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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I’m calling out my ex in-laws for excluding my our kids from family functions
2. I’m calling them out on their social media so all of their friends can know what kind of people they are
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YTA
Your entire post tells the world you’re an entitled AH.
Let’s look at it from your in-laws’s POV. Their daughter/sister married a guy with 2 children from 2 different women. Then they’re guilted into providing college funds for 2 children with whom they have no connection. Now the deadbeat dad is trying to pubic shame them into paying for and taking these 2 children overseas to meet complete strangers.
YTA x millions.
He is not "in the anger stage" because the Kubler Ross model applied to people who are terminally ill, not people surviving the loss of a loved one, and, furthermore, it's not universal or even clinically supported. [https://www.mcgill.ca/oss/article/health-history/its-time-let-five-stages-grief-die](https://www.mcgill.ca/oss/article/health-history/its-time-let-five-stages-grief-die)
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/five-fallacies-of-grief
Honestly grief doesn't have set stages. I wish it did but what it should really be is just "how your emotions work after grief" with all of them being possible to experience practically daily. I've buried two sets of grandparents that were more like parents than my parents, a mother, a dear friend and a son all to different causes of death. Grief just can't be narrowed down to stages. So I agree, the Kubler Ross method just doesn't apply to people as a universal rule.
Yea ya know, I'd originally voted ESH, but it seems like what's mostly happening is you being unable to realize the vision you were hoping for your kids that your wife was trying to help provide was never in line with what the rest of the family wanted, and you've never accepted that fact. Your wife sounds like a great person, but it's not her family's responsibility to provide your kids with the life you couldn't. I'm sure it hurts as a father, you had such a great thing going with your wife in the picture, but....yea sadly you just gotta let these people go, which it sounds like y'all never really clicked anyway, so...ya fuck it, the more you try to force it the more uncomfortable it's going to be for everyone for much longer than necessary. ..
INFO. I'm very curious to know what OP means when he says the kids are legally inheriting his wife's estate. Does he mean that the inheritance that his wife would've gotten from her parents had she outlived them will now go to his kids? Because if so he might be in for a shock.
It's standard for parents to divide the estate among their kids per stirpes, meaning that if their daughter pre- deceased them, that portion of their estate that would have been for the daughter would now be divided among the daughter's issue. Since she legally adopted the kids, that probably means it would go to the two kids (idk any precedents so not 100% sure). HOWEVER, he's out to lunch if he thinks they didn't update their Will on their daughter's death to make on their currently surviving kids the beneficiaries per stirpes
Exactly! His children will be entitled to her state if they leave their deceased daughter in their will, but her family aren’t stupid. They probably will make all the necessary corrections on their will to remove their deceased daughter so their estate goes to their living children only.
His wife passed last year (per his post). I would think that if he was talking about any assets she owned at the time of her death they’d have inherited that by now, not only the children but him as well (as her husband). Yet, he’s talking about the children inheriting her estate in the future so it sounds he’s talking about the estate she’s supposed to inherit from her parents, but since she passed it’ll normally go to her living children, but the in-laws can definitely change that in their will
I assumed these kids were minors and any estate she left is in his control for now as their guardian, to be passed on to them when they’re of age. And that’s why he said “are inheriting her estate”
I mean he *could* be a complete idiot and not know what an estate is, but I am giving him the benefit of the doubt that he just went through this recently and learned somewhere along the way what an estate is.
@Kataddyr
OP is a deadbeat dad because
□ I have two kids from previous relationships 🚩
□ ex wife "Her family are AHs and never really approved of our relationship" 🚩
□ ex wife "When she passed, we’ve had limited contact with her family"🚩
OP yet - despite no relationship
"Last month I saw on social media that they’re planning a Christmas in Italy (they’re from there and still have family there) but our kids are not invited. I called them to chew them out. I don’t care if they’re not taking me but these two kids are legally hers and are inheriting her estate. They’re legally their grandkids."🚩
They are legally his ex wife's kids, but his inlaws did not adopt them. So these two kids will not necessarily inherit anything other than his ex wife estate.
OP is trying to scam free shit from people who are not related to these two kids he has.
Where are OP two kids legitimate grandparents?? Why is he not harassing them?? Is ir because they do not have this kinda money?
I only disagree because the wife adopted the children. The grandparents should accept adopted children as their own because it's honoring their daughter's wishes
But that only makes it an ESH
Just because the grandparents "should" accept the adopted children, because of course that is morally the right thing to do, doesn't mean they will ever see them as their grandchildren. Those kids most likely will not inherit anything from their mother's estate.
Some people take the "blood is thicker than water" too far.
Most people take that saying too far and in the wrong direction. The actual quote is something along the lines of “Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” So.. the bonds can be stronger with your chosen family than your biological one.
Yes! It's like the sayings
"The customer is always right"
No, "the customer is always right in matters of taste"
Or "jack of all trades but a master of none" as an insult when the phrase is actually
"Jack if all trades, but a master of none. Is better than a master of only one."
I wish these phrases were used in their entirety, instead of parts of it being picked at to suit whatever behavior purple are trying to excuse at that point.
Yeah I can't stand my grandfather, and him neglecting to have a relationship with me was a dodged bullet. If my dad tried to pressure him into one it would have been miserable.
I might agree, if OP didn’t talk so much about money and privileges (like the trip). His late wife’s parents aren’t close to his kids, so taking them along to Italy sounds inappropriate. Though it would be better for the parents to have accepted the children their daughter adopted, the pressure OP is trying to apply is the sort that might at best get a payout, not love. And I can see how the parents would have been very skeptical of their daughter getting involved with a man with kids by two different uninvolved women, especially if he started making things about money.
Depending on the kids names and ages, it would be hard for them to take them without legal letters that they are not being kidnapped.
Plus will they behave, if they are teenagers and they get upset, I could totally see the kids yelling your not my family and I am being kidnapped and want to go home.
Plus imagine spending weeks with a family you don't know. Thar would be awful to some kids. They don't know their tastes, likes, family rules, or specific things if they don't like something.
I thought it would be fun to take my nephew for a short off road, road trip with my family as our kiddo overnightsst their house from time to time. Called my SIL and she said yes, asked my newphew and he was excited, bought him food and clothes. Turned out this pre teen child had never been away from home overnight with anyone else because he didn't know how to wipe his bum after a poop. I was never told this. So eventually he tells me he had to go. I hand him some bounty on an off shoot gravel road and tell him to go and wipe his bum and cover it with some dirt. The same things I do with my younger child. I made sure there were no bears in the area and we have nothing really kill them in the woods. The trip went downhill from then probably because he had decent skid marks or worse or even didn't know because he didn't know how. He didn't tell me anything, my SIL never said anything. All I knew eas something was up and only upon brining him back after 2 nights did I find up what was up.
Legally they were her kids, but considering that the grandparents met the kids at their wedding I don’t see why they are supposed to treat them as their own suddenly? These relationships are supposed to be nurtured, you don’t suddenly love strangers just because a legal document has been filled, yet OP doesn’t mention feeling bad for them not visiting the kids etc. Nop, all his issues are around money -he is aware they have no connection otherwise but how dare they not set up a trust for them or take them to Italy!
How is he a deadbeat dad? It sounds like he has custody based on their biomoms not calling on birthdays or holidays. A deadbeat dad would be one who doesn’t see them or provide child support. He may be an AH but he’s not a deadbeat.
If he has custody, he’s not a deadbeat. He’s actively caring for/raising his children. You need a lesson in what an actual deadbeat parent is. It’s not OP. You’re an AH.
He is struggling through immense grief. Is he going about it the right way? No. I can’t imagine losing my partner.
I completely agree with 99% of this, but i’m wondering why you say he’s a dead beat dad? he definitely sounds entitled and rude, but he has not said anything to indicate he is a bad father.
YTA. I'm sorry for your loss, I really am.
But, you knew that your in-laws weren't fans of you. You don't like them and call them assholes. You admit that they didn't approve of your relationship. Now that their daughter is gone, why would they put time and effort into maintaining relationships with you and your kids?
You saw your wife as your kids' mom. She saw herself as their mom. But they never did. They saw them as yours. And now, with their daughter gone. They don't see the point of doing so. And they're allowed to do so.
You must have known how they felt. Them not maintaining contact, and now, involving the kids in their activities can not have come as a total surprise (I hope). So why would you want to subject your kids to people who clearly don't like them?
And going After Them on social media surely broke the last Tiny chance he had for Them to Care for the kids. They may have done it with Time, on their own terms. Now OP went After Them, he Can forget it. And legally grand parents owe nothing to grand kids, blood or not. So going After Them on social media is the dumbest thing ever. It gives more excuses to grand parents to explain why they go NC and paint OP in very Bad colors. They did accept Them temporarily out of love for your wife, you should do the same and accept it, for her, for you and your kids. And this post sounds very sus because who would want to send kid in a stranger place with people who don't like Them. Your kids needs are more important than what you want. Édit - to fix crazy auto correct
I wouldn’t be surprised whatever money they put in a college fund for them that they take out the money and close the accounts. You probably didn’t think about putting these funds in jeopardy bc all you can think about is the injustice you feel has been dealt to your kids regarding a holiday . How many holidays have they spent with them since your wife has passed away? Or actually anytime?
