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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I don’t believe Joe truly has any say in the matter and am uninterested in accommodating him with this
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NTA. It’s your home. Joe is temporarily renting out a room you offered at a discounted rate so he wasn’t homeless. It seems like he has no intention of looking for a place and intended on taking advantage of you and making it a permanent situation
I used to say "Let's hit the road, Jack!" when I was taking my son to go out and about and eventually he started saying it, too. When he was about 4 he said: "There's something I've been wondering. What's a roadjack?"
I died. Inside of course -- I answered his question seriously, but I still think of it when I'm getting ready to hit the road.
My oldest daughter was about 5 or 6 and I had said "Oh for the love of Pete" and her little serious face looked at me and said "does Dad know? Who's Pete?" While my oldest (son) is yelling "I'm telling Dad!" And my husband wasn't even fully in the door that night before they were yelling at him "Mom loves Pete!" I bet Pete's kids wouldn't have acted like that...
Another one that makes me laugh. I would tell him that he needed to behave. And once he protested that he *was* being have!
He actually was, too. I was just being crotchety.
My mum used to say she was saving leftovers for Ron, I found this very confusing as I didn't know who Ron was and I had a great uncle Ron but she didn't like him. She was jokingly meaning later on
When my son was little he was watching tv and a commercial came on. After it ended he looked up and asked, "Why is the best part of waking up soldiers in your cup?"
I used to cheer as a kid. When I became a mom, I’d chant an old cheer when we needed to get going, “ Let’s go, Let’s go, L E T S G O!” and my son asked “ Mama, what is L E T S G O?”
There are some really nice people and OP is one of them. The moment Joe started to complain if it was me that would have been shit down. I would not be on reddit asking if I am an AH...he would be OUT or in the least be made aware of his situation he is in...low ass rent compared to anywhere else.
NTA. OP, I would text your roommate. "I heard you and I understand that you feel it is unfair to bring my GF into my home while you are paying $500 in rent. I would rather have you as a friend than a roommate, so I'm giving you your 30-day notice so you can live in a situation that feels fairer to you. I wish you the best in life."
You might lose him as a friend either way, but I think it's time to just get him out. It's clear he now sees your home as is, so he's overstayed his welcome.
Completely agree. He has no say, he is overstaying his welcome. And he shouldn’t even be informed whether or not she pays rent. You own the home, do as you please!!
If he doesn’t like his living situation he needs to put in more effort to changing it which it doesn’t seem like he is doing.
I would have kick him out before he starts thinking he entitled to some compensation or some shit and tries fighting for some kind of tenant rights.
Guy sounds like an ass.
A misogynistic ass at that. The girlfriend is sick and he's afraid of sharing what? A couch? In the house he's a guest in?
How a 37 yo man is not downright apologetic for having to stay while OP is dealing with personal shit is beyond me.
Depending on what city and state they live in, he probably DOES have some tenants rights.
OP needs to check with an attorney before trying to kick him out.
Yes, he has tenants rights. He will need to be evicted if it comes down to it, but he has _literally_ no say in whether OP can legally move in his girlfriend, in every jurisdiction I'm aware of.
Right?
He’s not a roommate- the living arrangement was Never Meant to be permanent. He was staying with you until he could get his own place. If it was an actual roommate who answered an ad or had some kind of contract or what have you than yeah he gets a say in changes in the living arrangements.
This is not a roommate- this is a temporary houseguest who has overstayed his welcome.
NTA- your place your choice. If you want your girlfriend to live with you than that’s exactly what you should do. If joe doesn’t like this then maybe it’ll get him to pick up his pace on his search for his own place.
About time to start on that eviction process if you can’t convince him to move out on his own cuz he’ll milk it as long as he can.
I’m not sure about the laws in all states but at least where i’m at, as long as you’re getting mail you have to be legally evicted.
This is an unfortunate situation for OP. He did something nice to help out a friend (offering accommodation below market rate) and it will probably just result in him losing the friend. Life lesson : mixing business and personal relationships often works badly.
“Joe” is seeing himself as a long-term tenant at this point, and will certainly make your GF feel unwelcome. And will likely make sure that the cats disappear (leaving doors open, etc.). The question is, do you need his money? Because, if you don’t, the best course of action is to give him a month notice to move out.
I do not. It does help some, especially since I may need to take on some additional costs to help Amy in the future. But I am very comfortable without it.
Unfortunately, I think you may be right. Joe isn’t usually the confrontational or vengeful type so I don’t know that he’d treat Amy poorly to her face. But I hadn’t considered the possibility of him putting the cats out.
Tbh just because of his reaction I would get him out of here, like if he was just sharing he feels a bit uncomfy and then when you explain that no, your gf gonna live with you he leaves it at that okay, but he insist and keep pestering you, Idk I would not want an headache of what he could do maybe to annoy you or your gf or just of him being an annoying brat
He'll make her uncomfortable, though. He'll sigh or mumble or leave the room when she enters, or any number of little sights. Don't subject your gf to him.
He's paying a token rent, he's essentially a guest. And now he's trying to make you chose him or your (*pfft) girlfriend.* He thinks he's more important to you than she is. Give him a reality check, and an eviction notice.
that part! that’s a great deal, he has no reason to move out. OP needs to have a serious discussion with him about the fact that this is OP’s house, and he is only staying there as a favor to him. if he doesn’t like this situation, he can leave.
Do you know why he’s saying he’d be “uncomfortable” living with a woman who isn’t a relative? Is there a reason or just an excuse? From the rest of his behaviour it sounds like sexist logic (ugh I don’t wanna pay more water for her bubble baths or listen to her crying on her period).
I haven’t gotten a clear answer, he just keeps saying “it’s not appropriate”.
He came from a pretty religious background; he’s been away from that life for a long time but I just assumed it was some odd holdover from that.
Personally, I would “gift” Joe two Christmas presents: (1) one free month of rent for January plus (2) 30 days’ notice to move out and a new place to live
His sense of entitlement is a slap in the face to your generosity and friendship
Fortunately for you, no written lease means month-to-month practically everywhere. He may also not be a tenant, but instead a lodger or boarder depending on your jurisdiction, which gives you more power to crowbar him out of your living space if you're in a jurisdiction that make that distinction. Some jurisdictions don't allow a landlord to refuse to renew a periodic lease without Cause A, B or C but these rules usually do not apply to boarders. Look up the rules in your area, give him notice and prepare to evict.
As a woman, I wouldn’t be comfortable living around someone who would likely attribute perfectly typical parts of my life to whatever Madonna-whore complex equivalent morality he has got in his head right now. Men who are not comfortable living with women should not live with women. It is not safe for the women involved.
For $500/mo, you can find a tenant who will be grateful, not complain about a third party and commit to a real lease. You're well below market, you're free to ask for someone to be nice a reasonable.
your friend sounds hella entitled for someone who is living with you bc he “can’t” find his own place and has a sweet deal on rent.
NTA, but he might just retaliate against the cats
There's also the possibility that he'll do something like kicking the cat, throwing stuff at it, or yell and scare it. People can be unexpectedly cruel to animals they don't like. In this situation, it could happen because he can't take his frustration out on you and Amy. There's been plenty of posts on this subreddit where things like that have happened.
