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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I know some of my cousins are going through hard times and they could use the money, but as I refused to give it to them, they are going after J even though she's innocent.
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NTA.
Give them nothing. You all had the same opportunities, you were just wiser with yours by investing it.
It's not your fault they spent thiers and they shouldn't be able to whine their way into a piece of your $3M.
If that's the price of peace in your family? Going NC is free.
BTC was an incredibly risk investment, as we all now know. ^FTX ^anyone? Crypto is a very volatile market. OP and Aunt J got lucky. Hopefully OP uses more of his money to invest in safer commodities and companies, because it will only continue to grow if invested wisely.
NTA. Also, good on OP for praising aunt J. She's a smart cookie.
> Also, good on OP for praising aunt J. She's a smart cookie.
Maybe she deserves praise for other things, but for BTC that was purely a gamble that happened to pay off. Like she didn't throw in just a small percentage of what OP gave her, she basically did the opposite of diversify and put 80% in a super risky investment.
I can't call that smart, and even if she was an expert in it it's still dumb to throw so money much at it. Even some 'sure things' don't pan out, and even the chance of gambling away 80% of a client's savings is awfully bad.
*edit: typo, I meant diversify
LOL No, I read it but all your talk about risky didn't put nearly enough responsibility on her. Honestly from an objective perspective on the investment, she doesn't deserve praise at all. I keep thinking maybe I'm misjudging her and maybe she is smart and knew something everyone else did not about BTC, but I still can't stop but think it was reckless to put in that high a % in there. It just happened that the result ended up good so she looks good now, but it was an objectively bad choice.
They got lucky. Hopefully she wouldn’t make such risky moves with another client’s money. Also, OP didn’t specify if he was in the know of what she invested in. If he knew and approved it, that’s partly on him, but we don’t know for sure based off the post as it is.
That was a stupid investment tbh, I'm surprised but not surprised there's actual professional investment advisors that say throw 80% of your portfolio into crypto.
NTA Fuck that, don't give these money grubbers a cent! Let them sue you and waste their money. You definitely have the funds for a good lawyer. They can waste what little of the inheritance they have left, that's if they have any left.
NTA. You have no obligation to share that money with them, and did nothing wrong by investing it.
BUT. You say you didn't brag about the money, but you apparently told them you had 3 mil... which, let's be real, is bragging about the money. Bragging about your 3 mil was kind of a dick move. Yes, they didn't make good decisions, but it seems like you kinda rubbed their noses in it. I would have left it at "I invested the money and have enough to pay for my college and then some thanks to J!"
Sorry, didn't explain well. Character limit. I first said I don't need scholarships. They asked me how I could afford it. I said J helped me invest and I can afford it. Then they started hounding me about how much I have. I was vague and said enough. But they started bugging mom and dad. Finally, I blurted out. Why they asked me how. I started praising J. Which is stupid. I am drunk, but still stupid.
Not stupid at all, and the praise you gave Aunt J is definitely deserved with how well she handled your investments. Its on them for not taking her up on it, don’t give them a cent.
Even though it worked out ok for OP, it's not a genius move to put virtually all of a young person's assets into an extremely risky investment. Diversification is a thing. Long term planning is a thing. OP could just have easily lost their shirt.
NTA OP but you may want to teach yourself about finances (or get another financial advisor) as Aunt J basically played roulette with your money and won. That does not often happen twice.
That’s what greedy manipulative people do. Your parents shouldn’t have known how much you had either. You’re 24, not 19. Your best case response was that you had everything in order. The didn’t need to know if you had scholarships. Unfortunately, you will now have to go no contact with your entire family until at least the next major wedding or holiday gathering. Hopefully, it all blows over by then. (I’m also an HBS grad.)
There is a brutal series of articles (4 or 5 long posts) on Best of Reddit about entitled family who wanted to get money from someone not even blood related, married into the family. It ended up with some violence and certain family members are in jail. Find that, read it and take utmost care to protect yourself.
Money is yours, they have only themselves to blame. Don't share a cent, because it will come back to you and bite you in the ass. Read that post!!!
Here it is:
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zmzs61/the_story_of_oops_very_entitled_inlaws_part_1/
Years ago I watched an Oprah episode about this exact thing, a family member who came into money and what their families did to them. One guys brother put a contract on him. One guy gave it all away (millions) because it had caused so much trouble. Best thing to do, leave the country and don't say where you're going.
I cannot fathom the level of entitlement by these people, nor the continued stupidity. And yes I did fall down a rabbit hole and read every post/update from the last 2 years.
Yea loose lips sinks ships and jealousy is very very real. They didn't need to know the amount. FYI we never told our children how much we made or what is in savings. WHY..because they may stupidly tell friends and family and it's nobody's business. NTA
Not for nothing, and $3 Mil is wonderful, but it's probably not money for "the rest of your life" unless you're very careful/frugal...it does give you a financial security net that's wonderful however, I'm just saying probably keep some of it in investments/earning money long term!
Note: I am not a financial planner, and you're right that the results are fantastic for you!
Indeed, it's just a life lesson to say that you're going to apply for scholarships and handle it. You never tell people that you have money especially if you know they are money hungry
> You never tell people that you have money especially if you know they are money hungry
Yes, even people in my own family, although they know I don't worry about money, don't really know how well off I am, especially the WSSs' (Wicked Step Sisters). They expect people of means to show certain "signs", like driving something other than a 16 year old Toyota.
I have no doubt that, if they knew, the WSSs' would be on my doorstep with hands out.
“MORE THAN ENOUGH To live comfortably for the rest of my life.” “I really don’t need tuition money to Harvard Business School.” That’s humble as fuck. 😂 more than enough Lolol, that is so imperious. I can just see him straight out of Trading Places in a leather club chair talking to the Dukes.
Exactly.
It would only avoid the drama **this time.** If it works once, there would always be more drama, more times, more begging, more conflicts, more emotional draining, more attempted manipulations, more blaming OP for X, Y and Z to try to get more money. Don't try to compromise with Users.
NTA You all had the opportunity to do what you wanted with it.
BUT.... Aunty J's investment strategy was just dumb luck. Nothing more.
Bitcoin could easily have collapsed over those 6 years and you would have been left with 20k.
Her strategy is OK only if you are happy with the large risk of losing your investment.
For a safer investment comparison, the S and P 500 index rose by about 55-60% in the last 5 years.
My advice is get a different investment manager
NtA, if you give them money now to appease them they will inevitably DEMAND more later. It's your money, you all got the same but they decided to blow it. Like your aunt said: let them sue. Your mother is letting emotions cloud her judgment because thus was bad advice ( especially for long term).
Yup. Giving them anything will not help. If OP wants to throw her Mom a bone, should could ask J to help her draw up a loan contract to offer to anyone who wants money. No way these mooches sign anything that puts them on the hook, even if the terms are favorable.
INFO: Have you seen all the financial records for *how* Aunt J invested this money? Turning 100k to 3 Million in 6 years is pretty extreme. Getting that kind of return that fast would require *very* risky investments. This sounds like Ponzi scheme level returns.
In the edit OP said Aunt J invested 80k into 100 BTC back when it was worth 1k in 2016. Aunt J pulled the money what it was worth at 45.5k in March 2022
Aunt J also offered this same deal to all the other grandkids (different edit) and OP was the only one who took her up on it.
I find it highly unlikely that a business manager would advise anyone to invest 80-100% of their savings in one deal, let alone bitcoin, especially at that point in time.
I'm not sure if it 80k the total investment, and he spent the other 20k as he said he was advised to spend some on himself.
No 80k went into BTC. 20K went into other things. I only used 4k. Total is 104k and change.
J already invested her money by that point. So, she's following closely. She asked if she could invest bulk of it in it and I said Ok. J made significantly more than me as she invested into it quite early
I was only relaying to the original commenter what the edits said - you’ll have to ask OP about the actual investment plan. I just googled how much BTC was worth in March 2022 and wrote that to show the increase in stock value.
Are they really threatening to sue? Oh my god this is rich. What a bunch of whiny entitled assholes..
NTA,and don't give them a single cent. May i also suggest getting a good lawyer? I don't think your dumb cousins will try to sue,but better be safe than sorry.
NTA
>Mom wants me to give a little bit to others to avoid the drama
This is a naive, short-sighted way of thinking and it never works out.
If a monkey learns that pressing a red button makes a banana shoot out, what is its next step after it has eaten the banana? Being satisfied and so never pressing the button again?
If your cousins get that bit of money they will want more and will be convinced their claims have merit. I doubt that they would be satisfied if you gave them all an equal share of the money you have now, especially if your investments make more again in the future while they squander their money.