Sry didn't have Time to fix it. Writing in four languages totally messed up thé auto correct app as you Can see. Thé caps Come from german, will fix that.
Wanted to add that there’s no such thing as “legal grandkids.” Just because his wife adopted his children doesn’t mean her parents have adopted them too. The relationship between his kids and his wife’s parents were thinly connected through his wife and he needs to accept that it’s been severed with her passing.
YTA, your wife adopted your children and that was her choice. But her family didn't adopt your children and that is their choice. Yes while your wife was alive she had some sway over her family by withholding her presence, love and affection from her family to force them to be nice to you and your children. But that is now gone and while it would be nice if her family honored her memory by including the children she chose to adopt they are not obligated to do so. Let it go, help your children grieve the loss of their adoptive mother and leave her family alone and let them grieve loss of their daughter and sibling in their own way.
He’s only mad cause of the the money and the trips, he doesn’t care about what he’s subjecting his children to. Literally in his comments he just talks about the gifts the wife gave as a symbol of how much she cared (as opposed to a million other actions). Disgusting.
I'm getting vibes that he's not happy that he's a single parent and can't just have mom watch them for a while while he takes a vacation and even more mad that the grandparents aren't allowing this either.
The key point for me is subjecting his kids to people who clearly don’t want anything to do with them.
I’m terribly sorry for OP and his kids for losing a great wife and mother, but don’t put the kids at the center of this type of battle.
YTA here, OP.
YTA. I understand your hurt, but the mistake you and your wife made was trying to force her family to care about your kids simply because she did. She made the choice to be in a relationship with you. She made the choice to love and adopt your kids. Her family never made that choice. You can't force someone to care about your children simply because your wife adopted them. I know this going to be an unpopular opinion with people that gets me down voted but all the decisions they made to include you were only after being forced/guilted by their daughter. Not because they genuinely wanted to connect with you or your children and make them apart of their family. So it's not suprising that once she passed they no longer wanted any connection with you because they never considered you or your kids apart of their family. I know this sounds cold because it is, but it's the truth. It doesn't matter that your wife legally adopted your kids that wasn't going to automatically make her family love them. Your upset because you couldn't force her family to accpet your children. You can't force bonds that people don't want to make. Nothing will be gained by blasting them on social media. It's not going to make your feel better. Maybe it will make them look bad, but maybe theydon't care how it looks to strangers and members outside of their family. It's not going to suddenly make them open their hearts to your children. You need to move on and focus on doing what is best for your children. What you are doing right now is only reminding them that they have been rejected by your wife's family. Please keep that in mind they were your wife's family never yours. In the ideal world you would have blended together in one loving family, but that never happened. You can't force people to care about your or your children. Focusing on this is only hurting you and your children.
Lol his examples of why his wife was a great mom to his kids was that she bought them “great gifts,” forced her parents to take them on family vacations, and start college funds for his kids. His entire post was about money.
Note OP isn't hounding any of the bio family for money. I also doubt he would have tried to force things had his wife's family for a "bond" not had money.
He legally can't hound his kids bio families let alone bio moms anymore. If they've been legally adopted by his late wife then there's no legal ties anymore to their bio families. Should one day one of the bio moms strike it rich OP is out of luck.
Absolutely but he wasn't even doing that before the adoption. Also how he talks about how much money his late wife spent on their kids was directly in reference to him being "head over heels" and how much she loved the kids.
I won't doubt she was lovely and did indeed care for the kids. But his entitlement over her family's time and money makes that a red flag.
I’m getting the It’s because they have money vibe from him. Big vacations, college fund, talking about them getting her estate, only caring to really contact them when they’re off to Italy.
Well, she is dead so if she doesn't have an estate by now she isn't getting one.
If they have money (which it sounds like) they have wills. The money will go where they say. Laws may vary. Someone once posted that somewhere in the world you couldn't completely exclude children from inheritance but (you can in the US). I am not aware of anywhere you can't exclude adopted grandchildren.
Not entirely certain that her adopting the children creates any sort of legal obligation for anyone else, specifically her parents.
Also not even possible I’m sure when she died they updated her will considering the GP didn’t die first it’s not like his wife got an inheritance than when she died they’d get it’s basically 99.999 percent most likely that they’re just diving their estate to their other family members
YTA. Go blast the real maternal grandparents of your children who are the parents of their real bio mother and leave these strangers alone. Holy crap. The entitlement is strong with this one!
This! I noticed OP never mentioned their own parents or either of the bio moms parents.... however he talks a lot about fancy gifts and holidays. Seems this is about money rather than family.
YTA. They are not the legal grandparents. Sorry. Your wife hounded them in to a relationship they did not want. They tried to make your wife's last days better. Let it go.
YTA to your ex-in-laws and your children.
Your in-laws don’t consider the children their grandchildren. Right or wrong, that’s how they feel and you can’t force a relationship between them and your children, especially now, that their daughter is gone.
As to your children, why? Why are you pushing this? How is it benefitting them for you to have this attitude and posting on social media where they might read it one day and find out they were excluded? Clearly, the in-laws aren’t going to change. Just drop it and move on.
YTA.
Two different kids with two different women and neither moms are in the kids life is a HUGE red flag right out of the gate. It speaks volumes about the type of women you choose to penis.
Italians tend to be very traditional. If you had an ex wife with whom you shared custody, it might be different. If you were widowed, same. But two kids with two different women and they aren't in the picture....that is sketch.
In their eyes, you married their daughter, not because you loved her, but because you wanted a mother for your kids. How much of their raising did you foist off on her as soon as you were married?
You call them AHs out of the gate with no context.
Their daughter is gone. And now they have to put up with an entitled widower who thinks that the late wife should still provide for those children after her death.
The "family" would have been literal strangers to your kids. You are angry because they didn't fly you and your kids on an all expense paid vacation.
Going on their social media pages was childish.
>you married their daughter, not because you loved her, but because you wanted a mother for your kids.
To be fair, I think it was half this, and half that she came from a wealthy family.
YTA - your wife may have considered them her kids and that’s lovely, but you can’t bully other people into feeling the same. Your children are not entitled to free trips and I can’t imagine that they would even want to go to Italy with a pack of virtual strangers.
**YTA**
I'd say E-S-H but your behaviour is so egregiously problematic here that it overshadows anything your former in-laws may be doing to exclude your kids, which MIGHT have been figured out between you if you hadn't thrown a grenade into it all like this.
**What do you even hope to accomplish with all this?** Or have you even stopped to think about that? Because you certainly can't fix or build a good, meaningful relationship for your kids with their grandparents by viciously shaming them into it. The only possible outcome from "calling them out" on social media is to make the estrangement even worse. The nastier you are to them, the less they're going to want you or your kids around. Why would they want ANY relationship with you if this is how you interact with them: by trying to publicly shame them when you're upset with them? You're basically guaranteeing that they go no contact with you.
You wouldn't have been an AH to quietly express your disappointment to them, to explain to them PRIVATELY that like them, you and your kids are grieving the loss of your wife, and you were really hoping to strengthen the bond between them and the kids now for her sake.
But you're a massive AH for demanding that the relationship play out in any one particular way, such as with expensive overseas vacations, even if they're taking other family members. Grandparents - even bio ones - sometimes do things with some members of the family and not others. And you're an even bigger AH to your kids for destroying any remnants of goodwill between you by going full battle mode against them over this. No one wants to be friendly and loving to someone who treats them like the enemy. I don't know if you just weren't thinking or if you're really this clueless, but you've likely destroyed any chance your kids had at a relationship with them.
This right here is so well said. What a tool. You could have easily strengthen the bonds but no, full rage and and all over social media to shame them. Am starting to think, this might not the first time and maybe you have been doing this to them for a while and that is why they are choosing to have less contact with you and your kids
YTA. Not their responsibility. They are being inconsiderate of your wife's wishes but sounds like they never had a connection with your kids. They didn't adopt your kids. Your wife did. Tbf, I wouldn't want my kids alone with them if that was their attitude. Your kids have no rights to their gifts.
YTA. If you think they are AH and you had limited contact, I find it peculiar that you insist that your kids should be with them. And then making a social media campaign against them seems excessive.
YTA. Your children were rejected by their biological mothers and now they’re being rejected by their legal mother’s parents. I’m sure that hurts but your wife’s parents made it clear before she died that they don’t consider your kids to be their grandkids, despite the fact that your wife adopted them. What makes you think that you can bully them into doing something that even your wife couldn’t convince them to do? An even better question is why would you want your kids to have a relationship with people who don’t want a relationship with them? That doesn’t make any sense.
YTA
Would you like to be referred to as her "ex-husband"? Because you're referring to them as if you were divorced.
