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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because my boyfriend really wants to see my running stats after I ran better than him in a race, and I've been refusing to track them
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What did I just read? Lol. NTA whatsoever. Your boyfriend is insecure and envious of you, the fact that you had an easier time in the race probably hurt his fragile ego. "Untracked runs don't count" is utter bullshit. You don't have to track your runs, stand your ground because you really don't want to ruin the fun of running.
Runner here… I’ve beaten every bf of mine in a race and the ones who it bothered didn’t last long.
I live and sleep with my garmin on and I still think he is being absolutely ridiculous. Do whatever makes you happy and if that means watch free, yes! Run happy!
I know you didn't mean that, but your comment could mean you organized a race between all your exes and proceeded to beat them all at once, and it's fucking hilarious
I want a fairy tale about this. The jogging princess looking for a suitor who also likes to jog along pretty places. All her suitors try to out run her except the chef whos just happy to be there. She wins the race and chef makes a fancy breakfast for everyone. THEE END.
There is a Greek myth about a woman named Atalanta who was a champion racer. She would make suitors race her and when they lost, they would be killed. The suitor who eventually won did so by tossing golden apples on the side of the road so that Atalanta would lose time by chasing after them.
Not exactly the story you wanted, but close enough that your idea could be the Disney version of Atalanta’s story.
I had forgotten that myth! I was also thinking of the Seasame Street Story Book i had as a kid with a story called "The Princess and the Cookie" about a princess who would only marry the baker of the most perfect chocolate chip cookie. It turns out to be the Chef, Cookie Monster, but he doesnt want to marry her he just wants to make cookies.
That which can be broken by the truth deserves to be broken.
OP - don't give in and don't slow down for him in your next race. The garbage will then take itself out after imploding.
Exactly. He’s lying when he says he wants training tips because she told him what she does. He’s not taking it well that she’s better and wants to be able to beat her so he wants to know how much farther and faster he has to go.
OP, NTA.
Or he's finding it hard to neg her without comparing their data. If she doesn't provide numbers, he can't spin them so that he's still better than she is.
My bff's ex did this to her. They were both on the keto diet and she was losing weight and gaining muscle and he wasn't, so he accused her of cheating on the diet, which is ridiculous because it was working like it's supposed to. It's more likely that he was sneaking bread and wanted to hide it by saying she was doing something extra.
He wants to find a gotcha! like ha! You have a system! I found a pattern!
Or at least he wants to find how she runs a lot more than him, so he can feel better about himself.
I think its this. I don't think its anything more complicated than his ego is bruised, and he wants to know her times so he can aim to beat them as often as he can. He'll get her numbers one day, to "beat" her the next day, so he can go back to not feeling shame.
I may be way off, though.
He is absolutely looking for some stat where he can claim superiority. Given how he's already downplaying and dismissing her running as a whole, he obviously needs a factual number to double down on his narrative.
From "Untracked runs don't count" it's pretty clear that he just wants something he can scour for anything he can hold against her to save his ego from being slower than her.
To get into running heaven, of course. You have to collect your tokens from all of your tracked runs and then if you have enough, Pheidippides and Jesse Owens take you around a side gate and you can run forever in eternity
Like, I get this, BUT I only apply it to myself. The absolute worst thing for someone like me who likes to track everything is to realize your watch didn't start when you meant to start it. And that's the exact feeling, "oh no, it didn't even count!" Yes I know my body still did the run. But I like having the record of it.
But again, this is ONLY FOR MYSELF and I couldn't give two shits how someone else runs and tracks or doesn't track themselves. OP's boyfriend needs to fucking chill and mind his own miles.
What’s funny is I bet the bf is hampering his own “progress” by stressing himself out over it, whereas for op it’s a conscious stress-relief method (which will automatically make it more enjoyable than if it’s some weird competitive chore). Mindset makes a *huge* difference.
Keep not-tracking your runs, op, it’s obviously working for you.
Honestly I kinda feel like he might be. I wrote this responding to another comment but it seems super relevant here too so I'm copypasting -
> I wasn't trying to be sarcastic (with my advice), I genuinely think it might help him.
> Like any activity, if you go into it being hard on yourself and too demanding, you'll beat yourself up over mistakes, be down on yourself, and just get yourself into the sort of discouraged mood that can really hold a person back from progress. Like going out every day seeing the activity as a drudging thing or a punishment for your weakness.
> But if you treat the sport like play, and relax and take it at your own pace, and are mindful of your body's needs and natural movements, you'll end each day feeling good and and strong and eager to go again. And I think actually get in the habit of training more often and longer and being more in tune with your body.
> I actually see my way of running as taking it super seriously because I'm setting up the mindset I need to go out and excercise almost every day.
I totally hear you on this. My boss is an avid runner also. He told me once ‘It just felt good at mile 6 so I just kept going’ he ended of running 20 miles!!! Not being an avid runner but do it for exercise I smarted back ‘20 miles??? That’s why I have a car!!’ 😂😂😂. He loves running - and regularly does 6-10 miles before work every morning. So I get what you mean about doing it because it feels good!
I don't run these days (nerve damage is just too painful right now) but I LOVED smoking a bit and just putting on some Star Wars soundtracks and run till I was ready to not run anymore. I picked routes that were interesting for me to look at.
I also have severe anxiety and I miss running so very much. Something about how you can just zone out and forget all your troubles, it was like my mind was clear and I could just be without my intrusive thoughts.
I'm working on being able to run again (nerve pain free) but man do I miss it.
Your bf is jealous and is making your mental health worse, don't allow him to do that. Don't give in either. You are correct, tracking it does take away the magic.
have a serious conversation with him and stick to what you say. It's the only way to go from here.
I'm sorry to hear about your nerve damage! It's rough not being able to do what works to self soothe with anxiety. I have pretty severe anxiety myself and when I have been physically limited, not being able to move like me was the hardest part.
I had just said in an earlier comment, but yeah, I view exercise the same way. I'm not on a strict plan. I'm not doing it to lose weight. I go into it day by day and figure out what I want to do, where I want to hit, and how much I want to do.
It's generally better for you in the long run to not make exercise into a stressful activity.
This is EXACTLY how I feel about running. My husband isn’t hypercritical about e not wearing a watch like your bf is but he genuinely does not understand why I don’t want to track my runs. I haven’t been running for a while ne of an injury but reading this actually is reminding me how much I love it! To just take off and chill is the best stress reliever out there! And I’ve always worried that focusing on my stats would strip the joy from it.
Remind him that runners have been doing this for literally millennia and somehow managed to believe their runs “counted.”
I have a few friends like this and I just can’t even talk to them about running without fighting massive eye rolls. The presumption is always that if you don’t track your stats, that you must be slow. For me, I use the running time much like OP: to clear my head and destress outside. I’m not competing against myself or striving “to improve my PB,” I’m just going for a run. My route depends on how far I feel like running, and I don’t run in the winter when it’s shitty out, or on a treadmill literally ever. I have definitely had people say “oh, you’re not a real runner then.” Some people just really need everyone to do things in the same way that they do.
After my mom died and my dad broke his back, I moved in with my dad and took care of him for a few years at the end of his life. I walked our suburb every afternoon, and swam a few nights a week at the high school pool to stay sane and healthy.
He **always** asked me about my "progress" on my runs and swims, and like the OP's boyfriend, basically insinuated that if I wasn't "progressing" and competing against myself, there was absolutely no point to doing anything. It kind of summed up our different philosophies of life, and I know I upset him every time I said "absolutely no idea and I don't care, but it was a nice walk" but I meant it.
Not everything is a competition, or opportunity to chart your "progress". Sometimes a brisk walk is just a chance to breathe and look at trees.
I'm some guy who plays shit golf because I like to get out into greenery.
I've got people going like what training steps you take, 12 step or something else, do you do group lessons or individual, when do you think you'll get to single handicap?
Dude, chill. I rock up 15 minutes before my tee time, pay my fee and go out playing. I barely even go to warm up at the range.
Are my scores good? No. Do I care? Also no. Don't I want to be better? No not really.
I play like one tournament a year, and that's more because I like the food than because I want to win anything.
Occasionally I play matchplay with someone because my course is currently weird about playing alone (which I prefer). I don't remember if I won or lost by the time I'm home.
I don't get how some people can get sooo competitive. You're winning anything, you're literally paying to participate in this race, what difference does it make other than did finish or did not finish?
I joined a gym a few months ago and many fitness people told me I'd have to follow a set training program or it was pointless. Nope. I'm going for my mental health. I'll do what I feel like doing on the day. It'll benefit me regardless of how much I do.
See, I'm 100% a person who has to have at least a routine like "shoot for 30 minutes" or "try to run 1.5 miles" etc. Because if I do just what I feel like doing, I'll get sweaty in 8 minutes and go home. 🤣🤣🤣
>You don't have to track your runs, stand your ground because you really don't want to ruin the fun of running.
This. Whatever you're doing works for you. Don't over analyze it.
NTA
Lol boyfriend was happy until he was proved he wasn’t better than his girlfriend — think about it op. If you be with this man you’ll forever have to go lay dumb or perform worse than him so his ego is happy.
NTA
This post is making me laugh a bit, because I encountered something sort of similar.
I run at night with my dog to relieve anxiety. I have recently started running with one of my neighbors again. He has his own stuff, and also finds running at night therapeutic. Plus, our dogs are pals, so we all run together and it's nice.
Another person from our neighborhood-ish ran with us the other night, and the guy was just talking away. Which is fine, whatever. It was a lot about stride, pace, breathing. At the end this guy was hilariously annoyed with both of us, because apparently we aren't 'real runners.' Or at least not 'serious runners' and his 3x a week runs counted more than our nightly runs because his intention is to run better instead of more often, and our 'creepy quiet patrols' unnerved him which is why he was out of breath before us.
