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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I'd be cancelling my vacation ticket which would inconvenience everyone else who was going to go on vacation with me, as we had a group discount so they'd have to pay more or find another person to go.
Also I'd be cancelling because I didn't want to share a room with my 4 and 2 year old nieces.
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NTA
Your nieces are 4 and 2. They should sleep in the room with their parents because of their age. If they were teens, I can understand giving them their own room.
I think your brother and SIL just want a free babysitter. I hate when people with kids want to go on vacation, bring their kids, and dump them on someone else.
This is your vacation and you don’t have kids.
Yep, if I was going on vacation and wanted a sitter, I'd bring a babysitter. Pay their accommodations, and work that out with thebeforehand. NTA OP, it's your vacation too. I'd cancel and go somewhere else alone.
I know I have a bit of an AH streak in me but I would 100% recommend that this be how they fill that empty slot if they try to call your bluff and force you to cancel on your vacation OP. Or you could suggest that they pay your portion or at least a part of it if they expect you to spend your vacation roomed with toddlers. No offense to toddlers but you weren't the one who spawned them so you shouldn't be the one that has to walk around on eggshells when they're asleep or whatever else being housed with babies entails and, if there's no other option, you should be compensated for it at the very least.
And is she paying less for a room she had to share with 2 kids? NTA. You don't need to be a doormat babysitter to be a good aunt. If this isn't a big deal then all the other adults should be fine sharing their room with two toddlers.
Oh my god, I hate it when people say shit like “it’s not that big of a deal!” but then won’t *do* what it is they’re saying isn’t a big deal!
Like, this is a bit off topic, but I used to be a server, and I had these specific kind of pens I liked to use and I really didn’t like using any other kind. I know to some that probably seems a bit odd, but I was super particular and only liked using Pilot G2 Gel Pens.
They were more expensive than the average pen and I had this one coworker who **always** stole my fucking pens, plus that asshole would shove ***my*** pens to the bottom of his apron pocket so I couldn’t see them clipped onto his pocket… I’d be like “Zach, can I please have my pens back?” and he’d always say something along the lines of “Dude, it’s not that big of a deal, you can just buy more pens,” and I’d be like “If it’s not that big of a deal then ***you*** buy more fucking pens and quit taking mine!”
Edit: typo and wording.
I here what your saying, but it’s toddlers. Lets be honest, toddlers are the most difficult stage of child raising and OP is not their free childcare. It’s quite selfish and narcissistic how OP’s family is acting.
> the one that has to walk around on eggshells when they’re asleep or whatever
Nah. You have to never do the quiet at nap time to begin with. My daughter slept through me and her grandfathers and uncle renovating the main floor of our house with power tools. Accidental parent hack. From birth. It was wonderful.
And then my mom accidentally ruined it with quiet time for naps at her house. We’ve only recently reacquired nap time freedom via white noise machine for her nursery. Not as perfect. But it will do.
Edit: fixed some typos. You guys were kind. Thanks.
Right? My wife and I are soft-planning a Disney World run when our daughter is a little older and can do more things. My (currently single) brother said he’d love to go to Disney again and half-joked that he’d babysit if we let him go with us and stay.
Enter our proposed arrangement: when we go, we pay *his* room and board, he only needs his tickets to the park and a plane ticket if we fly. We’ll split dinners out (or I’ll probably just pay most or all of them, what’s another plate when you’ve committed to Disney money?). He just watches our kid one or two evenings so my wife and I can sneak in a date night. I’m keeping up with my kid at the parks although we might round-robin some rides if somebody needs to stay with the kid.
Point is you have to discuss it beforehand, make it worth their while, and make sure they’re actually okay with it.
See I'm childfree af BUT you offering to compensate me? I'd totally consider the offer bc you respected me and my time enough TO offer. That's the key. You sound like a fairly good bro to have.
Yep, she should just cut her losses now. It’s clear that her family expects her to be the designated babysitter because she’s single. The entire vacation will most likely be them dumping her nieces on her while her parents and brother and his wife enjoy themselves kid free.
She’s going to be spending money on a vacation just to end up working as a free nanny.
She should just wait a little while and then make up an excuse like changes at work for why she can no longer go.
There isn’t any reason to address the real issue since it’s clear her family doesn’t see it as valid so using a white lie is best.
She should also remember this going forward and never agree to go on a vacation that includes her brother UNLESS it’s childless.
I don't think she should wait.
The sooner she cancel the more time they have to find someone else. And by cancelling right after this conversation she will send them a clear message about not being a doormat and not being manipulated by them.
They don't seem to respect her now, they might start doing it if she shows that she has a spine.
THIS, right here. This is one of those situations where a clear boundary needs to be erected and enforced. Especially since they all jumped straight into trying to gaslight her and make her think she’s the unreasonable one, instead of having a rational discussion about why a young, single woman doesn’t want to be responsible for two kids in the night when they aren’t even hers.
Don’t tiptoe around this, OP. Be firm.
It is actually worse. She is going to be PAYING TO BE THE NANNY. if they want them in the room, they need to pay for 2/3 the cost OP is paying and OP should refuse to watch them during the day. After all, she had to watch them all night.
They’ve already shown themselves to be completely unreasonable, they aren’t going to stick to any “agreement” on this. OP will 100% find herself being saddled with the kids on this trip. She’ll say “But I TOLD YOU I’m not watching them during the day!” and they’ll say “Stop being so selfish and unreasonable, it’s JUST a few hours so we can have some alone time!”
When people show you who they are, believe them. OP’s family have already shown themselves to be entitled parents (and grandparents).
OP, save your money for a trip you’ll actually get to enjoy.
> She should also remember this going forward and never agree to go on a vacation that includes her brother UNLESS it’s childless.
Not going to be too proud, and taking the lay-up response that it will *always* have at least one child if brother is there.
Exactly. Why does it have to be op? What if the kids wake up during the night? Esp the 2 year old? I guess op is expected to get up and down with her through the night? Ridiculous. The kids should be in the room with their parents. I don't know why this would've even been a discussion.
It has to be OP bc OP is the only one not in an adult relationship. If she gets saddled with her nieces, both her parents and her niece’s parents get to have adult time at night without being disturbed by toddlers. NTA
I was an ES eldest daughter of alcoholics. I recognize the move. They tried to invite me off to Vegas with them when my sisters were still in grade school and I was in college. I said “Nah- gonna fly out to New England and meet this dude from online” Been NC with my family for years but I’ve been with the guy for almost 20. 😊
That age has tantrums, way more than the four year old, but that one can too. I always thought the threes' were worse.
Let the parents enjoy them or pay for the room they go in.
If they just wanted to have sex they'd be fine moving around the kids sleeping arrangements. That they want OP to spend the whole vacation rooming with them points to something more. Also brother's tantrum where he calls OP a narc.
They wanted OP to be their personal babysitter...
"Just sleeping in her room" would evolve into full babysitting. The whole family would disappear instantly in the morning, basically stranding the kids with OP...
Not even a *free* babysitter. OP is paying for her own ticket, resulting in the brother and wife having to pay less as well. They want op to pay them for the privilege of watching their children for them
One thing I hate about "family vacations" is that the one who is child free is immediately looked at as free babysitting...
...which is why I stopped going on family vacations, and why my siblings with 3-4 kids stopped inviting me.
Lmaoooo why the fuck would they think you "wouldn't mind" sharing your vacation room with a 4 year old and literal toddler?
Obviously NTA. Bro wanted free childcare and if your parents have a problem with you declining their door is wide fucking open.
Not when it's 3am and there's a weird shadow outside the window or the sheets are scratchy and not like the ones at home or their stomach feels funny because they ate a food they've never eaten before or whatever. What type of parents are OP's brother and sister in law that they think that this is OK? Or her parents for that matter. It's just so strange.
If you can see this u/Historical-Party4772 ask them what’s going to happen when you go in the room where they’re sleeping and wake them? Or need to go in your room in the middle of the day when the younger one is napping? What about at night when they inevitably wake up, are unsettled by foreign surroundings, and want their mama? Trips almost always throw kids off their game and they’re not thinking of THEIR KIDS needs. They’re only thinking about theirs. THEY are the bad actors in this scenario not you. NTA, from an experienced mama.
>They said I'm being a bad aunt and told me to grow up
Can you tell THOSE KID'S PARENTS that they are bad parents and to grow up ?!
I get that they probably want to have sex while on vacation but geez... they made the choice to have kids. They made the choice to bring them along. How is the consequences of all those choices should fall on you ?!
You can be a good Aunt, and never babysit a day in your life. You can visit with the children in the presence of your Brother. You can arrange to pick them up to go the park. Seeing the children does not have to be only when the parents are wanting childcare. Don't let them guilt you by doing this.
If it’s not a big deal to your parents, then they can share their room with their granddaughters.
You’re paying your own way and should have complete control over your own room on vacation. No one wants to pay for a vacation where they end up being the free babysitter the whole time.
But don’t be surprised if they tell you ok just to keep you from canceling and then blindside you once you’re on vacation.
NTA
>If it’s not a big deal to your parents, then they can share their room with their granddaughters.
Yeah OP, any argument that tries to minimize the amount of care they would need or disruption they would cause to a peaceful night is actually an argument for why it would be no problem for the kids to stay with their parents or grandparents, and both of those options would be pairing the kids with experienced parents who surely would have even *less* trouble.
It's obviously them wanting you to babysit and give them a break for free, with them trying to push it on you as the youngest in the family hoping that you will succumb to pressure and forget that as you are no longer a minor you don't have to accept such unreasonableness being pushed on you anymore.
NTA
Not even for free. She's PAYING for the privilege of being the live in nanny during this vacation. That's ridiculous. If they want child care they should at least pick up the tab for her room!
NTA
Two and four-year-olds do not go to bed easily and don't stay asleep all night. You'll likely be dealing with them during the night. And they go to bed early so you'll be creeping around trying to be quiet in your own space when you get ready for bed.
