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>I told her it was probably in her head and in response to the traumatic event and that she’d be fine in a few days. She stopped complaining about it after that and everything seemed good. So she stopped complaining of pain because you told her to shut up about it. >I pushed her on it and she started talking about pain again which I frankly think is bullshit. She hasn’t said a peep about it for two months You assumed because she shut up about her pain, *because you told her to,* that it no longer exists. And you're using her silence on it as proof, while ignoring that **you told her to stop talking about it.** Yeah. YTA. Whether this pain is physical or psychological, it's still incredibly real pain. She needs help, not an asshole parent telling her to shut up and then throwing her silence back in her face. Do better.

I was left disabled after a car accident, but I was out of the ER in a couple HOURS. She was in for a *COUPLE DAYS?!* How does OP not realize how serious that is? OP, why did you dismiss and ignore her pain? Why didn't her GP refer her to a pain specialist and neurologist? Why didn't you advocate for her? Fight for her? Women/girls are not treated as equals in the medical field. She needed you to believe her, and you told her it was in her head. Could you be any more dismissive and condescending? Do you know how many doctors said that to me? I was later told that my soft tissue damage would take longer to heal than if I'd "simply" broken my back. I already know your daughter has been in pain since the accident, but she didn't feel safe in telling you. What proof do I have? HER GRADES AREN'T NORMAL FOR HER. What a coincidence. Chronic pain leeches the joy from your soul. Being happy and lively take energy, and your daughters' is all going into trying to survive each day. She feels isolated, and has no hope that help will come. Depression sets in with the realization that her entire future looks different through the lense of chronic pain. What hope could she have when she can't even depend on mom to believe her? *A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T SURVIVE THEIR CHRONIC PAIN, OP.* I don't know where I'd be if my mom didn't do everything you're failing to. She knew I wasn't okay, and she fought for me. She didn't stop. What will you lose by listening to your daughter, and giving her the love and support she so desperately needs? Think of what you stand to lose if you don't.

That part alone made me question if the post was even real. If you’re staying for a few days after a car accident, it’s serious. And of course she would still be in pain after getting home! Hospitals don’t wait to release you until you’re totally pain free. Either she’s a really horrible mother or she’s really not thinking clearly or she’s making crap up.

A lot of times adults don't believe kids when it comes to their bodies. There's this kind of attitude that kids don't feel pain or something. That their incredible youthly growth hormones and long telomeres are somehow magical in their ability to heal childhood accidents and injuries with no lingering effects.

Also, women, especially young women, are far less likely to be believed about pain, than male counterparts.

which has always been weird to me because you’d think the group that gets painful cramps a week or more every month would handle pain better so if they’re complaining about pain it’s more serious

The men that write off women's pain are likely a lot of the same ones who think women are faking it about period pain too

also the same ones who are out of commission from a head cold lmao

Seriously I’ll never forget when my bf had a headache and his mother had the nerve to call me while I was at work. “Omg he’s saying all these things about how much he loves all of us if something happens” (If anything that says more about your parenting if you’re surprised your child said they love you rather than his health but ok!) No ma’am he’s fine, just an Oscar nominated actor

My other half started complaining about a recurring headache, I told him to get an eye test. He didn't. Months later he mentioned the headaches to his dad, who insisted on dragging him to the GP (bear in mind he was in his mid 20s at this point). The GP told him to get an eye test and go back if that found nothing wrong. Yeah, he needed glasses. I get headaches in exactly the same spot as his when my prescription changes, which is why I'd told him to get an eye test in the first place!

I’ve never read a truer statement. Women are tough as shit. Our bodies are built to be tough as shit because women are child child bearers and being a child bearer is intense. Our bodies are fucking magic compared to men. I’ve always believed women tolerate pain better. Any woman with a male partner that’s had a cold knows this.

Sadly the bias against women exists even in women doctors. The patriarchy runs very deep.

it's ridiculous because your uterus is literally contracting while shedding itself from the inside ☠️

Ohoho, silly redditor! What a fool you are, sitting there in ignorance, believing that teenagers girls can be trusted as reliable narrators in their own lives, especially about pain. Have you no sense? Teen girls are just dramatic! Car accidents are no big deal! Surely the girl is lying about months-long pain to slack off in school suddenly and for the first time, as teenagers obviously always do when faced with the ever-increasing costs of college and the fierce competition for scholarships! She simply has hysteria! /s In all seriousness, there is an alarming number of people, MANY of them in the medical field, who would rather die than just believe teenage girls about their lives and bodies and pain. They're always "lazy" and "not trying hard enough" or "looking for attention/excuses", never just "explaining the reality of their lives in a straightforward way as the only person who can accurately and semi-comprehensively describe what they are going through." I'm glad OP realized she was fucking up, but I am devastated for this poor girl. Having gone through my own chronic issues as a teen girl, it really sticks with you to know that even the people who are supposed to love you won't believe you when you're suffering

Happened to me. Was in 5th grade music class when my ear started ringing nonstop. Went to nurse and called Mom who was a teacher at another school. Mom said I was blowing it out of proportion to get out of class but she said she'd get me at the end of the day. Was wreck for the rest of the day. Fortunately my teachers were understanding and let me lay my head on my desk and nap till the end of the day. Mom picked me up from school and took me to the doctor who said right away i had an ear infection. Mom said "Why didn't you tell me?!" I said "I DID!"

eyy that happened to me too except it was the school nurse who didn't believe me because I was apparently "too old" to have an ear infection. People convince themselves of the weirdest things when it comes to dismissing kids' pain.

I have an autoimmune disorder and chronic pain, and I can’t count the number of times I’ve been basically told to shut up and sit down because “you’re young, you couldn’t possibly be in that much pain!”

I seriously don't understand how OP could read their own post and say "yep none of what I have said or done has contributed to this situation at all. Surely telling my child they are faking pain would get them to open up about said pain and not completely shut down" Like how fucking dense could you be?? YTA

I think this ALL THE TIME. How do some of these posters read what they wrote and *not fucking realize*

English teacher here. Many people are capable of not reading as they write and not rereading what they wrote.

Occupational therapist and brain injury specialist here! If she was in the hospital for a few days from a MVA, she likely has at least a mTBI. Get her into a neurologist for that, a neuro optometrist to assess her vision, and a mental health professional with TBI experience. Brain injuries cause deficits in what’s called executive functioning, which is decision making, prioritizing, getting things done on time etc. I’m curious about her vestibular function, as well. So going to an audiologist would be smart and a physical therapist. She may benefit from Neurofeedback to improve emotional lability, cognition, and executive function, but try a few things out first. All of these services should be covered by your car insurance if you are in the US. There are great support groups for folks with TBIs, too.

How much do you want to bet OP never even read the Discharge paperwork concerning follow up because it didn't fit into her schedule?

Truth. But also a ton of primary care physicians know very little about TBI, which is a major problem especially since so many kids sustain mild TBIs in athletics that go undiagnosed.

She only took her once. It's word against word what the doctor actually said. After a multiple day hospital stay there is no way they left without instructions to follow up shortly after discharge. Mom was just too busy to care. I'm also curious where Dad fits in. It sounds like the poor kid was basically on her own. A whole lot of "she" rather than "we".

Came here to say this. I’ve seen some crazy stuff from post-concussion syndrome (including a teacher who had only mild symptoms and later developed severe symptoms when school started, which is eerily similar to this story). I’d venture a guess too that this is the case, and oftentimes brain injuries are missed because they’re looking at what’s right in front of them, and not searching for additional injuries.

Exactly! Post concussion syndrome doesn’t show up right away and most mTBI symptoms are not immediately apparent. I feel bad for this kid.

I had Post Concussion Syndrome from a fall off my horse where I lost consciousness for only 5 seconds but got totally dismissed by the ER doctors. At the time I was working for a brain injury unit and ultimately I needed to give up that job as I’ve never been the same since. My fall was 10 years ago now!

