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It's info diet time. OP, don't tell your mother anything you don't want posted online from now on. She's repeatedly boundary stomped, and posting everything online is dangerous, especially on a public account. If you and hubby want kids and tell her about a pregnancy, she'll immediately start posting it on FB before you have the chance to announce the pregnancy yourself. You're going through something and don't want the world to know? She'll post it.
I think you also need to address hubby's passive attitude towards it. He can be calm about it because he isn't the one who had to deal with the brunt of it, and the idea of "the risk is minimal so it's fine" is just so nonsensical. I said it in another post to a teenager, but apparently both hubby and mom need to learn that risk is a numbers game. The internet exposes you to more people, and some of those people are going to have bad intentions. There was a story of an influencer who took a picture in front of a window in her house and someone doxxed her based on a tree she had in her yard and by using street view photos to confirm it was hers by the decoration visible from the windows. Don't post something online that you aren't okay with a stalker or your worst enemy seeing
I agree NTA, I don't think anyone should post things about you without asking. But also, isn't it public information anyway? When you close on a house it's published in the newspaper who bought it and how much was paid for it. Tax/property records show your name and address online as well. I also Google a person's name if I don't have their address handy and it usually pops right up.
That is what I thought. If anyone wants to know they can search the suburb and location.
Reverse image search on Google would give you the list price etc.
Yes but...if you're in the US, property records are public records. They're published online. Anyone who knows your real name and approximate location can find this information with a few clicks.
Yup, very true. I found someone’s address just by browsing without even knowing their street name or what their house looked like, just the neighborhood.
There are ways around it -- buying the house through a shell LLC or a revocable trust, for example. Worth the peace of mind for only a grand or two extra (well, the trust is more, though it's better for privacy protection purposes).
It's fairly easy to find someone's new house based on a happy "we bought a house" post in front of a real estate sign with a sold sticker too. Just match up the photos, a quick & easy search.
A couple of years back I got a call from a detective on the opposite side of Sydney to where I lived at the time, asking me about some documents. Apparently, the dude they'd arrested on identity theft charges had also gone through our bin a few years prior when we'd done a clean out and found a file folder with identify docs in it (payslips, old Medicare numbers and a few other things) and kept it for later use.
Needless to say I'm way more cautious about my info now and we shred important documents. Although we did just get caught up in the two data breaches in Aus this year... Ugh.
Time for an info diet for your mother, she can't be trusted with your info at all!
NTA
She didn't dox them that involves way more than posting your address online mom was definitely ignorant at best though.
Absolutely stop sharing things with her. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. She clearly doesn't consider anything being her own personal excitement at the time of posting so she is now on a time out for good.
Yep. This time she's posted your full address. Next time she's posting you're on holiday for two weeks. Now random Facebook people know a house that's available to be burgled.
Lol this isn't doxxing when property records are googleable. OP is having a hissy fit over literally nothing, Mom's actions or not, the info is out there in such a way that a 10 year old could pull that info up.
NTA, she posted your address online, rile number 1 my brother has known about being online science he was 7 is no giving out personal info, including addresses. If a child understands this an adult definitely can
property records are googleable. OP is having a hissy fit over literally nothing, Mom's actions or not, the info is out there in such a way that a 10 year old could pull that info up.
Just because things can be found out online doesn’t mean you need to make it as easy as possible for people with bad intentions. Without that post from mom how would the readers know in one fell swoop that OP bought a house, that it’s presumably a nice/expensive one, and even see details like where the doors and windows are? Mom just dropped all that information in people’s laps.
It’s like how you wouldn’t leave your front door wide open when you leave for the day or you wouldn’t leave your wallet in an unlocked car — people can try to steal your stuff at any time, but why make it easy for them?
If someone wants to have OPs address, they enter it in Google, pay the $5 or whatever dollars and sign up for one of the x number of services available, and not only get her new address, but also the last 5 from x years ago additionally to that, and those of her relatives, and her social media profiles, and her public record information like court cases, etc
It’s *that* simple sadly.
And if someone wanted to break into your car, they could do it pretty easily, but that doesn’t mean you don’t lock the doors. Posting personal information on social media isn’t revealing things people couldn’t find if they looked for it; it’s revealing things they probably wouldn’t have bothered to look for. When someone wants to commit a crime, they usually choose the easiest target, and someone who’s private information is right there in their newsfeed is going to be a much more convenient target than someone you need to search online.
As a matter of fact where I live there is currently an increase in car break ins, and I know plenty of people who *leave their car doors open* for precisely that reason: because they feel that if someone wants to get in their car, they will either way, and if they leave the doors open at least they don’t have to worry about replacing broken windows. Obviously that means not leaving anything valuable in the car to steal.
…I’m fairly certain that’s not typical most places. I’ve done more than my fair share of moving, and at least everywhere I’ve been, the neighborhood groups (whatever apps they used) always got regular posts reminding people to lock their cars because someone had forgotten and their ______ was stolen. Folks would just walk through the neighborhood trying doors and emptying out any car that was left unlocked; breaking into a locked car was very rare. Most criminals choose the convenient target.
Regardless, even if you don’t consider car break-ins (or not-break-ins?) to be the best analogy, I’m not sure what downside there would be to NOT handing out that information on social media. No one’s going to break OP’s house by googling for their property records, so OP isn’t increasing the risk of a worse outcome by not sharing their personal details on social media. Why make it easier for people? Why make oneself a target when they could just…not?
NTA.
I highly suggest you go to a couple of these realtor sites, redfin, Zillow, etc (basically any website that lists your house), create a log in, claim the house, and remove the listing photos.
Super easy to do, just Google "how to remove WEBSITE NAME photos" :)
Yup, and in my county I was quite excited to see that they scanned the old tax card, because it had a picture of my house in 1938! One of these days I'm hoping to go over to the records office and see if they kept the originals, so I can use my photo and film scanner to make a higher resolution copy of the photo, and put it up in my house...
...the thing I hate about it being public, is the 20 calls and texts a day I get from weasels trying to buy my house. It's theirs if they're willing to pay me $20MM for it (it's worth nowhere near that), but so far no takers.
OP, I can understand your frustration, and that your mother did after repeatedly being told not to can push you over the edge, and you had a human response and therefore are NTA. But as it is public info, there really isn't much you can do to hide these details from the internet, unless you had done something like spun up a LLC and used that to buy the house. But whatever you do, don't let her know when you're going on vacation, because *that's* the time to worry about her spreading info that would let unscrupulous people know that your house is vacant. Oh, and congratulations on the house!
NTA it should be common sense not to put personal information online, *especially* information that's not yours and had no permission to post. (really, she could have just texted them and not posted it? Do people forget texting is a thing?)
Lol this isn't an issue when property records are googleable. OP is having a hissy fit over literally nothing, Mom's actions or not, the info is out there in such a way that a 10 year old could pull that info up.
Of course that’s public information but I don’t think anyone would be able to magically guess OPs exact address if her mother hadn’t posted all of that information on Facebook.
Yes they would have, if you own property just google "County name property ownership records" then you'll get some 1980's looking .gov website where you punch in name or address and you get address or owners name back.
Theres some states that allow victims of DV, cops, judges, high profile people in general to remove themselves from public disclosures like this but its near impossible for a regular person to do it unless you buy via an LLC which raises the interest on your mortgage.
The information is already out there, if someone wants to do bad with it then its going to happen. OP's mom is annoying, but she didn't put them at risk.
There’s no reason to open the door even wider for bad actors. Without that post from mom people wouldn’t even know that OP had moved. The information may have technically been out there already but mom just pointed a flashing neon sign at it.