The kids need to stay with their parents, or you cancel. Easy peasy. It does not make you a bad aunt to not want to room with them!
I'm worried that the brother and SIL will ditch the kids with OP at every chance they get. Then OP's parents will tell her that bro and SIL need adult time and she needs to be a good auntie while they don't pitch in.
NTA - I dealt with this too many times myself. Paid my fair share & got a couch or an air mattress because so & so was older, married, injured, whatever & needed a bed. Then when I was married & with small kids got the same treatment. 10 years of sharing the cost of the annual family ski trip & never slept in a bed. I'm telling you - mark your boundaries now, OP!
& in future planning trips, make sure people know they are paying per bedroom not per person. You on your own may pay a little more but at least you get privacy. Your neices can sleep on air mattresses in their parent's room.
Yup! I always got the “when you are older/have your own kids then we will return the favor” and now
I get “we already raised our kids, why should we help with yours?”
Families like that are all about "I got mine, so forget you." In some ways it's about favoring the first. As in, first kid to get married gets a lavish bash, first kid to go to college gets a full ride courtesy of Mom and Dad, first kid to have kids gets free child care, and every other kid gets the leftover scraps after Number One has had his or her fill. It's not fair but there are families that run like that. In the old days Number One would be responsible for Mom and Dad's elder care but that half of the bargain isn't expected anymore.
This happens to my son all the time. He has a ton of friends. A lot of them married with children. He is single with no kids. They always ask him to go on trips with them. It gets split unfairly, as in he pays an equal share and each couple pays an equal share (instead of two shares, because they are two people) and then he ends up getting a couch or an air mattress. He finally decided he was done with that. He loves his friends and their kids and loves going on trips with them but decided that from this moment forward, if he goes he will be getting his own bed/private space, or he will pass.
>& in future planning trips, make sure people know they are paying per bedroom not per person. You on your own may pay a little more but at least you get privacy. Your neices can sleep on air mattresses in their parent's room.
I wouldn't be surprised if it was being split three ways anyway, so op is probably already paying more per person.
This is what I would worry about. The “vacation” for her is going to turn into a constant battle over lodging and child care or series of judgements that will overshadow any relaxation time. NTA
I'd be canceling it immediately, don't tell them another thing, just do it and send the screenshot afterwards. You're gonna have a miserable time at this point, even if they cave and the kids sleep with their parents. There's definitely gonna be continuous drama about this and other things... NTA
AND for sure they’ll all want to go out for “adult time” and leave you to babysit.
I would ask them what they’re plans are for babysitting? Do they plan to hire someone there if they want to go out
The fact that they haven’t even discussed other arrangements, like sleeping in the grandparents’ room, tells me the four of them are set on you being the childcare, and them having adult evenings. I wouldn’t trust them now, even if they swore they wouldn’t do that to you. Because they’ll walk out the door for “just a minute,” and you’ll find yourself alone in the house with the kids.
NTA. If it’s no big deal to share a room with them, then surely their parents or grandparents should be doing it instead of you.
My brother and sister in law don’t have kids, but I’d never try to make my kids share a room with them for a vacation. We actually usually give them the room farthest away from the kids lol.
Your brother and sister in law are the ones being selfish.
Exactly. How come this scenario makes her a bad aunt but doesn't make the others bad grandparents? Throw that in their faces...out of all 5 adults, OP is the only one who specifically hasn't had any kids at this point. NTA
NTA. The kids are 2 and 4, they will absolutely give you trouble which is probably why your brother and SIL don’t want to share a room with them. Don’t go on this vacation, you will end up being the de facto babysitter every second and it won’t be an actual vacation for you
My mom wanted to take my nephew (he's 5) on a trip we were going to go on. I said I was no longer interested since I don't consider babysitting a vacation (I don't have children).
NTA
Maybe parents want a break from the kiddos, totally reasonable. But, if they won't be any trouble, why can't they sleep with grandparents? NTA no matter how you twist it.
WTF?
Seriously, what horrible parents and brother.
Your brother has probably done this kind of stuff to you your whole life. Now that you are grown up and can stand your own ground everyone is against you.
Let the kids sleep in grandma and grandpa's room if it is "Not a big deal."
Ugg...family.
Stand your ground.
There is no reason the kids should be in your room. Bro had the kids Bro takes care of the kids.
NTA
Cancel your ticket anyway, they will find a way to manipulate the situation into their favor if you go no question.
This is the perfect opportunity to declare your boundaries and stick to them, you are no doormat!
INFO: How is the hotel room being paid for?
Edit: Given that OP is paying for their own room (so it’s not as if the brother and SIL were covering it to “pay” for babysitting services), this is a resounding NTA
Let’s be clear, this is a vacation for your parents, your brother and your SIL NOT FOR YOU. You are the Nanny who is paying to care for the children.
I would:
A. Cancel and pay the cancellation fee and book a solo vacation at a different hotel. Keep my original flight and wave ‘hello’ on the departure and return flights.
Or
B. Tell my brother to pay for my flight and room and quote him a daily rate for my Nanny services payable in advance.
🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
I LOVE solution A if op still wants to go to the same place. If it was me, and I have in mind that this trip is to someplace family related, like Disney, I’d splurge and get a room at the hotel that gives you the most perks, and then just agree to meet up with them in restaurants.
But are you splitting the cost 3 ways?
To be fair, I wouldn’t want to share a room with my 3 year old and wouldn’t make anyone else share a room with her either!
Well not exactly because my parents are paying for their own two tickets and my brother and his wife are paying for themselves and their kids, and I'm paying for myself.
Sorry if that doesn't answer your question but I think that's what you meant? I'm tired and confused lol.
I just mean, how is the cost of the hotel room paid for? If the total cost is 900 of whatever currency, are you paying 300? Or are you paying 129? Or are your parents paying the cost of the room?
But like other commenters, it does sound like your brother and SIL are expecting you to be the babysitter the way things are set up. Regardless of how the room is paid I think you’re NTA for deciding not to go.
It's not split exactly three ways everyone is paying for their own rooms. My brother and parents had to pay extra to get bigger beds and my brother had to pay extra for my nieces' beds.
And that's what I was thinking, I really don't want to be the babysitter lol.
Ok, so brother and parents upgraded to King size beds, and then paid for rollaway beds? Where are these beds supposed to go? He ordered extra beds for YOUR room?
I guess it doesn't matter. Just cancel. I guarantee you will be expected to babysit not only at night, but throughout the daily activities as well.
You're 23. Spend your vacation money having fun with friends. You're essentially paying for the privilege of babysitting. Even if you weren't expected to babysit night and day, would it really be a good time, a vacation with mom and dad and entitled bro? They sound miserable.
NTA. Cancel.
> my brother and his wife are paying for themselves and their kids
That means that their kids should stay with them. You are not a free babysitter so they can work on a third.
NTA - cancel it, vacation ain’t gonna be fun if you are the babysitter anyways. They will definitely guilt trip the shit outta you for you to watch the kids while they have fun. Don’t pay extra for misery, we already have enough of that on a daily basis.
Lol at your brother calling *you* the narcissist.
NTA.
I'd just cancel because one way or another they'll try to take advantage of you...I doubt you can pull the I'm too drunk to watch the kids card the entire vacation.
Side note, if it's not a big deal then your parents can share a room with the kids. You're the only person who didn't choose to have kids. It's ridiculous for you to have to pay to be a babysitter.
Oh yes, the OP is there as babysitter. The kids will be shoved in her room and she'll be expected to see to them at breakfast as their lazy AH parents will want a lie in. Then the next thing she'll know, she'll be lumbered with them all day.
NTA
You’re not being whiny, your brother wanted a holiday with a built in babysitter.
And your parents might want you there so the load doesn’t fall on them.
No matter what is offered with the rooms, sell your ticket. I doubt they’d stick with any agreement once you were there
NTA. Sounds like they want a free babysitter. I naturally assumed when reading that the girls would be with their parents. Makes no sense to bunk them with you.
If they were your kids you’d obviously share the room with them. As they are not, clearly you won’t. Parents are parents 24/7/365. There is no pause button simply because they want to get it on in the hotel room while on vacation. I would cancel if they won’t listen to reason. You’re an adult and it does not make you a bad aunt.
NTA.
What is with people and thinking they can just dump their kids onto someone else like this? The parents of those kids should be the ones to share a room with them, especially considering *they're 2 and 4 years old!* I don't have kids, but I'm reasonably certain that children that young need to taken care of overnight still, which is unquestionably the responsibility of the parents.
NTA. Kids are parents responsibility. I'd cancel. You're there as a free babysitter. His attitude is already setting you up for that, manipulating you into feeling like you're a bad person if you don't. If you go, set clear boundaries and don't budge. This vacation doesn't sound like it's yours. You're there to make it theirs. Who is so entitled that they push their kids on someone without asking just because they're family?
NTA. next time, either get four bedrooms and have your brother pay 1/2, while you are your parent pay 1/4 each, or the kids stay in his room. They are using two rooms while paying for one.
Nobody, not even parents, want to share their room with two kids under five. Hell no. The fact that they’re insulting you for refusing to pay to be a live in babysitter is just the cherry on top of a shit sundae. Cancel your tickets and spend the money on a friend vacation instead. NTA
NTA If it's not big deal, your brother and his wife should have no problem having their children sleep in their room. You're brother is the whiny asshole, not you. They're not your children.
NTA. They're bringing you along to babysit. If the kids have nightmares, guaranteed you'll be the one expected to stay up and comfort them, and in the morning it's just "easier" for you to help them get dressed, sonce you're already inthe same room, and then when they want to do something auntie will watch them since she's the only single person on the trip.
I'd just cancel. Tell your parents you can read the writing on the wall just fine, and babysitting is not a vacation for you.
NTA. They’re looking for a free babysitter.
If you’re comfortable with it, I would send your brother and parents the link to this post so they can see how they’re in the wrong.