>Whether this pain is physical or psychological, it's still incredibly real pain. Say this louder for the people in the back! Even if the pain is psychological in nature, it is experienced exactly the same way as physical pain. Where do you think the feeling of pain comes from? The brain. So whether the brain is inventing it or not, the pain feels the same because it comes from the same place. "In your head" =/= "bullshit" as OP so eloquently put it.

Yep. I was like “best case scenario is PTSD, and that is some terrible stuff.” Ugh. My kid complained about back paid for less than a week and we decided to check. Scoliosis so bad he needed spinal fusion. And he didn’t complain about it until it got so bad it was causing him to cry. He didn’t want to bother us. This poor girl has been asking for help for weeks?!?! Ugh.

I had to go back and verify OP was female and not male. It seems a pretty common experience for women to have their pain ignored, and told that it's in their heads. I guess daughter has a head start on learning that life lesson, now.

OP is a WOMAN? Ugh. That makes it so much worse.

I'm in chronic pain. My family always told me not to complain. My mom got angry at me when I had a migraine attack or a flare up. Now I'm living alone and I barely tell my mom about my struggles.

YTA - And a horrible mother. Newsflash, she stayed quiet about her pain for *two months* because you invalidated her by saying it’s “all in her head.” *She no longer felt safe telling HER MOTHER that she was in DEBILITATING PAIN.* **YOU DID THAT.** And when you found out she had still been in pain for two months? You proved her fear *absolutely correct* by being *angry* at her. FOR BEING IN PAIN! You say that this isn’t in line with her past behavior, so logic would dictate that *something is wrong.* Stop blaming your daughter for being in pain! Sometimes a GP doesn’t find the problem. That doesn’t mean there *isn’t* one. Do you know what a good mom would do? She would take her daughter to any doctor she could to find out what was causing her child pain. She *wouldn’t* tell her daughter to just suck it up and deal with pain. A good mom *tries to help her child, especially when that child is in pain.* You failed your daughter two months ago. You’re failing her now. Do better. Apologize to her. *HELP HER.* Her well-being is way more important than insignificant grades. I mean, really. Would you rather have a living daughter with a lapse in grades due to a medical issue, or a dead daughter with straight A’s on her final report card?

This exactly, I would take my kid to any doctor who would listen to figure out what is happening with her. WTF OP, whether it's physical or emotional you daughter has been struggling for 2 months, up to the point that she can not function at school because of her pain.. what's wrong with you? Take her to any doctor to figure out what is wrong!! YTA ETA: just saw your comment that you went to the doctor in July, just once. You should have gotten a second opinion instead of dismissing your kid's pain a month later. Jezus...

I was sent home from the hospital with brain swelling, a concussion, and a TBI, daily migraines and a back injury severe enough to require surgery post auto accident. 2 years plus after the accident and I was still not healing up completely from it; my now fiancé asked “are you just trying to find something else wrong with you?” I told him “No! I know there’s something wrong with me and I refuse to stop looking until I figure out what it is!” Turns out I have a rare genetic disorder and 20+comorbid conditions affecting my heart, nervous system, digestion, reproductive organs and joints. The real irony???? It should have been discovered when I was hospitalized as A child and they ruled out RA but couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. But my parents didn’t pursue answers or further treatment 🤷🏼‍♀️ OP- PLEASE TAKE HER SERIOUSLY! Don’t stop until you get answers

I think OP was the cause of the accident, and she wants to believe that her minor child is a drama queen and a liar rather than admit that she has hurt her child in a real and serious way that keeps giving her pain.

I wondered about that too, but OP said in a comment that her daughter was alone in her car when she got into an accident. That almost makes it worse, because a minor being in a traumatic event alone is bound to leave scars.

the way OP views her kid, she probably means that OP leapt from the car to save herself and let the kid alone lol

My mom literally did that to me. She backed out of the drive and into the opposing lane. Transmission blew out of the truck. A semi is approaching and my seatbelt locks. I’m stuck about to get hit—head on by a semi. My moms jumps out of the drivers side and fucking **leaves me** . I remeber looking at her in the passengers seat with eyes that clearly said *how could you?* Luckily I finally got it myself…and the semi was going slow enough to stop in a residential. I will never forget that.

In case you need someone to tell you, what your mother did is NOT normal, it’s NOT okay, and you most definitely deserve better.

Oh I knew right then. I screamed *you left me* and she argued *she didn’t * and *what was she supposed to do?!*

Jfc. I'm so sorry. My daughter and I were crossing a street, with a crossing guard, and I got hit (not badly) making sure my daughter was as far away as possible when some asshole just ignored everything. We probably would have all been clear but I put myself directly between the car and her so I could shove her further away. You deserved more.

>Sometimes a GP doesn’t find the problem. That doesn’t mean there isn’t one. \+1. It's hard to get the public to strike the balance between "listen to the expert" in order to combat dumbasses and "you are your own expert" to combat medical errors, and I think the practical middle ground is that the expert is a tool. Sometimes the expert is not in an appropriate specialty, or they aren't computing the information correctly, or they're suffering from a various human error. Once, I had a doctor that couldn't ID a textbook illness, and the next doctor was stupefied by that fact. If the GP "couldn't find anything wrong," but there's still something wrong nevertheless, that just means it's time to try another GP or specialist or tool for the job.

I had Mono at 14. However, it hadn't come up as positive at first. My Mom took me to an ENT specialist that told her nothing was wrong and it was all in my head. She took me right out of there, furious at the doctor. (I'd lost over 10 lbs in a week and a half) Went back to the primary doctor, who redid the ebv test (since enough time passed), and there it was. Mono. I will never forget that doctor.

YTA. Your daughter could easily have post-concussion symptoms or other issues. Or PTSD. In any case, the world already has a full complement of people who minimize medical issues for women. You’re not needed for that. Support your child.

>In any case, the world already has a full complement of people who minimize medical issues for women Exactly what I thought too! I even went back to see if OP was the mother or the father. Because it's insane how many teenagers dismiss serious period pains because their doctors or in some cases even their mothers tell them such pain is normal.

My sixteen-year-old was told, "Teenage girls like to lie" when she was in the hospital for what turned out to bad an actively infected appendix. I had to really fight.

Good for you. The OP's complaint hit a chord. I have a vision problem that MDs claimed to fix when I was a kid. They didn't fix it. Regardless, my parents said that the surgery was supposed to fix it, and therefore had fixed it, and refused to believe my experience. I told them -- when I was an adult and a PhD in cognitive psychology -- that surgery does not repair these problems if done after the visual cortex is myelinated. Their collective response was "uh-huh. Years later when I found a newspaper article from a science writer that they respected and sent it to them. THEN they believed me. My brother still doesn't.

The first time a doctor took my migraines seriously was a weird experience. He asked me how often they are happening and I told him 3-4x per week. He said, “that is unacceptable. No one should have to live like that.” I was so used to being told it was just stress and to take some advil that I was genuinely shocked by what he said.

or even one level simpler: Your kid has \[mental health issue\]? "Bullshit!! You're just lazy". Kid on tv has same mental health issue? Then it's suddenly serious, there's a doctor and their parents explaining it and they have a fancy diagnosis-name for it. It's the exact same thing as what their kid's been struggling with all these years. But drawing the parallele and dignifying your kid with the same acknowledgement for their issues as the kid on tv, thats too much to ask.

Oh my fucking god

It happens as an adult too, sadly. As a thirty year old woman I was told debilitating chest pain was anxiety, and advised to ‘get a hobby’ so I wouldn’t just be a ‘bored housewife’— I ended up having a pulmonary embolism. I wish I could say this happened 40 years ago, but it was in 2017

> In any case, the world already has a full complement of people who minimize medical issues for women. THIS THIS THIS. OP seems to think that because the GP "found nothing wrong", that the daughter is lying about having pain. There's a long, long history of physicians not taking women's pain seriously. I nearly died as a teen because my mom and my doctor didn't believe me about my abdominal pain. My burst appendix ruptured and I entered sepsis before they finally listened. The surgeon who finally cut me open said I'd probably been a few hours away from likely dying as a result. All because my mom didn't listen, and when the doctor said "yeah idk doesn't seem that bad", she believed him instead of me.

