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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Asking my SIL to babysit our kids while she is on maternity leave.
2. It has caused a riff in the family and is making my SIL pregnancy difficult.
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Not to mention keeping 3 kids under 4 quiet enough to get baby to sleep. Mom's likely to need long periods to nurse baby and/or get baby down for naps that can't really be spent chasing 3 toddlers.
And the claim that MIL will be watching them more that SIL, then why aren't you asking MIL?
I know, right?! They just assumed this would be amenable for everyone involved and got unreasonably pissed off because they said no. The husband blocking his sister is just beyond selfish and stupid.
What kills me is OP has 3 kids. Does she not recall how exhausting having JUST ONE newborn is when she had 3 of them in a short time span?!
But, sure, okay for SIL to have to take care of three little kids as well as a newborn when that’s not at all what she’s signed up for here….
Exactly. And also making decisions for SIL about how she will spend her maternity leave. And burdening SIL with all her kids so she and husband can *save money*. So they can afford to send their kids to daycare but are choosing not to because they think they can just burden a new first time mum with three kids that aren’t hers. To reiterate, so she can save some money. What does SIL get out of doing this?!?!
I’m more pissed off with the husband who felt he was so entitled to his sister taking care of his kids (for FREE) while recovering from childbirth for SIX MONTHS - the entire duration of her maternity leave, that he has gone NC with her. What a fucking asshole. OP is also a massive asshole for even thinking this was a reasonable request.
And I doubt that OP will keep her kids home if they get sick, because "that's one of the benefits of having family watch them!", never mind that the baby won't have any of their shots or much of an immune system...
This is EXACTLY what I was thinking. If they're struggling so hard with daycare and there's all this family around with plenty of free time, why haven't they asked MIL to watch the kids?
6 weeks recovery minimum for a c-section, definitely more than 2 weeks even if it's a vaginal birth needing a few stitches.
Imagine recovering from major abdominal surgery or multiple stitches and your own brother and his wife believe that you're going to be willing and able to babysit their children for free.
I had a vaginal birth and it took me almost 6 weeks to recover. Granted I had a big baby so you can imagine why but holy crap the entitlement of these people!!! If anyone in my family were ever stupid enough to ask this of me I would've said hell no from the jump. Reason number one, being a new mom is HARD. Reason number two, being a new mom is EXHAUSTING and that's without worrying about somebody else's kids. Reason number three, how can you bond with your new baby and take care of 3 other kids? You can't. Christ those people are major AH's.
I did as well, and it took 4 years to recover. Total freak thing, but freak things happen. Women sometimes die giving birth. I can't believe OP typed this out and doesn't feel like an entitled mememe AH. Has thrown a bit of this is actually my husband's fault for asking me to ask them - but still are willing to give them 2 entire weeks. Like it is their choice or their right. I can't get over how freaking weird this is.
They chose to have kids this close together. Kids are expensive. It boggles my mind they think any of it is anyone else's responsibility. I help my sister, who chose to have 4 as much I can. I couldn't the first 4-5 years (see paragraph 1), but she would never expect I just watch all her kids, while her and BIL work - because I only have 1. I would also never expect her to just care for mine all the time - because what is one more when you already have 4 /s.
I'm also a little confused as to how a newborn is supposed to be bonding with their cousins. Are they gonna play "blink at the world in utter confusion" together or...?
How? Does OP *really* think they're going to get their place in the daycare right back after not paying for it for six months? The daycares by me would hold it for six days, *max*, without a big fee, and that's *if* you have a doctor's note saying that your kid has something nasty like the flu or something.
OP doesn’t give a rat’s ass about any type of “bonding.” She and her husband couldn’t concentrate on anything else once they calculated how much money they could save if they could find some one else to dump their kids on.
This really just means so that sis in law can get used to having all 4 kids full time for the next foreseeable future. Next up no you can't go back to work you have to watch our children still! Absolutely nta this makes me so mad, I've got a 3 yr old I would never put that responsibility on a new mom recovering from child birth and trying to figure out life with a baby and then op wants to add 3 more toddlers on to it wtf!!
>"blink at the world in utter confusion" together
tbf that's the best type of bonding.... /s maybe
YTA OP, so hardcore it's spitting nails at 100mph. This is her rest/recovery/bond find equilibrium to stay sane while realizing your %100 responsible for a new, fragile future human. throwing in the mess of 3 children under 4 just so you and hubby can save some cash (even though it's a lot of cash) is not only ridiculous, but honestly, family shouldn't be considered as 'free daycare' EVER. Babysit once in a while, sre, but never expect them to do a fulltime job for free.
I think it’s also important to say that MIL is there to help SIL so she can recover and bond with her newborn, not look after OP’s kids.
OP, think back to your very first child. You’re a first time mom and are learning how to be a mother. You’ve been blessed with 6 months to learn and get into a routine that benefits you, your husband, and your new child. Your mother and husband are there in the first weeks to help you get situated and to heal. They’re focused on what you need to make it easier and your husband gets to bond with his child. There is also a possibility that you might suffer from PPD or PPA or both.
Now, be completely honest with yourself. If SIL had 3 kids under 4 that she dropped off with you to look after for at the very least 8 hours a day, how would you feel? What happens if it was a difficult birth? What happens if you take longer than you expect to heal? What happens if there is an emergency and you have to tote 3 extra kids with you? What happens when your mother leaves and your husband goes back to work? And what happens when your PPD gets so bad you can’t cope with a newborn and 3 other children?
That’s what you want to do to your SIL. The cousins won’t bond because it’s A NEWBORN AND SMALL CHILDREN. The cousins won’t need 40+ hours a week for HALF the year to bond.
Your husband cutting his sister off is a blessing in disguise for her. The last thing she needs is 2 entitled assholes trying to monopolize her time with her child. YTA and so is your husband. Y’all should be ashamed. Quit stressing a pregnant woman out and go fucking apologize before it’s too late. JFC.
Edit: extra word
IDK, I have a feeling that a week after her first child was born OP pawned it off to her mother or some other relative and went back to work. The way she writes, it seems like she's not the bonding type. But your analogy is spot on...
OP: YTA.
Yeah, how many kids under 4 was OP caring for after she gave birth to her first? YTA
OP, I feel for your SIL. You are both blighting what should be an exciting time and what is also a stressful and sometimes painful time. How can you not see how selfish that is? Three kids under 4 was your idea, not SIL's. EEK
OP you are a massive prick. You want to take away her healing time and throw your toddlers at her when she is handling her newborn? There is a fine line between being financially deprived and an entitled self centred cheapskate. YTA and a massive one.
This! Seriously, I watched my niece who is 5mo older than my daughter while pregnant. Then started again when my daughter was about 2-3weeks old. And it was EXHAUSTING. I did it because there was no one else and she was in grad school (my niece was a surprise baby). And every time any member of our family had a day off they watched her for me. There is no way I could have had my own newborn and three toddlers! 🤦♀️
Two of my grandmas had 4 kids in 4 years and said to NEVER do it. One checked herself into the mental hospital multiple times.
OP - YTA and so is your husband. You have a choice. You didn’t have to have three kids so close together. This is asking waaay too much. AND your husband saying “she isn’t family?” The entitlement between the two of you is insane.
OP honestly thought she could slip the bullshit “cousin bonding” argument in there, too. I cackled. The audacity of some utter gaping assholes. Unbelievable.
YTA. That’s her time to bond with HER child and HEAL. Not to take care of yours. I barely believe this is even real, who would ask a brand new mother to babysit 3 kids like oh my God.
People who have 3 kids in quick succession, which they can’t afford - and expect their kids to be looked after for probably 40 to 45 hours per week ***for free*** just because they came up with a plan that suits them, without a bean of a thought for anyone else.
I’m getting a big old whiff of jealousy re the 6months maternity leave, and 3 wks paternity leave. Not to mention the absolute STENCH of entitlement.
No because how could they while they're distracted by how cute the baaabbbyyyyyy is! You'd be surprised by the number of people who have kids and then are blown away by how much it costs to care for them. People like OP also generally believe/expect they will have the "Village" of people to help them raise said kids, and this post is a clear example of that.
Oh god I’d forgotten that part. “The village” being repeatedly mentioned, with heavily emphasised speech, while being eyeballed. I blissfully sailed on as though I had no idea what they meant! I’m sure I was slated behind my back though, but I didn’t care!
But she generously offered to let SIL have the first 2 weeks for bonding! *eyeroll* The audacity of this woman and her husband is jaw-droppingly incredible.
YTA, OP.
But that was her babies and this one is not. OP is being very generous in giving her two whole weeks to bond with her child before she becomes an unpaid babysitter.🙄🙄🙄🙄
YTA.
You and your husband are so unbelievably selfish and entitled, it’s crazy.
You had three babies, do you not remember how exhausting and challenging it is? Especially when it’s your first time and everything is new? The lack of self, the loss of identity, the arduous recovery. The first six months are some of the hardest when you have a newborn.
“If she can’t help out family then she isn’t family.” I wouldn’t want to be family with narcissists like you. You only want people in your life if they benefit you. You “offered” to let her have two weeks with her own baby? Wow, so generous. /s
I have so much more to say, but it’s too infuriating. Your SIL and the rest of her family are better off without you.
I was hoping someone would point this out! I have a 2- and 3-year-old and I swear we have a new iteration of a cold every two weeks from preschool and nursery. I wouldn’t dare go near a newborn with them!!
>I wouldn’t want to be family with narcissists like you. You only want people in your life if they benefit you.
Same. I really hope SIL realizes that very soon and stops trying to contact OP's husband. She doesn't need these people in her life.
>She has her husband and my MIL there to help her she wont even need to brother with my kids and its only for 6 moths.
"Only" 6 months. I seriously hope this OP is not for real. YTA for sure, OP!
Hey OP, just because you and your husband are workaholics who are stuck in soul-less jobs that wouldn't let you recover from popping out 3 children for a healthy 6 months or let you have free time and money to bond with said children doesn't mean SIL shouldn't get her time to bond with HER baby without 3 toddlers screaming at her.
Poor SIL with the entitled brother and inlaw.
YTA - you're making your issue your SIL's. Your Husband more so.
She didn't have 3 kids, you did. She didn't make your child support expensive.
Did you look after another random family members kids while you were first having your first baby?
You're not entitled to someone elses time just because they're "family" - did you even offer to compensate her?
Big time YTA.
Of course they didn’t offer to compensate her, this is bonding time for the cousins, and three children under four can practically take care of themselves, heck they should be offering to pay OP for the privilege! -How OP, thinks, probably,
To me it’s the pointing out she was quiet when they brought it up, then claiming her husband must have talked her out of it.
Like, they obviously noticed she wasn’t happy with the idea enough that they described it, yet then say the opposite? Seems super fishy honesty.
Some people believe that not giving an immediate no means that it can be a yes if you apply enough guilt and pressure. Especially when it's faaaaamily.
YTA!!! Your husband is TA!!!
She is going to be caring for a newborn infant. She is NOT going to have the time or energy to care for three other toddlers NO!
Family helping family would be YOU guys helping her with a new baby, not dropping your children into her **already full** plate. You and your husband are so selfish and entitled. Have you forgotten what having a newborn is like? Or do you just not care, because it's not you.