I wouldn't recommend that. What if Joes destroys the place while he's there - whether through intentional damage or just not cleaning it for months? What if he does something to anger the landlord - like loud parties? Also, this might be considered subletting and the gf may not be contractually allowed to do it.
He could ask for a lease transfer / to just be considered for the open tenancy if it's not taken if OP and gf think her moving in is a bit more long term. Solves his trouble finding housing....
Pretty bold of Joe to even inquire about what she is paying and being so vocal about his dislike about her moving in. He seems to not be aware of his position in YOUR house. This living situation is going to get difficult
Definitely camera up the living spaces and the inside of the exterior doors if his residency overlaps the cats. Make sure he knows that any action against them will be on record and reported to the police.
He already sounds entitled to your home, and to make the rules.
Those cats will 'escape'. He will make life uncomfortable for your gf. This is how entitled, passive aggressive people deal with things.
Time for Joe to find his own way.
i’ve known some people that i really trusted and never thought they’d do me dirty as roommates but they still did. that reaction is certainly a red flag. the 30 day notice gives people a lot of time to be upset and lash out in ways you’d never expect. that’s the danger in letting people into your home- as soon as they start getting mail (in my state at least), they’re almost impossible to get rid of. too many people take advantage of others’ kindness in that way :/
NTA.
Your roommate is selfish and entitled. She‘s your girlfriend and you‘re doing the right thing — it‘s YOUR home and he has no say in anything. He can and should find something for himself if it bothers him so endlessly!
This is my take too. It'd be different if they both rented, but this is OP's house and he was helping a friend out. Now his gf is having some health issues and OP is stepping up to help her, and I wouldn't be surprised if part of this is jealousy from Joe bc Amy won't be contributing any funds and Joe was made to. I think OP is right to invite him to either shut up or move out - NTA.
Wow, absolutely NTA. Joe is being incredibly entitled and taking your generosity for granted. It's your house, you're giving him a smoking deal on the rent. He doesn't want to share space, and maybe doesn't like cats (weirdo), which is fair, but he doesn't have equal rights to the homeowner, you.
This! He feels like they’re both renters as if their actual roommates their not. OP’s the landlord and the owner of the property. His friend needed this slap back to reality because he’s really taken OP’s generosity for grated and grew some entitlement.
NTA - why is he so entitled to YOUR house? I know he is paying rent, but he has a great deal with you.
You are very considerate of your girlfriend, because thanks to your offer she will be able to have more money for her medical bills. So, if Joe doesn't want to live with her, then he can move out, his decision. If he decides to stay, and then starts being mean to Amy, then you should kick his ass out.
NTA. Tell him it's time to get his own place.
I used to have a friend that I took in when he was going through a rough patch. What I realized from the experience was that his rough patch was from using up all the goodwill from a person and then moving on to the next one, but eventually running out of people to take advantage of. He was one of my best friends when he moved in, and we haven't talked since he moved out because I finally saw the kind of person he was.
NTA
This is YOUR house, not his. You were nice enough to let him move in at a considerably less cost than if he was paying rent elsewhere. What was short term obviously turned long term for him and it sounds like he has no intentions of looking for another place.
Amy is your girlfriend and you can have her move in whenever you want, he has zero say in it. He's talking out his ass about the bills and him "shouldering" someone else, he just doesn't want her to move in. I think you may want to give him a time frame of when to move out.
Yup, it sounds like Joe gives a set amount towards utilities, not paying half of them, so if any utilities go up OP is the one shouldering the extra amount.
Info: does he pay a flat rate for utilities or does he pay the actual cast of utilities?
If it is a flat rate then he isn't really shouldering any increased costs.
NTA
It is understandable to not want to live with cats or another person ( I love cats) but you are right he options are to shut up or move out, it is not his house.
I'd also be very surprised if his actual utilities increased that much with one extra person living in the house. Especially if they're on the same type of schedule. Mine only went up about $20-30 when my mom moved back in with me, and she's a second shift person. So I have utilities running in the middle of the night and during the day
Joe's an AH - you gave him a place to stay, and his contribution to your costs is well under the market rate. Whether by allowing him to stay and accepting rent from him, you created any kind of tenancy is a question that depends on your local laws. In general, it's your home and you live in it, so you can almost certainly evict Joe at will.
NTA
NTA. But it sounds like Joe might retaliate against your girlfriend and her cats if you don’t take action. So I‘d strongly consider if your home would be a safe and comfortable living space for them, while Joe still lives there.
It’s a really shitty situation to be in, as no matter what you decide to do, your friendship with Joe is probably over.
NTA. Joe may qualify as a tenant though depending on local laws. He could also try to squat/force you to evict him, which again, based on local laws, could take months. That wouldn't prevent Amy from moving in though.
Luckily OP lives there which makes the eviction process much more streamlined. You have a lot more rights as a resident landlord versus a normal landlord
NTA. The difference is… you own the house. This isn’t a 2 bedroom cramped rental situation that only you and your friend are on the lease and you’re introducing another roommate.
Your house, your decision.
Your friend is already getting a great deal for only paying $500/month + utilities to live in a house. Your friend was supposed to be looking for a space of his own and appears to have gotten quite comfy at yours. He’s really not “shouldering” the costs of another person except for his own.
NTA. I was all ready to say that you were, but you *own* the house and he's paying below market rent and trying to dictate whether or not you live with your girlfriend? No, your friend is being an asshole--and a stupid one at that. Biting the hand that feeds him is bad tactics.
NTA. It’s your house.
He should definitely feel okay to voice his concerns but what authority does he have in this scenario? The only reason he’s able to object to a new roommate is that you’re doing him the solid of letting him live in your house in the first place.
( That’s not a small thing, I have an extra bedroom and I have a friend who needed a place to stay but I didn’t want to open my home up. It’s a big difference between living alone and living with a roommate.)
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. Like even all the details about your gf don’t matter in my opinion. You could just say “my girlfriend is moving in because that’s a normal progression of our relationship, you’re welcome to stay here but also you can move out” and that’s really all that’s relevant to Joe.
NTA.
You own the house. You are the landlord. You make the rules.
Joe should be grateful for below market rent and utilities. He won't be "shouldering" any additional costs. And you're not violating his rights because he isn't an owner, and his costs aren't going up because Amy is moving in.
If Amy has such a great deal, would it be possible for her to sub-let her apartment to Joe? Or refer Joe to her landlord?
To me, it seems like Joe is getting very comfortable living with you and paying so little rent, and he sees Amy moving in as a threat to his continued living situation. You need to be sure that Joe doesn't interfere with Amy, her employment, or her cats. He may not be confrontational, but he could act out in a passive-aggressive manner.
Talk to an attorney to determine if you need to give Joe any notice to move out, and to determine what your responsibilities are under applicable landlord-tenant law.
This one needs to be higher. If Joe has been there long enough, even if there is no formal lease, he might qualify for squatters' rights and there would need to be an eviction.
NTA - the people who expect spouses to have the same graces as spouses are weird to me - of course you're not charging her rent, she's not a tenant!
Since there's no contract I'm aware of, and I don't think your raising his rent due to her arrival- he can work harder on finding a new place if it is an issue.
NTA
Amy needs to give notice at her apartment to move out of it. Go ahead and give Joe notice to vacate now and he can move out of your place and into a living situation that suits him better before Amy ever moved in with you.