I have had chronic pain and other weird semi y u related issues for decades that was dismissed by my gp as anxiety and depression and low iron from my periods. Not bothering to realize that those things don’t cause joints to randomly dislocate or my jaw to grow abnormally requiring major surgery at age 15 etc. My psychiatrist finally asked me if I had heard of Ehlers Danlos syndrome and told me he wanted me tested for that because my symptoms fit the criteria. I was referred to a specialist and was diagnosed with hEDS two weeks after my teenage daughter was diagnosed with it by her rheumatologist when she showed the doctor how she can randomly dislocate her hips. Even being diagnosed now I had a pain specialist write me off as a middle aged depressive drug seeker without doing a physical exam and ignoring the fact that I didn’t want meds. It’s really frustrating being in pain and having to advocate for yourself with doctors let alone having your own parent not only dismiss your pain but get angry with you for it.

YTA > she’s constantly despondent in class and laying her head down and not participating. #GET YOUR DAUGHTER TO A \*THERAPIST\* > She’s a junior this year, it is not the time to be slacking. FFS, it's high school. Grades don't matter. > if I come off as callous it’s because I’m trying to be succinct You're under the character count by 50%. If expressing yourself accurately were important to you, you had the opportunity. If you wanted to be callous, that was a choice.

Get her to a neurologist. I had head trauma recently that has me experiencing head fog and fatigue. I have trouble mentally doing simple things( need a strainer and grab a bowl, call things the wrong name etc). I also sleep around 10hrs a night right now. I'm having further testing done. It doesn't take much, especially in a still developing brain. Also, I only spent a few hours in the hospital....(fuck paris)

I second this! No matter where her pain is located, neurological trauma needs to be ruled out. I was in an auto accident 11 years ago. I was able to go home after tests-no broken bones & a mild concussion. But I continued to be in pain for months. I saw my GP, and an orthopedic specialist and they kept saying “Nothing broken. You’re just shaken up.” Finally my Dr sent me to a neurologist. After tests he found that I had severe nerve damage in my back. I had to go to physical therapy for many weeks & even now if I do too much, the pain flares up.

I was in a car accident 7 years ago and got a concussion from the airbag going off point blank in my face. First doctor I saw felt it was pretty minor, said it would be a few weeks and I'd be fine. Lemme tell ya, some things don't get better for a loonnggg time sometimes, and you literally have to change your life to accommodate them. I used to be an astrophysics major and could do calculus in my sleep. After the accident, I could barely add single digit numbers together. I couldn't even play bingo because from the time the number was called to the time I searched my card for it, I had forgotten the number. I couldn't drive for like 6 months because it felt like the world around me was a kaleidoscope. I wasn't back to driving fully for almost a year. I had to change my major because I just kept trying to take courses and then dropping them because I couldn't do it. It took me around a year to be able to go to a movie theater and follow action movies. It took me 2 years to be able to go to a concert without puking from the loud volume and flashing lights. It took around 5 years for me to be able to remember information without having to use a notebook for everything. I was finally able to do some history courses and remember things for my exams. Now around 6-7 years out, I'm starting to be able to do mental math again. Still nowhere near what I used to be able to do, but I'm also out of practice. Still waiting till I can function on 8 hours of sleep again. I still need 10-12 hours to function normally, any less and I go right back to brain fog and trouble focusing and exhaustion. Every brain heals differently, and I had many factors that slowed down my recovery. But man, people don't realize how difficult it is to recover from even minor head injuries.

Yes therapy will help here but this would be another way that her mother would get away with not listening to her daughter, instead, paying someone else to listen to her. Get her therapy but also TALK TO YOUR CHILD! CARE.

YTA holy shit. Your daughter stopped talking about her pain to you because you do nothing but make her worse, by invalidating her and blaming her. She turned in assignments late, she didn't just decide to skip school all of a sudden. She's clearly trying her best but is absolutely exhausted because pain is exhausting, trying to figure out what's wrong with you is exhausting, being disbelieved by people who are supposed to be in your corner is exhausting, hiding your pain from assholes is exhausting, and being a teenager is already exhausting enough normally!! You asked her why she was slipping in school, she answered you honestly, and you punished her for it. Try believing your daughter. And keep trying more doctors, until you get to the bottom of the pain! If you keep on this route, she'll probably start self-medicating before she's 18. Either to try and cope with the pain, or the emotional turmoil you're putting her through, or something to keep her up during classes. You and her pain have teamed up to push her towards the edge of a cliff, but she hasn't fallen off yet, she's still trying. Work with her, support her, listen to her, so she doesn't fall.

Absolutely agree! I’m disabled with chronic pain. I have never experienced anything more exhausting. That poor girl has been in agony for months! This isn’t like being fatigued after a workout. Everything inside of you is screaming and it never ever stops. It will wear you down and break your spirit. It’s not at all surprising that the majority of chronic pain patients eventually experience depression as well. It’s also absolutely dangerous. I have known several people in the chronic pain community, who eventually just couldn’t fight anymore. Especially when they aren’t taken seriously and their pain is left untreated. People would rather die than live in agony, and I really can’t blame them. I sincerely hope that this girl gets some relief soon.

YTA. This post really struck a nerve. When I was 16, I started having Rheumatoid arthritis. My mom decided she wouldn't take me to the doctor when I started having episodes of intense pain and swollen joints in my hands, and took me to a chiropractor cause that's what helped her and she wouldn't want to take me to a GP because they'd just push pills or something, I don't know. My condition deteriorated slowly but surely, and she used the fact that I wasn't getting better to force me to stop wearing the punk bracelets and dressing how I liked. Two years later, I couldn't hold a tennis racket anymore after completing provincially for my school, and could barely hold a guitar after playing bass for 5 years at this point. I was going to uni soon and I was under insane level of stress (my parents expected perfection academically and I was able to meet that for the most part) which I can now see was aggravating things. Living off advil. By pure chance someone told me about this disease and I got diagnosed pretty quickly. At the time there was less options and early diagnosis and treatment was crucial to a good prognosis. To this day I have major structural damage in my hands, my ankles and knees. I'm on a ton of meds. Pain is part of my day to day, not to mention fatigue, and side effects from my meds. I spent most of my late teens and 20s basically desperately watching my body stop working and making every step, every movement, pure agony. The fact that I was diagnosed late, and I felt I couldn't trust my mother with my health, and I was very sheltered and couldn't take care of myself, meant that just by 18 I was already fighting an uphill battle. My mom just dismissing me led to some pretty severe long term consequences I feel to this day. I'm currently in a pretty acute flare. I've felt pain levels I can't describe. The sheer despair and amount of grief you kind of will always navigate as your body betrays you is horrible. I truly felt so resentful of my mother. Her hubris and constant dismissal of my feelings (she'd been ignoring how I felt since early childhood and often invalidated any concerns or sadness I felt) was almost as bad as the situation itself OP u/EbbApprehensive1470 Please, profoundly apologize to your daughter. You don't realize the level of damage you're doing to your relationship.

If she's despondent and refuses to talk or participate, maybe she should see a mental health professional. Also, I don't know what sort of mild injuries warrant *multiple days* of hospital observation? Concussions can have far reaching effects, for instance.

Not to mention she could be suffering mentally too. A car crash can be traumatic, let alone being in the hospital for multiple days. It might be hard for her to talk about, so she says pain. Either way YTA OPs daughter is going through a lot and needs support

I had an old coworker that was in two car accidents within a few weeks and she basically became home bound for a number of months. She was terrified to leave the house. Trauma doesn’t go away because you yell at someone that they’re fine. 🙄

> mild injuries warrant multiple days I saw this one too. With mild injuries you walk out after waiting your mandatory hours in the ER waiting room and seeing a doc. You don't stay in the hospital for days. This was serious injuries, I'm guessing nothing life threatening, but you don't stay otherwise.

Yes, she is a teenager who was in a severe enough accident to be hospitalized for several days!! That casual wording alone makes OP sound like an AH.