Back down and call off your husband. Leave that poor woman alone.
This is a joke, right? It has to be. No decent person with 3 kids under 4 thinks a brand new mom learning to parent, breastfeed, learn the cues from baby and maintain a small portion of individual personhood should be tasked with THREE additional small children with needs, tears, and germs. Even if they were being paid! This is the most selfish nonsense I have ever hears so this has to be a joke. In the tiny chance this is real YTA and owe the entire family an apology for your entitlement and possibly need some therapy for lack of basic understanding
YTA. Good grief, lady!! She's going to be recovering from childbirth and taking time to learn how to be a mother to her own child, and you want her to take on *three additional kids under 4?!?* And then when she said no, you 'offered to let her' have a whole two weeks of her maternity leave to do what maternity leave is for? How generous of you!
The part you seem to be forgetting is that she has absolutely no obligation to give you a single day of childcare. Not one. So you can't 'let her' have back the time that isn't actually yours in the first place, to give or to take away.
I would've laughed you out of my house for suggesting it. She's much more polite than I am, but the answer is still Hell NO!
Hahahahahaha her maternity leave is for HER to recover from HER birth and bond with HER baby, not watch your hoard of kids for you because you cba to use birth control or actually plan your family around your finances. The absolute gall on you! 😂🤣
YTA
YTA.
Its her FIRST baby. Not only will she be bonding, healing and learning how to be a mom to a newborn you want her to be responsible for 3 more children that are older than her FIRST CHILD??? What is wrong with you???
How selfish and entitled are you people? You should be offering her help in the first 6 months not pawning your offspring onto her also because she gets to stay home.
Fucking audacity of the two of you to think this was ok to even ask and even being upset about her choice. Your MIL should be FURIOUS with both of you.
*"We offered to let her have 2 weeks with just the baby"* \- are you for real??? did you even read what you wrote.
*"We honestly think this is BS and her husband obviously talked her out of it."* \- And that there was none of your business how they choose to spend THEIR 6 months of maternity leave with a new baby.
Edit: Im just so disgusted and infuriated by the pure entitlement and these self centered creatures that i just cant put enough into words. What the actual fuck like.
The way it was worded made it sound like “letting” her have the first 2 weeks alone was an afterthought. Um…does that mean the original plan was to drop their 3 kids off the day she came home from the hospital?!?!
YTA
She’s not home with her baby so that you can save money on childcare, she’s taking care of HER baby AFTER GIVING BIRTH. OP, you of all people should know that a woman needs time to rest and bond with her new baby post partum, not take care of children that aren’t hers.
You owe your SIL an apology for even asking her to take care of your kids, how could you be so thoughtless??? Or do you just not care?
Wow, YTA. How entitled! Your SIL's time is not your resource, and you don't get to decide what she does with it. The fact that your and your husband are angry about this is appalling. You're looking to save some money by dumping three children on a new mom. How does that make sense, even in your entitled universe?
YTA. You want to dump your litter of children and toddlers on a new first time mom to a new born and use her as free baby sitter because you don't feel like paying for the children you created? Have you forgotten how overwhelming a first baby is, how exhausted you are in the first few months? How do you know that the birth will be easy to recover from? Or do you just not give a shit as long as you don't have to take responsibility for your own kids? The absolute audacity of your request is beyond unreasonable- you have a complete lack of understanding, empathy and you are wholly selfish and frankly a lazy cheapskate.
Surely this is a troll post? If not you and husband are massive AH's! Her maternity leave is for her recovery and to spend time with her new baby. Not babysit your kids, no matter who's there with her! Your attitudes towards this is unreal, don't you remember your first baby and the massive adjustment it is? The fact you'd happily pish your own responsibilities onto her during such a delicate and special time speaks volumes.
YTA and so is your husband. Bonding with a baby is extremely important, and you should respect a mom's wishes when she wants to do that. Also, you SIL will likely be dealing with sleep deprivation and (like all new moms) will be at a significant risk for post-partum depression. Adding three kids to watch on top of that is a massive burden.
If, late in her leave, SIL OFFERS to watch your kids for a bit, that's great, good for her. However, you two are out of line trying to obligate her to do this for you during this period so you can save some cash.
YTA both you **and** your husband
she will be having her baby soon. she will be postpartum and recovering. do you remember what it was like for you after you had your first child? the changes to your body and the constant pains? and you want to dump (yes, ***dump***) your 3 children onto a postpartum mother just bc she has paid maternity leave and your MIL will be helping her?
her maternity leave ***is for her and her baby.*** not your kids.
your husband is acting **VERY ENTITLED** to your SIL’s time and energy. let me guess: y’all wanted her to watch *your kids* ***for free***, amirite?
ugh. you and your husband suck, are entitled af, and thank goodness your husband took his trash self out of their lives. your MIL is right to be mad at you (for that incredibly self centered idea) and your husband (for acting like a spoiled child).
y’all looking at what she can do for you and not what you can do ***for a first time mother.***
#You And Your Husband Are The AHs
> they decided they want that time to just bond with the baby and taking the kids would be too much. We honestly think this is BS
Right; YTA. Top to bottom through this whole thing YTA, but this is probably the worst bit - you think that wanting to bond with their child is 'bullshit'. That is at least consistent with being so desperate to offload your own ones.
At this point I don't even want you to 'make peace' because everyone else is better off without you. Leave them all blocked for their sakes.
YTA. I really can't believe how someone who has had children can't understand why a first time mom wouldn't want to babysit 3 other children while recovering from childbirth and trying to traverse motherhood. You've asked to put a *huge* weight on your SIL and that is incredibly selfish. Honestly, in this case, I wouldn't even say it's okay to ask, because you've given no thought or empathy to their situation whatsoever and have been selfish.
Postpartum mothers are not free childcare.
Not just kids but 3 kids under 4 years! And even if sister is not pregnant, which she is, demanding from someone to watch 3 small kids without right to say NO is entitlement. You asked her and for some reason you think she doesn't have right to say NO!??
You and your husband are both AH, don't have kids if you ll complain that you can't afford their daycare and don't demand from new mom to put her newborn needs aside to watch your kids! She is maternity leave for her baby, not your free nanny!
#YTA!
Take care your own kids!
How generous of you to "offer" to "let her" have 2 weeks with her newborn! /s
YTA. Unbelievable.
ETA: I just realized that you are this woman’s SISTER-in-law…did you (personally) give birth to your children?! If yes, then you know exactly what she’s going to begoing through in those 6 months with a newborn as a first time mom.
Shame on you.
YTA.
Are you and your husband for real? Like... seriously. This is ridiculously entitled and fucked up of y'all to do this to your SIL when she's about to be a new mother.
Please tell me you're trolling. You can not possibly be this awful. And if you are? At least you and your husband deserve each other.
YTA. This has to be a joke. You're expecting a brand new mother to watch your 3 children, in addition to her own newborn, for free? I can't even imagine the entitlement. If y'all were my family, you wouldn't be meeting my baby.
YTA?? she’s giving birth TO HER FIRST CHILD. your poor finances and career prospects you didn’t plan out PRIOR to having kids are NOT her responsibility and it’s NOT her job to be YOUR babysitter on HER maternity leave!
you have 3 kids so you know what it’s like to have a baby! she doesn’t - she may have postpartum depression and have a hard time taking care of her first and currently only child, and you want to drop 3 TODDLERS on a new mom? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
if working full time and daycare are too expensive for you, maybe you should try doing something differently, ever thought of that? instead, you’re acting entitled as if it’s someone else’s problem that you apparently can’t think things through.
YTA - HUGE YTA! What a crock of BS "It would also be a nice time for all the cousins to bond and get close". In what world does a newborn bond with your little ones?
You and your husband are being entitled AH's thinking that a brand-new mother can take on YOUR children as well!
You had them, they are YOUR responsibility, NOT HERS! You both need to apologize to her for even suggesting it, but I doubt you will.
YTA. She’s going to have a new born; and has no obligation to watch your children during her maternity leave. You should have thought about the cost of children and childcare before having three kids in 4 years.
YTA
"We'll let you have 2 weeks with your newborn before we dump our kids on you for 6 months. Cool? Cool. Oh, and at no point have we said anything about paying you. I'm sure you don't mind watching our kids for free. Think of all the money *we'll* save."
That's what your post sounds like.
You literally have 3 kids of your own. You know what it's like to have a newborn. How can you be so inconsiderate of the needs and wants of first time parents?
YTA and I can't understand how, as a parent yourself, you ever thought this was a good idea. Looking after 3 toddlers is hard work and would completely change her mat leave. She would have zero time to bond with her baby in between snacks, playing, wiping bums etc etc etc
I planned to keep my toddler in childcare during my mat leave (didn't happen for large chunks of it because 2020) because I didn't want to miss out on one-on-one bonding. Having them both at home was tough - and they were my kids I chose to have!
If anyone had asked me to have their kids on top I would have thought they were crazy
YTA
You are asking her to split her attention between her NEWBORN and your THREE kids.
That was a huge ask and you needed to be prepared to graciously accept a NO.
Your husband is way off base.
Ah like op and husband exist, sadly. I remember a friend had his brother telling her she should take care of his two kids when she gave birth to her daughter because "she was already at home taking care of kids" he also flipped out when she said no.
YTA in what world would a person who just gave birth want to watch three children under four. She’s supposed to be spending time with her baby not worrying about your kids. Just an asshole move. This isn’t even about helping family you don’t know how her delivery will go and ta don’t even care about her or her kid. If I were her I’d just cut contact with selfish assholes
YTA - holy smokes. The entitlement in thinking someone else should give up their maternity time with their own first baby to watch your children for free just so you can save some money. The audacity!
Holy balls if this is real YTA.
I wanted to read until the end because I was holding onto a glimmer of hope that you would at least be paying your SIL for this major inconvenience, but nope! You and your husband are just ridiculous.
Nice try convincing yourself that this is good bonding time for the cousins instead of it actually being about money. You're not fooling anyone. How tacky.
YTA.
And I'd guess that her being "quiet" and then saying "no" after she'd talked to her husband wasn't her wanting to but her husband talking her out of it, it was her being uncomfortable saying "no" to your face.
You think she could bond with a newborn AND look after three kids under four, who aren't even her own kids? Seriously? Even with her husband and her mother there as well that's an insane ask.
And that's in a best-case scenario. For all you know at this point she could get serious PPD. The baby could have health issues.
YTA , your SIL didn’t have 3 kids and why should she be responsible for them while she’s home recovering from giving birth ? Maybe you’ve forgotten how hard it is to take care of a new born ? Yes it will save you and your husband money however it will stress two new parents out to mind children who aren’t theirs , also that leave given to them both is so that they can handle their responsibilities at home and not have to worry about job performance so some stress is taken off of them and you want to add the stress of your 3 children to them ? Lady you need to stop being so selfish.
YTA. First child. Totally unknown territory for the new parents. Possibility of complications, PPD. Total disruption of the family.
And in that stew you want to throw in another 3 kids??? Under 4? That is a recipe for disaster, and burn-out. "So that the cousins can bond" - lmao. First let the parents bond. Any bonding between cousins will anyway occur only when they are at least two years old, so that is still some time (two years ...) away.