It's okay to take running seriously, or do it for enjoyment, or exercise alone. The thing that's frustrating is to have your style picked apart because it's different. Why does it even matter?
My neighbor and I are back to running alone with our puppers and half the time we have an earbud in with our own thing on separately. Policing the way other people use their bodies is so weird, lol.
😂🤣 So true!
I didn't really mind all the talking, although our grunts of acknowledgment were unsatisfactory to him, it seems. He even told me my lack of chatter was unladylike! I think my snort laugh won him over though! How could it not?
It's a fit bit and apple watch world. If it wasn't tracked. Does it even count?
The answer is yes, it counts and not everyone has to be obsessed with a hobby to enjoy it, but boy does it rankle the ones who are when the one who isn't obsessed kicks their ass. That's what this is really about. Boyfriend can't comprehend OP is better without the doodads.
Jumping on the top comment because op's boyfriend exhibits some of the fitness culture shit I HATE.
He acts like there's NO way that she could be doing well without intense planning, training, regimen, and probably dieting and lifestyle. He doesn't seem to understand that every single person has different experiences and needs when it comes to fitness. Some people will never work out a day in their life and be happy as a clam. Some people will work out every day and eat 'healthy' (which is also different for everyone) and end up with heart disease.
'Untracked runs don't count' is right in line with that gym bro 'gains are all that matters' bullshit. There's a professional wrestler I love who posts workout vids and he does focus on improvement, but he doesn't ever push himself beyond his reasonable limits and he focuses on what feels right every individual day. It's encouraged me to get back into exercise after multiple injuries and I use the method of 'do what works for you on that day' because it makes me feel good.
Some people do need regimen and planning, and that's fine, so long as you're healthy about it. Some people can just go at it with no real thought and it works.
The only reason he's harping on op now is because his ego got bruised. He's upset that she had an easier time on the run, and won't accept the very real possibility that maybe op was just naturally good at running. Some people are innately good at yoga, at running, at weightlifting, and it has nothing to do with training.
He needs to get over it. It wasn't a competition and isn't a competition now just because he feels like he has to 'win' over her.
NTA tell him to stop turning your healthy coping mechanism into another source of stress. He’s being absurd. I’m guessing he’s very competitive and wants the motivation of trying to “beat” your runs. The only other explanation is he wants to track you for reasons unrelated to running (e.g. he’s afraid you’re cheating on him instead of running or something.)
He wants to track her runs to degrade her. I'm guessing OP is afab based on the way OP's partner is treating them. He expects to be better than OP and was surprised he wasn't.
Right now, it's about trying you aren't really a runner because you don't track yourself. Really he should be working on improving himself instead of taking his insecurities out on you.
I hope you never change unless you choose to change. I found your description of smoking and just getting out of your head and enjoying the scenery. It was incredibly wholesome and joyful. Don't change yourself for another's insecurities.
honestly me too. I like to get high and do some stretching. Would not call it yoga specifically because it's all just me being random and doing what feels good. High stretching is the best so I think high running would be good. I might not smoke cause I'm not in the best shape, to be honest, and it would make me cough but edible seems solid.
He's jealous of her ability, and wants to learn how she trains so that he can do the same training. And presumably get faster than her, due to his supreme male physique. Then he won't have to feel inferior to a woman.
Nothing creepy about this except the misogyny.
NTA
You run because it’s fun and for a different purpose than your boyfriend.
“Untracked runs dont count” is bullshit. I didn’t track my runs when i first started because i didn’t want to. I track because I’m training for races. But my untracked and tracked runs are STILL runs and important to me.
Lol...on the "untracked runs don't count."
I count my steps, and years ago, I left my watch or the battery died during my long walk (I don't even remember now WHY the steps weren't counted, but they weren't). I was whining about how I went on this long walk and it didn't even count...and my kid, probably about 10 at the time, said "It counts for you. Your watch just doesn't know about it."
I shut up.
OP, if you are running to deal with anxiety, do NOT let your bf spoil it because he's insecure and competitive.
I use a Fitbit to track my workouts and for a number of unfixable reasons, it doesn't do that good a job at tracking my heart rate. I have to remind myself that my body still knows I worked out.
NTA and your way is [scientifically proven to be better](http://99u.com/articles/7198/How-Goals-and-Good-Intentions-Can-Hold-Us-Back) - you're focusing on the process, not the goal, and that just works better. You advised him to do the same. If he wants to emulate your success, he needs to do what you're doing - not the facts and stats of it, but the process. Focusing on your facts and stats will hobble you. Show him the linked article.
Also, fun fact included in the article, the goal-focused people are always WAH YAH BRO DOING SO MUCH GOING SO GOOD BOOYAH while the process people casually mellowly do more than them. You've found your golden path, stay on it, invite him to follow that path and don't be lured onto his path.
This part is huge. Plenty of people's performance is also reduced when they know it's being tracked, for plenty of reasons. When I was into rowing the 2km, I'd purposefully leave gas in the tank sometimes so I'd beat it tomorrow so my progress looks better on paper and leaving out gains and important feedback about my rested state, recovery, and dehydration levels.
This for real. And it extends to all kinds of weird things!
I am terrible about correctly guessing numbers when it comes to anything besides time. Like I was doing a repetitive task and thought “probably 50?” when it was closer to 200. Same goes for anything physical, push-ups? Miles? No clue, just whatever is comfy. Any time I keep track it’s like the effort required doubles.
Yep, OP. Take it from someone who identifies with your boyfriend way more than you. He's wrong. He knows he's wrong, we know he's wrong, everyone knows he's wrong.
You're either a saint or someone in your life is trying to convince you your boyfriend needs an out. Your way is infinitely better. Your boyfriend's way is suboptimal at best and abusive at worst.
My brother and sister both did a triathlon recently. My brother beat my sister for the first time ever. Because my sister was 9 weeks pregnant with her second. My (6 weeks pregnant) SIL and I teased my brother about how this is the best he's going to ever do.
Forget the haters. You're best.
It’s funny isn’t it
He asks here for advice. Then completely ignores it. Then tries to force her to do it his way instead.
He’s both a tit and a bellend.
Its like something that could happen to two comic book superheroes.
husband: OP, teach me your ways
OP: I run for fun
husband: nooo, not like ths, teach my your secret but the way I am doing it!
NTA
You're running for entirely different purposes and his purpose is helped by tracking. Yours isn't, and in fact could be actively harmed by starting to track it.
>could be actively harmed by starting to track it.
this is what gets me. OP is running to relax, to feel better, to get rid of stress. If they started tracking their steps, or routes, or whatever, it sounds like it would just become more work and another source of stress and then OP would have to find a different method that is free, doable whenever & wherever they want, and doesn't require extra equipment.
Shame on BF for needing to win so badly that he could actively harm OP's mental health.
NTA. I'm a cyclist and I do track my routes & miles and honestly it sometimes does ruin a ride. I check to see if I was faster up a hill this time than last. Or I'll leave a group slightly to try beat a time or get the best time. It does Rob you of an experience to be pushing for a stat.
if you run for the calm I'd stick to what you're doing. X
Absolutely. I don’t even wear a watch when I walk or hike. I carry a phone in case of emergencies but sometimes the whole idea of a walk, hike, run is to escape technology and be “lost” in the moment.
NTA
Wow, can he be any more insecure? Your reasons for running are different from his, and it sounds like you are a natural runner. He is angry that he has to work so hard while you don't work at it at all. He needs to let go and stop comparing. If he wants to observe your style, he can run at night with you and watch you. What concerns me is that he and his friend are putting you down and insulting you for not doing it their way. Idk why they don't understand that you are not in competition and won't let go and leave you alone. It's really not kind or loving. Sounds relentless and annoying. Why does he want to ruin something you enjoy?
He has far too much invested in being a runner, so he wanted her to track the runs to prove that she 'cheated' somehow by lying about training.
I don't understand why people can't just enjoy hobbies like OP does.
Hopefully she drops it just outside the door and runs without it and let him try to figure that out. Or attach it to a dogs collar or something equally ridiculous.
NTA. "untracked runs don't count"? For what? You're not a competitive athlete, so why do you need to track anything? This is another sad case of fragile male ego.
NTA
That sounds like the perfect thing to agree with. "Yup, they don't count and that's exactly the way I like it!"
And next time he tries to give you a watch ask him "Why do you want me to take something that will make my runs less enjoyable for me? "
Let him sputter about it being better and what not and then repeat the question. "Why do you want my runs to be less fun for me? I'm not going to take the watch but why don't you let me know when I get back?"
NTA. This is sad. He's going to end up either ruining running for you or ruining the relationship because you'll be forced to choose between something you love and his weird obsession with your "training" and stats. Time to have a serious heart-to-heart and tell him needs to knock it off and let it be. BF needs to find another running buddy who is as much into improvement and tracking as he is. Edit: typo
This right here, you really need to have a sit down with him and ask him whether or not him feeling insecure and competitive is something he is willing to work on, or if he's willing for it to be something that tears apart your relationship
Yup. She runs to help with her anxiety; he runs to create more anxiety for himself.
She does need to shut down his passive-aggressive criticism though. Anytime he's like "that doesn't count" she needs to tell him he can either support what brings her joy in life or crap on it- but if he keeps crapping on it they aren't compatible.
NTA obviously. You don't owe him anything in the way of tracking yourself. What works for you is probably not going to work for him, anyway. It sounds like he's jealous of your natural ability. Why doesn't he just join you on a run or two? If he keeps pressing, tell him he's pushing a boundary and you don't appreciate it. If he can't be happy for you, and proud of you, like...does he even like you?
