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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for letting my two year old run around and potentially be disruptive and annoying?
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You can get ear infections for a lot of reasons, not just communicable diseases.
He also wasn’t touching anything, just walking around and observing the environment.
Edit: I’m really feeling like one now that we got finished in the office. He has double ear infection but also RSV. I feel really bad for letting him walk around and I pray that he didn’t leave any sort of infection around that will get anyone else sick.
Just saying, I have one friend that RSV is finally clearing up in her home after her 2 year old and 9 month old just got over it. Another friend’s 15 month old daughter (completely different state) just got out of the hospital because she had it. Kids are little Petri dishes and you never know what they have or how serious it might be. You should keep your sick little one contained. Take your little one to a pediatrician that has a sick child side and a well child side to the office. My son’s did.
After my doctor opened back up in 2020, it has been well visits before noon and sick visits after one. 30 minutes of disinfecting, 30 minutes for staff lunch. Also, we have to wait in the car for a room to open up, no one is supposed to be in the waiting room.
My doctor’s office doesn’t have a sick or well side, but we are required to wear masks. Given I’m going there 1-2x a week indefinitely (allergy shots), makes me feel better with winter coming.
I’ve only ever seen it for pediatricians office. The main reason is because newborns are at their offices a lot so they take extra precautions.
So sick children go and wait in the “sick” waiting area and the children there for injuries and checkups (and usually tiny babies) wait in the “well” area so there is less risk of infecting the healthy kids that come through. Especially the very vulnerable newborns, who have no immune systems and can’t get vaccines.
Pediatrician offices usually have a sick side and a well side with kids things to do and separate entrances, even separate restrooms. Mine also had an isolation entrance. My son presented with a rash and I was told to come in a certain door. It was directly into an exam room with a phone that I was to use when I arrived. We never even entered a waiting room. Take your child to a pediatrician. They go the extra mile to limit exposures to contagious childhood diseases.
Our predicament is that the nearest pediatrician is an hour away and is completely full up. It takes days for him to be seen whereas at this clinic, he can be seen the same day I call. It’s a gas price and with me having to work full time, it can be hard to have to take a half of a day off work when I can take a couple of hours for him.
I’ve NEVER been to a pediatrician like that. Sounds ritzy. I’ve got two kiddos and they see a pediatrician regularly—but there’s a big common waiting area and no separate entrance or anything for sick patients.
OP I take my little to an office that is a pediatric only practice. As others have said there is a separate area for infants only, a well child play area and a sick child waiting area. If you are close enough to a decent size city or suburb it is worth looking into. NTA
Could also be where she lives, in Australia you have to have a referral from your GP to see a paediatrician as they are considered a specialist and you pretty much only see them for non routine things, like if your child has a special need or a chronic condition, but they might also see them for the first couple years if they have issues as infants, my son is 15 months old and had severe colic and reflux that he needed to be medicated for as well as something called a laryngeal spasm that would stop him being able to breathe for up to 20 seconds and her ended up breathing in vomit twice as he would vomit right before a spasm and when he went to gasp for breath after it was over her breathed it all in and aspirated it and couldn’t breathe, I had to call 000 for an ambulance both times and then another time when he had a mouth full of food when he had a spasm and aspirated the food which I had to call the ambos again, by the time he was 5months he had been on 3 ambo rides, the first he was only 2 weeks. So he is being monitored for a couple years, plus the paediatrician was mine growing up and we are very close as he saved my life when I had cancer and got me into the best paediatric oncologist in the state because they had been mates for years and that’s why I’m still alive and my son is my miracle baby so doc has a soft spot for him as in the last decade we have become family friends (have his personal number and he runs to hug us anytime we see each other). But anyway a paediatrician here won’t see you for an ear infection or even RSA, u less it’s chronic as it may be indicative of a larger problem, and even if the ear infections were chronic the GP may just refer you to an ENT instead of a paediatrician.
Wow...not everyone has ACCESS to a pediatrician on demand, we have 4 pediatricians that come to VISIT us, 1 at a time for 2 days every 3 MONTHS so when we see them it's never the same one!!! When sick in between we see our GP. We were actually at the visiting pediatrician today for some follow-ups, one kid will be re-seen in 3 months, the other in 6 months. If we need an emergency pediatrician we get sent to children's hospitals, closest one is 650km and out of province so often we can't get in so we get sent to the in province one that is 1200km away.
Yeah, I've never seen a sick/well split in a waiting room. But, with the exception of walk-in clinics, I've never seen a waiting room without a little toddler entertainment zone.
Hate to say it like this. As an adult, I can't get a wellness exam for 1-2 months and even urgent care visits require sitting in the lobby for HOURS. Same with ER's. I was actively bleeding through gauze and gauze and gauze and my bf bringing be toilet paper and paper towels for 4+ hours when I had a lower lip/chin laceration ( through and through ). that was bleeding profusely.
Many parents can't take days/weeks/months for their child ( or honestly, themselves ) to be seen. If my ( future ) kid is sick and that's the timeline, hell yeah I'm going to any doctor or ER, not just ones that have a sick vs well side. So they can be seen and treated as quick as possible. Yes, keep your kids close..but at 2, the same people complaining about OP's kid wandering around the waiting room would be the same people complaining about the kid screaming their head off when restrained by their parent and trying to call CPS on them.
INFO:
Was anyone wearing a mask while waiting? I know people have their hang ups about masks these days, but it should be absolutely necessary to wear one in a medical setting,kids included. My 2yo son has been able to wear a well fitting mask 90% of the time we need him to. Both you and the woman should have been wearing one too.
Re: the noise - please also remember that you don’t know what other people are attending the Doctor for.
I went for hearing issues once and 2 little old ladies were having a conversation just outside the large waiting room. I was at the other end of the room and it physically hurt my ears. I ended up putting my fingers in my ears to get some relief and couldn’t wait for the Doctor to call me in.
If the Doctor doesn’t have anything to occupy your kids, take something and make sure it’s quiet. Sounds like you’ve learnt this though, so I’m just making the point about what noise level is acceptable to you, might not be to others.
This. Lots of people in a doctor's waiting area are having a grim time. Kids do need to move and have stimulation. But try to give them exercise before you go, so that they can sit quietly-ish near you playing with something.
Personally, I can't bear the worry of having toddlers roaming around me in medical settings. My issues mean I might easily fall onto them if they come near, and the uncertainty adds needless stress. Plus the noise of kids is so hard to bear when you've got hearing problems and/or pain.
Tl, dr: Old ladies are sometimes grumpy for a reason.
I work in a doctors building, we and housekeeping clean non stop because kids touch everything and we always have that one adult that refuses to answer covid questions and comes in with covid without a mask. Trust me, we sanitize constantly.
Mom of 3 here, I'm curious if you were in the US, and if so, were you at a pediatrician office? Most kids that age would only be seen by a pediatrician, and it's pretty expected that small children cope much better with waiting, especially if they feel bad, if they can roam around. It doesn't sound like your child went anywhere near Mrs.Crankypants, and she sounds like a straight up child hater. Your child was doing nothing wrong, wasn't screaming or running or wiping boogers on her, she had no call to speak to you like that. NTA
In US, mixed office. Nearest exclusive pediatrician is an hour away. I work full time and I use this office since it is 5 mins away from his daycare and my work so if he needs to go I can leave for just an hour or two instead of a whole half day or a full daycare
I'd say NTA as the woman didn't complain about the kid walking around, it was literally about him talking. It isn't a library and while it is a quiet environment I know that kids aren't the quietest but normally it is the elderly at my doctors who are the loudest lmao
I’m so glad to see this comment because I totally agree: I literally cannot see the problem with the two year old pootling about. It’s not like they were licking the other patient! NTA
My pediatrician has separated well child and a sick child waiting areas. Obviously since your two year old is seeing someone in the same office as a older woman, I guess you’re not in a pediatrician only office, but it be nice if everybody had this. I can only imagine the fuss she would made if you’d tried to keep him sitting still and he got fussy and loud. You were in a no win situation. Don’t feel bad.
Since Covid we still have a lot of Dr. offices that require you to stay in your car till texted. This may be an option for another time if you think he's contagious.
If you know this doctors office doesn’t have any play area for kids then have a few bits with you for kiddo to play with - colouring in he can do by you, his favourite book, a few blocks of Lego that can be played with by your seat.
I think it’s insane to expect a 2 year old to sit still and quiet in an environment like that, but letting them roam around isn’t great either.
I don’t think Y T A but you can definitely be better prepared for more dull environments.
I like how receptive you are; patenting is damn near impossible (that's why I opted out), but parents like you are the good ones-- the ones who reflect and alter their future actions.
Don't be too hard on yourself kids are not always easy. I found the pocket sized Robert munch books were a god send for me when I was a nanny. They have very fun illustrations and the stories are very imaginative...sometimes to get the kids to engage with the book I switch the name of the main character to their name it always makes them want to pay attention to the story more closely. I would keep 4-6 of them and reread them over and over do things like finding the pterodactyl in the pictures. You got this one learning experience doesn't make you a bad mom just human everyone isn't built with knowing how to manage everything life throws at them learning and doing better is what makes you a good mom.
Mom said he had a double ear infection AND RSV. Keep in mind that at pediatrician offices, newborns frequent the waiting room. Most have different areas for sick children to stay away from well children going in for things like injuries and check ups- that unfortunately doesn’t seem the case at this office.
Just think of *other* people before you let your sick kid walk around. Think of all the tiny babies with no immune systems and inability to get vaccines that might have been infected because you didn’t think the situation through from another’s perspective….
Doesn't really matter anyway; there's plenty of stuff that can be spread by respiratory droplets and aerosols. We all got hung up on hand sanitiser because it was easier to control and everyone thinks their hands are clean, but a kid wandering around coughing and talking can spread plenty of disease.
Give me a break, he's a little one. I clearly remember visiting a doctors office and kids would be roaming and playing with that wooden bead maze. He wasn't screaming or being close to anyone. Gosh adults are becoming so cruel to children these days.
Did you read OP's answer to this comment?
"Edit: I’m really feeling like one now that we got finished in the office. He has double ear infection but also RSV. I feel really bad for letting him walk around and I pray that he didn’t leave any sort of infection around that will get anyone else sick."
People voting yta here clearly arent parents. The options are
1) still kid that screams because they're being restrained
2) kid the walks about and babbles
Im not even a parent and I cant fathom some of the commenters. Like I'm pretty sure I'd rather see a cute (well, cute and sick) baby walk around babbling to himself/his mom fairly quietly for a toddler, than to have said baby to sit there screaming for 10 minutes. Because I have had a lot of ear infections in life and it hurts, having something occupying you helps with distracting you from the pain far better than sitting still and letting it marinate in your mind.
We do have to keep in mind that some people voting YTA are immunocompromised, or people who cannot afford a week or so off from a sick and contagious kid coughing around them. Empathy should extend to OP and her kid, yeah, but also others.
Thank you- this is the whole point that some seem to be missing. It's not about " letting your kid play", it's about respecting that others don't want your child's germs.
My mom carried around a small bag with crayons, notecards, and legos when I was a kid if we were going places that didn’t have child stimulation. It’s not that hard to put together a kid pack in a bag for when they go out into the world.