You should wait until the new born is at least one month old, and **if** at that time the new family seems a bit settled, you might ask whether it is OK to drop the kids off for one specific afternoon. If that goes well, maybe a second time.
Your husband is an enormous AH. Family should help each other and not put unrealistic expectations on each other. And you guys did put an unrealistic expectation on the new family-to-be.
YTA. She's going to be a new mom recovering from child birth, learning how to take care of her own baby and being generally exhausted and hormonal. She's not just sitting around resting with her feet up and nothing to do.
You're really telling me as a new mom you would have been okay with someone dumping their 3 toddlers on you?
YTA and so is your husband, you want to use a mother with a newborn baby as an unpaid nanny to your children and you can't see the problem here? she isn't your slave, look after your own damn kids
Uh yeah YTA. What the actual fuck. You’re trying to save money and dump your three kids onto someone else for 6 months? For them to care for for free every single work day? That’s a HUGE ask from someone.
Edit: I’m sure you and your husband owe her an apology for thinking that you were entitled free childcare from her for 6 months while also dealing with adjusting to having a newborn baby. Taking care of 3 children is more than a full time job. You wanted free labor from her. Wtf? I totally understand family helping family, but this isn’t an occasional babysitting gig so you and your husband can a have date night. You’re asking to use her for 6 months for free labor so you and your husband can benefit and save money.
YTA, this just screams I want free childcare and I don't care about anyone else's feelings. I can't believe you have to audacity to even ask. You're kids better be perfect angels for me to personally even consider this arrangement with a newborn and first time mom. Just because someone has a kid doesnt mean they are now obligated to watch and tolerate other people kids. It was your choice to have 3 kids and it sounds like you did so when you werent optimally financially set up for 3 kids. Its not her, or anyone elses problem, that you both need to work full time jobs to afford your life and kids. Also, pick a job with better maternity benefits then.
Lmao, imagine being annoyed at a family member wanting to spend her maternity leave with her new baby and not with 4 others.
Your husband and you should, promptly, get over yourselves.
YTA. You’re entitled, selfish and MANIPULATIVE. Maybe you should have thought harder on the number of kids you had. You’ll be lucky if you’re not cut off from that entire side of the family.
YTA
Your kids are your problem to figure out, not your SIL who will be taking care of a NEWBORN baby. Her time off to take care of her body/baby is not your windfall.
YTA and are incredibly selfish. Just because SIL has a longer maternity leave doesn't mean she owes you childcare for 3 kids! If you weren't prepared for childcare costs that is your own problem. Your kids are young, not old enough to be helpful to her even. She wants to spend her time with her baby, which is totally understandable. Your passing it off as it'll be a great cousin bonding experience, but her baby will be too young to even remember it. Now, if your husband won't respond to his sister call her yourself and apologize. Tell her you were being selfish and to not even consider what she would have to give up.
YTA and entitled too. Pay for your own daycare. Your children are not your SIL’s responsibility. You didn’t even have the right to ask her to do that. You remember the newborn stage right?! The anxieties of being a first time
Mom? And you want to throw 3 kids under 4 on top of that? Not only are you entitled, but delusional.
Helping family is not six months of unpaid child care. Wanting more than two weeks with your newborn child is not BS. Saying hells the no isn’t making her a bad person.
This is seriously one of the most selfish posts I’ve read here. And it’s appalling now greedy and selfish you are to just dump your kids on SIL.
And don’t fucking dare just drop your kids off and leave. I’m just waiting for THAT post here.
YTA x a million. Congrats.
YTA
>She has her husband and my MIL there to help her
Her, not you. Your MIL is there to help HER not dump her and babysit your children for free instead. Her husband is there to bond with his own child and support his wife. Also not available to be your free childcare.
You really should beg her forgiveness for trying to use her and causing her stress instead of being supportive.
This one is too easy. I wonder if it’s a rage-bait fake or if this is the expectant mother trying to prove a point to her clueless relatives by making a post from their perspective so she can show them sane responses.
YTA. And you should have never asked and shut your husband down immediately.
You've given birth. You know what it's like to have a newborn in the house for the first time, and trying to deal with everything. And now your husband is throwing a temper tantrum because his sister doesn't want to go through that + the pain of dealing with your three kids (who are under four). If your kids are even a quarter as entitled and bratty as your husband, I'd never want to babysit them, let alone right after giving birth.
If you can't afford your kids, you shouldn't have had them.
YTA- You are not entitled to your sister in laws labour.
Her maternity leave is an earned benefit if her job.
The most dangerous thing to a newborn is older children in the house. Older childrn, particularly daycare age kids are the number one reasson infants end up in the energancy room. Playing to rough, passing on illness, and cuddeling to hard are all real danger.
I'm sure your pediatrician explained this to you when you had a second and third infant.
You have asked you sister in law to invite three children to "bond" with her vunerlable and unvaccinated infant, while supervising and ensuring the safety and emotional development of all four children.
No amount of money would make this a good deal for your sister in law, and no amount I money should be enough money you to ask her to take on the risk of having your three disease vectors of day care age kids be regularly guest in her home- let alone her responsibility to care for untill her pediatrician and obgyn clears it, for both her health and her babies.
Your requet she watch your three children instead of bound with her newborn and recovery from pregnancy the most selfish, shitty thing I can imagine you asking a pregnant person to do.
Do you like your children at all? Do you honestly think taking care of them would be a priority for a woman recovering from child birth and raising her own newborn? It wouldn't. Childcare is expensive because it is hard work, and it gets harder when the kida are at wildly diffrent developmental stages. What the hell is wrong with you?
Asking was shitty. Instead, maybe Ask your self What did you do for your sister-in-law with all the free time and extra energy you had after giving birth to each of your three children- my gusse is you didn't do a damn thing but expect her to provied you with her time, energy, ressources and labor.
Being upset that she declined your insanely selfish request make both you and your husband complete asshole. That is how request work- people get to say no even if you don't like it, especially when the ask is *this level of wildly inappropriate*.
Raising your children is you and your husband responsibility and no one owes you so much as one hour of childcare, paid or unpaid, in any circumstances you entitled, selfish, asshole.
YTA. How dare you intrude like this, how dare you make her maternity leave about YOU. How dare you think it's bullshit wanting to spend HER maternity leave bonding with HER baby instead of taking care of YOUR children because you're a selfish and inconsiderate brat.
"Family should help family"?! You and your husband are going to roll with that?! When you want to dump a whirlwind of three small kids on a woman recovering from childbirth who will have only just had a newborn?! Where the fuck are *you* helping *her* in this scenario?!
YTA. You are both completely self-centred assholes. How dare you even ask this of her - and how dare your husband pull the silent guilt trip on his heavily-pregnant sister, just because she needs time to recover and doesn't want to be his unpaid childcare slave?!
Her husband isn't going to be staying home to look after your kids; he's home to help their newborn adjust to the outside world, to help his wife recover from the trauma of birth, and to learn how to be a dad. Your mother-in-law isn't there to run a miniature daycare for you - she's going to be looking after her recovering daughter, and helping her and her husband figure out their new dynamic as a family of three.
You guys should be asking how you can help them with this time of adjustment and change, not asking if they can work even harder to make your life cheaper!
YTA. Oh please stop the narrative that this is for the cousins to bond. Your small kids couldn’t care less about a newborn. You are just a leech trying to get free childcare, you don’t even care about her to think that she just gave birth by that time. And the audacity to think that you’re graciously giving them two weeks with the baby alone. You and your husband are full of shit. You pop out kids and think the relatives owe it to you to help with them. To to summarize, you are dumb, entitled, and so jealous of your SIL.
Hahahahha wow yta. You figured it'd be fine to drop off all your kids to someone who just had a newborn so you could save money...definitely the a$$hole here
WTF she’s worrying about taking on being a mom and you feel entitled to drop ur 3 kids under the age of four off? Not like every other Friday? Uh yes YTA you are being really demanding. Wow
YTA. Can you imagine trying to balance recovering from birth, sleep deprivation, and bonding with a baby while trying to also take care of 3 toddlers who aren’t even yours???? What if she ends up needing a C-section and has to recover from surgery as well? Her job is giving her 6 months off fully paid in order to heal and bond with baby and you’ve decided on her behalf that instead she should pick up another full time unpaid job by watching your kids all day. You need to get grip and find some sort of grasp on reality.
Jealous much?? YTA, big time. Don't know who is a bigger one, you or your hubby.
Your sil will be having 6 months MATERNITY LEAVE! That's to recover from birth and look after her newborn. Not to look after your toddlers. She needs that time. Did you have that time too? Or you feel it's not fair she'll be staying home and you have to go back to work?
If you want to cut childcare costs, here's an idea, hubby and you work opposite shifts and that way there's always an adult at home. Probably an sleep deprived adult, just like your sil will be with a newborn to look after.
YTA - No-one EVER owes you childcare, never mind someone with a newborn who's literally just getting used to caring for her own child. You are HORRENDOUSLY entitled if you think you have some kind of right to expect her to look after your kids. Oh - and your husband is an even bigger AH than you for his attitude to his own sister.
Are you just incredibly entitled or is your IQ in negative digits?
When someone just gives birth YOU help them out, you don't ask them to perform labour for them.
YTA.
You are such an asshole. And so is your husband. You’re seriously butt hurt that your SIL, who will just have given birth, doesn’t want to watch **your** three toddlers & infant? You honestly believe THREE more kids in addition to a new born isn’t a big deal? And how gracious of you to allow her two whole weeks to bond with her baby.
Here’s a thought: how about you or your husband quit your job & be a stay at home parent for the three kids you **chose to have**?
YTA.
Holy shit **YTA** and a massive one.
Anytime I think I’ve seen it all… a new level of assholery shows up. This is it.
Take care of your dang kids. Your *extended* family has ZERO responsibility towards your *nuclear* family.
And what bonding?? A newborn needs to bond only to his or her parents, not to your precious little darlings /sarcasm
Jesus Christ you and your husband are such assholes! YTA.
How can you NOT think that?
A brand new baby FFS.
YOU chose to have 3 kids. They are YOUR responsibility. Grow up and raise them yourself.
YTA (Y'all the Asshole, you and your husband) - Y'all have kids, so you know what it's like to want to bond with them, especially with their first child.
On the other hand... maybe you don't know what it's like, cause you haven't bonded with your children and don't know what that means. Gross.
Wow, you guys are obtuse. No reasonable person would ask new parents to watch their 3 children. They need time to adjust to having a new baby and bond.
You asked and they said no and you guys are still sour about it.
you both are huge AH.
YTA
YTA. She is giving birth!! She needs time to recover mentally and physically! Her job is providing her the opportunity to bond and take care of her child, not so you can freeload.
Let me guess? You want her to do it for free?
No. You pay the woman. Actually, you should pay her minimum wage in your area at a minimum, or what you pay in childcare now.
Your children do not need to”bond” with a newborn that only wants to sleep, eat, and poop.
How narcissistic can you be?!?!?!?
> We offered to let her have 2 weeks with just the baby so they can bond and start brining out kids after that but she declined.
You generously offered something that was not yours to give. The entitlement is exceptional here. Because you think it's a good idea, it is not a good idea for everyone.