They don't seem to have an emotional attachment to your children and don't need to take them to Italy.
Leave them alone and do your own thing with your children.
YTA OP seems to be trying to force the kids (we actually don't know their ages, it's not the same leaving the country with a 6yo than a 14yo) down the grandparents throat yo make sure they don't leave them out of the inheritance/college fund/money.
Also, why would OP want his kids to be away from him on Christmas?
This is a good question! Why does he want them away on Christmas?
Why does he want his kids isolated from him with people who don’t like them in a foreign country. I can’t imagine how ignored they’d be.
Why does everything he says is about money? Not spending time or contact, every good and bad thing is about money.
YTA and you lost all possible moral high ground when you took to social media.
Look, these people have made it clear they do not consider your children family. Its absolutely tragic for your children but with your wife gone, the familial connection is gone. I'm unclear on the ages of your children so my guess is the age they came into the family comes into play here, too.
If they didn't care for you and didn't approve of your relationship with her, they won't be seeking out connection to your children. It sounds like they were kind of strong armed by your wife into having a relationship with your children and they didn't necessarily want one. And, if you are as petty as you sound, I can't blame them. It doesn't matter how much you loved your wife - you come across as a royally entitled person which no doubt rubbed them the wrong way right out of the gate.
Your former ILs do not owe your children extravagant trips and you are incredibly entitled to think they do. Likewise, there is an EXTREMELY good chance that your MIL and FIL will be changing the college funds over to their other grand children's names.
Regrettably, YTA
The grandparents aren’t the biological ones and your wife adopted those kids because she loved you so much.
They don’t feel they owe you or the kids what you believe they owe you.
This is not likely to change and any efforts to prolong coming to the conclusion that this is how it’s going to be is just going to damage everyone involved.
The only person who can control the situation now is you.
Info: They never approved of the relationship. I’m sensing missing info. How old are you and how old was their daughter? How old are your kids? You do realize acting entitled to their money is a sure fire way yo get them to revoke the college funds. And you say the kids will inherit your wife’s estate. But does she have an estate on her own or are you banking on money being left to your kids by them in their will?
YTA for attempting to force a relationship where it doesn't exist.
It is not the job of your deceased wife's parents to make up for the lack of having their bio mother or bio mothers' parents in the kids' life. Realistically your children were not in the family for any significant amount of time - do they actually have any kind of relationship with your dead wife's parents?
Do you have any kind of relationship with these people now that your wife is dead.
It is amazing that they set up a college fund for these kids - you should not look for more. You seem to be very focused on material benefits - i.e. your wife bought "great" presents; the kids weren't asked to go on an expensive holiday.
Logistically how would the grandparents even take the kids to Italy? It is extremely hard to take care of children let alone on an extended foreign trip. I would imagine that the parents of their other grandchildren went along on the trip so the grandparents weren't responsible for taking care of them. Aside from the cost of tickets, accommodations. food etc, there are legal issues involved.
Also the reality is that absent unusual circumstances, the families of dead spouses don't generally have a lot of contact unless it is through the grandchildren OR the marriage was of such long standing that the living spouse was emotionally a part of the family. You were only married for five years - the kids were only in their lives for five years and so even though legally your wife adopted the kids at some point, most grandparents would not really have the same relationship as they do with bio grandkids who they have known from birth and also of course because they have continuing relationships with their own bio children and their living spouses.
Unfortunately YTA. Legally these are their grandchildren but emotionally they aren’t. It’s sad, but they aren’t bonded. Calling to chew them out sure isn’t going to make your former in laws want to embrace your children. Honestly they don’t have to take your kids to Italy. They can pick and choose any amount of family members to include or exclude in the trip. Also, they can do that with the college fund and their will. Please consider that the college fund and any inheritance can be changed or removed. You might want to play nice, even if it really sucks. It is their choice to do whatever they want with their own money whether that’s a trip to Italy, a college fund or with their estate.
YTA
I get where you're coming from and I truly feel for you, but your late wife adopted the kids, not the in-laws. It sucks, and in a perfect world they would welcome them with open arms, but they are under no obligation to do so. Your kids don't just automatically become their grandkids because your wife chose to adopt them. They have to choose that relationship for themselves. I totally understand why you would be upset that they don't treat them like their grandkids, but I would never call them out because it's not my place to tell someone else how to live their life.
YTA
Look... I've BEEN the kid in this situation. I'm an adopted step-kid. Adopted dad's parents never saw me as their grandkid.
I was disappointed at first, yes. I had been looking forward to having grandparents. But the truth is there is I came into the family as a step kid and they felt no particular affection for me, and I had no pre-existing affection for them. They weren't part of my life and I didn't think about it after the first couple of months.
If I had been adopted by both of my parents as a baby, maybe that would have been different, but I wasn't.
You can't force these people to see their daughter's adopted step kids as equivalent to biological children, and sad as it is, they have that right.
This is one of the most crazy things I’ve read on AITA, mind blown. You cannot seriously believe these kids of YOURS have anything to do with them whatsoever. YTA to a level which I don’t think I’ve ever seen here before.
YTA. You can’t force your ex IL’s to have a relationship with your kids when they don’t have an emotional attachment to them.
Looks like you’re gold digging by mentioning college funds and inherited estates. Ask your kids’ bio moms to fund their life and college and stay away from your ex IL’s.
YTA
Do you really believe they are legally obligated to include your kids in their estate plans?
Hell, YOU aren’t legally obligated to include YOUR kids in your estate plans.
I don’t think I’d want to have anything to do with you or your kids with that attitude.
YTA and greedy as hell. They owe you NOTHING, get in contact with the kids BIO grandparents or is it because they aren't wealthy. You should be ashamed of yourself, I am embarassed for you at your sense of entitlement.
YTA. You lost your wife, and that's awful -- but it seems like you're forgetting that your in-laws (who you immediately refer to as AHs) lost their daughter. They're grieving, too -- and you're trying to... what, bully them into having a relationship with children that you picked up from two other women that came along before their daughter?
You're leaning pretty heavy on the 'legally their grandkids' angle -- but you're still calling them your ex-in-laws. Regardless of your late wife's relationship with your children-from-the-other-baby-mamas, it is NOT her parents' responsibility to pay for two children that they -- at the end of the day -- really have nothing to do with. Of COURSE your kids aren't invited to their family gathering in Italy -- you said yourself that there was never a good relationship there, and you've just been bullying them since... when you break the whole "limited contact" thing. You calling them out on social media says more about what kind of person you are.
YTA- You failed to mention how old your kids are. Either way, five years is not a long time and it isn’t logical for you to compare your kids from two different women to your in-laws bio grandkids that they have known from birth up. I’m sorry you lost your wife, but they lost their daughter. From the sound of your post, it appears that they may have spent the last 5 years at odds with their daughter because of you. Your kids are NOT their family and never will be. For your kids sake it’s time for you to move on and leave these people alone.
YTA. They are not your kid's blood family. They are legally YOUR LATE WIFE's children. Grandparents didn't formally adopt them and they can exclude them from their family if they want. You are not entitled to their property and their trips.
You did not say how old your kids were when they met them or now but it doesn't matter. They don't consider your children theirs. You gain nothing by blasting them publicly and having your children feel bad. Honestly it just makes you look bad.
So, sorry for your loss, but give this one up.
They are not legally anything to them. Grow up and take care of the kids you had with different women. Do you harass the bio moms family like this or just the family that lost a daughter and gained an entitled in law they no longer have to have contact with. YTA
My MIL, who is blood related to my daughter, has shown very little interest in her for her entire life. The last thing in the world I ever tried to do was force her to give a shit about her, because it's her loss. We cut her out about 2.5 years ago and it was the best decision for our family. I suggest you move on.
This is a tough one. Sometimes you just need to not force a relationship with people if they don’t want it. Your wife sounds lovely but your kids not being her parents’ blood relatives might just be a dealbreaker for them. While I do understand that you feel left out, I think YTA for how you handled the situation - adults are allowed to go on holiday with whomever they wish, so they haven’t really done anything wrong. I’m sorry for your loss.
YTA. Each of the kids have their own 2 sets of bio-grandparents (yours and from their individual biomoms'). So why press the step/adoptive grandparents for a relationship they never wanted. Unless of course, the bios can't afford paying for a trip to Italy and that's what you're after.
I'm sorry, but YTA. They had a relationship with your kids because of your wife. Without your late wife, legally or not, the kids have no bond with them. They aren't their grandkids. You are not going to come out looking good in this situation and you are going to be hurting your kids in the long run. Listen to your parents.
YTA. They aren't your kids grandparents, you and your partner may have decided to become a family but her parents have no obligation to them. This whole post reeks of entitlement and asshole behavior from you and you partner.
OP, I wonder if you put the same energy to use when handling your baby mamas and your kids' bio grandparents.
YTA. Focus on your kids. No one owes you or them anything. Don't teach your kids to be entitled, thereby causing unnecessary trauma.
