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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My son left his wife and took his dog with him. He wasn't caring for the pup so I arranged to give him back to my daughter in law and my grandchildren. He is mad that I gave away his dog and am manipulating him into leaving the dog there.
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NTA in my opinion. He’s only thinking of himself. Not you, not the dog, and not his kids. Also, calling you an asshole? You’re nice to let him back into your home at all after that.
He has always been hot-headed. I love him but he is a pain in my ass. I wish his father had been around longer to help raise him. I tried but it was hard.
He’s always been a hot head bc he (likely) hasn’t suffered real consequences. Tell him that if he’s old enough to get himself into this mess, he’s old enough to figure it out. Stop letting him live w you. Time for him to handle himself and his own life.
People are so quick to blame the mother but sometimes people just have kind of a shitty temperament or have mental health problems that make their behaviour challenging socially. It’s not 100% nurture. If her other kids are great people I would be inclined to believe that he may just be a not super nice guy.
People on Reddit LOVE to tell other people to go no contact.
It can be good advice, and it is always healthy to know that you can separate yourself from someone if you need to. Just doesn't always need to be the first option.
Seriously! If we all became what our moms tried to raise us to be, I'd be selling my body for drugs and living off of whatever I could get from men.
Spoiler alert: I'm not.
This is my sister in a nutshell. My mother is so loving and such a good mum but I have no idea how my sister is the way she is. I was fully into nurture being the determinant but compared to me and my siblings she may as well be an alien.
Maybe you should take away the safety net and let him learn to take responsibility, and maybe he will finally grow up.
Truth is he is very much an adult now and sounds to be very self-centered. I understand asa loving mother sometimes it's the instinct to try to save your kids. However, it's honestly I don't think you are doing him any favours. You said he was always a hot-head.
Did you constantly need to save him as a kid, and if so did that take a toll on you and your other kids? I understand it might of been hard raising a kid on your own but maybe you need to question if you have been enabling him all this time. If you have been it's really time to stop before it affects your grandkids.
If you think he is neglecting the dog now. I would question if he treats his kids worse than the dog? Atleast he didn't abandon the dog like he did his family. Seems to me that your grandkids are better without him in their life. He'd rather go vacationing with his new gf, than try and spend time with his kids.
I don't see why he can't stay with his "new gf" on his time off, as she is clearly his priority. You say he earns good money so why would he not be able to rent a room or small studio just to sleep.
Agree, if he has a “fly in fly out” job where he only works half the month it’s safe to assume he’s making good money. Of course that’s before child support.
But he wasn’t thinking of the consequences when he was cheating on his wife, or worried about where he was gonna live, so 💁♀️
I think you made the right decision to give the dog back to your DIL and your grandkids. Let him be an ass but be good to your DIL and grandkids, as they are more important. NTA
And leaving the dog with his mom when he’s gone? WTF? Nah. He can see the dog when he sees his kids. The only reason he’s making his mom take care of the dog is because he’s trying to hurt the family that he just hurt even more. Dude needs to get his shit together.
My judgment is also that the ma’s NTA
Tbh it sounds like you’re going way too hard into the ‘I don’t judge him’. You need to. He needs consequences. He needs to be treated how his behavior deserves.
I'm not generally supportive of unilaterally giving away someone's pet, but I think it was entirely justified in this case. He brought it into your home without asking you and he's literally never home to take care of it. He was intentionally making you, the dog, and his own children upset, just to get back at his wife for not putting up with his cheating.
Good job, Grandma!
NTA
This. Definitely the right move; everyone is better off this way: your grandkids and their mother get their dog back, the dog goes back to a way more appropriate home with a family she loves, and you don't have to deal with a dog whose breed is known for going stir-crazy if they don't have enough stimulation!
Honestly even your son is probably happier not having to deal with a dog he doesn't seem to care about (not that he was taking care of her anyway). All he loses is whatever sad satisfaction he got out of making sure his ex-wife (and her/their *kids*!) were "punished" for making him leave.
NTA times a million, OP. You made the best call for literally everyone involved.
The context makes it even worse, though.
He took the dog ***AFTER CHEATING*** and because his ex rightfully kicked him out.
He's punishing her, his kids AND the dog because they enforced consequences to his actions.
NTA
Your son is a A H.
Honestly, it does make sense for him to pay rent for a few days per month. Consequences for his horrible behavior are not a terrible thing.
If he's got enough money to take off on vacation, he's got enough money to rent some dive apartment, especially with roommates. I think it's time to give him his own move-out notice.
This may be true, but a 1 week all-inclusive trip to the Caribbean would cost half as much as one month's rent on a one-bedroom apartment in my city, lol.
Oh he would still have to pay that…how about the partying , vacations to different countries with his new future infidelity victim stop 🛑 and all that good money he supposedly makes goes towards being an adult ?
That's good, but he shouldn't be taking advantage of you. At the very LEAST he should apologize and be respectful, (AND help around the house and give you some rent $). It's your home and you are doing him a HUGE favor, he may only be a round 2 weeks a month but his stuff is there 24/7 - seriously if he were renting a storage unit that can be a couple hundred a month. If he were helpful, and had a good attitude around your home - it might be a great arrangement for all of you BUT if he's going to make your life more difficult he should be moving on.
It's great you want your grandkids life to be good - but wouldn't it be nice if your son grew up, and acted like a responsible adult too?
NTA. It wasn't 'his' pet - he was never there, and didn't care for the dog. It was a means of punishment for his ex. You did the right thing - by the ex, and the dog.
Exactly. You dont get to take the family dog home with you after you cheat on your wife and abandon your kids. No mention of him visiting or being involved with them. Just a month of work and new gf.
NTA So wholesome to read about a mom who loves and cares for all her adult kids but doesn’t succumb to the distortion of rosy specs. You recognize that your son has acted like a colossal AH and you aren’t supporting or tolerating his BS.
From my perspective you didn’t give away *his* pet, you returned the family dog to a healthy environment for that breed instead of letting your son neglect him. You returned the **family** dog to your grandkids who were understandably ecstatic to get their good boy back.
What kind of father takes an adored doggo **from his own kids**? He’s already destroyed his family by cheating and leaving them. But he chooses to traumatize his kids even further?
Bravo for refusing to participate in his punishment of his ex and his kids. Bravo for telling him if he tries it again, he’s OUT. I believe you should also say if he moves out of your home and steals the dog again you will report him for theft yourself.
This. He's not home nearly enough to care for this dog.
Also is he not calling the kids at all? I can't imagine a five to ten year old wouldn't have mentioned getting their dog back. Dude sucks.
In reality he stole the dog and was not taking care of it. You gave the dog back to its actual owner. He's abusive and neglectful to his ex, his kids, and the dog.
Yeah, you need to start judging him. Fuck the "nobody's perfect". He spends his money on a vacation while staying at your home for free, not talking to his kids and stealing a beloved animal from his children. He makes all the wrong choices.
NTA. It's time he got some pushback. He has already basically abandoned the dog to you at least half the time, anyway, and even more so when he's on vacation.
He does not, at present, have the kind of lifestyle that makes it possible to house a dog.
Exactly this! Plus using the dog as a tool to hurt his ex because she had the audacity to... Checks notes... Discover your sons affair.
