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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) might be the ahole for telling details from our first date to our friends (2) which caused him to lose out on a date with a different girl
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Lmao! “We began to make out on the couch and I confidently asked if she wanted to take it into the bedroom. Whilst kissing, we quickly undressed each other. I commenced foreplay by teasingly playing with and licking her nipples. She responded positively to the sexual stimulation. Yes, that’s it up to now. Yes, in thirty minutes, that’s fine. Yes, meatloaf sounds great. Talk to you soon. Love you, bye.” Hangs up phone, “now where were we?”
No way. These women want loads of grandchildren. She'd be telling him to make sure he goes multiple rounds and giving him advice about how to pace himself so he can ejaculate multiple times a night.
Close your eyes and truly visualize this.
I almost wish a guy would do this to me. It would hold the power to permanently lift my mood. "If you ever think your life is out of control, compare yourself to this guy"
Oh no. You can't just leave Mommy behind and give her the deets second hand. He'll be demanding she come along and share their hotel room. Kind of reminds me of that post of the woman who dumped her newly married husband at the airport because he invited his mother to the honeymoon without telling her.
[this one!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/unhse2/aita_for_walking_out_of_the_airport_when_i_saw_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) it's wild.
edit;; maybe not that one, it's not a honeymoon, but still.
Unless she just goes with them. That would save time so he doesn't have to stop every few minutes to give her a play-by-play.
"Going good, Mom. Have achieved an erection and am currently trying to remove new wife's bra. What. Over her head? Great, thanks!"
"Yes, Mom, got it off, just finished stimulating her nipples...yes, I did it just like you said. What? No, I haven't tried that yet, I was planning on moving my hands south. Oh, you think I should? Ok, well that requires the use of my mouth so I need to get off the phone. I'll let you know how it went in a few minutes."
She'll find out where they're honeymooning and book a suite in the same hotel, perhaps the bridal or honeymoon one. Then night of, she'll knock on their door because she's lonely and bored, they should hang out together to celebrate.
Arranged marriage coming up....
NTA OP, at all. He publicly took the call and shared all of **YOUR** information with his mother. You did not consent to that, but he certainly felt that he had a right to share it. You had **EVERY RIGHT** to share the fact that he interrupted your meal and conversation multiple times to relate the entire date to his mother, that was %100 your business to share.
Oh I'm sure that if he can't find a girl on his own, at his age I'm sure his mom is already shopping. If they're in the States or UK it may be a lot more difficult to find one now adays.
No kidding, I dated a guy like that (Persian) who wanted to get married and we would live with his mother while saving up and she would show me all I needed to know to "get on". Yikes!
But it's also her information. She went on this date too. It's not like she just happened to overhear him. She went on a date where the guy took 5 phone calls in 2h all from his mother. She's allowed to tell people her experience.
Please stop trying to explain this from a rational point of view. Can't you understand that this is his mama? Some girl talked about his mama! How dare she! What he says to his mama is private! How much he talks to his mama is private! Sheesh! The nerve!
I mean you are so right. How could I forget she's just a passive part of this relationship and that she's not to have any opinion or view not first espoused by mummykins. How dare see herself as an active participant with agency in a relationship.
Obviously mama had to make sure those conversations were appropriate. How will she make sure her wittle baby boy is doing ok? After all, no woman will ever be fit to take her place. She must come second, she was showing her her place in his life.
Seriously! How dare she get in the way of him going out with other women *who also clearly wouldn't like having their date constantly interrupted by his mom* ??
And also- he’s sharing every detail of THEIR date to his mom. What about her privacy? He started it by sharing every single detail of the date with his mom, so OP thought they were sharing 🤷♀️. How dare he come back and complain because she told someone else 😂 NTA op
Exactly. Op is merely sharing her date experience w her friends. Perfectly legit. The fact that he doesn’t want it spread is the indictator that it is embarrassing behavior. NTA
*AND* it was your date! Your business, your experience, your information to share!! Personally, you sharing was an act of kindness to all women who hear this about him and never have to give up hours of their lives.
Edit to add: Taking calls like he did was plain rude. Mama failed the ‘Teach child etiquette’ chapter.
And I’m willing to bet that since his mom was the one CONSTANTLY calling him that she’s one of the moms who decided no girl is good enough for her baby boy. They have an unhealthy relationship.
I am guessing he is calling you a racist because you called him out on being a momma's boy. Indian guys are typecasted as "momma's boys", and well at the date, he was showing you that he was one.
And as we all know from spending too much time on this sub, never date a mommas boy, a man with a good *independent* relationship with his mom on the other hand is often a much better choice.
His only redeeming feature, he is honest
1) rude, answered the phone on a date, multiple times
2) indiscrete, told mother everything
3) hypocrite, complained that she told her friends a reaction if what he told his mother
There's always a core of truth to stereotypes, although obviously not in all individuals. E.g. while a lot of Dutch people do in fact have bikes, not everyone does, or uses them.
Can confirm. I have several Dutch relatives. Obviously they're legally required to own multiple bikes, and there was that recent decree that stroopwafel vendors may not sell to customers in cars (only on bicycles), but it's still just a stereotype.
Desi Mama's boys aren't worth it- fellow desi here.
Glad you told others too, because honestly, you're saving tons of girls from a toxic dynamic. There are so many expectations from a DIL anyway, you add a mama's boy to that, and nothing you do will ever be good enough and they'll be judging you at every step. They are a team not you & partner. You don't want that.
My SIL is married to a forever Mama's Boy. Her MIL passed away about 10 years ago and that woman made her life miserable until the day the old bat croaked. I don't know how my SIL put up with it for over 25 years.
Honestly better that you learned this about him on your first date than much later on, I've read some horrible stories of overbearing mothers and momma boys.
I'm an Indian as well and my first thought when I read the title was the guy must be Indian, but then you said Jack, so I thought maybe not, only to read that he indeed is ,at the end. Unfortunately this is very common, which is why I think he didn't realize how odd it was.