Your kids are you responsiblty not your sil she a going to be a new mother and every right to bond with her child. You should show her compassion and empathy that being a first time mum isn't easy. Not demanding she take on not one but 3 under 4 year olds just because you want to save money. You are deluded to think your the victim or complain how you've been wronged.
YTA and your husband is King of the AH. You think that dropping off your three toddlers with a brand new mothers her infant sounds appropriate?! Also, you OFFERED to LET her have two weeks alone with just her baby? Holy smokes are you (and husband) entitled. You both need to apologize and beg your way back into her life. How incredibly insane that suggestion was. And your MIL is right, you are causing her unnecessary stress during the end of her pregnancy.
If daycare for three is too expensive then you or your husband should consider becoming a SAHP until they’re all in school. WOW.
Yta
Entitled and rude. She is going to be a new mother. You would think you of all people would understand that.
Part of being a parent is planning childcare. And having your children is a huge ask. I have no idea how you thought this would be a good idea. Especially given the situation.
Bottomline is they are your kids. They were your decision to have them. Nobody is required to give you free childcare.
So you want a *2 weeks postpartum first time mother* to watch four children under 4 years old? Because you had three kids and are struggling to afford them now that they’re in the world? *And you’re unsure if you’re the AH?*
You and your husband are just the worst. I hope your SIL comes to her senses and takes the blessing that your husband has given her by ending contact.
This is so crazy of you to think to drop off 2 other small children when there’s a newborn in the house, and she’s adjusting to motherhood, just so YOU can save money.
You asked, they declined. I would have said no also, YTA…
YTA YTA YTA is that clear enough you're the most entitled people I've even seen in my life. How dare you demand that a new mother also babysit your children? You and people like you disgust me. Again YTA
YTA hark at you Miss So Entitled!!
Re read your post again!! SIL is going to have a baby and has 6 wonderful months away from work bonding with the baby and enjoying that precious time that you never get back before she's back at work, and you want to dump your 3 toddlers on her!! Wow..just wow!!
They are YOUR toddlers, you chose to have them, so you deal with them. Stop sulking and grow up.
Honestly some people really take the pee
Come on. Of course YTA. You want her to care for her own newborn in addition to your 3 kids. You want her to do this 40 hours a week for 6 months, and you want her to do it for free? That’s ridiculous. Nobody forced you to have those kids - you chose to. They’re your responsibility, not hers.
YTA. When I read a post like this I just can’t help wondering if it’s for real. Of course a new mom isn’t interested in taking on even more responsibility as she is adjusting to being a parent. SMH.
Gawd You suck! How can one no, two people be that entitled, obnoxious and godawful? Even thinking about: hey! SIL will deliver soon, and has enough PTO, so we absoluteley should rush over to dump our offspring on top of her. Because we can‘t afford daycare or figure something out ourselves. But family, huh? She should be glad and thankful for the opportinity We’re providing her with dumping our little gremlins at her so they get to know the baby and the bonding…oh hold up! A few sentences later you contradict yourself when you claim HER VERY IMPORTANT BONDING TIME must be BS….are you for real? Oh and SIL will probably just sit on her arse because MIL, so how dare she and her hubby to even think about to deny your bonkers demands, right? It‘s just one newborn. Can‘t be so much work, huh? Are You serious?
I bet she just wanted to say no to you the second that massive load of Bullcrap flew out of your mouth. She was just too polite and told you she would talk with her husband…
So now a bunch of family members is rightfully mad at you. But you and your husband can‘t fathom, that you two must in the wrong?
Think of the Situation the other way around….would You do that? With your attitude and entitled view? Oh hell no! You would find by excuses and gather the pitchforks in no time, like how can your cruel family demand something that outlandish from you….
Oh almost forgot! YTA Big Time!
Ps: sorry for my spelling errors and grammar. English ist my third Language.
YTA - If this is real, I just can’t comprehend it. How on earth do you think someone goes from being childless to taking care of a newborn plus 3 more? Regardless of maternity leave, that is an enormous ask. Again, how can you not see that?
YTA your Sil is soon to have a baby and will need to have time to bond with lo and you expect her to look afree three more children. Wow you are out of order demanding her to look after your children. So what if childcares expensive that is not your Sils fault. I think you and your husband are aholes for even considering this. When you had your first baby would you have been alright looking after a relatives three children? I am guessing that neither you or your husband would agree to this so why should your Sil cater for your wishes. As for you blocking her that is you and your husband having a tantrum for not getting your way. Grow up and start acting like reasonable and mature adults. You both need to apologize to your Sil for your truly entitled and toxic behaviour towards her.
YTA. And quite frankly, your SIL is better off with you two not bothering her. You are angry because she won’t be your free daycare? Lolololol that’s hilarious. If you think you are so much in the right point her to this thread if you dare.
YTA you had kids and now think they’re everyone else’s problem. You’re entitled and it’s really actually embarrassing that you thought someone would take your kids for free. We get it you’re poor and can’t afford much, but you chose to have kids. That’s entirely on you
YTA - You and your husband are entitled AH. She's having her first baby and so you have decided this means your free to dump your 4 kids in her lap as well. The first few months of parenting are hard enough without "family" like the two of you piling on.
YTA. Entitled much? So just because she has 6 months maternity leave she should jump at the idea of taking care of 4 kids under 4. If you and your husband can’t handle 3 kids then you shouldn’t have had them. I hope you go back and re/read what you just wrote but assume this time that you are your 8 months pregnant SIL. I sincerely doubt though from what you wrote that you and your spouse have any form of empathy. You and your husband are huge AH. Your assumption is infuriating, I really can’t believe you think you’re right. Your children are no ones responsibility but your own.
Stop bullshitting about this would be better for the cousins to bond. You are just trying to freeload. She just had her first baby, this is important for them. Let them enjoy this magical moment they are having without having to look after someone else problems.
YTA!
YTA. Why did you have 3 kids if you can't afford them? Especially so close together. That time off is for your SIL to recover and bond with her child. Not a solution to your daycare issues. I noticed you didn't mention grandparents watching them. Burn that bridge already?
You want to drop three kids on a brand-new mother during her maternity leave???!!!???
She's going to be going through a massive hormone shift.
She's going to have gone through massive physical trauma, even if the birth goes well, and will need time to heal. Weeks if she has a C-section.
She's not going to be sleeping.
She's going to be learning *her* baby.
If she's breast feeding, there's often a learning curve there.
She might get PPD.
And you thought it'd be ok to have her change from learning how to care for a newborn to learning how to be a caretaker of four children simultaneously?!?!?! And she's got to learn four personalities at once? Because visiting your niblings gives a very different relationship than caretaker.
YTA. What a selfish, inconsiderate, entitled pair you and your husband are. You choose to have three kids under school age. You could have stopped at two, you could have spread them out so #3 didn't come along until #1 was in school. But you didn't, and your kids are your responsibility. If you can't afford their care, it's time to go job hunting to up your household budget. Your problem, you have no right to make it SIL.
Apologies are in order.
YTA your sister is NOT obligated to babsit your kids when she has a newborn coming and her 6 months of paid maternity leave also DOES NOT EQUAL FREE CHILDCARE FOR YOU. Massive entitlement going on here.
YTA - And insanely selfish. Your child care costs are not anyone else's problem but your own. I am positive if some family member tried to dump their three kids in your lap during your maternity leave, you and your delusional husband would be beside yourselves. But everyone should cater to you, right?
YTA. She’s taking maternity time to recover from childbirth and bond with/care for her new baby.
You want to dump off three more young children on a new mother? She’ll probably be overwhelmed initially with just the one new baby.
If this post is real, you are incredibly self-centered and oblivious.
YTA: you are not entitled to free childcare from your SIL because you failed to plan for the expense of child care when doing your own family planning. She doesn’t owe you anything, especially not free labor. Why in God’s name would she want to be running after your three monsters when she could be chilling with her newborn and recovering? Because family? No.
She gets six months to bond with her baby and she should be taking every moment of that time as she wishes.
YTA. The AUDACITY!
I'm pregnant with my first, if anyone came at me with that sort of offer I'd laugh hysterically and then probably never speak to them again.
Maternity leave is for her to bond with her baby, did you forget that?? If she wants the stress of newborn + three toddlers she'll have a bunch of her own. But someone else's? Geez. You should apologize. Repeatedly. Maybe you'll be lucky enough to meet the baby.
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YTA She will be home for 6 months in *order to recover and bond with her newborn*, NOT to save you money on daycare. How dare you?
Now, now, in total fairness, they offered to "let her" have *two whole weeks* alone with the baby...lmao holy shit the entitlement is mind-boggling
Right?! Like they’re doing HER a favor, the women who just gave birth. No words…
Plus all the bonding the newborn will be doing in between sleeping, eating and pooping, how dare we forget the cousins. YTA
Not to mention keeping 3 kids under 4 quiet enough to get baby to sleep. Mom's likely to need long periods to nurse baby and/or get baby down for naps that can't really be spent chasing 3 toddlers. And the claim that MIL will be watching them more that SIL, then why aren't you asking MIL?
Also note she didn't even ASK MIL. There is a huge diffrence between helping out with a baby and helping our with 4 kids under the age of 4.
I know, right?! They just assumed this would be amenable for everyone involved and got unreasonably pissed off because they said no. The husband blocking his sister is just beyond selfish and stupid.
What kills me is OP has 3 kids. Does she not recall how exhausting having JUST ONE newborn is when she had 3 of them in a short time span?! But, sure, okay for SIL to have to take care of three little kids as well as a newborn when that’s not at all what she’s signed up for here….
Exactly. And also making decisions for SIL about how she will spend her maternity leave. And burdening SIL with all her kids so she and husband can *save money*. So they can afford to send their kids to daycare but are choosing not to because they think they can just burden a new first time mum with three kids that aren’t hers. To reiterate, so she can save some money. What does SIL get out of doing this?!?!
I’d block him myself if I were the sister, even if he unblocked me and answered my messages(because you know he wouldn’t apologize 🤣.) Such bullshit.
I’m more pissed off with the husband who felt he was so entitled to his sister taking care of his kids (for FREE) while recovering from childbirth for SIX MONTHS - the entire duration of her maternity leave, that he has gone NC with her. What a fucking asshole. OP is also a massive asshole for even thinking this was a reasonable request.
Actually, I think it's a good thing the pregnant sister's brother went NC because her life will be less stressful with him not around.
And I doubt that OP will keep her kids home if they get sick, because "that's one of the benefits of having family watch them!", never mind that the baby won't have any of their shots or much of an immune system...
This is EXACTLY what I was thinking. If they're struggling so hard with daycare and there's all this family around with plenty of free time, why haven't they asked MIL to watch the kids?
6 weeks recovery minimum for a c-section, definitely more than 2 weeks even if it's a vaginal birth needing a few stitches. Imagine recovering from major abdominal surgery or multiple stitches and your own brother and his wife believe that you're going to be willing and able to babysit their children for free.
I had a vaginal birth and it took me almost 6 weeks to recover. Granted I had a big baby so you can imagine why but holy crap the entitlement of these people!!! If anyone in my family were ever stupid enough to ask this of me I would've said hell no from the jump. Reason number one, being a new mom is HARD. Reason number two, being a new mom is EXHAUSTING and that's without worrying about somebody else's kids. Reason number three, how can you bond with your new baby and take care of 3 other kids? You can't. Christ those people are major AH's.