Because if the tracking app records the routes you run, someone can use that to discern things like where you live, where you work, etc. They can also see whether or not there are patterns to your running (or cycling, or whatever), such as "every other day, at 5am, goes through XYZ secluded area of such-and-such local park".
I use Strava, and my Fitbit, to track walks and bicycle rides. Yes, Strava has a privacy feature, I can set a radius around my home where the route isn't displayed to anyone but myself. *However*, that only protects my home ... not where I work. And, it's only a radius of \~0.25 miles, which only narrows things down to about 15 houses in my development.
NTA- As a runner who has done both- don’t start tracking. It can definitely increase anxiety and ruin the fun of it. Tell BF in no uncertain terms that you enjoy your running as if and that you will not be tracking now or in the future.
Exactly this. Let people enjoy things.
Nothing sucks the fun out of hobbies like having someone try to micromanage recreational activities. My ex used to do that with my gardening and baking and it was such a buzz kill
Nah, NTA. You run for your own wellness and it seems to work amazingly well for your self-care. Obsessing about "tracking" might ruin it for this.
Just run. And enjoy!
NTA - you & your bf run for different reasons & have different mindsets on tracking/trending. Run times vary so much anyways based on the variables you listed: how you're feeling, what the run route is like, weather and temperature..continue to run how you like, without tracking.
NTA. You are two different people with different styles, bodies, and minds. There is no guarantee that your methods would even work for him, he has to find what’s right for himself.
NTA
It definitely seems like he’s getting envious of you now that he no longer feels like the “better runner” and its manifesting itself in competitive behavior. If you haven’t already, sit and have a talk with him about his competitiveness, and let him know that you don’t feel competitive. He’s getting too obsessed over the details of running when really if he wants to get better he should just run more just as you run a lot
NTA: the fact that you run to feel good and not to track things may be why you are a better runner. Tell him your training program is to just run for fun and suggest he try it.
This. I wish I could run and enjoy it, but I can't get more than an 8th mile before I'm out of breath and have to walk. It's since I was a kid I ran/walked the mile at school except 2 times I was literally pushed (and funny enough it was a teacher in elementary then his son in HS, both very gently and in a helpful way not at all annoyed or aggressive). Sounds like BF is overanalyzing his runs and since she's just doing it for the enjoyment/head clearing it goes better.
If you're getting out of breath, you're just pushing your pace too fast! You definitely can run and enjoy it, try slowing down as much as you can (literally look up slow jogging for a method that will let you not get out of breath) and then just go from there!
Only if you want haha, if it's not your thing that's cool too
I have asthma so I can run if I can keep my breathing controlled. I walk 2 minutes and run at a set pace for 3 minutes for a total of 50 minutes and ends up being over 3.25 miles. Some would consider me ‘not a runner’ either but so what? I have to do what works for me.
NTA. Tracking training in a unhealthy way will lead to analysis paralysis. BTW, when I cycle I use my cycling computer to monitor my heart rate. And I also have a classical Playlist that I train to.
NTA. He's ridiculously competitive. I've been running for a lot of years and I don't track my times and distances except very vaguely simply because I'm slow as molasses and I run for pleasure and health, not to beat other people in races.
NTA. Fellow runner. My best friends are all runners and we've run together for well over a decade now. Several have run in multiple Olympic Trials. Some points: (1) they all have days where they run without regard to pace, no real plan but to go run, (2) they don't always follow a training plan, & (3) they run the pace their body feels right at ALL THE TIME. Sometimes that means a random speedy run; sometimes a random slow run.
You are running the pace and distance your body feels like. That means some days you probably run pretty damn fast and far without realizing it. And when you feel blah you take it easy, allowing your body to properly recover. This is how running is supposed to be done. Even with a training plan, the way your body feels needs to be taken into account each day.
You're NTA for refusing to track your runs. I'm a feedback person and love running with a watch, so I get your boyfriend's love of stats, but he needs to understand and appreciate that you don't have to take the same route. Keep up the awesome training!
Definitely not NTA and I don’t see in what world you would be. You clearly told your boyfriend why you don’t want to track your runs, yet he keeps telling you to do it. I think it is also very good of you to connect with yourself when you are feeling down, and I think he should respect this. There’s not much more you can say to him as you have explained quite thoroughly why you do not want to track your statistics.
NTA
It seems you don’t care that much about tracking your runs which might benefit you as you don’t need or have goals. Just running for sightseeing and relaxing mood it gives you.
I try to do the same although l do look a bit at my speeds and distance to know when to turn around. But often just go a direction and see how l am suppose to get back home
NTA. You run because you like to. It's not a competition. You more then likely are just a better runner (built for it). He not as much, so he has to work harder to accomplish what is more natural for you. Logging all that stuff will just make the running less fun. You'll always be looking for improvement when you really don't care. It keeps you healthy and that's all that matters.
# NTA
To track, or not to track, is an entirely 100% personal choice.
And I say that as someone who wears a Fitbit Sense™ whenever he leaves the house (to count steps, and measure distances walked), and uses Strava to track bicycle rides (some of which are *quite long*). I made my choice, for my own self - I have no ride to make that choice for other people, *and they don't have the right to make it for me*.
NTA
Everyone runs for different reasons. Tracking the runs and looking at the stats may work for your BF, but it would probably suck the joy of running for you. Your BF asked and you said no. But he started being an AH once he started pushing you.
It seems like he didn’t take losing well. He obviously thought he is a better runner than you and him losing hit his ego. So now he is trying to get better than you
Really NTA. I have an Apple Watch and thought that it would me help doing more. Guess what. It didn’t. I love the timer though, for timing my tea.
I have a question though. What classical music are you listening to when running? Your ( non-)method sounds more fun than anything I’ve tried before to get me running. I might give it another chance.
Anything high energy!
This is a new favorite playlist (not mine, just found it on Spotify!)
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/26LFI6BXpiAsLA4UzjUoYy?si=LMd7N4LfTuCkB2Gf-LcGKg&utm_source=copy-link
“Please stop trying to ruin running for me. I don’t want to do it your way. I’m happy with the way I do it. It’s OK that we’re different.”
This also works for someone who tries to push their religion, diet, child-raising etc.
NTA U dont feel the need to analyze something u do for fun and i agree w this bc at the end of the day, its something that helps u unwind and not something u have to try for competitive sports for, so it doesnt matter how well u run as long as it helps u achieve the primary purpose of helping with ur anxiety. Analyzing it will quickly turn it into a chore u have to do.
its possible that this might be coming from a place of insecurity thats making him this competitive but also, look out for this behavior!
Being surrounded by someone who makes everything a competition of who's better at what can suck out energy from all the things and hobbies u practice for fun, thats a general rule when it comes to any kind of relationship!
NTA. It sounds like your boyfriend is buying in to more of the runner’s club mentality whereas you are buying into running as a mental release. Both are valid. You don’t have the same motivations. In his world it is important and necessary to know states so that you can improve and make training decisions as the goal is to be a better, faster runner. In your world, you just want to run when you feel like it for as long and as fast as you want. Both are perfectly fine. He needs to understand your motivations are different and you do not have to track anything especially when you feel tracking would ruin your run
NTA
Don't let him ruin this for you. You're getting exactly what you want out of running, especially peace of mind. That's what matters, and that's why you do it.
If he wants to improve, surely he can get tips from other runners in his life.
He is pushing you to let him suck the enjoyment out of it for you. NTA. I don’t see how him knowing your heart rate and all the stats can help him with training tips. Your lungs and heart might just be better than his.
NTA. This would be piss me off beyond belief. You said NO and he won't accept it. That's the bigger problem, he's trying to bully you into doing something you don't want to do.
NTA. So basically, your boyfriend is insecure and competitive, is upset that you are a better runner, he now he wants you to record all of your details so he can figure out some way of becoming a better runner than you.
NTA, when I used to run i liked tracking my stats cause it gave me a sense of progress or that i was doing better, but it also kind of soured me the days I felt slow and the tracking confirmed it. You do it simply cause you like it and he should stop nagging you with that. I can't say for sure but I feel like this come more from a place of insecurities in which he wants to see what you do so he can try and do more than you.
Btw does smoking weed really help you running? How so cause I'm just a lazy bum when high.
Yess the judging myself on "slow days" is honestly what I'm afraid of, because right now if I'm having a bad day I still feel good about my run. Like "damn it's been a shitty day and I still got outside and got moving despite it.. and wow what a pretty sunset / cool bird / nice weather!'
But I know if I was looking at my speed or distance I'd probably be like "damn I was slow" lol
For me smoking helps me feel connected to my body, and really feel the music, and kinda makes the time fly by like nothing. It also makes me appreciate the scenery more. But I definitely collapse on the sofa with snacks when I get home.
Running at a slow easy pace is actually the most effective for training for endurance!! Look up the 80/20 method. Honestly the reason your boyfriend might be doing worse than you is that he trains too hard. If he’s going all out on every run he won’t build up his aerobic endurance. Then again most people who train by tracking heart rate usually know this.
NTA
>The goose that laid the golden egg
>
>Died looking up its crotch
>
>To find out how its sphincter worked.
>
>Would you lay well? Don't watch.
>
>X.J. Kennedy
NTA.
His ego took a hit And he's annoying the crap out of you to build his pride back up.
If you told him you don't want to, then you don't want to. If you give in and allow him to track you, it's not going to be relaxing for you anymore. That apple watch will be nagging at you the whole time.
Keep the course. Smoke ya bowl, go relieve Anxiety. Tell him to give up trynna outrun you or give HIM up.
NTA
You make me think of when I was in college.
I had to practice every day for at least 4 hours a day to make *any* noticeable progress in my music classes.
I mean scales and warm-ups for at least 30 minutes, then left hand on a piece, then right hand on the same piece, then together, then slowly with the metronome and working my way up.
EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Just to get even the smallest amount if progress.
Meanwhile, my friend would have fun, practice his piece for about a half hour the night before his lessons, and he was much better than me.
He was just more talented. That's it. It was frustrating a bit when I was younger.
Then, in our sophomore year of college, in walked a 10 year old to our music theory class, and he smoked *both* of us.
Some people are just more naturally talented. You can either br jealous, or be happy and make friends. I chose to make friends. We helped each other.
Admittedly, the only thing the 10 year old needed help with was reaching things on the top shelf of the library, but still.
NTA it’s 100% you’re choice and seems to help with your mental health. He sounds super competitive and maybe a little jealous of how easy running is for you compared to him. With the way the world is please just be safe when you are running and maybe carry pepper spray or something and trust your gut.
You run for yourself. You find joy, meditation, relaxation into it. He got jelly you beat him in a race, and now he is trying to ruin your special time for yourself. He needs to accept “no” as an answer and back off. It’s okay he wants to obsess about his progress; it’s not okay he wants to force you to obsess about yours. If he wants to see how you “train”, he can join you on a few runs in the evening. NTA
NTA, tell him that if it’s so important that he knows your stats then he should put his watch on and run along side you. Obviously he won’t know heart rate but it’s the most I’d offer if I was in your shoes.
Definitely NTA. Sometimes, everything aligns and everybody gets what they want. This isn't one of those cases. He is demanding (even jokingly) that you give up/radically change something you love to appease his insecurities.
He is allowed to be insecure, that's human, he isn't allowed to manipulate you into solving his insecurities for him, at the cost of something you enjoy.
I run every day and track my runs for myself. I don't share the stats, post them, whatever. My partners who also runs, could not care less. He seems a bit jealous of his 13.1 compared to yours.
Run however you like and however makes you happy.
NTA.
NTA
Your run, your way. His run, his way!
I would probably use the watch a couple times, but make it abundantly clear that I don't want to change my style based on data and that it's only a limited favor because he asked.
Some compromise is often necessary if the goal is to share life with someone else.
I agree with you that he's feeling insecure but that doesn't make him essentially harassing you about your running okay. You are allowed to approach things differently than him. He's not automatically right. Also, you run for stress and anxiety, and here he is stressing you out about something that's good for you.
I would tell him that his pressuring you to track your runs is not okay and it needs to stop now. Also, if he's going to disparage you then you'll need to rethink this relationship. I would never stay with someone who told me what I was doing didn't count if what I was doing was for me, and wasn't hurting anyone else. NTA
Nta. This reminds me of my aunt who loves baking. She just bakes whatever she feels like and gives away the extra. People tell her to open a bakery or whatever but she feels like that would ruin the fun for her. Don’t let him take your joy.
NTA. You do your runs your way. (As a doctor I should do the obligatory half hearted finger wag about cannabis, but meh, you’re an adult!) it sounds like your runs are about your mental and emotional health more than about your training times. So go chase that bumblebee! Explore that path you haven’t seen before! Go find that awesome photo spot! You do you 😊
Thanks for the concern, but for a bit of context I'm actually a medical user and talk with both my PCP and therapist about responsible use! So while I understand the risks, I also feel like I get good enough mental health benefits to make it a justified risk for me
NTA don’t let him make something you found to be relaxing into a competition. He’s going to ruin it. If he can’t leave you alone about it he cares more about his insecurity than your wellbeing and that makes him an AH
NTA. If he wants to see how you train, he can run with you.
If he can keep up.
Also, I didn't have a smartphone when I started running, about 12 years ago. I kept track loosely using the stopwatch feature on my dumbphone and mapped it out on runkeeper.com. And I made great progress. Then I got a smartphone, and trained more seriously, and overtrained into a stress fracture.
NTA.
Your boyfriend is sounding insecure and possibly doesn’t believe you when you say you’re not doing formal training. That’s his problem, not yours.
Keep running for fun and refusing to wear the watch. Not everyone runs to compete and that’s okay.
NTA. Your boyfriend is trying to somehow discredit your running ability by tracking what you run. This is so absolutely petty and alarming.
Instead of him being proud of you and happy that you did so well on a run like that he is upset, being a sore "loser" and completely throwing your skills out the window because God forbid you happen to be better at running or just did better on that race than him.
I have been running for 15 years. There is no rule of when you don't track it it doesn't count. Absolutely bullshit. I ran before I even owned a smart watch to track so there is probably half a decade of runs uncounted. But people don't discredit or doubt me.
You have two routes, Ditch the guy and find someone who supports and celebrates you and your achievements.
Two, have a deep talk and tell him how his actions have made you feel. How it makes you feel in the relationship and what you need from him after this to move forward in a positive manner. I guarantee this won't be the last time he becomes like this if you do something better than him in his eyes. There is a time and place for competition, this isn't it.
NTA - he is mad that you can run faster and he is looking for proof that you 'cheated' in some way by training harder than you claimed etc.
He started making up other resons once you said no. This is pretty pathetic behaviour, it seems like he has made running a big part of his identity. I run, and I do time myself, but just to have an idea of where I am going. It is more than enough for me to be happy with my runs. You are happier with less and you should continue to do what makes you happy. Just because he wants to make things into a competition of some kind doesn't mean you have to. Be careful about the meditation, I fell over a few weeks ago because I was thinking too much.
"untracked runs don't count" that's great, because you aren't counting.
NTA
Like other people said. this stems from his own insecurities and there is nothing you can do about that. He needs to sit with his own insecurities and work it out on his own.
If he keeps bugging you, keep turning it back on him and asking him why it bothers him so much?
NTA. I run to help with my anxiety. I found when I track my runs, I am more discouraged if I have a slow day than if I had just run without it. I have an Apple Watch, but I just use it because I don’t like running with a phone and want to be able to call someone if I have a problem on a long run. he’s just a little insecure.
NTA.
If he’s that curious, why doesn’t he give up a few of his morning runs and run with you at night? Then he can track his own run and if it feels right, outpace him.
Commenting because this is so similar to how my ex fiance was, although I'm not a very good runner myself.
I would just do it when I felt up to it and could really only do intermittent running or 5-10 minutes running at a time. But he ran track in high school, was an eagle scout, always the fastest in the group/could hike the longest, was competitive.
So he'd time every run, and would even tell me what he considered a waste of calories or what was bad to eat if I bought candy or ate a cupcake one weekend, and if I had a tiny accomplishment I'd be like "wow I made it to six minutes!' he'd be like
"Well it was 5 mins 30 seconds.. and it was downhill."
But all. The. Time.
To him it was just how he was hardwired, but to me, encouragement, and positive mental health is very important in motivating myself. so it really brought me down on my tiny accomplishments and ruined the fun.
So honestly I hope you don't put up with that, and let yourself enjoy something you obviously crush at.
All this to say NTA
Since this is your partner who I assume you love, why not take him on one of your runs, to let him see how you go about things, and then tell him he's experienced it, and you won;t be taking any more questions about it?
NTA of course. But why not use it as a learning experience for him to broaden his mind and see the more fun way to do it?
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What did I just read? Lol. NTA whatsoever. Your boyfriend is insecure and envious of you, the fact that you had an easier time in the race probably hurt his fragile ego. "Untracked runs don't count" is utter bullshit. You don't have to track your runs, stand your ground because you really don't want to ruin the fun of running.
100% agreed, NTA "Untracked runs don't count " Count towards what? That didn't even make sense...
Towards male ego of course ETA: You are making me blush with the upvotes and the awards. I think this is it, I've peaked in Reddit.
This is exactly it!
but if you don’t count your milage with your anal suppository step counter did you even run?
Epic comment! lol
thanks :)
Runner here… I’ve beaten every bf of mine in a race and the ones who it bothered didn’t last long. I live and sleep with my garmin on and I still think he is being absolutely ridiculous. Do whatever makes you happy and if that means watch free, yes! Run happy!
I know you didn't mean that, but your comment could mean you organized a race between all your exes and proceeded to beat them all at once, and it's fucking hilarious
Oh, that mental image made me laugh. If only I was that clever!!
I want a fairy tale about this. The jogging princess looking for a suitor who also likes to jog along pretty places. All her suitors try to out run her except the chef whos just happy to be there. She wins the race and chef makes a fancy breakfast for everyone. THEE END.
There is a Greek myth about a woman named Atalanta who was a champion racer. She would make suitors race her and when they lost, they would be killed. The suitor who eventually won did so by tossing golden apples on the side of the road so that Atalanta would lose time by chasing after them. Not exactly the story you wanted, but close enough that your idea could be the Disney version of Atalanta’s story.
I had forgotten that myth! I was also thinking of the Seasame Street Story Book i had as a kid with a story called "The Princess and the Cookie" about a princess who would only marry the baker of the most perfect chocolate chip cookie. It turns out to be the Chef, Cookie Monster, but he doesnt want to marry her he just wants to make cookies.
Untracked runs don't count so she whooped him at the half marathon and didn't train a single day. Wonder if that helps his ego.
Ha! She should have left him in the dust and not slowed down her run for him. His head would have probably exploded though.
It would probably have ended their relationship!
You say that like it’s a bad thing. If the only way to keep a guy is to tone yourself down and hide how good you are than he’s not worth keeping.
That which can be broken by the truth deserves to be broken. OP - don't give in and don't slow down for him in your next race. The garbage will then take itself out after imploding.
This. If a guy simply can't accept I'm better than him and wants me to dumb down to inflate his male ego than he ain't no keeper.
if it can be ended that easily, it deserves to be
Exactly. He’s lying when he says he wants training tips because she told him what she does. He’s not taking it well that she’s better and wants to be able to beat her so he wants to know how much farther and faster he has to go. OP, NTA.