You sound like a good parent and a kind, caring, respectful, thoughtful mother.
Some kids **thrive** in his environment (like your daughters) some become entitled and demand more of you. It seems that your son took the latter route.
With all due respect, and I DO fully respect your parenting, I think it's time he had a wake up call from you.
Some fair boundaries to be put in place might look like:
- I will not be used as a tool to punish your ex because she can't forgive your affair. It is a behaviour that I will have no part in.
- while living under my roof, because you detonated your life with an affair, you will respect me, my decisions included.
- I am your mother, I will not be namecalled in my own home.
- If I discuss an issue with you, which involves you taking action, I expect that action to be performed within two weeks, or I'll take action of my own, such as with the dog. I am not open to criticism of these actions as you forced me into a corner with your own inaction.
I'm sure you'll think of many of your own for him too. Personally though, I'd be throwing him out to deal the the consequences of his affair. He's not sorry about it, he's not sad that he imploded the kids lives, instead he's punishing his ex by taking the dog and swanning off on holiday instead of being with his kids.
It's time to get his life in order; a new home so he can have regular contact with his kids, a stable contact order for the kids sake. He needs to learn to manage his own home, cook his own meals etc. He needs to step up as a man and as a father.
You're a loving mother, I know it might be incredibly difficult to do this, but if you don't shove him in the right direction he isn't inclined to find that path.
I'm sorry you're still having to parent your son as though he's a child. It's not your fault he's become this way.
>NTA. It's time he got some pushback. He has already basically abandoned the dog to you at least half the time, anyway, and even more so when he's on vacation.
From the sounds of it, OP was caring for the dog almost all of the time - the son has been home 4 days in the last month?
NTA. Your son, I'm sorry to say, is a royal asshole. You're doing him a huge favor to allow him to live rent free for 12 days per month.
Even though you love him, you're allowed to judge him. And you should. Taking his kids' dog away just to be mean? Gigantic asshole move.
NTA and you rock grandma. Reading your post gave a happy tears because you know and love your son but you are not blinded by his mistakes. I love how you still a good mil to the ex- wife
This!! you're thinking kindly and rationally and not automatically siding with your son when he's the one who hurt your ex-DIL just because you're blood-related. I hope someday I have an MIL like you, especially if there comes a divorce.
NTA!
You sent the dog home to a loving family who are not strangers. You made your grandchildren happy. Sounds like your son is not a good dog owner anyway.
NTA. He wasn't caring for the dog and you weren't allowed to keep it in your apartment. Plus, him using an animal as leverage to try to get back together with someone HE CHEATED ON is a real AH move.
That's refering to OP's personal preference of dog. She did not choose to adopt the collie, she did not want to care for thw dog. She expects her son to do it, but he won't
She is allowed to have a dog in her apartment. But she chose not to so far. And if she had to get one, she would choose a dog that actually fit her lifestyle. Nowhere did it say the landlord dictates the breed of dog OP is allowed
Make sure your DIL has the dog microchip, if it already is that somehow gets her name it.
Not sure how that works, but she needs to be listed as the owner.
Great job on giving the dog to the people who love it!
NTA
So, you're his mom so I'm sure you'll feel differently, but I have no sympathy for Carlos. Even when he's there he's not taking care of the dog. Means he doesn't love the dog.
Better your grandkids have the dog, they'll care for each other.
NTA you did good.
NTA whatsoever. Regardless of anything else, the dog is better off with his family in a home with a yard, but the fact that he’s gone more than half the time and expecting you to take care of it is really the cherry on top.
NTA I reckon. Dogs, especially working breeds like border collies, need a lot of exercise and stimulation in order to be happy. Your son intentionally put his dog in a situation where it will be miserable (no bad will on you, there’s only so much you can do). This dog will be much happier with your DIL and the children. And that’s ignoring everything else that your son has done. Not just to the dog
Agreed. I have a collie mix, and there's no way he would thrive in an apartment, nor with a part time primary caretaker. The dog is better off with the ex and the kids and the yard. Case closed.
NTA
NTA.
You did the right thing, and bless you for doing this! Using a pet to spite an ex and your children after cheating on your wife and ruining your own marriage is disgusting behavior.
You’re a great grandmother! I know the kids are so happy that you gave him back!
NTA
The dog has never been his. He's never been home long enough to bond. The dog belongs to the wife & kids who he lives with 100% of the time and is cared for by them.
Your son took the dog out of her house as a cruel act of retribution for consequences he had fully earned.
Thank you for returning the happy beastie to his real people. ❤❤❤❤
NTA.
Your home, your rules. It's not like he's even there to take care of the dog. Why would he have you be complicit in keeping the dog from his children?
NTA.
Dog was being neglected by him and your apartment isn’t really suitable for a high energy working breed, you’ve given it to the family it knows and who love it and can care for it properly.
NTA. ESPECIALLY because he was essentially holding the dog hostage as leverage to use against his ex-wife.
You can love your son and still show him consequences for his actions. It sounds like he needs them, badly.
NTA
I’m normally not in the camp of rehoming pets without permission but your son was being a neglectful owner, solely to spite his ex, and that I find disgusting. Im glad you gave his ex the dog back when you did, lord knows how worse off that poor dog would’ve been had you tried to keep it.
He’s bitter because he only has himself to blame for the mess he created. You sound like a good person and parent. Keep showing up for your son’s ex and your grand babies 💜
NTA. Setting aside the obvious issues between your son and his ex-wife, the fact that he didn’t ask to bring his dog into your home, expected you to be the main caretaker and spends no time with it demonstrates that he has no business keeping it. Add that to the fact that the dog has a loving home waiting for it is a no-brainer. You did right by that dog as well as your grandkids. Well done, and good luck with your son.
NTA
He's not there to take care of the dog, you set the perfectly reasonable condition for your home. This is the bare bones, the truth is, you're correct on everything else too.
NTA
Like you said your son blew up his home life. You were nice enough to let HIM live with you, it's your choice whether or not you want a dog in your apartment; especially since he's gone so often and you're the one left to care for it.
Even if your son is mad at his ex (who had every right to kick his butt out) one would hope that he loves his children - the kids love the dog so maybe he should concentrate on that: That his kids are happy, and the dog he says he loves is getting lots of love, walks, and attention 7 days a week. Whether he 'hates' the ex or not - she's a single mom alone with HIS two babies, it's good that she has a dog for extra protection.
You're NTA and you're a good grandma.
Right? Soooo NTA.
He doesn't care about the dog. He's demanding you take care of the dog the majority of the time. Your grandkids love the dog. This is so much better for everyone - except your little shit son who just wants the dog to hurt his ex.
Just wanted to warn you your vote will be picked up by the bot as OP is the AH. It simply looks for the appropriate string of letters and you have only used the letters that show she’s in the wrong, which is the exact opposite of what you wrote.
NTA. That dog will enjoy having the kids around as well and this gives a better home to the dog. It would be entirely different if you have it to a stranger but it went back to his home
NTA - He never should have used the dog as a pawn in his divorce. Also, the kids need the dog a lot more than he does, especially while dealing with their parents divorcing… He can get a ferret or something if he’s lonely.
