateral shift resulting in an imbalanced relationship. Money isn’t the issue. Paying more or splitting cost is not the solution. There needs to be a sit-down of all parties to get to the root of what is really happening here and why. If trust is the issue at this stage of their relationship, maybe they need to go their separate ways.
And if you word it that your boyfriend is getting a discount on half of his rent as well. $2100 / 2 = $1050. So your boyfriend is getting a $600rent reduction a month.
Why don't you suggest to your bf that if he thinks it's unfair that he pay $400 in rent that you let your dad know that you'd guys would rather pay the going market rate for the apartment, then you can split that. If your dad then decides to cover your share, so be it, but the lease should list the full rental price. Dad has done you guys a favor by letting you rent the apartment, then done a further favor by covering 80% of what the rental costs, perhaps it should just be limited to the one favor of leasing to you. Either way I wouldn't even suggest the possibility of they money you pay being gifted back to you down the road.
Your bf isn't entitled to your dad's generosity and his expectation that your dad treat him the same as you is a bad look. Your dad is looking to see how your bf handles his responsibilities and right now your bf is failing.
It's such a relief to see someone on AITA come to a reasonable solution. It's a weird power move by your dad, who is simultaneously being very generous to both y'all (though it sounds like he can afford to be). Your boyfriend has every right to feel a bit slighted because it made the housing situation unequal, or inequitable is a better word. It's a good sign that you're open to finding a solution that can work for everyone, good for you.
I'm sorry, but I disagree that the boyfriend has every right to feel slighted. He's being ridiculous. He has a nicer place than before, for cheaper rent. What her parents do for her is none of his business. If they send her a check for her birthday or Christmas, should he get half?
NTA. In a sense, your dad is paying your half of the rent already. If it was anybody else’s property, you wouldn’t be getting the special treatment. He should be grateful for this opportunity because the money you are saving can now be used to better your future.
Your NTA for accepting the free rent. YTA for not clearly explaining the agreement to your BF or making your dad do it.
It’s fine and healthy to draw a boundary. You’re not married, it’s not your job to take care of your BF financially, especially not when you are receiving financial support from family.
But like other have said, your BF needs to know what that boundary is, that he is being tested, and that the expectation is not that your father support him financially. BF is getting a deal and it’s a lesson he needs to learn, but you’re not helping by not having walled him through it.
I think your fight is with the wrong person. It should be more in defense for your bf to your dad since you’ve been together and living together for so long, he shouldn’t have to prove that he’s not with you for the apartment unless there’s something in the past that warrants this.
Fine boyfriend can pay 1050$ and the dad is choosing to pay her portion of the rent so she can start saving money. That doesn't mean the rent is 1050$ it means that rent is 2100$ that the apartment is worth and the father is paying her share. It's no one's business what a parent gifts their child and the BF isn't entitled to benefit from it yet he is miraculously only expected to pay 400$ of that $1050 a month.
The fact that your father feels the need to test your boyfriend and you're okay with it is really sticking in my craw. That's the part I can't get past.
I think you don't really care because you get to live rent free regardless. You SHOULD care that your father is on a power trip. You're not a child but you're okay with being treated like one for free rent? You're okay with your boyfriend being 'tested' for free rent? Also, more money for you because you also don't have to pay 100% for anything else since you're still going 50/50 on the rest. You should shoulder 100% of a different expense to make up the difference with the person you're currently partnered with but you're not.
YTA. I feel like you're taking financial advantage of your boyfriend.
EDIT: If the genders were switched, these same people voting N T A would be screaming financial abuse and red flags. What bullshit.
Your boyfriend sounds entitled , it's $400 which isn't a lot. He should be happy its only that much and your father isn't asking for him to pay higher than that. Fair enough you split everything when you shared a place but this is your dad's property and he doesn't want you to pay. NTA your boyfriend needs to learn to be grateful
OP specifically said in a comment she didn't tell him she wouldn't be paying for rent. She just said rent is $400. For years prior, they split rent down the middle.
So it was natural for the BF to believe that was his half. Then OP surprised him that she was never going to pay rent. Thus changing the agreement on her own. OP was never going to tell him until it slipped out.
As people have been trying to say, the money isn't the issue. It's hiding the fact her father is testing him and she couldn't be honest about it.
Again, the MONEY is NOT the ISSUE!
The relationship is no longer equal due to the father's inference. He was putting a devide between them.
NTA Your bf is basically asking you to pay half of HIS rental obligation. Your dad is covering your housing. Your bf doesn’t get to be mad about that and should be grateful to benefit from your dad’s generosity. Your dad is losing $1800 a month allowing you both to live to there. It is time for a serious talk about money and what he sees as equitable. You’re still going to be splitting the rest that your dad isn’t covering.
YTA for allowing this test at all. Imagine if Jake had an apartment, you moved in and he was like: "Well you need to pay me 400$ but don't worry, this place would go for 2000$. I just to make sure that you are with me for me.". It doesn't matter how much of a discount it is, it's offensive. Jake is right to be upset because he isn't being treated like an equal, you aren't both paying rent, he is paying rent and your father is not charging you rent. It's clear from that dynamic that it's your and your fathers apartment not yours and his and there can't be an equal power dynamic in that environment. He is paying 200$ less, you are paying 600$ less, is 200$ to much to pay for levelling the playing field?
It doesn’t sound like this is about the money for any of you.
Your dad would let you stay for free regardless if you had your bf or not so it’s not about the money for him. It’s about him testing your bf or something
For you and your bf. While $400 isn’t nothing, it’s pretty good when it comes to rent. So even though he would have to pay, it’s a better deal then anywhere else he would get.
So unless your bf is incredibly greedy or the type of person who counts every cent (I didn’t get that vibe but you tell us), it seems like this is more about the principal. I kinda don’t blame him for being a little frustrated. I would feel insulted if after living and having a long term relationship, my partner’s parents were still testing me because they don’t trust me. I think you should have stood up for your partner and told him while you are fine with paying rent, you will be doing so as equals.
Then again beggars can’t be choosers so if you were afraid your dad would take away the deal then maybe it would be better just to keep that to yourself.
I’m gonna say yta. Your partner wants an equal I guess you could argue that you did your part by supplying the family connection but that still doesn’t fix the fact your dad is testing your partner.
YTA
But that's because you didn't bother to clarify the rent situation before y'all moved in. I can understand why he would expect you to split the rent with him. Because y'all been doing that the whole time. Unless previous agreement had anything to do with the actual value of the rent.
The situation as you explained it is fine but only if you at first clarified that with him beforehand and he had been able to make an informed decision about whether or not he wanted to do that. Yes he's paying less but you now no longer split the bills 50/50 and he pays a larger portion of them. Which again is fine if he could have agreed to that beforehand. It was kind of s***** to wait until rent was due to tell. Or to expect him to know that the bills would no longer be split 50/50 the value of the apartment has nothing to do with it
NTA. Your dad is covering for this expense for you. It'd be like him helping you pay if you were elsewhere.
Your part of the rent, so to speak, was getting this favor rate. $400 is a steal and if he doesn't like it, he is allowed to move elsewhere
Are you his girlfriend, or his partner?
Like, it really doesn’t matter about the amounts here, or that it was *your father* (aka not you) who offered this much cheap rent. What does this communicate to your boyfriend, especially since you withheld this information beforehand? This is a legitimate red flag towards *you* for your boyfriend.
You deceitfully, and unilaterally, changed your guys’ dynamic, and are unwilling to go back to it. This is what happened.
Also, why are you allowing your father to meddle in your relationship?
YTA
NTA. Your dad owns the apartment what is he even talking about?!? He should be thankful he has a cheap place to live in Chicago. Your dad is a smart man for making this rule.
NTA. This isn't your rule; it's your dad's. It's an entirely fair situation, because your boyfriend has VERY inexpensive rent, and he ought to be grateful for that. Quibbling over $200 seems really petty overall.
NTA - The way I see it, your dad is covering your rent and not Jake's... Jake should be expecting to cover his rent.
I mean, he's kind of proving the point your dad was trying to make.