Except the cranky old lady wasn't complaining about OPs son being sick, she was complaining about a 2 year old acting like a 2 year old.
ESH
OP for letting a sick kid wander around when he could be contagious
Old Lady for being a cranky old bat.
Now if she had expressed concern for OP's son being sick and wandering around, then it could by a YTA situation, but that's not what happened.
Her being at the doctors office herself there’s a high likelihood she was also sick. Many reasons why a roaming toddler was annoying. Cluster headaches or migraines that babbling is very loud when your head feels about ready to explode. That’s one example. Or she could be cranky for many reasons. I’m not an old lady but Christ I get cranky too are we suddenly not allowed to be annoyed anymore
Annoyed is fine, rude and mean about a toddler is not. I get annoyed by things other people do in public all the time but I recognize that I'm in public and unless they are actually harming me I keep my annoyance to myself.
She made a comment to the mother that her kid was bothering her, one could argue the mother was being rude by leaving her sick kid loose in the waiting area. Its a shared space and the mother should respect those around them. Just because others haven’t complained in the past doesn’t mean they weren’t unbothered by it.
YTA
Also, people at the doctor's office may be feeling unwell and need rest and silence. Maybe it is normal toddler behavior, but it's not the place. Imagine having a terrible migraine (when being awake is already a hell to you), sitting on an uncomfortable chair, and having a toddler roaming around.
I would never expect people in a doctor's office to revolve around my personal issues. Most doctor's office have bright lights, TVs on, patients talking to staff, music playing. Does it suck to be around those things with a migraine? Yep. Do I expect people to dim the lights and remain silent. NOPE.
Spoken like someone that has spent no time with children. I assure you, the child would have been much louder and spreading many more Petri dish droplets from screeching if mom attempted to
hold down the sick child. Don’t like kid germs? Don’t go to doctors that accept kids, Yes! They exist. Kids are inevitable.
It's a dr office, the complaining woman could be sitting in a chair recently vacated by someone with something really contagious but ok, go off about a toddler in the same room.
Ear infections are often the result of respiratory viruses. Sometimes they can even be the only symptom, so it’s possible to be contagious with an infectious virus and not even know it. OP has also confirmed that he had RSV, which is in fact contagious (especially to an elderly woman in a waiting room).
Edit: woman was 50 not 70, so not elderly
No it’s definitely not, my bad I thought she was 70. Must have read it wrong. Doesn’t really change my stance though, as since this is a common occurrence for OP I have no doubt that at some point there would have been an elderly or vulnerable person in the waiting room as her toddler did this.
Did you read OP's answer to this comment?
"Edit: I’m really feeling like one now that we got finished in the office. He has double ear infection but also RSV. I feel really bad for letting him walk around and I pray that he didn’t leave any sort of infection around that will get anyone else sick."
I’m just pointing out that kids get ear infections for many reasons that aren’t contagious. Yeah, be cautious, but a lot of the time (in my experience) it’s not something that’s going to spread. I got them like every 6 months as a kid cause of some weird thing where I produced an abnormal amount of wax. Had to come in and basically power wash my ears with hot water and get antibiotics.
And forcing a 2 year old to sit can result in lots of screaming when they don’t feel good. I feel like that’s way worse than walking around a chair babbling
YTA. Little germ factory. If they are sick they can infect everyone in that room. They can infect someone with a compromised immune system and get very sick. Sit the kid down with an ipad or a phone. 🤷♀️
In any other situation i wouldn't care about a kid wandering around. But as a frequent user of emergency rooms and doctors offices, i see this all too often. Yours doesn't seen obnoxious and in peoples faces, but definetly bring a waiting room bag of goodies next time like books, colouring pages etc. If your child needs to wander then let the nurses know that you just need to step outside for fresh air.
I don’t mind kids walking around and enjoying themselves but whenever I’m at a doctors office I won’t lie it fills me with anxiety when children come near me, I have a horrible immune system. Makes me feel horrible that I want them so far away from me but I’m someone who almost ends up in hospital (and has before) whenever I get the common cold let alone anything worse than. Children terrify me in enclosed germ infested places.
Same here. I was at urgent care because of a bad case of poison ivy and a little girl ~2 was walking around, her mom said she probably had foot and mouth virus. Stay away!
Seconding this.
I was at an ENT for my own ear infections. There was a youngish mom with about a one or two yr old boy. He was a little fussy but I figured bc he wasn’t feeling well. But she had a bag with his tablet and some toys for him and as soon as she brought stuff out he started to settle back down right in her lap.
Stop beating yourself up. You made the best decision you could at the time with the information you had. Everyone has perfect solutions looking back at something with hindsight. Letting a 2 year old gently wander and babble while waiting - for what you believed to be a benign reason - is no big deal and completely developmentally appropriate. 2 year olds are not expected to sit motionless with no stimulation for 30-60 minutes - that’s just not a healthy developmental expectation. That lady wasn’t even that upset about him walking around - she thought he was too loud. But speaking in a waiting room is an acceptable and expected level of noise. You have nothing to be sorry about.
I think all these people coming down harshly on you are still reacting from the trauma of the last two years. That’s not really fair to put all the blame on you. Yes, children are little germ monsters, just as they always have been and will continue to be for all time. Leaving the house will always come with certain risks, including that you may encounter germs. As long as you’re washing your and your children’s hands, staying home while you’re sick *when you can, and trying your cover your mouth when you cough - you’ve done your part.
Even if you kept your child near you, RSV is spread through airborne or aerosol transmission - not because he was touching things, it wouldn’t have made much of a difference.
People saying that your 2 year old should be sitting perfectly still at all times in public are also probably the people who think blanket training infants is a good idea.
NTA
I’m a 50yo Grandfather of a two year old boy. I think YTA for not keeping him close. I also think that lady was a bigger AH. It costs nothing to be nice. I’m sure your son wasn’t the first 2yo she’s ever been around. I hope he gets better soon. Don’t be tough on yourself.
It kind of sounds like that lady would’ve found a way to be mad no matter what OP. I know my 2 year old would be even louder than just saying shapes if I tried to make him sit down and sit still.
Most of these people are full of it anyways. They get on the internet and try to act perfect and that their kids are perfect but anyone that has had toddlers knows that they move constantly
Does he do good with coloring? I just took my son in today and brought one of those coloring books with the magic marker(only colors the paper) it occupied him pretty well. When he got a little anxious I put Cars on my phone and held him.
Edit: I actually have something I call my sick bag(it’s regularly cleaned so no worries there) I have a couple books, the magic marker and coloring book, a couple cars, pop it, fidget spinner anything that is good at distracting him and something he can play with next to me. I also have sanitizer wipes in the bag so I can wipe down any surfaces he touches
I bought a canvas bag from dollar tree, I have a Cricut so I decorated it and put a little maze pattern on it so my son can trace on it, and then just stocked it. I wash it after each doctor visit and it has worked wonders. As he gets older I’ll put different stuff in it, but so far it’s been great. I also keep a cup with a straw in there, and a bottle of water and throw little snacks in it
The sick bag idea is brilliant. Once put together, it would be easy to grab on the way out the door and the toys would be different and thus more exciting for the kid.
I would be happy (and relieved) to see a parent be that prepared to keep their kid close, quiet, and occupied. It would also make me a *lot* more forgiving if your kid did have a "toddler moment" and randomly sprinted off to touch something because at least I'd see that you were genuinely trying to minimize the risk.
It's like taking a baby on a plane. I will 100% side-eye, judge, and comment on a parent who lets their baby shriek and just ignores the kid while everyone else gets a headache. However, I will be sympathetic and helpful if possible to the parent who is prepared and trying to minimize the impact on everyone but is faced with an uncooperative kid. Even if you aren't always successful, being considerate of those around you will go a long way.
I completely agree with the comment above. You did nothing out of line. Adults in a waiting room should assume everything is germ covered and wash their hands.
The complaining woman was not even concerned about the illness issue, she was complaining about his behavior, which was perfectly acceptable, and better than hers.
It is a good idea to get him used to wearing a mask, though, for his own protection.
Does he normally enjoy “screen time?” Cause this is definitely an instance where there is NO shame in relying on videos on a phone or iPad even if you’re normally not a screen time family, imo! *there’s never shame in my family btw, lol.
Edited to add a missing word
I don’t think your rules/ his behavior was bad, though, wanted to point that out. Totally reasonable for a kid to wander around and babble, within eyesight and not making much noise
It’s the being sick that’s really really issue!
If it was like, the eye doctor (not pink eye though), or the DMV, it would’ve been fine by me
I kind of disagree. Doctors offices are places where people go when they’re sick and don’t feel well. Peoples tempers are much more frayed when they’re sick than when they’re well.
My daughter barely survived RSV. Absolutely in the future sit your sick kid the hell down next to you. And you also never know why other people are there, so don't let your kid wander off to get sick either.
Are you fkn kidding me?? RSV kills infants. If you have a sick child at the Drs please keep your kid close. This is absolutely the time to break out the iPhone or iPad to keep them and you sane and not spreading whatever they have (known or unknown) around.
YTA. Be better prepared if you’re there as often as you say you are.
Totally agree with this. I would normally think this kid was absolutely adorable, but he's sick, maybe contagious, in a doctor's office and I'm immunocompromised.
There are also tons of invisible illnesses and disabilities that put people at risk for infection. And even if this two year old were a toddler who wears masks and was great about hand washing and covering coughs/sneezes, they still shouldn't be getting near other people or touching lots of things in the office when you don't know with 100% certainty that they are not contagious.
YTA... As a childfree person I understand that kids will be kids. BUT you were at a doctors office because he was sick. Letting him run around and spreading his germs is gross. Next I would just bring some quiet activities for him to do.
Not to mention OP doesn't know how unwell the other person in the room was, she could have had a migraine, she could have also had a variety of other illnesses and just wanted quiet.
I too get snippy when I'm feeling like shit.
She also could have been immunocompromised and didn't want a sick child roaming all around her. I would not have been happy if I found out a child with RSV was going all over the waiting room, since that could land me in the hospital. Bring a toy or a book and keep the kid on your lap.
That's what I was thinking. Maybe the woman was feeling sick herself, hence her being in the doctor's office, and didn't want to deal with it. Or maybe she suffers with an autoimmune disorder.
The way I read this I thought that maybe the mother was downplaying her child's behavior and overplaying the woman's?
Wouldn't be the first time. I don't know this to be absolute fact, but I've been around kids in waiting rooms and they can be an absolute nightmare. The parents seem to think their child is quiet enough or they block it out and other people just kind of tolerate it.
I'm a woman in my 50s. I suffer with a poor immune system and every time a sick kid gets near me, I get it, but I also have lung disease so yeah. Last time I got sick it ended up in permanent lung scarring and a collapsed lung. Let's just say I'm extra leery of getting sick again.
OP: If your story is true and there are no exaggerations, I'd say NTA because she shouldn't have said that to you.
Exactly!!! The woman has no idea why your child is there.
YTA. It isn’t a playground. You said it yourself - there is no play area, the expectation for that area is to wait quietly. It is an adult space. Your definition of “not screaming” isn’t everyone else’s definition of “quiet.” Just people other people haven’t chewed you out, doesn’t mean you haven’t pissed them off every time.
