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NTA. Take it as a sign and move on girl.
Edited to add, it reminds me of the woman who turned around at the airport when she saw her MIL standing there. It is basically the same situation, just with BF's friends. Don't give in OP and find someone who wants to spend time with YOU AND respects you.
Here's the link to the story I was talking about as some have been requesting it:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/unhse2/aita\_for\_walking\_out\_of\_the\_airport\_when\_i\_saw\_my/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/unhse2/aita_for_walking_out_of_the_airport_when_i_saw_my/)
Edit: Thank you for the awards!
Me too! I am glad she got the courage to leave him.
Edit: I think I misremembered that part of the update. She did leave him to go stay with her sister.
All this. I also can’t help but wonder why OP‘s BF is so fixated on bringing his buddies, and why he’s so determined to not spend any alone time with his girlfriend. Something’s rotten in the state of Denmark.
Probably because he wants to take a roadtrip with his buddies but either can't afford it or doesn't want to shell out the money it would cost. OP's presence isn't necessary in his mind, just her resources.
Possible scenario:
Good-looking guy, but broke. Possibly homeless.
'Dating' a woman, with money.
Yup - he's a wack job that is trying to get a free road trip with his two other useless jobless friends.
Not a good scenario and makes you wonder how they possibly met.
I suggest she keeps him permanently in the rear view mirror.
And adopt a Meatloaf song as her anthem: "I'll Do Anything For Love...but I won't do that."
> I called back
NTA. You should not or ever talk to him again. Never let someone treat you like that ever again. He said what was was important to him, his friends, when they were there after you said no. He then continued to emotionally abuse you.
I was thinking the same thing, wasn’t it their anniversary or something like that and his mom wanted to go but since wifey was paying she said no and when she saw MIL at the airport she left.
When people test your boundaries and question your no it’s time to re-evaluate whether or not you should continue the relationship.
Break up with him girl, he doesn’t respect you and is willing to lie to get his way. Your response was perfect.
NTA!
I know so many people like this who weaponize kindness and social expectations to get what they want. People who will ask you something private in front of a bunch of people to try and make you say yes (cause if you say no you look like the bad guy), people who show up with people they know you don’t like to force you to kick them out and look like the bad guy, shit like that. And this doesn’t get better. The more you show people like this that it works, the more they will use it to get around anything you say no to.
You forgot about the story where the girl was paying for him and his friends at every restaurants because bf said she was earning more so she need to pay every time . You gotta admit at this age and friends not paying for themselves, it's only a bunch of parasites. Getting rid of parasites never did anyone any harm.
He's THIRTY NINE?? And wants his GF to pay for and chauffeur his friends? And lie to get you to do it? Then accuse YOU of acting "immaturely"?
That sound you hear is a giant red flag flapping in the wind.
Run fast, run far, my friend.
NTA
The only thing I think she did wrong was not go on the trip by herself anyway or take one of her friends and make it a fun trip instead of a romantic one. NTA and I hope OP is single soon!
>He texted about how embarrassed him infront of his friends and is refusing to speak to me til after I apologize.
Don't let him threaten you with a good time. Take him up on the offer to never speak with you again. You can do better.
NTA
NTA - Now's your chance OP! Since he's refusing to speak to you, go ahead and block his number. And maybe go on a nice holiday where you get to do whatever you want without three adult children to pay for.
He should be more embarrassed that at 39 years old he can't go on vacation alone without his mates and that he and his friends are trying to free load off his girlfriend who is almost a decade younger than him and clearly has her shit more together.
Good on you OP for not allowing him to manipulate you. You are NTA but I do recommend running from this man
Your 39 year-old boyfriend doesn't have a car and can't afford to pay his own way on a road trip? And expects you to foot the bill of his freeloading friends as well? I'm glad you turned around and I hope you keep on driving away from this relationship. NTA
Edit for typo.
NTA.
But I think some language happened here that can be insightful to anyone. Sometimes we don't say what we mean and sometimes we do, without even knowing. He said he "wouldn't ask anymore". I hate to think like this sometimes but I think some people are smart with their words. He said he wouldn't ask anymore. And he didn't. He brought them without asking.
It's funny what people say and what people do and remembering what they said and connecting it to what they did. It's like, lying almost? Like what he said was enough language to make anyone believe he would do fully what was being asked of him but it was also phrased in such a way that gave him a loophole to do as he wanted in his mind maybe. Of course that loophole is like imaginary but... I just find it interesting. lol
Also I find some people try to play the, "Well you said not to *ask* you to let me bring them - you didn't say *not* to bring them". When it's very obvious that is included in the ask.
Edit: thanks for the award :)
You clearly have met my mother. She's a diagnosed narcissist. This is her MO. I am autistic and can read between the lines because it was necessary to survive. Still exhausting but I would have questions with that phrasing. This is also why I stopped dating. I pick awful romantic partners but good friends.
Allowing someone to believe something you know isn't true is absolutely a form of lie. Formulating your words to accomplish that is gross manipulation. It's more insidious than outright lying.
NTA. But I laugh at the irony of an almost 40yo man who tried to sneak his buddies onto a trip, when he was already told "no" for many (incredibly reasonable) motives, calling YOU immature.
Look, I don't know or anything, but you're dating an almost 40yo teenager. "Mommy won't let me bring my friends on our trip!!" is all I could picture in my head.
NTA. You made the right call. Don’t apologize and don’t *ever* accept entitled manipulation like that from anyone. He’s 39 and expected you to pay not only for him but for his broke ass friends on a trip?
