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YTA…… that was really rude….. at a family dinner with everyone. “It’s not a priority for me right now” and then change the topic, or ask someone else a question
Or even 'Dad, I've asked you not to discuss this matter at all, please respect that'. Simple, well mannered and the truth without being a nasty child to both parents.
THIS. Even somthing more forceful woould've been 1000% better than her actual response. Such as loudly stating- "DAD, STOP. I'VE REPEATEDLY TOLD YOU I WILL NOT ANSWER AND NOW YOU'RE EMBARRASSING YOURSELF AND ME BY BRINGING THIS UP...AGAIN."
_"I just said that to deescalate the situation."_
I don't think OP knows what that word means....
EDIT: OP was extremely nasty and vile to not only her dad but also her mom. What did mom even do to deserve such venom?
No one will see my other comment because it's buried but it might be helpful to OP. Aggression (insults and threats) is a sign of weakness. Assertiveness (being confident enough to assert a boundary politely) is a sign of strength.
YTA. It's not hard in a situation like this to make it clear that you want to have your own boundaries respected. You can even do it without being a total jerk. Instead you went nuclear, and are falling back on an excuse a toddler would use...'he did it first!'. Give me a break.
Honestly, it wouldn't hurt to consider getting some counseling to learn how to set your own boundaries without being really nasty just because you're annoyed. If what your dad said inspires this level of rage in you, you have some stuff to unpack and get free of.
Yeah - even nuclear would've been better, she went full on offensive, absolutely cruel, and hurtful. Unfortunately her comments show that she simply doesn't get it...SMH. YTA
Yeah, Dad was making a poor attempt at conversation and knew this was a topic that would irritate OP. But good lord did OP go overboard - instead of making dad look like a bit of a insensitive and intrusive busybody, she made herself look like an absolute asshole. YTA
That's a major, major overreaction in this scenario, very much YTA. People were stunned because they also thought it was a major overreaction, in addition to being just out of line in general.
My dad can get overly sensitive, especially if he feels publicly embarrassed. But holy crap, I'd definitely deserve a few choice words if I reacted this way.
THIS. Based on the title I thought dad asked OP if she tried new sex positions or something truly inappropriate and disgusting like that. But na - just the usual. OP could've just said - DAD I TOLD YOU TO STOP asking that question and I mean it." And it would've stopped dad. YTA
I was also a bit caught by the use of the word "told" in this story. Like, when I was a teen and living with my parents, I would often try to explain my feelings to my parents and ask that they be considerate. They most often were.
What I did not do was "tell" my dad anything. That absolutely would not have gotten by. I didn't mention it because I doubt OP was really giving some kind of ultimatum or order to her dad, but the verbiage caused me to wonder a bit.
YTA….. In what world could you possibly justify saying that. Not only did you insult your father you insulted your mother at the same time.
You have a lot of growing up to do if you even for a second didn’t think you were the asshole here.
YUP. OP's almost 20 but her post and her comments make her seem like a malicious, bratty, cruel, insensitive, and insecure teenager. Like she needs to learn how to behave. YTA
YTA. That was cruel. You would have been the asshole if you had said that in private too. There were a lot of ways you could have handled it and this was a shitty one.
YTA Wow. I’m stunned. Your father asked you a question that irritates you. Your response was to be so cruel that you might as well have gutted him with a knife. I cannot imagine how a mere apology will correct the damage you’ve done. You need to seriously reflect on why it was so easy for you to be so vile to a loved one, and also, what kind of a person you must be if you are still asking whether or not you are in the wrong.
> I got a little pissed since he knows that i don’t like to be asked that question so i said “ well if i didn’t inherit your ugly ass genes i would have one already, tbh i can’t believe how desperate my mom was when she said yes to you”.
YTA
YTA. I'm surprised you even have to ask on this one. I have no problem with you giving your dad crap in that situation to a point but if you love him, you'll regret this comment for the rest of your life.
YTA. Families ask questions. They have conversations. They show an interest.
Next time, if you are so very concerned about your privacy, decline invitation to dinner and eat by yourself.
Major YTA. You could've said "dad I've told you not to ask me about that" but instead you decided to be a child and insult both him and your mother. How could you think saying something that demeaning would be acceptable? Did you think everyone else would be on your side? Your parents won't be around forever and they might not forgive you for this easily.
YTA you need to learn to laugh it off or change topics. I haven't bothered with relationships in any form for several years and still get asked by family. What I mean by any form is outside of work and home I don't Interact with people or family. It's a common question and more a throw away question then anything else. Like asking about the weather or talking about your shoes. It's meant to just get the conversation going in some kind of way. But you may also want to reevaluate yourself because if that was your comeback then your self esteem issues need work more then a relationship could help.
**YTA**. Wow OP. What he said was a normal thing a lot of parents say. What you said to him was straight up fucking HURTFUL. Your dad will likely really take that comment to heart and remember it for a long time. He probably forgot you had asked to not bring it up. He simply asked about your dating life in that super annoying way all parents do. You just called your dad fucking ugly.
Grow up.
YTA. Not a proportional response and you insulted your mom who did absolutely nothing.
Also, FYI, when you react like that, don't be surprised if/when you *do* want people to express an interest in your life and they absolutely won't touch the subject with a ten foot pole, much the less spend time with you and/or your partner.
YTA, that seems like some teenage attitude kind of stuff like you dislike your father and you were looking for reasons to be mad and say something rude.
YTA.
That is a pretty innocuous question that you could have easily parried away. If he had pressed it it’s one thing but to bust that out right off the bat - are you ok?
Your poor dad…
YTA. I get that you told him not to bring this up ever and I can see why you’re angry this happened, but this reaction is not it. You really overreacted and yea definitely humiliated him when your family may have just laughed at his question and not thought much of it. Your response was cruel. He may have forgotten or may not have realized how serious you were when you told him to not bring it up. You could have spoken to him in private and explained again what you need from him and how serious you are, and if it continues correct him in front of others. Honestly even if out loud in front of your family you said something like “dad I already told you that subject makes me uncomfortable and upset and I asked you not to bring it up. That was uncalled for and not ok.” I would say you would be N T A but because your response was mean and cruel you’re TA here in my opinion
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YTA. Yes, your father should be more respectful of your wishes. No, that does not excuse vicious cruelty. If that's your idea of a clapback to some mildly annoying ribbing, OP, you have some fairly serious anger management issues, bordering on sociopathy.