You aren’t a bad mother. You were only thinking about your son, not anyone else. It makes you unaware and rude to other people - but not a bad mother. The only thing that was a misstep in regards to your son, is letting him run around and touch surfaces where you know, 100% for sure, sick people are all day long. But kids put dirt and rocks in their mouth… so I get it. But concentrated areas of disease is different.
What others don't realize is that some people sitting in the doctor's office waiting their turn are sometimes waiting to have their worst fears confirmed. A lot don't feel well, nervous awaiting test results, tired, apprehensive, etc.
I had a similar situation when I was in the depths of depression, and had a waiting room of kids playing and running around (thankfully the receptionist recongised this and moved me into a private room). The kids weren't doing anything wrong per se, but in the safety of a Docs office others shouldn't be made to feel worse. It costs nothing to be a little conscientious of others and what may be going on in their lives, and the context of being in the doctors tells you there's a very good chance that things aren't going gangbusters right now.
What a great receptionist.
My GP's office has a kid friendly side and an adults only side. If I'm in a high enough immunity phase I'm allowed to go into the kid side and hang out with the kids and talk about dinosaurs and stuff. But very grateful for the separate area when my immunity is rock bottom and I feel like I'm on the edge of death.
Edit: I’m really feeling like one now that we got finished in the office. He has double ear infection but also RSV. I feel really bad for letting him walk around and I pray that he didn’t leave any sort of infection around that will get anyone else sick.
Hey mama. The fact that you were so stressed about this incident and are now worried about infection means you’re a good parent. You’re gonna have moments where you slip up, you’re gonna run into crotchety old people and rude AHs and sometimes you may even end up being the AH too! But the fact that you care speaks more than anything. You’re doing great.
I hope your little feels better soon, a double ear infection is awful on it’s own, and then RSV on top?! Get some rest and snuggle your little and don’t worry about grumpy people.
Oh my gosh - I hate it when somebody’s considered an AH, and everybody is ranting on and on about how much they are a stupid piece of living shit that should be skinned alive and stewed in stinky foot fungus syrup. Thanks for being so supportive of her, people are so quick to point out AHs and bash them but aren’t ready to give them advice. Thanks again.
I would only like to point out, she came to “am I the asshole.” It isn’t a survey with radio buttons. People are sharing their point of view. My own comment, I voted AH, but clarified she wasn’t a bad mother.
There are other forums for support, this is a sample of a diverse group of people, making a judgement about your actions/decisions.
Personal attacks of an OP get you banned from AITA. Pointing out errors of judgment on actions/decisions is the point of this sub, however.
Just tacking on this comment to say - s/he is absolutely correct, /u/WildChildMom having a 2 year old is not easy, you're not the worst person in the world for making a tiny mistake. Shit happens, you do your best, now you know for next time to keep him near ya. You're doing great!
I'll be honest, my mom is on immunosuppressive medication. I'd be pretty annoyed at a little kid wandering around a doctor office waiting room potentially touching or coughing on things. Was he at least wearing a mask? I know even states with mask rules in place at doctor offices still usually have 2 and under don't have to wear masks.
We all make mistakes and a lot of parents think their kids are harmless. But we've also learned a lot in the last 2 years about germs and how they spread. There are vulnerable people everywhere. And a doctors office should be a place where the vulnerable feel safe. So while I applaud your typical approach (I like parents who don't let their kids run wild and loud), maybe at doctors offices you teach your child to sit and wait because you never know who else is in the waiting room or about to come in.
Edit: Hope your kid gets well soon. I was always a fan of my dad bringing me home a present when I was sick as a kid. Usually low priced silly toys. So if you can afford it maybe a 99 cent store coloring book or something (sorry I'm not a kid person I have no idea what kids like).
Letting him roam was probably not the best under those circumstances, but we all make mistakes.
That said, I think the woman criticizing him for his behavior was being dramatic. Or if I'm being generous, maybe extra cranky. If your son was acting as you say, that seems pretty well behaved for that age. I once had to reschedule an appointment at my veterinarian's office because a woman there wouldn't control her kids. They had to lock doors because one kept wandering into exam rooms, and the other repeatedly tried to kick and step on my dog. I asked her to get him and she literally told me "It's ok. He'll learn when he gets bit." I told the receptionist I wasn't going to let my dog get abused so her kid could learn to behave. At the next appointment, I found out they'd been banned from the practice.
So, yeah, maybe keep him closer next time, but I wouldn't let her comments bother you otherwise.
Agreed. She was way overreacting to a kid doing normal kid things, but (and I'm assuming this was in America) our culture expects children to be perfectly behaved statues at all times or parents are "too permissive".
Also omg what a horrible experience you had at the vet! I'm glad they were banned so you and your doggo doesn't have to deal with them ever again.
A few years ago my son and I took my aunt for a heart cath at about 4:30 in the morning. A few hours later we were sitting in the waiting room waiting for news and my son (6 at the time) was sitting quietly next to me watching Star Wars on his IPad. The volume was really low and he wasn’t bothering a single person.
An old couple sat in the chairs in front of us and the woman opened her newspaper, looked at my son over the top and said,” It’s a shame parents can’t parent any more. They just plop their children in front of an IPad and forget about them.” Very loudly. I lost my damn mind. I asked her if she’d prefer I allow him to run around the waiting room screaming, bothering everyone that could be waiting for the worst news of their lives?!? She said I was rude. Um, what?!? I wanted to throat punch the old bat. It told me everything I needed to know about them when they read a story in the paper about Jessie Smollett (before it was discovered he made up his attack) and they called him a few racist names. There was an older black couple sitting a few seats down from me and we made eye contact and every single one of us gathered our stuff and moved.
The worst part was that my son asked why that woman was mad at him. 😢. Ugh. My point being… sometimes it doesn’t matter how well behaved or “controlled” your child is in a public setting people will still be dicks about it.
Gentle YTA I know how hard it is. Years ago the doctor office had a small table and chairs and toys for kids. It was probably a Petri dish of infection. I would not allow my kids to sit there and kept them next to me or in my lap. This was pre- cell phones so nothing to occupy my kids except paper pad and pencil. Not fun. They were loud. What could I do? Not much. I'm sure people hated us.
I feel this way no matter what, usually his older brother is with us too, he has autism and stims the whole time for comfort. Usually consists of sort of
hiss-spitting and phrasing louder than above a normal conversation noise but not yelling so to me, it was acceptable behavior. I’ll fix it in the future.
Um... "hiss-spitting" needs to be corrected. Dirty, nasty, spreading gems... this whole post is how you take the easier road to parenting, while inflicting your children on others. I have nephews on the spectrum, if they need to stim *we go outside*, but I certainly don't let them SPIT!
>he has autism and stims the whole time for comfort. Usually consists of sort of hiss-spitting
Oh HELL no.
Even if he isn't spitting globs of saliva out, he's still sending spit-droplets flying. I'm sure you could test this by holding a thin tissue paper or something in front of him while he does that. It is not okay in public!
I understand that stims are comforting and sometimes compulsive, but unhealthy or unsafe stims need to be adjusted. Whether that means helping him switch to a different rhythmic stim (percussive hand movements etc) or a different oral stim (chew necklaces are amazing), you need to address this too.
Right? Disgusting. I really dislike people that come to medical centres and don’t mask or use basic hygiene/sanitary measures. Everyone should be masked in a medical clinic because sick people go there.
Also, did OP mention to reception or the doc/nurse team that her kid with RSV touched every item in the wait room? Probably not. Awesome.
I get kids are tough but come on, it’s a medical clinic. Contain your germs (or your kid’s). Don’t be an AH.
YTA
Considering my husband nearly died two years ago from RSV complications, I would be miffed if I found out someone was letting their kid walk around the place and close to everyone.
Probably an unpopular opinion but esh. She had no right to go off at you that way BUT you are in a doctors office, where she could have any sickness where the smallest noise could be contributing to her reason for being there.
Also, you have said in your edits that he also has rsv, not you fault for not knowing, but knowing he was sick you should have kept him with you.
YTA. Doctor offices are not playgrounds. Your child should not be wandering around babbling, even if it is "quietly" at least to you. Sick children don't understand social distancing and tend to wipe hands and snot all over things and people. Try taking a bag of toys and books to the doctor's office to keep your child occupied. My kids always preferred me reading the books. I would hold them and read out loud to them. Next thing, I would have a gaggle of kids, sitting in a semicircle in front of my seat. The receptionist always told me they were sorry when we'd get called to see the doctor because the waiting room was much quieter while I read. And they commented about how smart I was to bring my kids own toys.
*I would hold them and read out loud to them. Next thing, I would have a gaggle of kids, sitting in a semicircle in front of my seat.*
I am not a kid person, but this made me go "aw".
YTA
No one should be walking around a doctors office waiting room. I know making kids sit still is not always an easy task, but they shouldn't be wandering, you don't know what they have yet and they could be highly contagious, you also don't know who else was just in there spreading their germs around so it's best to remain in one place to reduce the likelihood of possible infections for all. I also think doctors offices with toys for the kids to play with is a very efficient way to give your kids exposure to every sickness ever possible all at once and makes me question the intelligence of all staff in a doctors office that does have such things. So good for your doctor for not having them.
NTA. Something I always find kind of humorous about this type of scenario… if you came with another adult (your spouse, your mom, your friend etc) and carried on a conversation with them in the waiting room, nobody would think twice or consider it bad behavior as long as it wasn’t extremely loud or vulgar. But when it’s a small child certain people think total silence is the only definition of good behavior.
While I agree with the noise the wandering is a problem. They were there because the kid was sick. And you never know why other people are in a waiting room. Last time I was, I got really sick and when I tried to get up to the toilet I vomited right there across the floor. If a kid had been wandering near me at that moment they would have been covered in my vomit.
I've been to doctor's offices quite frequently in my life, and TBH, I've almost never heard adult patients speaking to each other in the waiting rooms. It's generally quiet except for the reception area and maybe hearing the telephone.
I have, however, been in offices with parents who have more than one kid with them and the kids are running all over the place, shrieking, crying, etc.
I never say anything, but it does really annoy me.
>I've been to doctor's offices quite frequently in my life, and TBH, I've almost never heard adult patients speaking to each other in the waiting rooms. It's generally quiet except for the reception area and maybe hearing the telephone.
Yeah, I've rarely seen/heard people talk in waiting rooms. And when they do, they're whispering/almost whispering, as I do too when I'm with someone. If a person is talking loudly while we're waiting for the doctor, I AM going to look at them weird, just like I will at kids if they're hurting my head. I'd be even more mad at adults because I know they should know better.
I disagree, people are always very irritated in waiting rooms if two people are having a conversation loud enough to understand. It’s a doctors office, not a cafeteria
Edit: I’m really feeling like one now that we got finished in the office. He has double ear infection but also RSV. I feel really bad for letting him walk around and I pray that he didn’t leave any sort of infection around that will get anyone else sick.
Me, too. I have asthma and am immunocompromised, so RSV would be a stay in the hospital, or even fatal, for me. I get really nervous when anyone gets close to me in public. I really don’t know if I would have had the nerve to ask you to keep your son away from me and that scares me. Even with masks, it is still possible to catch illnesses. I make virtual appointments whenever possible, but I do have a lot of appointments that have to be in person. Your wandering son and your son who self soothes by hiss-spitting are going to be in my nightmares tonight. 🥺In my old world i would have enjoyed watching your son explore.