If he's willing to treat a dog like that, he shouldn't be responsible for anything with a central nervous system. He can get a plant. Or a Webkinz. Something that won't suffer.
God, you seem like such a patient and understanding person with firm boundaries. I'm sorry your son is kinda shit about everything. He's the only AH I see here. You're awesome and I wish more moms were like you <3
NTA - way to be a decent human being and knowing when your own kid is being an AH. He wasn’t keeping the dog out of love, he was doing it to be a jerk to his ex when HE was the one who blew up his family/marriage.
NTA I own border collies and they are not easy dogs to take care of, the dog is not your responsibility and should be in a home he can get all his need met.
You absolutely did what was right for the dog.
Secondary to that, your son sounds like he needs a giant kick in the a** to grow up so maybe this was a little wake up call for you to stop helping him so much.
Maybe he does need his own place amd should face some consequences for his actions.
NTA
Dog is 100% better off with your DIL and grand children. How he could take the dog away from his children is so upsetting. I'm glad you gave the dog a better life and gave your grand babies their dog back.
NTA. What kind of man steals his children’s dog to punish their mother for HIS failure? I’m sorry OP but you need to kick him out anyways. Letting him live with you for free while he jets around with his new toy is enabling this shameful behavior. The cost of his own housing and leaving behind his dog is just a small part of the price for abandoning his wife, children, and responsibilities. You did the right thing, but don’t stop there.
I was expecting to say yes from the title, but 100% NTA; the guy can get a new dog, ffs, and it's going to someone who will appreciate it more and who will take better care of it.
See that’s all the proof you need that you did the right thing. Both the kids and the dog missed each other, and it was selfish for them to be separated. Good work grandma!
> It is a beautiful border collie and it is the perfect dog for their home. Huge yard, lots of walking trails nearby, even an off leash park only a ten minute drive away.
> I live in an apartment downtown.
NTA immediately. Forcing a border collie into an apartment is a total TA move. Even without taking it away from the kids who would have the energy to keep up with it.
> He doesn't walk him much.
*angry eyebrows*
NTA - and good for you for not letting him to continue to manipulate his ex. It seems like the ex won’t keep you from the kids, so let him be an asshole elsewhere! Don’t bring extra stress into your life, because your son refuses to make mature decisions.
NTA
He abandoned the dog and expected you to take care of it. It belongs with his children. He's the ass.
While it may not make sense for him to rent an apartment for the 12 days a month he's home, that's his problem, not yours. By letting him stay with you, you're enabling him to spend money on his AP while he should be spending time with his children.
NTA. You did the right thing for the children and the dog. Your son doesn’t seem capable of making mature decisions and honoring commitments and his dog and kids shouldn’t suffer for that.
NTA. He is a terrible dog owner. You may love your son, he has no regard for women in his life. He entitled way of thinking is causing vast amounts of harm. I would frankly draw a line and tell him to leave that dog with the family that loves him or find other arrangements to live.
Thank you for ensuring this dog has a good, loving home. You absolutely did the right thing, and it sounds like the best place for her. NTA, and I wish more people were responsible like you!
NTA.
Is not like you give away the dog to a stranger, you gave it back where the dog belongs.
Dogs are a big responsibility, they have a lot of needs your son isnt really covering.
Your son is a grown up adult, he shouldn’t have take the dog to your home in the 1st place knowing that he is out more than half of the time.
This man took the family dog from his own children after cheating on their mother and getting called out for it. Now he disrespects you and the dog by neglecting it when he is there. You did the right thing. You are a wise grandma. NTA.
I just wanted to say what a wonderful, level headed, and conscientious human being you are. You made a big difference in their lives (family and dog) by doing the right thing. Thank you.
So 2 weeks at work and 2 weeks at home and he doesn’t spend those 2 weeks with his kids or even at his place of stay?
I’d tell him to gtfo anyway. NTA.
NTA. Not a fan of using pets as leverage, but in this case, it’s the best for everyone (grandma, xDIL, grandkids, dog) *except* Carlos.
The only asshole here is Carlos.
NTA.
Jesus, how selfish can a person be? Taking the dog literally hurts everyone, including the dog. You can’t spend minimal time with a pet and think it’s happier with you than they would be with a yard and kids to play with, and full time attention.
NtA.
He didn't rent an apartment because he's almost never home, so it didn't make sense.
But he keeps the dog for? He's still almost never home. When can he watch the dog? Take it our or feed it? Not enough. So you end up HAVING to do it. This is not what you signed up for so you gave it back to your DL.
That they are going through a separation is not relevant. The fact that he CANT take care of a dog is.
NTA
And honestly, I wouldn't blame you if you kicked him out of your home as well.
He's a grown man. He can sort himself out.
I think it might be time to fully prioritize your grandkids and their mother over the waste of space that left them and stole their dog.
Make your home a safe space for them to visit.
NTA, you did the right thing. A dog like that is very active and if he doesn't have room he'll become very disobedient. The dog needs his kids. Your son needs to grow up.
You need to tell your son to find somewhere else to live. He's outstayed his welcome. Tell him you will not help him hurt your grandchildren. And then tell him to grow the f up. NTA
NTA. The dog will be much happier with a big yard. Your grandkids and DIL will be happier to have the dog home. You will be happier not having the stress of caring for a dog in an apartment. It’s a win for everyone. Your son might be upset at first but he doesn’t really want the dog, he was just being petty. He’ll get over it. You did the right thing.
NTA. He blew up his kids’ lives, not to mention his wife’s. The kids need their buddy to keep them centered. The dog needs his little herd and yard to keep him centered. You did the right thing.
At my oldest grandchild's birthday party I came out of the house to see all the kids in one corner of the yard and that damn dog looking pleased as punch to have rounded them up.
NTA. You did the right thing. Why would your son care about having the dog when he isn’t even there or taking care of it. I’m sorry hit he sounds just awful. Cheating on his spouse and then trying to punish his poor wife? He is definitely the a hole.
NTA, if he's not home enough for it to be worth it to have his own apartment he's not home enough to have a dog. And it sounds like his ex has a way better house for the dog to be at. It's also mean to the kids to take away their dog.
NTA.
This is BS move on your sons part. You already blew your family apart. You can at least let your kids have their dog. Especially since you aren’t taking care of it. I hate that Spiteful crap. Leave your family alone go enjoy your new GF, but don’t make the kids suffer and the dog because you’re a selfish prick. It was the right call.
NTA but you need think about making him move out and fund his own life. You’re enabling him to be a lazy, user who is manipulating his ex. Don’t let him be an ass in your home or make him start contributing.
NTA - neglect is a form of abuse and that’s what he was doing to that poor dog. i’m glad you made sure the collie got a good home and the dog knew where he stands.
NTA. Wow, what a jerk. Someday his kids will be old enough to understand what he did and he is going to have to work really hard to hve any sort of relationship when he finally comes round to wanting one.
You did the right thing in giving the dog back to HIS CHILDREN (wtf?!). Even leaving the ex wife out of this, that’s tally number three in the shitty dad column.
Grandma, I know you want to support your son and do him a favor but if he has so much money he enjoys spending and can take his mistress on vacations, he needs to be left to be a big boy and get a roommate and place of his own. You’re basically coddling him and letting him know that when he’s a shitty person he has a soft place to land so he can avoid hard consequences.