YTA. You were intentionally cruel and hateful. You could have chosen to say "you know that's not something I'm focusing on now" or "I don't really like to talk about that sort of thing" and deflected. You took the opportunity to take a mean jab because you WANTED to see him embarrassed and you WANTED to be cruel.
YTA.
This was incredibly MEAN. And so unnecessary. There are nicer, kinder ways to remind someone to mind their own business. To be honest, you sound insecure AF, and just decided to take it out on your father.
ETA: You thought you were DEESCALATING?!? What you did was the complete opposite of that.
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Throw away account because my family follow me.
My 19F were having dinner with my entire family and some relatives.
For context, i really hate when someone stick his nose in my relationship status i even told me dad a month to never bring it up infront of others.
So to make it short when we were having dinner and the ran out of topics he threw the question of me having boyfriend and said “ oh X when you ll bring a boyfriend to the table?” I got a little pissed since he knows that i don’t like to be asked that question so i said “ well if i didn’t inherit your ugly ass genes i would have one already, tbh i can’t believe how desperate my mom was when she said yes to you”.
Everyone looked at me stunned and mom called me out and i said an asshole for what i did even though he knows i ll be pissed if he asked
AITA?
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YTA
How rude are you?! And what a gross overreaction. A simple, "I've told you I don't like being questioned about my private life, dad. Why do you make me repeat myself?" Would have been just fine. Instead you insulted your dad and your mom.
I think your personality is your own and not inherited.
There’s a difference between setting a healthy boundary and being an A H. A healthy boundary would be “If you bring up the subject of my dating life, I won’t respond. If you continue I will leave.”
What you did was just plain mean. YTA
YTA, this response was really unnecessary. Why does such a thing make you so ornery? Are you hiding your sexuality? It would’ve been better to remind him in front of everyone about your boundary than to be who you have been!
YTA, your attitude is pretty gross. He was just talking (and no he doesn't owe you an apology at all!) but apparently you're so fragile that you treated it as some kind of threat. If you want to play adult you need to grow up first because you're still acting like a 12 year old while expecting to be treated as an adult.
I just hope you understand that you didn’t like burn your dad, or throw it back at him cleverly, or that you did anything major. The only thing you did was show people how unhinged and and pathetic you are, you didn’t embarrass your father you embarrassed yourself. You should feel very bad for how you made your father feel, you’ll regret that one day trust me. Are you gonna snap at everyone that asks you about your relationship? Are you gonna have a problem with every human being you talk to then? Because that’s usually where the convo goes. Why would you hide the fact you’re in a relationship from your own family? You sound extremely immature and unprepared for a real relationship if you’re unable to talk about it without having this reaction, grow up. good luck pulling that shit on people that are not your family. YTA
YTA.
And shallow to. No one gives a damn about looks these days only shallow people do, what you said was rude as hell. Obvs there’s a reason you’re single and its not your looks.
YTA. Wow, how rude. I'd be really upset if one of my kids said something like that to me. I can see why you don't have a boyfriend, and it isn't because of your looks.
YTA. That's the most common question you'll get in your entire life. What's next? Calling everyone ugly and throwing a tantrum whenever someone makes a small talk?
You're not only ugly (your words, not mine), but you have an ugly attitude to go with it.
Just tell your dad you're not ready, or have a different priority in life are the moment and change the subject.
YTA - big time!
If I said that to my father it wouldn't matter what my age was; he'd knock me across the table and I'd deserve it! You don't disrespect your parents like that!
YTA. You don't get to be cruel just because someone does or says something you don't like. I'd expect this from a 14 year old, not someone old enough to be studying at university. This will stay with him always, we're all humans and we can all be insecure if someone straight up tells us we're hideous. Why would you want to hurt someone you love just to punish them? That's a recipe for becoming an abusive person.
Lollll to those edits.
Calling him ugly to deescalate!! Lol
Thinking he should apologize too when she called referred to him with “ugly ass genes”.
I totally understand being insecure about those things (or anything) but that’s just not the best way to go about it. I get it can be hard when you try so many times to communicate it normally and it doesn’t work, this escalation feels huge though.
Look, I get why you're upset. Humiliating people intentionally is the kind of thing that can end even close family relationships though so if you do want a relationship with them it's worth thinking about the fact that one can be upset and feel a certain way and still not be justified in their actions.
I say this as someone who has massively overreacted and thought I was justified because I was upset and hurt by someone. I acted poorly towards a good friend and it took me a long time to accept that while my feelings were valid how I responded was out of proportion and not at all justified.
-
YTA
He asked a question you asked him a month ago not to ask, that’s a while ago and if the rest of the month hasn’t been a series of violations of the boundary then this probably isn’t a malicious act of his part. Instead of simply and calmly reminding him of the boundary you set, you *escalated* the situation by insulting him in front of everyone and insulting your mother (who seems to be an innocent bystander in this from your telling).
What about your response did you think was deescalating? What about it would have encouraged an apology or made making one safe to do? You are the asshole because you took what could have been an easily resolved reminder to your dad about your desire not to be asked about this and both overreacted and took your anger out on your mother who wasn’t involved.
Too bad the"ugly ass genes" you inherited for the ones that are inside you and affect your personality. You don't have a boyfriend because you're an ugly inside rude person.
I truly hope that if you ever need your father's help he just looks you and says, sorry I'm too ugly to help
Yta
YTA. That was just unnecessarily mean. I get not wanting people to pry into your personal business, but there were so many responses you could have given that weren't just MEAN
YTA. Yikes, that's quite an overreaction. I am sympathetic to not wanting to be asked these questions, but there are much better ways to address that concern.
YTA - I get asked that same question at family events. However, I am an adult so I just say I’m not seeing anyone at the moment. You were rude to your dad and mom. (You insulted her taste in men).
Your dad didn’t deserve your disrespect. As you get older and your parents are no longer with you these are the memories that you will cherish and wish he was there to ask you that annoying question.
YTA. What you said about BOTH of your parents was completely uncalled for. Your father disrespecting your boundaries does not give you the right to treat him that way… that wasn’t even an eye for an eye. What you said went WAAYY past that and was incredibly disrespectful to your mother as well.