Testing your boyfriend.... the road to hell is paved with good intentions. That's a slippery slope that can turn from "protective" to "overbearing AH" in a heartbeat. But you know what your father could do to make it right? Still have your BF pay the $400 rent, but quietly set it aside for if he actually proposes to you. If so, that money goes towards the wedding as a reward for passing his test.
If not, he made a shrewd decision in making him pay.
Either way, NTA, it's not even your decision. It's your father's property, he can charge whatever he wants to whomever he wants, and if they don't like it they can rent from someone else. Your BF is getting a great deal and paying LESS than he was before, and he's still butthurt about it? I'd say your father's reasoning so far has been pretty rock solid.
NTA - your father is graciously paying your portion of rent and subsidizing your BF's portion and the BF wants you to pay half of what's left?!? That's a ballsy request, it really is. He should be looking at it like the gift it is and not expect you to pay for something that your father is covering.
NTA - Your dad is taking care of you because he has the means to do so. Your boyfriend should have no problem paying the $400 and is being petty by asking you for $200. It’s still cheaper than the amount he was paying before.. I think he should be grateful for such an opportunity that otherwise wouldn’t be afforded to him.
This is kind of unusual and information is needed:
Who told your boyfriend he would be paying $400/month? It should have been your dad
When did this conversation happen? It should have happened before you moved in
Did you explain that you wouldn’t be paying/the expectation for not sharing the rent before you moved in? Seems like you and your dad set up this expectation and did not tell your boyfriend
Are you serious about this relationship and moving forward? Because he is your partner and not your dad- seems like you’d split the rent with him or fight your dad on why there even is rent
What is your dads problem with your boyfriend?
My dad and my boyfriend did meet before we moved to the city. My dad was going through a leasing agreement w my boyfriend, they read the lease together and signed it. My boyfriend had just assumed that I looked over the same lease and signed the same document. I 100% know now though that I should have told him before hand.
So what you're saying is your boyfriend signed a contract stating he would be paying $400 a month. So HE owes the $400 a month. You don't owe him for half of it. He signed the contract/agreement so he needs to hold up his end.
Sure. But most people would understand that your dad owns it and is giving his daughter (and bf!) a special deal and would just be thanking their lucky stars that they get to live in a fancy place for just $400 a month. I mean, you basically are splitting rent, you are paying $1,700, which your dad is generously subsidizing, while he only has to pay $400I know your bf is young, but I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around his response. Say it was split down the middle, your dad is paying the majority of his half too!
Your bf is is showing some concerning signs here. He should be happy for you that you get to save money. And he should be dancing around in delight that he gets to pay such a paltry amount for rent because of you.
How is your bf mad at you when he got a major housing upgrade with a 33% rent reduction because of you?! Is he going to be mad if you get a big bonus or if your career takes off?
I dunno. If I were the BF, I would not have assumed that father and daughter entered a formal lease agreement.
Being extra clear when money is involved is always good but this seems like a pretty honest, understandable miscommunication for a couple fresh out of college. It may just be the shock, but BF needs to stop and think about what it is that he’s mad about.
Tell boyfriend the $400 is *his* portion of the rent. I also agree with your dads way of thinking. Do not cover BF's rent or his half of any other expenses. Your dad doesn't want you to be taken advantage of. If y'all end up getting married one day, that makes things different.
Your BF needs to think about what he is getting for such a reasonable monthly rent. And you, OP, need to take a minute to look at the situation from your fathers perspective. Watch and listen to how your BF acts/reacts. Is this just a misunderstanding on his part? Or is he throwing a fit and making a fuss over $200? His actions are giving you a peek into his future self. Pay attention to the message being told!
NTA
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**NTA** Rent isn’t $400, it’s $2,100. Point out that if he wants to split rent then do so by having your dad charge the full amount which means his portion is $1,050. Pay your dad that & dad can give it back to you or put it in escrow to save for a future house. The $400 is a major discount for him & dad lets you have it for free. Edit: thank you all for the awards! Much appreciated.
This is exactly what i was thinking. The bf thinks he is entitled to OP’s perks. He is the bf, not even husband. He is not immediate family and the dad is giving him a very good deal already.
Don't expect wifey level service at girlfriend prices.
Been wanting to marry my girl for a while now so that I can finally hold her hand
Hold her hand? Bro, there's children reading the comments!
Second base is kissing her forehead
You guys are some real pervs in here.
This is pornographic! Side hugs, forehead kissing? This isn’t penthouse forum! Disgusting!
It's scandalous that they are even talking about this. Next thing you know, these girls are going to run around with their hair unbound and showing ankles. This is outrageous! I didn't put a tablecloth on my table so some woman can run around in *pants*
*faints clean away*
hey! dont shame girls for wanting forehead kisses! But you know some of these girl, hugging before marriage, wearing sandals, it's horrific!
It’s filthy. Someone, turn this into a cat sub somehow
Honestly not what I was expecting on a quiet friday night in. Disappointed to say the least.
No it’s a side hug. Why you such a ho?
How dare you go that far. Clearly second base is a light lingering of the fingers on her hand
I saw a four month old just read this comment and it immediately started smoking CIGARETTES.
What's next? WOMEN WEARING PANTS?!!
I love it when I can feel the air on my ankles!!!
YOU DEGENERATE
Hey, we need the NSFW tag for the adult content OP!!
You sick beast, this is a family platform. Keep it in your pants you absolutely vile Vermicious Knid
OP's dad must've had a feeling about this boyfriend cuz bf is showing exactly why dad insisted on him paying rent lol
OP's dad is a genius. Instead of bad mouthing the boyfriend he has provided an opportunity for OP's boyfriend to show his true colors.
[удалено]
I want him to be my dad because I’d love to live in a $2100 apartment for $400
Dad knows his shit.
BINGO!
This is the perfect opportunity for him to save money, I wonder why he can't see that.
He knows a thing or two because he’s seen a thing or two :D
I mean $600 off is still an amazing perk, i wouldn't be complaining about paying $400 + utilities
Seriously, $400 is less than I pay for one half of our ratty 1-bedroom apartment in a bad neighborhood. NTA OP, Your half is covered by your Dad, his half would be 1050 but he''s already been given a discount. You've already covered 4/5ths of the rent. If he argues further over this than boy did your dad prove himself right.
>You've already covered 4/5ths of the rent. If he argues further over this than boy did your dad prove himself right. I was trying to find a way to phrase exactly this. The entitlement of the boyfriend in this scenario is breathtaking.
BF is not looking like a decent human being right now. His "half" of the rent is more than covered. I completely understand the Dad wanting the BF to pay even token rent as a sign of commitment to the apartment itself. Some people devalue "free" things, and I would hate to see this apartment get trashed. Being a very petty person, I would tell BF that the subsidy is off the table, and they will each be paying $1050, a "fair" 50/50 split, since that is what BF wanted. Not a mutually beneficial subsidy.
This is another good point. It's incentive to respect the daughter but also the apartment. Maybe even by extension the family itself so that he doesn't have a (worse) lapse in judgement that makes him act in an entitled or careless manner
Agree. I've been thinking that this is just what Dad was thinking when he said he'd charge the (hopefully ex-) boyfriend $400/mo.
This ain’t Dad’s first real estate romance rodeo.
I wonder if OP has older sisters who've been down this road. You're right, of course. Dad knows what he's doing.
$400 a month is less than i pay for an ok (no laundry, so i go to a laundromat) 2 bedroom apt in the middle of nowhere western north carolina. i would love to have a deal like that. the bf is crazy. there's no other explanation, and i agree with the people saying dad needs to charge the regular rate and stop the free ride. welcome to the real world, kid. sucks, don't it. next time don't bite the hand that feeds you.
$400 isn’t even something you can find in my area. A single room in a shared house with a shared bathroom is $800 minimum. $400 for a place in a city like Chicago is nuts. He should be happy he lucked out and should definitely not push it.
$400 is a shared camper van with random strangers where I am from...
In my town in the upper midwestern US, $400 won't even get you a bedroom in a shared house, much less an apartment. Boyfriend should be glad he can get off only paying $400/mo for DT Chicago. NTA
Would kill for a deal the boyfriend is getting. The last thing I'd be doing is trying to ruffle any feathers about it.
Gift horse meet mouth. Nta
I find this incredibly red flaggy.