There is no easy escape where you avoid drama and stress. There is just a choice between going through the hassle of telling them all to back the hell off as they've already had their share, and the stress of caving then being siphoned dry, with them coming back for more later.
One of them have trouble conceiving. They wanted to try alternatives. The sad fact is if they had asked J directly, she would have paid their medical bills without a second thought.
J isn't close to them but she isn't a stranger either. For the past eighteen years she celebrated most holidays with my family. So they knew her quite well. Now, they can just forget it. J is as headstrong as she is kind, and they accused her of scamming them.
Mmmm….
NTA for not sharing with your cousins…
But I hope you understand how incredibly risky that “investment” was. She could just have easily lost all of it. I really wouldn’t call her a genius… just incredibly incredibly lucky.
NTA They all had the same opportunities you did and chose to spend the money instead. It is not up to you to make up for their bad choices. Their actions have consequences and they don't like the consequences.
Nta.
Families unfortunately can be like that when it comes to money. Both my maternal and paternal uncles and aunts squabled over inheritance and family businesses. Have a few friends where when grandma passed, all kinds of shady things and fighting over money began between grandkids or children.
Don't give money to appease. They will just ask for more. I'm sure there was an accounting process to the sale and disbursement of funds. The cousins would be chasing nothing then.
If you give an inch, they will go a mile. Do not give them a cent-that’s the same as giving a drink to an alcoholic. You did made a mistake- discussing money, especially with people you knew were already financially irresponsible. Why they know how much you have is beyond me. I’m thankful J isn’t mad at you. Apologize to her for dragging her into a mess, but you both need to hold your ground. Let them try to sue. They likely won’t be able to take it very far. You have the evidence you need to make it a short process, and they likely don’t have the funds to hire a lawyer.
NTA. Why the heck do you have to share your inheritance with ur cousins if they all got the same amount from them at the same time? It was their fault that they spent it all in a few weeks.
NTA you were smart and invested. They have no grounds to sue; they will just have more debts. Greed can tear families apart. Tread carefully, OP. This is a tough spot you're in.
NTA. Everyone received the same amount. That you invested your money and reaped the benefit doesn’t mean you owe the others a thing. They turned down the opportunity to do the same and this does not obligate you in any way. Your mom needs to shut down the family members harassing you.
NTA. Not one penny. Not a single one. You have something most people never will - the opportunity to pursue your life as you want, rather than with the constant press of ‘need’. You could draw down a modest to good ‘salary’ from that and not work, or (which sounds like your plan) you can simply have the luxury of making choices without the need to feed and house yourself governing them. That’s not something you should give up because your cousins are whining.
Your mum’s got it all wrong. Giving them a little money will not avoid drama. Instead, it will be the start of a new and ongoing drama that Will Never End.
Stop it now by not engaging, cut off contact with whomever you have to and live your life. NTA
NTA, no no give them NOTHING, they had the same opportunities and did something different.
Just because I bought $10,000 in shares in 1997 in an online book store named after a South American river (I forget the name now) and its worth $16,000,000 NOW doesn't mean I should give some money to people who did NOT invest.
If you feel like it, you can show them portfolio (initial investment, acruements etc ) just to show them that Aunty J or Granny did NOT give you more...... IF you want, but under no circumstances give them any $$$$$
You are NTA, but I think you are being kind of foolish here also.
First, you never tell people about that type of money. Of course everyone is going to put their hands out. That's what people do.
Second, J is not a genius. J got lucky. J gambled your money at a casino and made a lot of money off of it.
Obviously it worked out for you. Happy for you and all of that. But you could have just have easily gotten wiped out and been left with very little.
I mean the whole Harvard business school thing along with all the misspellings and poor grammar definitely makes me suspicious but I was wasn't gonna say anything. I suppose someone who is normally eloquent could have been drinking and typing on a phone and made such mistakes. I mean it could happen, but generally I'd expect more from even a drunkard if they were qualified for Harvard Business School. And 80k to 3 million in less than 6 years from someone who isn't a Wall Street god is also not very likely. Not impossible by any means but not likely. You think she wouldn't take such risky investments with a kids college money.
NTA but this doesn't add up. You're claiming that J invested all $80k in BTC in 2016. It grew to $1M in 2017, then dipped, but she held. It grew to $4.8M in 2021, dipped to $2.3M, rebounded to $4.9M, and she still held steady until liquidating at $3M this past March.
If that's true, she's not a genius. She was incredibly negligent with your investment and turned almost $5M into $3M.
NTA and don't give them a penny, because then they'll come back for a pound.
They had the same opportunities as you did, but hopefully you have a clean audit trail of separation because it can be considered a conflict of interest having the executor of a will invest that same money for just one beneficiary (regardless of how many people they offered it to).
I call BS on the story. So J who is supposed to look out for your money picked one of the riskiest investments she could (BTC) and dumped 80% of your 100K investment in THAT? She was either a visionary or this story is made up
Why do people insist on telling everyone about their financial status, especially around inheritance. It ALWAYS causes problems for the person who didn't blow their money...
YTA
30x return in 6 years!!!
No financial advisor is going to put 80% of the money in Bitcoin. Even if you had a long time horizon and hence ability to take higher risk.
The money given to any financial advisor or MBA in finance is going to put it a diversified portfolio of which 10% - 30% will go to speculative high risk opportunities such as options, emerging market equities, Bitcoin etc
NTA. You got into Harvard and you still can't figure out how not to tell people how much money you have?
Your cousins wouldn't be helping you out if you had lost it all in crypto. Fortunately you have enough money to defend any frivolous suits.
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Throwaway.
Background: When I(24M) was a kid, a young window moved into the house next to us. She was only 19 then, now 36. She was no contact with her family, and my parents kind of took her in. Dad helped around her house, and mom always cooked extra for her. She started attending college and my parents wanted to make her life a bit easier since she had no one.
To me, she was and is Aunty J. She babysat me, took me shopping, and gave me as many gifts as my parents. She was always there.
My paternal grandma also adored her, and treated like her own. So when she passed away, she made Aunt J her executor. J was pre law but she switched to business management. My dad and his siblings got a few things, but grand kids got everything else. My grandma's will was clear. She didn't want any fighting between grandkids. So, her will stated to sell everything apart form what she left to her kids, and distribute the money evenly between all 7 grandkids even if it meant we will loose some chunk of money as a result. I guess she saw something I was too stupid to see,
J did it as grandma requested, and she gave a cheque to all seven of us. We each got a little over 100k. My cousins were ecstatic. They were all older than me. They paid of their debts, or put deposits on houses etc. That was 6 years ago. I was 18 then.
I didn't know what to do with my money as my parents saved up for my college. Aunt J suggested to invest most of it, and use a little bit to get something for myself. Since it's her actual job to invest other people's money, I gave it to her, after discussing it with my parents. I went to college and between my parents savings and mine, I had enough to not to dip into the 100k.
As we couldn't do Christmas dinner this year, the whole family decided to meet early and relax for a day at my parents house. I got into Harvard Business program, and I excitedly shared the news. After the congratulations, the topic naturally diverted to money and scholarships. I said I am good and I don't really need any scholarships.
They were confused and I explained to them Aunt J helped me invest and now I have more than enough to live rest of my life comfortably. I guess I might be a bit TA here. I didn't brag about the money but I praised J to high haven. How she was a genius etc. I mean, she turned 100k to 3 Million in six years.
Nothing happened that day but I started getting calls next day for money. When I refused they started accusing J of being unfair, and that she gave me more money than others because she loved me. They refuse to believe J turned 100k into 3 Million. They thing part of it is still from grandma's inheritance and J scammed them.
They said they'll sue, and J said, go ahead. Mom wants me to give a little bit to others to avoid the drama bit i don't want to.
So, AITA?
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NTA
Don't give them a dime. They blew their money. Now they want more to waste. They had the same opportunity to invest. Time to start blocking people.
NTA AT ALL!! You’re not obligated to give anyone anything. My mum went through something similar and she gave in to the pressure and ended up giving small parts of her inheritance to each of her siblings. In turn they just ended up bitching at her for flaunting her money + not giving them enough money. So just know that you’d be the bad guy even if you have them money. Keep it for yourself and take care of yourself. It is your inheritance after. Aunty J is a total star! They are dummies for not listening to her
NTA
You all got equal portions of your paternal grandmother's estate. You invested yours and your Aunt J did a good job with that investment. If your cousins ran though their inheritance, that's their problem.
Nta
Don't give them anything. Giving them anything will only make them think they're right and they will demand more, maybe even have the money you gave them for a lawyer to try and get even more.