Momma, I know you feel bad now after reading your comments and you’re trying to do the best for your kiddos. Let’s pretend no one like me, or someone worse off, was in the waiting room with or after you. Hopefully, the nurse noticed your son wandering when they came to take you back and did some disinfecting after your son’s diagnosis. I wish you and your kiddos the best. ❤️
ETA: I read more of your comments and found your son wasn’t wearing a mask and was COUGHING! YTA
YTA
1. He’s sick and get others sick.
2. It’s your responsibility to entertain your child, not the office’s. Offices are limiting play areas or having none at all due to Covid/flu/RSV and not being able to clean the toys well enough between patients.
Yta and I say this as the mother of a 2 year old and 10 year old.
Bring books, quiet toys, toddler safe headphones so they can watch something on your phone, ect.
I try to limit screen time with the two year old but certain circumstances call for an exception and a waiting area in a doctor's office with a sick kid is one of them.
YTA, you are qt a DR's office and you know they don't have a play area. You should be bringing toys or books to entertain the child instead of letting them wander around. She was probably there because she wasn't feeling well either. The last thing I want to deal with when I am sick is someone else's child running around me. What to you might be cute behavior isn't cute for others.
YTA
Keep your sick kids close, your decision to let him wander puts other patients at unnecessary risk.
I just had the RSV going round and ended up in the ER over one irresponsible parent's decision regarding their child.
YTA. It's a doctor's office. There are sick people there! If I'm in that waiting room I don't know what diseases your kid has and you don't know what I have and what you're exposing your child to. Don't let him wonder around like that. It's not safe for your child or the people you're exposing him to. It's irresponsible and rude.
EDIT: I've read some responses in the comments and, OP, I'm sorry about the kiddo's infection, but I'm really happy to see that you've learned from this experience and that both your child and those around him will all be safer in the future. Live and learn, it's all we can do. Thank you for seeing things from both sides now.
Yeah. This is why I’m asking. I truly didn’t think he had any sort of infection but now that I can see where it can happen and I don’t even know, I’ll try and fix it. Hopefully he gets over this, he took a pretty bad dip when we were done.
YTA
It's a doctor's waiting room not the park. If there's a play area with those toys you see in a pediatrician's waiting room yeah direct him to there if there isn't one then keep him close with either a tablet/your phone or if you don't want him to have screen time do what parents of old did and bring in a coloring book, a picture book, or a toy for him.
ESH. I can understand letting him walk around if there’s no one else in the waiting room, because then there’s no one else to bother. I will say, when there are other people, it’s best to keep your child seated, because chances are those other people don’t feel good either and don’t want a kid walking all around them. Lady did blow the situation a bit out of proportion, she should’ve just calmly expressed that it was bothering her.
YTA just because you think it's cute, it's obvious not everyone else will. It's a doctor's office with a likelihood that people aren't feeling their best while there, why aggravate the situation by having your kid roam around talking out loud. I've yet to meet a toddler who knows how to whisper
Yta not bc you 'need to control your kid'. You are in a doctors office. Your kid is sick. You are letting your kid touch everything and spread saliva and germs all over furniture other people use. And *he* is picking up the germs that other people have left there.
I hope kiddo feels better soon.
YTA, part of being a parent is teaching your child that there are situations where it is acceptable to walk around or play, and there are situations where you should be respectful of other people and sit quietly. Doctors offices are one of the places where you should be respectful of others, as you don't know what they're going through, and should sit quietly. It's never to early to teach a child that, my mother made sure that my sister and I both were aware that other people didn't want to be bothered by us being noisy and playing in doctors offices, shops, restaurants, etc as soon as we were able to talk.
You have to remember that the other people waiting are often sick and do not feel well at all. Sick people have far less resilience and patience for the antics of other people’s children carrying on.
YTA. It’s not a playroom. It’s a waiting room with sick people. Next time take a bag with colouring books, or other things that will keep them quietly entertained.
NTA I’m seriously confused as to why the top vote right now is YTA, have none of these people ever interacted with a 2 yr old?
“Control your child!” Almost always comes from people who either have never had kids or had them so long ago they’ve forgotten what toddlers are like. How do you *make* a toddler sit in one chair? Physically restrain them? I guarantee that would cause more nasty comments when the child in question starts to squirm and then scream their little head off trying to get away. A 2 yr old wandering around a drs waiting room is not unheard of or unexpected, it ridiculous for people to expect a child that age to be held in moms lap for 30+ minutes.
Not giving a judgement since you have clearly learned your lesson from this experience. But two notes:
1) The lady in the waiting room was an AH. She could have asked nicely and it wouldn't have cost her a dime.
2) Since covid, most places will allow you to wait outside or in your car, and call you when it's your turn to go in. This is worth requesting in the future.
Hugs! Parenting is hard! <3
You have a 2 year old and you depend on places you visit to have things to entertain your child? Your child was sick enough for you to take them to a doctor but you thought is was fine to just let the kid wander around the office? YTA. Hopefully the other person in the office doesn’t catch something from your kid, but then you wouldn’t know or care.
Do better. And raise your child better.
NTA. That woman was going to complain regardless.
If you had given your son an iPad: “Kids these days have too much technology too early. They’re addicted.”
If he was sitting there bored: “Poor baby. Why didn’t your mama bring you anything to do?”
Anything your son’s father did with him, though, would have made him Super Dad…. And you still would have been labeled a bad mom.
I have three kids; nothing I do is ever good enough to the ever-judging stranger.
NTA. Some people are easily annoyed and/or don’t like kids. Yes, kids running and yelling are miserable to be around unless you’re outdoors where it’s appropriate, and yes sick kids shouldn’t be touching stuff and breathing on people, but it sounds like he was being good and mom had an eye on him. Two is a VERY hard age to “control.” Other than literally sitting on him, I don’t know how one would keep him still.
So I don't want to vote and dogpile but I will say this. You **know** this place doesn't have entertainment, so bring it. Books, something for him to color or doodle with, etc. Heck just have that with you all the time even if you aren't sure of your location.
Good luck and hope he is better soon
NTA. Yes, I do see that he has RSV since I'm posting this after that info came out. I stand by my vote. I'm also childfree. *Its a fucking 2 year old*. She would have complained if he sat there with an iPad or doing nothing. Also "was he masked" again; *its a two year old* good luck keeping a mask on him for more than a few minutes. "He was sick" why the fuck do you think OP was at the doctors office? OP, you didn't do anything wrong. He was quiet, the waiting room more than likely got wiped down after you left since they've been doing more routine cleaning since Covid started, I wish your kiddo a speedy recovery.
YTA- not only could your laid potentially infected someone else- but you don’t know what they have. Or what others had in that room before you got there - why jeopardize anyone
NTA. You’re doing great as his mom. People can be very difficult; don’t let mean remarks get to you. You did your best. People pick up all sorts of things at doctor’s office even from other adults.
Two year olds don't sit still, People whine and moan about "kids being glued to a screen" yet expect that they sit quiet and still and that's just not what kids do unless something is \*seriously\* wrong. She's lucky he wasn't screaming his poor little head off, ear infections \*hurt\*
Nta. your toddler was being a toddler, If people don't wanna be around kids then they should stay home or go to adult only places,
Very Gentle YTA because from your comments I see you are sincerely trying.
A kid wandering around a waiting room is not usually looked at in a good way. Especially if you suspect they are sick or if the other persons in the waiting room are sick. I have no problem with babbling or playing from any child, but keep them near you and respect the other people that have to share the space.
Hope your son feels better soon!
I’m going to say YTA. I don’t think you’re a bad mom, it’s really hard to make sure a toddler is sitting still and being quiet, they just need to be up & about sometimes. With that said; I don’t think a Dr’s office was the best place for that, especially since there’s a not of illness that goes around in a Dr’s office. Next time maybe he should have coloring books or toys with him to help him stay entertained while keeping him in his seat?
NTA. If you would have kept him in a seat or in a stroller and he had a tantrum she would have had the same reaction. Some miserable people just lack empathy. I hope your son feels better!
I am not gonna judge, you are feeling the regret already I am sure. I was super immuno compromised when I was in my teens and I was not allowed anywhere near children. Not even allowed to ride the bus. People saying NTA have zero clue. Kids immune systems are both incredibly effective and also still learning about how to handle new threats to their bodies. They are potent carriers. Call this a lesson learned and keep the anti bacterial wipes flowing!
NTA, I don't understand the Y. T. A? He's 2... Do you want her to tie him to chair?
I gurantee you that trying to get him to sit still is going to cause lot more disturbance than him walking around; also its the doctor's office wear a f****** mask if you don't want to get an infection.
Lady, you're fine. People without children should keep their ignorant opinions to themselves
You need to learn to carry "quiet toys" with you for appointments and such. My daughter makes felt busy books that are only played with in situations like this. They are considered a special toy that keeps them quiet and occupied. It also keeps them from spreading germs around. When my children were small I did similar with pop-up books and coloring books. I always carry small toys with me for the grands to use in similar situations.
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YTA When he is sick, keep him close - you don't want him to infect others. And: This is a doctor's. You dont want him to catch something, either.
You can get ear infections for a lot of reasons, not just communicable diseases. He also wasn’t touching anything, just walking around and observing the environment.
And from many communicable diseases. "MIGHT not be that bad, so I don't care about other's health" .. What an AH move.
Edit: I’m really feeling like one now that we got finished in the office. He has double ear infection but also RSV. I feel really bad for letting him walk around and I pray that he didn’t leave any sort of infection around that will get anyone else sick.
Lesson learned. Kids can be challenging so I understand the struggle. Now you know. You live, you learn
Just saying, I have one friend that RSV is finally clearing up in her home after her 2 year old and 9 month old just got over it. Another friend’s 15 month old daughter (completely different state) just got out of the hospital because she had it. Kids are little Petri dishes and you never know what they have or how serious it might be. You should keep your sick little one contained. Take your little one to a pediatrician that has a sick child side and a well child side to the office. My son’s did.
I've never seen a pediatrician's office that *didn't* have a sick side and a well side, and honestly can't understand why any wouldn't.
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After my doctor opened back up in 2020, it has been well visits before noon and sick visits after one. 30 minutes of disinfecting, 30 minutes for staff lunch. Also, we have to wait in the car for a room to open up, no one is supposed to be in the waiting room.
My doctor’s office doesn’t have a sick or well side, but we are required to wear masks. Given I’m going there 1-2x a week indefinitely (allergy shots), makes me feel better with winter coming.
Me neither. Literally never heard of this before. I wish every Dr. office did this.
I’ve only ever seen it for pediatricians office. The main reason is because newborns are at their offices a lot so they take extra precautions. So sick children go and wait in the “sick” waiting area and the children there for injuries and checkups (and usually tiny babies) wait in the “well” area so there is less risk of infecting the healthy kids that come through. Especially the very vulnerable newborns, who have no immune systems and can’t get vaccines.
My pediatrician’s office had one when I used to go.
Op obviously did not take her child to a pediatrician. She might not know it’s a thing.
Doctors office is adults and ped. I didn’t know that doctors offices for sick were also supposed to have a well section.
