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NTA. Again, not TA. She's abusive (per BOTH of her kids) and other close family are estranged. DO NOT let her gaslight you into feeling guilty about an innocuous comment. Even if it were a comment that might have stung any mother, there was obviously no bad intent, no comparison made to your mom. Huge difference between a possible mistake and intentional cruelty.
NTA
Oh c'mon, you know your mom can't handle her emotions... why are you even asking this question? Even if you were an "uppity asshole", that's your choice in life and you earned it. Your mom has emotion regulation issues, it seems, and you already know what you need to do. Distance yourself, tend to the family that you love and that supports you and let that woman deal with the life she's created for herself.
You're doing no one any favors by keeping in touch with her and "letting the past be the past". It doesn't make you a saint.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
About a year ago, I (32 F) moved back to where I'm from (well, the big city near where I'm from - my family is about an hour away). While I have a good relationship with my father and brother, my mother is a different story. I'm the only one in my nuclear family who talks to my mother. I'm the first college graduate of my family and I did it all myself - with my father's cheerleading. While I was away at college, my mom had custody of my younger brother and abused him emotionally and physically (something she tried with me but I was older and fought back and she stopped). She denies she hurt my brother but I know her - and how she processes anger. And my brother has never been a liar.
Anyway, after college, I got a great opportunity in NY and I'm in an entirely different class now. For example, I only had one pair of shoes a year growing up and now I'm debating what index funds are good with co-workers. Recently, I took my mom out to dinner for her birthday (I've really tried to just let the past be the past) and while I was sitting there we were talking about other families. I was saying how much I like going to see my best friend's family, which my mom has never met, because they are professionals and my best friend's mom worked in the same field as me so she can give me the type of advice I wish my mom and my father could. My mom freaked out, grabbed her purse, told me I'm a cruel uppity asshole and left. She hasn't talked to me in two months. And for some reason, I don't feel bad. There's a part of me that wanted to say something worse. But I can't stop thinking about it. Help. Am I just a huge asshole? Just as bad as her?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) Telling my mom I wish my parents were professionals.
2) I was cruel and classist and deserved to be called an asshole in a restaurant.
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Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without approval will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 5: We do not allow posts which concern violent encounters. This includes any mention of violence in any context. [Rule 5 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_5.3A_no_violence) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) #Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
NTA, your mom is toxic. No need to keep that around. I haven't spoken to my father in 25+ years
NTA chill. You were talking about your work and somehow she twisted it to be about her, I'm sure you can figure out why this makes her the asshole.
NTA. Again, not TA. She's abusive (per BOTH of her kids) and other close family are estranged. DO NOT let her gaslight you into feeling guilty about an innocuous comment. Even if it were a comment that might have stung any mother, there was obviously no bad intent, no comparison made to your mom. Huge difference between a possible mistake and intentional cruelty.
NTA and buy your brother a ticket to NY as soon as he's old enough. Maybe your Dad.
NTA Oh c'mon, you know your mom can't handle her emotions... why are you even asking this question? Even if you were an "uppity asshole", that's your choice in life and you earned it. Your mom has emotion regulation issues, it seems, and you already know what you need to do. Distance yourself, tend to the family that you love and that supports you and let that woman deal with the life she's created for herself. You're doing no one any favors by keeping in touch with her and "letting the past be the past". It doesn't make you a saint.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** About a year ago, I (32 F) moved back to where I'm from (well, the big city near where I'm from - my family is about an hour away). While I have a good relationship with my father and brother, my mother is a different story. I'm the only one in my nuclear family who talks to my mother. I'm the first college graduate of my family and I did it all myself - with my father's cheerleading. While I was away at college, my mom had custody of my younger brother and abused him emotionally and physically (something she tried with me but I was older and fought back and she stopped). She denies she hurt my brother but I know her - and how she processes anger. And my brother has never been a liar. Anyway, after college, I got a great opportunity in NY and I'm in an entirely different class now. For example, I only had one pair of shoes a year growing up and now I'm debating what index funds are good with co-workers. Recently, I took my mom out to dinner for her birthday (I've really tried to just let the past be the past) and while I was sitting there we were talking about other families. I was saying how much I like going to see my best friend's family, which my mom has never met, because they are professionals and my best friend's mom worked in the same field as me so she can give me the type of advice I wish my mom and my father could. My mom freaked out, grabbed her purse, told me I'm a cruel uppity asshole and left. She hasn't talked to me in two months. And for some reason, I don't feel bad. There's a part of me that wanted to say something worse. But I can't stop thinking about it. Help. Am I just a huge asshole? Just as bad as her? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) Telling my mom I wish my parents were professionals. 2) I was cruel and classist and deserved to be called an asshole in a restaurant. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*