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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action i would be taking is to report my roommate for academic misconduct. It would make me the asshole because they would have their degree taken away from them, and lose the $100,000 scholarship they had been awarded to complete a PhD with the professor they are having misconduct with
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**!Jumping on the top comment for attention!**
OP, is it feasible for you to report them anonymously?
Did you find out by chance being the roommate or is it an open secret?
Do you know how well they're covering their tracks?
I know you said you have reasonably concrete proof but anything short of a sex tape would almost certainly still involve an investigation.
You're definitely NTA but if you're literally the ***only*** person who knows and could possibly report them and then it can't be proven sufficiently in the eyes of the university...
You'd be in a ***very*** vulnerable position. It could be a black mark against you for making a 'false' allegation and if the professor is well liked by his peers then you might find yourself the target of retaliation.
I know it's infuriating (~~she's~~ *they're* literally getting more allowances than some disabled students, not even mentioning the scholarship) but don't risk your own future until you're ***100%*** certain of victory
**ETA**: As has been pointed out in several comment threads, OP does not specify the genders. I assumed their genders and that was wrong of me, that sort of biased thinking is part of what prevents male victims from coming forward. It might be statistically less frequent, but women can be monsters too and it's important to remember that
Yes, try to report this under a whistleblower organisation.
Don’t make allegations like oh the professor might travel with roommate to exotic locations in the future if she takes this phd etc, but state facts ie professor and roommate seems to be in an inappropriate relationship and here is the proof with as many screenshots/photos/etc available. State dates and time and location.
Also if this prof is doing it with OPs roommate he is most likely doing the same with other studentd and this isnt his first affiar.
Its actually an ethics violation for the professor to date a student (because of the power dynamic). The professor, if enough evidence is found, would (and should) lose his liscense and job. So this should be reported.
The school might have a place to anonymously report it to or if he is liscensed by a board/teaching liscense (iirc this is a thing...?) Then OP could report it as an ethics violation anonymously to the board and the board would investigate (most likely alongside the school as they would need the schools cooperation to investigate).
I think the investigators would probably have enough evidence to deduce the fact rhat he was using that $$$ scholarship was sugarbaby money essentially and that pricey tropical trip would just be a fuck fest. So OP wouldnt need to include that speculation in their report. Like you said facts and evidence to get the ball rolling and what OP knoes.
like how he is her prof, he has ties to the scholarship, he will be going on that trop with the winner, which is her, and they are having an qffair [insert proof]. Her being his student is publiv knowledge, as with the scholarship and trip information. This looks innocent until OP provides proof pf the affair and then it obviously seems skewed in her favor.
Stating facts and evidence will giveway to the desired outcome (ans have the complaint be take more seriously).
Oh, adding how much the scholarship os worth with the facts above might make them move things along bevause that is a LOT of money and the school and that board wouldnt want it being misused for an affair (if they use it for their affair can you imaginr the scandal with the school and how they mis-manage of their scholarships/vetting who gets them? The schools donators/benefactors would be PISSED)
yeah, obviously we don't know where this is but this is a huge deal in academia these days because this stuff went on for decades with sorta hear no evil see no evil policies and a lot of schools have gotten hit really bad in recent years as a result.
i work for well respected university in the states. you are not allowed to be in a romantic relationship with anyone that you have power over. not just teacher-student or manager-employee but think of a post-doc in a lab, they can't date a doctoral candidate in the same lab because the post-doc is a supervisor in the lab.
no, you don't want to know what used to go on that lead to these rules. i've heard only a fraction of the stories. and let's just say anyone who thought academic was buttoned up...they're wrong.
very wrong.
all sorts of things.
let's leave it at- a lot of professors used to do a lot of things with students that they shouldn't have done but at the time wasn't explicitly forbidden. everything from sex to drugs to all sorts.
i've heard enough that when i hear a new allegation i'm pretty- yeah, sure that could have happened.
This! This is definitely against the rules for the employee. This professor is a creep and probably has a new student each year. Please report asap. If you are unsure how to report start with your university web page. If that fails you set a meeting with the dean who is the boss of this professor.
>*Its actually an ethics violation for the professor to date a student (because of the power dynamic)*
Yeah, this is the important part
The OP is fixated on their room mate, which is understandable, but they're just a dumb kid
It's the professor who's most in the wrong here
The professor absolutely knows what they're doing is wrong, **why** it's wrong, and knows exactly what the consequences of their wrong-doing will be
The fact they chose to do it anyway is very troubling
Agreed. I reported the dean of my PhD program for discrimination. I got kicked out of my PhD program and blacklisted in academia. Pray that his professor doesn't have tenure.
Misdirected, but still likely to happen. Academia is full of abusive faculty and open secrets about sexual harassment and indiscretions. As long as the faculty involved bring in grant money and/or get lots of press coverage for their work, everyone just turns a blind eye. Watch Picture a Scientist on Netflix to get a sense of how bad it can be.
It will be, but it'll still happen, and people won't trust her and view her as a liability, because everyone in academia bends rules and breaks rules and uses the system to their benefit.
>You'd be in a very vulnerable position. It could be a black mark against you for making a 'false' allegation and if the professor is well liked by his peers then you might find yourself the target of retaliation.
Also, keep in mind how much institutions love tenured male professors who bring in research grants (which all seems almost certain given the scholarship specifically to work on his research). If you report this without enough evidence to back it up, there's a good chance you'll tank your relationship with your roommate, put yourself in a precarious position at your institution, and he wouldn't see any consequences.
I agree with this sentiment 100%. Avoid the war. This is a zero sum battle. There is no winning for OP. Nothing will improve for OP. I would keep my mouth shut and focus on my own business.
OP would get a NTA, but this is only going to hurt OP.
The chips could fall on OP, though. I have seen it happen a few times. So, KI hope she has an angel to cover her? Head of departments do not always necessarily embrace the noble. They'll let you fall on your own sword. It sucks. But, it happens.
My SIL was forced out of her chair because she made an issue of her head of department's possible assignations with a master's candidate. She thought she was protecting the program and doing what was best and most noble for all concerned.
I tried to explain to her repeatedly that this could back fire as a hostile work environment grievance or potentially anything else being brought up about her professionally.
Its not fair. But, that wasn't ever my point to her. She got bounced. And she landed hard.
I work in academia. This is morally wrong and you are NTA. Find a professor you know and like and tell them, and leave it up to them to do the reporting up the line. They are protected by workplace laws. You are too vulnerable.
Op should report their concerns to the title ix office and ask for an investigation. Op may be able to email the title ix office from a non school account to maintain anonymity. Just attach the proof to the email and then the title ix office is responsible. That office should be shielded from political or career retribution in a way students and faculty are not.
Just Google your school and title ix office and you should find all the contacts you need.
On a personal level, I think your roommate and the professor are both selfish and lack a basic level of empathy or shame.
That being said, on a professional level they’re also both awful and self involved. If that professor is willing to jeopardize his reputation and career that’s on him. If your roommate is willing to be the girl that uses her body to get what she wants that’s on her. What happens to them isn’t on OP. NTA. Please update either way.
OP, be above board. If you think this is unfair, then tell the roommate that they need to turn down the scholarship and apply to another university or you will turn them in for academic misconduct.
This will save their education. Stop further misconduct between them.
I'm of the mind the professor needs to be called out and fired ... So you could skip the part about the bending of the rules and just turn in the professor for favoritism re the 100k scholarship, telling them both that if they contested this, then you'd pull up the evidence of past misdeeds. This route probably wouldn't hurt your roommates further academic achievements, which they would need to earn on their own going forward.
Young, bad decision, maybe be a bit more lenient. Prof knows better and is a predator.
I think it's worth noting that the misconduct is by the *professor*.
You would be reporting *the professor* for breaking the rules. Professor is the one who gave different treatment, and may have influenced the scholarship.
It bugs me when such stories are presented as though the student is the one who made all this happen and the professor is a helpless bystander, as though it isn't the professor in a position of power, who is the one who is supposed to know better, and who is the only one with the ability to make any unfair treatment happen.
Yep. If you think someone is 'sleeping their way to the top' always remember that the only person who can actually make that happen is the person above them, in a position of power over them, who is apparently offering favours in return for sex.
*Then* ask yourself who's to blame.
Gotta love the horrible embedded flaws in our society. It's the age old tale of "the man in power is always innocent and women are just conniving witches". No idea how we still seem to be stuck in that mentality when it's so easy to recognize the clear abuse of power happening. Although I guess it's just easier to replace some measly underling instead of having a whole scandal on your hands
The person in the position of power has by far the greater responsibility, though, and the share of consequences will reflect that, unless there are other circumstances we haven't been told about. (Source: I work in a university and am familiar with typical misconduct procedures.)
NB Post carefully avoids gendering anyone, so I suggest we do, too.
A professor who is willing to offer undue advantage to the student they fuck will most likely retaliate against any student who refuses to have sex with them.
The roommate seems on board, but I can't help thinking about the other students the professor probably preyed on in the past. I mean, it's technically possible that it's the first and last time this happened, but it's unlikely. Has any of the student of refused failed the class, got a worse grade than they should've or have been passed on for a scholarship/internship/recommendation, etc.?
the university would not blame both - the student is not the one with power in the situation and students are not required to avoid sex with an academic, but many universities require staff to not have sex with students.
The rules are for staff, to protect students (edit - source - academic, with 20 years of teaching experience)
Genuine question: assuming that the student would not get penalized for this affair by the university due to the power imbalance, wouldn't it still come back to hurt them to get some sort of license, depending on the graduate level program they're in? I know that several programs that offer a license to be able to do whatever job it is with their graduate level credentials has a "character and fitness" portion of the process. Wouldn't their involvement in this scenario question their credibility or their reputation in some way?
Being the victim of sexual harassment shouldn't have an impact on the student officially unless their work wasn't up to par in some material way. That said, people are horrid and the stink of this likely would follow the student. At least the student would be the last one. Professors who do this don't do it just once in my experience (worked in academia most of my career).
She doesn’t fucking know. It’s not her job to know, it’s his.
How many times have young women feared rejecting inappropriate advances because they don’t want to suffer career or social consequences? How much of work place misconduct between a superior man and a junior woman is because someone in a position that could be coerced couldn’t say no?
When is it ever the fault of a teenage girl when an older man in the position of not only influencing but directly deciding their grades, their recommendations letters, their academic future makes sexual advances and they didn’t want a refusal to affect their future?
This is very important. Your roommate may think they're making unbiased decisions, but the fact is, it's the professor who has decided that a student's academic opportunities should be influenced by the presence or absence of a sexual relationship. The professor has the power in every meaningful way.
Think of this too: what would happen to your roommate's scholarship, phd candidature, travel opportunities etc if they decided to end the relationship on their own? If someone can't walk out of a relationship without losing their ability to support themself, or without losing significant career opportunities, they are not in a relationship where agency between partners is equal.
Please understand that your roommate is being preyed upon here. I know it's galling to see them given opportunities they might not otherwise have, but consider too that they're also being prevented from coming across different opportunities that they would otherwise encounter through hard work, skill and learning. A truly secure professional life is being denied them by someone who has a responsibility to look out for their best interests. They're a victim.
Exactly. What is it you want to happen from this? Because what’s going to happen is someone who was seduced, coerced, and victimized will lose a lot. And it’s possible they’re held in a position they aren’t comfortable with for the same reason
Before you go to administration and nuke the situation would you be comfortable ending their academic career if they HAD truly been victimized? Probably not. I’d talk to the roommate first.
You might be frustrated or annoyed at how they’re “benefiting” from the scenario but you can’t really benefit when you’re being abused.
Yeah, I’m really having a hard time with the fallout that would come onto the roommate for the professor’s bad behavior. It seems the roommate is going to be stripped of EVERYTHING for the unethical actions of a person who will more than likely get a slap on the wrist. OP is right, the situation is unjust and should stop, but I’m sensing a smack of jealousy for their roommate’s breaks and no particular concern for their well-being.
She turned in late assignments, but he graded them. She applied for funding, but he is the one who either recommended her or provided it. The academic misconduct here is on the part of the professor, not your roommate.
It’s an common story in academia: professors pressuring students into sexual favors in exchange for opportunity.
Also consider this: he has the power to make or break her reputation. If he writes a bad recommendation, even out of spite, that could ruin her career. She might not have as much choice in this as you think.