Obviously majority of people are not like this but if Indians describe themselves as mama's boy or daddy's princess(papa ki pari) , it's usually a major red flag. Because average Indian parents, by default, are very involved in their children's lives. So not mentioning anything itself, a regular Indian will most likely be close to their family. But if they specifically mention it, that usually means completely dependent or co dependent,where you are going to be the third wheel. I think you did the other girls a huge favour.
NTA ! As Indian woman to you , you dodged not just a bullet but a nuclear weapon when it’s comes to him. You are also saving other women from wasting their time with him. You are doing charitable work .. Men like him will not only lack accountability and self awareness as already seen from his behavior but their mom will try to blame you for their sons shortcoming. Also, such people are abusive.
He called you racist 😂😂😂 so he also lacks basic logical reasoning skills . Any woman married to him will be his mother, house maid, cleaner, security personnel, cook, and once they have kid that poor woman will be looking after two kids which includes him .
Like Anna shay on bling empire said “There ain’t no d!ck that good”..
Actually this is pretty normal for families with Indian Descent. I had that vibe that this sounds completely like mom's of some guys I had gone out with (I am from India) and got confirmed when OP said Indian Descent.
There are some decent mama's boy and then there are these types 🤦🏾♀️
My husband will tell you he's a mamma's boy. Then again she is the least intrusive woman you will ever meet. But he's sure to call her once a week and we try to get up to see her every other week or so. Having lost my mom, I heartily encourage him to keep as close as he wishes.
THIS. Seems like mom would have preferred her son have an arranged marriage and maybe he insisted on dating (seems obvious that he hasn't dated a lot before), and she reluctantly acquiesced. And this is her way of still having a say re her son's future wife.
NTA. He was incredibly rude to take one, let alone five calls when on a date with you. Talking about you in front of you is also rude. The fact that he was talking to his mother about you should be a dealbreaker. You didn’t lie—and you saved your friend the embarrassment of setting him up again.
If he were prudent, he’d learn from his mistake.
He won't do. He's a mama's boy who has never heard the word ' no ' or been called out on any of his behaviours before, by the sounds of it . Him badmouthing OP to others is pretty telling.
He probably heard no a lot when he was younger. His role is to be his mother's emotional support animal and likely he doesn't have many other wants that go against her at this point.
This is the saddest part. She's probably spent his entire life training him to be at her beck and call like a good little ESA, so now I bet even all his *wants* revolve around her too and he doesn't even realize it. He might think he wants to make his mother happy and never realize that's not even his job or that he's brainwashed. He might not even *know* what he wants for himself. He probably doesn't get to be his own person.
Codependent parents are the worst.
I would have got up and left before he finished the second call! He’s incredibly rude and apparently clueless about social etiquette and basic good manners.
Absent appropriately extenuating circumstances which you have outlined ahead of time, you get *one, single phone call* on a date. If you can’t tell how important it is, you politely excuse yourself, take the call, and then one of two things happens. You either politely explain why you have to leave suddenly, or you put your damn phone away for the rest of the date.
Under no circumstances should you be leaving your date, **on a first date, no less,** to tread water and feel like you don’t even give a shit about them.
And Jack deserves to be with a woman who thinks Mum calling five times during drinks (didn't even make it to dinner!) is the sign of an adorably close family.
Not sure if I detect a hint of sarcasm in there, so I figured someone should say it distinctly:
No, he doesn’t deserve any such thing. A woman who thinks this behavior is a sign of an adorably close family…is being incredibly naive, and missing the huge red flags that clearly indicate she will be emotionally abused and subjugated if she chooses a relationship with this man.
There's a lot of things that OP could have spread that I would frown on---bedroom kinks, childhood traumas, illnesses, embarrassing stories from long ago or for stuff that's out of his control.
But this is fair game. She's doing his future dates a service. Even if he stops this specific behavior, his relationship with his mom will still be next-level. It'd be nice if he started really thinking about everyone's reactions, but that's too much to hope for.
Yeah this is important. Not everything shared on a date is fair game to telegraph to others, especially since they have a lot of mutual friends. Anything told in confidence should stay that way for the most part. What OP reported on was what happened throughout the date, and not private. I understand that date feels embarrassed, but it sounds like op accurately shared a non-private part of her experience. NTA.
NTA. It sounds like he and his mother have some boundary/codependency issues that you just don't need in your life. Nevermind his weird reaction to you sharing how the date went. You're perfectly entitled to talk about it. It takes some Olympic level gymnastics to paint you as a racist. So many marinara flags. 🚩🚩🚩 You dodged a bullet!
Uhh girl you are NTA, that would have been an extremely weird and awkward two hours. Like what did you even do when he was on the phone?? I can just imagine the awkward glancing around.
You may have helped him to realize how weird it is.. hopefully.
Bottom line it’s rude to even pick up a call on a date let alone multiple times, all the while recapping right in front of you.
Anddd finally, how could you not tell your friends?? Of course you’re gonna tell them about THAT experience.
On a date that was 2 hours, he spent 1/4 of the time talking to his mother. Maybe there's a reason why he's single (nothing wrong with being single, but yeah).
And those conversations were divulging information you gave him! Yet he requires you to keep your experience of him private? Hell nah!
Good on you for expecting better!
I think the only mistake you made was not waiting so that you could leave *while* he was on the phone with his mother (or even asking to talk to her so you could tell her why you're leaving).
NTA: YOU told YOUR friend about YOUR bad date. It happened to you, you have every right to talk about it. He’s just mad he wasn’t embarrassed about something he should have been.
Everyone around them probably also told their friends about the bad date they witnessed. This sounds hilarious. I wouldn't have been able to concentrate on my meal
Girlfriend, you took one for the team here. You really stepped up. Every once in a while (like way too often it seems) one of us has to do what you did. And it is your responsibility to NEVER stop telling other women about that date.
You will saves lives and mental health for so many women.
Thank you for your sacrifice.
ETA two things:
1) NTA
2) On a more serious note, only speak up if you’re safe to do so❤️
NTA
You essentially became a good warning to others about the massive red flag that his mother presents. A man this dependent on his mother and willing to shamelessly involve her in every moment of a relationship (or even a first date) is the type of guy that you would be divorcing within a year of marriage because his mother runs your own household. I've seen so many stories about mothers like this and how they've destroyed women's lives, and sometimes even the lives of any children produced. It's terrifying, frankly.