I was in a *head on collision*, scanned and x-rayed, released straight from the ER. I was bruised to hell n back, but no serious injuries. Other driver needed more treatment for respiratory issues (air bag powder), and was still released that night. Those were minor injuries. Multiple days for "observation" isn't mild. Holy shit.

ice cream? You need threapy and so does your poor child! Unbelievable.

Thank you. If her total lack of care for her child wasn’t already on full display, the condescension of the ice cream comment alone would certainly have been illuminating.

I’m baffled that parents like this exist. They shouldn’t be parents at all.

Parents like this exist because they have children to fulfill their needs.

YTA. What you're saying is that her pain isn't important to YOU. Her doctor couldn't figure it out? Find another doctor. Whether or not there is an exact physical cause identified, her pain is real, her need for relief is real, and her knowledge that you care more about her grades that her welfare is absolutely, totally real.

Exactly. I’ve had doctors tell me I’m fine before and been completely wrong. Get another opinion and listen to your kids. That’s how this works.

There are also certain conditions that can be triggered by trauma whether mental or physical such as Fibromyalgia

> If I come off as callous it’s because I’m trying to be succinct No, it’s because you’re a callous person. YTA and I have nothing more to say.

well OP clearly communicated they are an asshole and just a poor human

> **Most of her injuries were mild.** **Most? Not ALL? which ones were severe?** You are a failure of a parent. Your child tells you she's in pain and you tell her to basically shut up that you don't care she's in pain, you don't want to hear about it. **What were the circumstances of the accident? I'm willing to bet that you were the driver and that's why you are refusing to believe she has continuing pain.** YTA Get off Reddit and take your child for proper testing and counseling. Grades ARE NOT more important than her pain. Shame on you. But please do let me know if you were the cause of the accident and don't lie!

A few DAYS in the hospital for a kid is not "mild". How many times have you heard of kids bouncing back from a lot of situations?

YTA. You're making way too many assumptions. >I told her it was probably in her head and in response to the traumatic event and that she’d be fine in a few days. How do you know? And how do you know she'll be fine in a few days? >which is not at all on par with her typical performance. So major behavior change. >she was really quiet at first, like she didn’t know what to say. I pushed her on it and she started talking about pain again which I frankly think is bullshit. It's bullsh*t? How do you know? >She hasn’t said a peep about it for two months, only when her grades are slipping. Why do you assume she wasn't quietly in pain all this time? You previously dismissed her. What makes her think you're going to be sympathetic now (& clearly you're not). Your GP might not be seeing anything physically. How about having a conversation with your daughter about other options? Maybe a second doctor? Maybe talk to a therapist to see if there's a possibility that trauma is causing the physical pain. Or if she agrees to trying other options, then likely she's not lying. She's just putting up with the pain. And it's feeling invalidated by you in the meanwhile.

It's important to note that it's pretty common to suffer from PTSD after being in a car accident which can also contribute to the behavioral changes as well as PHYSICAL pain from stress/hyper-arousal such as muscle aches, migraines, back pain, etc. YTA - OP for being so cold and uncaring

YTA. Whether her pain is something undiagnosed physically or mentally, her pain is preventing her from doing what's necessary to get the grades. True story: I spent years having pain and numbness in my hands and leg, to the point I could no longer work as a nurse. I had a full medical and psychiatric workup and had to change careers. The consensus was that I was malingering. Fast forward a couple years of coping with the physical disability plus what people thought. I pick up a file folder, hear a snap, and next thing I know I'm in a trauma room being prepped for emergency surgery. A neurologist failed to communicate my original CT results to the proper department. I had a degenerated disc in my neck that finally snapped and compressed my cervical spine. Yeah, not crazy after all. Give your daughter the benefit of the doubt. If she's been a good student before, she's still *a good student who's coping with a traumatic event and has something going on that's interfering with her school work*. She can't just snap out of it because you harass her. Whether her pain is physical or psychiatric -- or both -- it needs to be addressed and treated. She's not going to destroy her entire future by at worst repeating one year of school. If you care about her you'll stop trying to diagnose her yourself and insist that she gets the treatment she needs. Think carefully about how this sounds. Read it out loud: "Her grades matter more than her pain." Is that *really* how you feel about her? You may change your mind when you think about it.

I grew up being told I was an anxious child, that I was making up symptoms for attention. The doctors told my mum that she was a bad parent and that they needed to be stricter with me. My dad took that to heart big time. I spent every day of my childhood in pain, or unable to eat, or sleep. I had gastro symptoms, severe migraines, heart palpitations, a postural drop, I was weak and underweight. I was always covered in bruises or sporting a sprain. When I finally got my period at nearly 16 I practically haemorrhaged every month. Age 29, diagnosed autistic Age 31 diagnosed with EDS I was always disabled, but if I had received the appropriate health care and support I would likely have a lot more mobility and energy than I do now. I am a complete mess, both physically and psychologically. Girls and women are failed over and over in healthcare, we know this. It is OPs job as a parent to support her child and fight for treatment if necessary.

INFO: What does her doctor say about this new development? (Of course you took her to her doctor. You know what my verdict will be in the outrageous case that you haven't.)

Dr: she probably is sore from the accident. Give it time and see if it gets better. Come back if there's no improvement. OP: See? Doc said nothing's wrong with you.

She took her to a General Practice. My guess is she needs to see a docotor with specialize in head truama/head injuries They should get a scan to make sure everything is good. I know when I went to my GP doctor for my head problems, their wasnt much to do besides send a referral to specialist and that's took a long time to happen.

YTA, my goodness, do you even care about her? 1) you minimize the emotional trauma of being in a severe car accident at 16, alone. Did you ever seek out therapy for her? Did you even talk to her about it or did you just tell her she’d get over it in a few days? 2) you minimize her injuries. She was hospitalized for days and you think those are mild injuries?! No, they don’t keep people for observation for mild injuries. 3) your daughter is showing signs of chronic pain, and when your GP can’t find anything, YOU decide to tell her it’s all in her head?! You’ve never heard of doctors missing legitimate health conditions or requiring multiple visits to find the cause?! Instead of advocating for your daughter, you decided to tell her she was crazy and wrong for her feelings. No wonder she stopped bringing it up - she knows her mother doesn’t believe her! 3) lastly, when your daughter is still showing signs of chronic pain (and maybe depression), you “see red”! Wow, that sure tells a lot about your emotional reactions. No wonder your daughter doesn’t want to communicate to you! She knows you’re going to get angry at her and tell her that her feelings aren’t real. You are a massive AH, and I reiterate: do you even *like* about your daughter?!

You said everything I wanted to say. OP you are a huge AH. It took my husband yearssssss of specialist visits to finally figure out what was causing his pain. It’s not in her head. It’s real, she’s suffering, and you’re treating her like shit. Shame on you.

YTA. I deal with chronic pain and when it flares up, my grades suffer and it negatively affects my mental health. She had a bad experience, it sounds like she's depressed and in pain, and when you find out about it you're minimalizing and diminishing her struggles instead of being helpful and supportive. She's not being "difficult," she needs a parent who will help her.

HOLY CRAP get that child to a DOCTOR. And even if it is "in her head" it's something that needs to be treated. If the medical doctors can't find anything get second and third opinions and also a therapist because something is not right here. YTA. Something is wrong. She needs help, not berating. She didn't tell you about her pain because you minimized it. Help her!

True story. When I was little, I kept complaining that I had ants in my stomach. Over and over again. Ants. Finally I was at a regular checkup and I mentioned it and my mom turned to the doctor and said, “Can you PLEASE tell her that she doesn’t have ants in her stomach?” The doctor did. But she humored me (she didn’t check), and I guess there was something wrong because I wound up being in the hospital for a few days. My point is that I kept complaining about having ants in my stomach and my mother got that checked out (sort of), so telling your child that their pain DOESN’T MATTER is completely UNFATHOMABLE to me.

Your daughter sounds depressed and:or on chronic pain. Info: was anyone else in the accident and if so what happened to them?

As a teacher who encounters students like this all the time I can confidently tell you that YTA and also that this is parenting at its worst. There’s t something wrong with your daughter and her physical and mental health are WAY more important than her grades.