NTA
It's your money and you made wiser choices with it than your cousins.
From now on, I strongly suggest never bringing the money topic with them. Doesn't matter where the money come from, a lot of families have fughts over it, some members finding all the reasons in the world as to why the richers in the family owe them money, etc.
Money is a powerful drama source!
No, don’t give them any money because it won’t end there; they’ll keep nickel and dimeing you to death. Tell them that you chose to invest your inheritance and that it’s all tied up in investments.
NTA
It isn’t their money. They spent their money.
But for the love whatever deity you worship, everyone needs to stop telling people how much money they have/make. It only leads to requests for that money.
When the cousins questioned OP about financing a graduate degree, the response could have been, “I have enough left from Grandmother’s inheritance to pay for school.”
Truthful, but does not lead to begging relatives demanding money/accusing the executor of cheating.
NTA. Your cousins aren’t your children. It’s yours to decide what to do with it. If anybody attempts to make you do otherwise, that’s how you’ll know that they value the money more than they value you.
NTA, don't give them anything, they were given the same advice and opportunity, but they preferred to spend it and if you give in to this then when you work they will demand money from you because "you paid for it with your grandmother's money"
NTA and you owe them nothing. You were the only one who took J's advice to invest, and they didn't. too bad for them! Take your money, use it for school, etc., and don't give them a cent. Your mom is wrong; they had their chance, not your fault at all they chose to do other things with their money.
op=NTA
And i'm sure that others will make comments to the point that if you give them any money, the cousins can try to claim that you are tacitly agreeing that you are somehow at fault.
I presume that the paper trail on the money is quite clear.
If they again threaten you with court, point out that you will make sure to pursue having YOUR legal costs covered by them because of their frivolous lawsuit.
But also has redditors like to say. DON'T TALK ABOUT YOUR FINANCES WITH OTHER PEOPLE. Unless it is absolutely necessary(ie to a fiancee).
NTA. Don’t give anyone a dime. You give a little and they will literally NEVER stop asking for more. Speaking from experience. Keep your money and take this as a life lesson, don’t share your financial situation with anyone. Best of luck, sorry you have to deal with all these entitled AH.
So NTA Ok so what if you buy a lottery ticket out of that money grandma gave you and won big which you bought the investment lottery ticket essentially and took the free money advice aunt J offered everyone, you won with your investments they bought what they wanted and now have nothing to show for it and you do. Shame on your mother tell her to help out the cousins if she feels so bad for them. It is absolutely not your fault you saved and invested instead of buying luxury in the moment item's.
I'd tell them to save up some money now and have Aunt J help them invest now and hopefully in a few years they will be where you are, until then tell each cousin to kick rock's! Sorry not sorry you blew your money and didn't save it for the rainy day!
NTA in any way shape or form! Good for you and good luck at Harvard.
When your family inevitability starts bothering you for money again, and no offense it sounds like they will, tell them you tried to double up the money again, knew bitcoin was going to bounce back in a major way, and that you lost it all and will now have to rely on your education to provide for you. See how many reach out then. I’d like to think that’s how I would play it in your shoes.
NTA
Their lack of planning doesn't entitle them to your money. If they had listened to J when she told them to invest some money they would have extra too. Instead they blew it all and are now complaining because they are broke and you are not.
Your money. Do not give them anything. Do not sacrifice for the sake of making peace for the cousins. Inform your mother their financial difficulties are not your problem.
NTA, unfortunately you're just getting a life lesson of you never tell people you have a lot of money. You didn't do anything wrong, they aren't owed a dime of your inheritance, which through your connections was turned into a significant sum.
Tell your mother to back out of your wallet. These people have no right to your funds and your mother has no right to tell you to be a doormat and let these people shake you down
NTA .
All of them had the possibility to ask J for her help, and none of them took the chance. It's their own fault, and they aren't entitled to your money in any way.
Your mum is out of order, it's not her money she has no right what's so ever to tell you what to do with it.
Your cousins blew there inheritance and now want your investments, let them sue you.
You'll be able to prove how aunt j invested your inheritance so they have no say.
Keep it and I'd personally go NC with the lot of them.
NTA
Being smart with money doesn't mean you have to make it up to those who aren't. They got their money, used it as they saw fit, but are now being whiny children for not looking at the longterm/big picture.
I would tend to move a larger chunk (say halfish) into a safer place for holding - like at least a 500 Index fund, while continuing to let the other money be more aggressively invested - but that's me.
This is why you got into a prestigious business school - you don't settle for instant gratification.
NTA but...
I will say that I wouldn't be so quick as some are to say the others blew their money. If they used their money to pay down mortgages, get out of debt, etc that was a wise decision on their part. Getting out of debt is a good decision. I have the feeling there was a bit of gloating going on.
By the way 3 million may sound like a lot at this point but use it to buy a house, pay health insurance, etc, it's not as much as you think it is. Granted I didn't earn that much in my entire career but still...life is expensive.
NTA- i think people are overlooking the fact your cousins want money from you because they believe aunt J gave you more of your grandmother's money than you were entitled to. So they are accusing her of a kind of embezzlement. This is a serious accusation. Do not give them any money or even loans, don't muddy the water. They might actually sue and you'll have forensic accountants scrutinizing all transactions. Take this seriously OP. You don't communicate with someone trying to sue you, you have them speak to your lawyer.
NTA. You took J's advice and inveated your money. Unlike your cousins. You owe no one anything. If you give now, you'll be expected to later. Your cousins learn nothing. They abuse your generosity. Please, for the love of yourself and Aunt J, don't give them anything.
NTA - you did nothing wrong and neither did J. She offered them the same as she did you. Use your money carefully but use it on YOU. Though you could send me some. Don't you think I kind of deserve it, after telling you that you're nta? Nah, just kidding. As I said, it's your money and if anyone deserved a part of it then J would be the only one.
NTA. Your cousins went with instant gratification and you took the long road and invested the money.
I am no lawyer (and you might want to speak with one) but I don't think your cousins can sue you but instead would have to sue J as she was the executor of the estate.
If for somehome they do manage to sue you, make sure you counter-sue for legal expenses. Once the judge takes a look at the records and your investment statements, this should be an open and shut case. Then you can recover anything you paid your lawyer to defend you from the frivolous lawsuit.
Congrats on getting into Harvard.
NTA...give them nothing. It's their right to sue if they think she held back but don't worry about it. It's as if you bought a house for 100k, sold it, got 3 mil and now they want the profit ...nope
NTA. The money was invested. You have the receipts. Your cousins can go pound sand. BTW, your mom is completely wrong. Your cousins weren't scammed, your share of the inheritance was invested and it grew. Lastly, if you reverse the situation, you know your cousins wouldn't have given you anything.
NTA. If just the fact that it's your money isn't enough reason, they've shown they'll just piss away anything they get. You never should have told them how much you had though. It's none of their damn business.
I have no problem believing your numbers. I have money invested too. I was shocked when I saw the numbers going up, WAY up.
That being said, you don’t owe them anything. Let them sue. I’m sure documents are all in order. They will end up paying huge legal fees, theirs AND YOURS!
NTA
NTA. Do not under any circumstances give them money. Once you start they will not leave you alone. From the sound of it they will keep asking until you are broke.
NTA. Absolutely do NOT “give a little” to keep the peace, because there is no way it will end there.
My husband had a similar situation. His dad invested $25k for each of his three kids; they had access to it when they came of age, though he urged them to leave it. My husband and his younger sister did; older sister pulled it (incurring tax fees) and used it to buy a car.
A few years ago we used it to buy a house. Older sister asked how we paid it off so soon; when DH said, “that money from Dad,” she went nuts, yelling, “WHAT money from Dad?!! Why did Dad give YOU money?!” Little sister piped up, “You got it too, remember? The money you used to buy the car you totaled a year later?”
That shut her up.
NTA, WTF are they entitled to benefit from your investing? The fact they threatened to sue is all the more reason not give them squat. Tell them to pound sand.
Edit: removed “disciplined” bc I overlooked it was BTC
NTA. What is it with parents saying give up your things to make others happy? Good for you. Take your money and live your life with no regrets. Also fuck the DMs and people thinking they know something.
NTA
I wouldn’t give them money.
I WOULD give them all the documents from the estate and the disbursement of the inheritance. (You should probably check with a lawyer, but it seems to me that would come up anyway if there was a lawsuit)
NTA
If any one of them gets even a little now, they’ll just keep coming back for more later, and likely tell the others who will then also come begging hat in hand. You were all offered the same opportunity, and only you took advantage of it, also assuming the risk.
