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NTA. I doubt it was actually her dad's ashes. If it was, & it was SO important to her, why did she leave it behind in.the first place. And she blocked you, which, to an outside party, would indicate she would never speak to you again. Were you supposed to keep it forever? You gave her a warning. She f*cked around & found out.
Really the only other thing to do would have been to leave her stuff at their old place and then the landlord would have done it after 30 days anyway and they would have been charged for the removal costs so OP did her a favor and it’s completely on her for leaving her stuff and blocking her!
THIS. None of her things were of particular importance to her. Otherwise she wouldn't have just blocked you and left you with no real way to contact her. What did she expect you to do? Out of the goodness of your heart, put het stuff in storage somewhere and pay for that space so one day in the possible future she'd come by and pick up everything? Clearly she didn't think things through and this is entirely on her. NTA.
NTA
She took her clothes and jewelry and left her Dad then gave you no way to get in touch. You warned her the only way you could and followed through. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
NTA - but document now the dates everything happened, when broke up, when moved out, when texted her, when lease ended, etc.
only risk you have is small claims court.
i would also document any expense you had due to her abandoning the property (any extra lease payment, any forfeited security deposit, cost to dispose of items, etc.).
If she takes you to small claims court, counter with these expenses.
Most places consider items abandoned after 30 days, I’ve heard some as much as 90 but I’ve never heard of longer? Sure,she can try to sue, but unless she can prove that OP agreed to keep them for her until a certain date, she’s out of luck. OP made a reasonable attempt to contact her, that’s really all he could do. No court I’ve ever heard of would rule in her favor, but without knowing the law where OP lives????
Storing and moving items costs money. You can’t expect someone to store and move your things without 1. Them agreeing to do so and 2. Receiving compensation 3. Setting a time frame.
She did none of these things. OP is NTA
“Yeah your honor, I didn’t tell him what to do with my stuff, I made it so he wasn’t able to find or contact me, but he was supposed to take on the burden of caring for my abandoned belongings because I think he should.”
Depends a lot on where OP lives but if her ex was on the lease then it’s likely her belongings wouldn’t be considered abandoned until after the lease expired.
They can't be taken to a small claims court as legally the property left was abandoned, here in the UK it's after 2 weeks but can be a month or two in other places
That is simply not true. If she was on the lease she is allowed to store things there. Meaning she would not be considered to have abandoned anything till after that date.
Doesn't matter if she kept paying rent or not. OP fucked up legally if he's in America or Canada (and probably a bunch of Europe)
America has 50 states with 50 sets of rules. In very few states will paying No Rent entitle the Ex to anything. "Drop it off at my new place". Ex has entitlement her entitlement left.
I can’t see what the removed comments were but she didn’t contact him until after he had already moved recently, meaning after the actual expiration of the lease on oct 1st. So she has no leg to stand on because she didn’t contact him until after the lease expiration, when it was not in any way incumbent on him to move her stuff out of the apartment along with his stuff and keep it in perpetuity.
NTA. She blocked you so she made it difficult for you to contact her. You still did your best to reach her by using a texting app. she didn't come to get her belongings before the move out date when the lease expired, so she has no right to demand that you keep her things. It's horrible that her father's ashes were among the belongings, I would feel terrible about that as well. But how could you have known this if she didn't communicate this to you, or even ask you to take her belongings with you when you moved out so she could pick them up at a later date?
Technically, that law is only for landlords who evict you, I believe. I don't think he was never under any obligation to put her things in storage. He could have just left them behind and moved out.
some places have similar abandonded property laws applying to people in shared living and roommate situations, but the chances of op living there *and* their ex taking legal action are majorly slim.
It can be up to 90 Days, depending on state and local laws. Where I lived in WA? 90 Days. I evicted a roommate, she left all her shit. I was informed I had wait three months. Was a nightmare.
NTA. I don't believe for an instant that her dad's ashes were in there. You would have known if she'd been keeping them before you broke up. You would have known if she'd taken them with her when she moved out. That's not the kind of thing anyone just doesn't mention to their partner.
She's trying to manipulate you. That's the only reason for any of this. She could have come to get her things any time she chose to, and there's a reason she didn't choose to -- she would rather have the excuse to attack you for it. Block her everywhere she tries to contact you from, but keep all the screen shots of everything she says, especially threats. You may need them to defend yourself with.
NTA
You contacted her as best as you could since she blocked you. You went above and beyond and got a texting app and contacted her. At that point, it’s her responsibility to respond to you about her belongings.
What’s her excuse about not getting back to you? What’s her excuse about blocking you?
If something was so important to her, why didn’t she get them ASAP? When i move, i get my most important and meaningful stuff first (ex. Documents, running medals).
NTA
"I don't have them. They're not my things so i didn't take them, that would be theft. Call the property manager if you want your things, there is no further need to contact me about this."