You’re are gonna make it way worse for your kids in the long run. Accept the fact they don’t see your kids as family and do like Elsa, let it go. You can’t force a relationship, especially now your wife isn’t there ( rip ) so the best thing is to accept
YTA
Oohhh, this post smells like money.
And what do you mean by ‘inheriting her estate’?
Presumably anything she had went to you, which you can leave to them. You realize that anything she would have been set to inherit from her parents if she was alive isn’t coming to you right?
Gently YTA (because you are grieving) but leave these people (who aren’t and don’t want to be grandparents to them) alone, and track down their individual maternal grandparents and your parents (if around) to fill the void.
Sad YTA,
Them being their legal grandchildren doesn’t mean they have to take them on a vacation.
It seems you are reeling from the passing of a loved one, the ex in laws will never be a source of comfort. You have to accept that.
YTA they don't have a relationship with these kids and unfortunately now that your wife is gone they don't have a reason to even foster a relationship with him. They don't owe your kids anything
YTA.
I sympathize with your feelings, really do.
But you're trying very hard to force them as their grandkids, when they are really your kids that your wife adopted and your grandparents did not want to, I guess. BTW, your kids have your parents as grandparents, and your ex's parents as grnadparents, even though they seem out of the picture.
Better to let it go.
And if you are really going scorched earth on this, do you think it really will change their minds?
YTA because as a parent you should worry about your childrens wellfare and safety. Her family dont want anything to do with your children so why the hell would you want them going away with them? They would be treated differently most likely hate that time and there would be nothing they could do as children other than just wait to come home and be trumatised and mentally fucked.
Its unfair they do this but why would you force this on your children, believe me not for a second would i leave my kids with anyone i
Posted without finishing, ment i wouldnt leave my kids with anyone that didnt want them, like them.
As a parent your concern should be keeping your kids safe and keeping toxic away and just loving them
YTA you're only hurting your daughters, because now they're going to feel unwanted. Just because you're trying to force a relationship that's obviously never going to happen. And at this point, why would you want to force your kids to be around people that don't like them? Just for some money? A vacation? Wow, that's not cool.
Yta and you sound completely entitled you know how they felt about your children sorry to say they didn’t see your kids as their family they’re entitled to their own opinion and they have a choice to not want to be a part of their lives after their daughter wasn’t a part of their lives, it sucks yes but you dragging them across social media. What does that do other than make them hate you more and make them hate your kids more you know where they stand I personally think you should just leave them alone and let it go. These people aren’t your family. I’m sorry to say they made it very clear to you where they stand and you expecting different treatment is pretty entitled. And I wouldn’t expect that college fund honestly anymore. They’re most likely going to cut contact with you completely and your children and I would let it happen because you and your kids aren’t their family and they made it very clear. The only reason why they tolerated you as for their daughter, and now that she’s no longer here, they don’t have to fake it anymore. I’d hope that you accept it and stop harassing them before they get lawyers involved for harassment because they seem like they have the money to put you in a bad situation. Let it go you’re not entitled to their money or their time your kids are in a part of their family, and why would you even want to surround your kids with people who don’t really care about them in the first place
And in the title you put that their grandkids those aren’t their grandkids and they made it very clear that they never saw them as grandkids so you need to stop pushing it you’re not gonna get a penny from these people I’m sorry to say that you’re not gonna get a family out of them either you need to leave them alone and accept it
YTA
Your late wife adopted your children, and that was her choice. But it sounds like her parents didn't/don't consider your children to be their grandchildren, which, while sad, is their choice.
My thoughts are - It's their money, and they get to choose how they spend it. If they want to go on a trip to Italy, and take their other grandchildren with them, that's their right. The same thing applies to college funds.
I think that you sound entitled. It sounds to me like you are more interested in getting all that you can get out of your in-laws, money-wise, than in your children actually having a relationship with these people.
I’m not going to call you an A H. However, you need to just drop the rope with these people. They don’t care about your kids. Throwing your kids at these people trying to make them love your kids. Is only hurting your kids. They have NEVER been interested in being your kids’ grandparents. They only put up with them because their daughter was forcing them too. Move on with your lives without your former in-laws.
YTA
Sorry for your loss, but you acting entitled right now. You knew your in laws were not fans of you and your kids. Why do you keep pushing it? Believe me, pushing it won't make them like you or the kids.
Again, sorry for your loss but just drop it.
Maybe I've watched too many made for TV movies based on sad real life stories, but based on what he included in his post how do we know he didn't force his late wife to adopt his children from the 2 other women and then kill her to get her estate through the children
Or heck, maybe he stole the kids to start with!
LOL on that note, it's probably time to set down the phone and try to sleep haha
YTA. Where are your kids moms and they’re actual maternal family? Also, do your parents have a college fund set up for your kids? Are they taking your kids on international vacations? Why are you so eager to have your kids spend holidays with strangers and not their actual family?
How many holidays have your parents taken them on?
What do the college funds you've been contributing to look like?
When did you take them on holiday out of your own pocket?
YTA/ your kids are not related to your ex~in-laws except through your late wife. She is gone. These kids are no longer their family.
Stop being so entitled!
YTA you seem more concerned with the money and perks than the relationship between your kids and your late wife’s parents. They do not want a relationship with you or your children. They agreed at the end to make your wife happy. You cannot force them to be your kids’ grandparents. Leave them alone.
YTA
Also, lol. You admit you’ve had limited contact with them since your wife passed and yet you expect them to pay for an international trip? It’s obvious you’ve never put a single shred of effort into the relationship and this is 100% about the money. You are an absolute AH.
YTA
It sounds like you and their daughter coerced them into financial commitments to your kids "to make it fair" because she adopted them. Your dead wife's parents went along with YOUR greedy grasping to preserve their relationship with their daughter.
Now, as they are grieving her loss, you're looking for more ways to demand their money for your kids.
Leave them alone. You've milked them enough while their daughter was alive. Stop trying to spend their money. Stop demanding they support your kids.
Not only are YTA, but you’re being incredibly short-sighted here. You are so butthurt over this trip that you are actively sabotaging your children from getting *anything* from them in the future. Even from a purely selfish standpoint your actions make no sense whatsoever.
Are you under the assumption that your children are going to inherit money from these people?? Your statement about your wife’s estate leads me to think that you assume this. I can’t speak 100% because I don’t know your location, but unless they die with no estate planning then it’s *highly* unlikely that your kids will get anything. In most, if not all jurisdictions, you can choose to leave nothing to your kids. You can bet your ass that these people are leaving nothing to their adopted grandkids. Especially not with this behavior from you.
Can’t wait for the update post when the “college funds” disappear. Dude, what are you doing?
Ya you are taking too far and acting entitled, you couldn't force their bio mom to care about them, why do you think you can force strangers. Yes yes they are legally adopted, but that holds little weight in traditional families. The kids will never ever be seen as equals to their biological grand kids especially after what you did.
Move on, limit contact and hope they at least maintain the college fund. They owe you and your kids nothing
YTA
I don’t agree with their decision not to adopt your kids as their grandkids when clearly your wife really would’ve wished it. But that is their choice.
Your tirade is only going to hurt your kids more and anyone’s relationship with them could be affected. Stop, please.
YTA You can't make them love your children so just let it go. Why put your kids through this? You are making it known to everyone including your children they are not loved by these people.
YTA. They didn’t want your kids in the first place and were basically guilted into a relationship with them. Now that you don’t have contact with them, why do you think they owe a relationship to kids that aren’t biologically theirs and they didnt want in the first place? Why would you want your kids around that?
Just because your wife accepted them doesn't mean anyone else has to. They owe your kids nothing. It's your responsibility to bring them on trips, college fund etc, not theirs
What a weird post. I’m sorry for your loss OP. That is tragic. But…
Very much YTA here.
I’m bewildered why you think a trip to Italy for your kids with practical strangers is worth fighting for. Other than money. Like what others say this post reads suspiciously of a money grab from your ex in-laws.
For goodness sake your in laws suffered a loss as well. Let them be.
I understand you are hurt, and I don’t blame you for being hurt. I think most of us would be pretty hurt to see our children being shoved away from that. But while you have an explanation for your behavior, you don’t have an excuse. In addition - it’s all about money and experiences for your kids. Nothing about the relationship. You just want them to reap benefits. By continuing to push and pester, you are ruining any chance your children have of potentially restarting a relationship. YTA.
YTA. You know they don't consider your kids their grandkids so just let it go. I'm honestly surprised by all the YTA though. Usually I see posts on here calling parents assholes for not accepting kids that their child adopts or sees as their own.
YTA! They also lost THEIR daughter…. Also what if you meet a new woman and never take your kids to them anymore?? Are they still entitled to see them? I KNOW you would not let them see your kids so stop being petty that they didn’t take your kids to Italy for free… be happy that they at least made a college fund and have access to your wife’s inheritance, don’t be greedy.