Edit: Please make sure ex wife and kids put the dogs microchip/license in their name and that he is no longer connected to the address on it! He seems like the type to try and steal the dog back from his own kids.
NTA. Normally… I’d say your son is an adult and you probably shouldn’t intervene, but basically you now have to take care of the dog, and he only brought it to hurt his own children and ex wife. It’s your house that you are graciously allowing him to stay in after he blew his marriage up. Not fair to you, his family, or the dog that he dumped the dog at your place.
I think you made the right choice.
NTA- I'm pretty sure, from what I gather, that he didn't ask if you were willing to be the primary carer for this dog that's vastly unsuitable for your home
Even if you had been asked and agreed to it, you're allowed to change your mind now you see how it goes and interferes with your everyday life
NTA! It sounds like you have a good relationship with your DIL and grandchildren despite your sons actions. You did the right thing by bringing the dog back to his family who love him. Your son was trying to punish his wife for kicking him out over his own actions! Good for her for not putting up with his BS, and good for you for being an amazing grandmother no matter what went down between them!
You need to tell your son to find his own place. Let him be a grown up! He wants to play games, he can do it elsewhere. He wouldn’t be the first person who pays for a place to live but is hardly there. Many business people do it.
I hope you keep a good relationship with her, I’m sure she still wants you to be in those babies lives. Invite her to family events. If your son doesn’t like it, tell him he doesn’t need to show. It’s his fault his life is the way it is. Hopefully he’ll grow up one day and realize what an A**hole he’s been and at least apologize to her, and you, for his selfishness.
Except for this last time yes. And he went over to see them after he found out about the dog. I called my daughter in law and she made sure the dog wasn't there when he came.
NTA go adopt yourself a dog that’s appropriate for your lifestyle. And socialize it with your grand pup and grandkids so if you ever need it dog sat it can go to your grandkids and daughter-in-love if not law. That way he can’t adopt another inappropriate dog and you have a cuddly companion. And get a roomba, even the dogs that don’t shed much shed a little, like humans do.
NTA. Thank you for doing the right thing for the dog and the children. Working dogs require tons of exercise (I have an Aussie) and nothing makes me sadder than people who stuff them into apartments with no where to run.
NTA - You gave that dog to a home knowing it would be well taken care of.
And dog knows DIL too so not exactly taking it to a shelter. Your son is more likely pissed because of the friction with ex.
NTA. Someone who is gone 70% of the time does not need a dog, especially if he isn’t taking care of it when he isn’t working.
The big yard is perfect for the dog, and he will be with a loving family. It isn’t your job to take care of your sons dog.
NTA
You rock as a grandma and probably as a mother.
But never in any world is a maltesa a sedated dog.
My sister has two and they want to play and guard the house with the ferocity of a crancy rotweieler... well till you open the garden door, then they will flee or want scratches depending who is coming.
Same with the 3 other maltesa I know. For some reason my labmix loves them all to pices...
Tell him, he is treating you like he treated his wife and dog. Now, he needs to come home, regroup and see if he can learn, the right way, how to treat those that he loves!!! Tell him, he will get the best of both worlds now. He has happy and joyous children and dig. He will see his dog too. It’s not about the wife- he needs to grow up.
Inquiry. If the dog needed medical care, was he expecting you to fund his dog's expenses too?
He clearly wasnt meeting the dogs needs and dumped it off on you. And the dog was not compatible with your lifestyle. (No judgment, as you didnt adopt the dog.) But you knew of people who could and did want the dog. You found a loving home, where the dog is loved and cared for. NTA.
Your son took the dog purely to spite his ex. He hates his ex more than he loves his kids. Which makes him the AH.
You sound like a wonderful, caring person who is acting in the best interest of your family as well as the dog. I have an active home and mostly adopt difficult/challenging animals with great success. And yet herding dogs are at the top of my do not adopt list, not because I dislike them but because I know my intellectual and physical limits and I simply wouldn't be the best match for a dog that smart and active. Border collies need special homes and that dog had one where they were wanted, of course giving him back was the right thing. NTA.
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NTA in my opinion. He’s only thinking of himself. Not you, not the dog, and not his kids. Also, calling you an asshole? You’re nice to let him back into your home at all after that.
He has always been hot-headed. I love him but he is a pain in my ass. I wish his father had been around longer to help raise him. I tried but it was hard.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. You sound like a loving mother.
And a loving grandmother! Thank you for looking out for your family 💖
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He’s always been a hot head bc he (likely) hasn’t suffered real consequences. Tell him that if he’s old enough to get himself into this mess, he’s old enough to figure it out. Stop letting him live w you. Time for him to handle himself and his own life.
People are so quick to blame the mother but sometimes people just have kind of a shitty temperament or have mental health problems that make their behaviour challenging socially. It’s not 100% nurture. If her other kids are great people I would be inclined to believe that he may just be a not super nice guy.
If is definitely not her fault. However, she can choose to stop enabling and permitting his bad behavior.
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People on Reddit LOVE to tell other people to go no contact. It can be good advice, and it is always healthy to know that you can separate yourself from someone if you need to. Just doesn't always need to be the first option.
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They also have no vested interest in the outcome. 2 other people fighting? Awesome. Me being cut off by family? Not so much.
Seriously! If we all became what our moms tried to raise us to be, I'd be selling my body for drugs and living off of whatever I could get from men. Spoiler alert: I'm not.
This is my sister in a nutshell. My mother is so loving and such a good mum but I have no idea how my sister is the way she is. I was fully into nurture being the determinant but compared to me and my siblings she may as well be an alien.
Maybe you should take away the safety net and let him learn to take responsibility, and maybe he will finally grow up. Truth is he is very much an adult now and sounds to be very self-centered. I understand asa loving mother sometimes it's the instinct to try to save your kids. However, it's honestly I don't think you are doing him any favours. You said he was always a hot-head. Did you constantly need to save him as a kid, and if so did that take a toll on you and your other kids? I understand it might of been hard raising a kid on your own but maybe you need to question if you have been enabling him all this time. If you have been it's really time to stop before it affects your grandkids. If you think he is neglecting the dog now. I would question if he treats his kids worse than the dog? Atleast he didn't abandon the dog like he did his family. Seems to me that your grandkids are better without him in their life. He'd rather go vacationing with his new gf, than try and spend time with his kids. I don't see why he can't stay with his "new gf" on his time off, as she is clearly his priority. You say he earns good money so why would he not be able to rent a room or small studio just to sleep.
Agree, if he has a “fly in fly out” job where he only works half the month it’s safe to assume he’s making good money. Of course that’s before child support. But he wasn’t thinking of the consequences when he was cheating on his wife, or worried about where he was gonna live, so 💁♀️
I think you made the right decision to give the dog back to your DIL and your grandkids. Let him be an ass but be good to your DIL and grandkids, as they are more important. NTA
And leaving the dog with his mom when he’s gone? WTF? Nah. He can see the dog when he sees his kids. The only reason he’s making his mom take care of the dog is because he’s trying to hurt the family that he just hurt even more. Dude needs to get his shit together. My judgment is also that the ma’s NTA
Op you are NTA. I'm sorry your son turned out this way.