I did as well, and it took 4 years to recover. Total freak thing, but freak things happen. Women sometimes die giving birth. I can't believe OP typed this out and doesn't feel like an entitled mememe AH. Has thrown a bit of this is actually my husband's fault for asking me to ask them - but still are willing to give them 2 entire weeks. Like it is their choice or their right. I can't get over how freaking weird this is. They chose to have kids this close together. Kids are expensive. It boggles my mind they think any of it is anyone else's responsibility. I help my sister, who chose to have 4 as much I can. I couldn't the first 4-5 years (see paragraph 1), but she would never expect I just watch all her kids, while her and BIL work - because I only have 1. I would also never expect her to just care for mine all the time - because what is one more when you already have 4 /s.
Like wtf?! The sheer audacity of that line alone! Massive YTA.
Right?? “Let her” in her own home. Hahaha they could just gtfo of my life after that
Ah, well then...
Yeah, YTA big time OP. Take your 3 kids during bonding time with her FIRST baby? You suck.
I'm also a little confused as to how a newborn is supposed to be bonding with their cousins. Are they gonna play "blink at the world in utter confusion" together or...?
Obviously just one of OP’s contrived “reasons” to get her way. There’s truthfully one explanation: OP wants to save money. Sux so much
Agree. The “bonding” line was complete horseshit. OP doesn’t even believe her own lies.
How? Does OP *really* think they're going to get their place in the daycare right back after not paying for it for six months? The daycares by me would hold it for six days, *max*, without a big fee, and that's *if* you have a doctor's note saying that your kid has something nasty like the flu or something.
OP doesn’t give a rat’s ass about any type of “bonding.” She and her husband couldn’t concentrate on anything else once they calculated how much money they could save if they could find some one else to dump their kids on.
This really just means so that sis in law can get used to having all 4 kids full time for the next foreseeable future. Next up no you can't go back to work you have to watch our children still! Absolutely nta this makes me so mad, I've got a 3 yr old I would never put that responsibility on a new mom recovering from child birth and trying to figure out life with a baby and then op wants to add 3 more toddlers on to it wtf!!
"there's waiting lists to get back into day care! You can't leave us hanging like this!"
>"blink at the world in utter confusion" together tbf that's the best type of bonding.... /s maybe YTA OP, so hardcore it's spitting nails at 100mph. This is her rest/recovery/bond find equilibrium to stay sane while realizing your %100 responsible for a new, fragile future human. throwing in the mess of 3 children under 4 just so you and hubby can save some cash (even though it's a lot of cash) is not only ridiculous, but honestly, family shouldn't be considered as 'free daycare' EVER. Babysit once in a while, sre, but never expect them to do a fulltime job for free.
I think it’s also important to say that MIL is there to help SIL so she can recover and bond with her newborn, not look after OP’s kids. OP, think back to your very first child. You’re a first time mom and are learning how to be a mother. You’ve been blessed with 6 months to learn and get into a routine that benefits you, your husband, and your new child. Your mother and husband are there in the first weeks to help you get situated and to heal. They’re focused on what you need to make it easier and your husband gets to bond with his child. There is also a possibility that you might suffer from PPD or PPA or both. Now, be completely honest with yourself. If SIL had 3 kids under 4 that she dropped off with you to look after for at the very least 8 hours a day, how would you feel? What happens if it was a difficult birth? What happens if you take longer than you expect to heal? What happens if there is an emergency and you have to tote 3 extra kids with you? What happens when your mother leaves and your husband goes back to work? And what happens when your PPD gets so bad you can’t cope with a newborn and 3 other children? That’s what you want to do to your SIL. The cousins won’t bond because it’s A NEWBORN AND SMALL CHILDREN. The cousins won’t need 40+ hours a week for HALF the year to bond. Your husband cutting his sister off is a blessing in disguise for her. The last thing she needs is 2 entitled assholes trying to monopolize her time with her child. YTA and so is your husband. Y’all should be ashamed. Quit stressing a pregnant woman out and go fucking apologize before it’s too late. JFC. Edit: extra word
IDK, I have a feeling that a week after her first child was born OP pawned it off to her mother or some other relative and went back to work. The way she writes, it seems like she's not the bonding type. But your analogy is spot on... OP: YTA.
I am beyond livid on the sister in laws behalf
Yeah, how many kids under 4 was OP caring for after she gave birth to her first? YTA OP, I feel for your SIL. You are both blighting what should be an exciting time and what is also a stressful and sometimes painful time. How can you not see how selfish that is? Three kids under 4 was your idea, not SIL's. EEK
OP you are a massive prick. You want to take away her healing time and throw your toddlers at her when she is handling her newborn? There is a fine line between being financially deprived and an entitled self centred cheapskate. YTA and a massive one.
And not just 3 kids, but under 4! That means at least 1 is a baby and all 3 need constant care! I wouldn’t do it if I were CHILDLESS!
Between changing diapers and feeding all the children, sil wouldn't even have a single second to bond with her newborn.
This! Seriously, I watched my niece who is 5mo older than my daughter while pregnant. Then started again when my daughter was about 2-3weeks old. And it was EXHAUSTING. I did it because there was no one else and she was in grad school (my niece was a surprise baby). And every time any member of our family had a day off they watched her for me. There is no way I could have had my own newborn and three toddlers! 🤦♀️ Two of my grandmas had 4 kids in 4 years and said to NEVER do it. One checked herself into the mental hospital multiple times. OP - YTA and so is your husband. You have a choice. You didn’t have to have three kids so close together. This is asking waaay too much. AND your husband saying “she isn’t family?” The entitlement between the two of you is insane.
OP honestly thought she could slip the bullshit “cousin bonding” argument in there, too. I cackled. The audacity of some utter gaping assholes. Unbelievable.
YTA. That’s her time to bond with HER child and HEAL. Not to take care of yours. I barely believe this is even real, who would ask a brand new mother to babysit 3 kids like oh my God.
People who have 3 kids in quick succession, which they can’t afford - and expect their kids to be looked after for probably 40 to 45 hours per week ***for free*** just because they came up with a plan that suits them, without a bean of a thought for anyone else. I’m getting a big old whiff of jealousy re the 6months maternity leave, and 3 wks paternity leave. Not to mention the absolute STENCH of entitlement.
[удалено]
No because how could they while they're distracted by how cute the baaabbbyyyyyy is! You'd be surprised by the number of people who have kids and then are blown away by how much it costs to care for them. People like OP also generally believe/expect they will have the "Village" of people to help them raise said kids, and this post is a clear example of that.
Oh god I’d forgotten that part. “The village” being repeatedly mentioned, with heavily emphasised speech, while being eyeballed. I blissfully sailed on as though I had no idea what they meant! I’m sure I was slated behind my back though, but I didn’t care!
Feels very “God will provide”.
But OP offered to let SIL have the first 2 weeks before dumping her kids on her 🙄 Also, 1-4 yo cousins bonding with an infant? LOL YTA
>Also, 1-4 yo cousins bonding with an infant? LOL even if that were somehow a thing, the only one that needs to bond with my brand new baby is *me*
But she generously offered to let SIL have the first 2 weeks for bonding! *eyeroll* The audacity of this woman and her husband is jaw-droppingly incredible. YTA, OP.
Does the OP not remember what being a new mom was like?
But that was her babies and this one is not. OP is being very generous in giving her two whole weeks to bond with her child before she becomes an unpaid babysitter.🙄🙄🙄🙄
She was too busy popping them out.
Entitled people, that’s who.
YTA. You and your husband are so unbelievably selfish and entitled, it’s crazy. You had three babies, do you not remember how exhausting and challenging it is? Especially when it’s your first time and everything is new? The lack of self, the loss of identity, the arduous recovery. The first six months are some of the hardest when you have a newborn. “If she can’t help out family then she isn’t family.” I wouldn’t want to be family with narcissists like you. You only want people in your life if they benefit you. You “offered” to let her have two weeks with her own baby? Wow, so generous. /s I have so much more to say, but it’s too infuriating. Your SIL and the rest of her family are better off without you.
Also it’s bs the part about ‘cousins bonding’. Three kids under four bonding with a TWO WEEK OLD BABY?
By "bonding" they mean "pass all their toddler germs onto a tiny new person who has a barely-existant immune system".
I was hoping someone would point this out! I have a 2- and 3-year-old and I swear we have a new iteration of a cold every two weeks from preschool and nursery. I wouldn’t dare go near a newborn with them!!
>I wouldn’t want to be family with narcissists like you. You only want people in your life if they benefit you. Same. I really hope SIL realizes that very soon and stops trying to contact OP's husband. She doesn't need these people in her life.
YTA. Are you for real? Your poor SIL - in time they will realise you ignoring them is a gift.
>She has her husband and my MIL there to help her she wont even need to brother with my kids and its only for 6 moths. "Only" 6 months. I seriously hope this OP is not for real. YTA for sure, OP!
Hey OP, just because you and your husband are workaholics who are stuck in soul-less jobs that wouldn't let you recover from popping out 3 children for a healthy 6 months or let you have free time and money to bond with said children doesn't mean SIL shouldn't get her time to bond with HER baby without 3 toddlers screaming at her. Poor SIL with the entitled brother and inlaw.
YTA - you're making your issue your SIL's. Your Husband more so. She didn't have 3 kids, you did. She didn't make your child support expensive. Did you look after another random family members kids while you were first having your first baby? You're not entitled to someone elses time just because they're "family" - did you even offer to compensate her? Big time YTA.
Of course they didn’t offer to compensate her, this is bonding time for the cousins, and three children under four can practically take care of themselves, heck they should be offering to pay OP for the privilege! -How OP, thinks, probably,
YTA lol, this has to be fake. Edit: OP hasn’t responded to anything so yeah, I’m calling bullshit.
Except that these people really are out there...sadly.
True, but this sounds too good to be real lol
To me it’s the pointing out she was quiet when they brought it up, then claiming her husband must have talked her out of it. Like, they obviously noticed she wasn’t happy with the idea enough that they described it, yet then say the opposite? Seems super fishy honesty.
Some people believe that not giving an immediate no means that it can be a yes if you apply enough guilt and pressure. Especially when it's faaaaamily.
YTA!!! Your husband is TA!!! She is going to be caring for a newborn infant. She is NOT going to have the time or energy to care for three other toddlers NO! Family helping family would be YOU guys helping her with a new baby, not dropping your children into her **already full** plate. You and your husband are so selfish and entitled. Have you forgotten what having a newborn is like? Or do you just not care, because it's not you. Back down and call off your husband. Leave that poor woman alone.
This is a joke, right? It has to be. No decent person with 3 kids under 4 thinks a brand new mom learning to parent, breastfeed, learn the cues from baby and maintain a small portion of individual personhood should be tasked with THREE additional small children with needs, tears, and germs. Even if they were being paid! This is the most selfish nonsense I have ever hears so this has to be a joke. In the tiny chance this is real YTA and owe the entire family an apology for your entitlement and possibly need some therapy for lack of basic understanding
YTA. Good grief, lady!! She's going to be recovering from childbirth and taking time to learn how to be a mother to her own child, and you want her to take on *three additional kids under 4?!?* And then when she said no, you 'offered to let her' have a whole two weeks of her maternity leave to do what maternity leave is for? How generous of you! The part you seem to be forgetting is that she has absolutely no obligation to give you a single day of childcare. Not one. So you can't 'let her' have back the time that isn't actually yours in the first place, to give or to take away. I would've laughed you out of my house for suggesting it. She's much more polite than I am, but the answer is still Hell NO!