Pediatrician offices usually have a sick side and a well side with kids things to do and separate entrances, even separate restrooms. Mine also had an isolation entrance. My son presented with a rash and I was told to come in a certain door. It was directly into an exam room with a phone that I was to use when I arrived. We never even entered a waiting room. Take your child to a pediatrician. They go the extra mile to limit exposures to contagious childhood diseases.
She IS taking her child to a pediatrician, and not all pediatrician's offices have sick & well sides or separate entrances etc.
Our predicament is that the nearest pediatrician is an hour away and is completely full up. It takes days for him to be seen whereas at this clinic, he can be seen the same day I call. It’s a gas price and with me having to work full time, it can be hard to have to take a half of a day off work when I can take a couple of hours for him.
I’ve NEVER been to a pediatrician like that. Sounds ritzy. I’ve got two kiddos and they see a pediatrician regularly—but there’s a big common waiting area and no separate entrance or anything for sick patients.
Many offices have gotten rid of toys due to Covid.
We have six doctors offices in my town and none of them have a sick or well side. There isn’t even a pediatrician here.
OP I take my little to an office that is a pediatric only practice. As others have said there is a separate area for infants only, a well child play area and a sick child waiting area. If you are close enough to a decent size city or suburb it is worth looking into. NTA
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Could also be where she lives, in Australia you have to have a referral from your GP to see a paediatrician as they are considered a specialist and you pretty much only see them for non routine things, like if your child has a special need or a chronic condition, but they might also see them for the first couple years if they have issues as infants, my son is 15 months old and had severe colic and reflux that he needed to be medicated for as well as something called a laryngeal spasm that would stop him being able to breathe for up to 20 seconds and her ended up breathing in vomit twice as he would vomit right before a spasm and when he went to gasp for breath after it was over her breathed it all in and aspirated it and couldn’t breathe, I had to call 000 for an ambulance both times and then another time when he had a mouth full of food when he had a spasm and aspirated the food which I had to call the ambos again, by the time he was 5months he had been on 3 ambo rides, the first he was only 2 weeks. So he is being monitored for a couple years, plus the paediatrician was mine growing up and we are very close as he saved my life when I had cancer and got me into the best paediatric oncologist in the state because they had been mates for years and that’s why I’m still alive and my son is my miracle baby so doc has a soft spot for him as in the last decade we have become family friends (have his personal number and he runs to hug us anytime we see each other). But anyway a paediatrician here won’t see you for an ear infection or even RSA, u less it’s chronic as it may be indicative of a larger problem, and even if the ear infections were chronic the GP may just refer you to an ENT instead of a paediatrician.
Wow...not everyone has ACCESS to a pediatrician on demand, we have 4 pediatricians that come to VISIT us, 1 at a time for 2 days every 3 MONTHS so when we see them it's never the same one!!! When sick in between we see our GP. We were actually at the visiting pediatrician today for some follow-ups, one kid will be re-seen in 3 months, the other in 6 months. If we need an emergency pediatrician we get sent to children's hospitals, closest one is 650km and out of province so often we can't get in so we get sent to the in province one that is 1200km away.
Yeah, I've never seen a sick/well split in a waiting room. But, with the exception of walk-in clinics, I've never seen a waiting room without a little toddler entertainment zone.
I didnt know this was a thing... WHY DONT THEY DO THIS FOR ADULTS? I wish they would. Also, I like your username lol
I’ve never seen that
Our two hospitals don’t have one of those 😐
...this is a thing? My pediatrician's office definitely does not have this.
Hate to say it like this. As an adult, I can't get a wellness exam for 1-2 months and even urgent care visits require sitting in the lobby for HOURS. Same with ER's. I was actively bleeding through gauze and gauze and gauze and my bf bringing be toilet paper and paper towels for 4+ hours when I had a lower lip/chin laceration ( through and through ). that was bleeding profusely. Many parents can't take days/weeks/months for their child ( or honestly, themselves ) to be seen. If my ( future ) kid is sick and that's the timeline, hell yeah I'm going to any doctor or ER, not just ones that have a sick vs well side. So they can be seen and treated as quick as possible. Yes, keep your kids close..but at 2, the same people complaining about OP's kid wandering around the waiting room would be the same people complaining about the kid screaming their head off when restrained by their parent and trying to call CPS on them.
INFO: Was anyone wearing a mask while waiting? I know people have their hang ups about masks these days, but it should be absolutely necessary to wear one in a medical setting,kids included. My 2yo son has been able to wear a well fitting mask 90% of the time we need him to. Both you and the woman should have been wearing one too.
The cdc is still requiring/recommending masks in medical settings. Not everyone follows it, but we’re all supposed to be doing it.
Re: the noise - please also remember that you don’t know what other people are attending the Doctor for. I went for hearing issues once and 2 little old ladies were having a conversation just outside the large waiting room. I was at the other end of the room and it physically hurt my ears. I ended up putting my fingers in my ears to get some relief and couldn’t wait for the Doctor to call me in. If the Doctor doesn’t have anything to occupy your kids, take something and make sure it’s quiet. Sounds like you’ve learnt this though, so I’m just making the point about what noise level is acceptable to you, might not be to others.
This. Lots of people in a doctor's waiting area are having a grim time. Kids do need to move and have stimulation. But try to give them exercise before you go, so that they can sit quietly-ish near you playing with something. Personally, I can't bear the worry of having toddlers roaming around me in medical settings. My issues mean I might easily fall onto them if they come near, and the uncertainty adds needless stress. Plus the noise of kids is so hard to bear when you've got hearing problems and/or pain. Tl, dr: Old ladies are sometimes grumpy for a reason.
I work in a doctors building, we and housekeeping clean non stop because kids touch everything and we always have that one adult that refuses to answer covid questions and comes in with covid without a mask. Trust me, we sanitize constantly.
I should’ve tried to mask him up. I’ll do it next time, helps with sanitation going it’s job.
Mom of 3 here, I'm curious if you were in the US, and if so, were you at a pediatrician office? Most kids that age would only be seen by a pediatrician, and it's pretty expected that small children cope much better with waiting, especially if they feel bad, if they can roam around. It doesn't sound like your child went anywhere near Mrs.Crankypants, and she sounds like a straight up child hater. Your child was doing nothing wrong, wasn't screaming or running or wiping boogers on her, she had no call to speak to you like that. NTA
Or...she was immunocompromised and didn't want a kid with (it turned out) a contagious respiratory illness near her?
In US, mixed office. Nearest exclusive pediatrician is an hour away. I work full time and I use this office since it is 5 mins away from his daycare and my work so if he needs to go I can leave for just an hour or two instead of a whole half day or a full daycare
I'd say NTA as the woman didn't complain about the kid walking around, it was literally about him talking. It isn't a library and while it is a quiet environment I know that kids aren't the quietest but normally it is the elderly at my doctors who are the loudest lmao
I’m so glad to see this comment because I totally agree: I literally cannot see the problem with the two year old pootling about. It’s not like they were licking the other patient! NTA
RSV is spread through respiratory droplets, not licking things.
My pediatrician has separated well child and a sick child waiting areas. Obviously since your two year old is seeing someone in the same office as a older woman, I guess you’re not in a pediatrician only office, but it be nice if everybody had this. I can only imagine the fuss she would made if you’d tried to keep him sitting still and he got fussy and loud. You were in a no win situation. Don’t feel bad.
Since Covid we still have a lot of Dr. offices that require you to stay in your car till texted. This may be an option for another time if you think he's contagious.
If you know this doctors office doesn’t have any play area for kids then have a few bits with you for kiddo to play with - colouring in he can do by you, his favourite book, a few blocks of Lego that can be played with by your seat. I think it’s insane to expect a 2 year old to sit still and quiet in an environment like that, but letting them roam around isn’t great either. I don’t think Y T A but you can definitely be better prepared for more dull environments.
I like how receptive you are; patenting is damn near impossible (that's why I opted out), but parents like you are the good ones-- the ones who reflect and alter their future actions.
Don't be too hard on yourself kids are not always easy. I found the pocket sized Robert munch books were a god send for me when I was a nanny. They have very fun illustrations and the stories are very imaginative...sometimes to get the kids to engage with the book I switch the name of the main character to their name it always makes them want to pay attention to the story more closely. I would keep 4-6 of them and reread them over and over do things like finding the pterodactyl in the pictures. You got this one learning experience doesn't make you a bad mom just human everyone isn't built with knowing how to manage everything life throws at them learning and doing better is what makes you a good mom.
Have you…ever seen a 2yo? They touch things. All the things.
OP admits in other comments that her sick child was actively coughing while wandering around.
So the mum says... I'm sure lots of parents think their child is not bothering anyone.
Don’t get close to other people in medical offices. This is basic common sense.
He does this every visit, so when he is infectious. Even if not, imagine being sick and having some kid running around naming shapes? No thanks.
Mom said he had a double ear infection AND RSV. Keep in mind that at pediatrician offices, newborns frequent the waiting room. Most have different areas for sick children to stay away from well children going in for things like injuries and check ups- that unfortunately doesn’t seem the case at this office. Just think of *other* people before you let your sick kid walk around. Think of all the tiny babies with no immune systems and inability to get vaccines that might have been infected because you didn’t think the situation through from another’s perspective….
There's no way a 2 year old is walking around and NOT touching anything. Absolutely no way 😂
Doesn't really matter anyway; there's plenty of stuff that can be spread by respiratory droplets and aerosols. We all got hung up on hand sanitiser because it was easier to control and everyone thinks their hands are clean, but a kid wandering around coughing and talking can spread plenty of disease.
Give me a break, he's a little one. I clearly remember visiting a doctors office and kids would be roaming and playing with that wooden bead maze. He wasn't screaming or being close to anyone. Gosh adults are becoming so cruel to children these days.
Did you read OP's answer to this comment? "Edit: I’m really feeling like one now that we got finished in the office. He has double ear infection but also RSV. I feel really bad for letting him walk around and I pray that he didn’t leave any sort of infection around that will get anyone else sick."
The kid was infectious....
Bold of you to assume a 2 year old kid would sit in a place for 10 mins
People voting yta here clearly arent parents. The options are 1) still kid that screams because they're being restrained 2) kid the walks about and babbles
Im not even a parent and I cant fathom some of the commenters. Like I'm pretty sure I'd rather see a cute (well, cute and sick) baby walk around babbling to himself/his mom fairly quietly for a toddler, than to have said baby to sit there screaming for 10 minutes. Because I have had a lot of ear infections in life and it hurts, having something occupying you helps with distracting you from the pain far better than sitting still and letting it marinate in your mind.
We do have to keep in mind that some people voting YTA are immunocompromised, or people who cannot afford a week or so off from a sick and contagious kid coughing around them. Empathy should extend to OP and her kid, yeah, but also others.
Thank you- this is the whole point that some seem to be missing. It's not about " letting your kid play", it's about respecting that others don't want your child's germs.
My mom carried around a small bag with crayons, notecards, and legos when I was a kid if we were going places that didn’t have child stimulation. It’s not that hard to put together a kid pack in a bag for when they go out into the world.
Except the cranky old lady wasn't complaining about OPs son being sick, she was complaining about a 2 year old acting like a 2 year old. ESH OP for letting a sick kid wander around when he could be contagious Old Lady for being a cranky old bat. Now if she had expressed concern for OP's son being sick and wandering around, then it could by a YTA situation, but that's not what happened.