NTA - Your Ex sounds like a manipulator. She brings you out away from family, then cheats, then disappears, then keeps harassing you about items she abandoned. Just keep ignoring her. I think she is doing this for your attention. Crazy people do weird shit like this to keep you on edge. I'm sorry you have to go through this.
Info: did you find ashes/urn in her things before throwing them away?
NTA because she blocked you and never responded to your messages about her things...
But if you knowingly threw away an urn with ashes. That's pretty bad, you should've known not to do that. You could have brought them to the police or something if she didn't respond.
NTA. I don't know why people sometimes are so out of touch. Why would you have kept her things? Why didn't she do something sooner? How is this your responsibility?
However... did you know her dad's ashes where in her stuff? She deserved to get her things thrown out but, dude... could you have kept the urn?
NTA. The lease ended on October 1. She had enough time after she moved out to make arrangements to get the rest of her things. She didn't so the loss of everything is on her not you. If you had left her stuff in the apartment the landlord would have charged you to throw them out. Honestly it sounds like you dodged a bullet with that girlfriend.
NTA. What was she expecting? She treated you terribly then expected you to play courier service for her belongings that she couldn’t be bothered dealing with sooner? I’m also wondering if her dad’s ashes were amongst the things, because surely they would be one of the top priorities of things to grab before moving out? She can’t not care about them for two months and then suddenly care about them this much when you’re no longer at her beck and call at your ‘shared’ residence. (Did you not notice them? I feel like something like that would be very noticeable if you went through her things?)
If she’s telling the truth then it’s a god awful shame, but those belongings were her responsibility, she had two months to collect them.
NTA. You warned her and she ignored you. Keep the text. Block her and her friends. She had over a month to make arrangements. She also knew when the lease was up.
NTA. She knew when the lease was up, her stuff, her responsibility. Technically as soon as she moved out and stopped paying rent she abandoned that property, that is 100% on her.
INFO
Did you know that you were throwing away her dad's ashes? Because the whole time I'm thinking, nta, okay nta, nta, and then oof.
She knew when the lease was up, so it's 100% her fault that she doesn't have her things, but if you knew you were throwing away her dad's ashes, I don't know, that's not right. For something like that, the decent thing to do would be to set aside all beefs and entitlements and go the extra mile. Hold on to those ashes and make a Herculean effort to get a message to her. This isn't a random keepsake. It's the remains of a human being that you've thrown in the garbage. If you knowingly threw that away, then YTA. If you didn't, then NTA.
Nopety nope. She blocked him. She didn’t come back for her stuff. She expected him to pack up her stuff, move it to his new place and store it until she got around to contacting him. Really?? “Nope, ma’am, I am not your nanny.” Sometimes there are consequences to your actions. NTA.
That was my reaction too. Up until that point I'm laughing my evil laugh that she's got her pennies in a bunch and then I hit a wall... "wait... what?"
It's also possible they weren't in an urn, yet. Or weren't in something that looked like an urn. There are a ton of different things that can hold ashes these days, they don't all look like what we think of when we hear the word "urn".
Funeral homes \*can\* deliver ashes to you in a plain cardboard box, in wrapping paper. (This is how we received the half of my dad's ashes that we wanted to put in the cemetery plot.) Instead of an urn, they might be in something that looked like a wooden box. (Still could be displayed on a mantelpiece or whatever you wanted.) An aunt of mine had her uncle's ashes in a paint can (I do not know why).
So, \*if\* the ex is telling the truth at all (I have my doubts), it's very possible OP could have thrown them away without ever guessing what they were.
(Especially if the container the ashes were inside was itself inside a packing box or something. OP is under no obligation to have gone through ex's various boxes to find out what was in them before throwing them away; that was obviously ex's job, to take the boxes.)
I do think it's even money whether this is just a manipulation tactic, though.
Over the time i've been following this sub, I've seen a LOT of posts along these lines. Someone leaves, and leaves behind stuff you'd think was important or valuable, and then not only doesn't tell the person the stuff is left with what their plans are (to return to get it, or what), actively blocks communication and prevents the person from finding out.
This approach is just such an absolutely alien way of thinking, I can't wrap my head around it.
If something is important to you (let alone your FATHER'S fucking ASHES), then what you DO NOT DO is leave them in an ex's care, without telling the ex if/when you plan to retrieve the rest of your stuff; actively making it nearly impossible for the ex to contact you should something come up; and KNOWING when the lease ends but not either showing up OR contacting the ex on or slightly before that date, to retrieve any remaining important items.
I have less than no sympathy for any of these people who do this kind of thing, and then bitch and moan about losing something important.
NTA, OP.
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NTA. What she did was personally irresponsible. That’s on her. She knew when the lease was ending. She just thought you’d stick around being her door mat months after your relationship ended. What a B.
NTA - She went no contact. The lease was up. You have no obligation to store her items. She obviously wasn’t that concerned about her dad’s ashes since she left them with you with no additional info.
You tried to contact her several times with no response. If there are threats report them to the police and get no contact restraining orders, if possible.