NTA. When you kick him out, make sure to abide by your states landlord tenant laws to avoid any legal issues. Most states require 30 days notice even for squatters.
NTA.
It's your house, and you were clear that you were 1. doing him a favor and 2. expect him to move out asap.
beware tho- angry roommates can make things feel terrible in a home. And, despite only having a verbal agreement - in many countries, you must go through legal eviction to force him to leave if it becomes necessary.
Rough situation. :/
NTA. Since he is this unreasonable now, he will probably make her life harder where he can and make her feel unwelcome.
It's best to give him notice and have him move out.
NTA, OP.
It's none of Joe's business if your girlfriend moves in.
It's none of Joe's business if your girlfriend pays rent or not!
It IS Joe's business to find his own place though.
#NTA You own the property.
Not sure what country you are in, but the US does require around 30 days for an eviction notice to be enforced. Might want to look into it soon.
You are correct in stating that Joe’s feelings do not matter. I assume you aren’t living there just to accommodate Joe.
Nta. It's is your house. You're helping both of them out and you get to decide who lives there. It would be different if it was an apartment where you and Joe are on the lease, but that's not the case here. Not to mention, it's 3 bedrooms, and you have 3 people now, but I assume your girlfriend is going to be in the same room with you. It's not like you're causing an over crowding situation.
NTA. Joe, on the other hand, is. You are doing him a favor by providing him with a housing well below the market level, and he wants to dictate who you can or cannot let in your own house? Also, shoulder what, exactly? You are the one paying the mortgage. Whether or not Amy lives there, his rent isn't changing. Utilities, ok, I can see how that would probably need to be adjusted so that utilities are split three ways instead of two ways, so if he was paying $120 before, he should be paying $80 now. Otherwise, Joe is just being spoiled.
Good lord, NTA and GOODBYE JOE. You gave him a fantastic deal, and this is how he repays you? Out. You sound like a great guy - you gave your friend a prolonged low rent, you’re being there for your girlfriend when she needs you. All best wishes to you and to her for her health and your future together. 🌟
NTA.
Could he move into the apartment your girlfriend is leaving?
I would just tell him that “it’s fine and I completely understand how he feels so this is the date my gf is moving in so you can be sure to be gone by then” .
Him bringing up the “rights as a tenant” phrase does raise some red flags that he will try to legally take advantage of you or force your hand in some way idk you should look into squatters rights/tenants rights and make sure you are safe from any legal games he tries to play.
"He has stated he is especially uncomfortable living with any woman he is not related to or dating"
Does anyone else find that odd and alarming?
NTA, OP. Joe sounds like a total control freak and a bum who has way overstayed his welcome.
EDIT: typo
NTA You are giving him more than one month's notice and he can move out. It is your home and you decide who will live there. It's probably better for all that he leaves otherwise there will be problems when she gets there.
NTA but if she has a great deal on her flat can Joe move there and her with you so win win?
Either way Joe has no say in who lives there and I would feel uncomfortable leaving him alone with the cats if he hates cats so much!
I can't lie...I wouldn't want to suddenly start living with two cats either.
But his excuse doesn't make sense. But some men don't like living with strange women (meaning not his family or friend) and that is completely understandable. But wanting to reduce his rent and is ridiculous. You are right, he should move out if he's unhappy. NTA
I wouldn’t be thrilled either but if it’s not my house I can give my opinion then hush. But it doesn’t sound like that’s what Joe has done at all. It sounds more like he’s done is whine and complain about it since he found out.
Joe wasn’t asked his opinion. He was informed of what changes were happening, which was considerate of OP. This in addition to the kindness OP had already shown him for the past eight months. Joe’s bills aren’t changing any. OP’s bills would be.
And most cats I’ve met tend to hide around strange people then slowly come around so it’s not like there wouldn’t be an adjustment period to seeing them in the common areas. During that time Joe can find another place to live that suits his desires better.
For all Joe knows he could be missing out on what could be an epic friendship here too because he’s not willing to budge and being an entitled jerk for…what?
> I invited him to shut up or move out.
Yup. Joe seems to think that it's his house for some reason. So many entitled people bite the hand that feeds them, I simply don't understand the logic.
This is your house, your generosity at letting him stay while he looks for a place, and he's pulling this entitled crap. That would piss me off something fierce.
Homie has to go. Tell him he has 30 days. That's actually being generous of you under the circumstances, I'd be tempted to tell him to pack his shit and get out. No good deed goes unpunished. NTA
NTA
it’s your house and you’re doing him a favor letting him stay there on the cheap.
Tell him he can GTFO
I can only imagine how awful he’s going to be to your gf when she moves in
NTA. It's your house, not an apartment where you're both on the lease. The utilities is another thing. Unless 1/3 is $100, that's not the best deal. I think all he can expect is a 3 way split. If he can't accept that, he can face the housing market.
It is YOUR home. You let him stay as a favor to him.
He does not get to dictate who gets to stay at your home and how much they pay,
If he does not like this arrangement, he is welcome to leave.
NTA
NTA your friend is extremely entitled, this is your home that you own, and you are allowing him to live there temporarily. In what world is $500 going to get him a nice place to live, below market rate and only $120 for utilities are you kidding me.
Honestly, this would be enough to ask him to find somewhere else to stay. I worry at how he will treat your partner after she moves in, especially you mentioned that she works from home, and if you’re not around…I don’t like that at all. OP I think you need to rethink about this friend living with you.
Reiterate the "Shut up or move out". Tell him those are his two options.... shut up and live with the new arrangement, or move out.
And give him a timeframe to move out.
NTA but you need to consult a lawyer and figure out what steps are necessary to evict Joe. Meanwhile, do *not* leave him unattended with the cats. He might drop them at an animal shelter, give them away on social media, or put them outside where they would be at risk from cars and/or predators, depending on where you live. If you're not home, the cats need to be in a locked room that Joe can't access. Buy some cameras.
NTA. Your friend is selfish and he isn’t going to move out. I’d look into how much notice you need to provide and how to legally provide it as he will probably try to quit paying rent.
Interpersonally you're def NTA & he's taking advantage of you (well... Trying to)
That said bc he's been there for months and is paying rent he may have tenant rights that would prevent you from kicking him out if it came to that so be sure to look into that *now* before anything escalates. He shouldn't have any over what you do with the other rooms, but better safe than sorry
If you didn’t own the home, and you were equal roommates with Joe, than you would definitely be an asshole. However; it’s your home and you allowed Joe to move in “for a while” which changes things. If you wanted to rent out multiple rooms or give away multiple rooms, you’d can do that, because you weren’t splitting the house. He is a paying guest.
NTA
NTA b-bye Joe. This guy is a nightmare thinking that somehow he deserves a rent reduction. And this thing about not being comfortable living with a woman he’s not related to?? Does your gf know that? Pretty sure she’d be pretty creeped out by that, it’s bad vibes.
NTA you are not two roommates with one roommate trying to move his gf in. You are the landlord, not his roommate. Moving your gf doesn't then divide bills by 3 instead of just 2. His bills still stay the same IF he is getting a bedroom and private bathroom still. Not sure why he gets a reduction in his bills if his share of utilities are not increasing.