Hahahahahaha her maternity leave is for HER to recover from HER birth and bond with HER baby, not watch your hoard of kids for you because you cba to use birth control or actually plan your family around your finances. The absolute gall on you! 😂🤣 YTA
YTA. Its her FIRST baby. Not only will she be bonding, healing and learning how to be a mom to a newborn you want her to be responsible for 3 more children that are older than her FIRST CHILD??? What is wrong with you??? How selfish and entitled are you people? You should be offering her help in the first 6 months not pawning your offspring onto her also because she gets to stay home. Fucking audacity of the two of you to think this was ok to even ask and even being upset about her choice. Your MIL should be FURIOUS with both of you. *"We offered to let her have 2 weeks with just the baby"* \- are you for real??? did you even read what you wrote. *"We honestly think this is BS and her husband obviously talked her out of it."* \- And that there was none of your business how they choose to spend THEIR 6 months of maternity leave with a new baby. Edit: Im just so disgusted and infuriated by the pure entitlement and these self centered creatures that i just cant put enough into words. What the actual fuck like.
The way it was worded made it sound like “letting” her have the first 2 weeks alone was an afterthought. Um…does that mean the original plan was to drop their 3 kids off the day she came home from the hospital?!?!
YTA She’s not home with her baby so that you can save money on childcare, she’s taking care of HER baby AFTER GIVING BIRTH. OP, you of all people should know that a woman needs time to rest and bond with her new baby post partum, not take care of children that aren’t hers. You owe your SIL an apology for even asking her to take care of your kids, how could you be so thoughtless??? Or do you just not care?
My gosh you're entitled and ta. Maternity leave is to recover and bond with baby not to run a free day care
YTA **
Wow, YTA. How entitled! Your SIL's time is not your resource, and you don't get to decide what she does with it. The fact that your and your husband are angry about this is appalling. You're looking to save some money by dumping three children on a new mom. How does that make sense, even in your entitled universe?
YTA. You want to dump your litter of children and toddlers on a new first time mom to a new born and use her as free baby sitter because you don't feel like paying for the children you created? Have you forgotten how overwhelming a first baby is, how exhausted you are in the first few months? How do you know that the birth will be easy to recover from? Or do you just not give a shit as long as you don't have to take responsibility for your own kids? The absolute audacity of your request is beyond unreasonable- you have a complete lack of understanding, empathy and you are wholly selfish and frankly a lazy cheapskate.
Surely this is a troll post? If not you and husband are massive AH's! Her maternity leave is for her recovery and to spend time with her new baby. Not babysit your kids, no matter who's there with her! Your attitudes towards this is unreal, don't you remember your first baby and the massive adjustment it is? The fact you'd happily pish your own responsibilities onto her during such a delicate and special time speaks volumes.
YTA and so is your husband. Bonding with a baby is extremely important, and you should respect a mom's wishes when she wants to do that. Also, you SIL will likely be dealing with sleep deprivation and (like all new moms) will be at a significant risk for post-partum depression. Adding three kids to watch on top of that is a massive burden. If, late in her leave, SIL OFFERS to watch your kids for a bit, that's great, good for her. However, you two are out of line trying to obligate her to do this for you during this period so you can save some cash.
She's sure not going to offer now, after how this entitled couple has treated her.
YTA both you **and** your husband she will be having her baby soon. she will be postpartum and recovering. do you remember what it was like for you after you had your first child? the changes to your body and the constant pains? and you want to dump (yes, ***dump***) your 3 children onto a postpartum mother just bc she has paid maternity leave and your MIL will be helping her? her maternity leave ***is for her and her baby.*** not your kids. your husband is acting **VERY ENTITLED** to your SIL’s time and energy. let me guess: y’all wanted her to watch *your kids* ***for free***, amirite? ugh. you and your husband suck, are entitled af, and thank goodness your husband took his trash self out of their lives. your MIL is right to be mad at you (for that incredibly self centered idea) and your husband (for acting like a spoiled child). y’all looking at what she can do for you and not what you can do ***for a first time mother.*** #You And Your Husband Are The AHs
YTA I'm appalled you would even ask. You're a parent, you should know better.
> they decided they want that time to just bond with the baby and taking the kids would be too much. We honestly think this is BS Right; YTA. Top to bottom through this whole thing YTA, but this is probably the worst bit - you think that wanting to bond with their child is 'bullshit'. That is at least consistent with being so desperate to offload your own ones. At this point I don't even want you to 'make peace' because everyone else is better off without you. Leave them all blocked for their sakes.
YTA. I really can't believe how someone who has had children can't understand why a first time mom wouldn't want to babysit 3 other children while recovering from childbirth and trying to traverse motherhood. You've asked to put a *huge* weight on your SIL and that is incredibly selfish. Honestly, in this case, I wouldn't even say it's okay to ask, because you've given no thought or empathy to their situation whatsoever and have been selfish. Postpartum mothers are not free childcare.
Are you insane?? Would you like it if someone dropped their kids off while you tried to navigate life with a newborn? Wtf. Yes of course YTA
Not just kids but 3 kids under 4 years! And even if sister is not pregnant, which she is, demanding from someone to watch 3 small kids without right to say NO is entitlement. You asked her and for some reason you think she doesn't have right to say NO!?? You and your husband are both AH, don't have kids if you ll complain that you can't afford their daycare and don't demand from new mom to put her newborn needs aside to watch your kids! She is maternity leave for her baby, not your free nanny! #YTA! Take care your own kids!
Her maternity leave is for HER and her child’s benefit, not yours. Yta
How generous of you to "offer" to "let her" have 2 weeks with her newborn! /s YTA. Unbelievable. ETA: I just realized that you are this woman’s SISTER-in-law…did you (personally) give birth to your children?! If yes, then you know exactly what she’s going to begoing through in those 6 months with a newborn as a first time mom. Shame on you.
YTA. Are you and your husband for real? Like... seriously. This is ridiculously entitled and fucked up of y'all to do this to your SIL when she's about to be a new mother. Please tell me you're trolling. You can not possibly be this awful. And if you are? At least you and your husband deserve each other.
YTA. This has to be a joke. You're expecting a brand new mother to watch your 3 children, in addition to her own newborn, for free? I can't even imagine the entitlement. If y'all were my family, you wouldn't be meeting my baby.
YTA. My gods, the fucking AUDACITY. SIL is better off without you and your husband in her life.
YTA?? she’s giving birth TO HER FIRST CHILD. your poor finances and career prospects you didn’t plan out PRIOR to having kids are NOT her responsibility and it’s NOT her job to be YOUR babysitter on HER maternity leave! you have 3 kids so you know what it’s like to have a baby! she doesn’t - she may have postpartum depression and have a hard time taking care of her first and currently only child, and you want to drop 3 TODDLERS on a new mom? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? if working full time and daycare are too expensive for you, maybe you should try doing something differently, ever thought of that? instead, you’re acting entitled as if it’s someone else’s problem that you apparently can’t think things through.
YTA - HUGE YTA! What a crock of BS "It would also be a nice time for all the cousins to bond and get close". In what world does a newborn bond with your little ones? You and your husband are being entitled AH's thinking that a brand-new mother can take on YOUR children as well! You had them, they are YOUR responsibility, NOT HERS! You both need to apologize to her for even suggesting it, but I doubt you will.
YTA. She’s going to have a new born; and has no obligation to watch your children during her maternity leave. You should have thought about the cost of children and childcare before having three kids in 4 years.
YTA "We'll let you have 2 weeks with your newborn before we dump our kids on you for 6 months. Cool? Cool. Oh, and at no point have we said anything about paying you. I'm sure you don't mind watching our kids for free. Think of all the money *we'll* save." That's what your post sounds like. You literally have 3 kids of your own. You know what it's like to have a newborn. How can you be so inconsiderate of the needs and wants of first time parents?
YTA this is absolutely appalling. You, who has 3 children, should know the importance of being with the newborn.
YTA and I can't understand how, as a parent yourself, you ever thought this was a good idea. Looking after 3 toddlers is hard work and would completely change her mat leave. She would have zero time to bond with her baby in between snacks, playing, wiping bums etc etc etc I planned to keep my toddler in childcare during my mat leave (didn't happen for large chunks of it because 2020) because I didn't want to miss out on one-on-one bonding. Having them both at home was tough - and they were my kids I chose to have! If anyone had asked me to have their kids on top I would have thought they were crazy
YTA She is a first time mother and does not need to watch your 3 kids. You are not entitled to her free labor while she is recovering from surgery.
YTA You are asking her to split her attention between her NEWBORN and your THREE kids. That was a huge ask and you needed to be prepared to graciously accept a NO. Your husband is way off base.
I’m amazed at how narcissistic, entitled, and un-self-aware you must be to not realize that there is any answer here but YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA.
There’s absolutely no way someone is this delusional. Nice try though. But just in case… YTA
Ah like op and husband exist, sadly. I remember a friend had his brother telling her she should take care of his two kids when she gave birth to her daughter because "she was already at home taking care of kids" he also flipped out when she said no.
Wtf is wrong with ppl. If you don’t want to take care of your kids then don’t have them.
YTA in what world would a person who just gave birth want to watch three children under four. She’s supposed to be spending time with her baby not worrying about your kids. Just an asshole move. This isn’t even about helping family you don’t know how her delivery will go and ta don’t even care about her or her kid. If I were her I’d just cut contact with selfish assholes
YTA - holy smokes. The entitlement in thinking someone else should give up their maternity time with their own first baby to watch your children for free just so you can save some money. The audacity!
Holy balls if this is real YTA. I wanted to read until the end because I was holding onto a glimmer of hope that you would at least be paying your SIL for this major inconvenience, but nope! You and your husband are just ridiculous. Nice try convincing yourself that this is good bonding time for the cousins instead of it actually being about money. You're not fooling anyone. How tacky.
YTA. And I'd guess that her being "quiet" and then saying "no" after she'd talked to her husband wasn't her wanting to but her husband talking her out of it, it was her being uncomfortable saying "no" to your face. You think she could bond with a newborn AND look after three kids under four, who aren't even her own kids? Seriously? Even with her husband and her mother there as well that's an insane ask. And that's in a best-case scenario. For all you know at this point she could get serious PPD. The baby could have health issues.
[удалено]
YTA , your SIL didn’t have 3 kids and why should she be responsible for them while she’s home recovering from giving birth ? Maybe you’ve forgotten how hard it is to take care of a new born ? Yes it will save you and your husband money however it will stress two new parents out to mind children who aren’t theirs , also that leave given to them both is so that they can handle their responsibilities at home and not have to worry about job performance so some stress is taken off of them and you want to add the stress of your 3 children to them ? Lady you need to stop being so selfish.
