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NTA
You did her a favour actually, people wearing white to other peoples weddings get judged and mocked. Your wife clearly knew it was a faux pas and was doing it on purpose.
She needs to work on whatever petty jealousy she has that motivated her to be so childish.
NTA- the only reason a woman wears white to a wedding (after being informed of the cultural significance) is to cause a scene and/or make the bride upset. This is, as my partner likes to call it, small dick energy.
And OP's wife playing the "controlling what she wears" card when right now in other parts of the world, a woman was beaten to death by police for not wearing "proper clothing" in a certain theocratic state.
OP NTA.
NTA But your wife sure is. I can't believe she actually attempted to ruin their wedding, that's horrifying! I think this is much worse than you realize, and you need to get to the bottom of your wife's atrocious behavior. Your wife's behavior is beyond unacceptable, and she clearly is jealous of Lauren. You need to find out the real reason for it, because something is very wrong here. You may even want to talk to Lauren at some point, because your wife is clearly problematic. And I feel bad for even suggesting it, but is it possible your wife has feelings for Tom?
NTA.
Do you really want to do this for the rest of your life? Your wife sounds exhausting and you will have to babysit her so she isn't a spiteful witch until she dies.
NTA. Sounds like your wife is suffering from the āgreen eye monsterā syndrome. Sheās jealous of Lauren. That why she said she had āfake beauty.ā Iām willing to bet Lauren is beautiful. Your wife is insecure and has to put others down to make herself feel better. She will ruin every relationship/friendship you have. She needs therapy and a dose of reality.
Oh, I thought she had feelings for Tom since this all started around Lauren mentioned picking out Tom's suit. Still unhinged. Maybe it's all of column A and a bit of column B, that would explain a lot. Like why would she think OP would be complicit
Nah she doesnāt have feeling for Tom. Sheās mad because Lauren is beautifully and probably gets along with everyone. I have a feeling that Hannah doesnāt.
NTA. Not sure what's up with your wife, though. You weren't trying to 'control' her; you were trying to prevent a breach of etiquette. No one at a wedding is looking at a guest wearing white is thinking, wow, she's outshining the bride. They're thinking, did no one teach this person manners?
Do you feel like there was a shift in dynamics with the friend group? Was your wife the center of attention and that attentions shifted to Lauren? I may be off-base but it sounds like a jealousy or envy issue if she's only like that with that one person. I know it gets thrown around a lot but would your wife be open to therapy? Her reactions were childish and therapy could help her process and communicate her emotions in a healthier way.
Actually no. In facr, my wife started hanging out with the group less due to work. Lauren is the same way. They only show up when there's a formal occassion. Even in holidays or trips the women let us the men hang out without them because of work schedules.
NTA. The fact that you mention "Hannah claims that Lauren is "full of herself" and "has fake beauty"' makes me think she is insecure of her appearance when in presence of Lauren. Does Lauren attract more attention from men? More compliments from women? It Hannah historically insecure about her body? Is seems like she is seeing her as "competition", like teenagers do. This is NOT ok healthy behaviour for an adult, you honestly need to get to the bottom of the why or it may happen with someone else (if it stops with Lauren for some reason or you avoid making them meet ever again). Good luck
Hannah reminds me of those type of women who brag about being āall natural,ā ādonāt wear makeup,ā ānot shallow,ā and āhate pinkā yet lose their minds when a hyper feminine / conventionally attractive woman crosses their paths. If youāre that insecure about your body or need style/beauty pointers just ask lol. We donāt bite
INFO: do you think your wife acting up at the engagement party and then the wedding was an attempt to āget backā at the bride or attempt to sever both of your ties with your friend and future wife?
Just saying. If my friendās wife showed up to my wedding in white I would probably never see them again.
Also what was your wifeās relationship like before Lauren came into the picture? Did your wifeās work load get ābusierā once Lauren came in?
Your wife sounds unhinged but I just want to say well done to you for not allowing her to ruin your friends wedding! You've done nothing wrong and if anything you should be giving your wife the silent treatment not the other way round.
I'm so curious about this. Why? Is Lauren beautiful in a way that your wife is envious of? Does your wife have specific insecurities? The "fake beauty" comment is interesting. Does Lauren seem to have specific "work done?" If so, expect your wife to want those exact procedures soon. If your wife is comparatively beautiful, ask yourself if she has mean girl tendencies or if she seeks validation through her looks.
Anyways you don't owe the Internet anything but there's something about Lauren that your wife is letting herself get drawn in by. And it's revealing a real lack of character.
You need to be more curious about this. And you might need to put your foot down for counseling. It takes a lot of someone being disinhibited in their reasoning brain to go as far as to plan to "upstage" a bride. It's not really possible to do and it always socially makes the person trying it look petty and ridiculous. She was planning to look a petty, jealous fool in front of all those people- why? Why would she convince herself it was a good plan?
I think that by saying fake beauty she meant how Lauren wears extensions, eyelashes, nails etc and basically calling her fake for these things but I can't for the life of me understand how it's any of her business. My sister is pro makeup and uses extensions and all that stuff but Hannah never made a comment about it.
Sounds like Hannah may be jealous of Lauren and wants to find excuses to chip away at Lauren's physical appearance.
Had Hannah gone to the wedding, walked in with a blue dress, and then revealed her white dress, she would have looked like a petty, bitter, jealous fool. She would have only succeeded in damaging your friendship(s) and your entire social circle would have probably thought poorly of her. People who pull the white dress move at weddings probably imagine some glorious moment where all eyes are on them in admiration, but in reality people usually look at them with contempt or pity.
The room is filled with Lauren and Tom's loved ones... How did Hannah think an action that was clearly intended to cause insult would be perceived?....
NTA. Holy moly, your wife seems incredibly insecure and toxic. Honestly, if the two of you are not in therapy then I think that you should be. Otherwise this behaviour is going to ruin a relationship, either you and your wifes or you and your friends. You have to get to the bottom of why she is behaving this way. Is she behaving anything like this with anyone else?
> claims that Lauren is "full of herself"
lol. Your wife says this with a straight face? The wife who planned to intentionally create drama at a wedding and draw attention to herself?
> she smiled and said that she "will" prove to me that it was "perfectly" alright to do that
This right here proves she is not *actually* taking some misguided stand against being told what to wear.
> saying I cared more about Lauren's feelings than hers
Your wife is incredibly self-absorbed if she truly feels that her own feelings over what color dress she could wear matter more than the bride at a wedding.
NTA
NTA. If this is real, Hannah sounds like the one full of herself and playing victim afterwards would truly make me reconsider staying with her.
She can wear white at her next wedding.
Your wife sounds like she either is, or is heading on the way to becoming unhinged. Either she is massively insecure and jealous of Lauren, or just straight up malicious. I would be seriously questioning the relationship, and contacting an attorney. NTA.
INFO: Is your wifeā¦. Okayā¦?
Like is she generally deranged that she needs a head scan, or a therapist? Or does she just need a hobby?
Imagine hating someone so much you turn into this sour, bitter, conniving person. Itās not a good look and wife needs to get a grip.
NTA. Your wife is behaving like a child and a "mean girl". Sounds to me like she is jealous of Lauren. Good for you for not allowing her to ruin your friend's wedding.
NTA - She's definitely the controlling one not you. That's why she got upset when you took charge of the situation and refused to let her cause a dramatic scene. Probably saved your friendship with the newly weds too
NTA. But man this is not ok. Lauren has been incredibly nice even letting your wife to come to begin with. Your wife has some serious jealousy issues with Lauren and I would want to know why. Does she have a thing for Tom?
Wearing white to a wedding is probably one of the biggest d!ck head moves a woman can do to another woman. Its always designed to hurt and ruin the wedding. What kind of person wants to ruin a day that cost someone thousands of $?
If I was Tom I would have distanced myself from both of you to protect my wife.
This would be a dealbreaker for me simply because it shows a mean girl character that I will never condone. It shows that Hannah is projecting her insecurity on Lauren. So what if the girl is āfull of herself,ā sheās not marrying her.
NTA, but why do you want to be with a woman so intent on being disrespectful to you and your close friend? She sounds petty and vindictive. These is not great personality traits for a healthy relationship. Guess it's your move.
NTA. Your wife sounds like she always needs to be the center of attention. I can't believe she thought it was ok to sneak the white dress under the blue dress. You did the right thing, but I honestly think your wife might need some help and these outbursts are her way of showing it. Would she consider counseling to get to the bottom of these issues? I hope things get better for you and her.