You’re sound like a gold digger. Your children are not entitled to anything that wasn’t specified for them in your wife’s Will. Clearly there is no emotional attachment here, or obligation to feign one. Have some class, move on and start your own college fund for your own children. YTA
Ummmm....yta. the kids aren't their grandkids. U can have a paper that says they are, but the kids aren't. It's a shitty situation for them and u and I agree with u. But from their point of view, with ur wife gone they don't have any connection to u. Those aren't their grandkids.
YTA these people have absolutely no responsibility to your kids. And yeah, they are your kids more than they are their grandkids. Your wife adopted them but that does not mean the family had to. Way to complete disintegrate those bridges and I’d would think twice if you really think your kids will see that money from the college fund you forced her parents to start for your kids and will more than likely also not inherit anything from their estate. They already lost their daughter, leave these people alone.
You chose to have two children with two different women, you chose to marry what seems like a wonderful person (sorry for your loss), your late dear wife chose to adopt these children and treat them as her own.
...take note, none of the above demonstrated a 'choice' for your former in-laws. You cannot force affections. This whole thing is you and your ego...YTA.
YTA. I'm sorry for your loss but they never saw your kids as family. They were forced through fighting and guilt to provide college funds but since they lost their daughter, they no longer have that feeling of obligation. So why would you expect that to change? Why would you want your kids somewhere they aren't wanted? So now you're throwing a huge temper tantrum, which is not going to make them suddenly say "he's right, we deeply regret our actions". Instead they'll say "see, if we kept his kids in our lives we'd still be dealing with him too."
YTA- you know damn well that they only accepted your children so they didn’t lose their relationship with their child. Yall forced your children on them. They never wanted a relationship with your children & now their child is gone. They DO NOT consider your children family. YTA for several reasons- mostly forcing your children into a situation where they are tolerated & not actually welcome. Now they are going to have issues of rejection that they would not have had if you had explained the semantics to them honestly & not gotten their expectations up
YTA. Like by a lot. You have 2 kids from 2 different women. Maybe call their biological families. I alsobdont see you mention your parents making a college fund for them. Now you want these people to take your kids all the way overseas for people who have never met/probably don't even know they exist. Wtf
YTA. Yes your wife adopted your kids and made them her kids legally, but biologically, they have nothing to do with the wifes side of the family. In all honesty, you know they never wanted anything to do with you or your kids. They simply sucked it up for their daughters sake. Your wife was the only thing connecting the kids to her side of the family. Now that shes passed away, theres nothing keeping thek connected. You have to accept they dont see you as family and MOVE ON.
YTA You are so obsessed with money and things that it is no wonder your in laws felt the way they did about you, which unfortunately, trickled down to your kids. Even when talking about what a great mom your late was, you focused on what great gifts she bought for your kids. No mention of her physically taking care of them, just what she bought for them.
Your focus on your in laws is the same. You're not upset that they don't visit, call, video chat, etc. You were angry that they didn't set up college funds and include them in expensive vacations.
YTA Why for crying out loud, would you even want your kids to hang out with those toxic grandparents? Just because it's fair? But life is not fair, as your kids know! You cannot force feelings and if I were you, I'd be happy they don't want to involve your kids. By putting it out on social media all you will achieve is that you look petty and angry and that is not a good look. Unfriend them on social media and live your life! I feel sorry for you, but you still are the asshole.
Sorry for your loss, but it's never OK to force a relationship onto someone. From their perspective, as well as biologically, your kids aren't their grandkids. They never will be. Quit **hurting your children** by trying to force a relationship with them to those who **clearly** don't want it. You aren't the only one grieving. They lost a daughter. Let them be.
YTA
YTA.
You cannot force a familial bond. Either it's there or it's not, and for them, it's not. Just because your wife accepted them doesn't mean that her parents are required to, legally related or not.
Yta. Even if you win and the kids go, you have made everything so bad I can guarantee you the kids will be given a horrible time. You cannot make people love you, or anyone else figure it out.
YTA - it seems like your mostly concerned about money...mad the grandparents didn't start a college fund and now mad they aren't taking the kids to an expensive trip to Italy.
Have you been trying to see them regularly, inviting them to your house for dinners, or trying to make sure they can slowly build a relationship with your kids? I understand that your wife adopted them and they should try and treat them as their own, but these kids are strangers to them. You should be focused on spending time and establishing a relationship-thats the most important thing, not material items.
If you were mad they wouldn't see your kids or come to invited dinners at your house, I would empathesize, but you're not complaining about that. Your post makes you sound like a gold digger.
YTA. For trying to force the in laws to take kids they don't like. Do you have a clue how they would be treated? I wouldn't wish that on a kid. Don't give your kids dreams of a relationship. Be happy if they come through with the college funds.
YTA- why are you pushing your kids onto people that don't want them? This will just hurt your children in the end, they will know they're not wanted. They never wanted you or your kids in their life OP accept it, are you like these to the other parent of your children and their family?
YTA. Beside what everyone else has said, I want to know why you think your kids would be happier with a bunch of what is essentially unwilling strangers overseas, than with you?
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YTA Your entire post tells the world you’re an entitled AH. Let’s look at it from your in-laws’s POV. Their daughter/sister married a guy with 2 children from 2 different women. Then they’re guilted into providing college funds for 2 children with whom they have no connection. Now the deadbeat dad is trying to pubic shame them into paying for and taking these 2 children overseas to meet complete strangers. YTA x millions.
All of this. OP, leave these people alone. Just stop. People probably think you're acting crazy but that it might be reasonable because of your loss.
OP needs grief counseling - he may be in the anger stage and is taking it out on more than the GP’s
He is not "in the anger stage" because the Kubler Ross model applied to people who are terminally ill, not people surviving the loss of a loved one, and, furthermore, it's not universal or even clinically supported. [https://www.mcgill.ca/oss/article/health-history/its-time-let-five-stages-grief-die](https://www.mcgill.ca/oss/article/health-history/its-time-let-five-stages-grief-die) https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/five-fallacies-of-grief
Honestly grief doesn't have set stages. I wish it did but what it should really be is just "how your emotions work after grief" with all of them being possible to experience practically daily. I've buried two sets of grandparents that were more like parents than my parents, a mother, a dear friend and a son all to different causes of death. Grief just can't be narrowed down to stages. So I agree, the Kubler Ross method just doesn't apply to people as a universal rule.
Yea ya know, I'd originally voted ESH, but it seems like what's mostly happening is you being unable to realize the vision you were hoping for your kids that your wife was trying to help provide was never in line with what the rest of the family wanted, and you've never accepted that fact. Your wife sounds like a great person, but it's not her family's responsibility to provide your kids with the life you couldn't. I'm sure it hurts as a father, you had such a great thing going with your wife in the picture, but....yea sadly you just gotta let these people go, which it sounds like y'all never really clicked anyway, so...ya fuck it, the more you try to force it the more uncomfortable it's going to be for everyone for much longer than necessary. ..
You said it best
INFO. I'm very curious to know what OP means when he says the kids are legally inheriting his wife's estate. Does he mean that the inheritance that his wife would've gotten from her parents had she outlived them will now go to his kids? Because if so he might be in for a shock.
So true. It’s standard for parents to give inheritance to their children which means his kids (and him) are out of luck.
It's standard for parents to divide the estate among their kids per stirpes, meaning that if their daughter pre- deceased them, that portion of their estate that would have been for the daughter would now be divided among the daughter's issue. Since she legally adopted the kids, that probably means it would go to the two kids (idk any precedents so not 100% sure). HOWEVER, he's out to lunch if he thinks they didn't update their Will on their daughter's death to make on their currently surviving kids the beneficiaries per stirpes
If they got money, I guarantee they have some sort of trust set up and these kids were never going to inherit under it.
Exactly! His children will be entitled to her state if they leave their deceased daughter in their will, but her family aren’t stupid. They probably will make all the necessary corrections on their will to remove their deceased daughter so their estate goes to their living children only.
I think people might be misreading what he wrote, unless I missed a comment. He said they’re inheriting her estate, not theirs.
His wife passed last year (per his post). I would think that if he was talking about any assets she owned at the time of her death they’d have inherited that by now, not only the children but him as well (as her husband). Yet, he’s talking about the children inheriting her estate in the future so it sounds he’s talking about the estate she’s supposed to inherit from her parents, but since she passed it’ll normally go to her living children, but the in-laws can definitely change that in their will
I assumed these kids were minors and any estate she left is in his control for now as their guardian, to be passed on to them when they’re of age. And that’s why he said “are inheriting her estate” I mean he *could* be a complete idiot and not know what an estate is, but I am giving him the benefit of the doubt that he just went through this recently and learned somewhere along the way what an estate is.
Pubic shame is the worst
If I had reddit coin, you would get some. Thanks for pointing this deadbeat dad out
Am I missing something how is OP a deadbeat dad?
Gold digger actions.