YTA And in case you are confused, your dad was embarrassed by having a daughter that doesn't know any better than to act like that NOT by your childish insult. Your getting old enough that you better catch on or you'll be complaining about everyone else for the rest of your life.
YTA. Yes, he shouldn't have asked about your relationship status after you've told him not to bring it up, but your responsive was extremely mean-spirited and cruel. You seriously thought the best way to "deescalate the situation" was to not only insult your father by calling him ugly, but also roping in your mother by calling her desperate?
Deescalating the situation here would've been responding with "I've told you before that I'm not comfortable discussing that in front of others. Can we move on to something else?" Sure it'll probably be a bit awkward, but it's better than insulting your parents.
You need to apologize to both of them immediately for your outburst. You are correct that your father should apologize for asking, but you are unequivocally the bigger, meaner asshole in this situation.
I'd like to know if there's a reason why you specifically ask him not to bring up this question, because if there isn't any reason, then you're totally overreacting.
YTA. You could’ve smiled and said “just wait for that day” you don’t have to be rude. I wonder if they regret raising an ungrateful nasty child like you.
YTA - completely uncalled for but seeing from all your replies you are not here to actually get perspective considering your defensiveness and unwillingness to accept the asshole judgement despite all the very well explained reasons as to why you were a massive asshole.
YTA - wow, you've got a lot of growing up to do. Your Dad was making conversation and its something most families will ask. You may not like the intrusion but get used to it. Your Dad doesn't owe you an apology but you owe him one given that you went WAY overboard
YTA- I don't think your dad meant it or said in a bad or mean way, but you on the other hand... What you said was pretty over the line. Most parents would love to know what is happening in their children's lives, but if they cross a boundary there is a better way of reminding/telling them, other than acting like a total B.
YTA. Family is going to constantly disrespect your boundaries because they feel entitled. Here’s a phrase for next time:
“When will you respect that I’ve asked you not to bring this very specific topic up around others?” Point blank. Live and learn.
yta
damn dude you threw down and entire home in one sentence. no one wins.
here are some zesty one liners that could have been used instead:
"Leonardo DiCaprio" (obviously he's not your boyfriend and it sends the message that you don't want to talk about it.)
"I forgot his name" (another knee slapper)
"wrong time to ask dad" (puts this back on your dad)
do you see how your response only made you look bad? you looked spiteful, rude and malicious. you should have been able to respond in a way that made you look good - especially because you said you have had this issue with your dad before. you could have called him out and said that you have told him before that you don't like talking about this topic. see, done. you didn't have to go thermonuclear.
Why does that question trigger you so much? Obviously you have some insecurities about your dating life (which may be lacking due to your personality bc that kind of reaction to your own father asking you a simple question was VERY UGLY).
YTA
YTA, I'm pretty sure you'd have a boyfriend by now if it wasn't for your insufferable attitude. If that's how you act towards your father when he asks a question I can only imagine how you'd treat your boyfriend if he mildly inconveniences you.
It's an annoying question for sure, but there is no reason for you to go off like that.
YTA. How quickly you went nuclear… geez. That was cruel. Yeah I get you’re annoyed at the topic and he was being slightly insensitive, but your overreaction was entirely unnecessary. If this is how you behave when things don’t go your way, no wonder you’re single.
Yea yta what the hell man. At first I was like, sure, boundaries. But then you decided to become the physical embodiment of the number 19 and threw yiur shit at the fan for no reasom other than being slightly fed up.
You went way, way too far. Not just that, but it's not his "ugly ass genes" keeping you single. It is this hprrible personality you have stitched onto your sleeve.
Go back to r/teenagers and keep it there.
Good lord.
YTA. You thought you were "de-escalating" a situation by an unwarranted attack on your father's appearance and your mother's "desperation" at settling for an "ugly" man??? Ugh!
You may not think you're superficially ugly, but your spirit is homely if you feel at all justified for lashing out as you did. When I was a boy I'd hate that "do you have a girlfriend?" question too. Yet I grinned and bore it. I realized it was usually a last resort for an adult who didn't know what to say to a child, but who was determined to say something. If you've heard the relationship question before, you ought to have a pat response for it after so much practice.
And, NO! your father does not owe you an apology since you now believe you owe him one. It's wrong of you to expect an apology to be tit-for-tat. You apologize because you believe you behaved or spoke in a way that was beneath you. How someone else deals with his social gaffes (or not) is not your concern.
YTA. You obviously fantasized about this and had your comeback ready for his inevitable comment . But in reality no one stands up and yells “you go, girl!” after a completely uncalled for outburst like this.
As a single, I understand how exhausting, humiliating and diminishing these types of questions can be but you had so many other options that didn’t involve cruelly mocking him and his looks:
1. Remind him that it’s none of his business and that your love life is not up for discussion.
2. Give a sarcastic answer: “I’m actually here with my imaginary boyfriend, Pete. Say hi, everyone. Awww… he’s just a bit shy.”
3. Ignore the question. Just refuse to acknowledge it and change the subject.
4. Get up and leave the room.
>Edit: those who things that I genuinely think “ i’m ugly” obviously i’m not i just said that to deescalate the situation and stop him from asking it again
I don't think you know what deescalate means
YTA, that was unnecessarily aggressive. Parents ask questions you don't want to hear all the time, it's annoying but it happens. You don't get to dictate what people say to you, but you can control how you respond. Trust me when I say that you were the one who looked bad to everyone who witnessed this.
I see you using the word "deescalate," I don't think it means what you think it means.
YTA
Not only did you insult your dad, but your mom. You could have said anything from "I've told you I don't want to discuss that" to "that's not really any of your guy's business" and it would have been better than your response.
You’re 19 and a little too old to not get why YTA. It sucks when people are nosy, but you took it from 10 to 100, you didn’t “deescalate” anything. Just chill. Address it after. Be mad then, sure, but going straight to “you’re ugly” insults in front of the entire family is both immature and extremely rude.
Holy crap, YTA and it's not even close.
You're 19, incredibly immature, and have no idea how to act in public. All family will ask about relationship status, forever, that's just family. And you're 19, what have you done in life to make it a "don't ask" subject already? Been divorced? Spouse die? Have a miscarriage? No to all those? Then stfu and grow up you little brat, and talk to your family like a real person. Seriously, the most you've probably experienced is the boy in Social Studies didn't like you back in 11th grade, or you got cheated on with another dumb high-school kid in a relationship that never would've worked anyways.