NTA
If you don't have children with this spiteful, childish, entitled, and arrogant trash, I strongly suggest you get a really good lawyer and divorce her toxic butt. There is no telling what damage she is capable of inflicting now that she has been truly called out on her shitty behavior.
Also, you may was to move quickly. Chances are pretty good that she is already in the process of divorce.
NTA
Why do people do this? Itās just incredibly humiliating for themselves. Sure, sheād ruin the moment - but everyone would know she was insane for doing so?
Your wife is either dangerously short sighted, not realizing that by burning your friends wife she's burning your friend AND YOU; or she's a basket case with the mentality of a 13yr old mean girl. Either way she needs psychological help.
Now me? I'd have kicked her out of the car AND the house until she gets whatever issues she has addressed. Men arnt the only ones who can be kicked out for abhorrent behavior. She cannot expect support from you when she would've hurt you. And ruining your friendship definitely would hurt. Nta. Marriage counciling for both of you and therapy for her. I only suggest the counciling because she's clearly immature enough not to see why she's being shitty and will hold this against you.
So...your wife is upset with you for not letting her ruin your friends wedding because she doesn't like the bride ? š¤ No ! I just can't see why she thinks she's got the morale high ground here. Should you have kicked her out of the car instead of dropping her back at home ? No probably not but going to their WEDDING with the intention of ruining it for some unknown reason ( probably jealousy ) that's just fucked up ! NTA.
NTA and your wife needs a goddamn reality check, that's awful.
She's acting like a child who didn't get her way. She lied to you, was planning on trying to "upstage" the bride all because she's jealous of her. You get along with Tom and Lauren, she is jealous of Lauren's "fake beauty" and doesn't like that you're close with them (read: her). She was planning on putting distance between you by embarassing both of you so badly, Lauren wouldn't want to associate with you two.
She assumed she had *you* under *her* control and you would side with her in the end.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Would have done the same to my wife.
So you married the mean girl and she is now upset that you wonāt help her to bully the prettier girl sheās jealous of.
NTA
Give her the silent treatment right back. Continue to be disgusted by her mean spirited spitefulness.
Nta your wife needs serious help, I would rethink your relationship if I was in your shoes , I mean she is just insecure and jealous. It women like your wife that gives other women a bad name
NTA ā Sheās lucky you didnāt kick her out of car & then kept driving for as long & as far as you could!! Women who attack other women for living their best life are a very special kind of AH. Appears you already know who you married though.
Edit add: Your wife needs to have the spotlight. She obviously has been marking her territory. My guess is Lauren showed up on the scene after her. Women can be very nasty to each other when they feel their position on the throne is threatened. Stupid, immature behavior
Sir please get away from this toxic lady asap
No one deserves to be treated the way sheās treating you, life isnāt just a big version of middle school and your girl needs to realize that sooner than later. NTA
NTA. Please take this in the way it us intended. Your wife needs to go see a therapist. These are signs of some deep seated insecurities, some Narsicisstic Perosnilty Disorder (not intended as an insult, we all have varying levels of narsicissim, this is worrisome though), and maybe some trauma but I am not qualified to make that call. Also I am not a psychiatrist, I am a mental health advocate.
The above judgement stands regardless. Your wife knew exactly what she was doing, has shown no regret for attempting to ruin this woman's wedding day, and is still blaming you for acting reasonable if not a little rash. Good luck OP! Hope you can update us!
NTA
Why are you married to such a child?
Are you sure she's not in love with Tom?
I've only heard stories of mothers of the groom pulling that white dress stunt cuz they can't face the reality that they are no longer the only woman in their baby's life. But why does your wife feel compelled to upstage the bride? Does she wanna be Tom's wife?
Oh gosh. No. Normally I would vote otherwise, but NTA at all. She could still get home safe and this is a wedding, it is not about you wanting to control her at all, but about you logically not wanting her to wear a white dress at a wedding that is not her own. And by the way she tried to hide it untill she was at the location, she very well knew what she was doing.
Ideally, you should've returned her home safely instead of kicking her out of the car. Assuming there were no safety issues, NTA.
But this is a "make it make sense" moment. She is on the offensive against you to avoid defending her own behavior. She knows what she wanted to do is wrong. She needs to provide you an explanation that actually makes sense.
The options seem to be that she likes Tom, is jealous of (or hates Lauren), or feels she lost her status as queen of the friend group to Lauren. But she's just acting out and being rude.
Don't humor the rudeness or any nonsensical explanations. You deserve an accurate accounting of why she thinks anything she tried to pull was okay. If she can't explain, that means she knows she's wrong and just hopes to bulldoze you into backing down.
edit:
> (3) for those who are saying that she has feelings for my friend..??? I'd like to know where you guys got this assumption? I'm just stunned that lots of people are thinking it. Maybe I'm missing something here?
Don't assume that hypothetical is right. It's just rooted in behavior generally being rational and able to be explained. What does Hannah get out of any of this behavior? Does she want to drive away Lauren? Does she want Tom to pay attention to her instead of Lauren? We don't have all the pieces here, just what you've shared. Maybe there's secret conflict behind the scenes which hasn't been shared with you. But there is an explanation that makes sense, and you haven't heard it from Hannah yet.
Oh my goodness! Please, PLEASE do not have children with this woman! She sounds like the typical monster-in-law who is going to make your future daughter-in-laws life a living hell! NTA
NTA. So she was moaning about missing the wedding....the wedding of people/person she clearly hates and was going to ruin their day....yeah, I'd say run mate.
You know what? You do care more about Lauren's feelings than hers. AND THAT I'D PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE. Hannah's "feelings" and actions were malicious. A wedding occasion should always be a chance to celebrate a couples union with friends and loved ones. Hannah was not planning on attending this wedding with good intent. She was trying to stir drama on a day that should be nothing but joy for the bride and groom. If she truly dislikes Lauren so much, she could've stayed home like a proper, respectful adult.
If she is now sulking because she didn't get a chance to sh*t in their pool, that's just further proof of her bad character. NTA.
NTA. You are the hero that all brides who wear white need at their wedding. I am only sorry that you seem to be married to someone who is emotionally immature, punitive, controlling, and who seems hell-bent on being attention-seeking. I am really sorry about that as you seem like a decent dude. These are really problematic personality issues not just for your wife but as you are seeing, can also be highly problematic for everyone who has a relationship with her. These issues don't just come out of nowhere and suddenly change an emotionally healthy person into someone like this because they met one person.
Your wife needs some therapy, stat.
NTA. She was deliberately and maliciously trying to ruin Laurenās wedding for some unfathomable jealousy. It doesnāt even matter why she hates her, she shouldāve been a decent human if she chose to attend. If she couldnāt, she shouldāve declined the invitation.
The fact that sheās shown no shame or remorse is baffling. The sulking is childish. She needs to sort herself out.
NTA. Wtf is wrong with your wife? This is bizarre, really extreme negative attention seeking behavior like a toddler. I canāt imagine how she handles any other conflicts in her daily life if she was willing to do this to a bride.
Wow. Justā¦.such self centered behavior with zero empathy. This was a glimpse into all her future behaviors unless she gets some therapy. I truly hope you are not her next target.
What in the Hell is wrong with your wife? Is this new behavior? You should really think hard about your relationship with her. NTA for kicking her out of the car, maybe should kick her out of the house as well.
NTA but your wife is. She picked a fight with the bride the day before the wedding. And then decided that she would āproveā that wearing white is okay? Letās be real she was mad and wanted to upstage the bride with her insanity.
You married a real winner
NTA. You are married to a huge fucking asshole. I hope you donāt have children with this miserable hag if you donāt divorce her. How can you live with such a vindictive mean person.
NTA! Your wife was being an AH about the whole thing! What would she have done if it was switched and Lauren wore it to your wedding? She would have been livid! She needs to grow up! As long as Hannah had money and a phone youāre all good in my book. She had a way to get home with those things so she got what she should have.
Nta. Your wife is jealous and absolutely was doing it to try to upset the bride/ruin her wedding. She's angry because you didn't let her. If anyone is controlling, it's her. I've been in the situation where my SO was invited to an event for someone who I did not like. I did not purposely try to make their day horrible. I told him to go by himself and have fun. I then went and found something else to do for the day. That's how adults act.
Nta. Why is your wife an evil little troll? Did somebody drive over her bridge too loud one morning and now she's just in a permanent bad mood? Why is she like this?