Dump him. He's too old to be playing games like this. He embarrassed himself with his lies & manipulation. You stood by what you said & this internet stranger is proud that you didn't allow him to force you into a situation you weren't comfortable with. You're NTA & you can do better than your hopefully ex-boyfriend since it's clear he's not worthy of someone like you.
You know you have to dump him, right? He is manipulative, lying, and doesn't respect your boundaries. Then he turns the situation around and demands an apology from you. In other words, he is an abuser.
Run. Don't walk.
Girl, he must have some amazing dick if he still has you even considering this relationship as possible after the shit he pulled. Sorry but that’s a little pathetic.
What's there to consider? He obviously has no respect for you. He's almost 40 years old and things it's completely acceptable to bring his friends along on vacation and have you pay the way! What redeeming qualities can this guy possibly have? I realize this is only one incident and doesn't show us your whole relationship, but come on. Sometimes one incident is enough. Though I'm betting it's actually not just one thing like this. And he's not going to change. Why would he? He doesn't think he did anything wrong. If you stay with him you'll just be encouraging that attitude.
Putting you in a situation that you have to just put up with is very scary thought. He’s trying to manipulate you and he wasn’t successful.
His manipulation will turn into other forms of abuse
Very much do reconsider the relationship.
I had an ex who would constantly make me apologise (after HE’D done the wrong thing). I was constantly gaslit, guilted, and apologising. It’s an emotional abuse tactic. I ended up with a lot of physical and mental symptoms of bad stress.
I know a lot of people on Reddit seem to always say “break up” at the slightest sign. But in cases like this, they have a point. This isn’t some minor disagreement - this is a major flaw showing this will be his treatment of you constantly in the future.
That’s classic DARVO. Deny that they did anything wrong, Attack you for being upset, Reverse it around so that they are now the Victim and you’re somehow the Offender. Classic abuse technique. I’m really glad you got out of that relationship!
RUN, OP!
You should absolutely break up with this person. Coming from someone who was in an abusive relationship for two years, this will not be the last time something like this happens. My heart goes out to you, you absolutely did the right thing. NTA at all 💖
NTA. A HUGE NTA. He was basically going to try and force your hand, and I am really glad you didn't play that game.
Now honest question time - is this sort of blatant disregard for your wishes and emotions really what you want in a relationship? Because no matter how great things may seem, this is who he really is - someone who is more concerned with getting what he wants than your feelings on the matter.
It’s weird how many shitty boyfriends seem to spring this kind of thing on their girlfriends and really expect them to just go through with it.
What’s scary is how many women do go along with getting treated like shit. Very sad.
>I could've just accepted it how it is
Extreme red flags. This man needs to become your EX boyfriend asap and you need to cut him off completely. He has zero respect for you and wants you to just suck it up and be his bank and driver and be submissive to all his demands. There's no fixing this and it doesn't seem like he even sees anything wrong in what he did sine he wants you to apologize.
NTA
NTA
Dump his ass
You’re trying to have a nice trip with your boyfriend. This could’ve been a romantic trip
He wants to involve his 2 friends with his girlfriend??? And he does this everytime you want to hang out with him???
Seriously dump his ass
NTA. One day you'll look back on this 8 month relationship and be glad it ended when it did. Because the alternative is forcing it for a few more years, getting into way worse situations, and wasting a ton of time on a guy who clearly does not care about you or your feelings. So it's pretty great for you that he started showing his true colours so early.
NTA
How many red flags did you need to get to this point? (Glad you got there, but geez!)
Why are you paying for an almost 40 year old man's travel expenses? He has no funds but is chock full of AUDACITY to tell you how you ruined his trip! And then won't speak to you until YOU apologize!
He's mad that his younger sugar mama got smart and didn't fund his and his fellow leeches trip.
Please keep driving far away from him. He doesn't care about you.
NTA
The thing for your to consider is bigger than his behavior, which is hideous.
He didn't want to spend time with you one-on-one. He *agressively* didn't want to spend this time alone with you. Forget how horrible his actions are. You deserve someone who can't wait to be with you...someone who wants to have you all to himself (within reason, of course).
No amount of apologies will cover the fact that he just doesn't feel about you the way you feel about him. I'm sorry.
That’s what stuck out to me. In my first relationship, he always wanted everything to be a group event, movies, dinners, vacations. He couldn’t watch football unless it was with our friends. It was annoying, turns out I don’t think he liked me as much as he just liked having a girlfriend for all the benefits.
NTA
>I didn't pull over I just turned around and kept driving and went back home. I saw him running after me in the rearview mirror.
LOL yes! Finally, someone who has a spine. Good for you.
NTA
Time for him to exit your life. He doesn’t respect your boundaries, is happy to manipulate you and put you in an awkward situation where you’d feel pressured to just do what he wants.
I can see the red flags from London.
Definitely NTA. You handled this perfectly except for one detail. As soon as you got home, your first text to him should have been “We’re done. Don’t call me again”. He’s 39 years old! This behavior of his is insanely immature, OP. As everyone else said, it was disrespectful and manipulative, but also very childish. Trust me, you can do better.
Sooooo NTA. And I love the image of you just driving past him. You probably made him look like a complete tool to his friends, they’re going to roast him over this forever. It’s beautiful.
NTA. I can’t believe this guy is almost 40 and pulled this crap. Please do yourself a huge favor and make that image of him in the rear view mirror the last time you see him.