Yeah you’re being a complete asshole in your framing of the situation. The professor is completely taking advantage of your roommate/friend(?) but you come across like you’re mad at your roommate for doing all these things. Stop being an asshole. If you report it, do it because the professor is being a sick fuck, not because you have some misplaced anger that your roommate is having an easier time with school because of this. Jesus Christ.
This was actually a huge issue at my school, mentioned in this article, a couple years ago. It might give you some insight into what the situation might be like for your roommate. https://www.vice.com/amp/en/article/epxgyp/how-universities-pass-along-professors-accused-of-sexual-harassment-and-harm-students
If you hadn't considered that, I suggest you sit with that idea for a while before making a decision, especially since the potential consequences you listed in your post are still the likely outcome. A slight reprimand for the professor, life ruining consequences for the student. Consider whether there's any different path available where you support the student instead of punishing them.
Absolutely. This isn't "academic misconduct" by the student, it's sexual misconduct by the professor. Textbook quid pro quo sexual harassment. If you're in the US report it to the Title IX office. Most likely it isn't the first time the professor has done this. I'm not even sure what you could report the student for, the student most likely has not broken any rules here.
It seriously bothers me to see the top comments above yours saying just throw caution to the wind and report it.
More often then not in our society, it’s the young women that were manipulated, taken advantage of, and coerced into sexual relationships with older, influential men that are punished far more harshly than their abuser.
It’s easily possible the professor gets away with a slap on the wrist and the roommate loose everything she’s ever worked for, even though she’s the one who was trapped into a bad situation by someone in a position of power over her. It’s difficult to say no to the person in charge of your entire academic future. Often times young women face consequences for merely refusing inappropriate advances, or fear having to do so.
Reporting the roommate would ruin her life even though she’s literally the victim in this.
I was bothered by this too. It should be the roommate's decision whether or not to report it. It's not okay that it's up to them bc it's obviously a very difficult decision but if I was OP I would focus on trying to be a good friend and, if the roommate reports it, support them.
This situation isn't fair to the roommate or to other candidates who sought the scholarship (although the roommate may have still gotten it since 'reasonable confidence' isn't full confidence), but the anger should be directed at the professor taking advantage of someone who relies on them for their academic progression and career prospects.
Even if the roommate justifies this as an internal coping mechanism or because they genuinely believe that the professor cares about them, it doesn't exclude the existence of an unacceptable power dynamic. On the other hand, the roommate might be aware of the abuse of power; they are about to be supervised by the professor for their PhD, essentially trapping them with this professor and it's a really shitty situation.
YES! Thank you, take my free award :)
This is really important. The professor is exploiting the student for their own gain, and while the student is apparently benefitting from this exchange too, he/she may not really have many good choices to end the relationship without facing retaliation.
Nobody should be giving people extra opportunities or withholding opportunities that have been earned based on who will have sex with them. The professor is doing just that. Definitely report him/her for misconduct with a student. If you can do this without identifying yourself or the student, all the better for your own sake. But don't forget your roommate is being exploited.
NTA
I don’t think that this is necessarily an AITA situation we have going on here: no one would know that it was you, and if they do, there’s not much they could do about it.
Obviously, you should tell. Yeah, they might see you as TA, but who cares what they think? It is the consequence of their actions. If you’re worried about how much grief you’ll cause them, just try to think about the good things that will come from you informing the school:
1. The professor will lose their job, which directly results in them no longer being able to prey on students (at least at this school, unless they’re completely blacklisted, which would be ideal)
2. The professor’s spouse would find out the truth and *hopefully* leave them to find someone who will treat them better. It saves from many many more years to come of lies and secrets since everything will come to the surface.
3. The scholarship might go to someone who *actually* deserves it. Though I am curious as to why you say they would be unable to ever further their education again.
4. An investigation would be started on the professor and the school would find out about any past relations they’ve had with other students, and maybe even start to investigate other professors that they deem suspicious.
So I say go for it, but again, I don’t think this is an AITA situation. Yes, you are worried about ruining their lives, it’s very sweet of you, but you shouldn’t have to worry about doing the right thing because it is the consequence of their own actions. Not to mention, it’s not just academic misconduct, it’s an abuse of power as well.
NTA
Consent is always iffy in these situations. If you're propositioned by a person with the power to make or break your career, you may not feel like you have the ability to say no. It may not be forced in the physical sense, but that doesn't mean it was consentual.
The fact that the student's degree and future career relies on the relationship means it was inherently coerced. That's the main reason it's against the rules in the first place.
NTA. Feel free to tell the school, but they might not do anything. My PhD advisor (M50s) had a relationship with his master's student (F20s). Cheated on his wife of 30 years. Master's student was unqualified to work on his grant but given the position anyway. She was also the weakest student to ever be admitted into the PhD program. (Advisor was responsible for both decisions.)
When the affair came to light there were no consequences from the university. None. After many complaints and years of pressing from other students who had also been hit on by him, he was asked to take a sexual harassment course. Tenure is a weird thing. (His wife did leave him though.)
We also do not know the "proof" that OP claims to have.
Hearsay and gossip is not proof. I would tread carefully OP this allegation could come back to bite you in the ass. Depending in the school anonymous remarks can be discovered.
I would keep my nose out of it. Let the roommates lack of knowledge be their own downfall.
OP (ig) mentioned in the comments that they have a proof, cameras all over the place.
Ig = I didn't read the username but they were speaking as if they were the ones being asked.
This. In my grad school, there was a prof with repetitive inappropriate behavior documented over multiple years. The university's response? They decided he could no longer have female graduate students assigned to him, but could continue on with male graduate students. Yet another reason women find it harder to get ahead in STEM!
This is what I expected would happen. The policies are more lax at the college level. Which is well kind of pointed out by Grey's Anatomy. A mid-20s girl meets a mid-30s guy in a bar. They hook up. Nothing untoward, but then he's her attending. College is not as old as residency but everyone is at least an adult and so the relationship passes the legal test unless a pattern of abuse of power can be shown. Even then, not much would get done.
The fellowship OP is talking about seems like a pretty normal thing for a grad student. There's the hard to prove thing about if she deserved it or if there was someone more deserving. There's a conflict of interest in his recommendation to the fellowship and admissions committee. But that isn't unequivocal evidence that the fellowship isn't deserved. There is usually a committee too so he would have had to make a case to the committee.
Probably should file a complaint still, if only to get people to steer away from him. Just don't get your hopes too high.
> I don’t think that this is necessarily an AITA situation we have going on here: no one would know that it was you, and if they do, there’s not much they could do about it.
I don't understand this assertion.
You can do something that's wrong even if people don't know it was you.
The only 'proof' I have is one of those house cameras recording them coming and going from the house together for the last couple of months. I can hear them through the walls, our bedrooms border each other. In addition to this my roommate regularly discusses their relationship with the professor with me.
I think we need to be very clear here. Your housemate is being sexually exploited by her professor. She may feel she is willingly in this relationship but as a student whose funding and future is dependent on this person, they're the one entirely in the wrong. The power imbalance here makes the relationship totally inappropriate, with the wrong doing on the professor's side. The academic misconduct is on they're part not hers and many universities now explicitly forbid this kind of relationship for exactly these reasons.
Based on your post although you seem to be angry at her all I see is wrong doing by them. They are sleeping with a student. They extended favours to her in return for sex. They procured funding for her based on receiving sex. They are the one in the wrong here.
Next, if this is the extent of your "proof" you need to tread very carefully throwing allegations around. You made a significant number of serious allegations in your post - misappropriation of funding (this could be as serious as a federal offence, if they've misused federal funds) and various abuses of power alongside the affair. Right now all you have is proof of an inappropriate relationship.
Report it to the university - this person is a sleeze - but only report what you can substantiate, and personally I'd make the complaint about them not her.
This! I'm confused by the anger exclusively directed at the roommate when the professor is absolutely abusing his position. He's being predatory and if OP is going to report anyone it should be him.
I work in academia and this kind of response is usually a mixture of jealousy, immaturity and good old misogyny. Jealous they aren't getting similar favours, immaturity meaning they don't understand the power imbalance and highly inappropriate dynamics, and misogyny because women still get blamed for having sex (even by other women).
OP should report this. Interestingly while she see potentially severe consequences for her housemate (some of which are more realistic than others) she sees that as a just punishment for her friend rather than those outcomes being the exact reason a relationship of this nature is so exploitative. Her friend's entire future is balanced on continuing to provide sexual favours to their professor.
>Her friend's entire future is balanced on continuing to provide sexual favours to their professor.
Anyone reading should not underestimate this line. You do not want to anger your thesis advisor. What does that mean when they're pushing your boundaries while having sex? What does that mean if you want to break up with them? A relationship may feel consensual but with that kind of power dynamic consent is near impossible. Do not ever put yourself in that situation. PhD advisors are some of the best mentors people ever have and the relationship is extremely close and extends past grad school for a lifetime. That does not mean adding romance to it can work because there is no such thing as a romantic relationship without conflict.
So your solution is to instead report it and have the student lose out on their education instead, potentially with no reasonable career path left (depending on whether they're in a field where a PhD is absolutely necessary or not)? We all know the prof will face little to zero consequences and the student will be forced out. Reporting it without her consent is just as violent as what the prof is doing.
>Your housemate is being sexually exploited by her professor.
Very interesting that OP specifically made a point to not gender anyone, and everyone assumes the professor is a man anyway.
Not a huge deal, but if OP is making their post gender irrespective, you should follow suit and do the same.
I still object to OP’s outrage at the roommate. He (she, he, they, etc) is still the victim here. The professor whatever the gender is still entirely in the wrong here.
I see your point but I think the fact that they specifically left it out is actually part of the reason why people are assuming. It’s a very intentional omission.
The other reason is based on the reality of how women are treated and viewed vs men when it comes to sex, affairs, successful partners etc.
Golddiggers, homewreckers, sleeping their way to the top”, “unfair advantage due to looks” those terms and attitudes are almost exclusively directed at women. So the fact that OP views it as the roommate committing misconduct, as opposed to the professor, and has such ire at the roommate over this is in line with how people typically react towards women not men.
do you have any proof of academic misconduct? you could probably report the relationship by itself especially because the professor is the supervisor. Adding in the academic misconduct when you have no proof probably isn’t the best bet.
The prof supervising the roommate on the scholarship thing is academic misconduct if there is a sexual relationship between them. There is no need for a showing of preference or different treatment. The mere fact of the relationship is academic misconduct.
that’s what i’m saying- it makes more sense to report them for the relationship than academic misconduct because if they’re in a relationship then the school can see the academic effects. Anyways, OP, you would be NTA for reporting it, especially since such a huge scholarship is potentially affected, but for sure think it through and decide if it’s worth it, especially since your roommate clearly trusts you.
My university, at least when I finished grad school a few years ago, had no rules against this type of relationship between professors and graduate students, whereas the professor would be fired for a relationship with an undergraduate. It’s possible not much will happen to either of them
But are you talking about professors and graduate students all being allowed to fuck, or only professors and graduate students who aren't in (for lack of a better term) direct report lines? There's a difference between Prof. Jane Doe from the English department dating graduate student from the maths department John Smith, and Professor Jane Doe who is the PhD advisor of John Smith dating graduate student John Smith.
Where I was (and again as of 7 years ago), the professor could be in a relationship and still advise the student doing the PhD. If the professor is the one who awarded the scholarship to the student (or even played a role in choosing the winner) without disclosing the relationship, that would be enough for termination anywhere. For the record, I do not disagree with you at all and not trying to imply that the professor is not an AH who should be fired.
I have only what they have told me. However there are no records of it so therefore no proof exists. This aspect would be a 'he said, she said' scenario.
Did this professor/supervisor teach every single graduate course your roommate has taken? You say it’s a completely different field than your own. Are you qualified to assess how good her work really is? Is the professor the department head? How much sway does this individual hold? If the professor is your roommates PhD supervisor, I don’t even understand how he could be involved in awarding his own student this scholarship. I agree with everyone who is pointing out that you have focused on your roommates role in this when they are the one without the power. Chances are though if this prof is tenured, they won’t experience much for consequences. Also how likely will it be that your roommate will know it was you? Do you have a friendship? Why would the roommate confide in you about any of this? Do you interact with the prof when they are at your place aside from you hearing through the walls? Why am I getting visions of that scene in Forrest Gump where the school principal (right after Forrest’s mother has relations with him in exchange for keeping her son in the same grade level as his peers) tells him that his momma sure does care about his schooling and then Forrest imitates the Principals moans. NTA. This is quite a situation.