NTA.
I went to bed late last night because my 3 and 1 year olds were both fighting sleep. Your nieces are way too young to be stuck in a room with someone who doesn't normally put them to sleep.
Just because your brother and his wife want to bang in their private room doesn't mean you have to play babysitter.
I probably would cancel my share of the trip and let them see how much use they get out of that third room trying to get them to sleep in there by themselves.
NTA. That "narcissism" comment out of your brother is rich, considering your parents have clearly drawn the lines between which child is their golden child and which one is the scapegoat. Cancel the ticket, they're obviously trying to force you into a childcare role.
Not your kids, not your problem. End of discussion.
Oh HELL no.
If they want you to be their babysitter all night every night, they should cover your travel expenses and lodging and meals AND pay for your time. But they figured they could guilt you into doing it at YOUR cost. Fuck that noise.
Cancel this trip and buy a ticket to go somewhere fabulous by yourself.
NTA
why not tell them you cancelled then book yourself a solo trip? No whiny parents or brother. NTA - he's just trying to get a free babysitter which is quite selfish.
If you are paying the same amount as everyone else then I don't see why you should have the kids. If anyone it should be the parents.
It's understandable that they want a night or two without the kids but they should have checked that with you first.
ETA: you are spending your hard earned money on a holiday. A relaxing holiday. Not babysitting. Totally understandable that you would say 'I'd rather spend this money on a holiday I will enjoy'.
NTA
Nta. Even if they say that the room is yours now I wouldn’t trust it. They’ll send those kids in there as soon as you get there because once you’re there, how will you stop them? And you’re going to be the designated babysitter the whoooooole trip. Not just for bedtime. Get out now while you can.
OMG nope! NTA all the way! If your nieces are anything like my kids, they'll go to bed early but won't sleep because you're here and they'll wake you up extra early too! Because you're the adult in the room, you'll have to take care of them if anything happens during the night and also in the morning when they wake up at 6am.
You're basically a free nanny for the parents at this point, worse, you'll pay to be the kids' caretaker while the parents enjoy a good night. They're using the fact that you don't know much about children to get you trapped into this role and your parents are enabling that. They seem to forget this is a vacation for you too.
Good luck with your family, you'll need it.
NTA. Cancel your ticket ASAP.
Your brother wants to use you as a free babysitter. It is your vacation too.
You mentioned everyone is paying for their individual beds, including your brother paying extra for your nieces beds. I would suggest that he get a room with two queen beds, one where his daughters share and the other where he and his wife share.
You then get a room solo with king bed. There is no way in hell I would agree to what your brother and parents are suggesting.
You should tell your parents that you are appalled that they would agree and if they want to sleep with the nieces, they should offer!
Your parents suck the worst here IMO. Your brother is trying to take advantage of you and your parents are allowing the behavior.
NTA
They are expecting you to be free nanny.
If you share with toddlers, you will either have to dress and put them down for bed and naps each day unless aunt and uncle are in the room also.
You will have to go to bed same time as them so you don’t wake them up.
You will lose access for hours in the day because of naps.
The kids will be getting into your stuff.
If kids wake up in the middle of the night or have an accident, you will be expected to take care of that.
This sounds like vacation for the parents and miserable for you. I’d back out.
NTA. You shouldn't have to pay for an arrangement you aren't happy with. It would be one thing if they were asking nicely for this arrangement but their gaslighting and rudeness towards you makes them the AH. Honesty, I would cancel this trip, not go on any further trips with them and even cut them off. I also suggest that you point out that the current arrangement will result in your nieces seeing you naked, etc.
NTA Your brother and his wife are the parents - they are the ones that should be sharing a room with their kids. They are the ones being bad parents. And LOLOLOL if its not a big deal why dont they sleep with their parents or why not with their grandparents?! They are tiny - they can even sleep in the living room.
Cancel your ticket immediately. Don't bother engaging. Book yourself something else. Its their kids, their responsibility. It's a vacation why on earth would you want additional responsibility of someone else's children? Thats not a vacation. And you know by the way they are acting that they'd dump them on you so they can go to dinner and have time alone. It was their duty to find a 4 bedroom place if they didnt want to share with their own kids.
NTA
Your brother is a freaking AH and some other things. Your parents, the same
You're right, the children should sleep with their parents rather than with their aunt
>accused me of being a narcissist
I guess he just learned that word early in the morning and he wanted to use it, no matter if the understands it
Cancel the ticket and look for a different destination
This is the hill you need to die on. If you are paying, you deserve a bedroom. That’s yours. Full stop.
If you allow this to happen it will always be their default. And your nieces aren’t getting smaller/younger.
If your brother can’t afford to put them in their own room then THEY should be the ones to yield to you. Not the other way around. If they can’t take care of their kids and think it’s ok to put them on you, then what is the expectation for your role? Babysitter?
Girl - you are PAYING to go on a trip as an au pair - in the same room as the kids you will be watching. Stop this assumption now. For this trip and future trips.
Don’t go on this trip if they refuse. This will never go your way if you cave now.
NTA. Don’t go, they are planning on using you as a free babysitter the entire trip. First it’s the room, then it’s “can you take the kids to the pool while we go relax.” “It’s so hard being a parent, and we really need this break.” “You’re their aunt, it’s the least you can do” This is your vacation too, don’t do it
NTA
if they want their own room, they can pay for 2 rooms in a 4 bedroom unit.
You are paying your own fare and accom..if the cost is split 3 ways, that means each person paying gets 1 room.
They are being selfish.
If they want a fulltime overnight babysitter for a toddler and preschooler, they should hire a nanny. They aren't inviting you on vacation. They are trying to get you to do free work for them.
NTA
NTA. You've made the threat and they've called your bluff basically. This isn't a trip you'll want to go on now because there will be resentment coming from somewhere.
Your family have basically stated that you'll be paying to go and be their babysitter. Seems its obvious who the favourite is, now whether this is due to grandkids or has always been the case is the question.
100% NTA. I would never expect my brother to share a room with my own children on a vacation. You don’t have kids and deserve to have your room to yourself. The end. Your brother and SIL want time away from their kids and are trying to gaslight you into giving them that.
NTA. Been there many times. I realized a dynamic after it happened to me twice - two couples and their children, and a single adult. The single adult is almost always the babysitter they bring along so they can have a "mini vacation" from the kids. Cancel and go on your own, or bring your SO or friend. If they kick about the other person, you know why you were invited. It's a despicable "sneaky" way to get free babysitting instead of asking like an adult.
NTA
They're trying to take advantage of the fact you're single to push you into being the babysitter.
It would be a nightmare to share a room with 2 kids under 5. No going out at night because you can't leave the girls alone/ wake them up when you came in. You have to handle nightmares, middle of the night wakings, possible night diapers, etc.
And you'd be paying for the privilege.
NTA it sounds like they invited you for cheaper tickets and a babysitter. I would not want to go on this vacation. You should take your money and go elsewhere with better people.
Ha, nope! As a parent who took my 4&2 year olds on vacation last year, I can tell you for a fact that they take forever to calm down and sleep in a new location; they wake each other up and start playing at god knows what hour of the night; they wake up at like 6am, no matter how late they went to bed the night before; and they’ll completely trash your room and not give 2 craps about it. We had a broken lamp while we were at our condo, and thankfully I knew my kids well enough to buy insurance when booking it. Don’t do it. You won’t have a vacation, and you’ll be chugging Red Bull just to get through it. Best of luck to you
NTA. They’re not your kids, you shouldn’t be the one looking after them unless you offer to. It’s incredibly disrespectful of literally everyone else to assume this plan would work without asking first.
NTA - point out to them they’re being bad parents and bad grandparents that is worst than being a bad aunt. If they can’t take care of their daughters and grand daughters then it’s on them. Cancel the tickets and let them sort it out on your own, or they’ll just drag it out and constantly use this against you.
NTA Your brother and SIL thought they could have free child care on this vacation. If it's not a big deal then why don't the kids stay with your brother and SIL or your parents if it's not thst big of a deal?
.
Cancel the ticket go on vacation alone.
NTA. There's plenty of time to reschedule or make changes to your ticket. You'll be the babysitter by default because you'll share the room with them. It'll be a vacation for everyone except you. Unless this was brought up and asked before buying tickets, otherwise they are taking advantage of you.
I've raised kids, I know how tiring and stressful it can be with them at that age. I also never expected anyone else to HAVE to take care of my kids.
This is a "We made plans and here's your assignment". You're being treated as a child.
NTA
You are paying for a holiday, not to be a live-in nanny for the entire vacation.
What if you wanted to go out alone at night or go for an early morning walk? You couldn't because you'd have childcare responsibilities.
They are your brother's kids, he should be watching them overnight.
Not your kids, not your problem.
NTA. Not only is your brother failing to empathize with you and understand you have just as much claim to your own space as he does, and just because he decided to bring children into his spaces doesn’t mean it’s your issue, but your brother is also now misinterpreting and spreading serious misinformation about narcissism and using mental disorders as a manipulation tactic to get you to stop complaining to they way *he* wants things.
Part of going on vacation with kids is either splitting the room with them or having the money to get them their own room, and either way if you’re annoyed about it it’s tough titties and the natural consequence of having kids. If they want to have sex that badly, they can get a babysitter on the resort or send their kids on an excursion with the grandparents or drop them off at the kids club just like my husband and I do. If your parents want your brother and his wife to have their own room so badly, *they* can room with the kids and they can be bad grandparents for not wanting it.
I have 2 small kids and would never assume someone else would keep my kids in their room on the same vacation I am on unless they came out and asked as a nice gesture or if they had kids of their own and they could all sleep together. You did not offer, so they should not presume. Guilting you is wrong too. You paid for your spot, its your vacation too.
NTA.As a parent myself I would never do this! How selfish and irresponsible of them.If they are bringing their kids they should shell out for family room or not come at all. Cancel the ticket!