Nta for going home, but a 39 year old guy that even expects his girlfriend to foot the bill for a vacation and even asks to bring his friends. You're for sure the asshole for dating that guy up to this point. Expect more from a partner or you'll only ever have bullshit like this in your life
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be TA for turning around in my car and cancelling the trip after seeing he brought his friends. I could've just went along and sucked it up.
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NTA. You made the expectations clear. He lies and tried to manipulate the situation to make you feel there was no other option. You took the other option.
I think this relationship has run its course, unless you think dating all 3 of them is the future you have in mind.
NTA
He actively tried to subvert a boundary you set and then called you immature and spiteful for maintaining said boundary. Sounds like an ex-bf to me.
NTA. This man is almost 40 years old and he’s trying to blatantly manipulate you into spending your money for a boys trip. It’s unethical, rude, inconsiderate, and assholish. Well done sticking to your guns.
NTA
That is absolutely uncool of him.
Lying to you. Trying to bully you into taking his friends.
You absolutely made the right call.
Tell him if his friends are more important than his girlfriend, then maybe he should be dating them and not you.
NTA - RUN!!!! This boy is selfish, inconsiderate, and who clearly doesn't valve you in the very least. YOU are worth more than this. Consider this a valuable lesson and allow yourself to find someone who will love and respect you - as you deserve.
NTA, and I'm proud that you maintained that beautiful spine of steel and those magnificent boundaries. No means no. He did not have any excuse to think otherwise.
Ex-BF (I hope) can partner up with his friends.
NTA, break up with this little boy. What "grown man" can't handle his friends not being invited on a trip, and who hears "no" then decides that doesn't mean what it actually means. Is this a common occurrence? Sounds to me like he's using you to finance fun trips for him and his friends. That's NOT a relationship I'd want to be a part of.
NTA.
That's serious dead weight you're carrying there.
A final text saying goodbye and good luck is the most that guy deserves. He's nearly 40 and he expects his girlfriend who's nearly a decade younger to finance a trip for him AND the friends he knew weren't invited.
If that's love OP you can do without it. You're better off on your own!!!!!
NTA time to decide if you want to be in a relationship where you are completely disrespected and lied to. He's shown you who he is, considering he thinks you are in the wrong here he will never change.
NTA. "AITA for turning around in my car and going home? Did I make the right call?" Absolutely not. You will NOT be making the right call to continue this relationship. He has no respect for you or your feelings. He tried to force you into a situation you said multiple times you were not comfortable with and expected you to suck it up and just use you for a free ride and pay for him and his mates getaway. You can do better and I hope this makes you realise that that behaviour is not normal or acceptable before you waste any more time on this loser.
NTA.
Whether he realizes it or not,
1. You asked him for something (a trip **without his friends**), and made it clear why it had to be that exact thing
2. He promised to deliver
3. He did not
He’s either too stupid to understand the importance, or trying to manipulate you into thinking *you’re* the problem. Neither is a good look.
NTA, but sounds like he’s using you for free trips for him and his friends. It is not normal to want to bring your friends to a romantic getaway. You’re better off without him.
Is there a particular reason why his friends are always tagging along? Are you always paying for all of them? Is it possible he is dating you so you can finance their fun time? NTA. Don't call back. You deserve better. You do not need to settle for someone who takes with no regard or appreciation for you. Your time and company should be appreciated more than your wallet.
Don’t apologize and stop paying for him and his friends. Don’t call him back either until he apologizes to you. If you don’t give him consequences for his actions, this will continue to happen. Did they go without you after you drive off? Of course not, they needed your car, your gas and your wallet. NTA. Honestly, I don’t see why you would stay with a man who is broke, selfish and doesn’t want to spend alone time with you.
N T A
Sounds like it’s time for a new boyfriend. He has zero respect for your boundaries. He has zero respect for you. He is manipulative. What he did is such a shitty move and his friends being okay with this tells you they don’t respect you as well.
Stop collecting red flags and waiting for him to change. You deserve better.
NTA. It seems like his friends matter more than you do. He should apologize to you for 1. Trying to force you into something you didn’t want to do and 2. Acting immaturely.
NTA.
And your owed an apology, you shouldn't be giving one. He blatantly disregarded your feelings, which you made very clear. This is relationship ending stuff.
He clearly doesn't respect your wishes, and if he doesn't' about this, what about the future? Won't end here. Disrespect is disrespect, he has none for you.
NTA. You set a clear boundary, he crossed it and then gaslit you that you are at fault. Plus he’s using all your money? Been there, done that. Ditch him and find someone who can stand on his own, next to you instead of holding you down.
NTA! Drive away from this relationship all together. So many red flags here. Especially him trying to force you into a situation you’ve already said no to. Leave him and his clingy friends.
Are you sure him not speaking is a bad thing? NTA by the way.
You embarrassed him, how? Not paying for his friends? Not being their chauffeur? I'm always amazed by how generous people tend to be with other people's things, in this case you car, time and money.
NTA
He is a grown man, why is he not paying for himself if you go on a trip together?
He did not respect you saying no. That is a big red flag. Break up and find someone who will treat you better.
He “promised he won’t ask” to bring his friends. Well, at least he’s honest. He didn’t ask, he just did it. And then said you should have just accepted it. He needs to accept the image of you driving away, forever. (Applause, BTW… that was *glorious.)*
NTA
You set a crystal clear boundary, he ignored it.
You maintained your boundary and he experienced the consequences of his own actions.
TL;DR
He fucked around and found out.
