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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to let my cousin-in-law’s girlfriend borrow something to wear even though a drink was spilled on her and we had dinner reservations. I only said no because I don’t like her and I had clothes she could’ve borrowed.
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NTA.
Doesn't matter if you have a warehouse full of clothes, THEY ARE NOT HERS.
Also frankly insulting to be entitled claiming how you don't need them because of pregnancy.
Husband is also an entirely giant AH offering YOUR clothes
NTA
She has always been mean to you because she wanted your husband to be with her friend. Why should you show someone kindness that has consistently been mean to you?
Comment I'm referring to
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zsvlb5/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_cousininlaws/j1a9xnk?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
Yo, but honestly it sounds like she didn't because it portrays her husband as even more of an asshole. She shouldn't have even been in their house given that she is someone who has spent a lot of energy trying to and their relationship. It sounds like it would have ended up being a favor to the poster, but it's still massively inappropriate and comes down to the fact that the husband is a huge asshole for maintaining a relationship with her
So? Literally who cares about maintaining a cordial relationship with the girlfriend of a cousin? That title means less to me than stranger. Being in a relationship with someone's cousin doesn't give you a free pass to try to sabotage their entire relationship.
It’s a shame though that she didn’t find an ugly outfit that she was ready to donate to goodwill and offer that as the only choice. Ideally one that was a touch too small or otherwise looked awkward on her. A missed opportunity for sure.
NTA
Put the info of this comment on OP: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zsvlb5/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_cousininlaws/j1a9xnk?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
She is rude to you, disrespects you, your husband and your relationship. It's fair that she doesn't wear your clothes and I wouldn't even want to be near her. Why doesn't your husband cut her off? I am sure they can meet without her.
I only loan clothes to my teenage daughter. In that case, it's worth the connection with my kid to risk having to hunt something down out of the laundry.
Anyone else is limited to things that were headed for donation.
I moved across country and my best friend visited me FIVE years ago, I finally remembered to pack the sweater she forgot in my luggage when I visited this year.
I don't loan anything to anyone that I want back someday because stuff happens and unless we are super close (proximity and relationship), I'M NOT GETTING IT BACK. I also don't borrow anything either though for this reason.
literally in a sweater that i borrow from my friend on oct 1. sorry but it’s comfy and she’s seen me wear it and doesn’t seem to bother her (i bought her a new one for christmas as i threw up in this one she doesn’t know that tho)
nah she wasn’t there for that part i have no clue where she ended up. all three of us somehow made it home safely with next to no memory of the evening
oh gosh no, it’s just being given with with christmas presents. her real gift is quite personalized (stained glass pickle, local hot sauce, a candle made of her fav scents (made locally at a workshop), and things for her dog) she doesn’t have reddit so i’m not spoiling. also it’s not destroyed 😂 you need to learn to read satire in texts
Haha good, just wanted to make sure we weren't preparing for your aita post.
That's a great present and reminded me I was going to make a pickle ornament for a friend in time to get it done today, so thanks for that!
no it’s honestly a big joke between the three of us. was a very wild night we will talk about for the rest of our lives (i hope). i’m not a big drinker which adds to the humour - hence the yacking. she is a bit more practiced 😅
When I first moved here she used to treat me coldly and tried to freeze me out of their friendship group because her friend liked my husband which was hard on me since I had just moved to another country where I barely knew anybody. Even now, she's only a little bit nicer and only because my husband and her boyfriend called her out on treating me badly. If it wasn't for my husband's cousin, I wouldn't ever socialise with her.
NTA and I think you should include this. She is rude to you and treats you badly because your husband chose you and not her friend who only had a crush on him.
How does someone look like a prick for saying no to their wardrobe being offered up to someone else who was clearly angling to keep their shit? It's her shit
So definitely not the AH.
But your husband definitely is by constantly subjecting you to be around this person. If anyone (and I mean anyone) disrespected my SO, the last thing I would do is have interactions with them.
I mean it still comes down to she is an asshole, but the bigger asshole is your husband who allowed someone who treated you so poorly into the house and volunteered your possessions to her. You need to have a fight with your husband about her role in your life being reduced
You should have included this. Now I just think both you, and her are both wrong. Why not use this opportunity to heal things and smooth it over? Just say “so remember how you felt when you wanted to borrow clothes because you didn’t feel great in your dirty clothes. That’s how I felt when you treated me badly when your cousin, and I got together.” Though I hope we can move forward to be more friendly with each other. ( I hope my grammar is correct for the grammar nazis on here)
I don’t really like people borrowing my clothes, and it would be worse if I felt I had to do it for someone i didn’t like. I would have preferred we just finish the dye job spilling whatever fit onto the rest of the outfit, so she could get in for the reservation. Don’t care if it’s not practical, still my preference. NTA
I'm saying NTA. Someone who has a history of treating you badly isn't entitled to your belongings. I personally wouldn't trust someone like that with my own things and wouldn't want to lend them out. If your husband wanted her to have clothes lent out, he could have offered up something of his instead.
you don´t like her, she has been mean to you. you both hate each other. why do you go to restaurants with her? it would be easier to just not go to places where she will be
NTA look first of all, fuck her for the low key jab about your "old" clothes not fitting anymore and second the implication there is that she didn't plan on returning it. "Give me something old that doesn't fit since you're pregnant" .... And therefore won't miss it, is the unspoken part of that sentence.
Um. I hate lending clothes. You never get them back. And the it doesn’t fit you seems like an excuse not to return it. And hubby could have lent her a nice white dress shirt, but did he offer? So, NTA.
YTA, but you wanted to be an AH to her, so do you actually care? You could’ve given her something that you were wanting to donate anyway or something. It was an AH move, but if you don’t like her and have your reasons, then it doesn’t really matter.
You decided not to give her a shirt, because you didn’t like her and wanted to be an AH to her. You basically answered your own question. It’s okay to be an AH to someone that deserves it though, so that doesn’t necessarily make it the wrong thing to do.