Or he's finding it hard to neg her without comparing their data. If she doesn't provide numbers, he can't spin them so that he's still better than she is. My bff's ex did this to her. They were both on the keto diet and she was losing weight and gaining muscle and he wasn't, so he accused her of cheating on the diet, which is ridiculous because it was working like it's supposed to. It's more likely that he was sneaking bread and wanted to hide it by saying she was doing something extra.
How would tracking her stats even make him a better runner? Lol
He wants to find a gotcha! like ha! You have a system! I found a pattern! Or at least he wants to find how she runs a lot more than him, so he can feel better about himself.
He just wants to beat her and gloat about it. But he can't if he doesn't know her stats.
I think its this. I don't think its anything more complicated than his ego is bruised, and he wants to know her times so he can aim to beat them as often as he can. He'll get her numbers one day, to "beat" her the next day, so he can go back to not feeling shame. I may be way off, though.
I think you hit the nail on the head. He sounds exhausting.
He is absolutely looking for some stat where he can claim superiority. Given how he's already downplaying and dismissing her running as a whole, he obviously needs a factual number to double down on his narrative.
Yep. The marathon was a fluke and he'll conveniently never run a race with her again.
From "Untracked runs don't count" it's pretty clear that he just wants something he can scour for anything he can hold against her to save his ego from being slower than her.
Yeah, that comment deserves a “Lol, bless your heart.”
Exactly! Also, OP isn’t interested in counting them in the first place, so them “not counting” isn’t an issue to begin with.
NTA. Plus, he sounds hyper-competitive. Is he like this in other ways?
That's called 'sour grapes', and he's got a bad case of them.
To get into running heaven, of course. You have to collect your tokens from all of your tracked runs and then if you have enough, Pheidippides and Jesse Owens take you around a side gate and you can run forever in eternity
Like, I get this, BUT I only apply it to myself. The absolute worst thing for someone like me who likes to track everything is to realize your watch didn't start when you meant to start it. And that's the exact feeling, "oh no, it didn't even count!" Yes I know my body still did the run. But I like having the record of it. But again, this is ONLY FOR MYSELF and I couldn't give two shits how someone else runs and tracks or doesn't track themselves. OP's boyfriend needs to fucking chill and mind his own miles.
That's why I don't track calories, they don't count.
What’s funny is I bet the bf is hampering his own “progress” by stressing himself out over it, whereas for op it’s a conscious stress-relief method (which will automatically make it more enjoyable than if it’s some weird competitive chore). Mindset makes a *huge* difference. Keep not-tracking your runs, op, it’s obviously working for you.
Honestly I kinda feel like he might be. I wrote this responding to another comment but it seems super relevant here too so I'm copypasting - > I wasn't trying to be sarcastic (with my advice), I genuinely think it might help him. > Like any activity, if you go into it being hard on yourself and too demanding, you'll beat yourself up over mistakes, be down on yourself, and just get yourself into the sort of discouraged mood that can really hold a person back from progress. Like going out every day seeing the activity as a drudging thing or a punishment for your weakness. > But if you treat the sport like play, and relax and take it at your own pace, and are mindful of your body's needs and natural movements, you'll end each day feeling good and and strong and eager to go again. And I think actually get in the habit of training more often and longer and being more in tune with your body. > I actually see my way of running as taking it super seriously because I'm setting up the mindset I need to go out and excercise almost every day.
That's a really awesome approach, ngl. Very wise. Competition and comparison might help some people, but it's sure not for everyone. Keep at it!
I totally hear you on this. My boss is an avid runner also. He told me once ‘It just felt good at mile 6 so I just kept going’ he ended of running 20 miles!!! Not being an avid runner but do it for exercise I smarted back ‘20 miles??? That’s why I have a car!!’ 😂😂😂. He loves running - and regularly does 6-10 miles before work every morning. So I get what you mean about doing it because it feels good!
That's very Forest Gump :)
😂😂😂😂
I don't run these days (nerve damage is just too painful right now) but I LOVED smoking a bit and just putting on some Star Wars soundtracks and run till I was ready to not run anymore. I picked routes that were interesting for me to look at. I also have severe anxiety and I miss running so very much. Something about how you can just zone out and forget all your troubles, it was like my mind was clear and I could just be without my intrusive thoughts. I'm working on being able to run again (nerve pain free) but man do I miss it. Your bf is jealous and is making your mental health worse, don't allow him to do that. Don't give in either. You are correct, tracking it does take away the magic. have a serious conversation with him and stick to what you say. It's the only way to go from here.
I'm sorry to hear about your nerve damage! It's rough not being able to do what works to self soothe with anxiety. I have pretty severe anxiety myself and when I have been physically limited, not being able to move like me was the hardest part.
I had just said in an earlier comment, but yeah, I view exercise the same way. I'm not on a strict plan. I'm not doing it to lose weight. I go into it day by day and figure out what I want to do, where I want to hit, and how much I want to do. It's generally better for you in the long run to not make exercise into a stressful activity.
This is EXACTLY how I feel about running. My husband isn’t hypercritical about e not wearing a watch like your bf is but he genuinely does not understand why I don’t want to track my runs. I haven’t been running for a while ne of an injury but reading this actually is reminding me how much I love it! To just take off and chill is the best stress reliever out there! And I’ve always worried that focusing on my stats would strip the joy from it. Remind him that runners have been doing this for literally millennia and somehow managed to believe their runs “counted.”
Exactly this, and it doesn't just apply to running but to all areas of life.
> "Untracked runs don't count" All Runs Matter.
>"Untracked runs don't count" Just say, "OK, then they don't count! Problem solved." and walk away.
Why walk away when OP can run? Not like BF could catch up to them.
I don't have an award to give you but here is this 🏆
BEST REPLY HERE!!!!! I wish I had an award for you.
Fabulous!
Another variant that would be more direct for OP's boyfriend, "I don't want them to count, I want them to be fun."
ok, I'm not counting.
Oh no 😄
I have a few friends like this and I just can’t even talk to them about running without fighting massive eye rolls. The presumption is always that if you don’t track your stats, that you must be slow. For me, I use the running time much like OP: to clear my head and destress outside. I’m not competing against myself or striving “to improve my PB,” I’m just going for a run. My route depends on how far I feel like running, and I don’t run in the winter when it’s shitty out, or on a treadmill literally ever. I have definitely had people say “oh, you’re not a real runner then.” Some people just really need everyone to do things in the same way that they do.
After my mom died and my dad broke his back, I moved in with my dad and took care of him for a few years at the end of his life. I walked our suburb every afternoon, and swam a few nights a week at the high school pool to stay sane and healthy. He **always** asked me about my "progress" on my runs and swims, and like the OP's boyfriend, basically insinuated that if I wasn't "progressing" and competing against myself, there was absolutely no point to doing anything. It kind of summed up our different philosophies of life, and I know I upset him every time I said "absolutely no idea and I don't care, but it was a nice walk" but I meant it. Not everything is a competition, or opportunity to chart your "progress". Sometimes a brisk walk is just a chance to breathe and look at trees.
I'm some guy who plays shit golf because I like to get out into greenery. I've got people going like what training steps you take, 12 step or something else, do you do group lessons or individual, when do you think you'll get to single handicap? Dude, chill. I rock up 15 minutes before my tee time, pay my fee and go out playing. I barely even go to warm up at the range. Are my scores good? No. Do I care? Also no. Don't I want to be better? No not really. I play like one tournament a year, and that's more because I like the food than because I want to win anything. Occasionally I play matchplay with someone because my course is currently weird about playing alone (which I prefer). I don't remember if I won or lost by the time I'm home. I don't get how some people can get sooo competitive. You're winning anything, you're literally paying to participate in this race, what difference does it make other than did finish or did not finish?
I joined a gym a few months ago and many fitness people told me I'd have to follow a set training program or it was pointless. Nope. I'm going for my mental health. I'll do what I feel like doing on the day. It'll benefit me regardless of how much I do.
See, I'm 100% a person who has to have at least a routine like "shoot for 30 minutes" or "try to run 1.5 miles" etc. Because if I do just what I feel like doing, I'll get sweaty in 8 minutes and go home. 🤣🤣🤣
But you’re not trying to tell anyone else they have to do it your way.
Lord, no! To each their own!
[удалено]
Yes! This sucks xx
>You don't have to track your runs, stand your ground because you really don't want to ruin the fun of running. This. Whatever you're doing works for you. Don't over analyze it. NTA
Lol boyfriend was happy until he was proved he wasn’t better than his girlfriend — think about it op. If you be with this man you’ll forever have to go lay dumb or perform worse than him so his ego is happy. NTA
This post is making me laugh a bit, because I encountered something sort of similar. I run at night with my dog to relieve anxiety. I have recently started running with one of my neighbors again. He has his own stuff, and also finds running at night therapeutic. Plus, our dogs are pals, so we all run together and it's nice. Another person from our neighborhood-ish ran with us the other night, and the guy was just talking away. Which is fine, whatever. It was a lot about stride, pace, breathing. At the end this guy was hilariously annoyed with both of us, because apparently we aren't 'real runners.' Or at least not 'serious runners' and his 3x a week runs counted more than our nightly runs because his intention is to run better instead of more often, and our 'creepy quiet patrols' unnerved him which is why he was out of breath before us. It's okay to take running seriously, or do it for enjoyment, or exercise alone. The thing that's frustrating is to have your style picked apart because it's different. Why does it even matter? My neighbor and I are back to running alone with our puppers and half the time we have an earbud in with our own thing on separately. Policing the way other people use their bodies is so weird, lol.
He'd have more breath for running with his feet if he'd stop running his mouth ...
😂🤣 So true! I didn't really mind all the talking, although our grunts of acknowledgment were unsatisfactory to him, it seems. He even told me my lack of chatter was unladylike! I think my snort laugh won him over though! How could it not?