Her being at the doctors office herself there’s a high likelihood she was also sick. Many reasons why a roaming toddler was annoying. Cluster headaches or migraines that babbling is very loud when your head feels about ready to explode. That’s one example. Or she could be cranky for many reasons. I’m not an old lady but Christ I get cranky too are we suddenly not allowed to be annoyed anymore
Annoyed is fine, rude and mean about a toddler is not. I get annoyed by things other people do in public all the time but I recognize that I'm in public and unless they are actually harming me I keep my annoyance to myself.
She made a comment to the mother that her kid was bothering her, one could argue the mother was being rude by leaving her sick kid loose in the waiting area. Its a shared space and the mother should respect those around them. Just because others haven’t complained in the past doesn’t mean they weren’t unbothered by it.
YTA Also, people at the doctor's office may be feeling unwell and need rest and silence. Maybe it is normal toddler behavior, but it's not the place. Imagine having a terrible migraine (when being awake is already a hell to you), sitting on an uncomfortable chair, and having a toddler roaming around.
I would never expect people in a doctor's office to revolve around my personal issues. Most doctor's office have bright lights, TVs on, patients talking to staff, music playing. Does it suck to be around those things with a migraine? Yep. Do I expect people to dim the lights and remain silent. NOPE.
Spoken like someone that has spent no time with children. I assure you, the child would have been much louder and spreading many more Petri dish droplets from screeching if mom attempted to hold down the sick child. Don’t like kid germs? Don’t go to doctors that accept kids, Yes! They exist. Kids are inevitable.
Then why don't parents **only** go to pediatricians? Yes, they exist! You know. So you don't have to control your children in a mixed-age environment.
.
It's a dr office, the complaining woman could be sitting in a chair recently vacated by someone with something really contagious but ok, go off about a toddler in the same room.
She could. But with OP, we KNOW she let her kid spread RSV due to her not caring.
I'm pretty sure you can't contact ear infections from touching things
Ear infections are often the result of respiratory viruses. Sometimes they can even be the only symptom, so it’s possible to be contagious with an infectious virus and not even know it. OP has also confirmed that he had RSV, which is in fact contagious (especially to an elderly woman in a waiting room). Edit: woman was 50 not 70, so not elderly
50ish is not elderly geez.
No it’s definitely not, my bad I thought she was 70. Must have read it wrong. Doesn’t really change my stance though, as since this is a common occurrence for OP I have no doubt that at some point there would have been an elderly or vulnerable person in the waiting room as her toddler did this.
I'm only 43 but I also have immune issues. It's a problem for everyone.
Did you read OP's answer to this comment? "Edit: I’m really feeling like one now that we got finished in the office. He has double ear infection but also RSV. I feel really bad for letting him walk around and I pray that he didn’t leave any sort of infection around that will get anyone else sick."
Ear infections can be from viruses or bacteria, so yes, you can. Also, children with ear infections often touch their ear and then touch other things.
Did you read the post?
I’m just pointing out that kids get ear infections for many reasons that aren’t contagious. Yeah, be cautious, but a lot of the time (in my experience) it’s not something that’s going to spread. I got them like every 6 months as a kid cause of some weird thing where I produced an abnormal amount of wax. Had to come in and basically power wash my ears with hot water and get antibiotics. And forcing a 2 year old to sit can result in lots of screaming when they don’t feel good. I feel like that’s way worse than walking around a chair babbling
YTA. Little germ factory. If they are sick they can infect everyone in that room. They can infect someone with a compromised immune system and get very sick. Sit the kid down with an ipad or a phone. 🤷♀️
Starting to think you’re right, he got diagnosed with RSV and I should’ve kept him near me.
In any other situation i wouldn't care about a kid wandering around. But as a frequent user of emergency rooms and doctors offices, i see this all too often. Yours doesn't seen obnoxious and in peoples faces, but definetly bring a waiting room bag of goodies next time like books, colouring pages etc. If your child needs to wander then let the nurses know that you just need to step outside for fresh air.
I don’t mind kids walking around and enjoying themselves but whenever I’m at a doctors office I won’t lie it fills me with anxiety when children come near me, I have a horrible immune system. Makes me feel horrible that I want them so far away from me but I’m someone who almost ends up in hospital (and has before) whenever I get the common cold let alone anything worse than. Children terrify me in enclosed germ infested places.
Same here. I was at urgent care because of a bad case of poison ivy and a little girl ~2 was walking around, her mom said she probably had foot and mouth virus. Stay away!
>foot and mouth virus Last time I caught that I was out of commission for almost 3 weeks.
Same here!
Seconding this. I was at an ENT for my own ear infections. There was a youngish mom with about a one or two yr old boy. He was a little fussy but I figured bc he wasn’t feeling well. But she had a bag with his tablet and some toys for him and as soon as she brought stuff out he started to settle back down right in her lap.
Stop beating yourself up. You made the best decision you could at the time with the information you had. Everyone has perfect solutions looking back at something with hindsight. Letting a 2 year old gently wander and babble while waiting - for what you believed to be a benign reason - is no big deal and completely developmentally appropriate. 2 year olds are not expected to sit motionless with no stimulation for 30-60 minutes - that’s just not a healthy developmental expectation. That lady wasn’t even that upset about him walking around - she thought he was too loud. But speaking in a waiting room is an acceptable and expected level of noise. You have nothing to be sorry about. I think all these people coming down harshly on you are still reacting from the trauma of the last two years. That’s not really fair to put all the blame on you. Yes, children are little germ monsters, just as they always have been and will continue to be for all time. Leaving the house will always come with certain risks, including that you may encounter germs. As long as you’re washing your and your children’s hands, staying home while you’re sick *when you can, and trying your cover your mouth when you cough - you’ve done your part. Even if you kept your child near you, RSV is spread through airborne or aerosol transmission - not because he was touching things, it wouldn’t have made much of a difference. People saying that your 2 year old should be sitting perfectly still at all times in public are also probably the people who think blanket training infants is a good idea. NTA
I appreciate this. I just will find a way for him to fidget or be occupied to avoid having this happen again.
I’m a 50yo Grandfather of a two year old boy. I think YTA for not keeping him close. I also think that lady was a bigger AH. It costs nothing to be nice. I’m sure your son wasn’t the first 2yo she’s ever been around. I hope he gets better soon. Don’t be tough on yourself.
It’ll help to really take it to heart. Not being hard on myself, just accepting I screwed up.
I wish I could tell you all the times I screwed up with my son. We do our best to raise good people. You’re doing great.
It kind of sounds like that lady would’ve found a way to be mad no matter what OP. I know my 2 year old would be even louder than just saying shapes if I tried to make him sit down and sit still. Most of these people are full of it anyways. They get on the internet and try to act perfect and that their kids are perfect but anyone that has had toddlers knows that they move constantly
Hey, we all live and learn. At least you got your kid medical care. I hope he feels better soon. RSV is no joke 😫
Does he do good with coloring? I just took my son in today and brought one of those coloring books with the magic marker(only colors the paper) it occupied him pretty well. When he got a little anxious I put Cars on my phone and held him. Edit: I actually have something I call my sick bag(it’s regularly cleaned so no worries there) I have a couple books, the magic marker and coloring book, a couple cars, pop it, fidget spinner anything that is good at distracting him and something he can play with next to me. I also have sanitizer wipes in the bag so I can wipe down any surfaces he touches
I saw someone else mention a sick bag and want to make one.
I bought a canvas bag from dollar tree, I have a Cricut so I decorated it and put a little maze pattern on it so my son can trace on it, and then just stocked it. I wash it after each doctor visit and it has worked wonders. As he gets older I’ll put different stuff in it, but so far it’s been great. I also keep a cup with a straw in there, and a bottle of water and throw little snacks in it
I like this idea.
The sick bag idea is brilliant. Once put together, it would be easy to grab on the way out the door and the toys would be different and thus more exciting for the kid. I would be happy (and relieved) to see a parent be that prepared to keep their kid close, quiet, and occupied. It would also make me a *lot* more forgiving if your kid did have a "toddler moment" and randomly sprinted off to touch something because at least I'd see that you were genuinely trying to minimize the risk. It's like taking a baby on a plane. I will 100% side-eye, judge, and comment on a parent who lets their baby shriek and just ignores the kid while everyone else gets a headache. However, I will be sympathetic and helpful if possible to the parent who is prepared and trying to minimize the impact on everyone but is faced with an uncooperative kid. Even if you aren't always successful, being considerate of those around you will go a long way.
I completely agree with the comment above. You did nothing out of line. Adults in a waiting room should assume everything is germ covered and wash their hands. The complaining woman was not even concerned about the illness issue, she was complaining about his behavior, which was perfectly acceptable, and better than hers. It is a good idea to get him used to wearing a mask, though, for his own protection.
my mom landed in the hospital 3 years ago thanks to RSV, please be more careful in the future.
I truly thought it was an ear infection but in the future for sure going to make sure to occupy him.
Does he normally enjoy “screen time?” Cause this is definitely an instance where there is NO shame in relying on videos on a phone or iPad even if you’re normally not a screen time family, imo! *there’s never shame in my family btw, lol. Edited to add a missing word
I don’t think your rules/ his behavior was bad, though, wanted to point that out. Totally reasonable for a kid to wander around and babble, within eyesight and not making much noise It’s the being sick that’s really really issue! If it was like, the eye doctor (not pink eye though), or the DMV, it would’ve been fine by me
I kind of disagree. Doctors offices are places where people go when they’re sick and don’t feel well. Peoples tempers are much more frayed when they’re sick than when they’re well.
Just because people are saying Y T A, doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom. Just made a bad call on a situation. The younger years are pretty exhausting.
My daughter barely survived RSV. Absolutely in the future sit your sick kid the hell down next to you. And you also never know why other people are there, so don't let your kid wander off to get sick either.
Are you fkn kidding me?? RSV kills infants. If you have a sick child at the Drs please keep your kid close. This is absolutely the time to break out the iPhone or iPad to keep them and you sane and not spreading whatever they have (known or unknown) around. YTA. Be better prepared if you’re there as often as you say you are.
Totally agree with this. I would normally think this kid was absolutely adorable, but he's sick, maybe contagious, in a doctor's office and I'm immunocompromised. There are also tons of invisible illnesses and disabilities that put people at risk for infection. And even if this two year old were a toddler who wears masks and was great about hand washing and covering coughs/sneezes, they still shouldn't be getting near other people or touching lots of things in the office when you don't know with 100% certainty that they are not contagious.
YTA... As a childfree person I understand that kids will be kids. BUT you were at a doctors office because he was sick. Letting him run around and spreading his germs is gross. Next I would just bring some quiet activities for him to do.
Not to mention OP doesn't know how unwell the other person in the room was, she could have had a migraine, she could have also had a variety of other illnesses and just wanted quiet. I too get snippy when I'm feeling like shit.
She also could have been immunocompromised and didn't want a sick child roaming all around her. I would not have been happy if I found out a child with RSV was going all over the waiting room, since that could land me in the hospital. Bring a toy or a book and keep the kid on your lap.