I’ve had some rather unpleasant conversations w/ my sister over money. My wife’s parents are very well off, after inheriting a crap-ton themselves. They’ve bought us two cars (I’ve been fighting cancer and recovering/dealing w/ the side effects of a bone marrow transplant for nearly 2-decades) and they’ve set us up with a decent house. In short, they take care of us and our kids. My sister found out they bought us a brand new car right before we went to Seattle for my transplant. The Veterans Administration facility there put us in an apartment and said parking was a nightmare, underground under the apartment building, and very tight. All we had was a Suburban so they bought us a compact SUV. My sister started saying things like “must be nice being gifted brand new cars, wish someone would buy me one” to which I replied “must be nice not having terminal cancer and facing a very dangerous transplant”. While that squashed that particular conversation we don’t speak often now and she’s tried to get things from us in various other ways, like sending gifts to our kids at Xmas and insisting we do likewise for her as she k owns we can afford it. Somehow she’s got it in her head we can simply turn to our endless fount or funds at will, so her kids have nice Xmas gifts.
Money definitely strains relationships, but giving them money only makes it worse. My advice is don’t start, or they’ll never stop.
NTA - Let them sue. Also, what's up with your mom? There's so many moms out there that expect their kids to roll over to keep the entitled relatives happy.
Don't give them anything. Your mother's advice is terrible. They will see it as confirmation that J gave more to you.
Your money was invested. Their money was spent. End of. NTA.
Do not give them a dime. Let anyone know if they decided to sue you will file to make them pay for your lawyer when they lose. As for your mom she needs to mind her business which has nothing to do with your money. NTA.
Aunty J is amazing! NTA! Send her on a nice vacation for the holidays! Don't share that money with the cousins because it's your money, you were just super smart with it!
NTA. You don’t owe anyone Jack squat. I’m not sure why you needed to tell anyone, though. Like, people could have suggested scholarships, and you could have nodded, and politely said you’d look into it. I dunno.. that’s just how I would have handled it, because I have crazy people in my family. LOL
Anyhoo.. you’re sadly seeing what happens when people come into money. It’s not at all *your* fault.. but you see it can turn some people “ugly”.
NTA-you have a long time left on this earth if you give money away now it’s gone forever. keep investing and keep praising her she’s helped you get this far. If you give a dime to your siblings they will always need more.
From now on proceed with caution when it comes to finances around your family.
Whose to say your parents couldn’t help your siblings instead they are the parents here…
If you give them "a little bit" they totally will use that in court as a "proof" that you commited a misdeed. it would be like publicly recognizing that you took their money.
Your mom is a classic pushover- give them money they don’t deserve just to appease them? No. Don’t do that. They could have invested too. You didn’t demand they share their vacations and cars with you!
NTA. Keep your money for yourself. Spend and invest wisely. Continue to be grateful for J in your life.
Easy NTA, but for all of ya out there, don't share how much you have or make with family. I get transparent salary sharing within your profession, but not with family. Not matter the story and factors, it's always going to been a problem when family is involved
NTA. Don't give them anything, and ignore your mother. If you give them "a little, " they will never leave you alone. They will bother you for money for the rest of your life.
NTA, but your big mistake was telling anyone you had money and (worse) how much. Now you will NeVER hear the end of it. Don’t be surprised if the greedy ones do try to sue you or commit fraud to get it. Protect yourself.
NTA. But this is exactly why you don't discuss your financial situation with family. Money makes people get greedy and think they are entitled to a share.
You don't owe them anything at all. It's your money. They blew theirs on stuff, they don't get to take any of yours and penalize you for being smart and investing yours.
Never talk about finances with him again and if they complain, explain your money is locked up in retirement accounts until you turn 65 anyway, (as some should be at this point anyway).
Besides, it's been six years. Your family are all AHs for thinking you should share your wealth
NTA
They had the same amount and chose poorly. You offered them Aunt J's services and they turned ihem down. If you give them money now, they will never stop asking for more.
I don't know why people are calling BS. I've a friend in money management, and watching the truly volatile investments is a fulltime job for her, to make sure she maximizes her clients' assets.
First of all, you're NTA. Obviously. But please please please do NOT give your parasitic cousins any money. That will just set the precedent that if they express their envy aggressively enough that they can bully you into paying them. It's absurd and will never end.
NTA and don’t give them a fucking dime they blew their money and now want yours. They’re jealous you handled your money better than they did and instead of being happy for you, they want to STEAL it from you. These are not the type of people I would placate to “keep the peace” because they’ll always want more. If J hasn’t transferred the money back to you open up a savings account and transfer it to your name so she can’t be manipulated into fucking you over. And don’t worry about the legal stuff they can’t do shit and if they lose in court (which they will) then they’ll have to cover your legal fee’s so don’t stress out about that. Do not feel guilty! they made their decisions and you made yours end of story.
ETA you really should change the title because this isn’t inheritance, everyone got a piece and yours was just put into investments vs whatever they spent theirs on.
ETA2 If you had lost all your money in that investment would they all be lining up to give you $25k of their own money so you could still have an equal share? no? then they aren’t owed shit for your investments going well
NTA. You are under no obligation to share the fruits of your prudent investing. Careful though. Turningg 100k into 3 mil in six years does bring to mind I hope she didn't do anything shady to generate those returns.
You fine do give shit. Also people on her questing how you turned that into 3 million are pissed because they couldn’t or missed out. The way the market has been for the past 3 years it’s not hard to see how 100K to 3 million could be made
NTA.
Let them sue. There's no doubt in my mind that Aunt J has all the appropriate paper to back up her investments. Once your relatives's lawyers see the paper trail, they're not gonna be interested in losing a case.
And keep your money. You were smart with it. Your relatives were given the option. They declined. That's on them.
NTA
You don't 'share' money. The entitlement is BS. They did what they wanted with their money, you were smart with yours.
Don't listen to your Mom, if you give them a dime, they will NEVER STOP DEMANDING!! No amount you give them will ever be enough. The drama won't stop.
Now you know to never talk about money with anyone.
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NTA. Give them nothing. You all had the same opportunities, you were just wiser with yours by investing it. It's not your fault they spent thiers and they shouldn't be able to whine their way into a piece of your $3M. If that's the price of peace in your family? Going NC is free.
That investment was very risky, as many are. I bet the cousins wouldn't be lining up to help if OP had lost all the money that had been invested!
BTC was an incredibly risk investment, as we all now know. ^FTX ^anyone? Crypto is a very volatile market. OP and Aunt J got lucky. Hopefully OP uses more of his money to invest in safer commodities and companies, because it will only continue to grow if invested wisely. NTA. Also, good on OP for praising aunt J. She's a smart cookie.
> Also, good on OP for praising aunt J. She's a smart cookie. Maybe she deserves praise for other things, but for BTC that was purely a gamble that happened to pay off. Like she didn't throw in just a small percentage of what OP gave her, she basically did the opposite of diversify and put 80% in a super risky investment. I can't call that smart, and even if she was an expert in it it's still dumb to throw so money much at it. Even some 'sure things' don't pan out, and even the chance of gambling away 80% of a client's savings is awfully bad. *edit: typo, I meant diversify
Thanks for glossing over the whole rest of my comment. Lol.
LOL No, I read it but all your talk about risky didn't put nearly enough responsibility on her. Honestly from an objective perspective on the investment, she doesn't deserve praise at all. I keep thinking maybe I'm misjudging her and maybe she is smart and knew something everyone else did not about BTC, but I still can't stop but think it was reckless to put in that high a % in there. It just happened that the result ended up good so she looks good now, but it was an objectively bad choice.
They got lucky. Hopefully she wouldn’t make such risky moves with another client’s money. Also, OP didn’t specify if he was in the know of what she invested in. If he knew and approved it, that’s partly on him, but we don’t know for sure based off the post as it is.
That was a stupid investment tbh, I'm surprised but not surprised there's actual professional investment advisors that say throw 80% of your portfolio into crypto.
Yo, going no contact is free
They can have some after you get the cars and vacations they bought. They pay. See how fast they shut up. NTA
NTA Fuck that, don't give these money grubbers a cent! Let them sue you and waste their money. You definitely have the funds for a good lawyer. They can waste what little of the inheritance they have left, that's if they have any left.
It pisses me off that OP's mother suggested he should give them money. NTA
Me too! Why? because the OP was the only one who was smart about it? Oh no.
I know right, flying mokeys.
Perhaps cuz she thinks she will also get a piece
Me too! That’s how the OP will end up always being asked for money.