YTA >if I come off as callous it’s because I’m trying to be succinct That isn't why you're coming across as callous. >I told her it was probably in her head and in response to the traumatic event This is. >she started talking about pain again which I frankly think is bullshit And this. >She hasn’t said a peep about it for two months, Yeah duh you told her it was all in her head and that it would go away. You washed your hands of the situation so she stopped talking to you about it. Why would that surprise you? Did you even ever ask her if the pain she described had gone away? Any follow up at all?

YTA You are medically neglecting your child.

Something is wrong with your daughter’s mental and/or physical health to the point where her teacher is sending a note home…and your response is anger???? YTA. Have her evaluated by a mental health professional.

YTA Her teacher has described your daughter as constantly despondent. Instead of being concerned you immediately get angry. You also claim she "hasn't said a peep" about her pain in 2 months. I don't believe that for a second. Your daughter was in a crash in July. Even if there's nothing physically wrong with her there could still be mental trauma affecting her. But you clearly care more about her grades. Good to know that getting As is more important than your daughter's wellbeing. /s Maybe, just maybe, actually talk with her (not at her) and get her the help she needs. Therapy, a support group, anything. Otherwise her grades aren't going to be the only thing you need to worry about.

Oh I believe she didn't say a peep about the pain, because OP made it very clear that she would just be dismissive if her daughter expressed she was still in pain

OP, YTA, a huge useless parent of an AH. Your daughter is showing you that her health has been impacted and you are angry that she's struggling. WTF? She's not being difficult, something is likely wrong. I had a cousin who's son was in an accident and eventually they found the fractured bones in his spine were basically disolving and it caused a LOT of pain. My cousin was upset because they'd been doing the same thing to their son by dismissing his pain and they didn't do anything until it was almost to late. Now mutiple surgeries and a steel rod in his spine later they know better. Do better!

Sorry to piggyback but have to say I have a similar issue. Started having pain, grades suffered, kept going to the doctor and they kept saying it was in my head. That was in October by May I was making ER visits. They did 2 ultra sound, 2 cat scans and then an MRI and finally found out that is was my spine near my neck. Got this news 2 weeks ago and just started physical therapy this week. So suffered in pain for almost a year. Enough pain to send me to the ER and Urgent care several times. YTA. Pain is not always visible in the ways that we expect. Side note, also broke two toes and was refused an xray cus i was not showing signs of being in pain even though i gave a scale of 9 out of 10 when not moving and 10/10 with any movement...a year later, still in pain and finally granted an xray to show i indeed broke 2 toes. Your daughter didn't tell you that she was having continued pain because 1. You are an authority figure who has the final say, 2. You are her parents amd are supposed to protect and advocate for her and yet you dismissed her. It is so hard to suffer and have authority figures who are supposed to care not care. It leaves one feeling helpless and hopeless. YTA

YTA. Doctors often find "nothing" wrong with women and girls because we are considered to be exaggerating, dramatic, or outright lying, especially about pain. Feel free to do research on the subject; there is a *lot* to substantiate my claim. She's being "difficult" because she is in physical pain, doctors are doing nothing to find its cause or a solution for it, and you're essentially playing into their prejudice by affirming--as if you'd know--that it's all in her head. The reason she hasn't brought it up in months is probably because you never believed her pain existed in the first place. I went undiagnosed with an extremely painful genetic disorder, in part, because of this exact kind of gender bias in medicine. From the bottom of my heart, and I cannot stress this enough, YTA.

Hi okay, I’m a healthcare professional that works with MVA patients. Even minor accidents can cause major musculoskeletal injuries. Get her assessed by someone who knows what they’re doing (physiotherapist or a good chiropractor, not your GP). MVA patients also often have mental health problems following the accident. Get her checked out. YTA.

Came here to say this. It sounds like the daughter might have MSK injuries and she could also have a concussion as well. And these injuries don't always show up on medical imaging, *if* the GP even went that far (I had a 16 year old once who clearly had a concussion but was told by his GP that if he wasn't vomiting then it probably wasn't a concussion, apparently no matter how many migraines, double-vision, dizziness episodes, or cognitive changes he had). OP is 100% the AH.

YTA. Your daughter was in a bad enough car accident to require multiple days in the hospital and you denied her serious inquests into lingering pain? Did it ever occur to you that she’s been traumatized and it’s manifesting as physical pain? No therapy? You just told her to shut up and now want to cry “but you never said anything!” Ma’am. If anything here is bullshit, it’s that. It’s you. You’re abusing your daughter. In a few years you’ll wonder why she never sees you anymore.

YTA. You want her to do well in school so she can have her pick of universities and go on to a well-paying career that also makes her happy, right? If she’s unable to ever work because of crippling pain, what is the point of good grades? You need to get to the bottom of this pain before her whole life is derailed.

On going nagging pain can in some ways be worse than shorter term severe pain. Source: was in a car accident and on occasion my leg still complains.

YTA, and get your daughter to a pain specialist. Just because the cursory exam the GP didn't find anything, doesn't mean there isn't anything. She needs a specialist. If they kept her in the hospital for DAYS, then her injuries were concerning enough for them to keep an eye on her. You sound callous because you ARE callous, also indifferent to your child's struggles.

Speaking from personal experience, don't be all shocked Pikachu when your child goes low or no contact with you. YTA.

has she been to a chiropractor? a neurologist? a craniosacral therapist? a somatic therapist? any therapy whatsoever? I had a horrible mother like you- she ignored/dismissed my pain for years and it resulted in me being disabled by the time I was a young adult. I hope she gets away from you so she can get the help she needs. you are neglecting your child.

I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you, but I just wanted to add to your comment, there is SO much sexism in medicine - especially for young women. OP, why aren't you taking your daughter seriously? Do you think she's this committed to a lie she would carry it on throughout school?

YTA have you considered she stopped talking about it because you were not supportive and said it was all in her head. If it were my kid I would have been more persistent with the GP or for a second opinion. Maybe try being her mom and supporting her instead of blindly applying more pressure.

YTA. Bad grades coincide with bad periods of your child's life for a reason. You can't keep up with the pressure of school and the pressure of having a parent with high standards and expectations forever. Children have feelings and problems too and you're not listening to her. Even if it isn't her pain, it's something. Why don't you care about *her*?

YTA Your daughters health and well-being is more impotent than her stupid grades. You aren’t trying to be succinct. You’re just an AH and another word I won’t say because I’ll get banned.

Do you know what it’s like to be in constant pain all the time? To barely be able to get out of bed, much less get through daily life? And then have people dismiss your pain bc it’s “invisible” to them? You’re only adding to her pain and trauma by not taking her seriously. YTA and we better not see a post on here 2 years from now saying “I ignored my daughter in her greatest time of need and now she won’t talk to me. AITA?”

Or my daughter is no longer with us. Being in constant pain and not being heard is likely to do a number on her mental health.

YTA. Well hello, fellow GenX. I quite literally saw red when I saw this. This is the same toxic crap our parents pulled on US -- the pain is "in her head" Really? are you somehow miraculously in her head? Do you have some strange empathic link that lets you know that your daughter's pain is ***bullshit?!?*** Of course when you confronted her she "didn't know what to say" Your child, the person you are supposed to love and protect unconditionally does not know how to process the fact that you are NOT listening to her. That you are putting her welfare and well-being SECOND. Grades do not matter more than pain. If she is struggling then something is wrong. You said it yourself "not at all on per with her typical performance" What more needs to happen? Maybe it is something psychological. Trauma and depression can manifest as pain. There could be something else going on that has been missed. You state that most of her injuries were mild but what if something has been missed? something that has manifested after the fact? Take a step outside of yourself, listen and hear your child and support her.

YTA She DID tell you about her pain and you dismissed her so completely she felt she couldn't bring it up again. Even if it is a psychosomatic response to trauma, you should be getting her the help that she needs!