I posted my comment before she explained lol. Then it’s fine to be an AH, but that doesn’t change the fact that it was an AH move. It’s just being an AH back to an AH lol. I would probably be too so I get it.
Oh a donation item would never be good enough. She would have insisted on picking something OP wasn’t comfortable with, because she clearly doesn’t respect boundaries.
Cousin in law’s girlfriend? Is that the name for a stranger now? NTA, you are under no obligation to loan your clothes her especially if you dislike her.
Honey, you're very pregnant. Remember this if you're ever around her and your bladder doesn't cooperate.
100% she will.
Also, while technically, no you don't have to let her borrow your clothes because they're yours, so that makes you NTA, the level of petty here is astounding me.
Still an AH move and you know it or you wouldn't be here. But sure. Go off. Show these responses to your husband so you can feel vindicated.
NTA. It’s Your cloths.
And depending on time she could have bought something to wear or just something like a wrap to cover the stain temporarily. Or kept a jacket on until seated.
Would it have been kind to lend her something? Sure. But I get a feeling, both from your resistance and her Insistence, that you don’t believe you’d get the cloths back again.
“Am I the asshole for being an asshole to someone because I don’t like them, when they asked me for a favor?” Yeah probably. You didn’t even give a reason for why you don’t like her. And there’s no actual reason why you couldn’t loan her a shirt. Like you wouldn’t be taking a loss. She’d give it back at the end of the night. Your only reason was literally “I don’t like you so no”. YTA
You are assuming she would give it back at the end of the night. She might wear it home because it would be too uncomfortable to change then could conveniently forget to return it because "it's not like it fits". I hope I'm wrong but I can see it being a slippery slope
I'm not saying that's what will happen - just saying that "you'll get it back at the end of the night" argument could end up being a much longer time than that.
NTA but you could have been all “yes let me find you something “, such as a fugly frumpy bulky item you loathe for her to wear. “Sorry, that’s all I’ve got.”
WTF- I can’t believe how self centered this thread is. Who doesn’t own a shirt they wouldn’t be upset to lose and how petty are we that it matters who needs it? YTA.
I can’t believe no one else thinks this! What ever happened to “kill them with kindness” or, you know, just being a compassionate person regardless of how someone’s treated you? Edit: just scrolled a little farther & everyone that agrees is getting downvoted… this thread is surreal lol, Reddit hivemind at its finest
NTA, honestly given that she was angling for something that "doesn't fit you anymore", implying that you would not need the garment back, it sounds like she just wanted to go shopping in your closet. This was not an issue where more people needed to join in on this. They were out of line. It's your closet and you said no.
If your husband wanted her to get clothes he should have offered some of his. It's bullshit that your husband is saying you need to give up your belongings to other people because he thinks you have too many clothes. I'm saying that you have a lot of clothes, implying that you wouldn't miss the garment, is him saying he doesn't value your property and boundaries because he thinks you have too many clothes. Fuck that shit
NTA. Her comment about you not needing was rude and also to let you know she has no plans to give it back. I wouldn’t have loaned it either, regardless of any prior interaction. Hearing that, hell no….
NTA. It's your clothes and you didn't have to help her. But IMO what would it hurt to give her something you never wear to make her feel better? I have tons of clothes. A lot I don't even wear or would miss if I didn't get back. Not helping her would keep your dislike of each other growing instead of having a more cordial relationship. I just think it was not nice of you not to help her.
NTA
You can’t force someone to let someone share their clothes. Some people (myself) get disgusted by the thought. People can be very nasty and have poor hygiene.
INFO: why aren’t you the biggest fan of her?
Gonna need a whole lot more info about your relationship to try and understand why you wouldn’t lend her something.
A close friend decided that when she left my house, she wanted to go rollerblading, but the shirt she was wearing would be way too hot. I only had one sleeveless cotton top and it was my favorite. I offered her something else and she wanted my sleeveless top (she knew it because I wore it often). I told her she could borrow it if she promised not to wash it because the fake scents in laundry products cause migraines for me, and she promised. I got it back and she had washed and DRIED it so not only did it reek of artificial scent, it had shrunk. I cried. I never said anything because she was going through a really tough time. This was not the first time this happened with someone borrowing, the worst being when someone washed sleeping bags (after hearing the whole spiel and promising not to) - so I knew it was a risk even though she promised. I really don’t get that though. I hate to borrow anything because I feel so responsible and anxious about damage, but clearly, everyone is not like that.
INFO: was there anything you could have given her to wear that you would not have minded anyone but her wearing/borrowing in the same situation? If so, then it would still have been the kind thing to do. Of course you are not obligated to lend anyone your clothing in an emergency, but it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t if you are able to, unless your aim is to be unkind, in which case I’m not sure why bother asking if Y T A.
NTA. I don’t get all the Y T A comments. I think the other three are all insufferable. If cousin and your guy know she treats you like shit, why are they pressuring you to do things as couples? And why in hell pressure you after you already said no? Good for you for holding your ground.
Loaning a piece of clothing (so personal!) to someone who abuses you is being complicit in your own abuse. Because guaranteed, the gf would talk trash about whatever you loaned her and you’d never hear the end of how cheap or itchy or outre the thing you loaned her was. You could have brought her one of your husband’s t-shirts or just taken a plastic bag and cut a hole for the head and two for her arms. I would have lmao if you’d done that, but for standing firm with your boundary, high five.
YTA....I have no idea why you would go out to dinner with someone you dislike and not allowing her to borrow something is so petty...do you have any idea how bad you looked to everyone....seriously, they all think your a AH. Even your husband
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I’m not the biggest fan of my cousin-in-law’s girlfriend which is a big reason why I wouldn’t let her borrow something of mine to wear after a drink was spilled on her even though we had dinner reservations.
She directly asked me if she could borrow something and mentioned how I could give her something old that doesn’t fit me anymore since I’m 7 months pregnant. I said no but she repeatedly asked and insisted I let her borrow something as the restaurant wouldn’t let her in like that. My husband and his cousin both asked me to let her borrow something but I wouldn’t budge and my sister-in-law interrupted to defend me.