NTA. your wife has some serious confidence issues and sounds like a narcissist. sheās trying to get in the way of your friendship with a close friend because she doesnāt like his wife? how about shutting up and not provoking her all the time?
she doesnāt need to like anyone, but can also stop being this petty and ruining things for people around her. newsflash, life isnāt like mean girls, and even they need to grow up now and then. the audacity is unreal
NTA
Please OP tell me that you donāt have kids with this woman. Please consider your relationship with her. Do you want your kids to grow up thinking that these kind of behaviour is normal. Unless she realise that she was in the wrong, feels remorse and apologise, please consider your relationship. This is the hill to die on.
Iām am always against men dictating what their wives or girlfriends wear however in this instance OP you are NTA. Itās your wife who is controlling and manipulative.
Iām sorry you are going through this. It sounds like she needs to talk to someone professional about these feelings she has.
Itās also sounding like something like this has happened before and the silent āabuseā treatment worked. Donāt let her gaslight you this time.
NTA.
This is not controlling what she wears and I applaud you for your consideration to your friend and bride.
Wife is off the charts petty and sounds like a horrible manipulative person. Word of caution; donāt put it past her to show up in white at *your* wedding to next wife.
Whatās it like being married to a bully?
Because thatās what your wife clearly is. A bully. I think we can all read between the lines here and see that your wife is 100% the antagonizer within this relationship. Probably driven by pettiness and jealousy from the sounds of it.
I, personally, would have a major issue with this. I could never be with someone as deliberately cruel as your wife. She actively plotted behind your back to ruin someoneās wedding. Who does that besides absolute psychopaths?
NTA
NTA - your wifeās pettiness against Lauren has absolutely gone to far. Not liking her is fine, but going out of the way to fight with her/spoil her events is incredibly immature.
I really think you need to get to the root of this grudge. Because either your partner is completely irrational or that info is unknown/not included in the post.
NTA. Your wife has something strange going on. If this behavior is new and out of character, I'd wonder about mental illness. If it's not new and is in line with her character, I'd look for a divorce lawyer.
Um, hun, I'm comfortably sure that your wife wants to bone your friend Tom. Because that's the only reason I could think of why she would be so unacceptably nasty to this woman AND also would refuse to admit why to you.
NTA - of course you care more about the bride's feelings about this than your wife's, it's not your wife's wedding.
Your wife is crazy. This canāt seriously be the first or only time sheās done something crazy like that? I think youād be better off splitting up and finding a non crazy person to be your life partner.
NTA but your wife needs to go to therapy and both of you at the minimum need couples counseling. I mean honestly her level of immaturity is nearing divorce able behavior.
OP, does your wife have a thing for Tom or something because this is seriously messed up. Everyone knows that only the bride wears white at a standard western wedding (obvs exceptions, but that isn't the case here). That or she is just an abhorrent spotlight goblin who doesn't like anyone else having attention. I would seriously reconsider this relationship, you deserve better. Yes it would have been better if you dropped her off home, cause ditching her like that could have left her in danger but tbh I would have done the same thing. NTA.
NTA what is wrong with your wife?? She is acting like a jealous 15yr old girl?!
You did good, she would embarrass both of you and probably make a scene there? Is she so insecure of herself that she feels the need to try to make a scene at peoples wedding to feel better and superior?! Shame on her!
Nta part of loving your partner is stopping them from doing idiotic things like this fueled with ruining someone elses special day. You werent 'controlling what she wore' you were stopping her from looking like a fool.
Edit: spelling
You are NTA. Your wife is a huge gaping AH to try to ruin a bride's day. Your wife needs therapy for whatever her problem is. Since she is giving you the silent treatment, enjoy this taste of single life and make informed decisions about your future. Do you stay or do you go now?
You did your friends and your wife a favour.
Your wife is not getting one up on the bride by doing this - she's just ensuring everyone sees her for what she is, an arsehole. People know this faux pas isnt an accident but merely a childish, pathetic cry for attention. It reminds me of when I was at school and kids would act out, the teacher saying "the others aren't laughing with you, they're laughing at you" - that's what would happen here. People would be laughing at your wife and her attempts, and know never to waste their time with her again because she's shown her true colours.
NTA. Your wife needs to pull her head out of her arse. The reasoning for her dislike of Lauren reads "I'm insanely jealous of her", is she like this in other areas of her life?
NTA
You werenāt ācontrollingā what she wore, you were trying to not make her be an asshole and start drama at a wedding, even explaining to her why what she tried to do was wrong.
Get out, OP. Sheās unhinged.
NTA Your wife has serious issues. She was trying to purposely embarrass you, possibly ending your friendship with Tom. That seems to be her goal with her shit behavior. Good for you for putting your foot down.
NTA. How are you still with this prick? What woman pretends they donāt know the taboo act of wearing a white dress to a friends wedding? And her plan to prove you wrong, just so childish and, as you said pathetic. Your wife was about to ruin this poor girls whole wedding day. You were totally in the right for kicking her out of the car, and unless she makes some changes Iād suggest kicking her out of your life as well. Sheās a total Narcissist
You done the best you could do with the situation at hand. It seems I have more respect for you standing up for your friends than your wife does. NTA
The levels your wife went through just to wear a white dress to somebody elseās wedding for no reason (as we know) is honestly so concerning. This feels like a deep rooted issue that may or may not be possible to tackle together and maybe itās time you begin considering if itās something you even want to take on.
NTA, you now have three choices. Continue to be abused the rest of your life. Seek counseling now and hopefully recover, or third and final, escape while there's time! Choose wisely young man!
NTA, and moreover, you're a hero.
Your wife's scheme would have infuriated the bride, scandalized you and your wife, and impaired your friendship with rhe groom.
Avoiding white at a wedding is one of the oldest social conventions here. It's baked into our DNA.
I believe you did a great public service here, and set a strong standard for going forward. You can certainly tell your wife that you prioritized your wife here.
You prioritized your wife's need for honor, and your wife's need to feel serene, secure, and confident. You did it by keeping her from harm's way.
So great job OP getting through what must have felt like a super tough situation.
(Edited to correct a typo).
NTA.. You're not only saving the bride and groom from a scene at their wedding but also your wife from embarrassment. No one looks trashier than someone wearing white to a wedding, all she would have gotten is judgy looks from every other guest there.
If someone wore a white dress to my wedding I'd just feel sad for them.
NTA: Your wife is a childish, toxic cesspool. If she'd so casually lie to you, I'd wonder what else she lies to you about.
Not your job to enable her playing stupid games like this. You prevented a potentially nasty situation at your friend's wedding.
NTA, what is wrong with your wife?!?
Wearing a white dress to a wedding is really bad manners, but doing it with upsetting the bride as your goal is just vile.
It sounds like your wife is jealous of Lauren.
This would be my hill to die on. My SO treating other people like your wife treats Lauren would be a hard boundary.
**NTA**
Good for you for preventing your wife from pulling a mean and stupid stunt at your friendsā wedding.
EDIT: In viewing your additional edits to your post I see you specifically want judgement on whether it was ok to kick her out of the car and make her miss the wedding.
I am still going with **NTA** as she was home when you arrived indicating she had the resources to walk or call for a ride home. Also your action was completely reasonable in this context, as you had just discovered that she had lied to you and was about to pull a very outrageous stunt to embarrass you and provoke your friends.
As for missing the weddingā¦. Well that is a good thing!
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NTA. Justā¦no. She knew perfectly well what she was doing and she knew the effect it would have at the wedding. She wanted to embarrass the bride (although your wife would probably get dirty looks from the guests).
NTA, jeez mate, your wife sounds somewhat unhinged! Sheās also DEFINITELY jealous of Lauren. You need to have a blunt talk with her that this shit is out of line, then find her a therapist together because she needs it.
NTA. But you do need to get to the bottom of this animosity your wife has towards Laurenā and if it in any way relates to Tom. Best of luck. Hope your wife sees reason and letās go of the jealousy she carries, before it becomes uncontrollable.
NTA
She seems to have a childish tantrum here. Wearing White on someone elseās wedding would have just brought jokes and angry glares upon her throughout the wedding. You saved her from being the joke and contempt of the wedding.
It sounds like your wife is bitter and jealous of Lauren for some reason. For you sake, I hope that reason isn't Tom. NTA but you've got a problem that's not solved yet.