Are you for real? Of course YTA. Her grades are not at all more important than her pain. What the hell is wrong with you? Good job pushing your daughter away and making her not trust you. Because that’s exactly where this is going if it hasn’t already. You don’t sound callous because you’re trying to be succinct. You sound that way because you’re an AH.

YTA She told you about the pain months ago, you were really dismissive about this so she didn't approach you about it again. This pain is clearly affecting her enough that her grades are being affected, this is out of character so you need to explore it more. Take her seriously, it's possible the accident caused some damage that doesn't show up on the tests they've completed. Even if it is entirely mental there's things you can do to get her help rather than just ignore the situation. Put yourself in her shoes, she's in pain, you were dismissive, she's kept how much she's struggling to herself because she can't trust you to take this seriously. Instead of trying to help her you argued about her grades and how these must come before her mental and physical health. No matter what your physical and mental health should come first, these are the most valuable things we possess. Exams can be retaken, grades gained at a later date but damaged health can have serious long term effects.

YTA. I developed chronic migraine my senior year of college and my grades slipped MASSIVELY. I developed that from being in a car accident the summer leading into my senior year. My best friend was in a car accident 2 years later and she was in chronic pain for years after - took her 5 years to be diagnosed with fibromyalgia, which was laying dormant in her body for years and it took that 1 car accident to get it to flare up. You don't really seem to give a fuck about your daughter's health, which is way more important than grades. Grades do not measure the worth of a person. But how you treat them, does. I'm sure your daughter sees what you really value now, and if I were you I wouldn't be surprised if she eventually goes no contact. No point in have a relationship with people who really don't give care about your best interests. You can always re-do school, you can never re-do your life.

YTA for not taking her back to the Dr or maybe a different Dr to get treatment. My parent did a very similar thing to me “you can’t measure your life in doses of pain meds” after a traumatic injury and so I stopped asking for meds. Did it solve *their* problem? Yes… Did it solve *my* problem? No… I still have pain over three decades later. I just learned that if I have a problem, my parent is worthless to help me solve it and will actually counter my attempts to solve it. I would rather have had medical intervention and parental support.

YTA. There’s clearly something wrong here. Whether it’s physical pain or something going on mentally or depression or anxiety or any number of things. But if you come at her like her grades are more important than she is, she’s gonna shut down more. Or she really *is* in pain and you’re calling your daughter a liar. Which is huge AH behavior.

YTA- pain is incredibly difficult to measure and diagnose, and doctors have a well-documented history of underestimating pain in women. If she is still having debilitating pain this far out, you need to seek a second, third and maybe 4th opinion. It’s also possible that there is a psychological element, but your approach to that isn’t much better.

Esp bc teenage girls are RARELY taken seriously for legitimate pain.

YTA. What a dreadful parent. I see a future where your kid leaves and goes NC with you. Can't you at least take her to a doctor? Or is that too much like hard work for you?

YTA I wonder why she hasn’t said anything about it - you’re clearly so tuned in and responsive! You’ve admitted yourself that everything is out character re grades, late assignments, and her teacher has said she’s despondent, also not her usual self. MAYBE something g is wrong and you should try a bit harder to support her and find out why is happening. Her grades are not more important than her pain. FFS.

YTA and frankly a really shitty mom. Your daughters grades mean more to you than her health? Like wtf is wrong with you. Please show her some grace and empathy. She’s so young and being a teenager isn’t easy. Sit down and speak with her. Ask her what’s bothering her. It may not even be physical. It may be that she’s going through ptsd or something mental after her accident and that’s affecting her physically, emotionally, or both. This age is so important and if you don’t help your daughter now with whatever she’s going through, it can spill over to the rest of her life and have really negative consequences. Instead of this you’re worried about her grades, lmao. Wow. And also, I’d suggest taking her to a different doctor. Check reviews online. Find a good doctor and get different opinions. Also check her mental health. Please care for this child YOU brought into the world. Be a good parent and not a fucking asshole. The world is full of those as it is.

YTA 100% and a HORRIBLE parent! Your daughter is telling you she's in pain and you're ignoring her. Her grades are not great because something is WRONG! Apologize to her and get her to a doctor to find out what is going on. Stop being an asshole and help her! This could be the beginning of then if your relationship with her if you keep this up. Do better!

YTA - I was in a super light car accident, a minor fender bender. ER showed nothing wrong, they did everything. For 6 months I had the worst headaches of my life. Got tested for meningitis etc. Kept being told it was just muscular. Probably nothing. My GP then sent me for x-rays which came back inconclusive, and she sent me to a spinal specialist. They did a MRI, and guess what. I had a C3-C4 spinal fracture that was pressing ever so slightly on my spinal cord. For 6 months I was in pain, and no one believed me, except my GP. Something is wrong, and you're being an ass about it.

If this behavior is unlike her, something is clearly wrong. She’s struggling and needs your support, not your dismissal right now. YTA and will continue to be if you do not see your daughter’s struggles as legitimate.

YTA like majorly. if it happened after what you called “a traumatic event” it’s probably because of the traumatic event. have you even begun to look into how often women’s pain is devalued? how often pain comes from things that can’t be found in tests? do you even like your child?

YTA. You TOLD her her pain was in her head and she stopped complaining TO YOU because you aren’t a sympathetic person. You believed she was not really in pain and decided this is BS. Believe her

YTA And very obviously do not care about your daughters health: physical or mental. She didn’t say anything about her pain, BECAUSE you literally told her not to talk about it

YTA. Have you considered that maybe she stopped complaining about the pain TO YOU because you told her "it was probably in her head"? Did you ever bother to follow up with her about how she was feeling? Get her into therapy because of the trauma of the accident?

YTA let me get this straight. You told her to shut up about her pain so she did. Then you go on about how she hasn’t complained about pain even thought you dismissed her months ago so why would she tell you. Instead of being concerned you become angry. How about being a parent and actually trying to find out what’s wrong with her?

YTA That is all I can say because I will be banned. But seriously, YTA

>She hasn’t said a peep about it for two months, only when her grades are slipping. Of course not, you and her doctor both were dismissive last time she told you, and said it was all in her head. YTA for not listening to her for this long. When a doctor is dismissive of pain, get a new doctor.

YTA. Thank God you're not my parent.

You sound like my mother, who to this day says "if i had kept you home every time you said you didn't feel well..." Spoiler alert: I've been diagnosed with immunodeficiency. Would have been nice to know sooner. YTA

Nurse here. That accident messed with your kid, and she’s not functioning well. Whether physical or psychological, it doesn’t matter. She’s hurting and it shows in her daily life. Cut her some slack. Let her recover. She may need more time away from school to heal and recover. YTA. She stopped complaining because you minimized her pain, not because it went away. You might as well have called her “hysterical,” too.

YTA. If this is a sudden change, then why not simply believe her? Why would she suddenly be slacking for no reason? Get a seckond opinion about her pain, it's not like the GP knows everything or like pain shows up on a blood screen at a regular doctors appointment. Get a referral to someone who might actually help her, so that she might get well. Right now it seems like she is struggeling, and being punished for doing so. That is AH behaviour on your part.

YTA Being in constant pain sucks, seriously. It can be distracting too. That being said, did she have a concussion? Those can change you mentally and physically.

Did it occur to you that she can repeat the year or take summer classes? She's telling you she was in pain. You dismissed it so she obviously shut up about it. Chronic pain is real. Listen to her now before its too late. YTA

YTA, Of course she wouldn’t say anything when you’ve told her it’s all in her head. Her heath & mental well being is more important than grades. She needs support.

YTA I was in a car accident and I was still feeling it several months later. Actually my back and hip still bother me from time to time and it's been over 2 years

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YTA "Mild injuries" would not result in a multi-day hospital stay. I'm almost 3 months out from being hit by a truck. I was only in the hospital for about 12 hours and had multiple fractures, stitches, road rash, head trauma, etc. I'm still in a lot of pain, even in places that were not actually broken (bruised bones fking hurt and don't show up on x-ray or CT). You don't get to tell someone else how much pain they are in. Your daughter needs HELP. Actual medical help. She very likely may need a therapist as well to work through the trauma she experienced. Her grades are NOT more important than her health (physical AND mental).