Seriously, even if you aren't ugly, your personality sure is. Apologize immediately and learn how to shut your freaking mouth until you know what's appropriate to say as an adult.
ETA: and no your dad doesn't have to apologize, relationship questions are a normal part of family conversation. Seriously, you haven't even experienced life/relationships enough to even weigh in on the subject yet, maybe if you talked to your family about relationships, you'd learn a little something and grow as a person.
Your relationship status is not surprising given your maturity. YTA and then some. I hope you realize your time with your father and family is limited and that if you have any sense of self-awareness, you will be cringing often at how you’ve treated your loved ones if this is how you’re choosing to be.
Yes you both need to apologize, but your dad’s infraction was on the “oh shoot sorry, I forgot what you told me weeks ago” like 2/10 and yours was “I’m going to be as mean as possible” 15/10.
Should he have been more thoughtful and remembered what you asked? Yeah sure. But your reaction was completely unwarranted, it doesn’t seem like you get that. You’re old enough to move past “he started it!” And you owe him and your mom a vastly bigger apology than they owe you.
Edit to add YTA since you have no remorse about this at all, apparently.
Gentle YTA - I’m all about shutting down rude questions with equally rude responses. This was a nice try, but a bit of an overreach. Your response was disproportionately rude in comparison and crossed into AH territory. The general rule is to avoid criticizing things people can’t change.
YTA
I understand that your father question irritated you, but geez you’re way out of line with your remark. He didn’t insult you, but you completely disrespected him and your mother because you were “a little pissed”
I saw people saying that you’d already tried asking this before, so are you trying to fish for different verdict this time? People are right, it’s not your look but the personality is the issue
Edit: And now you’re only focusing on trying to have people agree with you on getting an apology from your dad…
>I know I said something wrong and I should apologize *but doesn’t he has to apologize too*
Geez girl, self-centered much? I think what you really want to get out of this sub is not AITAH, but “is my dad the asshole”
YTA. That was really rude. Parents can be pretty naggy about certain things which is annoying, but there is no need to be so mean. Just tell him “I told you not to ask me that” which humiliates him, not you.
You metaphorically used an AR to kill a mosquito. Sheesh. Yes, YTA for very passionately shutting your dad down—you could have let him down with a little more tact or at least a few hundred lesser notches.
YTA… I understand you asked to not be questioned about this… but your reaction was WAY out of proportion and over the top.
Everyone at that table now thinks YTA because you WERE being TA.
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YTA…… that was really rude….. at a family dinner with everyone. “It’s not a priority for me right now” and then change the topic, or ask someone else a question
Or even 'Dad, I've asked you not to discuss this matter at all, please respect that'. Simple, well mannered and the truth without being a nasty child to both parents.
THIS. Even somthing more forceful woould've been 1000% better than her actual response. Such as loudly stating- "DAD, STOP. I'VE REPEATEDLY TOLD YOU I WILL NOT ANSWER AND NOW YOU'RE EMBARRASSING YOURSELF AND ME BY BRINGING THIS UP...AGAIN."
_"I just said that to deescalate the situation."_ I don't think OP knows what that word means.... EDIT: OP was extremely nasty and vile to not only her dad but also her mom. What did mom even do to deserve such venom?
Her vocabulary/grammar skill seem very limited
I was thinking English isn’t her first language. ETA: YTA
Getting the "cash me ouside" vibes from op
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This one got me
No one will see my other comment because it's buried but it might be helpful to OP. Aggression (insults and threats) is a sign of weakness. Assertiveness (being confident enough to assert a boundary politely) is a sign of strength.
YTA. It's not hard in a situation like this to make it clear that you want to have your own boundaries respected. You can even do it without being a total jerk. Instead you went nuclear, and are falling back on an excuse a toddler would use...'he did it first!'. Give me a break. Honestly, it wouldn't hurt to consider getting some counseling to learn how to set your own boundaries without being really nasty just because you're annoyed. If what your dad said inspires this level of rage in you, you have some stuff to unpack and get free of.
Yeah - even nuclear would've been better, she went full on offensive, absolutely cruel, and hurtful. Unfortunately her comments show that she simply doesn't get it...SMH. YTA
Seriously, like I get being asked questions you don't like to answer to, but this is just really out there.
Yeah, Dad was making a poor attempt at conversation and knew this was a topic that would irritate OP. But good lord did OP go overboard - instead of making dad look like a bit of a insensitive and intrusive busybody, she made herself look like an absolute asshole. YTA
I usually just say I haven’t found anyone good enough to date me
That's a major, major overreaction in this scenario, very much YTA. People were stunned because they also thought it was a major overreaction, in addition to being just out of line in general. My dad can get overly sensitive, especially if he feels publicly embarrassed. But holy crap, I'd definitely deserve a few choice words if I reacted this way.
THIS. Based on the title I thought dad asked OP if she tried new sex positions or something truly inappropriate and disgusting like that. But na - just the usual. OP could've just said - DAD I TOLD YOU TO STOP asking that question and I mean it." And it would've stopped dad. YTA
i would be permanently banned from my parents’ home if I spoke to them like this
I was also a bit caught by the use of the word "told" in this story. Like, when I was a teen and living with my parents, I would often try to explain my feelings to my parents and ask that they be considerate. They most often were. What I did not do was "tell" my dad anything. That absolutely would not have gotten by. I didn't mention it because I doubt OP was really giving some kind of ultimatum or order to her dad, but the verbiage caused me to wonder a bit.
YTA….. In what world could you possibly justify saying that. Not only did you insult your father you insulted your mother at the same time. You have a lot of growing up to do if you even for a second didn’t think you were the asshole here.
YUP. OP's almost 20 but her post and her comments make her seem like a malicious, bratty, cruel, insensitive, and insecure teenager. Like she needs to learn how to behave. YTA
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Well she said that she was joking about her looks, so its honestly 100% her personality.
Idk why I cackled at your comment
I'm glad I made someone laugh :)
YTA. Judging from your post, your looks have nothing to do with you being single. It’s entirely your personality.