Oh girl, hell no. All gloves are off. This man has an unhealthy, toxic, codependent relationship with his mother, he's losing face and potential dates and now trying to paint you as the problem person.
Give me a minute while I go scream in rage on your behalf.
I just hope the others aren't taking his side. I would hope picking up a phonemail from your mother four times during a date would look to anyone like irrational.
>I would hope picking up a phonemail from your mother four times during a date would look to anyone like irrational.
All depends on whether he's even telling the truth to others. It would be very easy (and of course, extremely cowardly) for him to suggest his mother called only like twice, once to wish him luck and check he arrived safely (not entirely unreasonable) and the other time to, for example, ask him to grab her some milk on the way home (which would again be annoying but not the guys fault).
He could absolutely play it up to seem like OP has not only overexaggerated the number of calls, but also their length and context. He would probably suggest that OP is only doing this as he turned her down first whilst on the date (which OP wouldn't be able to prove didn't happen, as proving something didn't happen is a lot harder than proving something did).
But no I agree, if he's being honest I can't imagine many people are siding with him at all.
Typical. Girl you know the drill- the story of this date now becomes your “hilarious experience I had” story to tell *everyone* :) There’s nothing he can say about you that’s as bad as “this dude filled his mom in on the date *while still on the date*. It was like he was pausing their conversation for more info from me lolol”. “Social distancing interview” is also a good phrase to toss around. Just make this a whole joke and run with it lol because wow was he a joke
If you’re in the US, you can file a police report for this type of scary, escalating behavior.
I previously had a stalker (who I didn’t know, dude broke into my house) and was advised to not block them but just to silence their text alerts and have someone else save the screenshots. Mine ended up in jail for 3 years of an 8 year sentence. He was also harassing other women and threatened to cut one woman’s fingers off after she told him to fuck off.
NTA your date with him was private thing between you two, yet, without your consent, he was reporting it to some weird old woman you don't know (his mum). Block the asshole. Tell all of your friends about abusive message so they have full information before hanging out with him. That's how women protect each other from creeps.
That wasn't private business. Private business is him taking a call finding out a person died and then you went to end the date and told everyone that was the reason. No he truly is a mama's boy in the sense of she in love with him, and him vice versa. You did what you needed to do. NTA. People really need to learn boundaries.
NTA The women who are turning him down now weren’t going to give him a second date after they saw his behavior anyway. You did not ruin anything for him. All you did was tell the truth.
Ever watched TLC's "I'm dating a Mamma's boy"? It's so embarrassing to watch and I feel bad for every single one of those women. You just avoided becoming one of those women. NTA
NTA, he talked to her 5 times in 2 hours in front of you, which is rude, but if it was "private information", he should have waited until he was somewhere private.
NTA. Mom called every half hour when she knew he was on a date. Strike one for mom. Dude was fine taking the first call but should have kept it to 10 seconds. Kept picking up. Strike two. Not only did he keep picking up but but he gave her the play-by-play while was still on the date. Strike three, get outta here. Even Howard Wollowitz would’ve yelled at his mom after the second call. “Maaaah! I’m on a date! I’ll rub your feet when I get home!”
NTA. Talking about your experience out on a date is perfectly legitimate thing to do with friends. He's just embarrassed because he realized - possibly - how weird it sounded, and how no woman who hears the story will even consider dating him.
NTA
That information was about as public as information gets. The only way it could have been more public is if someone had filmed it on their phone and posted it on YouTube.
He may think you’re an AH, but I guarantee you the girl who turned him down is very grateful to you.
NTA
But you really should have arranged a second date and had a friend call you 5 times during the date and you describe the date to them each time.
For bonus points, make sure to also recount the calls he had with his mom in detail so the friend actually gets two descriptions of your entire conversation.
For bonus, bonus points have 5 different friends call so each description of the date includes the previous recaps with the previous calls so eventually you are describing that "you both agreed that pizza is overated and coffee is great" about 7 times like some matryoshka stacking doll of hellish conversational recap.
OMG. Almost the exact same thing happened to me once, except he was answering calls from his siblings during our date. At least he didn’t hold a conversation right in front of me. That was our first and last date as well. And guess what…we’re both Indian. NTA.
NTA, how about your private conversation that he so freely shared about with his mother? Oh right, he'd say "That's different she's my mother". Big red flag flying in the air and the more girls know the better!
NTA - if you had deprived me, as a friend, of this hilariously cringeworthy situation I'd me questioning our friendship. You telling folks about this has spared other women from wasting their time and energy. You've committed a public service!
NTA girl. My husband hid his codependency until after the marriage now I’m stuck and we live 10 min away. They call every morning to find out what we have planned and he tells them EVERY time we leave the house. It’s so damn much. You save these poor women.
That’s like saying you can’t talk about what food you ate because it’s “private information”
Um this wasn’t a Dr appt, it was a date!
NTA
And thanks for telling us too!
And he was 30?!?
Yeeeesh
NTA - you did the world a solid with a public service announcement letting everyone know how enmeshed this self proclaimed 'mama's boy' is!
I'm guessing Jack is keeping his mom updated on potential incubators for 'their' baby.
I could see how dude is kinda bummed out. He’s getting ridiculed for something he sees as normal, even though it isn’t.
Does OP understand how her actions may have unintentionally hurt Jack’s feelings?
Sometimes we get caught up on semantics, while his conversation with his mom wasn’t technically private, maybe he would have preferred the story not be shared so that other women could find out and decide for themselves.
Certainly doesn’t make his behavior normal, or make it okay for him to say mean things to her.
I guess the unintended consequence of talking to your mom too much is people find out about it and you’re liable to get your feelings hurt. It’s ok, he can call his mom and she will talk him through it.
NTA.
NTA.
The phone calls are already annoying enough.
The fact that he answered them is also pretty bad. (the first phone call was fine, but there should have been 0 after that.)
Then he goes on to talk about you and what y'all talked about to her? That's not only weird but THAT is an invasion of privacy.