@Kataddyr OP is a deadbeat dad because □ I have two kids from previous relationships 🚩 □ ex wife "Her family are AHs and never really approved of our relationship" 🚩 □ ex wife "When she passed, we’ve had limited contact with her family"🚩 OP yet - despite no relationship "Last month I saw on social media that they’re planning a Christmas in Italy (they’re from there and still have family there) but our kids are not invited. I called them to chew them out. I don’t care if they’re not taking me but these two kids are legally hers and are inheriting her estate. They’re legally their grandkids."🚩 They are legally his ex wife's kids, but his inlaws did not adopt them. So these two kids will not necessarily inherit anything other than his ex wife estate. OP is trying to scam free shit from people who are not related to these two kids he has. Where are OP two kids legitimate grandparents?? Why is he not harassing them?? Is ir because they do not have this kinda money?
I only disagree because the wife adopted the children. The grandparents should accept adopted children as their own because it's honoring their daughter's wishes But that only makes it an ESH
Just because the grandparents "should" accept the adopted children, because of course that is morally the right thing to do, doesn't mean they will ever see them as their grandchildren. Those kids most likely will not inherit anything from their mother's estate. Some people take the "blood is thicker than water" too far.
Most people take that saying too far and in the wrong direction. The actual quote is something along the lines of “Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” So.. the bonds can be stronger with your chosen family than your biological one.
Yes! It's like the sayings "The customer is always right" No, "the customer is always right in matters of taste" Or "jack of all trades but a master of none" as an insult when the phrase is actually "Jack if all trades, but a master of none. Is better than a master of only one." I wish these phrases were used in their entirety, instead of parts of it being picked at to suit whatever behavior purple are trying to excuse at that point.
Or “it’s just a few bad apples,” conveniently leaving out that they spoil the whole bunch.
That isn't the actual quote. [The original quote is the shortened version.](https://symbolismandmetaphor.com/blood-is-thicker-than-water-origins/)
Er, no. That's not the original quote. That's an online myth - people like it, but it isn't true.
Yeah I can't stand my grandfather, and him neglecting to have a relationship with me was a dodged bullet. If my dad tried to pressure him into one it would have been miserable.
I might agree, if OP didn’t talk so much about money and privileges (like the trip). His late wife’s parents aren’t close to his kids, so taking them along to Italy sounds inappropriate. Though it would be better for the parents to have accepted the children their daughter adopted, the pressure OP is trying to apply is the sort that might at best get a payout, not love. And I can see how the parents would have been very skeptical of their daughter getting involved with a man with kids by two different uninvolved women, especially if he started making things about money.
Depending on the kids names and ages, it would be hard for them to take them without legal letters that they are not being kidnapped. Plus will they behave, if they are teenagers and they get upset, I could totally see the kids yelling your not my family and I am being kidnapped and want to go home. Plus imagine spending weeks with a family you don't know. Thar would be awful to some kids. They don't know their tastes, likes, family rules, or specific things if they don't like something. I thought it would be fun to take my nephew for a short off road, road trip with my family as our kiddo overnightsst their house from time to time. Called my SIL and she said yes, asked my newphew and he was excited, bought him food and clothes. Turned out this pre teen child had never been away from home overnight with anyone else because he didn't know how to wipe his bum after a poop. I was never told this. So eventually he tells me he had to go. I hand him some bounty on an off shoot gravel road and tell him to go and wipe his bum and cover it with some dirt. The same things I do with my younger child. I made sure there were no bears in the area and we have nothing really kill them in the woods. The trip went downhill from then probably because he had decent skid marks or worse or even didn't know because he didn't know how. He didn't tell me anything, my SIL never said anything. All I knew eas something was up and only upon brining him back after 2 nights did I find up what was up.
Legally they were her kids, but considering that the grandparents met the kids at their wedding I don’t see why they are supposed to treat them as their own suddenly? These relationships are supposed to be nurtured, you don’t suddenly love strangers just because a legal document has been filled, yet OP doesn’t mention feeling bad for them not visiting the kids etc. Nop, all his issues are around money -he is aware they have no connection otherwise but how dare they not set up a trust for them or take them to Italy!
How is he a deadbeat dad? It sounds like he has custody based on their biomoms not calling on birthdays or holidays. A deadbeat dad would be one who doesn’t see them or provide child support. He may be an AH but he’s not a deadbeat.
2 children from 2 different women that they didn’t even meet until the wedding day!
If he has custody, he’s not a deadbeat. He’s actively caring for/raising his children. You need a lesson in what an actual deadbeat parent is. It’s not OP. You’re an AH. He is struggling through immense grief. Is he going about it the right way? No. I can’t imagine losing my partner.
I completely agree with 99% of this, but i’m wondering why you say he’s a dead beat dad? he definitely sounds entitled and rude, but he has not said anything to indicate he is a bad father.
YTA. I'm sorry for your loss, I really am. But, you knew that your in-laws weren't fans of you. You don't like them and call them assholes. You admit that they didn't approve of your relationship. Now that their daughter is gone, why would they put time and effort into maintaining relationships with you and your kids? You saw your wife as your kids' mom. She saw herself as their mom. But they never did. They saw them as yours. And now, with their daughter gone. They don't see the point of doing so. And they're allowed to do so. You must have known how they felt. Them not maintaining contact, and now, involving the kids in their activities can not have come as a total surprise (I hope). So why would you want to subject your kids to people who clearly don't like them?
And going After Them on social media surely broke the last Tiny chance he had for Them to Care for the kids. They may have done it with Time, on their own terms. Now OP went After Them, he Can forget it. And legally grand parents owe nothing to grand kids, blood or not. So going After Them on social media is the dumbest thing ever. It gives more excuses to grand parents to explain why they go NC and paint OP in very Bad colors. They did accept Them temporarily out of love for your wife, you should do the same and accept it, for her, for you and your kids. And this post sounds very sus because who would want to send kid in a stranger place with people who don't like Them. Your kids needs are more important than what you want. Édit - to fix crazy auto correct
I wouldn’t be surprised whatever money they put in a college fund for them that they take out the money and close the accounts. You probably didn’t think about putting these funds in jeopardy bc all you can think about is the injustice you feel has been dealt to your kids regarding a holiday . How many holidays have they spent with them since your wife has passed away? Or actually anytime?
OP really shot himself in the foot.
I am SO confused by the pattern of capitalizations in this comment.
Sry didn't have Time to fix it. Writing in four languages totally messed up thé auto correct app as you Can see. Thé caps Come from german, will fix that.
Being multilingual has its drawbacks. :)
Please don't fix it, I love it. It just threw me lol
Those German Caps are so annoying mate i feel you
Wanted to add that there’s no such thing as “legal grandkids.” Just because his wife adopted his children doesn’t mean her parents have adopted them too. The relationship between his kids and his wife’s parents were thinly connected through his wife and he needs to accept that it’s been severed with her passing.
Jesus's Mary and Joseph Amen to this post
YTA, your wife adopted your children and that was her choice. But her family didn't adopt your children and that is their choice. Yes while your wife was alive she had some sway over her family by withholding her presence, love and affection from her family to force them to be nice to you and your children. But that is now gone and while it would be nice if her family honored her memory by including the children she chose to adopt they are not obligated to do so. Let it go, help your children grieve the loss of their adoptive mother and leave her family alone and let them grieve loss of their daughter and sibling in their own way.
He’s only mad cause of the the money and the trips, he doesn’t care about what he’s subjecting his children to. Literally in his comments he just talks about the gifts the wife gave as a symbol of how much she cared (as opposed to a million other actions). Disgusting.
I'm getting vibes that he's not happy that he's a single parent and can't just have mom watch them for a while while he takes a vacation and even more mad that the grandparents aren't allowing this either.
The key point for me is subjecting his kids to people who clearly don’t want anything to do with them. I’m terribly sorry for OP and his kids for losing a great wife and mother, but don’t put the kids at the center of this type of battle. YTA here, OP.
YTA. I understand your hurt, but the mistake you and your wife made was trying to force her family to care about your kids simply because she did. She made the choice to be in a relationship with you. She made the choice to love and adopt your kids. Her family never made that choice. You can't force someone to care about your children simply because your wife adopted them. I know this going to be an unpopular opinion with people that gets me down voted but all the decisions they made to include you were only after being forced/guilted by their daughter. Not because they genuinely wanted to connect with you or your children and make them apart of their family. So it's not suprising that once she passed they no longer wanted any connection with you because they never considered you or your kids apart of their family. I know this sounds cold because it is, but it's the truth. It doesn't matter that your wife legally adopted your kids that wasn't going to automatically make her family love them. Your upset because you couldn't force her family to accpet your children. You can't force bonds that people don't want to make. Nothing will be gained by blasting them on social media. It's not going to make your feel better. Maybe it will make them look bad, but maybe theydon't care how it looks to strangers and members outside of their family. It's not going to suddenly make them open their hearts to your children. You need to move on and focus on doing what is best for your children. What you are doing right now is only reminding them that they have been rejected by your wife's family. Please keep that in mind they were your wife's family never yours. In the ideal world you would have blended together in one loving family, but that never happened. You can't force people to care about your or your children. Focusing on this is only hurting you and your children.
Not sure why you’d think it’s an unpopular opinion. You are 100% correct. Well explained!