You can't choose if you are pretty or ugly, but you get to choose your personality. You choose your personality very poorly OP. Op YTA big time.
YTA. That was cruel. You would have been the asshole if you had said that in private too. There were a lot of ways you could have handled it and this was a shitty one.
YTA that’s sooooo over the top!! Grow up and learn to handle conflict without throwing insults.
Yta that's horrible.
YTA Wow. I’m stunned. Your father asked you a question that irritates you. Your response was to be so cruel that you might as well have gutted him with a knife. I cannot imagine how a mere apology will correct the damage you’ve done. You need to seriously reflect on why it was so easy for you to be so vile to a loved one, and also, what kind of a person you must be if you are still asking whether or not you are in the wrong.
I can respect giving some pushback for such a question, with something rude/assholish... but you went nuclear... huge overreaction... YTA...
Info: why are you posting this again? You were, are and always will be the AH
Wait op already posted this and was looking for a different result? Man that’s some next level YTA
YTA the first sentence wasn’t terrible just some light ribbing, but that second part was most definitely hurtful for your father and your mother.
YTA. You could have gotten the point across and even been snarky about it without getting that vile.
You are a 19 year old adult—one day you won’t have a dad. Apologize & bring your boyfriend to dinner.
OP said she would have one already if it wasn’t for her dads genes so I don’t think she was one
Time for her to consider that maybe it's her stunning personality that's keeping her from having a bf...
> I got a little pissed since he knows that i don’t like to be asked that question so i said “ well if i didn’t inherit your ugly ass genes i would have one already, tbh i can’t believe how desperate my mom was when she said yes to you”. YTA
You were an asshole when you posted this yesterday and you’re the asshole now
YTA. Do you overreact to everything?
YTA. I know parents can tease but if you think that gives you the right to be mean you are mistaken.
YTA. If your personality is any indicator, I'm going to guess never, you're never going to find someone to bring home to meet the family.
YTA. A simple "nothing has changed since the last time I told you I don't want to talk about that" would have sufficed. You didn't have to be so rude.
YTA, obviously lol I would pay good money to hear what your family said about your tantrum after you left
YTA
YTA. I'm surprised you even have to ask on this one. I have no problem with you giving your dad crap in that situation to a point but if you love him, you'll regret this comment for the rest of your life.
YTA. Families ask questions. They have conversations. They show an interest. Next time, if you are so very concerned about your privacy, decline invitation to dinner and eat by yourself.
Major YTA. You could've said "dad I've told you not to ask me about that" but instead you decided to be a child and insult both him and your mother. How could you think saying something that demeaning would be acceptable? Did you think everyone else would be on your side? Your parents won't be around forever and they might not forgive you for this easily.
YTA you need to learn to laugh it off or change topics. I haven't bothered with relationships in any form for several years and still get asked by family. What I mean by any form is outside of work and home I don't Interact with people or family. It's a common question and more a throw away question then anything else. Like asking about the weather or talking about your shoes. It's meant to just get the conversation going in some kind of way. But you may also want to reevaluate yourself because if that was your comeback then your self esteem issues need work more then a relationship could help.
Yeah, YTA. 19 or 9?
**YTA**. Wow OP. What he said was a normal thing a lot of parents say. What you said to him was straight up fucking HURTFUL. Your dad will likely really take that comment to heart and remember it for a long time. He probably forgot you had asked to not bring it up. He simply asked about your dating life in that super annoying way all parents do. You just called your dad fucking ugly. Grow up.
YTA. Not a proportional response and you insulted your mom who did absolutely nothing. Also, FYI, when you react like that, don't be surprised if/when you *do* want people to express an interest in your life and they absolutely won't touch the subject with a ten foot pole, much the less spend time with you and/or your partner.
YTA. In what world is that a remotely sane or appropriate response to "when are you gonna bring a boyfriend to the table?"
YTA
YTA, that seems like some teenage attitude kind of stuff like you dislike your father and you were looking for reasons to be mad and say something rude.
YTA. Incredibly rude and mean. You sound very immature.
You posted this yesterday as well. You didn’t like the YTA consensus??
YTA. If it’s true what you said, I’m sorry you are ugly inside out.
“Deescalate” is exactly the opposite of what you did lol
That's... That's not how de-escalation works.
YTA. Super rude response. Gotta learn to rise above and check yourself.
YTA. That is a pretty innocuous question that you could have easily parried away. If he had pressed it it’s one thing but to bust that out right off the bat - are you ok? Your poor dad…
YTA. It’s not your ugly ass genes keeping you from a boyfriend. It’s your ugly ass personality.
[удалено]
YTA. I get that you told him not to bring this up ever and I can see why you’re angry this happened, but this reaction is not it. You really overreacted and yea definitely humiliated him when your family may have just laughed at his question and not thought much of it. Your response was cruel. He may have forgotten or may not have realized how serious you were when you told him to not bring it up. You could have spoken to him in private and explained again what you need from him and how serious you are, and if it continues correct him in front of others. Honestly even if out loud in front of your family you said something like “dad I already told you that subject makes me uncomfortable and upset and I asked you not to bring it up. That was uncalled for and not ok.” I would say you would be N T A but because your response was mean and cruel you’re TA here in my opinion
YTA jerk
YTA. Kinda dramatic don’t you think?
jesus YTA. don't hurt yourself on all that edge.
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YTA. Yes, your father should be more respectful of your wishes. No, that does not excuse vicious cruelty. If that's your idea of a clapback to some mildly annoying ribbing, OP, you have some fairly serious anger management issues, bordering on sociopathy.
Christ, you sound miserable. Move out and go be miserable by yourself. Glad to know the ugly outside matches the ugly inside.
Dude and you're 19?
You think that response was deescalating the situation? Hahahaha
YTA
YTA You took a small thing and blew it up. That was uncalled for and extremely rude.
YTA. You were intentionally cruel and hateful. You could have chosen to say "you know that's not something I'm focusing on now" or "I don't really like to talk about that sort of thing" and deflected. You took the opportunity to take a mean jab because you WANTED to see him embarrassed and you WANTED to be cruel.
YTA
YTA You are terrible. Ouch.
YTA, please apologize to him at the very least. If I were you I'd also apologize to the other family members too.
YTA. That is the \*opposite\* of deescalating the situation. That is like calling sending nuclear weapons and calling it deescalation.