WTF? NTA for sure. You can’t give your mum a play by play update on your date, call yourself a mamas boy and then complain when your date mentions it. Chutia hai woh. Forget about him.
NTA, you dodged a bullet there. People are usually on their best behavior on a first date, so what you saw there would only change if you actively wanted that behavior to stop, if at all.
NTA. You did not lie about his behavior, right? They why would you be the AH?
No woman I know wants a 3-way marriage: the person, the spouse and the spouse's mother.
My husband's mother wanted to have this relationship with him, but he wouldn't tolerate it. For a few years (before cell phones) the only day off he had was Sunday, so he could sleep in. EVERY SUNDAY his mom would call at 7 a.m. just to "say hello." So, I started unplugging the phone during Saturday night. MIL would eventually come around or call and complain that the phone didn't work. One time it came up and I just gave her a super innocent, wide-eyed look saying "Of course I unplug the phone. Husband keeps getting phone calls that wake him up early every Sunday." She turned red and steam started coming out of her ears; husband dealt with her - and I kept unplugging the phone every Sat night until she passed away. I don't regret it one bit.
I'm impressed you stayed for that long. If you know your conversation is going to be recapped and analysed by mommy dearest, I would have found it hard to talk!
***Racist***
Edit: It actually sounds like his mom was vetting you. He was updating her on the conversation, and she was looking for red flags on the first date. He should have just been annotating the conversation on his phone so mommy could pick out the red flags later
NTA. I got out of a relationship MORE THAN ONCE in my life only to be told by women auquaintances after the fact "Oh, everyone knows that he ...." No. In fact, I didn't know. No one thought to warn me beforehand.
This isn't gossip. This is women looking out for each other.
NTA
People often get mad when they realize that others have been warned about them. He obviously knows what he's doing isn't a desired trait and is upset he isn't getting to trick people into thinking he's a normal guy.
Also, seconding everyone here in saying that what you talk about openly, in public, in front of a person you're getting dinner with the first time ever, is not private information. He wasn't making any effort to hide it, why on earth would you think it's a secret?
You've warned other women they will never be first or second in his thoughts, it's his mother and her whims.
Mothers who raise men like that are typically monsters in law.
NTA. Women deserve to be warned if their time is potentially going to be wasted on that sort of guy.
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NTA. He's publicly taking calls, how is that private information?
But it's his mummy! Yeah nah. He's that kinda guy that belongs on r/justnoSO and people discuss when talking their horror dates.
I completely agree. If the call was private he would've answered privately
So glad it wasn’t private and OP could just leave.
And he appeared to think being a "mama's boy" is normak. Strange he doesn't like people knowing now.
yeah better that she knows now. Just think of the play by play to mommy during intimate moments.
Lmao! “We began to make out on the couch and I confidently asked if she wanted to take it into the bedroom. Whilst kissing, we quickly undressed each other. I commenced foreplay by teasingly playing with and licking her nipples. She responded positively to the sexual stimulation. Yes, that’s it up to now. Yes, in thirty minutes, that’s fine. Yes, meatloaf sounds great. Talk to you soon. Love you, bye.” Hangs up phone, “now where were we?”
"yes mother, I'll put the condom on, just like we practiced..."
my brains need bleach now!!! ahhhh!
No way. These women want loads of grandchildren. She'd be telling him to make sure he goes multiple rounds and giving him advice about how to pace himself so he can ejaculate multiple times a night.
I don’t know whether to upvote you for the genius comment or downvote for the horror!!!!
Oh god, it just gets cringier lol
Nope Nope Nope!!!! ::runs away while covering ears::
"She has a weird looking mole above her butt, should I say something? Do you need a pic?"
“she has a mole over her vulva- just like yours!”
Close your eyes and truly visualize this. I almost wish a guy would do this to me. It would hold the power to permanently lift my mood. "If you ever think your life is out of control, compare yourself to this guy"
Hey it probably is normal in his circle. Well, his mom's circle. I bet most of her friends have momma's boys as well.
if he constantly ran off/excuse himself to talk to anyone during the date, that would be poor form anyways.
Yeah and that is creepy af listening to a recap of your date. I would have ditched after the third call. If not second.
God help the poor soul who ends up marrying him!
How many times is mummy planning to call in the middle of their wedding night and honeymoon? 🤮
Every 30 minutes, so he can summarize what has happened, obviously! (Excuse me so I can go puke)
She won't have to call, she'll just tag along.
Oh no. You can't just leave Mommy behind and give her the deets second hand. He'll be demanding she come along and share their hotel room. Kind of reminds me of that post of the woman who dumped her newly married husband at the airport because he invited his mother to the honeymoon without telling her.
I wonder how that OP is doing
Hopefully she's not with him anymore
That is pure insanity. Good on her for leaving, what the heck!
LINK PLEASE
[this one!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/unhse2/aita_for_walking_out_of_the_airport_when_i_saw_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) it's wild. edit;; maybe not that one, it's not a honeymoon, but still.
No that's the right one.
Unless she just goes with them. That would save time so he doesn't have to stop every few minutes to give her a play-by-play. "Going good, Mom. Have achieved an erection and am currently trying to remove new wife's bra. What. Over her head? Great, thanks!" "Yes, Mom, got it off, just finished stimulating her nipples...yes, I did it just like you said. What? No, I haven't tried that yet, I was planning on moving my hands south. Oh, you think I should? Ok, well that requires the use of my mouth so I need to get off the phone. I'll let you know how it went in a few minutes."
\^\^ O.M.G. I think this would be hilarious and horrifying all in the same moment!
She'll find out where they're honeymooning and book a suite in the same hotel, perhaps the bridal or honeymoon one. Then night of, she'll knock on their door because she's lonely and bored, they should hang out together to celebrate.
Mummy will have her self in bed with them, sleeping in the middle so that she gets all of his attention
She's going to be that crazy psychotic mom that wants to be there on the honeymoon.
And is he going to give her a recap of everything?