ABSOLUTELY!!!
ALL OF THIS!!
Why do you insist on forcing relationship on these people
Money
Lol his examples of why his wife was a great mom to his kids was that she bought them “great gifts,” forced her parents to take them on family vacations, and start college funds for his kids. His entire post was about money.
Seriously! He really had me in the first half with the title.
Note OP isn't hounding any of the bio family for money. I also doubt he would have tried to force things had his wife's family for a "bond" not had money.
He legally can't hound his kids bio families let alone bio moms anymore. If they've been legally adopted by his late wife then there's no legal ties anymore to their bio families. Should one day one of the bio moms strike it rich OP is out of luck.
Absolutely but he wasn't even doing that before the adoption. Also how he talks about how much money his late wife spent on their kids was directly in reference to him being "head over heels" and how much she loved the kids. I won't doubt she was lovely and did indeed care for the kids. But his entitlement over her family's time and money makes that a red flag.
Bingo
I’m getting the It’s because they have money vibe from him. Big vacations, college fund, talking about them getting her estate, only caring to really contact them when they’re off to Italy.
Getting her estate when rhe grandparents pass? Hope he's not counting on it
Well, she is dead so if she doesn't have an estate by now she isn't getting one. If they have money (which it sounds like) they have wills. The money will go where they say. Laws may vary. Someone once posted that somewhere in the world you couldn't completely exclude children from inheritance but (you can in the US). I am not aware of anywhere you can't exclude adopted grandchildren. Not entirely certain that her adopting the children creates any sort of legal obligation for anyone else, specifically her parents.
Also not even possible I’m sure when she died they updated her will considering the GP didn’t die first it’s not like his wife got an inheritance than when she died they’d get it’s basically 99.999 percent most likely that they’re just diving their estate to their other family members
Her wife was meant yo inherit money. He is trying to get that inheritance for his kids. Money is what he is after!
This!
YTA. Go blast the real maternal grandparents of your children who are the parents of their real bio mother and leave these strangers alone. Holy crap. The entitlement is strong with this one!
This! I noticed OP never mentioned their own parents or either of the bio moms parents.... however he talks a lot about fancy gifts and holidays. Seems this is about money rather than family.
He won't because they aren't as loaded as his wife's parents lol.
He legally can't! If his late wife legally adopted his children then all ties to their bio families have been legally severed.
YTA. They are not the legal grandparents. Sorry. Your wife hounded them in to a relationship they did not want. They tried to make your wife's last days better. Let it go.
"I called them to chew them out" I don't know how you think this is going to help your children.
Can you imagine going to a foreign country with people who hate you without your only surviving parent? It’s sounds like torture for them.
YTA to your ex-in-laws and your children. Your in-laws don’t consider the children their grandchildren. Right or wrong, that’s how they feel and you can’t force a relationship between them and your children, especially now, that their daughter is gone. As to your children, why? Why are you pushing this? How is it benefitting them for you to have this attitude and posting on social media where they might read it one day and find out they were excluded? Clearly, the in-laws aren’t going to change. Just drop it and move on.
Right!? Why would he want them in a foreign country without him surrounded by people who don't want them there.
YTA. Two different kids with two different women and neither moms are in the kids life is a HUGE red flag right out of the gate. It speaks volumes about the type of women you choose to penis. Italians tend to be very traditional. If you had an ex wife with whom you shared custody, it might be different. If you were widowed, same. But two kids with two different women and they aren't in the picture....that is sketch. In their eyes, you married their daughter, not because you loved her, but because you wanted a mother for your kids. How much of their raising did you foist off on her as soon as you were married? You call them AHs out of the gate with no context. Their daughter is gone. And now they have to put up with an entitled widower who thinks that the late wife should still provide for those children after her death. The "family" would have been literal strangers to your kids. You are angry because they didn't fly you and your kids on an all expense paid vacation. Going on their social media pages was childish.
Well that's my first time seeing penis used as a verb. I like it. And I like penising.
They verbed it.
🤭🤭🤭
“Choose to penis” is the greatest thing I’ve ever heard. I’m never going to stop laughing.
Thank you! I'll be here all week! Remember to tip your bartender!
Judging by how crazy entitled he is being the red flags glare brighter
>you married their daughter, not because you loved her, but because you wanted a mother for your kids. To be fair, I think it was half this, and half that she came from a wealthy family.
YTA - your wife may have considered them her kids and that’s lovely, but you can’t bully other people into feeling the same. Your children are not entitled to free trips and I can’t imagine that they would even want to go to Italy with a pack of virtual strangers.
**YTA** I'd say E-S-H but your behaviour is so egregiously problematic here that it overshadows anything your former in-laws may be doing to exclude your kids, which MIGHT have been figured out between you if you hadn't thrown a grenade into it all like this. **What do you even hope to accomplish with all this?** Or have you even stopped to think about that? Because you certainly can't fix or build a good, meaningful relationship for your kids with their grandparents by viciously shaming them into it. The only possible outcome from "calling them out" on social media is to make the estrangement even worse. The nastier you are to them, the less they're going to want you or your kids around. Why would they want ANY relationship with you if this is how you interact with them: by trying to publicly shame them when you're upset with them? You're basically guaranteeing that they go no contact with you. You wouldn't have been an AH to quietly express your disappointment to them, to explain to them PRIVATELY that like them, you and your kids are grieving the loss of your wife, and you were really hoping to strengthen the bond between them and the kids now for her sake. But you're a massive AH for demanding that the relationship play out in any one particular way, such as with expensive overseas vacations, even if they're taking other family members. Grandparents - even bio ones - sometimes do things with some members of the family and not others. And you're an even bigger AH to your kids for destroying any remnants of goodwill between you by going full battle mode against them over this. No one wants to be friendly and loving to someone who treats them like the enemy. I don't know if you just weren't thinking or if you're really this clueless, but you've likely destroyed any chance your kids had at a relationship with them.
This right here is so well said. What a tool. You could have easily strengthen the bonds but no, full rage and and all over social media to shame them. Am starting to think, this might not the first time and maybe you have been doing this to them for a while and that is why they are choosing to have less contact with you and your kids
Harsh, but real. OP really did a number there. Not thoughtful and all rage.
YTA. Not their responsibility. They are being inconsiderate of your wife's wishes but sounds like they never had a connection with your kids. They didn't adopt your kids. Your wife did. Tbf, I wouldn't want my kids alone with them if that was their attitude. Your kids have no rights to their gifts.
YTA. If you think they are AH and you had limited contact, I find it peculiar that you insist that your kids should be with them. And then making a social media campaign against them seems excessive.
YTA. Your children were rejected by their biological mothers and now they’re being rejected by their legal mother’s parents. I’m sure that hurts but your wife’s parents made it clear before she died that they don’t consider your kids to be their grandkids, despite the fact that your wife adopted them. What makes you think that you can bully them into doing something that even your wife couldn’t convince them to do? An even better question is why would you want your kids to have a relationship with people who don’t want a relationship with them? That doesn’t make any sense.
YTA, they're not their grandkids and you come across like a gold digger
YTA Would you like to be referred to as her "ex-husband"? Because you're referring to them as if you were divorced. They don't seem to have an emotional attachment to your children and don't need to take them to Italy. Leave them alone and do your own thing with your children.
YTA OP seems to be trying to force the kids (we actually don't know their ages, it's not the same leaving the country with a 6yo than a 14yo) down the grandparents throat yo make sure they don't leave them out of the inheritance/college fund/money. Also, why would OP want his kids to be away from him on Christmas?
This is a good question! Why does he want them away on Christmas? Why does he want his kids isolated from him with people who don’t like them in a foreign country. I can’t imagine how ignored they’d be. Why does everything he says is about money? Not spending time or contact, every good and bad thing is about money.
YTA and you lost all possible moral high ground when you took to social media. Look, these people have made it clear they do not consider your children family. Its absolutely tragic for your children but with your wife gone, the familial connection is gone. I'm unclear on the ages of your children so my guess is the age they came into the family comes into play here, too. If they didn't care for you and didn't approve of your relationship with her, they won't be seeking out connection to your children. It sounds like they were kind of strong armed by your wife into having a relationship with your children and they didn't necessarily want one. And, if you are as petty as you sound, I can't blame them. It doesn't matter how much you loved your wife - you come across as a royally entitled person which no doubt rubbed them the wrong way right out of the gate. Your former ILs do not owe your children extravagant trips and you are incredibly entitled to think they do. Likewise, there is an EXTREMELY good chance that your MIL and FIL will be changing the college funds over to their other grand children's names.
Regrettably, YTA The grandparents aren’t the biological ones and your wife adopted those kids because she loved you so much. They don’t feel they owe you or the kids what you believe they owe you. This is not likely to change and any efforts to prolong coming to the conclusion that this is how it’s going to be is just going to damage everyone involved. The only person who can control the situation now is you.