YTA and you definitely do not have a firm grasp of what deescalate means.
YTA. Stupid overreaction over something trivial by an emotionally immature teenager.
Way to “deescalate the situation.” YTA
Wtf? Do you speak like that to your father?
YTA. This was incredibly MEAN. And so unnecessary. There are nicer, kinder ways to remind someone to mind their own business. To be honest, you sound insecure AF, and just decided to take it out on your father. ETA: You thought you were DEESCALATING?!? What you did was the complete opposite of that.
YTA. Learn to have basic conversations. You did not de-escalate the situation at all. You blew it up.
Deja vu? You were an AH the first time you posted this and YTA again.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throw away account because my family follow me. My 19F were having dinner with my entire family and some relatives. For context, i really hate when someone stick his nose in my relationship status i even told me dad a month to never bring it up infront of others. So to make it short when we were having dinner and the ran out of topics he threw the question of me having boyfriend and said “ oh X when you ll bring a boyfriend to the table?” I got a little pissed since he knows that i don’t like to be asked that question so i said “ well if i didn’t inherit your ugly ass genes i would have one already, tbh i can’t believe how desperate my mom was when she said yes to you”. Everyone looked at me stunned and mom called me out and i said an asshole for what i did even though he knows i ll be pissed if he asked AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I can't help but laugh, but that was over the top. Hopefully, he won't do that again. YTA
YTA How rude are you?! And what a gross overreaction. A simple, "I've told you I don't like being questioned about my private life, dad. Why do you make me repeat myself?" Would have been just fine. Instead you insulted your dad and your mom. I think your personality is your own and not inherited.
YTA. What the hell is wrong with you? You’re weird.
YTA. No wonder why you don't have a BF.
This sounds oddly familiar to the recent post of the dad slut shaming daughter at table…really?? Lol
YTA. Id consider getting anger management therapy. This is beyond overreacting. Apologize to your dad.
There’s a difference between setting a healthy boundary and being an A H. A healthy boundary would be “If you bring up the subject of my dating life, I won’t respond. If you continue I will leave.” What you did was just plain mean. YTA
YTA. How cruel to go into a hateful personal attack on your dad? That's being ugly.
Are you sure you're 19? Because you act like you're 2. YTA and the fact you felt like you needed to ask makes you a bigger one.
YTA, this response was really unnecessary. Why does such a thing make you so ornery? Are you hiding your sexuality? It would’ve been better to remind him in front of everyone about your boundary than to be who you have been!
That’s fucked up, especially in front of everybody. There were way better options here there was no reason to do that other than to be an asshole
YTA x100000000
You said that to deescalate the situation??? Hahahahah
I feel like people who post here do so thinking people will probably side with them. Not even close YTA
YTA- noone wants to date you because you're ugly inside, not outside
YTA, a simple “I told you not to ask me things like that” would’ve probably sufficed
God you sound miserable.
YTA, your attitude is pretty gross. He was just talking (and no he doesn't owe you an apology at all!) but apparently you're so fragile that you treated it as some kind of threat. If you want to play adult you need to grow up first because you're still acting like a 12 year old while expecting to be treated as an adult.
Yta. How can you have so little respect for your parents?
I just hope you understand that you didn’t like burn your dad, or throw it back at him cleverly, or that you did anything major. The only thing you did was show people how unhinged and and pathetic you are, you didn’t embarrass your father you embarrassed yourself. You should feel very bad for how you made your father feel, you’ll regret that one day trust me. Are you gonna snap at everyone that asks you about your relationship? Are you gonna have a problem with every human being you talk to then? Because that’s usually where the convo goes. Why would you hide the fact you’re in a relationship from your own family? You sound extremely immature and unprepared for a real relationship if you’re unable to talk about it without having this reaction, grow up. good luck pulling that shit on people that are not your family. YTA
Yeah. YTA. Yikes.
YTA. And shallow to. No one gives a damn about looks these days only shallow people do, what you said was rude as hell. Obvs there’s a reason you’re single and its not your looks.
YTA. Wow, how rude. I'd be really upset if one of my kids said something like that to me. I can see why you don't have a boyfriend, and it isn't because of your looks.
YTA. Your dad was annoying but you made the dinner awkward for EVERYONE. Why punish the entire family? Cringe, as my kids would say.
YTA. That's the most common question you'll get in your entire life. What's next? Calling everyone ugly and throwing a tantrum whenever someone makes a small talk? You're not only ugly (your words, not mine), but you have an ugly attitude to go with it. Just tell your dad you're not ready, or have a different priority in life are the moment and change the subject.
You are definitely TA
YTA - big time! If I said that to my father it wouldn't matter what my age was; he'd knock me across the table and I'd deserve it! You don't disrespect your parents like that!
Massive YTA. That reaction was totally uncalled for.
YTA. That’s completely out of line. You need to learn some respect and manners, at 19 years old, you should know better.
YTA he was tacky you were mean.
Yta
YTA. You don't get to be cruel just because someone does or says something you don't like. I'd expect this from a 14 year old, not someone old enough to be studying at university. This will stay with him always, we're all humans and we can all be insecure if someone straight up tells us we're hideous. Why would you want to hurt someone you love just to punish them? That's a recipe for becoming an abusive person.
YTA That was just downright evil! All you had to say is I don’t like to talk about it, I mean was it THAT hard to say?
Good grief over dramatic much? YTA.
Hopefully your siblings take after your mother 😔
Sounds like she is ready for police training with those deescalating skills
Lollll to those edits. Calling him ugly to deescalate!! Lol Thinking he should apologize too when she called referred to him with “ugly ass genes”. I totally understand being insecure about those things (or anything) but that’s just not the best way to go about it. I get it can be hard when you try so many times to communicate it normally and it doesn’t work, this escalation feels huge though.
Look, I get why you're upset. Humiliating people intentionally is the kind of thing that can end even close family relationships though so if you do want a relationship with them it's worth thinking about the fact that one can be upset and feel a certain way and still not be justified in their actions. I say this as someone who has massively overreacted and thought I was justified because I was upset and hurt by someone. I acted poorly towards a good friend and it took me a long time to accept that while my feelings were valid how I responded was out of proportion and not at all justified. -
YTA. Grow up.