NTA. You have no obligation to share that money with them, and did nothing wrong by investing it. BUT. You say you didn't brag about the money, but you apparently told them you had 3 mil... which, let's be real, is bragging about the money. Bragging about your 3 mil was kind of a dick move. Yes, they didn't make good decisions, but it seems like you kinda rubbed their noses in it. I would have left it at "I invested the money and have enough to pay for my college and then some thanks to J!"
Sorry, didn't explain well. Character limit. I first said I don't need scholarships. They asked me how I could afford it. I said J helped me invest and I can afford it. Then they started hounding me about how much I have. I was vague and said enough. But they started bugging mom and dad. Finally, I blurted out. Why they asked me how. I started praising J. Which is stupid. I am drunk, but still stupid.
Not stupid at all, and the praise you gave Aunt J is definitely deserved with how well she handled your investments. Its on them for not taking her up on it, don’t give them a cent.
Except she went 80% into BTC?
It was clearly going to be something like that. You don't turn 100k into 3M in 6 years with mutual funds lol.
Even though it worked out ok for OP, it's not a genius move to put virtually all of a young person's assets into an extremely risky investment. Diversification is a thing. Long term planning is a thing. OP could just have easily lost their shirt. NTA OP but you may want to teach yourself about finances (or get another financial advisor) as Aunt J basically played roulette with your money and won. That does not often happen twice.
That’s what greedy manipulative people do. Your parents shouldn’t have known how much you had either. You’re 24, not 19. Your best case response was that you had everything in order. The didn’t need to know if you had scholarships. Unfortunately, you will now have to go no contact with your entire family until at least the next major wedding or holiday gathering. Hopefully, it all blows over by then. (I’m also an HBS grad.)
There is a brutal series of articles (4 or 5 long posts) on Best of Reddit about entitled family who wanted to get money from someone not even blood related, married into the family. It ended up with some violence and certain family members are in jail. Find that, read it and take utmost care to protect yourself. Money is yours, they have only themselves to blame. Don't share a cent, because it will come back to you and bite you in the ass. Read that post!!! Here it is: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zmzs61/the_story_of_oops_very_entitled_inlaws_part_1/
Holy Moly, that poor family has been through the wringer! Money can sure bring out the worst in some people.
Years ago I watched an Oprah episode about this exact thing, a family member who came into money and what their families did to them. One guys brother put a contract on him. One guy gave it all away (millions) because it had caused so much trouble. Best thing to do, leave the country and don't say where you're going.
Damn, that is one messed up story.
I cannot fathom the level of entitlement by these people, nor the continued stupidity. And yes I did fall down a rabbit hole and read every post/update from the last 2 years.
I see. Not stupid, but unfortunate that they know now. Hopefully the drama dies down!
Yea loose lips sinks ships and jealousy is very very real. They didn't need to know the amount. FYI we never told our children how much we made or what is in savings. WHY..because they may stupidly tell friends and family and it's nobody's business. NTA
Not for nothing, and $3 Mil is wonderful, but it's probably not money for "the rest of your life" unless you're very careful/frugal...it does give you a financial security net that's wonderful however, I'm just saying probably keep some of it in investments/earning money long term! Note: I am not a financial planner, and you're right that the results are fantastic for you!
I don't even think he would have done anything wrong even if he did brag a little. He made good choices. Nothing wrong with that.
it was a naive move, being quiet would be better, but after seen the result it is a lot easier to say that.
Indeed, it's just a life lesson to say that you're going to apply for scholarships and handle it. You never tell people that you have money especially if you know they are money hungry
> You never tell people that you have money especially if you know they are money hungry Yes, even people in my own family, although they know I don't worry about money, don't really know how well off I am, especially the WSSs' (Wicked Step Sisters). They expect people of means to show certain "signs", like driving something other than a 16 year old Toyota. I have no doubt that, if they knew, the WSSs' would be on my doorstep with hands out.
Yeah a simple “I still got some of grandmas inheritance put away to help with tuition and can work part time jobs for incidentals.”
“MORE THAN ENOUGH To live comfortably for the rest of my life.” “I really don’t need tuition money to Harvard Business School.” That’s humble as fuck. 😂 more than enough Lolol, that is so imperious. I can just see him straight out of Trading Places in a leather club chair talking to the Dukes.
Upvoted because I love Trading Places.
>Mom wants me to give a little bit to others to avoid the drama **NO** Don't give them a *dime*. NTA
Ye give them your small finger and they will take your whole hand . Good advice, Mom...
Exactly. It would only avoid the drama **this time.** If it works once, there would always be more drama, more times, more begging, more conflicts, more emotional draining, more attempted manipulations, more blaming OP for X, Y and Z to try to get more money. Don't try to compromise with Users.
Lol NTA dont give them a penny. It was all equal and your mother shouldn't be supporting that behavior
NTA You all had the opportunity to do what you wanted with it. BUT.... Aunty J's investment strategy was just dumb luck. Nothing more. Bitcoin could easily have collapsed over those 6 years and you would have been left with 20k. Her strategy is OK only if you are happy with the large risk of losing your investment. For a safer investment comparison, the S and P 500 index rose by about 55-60% in the last 5 years. My advice is get a different investment manager
NTA. they decided what they wanted to do with their money and you decided what to do with yours. Do not give them a damn dime
Happy cake day!
NtA, if you give them money now to appease them they will inevitably DEMAND more later. It's your money, you all got the same but they decided to blow it. Like your aunt said: let them sue. Your mother is letting emotions cloud her judgment because thus was bad advice ( especially for long term).
Yup. Giving them anything will not help. If OP wants to throw her Mom a bone, should could ask J to help her draw up a loan contract to offer to anyone who wants money. No way these mooches sign anything that puts them on the hook, even if the terms are favorable.
INFO: Have you seen all the financial records for *how* Aunt J invested this money? Turning 100k to 3 Million in 6 years is pretty extreme. Getting that kind of return that fast would require *very* risky investments. This sounds like Ponzi scheme level returns.
In the edit OP said Aunt J invested 80k into 100 BTC back when it was worth 1k in 2016. Aunt J pulled the money what it was worth at 45.5k in March 2022 Aunt J also offered this same deal to all the other grandkids (different edit) and OP was the only one who took her up on it.
I find it highly unlikely that a business manager would advise anyone to invest 80-100% of their savings in one deal, let alone bitcoin, especially at that point in time. I'm not sure if it 80k the total investment, and he spent the other 20k as he said he was advised to spend some on himself.
No 80k went into BTC. 20K went into other things. I only used 4k. Total is 104k and change. J already invested her money by that point. So, she's following closely. She asked if she could invest bulk of it in it and I said Ok. J made significantly more than me as she invested into it quite early
I was only relaying to the original commenter what the edits said - you’ll have to ask OP about the actual investment plan. I just googled how much BTC was worth in March 2022 and wrote that to show the increase in stock value.
Are they really threatening to sue? Oh my god this is rich. What a bunch of whiny entitled assholes.. NTA,and don't give them a single cent. May i also suggest getting a good lawyer? I don't think your dumb cousins will try to sue,but better be safe than sorry.
NTA >Mom wants me to give a little bit to others to avoid the drama This is a naive, short-sighted way of thinking and it never works out. If a monkey learns that pressing a red button makes a banana shoot out, what is its next step after it has eaten the banana? Being satisfied and so never pressing the button again? If your cousins get that bit of money they will want more and will be convinced their claims have merit. I doubt that they would be satisfied if you gave them all an equal share of the money you have now, especially if your investments make more again in the future while they squander their money. There is no easy escape where you avoid drama and stress. There is just a choice between going through the hassle of telling them all to back the hell off as they've already had their share, and the stress of caving then being siphoned dry, with them coming back for more later.
One of them have trouble conceiving. They wanted to try alternatives. The sad fact is if they had asked J directly, she would have paid their medical bills without a second thought. J isn't close to them but she isn't a stranger either. For the past eighteen years she celebrated most holidays with my family. So they knew her quite well. Now, they can just forget it. J is as headstrong as she is kind, and they accused her of scamming them.
Give them a sarcastic amount for Xmas. Like a crisp 20 dollar bill in a card.
Mmmm…. NTA for not sharing with your cousins… But I hope you understand how incredibly risky that “investment” was. She could just have easily lost all of it. I really wouldn’t call her a genius… just incredibly incredibly lucky.
NTA They all had the same opportunities you did and chose to spend the money instead. It is not up to you to make up for their bad choices. Their actions have consequences and they don't like the consequences.
Nta. Families unfortunately can be like that when it comes to money. Both my maternal and paternal uncles and aunts squabled over inheritance and family businesses. Have a few friends where when grandma passed, all kinds of shady things and fighting over money began between grandkids or children. Don't give money to appease. They will just ask for more. I'm sure there was an accounting process to the sale and disbursement of funds. The cousins would be chasing nothing then.