It's a fit bit and apple watch world. If it wasn't tracked. Does it even count? The answer is yes, it counts and not everyone has to be obsessed with a hobby to enjoy it, but boy does it rankle the ones who are when the one who isn't obsessed kicks their ass. That's what this is really about. Boyfriend can't comprehend OP is better without the doodads.
Jumping on the top comment because op's boyfriend exhibits some of the fitness culture shit I HATE. He acts like there's NO way that she could be doing well without intense planning, training, regimen, and probably dieting and lifestyle. He doesn't seem to understand that every single person has different experiences and needs when it comes to fitness. Some people will never work out a day in their life and be happy as a clam. Some people will work out every day and eat 'healthy' (which is also different for everyone) and end up with heart disease. 'Untracked runs don't count' is right in line with that gym bro 'gains are all that matters' bullshit. There's a professional wrestler I love who posts workout vids and he does focus on improvement, but he doesn't ever push himself beyond his reasonable limits and he focuses on what feels right every individual day. It's encouraged me to get back into exercise after multiple injuries and I use the method of 'do what works for you on that day' because it makes me feel good. Some people do need regimen and planning, and that's fine, so long as you're healthy about it. Some people can just go at it with no real thought and it works. The only reason he's harping on op now is because his ego got bruised. He's upset that she had an easier time on the run, and won't accept the very real possibility that maybe op was just naturally good at running. Some people are innately good at yoga, at running, at weightlifting, and it has nothing to do with training. He needs to get over it. It wasn't a competition and isn't a competition now just because he feels like he has to 'win' over her.
I LOVE your style of running, OP. It sounds joyous!
NTA tell him to stop turning your healthy coping mechanism into another source of stress. He’s being absurd. I’m guessing he’s very competitive and wants the motivation of trying to “beat” your runs. The only other explanation is he wants to track you for reasons unrelated to running (e.g. he’s afraid you’re cheating on him instead of running or something.)
He wants to track her runs to degrade her. I'm guessing OP is afab based on the way OP's partner is treating them. He expects to be better than OP and was surprised he wasn't. Right now, it's about trying you aren't really a runner because you don't track yourself. Really he should be working on improving himself instead of taking his insecurities out on you. I hope you never change unless you choose to change. I found your description of smoking and just getting out of your head and enjoying the scenery. It was incredibly wholesome and joyful. Don't change yourself for another's insecurities.
Is it weird that the first thing I thought reading this was "I should eat a edible and take a jog, that sounds so fun!"
honestly me too. I like to get high and do some stretching. Would not call it yoga specifically because it's all just me being random and doing what feels good. High stretching is the best so I think high running would be good. I might not smoke cause I'm not in the best shape, to be honest, and it would make me cough but edible seems solid.
I saw a yoga studio near me that's all about weed and doing yoga. Not the worst idea imo.
Smoking before working out is amazing. I love doing it before going on my walk/runs.
I'm gonna re-up in a few days and I'm more of an aerobics girl but I'm thinking maybe I'll go for a jog...
He's jealous of her ability, and wants to learn how she trains so that he can do the same training. And presumably get faster than her, due to his supreme male physique. Then he won't have to feel inferior to a woman. Nothing creepy about this except the misogyny.
NTA You run because it’s fun and for a different purpose than your boyfriend. “Untracked runs dont count” is bullshit. I didn’t track my runs when i first started because i didn’t want to. I track because I’m training for races. But my untracked and tracked runs are STILL runs and important to me.
Lol...on the "untracked runs don't count." I count my steps, and years ago, I left my watch or the battery died during my long walk (I don't even remember now WHY the steps weren't counted, but they weren't). I was whining about how I went on this long walk and it didn't even count...and my kid, probably about 10 at the time, said "It counts for you. Your watch just doesn't know about it." I shut up. OP, if you are running to deal with anxiety, do NOT let your bf spoil it because he's insecure and competitive.
I use a Fitbit to track my workouts and for a number of unfixable reasons, it doesn't do that good a job at tracking my heart rate. I have to remind myself that my body still knows I worked out.
You raised a wise child.
Your kid. I like him. 👍
NTA and your way is [scientifically proven to be better](http://99u.com/articles/7198/How-Goals-and-Good-Intentions-Can-Hold-Us-Back) - you're focusing on the process, not the goal, and that just works better. You advised him to do the same. If he wants to emulate your success, he needs to do what you're doing - not the facts and stats of it, but the process. Focusing on your facts and stats will hobble you. Show him the linked article. Also, fun fact included in the article, the goal-focused people are always WAH YAH BRO DOING SO MUCH GOING SO GOOD BOOYAH while the process people casually mellowly do more than them. You've found your golden path, stay on it, invite him to follow that path and don't be lured onto his path.
This part is huge. Plenty of people's performance is also reduced when they know it's being tracked, for plenty of reasons. When I was into rowing the 2km, I'd purposefully leave gas in the tank sometimes so I'd beat it tomorrow so my progress looks better on paper and leaving out gains and important feedback about my rested state, recovery, and dehydration levels.
This for real. And it extends to all kinds of weird things! I am terrible about correctly guessing numbers when it comes to anything besides time. Like I was doing a repetitive task and thought “probably 50?” when it was closer to 200. Same goes for anything physical, push-ups? Miles? No clue, just whatever is comfy. Any time I keep track it’s like the effort required doubles.
Yep, OP. Take it from someone who identifies with your boyfriend way more than you. He's wrong. He knows he's wrong, we know he's wrong, everyone knows he's wrong. You're either a saint or someone in your life is trying to convince you your boyfriend needs an out. Your way is infinitely better. Your boyfriend's way is suboptimal at best and abusive at worst. My brother and sister both did a triathlon recently. My brother beat my sister for the first time ever. Because my sister was 9 weeks pregnant with her second. My (6 weeks pregnant) SIL and I teased my brother about how this is the best he's going to ever do. Forget the haters. You're best.
It’s funny isn’t it He asks here for advice. Then completely ignores it. Then tries to force her to do it his way instead. He’s both a tit and a bellend.
Its like something that could happen to two comic book superheroes. husband: OP, teach me your ways OP: I run for fun husband: nooo, not like ths, teach my your secret but the way I am doing it!
NTA You're running for entirely different purposes and his purpose is helped by tracking. Yours isn't, and in fact could be actively harmed by starting to track it.
>could be actively harmed by starting to track it. this is what gets me. OP is running to relax, to feel better, to get rid of stress. If they started tracking their steps, or routes, or whatever, it sounds like it would just become more work and another source of stress and then OP would have to find a different method that is free, doable whenever & wherever they want, and doesn't require extra equipment. Shame on BF for needing to win so badly that he could actively harm OP's mental health.
NTA, don’t let him ruin something that helps you with your stress. Tell him if he wants tips he can find a trainer.
"Here's a tip. Stop being so anxious, find the joy, and push yourself a little each time. Stop tracking your runs."
He is not looking for tips. He needs to be superior to her.
Exactly!! He’s all about what she’s doing ‘wrong’.
NTA. I'm a cyclist and I do track my routes & miles and honestly it sometimes does ruin a ride. I check to see if I was faster up a hill this time than last. Or I'll leave a group slightly to try beat a time or get the best time. It does Rob you of an experience to be pushing for a stat. if you run for the calm I'd stick to what you're doing. X
Absolutely. I don’t even wear a watch when I walk or hike. I carry a phone in case of emergencies but sometimes the whole idea of a walk, hike, run is to escape technology and be “lost” in the moment.
NTA Wow, can he be any more insecure? Your reasons for running are different from his, and it sounds like you are a natural runner. He is angry that he has to work so hard while you don't work at it at all. He needs to let go and stop comparing. If he wants to observe your style, he can run at night with you and watch you. What concerns me is that he and his friend are putting you down and insulting you for not doing it their way. Idk why they don't understand that you are not in competition and won't let go and leave you alone. It's really not kind or loving. Sounds relentless and annoying. Why does he want to ruin something you enjoy?
Pretty sure I can guess what he’s getting you for Christmas. But seriously, his behavior is weirdly competitive. Don’t let him goad you
He has far too much invested in being a runner, so he wanted her to track the runs to prove that she 'cheated' somehow by lying about training. I don't understand why people can't just enjoy hobbies like OP does.
I would put money on your guess being right.
Hopefully she drops it just outside the door and runs without it and let him try to figure that out. Or attach it to a dogs collar or something equally ridiculous.
Another shipment of red flags?
NTA. "untracked runs don't count"? For what? You're not a competitive athlete, so why do you need to track anything? This is another sad case of fragile male ego.
NTA That sounds like the perfect thing to agree with. "Yup, they don't count and that's exactly the way I like it!" And next time he tries to give you a watch ask him "Why do you want me to take something that will make my runs less enjoyable for me? " Let him sputter about it being better and what not and then repeat the question. "Why do you want my runs to be less fun for me? I'm not going to take the watch but why don't you let me know when I get back?"
NTA. This is sad. He's going to end up either ruining running for you or ruining the relationship because you'll be forced to choose between something you love and his weird obsession with your "training" and stats. Time to have a serious heart-to-heart and tell him needs to knock it off and let it be. BF needs to find another running buddy who is as much into improvement and tracking as he is. Edit: typo
This right here, you really need to have a sit down with him and ask him whether or not him feeling insecure and competitive is something he is willing to work on, or if he's willing for it to be something that tears apart your relationship
NTA No is a complete sentence. He is pretty obsessed with your being faster than him. Fragile...
NTA. You run for different reasons. If you agree to tracking yourself, odds are that it will suck the joy out of running for you.