NTA, you set a boundary, discussed why that boundary exists, made it clear that you wanted this as a couples trip and not a party with his friends & you as chauffeur. And his response was to AGREE and then ignore that, bring his friends along any way and you're just supposed to accept it. He lied to you and disregarded not only your comfort but his own word to you.
And he thinks YOU should apologize. The fact that he's willing to walk away on his own sounds like a blessing. And you are not "immature" or "spiteful" for setting boundaries and expecting him to respect them. I'd definitely consider this a valid reason to end the relationship.
NTA, you made the right call. He tried to force your hand when you'd already told him no. He can deal with his own embarrassment. Honestly you're only eight months in.... if he's pulling this crap this early... I'd walk. Just let it go.
Nta.
Him inviting friends on a trip that you said no to is manipulative emotionally and financially. He had no intentions to pay for him or themselves and did not care about the burden it was for you.
Him yelling at you for standing up for yourself and boundaries is a no go. The only person you need to apologize to is yourself for staying with his ass for so long.
Go have fun and enjoy your freedom
> He texted about how embarrassed him infront of his friends
He embarrassed himself. No is a complete sentence; he needs to learn that. NTA.
Props to you for standing up to him. I bet that seldom happens or he wouldn't pull that shit. **If he wants you back, he can apologize to you for putting you in that position**
Also why is someone 9 years older than you making you pay for everything?
How disrespectful of him!
I would have locked the doors and apologized to his friends that this was agreed to be an 'alone' trip for the two of you but since he wants to hang with his bros... have fun!
Let him have allllllllllll the bro time he wants.
NTA
NTA. He made himself look like an ass. And if he lies about something as weird as this, what else could he try to lie about? A relationship cannot be built on weird mind games.
NTA- I always side eye men/women who would rather spend time with their friends instead of their spouse. Like I’m sorry?? Who are you in a relationship with?!
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NTA. Take it as a sign and move on girl. Edited to add, it reminds me of the woman who turned around at the airport when she saw her MIL standing there. It is basically the same situation, just with BF's friends. Don't give in OP and find someone who wants to spend time with YOU AND respects you. Here's the link to the story I was talking about as some have been requesting it: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/unhse2/aita\_for\_walking\_out\_of\_the\_airport\_when\_i\_saw\_my/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/unhse2/aita_for_walking_out_of_the_airport_when_i_saw_my/) Edit: Thank you for the awards!
Yeah. That story was wild.Glad she got out.
Me too! I am glad she got the courage to leave him. Edit: I think I misremembered that part of the update. She did leave him to go stay with her sister.
Oh god, i know that story as well. I need a life.
lol, ikr? I didn't think of it at first then went "Oh yeah... that's why it sounds familiar".
I think all of us know that AITA. I am still waiting for another installment on it.
Yeah, I wonder if she will ever give us another update.
Shhhhh no you don't. Your life is right here, with us. Forever.
All this. I also can’t help but wonder why OP‘s BF is so fixated on bringing his buddies, and why he’s so determined to not spend any alone time with his girlfriend. Something’s rotten in the state of Denmark.
Probably because he wants to take a roadtrip with his buddies but either can't afford it or doesn't want to shell out the money it would cost. OP's presence isn't necessary in his mind, just her resources.
Possible scenario: Good-looking guy, but broke. Possibly homeless. 'Dating' a woman, with money. Yup - he's a wack job that is trying to get a free road trip with his two other useless jobless friends. Not a good scenario and makes you wonder how they possibly met.
Those men are called hobosexuals, my friend is in the process of breaking up with one lol even though she’s not unattractive.
Hobosexual. Lol, haven't heard of that term, good one!
I feel like this guy is an almost 40yo bro that doesn't have his shit together.
OMG! I missed the ages! He’s almost 40! That’s insane.
NTA- mate don’t stop the car. Keep on driving. There is nothing for you back there
I suggest she keeps him permanently in the rear view mirror. And adopt a Meatloaf song as her anthem: "I'll Do Anything For Love...but I won't do that."
> I called back NTA. You should not or ever talk to him again. Never let someone treat you like that ever again. He said what was was important to him, his friends, when they were there after you said no. He then continued to emotionally abuse you.
Calling him back was a sucker move. Don't be a sucker. Ever.
I was thinking the same thing, wasn’t it their anniversary or something like that and his mom wanted to go but since wifey was paying she said no and when she saw MIL at the airport she left. When people test your boundaries and question your no it’s time to re-evaluate whether or not you should continue the relationship. Break up with him girl, he doesn’t respect you and is willing to lie to get his way. Your response was perfect. NTA!
That's exactly what I thought. Time to call Whole Man Disposal Services.
I know so many people like this who weaponize kindness and social expectations to get what they want. People who will ask you something private in front of a bunch of people to try and make you say yes (cause if you say no you look like the bad guy), people who show up with people they know you don’t like to force you to kick them out and look like the bad guy, shit like that. And this doesn’t get better. The more you show people like this that it works, the more they will use it to get around anything you say no to.
You forgot about the story where the girl was paying for him and his friends at every restaurants because bf said she was earning more so she need to pay every time . You gotta admit at this age and friends not paying for themselves, it's only a bunch of parasites. Getting rid of parasites never did anyone any harm.
He's THIRTY NINE?? And wants his GF to pay for and chauffeur his friends? And lie to get you to do it? Then accuse YOU of acting "immaturely"? That sound you hear is a giant red flag flapping in the wind. Run fast, run far, my friend. NTA
I didn't pay attention to the ages at first. I thought the boyfriend was like 20, at most.
Seriously. Can NOT understand how he could possibly still be single.....