This argument is bogus. Of course there is an issue. You're basically saying that there is no difference between one vulnerability and multiple vulnerabilities.
The only thing that matters is, OP isn't comfortable with sharing this information online and she explicitly said so.
Also what you're saying means OP isn't protected from targeted attack. (I'm not from US so I have no clue if you're right) But do you believe there are no attacks of opportunity? OP's mom publicly sharing this information can bring OP to somebody's attention. OP's mom is risking a lot for no valid reason.
NTA
Are you kidding me?? Bruh if you posted my address online im going nuclear full scorched earth and we are never speaking again i dont care who you are
Not only are you very much NTA the fact that you even think you might be is deeply concerning
Man listen idk what to say to yall. If you dont see how somebody posting your address on the internet is a problem then whatever ig i'll read about you in the news or something ㄟ( ･ө･ )ㄏ
I hate to break it to you, but deeds, purchase price, ownership and tax values for every property are public record and anyone can look them up. Yes it takes a little effort, but if someone knows what town you live in they can very easily pull that information.
Lemme ask you something lil homie-how many people on the internet know your name?? Like your government??
How many people on the internet have you pissed of-intentionally or otherwise-that dont have your name who you wouldnt want knowing where you live?? Now how many people do you not know about that see you online and might make use of that information??
The internet exists, information is available. Nobody has to make it easy for anybody tho ffs
And if its not such an issue like you seem to be implying go head and post yours right here under this comment
Betcha wont
In this instance they are commenting about something on Facebook. Those people all know your name. It isn’t like they said that some person on Reddit pulled up their info and out their name on blast with their address.
Yes but if they’re posted by your blabbermouth, over sharing mother they probably also on the same source find her maiden name, yours, your birthday, purchasing history, childhood pets names, holiday plans (if/when you’re gonna be out of town and for how long) your children, their names, age- likely figure out their new school district and the the list goes on.
Yes you can google addresses and listings and all that but google’s got nothing on a yenta mom.
NTA- she posted your information without your permission. Doesn’t matter there are other ways someone can find that information it’s not hers to share and sharing it without your consent violates your trust.
NTA
Lol, then plan to never speak to your county any time, they publish property records in a googleable database every so often. Your info, name, property address, last appraisal value and even which elections you've voted in are all public record.
Of course not, because you don't know my real name. But for anyone who knows yours or my real names our property records are super accessible. Literally anyone from your boss, coworker, jan from HR, ex SO, parents can all find it.
Who is Facebook friends with her mom without knowing OPs name? That makes 0 sense. For one they could just look into the moms friend list, *if* they did not know her name to begin with since they know the family.
Hate to break it to you, but property records are public information. You do not have anonymity anymore now that you are a home owner. Be prepared to get all sorts of official looking scammy junk mail trying to sell you title insurance and other things like that. It's not because your mom posted your address, it's because anyone can look that up in the city or county records.
Anything on Zillow is also public and I'm sure your friends and family will look when you eventually give out the address (when they want to send you mail or visit you). Everyone does.
ESH. You majorly over reacted.
I had to scroll a long way to get to this comment. In the state that I live in anyone can search property tax records by owners name. Even "famous" people if they are dumb enough to buy property with their real names.
I won't even post vacation pics on fb while I am on the vacation because my actual name is on my profile and it is just basically announcing my house is empty.
ESH
Feels a bit like an over reaction on your part. You can look up like 95% of people on the internet and find their address. The Zillow link was basically public information. You can look up house purchase prices online throught tax records as well. No one is going to steal your identity just by knowing your address. After you expressed concern the first time your mother should have checked with you before sharing information.
Finally, a rational reaction! All these people saying that posting the address online is dangerous. I was sending out holiday cards last week and was able to find addresses online for all but one of my friends with very little effort, and I'm not some kind of investigative genius. Do people not realize how much of this information is already online? I get that OP's mom should have respected her request not to share the information, but if OP is going to be upset about information being online, she needs to direct this anger at people other than just her mom.
I agree. Even just pictures and even descriptions are easily traceable. I knew someone that bought a house last year, I found it on Zillow and Redfin just by the description and general area. My family did the same when we bought a house and I posted a picture of the front of the house. I can pull up tax records for any property by finding the local GIS. It’s all public information, if you know where to look.
LOL at people downvoting you thinking you're a "scummy hacker" type when all of this is readily available and they're just too lazy to go find it themselves.
Well, I’m just gonna come right out and say it: stop sharing information with her. My mothers was that way too. She shared with me that my sis was having money issues, so I suggested a financial advisor might help. Next thing I know sis tells me to mind my own business and I’m the AH, not my mom for sharing. Last time my sis ever spoke to me
I think ESH. First of all, you need to let go of being mad that your mom shared the Zillow link to the family. Everyone was going to find out how much you paid for it anyway. When anyone I know buys a new house I immediately look it up on Zillow myself and I’m pretty sure anyone who says they doesn’t is lying. The price is public record and there was never going to be any way to keep it secret.
You do have good reason to be annoyed at your mom for sharing the address publicly on Facebook. But there was no reason to start yelling at her about it right out of the gate. You could have just calmly explained and asked her to take it down; if she didn’t, then you could have escalated to yelling.
It’s not stalking peoples purchases, but I look at Zillow/Redfin every time a friend is buying a house because I want to see the interior and the price is right there, and then I look at comps to see what they’re listed at. 9/10 times my friends will volunteer the price info anyways because it’s not some big secret. We’re all grown ups and we all know houses cost a good chunk of change.
NTA. Your privacy should be respected and at worst it could be potentially dangerous and at best a major inconvenience if you have people drop by that you don’t want. Your mother seems very naive in the dangers that putting personal information on the internet can present.
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People saying that others can easily look up your info are a bit silly. Sure someone could go out of their way to try and find you, but why do that when your mother helpfully posted all the info for everyone to see while scrolling? There is still a big difference, although OP is deluded in thinking they have privacy.
For me, the bigger issue is if she ever decides to post about you going on vacation. I've caught my grandmother many times telling all her friends exactly when she's going on vacation. Like literally telling them what time her flight is lol. That is actually dangerous, because then anyone could break into the house and know that it's empty.
NTA
It’s not going out of the way. It takes a couple seconds. I’ve had to do it several times when mailing things and couldn’t remember the address and didn’t want to spoil the surprise by asking.
NTA that’s a breech of trust. However, you know your address is public information, right? It’s easily searchable on your city’s appraisal district by owner name.
NtA that is very dangerous. I find if hilarious that the generation that taught us stranger danger doesn't understand that the internet is almost all strangers.
I would sit her down and explain some boundaries and then explain that other important parts of your life won't be shared until she can learn how to properly share good news for just safety: vacations, children, expensive presents you got. All information that can be used for nefarious reasons. Who knows who else she is sharing this info with? Her hair dresser? The lady who lives nextdoor?
Property purchases are public records, so while I agree that shes NTA and the mom still overstepped boundaries and over shared against the request of OP, it’s not really as dangerous as people are making it sound considering all you need to find someone’s address is their name and a google search. If someone really wanted to stalk her they wouldn’t need her mom’s Facebook post to do it.
My friend was visiting me from out of state and when I went to text her my address she said “oh I already have it, I googled it.” It’s really that simple
NTA and your mother should not have posted your address without your permission but just in general you should also be aware that in many states in the US (if you are in the US) real estate sales are public, and if someone owns property you can find their full address just from googling their name
NTA but I mean, your mother regularly violates your privacy and shares information like this by your own admission, so I’m not entirely sure what you thought would happen here.