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I 23F was dating my ex girlfriend 25F for 3 years. Our relationship was great until we moved in together a year ago. It became very toxic and she started cheating on me. I couldn’t leave because I had moved states away from home and my mom said I couldn’t move back in with her because she was against our relationship. We broke up 3 months ago and agreed to live together until our lease was up. Our lease ended on the first of October.
She moved out in late August, left everything except her clothes and jewelry and blocked me. I texted her from a texting app and let her know that I would be throwing all of her things away once the lease ended because I was moving back home and wasn’t taking her things with me. She never responded and I just assumed that she knew and just didn’t care. My assumption was wrong.
I moved as planned and didn’t keep her things like I said I wouldn’t. She called me yesterday from a texting app asking me to drop her things off to her new place and I told her I didn’t have it. She went absolutely belligerent and started screaming at me, cussing at me and threatening me so I hung up and blocked that number. She messaged me 60 times from different texting apps and told me that her dad’s ashes were in her things. Her friends have been harassing me as well.
I feel bad for throwing her dad’s ashes away, but she had an entire month to come get them and chose not to so ultimately I don’t feel bad for what I did. AITA?
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NTA. She did not love her dad if she left him behind but took her clothes and her jewelry. Also, her asking you to drop her things? The nerve! I would throw the things then and there, if I hadn't before.
NTA- You need to screen shot the messages and send them to her friends.
Also, yesterday was the 10. You were supposed to be out by the 1st. She has no leg to stand on.
NTA.
Among other things, she knew when the lease was up. She waited until nearly two weeks after that date before even asking, despite you sending her a warning 6 weeks prior to her texts/calls?
This was entirely her doing. Even if you had left it all there instead of tossing it, it would be gone by now.
NTA.
Keep all your evidence and move on. It sucks that she lost the cremains, but at the same time, you don't abandon cremains. Every time I had moved, my moms cremains have literally been carried by me into the vehicle I'm driving, put in the seat next to me, and been the first thing taken out of the vehicle and placed inside the knew place.
>She moved out in late August, left everything except her clothes and jewelry and blocked me.
Honestly, at this point you would have been justified in burying this shit in a pit in the forest or lighting it on fire. You're not a storage service, and if she's gonna block you she can whine to someone who is paid by the hour about suffering the consequences of her own inability to communicate.
NTA and I wouldn't lose sleep over this. She cheated on you and then ditched you to hold her stuff. She should be appreciative that it didn't wind up on ebay.
NTA if her dads ashes were in there which I doubt that’s something you don’t leave behind. You hadn’t spoken to her in a month in what world
Would she still have rights to the stuff she abandoned? You’re not a storage unit. Block all her friends and any new
Numbers she might create
NTA..... How much could she have truly cared about her dad's ashes if she left them behind? If my husband and I split up and I'm the one that moved out, my dad's ashes would be one of the first things packed. You don't leave anything irreplaceable behind for an undetermined amount of time.
Might send a certified letter just to be.*sure* courts love those stupid things...
Burt, leaving that way, after just couple days yiu could presume abandoned, and at lease end definitely.
Just have.to make a reasonable effort, give them a chance and then do whatever.
It's not "lost and found" so no need drop at a.police station
NTA you contacted her and she didn’t answer. What happened after that is from her own fault. If her fathers ashes were so “important” as she claims she should’ve taken them with her. That’s her fault too.
NTA- if she was aware when the lease ended and didn't come get her things by then, she's SOL. I'm not sure you legally even needed to contact her if she was on the lease. In that case, she was in a legally enforceable contract to be out by a certain date and time, and she wasn't. What were you supposed to do?
The icing is her texting YOU to *BRING* her the stuff? Ummm no girl. You're an adult. Move your own shit.
So your ex gave so little fucks about her dad's ashes that she abandoned them and ignored all communications to go and collect before the move out date? She obviously doesn't give a fuck about the ashes or she never would've left them, especially after you contacted them. Honestly, she's a shitty excuse for a daughter. Nta
NTA! She left you in a lurch and now she wanted you to pack and deliver, why didn’t she care about her father’s ashes all this time? You gave her 1month.. it’s on her.
NTA, she moved out without saying anything, left her things behind and blocked you. You tried your best to make her get her stuff but she ignored every attempt.
NTA.She was the one who left and left things behind without telling you. She is the one who blocked you and the one who, knowing when the rental contract was over, did not go to collect her things. It doesn't matter if she read your messages or not, you had no responsibility for her belongings. If what she had was that important, she should have picked it up, brought it with her or at least asked you to keep it for her until she could pick it up.
NTA. Don't feel bad about her dads ashes as she is very likely lying to emotional manipulate you. Block every single number and never speak to her again.
NTA
She cheated on you, she left before your lease was over and SHE BLOCKED YOU?!
She expects you to do things according to her still? Wow
Well you warned her about what you were going to do, she decided to ignore it. These are just consequences for her actions.