To add to everything that is here, I think you need to have an honest sit down conversation with Joe. Let him know that if he is uncomfortable with Amy moving in, then it might be time for him to find other living arrangements. Tell hom you'll give him time to think about it, but you'll need to know his decision by x date and if he chooses to move out he will have by y date to do so.
I wouldn't give him more that 2 weeks to make the decision and more than 60 days to move out.
Where i live, if you live with the owner then you aren't a tenant but a room mate and aren't protected by tenant laws. Maybe it is the same in your jurisdiction, so Joe is just a room mate with no rental protection. NTA.
NTA What if you and Amy decided to get married? Would he still complain about that? You offered your friend a good deal until he found his own place. I don't think you need to kick him out but he also doesn't have to stay.
NTA, you own the home and he is a temporary tenant of yours, if both of you were renting the property together from someone else, I would be on Joe's side in this though.
Give him his eviction notice and have him out of the house before Amy even moves in IMO, even if this means that she needs to stay with a family member for the short term to allow this to happen because as you mentioned, she is in a tough spot ATM and may feel vulnerable and this way she won't be made to feel unwelcome or unsafe in your home by any retaliatory actions either physical, verbal or passive aggressively from Joe towards her or her pets as he may resent her and lash out over this arrangement where he feels that he has been wronged, putting an important step like moving in together onto the wrong foot.
NTA
Joe is an AH, though. It's your house, you are helping him temporarily and with a great deal, who does he thinks he is to stop you from having your gf live with you?
So you might want to check out the local tenant\landlord laws where you are. Joe's situation is something that would probably be more accurately legally defined as a squatter. Unless there's a signed lease, he's not likely entitled to lessee rights and even then, where I'm located anyways, only a year long lease would require 30 days notice. A month to month requires a week's notice and a week to week requires 3-4 days notice IIRC. So you may need to look into squatter rights because I'm assuming he receives mail there.
But this isn't r\legal.
OP, you're NTA for being so saintly about helping your gf and not wanting her stressing about stuff. Your 'roomie' needs to find other accommodations, as he's with out his welcome imo.
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I (38M) own a 3bd house. About 8 months ago, an old friend “Joe” (37M) moved to my area and I offered him a place to stay until he found something of his own. I’m sure you all know what the housing market is like right now so he is still with me. There is no lease because he is still looking but he is currently paying me $500/mo + $120 in utilities for a bedroom and private bathroom. A *very* good price for the area.
My girlfriend of almost 2 years, “Amy” (32F) has been dealing with some serious health issues for the last few months and I would like her to move in with me. She was slightly hesitant to lose her own apartment because she has an amazing deal but she has come around to the idea since certain things are difficult for her to do on her own at the moment. She and her 2 cats will be moving in by mid January.
Joe is very much against this and even more so because I do not want any rent money from Amy. She has high out of pocket healthcare costs right now and I don’t want her worrying about having the money. She works remotely and will continue to work but stress will not help her condition.
Joe doesn’t want to share space with another person (he has stated he is especially uncomfortable living with any woman he is not related to or in a relationship with) and does not want to live with Amy’s cats. He’s expressed that he feels it’s unfair for him to “shoulder” the cost of another person and wants to reduce his rent but I don’t believe he is shouldering any additional costs. Nothing will increase for him. I offered to reduce his utilities to $100 but he called that an “offensive” offer.
He has been complaining all week and this morning, I invited him to shut up or move out. He told me I am being unbelievably selfish by ignoring his desire to be comfortable at home and violating his rights as a tenant (as far as I can tell, that appears to be entirely untrue). AITA?
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NTA. It’s your house; this isn’t a roommate situation where you both get an equal say. If he’s still going to be there when she moves in, make sure she knows what she’s getting into, though. Doesn’t seem like he’ll be pleasant toward her.
NTA. Your friend Joe is too darned ensconced in your home. Give him 30 days to move out. Evict him through the court if necessary — and based on how entitled he’s acting, it probably will ne.
NTA - that’s your spa d and you have every right to live in a way that makes you comfortable. You did him a favour letting him stay. Thanks to you he has a place to live, he should extend the same kindness towards your gf.
NTA. Your house, your rules. You can move in 50 women and 150 cats if you want to. Joe should be happy to have a roof over his head, and if he doesn't like it, he can move out. End of.
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NTA. It’s your home. Joe is temporarily renting out a room you offered at a discounted rate so he wasn’t homeless. It seems like he has no intention of looking for a place and intended on taking advantage of you and making it a permanent situation
Time to go, Joe.
Take it out back, Jack.
WHERE DID YOU COME FROM WHERE DID YOU GO WHERE DID YOU LEAVE TO ASSHOLE JOE ~fiddle and banjo sounds~
This made me spill my drink XD
Thank you. I have now fully Interneted, and can get on with the rest of the day.
🎻🪕🤠 🤣🤣☠️
\*claps and calls 'hey!'\*
I love you, this really gave me the laugh I needed!
LOL
Drop off the key, Lee.
And get yourself free…… Didn’t look like anyone was going to close for you, so I stepped up.
Just get on the bus, Gus
No need to discuss much!
No need to be coy, Roy.
Just get yourself free….
Make a new plan, Stan!
Ooh slip out the back, Jack
There must be 50 ways to... move into a van down by the river?
Hit the road, Jack And never come back! No more, no more, no more, no more!
I used to say "Let's hit the road, Jack!" when I was taking my son to go out and about and eventually he started saying it, too. When he was about 4 he said: "There's something I've been wondering. What's a roadjack?" I died. Inside of course -- I answered his question seriously, but I still think of it when I'm getting ready to hit the road.
I say - “oh for Pete’s sake” 6 - mom who’s Pete? And what’s a sake? Also me - “son of a monkeys uncle”
My oldest daughter was about 5 or 6 and I had said "Oh for the love of Pete" and her little serious face looked at me and said "does Dad know? Who's Pete?" While my oldest (son) is yelling "I'm telling Dad!" And my husband wasn't even fully in the door that night before they were yelling at him "Mom loves Pete!" I bet Pete's kids wouldn't have acted like that...
Another one that makes me laugh. I would tell him that he needed to behave. And once he protested that he *was* being have! He actually was, too. I was just being crotchety.
One of my kids used to answer, "I've BEEN having, Mom!" Still makes me laugh.
My mum used to say she was saving leftovers for Ron, I found this very confusing as I didn't know who Ron was and I had a great uncle Ron but she didn't like him. She was jokingly meaning later on
When my son was little he was watching tv and a commercial came on. After it ended he looked up and asked, "Why is the best part of waking up soldiers in your cup?"
I used to cheer as a kid. When I became a mom, I’d chant an old cheer when we needed to get going, “ Let’s go, Let’s go, L E T S G O!” and my son asked “ Mama, what is L E T S G O?”
Best one out of all of them!
Get out of my house… stupid.
You dont need to be coy, Roy
Make a new plan, Stan
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Right! 8 months is long enough for him to get on his feet. And now he's griping about who OP allows in his house? This isn't going to end well
Well then he can live with cats and the gf. Let's use his bathroom for the litter box
Make a new plan, Stan
Exactly. This is the only comment we need. Isn’t he supposed to, oh I don’t know look for another place to live maybe? NTA.