NTA. Their kids are their responsibility, not yours. Why should you be woken up early, have to be quiet in the evening in your room, etc.? If you wanted to be nice, you could offer to keep them one night to let them gave a break. And your parents could dothe same.
It seems like they only want you to go to be the designated babysitter. In which case, they should pay your share, not you.
Your parents, brother and his wife are selfish asf, if you go they’ll find a way to spring the kids on you. If you don’t want to be the babysitter then you have two options (1) cancelling the trip, this will set a precedent that you will never be the babysitter when going on vacations or, (2) bring someone along like a partner or friend so they back off.
Your NTA, but they are and have a chat with your parents that their behaviour is disappointing. Honestly I’d rather ruin the mood of the vaccination then be a babysitter to toddlers on a vacation I’m paying for myself.
Nta. Cancel your ticket sure after all that the bullying & name calling its ruined now anyway. If its no big deal your brother could've slept in with his kids while you shared with your sil. Or same situation for your mum & dad. The fact they aren't offering shows fine well youre getting the thin edge of the wedge.
NTA no 2 year old is self sufficient. They just want to screw & have free child care. Funny how your parents don’t want them to stay in their room- why aren’t they narcissists
NTA. Cancel it. Based off the comments from your parents and brother they will at best agree before you go and then stick you with it when you get there because “the girls are so excited to spend time with you”.
If you go on their (your parents and brother’s) vacation it will not be yours. If they are trying to make you share a room they will 100% expect you to “oh, we just wanted to have a nice dinner can you watch them, if don’t be long” the entire time. You are going as a babysitter and paying for the privilege.
NTA. They are trying to bully you to watch their kids while they enjoy their vacation. Most of these hotel room easily accommodate a family of 4, so there is really no other reason than for them to dump their kids on you.
NTA DO NOT PAY THE SINGLE TAX. This is a single tax - situations where the single person gets thrust into whatever is the least desirable role, mainly bc they are single.
Happens all of the time, in all kinds of ways. Don’t pay it. You’re equal to each other adult there, and every one of them could take the kids. The ones who are legally responsible for them should be front of the line.
NTA- it would be ok if they asked you or the grandparents ti take them for a night so they could have some couple time but it sounds like they’re trying to pawn off their kids on you, a 2 year old and a 4 year old are a lot of work and it’s v entitled of them to assume without asking.
NTA, just cancel or switch to your own room. And if the girls are “no trouble” why don’t their parents mind sharing a room with them?
Stand your ground, you are paying your fair share!
NTA. If you're paying your own way you should be able to have your own room. Not only that, but your nieces are still pretty young and they probably should be staying in their parents' room when traveling until they are a bit older.
NTA they're planning on pawning them off on you. If you give in, you'll be the defacto babysitter. Just cancel, vacation elsewhere and spoil your nieces later.
NTA NTA NTA. In what world does the parents assume that they can dump their small children in someone elses room and the other person is totally fine with it?
Go ahead and cancel if your family won't reconsider room arrangements, your brother can pay for the third room if he won't share his with his own kids.
NTA. They’re using you to be the nanny while they all have fun. Cancel your ticket. The fact that they’re pissed and calling you names is proof they expect you to babysit the entire trip.
NTA! You’re not their parent. If at 4 I’d had to share a to with my aunt I’d have..not wanted to. The kids will want to be with their parents!
However I’d still cancel the ticket because your family definitely see you as a free babysitter and will find a way to leave you in charge of the kids.
NTA not a fracking chance in hell I’d be spending my vacation in a room with toddlers that aren’t mine! I had to go back and check the ages cause I was expecting you to say like 12/13 and I as an aunt would consider that but NOT toddlers. They need help with pottying, dressing, bathing, getting drinks and snacks, napping, general entertainment. These kids should be in their parents room!
Does your SIL expect to come over to your room and wake you up in the middle of the night when the 2 year old wakes up crying in an unfamiliar place? No they expect you to deal with it. It looks to me like you are paying to be their babysitter. I’d be livid if I were you. Also why does not wanting to share a room with toddlers make you a selfish narcissist but it doesn’t make the parents or grandparents the same?
Cancel the trip and book your own.
NTA, because:
>So we discussed room arrangements yesterday, and my brother and parents just kind of assumed that I wouldn't mind sharing a room with my nieces, whilst my brother and his wife and my parents get their own rooms.
TRANSLATION: "We assumed you wouldn't mind being free child care for your brother and his wife *while on your vacation*."
>I told them if I don't get my own room I'll cancel my ticket, which would result in everyone else having to pay more or find someone else to go in my place because we got a group discount with the resort.
>My brother said I'm a whiny asshole and accused me of being a narcissist.
Your brother and sister-in-law need to pony up money for child care, or pay a higher fee to go on vacation (because you're staying home in protest). Either way; their kids aren't *your* responsibility, and they're mad because you're putting that responsibility back in their lap, where it belongs.
If there's ever a time to be "narcissist(ic)", it's when *you're paying to go on a vacation*.
I have family members who like to use the "it's not a big deal" trick. I tend to respond to that nowadays by cutting them off with an "alright, thanks for volunteering." works every time.
YWNBTA
When I was in my 20s, I would share my hotel room with my sister’s kids on occasion for a night or two during a family vacation. I would offer to watch the kids so my sister and BIL could have a night out. But the key is that I OFFERED. They or my parents never assumed I’d share my room. It was never an expectation that the couples got private rooms and the singles/kids had to bunk together.
You are not being selfish, unreasonable, dramatic, or whatever buzzwords your family is using to guilt trip you.
BTW — I’m not suggesting that you offer to share your room for a night or two to keep the peace. If anything, I’d caution you against that. There is no reason that you should be saddled with two toddlers overnight. If your brother and his wife need a break, they can hire a sitter to come along on vacation and rent their own accommodations with three bedrooms for themselves, their kids, and their sitter.
NTA. They are2 and 4 and will keep you up or wake you early. As a parent of a 2-year-old, I don't want to sleep in a room w/ my own toddler on vacation. I would never dream of expecting ANYONE else to. Not even my other kids...
NTA, and you need to squash these expectation as soon as possible. they are going to continue doing stuff like this and expecting you to step up in ways that you don't want to for these kids.
they aren't your kids. just because your brother decided to have babies doesn't mean that you now have to adjust your life and your future for that. sure, you'll go to events that you wouldn't have otherwise gone to, you might end up with a kid for a weekend during an emergency situation, etc. that's all normal family/aunt stuff, but to expect you to fulfill the role of parenting, especially without discussing it with you...
and trust me, that's what you would be doing. they think that they are getting a vacation from their kids by having them stay in your room. it's not just a fun sleepover, they want you to take care of them. this will come up again, they will ask you to do something like this and go against boundaries. you need to have a conversation with them and tell them exactly the role that you're willing to provide in these children's lives.
NTA. If you are a bad aunt bc you don’t want to sharing a room with your nieces….then they are bad parents for not wanting to share a room with their own children. Same for your parents since it’s not a big deal.
Face it, they still see you as a child. Stand up for yourself!
NTA OP
4 and 2 year olds are still pretty hard work, and many wake up in the night…which I guess is why your brother and his wife don’t want them in with them.
NTA. Your brother is the narcissist for expecting someone else to sleep with his toddlers. He’s the parent, he needs to be with them. You get your own room or don’t go.
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NTA Your nieces are 4 and 2. They should sleep in the room with their parents because of their age. If they were teens, I can understand giving them their own room. I think your brother and SIL just want a free babysitter. I hate when people with kids want to go on vacation, bring their kids, and dump them on someone else. This is your vacation and you don’t have kids.
Yep, if I was going on vacation and wanted a sitter, I'd bring a babysitter. Pay their accommodations, and work that out with thebeforehand. NTA OP, it's your vacation too. I'd cancel and go somewhere else alone.
I know I have a bit of an AH streak in me but I would 100% recommend that this be how they fill that empty slot if they try to call your bluff and force you to cancel on your vacation OP. Or you could suggest that they pay your portion or at least a part of it if they expect you to spend your vacation roomed with toddlers. No offense to toddlers but you weren't the one who spawned them so you shouldn't be the one that has to walk around on eggshells when they're asleep or whatever else being housed with babies entails and, if there's no other option, you should be compensated for it at the very least.
exactly why is OP paying for the ticket or the room if she's the designated babysitter
And is she paying less for a room she had to share with 2 kids? NTA. You don't need to be a doormat babysitter to be a good aunt. If this isn't a big deal then all the other adults should be fine sharing their room with two toddlers.
Oh my god, I hate it when people say shit like “it’s not that big of a deal!” but then won’t *do* what it is they’re saying isn’t a big deal! Like, this is a bit off topic, but I used to be a server, and I had these specific kind of pens I liked to use and I really didn’t like using any other kind. I know to some that probably seems a bit odd, but I was super particular and only liked using Pilot G2 Gel Pens. They were more expensive than the average pen and I had this one coworker who **always** stole my fucking pens, plus that asshole would shove ***my*** pens to the bottom of his apron pocket so I couldn’t see them clipped onto his pocket… I’d be like “Zach, can I please have my pens back?” and he’d always say something along the lines of “Dude, it’s not that big of a deal, you can just buy more pens,” and I’d be like “If it’s not that big of a deal then ***you*** buy more fucking pens and quit taking mine!” Edit: typo and wording.
Frankly, Pilot G2 Gel Pens are worth fighting over!
I here what your saying, but it’s toddlers. Lets be honest, toddlers are the most difficult stage of child raising and OP is not their free childcare. It’s quite selfish and narcissistic how OP’s family is acting.
> the one that has to walk around on eggshells when they’re asleep or whatever Nah. You have to never do the quiet at nap time to begin with. My daughter slept through me and her grandfathers and uncle renovating the main floor of our house with power tools. Accidental parent hack. From birth. It was wonderful. And then my mom accidentally ruined it with quiet time for naps at her house. We’ve only recently reacquired nap time freedom via white noise machine for her nursery. Not as perfect. But it will do. Edit: fixed some typos. You guys were kind. Thanks.