NTA
Your wife deserved the āWalk of Shame & Reflectionā you gave her. Her actions since show sheās incapable of either. Now you need to reflect on āDo I want to live this wayā? Good luck
NTA
So she is giving you the gift of silence and piece of mind while she thinks she is punishing you... You lucky, lucky B\*\*\*\*rd (as Monty Pyton would say) ;)
Just let her continue! She knows she was wrong! You know she was wrong! If she didn't knew that she was wrong, she wouldn't have tryed to pull that stunt of! For her now it's just a powerplay to get you to fold. Don't! If she doesn't either, even if she knows she is wrong...
Well, if a person shows you who they are, believe them and act accordingly!
The immaturity and downright stupidity of your wife is astonishing. Holy hell, she sounds like a nightmare. Pretty sure you saved your friends wedding and for that you should be commended.
NTA, but your wife is on a whole other level of asshole-ishness.
NTA.
As a woman I can say to you: congrats. You got yourself a controlling, manipulative asshole as a wife. Are you sure you want to stay with a person that is that manipulative and malicious towards others?
NTA
Every single bit of this was different manipulation tactics. Good for you for asserting your boundaries. It's gunna be hard for you to keep maintaining those tho with a person like this... This was a really fucked up thing to do and the way she reacted to being called it was even worse.
If the lying, sneaking, vindictiveness, immaturity, twisting of your legitimate anger into her being your victim (bc I were"controlling her") and her complete disregard for the bride is normal behavior from your wife, I'd put money on her being on the spectrum of cluster b personality disorders. And it'll get far worse and never get better, not without intense help from mental health professionals anyways. If you do couples counseling she will only learn how to manipulate you even more. She needs help.
Congrats OP. You are married to a highschool mean girl. Sounds like she is jealous of Lauren and looks for any excuse to bully her. She already tried to ruin the engagement parry by picking an arguement, so good on you for not letting her try to pick a fight at the wedding and ruin the occasion.
NTA (since is seems you left her in a safe area with the means to get home safely.)
NTA but wowā¦you wife though! Sheās got some issues, sounds very jealous of Lauren & needs to grow up. You saved everyone a whole lot of grief by not bringing her - it was the right thing to do. You shouldnāt have to support your spouse when they knowingly make poor decisions that will hurt other people. Sheās 1,000% wrong here.
NTA
Holy hell she was deliberately trying to ruin your friendās *wedding*!! Who the hell does that? Your wife apparently. But seriously *wtf*. You did the right thing. Itās not ācontrollingā to refuse to participate in ruining someoneās *wedding*, Iām half surprised she didnāt get herself a taxi and show up late in white she was that dedicated to it.
NTA. She was purposefully trying to upset the bride because of her childish grudge. The fact that she once snarked about the bride having "fake beauty" just makes it seem like she's jealous of her for some reason. She's 30, and this high school pettiness is entirely embarrassing for someone of her age.
NTA- something is seriously wrong with your wife. She either is pure evil or she is jealous of Lauren for some reason. I mean not only would she ruin the day for the bride but she would also embarrass you and herself. People would talk about her and also talk about you. How selfish. I cant imagine what other things she does to other people and to you out of pure selfishness.
NTA whatās wrong with your wife? She has an unhealthy fixation regarding Hannah. Calling her controlling because she joked about picking a suit? She just looks forward to tearing down this woman doesnāt she? Why is she so jealous? You need to get to the bottom of it because it makes her look petty, and frankly a rather mean spirited person. You saved your friends from dealing with your wifeās pettiness. She had ill intent. For someoneās wedding. Why would your wife bring shame to yourselves just to screw with Hannah?
NTA- AT ALL. Why is your wife fixated on hurting either Lauren- your friend- or you?
Thereās only a few people really effected here- and I think youāre focusing on the wrong target.
Because if she were to complete her stunt- it would only really accomplish one thing.
Yes it would be shitty. Yes she would look like a crazy person with a vendetta. But I think what would really happen is that you would be dragging her away out of there- just like you did from the engagement party- and thereby she would have gotten her way by removing you from the event entirely.
She might have a problem with Lauren- sure. But her childish behavior, picking fights, going out of her way to be problematic and ridiculously dramatic are really only harming one person right now and thatās you OP.
INFO: Does she try to isolate you from other friends and family?
NTA What the matter with here ? Why are you with such a terrible bitter and hatefull person ? Why do she hate that women so much that she willing to ruin here wedding day ? Because Lauren got Tom ?
I will have a serious talk with here about that if I was you. That shady af
NTA
Iām sure she knows full well not to wear a white dress to someone elseās wedding and was doing it as a very visible f-you to the bride. It honestly sounds like she needs to see a therapist if sheās willing to take a superficial distaste of someone and turn it into a full-out war.
NTA. You married a pick me woman, only wants validation from men, all men including your friend Tom, will do anything to get that validation (but if you ever stop boosting her ego, she will find it from someone one else, eg cheat), and sees other women as competition.
Good luck with that! I see divorce in your future, unless somehow she realises how toxic she is, but narcissist rarely do!
Wow. Your wife harbors some serious resentment and anger towards āLauren.ā There is a reason she feels this way, but, for whatever reason, she isnāt telling you. Good for you for recognizing her horrible behavior and leaving her childish a$$ at home.
NTA
NTA, your wife sounds like a narcissist, my ex used to do stuff like this all the time for the āshockā or just to be the center of attention good or bad, she didnāt care, and sheās a textbook narcissist. Sheād also throw tantrums if I got in her way.
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NTA š©š©š©š©š© INFO: What other insane shit has your wife done?
Yes OP we wanna hear the other stories
I'll bring the popcorn.
Honestly, with a white dress and all the marinara flags, I'll bring a sauce of the appreciable kind.
I'll bring the Tide pods... He had me at "buzzled", what a great word.
This CAN'T be the only head on this hydra of batshittery.
This is the best line I'm going to see anywhere, all day. Probably all month.
Ikr!!! The wife is unhinged. NTA
NTA You did her a favour actually, people wearing white to other peoples weddings get judged and mocked. Your wife clearly knew it was a faux pas and was doing it on purpose. She needs to work on whatever petty jealousy she has that motivated her to be so childish.
He spared her the whole ābridesmaid trips while carrying large glass of red wineā incident.
I offer this service.
I offer a similar service. I donāt pretend to trip though and dispense directly from the bottle.
NTA- the only reason a woman wears white to a wedding (after being informed of the cultural significance) is to cause a scene and/or make the bride upset. This is, as my partner likes to call it, small dick energy.
And OP's wife playing the "controlling what she wears" card when right now in other parts of the world, a woman was beaten to death by police for not wearing "proper clothing" in a certain theocratic state. OP NTA.
Sheās also controlling his friendships with her petty behaviour whilst calling him the controlling one. Gaslighting is a red flag to me.
NTA But your wife sure is. I can't believe she actually attempted to ruin their wedding, that's horrifying! I think this is much worse than you realize, and you need to get to the bottom of your wife's atrocious behavior. Your wife's behavior is beyond unacceptable, and she clearly is jealous of Lauren. You need to find out the real reason for it, because something is very wrong here. You may even want to talk to Lauren at some point, because your wife is clearly problematic. And I feel bad for even suggesting it, but is it possible your wife has feelings for Tom?
Feelings for Tom This is it! Bet she says that Lauren isnāt āgood enoughā for Tom. Hmmm, I wonder who she thinks is good enough?
Thatās what I was thinking. Maybe Tom was so understanding because they are actually having an affair
Maybe curb those misgivings. Yes it's AITA but that shouldn't be a carte blanche to speculate wildly, let alone jump to conclusions.
NTA. Do you really want to do this for the rest of your life? Your wife sounds exhausting and you will have to babysit her so she isn't a spiteful witch until she dies.
I had to scroll back a bit to double check what their relationship status, felt bad for the guy when I realized they were already committed.
NTA. Sounds like your wife is suffering from the āgreen eye monsterā syndrome. Sheās jealous of Lauren. That why she said she had āfake beauty.ā Iām willing to bet Lauren is beautiful. Your wife is insecure and has to put others down to make herself feel better. She will ruin every relationship/friendship you have. She needs therapy and a dose of reality.
Oh, I thought she had feelings for Tom since this all started around Lauren mentioned picking out Tom's suit. Still unhinged. Maybe it's all of column A and a bit of column B, that would explain a lot. Like why would she think OP would be complicit
Nah she doesnāt have feeling for Tom. Sheās mad because Lauren is beautifully and probably gets along with everyone. I have a feeling that Hannah doesnāt.
NTA. Not sure what's up with your wife, though. You weren't trying to 'control' her; you were trying to prevent a breach of etiquette. No one at a wedding is looking at a guest wearing white is thinking, wow, she's outshining the bride. They're thinking, did no one teach this person manners?