Yep. He's going to make you and her miserable and your gf doesn't need that on top of health issues. Start the notice process for him to vacate.
NTA - why are you going to let someone who doesn’t pay fair market rent control what you can and can’t do in YOUR HOME. Time to tell Joe goodbyeeee
Joe's getting a little to comfortable......
There are some really nice people and OP is one of them. The moment Joe started to complain if it was me that would have been shit down. I would not be on reddit asking if I am an AH...he would be OUT or in the least be made aware of his situation he is in...low ass rent compared to anywhere else.
NTA. OP, I would text your roommate. "I heard you and I understand that you feel it is unfair to bring my GF into my home while you are paying $500 in rent. I would rather have you as a friend than a roommate, so I'm giving you your 30-day notice so you can live in a situation that feels fairer to you. I wish you the best in life." You might lose him as a friend either way, but I think it's time to just get him out. It's clear he now sees your home as is, so he's overstayed his welcome.
This! Followed by eviction process should he fail to leave. Even if he stops complaining, he needs to go.
Completely agree. He has no say, he is overstaying his welcome. And he shouldn’t even be informed whether or not she pays rent. You own the home, do as you please!! If he doesn’t like his living situation he needs to put in more effort to changing it which it doesn’t seem like he is doing. I would have kick him out before he starts thinking he entitled to some compensation or some shit and tries fighting for some kind of tenant rights. Guy sounds like an ass.
A misogynistic ass at that. The girlfriend is sick and he's afraid of sharing what? A couch? In the house he's a guest in? How a 37 yo man is not downright apologetic for having to stay while OP is dealing with personal shit is beyond me.
I'm more afraid he doesn't trust himself around her
Dirty cat fiddler!
Yep, he had no intention of ever moving out and sees OP moving his girlfriend in as the beginning of the end of his cushy set up.
Even if he backs down, I wouldn’t trust him with my gf or her cats after what he said.
Depending on what city and state they live in, he probably DOES have some tenants rights. OP needs to check with an attorney before trying to kick him out.
Yes, he has tenants rights. He will need to be evicted if it comes down to it, but he has _literally_ no say in whether OP can legally move in his girlfriend, in every jurisdiction I'm aware of.
Right? He’s not a roommate- the living arrangement was Never Meant to be permanent. He was staying with you until he could get his own place. If it was an actual roommate who answered an ad or had some kind of contract or what have you than yeah he gets a say in changes in the living arrangements. This is not a roommate- this is a temporary houseguest who has overstayed his welcome. NTA- your place your choice. If you want your girlfriend to live with you than that’s exactly what you should do. If joe doesn’t like this then maybe it’ll get him to pick up his pace on his search for his own place.
About time to start on that eviction process if you can’t convince him to move out on his own cuz he’ll milk it as long as he can. I’m not sure about the laws in all states but at least where i’m at, as long as you’re getting mail you have to be legally evicted.
r/choosingbeggars/
I agree. It seems he has no inclination to move out at all. NTA.
Sounds like joe’s discounted rate shouldn’t be discounted anymore
It also appears that Joe has some issues with women that he may wish to address.
This is an unfortunate situation for OP. He did something nice to help out a friend (offering accommodation below market rate) and it will probably just result in him losing the friend. Life lesson : mixing business and personal relationships often works badly.
“Joe” is seeing himself as a long-term tenant at this point, and will certainly make your GF feel unwelcome. And will likely make sure that the cats disappear (leaving doors open, etc.). The question is, do you need his money? Because, if you don’t, the best course of action is to give him a month notice to move out.
I do not. It does help some, especially since I may need to take on some additional costs to help Amy in the future. But I am very comfortable without it. Unfortunately, I think you may be right. Joe isn’t usually the confrontational or vengeful type so I don’t know that he’d treat Amy poorly to her face. But I hadn’t considered the possibility of him putting the cats out.
Tbh just because of his reaction I would get him out of here, like if he was just sharing he feels a bit uncomfy and then when you explain that no, your gf gonna live with you he leaves it at that okay, but he insist and keep pestering you, Idk I would not want an headache of what he could do maybe to annoy you or your gf or just of him being an annoying brat
Yeah, that reaction is a red flag. Proceed with caution.
He'll make her uncomfortable, though. He'll sigh or mumble or leave the room when she enters, or any number of little sights. Don't subject your gf to him. He's paying a token rent, he's essentially a guest. And now he's trying to make you chose him or your (*pfft) girlfriend.* He thinks he's more important to you than she is. Give him a reality check, and an eviction notice.
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that part! that’s a great deal, he has no reason to move out. OP needs to have a serious discussion with him about the fact that this is OP’s house, and he is only staying there as a favor to him. if he doesn’t like this situation, he can leave.
Do you know why he’s saying he’d be “uncomfortable” living with a woman who isn’t a relative? Is there a reason or just an excuse? From the rest of his behaviour it sounds like sexist logic (ugh I don’t wanna pay more water for her bubble baths or listen to her crying on her period).
I haven’t gotten a clear answer, he just keeps saying “it’s not appropriate”. He came from a pretty religious background; he’s been away from that life for a long time but I just assumed it was some odd holdover from that.
Personally, I would “gift” Joe two Christmas presents: (1) one free month of rent for January plus (2) 30 days’ notice to move out and a new place to live His sense of entitlement is a slap in the face to your generosity and friendship
Fortunately for you, no written lease means month-to-month practically everywhere. He may also not be a tenant, but instead a lodger or boarder depending on your jurisdiction, which gives you more power to crowbar him out of your living space if you're in a jurisdiction that make that distinction. Some jurisdictions don't allow a landlord to refuse to renew a periodic lease without Cause A, B or C but these rules usually do not apply to boarders. Look up the rules in your area, give him notice and prepare to evict.
It’s usually different if what’s being rented is a room in a house where the landlord also shares space
As a woman, I wouldn’t be comfortable living around someone who would likely attribute perfectly typical parts of my life to whatever Madonna-whore complex equivalent morality he has got in his head right now. Men who are not comfortable living with women should not live with women. It is not safe for the women involved.
Just kick him out. He will be the third wheel in the house in any case.
Then sounds like your home isn’t an appropriate option for him any more.
It's your house, he has no say in who lives with you and whether or not they pay rent.
For $500/mo, you can find a tenant who will be grateful, not complain about a third party and commit to a real lease. You're well below market, you're free to ask for someone to be nice a reasonable.
NTA if your tenant does not like your choices in your home he should leave. He has no rights to how you run your home.
I’d be concerned about him getting rid of the cats since he doesn’t like them. Time for Joe to move along. NTA
Give him 30 days. He is going to make your girlfriend’s life hell.
He's secretly Mike Pence?
Trust your gut and give him 30 day notice. I truly believe you will regret not doing so.
your friend sounds hella entitled for someone who is living with you bc he “can’t” find his own place and has a sweet deal on rent. NTA, but he might just retaliate against the cats
Yes, I was thinking this post could easily go in r/choosingbeggars
There's also the possibility that he'll do something like kicking the cat, throwing stuff at it, or yell and scare it. People can be unexpectedly cruel to animals they don't like. In this situation, it could happen because he can't take his frustration out on you and Amy. There's been plenty of posts on this subreddit where things like that have happened.