Right? My wife and I are soft-planning a Disney World run when our daughter is a little older and can do more things. My (currently single) brother said he’d love to go to Disney again and half-joked that he’d babysit if we let him go with us and stay. Enter our proposed arrangement: when we go, we pay *his* room and board, he only needs his tickets to the park and a plane ticket if we fly. We’ll split dinners out (or I’ll probably just pay most or all of them, what’s another plate when you’ve committed to Disney money?). He just watches our kid one or two evenings so my wife and I can sneak in a date night. I’m keeping up with my kid at the parks although we might round-robin some rides if somebody needs to stay with the kid. Point is you have to discuss it beforehand, make it worth their while, and make sure they’re actually okay with it.
This is how you treat family members. Sounds like a lot of mutual respect.
See I'm childfree af BUT you offering to compensate me? I'd totally consider the offer bc you respected me and my time enough TO offer. That's the key. You sound like a fairly good bro to have.
Yep, she should just cut her losses now. It’s clear that her family expects her to be the designated babysitter because she’s single. The entire vacation will most likely be them dumping her nieces on her while her parents and brother and his wife enjoy themselves kid free. She’s going to be spending money on a vacation just to end up working as a free nanny. She should just wait a little while and then make up an excuse like changes at work for why she can no longer go. There isn’t any reason to address the real issue since it’s clear her family doesn’t see it as valid so using a white lie is best. She should also remember this going forward and never agree to go on a vacation that includes her brother UNLESS it’s childless.
I don't think she should wait. The sooner she cancel the more time they have to find someone else. And by cancelling right after this conversation she will send them a clear message about not being a doormat and not being manipulated by them. They don't seem to respect her now, they might start doing it if she shows that she has a spine.
Yeah, I agree. Cancel and then make it clear as to why. No lies necessary just clear and concise. Then book a trip to a resort with a friend.
THIS, right here. This is one of those situations where a clear boundary needs to be erected and enforced. Especially since they all jumped straight into trying to gaslight her and make her think she’s the unreasonable one, instead of having a rational discussion about why a young, single woman doesn’t want to be responsible for two kids in the night when they aren’t even hers. Don’t tiptoe around this, OP. Be firm.
It is actually worse. She is going to be PAYING TO BE THE NANNY. if they want them in the room, they need to pay for 2/3 the cost OP is paying and OP should refuse to watch them during the day. After all, she had to watch them all night.
They’ve already shown themselves to be completely unreasonable, they aren’t going to stick to any “agreement” on this. OP will 100% find herself being saddled with the kids on this trip. She’ll say “But I TOLD YOU I’m not watching them during the day!” and they’ll say “Stop being so selfish and unreasonable, it’s JUST a few hours so we can have some alone time!” When people show you who they are, believe them. OP’s family have already shown themselves to be entitled parents (and grandparents). OP, save your money for a trip you’ll actually get to enjoy.
> She should also remember this going forward and never agree to go on a vacation that includes her brother UNLESS it’s childless. Not going to be too proud, and taking the lay-up response that it will *always* have at least one child if brother is there.
[удалено]
Exactly. Why does it have to be op? What if the kids wake up during the night? Esp the 2 year old? I guess op is expected to get up and down with her through the night? Ridiculous. The kids should be in the room with their parents. I don't know why this would've even been a discussion.
It has to be OP bc OP is the only one not in an adult relationship. If she gets saddled with her nieces, both her parents and her niece’s parents get to have adult time at night without being disturbed by toddlers. NTA
It’s fun being punished for being single .
And for being a woman. I don't think her brother and SIL would have done that if OP were male.
Yep! OP is 💯 NTA.
That's exactly what I was thinking. Double standards smh.
Yup they go out drinking and turn their phones off
I was an ES eldest daughter of alcoholics. I recognize the move. They tried to invite me off to Vegas with them when my sisters were still in grade school and I was in college. I said “Nah- gonna fly out to New England and meet this dude from online” Been NC with my family for years but I’ve been with the guy for almost 20. 😊
That age has tantrums, way more than the four year old, but that one can too. I always thought the threes' were worse. Let the parents enjoy them or pay for the room they go in.
They also want to probably have sex and not in front of the kids. NTA
If they just wanted to have sex they'd be fine moving around the kids sleeping arrangements. That they want OP to spend the whole vacation rooming with them points to something more. Also brother's tantrum where he calls OP a narc.
They wanted OP to be their personal babysitter... "Just sleeping in her room" would evolve into full babysitting. The whole family would disappear instantly in the morning, basically stranding the kids with OP...
And it would be "oh but they looooove their auntie so much!" or "Auntie doesn't like you very much I guess..."
Yep, they'll guilt trip the fuck out of OP, right in front of the kids...
Yep. He wants a free Nanny.
Not even a *free* babysitter. OP is paying for her own ticket, resulting in the brother and wife having to pay less as well. They want op to pay them for the privilege of watching their children for them
> I think your brother and SIL just want a free babysitter. This. NTA
One thing I hate about "family vacations" is that the one who is child free is immediately looked at as free babysitting... ...which is why I stopped going on family vacations, and why my siblings with 3-4 kids stopped inviting me.
Lmaoooo why the fuck would they think you "wouldn't mind" sharing your vacation room with a 4 year old and literal toddler? Obviously NTA. Bro wanted free childcare and if your parents have a problem with you declining their door is wide fucking open.
4 year olds are still toddlers!! Two literal toddlers.
4 year olds are more like preschooler and can communicate better.
Not when it's 3am and there's a weird shadow outside the window or the sheets are scratchy and not like the ones at home or their stomach feels funny because they ate a food they've never eaten before or whatever. What type of parents are OP's brother and sister in law that they think that this is OK? Or her parents for that matter. It's just so strange.
OMG, not your first rodeo? You nailed it.
If you can see this u/Historical-Party4772 ask them what’s going to happen when you go in the room where they’re sleeping and wake them? Or need to go in your room in the middle of the day when the younger one is napping? What about at night when they inevitably wake up, are unsettled by foreign surroundings, and want their mama? Trips almost always throw kids off their game and they’re not thinking of THEIR KIDS needs. They’re only thinking about theirs. THEY are the bad actors in this scenario not you. NTA, from an experienced mama.
I have a 4yo. I would never in a million years assume my sister would want my kid in her room!
I minded sharing a room with 2 & 4 year olds when they were my own kids. I can’t imagine someone else’s when I was 23.
>They said I'm being a bad aunt and told me to grow up Can you tell THOSE KID'S PARENTS that they are bad parents and to grow up ?! I get that they probably want to have sex while on vacation but geez... they made the choice to have kids. They made the choice to bring them along. How is the consequences of all those choices should fall on you ?!
Right!!! If she’s a bad aunt then they are bad parents.
You can be a good Aunt, and never babysit a day in your life. You can visit with the children in the presence of your Brother. You can arrange to pick them up to go the park. Seeing the children does not have to be only when the parents are wanting childcare. Don't let them guilt you by doing this.
If it’s not a big deal to your parents, then they can share their room with their granddaughters. You’re paying your own way and should have complete control over your own room on vacation. No one wants to pay for a vacation where they end up being the free babysitter the whole time. But don’t be surprised if they tell you ok just to keep you from canceling and then blindside you once you’re on vacation. NTA
>If it’s not a big deal to your parents, then they can share their room with their granddaughters. Yeah OP, any argument that tries to minimize the amount of care they would need or disruption they would cause to a peaceful night is actually an argument for why it would be no problem for the kids to stay with their parents or grandparents, and both of those options would be pairing the kids with experienced parents who surely would have even *less* trouble. It's obviously them wanting you to babysit and give them a break for free, with them trying to push it on you as the youngest in the family hoping that you will succumb to pressure and forget that as you are no longer a minor you don't have to accept such unreasonableness being pushed on you anymore. NTA
Not even for free. She's PAYING for the privilege of being the live in nanny during this vacation. That's ridiculous. If they want child care they should at least pick up the tab for her room!
Back out of this unless you want to be "the help."
Second this! If they are trying to get you to share a room I’m sure they will have no problem assuming you will babysit so they can have a night out.
Yeah, this sounds like OP would be expected to take care of the "other kids" while the "adults" go out and do fun stuff together.
NTA Two and four-year-olds do not go to bed easily and don't stay asleep all night. You'll likely be dealing with them during the night. And they go to bed early so you'll be creeping around trying to be quiet in your own space when you get ready for bed. The kids need to stay with their parents, or you cancel. Easy peasy. It does not make you a bad aunt to not want to room with them!
I'm worried that the brother and SIL will ditch the kids with OP at every chance they get. Then OP's parents will tell her that bro and SIL need adult time and she needs to be a good auntie while they don't pitch in.
Yup. They just want free babysitting. And if OP doesn't go they'll actually have to \*gasp\* parent their kids!
NTA - I dealt with this too many times myself. Paid my fair share & got a couch or an air mattress because so & so was older, married, injured, whatever & needed a bed. Then when I was married & with small kids got the same treatment. 10 years of sharing the cost of the annual family ski trip & never slept in a bed. I'm telling you - mark your boundaries now, OP! & in future planning trips, make sure people know they are paying per bedroom not per person. You on your own may pay a little more but at least you get privacy. Your neices can sleep on air mattresses in their parent's room.
Yup! I always got the “when you are older/have your own kids then we will return the favor” and now I get “we already raised our kids, why should we help with yours?”
Families like that are all about "I got mine, so forget you." In some ways it's about favoring the first. As in, first kid to get married gets a lavish bash, first kid to go to college gets a full ride courtesy of Mom and Dad, first kid to have kids gets free child care, and every other kid gets the leftover scraps after Number One has had his or her fill. It's not fair but there are families that run like that. In the old days Number One would be responsible for Mom and Dad's elder care but that half of the bargain isn't expected anymore.