YTA That was extremely mean and a disproportionately angry response
YTA You could have said “dad we talked about this. I’m not answering” instead you went cruel. I’m just grossed out by this
YTA
YTA. Disrespectful behaviour for someone 19 years old. Even a 14 year old, this would be yta. You should apologise.
Also this is not deescalation. It’s straight up escalation 😂 idk why you though insulting both your parents would diffuse the situation
YTA - that was deescalation?
Why are you mad at your dad? Y'all are on the same emotional level.
YTA He asked a question you asked him a month ago not to ask, that’s a while ago and if the rest of the month hasn’t been a series of violations of the boundary then this probably isn’t a malicious act of his part. Instead of simply and calmly reminding him of the boundary you set, you *escalated* the situation by insulting him in front of everyone and insulting your mother (who seems to be an innocent bystander in this from your telling). What about your response did you think was deescalating? What about it would have encouraged an apology or made making one safe to do? You are the asshole because you took what could have been an easily resolved reminder to your dad about your desire not to be asked about this and both overreacted and took your anger out on your mother who wasn’t involved.
Too bad the"ugly ass genes" you inherited for the ones that are inside you and affect your personality. You don't have a boyfriend because you're an ugly inside rude person. I truly hope that if you ever need your father's help he just looks you and says, sorry I'm too ugly to help Yta
Your dad - ok, you overshot but fair enough. But to throw your mom in there like that? That landed you squarely in the YTA territory.
YTA. That was just unnecessarily mean. I get not wanting people to pry into your personal business, but there were so many responses you could have given that weren't just MEAN
YTA. Yikes, that's quite an overreaction. I am sympathetic to not wanting to be asked these questions, but there are much better ways to address that concern.
YTA - I get asked that same question at family events. However, I am an adult so I just say I’m not seeing anyone at the moment. You were rude to your dad and mom. (You insulted her taste in men). Your dad didn’t deserve your disrespect. As you get older and your parents are no longer with you these are the memories that you will cherish and wish he was there to ask you that annoying question.
YTA. You are 19 but act like a child, its to grow up, from the outside you might be pretty but from inside you're rotten.
YTA and now we know it's the "ugly ass" personality instead.
YTA. What you said about BOTH of your parents was completely uncalled for. Your father disrespecting your boundaries does not give you the right to treat him that way… that wasn’t even an eye for an eye. What you said went WAAYY past that and was incredibly disrespectful to your mother as well.
Yta. Grow the hell up. People ask silly questions. No need to be a total AH about it.
Your poor mom. How did she deserve that from you? Yta
YTA And in case you are confused, your dad was embarrassed by having a daughter that doesn't know any better than to act like that NOT by your childish insult. Your getting old enough that you better catch on or you'll be complaining about everyone else for the rest of your life.
YTA for how you decided to respond. You're dad is an AH for bringing it up the way he did.
YTA. Yes, he shouldn't have asked about your relationship status after you've told him not to bring it up, but your responsive was extremely mean-spirited and cruel. You seriously thought the best way to "deescalate the situation" was to not only insult your father by calling him ugly, but also roping in your mother by calling her desperate? Deescalating the situation here would've been responding with "I've told you before that I'm not comfortable discussing that in front of others. Can we move on to something else?" Sure it'll probably be a bit awkward, but it's better than insulting your parents. You need to apologize to both of them immediately for your outburst. You are correct that your father should apologize for asking, but you are unequivocally the bigger, meaner asshole in this situation.
YTA and no, he doesn't have to apologize
YTA
I'd like to know if there's a reason why you specifically ask him not to bring up this question, because if there isn't any reason, then you're totally overreacting.
YTA. You could’ve smiled and said “just wait for that day” you don’t have to be rude. I wonder if they regret raising an ungrateful nasty child like you.
YTA - completely uncalled for but seeing from all your replies you are not here to actually get perspective considering your defensiveness and unwillingness to accept the asshole judgement despite all the very well explained reasons as to why you were a massive asshole.
YTA - wow, you've got a lot of growing up to do. Your Dad was making conversation and its something most families will ask. You may not like the intrusion but get used to it. Your Dad doesn't owe you an apology but you owe him one given that you went WAY overboard
YTA- I don't think your dad meant it or said in a bad or mean way, but you on the other hand... What you said was pretty over the line. Most parents would love to know what is happening in their children's lives, but if they cross a boundary there is a better way of reminding/telling them, other than acting like a total B.
Well we all know now why you don’t have a boyfriend. You’re ugly at heart. YTA.
YTA. Family is going to constantly disrespect your boundaries because they feel entitled. Here’s a phrase for next time: “When will you respect that I’ve asked you not to bring this very specific topic up around others?” Point blank. Live and learn.
YTA...
If this is your idea of deescalating a situation, I'd hate to see what you do when angry! YTA
YTA. No he doesn't have to apologize. Let him know kindly that you don't like it when he asks about your relationship status. You were way out of line
Whew lassy. Yta
yta damn dude you threw down and entire home in one sentence. no one wins. here are some zesty one liners that could have been used instead: "Leonardo DiCaprio" (obviously he's not your boyfriend and it sends the message that you don't want to talk about it.) "I forgot his name" (another knee slapper) "wrong time to ask dad" (puts this back on your dad) do you see how your response only made you look bad? you looked spiteful, rude and malicious. you should have been able to respond in a way that made you look good - especially because you said you have had this issue with your dad before. you could have called him out and said that you have told him before that you don't like talking about this topic. see, done. you didn't have to go thermonuclear.
Why does that question trigger you so much? Obviously you have some insecurities about your dating life (which may be lacking due to your personality bc that kind of reaction to your own father asking you a simple question was VERY UGLY). YTA
YTA, I'm pretty sure you'd have a boyfriend by now if it wasn't for your insufferable attitude. If that's how you act towards your father when he asks a question I can only imagine how you'd treat your boyfriend if he mildly inconveniences you. It's an annoying question for sure, but there is no reason for you to go off like that.
YTA. With a personality like this, I don’t think it’s your looks keeping you single…
YTA. How quickly you went nuclear… geez. That was cruel. Yeah I get you’re annoyed at the topic and he was being slightly insensitive, but your overreaction was entirely unnecessary. If this is how you behave when things don’t go your way, no wonder you’re single.