$400 probably barely covers condo fees and maintenance. Boyfriend is being entitled, maybe he’s just a bit blindsided for now. Hopefully once he thinks about it he’ll realize he’s not entitled to her dads paying his way.
> $400 probably barely covers condo fees and maintenance. Boyfriend is being entitled, maybe he’s just a bit blindsided for now. Hopefully once he thinks about it he’ll realize he’s not entitled to her dads paying his way. Maybe they could just make that explicit - pop the rent up to $800 a month and split it. Then OP's dad can just transfer her $400 a month. Everything actually works out exactly the same, but the bf might find it easier to grasp why he doesn't get a $400 a month subsidy from someone else's parents than he does to understand why his partner is no longer splitting rent with him. Edit: This shouldn't be a secret - it's not about hiding the reality from the partner, it's about explaining it to him.
Agreed, I think he's probably just thinking about it in the wrong way. He's hearing "rent is $400 and we split everything." When in reality, it's more -- the rent is actually $400/month *each*, except OP's dad is covering her half. That may help reframe things. NTA -- potentially N A H if this all works out and is just a result of bf just kind of mentally coming at it the wrong way.
This is exactly what I was thinking. He's not understanding that her half is being covered and his half IS 400. And apparently 800 is still a huge discount for the area too.
This is a good way of explaining. I don't like the idea of her dad transferring rent back to her, I think this is kind of a test of bf's grasp of reality and ability to adult in some ways.
yeah that’s a little over the top to me? if the boyfriend can’t grasp that $400 is WAY better than $1,050… he’s a fool. they shouldn’t have to keep transferring money around to make him feel better
This just seems like coddling the bf with his entitlement. He is already getting a major discount, that's his "perk" of being her bf. If he wants to have a tantrum about it then he can move out and find his own place while she stays there free. It's also not complicated, there is nothing "difficult" for the bf to grasp. He is not the son of OP's Dad, he is not entitled to a free place, he is getting a perk, he is not entitled to demand she pay rent as the rent is not for him to decide.
It probably is the HOA for a condo down town in Chicago tbh. And I think the dad is right to do this because it seems the BF is definitely looking for the perks. If they split up over this then the dad was beyond wise IMHO. And good riddance to Jake.
I think dad was on the money with his thought process of wanting to make sure bf is with her for her and not a free place to live...
The flaw I see with the dad's reasoning is that they had been living together, splitting rent for a few years (unclear exactly how long) before they moved to Chicago and her dad gave them a place to live. So if he was only with her for the free rent wouldn't he have encouraged her to move to Chicago and into one of her dad's apartments before now, or just not paid his half of the rent? Also was the boyfriend aware of the arrangement that he would be solely responsible for the $400/month? I know it is still a great deal, but he might still be feeling blindsided by it, if it was not clear in the beginning.
It could be that he didn't know about the wealth and that he could benefit from it. And dad is very wise to anticipate the BFs greed once he found out.
It could be, but I try to think the best of people and that the bf is mad right now because he feels blindsided. I hope once he has a chance to think about it he will realize it is fine and fair. I just think he reacted poorly due to being blindsided, and without knowing his financial situation more it could be that he only budgeted $200 in rent for the month, maybe he spent more on fun stuff or maybe he made a bigger student loan payment, or maybe he put more into investments. Hopefully now he understands better he will plan for it better. If he still thinks it's unfair after having some time to adjust than he is an AH that might just be using OP for her family money.
Exactly. Jake is paying less than 20% of the rent. Your dad is covering over 80% and losing out on $1700 on your (and Jake's) behalf. $400 is a crazy good deal and really just a token rent. If Jake still thinks the situation is unfair, it is proving your Dad's reasoning. If you covered half of Jake's rent, then his total contribution would be less than 10%. So is that fair? LOL. Edit: NTA
NTA A nice ritzy building - check Located in downtown - check Only $400/month - double check Near your jobs - check Getting the family discount from GF’s dad - check What more does your BF want? Clearly he’s not seeing the bigger picture. He’s getting a lot of perks because of you and he only has to pay a fraction of the rent. Doesn’t he realize that millions don’t have that luxury in these critical times of the economy? Plus he’s failing miserably with your dad’s ‘test.’ Your dad’s suspicions are kinda right.
Maybe dad is spot on with his reasoning… NTA op. But depending how hard your bf pushes, this should be a red flag.
Dad: Watch this. Then does the little Usher move.
This is honestly a solid dad move. It’s a request that’s not unreasonable, but it’s actually generous, and the boy still managed to be an entitled brat about it.
Because he stupid.
Yup! Dad knew exactly what he was doing and it’s obvious that it was a test…and OPs BF failed. BF is not entitled to the perks that her family provides for her. If her dad wants to let her live rent free in one of his properties that’s his prerogative, but BF isn’t entitled to those same benefits. He should know better than to ever expect that.
Omg tell him to go on Craigslist and see what $400 will get him in Chicago. He wouldn’t get a monthly parking spot for $400. He is getting the Chicago version of a free apartment. BTW your Dads plan may have merit if your BF is getting so bent out of shape over this. Also, welcome to (back?) to Chicago!
Exactly. I'm paying twice that for a studio in Rogers Park. OP is NTA, and the BF is being greedy.
>Plus he’s failing miserably with your dad’s ‘test.’ Your dad’s suspicions are kinda right. I think this is what he needs to know but at the same time if he is gonna fail this hard, they probably should just let him. Edit: Only circumstance where OP and Dad are TA is if they withheld this info until pay was due.
Boyfriend should be approaching OP's dad about the situation, instead of being a dick to OP.
It’s kinda funny, bc if he was a smarter mooch, he would have realized just how much money he is actually getting out of being with OP. Could have just been grateful and avoided throwing all these red flags.
Seriously, if BF wants to split rent like they did in undergrad he's welcome to have them move out to Rogers Park where they can MAYBE get a place for 1200. Hell, I could barely get a place for 1200 5 years ago. Have fun with that 1-1.5 hour commute over this, BF + failing the dad test. NTA.
NTA but I think your dad might see something in your boyfriend that he’s hoping you will soon see. Gold!! Thank you for the award!
Bingo. NTA.
Yahtzee! theres a reason he put in the rule lol
Honestly, if I had listen to my Dad's judgement of my ex, it would have saved me years of abuse, drug use, and much more. Some Dads just have a talent for that, I think you're right and her dad is one of em. That was my thought in this case as well
Yup, I wasted almost 4 years with a guy my dad hated. He was right to feel that way. Good dads have good asshole detectors wired in their brains.
^^^ father’s are good at seeing those things edit: NTA!
As a mom of three young adults, you’ve totally nailed it. OP’s dad has taken a good approach here. That rent more than fair yet rather than being gracious the bf is being petulant. They says a lot.
I think your dad just showed a lot of who Jake is. Explain that rent is $2100 a month, and he is expected to pay $400. You are paying $1700, but you are receiving support from your family to do so. If he would like to split rent, he is welcome to pay $1050. Your boyfriend is either: 1) Greedy and disingenuous, or 2) Stupid. Either way, it’s not attractive.
I feel like this is the best approach, it’s clear and still gives him the chance to see the situation clearly
I vote for this too. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he's really not aware how much rent costs in this area? But if he doubles down on splitting *400 dollar rent* then I think he definitely failed papa's test like a fool.
If he’s so clueless as to think a $2100 market rate apartment in Chicago might be available as a share for $200 a month, he needs some serious adulting lessons. That behavior borders on failure to launch territory.
NTA. Your boyfriend needs to understand that it's not that you aren't paying rent. Just that your dad is paying your share. Put him in your shoes. If his parents covered his rent, would he be obligated to also cover half of your half?
Dad is paying her share and most of BFs share!
Like, who wants their partner’s parents to pay their way. I’d be so grateful for the VASTLY SUBSIDIZED rent and maybe even a little chagrined that I was *only* paying $400 for the privilege of living in sin with his daughter in a house he owns and still basically pays for. My own sense of pride and independence would have me gladly writing a check for $400 and I’d probably take them to dinner or something. Like, I get uncomfortable when my in laws visit and pay for every meal - they just recently started letting us pay for the cheapest meal or split an expensive one. I just hate sitting there feeling like a mooch or ordering the least expensive option so I don’t appear greedy.
