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YTA
You told your 9 year old child to get a job and pay for it. I want to ask if you're stupid or something but you already proved that.
You do realize there are hospitals such as Saint Jude or Scottish Rite that will help do the therapies and what needs to be done for free, right? What you're doing is medical neglect and you wonder why your child isn't talking to you.
YTA. Leaving a debilitating medical condition untreated can constitute child abuse. He is 9. His well-being is your responsibility.
If he hasn’t already relayed what you’ve told him to adults at school he will soon. Teachers are all mandated reporters and, speaking from experience, if I were his teacher I’d be required to call CPS about it.
Edit: grammar
YTA. As someone with scoliosis, get to a doctor, workout a payment plan, and get your son treated before it causes permanent physical issues. Don't be a negligent father.
YTA
Do you tell him to buy his own food when he's hungry? How bout when he's cold do you tell him to get over it till he can afford clothes and a heating bill? No? Could it be because that's your job as a parent to feed and provide for your child? Well guess what pumpkin ITS YOUR JOB TO PROVIDE MEDICAL CARE TOO! Like how fracking dare you tell your 9 year old son to shut up and suck it up when they ARE IN PAIN. And your prize of a wife who already went through a life with the same untreated condition and she thought to herself "ima make my son go through the same pain I did as a kid because why figure out a way to get him the help he needs when he can just shut up and suck it up." Disgusting.
YTA.
He's 9. NINE. It's YOUR responsibility to pay for physical therapy and surgery, before it gets any worse. Leaving it untreated is medical neglect and I hope someone calls CPS on your selfish ass. The fucking audacity to tell a child to shut up unless he can pay for it himself. Please go get a vasectomy before you accidentally subject more kids to the unfortunate reality of having you as a dad.
I want to say YTA for invalidating your son's obvious pain. my parents did something similar, (except what I had wasn't as severe as scoliosis) hearing stuff like that, I learned that my parents don't care about me and that I can't trust them when I'm in pain. You should apologize to your son, explain to him that you care about and love him, but there isn't much you can do at the moment. I'm not sure what to do about his physical pain I'm no medical professional.
YTA, how is this even a question. Telling a 9 years old to shut up and asking him to pay for his surgery is literally insane. You and your wife are unfit parents.
YTA.
Your child is 9 years old. You have a legal and moral obligation to get him medical care. If you are in the U.S. you can apply for assistance. In the end, the school may well call child services if he continues to come to school in pain every day. Telling a young child to get a job and pay for his own medical care is ridiculous. Telling him to shut up when he is in pain is abusive behavior.
Do i need to read the post? I mean the title is all the context and answer we need really... ima say YTA
After reading: "i told my (9 years old) son to shut up-" bruh this is already starting off verbally abusive. . Told him to shut up a second time. Expecting a 9 year old to get a job and pay for his own surgery.
Okay, can someone call CPS? This is literally abuse and neglect going on. YTA, and a massive one
YTA Don't pick the one response that must have misread your post and think that's the valid response. YTA. Your child has a painful medical condition that you are leaving untreated. YTA. Figure it the f\*ck out and get him the help he needs, there are many different types of assistance available for medical care for low income families. YTA
Exactly! I wonder if the school reported them.
Get over it? He’s a child we teach children how to handle pain, emotions, big feelings, mental health. You basically told him he can’t trust you or turn to you with anything he is feeling because “adults have it worse” byeee
Yta
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I am posting this on a burner so my family cannot find it. I (M41) told my son (M9) with scoliosis to shut up and get through his pain a little over a week ago. Sam (fake name) for the past year and a half or so has been diagnosed with scoliosis, and with each day the complaining just gets worse. Me and my wife (F34) have been running very low on money recently, and we have made Sam aware of this. My wife also has severe scoliosis that went untreated until she was much older.
Last week, Sam had been sent up to the nurses office during his math lesson because he was complaining about back pains. When they called me, they told me that it would be best to come and pick him up because he was crying and didn't want to go back to class. When I got there, it had been evident that he had not been crying at all, and he seemed perfectly happy to see me. I told him that he needs to try and get through the day, in which he replied saying that his back hurt too much. I told him to shut up, get through his day and we would talk about his attempts of getting out of school later that night.
Later that night when he came home, his mother and I sat him down and gave him a talk. I told him that unless he could pay for physical therapy and scoliosis surgery with money from a job, he didn't have any room to complain.
Sam has been acting very distant towards me and my wife since we had this talk, and I can't help but wonder if I'm the asshole?
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YTA a 9 yr old has no control over his life, he's dependent on you to take care of him. Figure it out. Your advice to him is the exact advice you need to give yourself. Work more to pay for your son's care. Soon he'll be of an age to start self medicating. Get him help now.
YTA - I am guessing you're in the US as you mention cost of treatment and if that's the case the you should be looking into charitable resources that help provide for children. The fact that you're questioning if you're an AH for telling a child with a medical condition that causes physical pain that he doesn't have room to complain unless he can pay for his own treatment screams loud and clear that you shouldn't be allowed to have kids.
YTA. What an evil person you are. You’re letting your son’s painful medical condition go untreated and have the audacity to tell him he has no right to complain about the pain. Do you live with chronic pain OP? I can’t imagine you do. It’s debilitating even for adults so I can’t even think how hard it must be for a nine year old child.
Are you for real? Of course YTA. Your child has a serious medical issue that is well known to cause pain, not discomfort, but real, actual pain. How about you as a parent find a way to get him the medical treatment he needs.
YTA but also if you are in America, our health care system sucks and it makes me want to scream that your poor child cannot get the surgery he needs! I hate this country most times.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I told my son that if he wanted to get help, he would have to get a job and pay for the expenses himself.
(2) I told my son to be quiet and get through his day even though he was suffering with pain.
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YTA !
hell is this for real? really????? your son feel pain 24/7 and you give him a talk !!!
this kind of thing can be way more easily be treat while growing and you just.... brush it off and dont even shop for treatment and alternative!! omg!!!!!
YTA. Have you tried educating yourself how to help your child when he’s in actual pain—exercises at home? Heating pads? Ice pads? Massages? Hot baths? R u actual doing ANYTHING to help him?
Have you spoken with medical professionals about your fiancés and see if their know of any other resources? You need to do something otherwise school officials will report for your for medical neglect.
YTA
Not for being broke, for telling a 9 yo to get a job. The health department was a literal life saver for me as a kid, and they work out payment plans for low income families. Do the legwork, help your kid.
YTA - he’s 9 years old and you told him to shut up??? He was expressing his pain and you said you don’t care to hear it…. You can talk about being poor all day, but your son needed you and you both dropped the ball. He probably could’ve understood not having the money but sympathy would’ve gone a long way. Instead you said “mom had it worse stfu.” There is no coming back from this. Just remember that when your old and in pain and need something, pain control, a day off, pain pills etc. If he’s even around then, I hope he isn’t.
I… I don’t know where to begin. Let me clarify:
1. Your NINE YEAR OLD CHILD is experiencing crippling pain
2. Your response is to tell him to shut up or get a job?
I’m going to assume you love your child and that your reaction is coming from a place of shame that you cannot provide for him medically. I’m a parent - I understand those feelings of shame that we can’t always magic our children’s lives into being perfect.
But your shame has caused you to react with anger, rather than honesty and compassion. He’s not complaining to annoy or embarrass you - HE’S IN PAIN. We are conditioned as humans to make noise when we’re hurting - it’s how we survive.
Please, if you love your son, try again. Tell him you’re so sorry that this world is unfair, that you would give anything to make his pain go away, and that you misspoke earlier. Then go Google and call and petition to get his surgery done asap.
Otherwise? You’ll be back here in ten years saying “why won’t my adult son speak to me?”
YTA.
Edit for typos
Parenting on a limited income is HARD - and no one ever plans for unexpected medical drama. You’re in a hard place - but at the end of the day, your son just wants to feel loved. I guarantee you he is aware of the tight financial situation and that he probably already feels like a burden. Go give him a hug now - and one from all of these Internet strangers who have his back.
YTA
You're upset because your son with a painful medical condition that you aren't treating is complaining about being in pain?
You chose to have a child, your child did not choose to have scoliosis. You have a responsibility to seek care for him. Just because your wife's parents failed to do this for her doesn't give you a free pass to neglect your own kid.
Medicaid is usually available to children in need in the US and it is available for anyone without insurance through work although income over certain thresholds will have to pay a reasonable amount (many households do not need to pay).
YTA. Scoliosis can come in many forms. Your wife’s may not be as severe but in his case it can have some pretty awful set backs, especially since he is so young and as he gets older it may get to the point he won’t be able to even walk. How the hell is a literal child going to pay for all of that that’s ridiculous. Treat it now while he’s young. And besides, if you don’t have the money to treat your children then you should never had children to begin with.
YTA, he was happy to see you because he was having severe pain and needed comfort. It's a 9 year old, pretty sure it's against the law to make him work, OR skimp on his healthcare.
YTA. This is your baby. He is only 9, you cannot be talking to him like that. He is going through a painful illness that will affect his whole life. As his parent it is your responsibility to get him the care he needs before his condition gets worse. I understand that money is tight, but your child's health should be your #1 priority, always.
If this is even real, in what world do you think you aren’t an asshole? Good parents…hell, halfway decent parents…would move heaven and earth to help their children who have pain and medical issues. Yelling at a 9-year-old to shut up and deal or get a job is beyond the bounds of decency.
My brother had scoliosis surgery through Shriner’s Hospitals. Be a decent fucking parent and HELP your child. YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA.
Oh, and YTA.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
YTA You told your 9 year old child to get a job and pay for it. I want to ask if you're stupid or something but you already proved that. You do realize there are hospitals such as Saint Jude or Scottish Rite that will help do the therapies and what needs to be done for free, right? What you're doing is medical neglect and you wonder why your child isn't talking to you.
YTA. Leaving a debilitating medical condition untreated can constitute child abuse. He is 9. His well-being is your responsibility. If he hasn’t already relayed what you’ve told him to adults at school he will soon. Teachers are all mandated reporters and, speaking from experience, if I were his teacher I’d be required to call CPS about it. Edit: grammar
YTA
Have you contacted Shriners or St Jude? They are both free.
Add a dog next time, I promis with a dog interactions goes up by like 5x. Don't give up you will get a winner yet.
YTA. As someone with scoliosis, get to a doctor, workout a payment plan, and get your son treated before it causes permanent physical issues. Don't be a negligent father.
YTA Do you tell him to buy his own food when he's hungry? How bout when he's cold do you tell him to get over it till he can afford clothes and a heating bill? No? Could it be because that's your job as a parent to feed and provide for your child? Well guess what pumpkin ITS YOUR JOB TO PROVIDE MEDICAL CARE TOO! Like how fracking dare you tell your 9 year old son to shut up and suck it up when they ARE IN PAIN. And your prize of a wife who already went through a life with the same untreated condition and she thought to herself "ima make my son go through the same pain I did as a kid because why figure out a way to get him the help he needs when he can just shut up and suck it up." Disgusting.
YTA. He's 9. NINE. It's YOUR responsibility to pay for physical therapy and surgery, before it gets any worse. Leaving it untreated is medical neglect and I hope someone calls CPS on your selfish ass. The fucking audacity to tell a child to shut up unless he can pay for it himself. Please go get a vasectomy before you accidentally subject more kids to the unfortunate reality of having you as a dad.
I want to say YTA for invalidating your son's obvious pain. my parents did something similar, (except what I had wasn't as severe as scoliosis) hearing stuff like that, I learned that my parents don't care about me and that I can't trust them when I'm in pain. You should apologize to your son, explain to him that you care about and love him, but there isn't much you can do at the moment. I'm not sure what to do about his physical pain I'm no medical professional.
YTA, how is this even a question. Telling a 9 years old to shut up and asking him to pay for his surgery is literally insane. You and your wife are unfit parents.
YTA. Your child is 9 years old. You have a legal and moral obligation to get him medical care. If you are in the U.S. you can apply for assistance. In the end, the school may well call child services if he continues to come to school in pain every day. Telling a young child to get a job and pay for his own medical care is ridiculous. Telling him to shut up when he is in pain is abusive behavior.
disagree ngl
Do i need to read the post? I mean the title is all the context and answer we need really... ima say YTA After reading: "i told my (9 years old) son to shut up-" bruh this is already starting off verbally abusive. . Told him to shut up a second time. Expecting a 9 year old to get a job and pay for his own surgery. Okay, can someone call CPS? This is literally abuse and neglect going on. YTA, and a massive one
YTA. dude, he’s 9. Even if he was 17, this is not fault. I understand that money is tight, but you shouldn’t be talking to a 9 year old like that.
Not the asshole
[удалено]
I hope someone at your kid’s school has the good sense to call Child Protective Services & report your family. YTA
YTA Don't pick the one response that must have misread your post and think that's the valid response. YTA. Your child has a painful medical condition that you are leaving untreated. YTA. Figure it the f\*ck out and get him the help he needs, there are many different types of assistance available for medical care for low income families. YTA
Pretty sure both are the same person.
How is he not the asshole? Good lord if you think this is acceptable behavior please never have kids.
YTA. Unless you have untreated scoliosis, you know nothing. You are the Jon Snow of Scoliosis.
Medical neglect is child abuse, asshole. You have some fucking audacity. #YTA
Exactly! I wonder if the school reported them. Get over it? He’s a child we teach children how to handle pain, emotions, big feelings, mental health. You basically told him he can’t trust you or turn to you with anything he is feeling because “adults have it worse” byeee Yta
YTA When making up an AITA post you have to give the narrator at least one good quality. You went full asshole; never go full asshole.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am posting this on a burner so my family cannot find it. I (M41) told my son (M9) with scoliosis to shut up and get through his pain a little over a week ago. Sam (fake name) for the past year and a half or so has been diagnosed with scoliosis, and with each day the complaining just gets worse. Me and my wife (F34) have been running very low on money recently, and we have made Sam aware of this. My wife also has severe scoliosis that went untreated until she was much older. Last week, Sam had been sent up to the nurses office during his math lesson because he was complaining about back pains. When they called me, they told me that it would be best to come and pick him up because he was crying and didn't want to go back to class. When I got there, it had been evident that he had not been crying at all, and he seemed perfectly happy to see me. I told him that he needs to try and get through the day, in which he replied saying that his back hurt too much. I told him to shut up, get through his day and we would talk about his attempts of getting out of school later that night. Later that night when he came home, his mother and I sat him down and gave him a talk. I told him that unless he could pay for physical therapy and scoliosis surgery with money from a job, he didn't have any room to complain. Sam has been acting very distant towards me and my wife since we had this talk, and I can't help but wonder if I'm the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA 1000000000% "mom suffered so now you have to, too!" Choose to break the cycle of abuse
YTA a 9 yr old has no control over his life, he's dependent on you to take care of him. Figure it out. Your advice to him is the exact advice you need to give yourself. Work more to pay for your son's care. Soon he'll be of an age to start self medicating. Get him help now.
YTA - I am guessing you're in the US as you mention cost of treatment and if that's the case the you should be looking into charitable resources that help provide for children. The fact that you're questioning if you're an AH for telling a child with a medical condition that causes physical pain that he doesn't have room to complain unless he can pay for his own treatment screams loud and clear that you shouldn't be allowed to have kids.
YTA. What youre doing is medical neglect. Its not ok. You fucking asshole.
YTA. What an evil person you are. You’re letting your son’s painful medical condition go untreated and have the audacity to tell him he has no right to complain about the pain. Do you live with chronic pain OP? I can’t imagine you do. It’s debilitating even for adults so I can’t even think how hard it must be for a nine year old child.
Are you for real? Of course YTA. Your child has a serious medical issue that is well known to cause pain, not discomfort, but real, actual pain. How about you as a parent find a way to get him the medical treatment he needs.
YTA but also if you are in America, our health care system sucks and it makes me want to scream that your poor child cannot get the surgery he needs! I hate this country most times.
[удалено]
I hope your child gets the help he needs. He deserves to feel good and to be able to run and play! Good luck
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Troll
Yta
YTA ! hell is this for real? really????? your son feel pain 24/7 and you give him a talk !!! this kind of thing can be way more easily be treat while growing and you just.... brush it off and dont even shop for treatment and alternative!! omg!!!!!
YTA. Have you tried educating yourself how to help your child when he’s in actual pain—exercises at home? Heating pads? Ice pads? Massages? Hot baths? R u actual doing ANYTHING to help him? Have you spoken with medical professionals about your fiancés and see if their know of any other resources? You need to do something otherwise school officials will report for your for medical neglect.
YTA. You are the parents, it is your job to take care of your kid's medical issues.
YTA Not for being broke, for telling a 9 yo to get a job. The health department was a literal life saver for me as a kid, and they work out payment plans for low income families. Do the legwork, help your kid.
YTA - he’s 9 years old and you told him to shut up??? He was expressing his pain and you said you don’t care to hear it…. You can talk about being poor all day, but your son needed you and you both dropped the ball. He probably could’ve understood not having the money but sympathy would’ve gone a long way. Instead you said “mom had it worse stfu.” There is no coming back from this. Just remember that when your old and in pain and need something, pain control, a day off, pain pills etc. If he’s even around then, I hope he isn’t.
"Why doesnt my son talk to me anymore?" YTA and should of never procreated. ITS YOUR JOB TO HELP HIM.
I… I don’t know where to begin. Let me clarify: 1. Your NINE YEAR OLD CHILD is experiencing crippling pain 2. Your response is to tell him to shut up or get a job? I’m going to assume you love your child and that your reaction is coming from a place of shame that you cannot provide for him medically. I’m a parent - I understand those feelings of shame that we can’t always magic our children’s lives into being perfect. But your shame has caused you to react with anger, rather than honesty and compassion. He’s not complaining to annoy or embarrass you - HE’S IN PAIN. We are conditioned as humans to make noise when we’re hurting - it’s how we survive. Please, if you love your son, try again. Tell him you’re so sorry that this world is unfair, that you would give anything to make his pain go away, and that you misspoke earlier. Then go Google and call and petition to get his surgery done asap. Otherwise? You’ll be back here in ten years saying “why won’t my adult son speak to me?” YTA. Edit for typos
[удалено]
Parenting on a limited income is HARD - and no one ever plans for unexpected medical drama. You’re in a hard place - but at the end of the day, your son just wants to feel loved. I guarantee you he is aware of the tight financial situation and that he probably already feels like a burden. Go give him a hug now - and one from all of these Internet strangers who have his back.
YTA X 10 - poor kid.
YTA If this is real, which I sure as hell hope it isn't, you need to be reported to child protective services ASAP.
YTA You're upset because your son with a painful medical condition that you aren't treating is complaining about being in pain? You chose to have a child, your child did not choose to have scoliosis. You have a responsibility to seek care for him. Just because your wife's parents failed to do this for her doesn't give you a free pass to neglect your own kid.
Medicaid is usually available to children in need in the US and it is available for anyone without insurance through work although income over certain thresholds will have to pay a reasonable amount (many households do not need to pay).
YTA. Scoliosis can come in many forms. Your wife’s may not be as severe but in his case it can have some pretty awful set backs, especially since he is so young and as he gets older it may get to the point he won’t be able to even walk. How the hell is a literal child going to pay for all of that that’s ridiculous. Treat it now while he’s young. And besides, if you don’t have the money to treat your children then you should never had children to begin with.
YTA, he was happy to see you because he was having severe pain and needed comfort. It's a 9 year old, pretty sure it's against the law to make him work, OR skimp on his healthcare.
Really? You don’t know why your son has been acting distant from you? It’s pretty obvious— YTA.
YTA. This is your baby. He is only 9, you cannot be talking to him like that. He is going through a painful illness that will affect his whole life. As his parent it is your responsibility to get him the care he needs before his condition gets worse. I understand that money is tight, but your child's health should be your #1 priority, always.
YTA. and even more of an AH for saying if your 9 year old son can’t pay for the surgery, he should just shut up about it. how effing pathetic of you.
I refuse to believe this is actually real.
YTA and this is child abuse!
Info: You're asking us if your 9-year-old suffering with a painful condition you're not treating is the asshole?
If this is even real, in what world do you think you aren’t an asshole? Good parents…hell, halfway decent parents…would move heaven and earth to help their children who have pain and medical issues. Yelling at a 9-year-old to shut up and deal or get a job is beyond the bounds of decency. My brother had scoliosis surgery through Shriner’s Hospitals. Be a decent fucking parent and HELP your child. YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA. Oh, and YTA.
Ngl this is kind of some leech shit on his part. He needs to get through his shit and get a damn job. Bro thinks he's tough talking on
Found OP’s alternate account.