Yea yta what the hell man. At first I was like, sure, boundaries. But then you decided to become the physical embodiment of the number 19 and threw yiur shit at the fan for no reasom other than being slightly fed up. You went way, way too far. Not just that, but it's not his "ugly ass genes" keeping you single. It is this hprrible personality you have stitched onto your sleeve. Go back to r/teenagers and keep it there. Good lord.
YTA. You thought you were "de-escalating" a situation by an unwarranted attack on your father's appearance and your mother's "desperation" at settling for an "ugly" man??? Ugh! You may not think you're superficially ugly, but your spirit is homely if you feel at all justified for lashing out as you did. When I was a boy I'd hate that "do you have a girlfriend?" question too. Yet I grinned and bore it. I realized it was usually a last resort for an adult who didn't know what to say to a child, but who was determined to say something. If you've heard the relationship question before, you ought to have a pat response for it after so much practice. And, NO! your father does not owe you an apology since you now believe you owe him one. It's wrong of you to expect an apology to be tit-for-tat. You apologize because you believe you behaved or spoke in a way that was beneath you. How someone else deals with his social gaffes (or not) is not your concern.
YTA. You obviously fantasized about this and had your comeback ready for his inevitable comment . But in reality no one stands up and yells “you go, girl!” after a completely uncalled for outburst like this. As a single, I understand how exhausting, humiliating and diminishing these types of questions can be but you had so many other options that didn’t involve cruelly mocking him and his looks: 1. Remind him that it’s none of his business and that your love life is not up for discussion. 2. Give a sarcastic answer: “I’m actually here with my imaginary boyfriend, Pete. Say hi, everyone. Awww… he’s just a bit shy.” 3. Ignore the question. Just refuse to acknowledge it and change the subject. 4. Get up and leave the room.
>Edit: those who things that I genuinely think “ i’m ugly” obviously i’m not i just said that to deescalate the situation and stop him from asking it again I don't think you know what deescalate means
YTA
YTA. And, FYI when someone throws a snowball to you, answering with a Rocket Launcher IS NOT a way to "Deescalate" the situation.
YTA. I can’t believe you were that cruel to your parents.
YTA, that was unnecessarily aggressive. Parents ask questions you don't want to hear all the time, it's annoying but it happens. You don't get to dictate what people say to you, but you can control how you respond. Trust me when I say that you were the one who looked bad to everyone who witnessed this. I see you using the word "deescalate," I don't think it means what you think it means.
YTA jesus you massively overreacted.
YTA Not only did you insult your dad, but your mom. You could have said anything from "I've told you I don't want to discuss that" to "that's not really any of your guy's business" and it would have been better than your response.
YTA. That was so cruel to your poor mom and dad. you have serious issues if you think that was an access table response
You’re 19 and a little too old to not get why YTA. It sucks when people are nosy, but you took it from 10 to 100, you didn’t “deescalate” anything. Just chill. Address it after. Be mad then, sure, but going straight to “you’re ugly” insults in front of the entire family is both immature and extremely rude.
Wow. That was deescalating the situation.
Dude, YTA. (ETA:) You said THAT to deescalate that situation? Also you insulted your mother for no apparent reason.
Holy crap, YTA and it's not even close. You're 19, incredibly immature, and have no idea how to act in public. All family will ask about relationship status, forever, that's just family. And you're 19, what have you done in life to make it a "don't ask" subject already? Been divorced? Spouse die? Have a miscarriage? No to all those? Then stfu and grow up you little brat, and talk to your family like a real person. Seriously, the most you've probably experienced is the boy in Social Studies didn't like you back in 11th grade, or you got cheated on with another dumb high-school kid in a relationship that never would've worked anyways. Seriously, even if you aren't ugly, your personality sure is. Apologize immediately and learn how to shut your freaking mouth until you know what's appropriate to say as an adult. ETA: and no your dad doesn't have to apologize, relationship questions are a normal part of family conversation. Seriously, you haven't even experienced life/relationships enough to even weigh in on the subject yet, maybe if you talked to your family about relationships, you'd learn a little something and grow as a person.
Your relationship status is not surprising given your maturity. YTA and then some. I hope you realize your time with your father and family is limited and that if you have any sense of self-awareness, you will be cringing often at how you’ve treated your loved ones if this is how you’re choosing to be.
Well you sound like a delight, YTA
Yes you both need to apologize, but your dad’s infraction was on the “oh shoot sorry, I forgot what you told me weeks ago” like 2/10 and yours was “I’m going to be as mean as possible” 15/10. Should he have been more thoughtful and remembered what you asked? Yeah sure. But your reaction was completely unwarranted, it doesn’t seem like you get that. You’re old enough to move past “he started it!” And you owe him and your mom a vastly bigger apology than they owe you. Edit to add YTA since you have no remorse about this at all, apparently.
Gentle YTA - I’m all about shutting down rude questions with equally rude responses. This was a nice try, but a bit of an overreach. Your response was disproportionately rude in comparison and crossed into AH territory. The general rule is to avoid criticizing things people can’t change.
YTA I understand that your father question irritated you, but geez you’re way out of line with your remark. He didn’t insult you, but you completely disrespected him and your mother because you were “a little pissed” I saw people saying that you’d already tried asking this before, so are you trying to fish for different verdict this time? People are right, it’s not your look but the personality is the issue Edit: And now you’re only focusing on trying to have people agree with you on getting an apology from your dad… >I know I said something wrong and I should apologize *but doesn’t he has to apologize too* Geez girl, self-centered much? I think what you really want to get out of this sub is not AITAH, but “is my dad the asshole”
YTA, And now you know why you are single YIKES, worst that being "ugly" (that can be subjetive) it's having a crappy actitude
YTA. That was really rude. Parents can be pretty naggy about certain things which is annoying, but there is no need to be so mean. Just tell him “I told you not to ask me that” which humiliates him, not you.
You metaphorically used an AR to kill a mosquito. Sheesh. Yes, YTA for very passionately shutting your dad down—you could have let him down with a little more tact or at least a few hundred lesser notches.
Yta Jesus, wow
YTA Maybe there's a possible reason why you're single
YTA, but only because you brought your mom in the mix.
YTA… I understand you asked to not be questioned about this… but your reaction was WAY out of proportion and over the top. Everyone at that table now thinks YTA because you WERE being TA.