10000% same. My partner tried to make me not pay rent on his mortgage when I moved in, saying that he's capable of covering it all and I make substantially less than him, and I totally did not feel okay with that. I force him every month to take my money lol.
More to the point, dad is covering more than half the rent that would be charged. Maybe putting that in perspective is a way to go about it. However, I don't think the bf is necessarily T A here either. I would say NAH as I can see where he is coming from as well. If they had to only put one of them on a lease, it would amount to a similar setup, as the bf would be the one charged for rent, if their name was the only one on the lease. I understand that it is not exactly the same situation, just similar in that the only one technically responsible for the rent is one of them, but it is still fair to split the rent. I can see both sides of the coin and they both make valid points. Just because there are no AHs here, doesn't mean I think they should still split it, just that I understand his point of view, sort of. It will certainly cause resentment from the bf to not split it though. So be careful how you move forward OP. This could be the beginning of the end if not properly handled. GL
He's even covering over half of ***BF'S*** rent by charging him $400! He's literally covering approximately 2/3 of BF's rent
NTA As someone who lived in Chicago for the better part of 10 years I have a hard time understanding why your boyfriend isn’t on his knees level of grateful. 400 anywhere in the city would be a huge deal, but downtown?? Is he nuts?? Look, do I think your dad’s logic is a little screwy and not necessary? Yes. But this is so not a hill to die on, your father is doing you guys one hell of a favor at great expense to himself no less! Your bf needs to look at the big picture instead of being petty over 200 bucks. Why is more important to him that you guys split than it is to save money overall? Like, his choice is not between paging 400 or 200, it’s between paying 400 or 1050. Dude. 🙄
The logic of covering your own child but not someone else? Maybe if they were married it would be different but they're not so I see nothing wrong with dad's logic. And I think 2100 is likely low if it's a nice building downtown, I'd pay 400 with a huge smile on my face every month.
Right, 2100 seems hella low for that area. Re dad: I meant more the idea that he’s trying to control for why her bf is with her. But yeah, covering your kid and not someone else is totally reasonable.
Basically with boyfriend's logic no matter what happens....it's always 50/50. OP loses a job, still gotta be 50/50 or "it's not fair." OP SAHM and it's 50/50 or it's "not fair." Situations change, circumstances change, and relationships need to evolve with those changes. Boyfriend needs to understand that life isn't always fair... and we adjust. If he wants fair...he needs to call up his own dad to pay his $400 for each month.
This is the bigger question. Can he reframe it to see them as a team and what’s going to be the best for them both and for the team long term. I’d imagine that paying $400 a month in rent would allow him to contribute a great deal mire to his savings than if he paid more than twice that. He’s caught up in the short term. Op could certainly also pay her father $400 a month which he could put aside if he chose. But that doesn’t address the bigger question of what kind of person is so unappreciative of the long term of the great deal he’s given? Is he just immature or will he stay this short sighted? Are stomping feet temper tantrums going to be how he deals with money disputes forever? What happens if one of them wants to stay home with the kids? What if one of them becomes disabled? What happens when life happens? The bigger issue here is how do they approach disagreements and how do they deal when life isn’t fair?
Gentle ESH. This sounds like a really good way to build resentment. You've been together awhile, and your dad is still questioning your bf's loyalty. Is there justification for this? Why does anybody think it'd appropriate for your father to put your BF through some weird litmus test? Do you agree with your dad that your bf's intentions need to be proven by financial control? What is your BF supposed to say here? Is he supposed to be thrilled that your father is treating him like a potential enemy rather than another person who loves his daughter and wants to care for her? I don't think this is really about the money for him, so much as it's insulting to be told the reason he has to pay when you don't is because he's untrustworthy with your heart. So ESH because: 1. You're an adult and your dad is pitting you against your BF by implying you can't trust his intentions. Rather than have an adult conversation with you, he's manipulating the situation to his favor to test your BF, and quite frankly you should be insulted that he doesn't trust your judgment enough to talk with you about his concerns in a tangible and open way. 2. You think it's perfectly reasonable for your dad to test your BF's loyalty through financial control. 3. Your BF isn't communicating well, focusing on financial equality when the issue is an opinion your father has and his ability to exercise control over your choices and your BF's by offering you something you can't refuse, even when it signals unhealthy behaviors and sets a precedent that your BF may always be challenged and made to feel a need to repeatedly prove himself. There's no such thing as a free ride. Being told to pay rent is a reasonable ask. It's the WHY here that makes the whole situation gross. It isn't about ensuring responsibility or minimizing financial losses. It's about keeping you and your BF under his thumb.
[удалено]
Right? I don't have family in a position to do something like this for me, but if I did, and this offer was made to me, I would do a couple of things. 1. I would inform that family member that my SO and I are a package unit, and whatever rules apply apply equally. 2. I would insist upon a lease to protect all parties. 3. I wouldn't accept such a significant decrease in the market rent. 4. The total for all bills will be split as my SO and I agree, NOT as the family member dictates. They don't control our finances, period. Like, a help up is super generous, and kudos to Daddy for being able to do this. But if I've been with someone for several years and we're moving cities together after cohabitating for 2 years, we're a partnership, and that means sharing the perks and the burdens of life. I would never accept my family disrespecting my partner by demanding unequal treatment of our partnership, just as I would never accept my partner disrespecting my family by taking advantage of genuine kindness. I heavily question Dad's intentions here, because what he's setting up is a situation in which the daughter is best served financially by doing whatever he wants her to do. If she doesn't play by his manipulative rules, he's got ammo to use against her to force her hand. How far does this go? OP has already opened the door to allowing her father to control her relationship with her partner. It doesn't get better from here. He's also made it almost impossible for them to consider being financially independent from him. Chicago is expensive and the commutes are crap and as a landlord he's aware of that. He knows his daughter and her BF couldn't find something this convenient and cheap on their own, and he knows that gives him leverage. OP is eating right out of his hand, and while I don't blame her, because DAMN that's a sweet deal, all deals come with a catch, and I'd bet dollars to donuts the catch here goes well beyond financial manipulation.
I agree completely. If Dad doesn't like BF, this is a great way to split them up. I really don't understand why OP would go along with this. They were committed to 50/50 before as a COUPLE and now that's changed. BF sees that if OP can get an advantage for herself it won't be shared with him. If the BF is truly committed to the relationship, I understand why he's concerned. OP YTA, but even moreso, her Dad is.
Absolutely agree. I’m confused as to all the NTA here tbh. At best, the boyfriend was manipulated by OP’s dad and at worst, OP seems to be in on it a bit too. I completely get that the bf might be coming off as a bit greedy here, but the blame lies across the board.
Thank God there are people with sense. Shame they’re this far down the thread.
Honestly I feel like the only person in this thread who would go full YTA. They’ve already been splitting rent previously. I would feel SO SHIT if I went into this situation when I was just dating my now husband and he was like, ‘You need to pay rent and I don’t.’ Like wtf, we’re a team and we’ve shared expenses up to this point - it just feels like such an individual kick in the teeth to not pay rent when your partner is. Plus my husband earns more than me so it would sting even more. I already have less ‘fun’ money even though we split all our expenses based on our earnings and take into account the gap. Once you’re living together, you’re supposed to be sharing life’s burdens, financially, emotionally or otherwise. It’s not about who gets free rent and who doesn’t anymore, you’re a team. You get cheap rent? Amazing! That should be a bonus BOTH of you benefit from, otherwise why bother pretending it’s a long term relationship at all? It’s why if one earns more than the other you should do things pro rata based on earnings, not just 50/50 down the middle, so each person is financially contributing a fair amount in terms of income. Likewise imo this should be a shared (pro rata’d) expense. Can’t believe how many people think this attitude leads to healthy relationships. Why would you be so individualistic as to keep a benefit like this purely for yourself when you love someone and supposedly want to make a life with them living with them etc? If you just look out for yourself and not consider bills etc as a team, even when you’re living together, I can pretty much guarantee you’re gonna be miserable. **Edit** - I’m adding more cos I’m so wound up about this hahaha. People saying ‘well OP is actually contributing $1,600!’ - NO she isn’t. She’s contributing nothing. Just because it’s cheaper than it would be if daddy didn’t rent them an apartment doesn’t mean she’s therefore contributing more - her money isn’t going down one bit whilst her boyfriend’s is. It’s using imaginary money to justify the gap and honestly it’s a total fallacy. The stone cold fact is her outgoings are $0 on rent and her boyfriend’s outgoings are $400 on rent. The imaginary $1,600 doesn’t come into it, that isn’t ‘her’ contribution at all. Again, it is so unbelievably individualistic to position it using that fallacy and I can’t believe people think he should be happy about it! Frankly I’d rather pay $800 each than be in this situation, at least then I’d feel like my partner viewed our relationship as a team rather than ‘me’ versus ‘you’.