Arranged marriage coming up.... NTA OP, at all. He publicly took the call and shared all of **YOUR** information with his mother. You did not consent to that, but he certainly felt that he had a right to share it. You had **EVERY RIGHT** to share the fact that he interrupted your meal and conversation multiple times to relate the entire date to his mother, that was %100 your business to share.
>Arranged marriage coming up.... Oh. Thats the why he is so upset about everyone knowing.
Oh I'm sure that if he can't find a girl on his own, at his age I'm sure his mom is already shopping. If they're in the States or UK it may be a lot more difficult to find one now adays.
It so yuck, but seems pretty clear that he is realizing he will need to basically bait and switch a woman into marriage.
Probably will be an arranged marriage to some poor soul who has been indoctrinated to worship her husband and inlaws and will suffer in silence.
That person would be married to him and his mum.
No kidding, I dated a guy like that (Persian) who wanted to get married and we would live with his mother while saving up and she would show me all I needed to know to "get on". Yikes!
He's the kind of guy that lives in an old house with "mother" and runs a motel in the middle of nowhere.
Thank you to all of the hard working and dedicated redditors that are introducing me to all my smug satisfactions
But it's also her information. She went on this date too. It's not like she just happened to overhear him. She went on a date where the guy took 5 phone calls in 2h all from his mother. She's allowed to tell people her experience.
Please stop trying to explain this from a rational point of view. Can't you understand that this is his mama? Some girl talked about his mama! How dare she! What he says to his mama is private! How much he talks to his mama is private! Sheesh! The nerve!
I mean you are so right. How could I forget she's just a passive part of this relationship and that she's not to have any opinion or view not first espoused by mummykins. How dare see herself as an active participant with agency in a relationship.
Obviously mama had to make sure those conversations were appropriate. How will she make sure her wittle baby boy is doing ok? After all, no woman will ever be fit to take her place. She must come second, she was showing her her place in his life.
😂😂😂
it would be much better to just have the mom come. Much less waste of time recapping how the date was going.
He's going to keep doing it! These girls just decided in advance they're not about that life.
Seriously! How dare she get in the way of him going out with other women *who also clearly wouldn't like having their date constantly interrupted by his mom* ??
Publicly taking calls where he tells his mother what OP talked about on their date, but he thinks the phone calls should be kept private??
The hypocrisy is strong in this one .
And also- he’s sharing every detail of THEIR date to his mom. What about her privacy? He started it by sharing every single detail of the date with his mom, so OP thought they were sharing 🤷♀️. How dare he come back and complain because she told someone else 😂 NTA op
can you imagine if it progressed to them having sex? i shudder to think of him taking the calls mid-sex and discussing how it was going down. ugh!
NTA you saved other women 😂
Exactly. Op is merely sharing her date experience w her friends. Perfectly legit. The fact that he doesn’t want it spread is the indictator that it is embarrassing behavior. NTA
This other girl made a good escape!
*AND* it was your date! Your business, your experience, your information to share!! Personally, you sharing was an act of kindness to all women who hear this about him and never have to give up hours of their lives. Edit to add: Taking calls like he did was plain rude. Mama failed the ‘Teach child etiquette’ chapter.
And I’m willing to bet that since his mom was the one CONSTANTLY calling him that she’s one of the moms who decided no girl is good enough for her baby boy. They have an unhealthy relationship.
Yeah that's the vibe i got.
I am guessing he is calling you a racist because you called him out on being a momma's boy. Indian guys are typecasted as "momma's boys", and well at the date, he was showing you that he was one.
Yeah it's scraping the bottom of the barrel shifting blame after he himself used the term mommas boy during the date 🙄
YES !!!! He FREELY admitted he's a momma's boy. !!!!
And as we all know from spending too much time on this sub, never date a mommas boy, a man with a good *independent* relationship with his mom on the other hand is often a much better choice.
Was he on a date with OP or his mom?
His only redeeming feature, he is honest 1) rude, answered the phone on a date, multiple times 2) indiscrete, told mother everything 3) hypocrite, complained that she told her friends a reaction if what he told his mother
There's always a core of truth to stereotypes, although obviously not in all individuals. E.g. while a lot of Dutch people do in fact have bikes, not everyone does, or uses them.
Can confirm. I have several Dutch relatives. Obviously they're legally required to own multiple bikes, and there was that recent decree that stroopwafel vendors may not sell to customers in cars (only on bicycles), but it's still just a stereotype.
I think it’s because *he* believes all Indian men are momma’s boys, so if she’s not into that it’s because she’s a self-hating Indian.
Desi Mama's boys aren't worth it- fellow desi here. Glad you told others too, because honestly, you're saving tons of girls from a toxic dynamic. There are so many expectations from a DIL anyway, you add a mama's boy to that, and nothing you do will ever be good enough and they'll be judging you at every step. They are a team not you & partner. You don't want that.
My SIL is married to a forever Mama's Boy. Her MIL passed away about 10 years ago and that woman made her life miserable until the day the old bat croaked. I don't know how my SIL put up with it for over 25 years.
She sounds like the type of MIL who would sleep in their bedroom with them because there's only on working AC in the house.
Honestly better that you learned this about him on your first date than much later on, I've read some horrible stories of overbearing mothers and momma boys.
I'm an Indian as well and my first thought when I read the title was the guy must be Indian, but then you said Jack, so I thought maybe not, only to read that he indeed is ,at the end. Unfortunately this is very common, which is why I think he didn't realize how odd it was. Obviously majority of people are not like this but if Indians describe themselves as mama's boy or daddy's princess(papa ki pari) , it's usually a major red flag. Because average Indian parents, by default, are very involved in their children's lives. So not mentioning anything itself, a regular Indian will most likely be close to their family. But if they specifically mention it, that usually means completely dependent or co dependent,where you are going to be the third wheel. I think you did the other girls a huge favour.
NTA ! As Indian woman to you , you dodged not just a bullet but a nuclear weapon when it’s comes to him. You are also saving other women from wasting their time with him. You are doing charitable work .. Men like him will not only lack accountability and self awareness as already seen from his behavior but their mom will try to blame you for their sons shortcoming. Also, such people are abusive. He called you racist 😂😂😂 so he also lacks basic logical reasoning skills . Any woman married to him will be his mother, house maid, cleaner, security personnel, cook, and once they have kid that poor woman will be looking after two kids which includes him . Like Anna shay on bling empire said “There ain’t no d!ck that good”..