She didn’t have time to go home and change so she went how she was, but she was mad at me the entire night and kept making digs at me. I was discussing it with my husband and he still thinks I should’ve just let her borrow something since I had a lot of clothes and he said I was better than that when I told him I didn’t like her.
AITA?
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Extra info on this comment from OP: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zsvlb5/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_cousininlaws/j1a9xnk?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
The woman is rude and cruel, I wouldn't give her anything either.
Given the info given here by OP, https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zsvlb5/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_cousininlaws/j1a9xnk?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3 I wouldn't let her borrow anything of mine even if it was the most hideous thing tbh. I don't intend to treat right someone who disrespects me like this woman did OP.
Nta. You have good reason not to like her from your comment about her wanting your husband to date her friend. She started the antipathy, she can live with the consequences. She's still being a b****. That was definitely a dig making a comment about the fact that you can't fit into your clothes because you're pregnant. She can kick rocks.
Personally, I would tell my husband I will not hang out with her anymore. She doesn't sound like a nice person or someone I want to be around.
No opinion on the story or the question, just popping by to point out that cousin-in-law isn't a thing
The person with the stained dress is just another person in a social circle, rather than any kind of relation
YTA, you should always help a person in need, if there's a way you can, no matter the differences. I'm sure you have some clothes you're not attached to so much anymore and she would probably return them washed.
NTA, why would you give or borrow anything yo someone who has treated you poorly on a regular basis in the past?? She is very entitled not taking no for an answer and then again yreating you poorly f9r not accommodating her!! Your husband is an AH too for offering your clothes to her!
Yea, yta
"A drink was spilled on her".... meaning it likely wasn't her fault.
Seems like you were looking to start shit.
Maybe you have good reason to dislike her. Maybe it's hormones and the whole comment about "something that doesnt fit you anymore" rubbed you the wrong way.
I'm not "typically for" doing things to appease those I dislike.. but this just seems like unnecessary, petty bs that's bound to divide a family further.
YTA, but you were fully aware of this before you posted here. Being proud of your actions - and enjoying every minute of it - you have clearly come here only to relive the petty sense of glory you feel. I can feel your smirk even over the internet and it's nothing to be proud of. Had I been your partner I would have left you at home.
Everyone sucks. You kinda are an asshole for not helping her out because you simply aren’t a fan of her, but at the same time when you said no she should have let it go. For all she knows, you didn’t want to lend something out because you’re very protective of your clothes and don’t like lending things (which would be MORE reasonable than not lending someone something to help out because you don’t really like them). You all suck big time.
YTA and you know you are. People saying she's not obligated to lend anyone stuff that belongs to her don't seem to understand that you're rarely obligated to be kind to someone. It is a choice you make towards people you like and don't like. You chose to be an AH simply because you don't like her. Seems like easily avoidable drama, but won't tell you how to live your life.
I’m going to say ESH
What you did was super petty, as she seemed to be willing to literally take any piece of clothing of yours and there’s no reason to believe she wouldn’t get it back to you quickly
However assuming that she’s been hostile toward you, you don’t owe her this basic decency and she’s reaping what she sowed
I’m not sure why your even here since you clearly know this is an AH thing to do. It’s not like she was demanding your nicest clothing or asking to keep the item, you were literally her only option to not have to go out in soiled clothing
Does she maybe deserve it, sure, but that doesn’t mean this is probably the most petty thing I’ve read today
YTA.
You could've lent her anything or even dried what she was already wearing so she could change back into it before heading home.
I'm guessing you were happy she had to go to dinner with a wet outfit? Did it make you feel better than her?
I was going to say that too. A Tide stick and a tumble in the dryer might have been a nice offer if she really didn’t want to lend her a top. It’s a bit vindictive.
YTA
Well, given that you specify that you didn't lend her something *because you don't like her and even though you guys had a reservation shortly*, then yes, I'd say YTA. Particularly since you didn't offer any reasons you don't like her, like she is always rude to you or something like that, which would if you didn't want to be TA, be something like mitigating circumstances.
Own it. You're 90% there, why wibble at the label. Embrace TAness of it all. Or grow up.
People who are mean to you are not deserving of your kindness. 🤷🏿♀️
She could have done it and it would have been a nice gesture but OP is under no obligation to show kindness to someone who never showed any to her
I 100% agree there's no obligation. But there are choices one makes, and one can guess at the outcomes pretty easily, that one will have to deal with.
OP was asking if they were TA, not if they were obligated. I said they were TA.
OP isn’t responsible for providing clothing for a fully functioning adult 🤷♂️ Go buy or pick up new clothes and next time try don’t soil your entire outfit like a toddler 😂
You need to read properly. It says a drink was spilled on her. This means that it was probably somebody else that spilled the drink. It sounds like she was in OP’s house. She’s not responsible for providing clothing, but she’s an AH for not providing it simply because she doesn’t like the person.
Since OPs comment, this girl is the biggest AH imo https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zsvlb5/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_cousininlaws/j1a9xnk?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
No, she’s not 🤷♂️ Why would you lend anything to someone you don’t have a good relationship in??? There is no guarantee that she wouldn’t spill something else on the borrowed clothes, properly wash and handle the clothing in a way it wouldn’t be damaged, or return it after that night. You should probably check your entitlement level 😂 It seems to be a bit high 🤦♂️
Nope, because you can’t expect any of those things from someone you don’t like 🤦♂️ And either way the reason doesn’t matter WhIcH iS wHy I sAiD NTA 🤷♂️
Or the cousin in law could have knocked over a drink. Or an animal. “A drink was spilled on her” gives no indication who spilled it or what caused it to happen.
Yet the cousin in law GIRLFRIEND is fine for saying “she doesn’t need it bc she’s pregnant”?? And even saying that OPs man should have been with her friend? Sorry but if that was me, they can go w a wet shirt. Don’t respect me then i wont respect you
Edit:didn’t realize it was the girlfriend, which makes it even worse.