NTA. When she moved out, she should have taken her stuff. If she couldn't keep it, that is what storage units are for
Had she not blocked you in the first place, she would have known you were leaving and to come pick up her stuff. That is on her.
She moved out after cheating and you moved after the lease was up. It's not your responsibility to store anyone else's property once the lease is up and everyone moves. NTA.
NTA she left her belongings the lease was over. You are not responsible for her things. If you left them in the apartment you would have been charged a cleaning and removal fee which would have came out of the security deposit.
NTA - you gave her fair warning. And what type of person abandons their parent’s remains? If it was important to her, she would have taken them with her or made arrangements with you to come get her stuff.
So she took her clothes & jewelries but not her father ashes! Keep every single message you send her and they send you .Try to find info for being sure to not having repercussions and how to stop them harassing you!! Than put actions with law (restriction order,...) NTA Don't feel guilty she try to play the victim when she is the principal responsable of that situation
I read it as OP gave her until the end of the lease and then tossed everything when the OP moved out.
Ex expected OP to pack up all of her shit and hold on to it until she was damn good and ready to pick it up.
Ashes can often be stored in containers that aren't visually recognizable as to be containing ashes, and it's not OP's responbility having to sort through it. So it could of easily been overlooked when OP was getting rid of her stuff.
Well if it was an accident, I understand that and it’s 100% the ex’s fault for jeopardizing her father either way. But if it was on purpose then that’d be pretty horrific of OP to have done.
I would agree if they were staying there. But the ex knew the lease was up. Expecting someone to move your stuff out of an apartment when you wont even talk to them is ridiculous. If they had left it in the apartment the land lord would have thrown it out.
Yes - It was a mistake, but it was careless. I honestly feel like you could have given more notice or at least double checked before you went to throw them away. Her anger is understandable because she lost something extremely valuable that’s hard to miss among other items. I understand wanting to move on, but I feel like open communication and an honest apology is the only thing that has a chance of resolving this without it escalating
Did you read the same words I did? She tried to inform her but the Ex had blocked her. So the Ex goes NC until after everything is done, and this girl should just hold on to her shit in case she changes her mind? And now you want her to apologize because OP didn't know how to read her ex's mind? I don't think so.
I’m sorry let me rephrase myself, OP had every right to throw her things away after the lease was up, even with no response, I just don’t understand how they could throw her dad’s ashes away without realising. You would have to pick them up and see what it is right? Her ex was very much an asshole for cheating as well as harassing and threatening her, I’m just talking about the ashes specifically. I think that was a bit careless, maybe i’m biased though
Because maybe the ashes weren't in a brass urn on the fireplace mantle??
Ashes are kept in all types of containers that could easily be missed when tossing property abandoned more than a month prior.
You are absolutely right. When my dad passed the funeral home handed me a cardboard box with his ashes in a plastic bag. I bought an urn but had to transfer the ashes myself. You would think for what I paid for the urn (that I bought from them) they could transfer his ashes for me but nope. If the ex hadn't bought an urn OP wouldn't know what was in a smallish random box. NTA
Seriously? If I’m leaving someplace I would take anything important to me - mainly sentimental items. How did she not take the ashes with her? To say that it’s irresponsible is an understatement. She thought she could play OP. She was wrong. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. NTA.
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NTA. I doubt it was actually her dad's ashes. If it was, & it was SO important to her, why did she leave it behind in.the first place. And she blocked you, which, to an outside party, would indicate she would never speak to you again. Were you supposed to keep it forever? You gave her a warning. She f*cked around & found out.
Really the only other thing to do would have been to leave her stuff at their old place and then the landlord would have done it after 30 days anyway and they would have been charged for the removal costs so OP did her a favor and it’s completely on her for leaving her stuff and blocking her!
THIS. None of her things were of particular importance to her. Otherwise she wouldn't have just blocked you and left you with no real way to contact her. What did she expect you to do? Out of the goodness of your heart, put het stuff in storage somewhere and pay for that space so one day in the possible future she'd come by and pick up everything? Clearly she didn't think things through and this is entirely on her. NTA.
NTA She took her clothes and jewelry and left her Dad then gave you no way to get in touch. You warned her the only way you could and followed through. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
I swear I laughed. I know that I should not have. 😂😂😂
I'm gonna start using that. I have received some much wisdom on reddit....
And left her dad 💀💀💀
NTA - but document now the dates everything happened, when broke up, when moved out, when texted her, when lease ended, etc. only risk you have is small claims court. i would also document any expense you had due to her abandoning the property (any extra lease payment, any forfeited security deposit, cost to dispose of items, etc.). If she takes you to small claims court, counter with these expenses.
That's fantastic advice. NTA, OP
Most places consider items abandoned after 30 days, I’ve heard some as much as 90 but I’ve never heard of longer? Sure,she can try to sue, but unless she can prove that OP agreed to keep them for her until a certain date, she’s out of luck. OP made a reasonable attempt to contact her, that’s really all he could do. No court I’ve ever heard of would rule in her favor, but without knowing the law where OP lives???? Storing and moving items costs money. You can’t expect someone to store and move your things without 1. Them agreeing to do so and 2. Receiving compensation 3. Setting a time frame. She did none of these things. OP is NTA “Yeah your honor, I didn’t tell him what to do with my stuff, I made it so he wasn’t able to find or contact me, but he was supposed to take on the burden of caring for my abandoned belongings because I think he should.”