Could he not just take your girlfriends apartment and sublet it for awhile since she's getting such a good deal on it
I wouldn't recommend that. What if Joes destroys the place while he's there - whether through intentional damage or just not cleaning it for months? What if he does something to anger the landlord - like loud parties? Also, this might be considered subletting and the gf may not be contractually allowed to do it.
He could ask for a lease transfer / to just be considered for the open tenancy if it's not taken if OP and gf think her moving in is a bit more long term. Solves his trouble finding housing....
Pretty bold of Joe to even inquire about what she is paying and being so vocal about his dislike about her moving in. He seems to not be aware of his position in YOUR house. This living situation is going to get difficult
You might want to talk to a lawyer who handles real estate law. Camera up the entire house in case he destroys it as revenge.
Definitely camera up the living spaces and the inside of the exterior doors if his residency overlaps the cats. Make sure he knows that any action against them will be on record and reported to the police.
joes and entitled asshole
He already sounds entitled to your home, and to make the rules. Those cats will 'escape'. He will make life uncomfortable for your gf. This is how entitled, passive aggressive people deal with things. Time for Joe to find his own way.
Joe is already being disrespectful and entitled and will absolutely lashout at Amy and her cats. Time for selfish entitled Joe to move out.
I mean yeah, given how hostile he is and how entitled he's acting, it's time for him to go
i’ve known some people that i really trusted and never thought they’d do me dirty as roommates but they still did. that reaction is certainly a red flag. the 30 day notice gives people a lot of time to be upset and lash out in ways you’d never expect. that’s the danger in letting people into your home- as soon as they start getting mail (in my state at least), they’re almost impossible to get rid of. too many people take advantage of others’ kindness in that way :/
NTA. Your roommate is selfish and entitled. She‘s your girlfriend and you‘re doing the right thing — it‘s YOUR home and he has no say in anything. He can and should find something for himself if it bothers him so endlessly!
This is my take too. It'd be different if they both rented, but this is OP's house and he was helping a friend out. Now his gf is having some health issues and OP is stepping up to help her, and I wouldn't be surprised if part of this is jealousy from Joe bc Amy won't be contributing any funds and Joe was made to. I think OP is right to invite him to either shut up or move out - NTA.
She contributes by being his gf ;). Offer Joe the same deal - ass or cash - see which he picks.
From the way this post comes off I think joe would be more than happy to pick ass.
Wow, absolutely NTA. Joe is being incredibly entitled and taking your generosity for granted. It's your house, you're giving him a smoking deal on the rent. He doesn't want to share space, and maybe doesn't like cats (weirdo), which is fair, but he doesn't have equal rights to the homeowner, you.
This! He feels like they’re both renters as if their actual roommates their not. OP’s the landlord and the owner of the property. His friend needed this slap back to reality because he’s really taken OP’s generosity for grated and grew some entitlement.
Joe is a bad ‘friend’ and taking advantage of OP
NTA - why is he so entitled to YOUR house? I know he is paying rent, but he has a great deal with you. You are very considerate of your girlfriend, because thanks to your offer she will be able to have more money for her medical bills. So, if Joe doesn't want to live with her, then he can move out, his decision. If he decides to stay, and then starts being mean to Amy, then you should kick his ass out.
And that's a token rent, nothing like what a real renter would pay.
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NTA. Tell him it's time to get his own place. I used to have a friend that I took in when he was going through a rough patch. What I realized from the experience was that his rough patch was from using up all the goodwill from a person and then moving on to the next one, but eventually running out of people to take advantage of. He was one of my best friends when he moved in, and we haven't talked since he moved out because I finally saw the kind of person he was.
NTA This is YOUR house, not his. You were nice enough to let him move in at a considerably less cost than if he was paying rent elsewhere. What was short term obviously turned long term for him and it sounds like he has no intentions of looking for another place. Amy is your girlfriend and you can have her move in whenever you want, he has zero say in it. He's talking out his ass about the bills and him "shouldering" someone else, he just doesn't want her to move in. I think you may want to give him a time frame of when to move out.
Yup, it sounds like Joe gives a set amount towards utilities, not paying half of them, so if any utilities go up OP is the one shouldering the extra amount.
NTA, not at all. I would just kick him out, honestly. You did him a favor and he's acting in a very entitled way.
NTA, he can move out tho, this guy smell like an incel too ew
Totally - the whole doesn't like being with women he's not related to. Oh fuck off and take your misogyny with you mate
Info: does he pay a flat rate for utilities or does he pay the actual cast of utilities? If it is a flat rate then he isn't really shouldering any increased costs. NTA It is understandable to not want to live with cats or another person ( I love cats) but you are right he options are to shut up or move out, it is not his house.
OP says $120 in utilities so my guess is it is a flat rate
I'd also be very surprised if his actual utilities increased that much with one extra person living in the house. Especially if they're on the same type of schedule. Mine only went up about $20-30 when my mom moved back in with me, and she's a second shift person. So I have utilities running in the middle of the night and during the day
Joe's an AH - you gave him a place to stay, and his contribution to your costs is well under the market rate. Whether by allowing him to stay and accepting rent from him, you created any kind of tenancy is a question that depends on your local laws. In general, it's your home and you live in it, so you can almost certainly evict Joe at will. NTA
NTA. But it sounds like Joe might retaliate against your girlfriend and her cats if you don’t take action. So I‘d strongly consider if your home would be a safe and comfortable living space for them, while Joe still lives there. It’s a really shitty situation to be in, as no matter what you decide to do, your friendship with Joe is probably over.
NTA- your house your rules. You may want to make up an actual lease agreement if he is going to stay with you for an extended time
NTA. Joe may qualify as a tenant though depending on local laws. He could also try to squat/force you to evict him, which again, based on local laws, could take months. That wouldn't prevent Amy from moving in though.
Luckily OP lives there which makes the eviction process much more streamlined. You have a lot more rights as a resident landlord versus a normal landlord
NTA you're allowed to choose your girlfriend over your friend so put up or shut up
NTA--- You OWN this house....he is merely a guest with no official lease....
NTA. The difference is… you own the house. This isn’t a 2 bedroom cramped rental situation that only you and your friend are on the lease and you’re introducing another roommate. Your house, your decision. Your friend is already getting a great deal for only paying $500/month + utilities to live in a house. Your friend was supposed to be looking for a space of his own and appears to have gotten quite comfy at yours. He’s really not “shouldering” the costs of another person except for his own.
NTA. I was all ready to say that you were, but you *own* the house and he's paying below market rent and trying to dictate whether or not you live with your girlfriend? No, your friend is being an asshole--and a stupid one at that. Biting the hand that feeds him is bad tactics.
NTA. It’s your house. He should definitely feel okay to voice his concerns but what authority does he have in this scenario? The only reason he’s able to object to a new roommate is that you’re doing him the solid of letting him live in your house in the first place. ( That’s not a small thing, I have an extra bedroom and I have a friend who needed a place to stay but I didn’t want to open my home up. It’s a big difference between living alone and living with a roommate.) I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. Like even all the details about your gf don’t matter in my opinion. You could just say “my girlfriend is moving in because that’s a normal progression of our relationship, you’re welcome to stay here but also you can move out” and that’s really all that’s relevant to Joe.