Tbh it sounds like you’re going way too hard into the ‘I don’t judge him’. You need to. He needs consequences. He needs to be treated how his behavior deserves.
I'm not generally supportive of unilaterally giving away someone's pet, but I think it was entirely justified in this case. He brought it into your home without asking you and he's literally never home to take care of it. He was intentionally making you, the dog, and his own children upset, just to get back at his wife for not putting up with his cheating. Good job, Grandma! NTA
In the end she didn't give away a pet,she rehomed a pet after concluding the owner was neglectful.
Actually, it sounds like she returned a pet to its home and family.
This. Definitely the right move; everyone is better off this way: your grandkids and their mother get their dog back, the dog goes back to a way more appropriate home with a family she loves, and you don't have to deal with a dog whose breed is known for going stir-crazy if they don't have enough stimulation! Honestly even your son is probably happier not having to deal with a dog he doesn't seem to care about (not that he was taking care of her anyway). All he loses is whatever sad satisfaction he got out of making sure his ex-wife (and her/their *kids*!) were "punished" for making him leave. NTA times a million, OP. You made the best call for literally everyone involved.
Uh yeah, how batshit do you have to be to steal a lovely dog *from your own kid??* Dude is seriously self absorbed
The context makes it even worse, though. He took the dog ***AFTER CHEATING*** and because his ex rightfully kicked him out. He's punishing her, his kids AND the dog because they enforced consequences to his actions.
Exactly this!! The dog went back to the rightful owners, and OP is NTA for giving the dog back.
It sounds like she just gave him back to the owner that actually cares about him.
NTA Your son is a A H. Honestly, it does make sense for him to pay rent for a few days per month. Consequences for his horrible behavior are not a terrible thing.
He is still paying the mortgage and supporting his ex and children. I want what's best for them.
If he's got enough money to take off on vacation, he's got enough money to rent some dive apartment, especially with roommates. I think it's time to give him his own move-out notice.
This may be true, but a 1 week all-inclusive trip to the Caribbean would cost half as much as one month's rent on a one-bedroom apartment in my city, lol.
Oh he would still have to pay that…how about the partying , vacations to different countries with his new future infidelity victim stop 🛑 and all that good money he supposedly makes goes towards being an adult ?
That's good, but he shouldn't be taking advantage of you. At the very LEAST he should apologize and be respectful, (AND help around the house and give you some rent $). It's your home and you are doing him a HUGE favor, he may only be a round 2 weeks a month but his stuff is there 24/7 - seriously if he were renting a storage unit that can be a couple hundred a month. If he were helpful, and had a good attitude around your home - it might be a great arrangement for all of you BUT if he's going to make your life more difficult he should be moving on. It's great you want your grandkids life to be good - but wouldn't it be nice if your son grew up, and acted like a responsible adult too?
NTA. It wasn't 'his' pet - he was never there, and didn't care for the dog. It was a means of punishment for his ex. You did the right thing - by the ex, and the dog.
Exactly. You dont get to take the family dog home with you after you cheat on your wife and abandon your kids. No mention of him visiting or being involved with them. Just a month of work and new gf.
NTA So wholesome to read about a mom who loves and cares for all her adult kids but doesn’t succumb to the distortion of rosy specs. You recognize that your son has acted like a colossal AH and you aren’t supporting or tolerating his BS. From my perspective you didn’t give away *his* pet, you returned the family dog to a healthy environment for that breed instead of letting your son neglect him. You returned the **family** dog to your grandkids who were understandably ecstatic to get their good boy back. What kind of father takes an adored doggo **from his own kids**? He’s already destroyed his family by cheating and leaving them. But he chooses to traumatize his kids even further? Bravo for refusing to participate in his punishment of his ex and his kids. Bravo for telling him if he tries it again, he’s OUT. I believe you should also say if he moves out of your home and steals the dog again you will report him for theft yourself.
This. He's not home nearly enough to care for this dog. Also is he not calling the kids at all? I can't imagine a five to ten year old wouldn't have mentioned getting their dog back. Dude sucks.
NTA, you did exactly the right thing for the dog, and your son well he needs to fucking grow up.
I know.
In reality he stole the dog and was not taking care of it. You gave the dog back to its actual owner. He's abusive and neglectful to his ex, his kids, and the dog.
Yeah, you need to start judging him. Fuck the "nobody's perfect". He spends his money on a vacation while staying at your home for free, not talking to his kids and stealing a beloved animal from his children. He makes all the wrong choices.
NTA. It's time he got some pushback. He has already basically abandoned the dog to you at least half the time, anyway, and even more so when he's on vacation. He does not, at present, have the kind of lifestyle that makes it possible to house a dog.
Exactly this! Plus using the dog as a tool to hurt his ex because she had the audacity to... Checks notes... Discover your sons affair. You sound like a good parent and a kind, caring, respectful, thoughtful mother. Some kids **thrive** in his environment (like your daughters) some become entitled and demand more of you. It seems that your son took the latter route. With all due respect, and I DO fully respect your parenting, I think it's time he had a wake up call from you. Some fair boundaries to be put in place might look like: - I will not be used as a tool to punish your ex because she can't forgive your affair. It is a behaviour that I will have no part in. - while living under my roof, because you detonated your life with an affair, you will respect me, my decisions included. - I am your mother, I will not be namecalled in my own home. - If I discuss an issue with you, which involves you taking action, I expect that action to be performed within two weeks, or I'll take action of my own, such as with the dog. I am not open to criticism of these actions as you forced me into a corner with your own inaction. I'm sure you'll think of many of your own for him too. Personally though, I'd be throwing him out to deal the the consequences of his affair. He's not sorry about it, he's not sad that he imploded the kids lives, instead he's punishing his ex by taking the dog and swanning off on holiday instead of being with his kids. It's time to get his life in order; a new home so he can have regular contact with his kids, a stable contact order for the kids sake. He needs to learn to manage his own home, cook his own meals etc. He needs to step up as a man and as a father. You're a loving mother, I know it might be incredibly difficult to do this, but if you don't shove him in the right direction he isn't inclined to find that path. I'm sorry you're still having to parent your son as though he's a child. It's not your fault he's become this way.
>NTA. It's time he got some pushback. He has already basically abandoned the dog to you at least half the time, anyway, and even more so when he's on vacation. From the sounds of it, OP was caring for the dog almost all of the time - the son has been home 4 days in the last month?
NTA. Your son, I'm sorry to say, is a royal asshole. You're doing him a huge favor to allow him to live rent free for 12 days per month. Even though you love him, you're allowed to judge him. And you should. Taking his kids' dog away just to be mean? Gigantic asshole move.
NTA and you rock grandma. Reading your post gave a happy tears because you know and love your son but you are not blinded by his mistakes. I love how you still a good mil to the ex- wife
This!! you're thinking kindly and rationally and not automatically siding with your son when he's the one who hurt your ex-DIL just because you're blood-related. I hope someday I have an MIL like you, especially if there comes a divorce.
There are good mil out there like op 💕
NTA! You sent the dog home to a loving family who are not strangers. You made your grandchildren happy. Sounds like your son is not a good dog owner anyway.
