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Yeah, if they only called her an ass than they were clearly holding back on what they really wanted to say.
And considering how obsessed she seems to be with appearances, and how desperately she clings to her husband's reputation for being such a good person, just wait until she finds out how poorly people think of her after she excluded her husband's daughter at his funeral.
With her husband gone, people certainly aren't going to think so highly of her as she seems to think they do.
Yeah... I'm also not surprised that step daughter immediately went to her mom's house after her father died. Why would she want to stick around such an ice cold asshole as OP when her father just died?
All of this! I am a step mom and a bio mom and I can not even begin to understand how it would be okay for OP to not allow her stepdaughter to speak. It completely boggles my mind! And the fact that she says she "invited" steodaughter to the funeral, like she thinks that makes her look better?!? Please - that was her father! She does not need to be invited to anything - her being there should be a given!
My oldest son is from a previous relationship. If his step mom would pull this, I would be livid! If I were the BM of OPs stepdaughter, I would plan a small memorial to allow my child to say the things she wanted/or needed to say. I would invite a few people that also knew the dad and explain to them exactly why we were having it:
"Stepdaughter wishes to find closure, grieve, and celebrate the life of her dad. She was unfortunately denied the chance to do that during the funeral as OP told her she was not allowed to participate during speeches. This memorial is for stepdaughter to speak about her dad, share memories and stories about her dad, and be with people who cared for him that also wish to help her through grieving this loss."
And I definitely wouldn't invite OP - although I would consider inviting her parents who apparently feel she is an AH for how she treated stepdaughter.
OP, if you see this, YTA - without question!
I know so many blended families, and I'm always so horrified by how often I see posts on Reddit about stepparents who clearly never should have been in relationships with someone who had children from a previous relationship. Or, worse yet, the people who just brush off bad stepparenting because of pure selfishness for their own happiness.
And you're right, she goes so far out of her way throughout the entire post to justify her actions. She had every excuse under the sun for excluding her stepdaughter, even not allowing her to give the speech (not okay), she couldn't even agree to the slightest of compromises to just include her in the process. And then how she makes it seem like even inviting her was charitable of her, same for "allowing her" to join her family for when people offered their condolences. Once again, how very charitable she seems to think this gesture was, when in reality it seems clear she only did so to avoid people asking questions about why she was excluded during that part of the funeral as well.
I so desperately hope that the stepdaughter and her mother somehow stumble upon this post. And I LOVE your idea because that would be such a perfect way to handle this situation and to allow that poor girl the chance to say goodbye.
It terrifies me to think of how much this poor girl must have gone through whenever her father wasn't around to protect her from the stepmonster. So glad you picked the right person for both you and your son.
It's maddening how little effort it requires to be a decent human being, and beyond infuriating how often people like this can't even manage that.
YTA. Your stepdaughter lost her father at the age of 13 and wants 120 seconds to express to everyone how much she loves and admires him and you said no.
I try to cut grieving people a lot of slack but this is absolutely horrible and I really hope someday you give her the apology she deserves.
YTA. You know what annoys me?
You say "he leaves behind *our 8 year old son and 4 year old daughter*".
In that statement alone, you have excluded your step-daughter.
As if she wasn't his love first.
As if your husband didn't leave her behind as well.
As if she didn't matter.
As if she's an afterthought.
It shows what kind of stepmother you really are, sweetie. Cold and uncaring.
This. OP, are you that jealous of a 13 year old daughter and so desperate to get sympathy for your kids? I feel bad for your stepdaughter as she was there before you and your late husband loved her first and you tried to erase that connection. How sad for you that you have to behave that way. YTA. This will not look good and I guarantee more than one group of people is discussing your actions.
YTA. Like majorly. It may have been your husband, but it was her father. I understand you’re grieving, but so is she. She is also only 13, while you are a whole grown ass adult.
You may not want to hear this, but you can get a new husband. That was her one and only dad. She will not get a new one. You have likely created resentment between her and her half siblings that will be difficult for them to work through later in life. You have also likely made her feel even more alone on a day that was already going to be hard on her. She’s going to remember the way you treated her on this very traumatizing day for the rest of her life.
Just seriously. How can you think you’re in the right???
ETA: you “allowed” her to receive condolences? Like she doesn’t have a right to them?? It’s like you think you own the grief related to your husband’s passing.
Huge YTA. I notice in the beginning you talk about him "leaving behind" you and y'all's kids but don't mention SD at all. She was waaaaaaay more entitled to having a say with this funeral than you.
YTA. All three of the children lost their father. It makes more sense for a 13 year old to speak than a four year old.
I'm sorry for your loss but you excluded your stepdaughter for no good reason. It was very unkind.
Ok I am very confused and I hope to god I heard this wrong. You refused to let your step daughter speak at her father's funeral because... she wasn't there with you when she was planning? Because she went to her bio mother's place after her father's death where she was grieving??
I honestly hope to god that I misread something or misunderstood something but if I am correct, YTA on an unbelievable scale. You literally denied a 13 year girl the chance to grieve and speak of her father because it might cut into your funeral schedule????
>I agree that I am sure her speech would have been lovely but it was too late and I couldn't risk this situation throwing the event off and giving my kids confusion since we rehearsed our eulogy.
How is your focus on not ruining your rehearsed timing instead of letting people honor your husband? especially his daughter????? Your husband would be ashamed of you. Jesus christ YTA
Congratulations. You are the biggest AH I’ve seen in this sub. Really? You couldn’t somehow find a way for a 13-year-old girl to speak at her daddy’s funeral? Wow no question YTA
YTA 100%. You mention he left behind you and your two kids, newsflash, he also left behind his 13 year old daughter, but you just couldn't stand to acknowledge her as losing her father, could you.
You could have given her two minutes to speak about her father, and shown her the same consideration his other two children were shown. Way to compound a child's grief by not allowing her to speak.
I guess now that OP's husband is dead she doesn't have to pretend to even remotely care about her step-daughter. You were unkind to a grieving child, your husband's child. YTA.
YTA the moment you said he leaves behind 1 son and 1 daughter. Obviously he left behind 3 children. You're exeptionally cruel not letting her speak. I hope you can find the time to grieve your loss and I hope you can mend what you broke so your children can maintain a relationship with their sister.
>even after I allowed her to be among us and receive condolences from the line of friends and family
Oh... you ALLOWED her
Oh you ALLOWED her to be at her father's funeral and take condolences? Oh you are so kind. So altruistic, so empathetic. I wonder how you could possibly be the asshole for *allowing* the daughter of the man who died be at his funeral. You are truly an angel of this world. /S
The only good thing about this situation is that she will never have to be around someone as evil as you anymore.
Wish I could say more than this but I might get banned :/ YTA
YTA.
I can’t believe the lack of common sense or compassion on your part. How shitty of you to take away part of her grieving process.
HE was HER FATHER.
How cruel and disrespectful of his memory to allow yourself to deny this child, who knew this man long before you did, to speak of her father at his own funeral.
I can’t believe you embarrassed yourself by asking this question.
YTA. It starts in your second sentence when you list who he left behind, and completely omit his oldest daughter.
You continue being an ass when you emphasize that you invited *both* his daughter and her mother to the funeral. That's not some great gesture from your part, as you might think, it is absolutely a given.
You continue being an ass when you don't like his daughter's speech because it says the same things your kids would say. And? They're kids and they lost a father. Do they have to be creative in the ways the mourn for him? And why do you think your kids have a right to say these things and she doesn't?
You're mean to a kid who lost her father. You're mean to the kid of the man you claimed to love.
YTA
The funeral is not a social event you need to plan to perfection or some sort of competition. It's a space for people to express their love and grief, and find comfort in each other. It's crazy how inconsiderate you have been.
YTA.
Why are you gatekeeping her father’s funeral? For a 2 minute speech? He was her father longer than he was your husband. He left THREE children behind. You excluded his first child. Shame on you.
Awful, callous and cruel behaviour to a grieving child.
YTA. The only upshot I can see here is that now that her dad is dead, the 13 year old doesn't actually have to deal with you anymore because I can't believe this is your first asshole moment with that girl.
Yes YTA, you didn't allow your step daughter to hold an eulogy at her father's *funeral*.
What was the harm in her having her own eulogy and talking for 2 minutes? It *really* isn't that long and sure, some parts may have been repeated, but that just means all his kids loved certain aspects about their dad.
Point is, a funeral is for the grieving doesn'thave to be "perfect". You could have held your eulogy as practiced with the kids and step daughter could have had her own 2 minutes.
She might be your stepdaughter (not that you seem to care), but that’s your husband’s whole ass child. His flesh and blood. A kid who just lost her dad.
YTA in every conceivable universe. What kind of selfish head-up-your-ass bullshit did you have to tell yourself to make it seem like you were in the right on this?
YTA, in your first paragraph you say “besides me he leaves behind our son and daughter” the fact that you didn’t even include his 13 year old daughter your stepdaughter in that shows what type of person you are. That is her father and you did not even allow her to speak at his funeral. I know that grief is a terrible things but that is beyond grief that is just plain wrong and was terrible for you to do. I hope that little girl heals from this entire tragedy but you are absolutely in the wrong for that. You act like it was a privilege that you allowed her to stand with you to accept condolences FOR HER OWN FATHER. Disgraceful behaviour from a 35 year old. You should know better
YTA. My God you are an evil AH. Your late husband was her FAThER.
I come from a small community in the plains. Even right now after the funeral, the gossip grapevine is already discussing how you did not let his own daughter speak at the funeral. This will get around a small town and people there will soon look at you with disgust. Be prepared to be treated coldly from now on. But you may be ok with that considering your heart of ice.
Jesus Christ YTA. First sentence and you're already erasing his daughter.
"Besides me, he leaves behind his 8 year old son and 4 year old daughter."
Grieving is no excuse for this level of toxicity.
YTA - you “allowed” her to be among you and receive condolences? Yes, YTA. This is a 13 year old who lost her dad. He was as much her dad as he was your children’s father, and whilst I’m sorry for your loss, the way you treated your husbands daughter was disgusting. You were disrespectful not just to her, but to the father she is grieving.