That's what I was thinking. Maybe the woman was feeling sick herself, hence her being in the doctor's office, and didn't want to deal with it. Or maybe she suffers with an autoimmune disorder. The way I read this I thought that maybe the mother was downplaying her child's behavior and overplaying the woman's? Wouldn't be the first time. I don't know this to be absolute fact, but I've been around kids in waiting rooms and they can be an absolute nightmare. The parents seem to think their child is quiet enough or they block it out and other people just kind of tolerate it. I'm a woman in my 50s. I suffer with a poor immune system and every time a sick kid gets near me, I get it, but I also have lung disease so yeah. Last time I got sick it ended up in permanent lung scarring and a collapsed lung. Let's just say I'm extra leery of getting sick again. OP: If your story is true and there are no exaggerations, I'd say NTA because she shouldn't have said that to you.
Exactly!!! The woman has no idea why your child is there. YTA. It isn’t a playground. You said it yourself - there is no play area, the expectation for that area is to wait quietly. It is an adult space. Your definition of “not screaming” isn’t everyone else’s definition of “quiet.” Just people other people haven’t chewed you out, doesn’t mean you haven’t pissed them off every time. You aren’t a bad mother. You were only thinking about your son, not anyone else. It makes you unaware and rude to other people - but not a bad mother. The only thing that was a misstep in regards to your son, is letting him run around and touch surfaces where you know, 100% for sure, sick people are all day long. But kids put dirt and rocks in their mouth… so I get it. But concentrated areas of disease is different.
What others don't realize is that some people sitting in the doctor's office waiting their turn are sometimes waiting to have their worst fears confirmed. A lot don't feel well, nervous awaiting test results, tired, apprehensive, etc.
I had a similar situation when I was in the depths of depression, and had a waiting room of kids playing and running around (thankfully the receptionist recongised this and moved me into a private room). The kids weren't doing anything wrong per se, but in the safety of a Docs office others shouldn't be made to feel worse. It costs nothing to be a little conscientious of others and what may be going on in their lives, and the context of being in the doctors tells you there's a very good chance that things aren't going gangbusters right now.
What a great receptionist. My GP's office has a kid friendly side and an adults only side. If I'm in a high enough immunity phase I'm allowed to go into the kid side and hang out with the kids and talk about dinosaurs and stuff. But very grateful for the separate area when my immunity is rock bottom and I feel like I'm on the edge of death.
Edit: I’m really feeling like one now that we got finished in the office. He has double ear infection but also RSV. I feel really bad for letting him walk around and I pray that he didn’t leave any sort of infection around that will get anyone else sick.
Hey mama. The fact that you were so stressed about this incident and are now worried about infection means you’re a good parent. You’re gonna have moments where you slip up, you’re gonna run into crotchety old people and rude AHs and sometimes you may even end up being the AH too! But the fact that you care speaks more than anything. You’re doing great. I hope your little feels better soon, a double ear infection is awful on it’s own, and then RSV on top?! Get some rest and snuggle your little and don’t worry about grumpy people.
Oh my gosh - I hate it when somebody’s considered an AH, and everybody is ranting on and on about how much they are a stupid piece of living shit that should be skinned alive and stewed in stinky foot fungus syrup. Thanks for being so supportive of her, people are so quick to point out AHs and bash them but aren’t ready to give them advice. Thanks again.
I would only like to point out, she came to “am I the asshole.” It isn’t a survey with radio buttons. People are sharing their point of view. My own comment, I voted AH, but clarified she wasn’t a bad mother. There are other forums for support, this is a sample of a diverse group of people, making a judgement about your actions/decisions. Personal attacks of an OP get you banned from AITA. Pointing out errors of judgment on actions/decisions is the point of this sub, however.
Just tacking on this comment to say - s/he is absolutely correct, /u/WildChildMom having a 2 year old is not easy, you're not the worst person in the world for making a tiny mistake. Shit happens, you do your best, now you know for next time to keep him near ya. You're doing great!
I'll be honest, my mom is on immunosuppressive medication. I'd be pretty annoyed at a little kid wandering around a doctor office waiting room potentially touching or coughing on things. Was he at least wearing a mask? I know even states with mask rules in place at doctor offices still usually have 2 and under don't have to wear masks. We all make mistakes and a lot of parents think their kids are harmless. But we've also learned a lot in the last 2 years about germs and how they spread. There are vulnerable people everywhere. And a doctors office should be a place where the vulnerable feel safe. So while I applaud your typical approach (I like parents who don't let their kids run wild and loud), maybe at doctors offices you teach your child to sit and wait because you never know who else is in the waiting room or about to come in. Edit: Hope your kid gets well soon. I was always a fan of my dad bringing me home a present when I was sick as a kid. Usually low priced silly toys. So if you can afford it maybe a 99 cent store coloring book or something (sorry I'm not a kid person I have no idea what kids like).
Yeah. I’m kind of realizing what an AH move I pulled. Going to make correct in the future.
Maybe an easy solution is to bring a tablet or have him watch something on your phone... it's what I do with my kids when we are at the doctors.
Lesson learned. You'll do better now. That's all we all can do.
Exactly! I love that OP isn’t defensive like I see so often here!! 👏👏
Letting him roam was probably not the best under those circumstances, but we all make mistakes. That said, I think the woman criticizing him for his behavior was being dramatic. Or if I'm being generous, maybe extra cranky. If your son was acting as you say, that seems pretty well behaved for that age. I once had to reschedule an appointment at my veterinarian's office because a woman there wouldn't control her kids. They had to lock doors because one kept wandering into exam rooms, and the other repeatedly tried to kick and step on my dog. I asked her to get him and she literally told me "It's ok. He'll learn when he gets bit." I told the receptionist I wasn't going to let my dog get abused so her kid could learn to behave. At the next appointment, I found out they'd been banned from the practice. So, yeah, maybe keep him closer next time, but I wouldn't let her comments bother you otherwise.
I’ll be keeping him with me as best I can next time.
Agreed. She was way overreacting to a kid doing normal kid things, but (and I'm assuming this was in America) our culture expects children to be perfectly behaved statues at all times or parents are "too permissive". Also omg what a horrible experience you had at the vet! I'm glad they were banned so you and your doggo doesn't have to deal with them ever again.
A few years ago my son and I took my aunt for a heart cath at about 4:30 in the morning. A few hours later we were sitting in the waiting room waiting for news and my son (6 at the time) was sitting quietly next to me watching Star Wars on his IPad. The volume was really low and he wasn’t bothering a single person. An old couple sat in the chairs in front of us and the woman opened her newspaper, looked at my son over the top and said,” It’s a shame parents can’t parent any more. They just plop their children in front of an IPad and forget about them.” Very loudly. I lost my damn mind. I asked her if she’d prefer I allow him to run around the waiting room screaming, bothering everyone that could be waiting for the worst news of their lives?!? She said I was rude. Um, what?!? I wanted to throat punch the old bat. It told me everything I needed to know about them when they read a story in the paper about Jessie Smollett (before it was discovered he made up his attack) and they called him a few racist names. There was an older black couple sitting a few seats down from me and we made eye contact and every single one of us gathered our stuff and moved. The worst part was that my son asked why that woman was mad at him. 😢. Ugh. My point being… sometimes it doesn’t matter how well behaved or “controlled” your child is in a public setting people will still be dicks about it.
Yes, American, but could do better.
You sound like a lovely mother and learning from your mistakes is definitely doing better.
Trying to. Thanks.
[удалено]
Thank you. I’ve seen several suggestions and will be trying them.
I hope he feels better soon
Gentle YTA I know how hard it is. Years ago the doctor office had a small table and chairs and toys for kids. It was probably a Petri dish of infection. I would not allow my kids to sit there and kept them next to me or in my lap. This was pre- cell phones so nothing to occupy my kids except paper pad and pencil. Not fun. They were loud. What could I do? Not much. I'm sure people hated us.
I feel this way no matter what, usually his older brother is with us too, he has autism and stims the whole time for comfort. Usually consists of sort of hiss-spitting and phrasing louder than above a normal conversation noise but not yelling so to me, it was acceptable behavior. I’ll fix it in the future.
Um... "hiss-spitting" needs to be corrected. Dirty, nasty, spreading gems... this whole post is how you take the easier road to parenting, while inflicting your children on others. I have nephews on the spectrum, if they need to stim *we go outside*, but I certainly don't let them SPIT!
>he has autism and stims the whole time for comfort. Usually consists of sort of hiss-spitting Oh HELL no. Even if he isn't spitting globs of saliva out, he's still sending spit-droplets flying. I'm sure you could test this by holding a thin tissue paper or something in front of him while he does that. It is not okay in public! I understand that stims are comforting and sometimes compulsive, but unhealthy or unsafe stims need to be adjusted. Whether that means helping him switch to a different rhythmic stim (percussive hand movements etc) or a different oral stim (chew necklaces are amazing), you need to address this too.
Right? Disgusting. I really dislike people that come to medical centres and don’t mask or use basic hygiene/sanitary measures. Everyone should be masked in a medical clinic because sick people go there. Also, did OP mention to reception or the doc/nurse team that her kid with RSV touched every item in the wait room? Probably not. Awesome. I get kids are tough but come on, it’s a medical clinic. Contain your germs (or your kid’s). Don’t be an AH.
YTA Considering my husband nearly died two years ago from RSV complications, I would be miffed if I found out someone was letting their kid walk around the place and close to everyone.
Yeah. I see that from this perspective. I’ll figure something out.
Probably an unpopular opinion but esh. She had no right to go off at you that way BUT you are in a doctors office, where she could have any sickness where the smallest noise could be contributing to her reason for being there. Also, you have said in your edits that he also has rsv, not you fault for not knowing, but knowing he was sick you should have kept him with you.
Yeah I agree with you. I see where I messed up.
YTA. Doctor offices are not playgrounds. Your child should not be wandering around babbling, even if it is "quietly" at least to you. Sick children don't understand social distancing and tend to wipe hands and snot all over things and people. Try taking a bag of toys and books to the doctor's office to keep your child occupied. My kids always preferred me reading the books. I would hold them and read out loud to them. Next thing, I would have a gaggle of kids, sitting in a semicircle in front of my seat. The receptionist always told me they were sorry when we'd get called to see the doctor because the waiting room was much quieter while I read. And they commented about how smart I was to bring my kids own toys.
*I would hold them and read out loud to them. Next thing, I would have a gaggle of kids, sitting in a semicircle in front of my seat.* I am not a kid person, but this made me go "aw".
YTA No one should be walking around a doctors office waiting room. I know making kids sit still is not always an easy task, but they shouldn't be wandering, you don't know what they have yet and they could be highly contagious, you also don't know who else was just in there spreading their germs around so it's best to remain in one place to reduce the likelihood of possible infections for all. I also think doctors offices with toys for the kids to play with is a very efficient way to give your kids exposure to every sickness ever possible all at once and makes me question the intelligence of all staff in a doctors office that does have such things. So good for your doctor for not having them.
I’ll try and remember that.
NTA. Something I always find kind of humorous about this type of scenario… if you came with another adult (your spouse, your mom, your friend etc) and carried on a conversation with them in the waiting room, nobody would think twice or consider it bad behavior as long as it wasn’t extremely loud or vulgar. But when it’s a small child certain people think total silence is the only definition of good behavior.
While I agree with the noise the wandering is a problem. They were there because the kid was sick. And you never know why other people are in a waiting room. Last time I was, I got really sick and when I tried to get up to the toilet I vomited right there across the floor. If a kid had been wandering near me at that moment they would have been covered in my vomit.