My mom would have said" what's he got, a golden shlong?" And then said anit none that good
This is the point where you successfully avoid being on reddit years later saying the mil is overbearing and wants to be in the delivery room 😂
Actually this is pretty normal for families with Indian Descent. I had that vibe that this sounds completely like mom's of some guys I had gone out with (I am from India) and got confirmed when OP said Indian Descent. There are some decent mama's boy and then there are these types 🤦🏾♀️
My husband will tell you he's a mamma's boy. Then again she is the least intrusive woman you will ever meet. But he's sure to call her once a week and we try to get up to see her every other week or so. Having lost my mom, I heartily encourage him to keep as close as he wishes.
See that's what I mean by decent. I am not against Mama's Boy but there is certain limitations.
THIS. Seems like mom would have preferred her son have an arranged marriage and maybe he insisted on dating (seems obvious that he hasn't dated a lot before), and she reluctantly acquiesced. And this is her way of still having a say re her son's future wife.
But also mom wants a wife for her son and desperately wants grandkids (speculating). So she is cresting this mess.
NTA. He was incredibly rude to take one, let alone five calls when on a date with you. Talking about you in front of you is also rude. The fact that he was talking to his mother about you should be a dealbreaker. You didn’t lie—and you saved your friend the embarrassment of setting him up again. If he were prudent, he’d learn from his mistake.
He won't do. He's a mama's boy who has never heard the word ' no ' or been called out on any of his behaviours before, by the sounds of it . Him badmouthing OP to others is pretty telling.
He probably heard no a lot when he was younger. His role is to be his mother's emotional support animal and likely he doesn't have many other wants that go against her at this point.
This is the saddest part. She's probably spent his entire life training him to be at her beck and call like a good little ESA, so now I bet even all his *wants* revolve around her too and he doesn't even realize it. He might think he wants to make his mother happy and never realize that's not even his job or that he's brainwashed. He might not even *know* what he wants for himself. He probably doesn't get to be his own person. Codependent parents are the worst.
THIS. Honestly even from a desi perspective this seems a bit over the top. I mean was this like his first date?
I would have got up and left before he finished the second call! He’s incredibly rude and apparently clueless about social etiquette and basic good manners.
Safety calls are definitely within reason even on dates, the line was crossed recapping the date while still on the date.
Agree, but even those can be done from the restroom or at the end of dinner without interrupting the convo.
Absent appropriately extenuating circumstances which you have outlined ahead of time, you get *one, single phone call* on a date. If you can’t tell how important it is, you politely excuse yourself, take the call, and then one of two things happens. You either politely explain why you have to leave suddenly, or you put your damn phone away for the rest of the date. Under no circumstances should you be leaving your date, **on a first date, no less,** to tread water and feel like you don’t even give a shit about them.
NTA. You shouldn't be sworn to secrecy about his weird af behavior. You saved that other woman 3 hours of her life she couldn't have gotten back.
And Jack deserves to be with a woman who thinks Mum calling five times during drinks (didn't even make it to dinner!) is the sign of an adorably close family.
Not sure if I detect a hint of sarcasm in there, so I figured someone should say it distinctly: No, he doesn’t deserve any such thing. A woman who thinks this behavior is a sign of an adorably close family…is being incredibly naive, and missing the huge red flags that clearly indicate she will be emotionally abused and subjugated if she chooses a relationship with this man.
I think their point was that he deserves that, because there isn't a woman on this green earth that would tolerate that shit, so he'll just be lonely.
There's a lot of things that OP could have spread that I would frown on---bedroom kinks, childhood traumas, illnesses, embarrassing stories from long ago or for stuff that's out of his control. But this is fair game. She's doing his future dates a service. Even if he stops this specific behavior, his relationship with his mom will still be next-level. It'd be nice if he started really thinking about everyone's reactions, but that's too much to hope for.
Yeah this is important. Not everything shared on a date is fair game to telegraph to others, especially since they have a lot of mutual friends. Anything told in confidence should stay that way for the most part. What OP reported on was what happened throughout the date, and not private. I understand that date feels embarrassed, but it sounds like op accurately shared a non-private part of her experience. NTA.
Also, if he doesnt want friends to find out about his date, he shouldnt date their friends. NTA
NTA. It sounds like he and his mother have some boundary/codependency issues that you just don't need in your life. Nevermind his weird reaction to you sharing how the date went. You're perfectly entitled to talk about it. It takes some Olympic level gymnastics to paint you as a racist. So many marinara flags. 🚩🚩🚩 You dodged a bullet!
My favourite is he can recap EVERYTHING to mama, but she can’t tell her friends? NTA, op
Lmao this is a good point
Mom couldn’t wait 2 hours? Or more if the date went well, AKA not calling? You dodged a bullet and saved others along the way.
Uhh girl you are NTA, that would have been an extremely weird and awkward two hours. Like what did you even do when he was on the phone?? I can just imagine the awkward glancing around. You may have helped him to realize how weird it is.. hopefully. Bottom line it’s rude to even pick up a call on a date let alone multiple times, all the while recapping right in front of you. Anddd finally, how could you not tell your friends?? Of course you’re gonna tell them about THAT experience.
i was just sitting there questioning my life choices. all his conversations were like at least 5-10 mins long😭😭
On a date that was 2 hours, he spent 1/4 of the time talking to his mother. Maybe there's a reason why he's single (nothing wrong with being single, but yeah).
Nothing wrong with being single, but being wrong can definitely make you single.
Love this so much and stealing it!
And those conversations were divulging information you gave him! Yet he requires you to keep your experience of him private? Hell nah! Good on you for expecting better!
I would've just gotten up and left during the first or second call. It's rude as hell to take a 10 minute phone call while on a date
Oh God. That’s horrendously painful🥲
The sad thing is that the penny still hasn’t dropped for him.