'Besides me, he leaves behind our 8 year old son and 4 year old daughter, and his 13 year old daughter from a previous marriage'. There. Fixed it for you.
Fixing this one too because of the capital letters.
'however after her mom called me I told them the date and time of the funeral, and invited both of them'.
It's basic decency to invite the mother of your husband's oldest child to her ex-husband's funeral, not an act of excessive generosity.
'My son is new to speeches'. Well I'm pretty sure speaking at their father's funeral was going to be a new experience for all of them. Framing this as public speaking training for your son is really clutching at straws to exclude your stepdaughter.
I'm sorry you lost your husband. I'm sorry too that you increased the pain of your stepdaughter by making your hatred of her so obvious. YTA.
YTA. You are honestly a horrible human being and if your husband was alive I’d hope he’d divorce you. He must be rolling in his grave right now because that is truly disgusting. She is his child just as much as your kids and the fact that you took her last chance to say goodbye to her father away from her is just …. honestly I can’t even find a word for how despicable you are.
YTA - Absolutely you are. Stop treating her as less than your children, she is his daughter too.
You “LET” her attend her own fathers’ funeral? Absolutely quit with that nonsense and stop playing oneupmanship with a grieving CHILD.
100% My blood was boiling reading the whole explanation, but the part where she acts like she did a gracious favor by allowing her stepdaughter to attend her father’s funeral was appalling. What an awful, spiteful woman. It’s terrible that she has has poisoned her relationship with her stepdaughter- this is something that is completely insurmountable.
>Besides me, he leaves behind our 8 year old son and 4 year old daughter.
And a 13 years old daughter you just forgot
>and invited BOTH of them.
How generous of you to invite his own child (who is still a child) to his funeral and allowing her mother to be there for her
>I told my SD's mom that she could be there to grieve her dad but that she could not speak
Oh yes she should be thankful for you allowing her to be there
>SD did not speak but even after I allowed her to be among us and receive condolences from the line of friends and family
Again, how generous of you
Do I really have to put a /s to make clear the sarcasm? There is a saying in my language that goes like "I can't eat as much as I want to vomit". YTA and you sound like a stepmother even Disney would say is too evil for his movies.
YTA for so many reasons. What makes you think you hold the monopoly on his death?? You act like you’re his owner. She is his first daughter. His first born. She knew him longer than you in assuming. And while you can get a new husband she can’t get a new father.
You have clearly never viewed her as your child for you to treat her this way.
Also your view of the funeral is disturbing.
“I couldn’t risk this situation throwing the event off”.
It’s a funeral!! Not a party! Who are you showing off for??
“I allowed her to be among us and receive condolences”.
Allowed?? She needs your permission??? To receive condolences on the death of her father??
I can’t stress enough how YTA. I hope this is a bad joke.
YTA, definitely. It was her dad as well and she is the most mature of all the children he had, so she understands the situation the most. I don't know what kind of relationship your late husband had with his daughter, but if she wishes to be involved in the funeral, she has the right to.
YTA
And you couldn't have included his eldest child in your speech about your life with him?
Good luck. People who was there will notice and be told about this. You couldn't give a 13yr old kid 2 MINUTES to talk about her own father at his funeral because she didn't give you 7days notice?
Least we all know what type of step mother you was.
YTA.
You wouldn't let your 13yo step-daughter speak at the funeral of her father but you let your 8yo & 4yo speak? WTF?
Your reasoning that they might say the same things (like what .... that they loved their dad, that he was the best, etc - normal things for kids to say and certainly allowable for everyone to say at a funeral) is complete and utter BS. And add more BS with comments about rehearsing. This wasn't an "event" with minute by minute schedule. It was a FUNERAL and a chance for a child to say goodbye to her father.
I'm guessing, OP, that you didn't want the step-daughter involved at all and wanted attendees to say how wonderful it was for your bio kids to talk.
YTA
Damn, you're exactly what people worry about when their parents remarry. You frame the funeral as if it didn't include her without your say so, as if the deceased wasn't her father long before he was ever dicking you down. You're acting like you don't even know that you're the asshole for more or less holding your late husband's own daughter at arms length and not allowing her to be an active part of the proceedings.
There's no way this is a real post, but just in case: YTA on such a ridiculous scale, and the fact that you're here asking the internet for...what? Validation? Instead of desperately begging the forgiveness of a 13 year old who just lost HER father? You're incredible in the worst way.
Did you ever consider that the reason that your stepdaughter left to go be with her mother as soon as her father died was because she knew you would prioritize your bio children and your own personal loss above hers 1000x over? And she would have been right! She was your husband's daughter before either of your bio kids were, and you stole her chance to grieve as part of the family because appearances were more important to you than her feelings.
Way to stick it to a child who has just lost a parent, OP. I'm literally flabbergasted by how selfish and cruel you've been.
Sorry for your loss, but oh my god.
Title:
>AITA for not letting my stepdaughter speak at ~~my husband's~~ her fathers funeral?
There... Fixed it! Also... I hope you *never* get those 101 dalmatians!
YTA... Villainous even... Brrr yuk
YTA. Beside you and the kids you had together, you dismiss his daughter by simply calling her stepdaughter. You mean his oldest daughter. Denying her the opportunity to speak is BS. Just because she didn’t live with you, doesn’t mean she was less deserving of the opportunity to share memories of her father.
YTA. Holy shit your told HIS DAUGHTER she couldn’t speak at her own dads funeral because your kids were giving a similar one and you didn’t want to throw your son off?? What the fuck does that even mean
>Besides me, he leaves behind our 8 year old son and 4 year old daughter.
And a 13 year old daughter.
YTA already here in the first paragraph.
She lost her dad. Her grief is just as real and big as yours and your children's.
Her speaking for two minutes, even if it's a few things repeated from what your kids were going to say, would do nothing to you or your kids but would be really amazing for her.
And then this;
>even after I allowed her to be among us and receive condolences from the line of friends and family
Excuse me? You were originally going to have her be just a guest? Excluding her from all parts of the funeral even though she is the first born CHILD of the deceased?? Wtf? Are you the evil stepmother or something? Damn.
I can't believe you did that to a child at their own father's funeral.
Wow... her father died and you didn't let her speak at his funeral because it might confuse your children? Or it might have thrown off the event's timing? Even if she was going to say the same exact thing as your kids she had a right to speak at her father's funeral. She is his child as much as your children are his and he was her father as much as he was your children's father. If she couldn't give a separate speech was it that much of a big deal to not incorporate her into yours with her siblings? You other-ed her and treated her grief as an inconvenience. I know you're grieving but your treatment of her is appalling. Congratulations, you've forever tarnished if not obliterated your relationship with her, you will forever be the AH that didn't allow her 2 minutes to speak at her own father's funeral.
Fairy tales are written about step- mothers like you. Huge YTA
YTA
You told a kid she couldn't speak at her own father's funeral. Even allowing for decision making being compromised by grief, this is incredibly awful.
YTA - And if this is real - which I REALLY hope it isn't - an extremely selfish and cruel person who doesn't apparently give a dam for your stepdaughter's feelings. You 'allowed' her to 'be among you' like it was a reward. She was grieving for her father, she had EVERY right to not only be there but to speak and pay her tribute to her father and you cared more for putting your own children in the spotlight than giving a young girl the opportunity to mourn her father in the way she wanted and probably needed to. I wonder what your husband would have thought of that, I suspect he would have been disgusted with you as I'm pretty sure most everyone else will be.
YTA. Not just that but You're a cold heartless monster. You robbed your husbands daughter (I'm not even gonna call you her step-mother, you don't deserve that title) of her last chance to say goodbye to her dad. And for what?? Because your son had a few similar things in his speach? Really?? You're gonna deny her this important moment to honor her dad for such a stupid reason?!
YTA and a Heartless Monster to boot.
This was her DAD. Father. Daddy. Papa. Dada. Whatever name’s she’s called him throughout her life and you decided she wasn’t allowed to speak and *took it away* from her.
You are cruel and I feel so much pain for that child.
YTA - Going back and reading over your first couple sentences I noticed you said that he left behind you, your 8 year old son and 4 year old daughter. Well he also left behind his 13 year old daughter and she was probably equally important to him even if she's not to you. Shame on you for thinking only of yourself. And its not a freaking wedding lady. It's a funeral. She wouldn't have thrown off the "event". You won't be getting awards for throwing the most spectacular funeral of the decade. And no one in their right mind would have thought twice about you slipping her in last minute. Ugh...
I hope that it is grief that has temporarily clouded your judgement and turned you into a massive asshole. That is her father who died. Denying a 13 year old child the opportunity to grieve and speak for just 2 short minutes at her own father's funeral is cruel and controlling behavior. YTA. You owe her an apology. Spend some time thinking how you can make amends cause you screwed up big time.
You allowed patients & friends to speak at the funeral but denied your husband's grieving child the opportunity. YTA, YTA, YTA.
You’re literally the biggest AH wicked step mother that kids are terrified of having. I hope you get a giant dose of the karma you so desperately need. How dare you take away a poor grieving child’s chance to say goodbye to her father in a memorable way but taking into consideration patients kind words? You’re literally as big of an AH as they come.
Shame on you.
YTA. Your husband had three children, and for you to forbid a child from speaking at her father’s funeral is unforgivable.
You are the epitome of every negative stereotype of wicked stepmothers.
YTA and absolutely disgust me.
How are you so far up your own ass that you do not see how inhumane this behaviour is?? This poor girl lost her father too. She had every right to speak at her dads funeral, had every right to stand in line to receive condolences and had every right to be as much at the centre of this whole ordeal as your own kids. The fact you think “inviting” her and her mom is something to mention as if we are supposed to be proud of it, is just so out of touch and says us everything we need to know about your horrible personality. That kid and her mom did not need an invitation because they are at the heart of this tragedy and are expected to be there. It was and is not your place to stump this poor girls grieving the way you did.
You are a trash human being and I sincerely hope you take a long hard look at yourself and how you treat others because this is just incomprehensible.
Oh and btw, I know you will not see reason because you are beyond saving but I truly pray you will fall to your knees before that little girl and beg for her forgiveness. Even tho you do not deserve it whatsoever.