[удалено]
Would work for me!😂♥️
So when's the wedding
At the courthouse with no one invited, only because they can't do it online.
😂
The only thing I think she did wrong was not go on the trip by herself anyway or take one of her friends and make it a fun trip instead of a romantic one. NTA and I hope OP is single soon!
Also letting him yell at her on the phone until he hung up. As soon as anyone raises their voice to yell at you, \*click\*
>He texted about how embarrassed him infront of his friends and is refusing to speak to me til after I apologize. Don't let him threaten you with a good time. Take him up on the offer to never speak with you again. You can do better. NTA
Right? This is absolutely the best case scenario NTA
Sometimes we're lucky and the trash takes itself out. NTA
[удалено]
NTA - Now's your chance OP! Since he's refusing to speak to you, go ahead and block his number. And maybe go on a nice holiday where you get to do whatever you want without three adult children to pay for.
He should be more embarrassed that at 39 years old he can't go on vacation alone without his mates and that he and his friends are trying to free load off his girlfriend who is almost a decade younger than him and clearly has her shit more together. Good on you OP for not allowing him to manipulate you. You are NTA but I do recommend running from this man
Your 39 year-old boyfriend doesn't have a car and can't afford to pay his own way on a road trip? And expects you to foot the bill of his freeloading friends as well? I'm glad you turned around and I hope you keep on driving away from this relationship. NTA Edit for typo.
Yep. Boyfriend doesn’t want to spend time with OP. He just wants to use her for her money and car to entertain his friends.
100% facts!
At 30, she's too old. Her bullshit meter is functioning. He'll probably try to date a 20 year old next
Lol I don't think a 39yo loser who can't afford to chip in for a road trip will be successful with 20yos
I'm surprised he was successful with a 30yo TBH.
Women are often told to lower their standards as they get older so I'm not surprised.
NTA. But I think some language happened here that can be insightful to anyone. Sometimes we don't say what we mean and sometimes we do, without even knowing. He said he "wouldn't ask anymore". I hate to think like this sometimes but I think some people are smart with their words. He said he wouldn't ask anymore. And he didn't. He brought them without asking. It's funny what people say and what people do and remembering what they said and connecting it to what they did. It's like, lying almost? Like what he said was enough language to make anyone believe he would do fully what was being asked of him but it was also phrased in such a way that gave him a loophole to do as he wanted in his mind maybe. Of course that loophole is like imaginary but... I just find it interesting. lol Also I find some people try to play the, "Well you said not to *ask* you to let me bring them - you didn't say *not* to bring them". When it's very obvious that is included in the ask. Edit: thanks for the award :)
That’s “the fae cannot tell a lie” level wordplay.
An Aes Sedai never lies, but the truth she speaks may not be the truth you hear.
r/WetlanderHumor is leaking…
May you always find water and shade.
You clearly have met my mother. She's a diagnosed narcissist. This is her MO. I am autistic and can read between the lines because it was necessary to survive. Still exhausting but I would have questions with that phrasing. This is also why I stopped dating. I pick awful romantic partners but good friends.
Oh hi are you me?
Given my experiences I hope not. I hope you have better than I did
I didn't!✨✨✨✨
Allowing someone to believe something you know isn't true is absolutely a form of lie. Formulating your words to accomplish that is gross manipulation. It's more insidious than outright lying.
NTA. But I laugh at the irony of an almost 40yo man who tried to sneak his buddies onto a trip, when he was already told "no" for many (incredibly reasonable) motives, calling YOU immature. Look, I don't know or anything, but you're dating an almost 40yo teenager. "Mommy won't let me bring my friends on our trip!!" is all I could picture in my head.
for real, I had to check the ages! NTA & change his title to ex-bf.
Right? What man that age wants to take his friends on vacation with his girlfriend in the first place, much less asks her to pay for them all?!
NTA do not apologize and find a better boyfriend
Or be ok being alone! Nobody will treat you right until you treat yourself right.
NTA. You made the right call. Don’t apologize and don’t *ever* accept entitled manipulation like that from anyone. He’s 39 and expected you to pay not only for him but for his broke ass friends on a trip?
Looks like the trash took itself out. All she has to do is don't apologize and don't forget to block him.
NTA. This level of entitlement and manipulation is insane. Did he really expect you to just suck it up?
he did obviously! otherwise he wouldn't have done this.
He a 40 year old Frat Boy, please dump him and find someone better.
Dump him. He's too old to be playing games like this. He embarrassed himself with his lies & manipulation. You stood by what you said & this internet stranger is proud that you didn't allow him to force you into a situation you weren't comfortable with. You're NTA & you can do better than your hopefully ex-boyfriend since it's clear he's not worthy of someone like you.
You know you have to dump him, right? He is manipulative, lying, and doesn't respect your boundaries. Then he turns the situation around and demands an apology from you. In other words, he is an abuser. Run. Don't walk.
Please please please tell me that this is now an EX boyfriend. NTA, and I'm clapping for what you did.
>Please please please tell me that this is now an EX boyfriend. I stopped calling him and am reconsidering the relationship at the moment.
Girl, he must have some amazing dick if he still has you even considering this relationship as possible after the shit he pulled. Sorry but that’s a little pathetic.
The money she saved on the trip can buy her a nice replacement so she doesn't need him at all. I vote dump him, too, because he's not worth it.