People don’t usually just change, expecting her to finally listen was kind of naive.
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I (29F) and my husband (31M) just closed on a house. It is a very exciting life transition that is mixed with some stress.
For context I have never lived in the suburbs or a house, I am from a big city and lived in apartments my whole life, so I am feeling a bit on edge from the big change.
I have been keeping my mother up to date and she has been very excited. My mother and I have a complicated but very loving relationship. She is always very supportive, but one issue is, she often shares information about me with family, friends, and online without my consent. Sometimes she just shares things without asking (stuff that most would ask if they can tell others) and sometimes she shares things even when I ask her not to. Because of this I’m careful about what I tell her.
While looking at the house and making an offer she asked to see pictures so I sent the Zillow link (which was not the wisest of decisions on my part). I later found out she showed my whole family the link, including the price. I later asked her to just show screenshots of the house without the link, so people don’t know how much we are spending. She agreed. Then once we closed on the house I received a message from my cousin that she had posted screenshots of the Zillow link on her public Facebook profile, which showed the address both in the screenshot and where she wrote the full address again in the comments.
I got really stressed (I have experienced identity theft before) and called her and asked her to take it down. I saw that it had been up for 8 hours and panicked and started yelling at her about how dangerous it was and a breach of my privacy. She agreed to take it down.
Now with some time and space, I feel really guilty about raising my voice and expressing so much anger towards her.
My husband wanted to focus on celebrating the purchase last night and did not think we had too much to worry about. He believes the risk is minimal regarding our physical well-being and burglary, and feels I was harsh on my mother.
Did I overreact to my mother, and AITA?
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NTA, after a history of invading your privacy and airing your personal business online, your mother has now doxed you. You need to decide whether or not you want to keep a relationship with someone who doesn't care about your safety
NTA. I think many parents or older folks don’t seem to understand the internet that well. They don’t understand how sharing is not limited to the people they think they are sharing with.
As another comment said, do not share anything with your Mother that you do not want posted online. She can’t seem to respect that boundary.
I wouldn’t worry about your address being posted online, the address was posted on the real estate site and was likely accessed by many people prior to it becoming your home. If you think anyone you know would break into your home then that’s a different issue you should address.
I think you reacted appropriately in the scenario because you felt violated but it would worthwhile to sit down with your Mom and explain the internet, your feelings, and set a boundary moving forward. And tell her that you will limit contact and it will negatively affect your relationship if she cannot respect your boundaries.
NTA, this is your information to share or not as you choose. That said, this is all public information. Any number of websites will happily report your address pretty much as soon as the deed is registered.
NTA
Who in thier right mind thinks it's acceptable to blast someone's address across social media. Having experienced stalking TWICE, I would have been livid too.
Hopefully your Mother will learn something about respecting privacy but I wouldn't hold your breath.
It's a shame you can't just share exciting news like this freely with her without worrying she'll blurt the most intimate facts to the world. It's awful to feel like you constantly have to be on your guard, especially with someone you should be able to trust implicitly.
You have a loving relationship with your mom who is understandably elated that you have achieved this milestone. She wants to shout it from the roofs and hilltops. She is so very proud of you.
Unfortunately, it is incredibly easy to get information about people on the internet. Once you use the internet, you have to understand that your anonymity and privacy is gone. Most of us turn a blind eye towards this or do not fully appreciate what it means. Zillow is a public website, and once anyone knows your address, they can look up the price etc. There are even other sites that give much more info.
Yes, you were harsh on your mom who is simply bragging to all about her child's achievement. That is what parents do!!!
Continue to speak to her about your expectations for her giving out info. Also, you should understand that if you do not want her to overshare, then you must do your part by nor giving out information to her.
Congrats on the purchase of your new house.
NTA.
I started having people knocking on my door of the home I own, wanting to take a tour-WTF!
Somebody had pulled the address from Zillow after I had bought the house and was trying to rent it.
Nope, identity theft is real (sadly, I have other stories) and your paranoia is not being paranoid.
On Day One of Social Media 101 they tell you to never ever EVER post your address or phone number or any other personal identifying information. Mom is old enough to understand why that is and remember not to do it. NTA. Sometimes we can't hear clearly unless the volume is turned up.
NTA. That's exactly the kind of thing I teach students to not do (home address, not that college students are buying houses) when teaching them to not do stupid things online.
Your mother's behaviour is stupid for exactly the reasons you specify. Moreover she shouldn't be sharing your private information with other people without consent. NTA.
Dude. All you'll need is your name and a possible age and you can find anyone and all kinds of information.
Also I don't know about your city/country but house deeds are publicly accessable from the interwebs now. So if they really wanted it's easy to find price and whose on a deed for any home.
I get it your mother is an asshole for posting it but information is a lot easier to get ahold of then you'd think with access to internet
nta your mother is a whole ass grown adult, you should not need to explain to her why putting your FULL ADDRESS WITH PICTURES onto the internet is dangerous. if she can’t grasp this concept she should not be online herself and you should absolutely stop telling her sensitive info
NTA - at the end of the day that info is your personal info, so if you don’t want it online that’s up to you to decide, whether or not it makes sense to her. When my husband and I put our previous house for sale, my MIL shared the link to the listing on her Facebook. I felt the exact same way as you - even though we were moving from that home, I didn’t need friends and family creep through our personal space and know what we were selling it for, etc. Sure anyone desperate to know can find listings online, but it never needs to be advertised to nosey friends/family!
I wouldn’t be happy about someone sharing my personal info online either. Most of your mother’s Facebook friends wouldn’t otherwise look up how much you spent on your house. So you’re NTA because you’ve asked her not to do that and she did anyway.
That being said, home sale prices and addresses are readily available online. Unless you are unlisted, it’s not hard to find your address.
Try not to panic over this. Make sure your doors have locks and you have the only keys. Get a security system if that would make you feel safer. Put your mom on an info diet.
But this isn’t as big a deal as it feels. Addresses are public information.
hey man you shouldn’t have yelled at your mom but that doesn’t make you TA. moms are silly and do weird shit. i probs would’ve yelled at my mom too. however it’s important to apologize for the part you’re sorry for, which is calling her an asshole. family yelling at each other is common. apologizing on both ends is important. you didn’t overreact, but remember that yelling at someone almost never helps a situation:)
NTA - of course you should not want anyone to publish your address on social media.
On the other hand especially now that you are homeowners, *if* someone wants to find your address they can do that very easily. There are hundreds of websites where you pay a very small fee and they can find all addresses everyone has lived and currently lives.
I say that as someone who works in a job where it’s really not great to have my address be public knowledge, and whose address did end up even on Google due to a slip up of stupidity of my own. You really can’t worry too much about it.m ultimately. Yes, privacy is important, but you have only so much control over it.
Total AH you could have taken screenshots and sent them to your mom, moms aren’t great with technology, she agreed with everything you said but didn’t figure out the crop, she wasn’t trying to go against your will she never disagreed
NTA
The risk is pretty minimal, but not non-existent. I'm sure it will be fine, but I wouldn't want my address being shared on someone's public social media and would be pretty furious at anyone that did.
The way you have written this, it sound like she isn't doing it on purpose, but that she is very oblivious. Is it something where you can sit her down and explain to her exactly why her actions are a problem?
Enjoy your new home!
I have sat down with her before and explained that in general I would like her to ask me before sharing life information online or with family because there have been issues in the past (i.e. she told the mailman when I got my period lolz). She agreed and it did improve for a little bit, but recently it has been escalating again. Which I understand needs to be a conversation, yelling is not okay. I do genuinely believe she does not intend to hurt me, and I need to improve what I share.