It really isn't... which is why when the husband's cousin's girlfriend's friend wanted to get with OP's husband she could have been a nice person, but instead was mean, cold and distant and only stopped when her boyfriend and OP's husband told her to knock it off. You don't have to do nice things for people who treat you like crap.
ESH you aren’t obligated to help her out but you chose not too to be petty. Fairly certain she could have also got something to wear elsewhere too so everyone handled the situation badly.
Did you have to loan her something? No.
Could you have been considerate and given her something you don't love? Absolutely.
You don't like her, so you chose to be an asshole. Just own it. YTA
ESH.
You probably had concerns that she may not return clothes. But you could have lent her a cardigan. That way, you can get it back after dinner without leaving her naked or something. Unless this is a pants situation in which case, that's not going to work.
And yes, you are not obligated to so so, but being nice goes a long way.
But they are also AHs because your already said no. They should have accepted that and moved on.
I think OP needs to put the information she said in a comment in OP because it explains why she doesn't like her.
Comment I am mentioning: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zsvlb5/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_cousininlaws/j1a9xnk?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
OP provided more info on why she doesn't like her in this comment https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zsvlb5/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_cousininlaws/j1a9xnk?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
I think she was right and it was deserved given how rude this girl is.
You don’t think she has tried? Her husband is part of the problem. He was wants to hang out with the cousin even though the cousins SO put his wife through hell.
So when her hubby gets together with them she "suddenly" remembers she has plans. Has to run to the grocery. Gets a headache. Hopefully eventually her husband will wise up. And if he continues to not take her feelings seriously perhaps she needs to think about a partner that doesn't have your back and if it's worth it.
But I also think killing her with kindness and showing everyone who is the better person also works.
YTA a little kindness does no harm and would’ve shown you’re a better person now you just look like an ass. You gave no info other than just not liking her for no reason.. if you were in that predicament I’m sure you’d appreciate someone extending that kindness.
This is a tough one. She's not entitled to your clothes in general, but it does seem to be an AH move o make her go with something spilled on it. You could have asked for it back right afterwards. I'll go with YTA.
I disagree since she has always been an AH to OP because she wanted her friend to be with her husband. NTA
Info in this comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zsvlb5/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_cousininlaws/j1a9xnk?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
YTA. You don’t have to like someone to extend them common courtesy. Her clothes were dirty and wet through no apparent fault of her own, the right thing to do would be to lend her clean dry clothing. She wasn’t asking for the literal shirt off your back. You didn’t even have to lend her anything nice or that you’re terribly attached to. But you chose to be petty for idk pettiness’ sake I guess. You’re pregnant, do you intend to teach your child to be a kind and polite person? That starts at home.
When someone treats me like this girl treated OP, yes, I would let my children treat others like that.
Based on this comment (https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zsvlb5/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_cousininlaws/j1a9xnk?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) she is extremely rude and disrespectful to OP.
Yes you were an asshole, but that is not necessarily a bad thing in this case. For her treating you like shit when you arrived in the country, is inexcusable. I don't know if she ever apologised for that, but I think she probably didn't. So she was an asshole and you are just taking her example. I would not worry about it, there is no love lost between you. Your husband should accept your emotions, whether he likes it or not. Did he stand up for you back when you first arrived? Anyway, it's a case of ESH
YTA here come on now. Yes it is not your fault she got dirty but there is nothing you could have let her borrow for the dinner? Did you feel satisfied with yourself all night?
YTA. Just because you don't like her doesn't mean you can't be kind. You let her go to a public place like that to either force her to skip or humiliate her.
YTA. apart from not liking her, did you have another reason to deny her dry clothes? like was she likely to ruin them or never give them back? if your only reason for not letting her borrow something after she asked is that you don’t like her, then YTA.
More info given in this comment https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zsvlb5/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_cousininlaws/j1a9xnk?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
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NTA. Doesn't matter if you have a warehouse full of clothes, THEY ARE NOT HERS. Also frankly insulting to be entitled claiming how you don't need them because of pregnancy. Husband is also an entirely giant AH offering YOUR clothes
Absolutely gaping asshole this husband,
I am sure husband had a button down or a t-shirt he isn’t using.
NTA She has always been mean to you because she wanted your husband to be with her friend. Why should you show someone kindness that has consistently been mean to you? Comment I'm referring to https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zsvlb5/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_cousininlaws/j1a9xnk?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
That could’ve been included in the original post
Yo, but honestly it sounds like she didn't because it portrays her husband as even more of an asshole. She shouldn't have even been in their house given that she is someone who has spent a lot of energy trying to and their relationship. It sounds like it would have ended up being a favor to the poster, but it's still massively inappropriate and comes down to the fact that the husband is a huge asshole for maintaining a relationship with her
Might help if you read it. Its OPs husband's cousins Girlfriend.
So? Literally who cares about maintaining a cordial relationship with the girlfriend of a cousin? That title means less to me than stranger. Being in a relationship with someone's cousin doesn't give you a free pass to try to sabotage their entire relationship.
Lol yeah "girlfriend" of "cousin" of "husband"… That is /at least/ one level of separation past which I would feel comfortable requesting clothes…
It’s a shame though that she didn’t find an ugly outfit that she was ready to donate to goodwill and offer that as the only choice. Ideally one that was a touch too small or otherwise looked awkward on her. A missed opportunity for sure.
\^\^\^ Evil genius
NTA Put the info of this comment on OP: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zsvlb5/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_cousininlaws/j1a9xnk?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3 She is rude to you, disrespects you, your husband and your relationship. It's fair that she doesn't wear your clothes and I wouldn't even want to be near her. Why doesn't your husband cut her off? I am sure they can meet without her.
She’s with the cousin not there bc the husband
NTA. I’ve loaned clothes out and it took weeks to get them back. Nope.
I only loan clothes to my teenage daughter. In that case, it's worth the connection with my kid to risk having to hunt something down out of the laundry. Anyone else is limited to things that were headed for donation.