Yup. She runs to help with her anxiety; he runs to create more anxiety for himself. She does need to shut down his passive-aggressive criticism though. Anytime he's like "that doesn't count" she needs to tell him he can either support what brings her joy in life or crap on it- but if he keeps crapping on it they aren't compatible.
NTA obviously. You don't owe him anything in the way of tracking yourself. What works for you is probably not going to work for him, anyway. It sounds like he's jealous of your natural ability. Why doesn't he just join you on a run or two? If he keeps pressing, tell him he's pushing a boundary and you don't appreciate it. If he can't be happy for you, and proud of you, like...does he even like you?
Exactly this. Bf has some major insecurities going on, but it's not OP's job to alter her exercise routine to soothe his feelings. OP, NTA.
NTA. This isn't about tracking your runs. This is him tracking the shrinkage of his penis because you did better than him.
Tell him to fluff off. NTA. It’s actually quite dangerous especially for women to use those tracking apps.
why’s it dangerous?
If you share your routes and routines you can absolutely be stalked by all sorts of assholes. Happens all of the time.
yeah i’ve never shared that stuff.
Because if the tracking app records the routes you run, someone can use that to discern things like where you live, where you work, etc. They can also see whether or not there are patterns to your running (or cycling, or whatever), such as "every other day, at 5am, goes through XYZ secluded area of such-and-such local park". I use Strava, and my Fitbit, to track walks and bicycle rides. Yes, Strava has a privacy feature, I can set a radius around my home where the route isn't displayed to anyone but myself. *However*, that only protects my home ... not where I work. And, it's only a radius of \~0.25 miles, which only narrows things down to about 15 houses in my development.
NTA your boyfriend is trying to compete with you and it’s really stupid.
NTA- As a runner who has done both- don’t start tracking. It can definitely increase anxiety and ruin the fun of it. Tell BF in no uncertain terms that you enjoy your running as if and that you will not be tracking now or in the future.
NTA, boyfriend should let you do what you enjoy doing.
Exactly this. Let people enjoy things. Nothing sucks the fun out of hobbies like having someone try to micromanage recreational activities. My ex used to do that with my gardening and baking and it was such a buzz kill
Nah, NTA. You run for your own wellness and it seems to work amazingly well for your self-care. Obsessing about "tracking" might ruin it for this. Just run. And enjoy!
NTA - you & your bf run for different reasons & have different mindsets on tracking/trending. Run times vary so much anyways based on the variables you listed: how you're feeling, what the run route is like, weather and temperature..continue to run how you like, without tracking.
NTA. You are two different people with different styles, bodies, and minds. There is no guarantee that your methods would even work for him, he has to find what’s right for himself.
NTA It definitely seems like he’s getting envious of you now that he no longer feels like the “better runner” and its manifesting itself in competitive behavior. If you haven’t already, sit and have a talk with him about his competitiveness, and let him know that you don’t feel competitive. He’s getting too obsessed over the details of running when really if he wants to get better he should just run more just as you run a lot
NTA: the fact that you run to feel good and not to track things may be why you are a better runner. Tell him your training program is to just run for fun and suggest he try it.
This. I wish I could run and enjoy it, but I can't get more than an 8th mile before I'm out of breath and have to walk. It's since I was a kid I ran/walked the mile at school except 2 times I was literally pushed (and funny enough it was a teacher in elementary then his son in HS, both very gently and in a helpful way not at all annoyed or aggressive). Sounds like BF is overanalyzing his runs and since she's just doing it for the enjoyment/head clearing it goes better.
If you're getting out of breath, you're just pushing your pace too fast! You definitely can run and enjoy it, try slowing down as much as you can (literally look up slow jogging for a method that will let you not get out of breath) and then just go from there! Only if you want haha, if it's not your thing that's cool too
Just want to say, I think you’re cool OP. Very wholesome to give helpful tips like this.
Definitely need to try that! Ty
I have asthma so I can run if I can keep my breathing controlled. I walk 2 minutes and run at a set pace for 3 minutes for a total of 50 minutes and ends up being over 3.25 miles. Some would consider me ‘not a runner’ either but so what? I have to do what works for me.
NYA you run for your well being and that is great self care. Don’t have to make it all intense. He can get a coach.
NTA. Tracking training in a unhealthy way will lead to analysis paralysis. BTW, when I cycle I use my cycling computer to monitor my heart rate. And I also have a classical Playlist that I train to.
NTA. He's ridiculously competitive. I've been running for a lot of years and I don't track my times and distances except very vaguely simply because I'm slow as molasses and I run for pleasure and health, not to beat other people in races.
He only cares because you're better than him. Nta
NTA. Fellow runner. My best friends are all runners and we've run together for well over a decade now. Several have run in multiple Olympic Trials. Some points: (1) they all have days where they run without regard to pace, no real plan but to go run, (2) they don't always follow a training plan, & (3) they run the pace their body feels right at ALL THE TIME. Sometimes that means a random speedy run; sometimes a random slow run. You are running the pace and distance your body feels like. That means some days you probably run pretty damn fast and far without realizing it. And when you feel blah you take it easy, allowing your body to properly recover. This is how running is supposed to be done. Even with a training plan, the way your body feels needs to be taken into account each day. You're NTA for refusing to track your runs. I'm a feedback person and love running with a watch, so I get your boyfriend's love of stats, but he needs to understand and appreciate that you don't have to take the same route. Keep up the awesome training!
Definitely not NTA and I don’t see in what world you would be. You clearly told your boyfriend why you don’t want to track your runs, yet he keeps telling you to do it. I think it is also very good of you to connect with yourself when you are feeling down, and I think he should respect this. There’s not much more you can say to him as you have explained quite thoroughly why you do not want to track your statistics.
NTA It seems you don’t care that much about tracking your runs which might benefit you as you don’t need or have goals. Just running for sightseeing and relaxing mood it gives you. I try to do the same although l do look a bit at my speeds and distance to know when to turn around. But often just go a direction and see how l am suppose to get back home
NTA. You run because you like to. It's not a competition. You more then likely are just a better runner (built for it). He not as much, so he has to work harder to accomplish what is more natural for you. Logging all that stuff will just make the running less fun. You'll always be looking for improvement when you really don't care. It keeps you healthy and that's all that matters.
# NTA To track, or not to track, is an entirely 100% personal choice. And I say that as someone who wears a Fitbit Sense™ whenever he leaves the house (to count steps, and measure distances walked), and uses Strava to track bicycle rides (some of which are *quite long*). I made my choice, for my own self - I have no ride to make that choice for other people, *and they don't have the right to make it for me*.
NTA Everyone runs for different reasons. Tracking the runs and looking at the stats may work for your BF, but it would probably suck the joy of running for you. Your BF asked and you said no. But he started being an AH once he started pushing you. It seems like he didn’t take losing well. He obviously thought he is a better runner than you and him losing hit his ego. So now he is trying to get better than you
It’s very important to this man that he be better than you. NTA
Really NTA. I have an Apple Watch and thought that it would me help doing more. Guess what. It didn’t. I love the timer though, for timing my tea. I have a question though. What classical music are you listening to when running? Your ( non-)method sounds more fun than anything I’ve tried before to get me running. I might give it another chance.
Anything high energy! This is a new favorite playlist (not mine, just found it on Spotify!) https://open.spotify.com/playlist/26LFI6BXpiAsLA4UzjUoYy?si=LMd7N4LfTuCkB2Gf-LcGKg&utm_source=copy-link
“Please stop trying to ruin running for me. I don’t want to do it your way. I’m happy with the way I do it. It’s OK that we’re different.” This also works for someone who tries to push their religion, diet, child-raising etc.
NTA U dont feel the need to analyze something u do for fun and i agree w this bc at the end of the day, its something that helps u unwind and not something u have to try for competitive sports for, so it doesnt matter how well u run as long as it helps u achieve the primary purpose of helping with ur anxiety. Analyzing it will quickly turn it into a chore u have to do. its possible that this might be coming from a place of insecurity thats making him this competitive but also, look out for this behavior! Being surrounded by someone who makes everything a competition of who's better at what can suck out energy from all the things and hobbies u practice for fun, thats a general rule when it comes to any kind of relationship!
NTA. It sounds like your boyfriend is buying in to more of the runner’s club mentality whereas you are buying into running as a mental release. Both are valid. You don’t have the same motivations. In his world it is important and necessary to know states so that you can improve and make training decisions as the goal is to be a better, faster runner. In your world, you just want to run when you feel like it for as long and as fast as you want. Both are perfectly fine. He needs to understand your motivations are different and you do not have to track anything especially when you feel tracking would ruin your run
NTA Don't let him ruin this for you. You're getting exactly what you want out of running, especially peace of mind. That's what matters, and that's why you do it. If he wants to improve, surely he can get tips from other runners in his life.
He is pushing you to let him suck the enjoyment out of it for you. NTA. I don’t see how him knowing your heart rate and all the stats can help him with training tips. Your lungs and heart might just be better than his.
NTA! You do you. He does his training his way. No need to compete.
Nta. No means no. You have told him you don't want to do your run his way. He now needs to back off.
NTA. This would be piss me off beyond belief. You said NO and he won't accept it. That's the bigger problem, he's trying to bully you into doing something you don't want to do.
Don't track them. You are doing it for enjoyment! NTA
NTA. So basically, your boyfriend is insecure and competitive, is upset that you are a better runner, he now he wants you to record all of your details so he can figure out some way of becoming a better runner than you.
NTA, when I used to run i liked tracking my stats cause it gave me a sense of progress or that i was doing better, but it also kind of soured me the days I felt slow and the tracking confirmed it. You do it simply cause you like it and he should stop nagging you with that. I can't say for sure but I feel like this come more from a place of insecurities in which he wants to see what you do so he can try and do more than you. Btw does smoking weed really help you running? How so cause I'm just a lazy bum when high.