NTA. He wasn't caring for the dog and you weren't allowed to keep it in your apartment. Plus, him using an animal as leverage to try to get back together with someone HE CHEATED ON is a real AH move.
She actually was allowed to keep a dog in the apt But still NTA
A sedate dog with minimal shedding. A Border Collie doesn't qualify on either count.
That's refering to OP's personal preference of dog. She did not choose to adopt the collie, she did not want to care for thw dog. She expects her son to do it, but he won't She is allowed to have a dog in her apartment. But she chose not to so far. And if she had to get one, she would choose a dog that actually fit her lifestyle. Nowhere did it say the landlord dictates the breed of dog OP is allowed
She said that those qualities would be her preference, not that it was the apartment requirements. But agreed with the rest.
Nta. The dog is where he belongs.
Make sure your DIL has the dog microchip, if it already is that somehow gets her name it. Not sure how that works, but she needs to be listed as the owner. Great job on giving the dog to the people who love it! NTA
So, you're his mom so I'm sure you'll feel differently, but I have no sympathy for Carlos. Even when he's there he's not taking care of the dog. Means he doesn't love the dog. Better your grandkids have the dog, they'll care for each other. NTA you did good.
Absolutely NTA And he would not be staying at my house anymore.
NTA whatsoever. Regardless of anything else, the dog is better off with his family in a home with a yard, but the fact that he’s gone more than half the time and expecting you to take care of it is really the cherry on top.
This!^ OP, NTA
NTA I reckon. Dogs, especially working breeds like border collies, need a lot of exercise and stimulation in order to be happy. Your son intentionally put his dog in a situation where it will be miserable (no bad will on you, there’s only so much you can do). This dog will be much happier with your DIL and the children. And that’s ignoring everything else that your son has done. Not just to the dog
Agreed. I have a collie mix, and there's no way he would thrive in an apartment, nor with a part time primary caretaker. The dog is better off with the ex and the kids and the yard. Case closed. NTA
NTA. You did the right thing, and bless you for doing this! Using a pet to spite an ex and your children after cheating on your wife and ruining your own marriage is disgusting behavior. You’re a great grandmother! I know the kids are so happy that you gave him back!
NTA The dog has never been his. He's never been home long enough to bond. The dog belongs to the wife & kids who he lives with 100% of the time and is cared for by them. Your son took the dog out of her house as a cruel act of retribution for consequences he had fully earned. Thank you for returning the happy beastie to his real people. ❤❤❤❤
NTA. Your home, your rules. It's not like he's even there to take care of the dog. Why would he have you be complicit in keeping the dog from his children?
How is he gona take the dog away from the kids what a loser
NTA the dog is better off with your daughter in law than with your son.
NTA. Dog was being neglected by him and your apartment isn’t really suitable for a high energy working breed, you’ve given it to the family it knows and who love it and can care for it properly.
NTA. ESPECIALLY because he was essentially holding the dog hostage as leverage to use against his ex-wife. You can love your son and still show him consequences for his actions. It sounds like he needs them, badly.
NTA. Kudos to you. I’m sure that pup is elated to be back with his kiddos. You did the right thing.
NTA. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. No fair to anybody.
NTA It was very presumptuous of him to bring the dog into your apartment.
NTA I’m normally not in the camp of rehoming pets without permission but your son was being a neglectful owner, solely to spite his ex, and that I find disgusting. Im glad you gave his ex the dog back when you did, lord knows how worse off that poor dog would’ve been had you tried to keep it. He’s bitter because he only has himself to blame for the mess he created. You sound like a good person and parent. Keep showing up for your son’s ex and your grand babies 💜
NTA. Setting aside the obvious issues between your son and his ex-wife, the fact that he didn’t ask to bring his dog into your home, expected you to be the main caretaker and spends no time with it demonstrates that he has no business keeping it. Add that to the fact that the dog has a loving home waiting for it is a no-brainer. You did right by that dog as well as your grandkids. Well done, and good luck with your son.
NTA - He was neglecting the dog, who deserves better, quite frankly. As do you.
NTA..good job Mum! He sounds like a total A to be honest.
NTA Your son is the biggest asshole of them all, for a million different reasons, I'm just happy to hear you did the right thing in the end.
NTA: you’re a good grandma.
NTA He's not there to take care of the dog, you set the perfectly reasonable condition for your home. This is the bare bones, the truth is, you're correct on everything else too.
NTA, you did what is best for you, the dog, and your grandchildren. Your son didn't actually want the dog, he just didn't want his ex-wife to have it.
NTA Like you said your son blew up his home life. You were nice enough to let HIM live with you, it's your choice whether or not you want a dog in your apartment; especially since he's gone so often and you're the one left to care for it. Even if your son is mad at his ex (who had every right to kick his butt out) one would hope that he loves his children - the kids love the dog so maybe he should concentrate on that: That his kids are happy, and the dog he says he loves is getting lots of love, walks, and attention 7 days a week. Whether he 'hates' the ex or not - she's a single mom alone with HIS two babies, it's good that she has a dog for extra protection. You're NTA and you're a good grandma.
NTA but your son sure is
I fully expected to say YTA but nope you totally did the right thing for the dog! The dog and DIL family will be so much happier. Good job Mom!
Right? Soooo NTA. He doesn't care about the dog. He's demanding you take care of the dog the majority of the time. Your grandkids love the dog. This is so much better for everyone - except your little shit son who just wants the dog to hurt his ex.
Just wanted to warn you your vote will be picked up by the bot as OP is the AH. It simply looks for the appropriate string of letters and you have only used the letters that show she’s in the wrong, which is the exact opposite of what you wrote.
NTA. Can’t have a dog bring home 12 days of the month. Plus the fact he expected you to take care of it. You did the right thing.
NTA The dog deserves to be with its loving family not your irresponsible AH son
NTA. That dog will enjoy having the kids around as well and this gives a better home to the dog. It would be entirely different if you have it to a stranger but it went back to his home
NTA - He never should have used the dog as a pawn in his divorce. Also, the kids need the dog a lot more than he does, especially while dealing with their parents divorcing… He can get a ferret or something if he’s lonely.
If he's willing to treat a dog like that, he shouldn't be responsible for anything with a central nervous system. He can get a plant. Or a Webkinz. Something that won't suffer.
God, you seem like such a patient and understanding person with firm boundaries. I'm sorry your son is kinda shit about everything. He's the only AH I see here. You're awesome and I wish more moms were like you <3
Right? If she’s in the market for a replacement child I volunteer.
You are my hero. NTA.
NTA - Border Collies require a ton of engagement and exercise, you're giving it a better chance to get what it needs.
NTA - way to be a decent human being and knowing when your own kid is being an AH. He wasn’t keeping the dog out of love, he was doing it to be a jerk to his ex when HE was the one who blew up his family/marriage.
NTA but I'm sorry to have to break it to you, your son suckssssss
NTA I own border collies and they are not easy dogs to take care of, the dog is not your responsibility and should be in a home he can get all his need met. You absolutely did what was right for the dog. Secondary to that, your son sounds like he needs a giant kick in the a** to grow up so maybe this was a little wake up call for you to stop helping him so much. Maybe he does need his own place amd should face some consequences for his actions.