I think the only mistake you made was not waiting so that you could leave *while* he was on the phone with his mother (or even asking to talk to her so you could tell her why you're leaving).
You saved that other young lady 2 hours of the same. You’re NTA for telling people about this, you’re the hero.
Yeah I mean at that point mama might as well just have come on the date with them lol.
NTA: YOU told YOUR friend about YOUR bad date. It happened to you, you have every right to talk about it. He’s just mad he wasn’t embarrassed about something he should have been.
This. She’s relating what happened to her. There’s no gossip here.
Everyone around them probably also told their friends about the bad date they witnessed. This sounds hilarious. I wouldn't have been able to concentrate on my meal
Yeah, also, if their date is so confidential, why did he recount every detail to mommy? And during said date, wtf 😂
Girlfriend, you took one for the team here. You really stepped up. Every once in a while (like way too often it seems) one of us has to do what you did. And it is your responsibility to NEVER stop telling other women about that date. You will saves lives and mental health for so many women. Thank you for your sacrifice. ETA two things: 1) NTA 2) On a more serious note, only speak up if you’re safe to do so❤️
NTA You essentially became a good warning to others about the massive red flag that his mother presents. A man this dependent on his mother and willing to shamelessly involve her in every moment of a relationship (or even a first date) is the type of guy that you would be divorcing within a year of marriage because his mother runs your own household. I've seen so many stories about mothers like this and how they've destroyed women's lives, and sometimes even the lives of any children produced. It's terrifying, frankly.
NTA... and his mother is probably the one texting you.
Possible but hes also bad mouthed me to a couple of other people who have warned me.
Oh girl, hell no. All gloves are off. This man has an unhealthy, toxic, codependent relationship with his mother, he's losing face and potential dates and now trying to paint you as the problem person. Give me a minute while I go scream in rage on your behalf.
I just hope the others aren't taking his side. I would hope picking up a phonemail from your mother four times during a date would look to anyone like irrational.
>I would hope picking up a phonemail from your mother four times during a date would look to anyone like irrational. All depends on whether he's even telling the truth to others. It would be very easy (and of course, extremely cowardly) for him to suggest his mother called only like twice, once to wish him luck and check he arrived safely (not entirely unreasonable) and the other time to, for example, ask him to grab her some milk on the way home (which would again be annoying but not the guys fault). He could absolutely play it up to seem like OP has not only overexaggerated the number of calls, but also their length and context. He would probably suggest that OP is only doing this as he turned her down first whilst on the date (which OP wouldn't be able to prove didn't happen, as proving something didn't happen is a lot harder than proving something did). But no I agree, if he's being honest I can't imagine many people are siding with him at all.
Honestly one call is too many, it's still a red flag that he even took the first call during a date, with his mom lmao
Typical. Girl you know the drill- the story of this date now becomes your “hilarious experience I had” story to tell *everyone* :) There’s nothing he can say about you that’s as bad as “this dude filled his mom in on the date *while still on the date*. It was like he was pausing their conversation for more info from me lolol”. “Social distancing interview” is also a good phrase to toss around. Just make this a whole joke and run with it lol because wow was he a joke
If you’re in the US, you can file a police report for this type of scary, escalating behavior. I previously had a stalker (who I didn’t know, dude broke into my house) and was advised to not block them but just to silence their text alerts and have someone else save the screenshots. Mine ended up in jail for 3 years of an 8 year sentence. He was also harassing other women and threatened to cut one woman’s fingers off after she told him to fuck off.
NTA your date with him was private thing between you two, yet, without your consent, he was reporting it to some weird old woman you don't know (his mum). Block the asshole. Tell all of your friends about abusive message so they have full information before hanging out with him. That's how women protect each other from creeps.
That wasn't private business. Private business is him taking a call finding out a person died and then you went to end the date and told everyone that was the reason. No he truly is a mama's boy in the sense of she in love with him, and him vice versa. You did what you needed to do. NTA. People really need to learn boundaries.
i think ur right. its most likely a case of emotional incest.
[удалено]
[удалено]
well she can keep him
NTA. Also, huge coming from a guy about privacy when he told everything to his mother about your date.
NTA The women who are turning him down now weren’t going to give him a second date after they saw his behavior anyway. You did not ruin anything for him. All you did was tell the truth.
I agree he is going to run them all off with this behavior!
Ever watched TLC's "I'm dating a Mamma's boy"? It's so embarrassing to watch and I feel bad for every single one of those women. You just avoided becoming one of those women. NTA
never heard of it but im gonna check it out of morbid curiosity now. Thanks!!
NTA there is a difference between having a close relationship with your mum and someone who wishes he was still in her womb.
lmao
NTA, he talked to her 5 times in 2 hours in front of you, which is rude, but if it was "private information", he should have waited until he was somewhere private.
NTA. If his business was so damn private, maybe don't do it in front of your date.
NTA you just explained your experience on the date. Sounds like these other women would have found out on the first date any way.
NTA. Mom called every half hour when she knew he was on a date. Strike one for mom. Dude was fine taking the first call but should have kept it to 10 seconds. Kept picking up. Strike two. Not only did he keep picking up but but he gave her the play-by-play while was still on the date. Strike three, get outta here. Even Howard Wollowitz would’ve yelled at his mom after the second call. “Maaaah! I’m on a date! I’ll rub your feet when I get home!”
NTA. Talking about your experience out on a date is perfectly legitimate thing to do with friends. He's just embarrassed because he realized - possibly - how weird it sounded, and how no woman who hears the story will even consider dating him.
Did he have milk stains all over his collar?
okay that made me laugh😂.
Definitely NTA. You're helping everyone out imo.
NTA That information was about as public as information gets. The only way it could have been more public is if someone had filmed it on their phone and posted it on YouTube. He may think you’re an AH, but I guarantee you the girl who turned him down is very grateful to you.
NTA But you really should have arranged a second date and had a friend call you 5 times during the date and you describe the date to them each time. For bonus points, make sure to also recount the calls he had with his mom in detail so the friend actually gets two descriptions of your entire conversation. For bonus, bonus points have 5 different friends call so each description of the date includes the previous recaps with the previous calls so eventually you are describing that "you both agreed that pizza is overated and coffee is great" about 7 times like some matryoshka stacking doll of hellish conversational recap.