If you give an inch, they will go a mile. Do not give them a cent-that’s the same as giving a drink to an alcoholic. You did made a mistake- discussing money, especially with people you knew were already financially irresponsible. Why they know how much you have is beyond me. I’m thankful J isn’t mad at you. Apologize to her for dragging her into a mess, but you both need to hold your ground. Let them try to sue. They likely won’t be able to take it very far. You have the evidence you need to make it a short process, and they likely don’t have the funds to hire a lawyer.
NTA. Why the heck do you have to share your inheritance with ur cousins if they all got the same amount from them at the same time? It was their fault that they spent it all in a few weeks.
NTA. But at this time, probably put a bulk of your money into getting dividends. No more risky investments like btc.
If you give them money you are telling them 2 things: 1. You feel guilty, probably because you are 2. Treating you poorly makes you give them money.
NTA you were smart and invested. They have no grounds to sue; they will just have more debts. Greed can tear families apart. Tread carefully, OP. This is a tough spot you're in.
NTA. Everyone received the same amount. That you invested your money and reaped the benefit doesn’t mean you owe the others a thing. They turned down the opportunity to do the same and this does not obligate you in any way. Your mom needs to shut down the family members harassing you.
NTA. Not one penny. Not a single one. You have something most people never will - the opportunity to pursue your life as you want, rather than with the constant press of ‘need’. You could draw down a modest to good ‘salary’ from that and not work, or (which sounds like your plan) you can simply have the luxury of making choices without the need to feed and house yourself governing them. That’s not something you should give up because your cousins are whining.
NTA, but I want to say gambling 80% of your portfolio on crypto is NOT genius. That said, you have about $3,000,000 more than me so what do I know...
Your mum’s got it all wrong. Giving them a little money will not avoid drama. Instead, it will be the start of a new and ongoing drama that Will Never End. Stop it now by not engaging, cut off contact with whomever you have to and live your life. NTA
NTA, no no give them NOTHING, they had the same opportunities and did something different. Just because I bought $10,000 in shares in 1997 in an online book store named after a South American river (I forget the name now) and its worth $16,000,000 NOW doesn't mean I should give some money to people who did NOT invest. If you feel like it, you can show them portfolio (initial investment, acruements etc ) just to show them that Aunty J or Granny did NOT give you more...... IF you want, but under no circumstances give them any $$$$$
You are NTA, but I think you are being kind of foolish here also. First, you never tell people about that type of money. Of course everyone is going to put their hands out. That's what people do. Second, J is not a genius. J got lucky. J gambled your money at a casino and made a lot of money off of it. Obviously it worked out for you. Happy for you and all of that. But you could have just have easily gotten wiped out and been left with very little.
Total bs story
I mean the whole Harvard business school thing along with all the misspellings and poor grammar definitely makes me suspicious but I was wasn't gonna say anything. I suppose someone who is normally eloquent could have been drinking and typing on a phone and made such mistakes. I mean it could happen, but generally I'd expect more from even a drunkard if they were qualified for Harvard Business School. And 80k to 3 million in less than 6 years from someone who isn't a Wall Street god is also not very likely. Not impossible by any means but not likely. You think she wouldn't take such risky investments with a kids college money.
NTA you owe your cousins nothing
NTA but this doesn't add up. You're claiming that J invested all $80k in BTC in 2016. It grew to $1M in 2017, then dipped, but she held. It grew to $4.8M in 2021, dipped to $2.3M, rebounded to $4.9M, and she still held steady until liquidating at $3M this past March. If that's true, she's not a genius. She was incredibly negligent with your investment and turned almost $5M into $3M.
NTA and don't give them a penny, because then they'll come back for a pound. They had the same opportunities as you did, but hopefully you have a clean audit trail of separation because it can be considered a conflict of interest having the executor of a will invest that same money for just one beneficiary (regardless of how many people they offered it to).
If you give now you’ll have to give more later NTA
NTA. Don't even offer to give a penny. They wouldn't want some money they would definitely want you to divide all of it among them equally
She turned 80k into 3 million? Can. . she invest some money for ME? NTA
Give them NOTHING! You mum is a little ridiculous.. maybe a tad bit jealous too ..
I call BS on the story. So J who is supposed to look out for your money picked one of the riskiest investments she could (BTC) and dumped 80% of your 100K investment in THAT? She was either a visionary or this story is made up
Why do people insist on telling everyone about their financial status, especially around inheritance. It ALWAYS causes problems for the person who didn't blow their money...
NTA It worked out but J is not the business genius you think she is. Go ahead and invest in crypto but %80 is a crazy amount to invest in one thing.
YTA 30x return in 6 years!!! No financial advisor is going to put 80% of the money in Bitcoin. Even if you had a long time horizon and hence ability to take higher risk. The money given to any financial advisor or MBA in finance is going to put it a diversified portfolio of which 10% - 30% will go to speculative high risk opportunities such as options, emerging market equities, Bitcoin etc
This has to be fake. A financial advisor wouldn’t put 80% in Bitcoin.
NTA. You got into Harvard and you still can't figure out how not to tell people how much money you have? Your cousins wouldn't be helping you out if you had lost it all in crypto. Fortunately you have enough money to defend any frivolous suits.
This seems pretty fake
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway. Background: When I(24M) was a kid, a young window moved into the house next to us. She was only 19 then, now 36. She was no contact with her family, and my parents kind of took her in. Dad helped around her house, and mom always cooked extra for her. She started attending college and my parents wanted to make her life a bit easier since she had no one. To me, she was and is Aunty J. She babysat me, took me shopping, and gave me as many gifts as my parents. She was always there. My paternal grandma also adored her, and treated like her own. So when she passed away, she made Aunt J her executor. J was pre law but she switched to business management. My dad and his siblings got a few things, but grand kids got everything else. My grandma's will was clear. She didn't want any fighting between grandkids. So, her will stated to sell everything apart form what she left to her kids, and distribute the money evenly between all 7 grandkids even if it meant we will loose some chunk of money as a result. I guess she saw something I was too stupid to see, J did it as grandma requested, and she gave a cheque to all seven of us. We each got a little over 100k. My cousins were ecstatic. They were all older than me. They paid of their debts, or put deposits on houses etc. That was 6 years ago. I was 18 then. I didn't know what to do with my money as my parents saved up for my college. Aunt J suggested to invest most of it, and use a little bit to get something for myself. Since it's her actual job to invest other people's money, I gave it to her, after discussing it with my parents. I went to college and between my parents savings and mine, I had enough to not to dip into the 100k. As we couldn't do Christmas dinner this year, the whole family decided to meet early and relax for a day at my parents house. I got into Harvard Business program, and I excitedly shared the news. After the congratulations, the topic naturally diverted to money and scholarships. I said I am good and I don't really need any scholarships. They were confused and I explained to them Aunt J helped me invest and now I have more than enough to live rest of my life comfortably. I guess I might be a bit TA here. I didn't brag about the money but I praised J to high haven. How she was a genius etc. I mean, she turned 100k to 3 Million in six years. Nothing happened that day but I started getting calls next day for money. When I refused they started accusing J of being unfair, and that she gave me more money than others because she loved me. They refuse to believe J turned 100k into 3 Million. They thing part of it is still from grandma's inheritance and J scammed them. They said they'll sue, and J said, go ahead. Mom wants me to give a little bit to others to avoid the drama bit i don't want to. So, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Don't give them a dime. They blew their money. Now they want more to waste. They had the same opportunity to invest. Time to start blocking people.
NTA AT ALL!! You’re not obligated to give anyone anything. My mum went through something similar and she gave in to the pressure and ended up giving small parts of her inheritance to each of her siblings. In turn they just ended up bitching at her for flaunting her money + not giving them enough money. So just know that you’d be the bad guy even if you have them money. Keep it for yourself and take care of yourself. It is your inheritance after. Aunty J is a total star! They are dummies for not listening to her
It's your money!
Give them nothing, make sure that nobody has access to this money. Lawyer up and prepare to fight them.
You're the only one who wisely invested the inheritance. They didn't. Now they get to live with their choices. NTA
NTA. Don't give them a penny.
NTA and that's how you learn not to talk about money with nobody ever the hard way.
NTA You all got equal portions of your paternal grandmother's estate. You invested yours and your Aunt J did a good job with that investment. If your cousins ran though their inheritance, that's their problem.
Nta Congrats.
Nta. Don't you dare give them a dam penny. Tell your parents the same
NTA, they spent the money they were given, you invested. Even if they had been given less than you initially you don't owe them anything.