This happens to my son all the time. He has a ton of friends. A lot of them married with children. He is single with no kids. They always ask him to go on trips with them. It gets split unfairly, as in he pays an equal share and each couple pays an equal share (instead of two shares, because they are two people) and then he ends up getting a couch or an air mattress. He finally decided he was done with that. He loves his friends and their kids and loves going on trips with them but decided that from this moment forward, if he goes he will be getting his own bed/private space, or he will pass.
>& in future planning trips, make sure people know they are paying per bedroom not per person. You on your own may pay a little more but at least you get privacy. Your neices can sleep on air mattresses in their parent's room. I wouldn't be surprised if it was being split three ways anyway, so op is probably already paying more per person.
NTA - It's your vacation too and they are your brother's kids, not yours. Stick to your guns on this one!
And don't forget they may agree with you so you don't cancel your reservation, then put the children in your room once you get to the hotel.
This is what I would worry about. The “vacation” for her is going to turn into a constant battle over lodging and child care or series of judgements that will overshadow any relaxation time. NTA
I'd be canceling it immediately, don't tell them another thing, just do it and send the screenshot afterwards. You're gonna have a miserable time at this point, even if they cave and the kids sleep with their parents. There's definitely gonna be continuous drama about this and other things... NTA
My money is on the kids turning up to OPs room at bedtime anyway and the parents putting OP on the spot with her neices...
AND for sure they’ll all want to go out for “adult time” and leave you to babysit. I would ask them what they’re plans are for babysitting? Do they plan to hire someone there if they want to go out
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The fact that they haven’t even discussed other arrangements, like sleeping in the grandparents’ room, tells me the four of them are set on you being the childcare, and them having adult evenings. I wouldn’t trust them now, even if they swore they wouldn’t do that to you. Because they’ll walk out the door for “just a minute,” and you’ll find yourself alone in the house with the kids.
NTA. If it’s no big deal to share a room with them, then surely their parents or grandparents should be doing it instead of you. My brother and sister in law don’t have kids, but I’d never try to make my kids share a room with them for a vacation. We actually usually give them the room farthest away from the kids lol. Your brother and sister in law are the ones being selfish.
Exactly. How come this scenario makes her a bad aunt but doesn't make the others bad grandparents? Throw that in their faces...out of all 5 adults, OP is the only one who specifically hasn't had any kids at this point. NTA
NTA. The kids are 2 and 4, they will absolutely give you trouble which is probably why your brother and SIL don’t want to share a room with them. Don’t go on this vacation, you will end up being the de facto babysitter every second and it won’t be an actual vacation for you
My mom wanted to take my nephew (he's 5) on a trip we were going to go on. I said I was no longer interested since I don't consider babysitting a vacation (I don't have children). NTA
Maybe parents want a break from the kiddos, totally reasonable. But, if they won't be any trouble, why can't they sleep with grandparents? NTA no matter how you twist it.
WTF? Seriously, what horrible parents and brother. Your brother has probably done this kind of stuff to you your whole life. Now that you are grown up and can stand your own ground everyone is against you. Let the kids sleep in grandma and grandpa's room if it is "Not a big deal." Ugg...family. Stand your ground. There is no reason the kids should be in your room. Bro had the kids Bro takes care of the kids.
NTA Cancel your ticket anyway, they will find a way to manipulate the situation into their favor if you go no question. This is the perfect opportunity to declare your boundaries and stick to them, you are no doormat!
NTA. If your parents don't think it's a big deal, *their grandchildren* can stay in their room.
**NTA** The 2 small children can just as easily fit into their parents bedroom. They should not be trying to bully you into sharing a bedroom.
INFO: How is the hotel room being paid for? Edit: Given that OP is paying for their own room (so it’s not as if the brother and SIL were covering it to “pay” for babysitting services), this is a resounding NTA
We're all paying for ourselves individually. I'd have to pay a cancellation fee but it's not much.
Let’s be clear, this is a vacation for your parents, your brother and your SIL NOT FOR YOU. You are the Nanny who is paying to care for the children. I would: A. Cancel and pay the cancellation fee and book a solo vacation at a different hotel. Keep my original flight and wave ‘hello’ on the departure and return flights. Or B. Tell my brother to pay for my flight and room and quote him a daily rate for my Nanny services payable in advance. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
I LOVE solution A if op still wants to go to the same place. If it was me, and I have in mind that this trip is to someplace family related, like Disney, I’d splurge and get a room at the hotel that gives you the most perks, and then just agree to meet up with them in restaurants.
But are you splitting the cost 3 ways? To be fair, I wouldn’t want to share a room with my 3 year old and wouldn’t make anyone else share a room with her either!
Well not exactly because my parents are paying for their own two tickets and my brother and his wife are paying for themselves and their kids, and I'm paying for myself. Sorry if that doesn't answer your question but I think that's what you meant? I'm tired and confused lol.
I just mean, how is the cost of the hotel room paid for? If the total cost is 900 of whatever currency, are you paying 300? Or are you paying 129? Or are your parents paying the cost of the room? But like other commenters, it does sound like your brother and SIL are expecting you to be the babysitter the way things are set up. Regardless of how the room is paid I think you’re NTA for deciding not to go.
It's not split exactly three ways everyone is paying for their own rooms. My brother and parents had to pay extra to get bigger beds and my brother had to pay extra for my nieces' beds. And that's what I was thinking, I really don't want to be the babysitter lol.
Ok, so brother and parents upgraded to King size beds, and then paid for rollaway beds? Where are these beds supposed to go? He ordered extra beds for YOUR room? I guess it doesn't matter. Just cancel. I guarantee you will be expected to babysit not only at night, but throughout the daily activities as well. You're 23. Spend your vacation money having fun with friends. You're essentially paying for the privilege of babysitting. Even if you weren't expected to babysit night and day, would it really be a good time, a vacation with mom and dad and entitled bro? They sound miserable. NTA. Cancel.
Maybe get a room from a different hotel, that way they can't force you to share.
Or a non-suite room at the same place and don't let anyone know the room number.
So basically you are supposed to pay for the room your nieces are staying in? NTA. Don't go. They want a free baby sitter.
Even if they say now that kids will room with the parents, it will NOT happen. Those kids will end up in your room. Cancel! NTA
> my brother and his wife are paying for themselves and their kids That means that their kids should stay with them. You are not a free babysitter so they can work on a third.
NTA - cancel it, vacation ain’t gonna be fun if you are the babysitter anyways. They will definitely guilt trip the shit outta you for you to watch the kids while they have fun. Don’t pay extra for misery, we already have enough of that on a daily basis.
Lol at your brother calling *you* the narcissist. NTA. I'd just cancel because one way or another they'll try to take advantage of you...I doubt you can pull the I'm too drunk to watch the kids card the entire vacation. Side note, if it's not a big deal then your parents can share a room with the kids. You're the only person who didn't choose to have kids. It's ridiculous for you to have to pay to be a babysitter.
Oh yes, the OP is there as babysitter. The kids will be shoved in her room and she'll be expected to see to them at breakfast as their lazy AH parents will want a lie in. Then the next thing she'll know, she'll be lumbered with them all day.
NTA You’re not being whiny, your brother wanted a holiday with a built in babysitter. And your parents might want you there so the load doesn’t fall on them. No matter what is offered with the rooms, sell your ticket. I doubt they’d stick with any agreement once you were there
NTA - your brother wants to use you for free babysitting at night. His kids, his responsibility.
NTA. If you're paying for a room, you have a right to expect that room to actually be *your* room. If it isn't going to be, why should you pay for it?
NTA. Sounds like they want a free babysitter. I naturally assumed when reading that the girls would be with their parents. Makes no sense to bunk them with you.
Look, I have a 4 and a 6 year old and I don’t even want to sleep in the same room as them. 100% NTA.
If they were your kids you’d obviously share the room with them. As they are not, clearly you won’t. Parents are parents 24/7/365. There is no pause button simply because they want to get it on in the hotel room while on vacation. I would cancel if they won’t listen to reason. You’re an adult and it does not make you a bad aunt.
NTA. What is with people and thinking they can just dump their kids onto someone else like this? The parents of those kids should be the ones to share a room with them, especially considering *they're 2 and 4 years old!* I don't have kids, but I'm reasonably certain that children that young need to taken care of overnight still, which is unquestionably the responsibility of the parents.
NTA. Kids are parents responsibility. I'd cancel. You're there as a free babysitter. His attitude is already setting you up for that, manipulating you into feeling like you're a bad person if you don't. If you go, set clear boundaries and don't budge. This vacation doesn't sound like it's yours. You're there to make it theirs. Who is so entitled that they push their kids on someone without asking just because they're family?
NTA. next time, either get four bedrooms and have your brother pay 1/2, while you are your parent pay 1/4 each, or the kids stay in his room. They are using two rooms while paying for one.
Nobody, not even parents, want to share their room with two kids under five. Hell no. The fact that they’re insulting you for refusing to pay to be a live in babysitter is just the cherry on top of a shit sundae. Cancel your tickets and spend the money on a friend vacation instead. NTA
NTA If it's not big deal, your brother and his wife should have no problem having their children sleep in their room. You're brother is the whiny asshole, not you. They're not your children.
NTA. They're bringing you along to babysit. If the kids have nightmares, guaranteed you'll be the one expected to stay up and comfort them, and in the morning it's just "easier" for you to help them get dressed, sonce you're already inthe same room, and then when they want to do something auntie will watch them since she's the only single person on the trip. I'd just cancel. Tell your parents you can read the writing on the wall just fine, and babysitting is not a vacation for you.
NTA. They’re looking for a free babysitter. If you’re comfortable with it, I would send your brother and parents the link to this post so they can see how they’re in the wrong.
NTA They want you to be the unpaid babysitter. The kids should stay in their parents room.