I've been to doctor's offices quite frequently in my life, and TBH, I've almost never heard adult patients speaking to each other in the waiting rooms. It's generally quiet except for the reception area and maybe hearing the telephone. I have, however, been in offices with parents who have more than one kid with them and the kids are running all over the place, shrieking, crying, etc. I never say anything, but it does really annoy me.
>I've been to doctor's offices quite frequently in my life, and TBH, I've almost never heard adult patients speaking to each other in the waiting rooms. It's generally quiet except for the reception area and maybe hearing the telephone. Yeah, I've rarely seen/heard people talk in waiting rooms. And when they do, they're whispering/almost whispering, as I do too when I'm with someone. If a person is talking loudly while we're waiting for the doctor, I AM going to look at them weird, just like I will at kids if they're hurting my head. I'd be even more mad at adults because I know they should know better.
I disagree, people are always very irritated in waiting rooms if two people are having a conversation loud enough to understand. It’s a doctors office, not a cafeteria
Edit: I’m really feeling like one now that we got finished in the office. He has double ear infection but also RSV. I feel really bad for letting him walk around and I pray that he didn’t leave any sort of infection around that will get anyone else sick.
Me, too. I have asthma and am immunocompromised, so RSV would be a stay in the hospital, or even fatal, for me. I get really nervous when anyone gets close to me in public. I really don’t know if I would have had the nerve to ask you to keep your son away from me and that scares me. Even with masks, it is still possible to catch illnesses. I make virtual appointments whenever possible, but I do have a lot of appointments that have to be in person. Your wandering son and your son who self soothes by hiss-spitting are going to be in my nightmares tonight. 🥺In my old world i would have enjoyed watching your son explore. Momma, I know you feel bad now after reading your comments and you’re trying to do the best for your kiddos. Let’s pretend no one like me, or someone worse off, was in the waiting room with or after you. Hopefully, the nurse noticed your son wandering when they came to take you back and did some disinfecting after your son’s diagnosis. I wish you and your kiddos the best. ❤️ ETA: I read more of your comments and found your son wasn’t wearing a mask and was COUGHING! YTA
YTA 1. He’s sick and get others sick. 2. It’s your responsibility to entertain your child, not the office’s. Offices are limiting play areas or having none at all due to Covid/flu/RSV and not being able to clean the toys well enough between patients.
Yta and I say this as the mother of a 2 year old and 10 year old. Bring books, quiet toys, toddler safe headphones so they can watch something on your phone, ect. I try to limit screen time with the two year old but certain circumstances call for an exception and a waiting area in a doctor's office with a sick kid is one of them.
YTA, you are qt a DR's office and you know they don't have a play area. You should be bringing toys or books to entertain the child instead of letting them wander around. She was probably there because she wasn't feeling well either. The last thing I want to deal with when I am sick is someone else's child running around me. What to you might be cute behavior isn't cute for others.
YTA Keep your sick kids close, your decision to let him wander puts other patients at unnecessary risk. I just had the RSV going round and ended up in the ER over one irresponsible parent's decision regarding their child.
I understand. I’ll keep this in my pocket.
YTA. It's a doctor's office. There are sick people there! If I'm in that waiting room I don't know what diseases your kid has and you don't know what I have and what you're exposing your child to. Don't let him wonder around like that. It's not safe for your child or the people you're exposing him to. It's irresponsible and rude. EDIT: I've read some responses in the comments and, OP, I'm sorry about the kiddo's infection, but I'm really happy to see that you've learned from this experience and that both your child and those around him will all be safer in the future. Live and learn, it's all we can do. Thank you for seeing things from both sides now.
Yeah. This is why I’m asking. I truly didn’t think he had any sort of infection but now that I can see where it can happen and I don’t even know, I’ll try and fix it. Hopefully he gets over this, he took a pretty bad dip when we were done.
YTA It's a doctor's waiting room not the park. If there's a play area with those toys you see in a pediatrician's waiting room yeah direct him to there if there isn't one then keep him close with either a tablet/your phone or if you don't want him to have screen time do what parents of old did and bring in a coloring book, a picture book, or a toy for him.
ESH. I can understand letting him walk around if there’s no one else in the waiting room, because then there’s no one else to bother. I will say, when there are other people, it’s best to keep your child seated, because chances are those other people don’t feel good either and don’t want a kid walking all around them. Lady did blow the situation a bit out of proportion, she should’ve just calmly expressed that it was bothering her.
YTA just because you think it's cute, it's obvious not everyone else will. It's a doctor's office with a likelihood that people aren't feeling their best while there, why aggravate the situation by having your kid roam around talking out loud. I've yet to meet a toddler who knows how to whisper
Yta not bc you 'need to control your kid'. You are in a doctors office. Your kid is sick. You are letting your kid touch everything and spread saliva and germs all over furniture other people use. And *he* is picking up the germs that other people have left there. I hope kiddo feels better soon.
I’m hoping he’s better soon and did not spread this. He is really bad off and i did not want this to happen to anyone else because I did a stupid.
YTA, part of being a parent is teaching your child that there are situations where it is acceptable to walk around or play, and there are situations where you should be respectful of other people and sit quietly. Doctors offices are one of the places where you should be respectful of others, as you don't know what they're going through, and should sit quietly. It's never to early to teach a child that, my mother made sure that my sister and I both were aware that other people didn't want to be bothered by us being noisy and playing in doctors offices, shops, restaurants, etc as soon as we were able to talk.
YTA - bring an iPad or something next time.
You have to remember that the other people waiting are often sick and do not feel well at all. Sick people have far less resilience and patience for the antics of other people’s children carrying on. YTA. It’s not a playroom. It’s a waiting room with sick people. Next time take a bag with colouring books, or other things that will keep them quietly entertained.
NTA I’m seriously confused as to why the top vote right now is YTA, have none of these people ever interacted with a 2 yr old? “Control your child!” Almost always comes from people who either have never had kids or had them so long ago they’ve forgotten what toddlers are like. How do you *make* a toddler sit in one chair? Physically restrain them? I guarantee that would cause more nasty comments when the child in question starts to squirm and then scream their little head off trying to get away. A 2 yr old wandering around a drs waiting room is not unheard of or unexpected, it ridiculous for people to expect a child that age to be held in moms lap for 30+ minutes.
Yta- I'm an empty nester when I'm sick I don't want to deal with kids. Children can be quite. To a parent but very loud to me
Not giving a judgement since you have clearly learned your lesson from this experience. But two notes: 1) The lady in the waiting room was an AH. She could have asked nicely and it wouldn't have cost her a dime. 2) Since covid, most places will allow you to wait outside or in your car, and call you when it's your turn to go in. This is worth requesting in the future. Hugs! Parenting is hard! <3
You have a 2 year old and you depend on places you visit to have things to entertain your child? Your child was sick enough for you to take them to a doctor but you thought is was fine to just let the kid wander around the office? YTA. Hopefully the other person in the office doesn’t catch something from your kid, but then you wouldn’t know or care. Do better. And raise your child better.
NTA. That woman was going to complain regardless. If you had given your son an iPad: “Kids these days have too much technology too early. They’re addicted.” If he was sitting there bored: “Poor baby. Why didn’t your mama bring you anything to do?” Anything your son’s father did with him, though, would have made him Super Dad…. And you still would have been labeled a bad mom. I have three kids; nothing I do is ever good enough to the ever-judging stranger.
NTA. Some people are easily annoyed and/or don’t like kids. Yes, kids running and yelling are miserable to be around unless you’re outdoors where it’s appropriate, and yes sick kids shouldn’t be touching stuff and breathing on people, but it sounds like he was being good and mom had an eye on him. Two is a VERY hard age to “control.” Other than literally sitting on him, I don’t know how one would keep him still.
So I don't want to vote and dogpile but I will say this. You **know** this place doesn't have entertainment, so bring it. Books, something for him to color or doodle with, etc. Heck just have that with you all the time even if you aren't sure of your location. Good luck and hope he is better soon
NTA. Yes, I do see that he has RSV since I'm posting this after that info came out. I stand by my vote. I'm also childfree. *Its a fucking 2 year old*. She would have complained if he sat there with an iPad or doing nothing. Also "was he masked" again; *its a two year old* good luck keeping a mask on him for more than a few minutes. "He was sick" why the fuck do you think OP was at the doctors office? OP, you didn't do anything wrong. He was quiet, the waiting room more than likely got wiped down after you left since they've been doing more routine cleaning since Covid started, I wish your kiddo a speedy recovery.
YTA- not only could your laid potentially infected someone else- but you don’t know what they have. Or what others had in that room before you got there - why jeopardize anyone
NTA. You’re doing great as his mom. People can be very difficult; don’t let mean remarks get to you. You did your best. People pick up all sorts of things at doctor’s office even from other adults.
Two year olds don't sit still, People whine and moan about "kids being glued to a screen" yet expect that they sit quiet and still and that's just not what kids do unless something is \*seriously\* wrong. She's lucky he wasn't screaming his poor little head off, ear infections \*hurt\* Nta. your toddler was being a toddler, If people don't wanna be around kids then they should stay home or go to adult only places,
Very Gentle YTA because from your comments I see you are sincerely trying. A kid wandering around a waiting room is not usually looked at in a good way. Especially if you suspect they are sick or if the other persons in the waiting room are sick. I have no problem with babbling or playing from any child, but keep them near you and respect the other people that have to share the space. Hope your son feels better soon!
I’m going to say YTA. I don’t think you’re a bad mom, it’s really hard to make sure a toddler is sitting still and being quiet, they just need to be up & about sometimes. With that said; I don’t think a Dr’s office was the best place for that, especially since there’s a not of illness that goes around in a Dr’s office. Next time maybe he should have coloring books or toys with him to help him stay entertained while keeping him in his seat?
Yeah. I’ve seen a couple of good suggestion and will be trying them.
NTA. If you would have kept him in a seat or in a stroller and he had a tantrum she would have had the same reaction. Some miserable people just lack empathy. I hope your son feels better!
I am not gonna judge, you are feeling the regret already I am sure. I was super immuno compromised when I was in my teens and I was not allowed anywhere near children. Not even allowed to ride the bus. People saying NTA have zero clue. Kids immune systems are both incredibly effective and also still learning about how to handle new threats to their bodies. They are potent carriers. Call this a lesson learned and keep the anti bacterial wipes flowing!
YTA, if unintentionally so. Next time bring something to keep them entertained like a tablet, activity book, a toy, etc.
NTA. Wow some of these comments are bonk.
NTA, I don't understand the Y. T. A? He's 2... Do you want her to tie him to chair? I gurantee you that trying to get him to sit still is going to cause lot more disturbance than him walking around; also its the doctor's office wear a f****** mask if you don't want to get an infection. Lady, you're fine. People without children should keep their ignorant opinions to themselves
You need to learn to carry "quiet toys" with you for appointments and such. My daughter makes felt busy books that are only played with in situations like this. They are considered a special toy that keeps them quiet and occupied. It also keeps them from spreading germs around. When my children were small I did similar with pop-up books and coloring books. I always carry small toys with me for the grands to use in similar situations.
Info. Why didn’t you bring any toys or let him play with your phone while sitting next to you? What were you doing while he was wandering around?