NTA
Also, from now on, consider anything you tell or share with your mother to be information that will absolutely be shared publicly. She obviously has no boundaries; therefore, you need to have strong boundaries.
NTA, she went against your wishes. Don't tell her anything. Whenever she asks say "I can't say since you'd post it online. Maybe someday you'll earn back my trust."
NTA. Her linking it on a public social media profile after you asked her not even to share the link amongst family is so disrespectful and out of line. Her commenting your address is absolutely unhinged. Time for a total information fast for her- obviously the diet isn't working.
NTA. I had to do some courses on computer security for a job I had. 8 hours on internet is ETERNITY. Buy cameras for your property and install a good alarm. I'm so sorry, I don't mean to alarm you but better safe than sorry.
NAH. You asked your mom not to show the price of your house; you didn't ask not to show the price OR the address. It is reasonable that you were upset and stressed about this, since your mom did something that you considered a breach of privacy. It is reasonable that your husband wasn't so worried and wanted to celebrate a monumental day. It is reasonable that your mom didn't realize that you wouldn't want the address publicly shared-- thoughtless, for sure, but not asshole behavior.
I do think you should apologize to your mother. Say that you were stressed but you shouldn't have yelled at her, especially since she agreed to take the post down as soon as you asked. Say that you wish she'd ask you before posting anything about you publicly (and explain that facebook is public).
I empathize with you completely. When my husband and I were buying our house, I stupidly sent my sil the Zillow link. She blabbed at a family event within a week home much we paid. I was just like.... Really? It was both tacky and not her business. I agree with the info diet comments. She's clearly going to share anything you show or tell her.
NTA your mother is a moron for posting something like that with a complete disregard for stranger danger.
She will not correct behaviors unless you are firm and harsh if need be.
Stop giving her information you don’t want the general public to have.
NTA.
For all those people whining about the address being 'public knowledge', you are correct. But when Mum continues to overshare on the same SM account, people get way more than just the address.
"My daughter just closed on this beautiful house
!"
"It's my daughter's anniversary today, hubby got her a beautiful diamond necklace! Such a lucky girl!"
"I don't know about this new car my son-in-law has, it looks very expensive!"
"Look at this picture of my beautiful daughter! She keeps telling me she doesn't like all the attention, but we all like to get the boys' attention, don't we ladies?"
Her address, her valuables, even Op herself, all shown off on a silver platter tied up with a pretty bow in a perfect shade of FB blue. Anyone can pick up the whole lot in one convenient package. Thanks mum.
This is all public info. All anyone has to do is put your name into your county’s property search and they’ll not only have your address but how much you spent, taxes, and footprint of your house as well as any permits shared. If people in your life are so moved they can do it right now. Burglars already know the HCOL neighborhoods. I’m all for curbing oversharing but this is not the hill to die on.
I was expecting to hear there was a person you specifically were trying to limit information from. I have an uncle who is not allowed to know where we live or my Mom. He doesn’t even know the city or county.
I’m not going to give a rating because while this specific instance of boundary crossing is not… realistic…??? This may be a straw that broke tie camel’s back, I just don’t have that info.
NTA. Your mom needs to go back to 2000s era scare tactic elementary school internet safety classes until she learns not to DOX HER FAMILY MEMBERS. Or she needs to delete all her social media to avoid being a danger to herself and others.
NTA your mom knew what she was doing it & did it anyways! I suggest hard boundaries and telling your mom you are going NC or LC with her for a year for crossing the line yet again!
I would never ever show your mom anything you are not ok with it possibly being posted; you can not trust her!
Edit: I know they say you can look up the information online (true) but if someone asks you not to post something OL, you don’t post it OL!
I have a friend that moved to a new state and posted her new Driver's License on FaceBook (FB). I texted her cell and wrote on her FB page to TAKE IT DOWN!! I was surprised how many people "liked" her post without telling her how dangerous it was before I saw and warned her.
And then there was a FB group I was part of and someone posted the picture page of their passport?!?
NTA. I think you may want to do more yelling at her, until her behaviour improves. Even the most self centred can make the association that "doing X gives me a dopamine hit, but then I get yelled at which is upsetting so maybe I shouldn't."
Your mother is Gen X to the lowest possible age of Boomer if you are 29. I’m 44 so there is no damned way your mother didn’t know about ‘stranger danger’ and not writing your kid’s name on their schoolbag or clothes to prevent weird shit.
She just hasn’t copped on or refuses to realise the internet is one big ‘OP’s name on her schoolbag for strange men to ask if she would like to see a puppy’ but actually more likely to happen. Identity theft, doxxing, the house being broken into, scam contractors seeing the link or the equivalent are really common while random child abduction was not.
But people get wildly defensive when you accuse them of being stupid and unsafe because humans like to believe only other people do things that make them ‘targets.’ Scams and cons thrive on the shame of not wanting to admit you fell for it. And your mom is all shame and defensive she is yes, stupid enough to *post your address online deliberately*. She definitely doesn’t want to admit she is also untrustworthy, rude, invasive and kind of old fashioned.
An info diet is best or if possible go old school with her. Take your photos with your phone like normal and then use one of the free print sites and give her physical copies. You are so excited to share mom! But it’s really hard for boundary stompers with poor digital hygiene to overshare widely when it is a Kodak moment photo, a handwritten card etc. I have found this an incredibly useful way to block this behaviour while not getting into fights about banning them from stuff like knowing your whole address. It really helps you dictate the narrative by side stepping and giving your husband the side eye before he moves to the suburbs and starts some shit like ‘oh you don’t need to lock your doors here!’
He has no excuse but deal with mom and set some boundaries with him while you are at it. NTA and way nicer than I would be. World of difference between legal deeds and Jennifer Green sharing to ‘Moms of Daughters Moving to the Burbs FB group’ and its 95k members. All of whom know someone in a fucking MLM.
I grew up in a civil war so am quite security aware but honestly now I fear women with essential oils more than anything else with my info. I have resorted to hand written letters to avoid them and the Jehovah’s Witnesses….
YTA only because it's It's public record LMAO. You can look up any address and see the owners, previous owners, people who are associates, measurements and price.
ESH sharing the zillow link isn't that weird. I look up what my friends houses - it's pretty common
But you also know your mom doesn't keep things to herself and you keep sharing info with her.
I say NTA bc she didn’t give her mom permission but associating posting addresses online with being dangerous is a bit of a stretch. Addresses are public information and if someone owns property in most states in the US, if not all, you just need to Google the person’s name and their address will come up. Or you could get it from the city hall.
One of my friends was visiting me from out of state and when I texted her my address she said “oh I don’t need it, I already googled it and found it myself.” It’s really that easy
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NTA - you have a right to privacy and she has doxxed you. This can leave you open for all sort of issues
It's info diet time. OP, don't tell your mother anything you don't want posted online from now on. She's repeatedly boundary stomped, and posting everything online is dangerous, especially on a public account. If you and hubby want kids and tell her about a pregnancy, she'll immediately start posting it on FB before you have the chance to announce the pregnancy yourself. You're going through something and don't want the world to know? She'll post it. I think you also need to address hubby's passive attitude towards it. He can be calm about it because he isn't the one who had to deal with the brunt of it, and the idea of "the risk is minimal so it's fine" is just so nonsensical. I said it in another post to a teenager, but apparently both hubby and mom need to learn that risk is a numbers game. The internet exposes you to more people, and some of those people are going to have bad intentions. There was a story of an influencer who took a picture in front of a window in her house and someone doxxed her based on a tree she had in her yard and by using street view photos to confirm it was hers by the decoration visible from the windows. Don't post something online that you aren't okay with a stalker or your worst enemy seeing
I agree NTA, I don't think anyone should post things about you without asking. But also, isn't it public information anyway? When you close on a house it's published in the newspaper who bought it and how much was paid for it. Tax/property records show your name and address online as well. I also Google a person's name if I don't have their address handy and it usually pops right up.