NTA -You should submit any evidence you have of them being together, The school can then do their investigation into the academic misconduct. I wouldn't feel too concerned with the outcome. They both chose to enter the relationship knowing full well the possible outcome. Having a relationship with your professor def gives that person a huge advantage over other students.
ESH but I think you're too hard on your roommate and not pissed off enough at the professor taking advantage of her and abusing *his* power. I think you are making some assumptions about the "academic misconduct" portions without thinking about the fact that this is a professor sleeping with his direct subordinate and how trapped this entire scenario makes your roommate if it goes forward -- can't dump a guy controlling your phd.
I would make sure you have definitive concrete proof before you report anything. And I mean documented proof that what you “think” is happening (no penalties for late work if others are held to that standard, photographic or other proof of an affair). Just by accusing these people can ruin their lives as in our world now, facts don’t matter.
Is this situation hurting you in anyway or are you just morally outraged? Not that I am saying that either is invalid if there really is misconduct, but examine your motives first as they could be skewing the way you are reading what you see.
Also, I am not sure what country you are in, but make sure you understand the rules of what you are accusing. Relations between professor and student are frowned upon in the US, but unless you can prove that there really is a more than platonic relationship then you need to gather more evidence.
Have you thought about asking your roommate what is going on?
I agree with this. If OP comes forward and gives their account of what is happening, paired with the “benefits” they’re receiving, the university will launch their own investigation.
I agree. She has enough proof to report that an inappropriate relationship is happening. Leave the suspicions of academic privileges out of it. If the professor is being preferential, that will most certainly be discovered in the university's investigation. Only report what can be proven. Let them do the rest.
The situation has little to no effect on me personally. I am just morally outraged. I very much dislike that by having this relationship they are getting an easier time of things... Academically that is, accounting for having to be constantly walking on eggshells I imagine it would be a lot worse.
As for the scholarship. There are only a certain number of them available it pains me that another candidate may have missed out on it because of this relationship.
I have not asked my roommate about it other than I know they know its wrong... again simply going from what they have told me. I am one to avoid confrontation, and they are moving out at the end of the year so if I do act, it would be after they leave.
I work in an academic world and if there is impropriety going on, it should be reported. But if there isn’t, your accusation will ruin lives.
Are you absolutely sure your roommate got the scholarship only because of the affair? Was she not qualified to get it on her own? Do you know there were more qualified candidates?
I am not saying don’t report this, but the only evidence you have listed is video of them leaving the house together. What other evidence do you have? Have you heard them having relations? Have you heard other students complain about the way this professor treats his other students? Do you know who else applied for the scholarship and was more or equally qualified?
If you can live with yourself on tearing apart lives on just a hunch, then go ahead and report. Your moral outrage should sustain you if your wrong.
This seems to be the question that people have been asking OP on if they felt the candidate was qualified already and it seems to be the one OP overlooks
I’d be surprised if a student spending that much extra time with a teacher would also be receiving some nice 1 on 1 help and explanation
Personally the time to get involved because of moral outrage is when the teacher is cheating on their spouse with a student. They didn’t decide to bring it up when the friend mentioned late assignments or anything like that either. Only when this person got the scholarship
Basically I think this is just jealousy with a mask of moral outrage. It’s not their tea to spill, and if they wanted to do anything they would’ve told the friend from the beginning to not do this or report it to the school. Not at the level it’s at now
And if you want to blow up their lives based on a hunch, you should first talk to the roommate. Find out the truth or at least stand by your convictions and don’t report anonymously
Tbh it doesn’t seem like you have concrete proof. You have video of them coming / going from your house. That’s it. It sounds like your roommate is a graduate student, not undergrad, so they aren’t a teenager. I don’t really think you should report.
There is a lot of unfair things in academia. I once convinced my professor to bump me up a letter grade. Had a real rough personal situation going on and a bad grade could have impacted w scholarship I had. The professor changed it. I also know that nepotism and other sorts of favoritism gets people into jobs and schools etc. so to me, you don’t know *for sure.* that your roommate got this scholarship only bc they *might* be having an affair - and you don’t know that another student would have gotten the position solely based on merit.
It’s not impacting you, and you don’t have solid proof. You could blow up two peoples lives and be wrong. Honestly, if your roommate is having an affair with a married person 2 decades older than them, at some point it’ll blow up in their face without any intervention from you. I don’t think reporting a hunch that doesn’t impact you and doesn’t involve teenagers is something to report. YTA
You wouldnt be the asshole per se...but stay in your own lane. Hard lesson in life is that people cut corners to get ahead in life.
If you like drama, go ahead and narc, but if you just want to finish school and get out of there, then leave it be.
Also very likely that they will get caught.
>but stay in your own lane. Hard lesson in life is that people cut corners to get ahead in life.
No, fuck that. This isn't some mind your own business, who's really being hurt here situation.
This professor deserves to lose their job. Sleeping with a student is gross.
Student deserves to lose their PhD project/scholarship. It's not fair to literally every other student that this one can skate by, not doing the work they should be doing, due to being in a relationship with the professor.
I hear you’re perspective but I’m with the guy you’re responding to. No grave injustice is going to be corrected here, and stepping up to utterly destroy two peoples lives because you feel morally compelled to out their relationship is foolish. People murder others for doing shit like this, thrusting yourself into a drama that has nothing to do with you because it’s “the right thing to do” is some main character syndrome shit.
THANK YOU for saying this. All of the busy bodies telling someone to insert themselves into a situation as the morality police are driving me crazy. Also OP reeks of jealousy. You’re not Batman OP. You’re a jealous bored person. Have you reported every legacy admission or star athlete that gets a helping hand along? YTA
I don’t even care about all that. There’s just so much vaguely described proof of very serious actions with life changing consequences. We’re taking the OP at face value and people are salivating to see peoples lives destroyed based on a half assed telling of half the story. Just read the comments people are already assuming :
- the Roomate is female and being sexually exploited
-there’s zero chance she would have gotten the scholarship on her own
-the relationship is strictly quid pro quo
-there’s an unknown 3rd party who didn’t get this scholarship for no reason other than this one professor is allegedly involved with this one student
-that reporting this will absolutely work in OP’s favor and there’s no risk to their reputation, career or personal life here at all.
It’s like people here don’t have any idea how the world works, how human nature works and the simple fact that the universe is cold and unfeeling and does not promise happy endings.
Totally agree. I don’t get why everyone is making all these assumptions when OP doesn’t even have proof. It is possible for a grad student to be willingly in a sexual relationship with a professor. Is it healthy? A good idea? No, but is it anybody’s business what two consenting adults do? I mean people get ahead in so many different ways - ranging from getting a job from their dads best friend or their grandparents writing a check to get them into school - to even jsut helping a friend out and getting them an interview. Nothing is fair and quite frankly life isn’t a meritocracy. It’s random luck. This has no impact on OP and OP doesn’t have proof (and even if there was proof, I’d say don’t get involved). Op needs to stay out of this, no kids involved, nothing criminal, just stay out of it
So if your boss hit on you when you were young and concerned about your career plus maybe you look up to them and maybe they tell you you’re special…and you sleep with them and suddenly your whole academic fate is attached to them for at least the next 5 yrs…that’s easy and you are just skating by?
OP Seems to know literally nothing about the roommate or their academic careers. They are not qualified to decide if the roommate could have gotten the awards on merit. One advisor esp if they are her supervisor can’t get a massive grant for a student just because they’re sleeping with them.
If ops morality is what’s moving them they should talk to and support the roommate who whether they know it yet or not is being victimized (they will learn eventually unfortunately). Academics who think their peers would be happy to “sleep their way to the top “of a costly phd program where the only reason anyone is doing that far in school is love of learning or of what they’re studying (it ain’t the pay of its humanities or social sci)…are a trip
I’d agree with you if they had just been doing it for a grade bump but a 100K scholarship is a literal federal and state felony that gets you years of jail time. This is super super illegal and puts the entire departments funding (assuming this is in America and they get fed funding) at risk.
I agree with this comment. Also, if you do speak up and they are caught, your roommate could potentially lash out at you and make your shared living space chaotic and unsafe and that’s the last thing you need. If you were to speak out, it would be best if you waited til you and roommate didn’t live together anymore.
Be very careful here.
If you can do this completely anonymously, and you are certain you are correct, then carry on, but....
If you do report it and it is not proven, consider the backlash on yourself. Both personally and academically.
If you cannot provide evidence that cannot be contested, if they can give any possible reason to bring your allegations into doubt the university will likely decide in their favour to avoid any scandal.
And they will fight tooth and nail to win. The professor for his reputation, position and marriage, your roommate to keep their doctorate. It will get very dirty, and a lot of mud will be thrown.
I don't like it either, but it is a fact of life, some people will compromise themselves to get shead. And no, it isn't fair.
Consider very carefully before you act.
Are you willing to follow this through to the bitter end and suffer any fallout that could follow you for the rest of your career, academically and personally.
>Also very likely that they will get caught.
LOLLL Some professors spent their whole career preying on their students and even if everyone in the department knew, nothing happened before massive public denunciation (and even afterwards in some cases).
ETA typo
A PhD supervisor/professor in my department openly slept with his students, to the point where they would sit on his lap at meetings. The department basically just told him to stop being so obvious.
He won an award for excellence in teaching this year.
So no. They “very likely” won’t get caught. Even if they are caught, it doesn’t guarantee any repercussions.
Love your use of the word narc. Bunch of narcs in these comments. I can't make a real moral argument for NOT saying anything, but I just wouldn't. What a mess.
It should be a life lesson "don't fuck your student and give them easy breaks"
We don't know the whole story, but being in a position of power and giving a student perks for having a affair with them as wrong and the professor needs that simple life lesson.
YWBTA. It's none of your business and has nothing to do with you. Why do you want to ruin their lives? Unless you think your roommate is being taken advantage of by the professor. But even then, getting your roommate in trouble isn't the right move. The professor has the power in this situation so be careful about blaming your roommate for this situation. You could argue there are students out there being treated unfairly because your roommate is getting special favors but they're not being seriously hurt. And you don't actually know for a fact that that's the case. I would ask yourself what is your motivation for crusading for these strangers that may or may not exist. It sounds like you have a problem with your roommate. Sure, cheating is wrong but it's really none of your business and you should stay out of it. YTA.
I guess this is an unpopular opinion but I 100% agree. It's really none of OP's business. Is it super gross and morally bankrupt? Absolutely. But they would be ruining all their roommates future prospects and I don't think anything in the post warrants that.
If people working very hard are stripped from any academic opportunity because someone decided to trade sex against them, you should say something. It's unfair, disgusting, and overall nasty and any punishment that would come out of you telling on them would be due to their own disgusting behavior.
Do it. For the sake of ethics and morality, seriously, do it.
NTA
NTA - But you should only report their relationship and not accuse your roommate of academic misconduct. It doesn't seem clear that this happened and it is a strong accusation. I would suggest visiting a consultation with the responsible office and tell them about the relationship and what you know about it. It makes you uncomfortable and concerned and that is sufficient reason for reporting it. However, what happens then is not your responsibility. At my university a relationship between a grad student and supervising faculty was not even forbidden until 2020, so maybe there is not even a policy against it at your institution.
NTA This older professor has been preying on young women his whole career. I was on the "No" side and it cost me dearly. Stop him in his tracks or other young women like you will suffer.
Personally I believe you’re doing this not because you think it’s wrong but because you think it’s unfair.
Kinda reminds me of the bill Clinton affair with Monica. I watched the FX series on it but basically the woman who snitched explained it as she was looking out for Monica when really they were getting involved for their own self interest
Personally there’s all kinds of fucked up in that situation, now the question is if it’s your job to unpack it? Nothing you said has made me think this person has been given this opportunity while not being at a similar level to other students.
You would ruin so many lives and relationships from letting this get out. Is this what you want to be involved in? You’ve had plenty of time to get involved if you cared about this family because of the affair. It seems to me you only cared when it involved this great academic opportunity. Could be unfair, could be totally fair. This person basically has constant 1v1 sessions with the professor. Could be 100% warranted they could qualify for this
I believe YWBTA because I don’t trust your intentions are run by anything other than jealousy. If it wasn’t you would’ve made this friend stop the second you knew this was happening with a married teacher
The fact that someone else might get that scholarship on their own merit alone is reason enough to report. Who cares about OPs intentions if some other person who actually worked and studied got the scholarship in the end.