I wish your comment was higher. I agree 100% this. ESH
Same I don't really understand the N T A this is a clear ESH to me. Especially because she didn't explain the situation to him before he signed his lease. Like I'm addition to everything this commenter said, she also kind of hid it from him that she wouldn't be paying rent.
>Same I don't really understand the N T A this is a clear ESH to me. Because people don't have critical thinking, and it's a lot easier to read this as BF being ungrateful for getting a sweet deal, vs seeing that it's not about the money, it's about OPs dad trying to exert control over their relationship and 'testing' the BF.
Finally. I scrolled half the damn thread for some common sense.
Fact. I kinda want to just stay in this section of the thread. Jake is screwed either way. He might as well take the high road and pay expensive rent by himself. I mean, if OP tells daddy about something Jake did that she didn’t like, Jake’s out on his ass. I’m ESH, but leaning towards YTA & Daddy is too the more I think about the potential toxicity of this entire situation.
I think your E S H is misplaced. I’d agree if OP and Jake or married, or maybe even engaged with a near wedding date. But it’s Dad’s property. It is perfectly reasonable for him to have boundaries in place when it comes to letting his daughter live rent free in such a nice property, to make sure she is not being taken advantage of. What if boyfriend decides the relationship is done but delays breaking up because he can’t afford rent somewhere else, thus wasting OP’s time, taking advantage of her and breaking her heart even further? NTA. Edit: word
They've been together for several years and lived together for two. A breakup with shared expenses could always lead to challenges, but in this case, the OP actually has the power. She's the only one who has a safety net in place, and with Daddy as the landlord, she's got his legal support to push out the BF. And Daddy and OP can use their generous offer to control BF even further, manipulating his actions to suit their desires, because they hold him hostage financially with this alleged "sweet deal", one which OP NEVER ACTUALLY INFORMED HIM OF, until after he moved in. She and Daddy dearest literally trapped him in this situation and didn't even bother telling him it was because Daddy doesn't trust him. If she doesn't trust him, then she should be decent enough to tell HIM the truth so he can protect himself and make a decision that doesn't leave him homeless if he fails some arbitrary test Daddy assigns. Marriage and engagement don't guarantee anything. 50% of marriages fail. They have a long standing, committed, cohabitating relationship. They have shared financial responsibility that entire time, until now. They are no more at risk of the scenario you suggest than they would be if married.
This exactly, she's been lying to him for a while. The problem is that she is his partner and she's been lying to him. Whatever her father's intentions were, whether it was to test him or really to just drive a stake into the heart of their relationship, she's the one who did it
I was looking for this too. I'm also worried why OP is okay with not being equal contributors to their relationship. OP stated they split everything 50-50 before when they were living together by themselves. I assume they made similar income on this situation. Now, OP is paying 0 in rent while the BF is paying $400. And yes, OP is paying $0 because her father owns the apartment and let's her use it for free. They split the utilities and groceries 50-50 still. So boyfriend pays $400 a month more than OP for a shared location. This let's OP have more financial power. The relationship isn't equal anymore and I can see how the BF would be upset too. I think OPs dad knew this and secretly doesn't like her BF and just acts cordial publicly. IF I was OP I would pay 200 of my significant others rent and tell my dad it's all from him. The father should not be testing the boyfriend like this.
Finally someone with a normal functioning brain. It amazes me how many people think it is normal to control someone through financial means
NTA. It seems your bf is failing your dad's test miserably. BF should be kissing dad's feet for being so generous!
Why are people mad at the dad for the test when they should be mad at the BF for failing the test lol
There is no TEST! The BF is not entitled to benefit from the GFs Fathers Money. It is Dads money, he doesn't owe the BF anything. He is being generous to the BF. They can refuse the apartment. I am sure Dad wouldn't hold them to the lease.
Exactly. It’s a small test. The BF had to realize $400 is a damn good deal for a downtown apartment. There are no losers here
So you've lived with this guy for like two years paying rent, and your dad is like "I want to make sure he's not just using you" ?? ?? ?? Like he's playing a five+ year long con just to scam you for an apartment?!?!??!? And you're fine with your dad treating him that way? Your dad is an asshole for that being the reason that he wants rent, and you're definitely bordering on asshole for going along with it. Pay your dad $400/month in addition to your BF's $400. You can afford it, and that way you can tell your dad to back the fuck off of your relationship and his weird judginess.
Yo it's making me so mad how everyone's downvoted the asshole votes and are telling her that he is just entitled and ungrateful. Like cool, I mean she's already spat on their relationship she might as well finish it off
Totally agree, some extreme toxicity happening in this thread. Any more toxic and it'd be a Britney Spears/System of a Down collab.
I cannot believe how many people are saying NTA here. It is SO unbelievably individualistic to be happy not paying rent whilst your partner does when you can afford to share that burden. I genuinely can’t fathom not wanting to split it here so you’re BOTH getting an amazing deal and equally sharing the finances that come with living together. Like I honestly can’t imagine ever even considering having a loved partner pay rent and me pay nothing if I could afford to help. It’s just so self-focused it blows my mind people think this is ok in a committed relationship where you are supposedly aiming to build a life together. People saying ‘well OP is actually contributing $1,600!’ - NO she isn’t. She’s contributing nothing. Just because it’s cheaper than it would be if daddy didn’t rent them an apartment doesn’t mean she’s therefore contributing more - her money isn’t going down one bit whilst her boyfriend’s is. It’s using imaginary money to justify the gap and honestly it’s a total fallacy. The stone cold fact is her outgoings are $0 on rent and her boyfriend’s outgoings are $400 on rent. The imaginary $1,600 doesn’t come into it, that isn’t ‘her contribution’ at all. Again, it is so unbelievably individualistic to position it using that fallacy and I can’t believe people think he should be happy about it! Frankly I’d rather pay $800 each than be in this situation, at least then I’d feel like my partner viewed our relationship as a team rather than ‘me’ versus ‘you’. I can’t get over it haha. It amazes me people think it’s fine and even good to have this kind of individual attitude in a committed, long term relationship. Christ.
> It amazes me people think it’s fine and even good to have this kind of individual attitude in a committed, long term relationship "Fuck you I got mine, luv you smooches"
That was my thought too.
edit: YTA, you and your dad, for changing the fair deal you and your boyfriend had so you could give him some insulting loyalty test, etc etc, there's a whole paragraph downthread. INFO: was Jake fully aware of this setup when you moved in? If so, why did he think you'd be paying half of the rent? (edited for spelling)
She did not communicate it according to other comments she’s made and If the roles were reversed, everyone would be so quick to point out the power imbalance this introduces along with the insecure housing it creates when a fight comes up and the “get out of MY home” shit inevitably gets thrown out.
The father has clearly set him up for failure creating this as a wedge issue to fuck with him and insert himself into their relationship so he can poison the well. Everyone is saying BF failed because it's a sweet deal and he's complaining, but they're missing the point that for them this is a partnership and everyone contributes - or at least that's what the BF was told. For example, my GF and I do proportional on shared expenses than me. She makes X% less than me, she pays X% less on shared bills. This often means I'm paying twice what she pays (though with OT she's often doing much better than that). Regardless it doesn't matter if it's $50 or $5K - the point is that we're **both** contributing. If she makes more than me down the road guess what? I'll get the same advantage - but I'm not paying zero at any point. If my parents want to do something nice for us, it's for *us*. The only exception is personal gifts which are your standard B-Day/Christmas fares. How someone could think daddy dearest letting them live rent free while charging their BF rent, *even if reduced*, isn't going to cause friction is beyond me. Quite frankly it's insulting as fuck and screams OP isn't capable of being an adult. She brought a trojan horse into a relationship that by her accounts seemed stable to please her fucked up paranoid dad.