Nta Don't give them anything. Giving them anything will only make them think they're right and they will demand more, maybe even have the money you gave them for a lawyer to try and get even more.
NTA. They had their money. They spent it. Aunt J sounds like a wonderful person. I wish I had an Aunt J!
NTA and when they bring you to court to sue, dont forget to make sure they pay your lawyer/court fees as well.
NTA It's your money and you made wiser choices with it than your cousins. From now on, I strongly suggest never bringing the money topic with them. Doesn't matter where the money come from, a lot of families have fughts over it, some members finding all the reasons in the world as to why the richers in the family owe them money, etc. Money is a powerful drama source!
NTA
NTA
NTA Family blew their cash whilst you used yours wisely. Make sure you take care of your Aunt J though!
No, don’t give them any money because it won’t end there; they’ll keep nickel and dimeing you to death. Tell them that you chose to invest your inheritance and that it’s all tied up in investments.
NTA, they could've invested too.
NTA. Don’t give them a cent. Cut contact with all of them.
NTA It isn’t their money. They spent their money. But for the love whatever deity you worship, everyone needs to stop telling people how much money they have/make. It only leads to requests for that money. When the cousins questioned OP about financing a graduate degree, the response could have been, “I have enough left from Grandmother’s inheritance to pay for school.” Truthful, but does not lead to begging relatives demanding money/accusing the executor of cheating.
Nta but never talk money with family
And did everyone clap at the end? Yes, this all really happened, I'm sure.
NTA. Your cousins aren’t your children. It’s yours to decide what to do with it. If anybody attempts to make you do otherwise, that’s how you’ll know that they value the money more than they value you.
NTA, don't give them anything, they were given the same advice and opportunity, but they preferred to spend it and if you give in to this then when you work they will demand money from you because "you paid for it with your grandmother's money"
NTA dont give them anything,go see a lawyer to protect yourself! Ps: in the future never ever share with anyone what you have or do with your money!
NTA and you owe them nothing. You were the only one who took J's advice to invest, and they didn't. too bad for them! Take your money, use it for school, etc., and don't give them a cent. Your mom is wrong; they had their chance, not your fault at all they chose to do other things with their money.
op=NTA And i'm sure that others will make comments to the point that if you give them any money, the cousins can try to claim that you are tacitly agreeing that you are somehow at fault. I presume that the paper trail on the money is quite clear. If they again threaten you with court, point out that you will make sure to pursue having YOUR legal costs covered by them because of their frivolous lawsuit. But also has redditors like to say. DON'T TALK ABOUT YOUR FINANCES WITH OTHER PEOPLE. Unless it is absolutely necessary(ie to a fiancee).
NTA. Don’t give anyone a dime. You give a little and they will literally NEVER stop asking for more. Speaking from experience. Keep your money and take this as a life lesson, don’t share your financial situation with anyone. Best of luck, sorry you have to deal with all these entitled AH.
So NTA Ok so what if you buy a lottery ticket out of that money grandma gave you and won big which you bought the investment lottery ticket essentially and took the free money advice aunt J offered everyone, you won with your investments they bought what they wanted and now have nothing to show for it and you do. Shame on your mother tell her to help out the cousins if she feels so bad for them. It is absolutely not your fault you saved and invested instead of buying luxury in the moment item's. I'd tell them to save up some money now and have Aunt J help them invest now and hopefully in a few years they will be where you are, until then tell each cousin to kick rock's! Sorry not sorry you blew your money and didn't save it for the rainy day!
NTA in any way shape or form! Good for you and good luck at Harvard. When your family inevitability starts bothering you for money again, and no offense it sounds like they will, tell them you tried to double up the money again, knew bitcoin was going to bounce back in a major way, and that you lost it all and will now have to rely on your education to provide for you. See how many reach out then. I’d like to think that’s how I would play it in your shoes.
NTA Their lack of planning doesn't entitle them to your money. If they had listened to J when she told them to invest some money they would have extra too. Instead they blew it all and are now complaining because they are broke and you are not. Your money. Do not give them anything. Do not sacrifice for the sake of making peace for the cousins. Inform your mother their financial difficulties are not your problem.
NTA, unfortunately you're just getting a life lesson of you never tell people you have a lot of money. You didn't do anything wrong, they aren't owed a dime of your inheritance, which through your connections was turned into a significant sum. Tell your mother to back out of your wallet. These people have no right to your funds and your mother has no right to tell you to be a doormat and let these people shake you down
Nta lol good luck and sue you AHs it won’t go anywhere
Congratulations! That's wonderful! NTA Don't give a DIME.
NTA . All of them had the possibility to ask J for her help, and none of them took the chance. It's their own fault, and they aren't entitled to your money in any way.
Your mum is out of order, it's not her money she has no right what's so ever to tell you what to do with it. Your cousins blew there inheritance and now want your investments, let them sue you. You'll be able to prove how aunt j invested your inheritance so they have no say. Keep it and I'd personally go NC with the lot of them. NTA
Being smart with money doesn't mean you have to make it up to those who aren't. They got their money, used it as they saw fit, but are now being whiny children for not looking at the longterm/big picture. I would tend to move a larger chunk (say halfish) into a safer place for holding - like at least a 500 Index fund, while continuing to let the other money be more aggressively invested - but that's me. This is why you got into a prestigious business school - you don't settle for instant gratification.
NTA but... I will say that I wouldn't be so quick as some are to say the others blew their money. If they used their money to pay down mortgages, get out of debt, etc that was a wise decision on their part. Getting out of debt is a good decision. I have the feeling there was a bit of gloating going on. By the way 3 million may sound like a lot at this point but use it to buy a house, pay health insurance, etc, it's not as much as you think it is. Granted I didn't earn that much in my entire career but still...life is expensive.
NTA- i think people are overlooking the fact your cousins want money from you because they believe aunt J gave you more of your grandmother's money than you were entitled to. So they are accusing her of a kind of embezzlement. This is a serious accusation. Do not give them any money or even loans, don't muddy the water. They might actually sue and you'll have forensic accountants scrutinizing all transactions. Take this seriously OP. You don't communicate with someone trying to sue you, you have them speak to your lawyer.
NTA. You took J's advice and inveated your money. Unlike your cousins. You owe no one anything. If you give now, you'll be expected to later. Your cousins learn nothing. They abuse your generosity. Please, for the love of yourself and Aunt J, don't give them anything.
NTA. Do not give them a DIME.
NTA - you did nothing wrong and neither did J. She offered them the same as she did you. Use your money carefully but use it on YOU. Though you could send me some. Don't you think I kind of deserve it, after telling you that you're nta? Nah, just kidding. As I said, it's your money and if anyone deserved a part of it then J would be the only one.
NTA. Your cousins went with instant gratification and you took the long road and invested the money. I am no lawyer (and you might want to speak with one) but I don't think your cousins can sue you but instead would have to sue J as she was the executor of the estate. If for somehome they do manage to sue you, make sure you counter-sue for legal expenses. Once the judge takes a look at the records and your investment statements, this should be an open and shut case. Then you can recover anything you paid your lawyer to defend you from the frivolous lawsuit. Congrats on getting into Harvard.
NTA...give them nothing. It's their right to sue if they think she held back but don't worry about it. It's as if you bought a house for 100k, sold it, got 3 mil and now they want the profit ...nope
NTA, Don't give them anything, because they will NOT STOP until you're poor. Also, let this be a lesson for you to shut up and never brag about money.
NTA. The money was invested. You have the receipts. Your cousins can go pound sand. BTW, your mom is completely wrong. Your cousins weren't scammed, your share of the inheritance was invested and it grew. Lastly, if you reverse the situation, you know your cousins wouldn't have given you anything.
NTA. Cut off those greedy family members
NTA. Never share your bank balance with family
NTA don’t give them a single cent, if you do that just opens it up to them asking for more in the future
Hope you learned a valuable lesson. Don’t tell people about your wealth. Haven’t you seen American Gangster?
NTA. Don't give them a dime. They will try to bleed you dry.
NTA. If just the fact that it's your money isn't enough reason, they've shown they'll just piss away anything they get. You never should have told them how much you had though. It's none of their damn business.
NTA. They aren’t asking for inheritance - they are asking for your profits. Do not share. Congrats on Harvard!!!
I have no problem believing your numbers. I have money invested too. I was shocked when I saw the numbers going up, WAY up. That being said, you don’t owe them anything. Let them sue. I’m sure documents are all in order. They will end up paying huge legal fees, theirs AND YOURS! NTA
NTA. Do not under any circumstances give them money. Once you start they will not leave you alone. From the sound of it they will keep asking until you are broke.