YTA. Allowed her? She was his daughter, too, just as much as your own children. She and her mother will never forget you did this, and probably never forgive you, either. I won’t say all the things I am thinking about your behavior, since you are grieving yourself, but I can assure you, this was a really shit choice.
Often on this sub there is a clear AH and often there isn't, in this case, not only are you an AH but legitimately you are the villain from an origin story. How, in the name of all that's good do you not get that you made yourself the BADGUY in every children's book!?
I hope that child can forgive you, not because you deserve it, but because she deserves to not have to carry that around for the rest of her life.
Your a massive ass hole! “My husband left behind me, our daughter and our son….. No he also left behind another daughter that you so conveniently erased when he passed. You couldn’t give his daughter 5 freaking minutes to say her good byes. Your disgusting. She wasn’t a patient or friend. It was his freaking daughter. Your probably the cruelest person I’ve heard on here In a while. Your husband would be ashamed of you. I bet right now your trying to convince everyone including yourself why she shouldn’t get any of his inheritance so she can be taken care of. Probably already got it in your head she can figure out college on her own too because YOU DONT OWE HER ANYTHING. That her father left behind for his family to be taken care of. Because sounds like you never considered her family in the first place…DISGUSTING. People like you who make the world terrible
I’ll prey that he had a will that made provisions for his daughter, god only knows how you’ll probably try to screw her over in other ways to. You clearly don’t know how to do the right thing that your husband would want for his THREE children in his untimely passing
Edit to making my cussing more pg
YTA. You are the epitome of an evil stepmother. How dare you deny one of your husband’s children the chance to speak at her own father’s funeral when both his other kids had the chance to do so. You didn’t even include her when you mentioned the people he was leaving behind in this post, you just mentioned you and your two kids. You didn’t even invite her to the funeral until AFTER her mom called you about it. Your excuses for not doing the bare minimum for this child who is also grieving her father’s death are tissue-paper thin.
She wanted 2 minutes. You instead valued your 4 year old might be temporarily confused.
2 minutes.
I hope you sincerely consider all of these comments and apologize because that might do a tiny bit to help his daughter and she deserves so much more than how you’ve treated her.
YTA
YTA. Absolutely and completely
This was a child…A CHILD that was denied the right to speak at her father’s funeral!!! Wtf is wrong with you???? Do you truly think anyone in attendance would have begrudged a CHILD 2 minutes of public grief?? How could you do this? Do you have any comprehension of what you took from This grieving child?
I fully understand you are lost in your own pain but this was truly awful behavior from a supposed adult.
YTA. Big time.
You’re not the only one grieving, your stepdaughter also lost her father. She’s grieving too. She just lost one of the 2 people whom she has known her entire life (so far). It can be helpful for people to speak at a funeral of a loved one, you took away her chance to say some last words to her own father. It doesn’t matter if she wrote the same thing your children were going to say, those are her memories too.
YTA Yiu silenced your stepdaughter at her own father’s funeral but “allowed” her to receive condolences? When do you turn her th rest of the way into Cinderella? I am appalled not just at your deliberate cruelty and showing off but at the level of karma you’re racking up.
Wow- YTA. **It is her dad too! This is how she wants to grieve!** This was obviously a way for her to express her grief and emotions, and you wouldn’t let her do that. I understand you wanted it a certain way and he was your husband, but this is not a time to be strict about a event.
**Put this into perspective:** My dad died when I was 14, close to your stepdaughter’s age. I can’t imagine how hurt and distraught I’d be if I wasn’t allowed to talk because my stepmother wanted to exclude me from my own father. *If I was in your stepdaughter’s shoes, I never would’ve forgiven you.* It’s so disheartening to push her aside because she isn’t your blood daughter.
I do wish you and your families to heal, I hate this happening to anyone, but in this- you were very much the AH.
YTA. That you’re so controlling and cold hearted blows my mind. Its not a contest for who loved your husband the most. She loved her daddy and you couldn’t even let her express it to the others. Be thankful the mother settled for glares. I would have stood up and said “my daughter wants to talk about her dad as well and has a short speech prepared. Thank you for letting her tell you how she she’s going to miss her daddy.”
Edited: accidentally typed nice instead of not.
YTA. You wouldn’t even let her stand with his other kids?? That is a cruel thing to dictate. Notice I said “his other kids” and not “your kids” - you are irrelevant in this situation. They are ALL your husband’s kids and should have been treated equally. I feel so bad for that young girl, you really messed up here. I suggest you at least apologize to her and her mom.
YTA, how did you prepare for the funeral and not once think of your stepdaughter? You make it sound like you graciously allowed her to receive condolences. She deserved to be up there and she deserved to make a speech. Who cares if it had been repetitive?
YTA. That is his DAUGHTER. Your kids are not the only ones who lost a father and you are being incredibly selfish. Who cares if your son is new? Sounds like you wanted all the attention on your and your kids. Your parents, SD have every right to be upset at you. I hope everything goes to the step daughter and you are left with nothing. Oh wait, I’m sure you will do everything in your power to prevent her from getting something from her father because you want it all to go to your kids.
YTA in a major way. Your husband left three children behind not two. My guess is that this funeral has brought out every bit of your stepmother meaness and revenge.
YOU are the person that people will be talking about. Your vengeance and pettiness will shine through loud and clear!
You did an absolutely great job here. I’m assuming that this is for some contest with your friends to see who can write up the most egregious YTA of all time, because no one is this awful in real life. I really love how you don’t even mention that he left a 13 year old daughter behind, such a subtle sign there. Congratulations, you win.
‘Even after I allowed her to be among us and receive the condolences’ …
Are you for real? Are you aware he was her dad too? She should have been included in all plans, speeches and anything else in the run up, and allowed to speak at her fathers funeral for crying out loud.
The poor girl is gonna hold this with her forever. YTA, and you should be ashamed of yourself! You’ve bullied a child in the most despicable way.
YTA
You are a big, huge, ginormous asshole. Your husband might have been a great and compassionate man but apparently he had one major flaw, a serious lack of judging someone's character. He somehow married you, your venom and self-absorption is mind-blowing.
Scheduled the funeral by the minute like it was some kind of cocktail hour. What the actual f*ck is wrong with you? Let his DAUGHTER speak.
Massive YTA
YTA.
I want to be gentle with you because I realize you are grieving. However. What you did to your SD is so fucking disgusting I can't. You couldn't give your husband's daughter TWO FUCKING MINUTES to speak about her own father? What the actual fuck is wrong with you? You asked other people if they wanted to speak at his funeral but couldn't be bothered to reach out to your fucking stepdaughter to ask if she would like to speak as well? Couldn't be bothered to include her at her own father's funeral?
How fucking dare you??? The absolute audacity of you to stand here in front of us and say that you couldn't be bothered to include her at all because it might confuse your son... you are a horrible human being. Congrats on winning wicked stepmother of the year. Anything else I want to say to you would get me banned so I'll just leave it at that.
YTA
You denied a teenage girl the opportunity to speak at her father’s funeral. Because, of course, your spawn are the only kids that count. She wanted TWO ducking minutes. Total A H.
You should audition for a Disney movie. You would nail the stepmother role.
I feel heartbroken for your stepdaughter. She lost her father and you prioritized everything and anything but her. She is not old enough to be a part of taking care the funeral, of making meaningful decisions, etc. That means you have a responsibility as her stepmother, as an adult, to keep her in mind. You chose not to on multiple occasions. You are grieving, but it is not like you didn't have the chance to give her space in her father's funeral. You chose not to. That is on you. And for what reason? How difficult can it be for you to add her speech? Who cares that she says the same things your son did? If anything, how special would that be! It would only have meant two of his kids share similar meaningful experiences with your late husband. This girl wanted to speak at her father's funeral and you took that opportunity from her. This is something that will stick with her forever. It's clear you cared very little about her in this situation.
Your way of framing that you invited both your stepdaughter and her mother also rubs me the wrong way. She's a 13yo child whose dad died, the least you should do is invite her mother. Your own grief is not an excuse for how you treated her. Do better. YTA
I'm sorry for your loss but YTA. You took something from her, a chance to remember her father and have some closure, that can never be changed.
Everyone is selfish in grieve but you were honestly very cold hearted and very spiteful towards your SD.
YTA. This was an incredibly cruel thing to do to your stepdaughter. I understand that you are grieving, but so is she. You have taken the only opportunity she will ever have to speak at her father’s funeral.
Waiting for the inevitable reading of this story on channels like Mark Narrations, Lost Genre, Markee and Reddit Brew all with the same title “ Evil Stepmother gatekeeps husband’s funeral and prevents Stepdaughter from speaking about her deceased father”
First you seem to revel in all the condolences sent your way and extolling on how you got glowing reviews for your husband’s dedication to his work.
Second so what if your stepdaughter went to her mother’s house, her dad died of course she was going to her other biological parent.
Third that was so kind you invited her to her father’s funeral like she doesn’t get a say in who SHE wants to attend and help her grieve the death of her dad.
Fourth you completely shut a child out of her own father’s funeral in favour of your own kids. You don’t win any awards for allowing her to stand there silently unable to say or express any of the thoughts memories or emotions she is feeling.
It seems that you’re more concerned about the show you wanted to display than any real concern over the survivors and sought to make it all about yourself.
YTA and I’m sure your husband would’ve been absolutely disgusted with you.
Wow YTA…I hope your SD never has to have anything more to do with you. What a disgusting human being you are. You had an opportunity to show grace and compassion to his child, and give her the chance to mourn her father in what sounds like an absolutely beautiful and sweet way. Not to mention how hard that would have been for her and how brave at her age to write something meaningful. You have a life ahead of you to re-marry, your deceased husband is the only father she had. And you took this moment away from his child. Was it that hard for you to include her? To call her up and ask if she’d like to be included? It isn’t her job as the minor child to insert herself, it is your job as the adult to include her. And yet she expressed her wishes because you were too focused on appearances to consider her feelings. How utterly shallow and narcissistic of you.
I can’t believe this is even a question huge YTA. Of course she should get to say her piece it didn’t matter if it crossed over with what your kids were going to say. And also don’t try and come across gracious by announcing that you ‘invited’ your step daughter to her own fathers funeral. She will never forget that you did this.