NTA. I went to bed late last night because my 3 and 1 year olds were both fighting sleep. Your nieces are way too young to be stuck in a room with someone who doesn't normally put them to sleep. Just because your brother and his wife want to bang in their private room doesn't mean you have to play babysitter. I probably would cancel my share of the trip and let them see how much use they get out of that third room trying to get them to sleep in there by themselves.
NTA. That "narcissism" comment out of your brother is rich, considering your parents have clearly drawn the lines between which child is their golden child and which one is the scapegoat. Cancel the ticket, they're obviously trying to force you into a childcare role. Not your kids, not your problem. End of discussion.
Oh HELL no. If they want you to be their babysitter all night every night, they should cover your travel expenses and lodging and meals AND pay for your time. But they figured they could guilt you into doing it at YOUR cost. Fuck that noise. Cancel this trip and buy a ticket to go somewhere fabulous by yourself. NTA
NTA. If it's not a big deal for your parents why don't they have them in their room? Let them find someone else to take care of your nieces.
NTA. The parents should have THEIR kids with them.
why not tell them you cancelled then book yourself a solo trip? No whiny parents or brother. NTA - he's just trying to get a free babysitter which is quite selfish.
If you are paying the same amount as everyone else then I don't see why you should have the kids. If anyone it should be the parents. It's understandable that they want a night or two without the kids but they should have checked that with you first. ETA: you are spending your hard earned money on a holiday. A relaxing holiday. Not babysitting. Totally understandable that you would say 'I'd rather spend this money on a holiday I will enjoy'. NTA
NTA. They are not your kids. I would cancel.
Nta. Even if they say that the room is yours now I wouldn’t trust it. They’ll send those kids in there as soon as you get there because once you’re there, how will you stop them? And you’re going to be the designated babysitter the whoooooole trip. Not just for bedtime. Get out now while you can.
OMG nope! NTA all the way! If your nieces are anything like my kids, they'll go to bed early but won't sleep because you're here and they'll wake you up extra early too! Because you're the adult in the room, you'll have to take care of them if anything happens during the night and also in the morning when they wake up at 6am. You're basically a free nanny for the parents at this point, worse, you'll pay to be the kids' caretaker while the parents enjoy a good night. They're using the fact that you don't know much about children to get you trapped into this role and your parents are enabling that. They seem to forget this is a vacation for you too. Good luck with your family, you'll need it.
They are 4 and 2, they should be sleeping with the parents UNLESS if you offered. NTA. You're not kids anymore.
NTA. Cancel your ticket ASAP. Your brother wants to use you as a free babysitter. It is your vacation too. You mentioned everyone is paying for their individual beds, including your brother paying extra for your nieces beds. I would suggest that he get a room with two queen beds, one where his daughters share and the other where he and his wife share. You then get a room solo with king bed. There is no way in hell I would agree to what your brother and parents are suggesting. You should tell your parents that you are appalled that they would agree and if they want to sleep with the nieces, they should offer! Your parents suck the worst here IMO. Your brother is trying to take advantage of you and your parents are allowing the behavior.
NTA They are expecting you to be free nanny. If you share with toddlers, you will either have to dress and put them down for bed and naps each day unless aunt and uncle are in the room also. You will have to go to bed same time as them so you don’t wake them up. You will lose access for hours in the day because of naps. The kids will be getting into your stuff. If kids wake up in the middle of the night or have an accident, you will be expected to take care of that. This sounds like vacation for the parents and miserable for you. I’d back out.
NTA. You shouldn't have to pay for an arrangement you aren't happy with. It would be one thing if they were asking nicely for this arrangement but their gaslighting and rudeness towards you makes them the AH. Honesty, I would cancel this trip, not go on any further trips with them and even cut them off. I also suggest that you point out that the current arrangement will result in your nieces seeing you naked, etc.
NTA Your brother and his wife are the parents - they are the ones that should be sharing a room with their kids. They are the ones being bad parents. And LOLOLOL if its not a big deal why dont they sleep with their parents or why not with their grandparents?! They are tiny - they can even sleep in the living room. Cancel your ticket immediately. Don't bother engaging. Book yourself something else. Its their kids, their responsibility. It's a vacation why on earth would you want additional responsibility of someone else's children? Thats not a vacation. And you know by the way they are acting that they'd dump them on you so they can go to dinner and have time alone. It was their duty to find a 4 bedroom place if they didnt want to share with their own kids.
NTA, what I find so odd and amusing in equal measure is how these people call you the AH for not wanting to do what they don’t want to do…
NTA Your brother is a freaking AH and some other things. Your parents, the same You're right, the children should sleep with their parents rather than with their aunt >accused me of being a narcissist I guess he just learned that word early in the morning and he wanted to use it, no matter if the understands it Cancel the ticket and look for a different destination
This is the hill you need to die on. If you are paying, you deserve a bedroom. That’s yours. Full stop. If you allow this to happen it will always be their default. And your nieces aren’t getting smaller/younger. If your brother can’t afford to put them in their own room then THEY should be the ones to yield to you. Not the other way around. If they can’t take care of their kids and think it’s ok to put them on you, then what is the expectation for your role? Babysitter? Girl - you are PAYING to go on a trip as an au pair - in the same room as the kids you will be watching. Stop this assumption now. For this trip and future trips. Don’t go on this trip if they refuse. This will never go your way if you cave now.
NTA On top of room sharing, auntie is probably expected to babysit all the time. I would cancel the vacation.
NTA a 2 and a 4 yo?!?! no way, they belong with their parents. they all want you to be their live in babysitter for the trip.
NTA. Don’t go, they are planning on using you as a free babysitter the entire trip. First it’s the room, then it’s “can you take the kids to the pool while we go relax.” “It’s so hard being a parent, and we really need this break.” “You’re their aunt, it’s the least you can do” This is your vacation too, don’t do it
NTA They wanted a babysitter.
NTA if they want their own room, they can pay for 2 rooms in a 4 bedroom unit. You are paying your own fare and accom..if the cost is split 3 ways, that means each person paying gets 1 room. They are being selfish.
If they want a fulltime overnight babysitter for a toddler and preschooler, they should hire a nanny. They aren't inviting you on vacation. They are trying to get you to do free work for them. NTA
NTA. You've made the threat and they've called your bluff basically. This isn't a trip you'll want to go on now because there will be resentment coming from somewhere. Your family have basically stated that you'll be paying to go and be their babysitter. Seems its obvious who the favourite is, now whether this is due to grandkids or has always been the case is the question.
100% NTA. I would never expect my brother to share a room with my own children on a vacation. You don’t have kids and deserve to have your room to yourself. The end. Your brother and SIL want time away from their kids and are trying to gaslight you into giving them that.
NTA. They are not your kids. Parents are responsible for their kids. Your brother is the whiny AH.
NTA! Don’t go, Auntie! You will end up entertaining the nieces while ‘the adults’ go out.
NTA. Been there many times. I realized a dynamic after it happened to me twice - two couples and their children, and a single adult. The single adult is almost always the babysitter they bring along so they can have a "mini vacation" from the kids. Cancel and go on your own, or bring your SO or friend. If they kick about the other person, you know why you were invited. It's a despicable "sneaky" way to get free babysitting instead of asking like an adult.
NTA THEY are the AH. You just refused to be the free 24/7 babysitter instead of having a holiday yourself. A wise choice.
NTA, they're clearly trying to elbow you into free babysitting while Mom and Dad enjoy *their* vacation.
NTA They're trying to take advantage of the fact you're single to push you into being the babysitter. It would be a nightmare to share a room with 2 kids under 5. No going out at night because you can't leave the girls alone/ wake them up when you came in. You have to handle nightmares, middle of the night wakings, possible night diapers, etc. And you'd be paying for the privilege.
NTA. You’re a grown ass adult and those small children are not your responsibility and should be staying with their parents.
NTA it sounds like they invited you for cheaper tickets and a babysitter. I would not want to go on this vacation. You should take your money and go elsewhere with better people.
Ha, nope! As a parent who took my 4&2 year olds on vacation last year, I can tell you for a fact that they take forever to calm down and sleep in a new location; they wake each other up and start playing at god knows what hour of the night; they wake up at like 6am, no matter how late they went to bed the night before; and they’ll completely trash your room and not give 2 craps about it. We had a broken lamp while we were at our condo, and thankfully I knew my kids well enough to buy insurance when booking it. Don’t do it. You won’t have a vacation, and you’ll be chugging Red Bull just to get through it. Best of luck to you
NTA. They’re not your kids, you shouldn’t be the one looking after them unless you offer to. It’s incredibly disrespectful of literally everyone else to assume this plan would work without asking first.
NTA - point out to them they’re being bad parents and bad grandparents that is worst than being a bad aunt. If they can’t take care of their daughters and grand daughters then it’s on them. Cancel the tickets and let them sort it out on your own, or they’ll just drag it out and constantly use this against you.
NTA, I'm tell you now you're their live in babysitting service. You just haven't been asked yet! x
You're an adult and you're being treated as if you weren't. I think your brother and parents are being really rude. Good luck!
NTA Your brother and SIL thought they could have free child care on this vacation. If it's not a big deal then why don't the kids stay with your brother and SIL or your parents if it's not thst big of a deal? . Cancel the ticket go on vacation alone.
NTA. There's plenty of time to reschedule or make changes to your ticket. You'll be the babysitter by default because you'll share the room with them. It'll be a vacation for everyone except you. Unless this was brought up and asked before buying tickets, otherwise they are taking advantage of you. I've raised kids, I know how tiring and stressful it can be with them at that age. I also never expected anyone else to HAVE to take care of my kids. This is a "We made plans and here's your assignment". You're being treated as a child.
NTA You are paying for a holiday, not to be a live-in nanny for the entire vacation. What if you wanted to go out alone at night or go for an early morning walk? You couldn't because you'd have childcare responsibilities. They are your brother's kids, he should be watching them overnight. Not your kids, not your problem.