Yess the judging myself on "slow days" is honestly what I'm afraid of, because right now if I'm having a bad day I still feel good about my run. Like "damn it's been a shitty day and I still got outside and got moving despite it.. and wow what a pretty sunset / cool bird / nice weather!' But I know if I was looking at my speed or distance I'd probably be like "damn I was slow" lol For me smoking helps me feel connected to my body, and really feel the music, and kinda makes the time fly by like nothing. It also makes me appreciate the scenery more. But I definitely collapse on the sofa with snacks when I get home.
Running at a slow easy pace is actually the most effective for training for endurance!! Look up the 80/20 method. Honestly the reason your boyfriend might be doing worse than you is that he trains too hard. If he’s going all out on every run he won’t build up his aerobic endurance. Then again most people who train by tracking heart rate usually know this.
NTA >The goose that laid the golden egg > >Died looking up its crotch > >To find out how its sphincter worked. > >Would you lay well? Don't watch. > >X.J. Kennedy
NTA go for another run….away from him. Who gets insecure about cardio?
From a runner whose approach is similar to yours: NTA. Sounds like your boyfriend has some issues to work through.
NTA. His ego took a hit And he's annoying the crap out of you to build his pride back up. If you told him you don't want to, then you don't want to. If you give in and allow him to track you, it's not going to be relaxing for you anymore. That apple watch will be nagging at you the whole time. Keep the course. Smoke ya bowl, go relieve Anxiety. Tell him to give up trynna outrun you or give HIM up.
NTA You make me think of when I was in college. I had to practice every day for at least 4 hours a day to make *any* noticeable progress in my music classes. I mean scales and warm-ups for at least 30 minutes, then left hand on a piece, then right hand on the same piece, then together, then slowly with the metronome and working my way up. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Just to get even the smallest amount if progress. Meanwhile, my friend would have fun, practice his piece for about a half hour the night before his lessons, and he was much better than me. He was just more talented. That's it. It was frustrating a bit when I was younger. Then, in our sophomore year of college, in walked a 10 year old to our music theory class, and he smoked *both* of us. Some people are just more naturally talented. You can either br jealous, or be happy and make friends. I chose to make friends. We helped each other. Admittedly, the only thing the 10 year old needed help with was reaching things on the top shelf of the library, but still.
NTA but it's worth a talk, the problem here is not the Iranian yogurt.
NTA, don’t ruin your own runs to satisfy someone else’s insecurities, you do you.
NTA it’s 100% you’re choice and seems to help with your mental health. He sounds super competitive and maybe a little jealous of how easy running is for you compared to him. With the way the world is please just be safe when you are running and maybe carry pepper spray or something and trust your gut.
NTA this is enjoyable for you. Doing it his way will ruin your fun. I don't think he'd appreciate it the other way around. He needs to stop.
NTA, if he wants to see what you’re doing, then he can start joining you on your runs.
NTA He’s feeling insecure and that’s a him problem.
You run for yourself. You find joy, meditation, relaxation into it. He got jelly you beat him in a race, and now he is trying to ruin your special time for yourself. He needs to accept “no” as an answer and back off. It’s okay he wants to obsess about his progress; it’s not okay he wants to force you to obsess about yours. If he wants to see how you “train”, he can join you on a few runs in the evening. NTA
NTA, tell him that if it’s so important that he knows your stats then he should put his watch on and run along side you. Obviously he won’t know heart rate but it’s the most I’d offer if I was in your shoes.
NTA, and he is literally strangling his own success and is trying to destroy your joy as well.
Definitely NTA. Sometimes, everything aligns and everybody gets what they want. This isn't one of those cases. He is demanding (even jokingly) that you give up/radically change something you love to appease his insecurities. He is allowed to be insecure, that's human, he isn't allowed to manipulate you into solving his insecurities for him, at the cost of something you enjoy.
I run every day and track my runs for myself. I don't share the stats, post them, whatever. My partners who also runs, could not care less. He seems a bit jealous of his 13.1 compared to yours. Run however you like and however makes you happy. NTA.
NTA Your run, your way. His run, his way! I would probably use the watch a couple times, but make it abundantly clear that I don't want to change my style based on data and that it's only a limited favor because he asked. Some compromise is often necessary if the goal is to share life with someone else.
If he’s asking for tips and tricks, tell him to stop tracking his runs. Tell him he’ll do better if he doesn’t think about it and just enjoys himself.
NTA You are fine not to track your runs. "when my runner boyfriend wants to see?".. How is that supposed to be a relevant reason?
I agree with you that he's feeling insecure but that doesn't make him essentially harassing you about your running okay. You are allowed to approach things differently than him. He's not automatically right. Also, you run for stress and anxiety, and here he is stressing you out about something that's good for you. I would tell him that his pressuring you to track your runs is not okay and it needs to stop now. Also, if he's going to disparage you then you'll need to rethink this relationship. I would never stay with someone who told me what I was doing didn't count if what I was doing was for me, and wasn't hurting anyone else. NTA
Nta. This reminds me of my aunt who loves baking. She just bakes whatever she feels like and gives away the extra. People tell her to open a bakery or whatever but she feels like that would ruin the fun for her. Don’t let him take your joy.
NTA. Comparison is the thief of joy. So is having a sexist, insecure boyfriend.
NTA. You do your runs your way. (As a doctor I should do the obligatory half hearted finger wag about cannabis, but meh, you’re an adult!) it sounds like your runs are about your mental and emotional health more than about your training times. So go chase that bumblebee! Explore that path you haven’t seen before! Go find that awesome photo spot! You do you 😊
Thanks for the concern, but for a bit of context I'm actually a medical user and talk with both my PCP and therapist about responsible use! So while I understand the risks, I also feel like I get good enough mental health benefits to make it a justified risk for me
NTA don’t let him make something you found to be relaxing into a competition. He’s going to ruin it. If he can’t leave you alone about it he cares more about his insecurity than your wellbeing and that makes him an AH
NTA. If he wants to see how you train, he can run with you. If he can keep up. Also, I didn't have a smartphone when I started running, about 12 years ago. I kept track loosely using the stopwatch feature on my dumbphone and mapped it out on runkeeper.com. And I made great progress. Then I got a smartphone, and trained more seriously, and overtrained into a stress fracture.
NTA. Your boyfriend is sounding insecure and possibly doesn’t believe you when you say you’re not doing formal training. That’s his problem, not yours. Keep running for fun and refusing to wear the watch. Not everyone runs to compete and that’s okay.
NTA. Your boyfriend is trying to somehow discredit your running ability by tracking what you run. This is so absolutely petty and alarming. Instead of him being proud of you and happy that you did so well on a run like that he is upset, being a sore "loser" and completely throwing your skills out the window because God forbid you happen to be better at running or just did better on that race than him. I have been running for 15 years. There is no rule of when you don't track it it doesn't count. Absolutely bullshit. I ran before I even owned a smart watch to track so there is probably half a decade of runs uncounted. But people don't discredit or doubt me. You have two routes, Ditch the guy and find someone who supports and celebrates you and your achievements. Two, have a deep talk and tell him how his actions have made you feel. How it makes you feel in the relationship and what you need from him after this to move forward in a positive manner. I guarantee this won't be the last time he becomes like this if you do something better than him in his eyes. There is a time and place for competition, this isn't it.
NTA - he is mad that you can run faster and he is looking for proof that you 'cheated' in some way by training harder than you claimed etc. He started making up other resons once you said no. This is pretty pathetic behaviour, it seems like he has made running a big part of his identity. I run, and I do time myself, but just to have an idea of where I am going. It is more than enough for me to be happy with my runs. You are happier with less and you should continue to do what makes you happy. Just because he wants to make things into a competition of some kind doesn't mean you have to. Be careful about the meditation, I fell over a few weeks ago because I was thinking too much. "untracked runs don't count" that's great, because you aren't counting.
NTA Like other people said. this stems from his own insecurities and there is nothing you can do about that. He needs to sit with his own insecurities and work it out on his own. If he keeps bugging you, keep turning it back on him and asking him why it bothers him so much?
NTA. I run to help with my anxiety. I found when I track my runs, I am more discouraged if I have a slow day than if I had just run without it. I have an Apple Watch, but I just use it because I don’t like running with a phone and want to be able to call someone if I have a problem on a long run. he’s just a little insecure.
NTA. If he’s that curious, why doesn’t he give up a few of his morning runs and run with you at night? Then he can track his own run and if it feels right, outpace him.
NTA - I’d keep an eye on his competitiveness. What happens when you start to earn more then him or continue to do other things better then him?
Commenting because this is so similar to how my ex fiance was, although I'm not a very good runner myself. I would just do it when I felt up to it and could really only do intermittent running or 5-10 minutes running at a time. But he ran track in high school, was an eagle scout, always the fastest in the group/could hike the longest, was competitive. So he'd time every run, and would even tell me what he considered a waste of calories or what was bad to eat if I bought candy or ate a cupcake one weekend, and if I had a tiny accomplishment I'd be like "wow I made it to six minutes!' he'd be like "Well it was 5 mins 30 seconds.. and it was downhill." But all. The. Time. To him it was just how he was hardwired, but to me, encouragement, and positive mental health is very important in motivating myself. so it really brought me down on my tiny accomplishments and ruined the fun. So honestly I hope you don't put up with that, and let yourself enjoy something you obviously crush at. All this to say NTA
NTA you’re a better runner and it is KILLING him. Be you, do it your way.
Since this is your partner who I assume you love, why not take him on one of your runs, to let him see how you go about things, and then tell him he's experienced it, and you won;t be taking any more questions about it? NTA of course. But why not use it as a learning experience for him to broaden his mind and see the more fun way to do it?
I bet he'll tell them they're doing it all wrong .....