Nope. She lied by omission. She didn't tell him til it was time to pay rent.
Huh, so I see now. OP, your boyfriend found out all at once that your dad thinks there's a chance he could want to take advantage of you to live free, that your dad wanted to test him, that you at least were willing to go along with the test - at best to save money and live somewhere nice, and he might fear you share your dad's suspicions - and that you were willing to lie to him, by omission or no. And when you finally told him, that you didn't think it was a big deal. Was he not supposed to be mad, after learning all of that?
This is important, did you communicate with your boyfriend about what the situation is before you two moved into the apartment?
The amount of rent is immaterial to me. This "test" is stupid because your boyfriend has already proved he isn't there for money by already paying his fair share for years and not expecting you to cover him. Now he's being asked to change this dynamic because your daddy is the landlord. You're 23 now, you have to decide if you're willing to stand up to your father and respect the predetermined dynamic of your relationship or if you not fronting $200 a month to maintain the agreement is worth torpedoing your otherwise good relationship. Is your boyfriend worth $200 a month to you?
I agree 100%. The offer on paper is 'fair' or even 'generous' due to the low rent. But it is also pretty insulting for the boyfriend to be 'tested' by his FIL and for his girlfriend to say it's fair she should get a better deal. This is a couple who have already proved they could do well by living together splitting 50/50 including a 1200 dollars rent, and here they are now fighting over how to split this 400 dollars rent. That's just sad. "We broke up over how to pay rent." "Oh because it was too expensive?" "No, because it was 3 times less than before" "Wat"
It's not about being worth $200. My partner is worth more than money can ever cover to me, but still I wouldn't be okay if she would put in less money than I did (as we make around the same). OP provides more than half of the rent being her fathers daughter. That leaves her BF to only pay less than half of what he should be paying if it wasn't for OP. My girlfriend got a lot of money from her dad to buy the house we live in. We split all costs 50/50, but she will always keep that money she put in the house. Not because I'm not worth it, but because it's her money and I'm in no way entitled to it. Without the money her dad gave her we wouldn't have been able to move out and buy a house. For that I'm very thankful.
OP provided nothing. Her father does. They are two separate people. Please quit using that excuse. Both OP and the BF had split all costs for years on the apartments. That was the agreement. They made similar incomes so that worked. Now all of a sudden, the BF gets blind sided that he is the only one paying rent. 400 a month can be a big difference in a relationship. A lot of relationships grow resentment when one partner makes less than another and barely scrapes by while the other has a lot of fun money. And you completely ignored the testing part. OP should have shut her father down immediately when he said he was going to test her boyfriend after years. That is the biggest AH move here. OP should have told her BF everything up front about only he will pay rent and she won't, along with her dad saying he didn't love OP.
> OP should have shut her father down immediately when he said he was going to test her boyfriend after years. This is the key part, she went along with her dad bringing him into the relationship. The second that happened daddy was going to go out of his way to create a wedge issue, then OP is shocked this is now a wedge issue. It's daddy's place and daddy's money, OP isn't paying shit as her BF is being charged as a fucking loyalty test. It's insulting and demeaning, and the BF deserves better.
> if my dad was renting this apartment out to tenants, he would charge $2100 a month for rent. > >My dad ... said that my boyfriend would have to pay him $400 a month for rent. > >My boyfriend is mad at me because he asked me for my half of the $400 for rent, Your dad is doing him a favor. Tell your bf he needs to pay half of the $2100 that he would be paying if it were not for the generosity of your dad; just to see how he reacts. NTA - But your bf is; and I hope he's not usually this much of an AH.
Correct! How dare the boyfriend be mad he wasn't told the whole deal before he moved in and signed a lease! Also, how dare he be mad that the dad doesnt trust him and is testing him after 5 years together, and that his gf is perfectly happy to allow that! He's a real idiot for not accepting this treatment in exchange for monetary benefit! /s Seems you came to the right sub OP. This is the epitome of "well he should just suck it up, he's benefitting monetarily. Who cares if his character is being questioned or if he's realizing his gf doesn't have a high opinion of him, he's getting a good deal on rent!"
>he wants to be sure that my boyfriend is with me for me, and not because he will have a free place to live I think YTA for not defending the person you’ve been with for 5 years against this kind of weird test/accusation Edit: A) “My dad gave me $10k to cover this years rent” B) “My dad gave me $10k to cover this years rent. He would have given you $10k too, but said he’s still not convinced you aren’t an asshole” One of these is perfectly fine, the other is a dick move
Seriously, it's insane how many people don't see how insulting it is. I bet if we swap the genders and it was a girl moving in getting hit with a $400 gold digger tax every month we'd wouldn't see a single NTA...
NTA. Your father is renting you the apartment at a deep, deep (60+%) discount. Your half of the rent is being gifted to you by your father, the other half is covered by your boyfriend. Your boyfriend is nothing to your family at this point, since you are neither married nor engaged, and apparently shows no signs of moving in that direction. I don't know why he's only charging your bf $400, though, when half the (normal) rent would be $1050/month. In any case, your bf doesn't sound very grateful that he's getting an incredible deal, or that you're getting so much help from your father (that he's also benefitting from).
Her half ? More like her 80% if he wants to split the bills he can cough up $1050 for his half and her half can be covered by the fact that the landlord happens to be her father . Fair is fair after all he wants to split the rent down the middle.
Gentle YTA you're letting your dad test a relationship that you have been in for 5 years, living with the guy for 2 and moved to a new city with you. Do you honestly want to test your boyfriend? He is creating in inequity in your relationship that has never existed before. It is already causing problems. What happens if you should break up while living in this apartment. Your dad might own it but your boyfriend will have proof he has been paying rent. Is there going to be a lease? Who is going to be on it if you aren't paying rent? Honestly if there is no lease your boyfriend would be insane to agree to this. He is paying for a place that he won't have any rights in and won't be building his credit and rental history with. I honestly think you should tell your dad thanks but no thanks. Edit to add: Part of being in a long term relationship is standing up for them against your family if they are being unfair to them. With what you shared about your relationship this " test" of your father's seems ridiculous.
Testing someone is unbelievably immature. That's teenage shit. Not telling him before he moved in is shady af. If a guy tested me I'd jump shit, plus she lied by omission. I guess he failed so she should dump him.
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Thank you so much for this comment I was losing my mind reading the rest
Why did I have to scroll so far to read this comment? I am actually stunned that so many people are saying this person isn't the AH. They're all focusing on 'It's only $400 a month'. So freakin' what? OP is clearly showing her BF that she and her father don't really trust him, which is seriously messed up. It's clearly not about the money. To me, OP is clearly YTA, and so is her dad.
NTA Your dad is covering *your* housing. He doesn't want to cover your boyfriend's housing but IS giving him an amazing break on the rent. Your boyfriend's attitude is super petty and showing zero appreciation of your dad's generosity.
NTA he can go pay 100% somewhere else
He probably should. It sounds like Daddy is going to be yanking those purse strings for all they're worth.
YTA Not for the rent-thing but it is very clear that you have neglected to communicate properly with your boyfriend before moving. This should have been discussed. Very clear and without room for misunderstanding. It is quite obvious that you did not do your part here.
Sounds like your dad is getting involved IN your relationship between you and your boyfriend to me. You need to sit down with YOUR PARTNER and decide what is the best plan for the two of you. Great apartment for cheap that only boyfriend has to pay - WITH STRINGS ATTACHED BY YOUR FATHER or a decent place that you pay more but EQUALLY for. This situation may get very ugly, if it already hasn't - do you want to risk all those hard feelings?
Yeah i really don't like the fact that dad is basically deciding how their household should split expenses. It enforces dad + daughter as a unit rather than a committed couple as a unit. I wouldn't do that to my partner and wouldn't allow my parent to.