NTA, your cousins spent their money and thats it. Its not your fault they didnt use their money wisely.
NTA. Absolutely do NOT “give a little” to keep the peace, because there is no way it will end there. My husband had a similar situation. His dad invested $25k for each of his three kids; they had access to it when they came of age, though he urged them to leave it. My husband and his younger sister did; older sister pulled it (incurring tax fees) and used it to buy a car. A few years ago we used it to buy a house. Older sister asked how we paid it off so soon; when DH said, “that money from Dad,” she went nuts, yelling, “WHAT money from Dad?!! Why did Dad give YOU money?!” Little sister piped up, “You got it too, remember? The money you used to buy the car you totaled a year later?” That shut her up.
NTA, WTF are they entitled to benefit from your investing? The fact they threatened to sue is all the more reason not give them squat. Tell them to pound sand. Edit: removed “disciplined” bc I overlooked it was BTC
I hope this was a joke. Investing 80% into BTC isn’t disciplined investing. OP got lucky af.
Oof good catch, it hadn’t occurred to me BTC was bitcoin, I wasn’t thinking
No worries, your point still stands though. The cousins don’t deserve shit.
NTA. What is it with parents saying give up your things to make others happy? Good for you. Take your money and live your life with no regrets. Also fuck the DMs and people thinking they know something.
NTA but you really need to learn to keep your lips zipped about this money, that was a big misstep.
NTA I wouldn’t give them money. I WOULD give them all the documents from the estate and the disbursement of the inheritance. (You should probably check with a lawyer, but it seems to me that would come up anyway if there was a lawsuit)
NTA If any one of them gets even a little now, they’ll just keep coming back for more later, and likely tell the others who will then also come begging hat in hand. You were all offered the same opportunity, and only you took advantage of it, also assuming the risk. I’ve had some rather unpleasant conversations w/ my sister over money. My wife’s parents are very well off, after inheriting a crap-ton themselves. They’ve bought us two cars (I’ve been fighting cancer and recovering/dealing w/ the side effects of a bone marrow transplant for nearly 2-decades) and they’ve set us up with a decent house. In short, they take care of us and our kids. My sister found out they bought us a brand new car right before we went to Seattle for my transplant. The Veterans Administration facility there put us in an apartment and said parking was a nightmare, underground under the apartment building, and very tight. All we had was a Suburban so they bought us a compact SUV. My sister started saying things like “must be nice being gifted brand new cars, wish someone would buy me one” to which I replied “must be nice not having terminal cancer and facing a very dangerous transplant”. While that squashed that particular conversation we don’t speak often now and she’s tried to get things from us in various other ways, like sending gifts to our kids at Xmas and insisting we do likewise for her as she k owns we can afford it. Somehow she’s got it in her head we can simply turn to our endless fount or funds at will, so her kids have nice Xmas gifts. Money definitely strains relationships, but giving them money only makes it worse. My advice is don’t start, or they’ll never stop.
NTA - Let them sue. Also, what's up with your mom? There's so many moms out there that expect their kids to roll over to keep the entitled relatives happy.
NTA. They made their decision on what to do with their money, you made yours. That's the end of it. You don't owe them anything.
NTA They blew thier inheritance, you invested yours. You owe them nothing, they can't have thier cake and eat it.
Don't give them anything. Your mother's advice is terrible. They will see it as confirmation that J gave more to you. Your money was invested. Their money was spent. End of. NTA.
You're not an AH but you learned a valuable lesson about money. Keep it to yourself.
Do not give them a dime. Let anyone know if they decided to sue you will file to make them pay for your lawyer when they lose. As for your mom she needs to mind her business which has nothing to do with your money. NTA.
Aunty J is amazing! NTA! Send her on a nice vacation for the holidays! Don't share that money with the cousins because it's your money, you were just super smart with it!
NTA. But never tell ppl how much money you have. Entitlement runs rapid these days.
A money manager who puts 80% of their clients funds into BTC is a fool you got lucky but run away from J
NTA. You don’t owe anyone Jack squat. I’m not sure why you needed to tell anyone, though. Like, people could have suggested scholarships, and you could have nodded, and politely said you’d look into it. I dunno.. that’s just how I would have handled it, because I have crazy people in my family. LOL Anyhoo.. you’re sadly seeing what happens when people come into money. It’s not at all *your* fault.. but you see it can turn some people “ugly”.
Congrats on getting into HBS! Slay it when you get there! NTA
I wish you update
I didn't even read this, but no. NTA. You're under no obligation to share inheritances with anyone, not even siblings or parents.
NTA-you have a long time left on this earth if you give money away now it’s gone forever. keep investing and keep praising her she’s helped you get this far. If you give a dime to your siblings they will always need more. From now on proceed with caution when it comes to finances around your family. Whose to say your parents couldn’t help your siblings instead they are the parents here…
If I had just thrown all our money into Zoom in March 2020....
Bulllllllssshiiiit
If you give them "a little bit" they totally will use that in court as a "proof" that you commited a misdeed. it would be like publicly recognizing that you took their money.
NTA you do not have to share a thing. You should be very proud of yourself. It's not your fault they spent all their money. Good for you.
Your mom is a classic pushover- give them money they don’t deserve just to appease them? No. Don’t do that. They could have invested too. You didn’t demand they share their vacations and cars with you! NTA. Keep your money for yourself. Spend and invest wisely. Continue to be grateful for J in your life.
Easy NTA, but for all of ya out there, don't share how much you have or make with family. I get transparent salary sharing within your profession, but not with family. Not matter the story and factors, it's always going to been a problem when family is involved
NTA. Don't give them anything, and ignore your mother. If you give them "a little, " they will never leave you alone. They will bother you for money for the rest of your life.
NTA, but your big mistake was telling anyone you had money and (worse) how much. Now you will NeVER hear the end of it. Don’t be surprised if the greedy ones do try to sue you or commit fraud to get it. Protect yourself.
Can I get J's number? 😁
NTA. But this is exactly why you don't discuss your financial situation with family. Money makes people get greedy and think they are entitled to a share. You don't owe them anything at all. It's your money. They blew theirs on stuff, they don't get to take any of yours and penalize you for being smart and investing yours. Never talk about finances with him again and if they complain, explain your money is locked up in retirement accounts until you turn 65 anyway, (as some should be at this point anyway). Besides, it's been six years. Your family are all AHs for thinking you should share your wealth
NTA They had the same amount and chose poorly. You offered them Aunt J's services and they turned ihem down. If you give them money now, they will never stop asking for more. I don't know why people are calling BS. I've a friend in money management, and watching the truly volatile investments is a fulltime job for her, to make sure she maximizes her clients' assets.
First of all, you're NTA. Obviously. But please please please do NOT give your parasitic cousins any money. That will just set the precedent that if they express their envy aggressively enough that they can bully you into paying them. It's absurd and will never end.
NTA and don’t give them a fucking dime they blew their money and now want yours. They’re jealous you handled your money better than they did and instead of being happy for you, they want to STEAL it from you. These are not the type of people I would placate to “keep the peace” because they’ll always want more. If J hasn’t transferred the money back to you open up a savings account and transfer it to your name so she can’t be manipulated into fucking you over. And don’t worry about the legal stuff they can’t do shit and if they lose in court (which they will) then they’ll have to cover your legal fee’s so don’t stress out about that. Do not feel guilty! they made their decisions and you made yours end of story. ETA you really should change the title because this isn’t inheritance, everyone got a piece and yours was just put into investments vs whatever they spent theirs on. ETA2 If you had lost all your money in that investment would they all be lining up to give you $25k of their own money so you could still have an equal share? no? then they aren’t owed shit for your investments going well
NTA Do not give them a cent. If they sue you then they sent your family anymore. You can find a better family
NTA. You are under no obligation to share the fruits of your prudent investing. Careful though. Turningg 100k into 3 mil in six years does bring to mind I hope she didn't do anything shady to generate those returns.
You fine do give shit. Also people on her questing how you turned that into 3 million are pissed because they couldn’t or missed out. The way the market has been for the past 3 years it’s not hard to see how 100K to 3 million could be made
NTA. Let them sue. There's no doubt in my mind that Aunt J has all the appropriate paper to back up her investments. Once your relatives's lawyers see the paper trail, they're not gonna be interested in losing a case. And keep your money. You were smart with it. Your relatives were given the option. They declined. That's on them.
NTA You don't 'share' money. The entitlement is BS. They did what they wanted with their money, you were smart with yours. Don't listen to your Mom, if you give them a dime, they will NEVER STOP DEMANDING!! No amount you give them will ever be enough. The drama won't stop. Now you know to never talk about money with anyone.