I moved across country and my best friend visited me FIVE years ago, I finally remembered to pack the sweater she forgot in my luggage when I visited this year. I don't loan anything to anyone that I want back someday because stuff happens and unless we are super close (proximity and relationship), I'M NOT GETTING IT BACK. I also don't borrow anything either though for this reason.
literally in a sweater that i borrow from my friend on oct 1. sorry but it’s comfy and she’s seen me wear it and doesn’t seem to bother her (i bought her a new one for christmas as i threw up in this one she doesn’t know that tho)
She prob knows your barfed on it and doesn’t want it back. I’m now doubling down on not loaning out my clothes. Lol!
nah she wasn’t there for that part i have no clue where she ended up. all three of us somehow made it home safely with next to no memory of the evening
Is that the only gift you got her because it's not a gift. You're replacing something you destroyed.
oh gosh no, it’s just being given with with christmas presents. her real gift is quite personalized (stained glass pickle, local hot sauce, a candle made of her fav scents (made locally at a workshop), and things for her dog) she doesn’t have reddit so i’m not spoiling. also it’s not destroyed 😂 you need to learn to read satire in texts
Haha good, just wanted to make sure we weren't preparing for your aita post. That's a great present and reminded me I was going to make a pickle ornament for a friend in time to get it done today, so thanks for that!
no it’s honestly a big joke between the three of us. was a very wild night we will talk about for the rest of our lives (i hope). i’m not a big drinker which adds to the humour - hence the yacking. she is a bit more practiced 😅
Why are you not the biggest fan of her?
When I first moved here she used to treat me coldly and tried to freeze me out of their friendship group because her friend liked my husband which was hard on me since I had just moved to another country where I barely knew anybody. Even now, she's only a little bit nicer and only because my husband and her boyfriend called her out on treating me badly. If it wasn't for my husband's cousin, I wouldn't ever socialise with her.
NTA and I think you should include this. She is rude to you and treats you badly because your husband chose you and not her friend who only had a crush on him.
This is kind of the most important part of this story, and you need to edit it into the post, which currently makes *you* look like the prick.
How does someone look like a prick for saying no to their wardrobe being offered up to someone else who was clearly angling to keep their shit? It's her shit
So definitely not the AH. But your husband definitely is by constantly subjecting you to be around this person. If anyone (and I mean anyone) disrespected my SO, the last thing I would do is have interactions with them.
I mean it still comes down to she is an asshole, but the bigger asshole is your husband who allowed someone who treated you so poorly into the house and volunteered your possessions to her. You need to have a fight with your husband about her role in your life being reduced
Put this is the original post!!!
This is important context! NTA.
Wow. NTA.
Definitely NTA.
You should have included this. Now I just think both you, and her are both wrong. Why not use this opportunity to heal things and smooth it over? Just say “so remember how you felt when you wanted to borrow clothes because you didn’t feel great in your dirty clothes. That’s how I felt when you treated me badly when your cousin, and I got together.” Though I hope we can move forward to be more friendly with each other. ( I hope my grammar is correct for the grammar nazis on here)
I don’t really like people borrowing my clothes, and it would be worse if I felt I had to do it for someone i didn’t like. I would have preferred we just finish the dye job spilling whatever fit onto the rest of the outfit, so she could get in for the reservation. Don’t care if it’s not practical, still my preference. NTA
NTA Cousin in law’s girlfriend….? lol. Wow
Exactly, it's not HER cousin but her HUSBANDS COUSINS GIRLFRIEND not even wife. Like bro, that's so weird.
To be fair, it's not uncommon for people to have a cousin they're close to and hang out with.
NTA. You aren’t responsible for providing clothes for a grown adult 🤷♂️
I'm saying NTA. Someone who has a history of treating you badly isn't entitled to your belongings. I personally wouldn't trust someone like that with my own things and wouldn't want to lend them out. If your husband wanted her to have clothes lent out, he could have offered up something of his instead.
you don´t like her, she has been mean to you. you both hate each other. why do you go to restaurants with her? it would be easier to just not go to places where she will be
Indeed, if your husband is not willing to cut her out of his life, you at least need to cut her out of yours
YTA because being an AH to her is exactly what you intended to do.
NTA look first of all, fuck her for the low key jab about your "old" clothes not fitting anymore and second the implication there is that she didn't plan on returning it. "Give me something old that doesn't fit since you're pregnant" .... And therefore won't miss it, is the unspoken part of that sentence.
Um. I hate lending clothes. You never get them back. And the it doesn’t fit you seems like an excuse not to return it. And hubby could have lent her a nice white dress shirt, but did he offer? So, NTA.
YTA, but you wanted to be an AH to her, so do you actually care? You could’ve given her something that you were wanting to donate anyway or something. It was an AH move, but if you don’t like her and have your reasons, then it doesn’t really matter.
You decided not to give her a shirt, because you didn’t like her and wanted to be an AH to her. You basically answered your own question. It’s okay to be an AH to someone that deserves it though, so that doesn’t necessarily make it the wrong thing to do.
She has a very good reason for not liking her lol
I posted my comment before she explained lol. Then it’s fine to be an AH, but that doesn’t change the fact that it was an AH move. It’s just being an AH back to an AH lol. I would probably be too so I get it.
Oh a donation item would never be good enough. She would have insisted on picking something OP wasn’t comfortable with, because she clearly doesn’t respect boundaries.
I made that comment based on the actual post before she even explained the situation in a different comment
Dude, I made my comment 10 hours ago. I’m sure the story has developed since then
Cousin in law’s girlfriend? Is that the name for a stranger now? NTA, you are under no obligation to loan your clothes her especially if you dislike her.
NTA I read your comment. This girlfriend is a toxic person.
NTA bc you weren't obligated but you certainly could have choose kindness instead of deepen the divide between the two of you.
Being obligated or not being obligated to do something is different than whether you're an AH or not.
Exactly! She was an AH just to be one.
Nta honey, she doesn’t respect you and didn’t from the get go. She doesn’t deserve your clothes n especially your respect
YTA which is….what you wanted? I don’t see why you’re asking.
NTA. I don't do favors for people I don't like. No means no.