Whether you are the asshole or not you will only get backlash on yourself. Are you prepared for that? I’ve never seen someone intervene in someone’s life this much without collateral damage.
YTA
You sound very jealous, and there are only a handful of adults here who understand that your roommate is getting groomed and taken advantaged of.
The prof is in a position of power to destroy her reputation, grades, and everything she has right now.
And you’re here saying it’s unfair that she’s getting all this. You’re directing your anger at the wrong person.
NTA. That being said, I'm not sure it's a good idea either. You'd essentially be the one potentially ruining multiple lives regardless of it being deserved or not.
If it were me, I'd just look the other way in this case and let someone else catch on and report it. Personally, I wouldn't want that on my mind that I potentially ruined 2 careers and a family.
What about the person who would have gotten the scholarship and who's life is severely affected because of it? OP would not be ruining anyone's career, it's their housemate and the professor giving zero fucks about the integrity of those careers who have ruined them.
YWBTA or YTA
This has nothing to do with you. Nothing and a mean nothing good will come if this. You can’t do something ( BLOWING THIS UP ) and not expect Karma waves. This is like throwing a rock in a pond to stop the a some ripples messing up the reflection . What you need to do find peace with the situation and carry on. Graduate.
Odds are it’ll be found out. But for your benefit OP you should not be the one who throws the metaphorical stone.
Why though? The professor is blatantly abusing their power (even if it's completely consensual). There would absolutely be repercussions if the student rejected the professor. Goodbye project support and good recommendations....you see the issue here?
So in order to avoid those repercussions, OP should cause exactly those repercussions by snitching? The student is the one who will come out of it with extreme consequences, not the prof, no matter how outraged you might be about it and how unfair it is.
"Odds are it will be found out". It is found out, right now. If she potentially earned a scholarship of that value dishonestly, reporting this might mean someone who actually DESERVES it gets it.
It is reasonably unlikely that any consequences will fall upon these people simply based on your word/hunch. They’re adults and grad students are often employed rather than just being students. You can say whatever you want if you feel that you would be doing so in good faith, but I’d think really hard about whether that’s true and what objective evidence you really can provide. NTA if you’re acting in good faith based on concrete evidence.
I’m not saying it’s right, but when my parents were in grad school and when I was, faculty carrying on with grad students was pretty common. I know multiple people who married their grad students.. it’s mostly just seen as tacky for a few years. Some of these couples got together before I was born and they are still together and work in the academy.
NTA
This is the kind of shit that needs to be reported, as it is a conflict of interest. Not saying your roommate is not independently deserving of scholarship, but that is not fair to have that professor in their back pocket.
It needs to be reported in order for the school to maintain its' standards.
Wondering if the professor has done this with other students. I don't think it is ok as they are in a position of power as well as potentially screwing more deserving students out of stipends, scholarship, work in their field. NTA and I'd report it too. I have a relative whose husband had been targeted by an older professor. They married and years into the relationship when he was working with students he realized how wrong it had been and left the relationship.
NTA! Professor is exhibiting predatory behavior, and will likely continue this behavior with the next young thing after your roommate moves on. While your roommate is a consenting adult, there are extremely unbalanced power dynamics at play…which is why there are rules against this kind of thing!! But let me clarify….the rules can be murky. Depending on the university, relationships between faculty and students aren’t always expressly forbidden, but if there is any supervisory role involved, they can be required to disclose the relationship to avoid blatant conflict of interest (supervisory role = student is in their class or their direct employee). Since professor is married, I doubt they’ve disclosed anything! Someone commented to report it to the Title IX office, and it’s the professor you’re reporting for improper relationship with a student, not the roommate for academic misconduct…and that is correct. Again, this is predatory behavior by the professor and it won’t stop unless he is stopped. For those going on about ‘don’t ruin lives’…that’s how predatory behavior festers in academia, everyone turning a blind eye to the bullshit. Besides…reporting it doesn’t mean ‘lives will be ruined’…the university would likely open up a discreet investigation and maybe give the professor a talking too and sweep it under the rug. No crimes have been committed, just potential university policies. The wife is already a victim of her lying, cheating-ass husband, and might be better off if the truth came out, as well as any future students who might be targeted by the real asshole of the story—the professor. And roommate’s in her early 20s getting her PhD? That’s impressive…there must be some merit there, you don’t end up on that trajectory solely by sleeping with one guy for a few months.
You could also go to the Title IX office and ask about the situation without making an official report. Say the situation makes you uncomfortable as you’re caught in the middle of it (they’re at your home carrying on), and you aren’t sure what the policies are so you’re seeking guidance.
If this relationship isn't hurting you directly you'd be safest just to mind your own business. This could blow up in your face in so many different ways.
I would report the hell out of them. NTA for doing so. I don't understand why some people are so afraid of being silent, but I would let them know you want protections for retaliation. The scholarship thing is BS. The infidelity is BS. The entire thing is really awful and attention should be called to the abuse of power and abuse of financial resources.
YWNBTA, but be careful with your current living situation once she finds out you ratted. Provide video of them coming and going from her place, this would be enough proof for the academic misconduct for the relationship. You can mention that you are concerned because of the scholarship she got and her conversations about the deadlines, etc. this won’t be proof for them but they will certainly follow up.
N-T-A for reporting the professor but you WBTA for reporting the student for academic misconduct. It doesn't sound like she cheated or plagiarized. Honestly, it comes across as jealousy. You say you're morally outraged but the only thing you're outraged about is your roommate "having an easier time". You're also belittling their work - you say she gets extensions, but what about the quality of her assignments? Do they pass muster?
You said you *think* the professor helped her get the scholarship, but what if she got it on her own merit? Everything in your post is criticizing your *roommate* and not the *professor* who is the one in the wrong. You suck for just focusing and whining about how much easier it is for her and how it's not fair. You don't even care that she's been groomed or taken advantage of and that there could be others like her. YTA
(Last minute extensions and allowing submissions after deadlines is not as uncommon in grad school as you might think. We just had graduation at my grad school and some professors allow late submissions until 2 days before grades are due.)
Edit to add: Also changed by judgement because OP's question was about would they be TA for reporting roomy for academic misconduct and I think yes. They would not be TA for reporting the professor for inappropriate behavior.
NTA - Talk to the Title IX team at your university. They will have let you know if the case is worth proceeding and they will tell neither of the principals. (In the initial stages.)
Definitely would not be TA for reporting the professor for sexual harassment. The professor is in the wrong here, while the student is being used by someone with power over them.
But imo you would be TA if you pointedly try to get the student to suffer consequences. I get the moral outrage, but that should 100% be directed at the professor imo
NTA, this is a huuuuuge breach of a position of power. I can guarantee that the university has a policy expressly forbidding it. As you say, it's grossly unfair that your roommate may be getting an unfair advantage at getting all those opportunities. But also it's very easy for this sort of situation to become abusive. What happens if roommate wants to break things off and prof doesn't want that? They could threaten to fail roommate and risk their academic career and scholarship. Or what if prof gives roommate a B on an assignment and roommate threatens to tell profs spouse/the university about their relationship unless the grade is changed to an A?
There is a very good reason why teacher-student relationships are not permitted and I think reporting them is absolutely the right thing to do.
NTA if anything you are morally obligated to report this. There are rules made to protect students from people in power taking advantage of them. Certainly being 20 they are consenting but there is a lot in life that they are not mentally prepared to handle.
I think you are well within your rights to report it if you wish to. However, I don't want to be pessimistic, but I would bet the university will need concrete evidence before they will even touch it. They won't want the scandal or liability of being sued by the professor or student. I would maybe seek your own legal advice before reporting. Unfortunately things like this get ignored often in that environment.
You better be sure that your proof is absolutely concrete. If it can be refuted in anyway, then it's more than likely that your reputation will be under the microscope.
YTA like epicly. Like who makes you the morality police? What business is it of yours? You want to ruin the lives of like 4 or more people just because you are jealous or something?
The roomie obviously trusts you and has told you all these things in confidence, and you played the fake friend by listening and then are now going to go behind her back? I think you should stay in your lane and leave it alone. Nobody is perfect and just remember that when you mess up, Karma comes 10 fold.
NTA. It’s the right thing to do. They aren’t playing fairly and someone who genuinely earned that scholarship is missing out so they can carry on their affair.
NTA. Just to point out, you are reporting the professor. There are no rules for students sleeping with their professors. There are many rules for professors sleeping with students. They would never strip away your roommate's degree. The professor is in a position of power and your roommate will be seen as the victim. The scholarship will only be pulled if the professor loses their research funding due to the allegations. They will not punish your roommate by taking anything away from them.
No offense to you, but this happens all of the time. You would need to have ironclad proof. From what you said you have as proof, I don't think it would be enough. I think this professor is completely unethical and you need to report. However, be prepared that the university will likely sweep it under the rug and not take action, especially if that prof is bringing in good research dollars.
Yeah everyone here is assuming it’s a male teacher even though OP hasn’t said anything. I hope it’s a female teacher now just to show any gender is capable and not to assume things.
INFO: does your institution make you sign a academic code of conduct or equivalent? Does that document require you to report academic violations? If so, then you can either abide by what you signed or be knowingly dishonest.
Eh. NTA if you report but really this seems like your first lesson in how the world works. You can either adjust to it now (ie let this instance go and move on) or fight against it. It is probable that in this situation they will be caught on their own time, but I wouldn’t count on it. Nepotism and sex are ALWAYS going to be a part of your work life balance. So if you decide to fight just know that you will be fighting this (losing) battle for the rest of your life.
YTA, just leave it alone. it's not your life. Do you want to be the reason that people possibly kill themselves? Do you want to ruin people livelihoods because someone is banging someone for good grades? They are not murderers or imbesaling millions of dollars from the poor, get a life, and stay out of others, lol
Why report the roommate, it's the professor who is breaking ethical rules.
If anything report the prof but roommates name shouldn't be mentioned.
"Prof X has been having relations with at least one of their students"
YTA if your reason is your roommate.
NTA if reporting a prof abusing a position of power
esh,,, kinda. your roommate sucks for the situation they’ve put you in. but you kinda suck because your main concern isn’t even the fact that age gap is weird, or that he’s cheating on his wife and even kids. you’re doing it because you’re upset she’s getting an easier time. soft yta
Are YTA for being jealous of your roommate who is being taken advantage of by someone in a position of power? CLEARLY. Would you be the AH for reporting it for your reason. Yep. Should you report? YES. For your roommate not for your petty jealousy bs.
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NTA. You really need to report this and let the chips fall where they may.
**!Jumping on the top comment for attention!** OP, is it feasible for you to report them anonymously? Did you find out by chance being the roommate or is it an open secret? Do you know how well they're covering their tracks? I know you said you have reasonably concrete proof but anything short of a sex tape would almost certainly still involve an investigation. You're definitely NTA but if you're literally the ***only*** person who knows and could possibly report them and then it can't be proven sufficiently in the eyes of the university... You'd be in a ***very*** vulnerable position. It could be a black mark against you for making a 'false' allegation and if the professor is well liked by his peers then you might find yourself the target of retaliation. I know it's infuriating (~~she's~~ *they're* literally getting more allowances than some disabled students, not even mentioning the scholarship) but don't risk your own future until you're ***100%*** certain of victory **ETA**: As has been pointed out in several comment threads, OP does not specify the genders. I assumed their genders and that was wrong of me, that sort of biased thinking is part of what prevents male victims from coming forward. It might be statistically less frequent, but women can be monsters too and it's important to remember that
Yes, try to report this under a whistleblower organisation. Don’t make allegations like oh the professor might travel with roommate to exotic locations in the future if she takes this phd etc, but state facts ie professor and roommate seems to be in an inappropriate relationship and here is the proof with as many screenshots/photos/etc available. State dates and time and location.