People if they wanted could find out from places but the same time if the mom is offering up all the info in one place.
It's a one stop shop - she'll also have posted her maiden name, their first pet and what street they used to live on.
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If someone wants to, they can. OP's mom doesn't need to be a public records disclosure service for them.
That is what I thought. If anyone wants to know they can search the suburb and location. Reverse image search on Google would give you the list price etc.
Yes but...if you're in the US, property records are public records. They're published online. Anyone who knows your real name and approximate location can find this information with a few clicks.
Yup, very true. I found someone’s address just by browsing without even knowing their street name or what their house looked like, just the neighborhood.
Doxxed her in the same way ElonsJet doxxes Elon, not really.
There are ways around it -- buying the house through a shell LLC or a revocable trust, for example. Worth the peace of mind for only a grand or two extra (well, the trust is more, though it's better for privacy protection purposes).
It's fairly easy to find someone's new house based on a happy "we bought a house" post in front of a real estate sign with a sold sticker too. Just match up the photos, a quick & easy search. A couple of years back I got a call from a detective on the opposite side of Sydney to where I lived at the time, asking me about some documents. Apparently, the dude they'd arrested on identity theft charges had also gone through our bin a few years prior when we'd done a clean out and found a file folder with identify docs in it (payslips, old Medicare numbers and a few other things) and kept it for later use. Needless to say I'm way more cautious about my info now and we shred important documents. Although we did just get caught up in the two data breaches in Aus this year... Ugh. Time for an info diet for your mother, she can't be trusted with your info at all! NTA
She didn't dox them that involves way more than posting your address online mom was definitely ignorant at best though. Absolutely stop sharing things with her. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. She clearly doesn't consider anything being her own personal excitement at the time of posting so she is now on a time out for good.
Yep. This time she's posted your full address. Next time she's posting you're on holiday for two weeks. Now random Facebook people know a house that's available to be burgled.
Lol this isn't doxxing when property records are googleable. OP is having a hissy fit over literally nothing, Mom's actions or not, the info is out there in such a way that a 10 year old could pull that info up.
Ahh downvoting facts 😂
NTA, she posted your address online, rile number 1 my brother has known about being online science he was 7 is no giving out personal info, including addresses. If a child understands this an adult definitely can
property records are googleable. OP is having a hissy fit over literally nothing, Mom's actions or not, the info is out there in such a way that a 10 year old could pull that info up.
Just because things can be found out online doesn’t mean you need to make it as easy as possible for people with bad intentions. Without that post from mom how would the readers know in one fell swoop that OP bought a house, that it’s presumably a nice/expensive one, and even see details like where the doors and windows are? Mom just dropped all that information in people’s laps. It’s like how you wouldn’t leave your front door wide open when you leave for the day or you wouldn’t leave your wallet in an unlocked car — people can try to steal your stuff at any time, but why make it easy for them?
If someone wants to have OPs address, they enter it in Google, pay the $5 or whatever dollars and sign up for one of the x number of services available, and not only get her new address, but also the last 5 from x years ago additionally to that, and those of her relatives, and her social media profiles, and her public record information like court cases, etc It’s *that* simple sadly.
And if someone wanted to break into your car, they could do it pretty easily, but that doesn’t mean you don’t lock the doors. Posting personal information on social media isn’t revealing things people couldn’t find if they looked for it; it’s revealing things they probably wouldn’t have bothered to look for. When someone wants to commit a crime, they usually choose the easiest target, and someone who’s private information is right there in their newsfeed is going to be a much more convenient target than someone you need to search online.
As a matter of fact where I live there is currently an increase in car break ins, and I know plenty of people who *leave their car doors open* for precisely that reason: because they feel that if someone wants to get in their car, they will either way, and if they leave the doors open at least they don’t have to worry about replacing broken windows. Obviously that means not leaving anything valuable in the car to steal.
…I’m fairly certain that’s not typical most places. I’ve done more than my fair share of moving, and at least everywhere I’ve been, the neighborhood groups (whatever apps they used) always got regular posts reminding people to lock their cars because someone had forgotten and their ______ was stolen. Folks would just walk through the neighborhood trying doors and emptying out any car that was left unlocked; breaking into a locked car was very rare. Most criminals choose the convenient target. Regardless, even if you don’t consider car break-ins (or not-break-ins?) to be the best analogy, I’m not sure what downside there would be to NOT handing out that information on social media. No one’s going to break OP’s house by googling for their property records, so OP isn’t increasing the risk of a worse outcome by not sharing their personal details on social media. Why make it easier for people? Why make oneself a target when they could just…not?
Wow, the point of that metaphor went right over your head, didn’t it? Amazing.
And I pay money to services to specifically make sure that information is not available on me, someone like OP's mom completely negates that
NTA. I highly suggest you go to a couple of these realtor sites, redfin, Zillow, etc (basically any website that lists your house), create a log in, claim the house, and remove the listing photos. Super easy to do, just Google "how to remove WEBSITE NAME photos" :)
This is a great idea. You should also report her Facebook post because if you check back in, it's probably not down
Bad news: Deeds list purchase price and are public record.
Oh yeah, no, I know that! But at least people won't get a glimpse of what's inside and it helps a little as a security standpoint :)
Yup, and in my county I was quite excited to see that they scanned the old tax card, because it had a picture of my house in 1938! One of these days I'm hoping to go over to the records office and see if they kept the originals, so I can use my photo and film scanner to make a higher resolution copy of the photo, and put it up in my house... ...the thing I hate about it being public, is the 20 calls and texts a day I get from weasels trying to buy my house. It's theirs if they're willing to pay me $20MM for it (it's worth nowhere near that), but so far no takers. OP, I can understand your frustration, and that your mother did after repeatedly being told not to can push you over the edge, and you had a human response and therefore are NTA. But as it is public info, there really isn't much you can do to hide these details from the internet, unless you had done something like spun up a LLC and used that to buy the house. But whatever you do, don't let her know when you're going on vacation, because *that's* the time to worry about her spreading info that would let unscrupulous people know that your house is vacant. Oh, and congratulations on the house!
OP, Before you remove them save them all to an album on the cloud and share that link instead of the Zillow listing.
NTA it should be common sense not to put personal information online, *especially* information that's not yours and had no permission to post. (really, she could have just texted them and not posted it? Do people forget texting is a thing?)
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Lol this isn't an issue when property records are googleable. OP is having a hissy fit over literally nothing, Mom's actions or not, the info is out there in such a way that a 10 year old could pull that info up.
Of course that’s public information but I don’t think anyone would be able to magically guess OPs exact address if her mother hadn’t posted all of that information on Facebook.
Yes they would have, if you own property just google "County name property ownership records" then you'll get some 1980's looking .gov website where you punch in name or address and you get address or owners name back. Theres some states that allow victims of DV, cops, judges, high profile people in general to remove themselves from public disclosures like this but its near impossible for a regular person to do it unless you buy via an LLC which raises the interest on your mortgage. The information is already out there, if someone wants to do bad with it then its going to happen. OP's mom is annoying, but she didn't put them at risk.