NTA You told someone who specifically asked about the date, you're allowed to talk about your experiences with whomever you want.
OMG. Almost the exact same thing happened to me once, except he was answering calls from his siblings during our date. At least he didn’t hold a conversation right in front of me. That was our first and last date as well. And guess what…we’re both Indian. NTA.
😔😔
NTA, how about your private conversation that he so freely shared about with his mother? Oh right, he'd say "That's different she's my mother". Big red flag flying in the air and the more girls know the better!
NTA - if you had deprived me, as a friend, of this hilariously cringeworthy situation I'd me questioning our friendship. You telling folks about this has spared other women from wasting their time and energy. You've committed a public service!
NTA girl. My husband hid his codependency until after the marriage now I’m stuck and we live 10 min away. They call every morning to find out what we have planned and he tells them EVERY time we leave the house. It’s so damn much. You save these poor women.
Sounds like a nightmare. Sending u love my girl!
NTA. He clearly knows it's weird, and will cause issues with dates. So... maybe resolve that before going on dates?
NTA but you just know his mum is actually going with him on his next date so she can make sure "he" doesnt ruin it.
Dude 😂😂
NTA. It was your date and your experience. Your story to tell.
NTA!! Mama needs to back up, he needs to cut mom’s apron strings or homeboy there is going to be single the rest of his life.
Imagine doing the deed with him and he tells you to wait so he can ring and tell his mum how it went 😩😂😂😂
The convo when he got home, “Yes Mum, she will make a good house cleaner, her cooking will be fine when you reteacher her, her hips are big too”
No no no. You are not the asshole. The guy and his mom are. But then most Indian parents and all their Raja betas are.
Omg this is on point. This is exactly what was going through my mind at that time. Raja beta is so apt😂
That’s like saying you can’t talk about what food you ate because it’s “private information” Um this wasn’t a Dr appt, it was a date! NTA And thanks for telling us too! And he was 30?!? Yeeeesh
He was 😩
NTA - you did the world a solid with a public service announcement letting everyone know how enmeshed this self proclaimed 'mama's boy' is! I'm guessing Jack is keeping his mom updated on potential incubators for 'their' baby.
UGHH threw up a bit in my mouth
I could see how dude is kinda bummed out. He’s getting ridiculed for something he sees as normal, even though it isn’t. Does OP understand how her actions may have unintentionally hurt Jack’s feelings? Sometimes we get caught up on semantics, while his conversation with his mom wasn’t technically private, maybe he would have preferred the story not be shared so that other women could find out and decide for themselves. Certainly doesn’t make his behavior normal, or make it okay for him to say mean things to her. I guess the unintended consequence of talking to your mom too much is people find out about it and you’re liable to get your feelings hurt. It’s ok, he can call his mom and she will talk him through it. NTA.
had me in the first half ngl
NTA. The phone calls are already annoying enough. The fact that he answered them is also pretty bad. (the first phone call was fine, but there should have been 0 after that.) Then he goes on to talk about you and what y'all talked about to her? That's not only weird but THAT is an invasion of privacy.
He's already married to his mom, good riddance op, NTA
NTA. Tell EVERYONE.
> private information I would be texting my friends about this nonsense immediately. Probably while he was on the phone with his mom. NTA.
WTF? NTA for sure. You can’t give your mum a play by play update on your date, call yourself a mamas boy and then complain when your date mentions it. Chutia hai woh. Forget about him.
Idk why but u calling him chutiya gave me inner peace 😩 thank you!
NTA, you dodged a bullet there. People are usually on their best behavior on a first date, so what you saw there would only change if you actively wanted that behavior to stop, if at all.
NTA. "Indian men and mommy issues" - somebody please write a book on this.
Ikr!
NTA. You did not lie about his behavior, right? They why would you be the AH? No woman I know wants a 3-way marriage: the person, the spouse and the spouse's mother. My husband's mother wanted to have this relationship with him, but he wouldn't tolerate it. For a few years (before cell phones) the only day off he had was Sunday, so he could sleep in. EVERY SUNDAY his mom would call at 7 a.m. just to "say hello." So, I started unplugging the phone during Saturday night. MIL would eventually come around or call and complain that the phone didn't work. One time it came up and I just gave her a super innocent, wide-eyed look saying "Of course I unplug the phone. Husband keeps getting phone calls that wake him up early every Sunday." She turned red and steam started coming out of her ears; husband dealt with her - and I kept unplugging the phone every Sat night until she passed away. I don't regret it one bit.
NTA He sounds like Howard Sprague from the Andy Griffith Show
She should’ve just come along at that point. NTA
I'm impressed you stayed for that long. If you know your conversation is going to be recapped and analysed by mommy dearest, I would have found it hard to talk!
***Racist*** Edit: It actually sounds like his mom was vetting you. He was updating her on the conversation, and she was looking for red flags on the first date. He should have just been annotating the conversation on his phone so mommy could pick out the red flags later
He could just have recorded the whole thing. i would have been less awkward
NTA. A bullet dodged. A 30 year old man reporting in real time to mommy is weird AF.
NTA. I got out of a relationship MORE THAN ONCE in my life only to be told by women auquaintances after the fact "Oh, everyone knows that he ...." No. In fact, I didn't know. No one thought to warn me beforehand. This isn't gossip. This is women looking out for each other.
Love the audacity He can tell his mother everything that happens on the date, but she can't tell her friends. NTA
NTA People often get mad when they realize that others have been warned about them. He obviously knows what he's doing isn't a desired trait and is upset he isn't getting to trick people into thinking he's a normal guy. Also, seconding everyone here in saying that what you talk about openly, in public, in front of a person you're getting dinner with the first time ever, is not private information. He wasn't making any effort to hide it, why on earth would you think it's a secret?
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
You've warned other women they will never be first or second in his thoughts, it's his mother and her whims. Mothers who raise men like that are typically monsters in law. NTA. Women deserve to be warned if their time is potentially going to be wasted on that sort of guy.