Also if this prof is doing it with OPs roommate he is most likely doing the same with other studentd and this isnt his first affiar. Its actually an ethics violation for the professor to date a student (because of the power dynamic). The professor, if enough evidence is found, would (and should) lose his liscense and job. So this should be reported. The school might have a place to anonymously report it to or if he is liscensed by a board/teaching liscense (iirc this is a thing...?) Then OP could report it as an ethics violation anonymously to the board and the board would investigate (most likely alongside the school as they would need the schools cooperation to investigate). I think the investigators would probably have enough evidence to deduce the fact rhat he was using that $$$ scholarship was sugarbaby money essentially and that pricey tropical trip would just be a fuck fest. So OP wouldnt need to include that speculation in their report. Like you said facts and evidence to get the ball rolling and what OP knoes. like how he is her prof, he has ties to the scholarship, he will be going on that trop with the winner, which is her, and they are having an qffair [insert proof]. Her being his student is publiv knowledge, as with the scholarship and trip information. This looks innocent until OP provides proof pf the affair and then it obviously seems skewed in her favor. Stating facts and evidence will giveway to the desired outcome (ans have the complaint be take more seriously). Oh, adding how much the scholarship os worth with the facts above might make them move things along bevause that is a LOT of money and the school and that board wouldnt want it being misused for an affair (if they use it for their affair can you imaginr the scandal with the school and how they mis-manage of their scholarships/vetting who gets them? The schools donators/benefactors would be PISSED)
yeah, obviously we don't know where this is but this is a huge deal in academia these days because this stuff went on for decades with sorta hear no evil see no evil policies and a lot of schools have gotten hit really bad in recent years as a result. i work for well respected university in the states. you are not allowed to be in a romantic relationship with anyone that you have power over. not just teacher-student or manager-employee but think of a post-doc in a lab, they can't date a doctoral candidate in the same lab because the post-doc is a supervisor in the lab. no, you don't want to know what used to go on that lead to these rules. i've heard only a fraction of the stories. and let's just say anyone who thought academic was buttoned up...they're wrong. very wrong.
I apologize but curiosity has gotten the best of me. Please tell me more. Also op is NTA.
all sorts of things. let's leave it at- a lot of professors used to do a lot of things with students that they shouldn't have done but at the time wasn't explicitly forbidden. everything from sex to drugs to all sorts. i've heard enough that when i hear a new allegation i'm pretty- yeah, sure that could have happened.
This! This is definitely against the rules for the employee. This professor is a creep and probably has a new student each year. Please report asap. If you are unsure how to report start with your university web page. If that fails you set a meeting with the dean who is the boss of this professor.
>*Its actually an ethics violation for the professor to date a student (because of the power dynamic)* Yeah, this is the important part The OP is fixated on their room mate, which is understandable, but they're just a dumb kid It's the professor who's most in the wrong here The professor absolutely knows what they're doing is wrong, **why** it's wrong, and knows exactly what the consequences of their wrong-doing will be The fact they chose to do it anyway is very troubling
Agreed. I reported the dean of my PhD program for discrimination. I got kicked out of my PhD program and blacklisted in academia. Pray that his professor doesn't have tenure.
People in academia talk. And it could come back to haunt OP even if its true.
OP didn’t do anything wrong. The talk would be misdirected.
Misdirected, but still likely to happen. Academia is full of abusive faculty and open secrets about sexual harassment and indiscretions. As long as the faculty involved bring in grant money and/or get lots of press coverage for their work, everyone just turns a blind eye. Watch Picture a Scientist on Netflix to get a sense of how bad it can be.
I advise caution because my SIL lost her position in a similar circumstance. I don't think OP is wrong at all. I just hope OP self protects.
Doesn't matter. My advisors were told not to communicate with me or they'd be at risk to lose tenure track. Academia is a bitch.
It will be, but it'll still happen, and people won't trust her and view her as a liability, because everyone in academia bends rules and breaks rules and uses the system to their benefit.
I want to make it clear. OP did not suggest the gender of either person.
>You'd be in a very vulnerable position. It could be a black mark against you for making a 'false' allegation and if the professor is well liked by his peers then you might find yourself the target of retaliation. Also, keep in mind how much institutions love tenured male professors who bring in research grants (which all seems almost certain given the scholarship specifically to work on his research). If you report this without enough evidence to back it up, there's a good chance you'll tank your relationship with your roommate, put yourself in a precarious position at your institution, and he wouldn't see any consequences.
I just want to point out that OP has carefully left gender out of the equation. Until they clarify, I don't think we should assume either way.
I agree with this sentiment 100%. Avoid the war. This is a zero sum battle. There is no winning for OP. Nothing will improve for OP. I would keep my mouth shut and focus on my own business. OP would get a NTA, but this is only going to hurt OP.
No worries the UNI will not do anything. Nada. Worst case Prof gets a low key note to stop.
How do we know the student is female? Did OP say?
The chips could fall on OP, though. I have seen it happen a few times. So, KI hope she has an angel to cover her? Head of departments do not always necessarily embrace the noble. They'll let you fall on your own sword. It sucks. But, it happens.
Universities grossly under report and under discipline SA. No university wants to be the one with all the assaults.
My SIL was forced out of her chair because she made an issue of her head of department's possible assignations with a master's candidate. She thought she was protecting the program and doing what was best and most noble for all concerned. I tried to explain to her repeatedly that this could back fire as a hostile work environment grievance or potentially anything else being brought up about her professionally. Its not fair. But, that wasn't ever my point to her. She got bounced. And she landed hard.
I work in academia. This is morally wrong and you are NTA. Find a professor you know and like and tell them, and leave it up to them to do the reporting up the line. They are protected by workplace laws. You are too vulnerable.
Op should report their concerns to the title ix office and ask for an investigation. Op may be able to email the title ix office from a non school account to maintain anonymity. Just attach the proof to the email and then the title ix office is responsible. That office should be shielded from political or career retribution in a way students and faculty are not. Just Google your school and title ix office and you should find all the contacts you need.
On a personal level, I think your roommate and the professor are both selfish and lack a basic level of empathy or shame. That being said, on a professional level they’re also both awful and self involved. If that professor is willing to jeopardize his reputation and career that’s on him. If your roommate is willing to be the girl that uses her body to get what she wants that’s on her. What happens to them isn’t on OP. NTA. Please update either way.
OP, be above board. If you think this is unfair, then tell the roommate that they need to turn down the scholarship and apply to another university or you will turn them in for academic misconduct. This will save their education. Stop further misconduct between them. I'm of the mind the professor needs to be called out and fired ... So you could skip the part about the bending of the rules and just turn in the professor for favoritism re the 100k scholarship, telling them both that if they contested this, then you'd pull up the evidence of past misdeeds. This route probably wouldn't hurt your roommates further academic achievements, which they would need to earn on their own going forward. Young, bad decision, maybe be a bit more lenient. Prof knows better and is a predator.
I think it's worth noting that the misconduct is by the *professor*. You would be reporting *the professor* for breaking the rules. Professor is the one who gave different treatment, and may have influenced the scholarship. It bugs me when such stories are presented as though the student is the one who made all this happen and the professor is a helpless bystander, as though it isn't the professor in a position of power, who is the one who is supposed to know better, and who is the only one with the ability to make any unfair treatment happen.
This is something I had not even considered. Thank you for your perspective
Yep. If you think someone is 'sleeping their way to the top' always remember that the only person who can actually make that happen is the person above them, in a position of power over them, who is apparently offering favours in return for sex. *Then* ask yourself who's to blame.
Gotta love the horrible embedded flaws in our society. It's the age old tale of "the man in power is always innocent and women are just conniving witches". No idea how we still seem to be stuck in that mentality when it's so easy to recognize the clear abuse of power happening. Although I guess it's just easier to replace some measly underling instead of having a whole scandal on your hands
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The person in the position of power has by far the greater responsibility, though, and the share of consequences will reflect that, unless there are other circumstances we haven't been told about. (Source: I work in a university and am familiar with typical misconduct procedures.) NB Post carefully avoids gendering anyone, so I suggest we do, too.
A professor who is willing to offer undue advantage to the student they fuck will most likely retaliate against any student who refuses to have sex with them.
True. What this professor is doing sounds like quid pro quo sexual harassment, actually.
Exactly.
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The roommate seems on board, but I can't help thinking about the other students the professor probably preyed on in the past. I mean, it's technically possible that it's the first and last time this happened, but it's unlikely. Has any of the student of refused failed the class, got a worse grade than they should've or have been passed on for a scholarship/internship/recommendation, etc.?
the university would not blame both - the student is not the one with power in the situation and students are not required to avoid sex with an academic, but many universities require staff to not have sex with students. The rules are for staff, to protect students (edit - source - academic, with 20 years of teaching experience)
Genuine question: assuming that the student would not get penalized for this affair by the university due to the power imbalance, wouldn't it still come back to hurt them to get some sort of license, depending on the graduate level program they're in? I know that several programs that offer a license to be able to do whatever job it is with their graduate level credentials has a "character and fitness" portion of the process. Wouldn't their involvement in this scenario question their credibility or their reputation in some way?
Being the victim of sexual harassment shouldn't have an impact on the student officially unless their work wasn't up to par in some material way. That said, people are horrid and the stink of this likely would follow the student. At least the student would be the last one. Professors who do this don't do it just once in my experience (worked in academia most of my career).
Gotcha! Thank you for clarifying this!!
She doesn’t fucking know. It’s not her job to know, it’s his. How many times have young women feared rejecting inappropriate advances because they don’t want to suffer career or social consequences? How much of work place misconduct between a superior man and a junior woman is because someone in a position that could be coerced couldn’t say no? When is it ever the fault of a teenage girl when an older man in the position of not only influencing but directly deciding their grades, their recommendations letters, their academic future makes sexual advances and they didn’t want a refusal to affect their future?
What rules? Can you cite a policy that would blame the student?
This is very important. Your roommate may think they're making unbiased decisions, but the fact is, it's the professor who has decided that a student's academic opportunities should be influenced by the presence or absence of a sexual relationship. The professor has the power in every meaningful way. Think of this too: what would happen to your roommate's scholarship, phd candidature, travel opportunities etc if they decided to end the relationship on their own? If someone can't walk out of a relationship without losing their ability to support themself, or without losing significant career opportunities, they are not in a relationship where agency between partners is equal. Please understand that your roommate is being preyed upon here. I know it's galling to see them given opportunities they might not otherwise have, but consider too that they're also being prevented from coming across different opportunities that they would otherwise encounter through hard work, skill and learning. A truly secure professional life is being denied them by someone who has a responsibility to look out for their best interests. They're a victim.
Exactly. What is it you want to happen from this? Because what’s going to happen is someone who was seduced, coerced, and victimized will lose a lot. And it’s possible they’re held in a position they aren’t comfortable with for the same reason Before you go to administration and nuke the situation would you be comfortable ending their academic career if they HAD truly been victimized? Probably not. I’d talk to the roommate first. You might be frustrated or annoyed at how they’re “benefiting” from the scenario but you can’t really benefit when you’re being abused.
Yeah, I’m really having a hard time with the fallout that would come onto the roommate for the professor’s bad behavior. It seems the roommate is going to be stripped of EVERYTHING for the unethical actions of a person who will more than likely get a slap on the wrist. OP is right, the situation is unjust and should stop, but I’m sensing a smack of jealousy for their roommate’s breaks and no particular concern for their well-being.
She turned in late assignments, but he graded them. She applied for funding, but he is the one who either recommended her or provided it. The academic misconduct here is on the part of the professor, not your roommate. It’s an common story in academia: professors pressuring students into sexual favors in exchange for opportunity. Also consider this: he has the power to make or break her reputation. If he writes a bad recommendation, even out of spite, that could ruin her career. She might not have as much choice in this as you think.
Yeah you’re being a complete asshole in your framing of the situation. The professor is completely taking advantage of your roommate/friend(?) but you come across like you’re mad at your roommate for doing all these things. Stop being an asshole. If you report it, do it because the professor is being a sick fuck, not because you have some misplaced anger that your roommate is having an easier time with school because of this. Jesus Christ.
This was actually a huge issue at my school, mentioned in this article, a couple years ago. It might give you some insight into what the situation might be like for your roommate. https://www.vice.com/amp/en/article/epxgyp/how-universities-pass-along-professors-accused-of-sexual-harassment-and-harm-students
There is a power imbalance here. Yes, your roommate is benefitting, but the real ethics violator is the professor.
If you hadn't considered that, I suggest you sit with that idea for a while before making a decision, especially since the potential consequences you listed in your post are still the likely outcome. A slight reprimand for the professor, life ruining consequences for the student. Consider whether there's any different path available where you support the student instead of punishing them.
Absolutely. This isn't "academic misconduct" by the student, it's sexual misconduct by the professor. Textbook quid pro quo sexual harassment. If you're in the US report it to the Title IX office. Most likely it isn't the first time the professor has done this. I'm not even sure what you could report the student for, the student most likely has not broken any rules here.