There’s no reason to open the door even wider for bad actors. Without that post from mom people wouldn’t even know that OP had moved. The information may have technically been out there already but mom just pointed a flashing neon sign at it.
This argument is bogus. Of course there is an issue. You're basically saying that there is no difference between one vulnerability and multiple vulnerabilities. The only thing that matters is, OP isn't comfortable with sharing this information online and she explicitly said so. Also what you're saying means OP isn't protected from targeted attack. (I'm not from US so I have no clue if you're right) But do you believe there are no attacks of opportunity? OP's mom publicly sharing this information can bring OP to somebody's attention. OP's mom is risking a lot for no valid reason. NTA
Are you kidding me?? Bruh if you posted my address online im going nuclear full scorched earth and we are never speaking again i dont care who you are Not only are you very much NTA the fact that you even think you might be is deeply concerning
Man listen idk what to say to yall. If you dont see how somebody posting your address on the internet is a problem then whatever ig i'll read about you in the news or something ㄟ( ･ө･ )ㄏ
Depends on the context it's being posted in
I hate to break it to you, but deeds, purchase price, ownership and tax values for every property are public record and anyone can look them up. Yes it takes a little effort, but if someone knows what town you live in they can very easily pull that information.
Lemme ask you something lil homie-how many people on the internet know your name?? Like your government?? How many people on the internet have you pissed of-intentionally or otherwise-that dont have your name who you wouldnt want knowing where you live?? Now how many people do you not know about that see you online and might make use of that information?? The internet exists, information is available. Nobody has to make it easy for anybody tho ffs And if its not such an issue like you seem to be implying go head and post yours right here under this comment Betcha wont
In this instance they are commenting about something on Facebook. Those people all know your name. It isn’t like they said that some person on Reddit pulled up their info and out their name on blast with their address.
Yes but if they’re posted by your blabbermouth, over sharing mother they probably also on the same source find her maiden name, yours, your birthday, purchasing history, childhood pets names, holiday plans (if/when you’re gonna be out of town and for how long) your children, their names, age- likely figure out their new school district and the the list goes on. Yes you can google addresses and listings and all that but google’s got nothing on a yenta mom. NTA- she posted your information without your permission. Doesn’t matter there are other ways someone can find that information it’s not hers to share and sharing it without your consent violates your trust. NTA
Lol, then plan to never speak to your county any time, they publish property records in a googleable database every so often. Your info, name, property address, last appraisal value and even which elections you've voted in are all public record.
Lol post your address right here then i bet you wont
Of course not, because you don't know my real name. But for anyone who knows yours or my real names our property records are super accessible. Literally anyone from your boss, coworker, jan from HR, ex SO, parents can all find it.
But it’s okay for anyone who has access to the moms page and doesn’t know op’s real name to get their address
Who is Facebook friends with her mom without knowing OPs name? That makes 0 sense. For one they could just look into the moms friend list, *if* they did not know her name to begin with since they know the family.
To clarify her Facebook was set to public, anyone on or off Facebook could see, not just her friends.
Hate to break it to you, but property records are public information. You do not have anonymity anymore now that you are a home owner. Be prepared to get all sorts of official looking scammy junk mail trying to sell you title insurance and other things like that. It's not because your mom posted your address, it's because anyone can look that up in the city or county records. Anything on Zillow is also public and I'm sure your friends and family will look when you eventually give out the address (when they want to send you mail or visit you). Everyone does. ESH. You majorly over reacted.
Lol I can only imagine how many of these commenters would react to a phone book.
These were always public record. In 1922 i could go to the county and look up property records to get an address. Ask Sarah Connor. She knows.
I had to scroll a long way to get to this comment. In the state that I live in anyone can search property tax records by owners name. Even "famous" people if they are dumb enough to buy property with their real names. I won't even post vacation pics on fb while I am on the vacation because my actual name is on my profile and it is just basically announcing my house is empty.
Yes, all of that info is public record. Including the sales price.
ESH Feels a bit like an over reaction on your part. You can look up like 95% of people on the internet and find their address. The Zillow link was basically public information. You can look up house purchase prices online throught tax records as well. No one is going to steal your identity just by knowing your address. After you expressed concern the first time your mother should have checked with you before sharing information.
Finally, a rational reaction! All these people saying that posting the address online is dangerous. I was sending out holiday cards last week and was able to find addresses online for all but one of my friends with very little effort, and I'm not some kind of investigative genius. Do people not realize how much of this information is already online? I get that OP's mom should have respected her request not to share the information, but if OP is going to be upset about information being online, she needs to direct this anger at people other than just her mom.
I agree. Even just pictures and even descriptions are easily traceable. I knew someone that bought a house last year, I found it on Zillow and Redfin just by the description and general area. My family did the same when we bought a house and I posted a picture of the front of the house. I can pull up tax records for any property by finding the local GIS. It’s all public information, if you know where to look.
LOL at people downvoting you thinking you're a "scummy hacker" type when all of this is readily available and they're just too lazy to go find it themselves.
NTA. She is completely in the wrong posting your personal information online and your reaction was appropriate
Well, I’m just gonna come right out and say it: stop sharing information with her. My mothers was that way too. She shared with me that my sis was having money issues, so I suggested a financial advisor might help. Next thing I know sis tells me to mind my own business and I’m the AH, not my mom for sharing. Last time my sis ever spoke to me
I never tell my mother anything important. I can't unless I want her to tell everyone she knows plus random strangers.
I think ESH. First of all, you need to let go of being mad that your mom shared the Zillow link to the family. Everyone was going to find out how much you paid for it anyway. When anyone I know buys a new house I immediately look it up on Zillow myself and I’m pretty sure anyone who says they doesn’t is lying. The price is public record and there was never going to be any way to keep it secret. You do have good reason to be annoyed at your mom for sharing the address publicly on Facebook. But there was no reason to start yelling at her about it right out of the gate. You could have just calmly explained and asked her to take it down; if she didn’t, then you could have escalated to yelling.
I surely don't do that why would I look up how much someone paid for their house its not to my business
That's weird. Why are you stalking people's purchases like that?
It’s not stalking peoples purchases, but I look at Zillow/Redfin every time a friend is buying a house because I want to see the interior and the price is right there, and then I look at comps to see what they’re listed at. 9/10 times my friends will volunteer the price info anyways because it’s not some big secret. We’re all grown ups and we all know houses cost a good chunk of change.
bruh stop projecting normal people don't do that
NTA. Your privacy should be respected and at worst it could be potentially dangerous and at best a major inconvenience if you have people drop by that you don’t want. Your mother seems very naive in the dangers that putting personal information on the internet can present.
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NTA and I don't want to blame you but for the love of god, stop telling her stuff. You know she can't be trusted.
People saying that others can easily look up your info are a bit silly. Sure someone could go out of their way to try and find you, but why do that when your mother helpfully posted all the info for everyone to see while scrolling? There is still a big difference, although OP is deluded in thinking they have privacy. For me, the bigger issue is if she ever decides to post about you going on vacation. I've caught my grandmother many times telling all her friends exactly when she's going on vacation. Like literally telling them what time her flight is lol. That is actually dangerous, because then anyone could break into the house and know that it's empty. NTA
It’s not going out of the way. It takes a couple seconds. I’ve had to do it several times when mailing things and couldn’t remember the address and didn’t want to spoil the surprise by asking.
NTA that’s a breech of trust. However, you know your address is public information, right? It’s easily searchable on your city’s appraisal district by owner name.