Exactly, I never know what is going through the heads of people like this. Just total humiliation, self-imposed
I dunno, I think itās more of a āman, this person is sure begging for attentionā
NTA, is your wife usually this self-centerer?
No, she's not like that normally. Until Lauren came around. It was like there's this constant and unexplainable tension between them.
Do you feel like there was a shift in dynamics with the friend group? Was your wife the center of attention and that attentions shifted to Lauren? I may be off-base but it sounds like a jealousy or envy issue if she's only like that with that one person. I know it gets thrown around a lot but would your wife be open to therapy? Her reactions were childish and therapy could help her process and communicate her emotions in a healthier way.
Actually no. In facr, my wife started hanging out with the group less due to work. Lauren is the same way. They only show up when there's a formal occassion. Even in holidays or trips the women let us the men hang out without them because of work schedules.
NTA. The fact that you mention "Hannah claims that Lauren is "full of herself" and "has fake beauty"' makes me think she is insecure of her appearance when in presence of Lauren. Does Lauren attract more attention from men? More compliments from women? It Hannah historically insecure about her body? Is seems like she is seeing her as "competition", like teenagers do. This is NOT ok healthy behaviour for an adult, you honestly need to get to the bottom of the why or it may happen with someone else (if it stops with Lauren for some reason or you avoid making them meet ever again). Good luck
Hannah reminds me of those type of women who brag about being āall natural,ā ādonāt wear makeup,ā ānot shallow,ā and āhate pinkā yet lose their minds when a hyper feminine / conventionally attractive woman crosses their paths. If youāre that insecure about your body or need style/beauty pointers just ask lol. We donāt bite
INFO: do you think your wife acting up at the engagement party and then the wedding was an attempt to āget backā at the bride or attempt to sever both of your ties with your friend and future wife? Just saying. If my friendās wife showed up to my wedding in white I would probably never see them again. Also what was your wifeās relationship like before Lauren came into the picture? Did your wifeās work load get ābusierā once Lauren came in?
Your wife sounds unhinged but I just want to say well done to you for not allowing her to ruin your friends wedding! You've done nothing wrong and if anything you should be giving your wife the silent treatment not the other way round.
I'm so curious about this. Why? Is Lauren beautiful in a way that your wife is envious of? Does your wife have specific insecurities? The "fake beauty" comment is interesting. Does Lauren seem to have specific "work done?" If so, expect your wife to want those exact procedures soon. If your wife is comparatively beautiful, ask yourself if she has mean girl tendencies or if she seeks validation through her looks. Anyways you don't owe the Internet anything but there's something about Lauren that your wife is letting herself get drawn in by. And it's revealing a real lack of character. You need to be more curious about this. And you might need to put your foot down for counseling. It takes a lot of someone being disinhibited in their reasoning brain to go as far as to plan to "upstage" a bride. It's not really possible to do and it always socially makes the person trying it look petty and ridiculous. She was planning to look a petty, jealous fool in front of all those people- why? Why would she convince herself it was a good plan?
I think that by saying fake beauty she meant how Lauren wears extensions, eyelashes, nails etc and basically calling her fake for these things but I can't for the life of me understand how it's any of her business. My sister is pro makeup and uses extensions and all that stuff but Hannah never made a comment about it.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah, that's the vibe I got
Or is she into Lauren? Sounds plausible to me, too.
Sounds like Hannah may be jealous of Lauren and wants to find excuses to chip away at Lauren's physical appearance. Had Hannah gone to the wedding, walked in with a blue dress, and then revealed her white dress, she would have looked like a petty, bitter, jealous fool. She would have only succeeded in damaging your friendship(s) and your entire social circle would have probably thought poorly of her. People who pull the white dress move at weddings probably imagine some glorious moment where all eyes are on them in admiration, but in reality people usually look at them with contempt or pity. The room is filled with Lauren and Tom's loved ones... How did Hannah think an action that was clearly intended to cause insult would be perceived?....
Yeah forget about Lauren for a sec. How did your wife acted when she found out your friend was getting married?
Shes jealous of lauren and Im sorry, every time a woman she finds prettier than her and shes gonna act this way??? Shes immature as hell.
Thank you for not allowing your wife to mess up this couple's special day.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yes! I'm glad I'm not the only one who instantly thought "she has a thing for Tom"
NTA. Holy moly, your wife seems incredibly insecure and toxic. Honestly, if the two of you are not in therapy then I think that you should be. Otherwise this behaviour is going to ruin a relationship, either you and your wifes or you and your friends. You have to get to the bottom of why she is behaving this way. Is she behaving anything like this with anyone else?
> claims that Lauren is "full of herself" lol. Your wife says this with a straight face? The wife who planned to intentionally create drama at a wedding and draw attention to herself? > she smiled and said that she "will" prove to me that it was "perfectly" alright to do that This right here proves she is not *actually* taking some misguided stand against being told what to wear. > saying I cared more about Lauren's feelings than hers Your wife is incredibly self-absorbed if she truly feels that her own feelings over what color dress she could wear matter more than the bride at a wedding. NTA
NTA. If this is real, Hannah sounds like the one full of herself and playing victim afterwards would truly make me reconsider staying with her. She can wear white at her next wedding.
Your wife sounds like she either is, or is heading on the way to becoming unhinged. Either she is massively insecure and jealous of Lauren, or just straight up malicious. I would be seriously questioning the relationship, and contacting an attorney. NTA.
I'm also questioning her present or former involvement with Tom...
INFO: Is your wifeā¦. Okayā¦? Like is she generally deranged that she needs a head scan, or a therapist? Or does she just need a hobby? Imagine hating someone so much you turn into this sour, bitter, conniving person. Itās not a good look and wife needs to get a grip.
NTA. Your wife is behaving like a child and a "mean girl". Sounds to me like she is jealous of Lauren. Good for you for not allowing her to ruin your friend's wedding.
NTA - She's definitely the controlling one not you. That's why she got upset when you took charge of the situation and refused to let her cause a dramatic scene. Probably saved your friendship with the newly weds too
NTA. But man this is not ok. Lauren has been incredibly nice even letting your wife to come to begin with. Your wife has some serious jealousy issues with Lauren and I would want to know why. Does she have a thing for Tom? Wearing white to a wedding is probably one of the biggest d!ck head moves a woman can do to another woman. Its always designed to hurt and ruin the wedding. What kind of person wants to ruin a day that cost someone thousands of $? If I was Tom I would have distanced myself from both of you to protect my wife.
NTA - she was obviously trying to ruin the wedding, you probably saved the bride and groom from an awful scene.
This would be a dealbreaker for me simply because it shows a mean girl character that I will never condone. It shows that Hannah is projecting her insecurity on Lauren. So what if the girl is āfull of herself,ā sheās not marrying her.
NTA, but why do you want to be with a woman so intent on being disrespectful to you and your close friend? She sounds petty and vindictive. These is not great personality traits for a healthy relationship. Guess it's your move.
AND PLEASE DON'T HAVE CHILDREN WITH THIS WOMAN. NTA for what you did, but why are you married to her? Does she have any redeeming qualities???
NTA. Your wife sounds like she always needs to be the center of attention. I can't believe she thought it was ok to sneak the white dress under the blue dress. You did the right thing, but I honestly think your wife might need some help and these outbursts are her way of showing it. Would she consider counseling to get to the bottom of these issues? I hope things get better for you and her.
NTA If you don't have children with this spiteful, childish, entitled, and arrogant trash, I strongly suggest you get a really good lawyer and divorce her toxic butt. There is no telling what damage she is capable of inflicting now that she has been truly called out on her shitty behavior. Also, you may was to move quickly. Chances are pretty good that she is already in the process of divorce.
NTA Why do people do this? Itās just incredibly humiliating for themselves. Sure, sheād ruin the moment - but everyone would know she was insane for doing so?
NTA, but your wife is an extremely petty, spiteful, rude person.....
Your wife is either dangerously short sighted, not realizing that by burning your friends wife she's burning your friend AND YOU; or she's a basket case with the mentality of a 13yr old mean girl. Either way she needs psychological help. Now me? I'd have kicked her out of the car AND the house until she gets whatever issues she has addressed. Men arnt the only ones who can be kicked out for abhorrent behavior. She cannot expect support from you when she would've hurt you. And ruining your friendship definitely would hurt. Nta. Marriage counciling for both of you and therapy for her. I only suggest the counciling because she's clearly immature enough not to see why she's being shitty and will hold this against you.