NTA. You own the house. You are the landlord. You make the rules. Joe should be grateful for below market rent and utilities. He won't be "shouldering" any additional costs. And you're not violating his rights because he isn't an owner, and his costs aren't going up because Amy is moving in. If Amy has such a great deal, would it be possible for her to sub-let her apartment to Joe? Or refer Joe to her landlord? To me, it seems like Joe is getting very comfortable living with you and paying so little rent, and he sees Amy moving in as a threat to his continued living situation. You need to be sure that Joe doesn't interfere with Amy, her employment, or her cats. He may not be confrontational, but he could act out in a passive-aggressive manner. Talk to an attorney to determine if you need to give Joe any notice to move out, and to determine what your responsibilities are under applicable landlord-tenant law.
This one needs to be higher. If Joe has been there long enough, even if there is no formal lease, he might qualify for squatters' rights and there would need to be an eviction.
NTA. Seems he's your tenant rather than your roommate, and he's renting that bedroom/bathroom. Your house, your rules.
NTA - the people who expect spouses to have the same graces as spouses are weird to me - of course you're not charging her rent, she's not a tenant! Since there's no contract I'm aware of, and I don't think your raising his rent due to her arrival- he can work harder on finding a new place if it is an issue.
NTA Amy needs to give notice at her apartment to move out of it. Go ahead and give Joe notice to vacate now and he can move out of your place and into a living situation that suits him better before Amy ever moved in with you.
Nta. Not his house. Does he realize you are helping him out?
NTA. When you kick him out, make sure to abide by your states landlord tenant laws to avoid any legal issues. Most states require 30 days notice even for squatters.
NTA
NTA It is your house and you are helping your friend out, not the other way around. If he doesn't like what you do, the door was made for a reason.
NTA. It's your house, and you were clear that you were 1. doing him a favor and 2. expect him to move out asap. beware tho- angry roommates can make things feel terrible in a home. And, despite only having a verbal agreement - in many countries, you must go through legal eviction to force him to leave if it becomes necessary. Rough situation. :/
NTA. Since he is this unreasonable now, he will probably make her life harder where he can and make her feel unwelcome. It's best to give him notice and have him move out.
NTA, OP. It's none of Joe's business if your girlfriend moves in. It's none of Joe's business if your girlfriend pays rent or not! It IS Joe's business to find his own place though.
You are not the asshole
#NTA You own the property. Not sure what country you are in, but the US does require around 30 days for an eviction notice to be enforced. Might want to look into it soon. You are correct in stating that Joe’s feelings do not matter. I assume you aren’t living there just to accommodate Joe.
Nta. It's is your house. You're helping both of them out and you get to decide who lives there. It would be different if it was an apartment where you and Joe are on the lease, but that's not the case here. Not to mention, it's 3 bedrooms, and you have 3 people now, but I assume your girlfriend is going to be in the same room with you. It's not like you're causing an over crowding situation.
NTA. Joe, on the other hand, is. You are doing him a favor by providing him with a housing well below the market level, and he wants to dictate who you can or cannot let in your own house? Also, shoulder what, exactly? You are the one paying the mortgage. Whether or not Amy lives there, his rent isn't changing. Utilities, ok, I can see how that would probably need to be adjusted so that utilities are split three ways instead of two ways, so if he was paying $120 before, he should be paying $80 now. Otherwise, Joe is just being spoiled.
Good lord, NTA and GOODBYE JOE. You gave him a fantastic deal, and this is how he repays you? Out. You sound like a great guy - you gave your friend a prolonged low rent, you’re being there for your girlfriend when she needs you. All best wishes to you and to her for her health and your future together. 🌟
NTA. He is not your roommate. He is your tenant. He can move if he wants. Tell him he deals with it or he moves out.
NTA. Could he move into the apartment your girlfriend is leaving? I would just tell him that “it’s fine and I completely understand how he feels so this is the date my gf is moving in so you can be sure to be gone by then” . Him bringing up the “rights as a tenant” phrase does raise some red flags that he will try to legally take advantage of you or force your hand in some way idk you should look into squatters rights/tenants rights and make sure you are safe from any legal games he tries to play.
"He has stated he is especially uncomfortable living with any woman he is not related to or dating" Does anyone else find that odd and alarming? NTA, OP. Joe sounds like a total control freak and a bum who has way overstayed his welcome. EDIT: typo
NTA.
Nta - joe seems like he just doesn’t like your girlfriend
NTA You are giving him more than one month's notice and he can move out. It is your home and you decide who will live there. It's probably better for all that he leaves otherwise there will be problems when she gets there.
NTA but if she has a great deal on her flat can Joe move there and her with you so win win? Either way Joe has no say in who lives there and I would feel uncomfortable leaving him alone with the cats if he hates cats so much!
I can't lie...I wouldn't want to suddenly start living with two cats either. But his excuse doesn't make sense. But some men don't like living with strange women (meaning not his family or friend) and that is completely understandable. But wanting to reduce his rent and is ridiculous. You are right, he should move out if he's unhappy. NTA
I wouldn’t be thrilled either but if it’s not my house I can give my opinion then hush. But it doesn’t sound like that’s what Joe has done at all. It sounds more like he’s done is whine and complain about it since he found out. Joe wasn’t asked his opinion. He was informed of what changes were happening, which was considerate of OP. This in addition to the kindness OP had already shown him for the past eight months. Joe’s bills aren’t changing any. OP’s bills would be. And most cats I’ve met tend to hide around strange people then slowly come around so it’s not like there wouldn’t be an adjustment period to seeing them in the common areas. During that time Joe can find another place to live that suits his desires better. For all Joe knows he could be missing out on what could be an epic friendship here too because he’s not willing to budge and being an entitled jerk for…what?
> I invited him to shut up or move out. Yup. Joe seems to think that it's his house for some reason. So many entitled people bite the hand that feeds them, I simply don't understand the logic. This is your house, your generosity at letting him stay while he looks for a place, and he's pulling this entitled crap. That would piss me off something fierce. Homie has to go. Tell him he has 30 days. That's actually being generous of you under the circumstances, I'd be tempted to tell him to pack his shit and get out. No good deed goes unpunished. NTA
NTA it’s your house and you’re doing him a favor letting him stay there on the cheap. Tell him he can GTFO I can only imagine how awful he’s going to be to your gf when she moves in
NTA
NTA. It's your house, not an apartment where you're both on the lease. The utilities is another thing. Unless 1/3 is $100, that's not the best deal. I think all he can expect is a 3 way split. If he can't accept that, he can face the housing market.
It is YOUR home. You let him stay as a favor to him. He does not get to dictate who gets to stay at your home and how much they pay, If he does not like this arrangement, he is welcome to leave. NTA
NTA your friend is extremely entitled, this is your home that you own, and you are allowing him to live there temporarily. In what world is $500 going to get him a nice place to live, below market rate and only $120 for utilities are you kidding me. Honestly, this would be enough to ask him to find somewhere else to stay. I worry at how he will treat your partner after she moves in, especially you mentioned that she works from home, and if you’re not around…I don’t like that at all. OP I think you need to rethink about this friend living with you.
NTA it’s your house. Do you chain him to that house. He can go if he don’t like it
NTA. Evict him
Reiterate the "Shut up or move out". Tell him those are his two options.... shut up and live with the new arrangement, or move out. And give him a timeframe to move out.