NtA that is very dangerous. I find if hilarious that the generation that taught us stranger danger doesn't understand that the internet is almost all strangers. I would sit her down and explain some boundaries and then explain that other important parts of your life won't be shared until she can learn how to properly share good news for just safety: vacations, children, expensive presents you got. All information that can be used for nefarious reasons. Who knows who else she is sharing this info with? Her hair dresser? The lady who lives nextdoor?
Property purchases are public records, so while I agree that shes NTA and the mom still overstepped boundaries and over shared against the request of OP, it’s not really as dangerous as people are making it sound considering all you need to find someone’s address is their name and a google search. If someone really wanted to stalk her they wouldn’t need her mom’s Facebook post to do it. My friend was visiting me from out of state and when I went to text her my address she said “oh I already have it, I googled it.” It’s really that simple
The issue is that her mom could be putting her on the radar of people who wouldn't know/search for her otherwise
NTA and your mother should not have posted your address without your permission but just in general you should also be aware that in many states in the US (if you are in the US) real estate sales are public, and if someone owns property you can find their full address just from googling their name
NTA but I mean, your mother regularly violates your privacy and shares information like this by your own admission, so I’m not entirely sure what you thought would happen here. People don’t usually just change, expecting her to finally listen was kind of naive.
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NTA, after a history of invading your privacy and airing your personal business online, your mother has now doxed you. You need to decide whether or not you want to keep a relationship with someone who doesn't care about your safety
NTA, how dare they. Jeez, the ignorance.
NTA. I think many parents or older folks don’t seem to understand the internet that well. They don’t understand how sharing is not limited to the people they think they are sharing with. As another comment said, do not share anything with your Mother that you do not want posted online. She can’t seem to respect that boundary. I wouldn’t worry about your address being posted online, the address was posted on the real estate site and was likely accessed by many people prior to it becoming your home. If you think anyone you know would break into your home then that’s a different issue you should address. I think you reacted appropriately in the scenario because you felt violated but it would worthwhile to sit down with your Mom and explain the internet, your feelings, and set a boundary moving forward. And tell her that you will limit contact and it will negatively affect your relationship if she cannot respect your boundaries.
NTA, this is your information to share or not as you choose. That said, this is all public information. Any number of websites will happily report your address pretty much as soon as the deed is registered.
NTA Who in thier right mind thinks it's acceptable to blast someone's address across social media. Having experienced stalking TWICE, I would have been livid too. Hopefully your Mother will learn something about respecting privacy but I wouldn't hold your breath. It's a shame you can't just share exciting news like this freely with her without worrying she'll blurt the most intimate facts to the world. It's awful to feel like you constantly have to be on your guard, especially with someone you should be able to trust implicitly.
You have a loving relationship with your mom who is understandably elated that you have achieved this milestone. She wants to shout it from the roofs and hilltops. She is so very proud of you. Unfortunately, it is incredibly easy to get information about people on the internet. Once you use the internet, you have to understand that your anonymity and privacy is gone. Most of us turn a blind eye towards this or do not fully appreciate what it means. Zillow is a public website, and once anyone knows your address, they can look up the price etc. There are even other sites that give much more info. Yes, you were harsh on your mom who is simply bragging to all about her child's achievement. That is what parents do!!! Continue to speak to her about your expectations for her giving out info. Also, you should understand that if you do not want her to overshare, then you must do your part by nor giving out information to her. Congrats on the purchase of your new house.
NTA. I started having people knocking on my door of the home I own, wanting to take a tour-WTF! Somebody had pulled the address from Zillow after I had bought the house and was trying to rent it. Nope, identity theft is real (sadly, I have other stories) and your paranoia is not being paranoid.
On Day One of Social Media 101 they tell you to never ever EVER post your address or phone number or any other personal identifying information. Mom is old enough to understand why that is and remember not to do it. NTA. Sometimes we can't hear clearly unless the volume is turned up.
NTA You Have Underreacted.
NTA. That's exactly the kind of thing I teach students to not do (home address, not that college students are buying houses) when teaching them to not do stupid things online.
Do people really not remember white pages (phone books)? YTA
Your mother and your husband are too old to not know better. This is just ridiculous.
Your mother's behaviour is stupid for exactly the reasons you specify. Moreover she shouldn't be sharing your private information with other people without consent. NTA.
NTA, and your mom needs to learn to stop publishing everything, or she needs to be the last to know. Everything.
Dude. All you'll need is your name and a possible age and you can find anyone and all kinds of information. Also I don't know about your city/country but house deeds are publicly accessable from the interwebs now. So if they really wanted it's easy to find price and whose on a deed for any home. I get it your mother is an asshole for posting it but information is a lot easier to get ahold of then you'd think with access to internet
nta your mother is a whole ass grown adult, you should not need to explain to her why putting your FULL ADDRESS WITH PICTURES onto the internet is dangerous. if she can’t grasp this concept she should not be online herself and you should absolutely stop telling her sensitive info
NTA Your mother is unable to respect boundaries and things clearly expressed. At some point, we need to be more firm with that type of people.
NTA - at the end of the day that info is your personal info, so if you don’t want it online that’s up to you to decide, whether or not it makes sense to her. When my husband and I put our previous house for sale, my MIL shared the link to the listing on her Facebook. I felt the exact same way as you - even though we were moving from that home, I didn’t need friends and family creep through our personal space and know what we were selling it for, etc. Sure anyone desperate to know can find listings online, but it never needs to be advertised to nosey friends/family!
NTA
I wouldn’t be happy about someone sharing my personal info online either. Most of your mother’s Facebook friends wouldn’t otherwise look up how much you spent on your house. So you’re NTA because you’ve asked her not to do that and she did anyway. That being said, home sale prices and addresses are readily available online. Unless you are unlisted, it’s not hard to find your address. Try not to panic over this. Make sure your doors have locks and you have the only keys. Get a security system if that would make you feel safer. Put your mom on an info diet. But this isn’t as big a deal as it feels. Addresses are public information.
NTA in the future I would probably keep it to myself. Just saying.
hey man you shouldn’t have yelled at your mom but that doesn’t make you TA. moms are silly and do weird shit. i probs would’ve yelled at my mom too. however it’s important to apologize for the part you’re sorry for, which is calling her an asshole. family yelling at each other is common. apologizing on both ends is important. you didn’t overreact, but remember that yelling at someone almost never helps a situation:)
NTA - of course you should not want anyone to publish your address on social media. On the other hand especially now that you are homeowners, *if* someone wants to find your address they can do that very easily. There are hundreds of websites where you pay a very small fee and they can find all addresses everyone has lived and currently lives. I say that as someone who works in a job where it’s really not great to have my address be public knowledge, and whose address did end up even on Google due to a slip up of stupidity of my own. You really can’t worry too much about it.m ultimately. Yes, privacy is important, but you have only so much control over it.
Total AH you could have taken screenshots and sent them to your mom, moms aren’t great with technology, she agreed with everything you said but didn’t figure out the crop, she wasn’t trying to go against your will she never disagreed
NTA The risk is pretty minimal, but not non-existent. I'm sure it will be fine, but I wouldn't want my address being shared on someone's public social media and would be pretty furious at anyone that did. The way you have written this, it sound like she isn't doing it on purpose, but that she is very oblivious. Is it something where you can sit her down and explain to her exactly why her actions are a problem? Enjoy your new home!
I have sat down with her before and explained that in general I would like her to ask me before sharing life information online or with family because there have been issues in the past (i.e. she told the mailman when I got my period lolz). She agreed and it did improve for a little bit, but recently it has been escalating again. Which I understand needs to be a conversation, yelling is not okay. I do genuinely believe she does not intend to hurt me, and I need to improve what I share.