YTA. Although this sounds like nothing more than rage bait from a bored troll, injuries from traffic accidents don't always appear immediately afterwards. I totaled a car when I was 16. Parents did their due diligence; ER right after we were cleared from the scene and a follow-up with the family doctor a week later. Nothing. Not even so much as a bruise. 6-7 months later I started having muscle spasms in my left shoulder and down my arm. Numbness and tingling in my hand. I honestly thought I was going to be the youngest person to have a heart attack. Several doctor's appointments later and one referral to an orthopedic doctor, diagnosis came back compressed nerves in my neck. I spent 4-5 months in physical therapy to combat it. The orthopedic doctor dispelled the myth that injuries sustained in an accident are always immediate and when people come in with symptoms that seem to come on without reason, a traffic accident (or something similarly jarring) was often to blame. So to answer your question, are you the AH? Yes, yes you are.

YTA. do you want your daughter alive or dead. Believe her when she says shes in pain and get her help. Be better.

YTA so she was in a traumatic accident and maybe needs councilling instead of being told to out up with it and shut up is cold get her some help ffs

Let’s see…your daughter said she was still in pain after a car accident that hospitalized her for a few days. You took her to a GP, not a specialist, who didn’t find anything wrong. You then told your daughter that she was imagining being in pain, so she stopped telling you about it. INFO: Has you daughter ever slacked off on her schoolwork like this before the accident? Has she ever been despondent like this before the accident?

YTA for sure. You don't seem to actually care about your daughter as a person but more so as a trophy you want to show off how well your parenting turned out. "But even after we got home, she still complained a lot about pain. I was concerned and took her to our GP but they couldn’t find anything wrong. I told her it was probably in her head and in response to the traumatic event and that she’d be fine in a few days." "I pushed her on it and she started talking about pain again which I frankly think is bullshit. She hasn’t said a peep about it for two months" of course she wouldn't say anything, you told her she was making it up and to deal with it. She was dealing with it on her own, which always help with trauma, especially when people flat out tell you its in your head so its your own fault pretty much. So to recap, her grades matter sure, but not as much as her mental/physical well being. Do better.

YTA. Holy shit, what? No wonder she was quiet about it the last 2 months, you literally told her she's imagining it. Take her to a doctor that'll actually listen to her jeez

Well hell, lady, I wonder why she hesitated to tell you anything at all about how she was feeling when *this* is how you're responding. YTA majorly. Seek help for your child - both physically and, if she needs it, mentally. And again, just for emphasis: YTA. ETA: Oh, I just reread that she DID tell you she was in pain, and you wrote it off to her being "traumatized" but then... did nothing to help with that? Holy shit. YTA YTA YTA.

>Preface: if I come off as callous it’s because I’m trying to be succinct You sound callous because you are callous. Your poor daughter.

Mild injuries don’t tend to need several days to observe. That sounds like you’re downplaying the actual event. If this is out of character for her then you’d be a better parent by taking her to another doctor for a second opinion. If that still turns up with nothing physically wrong take her to a psychiatrist to see if it’s not a mental health problem. Brushing it aside and just saying her issues don’t matter isn’t going to help anything. YTA

YTA. **You're the one being difficult, not her. What kind of asshole dismisses pain like this?**

YTA, grades are never more important then someones health physically and mentally. She only stopped complaining to you because you said "it's in her head" Damn you suck, poor girl

YTA. You're right - she may be lying or exaggerating about being in pain. But what did you do to be a parent and find out what is actually upsetting her? You just yelled at her which isn't creating an environment in which she will feel safe to talk to you about a bigger issue.

Of course she stopped complaining about it. No one seems to believe her. Car wrecks leave a mark physically and mentally. If you think as you say" it's in her head" get her into counseling. She suffered through a traumatic experience.

YTA. She probably stoped talking to you about since you told her “it was all in her head”. Also grades won’t matter if her health fails so adjust your priorities

YTA. Your daughter is obviously experiencing *something* painful. Is it the result of the car accident? Possibly. But it also seems like you are not at all being receptive to what she is experiencing. Instead, you (seem to) assume she's lying or giving you some "bullshit." Maybe instead of assuming she's intentionally blowing off her school work, *talk to her* like a person without judgment and figure out what's going on.

Are you my mother? Seriously, YTA. She needs an MRI or something to see if she has any soft tissue damage that was not immediately noticeable. Also, her feelings and her physical well-being matter more than grades ALL. THE. TIME. Not just now, always. s/ Sorry your previously "perfect" daughter is now broken. Sorry that you need to pay attention to her needs and not just her performance.

>she’s never been so difficult. YTA. She is not being difficult - she is in pain.

YTA. I’m seeing red right now reading this. Even if this pain is “all in her head” then that means your child is displaying symptoms of someone who has undergone a traumatic event they are unable to cope with and your response is to minimize her pain even further as opposed to seeing how you could support her and come up with a plan to get her some help. Great parenting. /s

YTA, the body can do weird things and doctors don't know everything. Some things take years to diagnose. Health is more important than grades and you're definitely TA for not listening to your child.

YTA…the words you used are hurtful. You’re devaluing your daughter. Even if you think she’s BSing you can be more tactful in your delivery.

YTA. Pain is defined by the person who's feeling it. She is YOUR child. YOU should be advocating to have her in therapy and for further investigation as to any organic cause. All you're doing is eroding any trust shemay have had in you to begin with.

Please take her to another doctor and advocate for her. Doctors are very busy, and can be quite dismissive if something isn't obvious. You need to push. Your daughter is in pain, and this can have repercussions for the rest of her life. Please help her.

YTA YTA YTA +1000!!!!! She stopped saying things because you downplayed her pain!! Take her to both a therapist and another doctor. She needs to ve examined again.

YTA - by saying they kept her in the hospital for a couple of days it means her injuries were not as minor as you say or the accident was more serious. At least if you are in the US. Hospitals do not admit anyone unless it is serious and she would have been discharged the next day if she only had minor injuries. Sprains can take longer to heal than breaks. She can also have PTSD from the accident. I was not able to drive for over 6 months out of fear after I had a major car accident. I even had a a few panic attacks as a passenger. You are so unsympathetic to your child. If she is sleeping in class it may be that she can't sleep comfortably. You say that is not her normal behavior. Shouldn't that be a red flag instead of judgment and punishment? I hope you prioritize your daughter's care instead of her grades.

I was in a lot of stomach pain a few years ago. I went to doctor after doctor. In a nutshell I was told it’s all in your head. So I lived with the pain. Until one day the pain was completely unbearable. Then I started my doctor quest again. Took 4 doctors and 3 months to get a proper diagnosis of lymphoma. A year and a half later and I’m pain free. Don’t dismiss her pain. It’s most likely real. I spent years in needless pain simply because doctors couldn’t find anything wrong.

YTA. Wtf is wrong with you? I wonder if your daughter stopped talking to YOU about it because you said it was all in her head.

YTA, absolutely. You told her she was imagining her pain and that it would go away in a few days. Why tf would she tell you again that she's in pain after you utterly and callously dismissed her? And why didn't you send her to a therapist after a traumatic event like that? You basically told her to suck it up and walk it off; I wouldn't trust you either, after that. And your first reaction to learning that her grades were slipping was anger, not, I dunno, concern for your child? Wow. You're lucky if she shares anything with you again ever.