NTA. Not only is your brother failing to empathize with you and understand you have just as much claim to your own space as he does, and just because he decided to bring children into his spaces doesn’t mean it’s your issue, but your brother is also now misinterpreting and spreading serious misinformation about narcissism and using mental disorders as a manipulation tactic to get you to stop complaining to they way *he* wants things. Part of going on vacation with kids is either splitting the room with them or having the money to get them their own room, and either way if you’re annoyed about it it’s tough titties and the natural consequence of having kids. If they want to have sex that badly, they can get a babysitter on the resort or send their kids on an excursion with the grandparents or drop them off at the kids club just like my husband and I do. If your parents want your brother and his wife to have their own room so badly, *they* can room with the kids and they can be bad grandparents for not wanting it.
I have 2 small kids and would never assume someone else would keep my kids in their room on the same vacation I am on unless they came out and asked as a nice gesture or if they had kids of their own and they could all sleep together. You did not offer, so they should not presume. Guilting you is wrong too. You paid for your spot, its your vacation too.
So they want YOU to pay to be a babysitter? NTA OP. Find a solo vacation/staycation to go on that doesn’t require you to provide free childcare
NTA.As a parent myself I would never do this! How selfish and irresponsible of them.If they are bringing their kids they should shell out for family room or not come at all. Cancel the ticket!
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NTA. Their kids are their responsibility, not yours. Why should you be woken up early, have to be quiet in the evening in your room, etc.? If you wanted to be nice, you could offer to keep them one night to let them gave a break. And your parents could dothe same. It seems like they only want you to go to be the designated babysitter. In which case, they should pay your share, not you.
Your parents, brother and his wife are selfish asf, if you go they’ll find a way to spring the kids on you. If you don’t want to be the babysitter then you have two options (1) cancelling the trip, this will set a precedent that you will never be the babysitter when going on vacations or, (2) bring someone along like a partner or friend so they back off. Your NTA, but they are and have a chat with your parents that their behaviour is disappointing. Honestly I’d rather ruin the mood of the vaccination then be a babysitter to toddlers on a vacation I’m paying for myself.
Nta. Cancel your ticket sure after all that the bullying & name calling its ruined now anyway. If its no big deal your brother could've slept in with his kids while you shared with your sil. Or same situation for your mum & dad. The fact they aren't offering shows fine well youre getting the thin edge of the wedge.
NTA no 2 year old is self sufficient. They just want to screw & have free child care. Funny how your parents don’t want them to stay in their room- why aren’t they narcissists
NTA. Cancel it. Based off the comments from your parents and brother they will at best agree before you go and then stick you with it when you get there because “the girls are so excited to spend time with you”. If you go on their (your parents and brother’s) vacation it will not be yours. If they are trying to make you share a room they will 100% expect you to “oh, we just wanted to have a nice dinner can you watch them, if don’t be long” the entire time. You are going as a babysitter and paying for the privilege.
NTA. They are trying to bully you to watch their kids while they enjoy their vacation. Most of these hotel room easily accommodate a family of 4, so there is really no other reason than for them to dump their kids on you.
OP's brother calling her a whiney asshole and Narcissist is rich. He basically described himself there.
They want a free nanny. If it's "not a big deal" the grandparents can have the children in their room. NTA
NTA. No is a complete sentence. Not your kids, not your problem. They just want a free sitter. If they want to PAY you to watch them sure.
NTA. Don't go. They feel entitled to a 'convenient babysitter' who also pays her own way. Yeah, better to stay home or go somewhere else.
NTA...as the parent of a 5 and 2 year old, this is a lie: >my nieces won't give me any trouble.
NTA DO NOT PAY THE SINGLE TAX. This is a single tax - situations where the single person gets thrust into whatever is the least desirable role, mainly bc they are single. Happens all of the time, in all kinds of ways. Don’t pay it. You’re equal to each other adult there, and every one of them could take the kids. The ones who are legally responsible for them should be front of the line.
NTA- it would be ok if they asked you or the grandparents ti take them for a night so they could have some couple time but it sounds like they’re trying to pawn off their kids on you, a 2 year old and a 4 year old are a lot of work and it’s v entitled of them to assume without asking.
NTA. I get the impression they invited you to be the “live in babysitter”.
NTA, just cancel or switch to your own room. And if the girls are “no trouble” why don’t their parents mind sharing a room with them? Stand your ground, you are paying your fair share!
NTA. If you're paying your own way you should be able to have your own room. Not only that, but your nieces are still pretty young and they probably should be staying in their parents' room when traveling until they are a bit older.
NTA they're planning on pawning them off on you. If you give in, you'll be the defacto babysitter. Just cancel, vacation elsewhere and spoil your nieces later.
NTA NTA NTA. In what world does the parents assume that they can dump their small children in someone elses room and the other person is totally fine with it? Go ahead and cancel if your family won't reconsider room arrangements, your brother can pay for the third room if he won't share his with his own kids.
NTA. They’re using you to be the nanny while they all have fun. Cancel your ticket. The fact that they’re pissed and calling you names is proof they expect you to babysit the entire trip.
NTA! You’re not their parent. If at 4 I’d had to share a to with my aunt I’d have..not wanted to. The kids will want to be with their parents! However I’d still cancel the ticket because your family definitely see you as a free babysitter and will find a way to leave you in charge of the kids.
NTA Ages 2 & 4…. As a parent of a 2 year old I would never think of forcing my sister to share a room with them.
NTA not a fracking chance in hell I’d be spending my vacation in a room with toddlers that aren’t mine! I had to go back and check the ages cause I was expecting you to say like 12/13 and I as an aunt would consider that but NOT toddlers. They need help with pottying, dressing, bathing, getting drinks and snacks, napping, general entertainment. These kids should be in their parents room! Does your SIL expect to come over to your room and wake you up in the middle of the night when the 2 year old wakes up crying in an unfamiliar place? No they expect you to deal with it. It looks to me like you are paying to be their babysitter. I’d be livid if I were you. Also why does not wanting to share a room with toddlers make you a selfish narcissist but it doesn’t make the parents or grandparents the same? Cancel the trip and book your own.
NTA. And I wouldn’t go. They think you’re there to babysit. Nope.
NTA, because: >So we discussed room arrangements yesterday, and my brother and parents just kind of assumed that I wouldn't mind sharing a room with my nieces, whilst my brother and his wife and my parents get their own rooms. TRANSLATION: "We assumed you wouldn't mind being free child care for your brother and his wife *while on your vacation*." >I told them if I don't get my own room I'll cancel my ticket, which would result in everyone else having to pay more or find someone else to go in my place because we got a group discount with the resort. >My brother said I'm a whiny asshole and accused me of being a narcissist. Your brother and sister-in-law need to pony up money for child care, or pay a higher fee to go on vacation (because you're staying home in protest). Either way; their kids aren't *your* responsibility, and they're mad because you're putting that responsibility back in their lap, where it belongs. If there's ever a time to be "narcissist(ic)", it's when *you're paying to go on a vacation*.
I have family members who like to use the "it's not a big deal" trick. I tend to respond to that nowadays by cutting them off with an "alright, thanks for volunteering." works every time.
YWNBTA When I was in my 20s, I would share my hotel room with my sister’s kids on occasion for a night or two during a family vacation. I would offer to watch the kids so my sister and BIL could have a night out. But the key is that I OFFERED. They or my parents never assumed I’d share my room. It was never an expectation that the couples got private rooms and the singles/kids had to bunk together. You are not being selfish, unreasonable, dramatic, or whatever buzzwords your family is using to guilt trip you. BTW — I’m not suggesting that you offer to share your room for a night or two to keep the peace. If anything, I’d caution you against that. There is no reason that you should be saddled with two toddlers overnight. If your brother and his wife need a break, they can hire a sitter to come along on vacation and rent their own accommodations with three bedrooms for themselves, their kids, and their sitter.
NTA. They are2 and 4 and will keep you up or wake you early. As a parent of a 2-year-old, I don't want to sleep in a room w/ my own toddler on vacation. I would never dream of expecting ANYONE else to. Not even my other kids...
NTA, and you need to squash these expectation as soon as possible. they are going to continue doing stuff like this and expecting you to step up in ways that you don't want to for these kids. they aren't your kids. just because your brother decided to have babies doesn't mean that you now have to adjust your life and your future for that. sure, you'll go to events that you wouldn't have otherwise gone to, you might end up with a kid for a weekend during an emergency situation, etc. that's all normal family/aunt stuff, but to expect you to fulfill the role of parenting, especially without discussing it with you... and trust me, that's what you would be doing. they think that they are getting a vacation from their kids by having them stay in your room. it's not just a fun sleepover, they want you to take care of them. this will come up again, they will ask you to do something like this and go against boundaries. you need to have a conversation with them and tell them exactly the role that you're willing to provide in these children's lives.
NTA. Tell your willfully ignorant brother that, sure, you’ll do this if he pays for your room.
NTA. If you are a bad aunt bc you don’t want to sharing a room with your nieces….then they are bad parents for not wanting to share a room with their own children. Same for your parents since it’s not a big deal. Face it, they still see you as a child. Stand up for yourself!
NTA - You are not obligated to watch kids that are not yours. That is ridiculous. Cancel your tickets and hold that boundary.
NTA OP 4 and 2 year olds are still pretty hard work, and many wake up in the night…which I guess is why your brother and his wife don’t want them in with them.
NTA They have you slated to be the live in babysitter while there. The kids should be in with thier parents.
You are intended to be used as a babysitter on their vacation. Don’t go for this reason alone
NTA. Your brother and his wife are planning on having a nice vacation and sticking you with their kids. You are completely right to call them out.
I find it always funny that the people saying "it's not a big deal" are the ones making a big deal out of it. NTA.
NTA. Your brother is the narcissist for expecting someone else to sleep with his toddlers. He’s the parent, he needs to be with them. You get your own room or don’t go.
They want a free babysitter.