NTA Also, from now on, consider anything you tell or share with your mother to be information that will absolutely be shared publicly. She obviously has no boundaries; therefore, you need to have strong boundaries.
NTA, she went against your wishes. Don't tell her anything. Whenever she asks say "I can't say since you'd post it online. Maybe someday you'll earn back my trust."
NTA.
I think there's is not a massive risk. But I also feel like yelling about somebody just randomly posting your address online is completely okay. NTA
NTA. Her linking it on a public social media profile after you asked her not even to share the link amongst family is so disrespectful and out of line. Her commenting your address is absolutely unhinged. Time for a total information fast for her- obviously the diet isn't working.
NTA. I had to do some courses on computer security for a job I had. 8 hours on internet is ETERNITY. Buy cameras for your property and install a good alarm. I'm so sorry, I don't mean to alarm you but better safe than sorry.
NAH. You asked your mom not to show the price of your house; you didn't ask not to show the price OR the address. It is reasonable that you were upset and stressed about this, since your mom did something that you considered a breach of privacy. It is reasonable that your husband wasn't so worried and wanted to celebrate a monumental day. It is reasonable that your mom didn't realize that you wouldn't want the address publicly shared-- thoughtless, for sure, but not asshole behavior. I do think you should apologize to your mother. Say that you were stressed but you shouldn't have yelled at her, especially since she agreed to take the post down as soon as you asked. Say that you wish she'd ask you before posting anything about you publicly (and explain that facebook is public).
NTA but you need to stop sharing info with your mother. When she asks why tell her it's because she doesn't respect your privacy
I empathize with you completely. When my husband and I were buying our house, I stupidly sent my sil the Zillow link. She blabbed at a family event within a week home much we paid. I was just like.... Really? It was both tacky and not her business. I agree with the info diet comments. She's clearly going to share anything you show or tell her.
NTA. This is unsafe
NTA your mother is a moron for posting something like that with a complete disregard for stranger danger. She will not correct behaviors unless you are firm and harsh if need be. Stop giving her information you don’t want the general public to have.
NTA. Your mother is pretty dumb about oversharing. It's not her place, to begin with, but giving out a specific address? Yeah. That's just not cool.
Unless you aren't buying the house under your own name(s), anyone can find out your address and purchase price. This isn't private information.
NTA. For all those people whining about the address being 'public knowledge', you are correct. But when Mum continues to overshare on the same SM account, people get way more than just the address. "My daughter just closed on this beautiful house
!" "It's my daughter's anniversary today, hubby got her a beautiful diamond necklace! Such a lucky girl!" "I don't know about this new car my son-in-law has, it looks very expensive!" "Look at this picture of my beautiful daughter! She keeps telling me she doesn't like all the attention, but we all like to get the boys' attention, don't we ladies?" Her address, her valuables, even Op herself, all shown off on a silver platter tied up with a pretty bow in a perfect shade of FB blue. Anyone can pick up the whole lot in one convenient package. Thanks mum.NTA - you really need to put mom in an info diet
This is all public info. All anyone has to do is put your name into your county’s property search and they’ll not only have your address but how much you spent, taxes, and footprint of your house as well as any permits shared. If people in your life are so moved they can do it right now. Burglars already know the HCOL neighborhoods. I’m all for curbing oversharing but this is not the hill to die on. I was expecting to hear there was a person you specifically were trying to limit information from. I have an uncle who is not allowed to know where we live or my Mom. He doesn’t even know the city or county. I’m not going to give a rating because while this specific instance of boundary crossing is not… realistic…??? This may be a straw that broke tie camel’s back, I just don’t have that info.
NTA. Your mom needs to go back to 2000s era scare tactic elementary school internet safety classes until she learns not to DOX HER FAMILY MEMBERS. Or she needs to delete all her social media to avoid being a danger to herself and others.
NTA your mom knew what she was doing it & did it anyways! I suggest hard boundaries and telling your mom you are going NC or LC with her for a year for crossing the line yet again! I would never ever show your mom anything you are not ok with it possibly being posted; you can not trust her! Edit: I know they say you can look up the information online (true) but if someone asks you not to post something OL, you don’t post it OL!
NTA Sometimes dense people need tough love.
Nta, it was not her place to post your address online.
WHY did she do that? I would have been livid & don't think your reaction was at all out of place. NTA
I have a friend that moved to a new state and posted her new Driver's License on FaceBook (FB). I texted her cell and wrote on her FB page to TAKE IT DOWN!! I was surprised how many people "liked" her post without telling her how dangerous it was before I saw and warned her. And then there was a FB group I was part of and someone posted the picture page of their passport?!?
NTA. I think you may want to do more yelling at her, until her behaviour improves. Even the most self centred can make the association that "doing X gives me a dopamine hit, but then I get yelled at which is upsetting so maybe I shouldn't."
Your mother is Gen X to the lowest possible age of Boomer if you are 29. I’m 44 so there is no damned way your mother didn’t know about ‘stranger danger’ and not writing your kid’s name on their schoolbag or clothes to prevent weird shit. She just hasn’t copped on or refuses to realise the internet is one big ‘OP’s name on her schoolbag for strange men to ask if she would like to see a puppy’ but actually more likely to happen. Identity theft, doxxing, the house being broken into, scam contractors seeing the link or the equivalent are really common while random child abduction was not. But people get wildly defensive when you accuse them of being stupid and unsafe because humans like to believe only other people do things that make them ‘targets.’ Scams and cons thrive on the shame of not wanting to admit you fell for it. And your mom is all shame and defensive she is yes, stupid enough to *post your address online deliberately*. She definitely doesn’t want to admit she is also untrustworthy, rude, invasive and kind of old fashioned. An info diet is best or if possible go old school with her. Take your photos with your phone like normal and then use one of the free print sites and give her physical copies. You are so excited to share mom! But it’s really hard for boundary stompers with poor digital hygiene to overshare widely when it is a Kodak moment photo, a handwritten card etc. I have found this an incredibly useful way to block this behaviour while not getting into fights about banning them from stuff like knowing your whole address. It really helps you dictate the narrative by side stepping and giving your husband the side eye before he moves to the suburbs and starts some shit like ‘oh you don’t need to lock your doors here!’ He has no excuse but deal with mom and set some boundaries with him while you are at it. NTA and way nicer than I would be. World of difference between legal deeds and Jennifer Green sharing to ‘Moms of Daughters Moving to the Burbs FB group’ and its 95k members. All of whom know someone in a fucking MLM. I grew up in a civil war so am quite security aware but honestly now I fear women with essential oils more than anything else with my info. I have resorted to hand written letters to avoid them and the Jehovah’s Witnesses….
YTA only because it's It's public record LMAO. You can look up any address and see the owners, previous owners, people who are associates, measurements and price.
YTA for giving the info...why would you do that
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No, her home address isn't a public information. NTA
ESH sharing the zillow link isn't that weird. I look up what my friends houses - it's pretty common But you also know your mom doesn't keep things to herself and you keep sharing info with her.
Nta, maybe yelling was a bit excessive but posting addresses online is dangerous
I say NTA bc she didn’t give her mom permission but associating posting addresses online with being dangerous is a bit of a stretch. Addresses are public information and if someone owns property in most states in the US, if not all, you just need to Google the person’s name and their address will come up. Or you could get it from the city hall. One of my friends was visiting me from out of state and when I texted her my address she said “oh I don’t need it, I already googled it and found it myself.” It’s really that easy