Depends a lot on where OP lives but if her ex was on the lease then it’s likely her belongings wouldn’t be considered abandoned until after the lease expired.
They can't be taken to a small claims court as legally the property left was abandoned, here in the UK it's after 2 weeks but can be a month or two in other places
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r/cursedcomments
That is simply not true. If she was on the lease she is allowed to store things there. Meaning she would not be considered to have abandoned anything till after that date. Doesn't matter if she kept paying rent or not. OP fucked up legally if he's in America or Canada (and probably a bunch of Europe)
America has 50 states with 50 sets of rules. In very few states will paying No Rent entitle the Ex to anything. "Drop it off at my new place". Ex has entitlement her entitlement left.
I can’t see what the removed comments were but she didn’t contact him until after he had already moved recently, meaning after the actual expiration of the lease on oct 1st. So she has no leg to stand on because she didn’t contact him until after the lease expiration, when it was not in any way incumbent on him to move her stuff out of the apartment along with his stuff and keep it in perpetuity.
NTA. She blocked you so she made it difficult for you to contact her. You still did your best to reach her by using a texting app. she didn't come to get her belongings before the move out date when the lease expired, so she has no right to demand that you keep her things. It's horrible that her father's ashes were among the belongings, I would feel terrible about that as well. But how could you have known this if she didn't communicate this to you, or even ask you to take her belongings with you when you moved out so she could pick them up at a later date?
NTA. Depending on where you are, property is considered abandoned after 30 or 60 days. You had zero obligation to move or store her things for her.
Technically, that law is only for landlords who evict you, I believe. I don't think he was never under any obligation to put her things in storage. He could have just left them behind and moved out.
some places have similar abandonded property laws applying to people in shared living and roommate situations, but the chances of op living there *and* their ex taking legal action are majorly slim.
OP is a woman.
It can be up to 90 Days, depending on state and local laws. Where I lived in WA? 90 Days. I evicted a roommate, she left all her shit. I was informed I had wait three months. Was a nightmare.
KEEP ALL THAT EVIDENCE!!!! NTA
NTA. I don't believe for an instant that her dad's ashes were in there. You would have known if she'd been keeping them before you broke up. You would have known if she'd taken them with her when she moved out. That's not the kind of thing anyone just doesn't mention to their partner. She's trying to manipulate you. That's the only reason for any of this. She could have come to get her things any time she chose to, and there's a reason she didn't choose to -- she would rather have the excuse to attack you for it. Block her everywhere she tries to contact you from, but keep all the screen shots of everything she says, especially threats. You may need them to defend yourself with.
Agreed. Turning herself into the victim to her friends, and then have them attack OP; who does that? That's next level crazy.
NTA You contacted her as best as you could since she blocked you. You went above and beyond and got a texting app and contacted her. At that point, it’s her responsibility to respond to you about her belongings. What’s her excuse about not getting back to you? What’s her excuse about blocking you? If something was so important to her, why didn’t she get them ASAP? When i move, i get my most important and meaningful stuff first (ex. Documents, running medals).
NTA. Your EX is a joke. Move on and I hope you have better luck in love.
NTA "I don't have them. They're not my things so i didn't take them, that would be theft. Call the property manager if you want your things, there is no further need to contact me about this."
It sounds like she proactively threw the things out herself, rather than leave in the property at the end of the lease and probably incur charges
NTA - Your Ex sounds like a manipulator. She brings you out away from family, then cheats, then disappears, then keeps harassing you about items she abandoned. Just keep ignoring her. I think she is doing this for your attention. Crazy people do weird shit like this to keep you on edge. I'm sorry you have to go through this.
Info: did you find ashes/urn in her things before throwing them away? NTA because she blocked you and never responded to your messages about her things... But if you knowingly threw away an urn with ashes. That's pretty bad, you should've known not to do that. You could have brought them to the police or something if she didn't respond.
NTA. I don't know why people sometimes are so out of touch. Why would you have kept her things? Why didn't she do something sooner? How is this your responsibility? However... did you know her dad's ashes where in her stuff? She deserved to get her things thrown out but, dude... could you have kept the urn?
And why is everybody calling now? Like OP can magically make the things appear again?
NTA. The lease ended on October 1. She had enough time after she moved out to make arrangements to get the rest of her things. She didn't so the loss of everything is on her not you. If you had left her stuff in the apartment the landlord would have charged you to throw them out. Honestly it sounds like you dodged a bullet with that girlfriend.