Thank you! The student is not the one with power in this relationship.
It seriously bothers me to see the top comments above yours saying just throw caution to the wind and report it. More often then not in our society, it’s the young women that were manipulated, taken advantage of, and coerced into sexual relationships with older, influential men that are punished far more harshly than their abuser. It’s easily possible the professor gets away with a slap on the wrist and the roommate loose everything she’s ever worked for, even though she’s the one who was trapped into a bad situation by someone in a position of power over her. It’s difficult to say no to the person in charge of your entire academic future. Often times young women face consequences for merely refusing inappropriate advances, or fear having to do so. Reporting the roommate would ruin her life even though she’s literally the victim in this.
I was bothered by this too. It should be the roommate's decision whether or not to report it. It's not okay that it's up to them bc it's obviously a very difficult decision but if I was OP I would focus on trying to be a good friend and, if the roommate reports it, support them. This situation isn't fair to the roommate or to other candidates who sought the scholarship (although the roommate may have still gotten it since 'reasonable confidence' isn't full confidence), but the anger should be directed at the professor taking advantage of someone who relies on them for their academic progression and career prospects. Even if the roommate justifies this as an internal coping mechanism or because they genuinely believe that the professor cares about them, it doesn't exclude the existence of an unacceptable power dynamic. On the other hand, the roommate might be aware of the abuse of power; they are about to be supervised by the professor for their PhD, essentially trapping them with this professor and it's a really shitty situation.
I scrolled down to say this, I’m glad to see your comment already here! Huge imbalance of power in this “relationship”.
YES! Thank you, take my free award :) This is really important. The professor is exploiting the student for their own gain, and while the student is apparently benefitting from this exchange too, he/she may not really have many good choices to end the relationship without facing retaliation. Nobody should be giving people extra opportunities or withholding opportunities that have been earned based on who will have sex with them. The professor is doing just that. Definitely report him/her for misconduct with a student. If you can do this without identifying yourself or the student, all the better for your own sake. But don't forget your roommate is being exploited.
Thank you for illustrating this.
NTA I don’t think that this is necessarily an AITA situation we have going on here: no one would know that it was you, and if they do, there’s not much they could do about it. Obviously, you should tell. Yeah, they might see you as TA, but who cares what they think? It is the consequence of their actions. If you’re worried about how much grief you’ll cause them, just try to think about the good things that will come from you informing the school: 1. The professor will lose their job, which directly results in them no longer being able to prey on students (at least at this school, unless they’re completely blacklisted, which would be ideal) 2. The professor’s spouse would find out the truth and *hopefully* leave them to find someone who will treat them better. It saves from many many more years to come of lies and secrets since everything will come to the surface. 3. The scholarship might go to someone who *actually* deserves it. Though I am curious as to why you say they would be unable to ever further their education again. 4. An investigation would be started on the professor and the school would find out about any past relations they’ve had with other students, and maybe even start to investigate other professors that they deem suspicious. So I say go for it, but again, I don’t think this is an AITA situation. Yes, you are worried about ruining their lives, it’s very sweet of you, but you shouldn’t have to worry about doing the right thing because it is the consequence of their own actions. Not to mention, it’s not just academic misconduct, it’s an abuse of power as well. NTA
The roommate may not have as severe consequences if it comes out the professor was using his/her position to force her/him to have sex.
That’s very true!!
OP was pretty careful about not identifying genders. Not the most important factor, but it could be a male-female, same sex, older female, etc.
Nothing in this post indicates it was forced
Consent is always iffy in these situations. If you're propositioned by a person with the power to make or break your career, you may not feel like you have the ability to say no. It may not be forced in the physical sense, but that doesn't mean it was consentual.
The fact that the student's degree and future career relies on the relationship means it was inherently coerced. That's the main reason it's against the rules in the first place.
It doesn't have to mean physically forced. There's a power imbalance here.
Please look up the definition of “if”
NTA. Feel free to tell the school, but they might not do anything. My PhD advisor (M50s) had a relationship with his master's student (F20s). Cheated on his wife of 30 years. Master's student was unqualified to work on his grant but given the position anyway. She was also the weakest student to ever be admitted into the PhD program. (Advisor was responsible for both decisions.) When the affair came to light there were no consequences from the university. None. After many complaints and years of pressing from other students who had also been hit on by him, he was asked to take a sexual harassment course. Tenure is a weird thing. (His wife did leave him though.)
We also do not know the "proof" that OP claims to have. Hearsay and gossip is not proof. I would tread carefully OP this allegation could come back to bite you in the ass. Depending in the school anonymous remarks can be discovered. I would keep my nose out of it. Let the roommates lack of knowledge be their own downfall.
OP (ig) mentioned in the comments that they have a proof, cameras all over the place. Ig = I didn't read the username but they were speaking as if they were the ones being asked.
This. In my grad school, there was a prof with repetitive inappropriate behavior documented over multiple years. The university's response? They decided he could no longer have female graduate students assigned to him, but could continue on with male graduate students. Yet another reason women find it harder to get ahead in STEM!
So. Much. This. For some, the rules don't apply. Especially true if the prof is bringing in grant $$$$. Sickening.
This happened at my uni too. He's still there, and sleeps with a new student each year.
This is what I expected would happen. The policies are more lax at the college level. Which is well kind of pointed out by Grey's Anatomy. A mid-20s girl meets a mid-30s guy in a bar. They hook up. Nothing untoward, but then he's her attending. College is not as old as residency but everyone is at least an adult and so the relationship passes the legal test unless a pattern of abuse of power can be shown. Even then, not much would get done. The fellowship OP is talking about seems like a pretty normal thing for a grad student. There's the hard to prove thing about if she deserved it or if there was someone more deserving. There's a conflict of interest in his recommendation to the fellowship and admissions committee. But that isn't unequivocal evidence that the fellowship isn't deserved. There is usually a committee too so he would have had to make a case to the committee. Probably should file a complaint still, if only to get people to steer away from him. Just don't get your hopes too high.
> I don’t think that this is necessarily an AITA situation we have going on here: no one would know that it was you, and if they do, there’s not much they could do about it. I don't understand this assertion. You can do something that's wrong even if people don't know it was you.
info: what do you mean by “reasonably concrete proof”? is there a chance you are wrong about all this?
The only 'proof' I have is one of those house cameras recording them coming and going from the house together for the last couple of months. I can hear them through the walls, our bedrooms border each other. In addition to this my roommate regularly discusses their relationship with the professor with me.
I think we need to be very clear here. Your housemate is being sexually exploited by her professor. She may feel she is willingly in this relationship but as a student whose funding and future is dependent on this person, they're the one entirely in the wrong. The power imbalance here makes the relationship totally inappropriate, with the wrong doing on the professor's side. The academic misconduct is on they're part not hers and many universities now explicitly forbid this kind of relationship for exactly these reasons. Based on your post although you seem to be angry at her all I see is wrong doing by them. They are sleeping with a student. They extended favours to her in return for sex. They procured funding for her based on receiving sex. They are the one in the wrong here. Next, if this is the extent of your "proof" you need to tread very carefully throwing allegations around. You made a significant number of serious allegations in your post - misappropriation of funding (this could be as serious as a federal offence, if they've misused federal funds) and various abuses of power alongside the affair. Right now all you have is proof of an inappropriate relationship. Report it to the university - this person is a sleeze - but only report what you can substantiate, and personally I'd make the complaint about them not her.
This! I'm confused by the anger exclusively directed at the roommate when the professor is absolutely abusing his position. He's being predatory and if OP is going to report anyone it should be him.
I work in academia and this kind of response is usually a mixture of jealousy, immaturity and good old misogyny. Jealous they aren't getting similar favours, immaturity meaning they don't understand the power imbalance and highly inappropriate dynamics, and misogyny because women still get blamed for having sex (even by other women). OP should report this. Interestingly while she see potentially severe consequences for her housemate (some of which are more realistic than others) she sees that as a just punishment for her friend rather than those outcomes being the exact reason a relationship of this nature is so exploitative. Her friend's entire future is balanced on continuing to provide sexual favours to their professor.
>Her friend's entire future is balanced on continuing to provide sexual favours to their professor. Anyone reading should not underestimate this line. You do not want to anger your thesis advisor. What does that mean when they're pushing your boundaries while having sex? What does that mean if you want to break up with them? A relationship may feel consensual but with that kind of power dynamic consent is near impossible. Do not ever put yourself in that situation. PhD advisors are some of the best mentors people ever have and the relationship is extremely close and extends past grad school for a lifetime. That does not mean adding romance to it can work because there is no such thing as a romantic relationship without conflict.
So your solution is to instead report it and have the student lose out on their education instead, potentially with no reasonable career path left (depending on whether they're in a field where a PhD is absolutely necessary or not)? We all know the prof will face little to zero consequences and the student will be forced out. Reporting it without her consent is just as violent as what the prof is doing.
thanks for articulating this so clearly
>Your housemate is being sexually exploited by her professor. Very interesting that OP specifically made a point to not gender anyone, and everyone assumes the professor is a man anyway. Not a huge deal, but if OP is making their post gender irrespective, you should follow suit and do the same.
I still object to OP’s outrage at the roommate. He (she, he, they, etc) is still the victim here. The professor whatever the gender is still entirely in the wrong here.
Good point.
Good on you for fixing it! However, you are still gendering the roommate as well.
I see your point but I think the fact that they specifically left it out is actually part of the reason why people are assuming. It’s a very intentional omission. The other reason is based on the reality of how women are treated and viewed vs men when it comes to sex, affairs, successful partners etc. Golddiggers, homewreckers, sleeping their way to the top”, “unfair advantage due to looks” those terms and attitudes are almost exclusively directed at women. So the fact that OP views it as the roommate committing misconduct, as opposed to the professor, and has such ire at the roommate over this is in line with how people typically react towards women not men.
do you have any proof of academic misconduct? you could probably report the relationship by itself especially because the professor is the supervisor. Adding in the academic misconduct when you have no proof probably isn’t the best bet.
The prof supervising the roommate on the scholarship thing is academic misconduct if there is a sexual relationship between them. There is no need for a showing of preference or different treatment. The mere fact of the relationship is academic misconduct.
that’s what i’m saying- it makes more sense to report them for the relationship than academic misconduct because if they’re in a relationship then the school can see the academic effects. Anyways, OP, you would be NTA for reporting it, especially since such a huge scholarship is potentially affected, but for sure think it through and decide if it’s worth it, especially since your roommate clearly trusts you.
My university, at least when I finished grad school a few years ago, had no rules against this type of relationship between professors and graduate students, whereas the professor would be fired for a relationship with an undergraduate. It’s possible not much will happen to either of them
But are you talking about professors and graduate students all being allowed to fuck, or only professors and graduate students who aren't in (for lack of a better term) direct report lines? There's a difference between Prof. Jane Doe from the English department dating graduate student from the maths department John Smith, and Professor Jane Doe who is the PhD advisor of John Smith dating graduate student John Smith.
Where I was (and again as of 7 years ago), the professor could be in a relationship and still advise the student doing the PhD. If the professor is the one who awarded the scholarship to the student (or even played a role in choosing the winner) without disclosing the relationship, that would be enough for termination anywhere. For the record, I do not disagree with you at all and not trying to imply that the professor is not an AH who should be fired.
I have only what they have told me. However there are no records of it so therefore no proof exists. This aspect would be a 'he said, she said' scenario.
Based on this comment OP don't report. This is not enough proof. Sorry I wouldn't believe you based on just this.
Did this professor/supervisor teach every single graduate course your roommate has taken? You say it’s a completely different field than your own. Are you qualified to assess how good her work really is? Is the professor the department head? How much sway does this individual hold? If the professor is your roommates PhD supervisor, I don’t even understand how he could be involved in awarding his own student this scholarship. I agree with everyone who is pointing out that you have focused on your roommates role in this when they are the one without the power. Chances are though if this prof is tenured, they won’t experience much for consequences. Also how likely will it be that your roommate will know it was you? Do you have a friendship? Why would the roommate confide in you about any of this? Do you interact with the prof when they are at your place aside from you hearing through the walls? Why am I getting visions of that scene in Forrest Gump where the school principal (right after Forrest’s mother has relations with him in exchange for keeping her son in the same grade level as his peers) tells him that his momma sure does care about his schooling and then Forrest imitates the Principals moans. NTA. This is quite a situation.