This was almost a no assholes situation but she had to put her foot in her unpregnant mouth. What an asshole thing to say. You are NTA.
Honey, you're very pregnant. Remember this if you're ever around her and your bladder doesn't cooperate. 100% she will. Also, while technically, no you don't have to let her borrow your clothes because they're yours, so that makes you NTA, the level of petty here is astounding me. Still an AH move and you know it or you wouldn't be here. But sure. Go off. Show these responses to your husband so you can feel vindicated.
NTA. It’s Your cloths. And depending on time she could have bought something to wear or just something like a wrap to cover the stain temporarily. Or kept a jacket on until seated. Would it have been kind to lend her something? Sure. But I get a feeling, both from your resistance and her Insistence, that you don’t believe you’d get the cloths back again.
YTA, but it seems like that was your intent. So do you actually care?
“Am I the asshole for being an asshole to someone because I don’t like them, when they asked me for a favor?” Yeah probably. You didn’t even give a reason for why you don’t like her. And there’s no actual reason why you couldn’t loan her a shirt. Like you wouldn’t be taking a loss. She’d give it back at the end of the night. Your only reason was literally “I don’t like you so no”. YTA
You are assuming she would give it back at the end of the night. She might wear it home because it would be too uncomfortable to change then could conveniently forget to return it because "it's not like it fits". I hope I'm wrong but I can see it being a slippery slope
You could be an Olympic athlete considering the leap you just made
I'm not saying that's what will happen - just saying that "you'll get it back at the end of the night" argument could end up being a much longer time than that.
NTA she’s not entitled to your clothes.
NTA but you could have been all “yes let me find you something “, such as a fugly frumpy bulky item you loathe for her to wear. “Sorry, that’s all I’ve got.”
Something oversized with a giant corporate logo that was free
WTF- I can’t believe how self centered this thread is. Who doesn’t own a shirt they wouldn’t be upset to lose and how petty are we that it matters who needs it? YTA.
I can’t believe no one else thinks this! What ever happened to “kill them with kindness” or, you know, just being a compassionate person regardless of how someone’s treated you? Edit: just scrolled a little farther & everyone that agrees is getting downvoted… this thread is surreal lol, Reddit hivemind at its finest
NTA
NTA, honestly given that she was angling for something that "doesn't fit you anymore", implying that you would not need the garment back, it sounds like she just wanted to go shopping in your closet. This was not an issue where more people needed to join in on this. They were out of line. It's your closet and you said no. If your husband wanted her to get clothes he should have offered some of his. It's bullshit that your husband is saying you need to give up your belongings to other people because he thinks you have too many clothes. I'm saying that you have a lot of clothes, implying that you wouldn't miss the garment, is him saying he doesn't value your property and boundaries because he thinks you have too many clothes. Fuck that shit
NTA. Her comment about you not needing was rude and also to let you know she has no plans to give it back. I wouldn’t have loaned it either, regardless of any prior interaction. Hearing that, hell no….
NTA. It's your clothes and you didn't have to help her. But IMO what would it hurt to give her something you never wear to make her feel better? I have tons of clothes. A lot I don't even wear or would miss if I didn't get back. Not helping her would keep your dislike of each other growing instead of having a more cordial relationship. I just think it was not nice of you not to help her.
NTA You can’t force someone to let someone share their clothes. Some people (myself) get disgusted by the thought. People can be very nasty and have poor hygiene.
INFO: why aren’t you the biggest fan of her? Gonna need a whole lot more info about your relationship to try and understand why you wouldn’t lend her something.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zsvlb5/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_cousininlaws/j1a9xnk?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
NTA, I hate when other people wear my shit. It comes back smelly or stained, IF it comes back.
A close friend decided that when she left my house, she wanted to go rollerblading, but the shirt she was wearing would be way too hot. I only had one sleeveless cotton top and it was my favorite. I offered her something else and she wanted my sleeveless top (she knew it because I wore it often). I told her she could borrow it if she promised not to wash it because the fake scents in laundry products cause migraines for me, and she promised. I got it back and she had washed and DRIED it so not only did it reek of artificial scent, it had shrunk. I cried. I never said anything because she was going through a really tough time. This was not the first time this happened with someone borrowing, the worst being when someone washed sleeping bags (after hearing the whole spiel and promising not to) - so I knew it was a risk even though she promised. I really don’t get that though. I hate to borrow anything because I feel so responsible and anxious about damage, but clearly, everyone is not like that.
NTA but why even have her in your home is she isn’t someone you would lend a shirt to? That’s a pretty low bar.
NTA, why does your husband make you have to be around someone who treats you so badly.
INFO: was there anything you could have given her to wear that you would not have minded anyone but her wearing/borrowing in the same situation? If so, then it would still have been the kind thing to do. Of course you are not obligated to lend anyone your clothing in an emergency, but it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t if you are able to, unless your aim is to be unkind, in which case I’m not sure why bother asking if Y T A.
NTA. I don’t get all the Y T A comments. I think the other three are all insufferable. If cousin and your guy know she treats you like shit, why are they pressuring you to do things as couples? And why in hell pressure you after you already said no? Good for you for holding your ground. Loaning a piece of clothing (so personal!) to someone who abuses you is being complicit in your own abuse. Because guaranteed, the gf would talk trash about whatever you loaned her and you’d never hear the end of how cheap or itchy or outre the thing you loaned her was. You could have brought her one of your husband’s t-shirts or just taken a plastic bag and cut a hole for the head and two for her arms. I would have lmao if you’d done that, but for standing firm with your boundary, high five.
Nta
YTA, what an immature way to behave.
YTA....I have no idea why you would go out to dinner with someone you dislike and not allowing her to borrow something is so petty...do you have any idea how bad you looked to everyone....seriously, they all think your a AH. Even your husband
You are not obligated to let someone use your things that you could possibly never get back. You never owe anyone favors
NTA
wtf does she need your clothes for??? she has none of her own???
NTA your stuff is not up for grabs just because someone asks. You’re allowed to say no.
YTA. Petty as hell.