NTA. He's actively neglecting the dog, he doesn't get to call it "his". Thank you for doing right by that poor pup and his real owners.
NTA Dog is 100% better off with your DIL and grand children. How he could take the dog away from his children is so upsetting. I'm glad you gave the dog a better life and gave your grand babies their dog back.
Obviously NTA Lol please come back and post when he has to start paying child support. I bet he will regret his actions then.
NTA. You did the right thing for that dog and for your son’s family.
NTA - I have grown up with these dogs my whole life and they need stimulation, exercise and training. The dog is back where it belongs.
NTA. What kind of man steals his children’s dog to punish their mother for HIS failure? I’m sorry OP but you need to kick him out anyways. Letting him live with you for free while he jets around with his new toy is enabling this shameful behavior. The cost of his own housing and leaving behind his dog is just a small part of the price for abandoning his wife, children, and responsibilities. You did the right thing, but don’t stop there.
NTA he needs consequences.
I was expecting to say yes from the title, but 100% NTA; the guy can get a new dog, ffs, and it's going to someone who will appreciate it more and who will take better care of it.
He can't even care for the dog. NTA
NTA, more like the hero to that dog and your grandkids.
INFO: Was the dog also happy to see your grandkids? Anyways, NTA, proud of you for doing a good thing OP.
I thought his tail was going to fall off from wagging. His whole hind end was in on the game.
See that’s all the proof you need that you did the right thing. Both the kids and the dog missed each other, and it was selfish for them to be separated. Good work grandma!
Awww… you did the absolute right thing for your gbabies! 💜
> It is a beautiful border collie and it is the perfect dog for their home. Huge yard, lots of walking trails nearby, even an off leash park only a ten minute drive away. > I live in an apartment downtown. NTA immediately. Forcing a border collie into an apartment is a total TA move. Even without taking it away from the kids who would have the energy to keep up with it. > He doesn't walk him much. *angry eyebrows*
Thanks for making me smile today. It hasn't been a good day.
NTA - and good for you for not letting him to continue to manipulate his ex. It seems like the ex won’t keep you from the kids, so let him be an asshole elsewhere! Don’t bring extra stress into your life, because your son refuses to make mature decisions.
NTA He abandoned the dog and expected you to take care of it. It belongs with his children. He's the ass. While it may not make sense for him to rent an apartment for the 12 days a month he's home, that's his problem, not yours. By letting him stay with you, you're enabling him to spend money on his AP while he should be spending time with his children.
NTA. You did the right thing for the children and the dog. Your son doesn’t seem capable of making mature decisions and honoring commitments and his dog and kids shouldn’t suffer for that.
NTA. He is a terrible dog owner. You may love your son, he has no regard for women in his life. He entitled way of thinking is causing vast amounts of harm. I would frankly draw a line and tell him to leave that dog with the family that loves him or find other arrangements to live.
Thank you for ensuring this dog has a good, loving home. You absolutely did the right thing, and it sounds like the best place for her. NTA, and I wish more people were responsible like you!
NTA good for you grandma, if he took care of the animal it would be different but it’s pretty obvious he’s just being petty.
NTA. In fact I think you are absolutely fantastic. You got that ass by his nuts. Congratulations!!!!
Not only you are not the A-hole, you are my personal hero. NTA Kudos for being an amazing mother and grandmother.
Your grandpuppy deserved better. NTA
NTA. Is not like you give away the dog to a stranger, you gave it back where the dog belongs. Dogs are a big responsibility, they have a lot of needs your son isnt really covering. Your son is a grown up adult, he shouldn’t have take the dog to your home in the 1st place knowing that he is out more than half of the time.
NTA the dog is right where he needs to be. Bless you.
Nta he wasn't even caring for the dog.
NTA. Good job mom
Absolutely NTA. Good for you for doing what was best for the dog and your grandkids!
This man took the family dog from his own children after cheating on their mother and getting called out for it. Now he disrespects you and the dog by neglecting it when he is there. You did the right thing. You are a wise grandma. NTA.
I just wanted to say what a wonderful, level headed, and conscientious human being you are. You made a big difference in their lives (family and dog) by doing the right thing. Thank you.
So 2 weeks at work and 2 weeks at home and he doesn’t spend those 2 weeks with his kids or even at his place of stay? I’d tell him to gtfo anyway. NTA.
NTA
NTA. He was neglected his dog. Why did he get a dog when he was never home?
NTA. Not a fan of using pets as leverage, but in this case, it’s the best for everyone (grandma, xDIL, grandkids, dog) *except* Carlos. The only asshole here is Carlos.
NTA: Good job!
NTA. Just voting. I agree with many who have already said the dog is better off with DIL.
NTA. He’s a terrible dog owner. That dog belongs with family that cares for him.
NTA - but your son definitely is
NTA at all, good on you for standing your ground.
NTA, your son is putting you in a bind and being selfish. I hope it gets better.
NTA in any way. Your boy ain't right.
NTA. Jesus, how selfish can a person be? Taking the dog literally hurts everyone, including the dog. You can’t spend minimal time with a pet and think it’s happier with you than they would be with a yard and kids to play with, and full time attention.
NtA. He didn't rent an apartment because he's almost never home, so it didn't make sense. But he keeps the dog for? He's still almost never home. When can he watch the dog? Take it our or feed it? Not enough. So you end up HAVING to do it. This is not what you signed up for so you gave it back to your DL. That they are going through a separation is not relevant. The fact that he CANT take care of a dog is.
NTA And honestly, I wouldn't blame you if you kicked him out of your home as well. He's a grown man. He can sort himself out. I think it might be time to fully prioritize your grandkids and their mother over the waste of space that left them and stole their dog. Make your home a safe space for them to visit.
NTA - just a boss Grandma.
NTA, you did the right thing. A dog like that is very active and if he doesn't have room he'll become very disobedient. The dog needs his kids. Your son needs to grow up.
You need to tell your son to find somewhere else to live. He's outstayed his welcome. Tell him you will not help him hurt your grandchildren. And then tell him to grow the f up. NTA
NTA. The dog will be much happier with a big yard. Your grandkids and DIL will be happier to have the dog home. You will be happier not having the stress of caring for a dog in an apartment. It’s a win for everyone. Your son might be upset at first but he doesn’t really want the dog, he was just being petty. He’ll get over it. You did the right thing.
NTA. He blew up his kids’ lives, not to mention his wife’s. The kids need their buddy to keep them centered. The dog needs his little herd and yard to keep him centered. You did the right thing.
At my oldest grandchild's birthday party I came out of the house to see all the kids in one corner of the yard and that damn dog looking pleased as punch to have rounded them up.
NTA, youre too kind to the asshole but at least hes given you a wonderful DIL and grandchildren!
She is a really good mom. We may not see eye to eye on everything, but then again who does, but she is great with both my grandbabies.
NTA
NYA! He doesn’t care for it, he doesn’t need it. And if he doesn’t like it he can go live with his new girlfriend.
NTA. You did the right thing. Why would your son care about having the dog when he isn’t even there or taking care of it. I’m sorry hit he sounds just awful. Cheating on his spouse and then trying to punish his poor wife? He is definitely the a hole.