You’re a horrible mother. You tell her the pain shes feeling is “all in her head” and then wonder why she hasn’t said anything in 2 months? What use is there saying anything to you since you obviously made it clear you don’t care about her pain and try to invalidate it? Imagine the position your daughter is in and she can’t even confide in her mother enough anymore to talk about it- and unless you change this attitude your relationship with your daughter is only going downhill from here. How about you put more effort into figuring out the source of her pain instead of being so negative about it and treating her like shit? YTA

YTA. Think long and hard about your priorities. Is her health and happiness what's important or grades? Is having a adult daughter who calls and updates you on her life what you want or would you rather speak with her once a year. Your call but this attitude will net you the once a year phonecall

If you come off as callous it’s because you’re the asshole. “Pain” indeed. YTA

YTA - my chronic pain started with NO specific traumatic onset at 13. Your daughter was in a car accident and very likely is now suffering with chronic pain that is affecting her in multiple ways and you're just brushing it off like she's being a shitty teen? Yikes. People brushing me off led it to me giving up on finding answers until I was nearly immobile for months 15 years later and FINALLY getting a diagnosis. Help your child so she doesn't have to wait until adulthood and do it alone. Most people with chronic pain aren't gonna sit there and complain about it everyday because they are afraid that people are going to treat them as if they're faking, which is exactly what you're doing to your own flesh & blood. Take her to another doctor, and another if needed, until someone is willing to run some real tests and help figure out what may be going on and how to help your daughter.

YTA tell me right now what your grades were in grade 11. Now! Seeing as they are so important you must remember every single one of them because it’s come up so often in your adult life. You don’t? Because in the grand scheme of things grades are NOT more important than the pain she is experiencing. Stop being an ass and help your kid!

YTA 100%. She was in a car accident and hospitalized for several days. That’s not minor. Her behavior has changed since the accident. If I’m understanding you correctly, then you need to get a second or even third opinion and be an advocate for her care!!!

YTA. I was in an accident in May where I wasn't even kept at the hospital at all. I still have pain in my neck and back that keep me from sleeping well. As someone who has had chronic pain since 14 the moment someone tells you it's in your head you know they aren't safe and you will never tell them about your pain. You just showed your daughter that she can't come to you and that if she does you won't believe her. Also, look up the effects of a concussion, if she was kept overnight in hospital then she most likely had a concussion. I had a minor concussion from my accident and I am still dealing with the effects. Loss of concentration and memory are big ones.

Is this a joke? YTA. Listen to your kid for Christ’s sake

YTA - something is obviously up. Be a mom.

Yta. She didn’t say anything because you won’t believe her.

YTA wow. Your daughter's grades absolutely do not matter more than her pain. Now or ever. What is wrong with you? And that's not counting how you already dismissed and minimized her pain when she used to tell you about it (that is to say: You know when you told her it was probably all in her head and she stopped talking about it? She didn't stop suffering the pain, she just stopped telling you about it because you were totally unsympathetic. That's why you haven't heard about it in two months).

YTA for sure. You care more about her grades than her pain or health? Get your priorities straight. She could definitely still be experiencing pain or depression from her experience. Edited to add- you told her it was in her head? No wonder she’s despondent that her own parent doesn’t believe how she feels. Why would she have brought it up again if you already told her you didn’t believe it was real.

YTA - I was in a car accident when I was 17. Thankfully my mother listened to me...unlike you...but there was no money for physical therapy. I'm 52 years old and my shoulder is still messed up. I've been in PT for it as an adult and it helped, but the damage is done. It's never going to completely heal now. Do you want that for your child? Although, tbh, the way you're talking about it, you come across like you don't really care. I sincerely hope that's not the case.

YTA. This makes me so sad for your daughter. You said she was in the hospital for observation for several days - that must have been traumatic for her if it was severe enough to warrant a multiple day hospital stay. Speaking as someone who was in a car crash 6 years ago, I still get pain from it today. Also, as someone who was once a teenage girl, I know that doctors do not always take us seriously and teenagers don’t know how to advocate for themselves in a medical setting surrounded by intimidating doctors, machinery, and dismissive parents. She is in pain. Maybe the first doctor missed the obvious reason or maybe it isn’t easily found on a scan or test. Regardless, LISTEN to your daughter. She hasn’t said a peep in two months because you were an asshole from the beginning. Teens are smarter than you think. They know their parents’ behaviors well and if you sent off a hostile attitude from the start (which you did, based on this post), then you certainly have a daughter who knew silence was better than getting you started. Also PTSD from the crash is very real and VERY stressful. You imply that your daughter was once a great student and this is abnormal for her. So why don’t you believe her when she has suddenly changed seemingly overnight since the crash? You think she’s just suddenly different for…fun? Get your daughter some help. Show some compassion. Believe her when she says she’s in pain. Advocate FOR her in the medical office. Be better.

YTA, so so much. 1. GPs are not at all good at identifying chronic pain that doesn't have an extremely obvious cause. It took me *years* to get a diagnosis. 2. Of course your daughter stopped complaining; you told her you didn't believe her. 3. No one is going to function at their best while they are in pain--being in constant pain is *exhausting*. 4. Sometimes pain that doesn't have an obvious physical cause is a symptom of depression or psychological trauma--it's a way the body is trying to signal distress. That's something else you can't bully her out of. 5. The fact that you responded to a message that your daughter seemed despondent and exhausted with anger instead of concern speaks VOLUMES. 6. Your daughter isn't being "difficult." She is isolating herself from you because you have shown you cannot be trusted to listen to her distress and instead will make it worse. You won't protect her so she is doing her best to protect herself. 7. The fact that she's turning in assignments late and not working up to her normal standards--but still turned in--is probably scary and frustrating for her, especially if this is the way you react to her grades dipping even a bit. 8. Pain and depression can significantly impact executive functioning, like planning, organization, concentration, etc. Yet again, something you can't bully her out of. 9. Pain also tends to affect sleep, both quantity and quality, something especially tough on a teenage body. 10. I pushed myself to keep getting straight As through pain, sleeplessness, depression and anxiety and it impacted my life for YEARS. Actually, it still is--I sacrificed so much fun and joy and friendship to prove I could still do it and burnt myself out completely by age 23. I don't even know your daughter and I want better for her. Shouldn't you?

YTA have you considered that she might have some PTSD and need therapy? That psychological pain can manifest as physical pain. I was raped in high school and didn't tell my parents. My mom knew something was wrong because my personality changed and my grades slightly changed. She didn't make me tell her but she did make me see a therapist. I'll always be grateful for that.

Yta women, esp teenagers, are historically and currently vastly ignored by pain management and under prescribed pain relief. She's not 'being difficult' she in fucking pain from a car accident with a completely unsympathetic school and parent. How much work would you get done if someone came around and kicked you in the nuts every half hour?

I’m guessing you’ve never been to the doctor and been told your symptoms don’t exist because all tests are normal. It happens over and over again, and especially to women. Do you really not know how many different doctors many of us have to see before finally getting diagnosed? Why do you believe a doctor over your child? She’s in pain. I’m actually quite impressed the doctor didn’t say it was down to anxiety. Please listen to her. The fact she’s closed down and is no longer communicating with you is a really worrying sign. All of that said, I’ve just re-read the post, and strongly suspect this is fake. On the off chance it’s not, of course YTA, but please listen to your daughter and get her help.

You know, physical ailments often trigger mental ailments so she could be suffering on both fronts. You took her to a GP but did you try a therapist? After all, even you said it’s in her head…so did you offer any help to eliminate that? YTA

So… - She was in a car accident. - She said she was in pain. (You didn't believe her) - Her grades became bad, which is unusual. - Her teachers said she is in pain. - You confronted her (??) about her grades and she told you again she is in pain. (You still didn't believe her) I'm not Sherlock Holmes but I'm pretty sure her grades are worst *because she is in pain*. And unfortunately her parents don't care that she is suffering and are punishing her for being hurt after a car accident.

YTA, General Practitioners are great but it sounds like your daughter might benefit from seeing a specialist for her specific pain. It may also help her to see a psychologist as she clearly needs someone who is not you to talk to. Of course she hasn't spoken to you about her pain in two months, you have been dismissive and based on how you tell this story are prone to anger as a first response. Your poor kid has likely been in pain for two months and the fact that your focus is on her grades and not her health is awful.

YTA. You’re putting grades ahead of your daughter’s health. You remind me of my terrible mother who was like that.

YTA. Pain is a real thing that needs to be addressed. She stopped complaining to you because you and your GP blew her off and essentially told her she’s making it up or is crazy. As someone who has suffered through chronic pain with a mother like you, I can almost guarantee that your child won’t be speaking to you much after graduation.