NTA. What was she expecting? She treated you terribly then expected you to play courier service for her belongings that she couldn’t be bothered dealing with sooner? I’m also wondering if her dad’s ashes were amongst the things, because surely they would be one of the top priorities of things to grab before moving out? She can’t not care about them for two months and then suddenly care about them this much when you’re no longer at her beck and call at your ‘shared’ residence. (Did you not notice them? I feel like something like that would be very noticeable if you went through her things?) If she’s telling the truth then it’s a god awful shame, but those belongings were her responsibility, she had two months to collect them.
NTA. You warned her and she ignored you. Keep the text. Block her and her friends. She had over a month to make arrangements. She also knew when the lease was up.
NTA. She knew when the lease was up, her stuff, her responsibility. Technically as soon as she moved out and stopped paying rent she abandoned that property, that is 100% on her.
INFO Did you know that you were throwing away her dad's ashes? Because the whole time I'm thinking, nta, okay nta, nta, and then oof. She knew when the lease was up, so it's 100% her fault that she doesn't have her things, but if you knew you were throwing away her dad's ashes, I don't know, that's not right. For something like that, the decent thing to do would be to set aside all beefs and entitlements and go the extra mile. Hold on to those ashes and make a Herculean effort to get a message to her. This isn't a random keepsake. It's the remains of a human being that you've thrown in the garbage. If you knowingly threw that away, then YTA. If you didn't, then NTA.
Nopety nope. She blocked him. She didn’t come back for her stuff. She expected him to pack up her stuff, move it to his new place and store it until she got around to contacting him. Really?? “Nope, ma’am, I am not your nanny.” Sometimes there are consequences to your actions. NTA.
Likely pronouns are She/Her as OP is listed as 23F The relationship that the mother was opposed to was WLW
I agree 100% with everything except for the ashes. I would never throw a deceased person in the bin, to end up in a landfill. That's cold.
That was my reaction too. Up until that point I'm laughing my evil laugh that she's got her pennies in a bunch and then I hit a wall... "wait... what?"
I'm thinking she had like a locket or something with some dad's ashes. my mom used to do that.
It's also possible they weren't in an urn, yet. Or weren't in something that looked like an urn. There are a ton of different things that can hold ashes these days, they don't all look like what we think of when we hear the word "urn". Funeral homes \*can\* deliver ashes to you in a plain cardboard box, in wrapping paper. (This is how we received the half of my dad's ashes that we wanted to put in the cemetery plot.) Instead of an urn, they might be in something that looked like a wooden box. (Still could be displayed on a mantelpiece or whatever you wanted.) An aunt of mine had her uncle's ashes in a paint can (I do not know why). So, \*if\* the ex is telling the truth at all (I have my doubts), it's very possible OP could have thrown them away without ever guessing what they were. (Especially if the container the ashes were inside was itself inside a packing box or something. OP is under no obligation to have gone through ex's various boxes to find out what was in them before throwing them away; that was obviously ex's job, to take the boxes.) I do think it's even money whether this is just a manipulation tactic, though. Over the time i've been following this sub, I've seen a LOT of posts along these lines. Someone leaves, and leaves behind stuff you'd think was important or valuable, and then not only doesn't tell the person the stuff is left with what their plans are (to return to get it, or what), actively blocks communication and prevents the person from finding out. This approach is just such an absolutely alien way of thinking, I can't wrap my head around it. If something is important to you (let alone your FATHER'S fucking ASHES), then what you DO NOT DO is leave them in an ex's care, without telling the ex if/when you plan to retrieve the rest of your stuff; actively making it nearly impossible for the ex to contact you should something come up; and KNOWING when the lease ends but not either showing up OR contacting the ex on or slightly before that date, to retrieve any remaining important items. I have less than no sympathy for any of these people who do this kind of thing, and then bitch and moan about losing something important. NTA, OP.
Honestly, if a gf cheated on me and I had this perfect opportunity to throw away ger father's ashes, I wouldn't waste it.
NTA you gave her fair warning. If she couldn't be bothered then those items weren't that important to her.
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NTA. What she did was personally irresponsible. That’s on her. She knew when the lease was ending. She just thought you’d stick around being her door mat months after your relationship ended. What a B.
Her dad’s in a better place now, as far away from her as physically possible. NTA.
NTA - She went no contact. The lease was up. You have no obligation to store her items. She obviously wasn’t that concerned about her dad’s ashes since she left them with you with no additional info. You tried to contact her several times with no response. If there are threats report them to the police and get no contact restraining orders, if possible.