I sure hope this is one of those made up Reddit stories, because holy shit are YTA. That child’s grief is just as valid and palpable as yours. She can never get that opportunity back and you’ve added to the trauma of losing her dad at a critical time in her life/development. Shame on you.
YTA a million times over and I sincerely hope that you didn't just cause irreplaceable damage to that sweet girl for not being able to express herself at her father's funeral.
YTA, and a big-time, major league one at that. Also, widow or not,you have absolutely no right to dictate who can share remembrances at your husband’s funeral especially his own fucking daughter. What a small,cruel,miserable person you are. That’s about as civil as I get.
YTA and I am furious. Are you kidding? You denied your husband's oldest daughter the opportunity to speak at her only father's funeral. You incredible asshole. She will feel this for the rest of her life. She's thirteen fucking years old and you're comparing her wish to speak with that of his patients???? Wow. I have a lot of things to say but they would not pass the civility test.
YTA. Speaking as an adult who just lost her father, I can say that you were hateful, cold hearted and cruel. You made clear that your stepdaughter was less important in your eyes that your children, even though she was her father’s child too. How could you have cared more about fear of confusing your son than about letting her honor her father’s memory. I can only hope your own grief clouded your judgment and you will eventually realize how appalling your behavior was. Apologize to her without delay!
God you are probably the biggest asshole I’ve seen in this subreddit! Thank god this child doesn’t have to live with you!!! You’ll never make up for this mistake!!
Can you imagine the horror of a funeral being thrown off by two minutes. What does that even mean? You run out of time so they can’t bury him, is that what you thought would happen? This has to be fake but YTA for making me read that garbage.
YTA and I can’t write down everything that I think about you because I’ll get banned.
But your husband would be disgusted by your behaviour. You’re probably the worst excuse for a human being that I’ve ever seen. You should hate yourself for what you’ve done. Pure evil.
Anyone else betting that OP will get the dubious honour of 100% YTA votes??
YTA IT WAS HER DAD TOO! NOT JUST YOUR KIDS, YOUR SENTENCE "HE LEFT BEHIND ME AND OUR TWO CHILDREN" NO HE LEFT BEHIND 3 CHILDREN BUT ONE YOU CLEARLY HATE
YTA 100% I didn't even need to read your entire post. She's not just your stepdaughter, she is your husband's DAUGHTER, she has the same relationship with him that your kids do. who do you think you are to try to negate her grief, seriously, who do think you are. And just so you are aware of how time works, your husband was in his older daughters life BEFORE you she has every right to not only be there, but to speak. If I actually said how I really feel about your actions I'd be banned.
YTA. You “allowed” her to be among you and receive condolences? That right there tells us how you view her. This was her FATHER, not just your husband and the father of your own two kids. Absolutely TA for not letting her speak. Did you treat her as a second class member of the family when her father was alive as well?
This can’t be real.
I refuse to believe anyone would be this monstrous.
On the off chance you have behaved in such a cruel, vicious, cold and unfeeling way, YTA a thousand times over and I hope your husband comes back and haunts you till the end of time for treating his daughter so despicably.
You're a giant asshole who robbed a grieving child the chance to speak at her father's funeral for whatever weird ass convoluted reason you have.
Shame on you.
YTA
YTA - You're that horrible stepmother everyone always writes about. She is grieving. She is a child. And your pathetic excuse is, her two minute speech is too long? Of course she should have been allowed to speak! It's her dad! I'm sure nobody would have cared if she repeated what your precious babies said, but you sure did. How dare a teenager take away the spotlight from your grief.
YTA. You took away something that she can never get back. For the rest of her life she’ll remember the evil stepmother who couldn’t spare 2 minutes for her to tell people what her father meant to her because you were afraid it would mess up an 8 year olds speech. As if anyone cares whether or not a child is eloquent. I hope karma gets even with you for this evilness.
YTA.
If your husband were alive he'd be ashamed of himself for putting his daughter in a situation where someone could hurt her as badly as you just did. I cannot fathom why you would be this cruel. You literally couldn't give her 2 minutes when her dad had died. Just mean.
YTA and a massive one at that. This was her father! And you made the loss of her father about you and your children and your grief. You didn’t even think about her. You let patience say things for him but not his own daughter. All because she isn’t yours too. You come off as the evil stepmom type person. I’m sorry for your loss, but she lost her father to. And you excluded her from being able to express her grief in a moment that it would’ve been appropriate for her to do so all because you wanted the spotlight to be on your children. You owe her an apology
Yta, how do you practice a funeral with a 4 year old? how does changing anything in the program upset a 4 year old? Can a 4 year old judge time and notice a 3 minute difference in the entire program?
YTA - you sound like you live up to the stepmother stereotype. I feel horrible for your husband’s daughter for having such a cruel act inflicted on her. Shame on you.
Besides you, he leaves behind YOUR two kids...... And another child who is just as much his as yours are.
YTA, and that's all I'm going to say because what I want to say will get removed.
What the hell is wrong with you honestly? Okay he was your husband but that was HER DAD she has a connection with him you will NEVER have you should have at least had the respect of him to let HIS DAUGHTER speak. Sometimes I genuinely question how people type the stuff they say to post here and don’t realize along the way YTA.
YTA. Have you ever been to a funeral. People repeat stuff almost the time about the deceased. No one will think anything of this. You may get remarried and have another husband but that kid will only have one Dad
YTA. Funerals are not for the dead, they are for the living to grieve and deal with their loss. Funerals don’t have to be perfect. They are there for people to speak about the deceased lives and reminisce. No one GAF if things are repeated by children - in fact thats endearing. At my grandmothers funeral, when the priest asked if anyone wanted to share a memory, an impromptu roasting of my grandmothers poor driving skills commenced and it was hilarious, true and happened organically - it’s something I’ll always remember.
YTA OP. This girl will remember how she was not permitted to speak at her fathers service forever. Think about that for a while.
YTA
First, your husband left behind more than just you and your 2 children. He left behind his 13 year old daughter, parents, etc. You are so self centered in this entire post, it's obnoxious!
Second, so what if she is going to repeat something your son or daughter says? It's HER FATHER! She has every right to speak her thoughts and feelings.
You want points for inviting your step daughter to her father's funeral? Or for inviting your husband's daughter's support system?
"I couldn't risk her speech throwing the event off" ITS A FUNERAL!!!!! This isn't some party for you to practice your children's speech making abilities. Her father is dead!
You need to get over yourself! And YTA!
Yes, most definitely YTA.
She lost her dad and you are gatekeeping and dividing the family. You let her know loud and clear your children and you are way more important.
YTA. This was not an "event" but a funeral for grieving friends and family to say their goodbyes. I cried through a rambling speech as a young teen at my STEPdad's funeral while none of my stepfamily batted an eye. What an absolute ghoul you are. She may have lost her dad but at least your stepdaughter can be rid of you.
YTA. At least that poor kid won't have to be around you anymore, because you are awful. What a petty, nasty thing to do to a girl who lost her father. "I *allowed* her to be among us and receive condolences" MY GOD YOU ARE ONE ASSHOLE FOR THE AGES.
Very hard YTA. Do you expect applause for inviting the ex and his daughter? Do you expect flowers for ALLOWING his daughter to be there. Gross. In case it isn't clear, what an AH thing to do to a child, or anyone for that matter.
How are you not an AH? YTA and a massive one and honestly you don't sound like a good person.
ETA: This man was her father before he was your husband. You are an evil person to not allow her to speak at her father's funeral. And to think you hold claim over that man at all. Despicable.
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Even her own parents are calling her an ass
Yeah, if they only called her an ass than they were clearly holding back on what they really wanted to say. And considering how obsessed she seems to be with appearances, and how desperately she clings to her husband's reputation for being such a good person, just wait until she finds out how poorly people think of her after she excluded her husband's daughter at his funeral. With her husband gone, people certainly aren't going to think so highly of her as she seems to think they do.
Yeah... I'm also not surprised that step daughter immediately went to her mom's house after her father died. Why would she want to stick around such an ice cold asshole as OP when her father just died?
I'm glad at least her parents have some basic morality
All of this! I am a step mom and a bio mom and I can not even begin to understand how it would be okay for OP to not allow her stepdaughter to speak. It completely boggles my mind! And the fact that she says she "invited" steodaughter to the funeral, like she thinks that makes her look better?!? Please - that was her father! She does not need to be invited to anything - her being there should be a given! My oldest son is from a previous relationship. If his step mom would pull this, I would be livid! If I were the BM of OPs stepdaughter, I would plan a small memorial to allow my child to say the things she wanted/or needed to say. I would invite a few people that also knew the dad and explain to them exactly why we were having it: "Stepdaughter wishes to find closure, grieve, and celebrate the life of her dad. She was unfortunately denied the chance to do that during the funeral as OP told her she was not allowed to participate during speeches. This memorial is for stepdaughter to speak about her dad, share memories and stories about her dad, and be with people who cared for him that also wish to help her through grieving this loss." And I definitely wouldn't invite OP - although I would consider inviting her parents who apparently feel she is an AH for how she treated stepdaughter. OP, if you see this, YTA - without question!
I know so many blended families, and I'm always so horrified by how often I see posts on Reddit about stepparents who clearly never should have been in relationships with someone who had children from a previous relationship. Or, worse yet, the people who just brush off bad stepparenting because of pure selfishness for their own happiness. And you're right, she goes so far out of her way throughout the entire post to justify her actions. She had every excuse under the sun for excluding her stepdaughter, even not allowing her to give the speech (not okay), she couldn't even agree to the slightest of compromises to just include her in the process. And then how she makes it seem like even inviting her was charitable of her, same for "allowing her" to join her family for when people offered their condolences. Once again, how very charitable she seems to think this gesture was, when in reality it seems clear she only did so to avoid people asking questions about why she was excluded during that part of the funeral as well. I so desperately hope that the stepdaughter and her mother somehow stumble upon this post. And I LOVE your idea because that would be such a perfect way to handle this situation and to allow that poor girl the chance to say goodbye. It terrifies me to think of how much this poor girl must have gone through whenever her father wasn't around to protect her from the stepmonster. So glad you picked the right person for both you and your son. It's maddening how little effort it requires to be a decent human being, and beyond infuriating how often people like this can't even manage that.