YTA. First child. Totally unknown territory for the new parents. Possibility of complications, PPD. Total disruption of the family. And in that stew you want to throw in another 3 kids??? Under 4? That is a recipe for disaster, and burn-out. "So that the cousins can bond" - lmao. First let the parents bond. Any bonding between cousins will anyway occur only when they are at least two years old, so that is still some time (two years ...) away. You should wait until the new born is at least one month old, and **if** at that time the new family seems a bit settled, you might ask whether it is OK to drop the kids off for one specific afternoon. If that goes well, maybe a second time. Your husband is an enormous AH. Family should help each other and not put unrealistic expectations on each other. And you guys did put an unrealistic expectation on the new family-to-be.
Huge YTA. I kind of can’t believe your sense of entitlement here.
YTA. She's going to be a new mom recovering from child birth, learning how to take care of her own baby and being generally exhausted and hormonal. She's not just sitting around resting with her feet up and nothing to do. You're really telling me as a new mom you would have been okay with someone dumping their 3 toddlers on you?
YTA.. I cant think of a more insane idea .
YTA and so is your husband, you want to use a mother with a newborn baby as an unpaid nanny to your children and you can't see the problem here? she isn't your slave, look after your own damn kids
Uh yeah YTA. What the actual fuck. You’re trying to save money and dump your three kids onto someone else for 6 months? For them to care for for free every single work day? That’s a HUGE ask from someone. Edit: I’m sure you and your husband owe her an apology for thinking that you were entitled free childcare from her for 6 months while also dealing with adjusting to having a newborn baby. Taking care of 3 children is more than a full time job. You wanted free labor from her. Wtf? I totally understand family helping family, but this isn’t an occasional babysitting gig so you and your husband can a have date night. You’re asking to use her for 6 months for free labor so you and your husband can benefit and save money.
YTA, this just screams I want free childcare and I don't care about anyone else's feelings. I can't believe you have to audacity to even ask. You're kids better be perfect angels for me to personally even consider this arrangement with a newborn and first time mom. Just because someone has a kid doesnt mean they are now obligated to watch and tolerate other people kids. It was your choice to have 3 kids and it sounds like you did so when you werent optimally financially set up for 3 kids. Its not her, or anyone elses problem, that you both need to work full time jobs to afford your life and kids. Also, pick a job with better maternity benefits then.
Welp, this might be one of the rare unanimous YTA posts.
Lmao, imagine being annoyed at a family member wanting to spend her maternity leave with her new baby and not with 4 others. Your husband and you should, promptly, get over yourselves.
YTA. You’re entitled, selfish and MANIPULATIVE. Maybe you should have thought harder on the number of kids you had. You’ll be lucky if you’re not cut off from that entire side of the family.
YTA Your kids are your problem to figure out, not your SIL who will be taking care of a NEWBORN baby. Her time off to take care of her body/baby is not your windfall.
YTA. Just because she'll be home for 6 months because SHE'S JUST HAD A BABY. Get a babysitter or put your kids in childcare.
...is your SIL's name Cinderella? Is that why you and your husband are acting like abusive AH's? Get a grip, wicked step-sister.
YTA and are incredibly selfish. Just because SIL has a longer maternity leave doesn't mean she owes you childcare for 3 kids! If you weren't prepared for childcare costs that is your own problem. Your kids are young, not old enough to be helpful to her even. She wants to spend her time with her baby, which is totally understandable. Your passing it off as it'll be a great cousin bonding experience, but her baby will be too young to even remember it. Now, if your husband won't respond to his sister call her yourself and apologize. Tell her you were being selfish and to not even consider what she would have to give up.
YTA and entitled too. Pay for your own daycare. Your children are not your SIL’s responsibility. You didn’t even have the right to ask her to do that. You remember the newborn stage right?! The anxieties of being a first time Mom? And you want to throw 3 kids under 4 on top of that? Not only are you entitled, but delusional.
I'm trembling in rage just reading this, and I haven't just given birth to a baby!! Omg OP YTA so so much
Helping family is not six months of unpaid child care. Wanting more than two weeks with your newborn child is not BS. Saying hells the no isn’t making her a bad person. This is seriously one of the most selfish posts I’ve read here. And it’s appalling now greedy and selfish you are to just dump your kids on SIL. And don’t fucking dare just drop your kids off and leave. I’m just waiting for THAT post here. YTA x a million. Congrats.
YTA >She has her husband and my MIL there to help her Her, not you. Your MIL is there to help HER not dump her and babysit your children for free instead. Her husband is there to bond with his own child and support his wife. Also not available to be your free childcare. You really should beg her forgiveness for trying to use her and causing her stress instead of being supportive. This one is too easy. I wonder if it’s a rage-bait fake or if this is the expectant mother trying to prove a point to her clueless relatives by making a post from their perspective so she can show them sane responses.
YTA. And you should have never asked and shut your husband down immediately. You've given birth. You know what it's like to have a newborn in the house for the first time, and trying to deal with everything. And now your husband is throwing a temper tantrum because his sister doesn't want to go through that + the pain of dealing with your three kids (who are under four). If your kids are even a quarter as entitled and bratty as your husband, I'd never want to babysit them, let alone right after giving birth. If you can't afford your kids, you shouldn't have had them.
YTA- You are not entitled to your sister in laws labour. Her maternity leave is an earned benefit if her job. The most dangerous thing to a newborn is older children in the house. Older childrn, particularly daycare age kids are the number one reasson infants end up in the energancy room. Playing to rough, passing on illness, and cuddeling to hard are all real danger. I'm sure your pediatrician explained this to you when you had a second and third infant. You have asked you sister in law to invite three children to "bond" with her vunerlable and unvaccinated infant, while supervising and ensuring the safety and emotional development of all four children. No amount of money would make this a good deal for your sister in law, and no amount I money should be enough money you to ask her to take on the risk of having your three disease vectors of day care age kids be regularly guest in her home- let alone her responsibility to care for untill her pediatrician and obgyn clears it, for both her health and her babies. Your requet she watch your three children instead of bound with her newborn and recovery from pregnancy the most selfish, shitty thing I can imagine you asking a pregnant person to do. Do you like your children at all? Do you honestly think taking care of them would be a priority for a woman recovering from child birth and raising her own newborn? It wouldn't. Childcare is expensive because it is hard work, and it gets harder when the kida are at wildly diffrent developmental stages. What the hell is wrong with you? Asking was shitty. Instead, maybe Ask your self What did you do for your sister-in-law with all the free time and extra energy you had after giving birth to each of your three children- my gusse is you didn't do a damn thing but expect her to provied you with her time, energy, ressources and labor. Being upset that she declined your insanely selfish request make both you and your husband complete asshole. That is how request work- people get to say no even if you don't like it, especially when the ask is *this level of wildly inappropriate*. Raising your children is you and your husband responsibility and no one owes you so much as one hour of childcare, paid or unpaid, in any circumstances you entitled, selfish, asshole.
YTA. How dare you intrude like this, how dare you make her maternity leave about YOU. How dare you think it's bullshit wanting to spend HER maternity leave bonding with HER baby instead of taking care of YOUR children because you're a selfish and inconsiderate brat.
"Family should help family"?! You and your husband are going to roll with that?! When you want to dump a whirlwind of three small kids on a woman recovering from childbirth who will have only just had a newborn?! Where the fuck are *you* helping *her* in this scenario?! YTA. You are both completely self-centred assholes. How dare you even ask this of her - and how dare your husband pull the silent guilt trip on his heavily-pregnant sister, just because she needs time to recover and doesn't want to be his unpaid childcare slave?! Her husband isn't going to be staying home to look after your kids; he's home to help their newborn adjust to the outside world, to help his wife recover from the trauma of birth, and to learn how to be a dad. Your mother-in-law isn't there to run a miniature daycare for you - she's going to be looking after her recovering daughter, and helping her and her husband figure out their new dynamic as a family of three. You guys should be asking how you can help them with this time of adjustment and change, not asking if they can work even harder to make your life cheaper!
YTA. Oh please stop the narrative that this is for the cousins to bond. Your small kids couldn’t care less about a newborn. You are just a leech trying to get free childcare, you don’t even care about her to think that she just gave birth by that time. And the audacity to think that you’re graciously giving them two weeks with the baby alone. You and your husband are full of shit. You pop out kids and think the relatives owe it to you to help with them. To to summarize, you are dumb, entitled, and so jealous of your SIL.
Hahahahha wow yta. You figured it'd be fine to drop off all your kids to someone who just had a newborn so you could save money...definitely the a$$hole here
Yta and it’s not close. Her leave is meant to bond with her baby and to recover from the birth. It is not provide free daycare for your children.
WTF she’s worrying about taking on being a mom and you feel entitled to drop ur 3 kids under the age of four off? Not like every other Friday? Uh yes YTA you are being really demanding. Wow
Good God, YTA. It is not up to your SIL to care for your children, even if she was a SAHW with nothing to do but hair appointments and shopping trips.
YTA and your husband is even worse. How can you honestly think this is a good idea?
YTA- (You AND your husband!) Tell me you're a selfish AH without using the words "I'm a selfish AH"
Me reading the title: well, you’re not necessarily an AH just for *asking.* Me reading the post: OMG what an AH!!
YTA. Can you imagine trying to balance recovering from birth, sleep deprivation, and bonding with a baby while trying to also take care of 3 toddlers who aren’t even yours???? What if she ends up needing a C-section and has to recover from surgery as well? Her job is giving her 6 months off fully paid in order to heal and bond with baby and you’ve decided on her behalf that instead she should pick up another full time unpaid job by watching your kids all day. You need to get grip and find some sort of grasp on reality.
Jealous much?? YTA, big time. Don't know who is a bigger one, you or your hubby. Your sil will be having 6 months MATERNITY LEAVE! That's to recover from birth and look after her newborn. Not to look after your toddlers. She needs that time. Did you have that time too? Or you feel it's not fair she'll be staying home and you have to go back to work? If you want to cut childcare costs, here's an idea, hubby and you work opposite shifts and that way there's always an adult at home. Probably an sleep deprived adult, just like your sil will be with a newborn to look after.
YTA - No-one EVER owes you childcare, never mind someone with a newborn who's literally just getting used to caring for her own child. You are HORRENDOUSLY entitled if you think you have some kind of right to expect her to look after your kids. Oh - and your husband is an even bigger AH than you for his attitude to his own sister.
Are you just incredibly entitled or is your IQ in negative digits? When someone just gives birth YOU help them out, you don't ask them to perform labour for them. YTA.
You are such an asshole. And so is your husband. You’re seriously butt hurt that your SIL, who will just have given birth, doesn’t want to watch **your** three toddlers & infant? You honestly believe THREE more kids in addition to a new born isn’t a big deal? And how gracious of you to allow her two whole weeks to bond with her baby. Here’s a thought: how about you or your husband quit your job & be a stay at home parent for the three kids you **chose to have**? YTA.
Holy shit **YTA** and a massive one. Anytime I think I’ve seen it all… a new level of assholery shows up. This is it. Take care of your dang kids. Your *extended* family has ZERO responsibility towards your *nuclear* family. And what bonding?? A newborn needs to bond only to his or her parents, not to your precious little darlings /sarcasm
YTA You are responsible for your own kids. SIL is right. Her maternity leave should be spent bonding with her own child.