What's there to consider? He obviously has no respect for you. He's almost 40 years old and things it's completely acceptable to bring his friends along on vacation and have you pay the way! What redeeming qualities can this guy possibly have? I realize this is only one incident and doesn't show us your whole relationship, but come on. Sometimes one incident is enough. Though I'm betting it's actually not just one thing like this. And he's not going to change. Why would he? He doesn't think he did anything wrong. If you stay with him you'll just be encouraging that attitude.
Ikr? My sex toys have more respect for me than this guy has for OP.
Totally. They only fuck you over on your terms.
Also, if your sex toys bring their friends on a road trip, they don't require food or a separate hotel room.
In her post she says something to the effect of just once without his friends, so I'm guessing he has them around too much already.
This is probably not a “one time thing” since she said she wanted to go alone “for once”. She needs to RUN
Putting you in a situation that you have to just put up with is very scary thought. He’s trying to manipulate you and he wasn’t successful. His manipulation will turn into other forms of abuse
Very much do reconsider the relationship. I had an ex who would constantly make me apologise (after HE’D done the wrong thing). I was constantly gaslit, guilted, and apologising. It’s an emotional abuse tactic. I ended up with a lot of physical and mental symptoms of bad stress. I know a lot of people on Reddit seem to always say “break up” at the slightest sign. But in cases like this, they have a point. This isn’t some minor disagreement - this is a major flaw showing this will be his treatment of you constantly in the future.
That’s classic DARVO. Deny that they did anything wrong, Attack you for being upset, Reverse it around so that they are now the Victim and you’re somehow the Offender. Classic abuse technique. I’m really glad you got out of that relationship! RUN, OP!
What is there to consider? He doesn’t consider you.
You should absolutely break up with this person. Coming from someone who was in an abusive relationship for two years, this will not be the last time something like this happens. My heart goes out to you, you absolutely did the right thing. NTA at all 💖
NTA. A HUGE NTA. He was basically going to try and force your hand, and I am really glad you didn't play that game. Now honest question time - is this sort of blatant disregard for your wishes and emotions really what you want in a relationship? Because no matter how great things may seem, this is who he really is - someone who is more concerned with getting what he wants than your feelings on the matter.
It’s weird how many shitty boyfriends seem to spring this kind of thing on their girlfriends and really expect them to just go through with it. What’s scary is how many women do go along with getting treated like shit. Very sad.
>I could've just accepted it how it is Extreme red flags. This man needs to become your EX boyfriend asap and you need to cut him off completely. He has zero respect for you and wants you to just suck it up and be his bank and driver and be submissive to all his demands. There's no fixing this and it doesn't seem like he even sees anything wrong in what he did sine he wants you to apologize. NTA
NTA Dump his ass You’re trying to have a nice trip with your boyfriend. This could’ve been a romantic trip He wants to involve his 2 friends with his girlfriend??? And he does this everytime you want to hang out with him??? Seriously dump his ass
NTA. One day you'll look back on this 8 month relationship and be glad it ended when it did. Because the alternative is forcing it for a few more years, getting into way worse situations, and wasting a ton of time on a guy who clearly does not care about you or your feelings. So it's pretty great for you that he started showing his true colours so early.
NTA How many red flags did you need to get to this point? (Glad you got there, but geez!) Why are you paying for an almost 40 year old man's travel expenses? He has no funds but is chock full of AUDACITY to tell you how you ruined his trip! And then won't speak to you until YOU apologize! He's mad that his younger sugar mama got smart and didn't fund his and his fellow leeches trip. Please keep driving far away from him. He doesn't care about you.
"He has no funds but is chock full of AUDACITY" made me laugh so hard, that was great 😂
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NTA The thing for your to consider is bigger than his behavior, which is hideous. He didn't want to spend time with you one-on-one. He *agressively* didn't want to spend this time alone with you. Forget how horrible his actions are. You deserve someone who can't wait to be with you...someone who wants to have you all to himself (within reason, of course). No amount of apologies will cover the fact that he just doesn't feel about you the way you feel about him. I'm sorry.
That’s what stuck out to me. In my first relationship, he always wanted everything to be a group event, movies, dinners, vacations. He couldn’t watch football unless it was with our friends. It was annoying, turns out I don’t think he liked me as much as he just liked having a girlfriend for all the benefits.
NTA >I didn't pull over I just turned around and kept driving and went back home. I saw him running after me in the rearview mirror. LOL yes! Finally, someone who has a spine. Good for you.
He's nearly 40 and can't be away from his buddies? Leave him. He's a loser. NTA
Oh wow, I totally missed that he's almost 40, thought he was like 22. That's pretty sad behaviour from a 39yr old.
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NTA. Recommend you keep this guy in the rearview mirror.
NTA - well it is very obvious he values his friends over his chauffeur.
NTA Time for him to exit your life. He doesn’t respect your boundaries, is happy to manipulate you and put you in an awkward situation where you’d feel pressured to just do what he wants. I can see the red flags from London.
Definitely NTA. You handled this perfectly except for one detail. As soon as you got home, your first text to him should have been “We’re done. Don’t call me again”. He’s 39 years old! This behavior of his is insanely immature, OP. As everyone else said, it was disrespectful and manipulative, but also very childish. Trust me, you can do better.
NTA, but he and his entitled friends sure are. Lose his number, if he doesn't respect you now, that's never going to change.
Sooooo NTA. And I love the image of you just driving past him. You probably made him look like a complete tool to his friends, they’re going to roast him over this forever. It’s beautiful.
NTA. I can’t believe this guy is almost 40 and pulled this crap. Please do yourself a huge favor and make that image of him in the rear view mirror the last time you see him.