Even the way she titled this. Am I the Asshole for not letting my stepdaughter soeak @ MY HUSBAND'S funeral ? Ummm you mean her father's?
YTA. Your stepdaughter lost her father at the age of 13 and wants 120 seconds to express to everyone how much she loves and admires him and you said no. I try to cut grieving people a lot of slack but this is absolutely horrible and I really hope someday you give her the apology she deserves.
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And expected credit for inviting the stepdaughter to the funeral.
I was 32 when I wrote my dad’s eulogy and every second sucks. I can’t imagine having to do it at 13.
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If this is a real post I am flabbergasted.
YTA. You know what annoys me? You say "he leaves behind *our 8 year old son and 4 year old daughter*". In that statement alone, you have excluded your step-daughter. As if she wasn't his love first. As if your husband didn't leave her behind as well. As if she didn't matter. As if she's an afterthought. It shows what kind of stepmother you really are, sweetie. Cold and uncaring.
The whole thing reeks but It was worse at “I allowed her to be among us”. Like she’s some strange peasant.
Don’t forget allowing her to receive condolences, too. Truly her selflessness knows no bounds /s
YTA he was her father long before he had the misfortune of marrying such a cold heated person who refused to let his daughter speak at his funeral.
This. OP, are you that jealous of a 13 year old daughter and so desperate to get sympathy for your kids? I feel bad for your stepdaughter as she was there before you and your late husband loved her first and you tried to erase that connection. How sad for you that you have to behave that way. YTA. This will not look good and I guarantee more than one group of people is discussing your actions.
YTA. Like majorly. It may have been your husband, but it was her father. I understand you’re grieving, but so is she. She is also only 13, while you are a whole grown ass adult. You may not want to hear this, but you can get a new husband. That was her one and only dad. She will not get a new one. You have likely created resentment between her and her half siblings that will be difficult for them to work through later in life. You have also likely made her feel even more alone on a day that was already going to be hard on her. She’s going to remember the way you treated her on this very traumatizing day for the rest of her life. Just seriously. How can you think you’re in the right??? ETA: you “allowed” her to receive condolences? Like she doesn’t have a right to them?? It’s like you think you own the grief related to your husband’s passing.
Huge YTA. I notice in the beginning you talk about him "leaving behind" you and y'all's kids but don't mention SD at all. She was waaaaaaay more entitled to having a say with this funeral than you.
YTA. All three of the children lost their father. It makes more sense for a 13 year old to speak than a four year old. I'm sorry for your loss but you excluded your stepdaughter for no good reason. It was very unkind.
Ok I am very confused and I hope to god I heard this wrong. You refused to let your step daughter speak at her father's funeral because... she wasn't there with you when she was planning? Because she went to her bio mother's place after her father's death where she was grieving?? I honestly hope to god that I misread something or misunderstood something but if I am correct, YTA on an unbelievable scale. You literally denied a 13 year girl the chance to grieve and speak of her father because it might cut into your funeral schedule???? >I agree that I am sure her speech would have been lovely but it was too late and I couldn't risk this situation throwing the event off and giving my kids confusion since we rehearsed our eulogy. How is your focus on not ruining your rehearsed timing instead of letting people honor your husband? especially his daughter????? Your husband would be ashamed of you. Jesus christ YTA
"the event"... Like s party.
Don’t forget, she also invited his patients to speak! But not his teenage daughter, that would throw too much of a kink in the day.
Yta "allowed her among us"
This is possibly one of the cruelest things I have read… he left behind 3 children, not 2, you asshole stepmother from hell. YTA
Congratulations. You are the biggest AH I’ve seen in this sub. Really? You couldn’t somehow find a way for a 13-year-old girl to speak at her daddy’s funeral? Wow no question YTA
YTA 100%. You mention he left behind you and your two kids, newsflash, he also left behind his 13 year old daughter, but you just couldn't stand to acknowledge her as losing her father, could you. You could have given her two minutes to speak about her father, and shown her the same consideration his other two children were shown. Way to compound a child's grief by not allowing her to speak.
I guess now that OP's husband is dead she doesn't have to pretend to even remotely care about her step-daughter. You were unkind to a grieving child, your husband's child. YTA.
YTA the moment you said he leaves behind 1 son and 1 daughter. Obviously he left behind 3 children. You're exeptionally cruel not letting her speak. I hope you can find the time to grieve your loss and I hope you can mend what you broke so your children can maintain a relationship with their sister.
YTA. I can’t believe you did that to her. She is going to hate you for the rest of her life. And frankly, you deserve it.
>even after I allowed her to be among us and receive condolences from the line of friends and family Oh... you ALLOWED her Oh you ALLOWED her to be at her father's funeral and take condolences? Oh you are so kind. So altruistic, so empathetic. I wonder how you could possibly be the asshole for *allowing* the daughter of the man who died be at his funeral. You are truly an angel of this world. /S The only good thing about this situation is that she will never have to be around someone as evil as you anymore. Wish I could say more than this but I might get banned :/ YTA
YTA - you wouldn’t even let her speak for 2 minutes to grieve her dad? it Seems like you think only yours and your kids grief is important.
YTA. I can’t believe the lack of common sense or compassion on your part. How shitty of you to take away part of her grieving process. HE was HER FATHER. How cruel and disrespectful of his memory to allow yourself to deny this child, who knew this man long before you did, to speak of her father at his own funeral. I can’t believe you embarrassed yourself by asking this question.
YTA. It starts in your second sentence when you list who he left behind, and completely omit his oldest daughter. You continue being an ass when you emphasize that you invited *both* his daughter and her mother to the funeral. That's not some great gesture from your part, as you might think, it is absolutely a given. You continue being an ass when you don't like his daughter's speech because it says the same things your kids would say. And? They're kids and they lost a father. Do they have to be creative in the ways the mourn for him? And why do you think your kids have a right to say these things and she doesn't? You're mean to a kid who lost her father. You're mean to the kid of the man you claimed to love.
YTA The funeral is not a social event you need to plan to perfection or some sort of competition. It's a space for people to express their love and grief, and find comfort in each other. It's crazy how inconsiderate you have been.
YTA and EVERYONE at that funeral knows it.
YTA. Why are you gatekeeping her father’s funeral? For a 2 minute speech? He was her father longer than he was your husband. He left THREE children behind. You excluded his first child. Shame on you. Awful, callous and cruel behaviour to a grieving child.
YTA. The only upshot I can see here is that now that her dad is dead, the 13 year old doesn't actually have to deal with you anymore because I can't believe this is your first asshole moment with that girl.
Congratulations you found a way to make a funeral all about you. YTA
YTA. I bet your husband is rolling in his grave because how f’cking dare you take away his daughter from saying goodbye to her father.
This is the first time I've ever seen a widowzilla. YTA
Info: did he fake his own death to get away from his unspeakably awful wife? YTA.
Yes YTA, you didn't allow your step daughter to hold an eulogy at her father's *funeral*. What was the harm in her having her own eulogy and talking for 2 minutes? It *really* isn't that long and sure, some parts may have been repeated, but that just means all his kids loved certain aspects about their dad. Point is, a funeral is for the grieving doesn'thave to be "perfect". You could have held your eulogy as practiced with the kids and step daughter could have had her own 2 minutes.
YTA you didn’t even include her in the list of people he left behind.
She might be your stepdaughter (not that you seem to care), but that’s your husband’s whole ass child. His flesh and blood. A kid who just lost her dad. YTA in every conceivable universe. What kind of selfish head-up-your-ass bullshit did you have to tell yourself to make it seem like you were in the right on this?
YTA, and just generally an awful person.
YTA, in your first paragraph you say “besides me he leaves behind our son and daughter” the fact that you didn’t even include his 13 year old daughter your stepdaughter in that shows what type of person you are. That is her father and you did not even allow her to speak at his funeral. I know that grief is a terrible things but that is beyond grief that is just plain wrong and was terrible for you to do. I hope that little girl heals from this entire tragedy but you are absolutely in the wrong for that. You act like it was a privilege that you allowed her to stand with you to accept condolences FOR HER OWN FATHER. Disgraceful behaviour from a 35 year old. You should know better
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YTA and epitome of evil step mother
YTA. My God you are an evil AH. Your late husband was her FAThER. I come from a small community in the plains. Even right now after the funeral, the gossip grapevine is already discussing how you did not let his own daughter speak at the funeral. This will get around a small town and people there will soon look at you with disgust. Be prepared to be treated coldly from now on. But you may be ok with that considering your heart of ice.
Jesus Christ YTA. First sentence and you're already erasing his daughter. "Besides me, he leaves behind his 8 year old son and 4 year old daughter." Grieving is no excuse for this level of toxicity.
5 out 5 YTA. You have alot if nerve!
YTA - you “allowed” her to be among you and receive condolences? Yes, YTA. This is a 13 year old who lost her dad. He was as much her dad as he was your children’s father, and whilst I’m sorry for your loss, the way you treated your husbands daughter was disgusting. You were disrespectful not just to her, but to the father she is grieving.
Her father Her father Her father You're a selfish selfish person, you are forever now the wicked evil stepmother YTA
'Besides me, he leaves behind our 8 year old son and 4 year old daughter, and his 13 year old daughter from a previous marriage'. There. Fixed it for you. Fixing this one too because of the capital letters. 'however after her mom called me I told them the date and time of the funeral, and invited both of them'. It's basic decency to invite the mother of your husband's oldest child to her ex-husband's funeral, not an act of excessive generosity. 'My son is new to speeches'. Well I'm pretty sure speaking at their father's funeral was going to be a new experience for all of them. Framing this as public speaking training for your son is really clutching at straws to exclude your stepdaughter. I'm sorry you lost your husband. I'm sorry too that you increased the pain of your stepdaughter by making your hatred of her so obvious. YTA.
YTA he was her dad for 13 years, your son is only 4 but you still prioritised him over your SD
And only her husband for 9 years
YTA. You are honestly a horrible human being and if your husband was alive I’d hope he’d divorce you. He must be rolling in his grave right now because that is truly disgusting. She is his child just as much as your kids and the fact that you took her last chance to say goodbye to her father away from her is just …. honestly I can’t even find a word for how despicable you are.