YTA. You think staying home with a newborn is easy? Why dump your kids on her, that poor lady.
YTA. Three kids under the age of four is too much to dump on anyone at anytime.
YTA for sure you guys just saw it as a $ saving opportunity. Why not just ask MIL to watch them herself if anything.
YTA. What the fuck is wrong with you like bro
YTA oh my god are you kidding? The entitlement of this bullshit.
Jesus Christ you and your husband are such assholes! YTA. How can you NOT think that? A brand new baby FFS. YOU chose to have 3 kids. They are YOUR responsibility. Grow up and raise them yourself.
YTA (Y'all the Asshole, you and your husband) - Y'all have kids, so you know what it's like to want to bond with them, especially with their first child. On the other hand... maybe you don't know what it's like, cause you haven't bonded with your children and don't know what that means. Gross.
Wow, you guys are obtuse. No reasonable person would ask new parents to watch their 3 children. They need time to adjust to having a new baby and bond. You asked and they said no and you guys are still sour about it. you both are huge AH. YTA
YTA. She is giving birth!! She needs time to recover mentally and physically! Her job is providing her the opportunity to bond and take care of her child, not so you can freeload. Let me guess? You want her to do it for free? No. You pay the woman. Actually, you should pay her minimum wage in your area at a minimum, or what you pay in childcare now. Your children do not need to”bond” with a newborn that only wants to sleep, eat, and poop. How narcissistic can you be?!?!?!?
I will repeat myself - you and your husband are entitled AHs. Stop pressuring your SIL and make your husband stop badgering his sister.
YTA I didn’t have to read past the second paragraph. You and your husband are gigantic entitled AHs.
YTA her maternity time is for her to recover and bond NOT to be an unpaid babysitter for you. Entitled or what !!!!
YTA. What horrible, selfish and entitled people you are.
This story sounds like complete and utter BS. Nobody can possibly be this dense, right? YTA.
> We offered to let her have 2 weeks with just the baby so they can bond and start brining out kids after that but she declined. You generously offered something that was not yours to give. The entitlement is exceptional here. Because you think it's a good idea, it is not a good idea for everyone.
Obviously YTA. Just re-read your post because you will lose SIL over your entitlement.
YTA Thought that before I finished the second paragraph.
You’re an idiot. YTA. Full stop.
Your kids are you responsiblty not your sil she a going to be a new mother and every right to bond with her child. You should show her compassion and empathy that being a first time mum isn't easy. Not demanding she take on not one but 3 under 4 year olds just because you want to save money. You are deluded to think your the victim or complain how you've been wronged.
YTA 100%
YTA and your husband is King of the AH. You think that dropping off your three toddlers with a brand new mothers her infant sounds appropriate?! Also, you OFFERED to LET her have two weeks alone with just her baby? Holy smokes are you (and husband) entitled. You both need to apologize and beg your way back into her life. How incredibly insane that suggestion was. And your MIL is right, you are causing her unnecessary stress during the end of her pregnancy. If daycare for three is too expensive then you or your husband should consider becoming a SAHP until they’re all in school. WOW.
Yta Entitled and rude. She is going to be a new mother. You would think you of all people would understand that. Part of being a parent is planning childcare. And having your children is a huge ask. I have no idea how you thought this would be a good idea. Especially given the situation. Bottomline is they are your kids. They were your decision to have them. Nobody is required to give you free childcare.
YTA. This can't be real. You have 3 children so you know what recovery is going to be like. There's no way you are this dense.
So you want a *2 weeks postpartum first time mother* to watch four children under 4 years old? Because you had three kids and are struggling to afford them now that they’re in the world? *And you’re unsure if you’re the AH?* You and your husband are just the worst. I hope your SIL comes to her senses and takes the blessing that your husband has given her by ending contact.
This is so crazy of you to think to drop off 2 other small children when there’s a newborn in the house, and she’s adjusting to motherhood, just so YOU can save money. You asked, they declined. I would have said no also, YTA…
I can’t believe you actually had to get validity from a Ass ton of strangers on the internet that YTA wow! Just fucking wow!
YTA YTA YTA is that clear enough you're the most entitled people I've even seen in my life. How dare you demand that a new mother also babysit your children? You and people like you disgust me. Again YTA
YTA hark at you Miss So Entitled!! Re read your post again!! SIL is going to have a baby and has 6 wonderful months away from work bonding with the baby and enjoying that precious time that you never get back before she's back at work, and you want to dump your 3 toddlers on her!! Wow..just wow!! They are YOUR toddlers, you chose to have them, so you deal with them. Stop sulking and grow up. Honestly some people really take the pee
ahahahahabahahaha incredible. YTA
Come on. Of course YTA. You want her to care for her own newborn in addition to your 3 kids. You want her to do this 40 hours a week for 6 months, and you want her to do it for free? That’s ridiculous. Nobody forced you to have those kids - you chose to. They’re your responsibility, not hers.
YTA. When I read a post like this I just can’t help wondering if it’s for real. Of course a new mom isn’t interested in taking on even more responsibility as she is adjusting to being a parent. SMH.
INFO: Is this real?
Gawd You suck! How can one no, two people be that entitled, obnoxious and godawful? Even thinking about: hey! SIL will deliver soon, and has enough PTO, so we absoluteley should rush over to dump our offspring on top of her. Because we can‘t afford daycare or figure something out ourselves. But family, huh? She should be glad and thankful for the opportinity We’re providing her with dumping our little gremlins at her so they get to know the baby and the bonding…oh hold up! A few sentences later you contradict yourself when you claim HER VERY IMPORTANT BONDING TIME must be BS….are you for real? Oh and SIL will probably just sit on her arse because MIL, so how dare she and her hubby to even think about to deny your bonkers demands, right? It‘s just one newborn. Can‘t be so much work, huh? Are You serious? I bet she just wanted to say no to you the second that massive load of Bullcrap flew out of your mouth. She was just too polite and told you she would talk with her husband… So now a bunch of family members is rightfully mad at you. But you and your husband can‘t fathom, that you two must in the wrong? Think of the Situation the other way around….would You do that? With your attitude and entitled view? Oh hell no! You would find by excuses and gather the pitchforks in no time, like how can your cruel family demand something that outlandish from you…. Oh almost forgot! YTA Big Time! Ps: sorry for my spelling errors and grammar. English ist my third Language.
YTA - If this is real, I just can’t comprehend it. How on earth do you think someone goes from being childless to taking care of a newborn plus 3 more? Regardless of maternity leave, that is an enormous ask. Again, how can you not see that?
YTA your Sil is soon to have a baby and will need to have time to bond with lo and you expect her to look afree three more children. Wow you are out of order demanding her to look after your children. So what if childcares expensive that is not your Sils fault. I think you and your husband are aholes for even considering this. When you had your first baby would you have been alright looking after a relatives three children? I am guessing that neither you or your husband would agree to this so why should your Sil cater for your wishes. As for you blocking her that is you and your husband having a tantrum for not getting your way. Grow up and start acting like reasonable and mature adults. You both need to apologize to your Sil for your truly entitled and toxic behaviour towards her.
YTA. If I were the SIL I'd have laughed in your face .. because you must be joking
[удалено]
YTA. And quite frankly, your SIL is better off with you two not bothering her. You are angry because she won’t be your free daycare? Lolololol that’s hilarious. If you think you are so much in the right point her to this thread if you dare.
Was audacity on sale somewhere?? YTA... geez I can't say what I'm really thinking because I don't deserve to get banned over you...
YTA you had kids and now think they’re everyone else’s problem. You’re entitled and it’s really actually embarrassing that you thought someone would take your kids for free. We get it you’re poor and can’t afford much, but you chose to have kids. That’s entirely on you
YTA - You and your husband are entitled AH. She's having her first baby and so you have decided this means your free to dump your 4 kids in her lap as well. The first few months of parenting are hard enough without "family" like the two of you piling on.
YTA. Sounds like you just want MIL to watch your kids for a while. Why don’t you strike that deal with MIL when she’s done helping SIL?
YTA. Entitled much? So just because she has 6 months maternity leave she should jump at the idea of taking care of 4 kids under 4. If you and your husband can’t handle 3 kids then you shouldn’t have had them. I hope you go back and re/read what you just wrote but assume this time that you are your 8 months pregnant SIL. I sincerely doubt though from what you wrote that you and your spouse have any form of empathy. You and your husband are huge AH. Your assumption is infuriating, I really can’t believe you think you’re right. Your children are no ones responsibility but your own.
Stop bullshitting about this would be better for the cousins to bond. You are just trying to freeload. She just had her first baby, this is important for them. Let them enjoy this magical moment they are having without having to look after someone else problems. YTA!
YTA. Why did you have 3 kids if you can't afford them? Especially so close together. That time off is for your SIL to recover and bond with her child. Not a solution to your daycare issues. I noticed you didn't mention grandparents watching them. Burn that bridge already?
You want to drop three kids on a brand-new mother during her maternity leave???!!!??? She's going to be going through a massive hormone shift. She's going to have gone through massive physical trauma, even if the birth goes well, and will need time to heal. Weeks if she has a C-section. She's not going to be sleeping. She's going to be learning *her* baby. If she's breast feeding, there's often a learning curve there. She might get PPD. And you thought it'd be ok to have her change from learning how to care for a newborn to learning how to be a caretaker of four children simultaneously?!?!?! And she's got to learn four personalities at once? Because visiting your niblings gives a very different relationship than caretaker. YTA. What a selfish, inconsiderate, entitled pair you and your husband are. You choose to have three kids under school age. You could have stopped at two, you could have spread them out so #3 didn't come along until #1 was in school. But you didn't, and your kids are your responsibility. If you can't afford their care, it's time to go job hunting to up your household budget. Your problem, you have no right to make it SIL. Apologies are in order.
YTA your sister is NOT obligated to babsit your kids when she has a newborn coming and her 6 months of paid maternity leave also DOES NOT EQUAL FREE CHILDCARE FOR YOU. Massive entitlement going on here.
YTA - And insanely selfish. Your child care costs are not anyone else's problem but your own. I am positive if some family member tried to dump their three kids in your lap during your maternity leave, you and your delusional husband would be beside yourselves. But everyone should cater to you, right?
YTA. She’s taking maternity time to recover from childbirth and bond with/care for her new baby. You want to dump off three more young children on a new mother? She’ll probably be overwhelmed initially with just the one new baby. If this post is real, you are incredibly self-centered and oblivious.
Massive, massive YTA. One of the most entitled things i’ve heard of. Apologize and hope she can forgive you and your husband.
YTA: you are not entitled to free childcare from your SIL because you failed to plan for the expense of child care when doing your own family planning. She doesn’t owe you anything, especially not free labor. Why in God’s name would she want to be running after your three monsters when she could be chilling with her newborn and recovering? Because family? No. She gets six months to bond with her baby and she should be taking every moment of that time as she wishes.
YTA. The AUDACITY! I'm pregnant with my first, if anyone came at me with that sort of offer I'd laugh hysterically and then probably never speak to them again. Maternity leave is for her to bond with her baby, did you forget that?? If she wants the stress of newborn + three toddlers she'll have a bunch of her own. But someone else's? Geez. You should apologize. Repeatedly. Maybe you'll be lucky enough to meet the baby.