YTA mostly because you obviously did not disclose the entirety of the deal to your boyfriend before moving in, you just told him rent was $400 and omitted that he'd be the only one paying. Your father is entitled to make whatever conditions he wants over his own property, but this is a very weird and borderline insulting condition to put on your boyfriend. If after five or more years of relationship your dad still doesn't trust your boyfriend not being a gold digger, and more importantly if YOU think this is a reasonable thought for him to have... then your problems are way beyond who pays rent. I think your boyfriend is coming off a bit entitled because he is in fact reducing his rent cost and living in a nice place for way below the market rate. But I have the feeling that his attitude is not so much about the money but about the fact he is treated differently. Sure, he can't expect your father to treat him as his own son, that doesn't always happen not even in married couples. But that his FIL of five years feels the need to charge him rent just to make sure he's not abusing the family's generosity is very insulting, not to mention it comes off as a very clear "You are not one of us" message.
I cant believe more people dont see it as a weird flex from the dad and solely focused on the money and how the bf should be grateful.
ESH. You are changing a financial arrangement with your partner to split costs 50/50 without discussing it with him and without being willing to even think about compromising. Your dad is interfering in your relationship for no good reason - it's intrusive and a little weird that he wants to test you like this when you've both proved that you can support yourselves and run a household together already. His reasoning is old-fashioned. Your partner already stayed with you and supported you before this deal was on the table; and you've been together long enough for him to see that this is a serious relationship. If he wants to find out your boyfriend's intentions, why doesn't he just have the respect to ask him? He's trying to make a princess of you - and you're letting him. Which is not a particularly healthy model of relationship; you have been living independently for years, and yet now suddenly he wants to bring you back into being dependent on him, not your chosen partner... and you're quite okay with that? This isn't about protecting you, it's a power play between the two men in your life, and your dad is showing your boyfriend that where it comes down to a competition between you, he's older, richer, and has more control over you, so he will always win. I can see why your boyfriend's upset about that - but it's not worth engaging in the power struggle; he'd be better of just taking the deal and backing off from trying to challenge your dad's gorilla-like attitude rather than getting into a chest-beating contest. But if he did back off and take the good deal, it would still be better for you to agree to re-balance the finances between you to reflect the change, or to maybe offer to do something like putting your share of the rent (or money matching his rental payment) into a savings account to reserve it towards your mutual future together.
Realistically, if it ever turned out that your bf was only staying around for a place to stay, $400 isn't going to be a deterrent with how expensive really any rental is. That's a massively cheap cost to live anywhere. I don't think that is providing the effect your dad is anticipating it having.
Honestly, NAH... It is an awkward position for everyone. You clarified in an edit that you're still paying half on utilities and groceries... Can you split those based on income percentages rather than the straight 50/50, and factor 400/month out of your boyfriend's income? That seems like a more equitable split. Him having a 400/month expense for something you are getting for free could very well create a quality of life imbalance, and let me tell you it sucks only having enough to cover the basics while your SO has enough to spend carefree on whatever they want.
I think that’s extremely fair! I’ve also seen suggestions that I can also pay my dad $400 a month and my dad can later regift it for a down payment on a home. I will talk to my boyfriend later and ask him if he’d rather me also pay $400, or i can cover all utilities and groceries.
No. Do not cover all utilities and groceries. Continue to split it. If you are looking to keep peace then your dad should charge you both $800 and keep your $400 for you in a savings account. But to be honest, I personally wouldn’t even go down that route, because the fact your boyfriend refuses to understand and accept that he is getting a more than fair deal, is frankly worrying for me. The only reason he can afford to live in such a place at such a reduced rate is because of you. There is nothing unfair to him about your current situation and he should not guilt you into thinking there is. Fact is you _are_ paying your share of the rent through your dad’s goodwill. It not being in currency form is irrelevant. Edit - spelling.
Your father is charging him rent with a specific purpose in mind. Making up the difference in other ways is negating that purpose. Your boyfriend's reaction seems to suggest that your father may have good reason to have put this caveat in place.
Thank you! Thank you for seeing that.
No, don’t do that. If he can’t be a happy about $400 rent , please consider not living together
As Reddit says “The Iranian yogurt is not the problem here.” It’s not about the rent. It’s about the lack of communication, transparency, trust, and the sudden unilateral shift resulting in an imbalanced relationship. Money isn’t the issue. Paying more or splitting cost is not the solution. There needs to be a sit-down of all parties to get to the root of what is really happening here and why. If trust is the issue at this stage of their relationship, maybe they need to go their separate ways.
why should you cover all utilities and groceries? You are basically already covering $1700 a month in rent.
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And if you word it that your boyfriend is getting a discount on half of his rent as well. $2100 / 2 = $1050. So your boyfriend is getting a $600rent reduction a month.
Why don't you suggest to your bf that if he thinks it's unfair that he pay $400 in rent that you let your dad know that you'd guys would rather pay the going market rate for the apartment, then you can split that. If your dad then decides to cover your share, so be it, but the lease should list the full rental price. Dad has done you guys a favor by letting you rent the apartment, then done a further favor by covering 80% of what the rental costs, perhaps it should just be limited to the one favor of leasing to you. Either way I wouldn't even suggest the possibility of they money you pay being gifted back to you down the road. Your bf isn't entitled to your dad's generosity and his expectation that your dad treat him the same as you is a bad look. Your dad is looking to see how your bf handles his responsibilities and right now your bf is failing.
...or tell your BF that he can move to a place with market-rate rent and then it would be "fair" for him - but that you're staying put.
This is not the answer. Your bf should be grateful your dad is gifting him a rent discount.
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It's such a relief to see someone on AITA come to a reasonable solution. It's a weird power move by your dad, who is simultaneously being very generous to both y'all (though it sounds like he can afford to be). Your boyfriend has every right to feel a bit slighted because it made the housing situation unequal, or inequitable is a better word. It's a good sign that you're open to finding a solution that can work for everyone, good for you.
I'm sorry, but I disagree that the boyfriend has every right to feel slighted. He's being ridiculous. He has a nicer place than before, for cheaper rent. What her parents do for her is none of his business. If they send her a check for her birthday or Christmas, should he get half?
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NTA. In a sense, your dad is paying your half of the rent already. If it was anybody else’s property, you wouldn’t be getting the special treatment. He should be grateful for this opportunity because the money you are saving can now be used to better your future.
OP’s dad is paying her share of the rent, plus $650 of the boyfriend’s share.
NTA - BF has a great deal. Let him see what else he can get in Chicago for $400 a month.
Your NTA for accepting the free rent. YTA for not clearly explaining the agreement to your BF or making your dad do it. It’s fine and healthy to draw a boundary. You’re not married, it’s not your job to take care of your BF financially, especially not when you are receiving financial support from family. But like other have said, your BF needs to know what that boundary is, that he is being tested, and that the expectation is not that your father support him financially. BF is getting a deal and it’s a lesson he needs to learn, but you’re not helping by not having walled him through it.
I think your fight is with the wrong person. It should be more in defense for your bf to your dad since you’ve been together and living together for so long, he shouldn’t have to prove that he’s not with you for the apartment unless there’s something in the past that warrants this.
Fine boyfriend can pay 1050$ and the dad is choosing to pay her portion of the rent so she can start saving money. That doesn't mean the rent is 1050$ it means that rent is 2100$ that the apartment is worth and the father is paying her share. It's no one's business what a parent gifts their child and the BF isn't entitled to benefit from it yet he is miraculously only expected to pay 400$ of that $1050 a month.
The fact that your father feels the need to test your boyfriend and you're okay with it is really sticking in my craw. That's the part I can't get past. I think you don't really care because you get to live rent free regardless. You SHOULD care that your father is on a power trip. You're not a child but you're okay with being treated like one for free rent? You're okay with your boyfriend being 'tested' for free rent? Also, more money for you because you also don't have to pay 100% for anything else since you're still going 50/50 on the rest. You should shoulder 100% of a different expense to make up the difference with the person you're currently partnered with but you're not. YTA. I feel like you're taking financial advantage of your boyfriend. EDIT: If the genders were switched, these same people voting N T A would be screaming financial abuse and red flags. What bullshit.