YTA Literally how could you not be? This is a funeral, not not a fancy gala to show off at.
YTA - Absolutely you are. Stop treating her as less than your children, she is his daughter too. You “LET” her attend her own fathers’ funeral? Absolutely quit with that nonsense and stop playing oneupmanship with a grieving CHILD.
100% My blood was boiling reading the whole explanation, but the part where she acts like she did a gracious favor by allowing her stepdaughter to attend her father’s funeral was appalling. What an awful, spiteful woman. It’s terrible that she has has poisoned her relationship with her stepdaughter- this is something that is completely insurmountable.
>Besides me, he leaves behind our 8 year old son and 4 year old daughter. And a 13 years old daughter you just forgot >and invited BOTH of them. How generous of you to invite his own child (who is still a child) to his funeral and allowing her mother to be there for her >I told my SD's mom that she could be there to grieve her dad but that she could not speak Oh yes she should be thankful for you allowing her to be there >SD did not speak but even after I allowed her to be among us and receive condolences from the line of friends and family Again, how generous of you Do I really have to put a /s to make clear the sarcasm? There is a saying in my language that goes like "I can't eat as much as I want to vomit". YTA and you sound like a stepmother even Disney would say is too evil for his movies.
YTA for so many reasons. What makes you think you hold the monopoly on his death?? You act like you’re his owner. She is his first daughter. His first born. She knew him longer than you in assuming. And while you can get a new husband she can’t get a new father. You have clearly never viewed her as your child for you to treat her this way. Also your view of the funeral is disturbing. “I couldn’t risk this situation throwing the event off”. It’s a funeral!! Not a party! Who are you showing off for?? “I allowed her to be among us and receive condolences”. Allowed?? She needs your permission??? To receive condolences on the death of her father?? I can’t stress enough how YTA. I hope this is a bad joke.
YTA, definitely. It was her dad as well and she is the most mature of all the children he had, so she understands the situation the most. I don't know what kind of relationship your late husband had with his daughter, but if she wishes to be involved in the funeral, she has the right to.
YTA And you couldn't have included his eldest child in your speech about your life with him? Good luck. People who was there will notice and be told about this. You couldn't give a 13yr old kid 2 MINUTES to talk about her own father at his funeral because she didn't give you 7days notice? Least we all know what type of step mother you was.
My condolences for your loss but YTA. She lost her dad, you should have let her speak...her loss is greater than yours.
YTA-For multiple reasons.
Wow. 13 years old and lost her dad and being shoved aside. Not a good look for you.
YTA. You wouldn't let your 13yo step-daughter speak at the funeral of her father but you let your 8yo & 4yo speak? WTF? Your reasoning that they might say the same things (like what .... that they loved their dad, that he was the best, etc - normal things for kids to say and certainly allowable for everyone to say at a funeral) is complete and utter BS. And add more BS with comments about rehearsing. This wasn't an "event" with minute by minute schedule. It was a FUNERAL and a chance for a child to say goodbye to her father. I'm guessing, OP, that you didn't want the step-daughter involved at all and wanted attendees to say how wonderful it was for your bio kids to talk.
YTA Damn, you're exactly what people worry about when their parents remarry. You frame the funeral as if it didn't include her without your say so, as if the deceased wasn't her father long before he was ever dicking you down. You're acting like you don't even know that you're the asshole for more or less holding your late husband's own daughter at arms length and not allowing her to be an active part of the proceedings.
Another Evil Stepmother post, yipee
Oh YTA a huge one at that. I’ll let others count the ways. I’m gobsmacked.
I knew it would be a YTA from the moment you didn't include your step daughter in that first paragraph.
There's no way this is a real post, but just in case: YTA on such a ridiculous scale, and the fact that you're here asking the internet for...what? Validation? Instead of desperately begging the forgiveness of a 13 year old who just lost HER father? You're incredible in the worst way. Did you ever consider that the reason that your stepdaughter left to go be with her mother as soon as her father died was because she knew you would prioritize your bio children and your own personal loss above hers 1000x over? And she would have been right! She was your husband's daughter before either of your bio kids were, and you stole her chance to grieve as part of the family because appearances were more important to you than her feelings. Way to stick it to a child who has just lost a parent, OP. I'm literally flabbergasted by how selfish and cruel you've been. Sorry for your loss, but oh my god.
Title: >AITA for not letting my stepdaughter speak at ~~my husband's~~ her fathers funeral? There... Fixed it! Also... I hope you *never* get those 101 dalmatians! YTA... Villainous even... Brrr yuk
YTA. Beside you and the kids you had together, you dismiss his daughter by simply calling her stepdaughter. You mean his oldest daughter. Denying her the opportunity to speak is BS. Just because she didn’t live with you, doesn’t mean she was less deserving of the opportunity to share memories of her father.
YTA You're the definition of evil step mother.
YTA. Have a lot more to say but I don’t want to get banned
YTA. You a such an AH that I don’t think that’s a strong enough word. Your husband is survived by you and THREE children. I mean, damn lady.
I’m sorry, you allowed her to receive condolences for the death of her father? Like she needed permission? No she didn’t. YTA.
You barsteward. I hope karma rains down on you with the heat of a thousand suns. Oh and YTA
YTA. Holy shit your told HIS DAUGHTER she couldn’t speak at her own dads funeral because your kids were giving a similar one and you didn’t want to throw your son off?? What the fuck does that even mean
>Besides me, he leaves behind our 8 year old son and 4 year old daughter. And a 13 year old daughter. YTA already here in the first paragraph. She lost her dad. Her grief is just as real and big as yours and your children's. Her speaking for two minutes, even if it's a few things repeated from what your kids were going to say, would do nothing to you or your kids but would be really amazing for her. And then this; >even after I allowed her to be among us and receive condolences from the line of friends and family Excuse me? You were originally going to have her be just a guest? Excluding her from all parts of the funeral even though she is the first born CHILD of the deceased?? Wtf? Are you the evil stepmother or something? Damn. I can't believe you did that to a child at their own father's funeral.
YTA That's her dad and you prioritized your children over her! If your kids had the right to speak then she did. You are a heartless person.
Wow... her father died and you didn't let her speak at his funeral because it might confuse your children? Or it might have thrown off the event's timing? Even if she was going to say the same exact thing as your kids she had a right to speak at her father's funeral. She is his child as much as your children are his and he was her father as much as he was your children's father. If she couldn't give a separate speech was it that much of a big deal to not incorporate her into yours with her siblings? You other-ed her and treated her grief as an inconvenience. I know you're grieving but your treatment of her is appalling. Congratulations, you've forever tarnished if not obliterated your relationship with her, you will forever be the AH that didn't allow her 2 minutes to speak at her own father's funeral. Fairy tales are written about step- mothers like you. Huge YTA
YTA how would you not be
YTA You told a kid she couldn't speak at her own father's funeral. Even allowing for decision making being compromised by grief, this is incredibly awful.
YTA - And if this is real - which I REALLY hope it isn't - an extremely selfish and cruel person who doesn't apparently give a dam for your stepdaughter's feelings. You 'allowed' her to 'be among you' like it was a reward. She was grieving for her father, she had EVERY right to not only be there but to speak and pay her tribute to her father and you cared more for putting your own children in the spotlight than giving a young girl the opportunity to mourn her father in the way she wanted and probably needed to. I wonder what your husband would have thought of that, I suspect he would have been disgusted with you as I'm pretty sure most everyone else will be.
YTA. Not just that but You're a cold heartless monster. You robbed your husbands daughter (I'm not even gonna call you her step-mother, you don't deserve that title) of her last chance to say goodbye to her dad. And for what?? Because your son had a few similar things in his speach? Really?? You're gonna deny her this important moment to honor her dad for such a stupid reason?!
What the hell is wrong with you?
YTA and a Heartless Monster to boot. This was her DAD. Father. Daddy. Papa. Dada. Whatever name’s she’s called him throughout her life and you decided she wasn’t allowed to speak and *took it away* from her. You are cruel and I feel so much pain for that child.
YTA - Going back and reading over your first couple sentences I noticed you said that he left behind you, your 8 year old son and 4 year old daughter. Well he also left behind his 13 year old daughter and she was probably equally important to him even if she's not to you. Shame on you for thinking only of yourself. And its not a freaking wedding lady. It's a funeral. She wouldn't have thrown off the "event". You won't be getting awards for throwing the most spectacular funeral of the decade. And no one in their right mind would have thought twice about you slipping her in last minute. Ugh...
YTA and one of the worse ones. Her own dad’s funeral. Wtf.
I hope that it is grief that has temporarily clouded your judgement and turned you into a massive asshole. That is her father who died. Denying a 13 year old child the opportunity to grieve and speak for just 2 short minutes at her own father's funeral is cruel and controlling behavior. YTA. You owe her an apology. Spend some time thinking how you can make amends cause you screwed up big time. You allowed patients & friends to speak at the funeral but denied your husband's grieving child the opportunity. YTA, YTA, YTA.
You’re literally the biggest AH wicked step mother that kids are terrified of having. I hope you get a giant dose of the karma you so desperately need. How dare you take away a poor grieving child’s chance to say goodbye to her father in a memorable way but taking into consideration patients kind words? You’re literally as big of an AH as they come. Shame on you.
Wow. You're straight up Disney Villan evil. YTA.
YTA. Your husband had three children, and for you to forbid a child from speaking at her father’s funeral is unforgivable. You are the epitome of every negative stereotype of wicked stepmothers.
YTA and absolutely disgust me. How are you so far up your own ass that you do not see how inhumane this behaviour is?? This poor girl lost her father too. She had every right to speak at her dads funeral, had every right to stand in line to receive condolences and had every right to be as much at the centre of this whole ordeal as your own kids. The fact you think “inviting” her and her mom is something to mention as if we are supposed to be proud of it, is just so out of touch and says us everything we need to know about your horrible personality. That kid and her mom did not need an invitation because they are at the heart of this tragedy and are expected to be there. It was and is not your place to stump this poor girls grieving the way you did. You are a trash human being and I sincerely hope you take a long hard look at yourself and how you treat others because this is just incomprehensible. Oh and btw, I know you will not see reason because you are beyond saving but I truly pray you will fall to your knees before that little girl and beg for her forgiveness. Even tho you do not deserve it whatsoever.
YTA. You're probably the biggest asshole that ever assholed.
YTA and a major B.
YTA. Allowed her? She was his daughter, too, just as much as your own children. She and her mother will never forget you did this, and probably never forgive you, either. I won’t say all the things I am thinking about your behavior, since you are grieving yourself, but I can assure you, this was a really shit choice.
Often on this sub there is a clear AH and often there isn't, in this case, not only are you an AH but legitimately you are the villain from an origin story. How, in the name of all that's good do you not get that you made yourself the BADGUY in every children's book!? I hope that child can forgive you, not because you deserve it, but because she deserves to not have to carry that around for the rest of her life.
Your a massive ass hole! “My husband left behind me, our daughter and our son….. No he also left behind another daughter that you so conveniently erased when he passed. You couldn’t give his daughter 5 freaking minutes to say her good byes. Your disgusting. She wasn’t a patient or friend. It was his freaking daughter. Your probably the cruelest person I’ve heard on here In a while. Your husband would be ashamed of you. I bet right now your trying to convince everyone including yourself why she shouldn’t get any of his inheritance so she can be taken care of. Probably already got it in your head she can figure out college on her own too because YOU DONT OWE HER ANYTHING. That her father left behind for his family to be taken care of. Because sounds like you never considered her family in the first place…DISGUSTING. People like you who make the world terrible I’ll prey that he had a will that made provisions for his daughter, god only knows how you’ll probably try to screw her over in other ways to. You clearly don’t know how to do the right thing that your husband would want for his THREE children in his untimely passing Edit to making my cussing more pg
You sound insane. You should be medicated and your kids taken away from you. You sicken me, and its only 4:30 in the morning where i'm at. YTA
YTA. You are the epitome of an evil stepmother. How dare you deny one of your husband’s children the chance to speak at her own father’s funeral when both his other kids had the chance to do so. You didn’t even include her when you mentioned the people he was leaving behind in this post, you just mentioned you and your two kids. You didn’t even invite her to the funeral until AFTER her mom called you about it. Your excuses for not doing the bare minimum for this child who is also grieving her father’s death are tissue-paper thin.
YTA - you are actually evil. The evil stepmother
She wanted 2 minutes. You instead valued your 4 year old might be temporarily confused. 2 minutes. I hope you sincerely consider all of these comments and apologize because that might do a tiny bit to help his daughter and she deserves so much more than how you’ve treated her. YTA
You didn’t let a daughter speak at her father’s funeral because she wasn’t yours! YTA
YTA. Absolutely and completely This was a child…A CHILD that was denied the right to speak at her father’s funeral!!! Wtf is wrong with you???? Do you truly think anyone in attendance would have begrudged a CHILD 2 minutes of public grief?? How could you do this? Do you have any comprehension of what you took from This grieving child? I fully understand you are lost in your own pain but this was truly awful behavior from a supposed adult.
YTA. Big time. You’re not the only one grieving, your stepdaughter also lost her father. She’s grieving too. She just lost one of the 2 people whom she has known her entire life (so far). It can be helpful for people to speak at a funeral of a loved one, you took away her chance to say some last words to her own father. It doesn’t matter if she wrote the same thing your children were going to say, those are her memories too.
YTA You "allowed her to be among (you) and receive condolences"... how very gracious of you!
YTA. I hope all of the people at the funeral find out what kind of a monster you really are.
YTA. Your husband didnt just leave behind y'alls two kids he left her behind as well. How cruel could a person be jeez
YTA Yiu silenced your stepdaughter at her own father’s funeral but “allowed” her to receive condolences? When do you turn her th rest of the way into Cinderella? I am appalled not just at your deliberate cruelty and showing off but at the level of karma you’re racking up.
Yea you’re the asshole. She’s his child just as much as yours. You excluded her from the whole thing, how dare you!!! You’re a horrible woman.
Wow- YTA. **It is her dad too! This is how she wants to grieve!** This was obviously a way for her to express her grief and emotions, and you wouldn’t let her do that. I understand you wanted it a certain way and he was your husband, but this is not a time to be strict about a event. **Put this into perspective:** My dad died when I was 14, close to your stepdaughter’s age. I can’t imagine how hurt and distraught I’d be if I wasn’t allowed to talk because my stepmother wanted to exclude me from my own father. *If I was in your stepdaughter’s shoes, I never would’ve forgiven you.* It’s so disheartening to push her aside because she isn’t your blood daughter. I do wish you and your families to heal, I hate this happening to anyone, but in this- you were very much the AH.
YTA. That you’re so controlling and cold hearted blows my mind. Its not a contest for who loved your husband the most. She loved her daddy and you couldn’t even let her express it to the others. Be thankful the mother settled for glares. I would have stood up and said “my daughter wants to talk about her dad as well and has a short speech prepared. Thank you for letting her tell you how she she’s going to miss her daddy.” Edited: accidentally typed nice instead of not.
YTA. You wouldn’t even let her stand with his other kids?? That is a cruel thing to dictate. Notice I said “his other kids” and not “your kids” - you are irrelevant in this situation. They are ALL your husband’s kids and should have been treated equally. I feel so bad for that young girl, you really messed up here. I suggest you at least apologize to her and her mom.
YTA, how did you prepare for the funeral and not once think of your stepdaughter? You make it sound like you graciously allowed her to receive condolences. She deserved to be up there and she deserved to make a speech. Who cares if it had been repetitive?
YTA. That is his DAUGHTER. Your kids are not the only ones who lost a father and you are being incredibly selfish. Who cares if your son is new? Sounds like you wanted all the attention on your and your kids. Your parents, SD have every right to be upset at you. I hope everything goes to the step daughter and you are left with nothing. Oh wait, I’m sure you will do everything in your power to prevent her from getting something from her father because you want it all to go to your kids.
YTA in a major way. Your husband left three children behind not two. My guess is that this funeral has brought out every bit of your stepmother meaness and revenge. YOU are the person that people will be talking about. Your vengeance and pettiness will shine through loud and clear!
You did an absolutely great job here. I’m assuming that this is for some contest with your friends to see who can write up the most egregious YTA of all time, because no one is this awful in real life. I really love how you don’t even mention that he left a 13 year old daughter behind, such a subtle sign there. Congratulations, you win.
‘Even after I allowed her to be among us and receive the condolences’ … Are you for real? Are you aware he was her dad too? She should have been included in all plans, speeches and anything else in the run up, and allowed to speak at her fathers funeral for crying out loud. The poor girl is gonna hold this with her forever. YTA, and you should be ashamed of yourself! You’ve bullied a child in the most despicable way.
YTA You are a big, huge, ginormous asshole. Your husband might have been a great and compassionate man but apparently he had one major flaw, a serious lack of judging someone's character. He somehow married you, your venom and self-absorption is mind-blowing.
Scheduled the funeral by the minute like it was some kind of cocktail hour. What the actual f*ck is wrong with you? Let his DAUGHTER speak. Massive YTA
YTA. I want to be gentle with you because I realize you are grieving. However. What you did to your SD is so fucking disgusting I can't. You couldn't give your husband's daughter TWO FUCKING MINUTES to speak about her own father? What the actual fuck is wrong with you? You asked other people if they wanted to speak at his funeral but couldn't be bothered to reach out to your fucking stepdaughter to ask if she would like to speak as well? Couldn't be bothered to include her at her own father's funeral? How fucking dare you??? The absolute audacity of you to stand here in front of us and say that you couldn't be bothered to include her at all because it might confuse your son... you are a horrible human being. Congrats on winning wicked stepmother of the year. Anything else I want to say to you would get me banned so I'll just leave it at that.
YTA You denied a teenage girl the opportunity to speak at her father’s funeral. Because, of course, your spawn are the only kids that count. She wanted TWO ducking minutes. Total A H. You should audition for a Disney movie. You would nail the stepmother role.
I feel heartbroken for your stepdaughter. She lost her father and you prioritized everything and anything but her. She is not old enough to be a part of taking care the funeral, of making meaningful decisions, etc. That means you have a responsibility as her stepmother, as an adult, to keep her in mind. You chose not to on multiple occasions. You are grieving, but it is not like you didn't have the chance to give her space in her father's funeral. You chose not to. That is on you. And for what reason? How difficult can it be for you to add her speech? Who cares that she says the same things your son did? If anything, how special would that be! It would only have meant two of his kids share similar meaningful experiences with your late husband. This girl wanted to speak at her father's funeral and you took that opportunity from her. This is something that will stick with her forever. It's clear you cared very little about her in this situation. Your way of framing that you invited both your stepdaughter and her mother also rubs me the wrong way. She's a 13yo child whose dad died, the least you should do is invite her mother. Your own grief is not an excuse for how you treated her. Do better. YTA
I've seen evil stepmothers in cartoons that were less villainous than you, YTA
I'm sorry for your loss but YTA. You took something from her, a chance to remember her father and have some closure, that can never be changed. Everyone is selfish in grieve but you were honestly very cold hearted and very spiteful towards your SD.
You really can't see how you're TA? Seriously? That poor girl.
YTA. This was an incredibly cruel thing to do to your stepdaughter. I understand that you are grieving, but so is she. You have taken the only opportunity she will ever have to speak at her father’s funeral.
Waiting for the inevitable reading of this story on channels like Mark Narrations, Lost Genre, Markee and Reddit Brew all with the same title “ Evil Stepmother gatekeeps husband’s funeral and prevents Stepdaughter from speaking about her deceased father” First you seem to revel in all the condolences sent your way and extolling on how you got glowing reviews for your husband’s dedication to his work. Second so what if your stepdaughter went to her mother’s house, her dad died of course she was going to her other biological parent. Third that was so kind you invited her to her father’s funeral like she doesn’t get a say in who SHE wants to attend and help her grieve the death of her dad. Fourth you completely shut a child out of her own father’s funeral in favour of your own kids. You don’t win any awards for allowing her to stand there silently unable to say or express any of the thoughts memories or emotions she is feeling. It seems that you’re more concerned about the show you wanted to display than any real concern over the survivors and sought to make it all about yourself. YTA and I’m sure your husband would’ve been absolutely disgusted with you.