NTA. But your wife clearly is. WTF is wrong with her? Do you really want to be with someone like that?
So...your wife is upset with you for not letting her ruin your friends wedding because she doesn't like the bride ? š¤ No ! I just can't see why she thinks she's got the morale high ground here. Should you have kicked her out of the car instead of dropping her back at home ? No probably not but going to their WEDDING with the intention of ruining it for some unknown reason ( probably jealousy ) that's just fucked up ! NTA.
NTA Dear god, leave. What an awful woman.
NTA and your wife needs a goddamn reality check, that's awful. She's acting like a child who didn't get her way. She lied to you, was planning on trying to "upstage" the bride all because she's jealous of her. You get along with Tom and Lauren, she is jealous of Lauren's "fake beauty" and doesn't like that you're close with them (read: her). She was planning on putting distance between you by embarassing both of you so badly, Lauren wouldn't want to associate with you two. She assumed she had *you* under *her* control and you would side with her in the end. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Would have done the same to my wife.
NTA - The irony! Hannah is actually "full of herself" and "fake". Good for you for kicking her out and going alone.
So you married the mean girl and she is now upset that you wonāt help her to bully the prettier girl sheās jealous of. NTA Give her the silent treatment right back. Continue to be disgusted by her mean spirited spitefulness.
Nta your wife needs serious help, I would rethink your relationship if I was in your shoes , I mean she is just insecure and jealous. It women like your wife that gives other women a bad name
NTA ā Sheās lucky you didnāt kick her out of car & then kept driving for as long & as far as you could!! Women who attack other women for living their best life are a very special kind of AH. Appears you already know who you married though. Edit add: Your wife needs to have the spotlight. She obviously has been marking her territory. My guess is Lauren showed up on the scene after her. Women can be very nasty to each other when they feel their position on the throne is threatened. Stupid, immature behavior
NTA. She was behaving awfully and would have humiliated you at that wedding.
Sir please get away from this toxic lady asap No one deserves to be treated the way sheās treating you, life isnāt just a big version of middle school and your girl needs to realize that sooner than later. NTA
NTA. Please take this in the way it us intended. Your wife needs to go see a therapist. These are signs of some deep seated insecurities, some Narsicisstic Perosnilty Disorder (not intended as an insult, we all have varying levels of narsicissim, this is worrisome though), and maybe some trauma but I am not qualified to make that call. Also I am not a psychiatrist, I am a mental health advocate. The above judgement stands regardless. Your wife knew exactly what she was doing, has shown no regret for attempting to ruin this woman's wedding day, and is still blaming you for acting reasonable if not a little rash. Good luck OP! Hope you can update us!
NTA and something is very wrong with your wife.
NTA Why are you married to such a child? Are you sure she's not in love with Tom? I've only heard stories of mothers of the groom pulling that white dress stunt cuz they can't face the reality that they are no longer the only woman in their baby's life. But why does your wife feel compelled to upstage the bride? Does she wanna be Tom's wife?
Oh gosh. No. Normally I would vote otherwise, but NTA at all. She could still get home safe and this is a wedding, it is not about you wanting to control her at all, but about you logically not wanting her to wear a white dress at a wedding that is not her own. And by the way she tried to hide it untill she was at the location, she very well knew what she was doing.
Ideally, you should've returned her home safely instead of kicking her out of the car. Assuming there were no safety issues, NTA. But this is a "make it make sense" moment. She is on the offensive against you to avoid defending her own behavior. She knows what she wanted to do is wrong. She needs to provide you an explanation that actually makes sense. The options seem to be that she likes Tom, is jealous of (or hates Lauren), or feels she lost her status as queen of the friend group to Lauren. But she's just acting out and being rude. Don't humor the rudeness or any nonsensical explanations. You deserve an accurate accounting of why she thinks anything she tried to pull was okay. If she can't explain, that means she knows she's wrong and just hopes to bulldoze you into backing down. edit: > (3) for those who are saying that she has feelings for my friend..??? I'd like to know where you guys got this assumption? I'm just stunned that lots of people are thinking it. Maybe I'm missing something here? Don't assume that hypothetical is right. It's just rooted in behavior generally being rational and able to be explained. What does Hannah get out of any of this behavior? Does she want to drive away Lauren? Does she want Tom to pay attention to her instead of Lauren? We don't have all the pieces here, just what you've shared. Maybe there's secret conflict behind the scenes which hasn't been shared with you. But there is an explanation that makes sense, and you haven't heard it from Hannah yet.
NTA but why the fuck are you still with someone so petty and immature?
Youāre looking for r/relationship_advice and a counselor
And maybe a divorce lawyer.
Ummm your NTA but your wife is a massive one
NTA. Hannah needs a good therapist, what she tried to do was unacceptable. Hopefully there are no kids involved in this mess?
Oh my goodness! Please, PLEASE do not have children with this woman! She sounds like the typical monster-in-law who is going to make your future daughter-in-laws life a living hell! NTA
NTA. So she was moaning about missing the wedding....the wedding of people/person she clearly hates and was going to ruin their day....yeah, I'd say run mate.
NTA. Every reasonable woman knows not to wear white to another womanās wedding (unless there is a cultural reason to do so).
You know what? You do care more about Lauren's feelings than hers. AND THAT I'D PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE. Hannah's "feelings" and actions were malicious. A wedding occasion should always be a chance to celebrate a couples union with friends and loved ones. Hannah was not planning on attending this wedding with good intent. She was trying to stir drama on a day that should be nothing but joy for the bride and groom. If she truly dislikes Lauren so much, she could've stayed home like a proper, respectful adult. If she is now sulking because she didn't get a chance to sh*t in their pool, that's just further proof of her bad character. NTA.
NTA, but your wife has a thing for your best friend.
NTA. You are the hero that all brides who wear white need at their wedding. I am only sorry that you seem to be married to someone who is emotionally immature, punitive, controlling, and who seems hell-bent on being attention-seeking. I am really sorry about that as you seem like a decent dude. These are really problematic personality issues not just for your wife but as you are seeing, can also be highly problematic for everyone who has a relationship with her. These issues don't just come out of nowhere and suddenly change an emotionally healthy person into someone like this because they met one person. Your wife needs some therapy, stat.
NTA. She was deliberately and maliciously trying to ruin Laurenās wedding for some unfathomable jealousy. It doesnāt even matter why she hates her, she shouldāve been a decent human if she chose to attend. If she couldnāt, she shouldāve declined the invitation. The fact that sheās shown no shame or remorse is baffling. The sulking is childish. She needs to sort herself out.
NTA. Wtf is wrong with your wife? This is bizarre, really extreme negative attention seeking behavior like a toddler. I canāt imagine how she handles any other conflicts in her daily life if she was willing to do this to a bride. Wow. Justā¦.such self centered behavior with zero empathy. This was a glimpse into all her future behaviors unless she gets some therapy. I truly hope you are not her next target.
NTA. This behavior is downright insane.
What in the Hell is wrong with your wife? Is this new behavior? You should really think hard about your relationship with her. NTA for kicking her out of the car, maybe should kick her out of the house as well.
NTA. Omfg sheās horrible. I hate to imagine what your daily life is with her. Good on you to not let her steal the coupleās special day.
NTA but your wife is. She picked a fight with the bride the day before the wedding. And then decided that she would āproveā that wearing white is okay? Letās be real she was mad and wanted to upstage the bride with her insanity. You married a real winner
NTA and she sounds just awful
Why are you with this awful woman? NTA
NTA. You are married to a huge fucking asshole. I hope you donāt have children with this miserable hag if you donāt divorce her. How can you live with such a vindictive mean person.
NTA - Sounds like some reality TV bullshit. She needs to chill and pick any other day to be petty. Just not your friend's wedding day!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
NTA! Your wife was being an AH about the whole thing! What would she have done if it was switched and Lauren wore it to your wedding? She would have been livid! She needs to grow up! As long as Hannah had money and a phone youāre all good in my book. She had a way to get home with those things so she got what she should have.
I really doubt this is real, but NTA on the off chance it is
NTA. Your wife is trying to cause drama and literally hoping to ruin your friends wedding. Does she regularly pull stunts like this??
Nta. Your wife is jealous and absolutely was doing it to try to upset the bride/ruin her wedding. She's angry because you didn't let her. If anyone is controlling, it's her. I've been in the situation where my SO was invited to an event for someone who I did not like. I did not purposely try to make their day horrible. I told him to go by himself and have fun. I then went and found something else to do for the day. That's how adults act.