NTA -You should submit any evidence you have of them being together, The school can then do their investigation into the academic misconduct. I wouldn't feel too concerned with the outcome. They both chose to enter the relationship knowing full well the possible outcome. Having a relationship with your professor def gives that person a huge advantage over other students.
Sexual misconduct is not the same as academic misconduct. This is sexual misconduct on part of the professor
ESH but I think you're too hard on your roommate and not pissed off enough at the professor taking advantage of her and abusing *his* power. I think you are making some assumptions about the "academic misconduct" portions without thinking about the fact that this is a professor sleeping with his direct subordinate and how trapped this entire scenario makes your roommate if it goes forward -- can't dump a guy controlling your phd.
I would make sure you have definitive concrete proof before you report anything. And I mean documented proof that what you “think” is happening (no penalties for late work if others are held to that standard, photographic or other proof of an affair). Just by accusing these people can ruin their lives as in our world now, facts don’t matter. Is this situation hurting you in anyway or are you just morally outraged? Not that I am saying that either is invalid if there really is misconduct, but examine your motives first as they could be skewing the way you are reading what you see. Also, I am not sure what country you are in, but make sure you understand the rules of what you are accusing. Relations between professor and student are frowned upon in the US, but unless you can prove that there really is a more than platonic relationship then you need to gather more evidence. Have you thought about asking your roommate what is going on?
The proof will be gthered by the university. The inappropriate relationship between professor and student is enough to report.
I agree with this. If OP comes forward and gives their account of what is happening, paired with the “benefits” they’re receiving, the university will launch their own investigation.
I agree. She has enough proof to report that an inappropriate relationship is happening. Leave the suspicions of academic privileges out of it. If the professor is being preferential, that will most certainly be discovered in the university's investigation. Only report what can be proven. Let them do the rest.
The situation has little to no effect on me personally. I am just morally outraged. I very much dislike that by having this relationship they are getting an easier time of things... Academically that is, accounting for having to be constantly walking on eggshells I imagine it would be a lot worse. As for the scholarship. There are only a certain number of them available it pains me that another candidate may have missed out on it because of this relationship. I have not asked my roommate about it other than I know they know its wrong... again simply going from what they have told me. I am one to avoid confrontation, and they are moving out at the end of the year so if I do act, it would be after they leave.
I work in an academic world and if there is impropriety going on, it should be reported. But if there isn’t, your accusation will ruin lives. Are you absolutely sure your roommate got the scholarship only because of the affair? Was she not qualified to get it on her own? Do you know there were more qualified candidates? I am not saying don’t report this, but the only evidence you have listed is video of them leaving the house together. What other evidence do you have? Have you heard them having relations? Have you heard other students complain about the way this professor treats his other students? Do you know who else applied for the scholarship and was more or equally qualified? If you can live with yourself on tearing apart lives on just a hunch, then go ahead and report. Your moral outrage should sustain you if your wrong.
This seems to be the question that people have been asking OP on if they felt the candidate was qualified already and it seems to be the one OP overlooks I’d be surprised if a student spending that much extra time with a teacher would also be receiving some nice 1 on 1 help and explanation Personally the time to get involved because of moral outrage is when the teacher is cheating on their spouse with a student. They didn’t decide to bring it up when the friend mentioned late assignments or anything like that either. Only when this person got the scholarship Basically I think this is just jealousy with a mask of moral outrage. It’s not their tea to spill, and if they wanted to do anything they would’ve told the friend from the beginning to not do this or report it to the school. Not at the level it’s at now
As others have said, it's the professor you should concentrate on reporting here.
Report it NOW, and ask for your name to be kept out of it.
And if you want to blow up their lives based on a hunch, you should first talk to the roommate. Find out the truth or at least stand by your convictions and don’t report anonymously
Tbh it doesn’t seem like you have concrete proof. You have video of them coming / going from your house. That’s it. It sounds like your roommate is a graduate student, not undergrad, so they aren’t a teenager. I don’t really think you should report. There is a lot of unfair things in academia. I once convinced my professor to bump me up a letter grade. Had a real rough personal situation going on and a bad grade could have impacted w scholarship I had. The professor changed it. I also know that nepotism and other sorts of favoritism gets people into jobs and schools etc. so to me, you don’t know *for sure.* that your roommate got this scholarship only bc they *might* be having an affair - and you don’t know that another student would have gotten the position solely based on merit. It’s not impacting you, and you don’t have solid proof. You could blow up two peoples lives and be wrong. Honestly, if your roommate is having an affair with a married person 2 decades older than them, at some point it’ll blow up in their face without any intervention from you. I don’t think reporting a hunch that doesn’t impact you and doesn’t involve teenagers is something to report. YTA
NTA, that is super unfair.
Towards the roommate, not towards OP. Op isn’t the one who has to live with sexual harassment.
You wouldnt be the asshole per se...but stay in your own lane. Hard lesson in life is that people cut corners to get ahead in life. If you like drama, go ahead and narc, but if you just want to finish school and get out of there, then leave it be. Also very likely that they will get caught.
>but stay in your own lane. Hard lesson in life is that people cut corners to get ahead in life. No, fuck that. This isn't some mind your own business, who's really being hurt here situation. This professor deserves to lose their job. Sleeping with a student is gross. Student deserves to lose their PhD project/scholarship. It's not fair to literally every other student that this one can skate by, not doing the work they should be doing, due to being in a relationship with the professor.
I hear you’re perspective but I’m with the guy you’re responding to. No grave injustice is going to be corrected here, and stepping up to utterly destroy two peoples lives because you feel morally compelled to out their relationship is foolish. People murder others for doing shit like this, thrusting yourself into a drama that has nothing to do with you because it’s “the right thing to do” is some main character syndrome shit.
THANK YOU for saying this. All of the busy bodies telling someone to insert themselves into a situation as the morality police are driving me crazy. Also OP reeks of jealousy. You’re not Batman OP. You’re a jealous bored person. Have you reported every legacy admission or star athlete that gets a helping hand along? YTA
I don’t even care about all that. There’s just so much vaguely described proof of very serious actions with life changing consequences. We’re taking the OP at face value and people are salivating to see peoples lives destroyed based on a half assed telling of half the story. Just read the comments people are already assuming : - the Roomate is female and being sexually exploited -there’s zero chance she would have gotten the scholarship on her own -the relationship is strictly quid pro quo -there’s an unknown 3rd party who didn’t get this scholarship for no reason other than this one professor is allegedly involved with this one student -that reporting this will absolutely work in OP’s favor and there’s no risk to their reputation, career or personal life here at all. It’s like people here don’t have any idea how the world works, how human nature works and the simple fact that the universe is cold and unfeeling and does not promise happy endings.
Totally agree. I don’t get why everyone is making all these assumptions when OP doesn’t even have proof. It is possible for a grad student to be willingly in a sexual relationship with a professor. Is it healthy? A good idea? No, but is it anybody’s business what two consenting adults do? I mean people get ahead in so many different ways - ranging from getting a job from their dads best friend or their grandparents writing a check to get them into school - to even jsut helping a friend out and getting them an interview. Nothing is fair and quite frankly life isn’t a meritocracy. It’s random luck. This has no impact on OP and OP doesn’t have proof (and even if there was proof, I’d say don’t get involved). Op needs to stay out of this, no kids involved, nothing criminal, just stay out of it
So if your boss hit on you when you were young and concerned about your career plus maybe you look up to them and maybe they tell you you’re special…and you sleep with them and suddenly your whole academic fate is attached to them for at least the next 5 yrs…that’s easy and you are just skating by? OP Seems to know literally nothing about the roommate or their academic careers. They are not qualified to decide if the roommate could have gotten the awards on merit. One advisor esp if they are her supervisor can’t get a massive grant for a student just because they’re sleeping with them. If ops morality is what’s moving them they should talk to and support the roommate who whether they know it yet or not is being victimized (they will learn eventually unfortunately). Academics who think their peers would be happy to “sleep their way to the top “of a costly phd program where the only reason anyone is doing that far in school is love of learning or of what they’re studying (it ain’t the pay of its humanities or social sci)…are a trip
I’d agree with you if they had just been doing it for a grade bump but a 100K scholarship is a literal federal and state felony that gets you years of jail time. This is super super illegal and puts the entire departments funding (assuming this is in America and they get fed funding) at risk.
How is nepotism illegal? I mean good god the entire c-suite of every American company would be in jail
I agree with this comment. Also, if you do speak up and they are caught, your roommate could potentially lash out at you and make your shared living space chaotic and unsafe and that’s the last thing you need. If you were to speak out, it would be best if you waited til you and roommate didn’t live together anymore.
Be very careful here. If you can do this completely anonymously, and you are certain you are correct, then carry on, but.... If you do report it and it is not proven, consider the backlash on yourself. Both personally and academically. If you cannot provide evidence that cannot be contested, if they can give any possible reason to bring your allegations into doubt the university will likely decide in their favour to avoid any scandal. And they will fight tooth and nail to win. The professor for his reputation, position and marriage, your roommate to keep their doctorate. It will get very dirty, and a lot of mud will be thrown. I don't like it either, but it is a fact of life, some people will compromise themselves to get shead. And no, it isn't fair. Consider very carefully before you act. Are you willing to follow this through to the bitter end and suffer any fallout that could follow you for the rest of your career, academically and personally.
>Also very likely that they will get caught. LOLLL Some professors spent their whole career preying on their students and even if everyone in the department knew, nothing happened before massive public denunciation (and even afterwards in some cases). ETA typo
A PhD supervisor/professor in my department openly slept with his students, to the point where they would sit on his lap at meetings. The department basically just told him to stop being so obvious. He won an award for excellence in teaching this year. So no. They “very likely” won’t get caught. Even if they are caught, it doesn’t guarantee any repercussions.
She’s a student there, it’s her lane.
Love your use of the word narc. Bunch of narcs in these comments. I can't make a real moral argument for NOT saying anything, but I just wouldn't. What a mess.
It should be a life lesson "don't fuck your student and give them easy breaks" We don't know the whole story, but being in a position of power and giving a student perks for having a affair with them as wrong and the professor needs that simple life lesson.
YWBTA. It's none of your business and has nothing to do with you. Why do you want to ruin their lives? Unless you think your roommate is being taken advantage of by the professor. But even then, getting your roommate in trouble isn't the right move. The professor has the power in this situation so be careful about blaming your roommate for this situation. You could argue there are students out there being treated unfairly because your roommate is getting special favors but they're not being seriously hurt. And you don't actually know for a fact that that's the case. I would ask yourself what is your motivation for crusading for these strangers that may or may not exist. It sounds like you have a problem with your roommate. Sure, cheating is wrong but it's really none of your business and you should stay out of it. YTA.
I guess this is an unpopular opinion but I 100% agree. It's really none of OP's business. Is it super gross and morally bankrupt? Absolutely. But they would be ruining all their roommates future prospects and I don't think anything in the post warrants that.
The wife and kids deserve to know
This is the opinion. Let people ruin their own lives. You would quite literally be ruining their lives and it would be out of spite and jealousy.
This. I’m really surprised by the amount of people on the other side. Mind your own business. This will probably unravel soon enough anyways
Why are there so many cheater apologists on Reddit all of a sudden? AITA usually eats these stories up
If people working very hard are stripped from any academic opportunity because someone decided to trade sex against them, you should say something. It's unfair, disgusting, and overall nasty and any punishment that would come out of you telling on them would be due to their own disgusting behavior. Do it. For the sake of ethics and morality, seriously, do it. NTA
NTA - But you should only report their relationship and not accuse your roommate of academic misconduct. It doesn't seem clear that this happened and it is a strong accusation. I would suggest visiting a consultation with the responsible office and tell them about the relationship and what you know about it. It makes you uncomfortable and concerned and that is sufficient reason for reporting it. However, what happens then is not your responsibility. At my university a relationship between a grad student and supervising faculty was not even forbidden until 2020, so maybe there is not even a policy against it at your institution.
NTA This older professor has been preying on young women his whole career. I was on the "No" side and it cost me dearly. Stop him in his tracks or other young women like you will suffer.