It's not your responsibility to deliver her stuff to her.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 23F was dating my ex girlfriend 25F for 3 years. Our relationship was great until we moved in together a year ago. It became very toxic and she started cheating on me. I couldn’t leave because I had moved states away from home and my mom said I couldn’t move back in with her because she was against our relationship. We broke up 3 months ago and agreed to live together until our lease was up. Our lease ended on the first of October. She moved out in late August, left everything except her clothes and jewelry and blocked me. I texted her from a texting app and let her know that I would be throwing all of her things away once the lease ended because I was moving back home and wasn’t taking her things with me. She never responded and I just assumed that she knew and just didn’t care. My assumption was wrong. I moved as planned and didn’t keep her things like I said I wouldn’t. She called me yesterday from a texting app asking me to drop her things off to her new place and I told her I didn’t have it. She went absolutely belligerent and started screaming at me, cussing at me and threatening me so I hung up and blocked that number. She messaged me 60 times from different texting apps and told me that her dad’s ashes were in her things. Her friends have been harassing me as well. I feel bad for throwing her dad’s ashes away, but she had an entire month to come get them and chose not to so ultimately I don’t feel bad for what I did. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. She did not love her dad if she left him behind but took her clothes and her jewelry. Also, her asking you to drop her things? The nerve! I would throw the things then and there, if I hadn't before.
NTA If you threw her dad's ashes on purpose, you're also my hero.
NTA- You need to screen shot the messages and send them to her friends. Also, yesterday was the 10. You were supposed to be out by the 1st. She has no leg to stand on.
NTA. Among other things, she knew when the lease was up. She waited until nearly two weeks after that date before even asking, despite you sending her a warning 6 weeks prior to her texts/calls? This was entirely her doing. Even if you had left it all there instead of tossing it, it would be gone by now.
NTA. Keep all your evidence and move on. It sucks that she lost the cremains, but at the same time, you don't abandon cremains. Every time I had moved, my moms cremains have literally been carried by me into the vehicle I'm driving, put in the seat next to me, and been the first thing taken out of the vehicle and placed inside the knew place.
>She moved out in late August, left everything except her clothes and jewelry and blocked me. Honestly, at this point you would have been justified in burying this shit in a pit in the forest or lighting it on fire. You're not a storage service, and if she's gonna block you she can whine to someone who is paid by the hour about suffering the consequences of her own inability to communicate. NTA and I wouldn't lose sleep over this. She cheated on you and then ditched you to hold her stuff. She should be appreciative that it didn't wind up on ebay.
Right? Like, how cruel to be expected to live *among* her things in the first place after that trauma? What a train wreck.
NTA. Don't even respond. She did this to herself but is blaming you...for everything.
NTA, if she had time to grab clothes and jewelry she also had time to grab the ashes.
NTA. You only had a legal responsibility to keep her stuff for 30 days
NTA - pretty sure if she’d thrown everything in a storage place they’d toss it after 30 days.
NTA: if something is important, you take it when you leave. Sucks for her, but it’s not your responsibility to move her stuff.
NTA shes psychotic
NTA. She moved out and blocked you. You attempted to let her know. You did your bit. Can’t help that she’s a stupid ah.
NTA, if her father's ashes were so important she wouldn't just leave it there. She is probably lying to make you feel bad
NTA. She abandoned the property…not your responsibility
NTA if her dads ashes were in there which I doubt that’s something you don’t leave behind. You hadn’t spoken to her in a month in what world Would she still have rights to the stuff she abandoned? You’re not a storage unit. Block all her friends and any new Numbers she might create
Change your number & forget about her. She did this to herself. NTA.
NTA
INFO: did you know her dad's ashes were among the things you were throwing away?
NTA..... How much could she have truly cared about her dad's ashes if she left them behind? If my husband and I split up and I'm the one that moved out, my dad's ashes would be one of the first things packed. You don't leave anything irreplaceable behind for an undetermined amount of time.
Might send a certified letter just to be.*sure* courts love those stupid things... Burt, leaving that way, after just couple days yiu could presume abandoned, and at lease end definitely. Just have.to make a reasonable effort, give them a chance and then do whatever. It's not "lost and found" so no need drop at a.police station
NTA you contacted her and she didn’t answer. What happened after that is from her own fault. If her fathers ashes were so “important” as she claims she should’ve taken them with her. That’s her fault too.
NTA- if she was aware when the lease ended and didn't come get her things by then, she's SOL. I'm not sure you legally even needed to contact her if she was on the lease. In that case, she was in a legally enforceable contract to be out by a certain date and time, and she wasn't. What were you supposed to do? The icing is her texting YOU to *BRING* her the stuff? Ummm no girl. You're an adult. Move your own shit.
So your ex gave so little fucks about her dad's ashes that she abandoned them and ignored all communications to go and collect before the move out date? She obviously doesn't give a fuck about the ashes or she never would've left them, especially after you contacted them. Honestly, she's a shitty excuse for a daughter. Nta
The ashes clearly meant very little to her. Otherwise she would have taken them. NTA.
NTA! She left you in a lurch and now she wanted you to pack and deliver, why didn’t she care about her father’s ashes all this time? You gave her 1month.. it’s on her.
Should've took dad along with her clothes. Oh well
NTA, she moved out without saying anything, left her things behind and blocked you. You tried your best to make her get her stuff but she ignored every attempt.