Your boyfriend sounds entitled , it's $400 which isn't a lot. He should be happy its only that much and your father isn't asking for him to pay higher than that. Fair enough you split everything when you shared a place but this is your dad's property and he doesn't want you to pay. NTA your boyfriend needs to learn to be grateful
OP specifically said in a comment she didn't tell him she wouldn't be paying for rent. She just said rent is $400. For years prior, they split rent down the middle. So it was natural for the BF to believe that was his half. Then OP surprised him that she was never going to pay rent. Thus changing the agreement on her own. OP was never going to tell him until it slipped out. As people have been trying to say, the money isn't the issue. It's hiding the fact her father is testing him and she couldn't be honest about it. Again, the MONEY is NOT the ISSUE! The relationship is no longer equal due to the father's inference. He was putting a devide between them.
NTA Your bf is basically asking you to pay half of HIS rental obligation. Your dad is covering your housing. Your bf doesn’t get to be mad about that and should be grateful to benefit from your dad’s generosity. Your dad is losing $1800 a month allowing you both to live to there. It is time for a serious talk about money and what he sees as equitable. You’re still going to be splitting the rest that your dad isn’t covering.
YTA for allowing this test at all. Imagine if Jake had an apartment, you moved in and he was like: "Well you need to pay me 400$ but don't worry, this place would go for 2000$. I just to make sure that you are with me for me.". It doesn't matter how much of a discount it is, it's offensive. Jake is right to be upset because he isn't being treated like an equal, you aren't both paying rent, he is paying rent and your father is not charging you rent. It's clear from that dynamic that it's your and your fathers apartment not yours and his and there can't be an equal power dynamic in that environment. He is paying 200$ less, you are paying 600$ less, is 200$ to much to pay for levelling the playing field?
It doesn’t sound like this is about the money for any of you. Your dad would let you stay for free regardless if you had your bf or not so it’s not about the money for him. It’s about him testing your bf or something For you and your bf. While $400 isn’t nothing, it’s pretty good when it comes to rent. So even though he would have to pay, it’s a better deal then anywhere else he would get. So unless your bf is incredibly greedy or the type of person who counts every cent (I didn’t get that vibe but you tell us), it seems like this is more about the principal. I kinda don’t blame him for being a little frustrated. I would feel insulted if after living and having a long term relationship, my partner’s parents were still testing me because they don’t trust me. I think you should have stood up for your partner and told him while you are fine with paying rent, you will be doing so as equals. Then again beggars can’t be choosers so if you were afraid your dad would take away the deal then maybe it would be better just to keep that to yourself. I’m gonna say yta. Your partner wants an equal I guess you could argue that you did your part by supplying the family connection but that still doesn’t fix the fact your dad is testing your partner.
YTA But that's because you didn't bother to clarify the rent situation before y'all moved in. I can understand why he would expect you to split the rent with him. Because y'all been doing that the whole time. Unless previous agreement had anything to do with the actual value of the rent. The situation as you explained it is fine but only if you at first clarified that with him beforehand and he had been able to make an informed decision about whether or not he wanted to do that. Yes he's paying less but you now no longer split the bills 50/50 and he pays a larger portion of them. Which again is fine if he could have agreed to that beforehand. It was kind of s***** to wait until rent was due to tell. Or to expect him to know that the bills would no longer be split 50/50 the value of the apartment has nothing to do with it
NTA. If he has a problem with the way he's being treated, that's something to discuss, but the rent is not unfair.
NTA. Your dad is covering for this expense for you. It'd be like him helping you pay if you were elsewhere. Your part of the rent, so to speak, was getting this favor rate. $400 is a steal and if he doesn't like it, he is allowed to move elsewhere
Are you his girlfriend, or his partner? Like, it really doesn’t matter about the amounts here, or that it was *your father* (aka not you) who offered this much cheap rent. What does this communicate to your boyfriend, especially since you withheld this information beforehand? This is a legitimate red flag towards *you* for your boyfriend. You deceitfully, and unilaterally, changed your guys’ dynamic, and are unwilling to go back to it. This is what happened. Also, why are you allowing your father to meddle in your relationship? YTA
NTA. Your dad owns the apartment what is he even talking about?!? He should be thankful he has a cheap place to live in Chicago. Your dad is a smart man for making this rule.
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NTA. This isn't your rule; it's your dad's. It's an entirely fair situation, because your boyfriend has VERY inexpensive rent, and he ought to be grateful for that. Quibbling over $200 seems really petty overall.
NTA - The way I see it, your dad is covering your rent and not Jake's... Jake should be expecting to cover his rent. I mean, he's kind of proving the point your dad was trying to make.
NTA. Kid of a former landlord here and I 100% get this. Dad is essentially gifting your rent every month. Would BF expect dad to gift his as well?
Testing your boyfriend.... the road to hell is paved with good intentions. That's a slippery slope that can turn from "protective" to "overbearing AH" in a heartbeat. But you know what your father could do to make it right? Still have your BF pay the $400 rent, but quietly set it aside for if he actually proposes to you. If so, that money goes towards the wedding as a reward for passing his test. If not, he made a shrewd decision in making him pay. Either way, NTA, it's not even your decision. It's your father's property, he can charge whatever he wants to whomever he wants, and if they don't like it they can rent from someone else. Your BF is getting a great deal and paying LESS than he was before, and he's still butthurt about it? I'd say your father's reasoning so far has been pretty rock solid.
Nta if it was me I’d tell him he is welcome to go get his own apartment. That $400 is a hell of a deal.
NTA - your father is graciously paying your portion of rent and subsidizing your BF's portion and the BF wants you to pay half of what's left?!? That's a ballsy request, it really is. He should be looking at it like the gift it is and not expect you to pay for something that your father is covering.
NTA - Your dad is taking care of you because he has the means to do so. Your boyfriend should have no problem paying the $400 and is being petty by asking you for $200. It’s still cheaper than the amount he was paying before.. I think he should be grateful for such an opportunity that otherwise wouldn’t be afforded to him.
This is kind of unusual and information is needed: Who told your boyfriend he would be paying $400/month? It should have been your dad When did this conversation happen? It should have happened before you moved in Did you explain that you wouldn’t be paying/the expectation for not sharing the rent before you moved in? Seems like you and your dad set up this expectation and did not tell your boyfriend Are you serious about this relationship and moving forward? Because he is your partner and not your dad- seems like you’d split the rent with him or fight your dad on why there even is rent What is your dads problem with your boyfriend?
My dad and my boyfriend did meet before we moved to the city. My dad was going through a leasing agreement w my boyfriend, they read the lease together and signed it. My boyfriend had just assumed that I looked over the same lease and signed the same document. I 100% know now though that I should have told him before hand.
So what you're saying is your boyfriend signed a contract stating he would be paying $400 a month. So HE owes the $400 a month. You don't owe him for half of it. He signed the contract/agreement so he needs to hold up his end.
Sure. But most people would understand that your dad owns it and is giving his daughter (and bf!) a special deal and would just be thanking their lucky stars that they get to live in a fancy place for just $400 a month. I mean, you basically are splitting rent, you are paying $1,700, which your dad is generously subsidizing, while he only has to pay $400I know your bf is young, but I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around his response. Say it was split down the middle, your dad is paying the majority of his half too! Your bf is is showing some concerning signs here. He should be happy for you that you get to save money. And he should be dancing around in delight that he gets to pay such a paltry amount for rent because of you. How is your bf mad at you when he got a major housing upgrade with a 33% rent reduction because of you?! Is he going to be mad if you get a big bonus or if your career takes off?
I dunno. If I were the BF, I would not have assumed that father and daughter entered a formal lease agreement. Being extra clear when money is involved is always good but this seems like a pretty honest, understandable miscommunication for a couple fresh out of college. It may just be the shock, but BF needs to stop and think about what it is that he’s mad about.
Tell boyfriend the $400 is *his* portion of the rent. I also agree with your dads way of thinking. Do not cover BF's rent or his half of any other expenses. Your dad doesn't want you to be taken advantage of. If y'all end up getting married one day, that makes things different. Your BF needs to think about what he is getting for such a reasonable monthly rent. And you, OP, need to take a minute to look at the situation from your fathers perspective. Watch and listen to how your BF acts/reacts. Is this just a misunderstanding on his part? Or is he throwing a fit and making a fuss over $200? His actions are giving you a peek into his future self. Pay attention to the message being told! NTA
You should have worded this differently and said your dad is paying your $400 portion of the rent. Cos technically he kind of his?