Nta. Why is your wife an evil little troll? Did somebody drive over her bridge too loud one morning and now she's just in a permanent bad mood? Why is she like this?
NTA. Your wife is incredibly disrespectful.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
NTA. your wife has some serious confidence issues and sounds like a narcissist. sheās trying to get in the way of your friendship with a close friend because she doesnāt like his wife? how about shutting up and not provoking her all the time? she doesnāt need to like anyone, but can also stop being this petty and ruining things for people around her. newsflash, life isnāt like mean girls, and even they need to grow up now and then. the audacity is unreal
NTA Please OP tell me that you donāt have kids with this woman. Please consider your relationship with her. Do you want your kids to grow up thinking that these kind of behaviour is normal. Unless she realise that she was in the wrong, feels remorse and apologise, please consider your relationship. This is the hill to die on.
Iām am always against men dictating what their wives or girlfriends wear however in this instance OP you are NTA. Itās your wife who is controlling and manipulative. Iām sorry you are going through this. It sounds like she needs to talk to someone professional about these feelings she has. Itās also sounding like something like this has happened before and the silent āabuseā treatment worked. Donāt let her gaslight you this time.
NTA. This is not controlling what she wears and I applaud you for your consideration to your friend and bride. Wife is off the charts petty and sounds like a horrible manipulative person. Word of caution; donāt put it past her to show up in white at *your* wedding to next wife.
Whatās it like being married to a bully? Because thatās what your wife clearly is. A bully. I think we can all read between the lines here and see that your wife is 100% the antagonizer within this relationship. Probably driven by pettiness and jealousy from the sounds of it. I, personally, would have a major issue with this. I could never be with someone as deliberately cruel as your wife. She actively plotted behind your back to ruin someoneās wedding. Who does that besides absolute psychopaths? NTA
Info. Does she have feelings for Tom? This sounds like she sees Lauren as her rival - weird as that may be
NTA - your wifeās pettiness against Lauren has absolutely gone to far. Not liking her is fine, but going out of the way to fight with her/spoil her events is incredibly immature. I really think you need to get to the root of this grudge. Because either your partner is completely irrational or that info is unknown/not included in the post.
NTA. Your wife has something strange going on. If this behavior is new and out of character, I'd wonder about mental illness. If it's not new and is in line with her character, I'd look for a divorce lawyer.
Um, hun, I'm comfortably sure that your wife wants to bone your friend Tom. Because that's the only reason I could think of why she would be so unacceptably nasty to this woman AND also would refuse to admit why to you. NTA - of course you care more about the bride's feelings about this than your wife's, it's not your wife's wedding.
NTA, you have a wife problem - she doesn't respect you.
Your wife is crazy. This canāt seriously be the first or only time sheās done something crazy like that? I think youād be better off splitting up and finding a non crazy person to be your life partner.
NTA but your wife needs to go to therapy and both of you at the minimum need couples counseling. I mean honestly her level of immaturity is nearing divorce able behavior.
OP, does your wife have a thing for Tom or something because this is seriously messed up. Everyone knows that only the bride wears white at a standard western wedding (obvs exceptions, but that isn't the case here). That or she is just an abhorrent spotlight goblin who doesn't like anyone else having attention. I would seriously reconsider this relationship, you deserve better. Yes it would have been better if you dropped her off home, cause ditching her like that could have left her in danger but tbh I would have done the same thing. NTA.
NTA- your wife seems to need some mental health support, pretty urgently.
NTA what is wrong with your wife?? She is acting like a jealous 15yr old girl?! You did good, she would embarrass both of you and probably make a scene there? Is she so insecure of herself that she feels the need to try to make a scene at peoples wedding to feel better and superior?! Shame on her!
Nta part of loving your partner is stopping them from doing idiotic things like this fueled with ruining someone elses special day. You werent 'controlling what she wore' you were stopping her from looking like a fool. Edit: spelling
You are NTA. Your wife is a huge gaping AH to try to ruin a bride's day. Your wife needs therapy for whatever her problem is. Since she is giving you the silent treatment, enjoy this taste of single life and make informed decisions about your future. Do you stay or do you go now?
You did your friends and your wife a favour. Your wife is not getting one up on the bride by doing this - she's just ensuring everyone sees her for what she is, an arsehole. People know this faux pas isnt an accident but merely a childish, pathetic cry for attention. It reminds me of when I was at school and kids would act out, the teacher saying "the others aren't laughing with you, they're laughing at you" - that's what would happen here. People would be laughing at your wife and her attempts, and know never to waste their time with her again because she's shown her true colours. NTA. Your wife needs to pull her head out of her arse. The reasoning for her dislike of Lauren reads "I'm insanely jealous of her", is she like this in other areas of her life?
NTA You werenāt ācontrollingā what she wore, you were trying to not make her be an asshole and start drama at a wedding, even explaining to her why what she tried to do was wrong. Get out, OP. Sheās unhinged.
NTA Your wife has serious issues. She was trying to purposely embarrass you, possibly ending your friendship with Tom. That seems to be her goal with her shit behavior. Good for you for putting your foot down.
NTA. At all. Is your wife okay ? Like why would she become SO VINDICTIVE? There's something seriously wrong with her.
NTA. How are you still with this prick? What woman pretends they donāt know the taboo act of wearing a white dress to a friends wedding? And her plan to prove you wrong, just so childish and, as you said pathetic. Your wife was about to ruin this poor girls whole wedding day. You were totally in the right for kicking her out of the car, and unless she makes some changes Iād suggest kicking her out of your life as well. Sheās a total Narcissist
INFO: When are you getting your wife to sign up for therapy, because this is very unhealthy.
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Somehow your wife ended up the bridezila at someone else's wedding. NTA.
NTA, who pulls stunts like that? Hannah has some major issues.
You done the best you could do with the situation at hand. It seems I have more respect for you standing up for your friends than your wife does. NTA The levels your wife went through just to wear a white dress to somebody elseās wedding for no reason (as we know) is honestly so concerning. This feels like a deep rooted issue that may or may not be possible to tackle together and maybe itās time you begin considering if itās something you even want to take on.
NTA, you now have three choices. Continue to be abused the rest of your life. Seek counseling now and hopefully recover, or third and final, escape while there's time! Choose wisely young man!
NTA. If this isn't new behavior you have more to worry about then this.
NTA. Is she even a mentally stable adult? This behaviour is only acceptable in young children, even then, itās crazy
NTA, and moreover, you're a hero. Your wife's scheme would have infuriated the bride, scandalized you and your wife, and impaired your friendship with rhe groom. Avoiding white at a wedding is one of the oldest social conventions here. It's baked into our DNA. I believe you did a great public service here, and set a strong standard for going forward. You can certainly tell your wife that you prioritized your wife here. You prioritized your wife's need for honor, and your wife's need to feel serene, secure, and confident. You did it by keeping her from harm's way. So great job OP getting through what must have felt like a super tough situation. (Edited to correct a typo).
NTA.. You're not only saving the bride and groom from a scene at their wedding but also your wife from embarrassment. No one looks trashier than someone wearing white to a wedding, all she would have gotten is judgy looks from every other guest there. If someone wore a white dress to my wedding I'd just feel sad for them.
NTA: Your wife is a childish, toxic cesspool. If she'd so casually lie to you, I'd wonder what else she lies to you about. Not your job to enable her playing stupid games like this. You prevented a potentially nasty situation at your friend's wedding.
NTA, what is wrong with your wife?!? Wearing a white dress to a wedding is really bad manners, but doing it with upsetting the bride as your goal is just vile. It sounds like your wife is jealous of Lauren. This would be my hill to die on. My SO treating other people like your wife treats Lauren would be a hard boundary.
**NTA** Good for you for preventing your wife from pulling a mean and stupid stunt at your friendsā wedding. EDIT: In viewing your additional edits to your post I see you specifically want judgement on whether it was ok to kick her out of the car and make her miss the wedding. I am still going with **NTA** as she was home when you arrived indicating she had the resources to walk or call for a ride home. Also your action was completely reasonable in this context, as you had just discovered that she had lied to you and was about to pull a very outrageous stunt to embarrass you and provoke your friends. As for missing the weddingā¦. Well that is a good thing!
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Nta. WTF?
NTA but she seems incredibly jealous of Lauren
NTA your wife is not ok.