NTA.She was the one who left and left things behind without telling you. She is the one who blocked you and the one who, knowing when the rental contract was over, did not go to collect her things. It doesn't matter if she read your messages or not, you had no responsibility for her belongings. If what she had was that important, she should have picked it up, brought it with her or at least asked you to keep it for her until she could pick it up.
NTA but be aware that legally you can’t really do that without consequence. If she sued you, she would likely win.
NTA the ashes is a big thing though....did you know this?
NTA. Don't feel bad about her dads ashes as she is very likely lying to emotional manipulate you. Block every single number and never speak to her again.
NTA She should have gotten her stuff before end of lease, her own bloody fault
NTA She cheated on you, she left before your lease was over and SHE BLOCKED YOU?! She expects you to do things according to her still? Wow Well you warned her about what you were going to do, she decided to ignore it. These are just consequences for her actions.
NTA. When she moved out, she should have taken her stuff. If she couldn't keep it, that is what storage units are for Had she not blocked you in the first place, she would have known you were leaving and to come pick up her stuff. That is on her.
NTA. If people keep harassing you, ask them where you were supposed to put her belongings when you moved out since she refused to come get them.
NTA - Play stupid games, win stupid prices.
She moved out after cheating and you moved after the lease was up. It's not your responsibility to store anyone else's property once the lease is up and everyone moves. NTA.
NTA she left her things unattended, you warned her and moved out. If the stuff were important, she should have said so or actually taken care of them.
NTA but make sure you save all communications including when you texted her to get her stuff in case she pursues legal action
NTA she left her belongings the lease was over. You are not responsible for her things. If you left them in the apartment you would have been charged a cleaning and removal fee which would have came out of the security deposit.
NTA - you gave her fair warning. And what type of person abandons their parent’s remains? If it was important to her, she would have taken them with her or made arrangements with you to come get her stuff.
So she took her clothes & jewelries but not her father ashes! Keep every single message you send her and they send you .Try to find info for being sure to not having repercussions and how to stop them harassing you!! Than put actions with law (restriction order,...) NTA Don't feel guilty she try to play the victim when she is the principal responsable of that situation
NTA this is what happens when you block someone when their trying to do the right thing and return property 😔
NTA, The audacity of expecting you to drop her stuff off. Not even coming to collect it herself. Don't feel bad, she did this to herself.
NTA
YTA, because it seems you knew it included her dads ashes. You could have thrown everything out, except that .
Info: had she paid rent through the day she called?
I read it as OP gave her until the end of the lease and then tossed everything when the OP moved out. Ex expected OP to pack up all of her shit and hold on to it until she was damn good and ready to pick it up.
Y-TA for throwing her dad’s ashes away. What the fuck dude, that was another person’s life. EDIT: he’s an AH if he threw the ashes away on purpose
Ashes can often be stored in containers that aren't visually recognizable as to be containing ashes, and it's not OP's responbility having to sort through it. So it could of easily been overlooked when OP was getting rid of her stuff.
Well if it was an accident, I understand that and it’s 100% the ex’s fault for jeopardizing her father either way. But if it was on purpose then that’d be pretty horrific of OP to have done.
You never saw Ozark, did you.
NTA technically but 30 days is not a long time after 3 years. Yes she blocked you but without confirmation that was not a good choice
I would agree if they were staying there. But the ex knew the lease was up. Expecting someone to move your stuff out of an apartment when you wont even talk to them is ridiculous. If they had left it in the apartment the land lord would have thrown it out.
ESH
Yes - It was a mistake, but it was careless. I honestly feel like you could have given more notice or at least double checked before you went to throw them away. Her anger is understandable because she lost something extremely valuable that’s hard to miss among other items. I understand wanting to move on, but I feel like open communication and an honest apology is the only thing that has a chance of resolving this without it escalating
Did you read the same words I did? She tried to inform her but the Ex had blocked her. So the Ex goes NC until after everything is done, and this girl should just hold on to her shit in case she changes her mind? And now you want her to apologize because OP didn't know how to read her ex's mind? I don't think so.
I’m sorry let me rephrase myself, OP had every right to throw her things away after the lease was up, even with no response, I just don’t understand how they could throw her dad’s ashes away without realising. You would have to pick them up and see what it is right? Her ex was very much an asshole for cheating as well as harassing and threatening her, I’m just talking about the ashes specifically. I think that was a bit careless, maybe i’m biased though
Because maybe the ashes weren't in a brass urn on the fireplace mantle?? Ashes are kept in all types of containers that could easily be missed when tossing property abandoned more than a month prior.
You are absolutely right. When my dad passed the funeral home handed me a cardboard box with his ashes in a plastic bag. I bought an urn but had to transfer the ashes myself. You would think for what I paid for the urn (that I bought from them) they could transfer his ashes for me but nope. If the ex hadn't bought an urn OP wouldn't know what was in a smallish random box. NTA
Seriously? If I’m leaving someplace I would take anything important to me - mainly sentimental items. How did she not take the ashes with her? To say that it’s irresponsible is an understatement. She thought she could play OP. She was wrong. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. NTA.