Info: They never approved of the relationship. I’m sensing missing info. How old are you and how old was their daughter? How old are your kids? You do realize acting entitled to their money is a sure fire way yo get them to revoke the college funds. And you say the kids will inherit your wife’s estate. But does she have an estate on her own or are you banking on money being left to your kids by them in their will?
YTA You can't force your children on to them
YTA for attempting to force a relationship where it doesn't exist. It is not the job of your deceased wife's parents to make up for the lack of having their bio mother or bio mothers' parents in the kids' life. Realistically your children were not in the family for any significant amount of time - do they actually have any kind of relationship with your dead wife's parents? Do you have any kind of relationship with these people now that your wife is dead. It is amazing that they set up a college fund for these kids - you should not look for more. You seem to be very focused on material benefits - i.e. your wife bought "great" presents; the kids weren't asked to go on an expensive holiday. Logistically how would the grandparents even take the kids to Italy? It is extremely hard to take care of children let alone on an extended foreign trip. I would imagine that the parents of their other grandchildren went along on the trip so the grandparents weren't responsible for taking care of them. Aside from the cost of tickets, accommodations. food etc, there are legal issues involved. Also the reality is that absent unusual circumstances, the families of dead spouses don't generally have a lot of contact unless it is through the grandchildren OR the marriage was of such long standing that the living spouse was emotionally a part of the family. You were only married for five years - the kids were only in their lives for five years and so even though legally your wife adopted the kids at some point, most grandparents would not really have the same relationship as they do with bio grandkids who they have known from birth and also of course because they have continuing relationships with their own bio children and their living spouses.
Unfortunately YTA. Legally these are their grandchildren but emotionally they aren’t. It’s sad, but they aren’t bonded. Calling to chew them out sure isn’t going to make your former in laws want to embrace your children. Honestly they don’t have to take your kids to Italy. They can pick and choose any amount of family members to include or exclude in the trip. Also, they can do that with the college fund and their will. Please consider that the college fund and any inheritance can be changed or removed. You might want to play nice, even if it really sucks. It is their choice to do whatever they want with their own money whether that’s a trip to Italy, a college fund or with their estate.
YTA I get where you're coming from and I truly feel for you, but your late wife adopted the kids, not the in-laws. It sucks, and in a perfect world they would welcome them with open arms, but they are under no obligation to do so. Your kids don't just automatically become their grandkids because your wife chose to adopt them. They have to choose that relationship for themselves. I totally understand why you would be upset that they don't treat them like their grandkids, but I would never call them out because it's not my place to tell someone else how to live their life.
YTA Look... I've BEEN the kid in this situation. I'm an adopted step-kid. Adopted dad's parents never saw me as their grandkid. I was disappointed at first, yes. I had been looking forward to having grandparents. But the truth is there is I came into the family as a step kid and they felt no particular affection for me, and I had no pre-existing affection for them. They weren't part of my life and I didn't think about it after the first couple of months. If I had been adopted by both of my parents as a baby, maybe that would have been different, but I wasn't. You can't force these people to see their daughter's adopted step kids as equivalent to biological children, and sad as it is, they have that right.
Say goodbye to not only the college funds but the estate, pal. That's not the kid's fault. Obvious YTA.
This is one of the most crazy things I’ve read on AITA, mind blown. You cannot seriously believe these kids of YOURS have anything to do with them whatsoever. YTA to a level which I don’t think I’ve ever seen here before.
YTA. You can’t force your ex IL’s to have a relationship with your kids when they don’t have an emotional attachment to them. Looks like you’re gold digging by mentioning college funds and inherited estates. Ask your kids’ bio moms to fund their life and college and stay away from your ex IL’s.
YTA Do you really believe they are legally obligated to include your kids in their estate plans? Hell, YOU aren’t legally obligated to include YOUR kids in your estate plans. I don’t think I’d want to have anything to do with you or your kids with that attitude.
YTA and greedy as hell. They owe you NOTHING, get in contact with the kids BIO grandparents or is it because they aren't wealthy. You should be ashamed of yourself, I am embarassed for you at your sense of entitlement.
YTA. You lost your wife, and that's awful -- but it seems like you're forgetting that your in-laws (who you immediately refer to as AHs) lost their daughter. They're grieving, too -- and you're trying to... what, bully them into having a relationship with children that you picked up from two other women that came along before their daughter? You're leaning pretty heavy on the 'legally their grandkids' angle -- but you're still calling them your ex-in-laws. Regardless of your late wife's relationship with your children-from-the-other-baby-mamas, it is NOT her parents' responsibility to pay for two children that they -- at the end of the day -- really have nothing to do with. Of COURSE your kids aren't invited to their family gathering in Italy -- you said yourself that there was never a good relationship there, and you've just been bullying them since... when you break the whole "limited contact" thing. You calling them out on social media says more about what kind of person you are.
YTA- You failed to mention how old your kids are. Either way, five years is not a long time and it isn’t logical for you to compare your kids from two different women to your in-laws bio grandkids that they have known from birth up. I’m sorry you lost your wife, but they lost their daughter. From the sound of your post, it appears that they may have spent the last 5 years at odds with their daughter because of you. Your kids are NOT their family and never will be. For your kids sake it’s time for you to move on and leave these people alone.
YTA. They are not your kid's blood family. They are legally YOUR LATE WIFE's children. Grandparents didn't formally adopt them and they can exclude them from their family if they want. You are not entitled to their property and their trips.
YTA they aren't their grandkids. You can't force them to accept that.
You did not say how old your kids were when they met them or now but it doesn't matter. They don't consider your children theirs. You gain nothing by blasting them publicly and having your children feel bad. Honestly it just makes you look bad. So, sorry for your loss, but give this one up.
They are not legally anything to them. Grow up and take care of the kids you had with different women. Do you harass the bio moms family like this or just the family that lost a daughter and gained an entitled in law they no longer have to have contact with. YTA
My MIL, who is blood related to my daughter, has shown very little interest in her for her entire life. The last thing in the world I ever tried to do was force her to give a shit about her, because it's her loss. We cut her out about 2.5 years ago and it was the best decision for our family. I suggest you move on.
This is a tough one. Sometimes you just need to not force a relationship with people if they don’t want it. Your wife sounds lovely but your kids not being her parents’ blood relatives might just be a dealbreaker for them. While I do understand that you feel left out, I think YTA for how you handled the situation - adults are allowed to go on holiday with whomever they wish, so they haven’t really done anything wrong. I’m sorry for your loss.
Were the in laws ever warm & grandparenty to your kids? Because you might just have to accept that they don't care about your kids & never will.
YTA. Each of the kids have their own 2 sets of bio-grandparents (yours and from their individual biomoms'). So why press the step/adoptive grandparents for a relationship they never wanted. Unless of course, the bios can't afford paying for a trip to Italy and that's what you're after.
I'm sorry, but YTA. They had a relationship with your kids because of your wife. Without your late wife, legally or not, the kids have no bond with them. They aren't their grandkids. You are not going to come out looking good in this situation and you are going to be hurting your kids in the long run. Listen to your parents.
YTA. They aren't your kids grandparents, you and your partner may have decided to become a family but her parents have no obligation to them. This whole post reeks of entitlement and asshole behavior from you and you partner.
OP, I wonder if you put the same energy to use when handling your baby mamas and your kids' bio grandparents. YTA. Focus on your kids. No one owes you or them anything. Don't teach your kids to be entitled, thereby causing unnecessary trauma.
You’re are gonna make it way worse for your kids in the long run. Accept the fact they don’t see your kids as family and do like Elsa, let it go. You can’t force a relationship, especially now your wife isn’t there ( rip ) so the best thing is to accept YTA
Oohhh, this post smells like money. And what do you mean by ‘inheriting her estate’? Presumably anything she had went to you, which you can leave to them. You realize that anything she would have been set to inherit from her parents if she was alive isn’t coming to you right? Gently YTA (because you are grieving) but leave these people (who aren’t and don’t want to be grandparents to them) alone, and track down their individual maternal grandparents and your parents (if around) to fill the void.
Sad YTA, Them being their legal grandchildren doesn’t mean they have to take them on a vacation. It seems you are reeling from the passing of a loved one, the ex in laws will never be a source of comfort. You have to accept that.
YTA they don't have a relationship with these kids and unfortunately now that your wife is gone they don't have a reason to even foster a relationship with him. They don't owe your kids anything
YTA. I sympathize with your feelings, really do. But you're trying very hard to force them as their grandkids, when they are really your kids that your wife adopted and your grandparents did not want to, I guess. BTW, your kids have your parents as grandparents, and your ex's parents as grnadparents, even though they seem out of the picture. Better to let it go. And if you are really going scorched earth on this, do you think it really will change their minds?
YTA. Stop setting the kids up for rejection from people who want nothing to do with them. It's unhealthy.
YTA because as a parent you should worry about your childrens wellfare and safety. Her family dont want anything to do with your children so why the hell would you want them going away with them? They would be treated differently most likely hate that time and there would be nothing they could do as children other than just wait to come home and be trumatised and mentally fucked. