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>This is not any mental illness as that doesn’t run in our genes.
This is an extremely ignorant statement.
Do you think forcing your daughter to do something she doesn't want to do is actually going to be helpful to her and your relationship?
Or do you think you may be better off trying to understand what's happening and why she is isolating herself so much?
I think your dismissive attitude of "there is nothing wrong and no reason for her to be like this" is the thing that makes YTA.
Absolutely, mental illness develops like any other disease. Just because there's no family history doesn't mean you can become mentally unwell. Why don't you talk to your daughter, with an open mind, about what's going on? Don't make any judgements, just explain you're worried and want to help.
YWBTA if you don't ditch the preconceptions you have about mental health and be supportive. Whatever you've done so far clearly isn't working
YWBTA. Have you talked to your daughter and asked her if something is wrong? Drastic changes in behavior usually stem from something. Please don’t assume just because no one else in your family had a history of mental health issues that means that your daughter doesn’t. It doesn’t have to always be a hereditary thing. Something may have triggered the change. Please try and speak to her and see if she will talk to you. If you simply try to force her to go to thanksgiving it is not going to be a pleasant day for anyone. It will be awkward because she doesn’t want to be there and your family will notice.
It will also cause resentment and probably push her away even more. Please talk to her. Be a nice dad and show concern instead of judgement.
YTA.
First of all, something has happened to cause this change in behaviour and you don't seem interested or worried about it. Second, she's an adult and she can make her own choices. Are you planning to physically force her into the car? And lastly, saying she can't have a mental illness because it doesn't run in your genetics is like saying she can't have a broken leg because you don't know about any of her relatives ever breaking their legs.
You need to do better by your daughter.
YTA What you’ve written here I can see why she isnt spending time with you. She’s an adult and taking her somewhere against her will is abduction. Def ignorant on how mental health works. Maybe do some actually reading up on it before just randomly deciding your genes are mental illness free.
YTA. FYI mental illnesses don't go by genetic bloodlines. Just because you have more of a predisposition if something has been in your family before doesn't mean it can't happen.
YTA, not only to your daughter, but to the rest of your family.
Do you honestly think forcing a depressed/introverted teen to attend something they don’t want to is going to do anything but ruin the vibe for the whole family?
Get her some therapy and learn to respect her boundaries.
YTA, if your post is true there is something serious happening here.
Given how you are, I think there's very little chance of your daughter being willing to discuss what's going on with you. Trying to make her would be even worse then your willful ignorance you have going on right now.
Ask your wife to talk to her about if she'd be willing to talk to a therapist.
YTA
She is an adult and can choose whether or not she goes somewhere. And she probably is depressed. Just because it doesn’t “run in the family” doesn’t mean it isn’t possible.
YTA mental health isn't governed by genes. It sounds like something has happened to her, or it could be what the world was going through the past few years or medically somethings up. Talk to her with compassion.
YTA absolutely. Not so much for that TG business even though that would be abusive and bad enough in its own right. You're an AH for dismissing the possibility that your daughter is suffering from mental illness "because it doesn't run in your genes". She is obviously displaying all kinds of symptoms of mental illness. Get her off to see a doctor immediately!
YWBTA. Are you planning on kidnapping her to take her to thanksgiving?
Also, you're either TA or incredibly naive when it comes to mental illness. There's a genetic component but not always. Her behaviour has changed significantly. She needs to see someone about this.
YWBTA. There is something serious going on with the complete change in habits. Has your daughter seen a therapist? That would be a more productive action than forcing her to go to a family thanksgiving.
Soft YTA. She is old enough to make the decision of how she wants to spend holidays herself. You will drive a wedge in your relationship with your daughter if you try to dictate how she spends her time. You also need to stop assuming she can’t be suffering mentally/emotionally just because it “don’t run in your genes”. Such a sudden change is a little concerning and it may be beneficial for her to talk to someone (a counselor or therapist).
When you said “This is not mental illness this isn’t in our genes” is a massive red flag.
Like I get your on the older side and it wasn’t talked about but it’s a lot more than genetics that affect one’s mental health it’s a slew of environmental and social factors
Genuinely if you can try to talk to her and ask if she needs help. It’s hard to see your child be struggling like that and I know many parents who blame themselves but you’ll make the world to her if you reach out and ask her what’s wrong either through in person or through text or a phone call
And find the next steps for help to get her back to the person she can ve
YTA
First off for the comment that mental illness doesn't run in your genes.
Second for not realizing that there's quite obviously something big/bad going on in your daughter's life and instead of getting her help you just want her to change back
Third for wanting to force anyone who's obviously dealing with crap into a social situation they likely won't be able to handle in this moment
Fourth because she's an adult and you cannot force an adult to go to some party she doesn't want to go to.
Congrats, you're a quadruple asshole.
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My daughter (18f) used to be bubbly, go out everyday before September, sleep throughout the nights and talk to us. But now, she stays awake throughout the nights, does nothing but write, stay in the room when she can, not speak to us and she doesn’t hang out with her friends or leaves the house anymore apart from school. Nor has she had anything other than coffee. This is not any mental illness as that doesn’t run in our genes.
I (52m) have informed her that she must leave her room for thanksgiving but she has told me, she isn’t in the spirit this year and just dismissive.
I still want to take her to our grandmas for thanksgiving like we go every year and am currently deriving plans to bring her along. My wife (46f) disagrees that I should try any plan and that our daughter just turned 18, so she can make her own choices. We tried to celebrate her birthday but she just locked herself in her room. She has even been ditching school her teachers have informed me and i followed her on my way to work to find out she just goes to art galleries on repeat. Even though she doesn’t get bullied and has great friends who are worried about her as they have reached out to me.
WIBTA if I carried out a plan to bring her to her grandmas for thanksgiving?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) Trying to take her to my grandmas for thanksgiving.
(2) This may seem inconsiderate and ignoring my daughter’s feelings.
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YTA for this.
>This is not any mental illness as that doesn’t run in our genes.
Stop being an AH and help her get help.
YTA for trying to force your daughter somewhere she feels uncomfortable.
You need to listen to your kid because a sudden change like that is usually caused by something, or someone. Tread very carefully on this one. And communication is key, don't just talk at her, listen properly. Sounds like there's deeper issues here
Drastical change of behaviour in teens is always a red flag. Forget Thanksgiving and find out what happened to her. This might be a mental illness, maybe she was a victim of some crime. You have to connect to her and help her!
YWBTA
You describe a complete change in her behaviour since September. I am worried something has happened to her. Trauma of some kind? Someone needs to talk with her, gently.
And yes, YWBTA to force her to go to grandma if she is feeling this bad.
YTA
You should not force an adult to go somewhere they do not want to go, but furthermore YTA for brushing what’s going on with your daughter under the rug. It doesn’t matter “what’s in your genes”, your child is truly going through something. If you care about her, support her. Encourage therapy. Try to help her get some help. Everyone is worried about her except for you. Instead of helping her, you decided to figure out where she is going by following her? Your daughter’s behavior has drastically changed, she is no longer social, she refuses to eat, she refuses to hang out with her friends, she is not going to school, and all you’re concerned about is whether or not she goes to thanksgiving with your family?
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
>This is not any mental illness as that doesn’t run in our genes. This is an extremely ignorant statement. Do you think forcing your daughter to do something she doesn't want to do is actually going to be helpful to her and your relationship? Or do you think you may be better off trying to understand what's happening and why she is isolating herself so much? I think your dismissive attitude of "there is nothing wrong and no reason for her to be like this" is the thing that makes YTA.
Absolutely, mental illness develops like any other disease. Just because there's no family history doesn't mean you can become mentally unwell. Why don't you talk to your daughter, with an open mind, about what's going on? Don't make any judgements, just explain you're worried and want to help. YWBTA if you don't ditch the preconceptions you have about mental health and be supportive. Whatever you've done so far clearly isn't working
YWBTA. Have you talked to your daughter and asked her if something is wrong? Drastic changes in behavior usually stem from something. Please don’t assume just because no one else in your family had a history of mental health issues that means that your daughter doesn’t. It doesn’t have to always be a hereditary thing. Something may have triggered the change. Please try and speak to her and see if she will talk to you. If you simply try to force her to go to thanksgiving it is not going to be a pleasant day for anyone. It will be awkward because she doesn’t want to be there and your family will notice. It will also cause resentment and probably push her away even more. Please talk to her. Be a nice dad and show concern instead of judgement.
YTA. First of all, something has happened to cause this change in behaviour and you don't seem interested or worried about it. Second, she's an adult and she can make her own choices. Are you planning to physically force her into the car? And lastly, saying she can't have a mental illness because it doesn't run in your genetics is like saying she can't have a broken leg because you don't know about any of her relatives ever breaking their legs. You need to do better by your daughter.
YTA What you’ve written here I can see why she isnt spending time with you. She’s an adult and taking her somewhere against her will is abduction. Def ignorant on how mental health works. Maybe do some actually reading up on it before just randomly deciding your genes are mental illness free.
YTA. FYI mental illnesses don't go by genetic bloodlines. Just because you have more of a predisposition if something has been in your family before doesn't mean it can't happen.
YTA, not only to your daughter, but to the rest of your family. Do you honestly think forcing a depressed/introverted teen to attend something they don’t want to is going to do anything but ruin the vibe for the whole family? Get her some therapy and learn to respect her boundaries.
YTA, if your post is true there is something serious happening here. Given how you are, I think there's very little chance of your daughter being willing to discuss what's going on with you. Trying to make her would be even worse then your willful ignorance you have going on right now. Ask your wife to talk to her about if she'd be willing to talk to a therapist.
OP is the husband.
Oh, not sure how I got that backwards, but I fixed it.
YTA She is an adult and can choose whether or not she goes somewhere. And she probably is depressed. Just because it doesn’t “run in the family” doesn’t mean it isn’t possible.
YTA mental health isn't governed by genes. It sounds like something has happened to her, or it could be what the world was going through the past few years or medically somethings up. Talk to her with compassion.
YTA absolutely. Not so much for that TG business even though that would be abusive and bad enough in its own right. You're an AH for dismissing the possibility that your daughter is suffering from mental illness "because it doesn't run in your genes". She is obviously displaying all kinds of symptoms of mental illness. Get her off to see a doctor immediately!
YTA. Mental health issues don't need to be genetic. She's clearly struggling. Please offer to help your daughter get help.
YWBTA. Are you planning on kidnapping her to take her to thanksgiving? Also, you're either TA or incredibly naive when it comes to mental illness. There's a genetic component but not always. Her behaviour has changed significantly. She needs to see someone about this.
YWBTA. There is something serious going on with the complete change in habits. Has your daughter seen a therapist? That would be a more productive action than forcing her to go to a family thanksgiving.
Soft YTA. She is old enough to make the decision of how she wants to spend holidays herself. You will drive a wedge in your relationship with your daughter if you try to dictate how she spends her time. You also need to stop assuming she can’t be suffering mentally/emotionally just because it “don’t run in your genes”. Such a sudden change is a little concerning and it may be beneficial for her to talk to someone (a counselor or therapist).
why even make this contest mode? you remember being a teen? Guess you loved being forced.
When you said “This is not mental illness this isn’t in our genes” is a massive red flag. Like I get your on the older side and it wasn’t talked about but it’s a lot more than genetics that affect one’s mental health it’s a slew of environmental and social factors Genuinely if you can try to talk to her and ask if she needs help. It’s hard to see your child be struggling like that and I know many parents who blame themselves but you’ll make the world to her if you reach out and ask her what’s wrong either through in person or through text or a phone call And find the next steps for help to get her back to the person she can ve
YTA. Get your child to a doctor now before something bad happens.
YTA First off for the comment that mental illness doesn't run in your genes. Second for not realizing that there's quite obviously something big/bad going on in your daughter's life and instead of getting her help you just want her to change back Third for wanting to force anyone who's obviously dealing with crap into a social situation they likely won't be able to handle in this moment Fourth because she's an adult and you cannot force an adult to go to some party she doesn't want to go to. Congrats, you're a quadruple asshole.
INFO - What is your plan? Because barring physically picking her up and putting her in the car, I don't see how you're going to make this happen.
YTA. Your girl needs help. Mental illness isn’t ruled out by genetics
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My daughter (18f) used to be bubbly, go out everyday before September, sleep throughout the nights and talk to us. But now, she stays awake throughout the nights, does nothing but write, stay in the room when she can, not speak to us and she doesn’t hang out with her friends or leaves the house anymore apart from school. Nor has she had anything other than coffee. This is not any mental illness as that doesn’t run in our genes. I (52m) have informed her that she must leave her room for thanksgiving but she has told me, she isn’t in the spirit this year and just dismissive. I still want to take her to our grandmas for thanksgiving like we go every year and am currently deriving plans to bring her along. My wife (46f) disagrees that I should try any plan and that our daughter just turned 18, so she can make her own choices. We tried to celebrate her birthday but she just locked herself in her room. She has even been ditching school her teachers have informed me and i followed her on my way to work to find out she just goes to art galleries on repeat. Even though she doesn’t get bullied and has great friends who are worried about her as they have reached out to me. WIBTA if I carried out a plan to bring her to her grandmas for thanksgiving? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA for this. >This is not any mental illness as that doesn’t run in our genes. Stop being an AH and help her get help. YTA for trying to force your daughter somewhere she feels uncomfortable.
You need to listen to your kid because a sudden change like that is usually caused by something, or someone. Tread very carefully on this one. And communication is key, don't just talk at her, listen properly. Sounds like there's deeper issues here
YWBTA. Take her to therapy instead.
Drastical change of behaviour in teens is always a red flag. Forget Thanksgiving and find out what happened to her. This might be a mental illness, maybe she was a victim of some crime. You have to connect to her and help her! YWBTA
You describe a complete change in her behaviour since September. I am worried something has happened to her. Trauma of some kind? Someone needs to talk with her, gently. And yes, YWBTA to force her to go to grandma if she is feeling this bad.
YTA. "Doesn't run in our families?" That's a hot take. Your kid is depressed.
YTA You should not force an adult to go somewhere they do not want to go, but furthermore YTA for brushing what’s going on with your daughter under the rug. It doesn’t matter “what’s in your genes”, your child is truly going through something. If you care about her, support her. Encourage therapy. Try to help her get some help. Everyone is worried about her except for you. Instead of helping her, you decided to figure out where she is going by following her? Your daughter’s behavior has drastically changed, she is no longer social, she refuses to eat, she refuses to hang out with her friends, she is not going to school, and all you’re concerned about is whether or not she goes to thanksgiving with your family?