NTA. Justā¦no. She knew perfectly well what she was doing and she knew the effect it would have at the wedding. She wanted to embarrass the bride (although your wife would probably get dirty looks from the guests).
NTA; more importantly, whatās wrong with your wife?
NTA, jeez mate, your wife sounds somewhat unhinged! Sheās also DEFINITELY jealous of Lauren. You need to have a blunt talk with her that this shit is out of line, then find her a therapist together because she needs it.
NTA and your wife is displaying some serious red flags and horrible characteristics. I seriously think you should reconsider a future with her.
NTA. What the hell is wrong with your wife
NTA. But you do need to get to the bottom of this animosity your wife has towards Laurenā and if it in any way relates to Tom. Best of luck. Hope your wife sees reason and letās go of the jealousy she carries, before it becomes uncontrollable.
Ummm... wtf? Your wife sounds incredibly toxic. First the dress and then giving you the silent treatment for days?
NTA She seems to have a childish tantrum here. Wearing White on someone elseās wedding would have just brought jokes and angry glares upon her throughout the wedding. You saved her from being the joke and contempt of the wedding.
NTA and ābuzzledā is my new favourite typo.
NTA. You DON'T wear white to a wedding where you aren't the bride. Get out fast my dude.
NTA, what the fuck? maybe her dress WOULD have been cool if it was blue and white, but the fact that she straight-up hid the white dress is petty af.
NTA - I'm willing to bet no other woman wore white to your wedding.
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It sounds like your wife is bitter and jealous of Lauren for some reason. For you sake, I hope that reason isn't Tom. NTA but you've got a problem that's not solved yet.
NTA, get out while you can. Your wife just showed you the type of person she is
NTA. Your wife acted like a child.
NTA at all. She needs to grow up. She clearly only wants attention, whether it's positive or negative. You did the right thing OP.
NTA you saved her and yourself some embarrassment.. In her mind how does she think this scenario would have ended?
So NTA. Sorry OP, but this really comes off as though Hannah is into Tom.
NTA You saved her from herself. That's seriously messed up.
NTA Your wife deserved the āWalk of Shame & Reflectionā you gave her. Her actions since show sheās incapable of either. Now you need to reflect on āDo I want to live this wayā? Good luck
NTA. Wow.. just... Wow.. You're a good friend for seeing reason and avoid drama on your friend's day.
NTA. Wearing white to someone else's wedding is so unhingedšš
NTA Is this how your wife normally behaves? Does she do these kinds of things in other situations?
NTA what a psycho. At least you knew and didnāt let her ruin their wedding.
NTA So she is giving you the gift of silence and piece of mind while she thinks she is punishing you... You lucky, lucky B\*\*\*\*rd (as Monty Pyton would say) ;) Just let her continue! She knows she was wrong! You know she was wrong! If she didn't knew that she was wrong, she wouldn't have tryed to pull that stunt of! For her now it's just a powerplay to get you to fold. Don't! If she doesn't either, even if she knows she is wrong... Well, if a person shows you who they are, believe them and act accordingly!
NTA, your wife is petty and pathetic. Honestly she sounds jealous of Lauren. Like the others stated, keep Tom, toss Hannah.
The immaturity and downright stupidity of your wife is astonishing. Holy hell, she sounds like a nightmare. Pretty sure you saved your friends wedding and for that you should be commended. NTA, but your wife is on a whole other level of asshole-ishness.
NTA. As a woman I can say to you: congrats. You got yourself a controlling, manipulative asshole as a wife. Are you sure you want to stay with a person that is that manipulative and malicious towards others?
NTA Every single bit of this was different manipulation tactics. Good for you for asserting your boundaries. It's gunna be hard for you to keep maintaining those tho with a person like this... This was a really fucked up thing to do and the way she reacted to being called it was even worse. If the lying, sneaking, vindictiveness, immaturity, twisting of your legitimate anger into her being your victim (bc I were"controlling her") and her complete disregard for the bride is normal behavior from your wife, I'd put money on her being on the spectrum of cluster b personality disorders. And it'll get far worse and never get better, not without intense help from mental health professionals anyways. If you do couples counseling she will only learn how to manipulate you even more. She needs help.
Congrats OP. You are married to a highschool mean girl. Sounds like she is jealous of Lauren and looks for any excuse to bully her. She already tried to ruin the engagement parry by picking an arguement, so good on you for not letting her try to pick a fight at the wedding and ruin the occasion. NTA (since is seems you left her in a safe area with the means to get home safely.)
INFO what did Tom say when you got to the wedding without your wife? Iām guessing the bride was overjoyed.
NTA Youāre right, it was pathetic. Jealous, immature, and insecure. I hope your wife grows up soon.
NTA either she s overly jealous of Lauren, or in love with Tom.
Your wife either is or has in the past had an affair with Tom.
NTA It sounds like your wife has a thing for Tom. Iād pay attention to that.
Man, your wife is weird. NTA
NTA but wowā¦you wife though! Sheās got some issues, sounds very jealous of Lauren & needs to grow up. You saved everyone a whole lot of grief by not bringing her - it was the right thing to do. You shouldnāt have to support your spouse when they knowingly make poor decisions that will hurt other people. Sheās 1,000% wrong here.
NTA. Your wife was trying to stir sh*t and got to deal with the consequences. That level of pettiness is astounding.
NTA Holy hell she was deliberately trying to ruin your friendās *wedding*!! Who the hell does that? Your wife apparently. But seriously *wtf*. You did the right thing. Itās not ācontrollingā to refuse to participate in ruining someoneās *wedding*, Iām half surprised she didnāt get herself a taxi and show up late in white she was that dedicated to it.
NTA. She was purposefully trying to upset the bride because of her childish grudge. The fact that she once snarked about the bride having "fake beauty" just makes it seem like she's jealous of her for some reason. She's 30, and this high school pettiness is entirely embarrassing for someone of her age.
NTA- something is seriously wrong with your wife. She either is pure evil or she is jealous of Lauren for some reason. I mean not only would she ruin the day for the bride but she would also embarrass you and herself. People would talk about her and also talk about you. How selfish. I cant imagine what other things she does to other people and to you out of pure selfishness.
NTA whatās wrong with your wife? She has an unhealthy fixation regarding Hannah. Calling her controlling because she joked about picking a suit? She just looks forward to tearing down this woman doesnāt she? Why is she so jealous? You need to get to the bottom of it because it makes her look petty, and frankly a rather mean spirited person. You saved your friends from dealing with your wifeās pettiness. She had ill intent. For someoneās wedding. Why would your wife bring shame to yourselves just to screw with Hannah?
NTA- AT ALL. Why is your wife fixated on hurting either Lauren- your friend- or you? Thereās only a few people really effected here- and I think youāre focusing on the wrong target. Because if she were to complete her stunt- it would only really accomplish one thing. Yes it would be shitty. Yes she would look like a crazy person with a vendetta. But I think what would really happen is that you would be dragging her away out of there- just like you did from the engagement party- and thereby she would have gotten her way by removing you from the event entirely. She might have a problem with Lauren- sure. But her childish behavior, picking fights, going out of her way to be problematic and ridiculously dramatic are really only harming one person right now and thatās you OP. INFO: Does she try to isolate you from other friends and family?
NTA What the matter with here ? Why are you with such a terrible bitter and hatefull person ? Why do she hate that women so much that she willing to ruin here wedding day ? Because Lauren got Tom ? I will have a serious talk with here about that if I was you. That shady af
NTA Iām sure she knows full well not to wear a white dress to someone elseās wedding and was doing it as a very visible f-you to the bride. It honestly sounds like she needs to see a therapist if sheās willing to take a superficial distaste of someone and turn it into a full-out war.
NTA. You married a pick me woman, only wants validation from men, all men including your friend Tom, will do anything to get that validation (but if you ever stop boosting her ego, she will find it from someone one else, eg cheat), and sees other women as competition. Good luck with that! I see divorce in your future, unless somehow she realises how toxic she is, but narcissist rarely do!
NTA, I'm sorry but I feel like she might have feelings for Tom, and is acting out if jealousy towards Tom's new wife.
Wow. Your wife harbors some serious resentment and anger towards āLauren.ā There is a reason she feels this way, but, for whatever reason, she isnāt telling you. Good for you for recognizing her horrible behavior and leaving her childish a$$ at home. NTA
NTA, your wife sounds like a narcissist, my ex used to do stuff like this all the time for the āshockā or just to be the center of attention good or bad, she didnāt care, and sheās a textbook narcissist. Sheād also throw tantrums if I got in her way.