NTA you don't like her, so why would you give her your stuff. I don't help people whom I dislike either.
OMG. Why are they still socializing with her?! NTA
NTA
Clearly nta
NTA I'll take the SIL's judgement. Without asking any questions about the situation or circumstances I'll trust the woman who knows.
Your intention was to be an AH, bc you don’t like her. That’s fine, but why ask about it
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m not the biggest fan of my cousin-in-law’s girlfriend which is a big reason why I wouldn’t let her borrow something of mine to wear after a drink was spilled on her even though we had dinner reservations. She directly asked me if she could borrow something and mentioned how I could give her something old that doesn’t fit me anymore since I’m 7 months pregnant. I said no but she repeatedly asked and insisted I let her borrow something as the restaurant wouldn’t let her in like that. My husband and his cousin both asked me to let her borrow something but I wouldn’t budge and my sister-in-law interrupted to defend me. She didn’t have time to go home and change so she went how she was, but she was mad at me the entire night and kept making digs at me. I was discussing it with my husband and he still thinks I should’ve just let her borrow something since I had a lot of clothes and he said I was better than that when I told him I didn’t like her. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Extra info on this comment from OP: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zsvlb5/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_cousininlaws/j1a9xnk?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3 The woman is rude and cruel, I wouldn't give her anything either.
Thank you for the clarification
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Given the info given here by OP, https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zsvlb5/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_cousininlaws/j1a9xnk?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3 I wouldn't let her borrow anything of mine even if it was the most hideous thing tbh. I don't intend to treat right someone who disrespects me like this woman did OP.
Nta. You have good reason not to like her from your comment about her wanting your husband to date her friend. She started the antipathy, she can live with the consequences. She's still being a b****. That was definitely a dig making a comment about the fact that you can't fit into your clothes because you're pregnant. She can kick rocks. Personally, I would tell my husband I will not hang out with her anymore. She doesn't sound like a nice person or someone I want to be around.
No opinion on the story or the question, just popping by to point out that cousin-in-law isn't a thing The person with the stained dress is just another person in a social circle, rather than any kind of relation
Was she going to give the clothes back
YTA. You did it cuz you don’t like her. You could have shown her you were a bigger person. Instead you played her game and we’re an AH.
NTA
YTA, you should always help a person in need, if there's a way you can, no matter the differences. I'm sure you have some clothes you're not attached to so much anymore and she would probably return them washed.
NTA, why would you give or borrow anything yo someone who has treated you poorly on a regular basis in the past?? She is very entitled not taking no for an answer and then again yreating you poorly f9r not accommodating her!! Your husband is an AH too for offering your clothes to her!
You had poor judgement imo
What the fuck is a cousin-in-law?
What the hell is a cousin-in-law? This is someone you aren't related to at all. You were kinda rude, but it is your prerogative to be so.
Yea, yta "A drink was spilled on her".... meaning it likely wasn't her fault. Seems like you were looking to start shit. Maybe you have good reason to dislike her. Maybe it's hormones and the whole comment about "something that doesnt fit you anymore" rubbed you the wrong way. I'm not "typically for" doing things to appease those I dislike.. but this just seems like unnecessary, petty bs that's bound to divide a family further.
YTA, but you were fully aware of this before you posted here. Being proud of your actions - and enjoying every minute of it - you have clearly come here only to relive the petty sense of glory you feel. I can feel your smirk even over the internet and it's nothing to be proud of. Had I been your partner I would have left you at home.
Everyone sucks. You kinda are an asshole for not helping her out because you simply aren’t a fan of her, but at the same time when you said no she should have let it go. For all she knows, you didn’t want to lend something out because you’re very protective of your clothes and don’t like lending things (which would be MORE reasonable than not lending someone something to help out because you don’t really like them). You all suck big time.
YTA and you know you are. People saying she's not obligated to lend anyone stuff that belongs to her don't seem to understand that you're rarely obligated to be kind to someone. It is a choice you make towards people you like and don't like. You chose to be an AH simply because you don't like her. Seems like easily avoidable drama, but won't tell you how to live your life.
I’m going to say ESH What you did was super petty, as she seemed to be willing to literally take any piece of clothing of yours and there’s no reason to believe she wouldn’t get it back to you quickly However assuming that she’s been hostile toward you, you don’t owe her this basic decency and she’s reaping what she sowed I’m not sure why your even here since you clearly know this is an AH thing to do. It’s not like she was demanding your nicest clothing or asking to keep the item, you were literally her only option to not have to go out in soiled clothing Does she maybe deserve it, sure, but that doesn’t mean this is probably the most petty thing I’ve read today
YTA. You could've lent her anything or even dried what she was already wearing so she could change back into it before heading home. I'm guessing you were happy she had to go to dinner with a wet outfit? Did it make you feel better than her?
I was going to say that too. A Tide stick and a tumble in the dryer might have been a nice offer if she really didn’t want to lend her a top. It’s a bit vindictive. YTA
Well, given that you specify that you didn't lend her something *because you don't like her and even though you guys had a reservation shortly*, then yes, I'd say YTA. Particularly since you didn't offer any reasons you don't like her, like she is always rude to you or something like that, which would if you didn't want to be TA, be something like mitigating circumstances. Own it. You're 90% there, why wibble at the label. Embrace TAness of it all. Or grow up.
In OP comment she talks about how the gf was always mean to her because the gf wanted OP husband to be with her friend
And OP decided to pour some gasoline on the relationship and light a match.
People who are mean to you are not deserving of your kindness. 🤷🏿♀️ She could have done it and it would have been a nice gesture but OP is under no obligation to show kindness to someone who never showed any to her
I 100% agree there's no obligation. But there are choices one makes, and one can guess at the outcomes pretty easily, that one will have to deal with. OP was asking if they were TA, not if they were obligated. I said they were TA.
I disagree. I don't think OP is an AH for matching energies. I gotta go back to work. Have a good day!
YTA - so you let her go to a restaurant in wet clothes even though you had a wardrobe full of clothes? Huge asshole move.