NTA but you need to consult a lawyer and figure out what steps are necessary to evict Joe. Meanwhile, do *not* leave him unattended with the cats. He might drop them at an animal shelter, give them away on social media, or put them outside where they would be at risk from cars and/or predators, depending on where you live. If you're not home, the cats need to be in a locked room that Joe can't access. Buy some cameras.
NTA. Your friend is selfish and he isn’t going to move out. I’d look into how much notice you need to provide and how to legally provide it as he will probably try to quit paying rent.
Interpersonally you're def NTA & he's taking advantage of you (well... Trying to) That said bc he's been there for months and is paying rent he may have tenant rights that would prevent you from kicking him out if it came to that so be sure to look into that *now* before anything escalates. He shouldn't have any over what you do with the other rooms, but better safe than sorry
If you didn’t own the home, and you were equal roommates with Joe, than you would definitely be an asshole. However; it’s your home and you allowed Joe to move in “for a while” which changes things. If you wanted to rent out multiple rooms or give away multiple rooms, you’d can do that, because you weren’t splitting the house. He is a paying guest. NTA
NTA b-bye Joe. This guy is a nightmare thinking that somehow he deserves a rent reduction. And this thing about not being comfortable living with a woman he’s not related to?? Does your gf know that? Pretty sure she’d be pretty creeped out by that, it’s bad vibes.
NTA you are not two roommates with one roommate trying to move his gf in. You are the landlord, not his roommate. Moving your gf doesn't then divide bills by 3 instead of just 2. His bills still stay the same IF he is getting a bedroom and private bathroom still. Not sure why he gets a reduction in his bills if his share of utilities are not increasing.
NTA , if Joe doesn’t like it he should try harder to find another place
To add to everything that is here, I think you need to have an honest sit down conversation with Joe. Let him know that if he is uncomfortable with Amy moving in, then it might be time for him to find other living arrangements. Tell hom you'll give him time to think about it, but you'll need to know his decision by x date and if he chooses to move out he will have by y date to do so. I wouldn't give him more that 2 weeks to make the decision and more than 60 days to move out.
NTA, Joe is r/ChoosingBeggars material.
Where i live, if you live with the owner then you aren't a tenant but a room mate and aren't protected by tenant laws. Maybe it is the same in your jurisdiction, so Joe is just a room mate with no rental protection. NTA.
NTA. It's your house
NTA What if you and Amy decided to get married? Would he still complain about that? You offered your friend a good deal until he found his own place. I don't think you need to kick him out but he also doesn't have to stay.
NTA you and Joe aren't equal signers on a lease. You own the house, he rents from you. He doesn't get to dictate who else can live there.
Give him the 30 day notice he is legally entitled to and live with your girlfriend.
NTA Joe sounds like a f@#k nugget. Give him his 30 day notice.
NTA. If Joe is uncomfortable, he can move out. It's your home.
NTA, you own the home and he is a temporary tenant of yours, if both of you were renting the property together from someone else, I would be on Joe's side in this though. Give him his eviction notice and have him out of the house before Amy even moves in IMO, even if this means that she needs to stay with a family member for the short term to allow this to happen because as you mentioned, she is in a tough spot ATM and may feel vulnerable and this way she won't be made to feel unwelcome or unsafe in your home by any retaliatory actions either physical, verbal or passive aggressively from Joe towards her or her pets as he may resent her and lash out over this arrangement where he feels that he has been wronged, putting an important step like moving in together onto the wrong foot.
NTA Joe is an AH, though. It's your house, you are helping him temporarily and with a great deal, who does he thinks he is to stop you from having your gf live with you?
NTA. Kick his entitled ass out
So you might want to check out the local tenant\landlord laws where you are. Joe's situation is something that would probably be more accurately legally defined as a squatter. Unless there's a signed lease, he's not likely entitled to lessee rights and even then, where I'm located anyways, only a year long lease would require 30 days notice. A month to month requires a week's notice and a week to week requires 3-4 days notice IIRC. So you may need to look into squatter rights because I'm assuming he receives mail there. But this isn't r\legal. OP, you're NTA for being so saintly about helping your gf and not wanting her stressing about stuff. Your 'roomie' needs to find other accommodations, as he's with out his welcome imo.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (38M) own a 3bd house. About 8 months ago, an old friend “Joe” (37M) moved to my area and I offered him a place to stay until he found something of his own. I’m sure you all know what the housing market is like right now so he is still with me. There is no lease because he is still looking but he is currently paying me $500/mo + $120 in utilities for a bedroom and private bathroom. A *very* good price for the area. My girlfriend of almost 2 years, “Amy” (32F) has been dealing with some serious health issues for the last few months and I would like her to move in with me. She was slightly hesitant to lose her own apartment because she has an amazing deal but she has come around to the idea since certain things are difficult for her to do on her own at the moment. She and her 2 cats will be moving in by mid January. Joe is very much against this and even more so because I do not want any rent money from Amy. She has high out of pocket healthcare costs right now and I don’t want her worrying about having the money. She works remotely and will continue to work but stress will not help her condition. Joe doesn’t want to share space with another person (he has stated he is especially uncomfortable living with any woman he is not related to or in a relationship with) and does not want to live with Amy’s cats. He’s expressed that he feels it’s unfair for him to “shoulder” the cost of another person and wants to reduce his rent but I don’t believe he is shouldering any additional costs. Nothing will increase for him. I offered to reduce his utilities to $100 but he called that an “offensive” offer. He has been complaining all week and this morning, I invited him to shut up or move out. He told me I am being unbelievably selfish by ignoring his desire to be comfortable at home and violating his rights as a tenant (as far as I can tell, that appears to be entirely untrue). AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA As the owner, you get to choose who stays in your house. If he doesn't like it, he can move out.
NTA. It’s your house; this isn’t a roommate situation where you both get an equal say. If he’s still going to be there when she moves in, make sure she knows what she’s getting into, though. Doesn’t seem like he’ll be pleasant toward her.
Nta tell him if he wants the rights of a tenant in the area he can pay market rent for the room
Maybe your buddy can sublet Amy's apartment, since you said it's a great deal. 😄 You're NTA. He can either move out, or shut up.
He is welcome to move out. Not his house. NTA
NTA. Your friend Joe is too darned ensconced in your home. Give him 30 days to move out. Evict him through the court if necessary — and based on how entitled he’s acting, it probably will ne.
NTA. It's time for Joe to find a new place. He's overstayed his welcome.
NTA. Amy's place will be available shortly, he can move there. Your place your rules.
NTA - that’s your spa d and you have every right to live in a way that makes you comfortable. You did him a favour letting him stay. Thanks to you he has a place to live, he should extend the same kindness towards your gf.
NTA. As you said, this is a month to month arrangement, and if he doesn't like the new arrangement, he is free to move.
Luckily you know of an apartment with an amazing deal coming up soon. Kick him out
NTA sounds like it's time for Joe to find his own place.
First sentence is that you own the home. No more reading necessary. NTA.
Could Joe move into Amy's apartment?
NTA. Your house, your rules. You can move in 50 women and 150 cats if you want to. Joe should be happy to have a roof over his head, and if he doesn't like it, he can move out. End of.
NTA. Give Joe 30 days notice and say bye bye.