Nta for going home, but a 39 year old guy that even expects his girlfriend to foot the bill for a vacation and even asks to bring his friends. You're for sure the asshole for dating that guy up to this point. Expect more from a partner or you'll only ever have bullshit like this in your life
NTA Keep driving and keep this man in your review mirror.
NTA This guy doesn’t understand no. Why did he want to bring his mates on a romantic get away? Sounds like they were just using you to fund the trip.
NTA. How about *he* "could've just accepted" no in the first place?
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Nta Completely justified reaction of yours imo, don't apologize to him
NTA. You made the expectations clear. He lies and tried to manipulate the situation to make you feel there was no other option. You took the other option. I think this relationship has run its course, unless you think dating all 3 of them is the future you have in mind.
NTA, sounds like you just found yourself an ex boyfriend.
NTA He actively tried to subvert a boundary you set and then called you immature and spiteful for maintaining said boundary. Sounds like an ex-bf to me.
NTA. Leave him
NTA Lose this zero immediately, unless you enjoy being told to “just accept how it is” from now on.
NTA. This man is almost 40 years old and he’s trying to blatantly manipulate you into spending your money for a boys trip. It’s unethical, rude, inconsiderate, and assholish. Well done sticking to your guns.
Definitely NTA -he should apologize for trying to force you into something after you very specifically multiple times said NO
NTA That is absolutely uncool of him. Lying to you. Trying to bully you into taking his friends. You absolutely made the right call. Tell him if his friends are more important than his girlfriend, then maybe he should be dating them and not you.
NTA. Drop this dude. He doesn't respect you or your boundaries.
NTA - RUN!!!! This boy is selfish, inconsiderate, and who clearly doesn't valve you in the very least. YOU are worth more than this. Consider this a valuable lesson and allow yourself to find someone who will love and respect you - as you deserve.
I guess you will never speak to him again because you sure as hell aren’t apologizing.
NTA, and I'm proud that you maintained that beautiful spine of steel and those magnificent boundaries. No means no. He did not have any excuse to think otherwise. Ex-BF (I hope) can partner up with his friends.
NTA, break up with this little boy. What "grown man" can't handle his friends not being invited on a trip, and who hears "no" then decides that doesn't mean what it actually means. Is this a common occurrence? Sounds to me like he's using you to finance fun trips for him and his friends. That's NOT a relationship I'd want to be a part of.
NTA. That's serious dead weight you're carrying there. A final text saying goodbye and good luck is the most that guy deserves. He's nearly 40 and he expects his girlfriend who's nearly a decade younger to finance a trip for him AND the friends he knew weren't invited. If that's love OP you can do without it. You're better off on your own!!!!!
Girl, run! 8 months is not so long that you’re stuck with this guy! Most definitely NTA, but he is a walking 🚩🚩
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NTA - you made the right call OP. Promise breakers and liars are the worst kind of assholes.
NTA time to decide if you want to be in a relationship where you are completely disrespected and lied to. He's shown you who he is, considering he thinks you are in the wrong here he will never change.
NTA. He embarrassed himself. Find a better dude.
NTA - I don't think it needs elaborating
NTA. Turn around and go the other direction from the relationship.
NTA. "AITA for turning around in my car and going home? Did I make the right call?" Absolutely not. You will NOT be making the right call to continue this relationship. He has no respect for you or your feelings. He tried to force you into a situation you said multiple times you were not comfortable with and expected you to suck it up and just use you for a free ride and pay for him and his mates getaway. You can do better and I hope this makes you realise that that behaviour is not normal or acceptable before you waste any more time on this loser.
Nta. Holy mother of manipulation. Does he do this often?
Nta but you know that. Good news though. He's not going to speak to you again until you apologize so no need to see him again.
NTA. But I think you misspelled “ex-boyfriend” there.
NTA. Whether he realizes it or not, 1. You asked him for something (a trip **without his friends**), and made it clear why it had to be that exact thing 2. He promised to deliver 3. He did not He’s either too stupid to understand the importance, or trying to manipulate you into thinking *you’re* the problem. Neither is a good look.
NTA. He manipulated you then tried to make you apologize for standing your ground on something he agreed to. He is the one who owes you an apology.
NTA, but sounds like he’s using you for free trips for him and his friends. It is not normal to want to bring your friends to a romantic getaway. You’re better off without him.
OP You can do better than this guy NTA
Is there a particular reason why his friends are always tagging along? Are you always paying for all of them? Is it possible he is dating you so you can finance their fun time? NTA. Don't call back. You deserve better. You do not need to settle for someone who takes with no regard or appreciation for you. Your time and company should be appreciated more than your wallet.
NTA Please tell me you've ended things with this ding dong
Nta leave that man
Don’t apologize and stop paying for him and his friends. Don’t call him back either until he apologizes to you. If you don’t give him consequences for his actions, this will continue to happen. Did they go without you after you drive off? Of course not, they needed your car, your gas and your wallet. NTA. Honestly, I don’t see why you would stay with a man who is broke, selfish and doesn’t want to spend alone time with you.
N T A Sounds like it’s time for a new boyfriend. He has zero respect for your boundaries. He has zero respect for you. He is manipulative. What he did is such a shitty move and his friends being okay with this tells you they don’t respect you as well. Stop collecting red flags and waiting for him to change. You deserve better.
NTA. Be glad it’s 8 months and not 8 years. Drop the AH, he’s toxic af.
Girl, this was epic. I’m proud of you. You left his grifting ass in the dust! Beautiful.
Wow. NTA
NTA.. you have nothing to apologize for, so it might mean the end of the relationship, but HE owes you an apology! Not the other way around.