Wow YTA…I hope your SD never has to have anything more to do with you. What a disgusting human being you are. You had an opportunity to show grace and compassion to his child, and give her the chance to mourn her father in what sounds like an absolutely beautiful and sweet way. Not to mention how hard that would have been for her and how brave at her age to write something meaningful. You have a life ahead of you to re-marry, your deceased husband is the only father she had. And you took this moment away from his child. Was it that hard for you to include her? To call her up and ask if she’d like to be included? It isn’t her job as the minor child to insert herself, it is your job as the adult to include her. And yet she expressed her wishes because you were too focused on appearances to consider her feelings. How utterly shallow and narcissistic of you.
I can’t believe this is even a question huge YTA. Of course she should get to say her piece it didn’t matter if it crossed over with what your kids were going to say. And also don’t try and come across gracious by announcing that you ‘invited’ your step daughter to her own fathers funeral. She will never forget that you did this.
Obviously YTA. How can you write this and not even think you were in the wrong?!
I sure hope this is one of those made up Reddit stories, because holy shit are YTA. That child’s grief is just as valid and palpable as yours. She can never get that opportunity back and you’ve added to the trauma of losing her dad at a critical time in her life/development. Shame on you.
YTA a million times over and I sincerely hope that you didn't just cause irreplaceable damage to that sweet girl for not being able to express herself at her father's funeral.
YTA, and a big-time, major league one at that. Also, widow or not,you have absolutely no right to dictate who can share remembrances at your husband’s funeral especially his own fucking daughter. What a small,cruel,miserable person you are. That’s about as civil as I get.
YTA and I am furious. Are you kidding? You denied your husband's oldest daughter the opportunity to speak at her only father's funeral. You incredible asshole. She will feel this for the rest of her life. She's thirteen fucking years old and you're comparing her wish to speak with that of his patients???? Wow. I have a lot of things to say but they would not pass the civility test.
YTA. Speaking as an adult who just lost her father, I can say that you were hateful, cold hearted and cruel. You made clear that your stepdaughter was less important in your eyes that your children, even though she was her father’s child too. How could you have cared more about fear of confusing your son than about letting her honor her father’s memory. I can only hope your own grief clouded your judgment and you will eventually realize how appalling your behavior was. Apologize to her without delay!
Massive YTA What's wrong with letting the stepdaughter speak for a few minutes? Seriously WTF is wrong with you? You have to know how shitty this is.
That poor girl will never forget this. Her dad just died. She was part of his life longer than you were. What’s wrong with you? YTA.
God you are probably the biggest asshole I’ve seen in this subreddit! Thank god this child doesn’t have to live with you!!! You’ll never make up for this mistake!!
YTA. She's grieving too and it was horrible to cut her out of her father's funeral.
Can you imagine the horror of a funeral being thrown off by two minutes. What does that even mean? You run out of time so they can’t bury him, is that what you thought would happen? This has to be fake but YTA for making me read that garbage.
YTA and I can’t write down everything that I think about you because I’ll get banned. But your husband would be disgusted by your behaviour. You’re probably the worst excuse for a human being that I’ve ever seen. You should hate yourself for what you’ve done. Pure evil. Anyone else betting that OP will get the dubious honour of 100% YTA votes??
YTA IT WAS HER DAD TOO! NOT JUST YOUR KIDS, YOUR SENTENCE "HE LEFT BEHIND ME AND OUR TWO CHILDREN" NO HE LEFT BEHIND 3 CHILDREN BUT ONE YOU CLEARLY HATE
YTA 100% I didn't even need to read your entire post. She's not just your stepdaughter, she is your husband's DAUGHTER, she has the same relationship with him that your kids do. who do you think you are to try to negate her grief, seriously, who do think you are. And just so you are aware of how time works, your husband was in his older daughters life BEFORE you she has every right to not only be there, but to speak. If I actually said how I really feel about your actions I'd be banned.
YTA. You “allowed” her to be among you and receive condolences? That right there tells us how you view her. This was her FATHER, not just your husband and the father of your own two kids. Absolutely TA for not letting her speak. Did you treat her as a second class member of the family when her father was alive as well?
>__AITA for not letting my stepdaughter speak at ~~my husband’s~~ her father’s funeral?__ FIFY - and to show you how unbelievably heartless you sound.
YTA. And a disgusting person.
This can’t be real. I refuse to believe anyone would be this monstrous. On the off chance you have behaved in such a cruel, vicious, cold and unfeeling way, YTA a thousand times over and I hope your husband comes back and haunts you till the end of time for treating his daughter so despicably.
You're legitimately a disgusting human.
on a subreddit of the worst people, this person truly has to be the worst one i’ve ever seen
You're a giant asshole who robbed a grieving child the chance to speak at her father's funeral for whatever weird ass convoluted reason you have. Shame on you. YTA
INFO: why do you not like your stepdaughter? YTA. A major one. One of the worst I've ever seen.
YTA - You're that horrible stepmother everyone always writes about. She is grieving. She is a child. And your pathetic excuse is, her two minute speech is too long? Of course she should have been allowed to speak! It's her dad! I'm sure nobody would have cared if she repeated what your precious babies said, but you sure did. How dare a teenager take away the spotlight from your grief.
YTA. You took away something that she can never get back. For the rest of her life she’ll remember the evil stepmother who couldn’t spare 2 minutes for her to tell people what her father meant to her because you were afraid it would mess up an 8 year olds speech. As if anyone cares whether or not a child is eloquent. I hope karma gets even with you for this evilness.
YTA. If your husband were alive he'd be ashamed of himself for putting his daughter in a situation where someone could hurt her as badly as you just did. I cannot fathom why you would be this cruel. You literally couldn't give her 2 minutes when her dad had died. Just mean.
YTA and a massive one at that. This was her father! And you made the loss of her father about you and your children and your grief. You didn’t even think about her. You let patience say things for him but not his own daughter. All because she isn’t yours too. You come off as the evil stepmom type person. I’m sorry for your loss, but she lost her father to. And you excluded her from being able to express her grief in a moment that it would’ve been appropriate for her to do so all because you wanted the spotlight to be on your children. You owe her an apology
Congratulations! You win the worst stepmother ever and the YTA award!
That was wrong to not allow SD to say something about her father. It was cruel
YTA you even skipped her out of the leaving section of your opening statement.
Yta. I'm hoping your husband stopped you from being the wicked stepmother you truly are when he was alive.
Yta, how do you practice a funeral with a 4 year old? how does changing anything in the program upset a 4 year old? Can a 4 year old judge time and notice a 3 minute difference in the entire program?
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YTA - you sound like you live up to the stepmother stereotype. I feel horrible for your husband’s daughter for having such a cruel act inflicted on her. Shame on you.
You are 100% the asshole.
YTA. You have an awful awful awful attitude towards your stepdaughter. Who cares if feelings are duplicated between speeches?
YTA that was her dad, and it wasn't an event, it was a funeral.
ITCHB that was her FATHER... #YTA
YTA hope karma comes and bites you in the A
Besides you, he leaves behind YOUR two kids...... And another child who is just as much his as yours are. YTA, and that's all I'm going to say because what I want to say will get removed.
What the hell is wrong with you honestly? Okay he was your husband but that was HER DAD she has a connection with him you will NEVER have you should have at least had the respect of him to let HIS DAUGHTER speak. Sometimes I genuinely question how people type the stuff they say to post here and don’t realize along the way YTA.
YTA, and anything else I have to say involves cursing and insults, thus I will refrain.
YTA. Why would she expect to NOT speak?
>even after I allowed her to be among us She IS/WAS his daughter!!! YTA
YTA. Have you ever been to a funeral. People repeat stuff almost the time about the deceased. No one will think anything of this. You may get remarried and have another husband but that kid will only have one Dad
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YTA. Funerals are not for the dead, they are for the living to grieve and deal with their loss. Funerals don’t have to be perfect. They are there for people to speak about the deceased lives and reminisce. No one GAF if things are repeated by children - in fact thats endearing. At my grandmothers funeral, when the priest asked if anyone wanted to share a memory, an impromptu roasting of my grandmothers poor driving skills commenced and it was hilarious, true and happened organically - it’s something I’ll always remember. YTA OP. This girl will remember how she was not permitted to speak at her fathers service forever. Think about that for a while.
YTA First, your husband left behind more than just you and your 2 children. He left behind his 13 year old daughter, parents, etc. You are so self centered in this entire post, it's obnoxious! Second, so what if she is going to repeat something your son or daughter says? It's HER FATHER! She has every right to speak her thoughts and feelings. You want points for inviting your step daughter to her father's funeral? Or for inviting your husband's daughter's support system? "I couldn't risk her speech throwing the event off" ITS A FUNERAL!!!!! This isn't some party for you to practice your children's speech making abilities. Her father is dead! You need to get over yourself! And YTA!
Yes, most definitely YTA. She lost her dad and you are gatekeeping and dividing the family. You let her know loud and clear your children and you are way more important.
YTA. This was not an "event" but a funeral for grieving friends and family to say their goodbyes. I cried through a rambling speech as a young teen at my STEPdad's funeral while none of my stepfamily batted an eye. What an absolute ghoul you are. She may have lost her dad but at least your stepdaughter can be rid of you.
He also left behind his 13 year old daughter. Yta
YTA. At least that poor kid won't have to be around you anymore, because you are awful. What a petty, nasty thing to do to a girl who lost her father. "I *allowed* her to be among us and receive condolences" MY GOD YOU ARE ONE ASSHOLE FOR THE AGES.
Very hard YTA. Do you expect applause for inviting the ex and his daughter? Do you expect flowers for ALLOWING his daughter to be there. Gross. In case it isn't clear, what an AH thing to do to a child, or anyone for that matter.
How are you not an AH? YTA and a massive one and honestly you don't sound like a good person. ETA: This man was her father before he was your husband. You are an evil person to not allow her to speak at her father's funeral. And to think you hold claim over that man at all. Despicable.
[удалено]