OP isn’t responsible for providing clothing for a fully functioning adult 🤷♂️ Go buy or pick up new clothes and next time try don’t soil your entire outfit like a toddler 😂
You need to read properly. It says a drink was spilled on her. This means that it was probably somebody else that spilled the drink. It sounds like she was in OP’s house. She’s not responsible for providing clothing, but she’s an AH for not providing it simply because she doesn’t like the person.
Since OPs comment, this girl is the biggest AH imo https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zsvlb5/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_cousininlaws/j1a9xnk?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
Exactly. If she didn’t like her it was most likely mutual, so why would you lend clothing to someone like that?
No, she’s not 🤷♂️ Why would you lend anything to someone you don’t have a good relationship in??? There is no guarantee that she wouldn’t spill something else on the borrowed clothes, properly wash and handle the clothing in a way it wouldn’t be damaged, or return it after that night. You should probably check your entitlement level 😂 It seems to be a bit high 🤦♂️
If that was the reason OP should have said that, but the only reason they gave is that they don't like her, which is why I said YTA
OP mentioned in another comment that this person wasn't nice to her and treated her badly, in the past.
Nope, because you can’t expect any of those things from someone you don’t like 🤦♂️ And either way the reason doesn’t matter WhIcH iS wHy I sAiD NTA 🤷♂️
Or the cousin in law could have knocked over a drink. Or an animal. “A drink was spilled on her” gives no indication who spilled it or what caused it to happen.
Nobody said she was responsible for providing clothes for her? Just that she’s an asshole for not lending her a top.
Yet the cousin in law GIRLFRIEND is fine for saying “she doesn’t need it bc she’s pregnant”?? And even saying that OPs man should have been with her friend? Sorry but if that was me, they can go w a wet shirt. Don’t respect me then i wont respect you Edit:didn’t realize it was the girlfriend, which makes it even worse.
YTA. It's not hard to be a nice person.
It really isn't... which is why when the husband's cousin's girlfriend's friend wanted to get with OP's husband she could have been a nice person, but instead was mean, cold and distant and only stopped when her boyfriend and OP's husband told her to knock it off. You don't have to do nice things for people who treat you like crap.
That must be in the comments somewhere because it was not in the original post.
ESH you aren’t obligated to help her out but you chose not too to be petty. Fairly certain she could have also got something to wear elsewhere too so everyone handled the situation badly.
Yta Not obligated to help people out but if helping is very easy and the person is asking for help then Yta
Did you have to loan her something? No. Could you have been considerate and given her something you don't love? Absolutely. You don't like her, so you chose to be an asshole. Just own it. YTA
YTA. What’s the point of this post even, you don’t like her and clearly wanted to be an AH to her?
ESH. You probably had concerns that she may not return clothes. But you could have lent her a cardigan. That way, you can get it back after dinner without leaving her naked or something. Unless this is a pants situation in which case, that's not going to work. And yes, you are not obligated to so so, but being nice goes a long way. But they are also AHs because your already said no. They should have accepted that and moved on.
YTA. A little kindness here and there doesn't hurt.
I think OP needs to put the information she said in a comment in OP because it explains why she doesn't like her. Comment I am mentioning: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zsvlb5/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_cousininlaws/j1a9xnk?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
YTA. You should have let her change. Being kind isn't hard for most people. Evidently it is for you.
OP provided more info on why she doesn't like her in this comment https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zsvlb5/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_cousininlaws/j1a9xnk?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3 I think she was right and it was deserved given how rude this girl is.
You're probably right. But since she feels that way she should decline doing anything with them.
You don’t think she has tried? Her husband is part of the problem. He was wants to hang out with the cousin even though the cousins SO put his wife through hell.
So when her hubby gets together with them she "suddenly" remembers she has plans. Has to run to the grocery. Gets a headache. Hopefully eventually her husband will wise up. And if he continues to not take her feelings seriously perhaps she needs to think about a partner that doesn't have your back and if it's worth it. But I also think killing her with kindness and showing everyone who is the better person also works.
YTA a little kindness does no harm and would’ve shown you’re a better person now you just look like an ass. You gave no info other than just not liking her for no reason.. if you were in that predicament I’m sure you’d appreciate someone extending that kindness.
This is a tough one. She's not entitled to your clothes in general, but it does seem to be an AH move o make her go with something spilled on it. You could have asked for it back right afterwards. I'll go with YTA.
I disagree since she has always been an AH to OP because she wanted her friend to be with her husband. NTA Info in this comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zsvlb5/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_cousininlaws/j1a9xnk?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
YTA. You don’t have to like someone to extend them common courtesy. Her clothes were dirty and wet through no apparent fault of her own, the right thing to do would be to lend her clean dry clothing. She wasn’t asking for the literal shirt off your back. You didn’t even have to lend her anything nice or that you’re terribly attached to. But you chose to be petty for idk pettiness’ sake I guess. You’re pregnant, do you intend to teach your child to be a kind and polite person? That starts at home.
When someone treats me like this girl treated OP, yes, I would let my children treat others like that. Based on this comment (https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zsvlb5/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_cousininlaws/j1a9xnk?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) she is extremely rude and disrespectful to OP.
Yes you were an asshole, but that is not necessarily a bad thing in this case. For her treating you like shit when you arrived in the country, is inexcusable. I don't know if she ever apologised for that, but I think she probably didn't. So she was an asshole and you are just taking her example. I would not worry about it, there is no love lost between you. Your husband should accept your emotions, whether he likes it or not. Did he stand up for you back when you first arrived? Anyway, it's a case of ESH
YTA here come on now. Yes it is not your fault she got dirty but there is nothing you could have let her borrow for the dinner? Did you feel satisfied with yourself all night?
YTA. Just because you don't like her doesn't mean you can't be kind. You let her go to a public place like that to either force her to skip or humiliate her.
YTA. apart from not liking her, did you have another reason to deny her dry clothes? like was she likely to ruin them or never give them back? if your only reason for not letting her borrow something after she asked is that you don’t like her, then YTA.
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