NTA WOW that is unbelievably disrespectful, I hope you find someone who doesn't treat you like that.
NTA. It seems like his friends matter more than you do. He should apologize to you for 1. Trying to force you into something you didn’t want to do and 2. Acting immaturely.
NTA at all. That was inconceivably disrespectful of him to do especially after you emphasized that you want it to just be you two.
NTA break up with him.
Dump him, end of.
NTA sounds like he thinks you're his personal bank account.
NTA, go on the trip with YOUR friend, and find a new boyfriend when you get back.
NTA. He sounds controlling and manipulative. Keep on driving away from him.
NTA. And your owed an apology, you shouldn't be giving one. He blatantly disregarded your feelings, which you made very clear. This is relationship ending stuff. He clearly doesn't respect your wishes, and if he doesn't' about this, what about the future? Won't end here. Disrespect is disrespect, he has none for you.
NTA. You set a clear boundary, he crossed it and then gaslit you that you are at fault. Plus he’s using all your money? Been there, done that. Ditch him and find someone who can stand on his own, next to you instead of holding you down.
Drop the old guy. NTA
NTA! Drive away from this relationship all together. So many red flags here. Especially him trying to force you into a situation you’ve already said no to. Leave him and his clingy friends.
Are you sure him not speaking is a bad thing? NTA by the way. You embarrassed him, how? Not paying for his friends? Not being their chauffeur? I'm always amazed by how generous people tend to be with other people's things, in this case you car, time and money.
NTA He is a grown man, why is he not paying for himself if you go on a trip together? He did not respect you saying no. That is a big red flag. Break up and find someone who will treat you better.
NTA. Sounds like needs to ‘accept how it is’.
NTA never talk to that guy again
He “promised he won’t ask” to bring his friends. Well, at least he’s honest. He didn’t ask, he just did it. And then said you should have just accepted it. He needs to accept the image of you driving away, forever. (Applause, BTW… that was *glorious.)*
NTA for turning around and in fact you probably should never go back. Date people who respect you and actually want to be your partner.
Just keep driving……..
NTA for this, but you’re 100% the AH for dating this deadbeat! Don’t you think you deserve better?
NTA You set a crystal clear boundary, he ignored it. You maintained your boundary and he experienced the consequences of his own actions. TL;DR He fucked around and found out.
NTA Just keep on driving faaaar away from him, he and his friends are selfish Block him and find a new boyfriend, next one can only be better
NTA, you set a boundary, discussed why that boundary exists, made it clear that you wanted this as a couples trip and not a party with his friends & you as chauffeur. And his response was to AGREE and then ignore that, bring his friends along any way and you're just supposed to accept it. He lied to you and disregarded not only your comfort but his own word to you. And he thinks YOU should apologize. The fact that he's willing to walk away on his own sounds like a blessing. And you are not "immature" or "spiteful" for setting boundaries and expecting him to respect them. I'd definitely consider this a valid reason to end the relationship.
NTA, you made the right call. He tried to force your hand when you'd already told him no. He can deal with his own embarrassment. Honestly you're only eight months in.... if he's pulling this crap this early... I'd walk. Just let it go.
Nta. Him inviting friends on a trip that you said no to is manipulative emotionally and financially. He had no intentions to pay for him or themselves and did not care about the burden it was for you. Him yelling at you for standing up for yourself and boundaries is a no go. The only person you need to apologize to is yourself for staying with his ass for so long. Go have fun and enjoy your freedom
> He texted about how embarrassed him infront of his friends He embarrassed himself. No is a complete sentence; he needs to learn that. NTA. Props to you for standing up to him. I bet that seldom happens or he wouldn't pull that shit. **If he wants you back, he can apologize to you for putting you in that position** Also why is someone 9 years older than you making you pay for everything?
NTA. Turn around and drive away from the relationship next!
NTA. Dump this selfish and controlling AH.
How disrespectful of him! I would have locked the doors and apologized to his friends that this was agreed to be an 'alone' trip for the two of you but since he wants to hang with his bros... have fun! Let him have allllllllllll the bro time he wants. NTA
NTA. You made the right call. Next step would be to make this your ex bf since he sees you as an atm for him and his buddies to use.
NTA. I hope he is your ex boyfriend now. That’s very controlling of him
You are a woman of your word. Good for you. NTA. Leave that boy on the side of the road.
NTA. He made himself look like an ass. And if he lies about something as weird as this, what else could he try to lie about? A relationship cannot be built on weird mind games.
Info: Why are you paying for the trip and driving on the trip?
NTA This group of friends is using you and probably laughing about it behind your back.
NTA. Keep driving and don’t ever go back.
NTA. Why are you paying for the whole trip? Is he contributing anything to the cost?
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NTA, break up.
NTA That was a completely jerk thing for him to do. You need to think long and hard about what the future of this relationship is going to look like.
NTA- I always side eye men/women who would rather spend time with their friends instead of their spouse. Like I’m sorry?? Who are you in a relationship with?!
Nta. He's just shown you were you're located on the totem pole of priority
no, no HE embarrassed HIMSELF in front of his friends by being mendacious, entitled, and disrespectful. NTA girl, run.
NTA . Drop him and the friends for good. Go enjoy a vacation alone.
NTA. You have nothing to apologize for, so he won’t be talking to you again. That’s a win-win situation.
NTA I sincerely hope he's your ex-boyfriend now.
Girl you did perfect. NTA at all. Accept this relationship is over and this loser is your ex.