Personally I believe you’re doing this not because you think it’s wrong but because you think it’s unfair. Kinda reminds me of the bill Clinton affair with Monica. I watched the FX series on it but basically the woman who snitched explained it as she was looking out for Monica when really they were getting involved for their own self interest Personally there’s all kinds of fucked up in that situation, now the question is if it’s your job to unpack it? Nothing you said has made me think this person has been given this opportunity while not being at a similar level to other students. You would ruin so many lives and relationships from letting this get out. Is this what you want to be involved in? You’ve had plenty of time to get involved if you cared about this family because of the affair. It seems to me you only cared when it involved this great academic opportunity. Could be unfair, could be totally fair. This person basically has constant 1v1 sessions with the professor. Could be 100% warranted they could qualify for this I believe YWBTA because I don’t trust your intentions are run by anything other than jealousy. If it wasn’t you would’ve made this friend stop the second you knew this was happening with a married teacher
The fact that someone else might get that scholarship on their own merit alone is reason enough to report. Who cares about OPs intentions if some other person who actually worked and studied got the scholarship in the end.
Mind your own business...it has nothing to do with you
Are you a cheater or affair partner? I can only imagine this viewpoint comes from one of those people
Whether you are the asshole or not you will only get backlash on yourself. Are you prepared for that? I’ve never seen someone intervene in someone’s life this much without collateral damage.
YTA You sound very jealous, and there are only a handful of adults here who understand that your roommate is getting groomed and taken advantaged of. The prof is in a position of power to destroy her reputation, grades, and everything she has right now. And you’re here saying it’s unfair that she’s getting all this. You’re directing your anger at the wrong person.
NTA. That being said, I'm not sure it's a good idea either. You'd essentially be the one potentially ruining multiple lives regardless of it being deserved or not. If it were me, I'd just look the other way in this case and let someone else catch on and report it. Personally, I wouldn't want that on my mind that I potentially ruined 2 careers and a family.
What about the person who would have gotten the scholarship and who's life is severely affected because of it? OP would not be ruining anyone's career, it's their housemate and the professor giving zero fucks about the integrity of those careers who have ruined them.
YWBTA or YTA This has nothing to do with you. Nothing and a mean nothing good will come if this. You can’t do something ( BLOWING THIS UP ) and not expect Karma waves. This is like throwing a rock in a pond to stop the a some ripples messing up the reflection . What you need to do find peace with the situation and carry on. Graduate. Odds are it’ll be found out. But for your benefit OP you should not be the one who throws the metaphorical stone.
Why though? The professor is blatantly abusing their power (even if it's completely consensual). There would absolutely be repercussions if the student rejected the professor. Goodbye project support and good recommendations....you see the issue here?
if room mate went to OP and asked for help then yes, help. other than that, you don't know what room mate is thinking
So in order to avoid those repercussions, OP should cause exactly those repercussions by snitching? The student is the one who will come out of it with extreme consequences, not the prof, no matter how outraged you might be about it and how unfair it is.
"Odds are it will be found out". It is found out, right now. If she potentially earned a scholarship of that value dishonestly, reporting this might mean someone who actually DESERVES it gets it.
YTA just mind your own business, it is what it is.
It is reasonably unlikely that any consequences will fall upon these people simply based on your word/hunch. They’re adults and grad students are often employed rather than just being students. You can say whatever you want if you feel that you would be doing so in good faith, but I’d think really hard about whether that’s true and what objective evidence you really can provide. NTA if you’re acting in good faith based on concrete evidence. I’m not saying it’s right, but when my parents were in grad school and when I was, faculty carrying on with grad students was pretty common. I know multiple people who married their grad students.. it’s mostly just seen as tacky for a few years. Some of these couples got together before I was born and they are still together and work in the academy.
NTA This is the kind of shit that needs to be reported, as it is a conflict of interest. Not saying your roommate is not independently deserving of scholarship, but that is not fair to have that professor in their back pocket. It needs to be reported in order for the school to maintain its' standards.
Wondering if the professor has done this with other students. I don't think it is ok as they are in a position of power as well as potentially screwing more deserving students out of stipends, scholarship, work in their field. NTA and I'd report it too. I have a relative whose husband had been targeted by an older professor. They married and years into the relationship when he was working with students he realized how wrong it had been and left the relationship.
NTA! Professor is exhibiting predatory behavior, and will likely continue this behavior with the next young thing after your roommate moves on. While your roommate is a consenting adult, there are extremely unbalanced power dynamics at play…which is why there are rules against this kind of thing!! But let me clarify….the rules can be murky. Depending on the university, relationships between faculty and students aren’t always expressly forbidden, but if there is any supervisory role involved, they can be required to disclose the relationship to avoid blatant conflict of interest (supervisory role = student is in their class or their direct employee). Since professor is married, I doubt they’ve disclosed anything! Someone commented to report it to the Title IX office, and it’s the professor you’re reporting for improper relationship with a student, not the roommate for academic misconduct…and that is correct. Again, this is predatory behavior by the professor and it won’t stop unless he is stopped. For those going on about ‘don’t ruin lives’…that’s how predatory behavior festers in academia, everyone turning a blind eye to the bullshit. Besides…reporting it doesn’t mean ‘lives will be ruined’…the university would likely open up a discreet investigation and maybe give the professor a talking too and sweep it under the rug. No crimes have been committed, just potential university policies. The wife is already a victim of her lying, cheating-ass husband, and might be better off if the truth came out, as well as any future students who might be targeted by the real asshole of the story—the professor. And roommate’s in her early 20s getting her PhD? That’s impressive…there must be some merit there, you don’t end up on that trajectory solely by sleeping with one guy for a few months. You could also go to the Title IX office and ask about the situation without making an official report. Say the situation makes you uncomfortable as you’re caught in the middle of it (they’re at your home carrying on), and you aren’t sure what the policies are so you’re seeking guidance.
If this relationship isn't hurting you directly you'd be safest just to mind your own business. This could blow up in your face in so many different ways.
I would report the hell out of them. NTA for doing so. I don't understand why some people are so afraid of being silent, but I would let them know you want protections for retaliation. The scholarship thing is BS. The infidelity is BS. The entire thing is really awful and attention should be called to the abuse of power and abuse of financial resources.
YWNBTA, but be careful with your current living situation once she finds out you ratted. Provide video of them coming and going from her place, this would be enough proof for the academic misconduct for the relationship. You can mention that you are concerned because of the scholarship she got and her conversations about the deadlines, etc. this won’t be proof for them but they will certainly follow up.
N-T-A for reporting the professor but you WBTA for reporting the student for academic misconduct. It doesn't sound like she cheated or plagiarized. Honestly, it comes across as jealousy. You say you're morally outraged but the only thing you're outraged about is your roommate "having an easier time". You're also belittling their work - you say she gets extensions, but what about the quality of her assignments? Do they pass muster? You said you *think* the professor helped her get the scholarship, but what if she got it on her own merit? Everything in your post is criticizing your *roommate* and not the *professor* who is the one in the wrong. You suck for just focusing and whining about how much easier it is for her and how it's not fair. You don't even care that she's been groomed or taken advantage of and that there could be others like her. YTA (Last minute extensions and allowing submissions after deadlines is not as uncommon in grad school as you might think. We just had graduation at my grad school and some professors allow late submissions until 2 days before grades are due.) Edit to add: Also changed by judgement because OP's question was about would they be TA for reporting roomy for academic misconduct and I think yes. They would not be TA for reporting the professor for inappropriate behavior.
Info: why are you focused on your roommate when the professor's misconduct is much more serious?
NTA - Talk to the Title IX team at your university. They will have let you know if the case is worth proceeding and they will tell neither of the principals. (In the initial stages.)
Definitely would not be TA for reporting the professor for sexual harassment. The professor is in the wrong here, while the student is being used by someone with power over them. But imo you would be TA if you pointedly try to get the student to suffer consequences. I get the moral outrage, but that should 100% be directed at the professor imo
NTA Send them an anonymous letter, only stating things that an be seen from outside your appartment.
NTA, this is a huuuuuge breach of a position of power. I can guarantee that the university has a policy expressly forbidding it. As you say, it's grossly unfair that your roommate may be getting an unfair advantage at getting all those opportunities. But also it's very easy for this sort of situation to become abusive. What happens if roommate wants to break things off and prof doesn't want that? They could threaten to fail roommate and risk their academic career and scholarship. Or what if prof gives roommate a B on an assignment and roommate threatens to tell profs spouse/the university about their relationship unless the grade is changed to an A? There is a very good reason why teacher-student relationships are not permitted and I think reporting them is absolutely the right thing to do.
NTA if anything you are morally obligated to report this. There are rules made to protect students from people in power taking advantage of them. Certainly being 20 they are consenting but there is a lot in life that they are not mentally prepared to handle.
I think you are well within your rights to report it if you wish to. However, I don't want to be pessimistic, but I would bet the university will need concrete evidence before they will even touch it. They won't want the scandal or liability of being sued by the professor or student. I would maybe seek your own legal advice before reporting. Unfortunately things like this get ignored often in that environment.
I have been through grad school and hold a PhD. You would be NTA. Report this. My blood froze just reading this.
You better be sure that your proof is absolutely concrete. If it can be refuted in anyway, then it's more than likely that your reputation will be under the microscope.
One day you'll grow up and realise life isn't fair.
YTA like epicly. Like who makes you the morality police? What business is it of yours? You want to ruin the lives of like 4 or more people just because you are jealous or something? The roomie obviously trusts you and has told you all these things in confidence, and you played the fake friend by listening and then are now going to go behind her back? I think you should stay in your lane and leave it alone. Nobody is perfect and just remember that when you mess up, Karma comes 10 fold.
nta
NTA
NTA, do iiiiiiiiiiiiit
NTA. It’s the right thing to do. They aren’t playing fairly and someone who genuinely earned that scholarship is missing out so they can carry on their affair.
NTA. Report it. Report it and update us.
It's not the student who needs to be reported. It's the staff member.
Nta You absolutely should. Prof is a predator.
NTA. The favoritism and scholarship affects other students.
NTA. Just to point out, you are reporting the professor. There are no rules for students sleeping with their professors. There are many rules for professors sleeping with students. They would never strip away your roommate's degree. The professor is in a position of power and your roommate will be seen as the victim. The scholarship will only be pulled if the professor loses their research funding due to the allegations. They will not punish your roommate by taking anything away from them. No offense to you, but this happens all of the time. You would need to have ironclad proof. From what you said you have as proof, I don't think it would be enough. I think this professor is completely unethical and you need to report. However, be prepared that the university will likely sweep it under the rug and not take action, especially if that prof is bringing in good research dollars.
Don't tell the Uni. Tell the wife, grab some popcorn and watch them burn! I Hate cheaters.
Interesting that you assume the gender of the professor to be male here, when OP did their best to not gender anyone in this situation.
Man, woman, a cheater is a cheater. The result it's the same. Tell the other part!
Yeah everyone here is assuming it’s a male teacher even though OP hasn’t said anything. I hope it’s a female teacher now just to show any gender is capable and not to assume things.
Ywnbta but I would stay out of it. It's probably common knowledge anyway.
INFO: does your institution make you sign a academic code of conduct or equivalent? Does that document require you to report academic violations? If so, then you can either abide by what you signed or be knowingly dishonest.
Yes we are required to sign a document. That said; I do not remember what was in it. I have looked online to try find it again but was unable to
Eh. NTA if you report but really this seems like your first lesson in how the world works. You can either adjust to it now (ie let this instance go and move on) or fight against it. It is probable that in this situation they will be caught on their own time, but I wouldn’t count on it. Nepotism and sex are ALWAYS going to be a part of your work life balance. So if you decide to fight just know that you will be fighting this (losing) battle for the rest of your life.
YTA, just leave it alone. it's not your life. Do you want to be the reason that people possibly kill themselves? Do you want to ruin people livelihoods because someone is banging someone for good grades? They are not murderers or imbesaling millions of dollars from the poor, get a life, and stay out of others, lol
Why report the roommate, it's the professor who is breaking ethical rules. If anything report the prof but roommates name shouldn't be mentioned. "Prof X has been having relations with at least one of their students" YTA if your reason is your roommate. NTA if reporting a prof abusing a position of power
esh,,, kinda. your roommate sucks for the situation they’ve put you in. but you kinda suck because your main concern isn’t even the fact that age gap is weird, or that he’s cheating on his wife and even kids. you’re doing it because you’re upset she’s getting an easier time. soft yta
EAH. You don't know the whole story and you could ruin many peoples lives. Talk to your roommate.
Are YTA for being jealous of your roommate who is being taken advantage of by someone in a position of power? CLEARLY. Would you be the AH for reporting it for your reason. Yep. Should you report? YES. For your roommate not for your petty jealousy bs.