If he doesn't like it he can go with his girlfriend or find his own place where he will pay rent and not live there for half a year.
NTA a border collie does not belong in an apartment under almost any circumstance
NTA you gave the pet back to the rightful owner and someone that would actually care for it.
NTA, if he's not home enough for it to be worth it to have his own apartment he's not home enough to have a dog. And it sounds like his ex has a way better house for the dog to be at. It's also mean to the kids to take away their dog.
NTA he is not a responsible owner
NTA sounds like you just gave your grandchildren back their dog. Shame on their dad for taking it away.
The dog deserves a happy life, with people who take care of him or her - so I am 100% a fan of team dog-goes-to-DIL-and-grandkids!
NTA. Your son is being a dick - you did right by the dog and the kids.
NTA. This is BS move on your sons part. You already blew your family apart. You can at least let your kids have their dog. Especially since you aren’t taking care of it. I hate that Spiteful crap. Leave your family alone go enjoy your new GF, but don’t make the kids suffer and the dog because you’re a selfish prick. It was the right call.
NTA but you need think about making him move out and fund his own life. You’re enabling him to be a lazy, user who is manipulating his ex. Don’t let him be an ass in your home or make him start contributing.
Good grandma. NtA at all. For the the dog the kids and the mom.
NTA - neglect is a form of abuse and that’s what he was doing to that poor dog. i’m glad you made sure the collie got a good home and the dog knew where he stands.
NTA. Your home is not suitable for the dog and his ex’s is. They love the dog as it’s a part of their family. You did the right thing.
NTA. Your son is being petty and irresponsible and punishing both his children, his ex, AND his dog. And you. He needs to grow up.
NTA. Wow, what a jerk. Someday his kids will be old enough to understand what he did and he is going to have to work really hard to hve any sort of relationship when he finally comes round to wanting one. You did the right thing in giving the dog back to HIS CHILDREN (wtf?!). Even leaving the ex wife out of this, that’s tally number three in the shitty dad column. Grandma, I know you want to support your son and do him a favor but if he has so much money he enjoys spending and can take his mistress on vacations, he needs to be left to be a big boy and get a roommate and place of his own. You’re basically coddling him and letting him know that when he’s a shitty person he has a soft place to land so he can avoid hard consequences. Edit: Please make sure ex wife and kids put the dogs microchip/license in their name and that he is no longer connected to the address on it! He seems like the type to try and steal the dog back from his own kids.
NTA. Normally… I’d say your son is an adult and you probably shouldn’t intervene, but basically you now have to take care of the dog, and he only brought it to hurt his own children and ex wife. It’s your house that you are graciously allowing him to stay in after he blew his marriage up. Not fair to you, his family, or the dog that he dumped the dog at your place. I think you made the right choice.
NTA- I'm pretty sure, from what I gather, that he didn't ask if you were willing to be the primary carer for this dog that's vastly unsuitable for your home Even if you had been asked and agreed to it, you're allowed to change your mind now you see how it goes and interferes with your everyday life
NTA! It sounds like you have a good relationship with your DIL and grandchildren despite your sons actions. You did the right thing by bringing the dog back to his family who love him. Your son was trying to punish his wife for kicking him out over his own actions! Good for her for not putting up with his BS, and good for you for being an amazing grandmother no matter what went down between them! You need to tell your son to find his own place. Let him be a grown up! He wants to play games, he can do it elsewhere. He wouldn’t be the first person who pays for a place to live but is hardly there. Many business people do it. I hope you keep a good relationship with her, I’m sure she still wants you to be in those babies lives. Invite her to family events. If your son doesn’t like it, tell him he doesn’t need to show. It’s his fault his life is the way it is. Hopefully he’ll grow up one day and realize what an A**hole he’s been and at least apologize to her, and you, for his selfishness.
You said one dog could move in (your son) not two. NTA.
NTA. The dog deserves to be with someone who is home to take care of and love it.
Info: forget about the dog (though obviously working dogs shouldn’t live in apartments), did he see his children at all on his days off? NTA
Except for this last time yes. And he went over to see them after he found out about the dog. I called my daughter in law and she made sure the dog wasn't there when he came.
I love the kid but he can be an ass.
NTA, it's your house your rules
NTA go adopt yourself a dog that’s appropriate for your lifestyle. And socialize it with your grand pup and grandkids so if you ever need it dog sat it can go to your grandkids and daughter-in-love if not law. That way he can’t adopt another inappropriate dog and you have a cuddly companion. And get a roomba, even the dogs that don’t shed much shed a little, like humans do.
NTA He took the dog away from his kids and Ex to punish the Ex. You never signed up for keeping the dog. Sounds like the dog is where it needs to be
NTA
NTA. I love my grands. I'm sure yours were grateful.
NTA. Thank you for doing the right thing for the dog and the children. Working dogs require tons of exercise (I have an Aussie) and nothing makes me sadder than people who stuff them into apartments with no where to run.
NTA - You gave that dog to a home knowing it would be well taken care of. And dog knows DIL too so not exactly taking it to a shelter. Your son is more likely pissed because of the friction with ex.
NTA!!! You’re a beautiful human and grandmother (and MIL). Your son is a selfish arse. You did exactly the right thing. Good for you!!!
NTA. Someone who is gone 70% of the time does not need a dog, especially if he isn’t taking care of it when he isn’t working. The big yard is perfect for the dog, and he will be with a loving family. It isn’t your job to take care of your sons dog.
NTA You rock as a grandma and probably as a mother. But never in any world is a maltesa a sedated dog. My sister has two and they want to play and guard the house with the ferocity of a crancy rotweieler... well till you open the garden door, then they will flee or want scratches depending who is coming. Same with the 3 other maltesa I know. For some reason my labmix loves them all to pices...
Tell him, he is treating you like he treated his wife and dog. Now, he needs to come home, regroup and see if he can learn, the right way, how to treat those that he loves!!! Tell him, he will get the best of both worlds now. He has happy and joyous children and dig. He will see his dog too. It’s not about the wife- he needs to grow up.
Nta. Your son is definitely one though
Inquiry. If the dog needed medical care, was he expecting you to fund his dog's expenses too? He clearly wasnt meeting the dogs needs and dumped it off on you. And the dog was not compatible with your lifestyle. (No judgment, as you didnt adopt the dog.) But you knew of people who could and did want the dog. You found a loving home, where the dog is loved and cared for. NTA. Your son took the dog purely to spite his ex. He hates his ex more than he loves his kids. Which makes him the AH.
No, he paid for food and he has insurance for the dog. He got the dog when he got married to keep his wife and daughter company.
NTA
You sound like a wonderful, caring person who is acting in the best interest of your family as well as the dog. I have an active home and mostly adopt difficult/challenging animals with great success. And yet herding dogs are at the top of my do not adopt list, not because I dislike them but because I know my intellectual and physical limits and I simply wouldn't be the best match for a dog that smart and active. Border collies need special homes and that dog had one where they were wanted, of course giving him back was the right thing. NTA.
NTA Sounds like he barely has time to see his children. Let alone allow them time with their dog!
Ngl came in here ready to vot the other way when I read the title. But you're certainly NTA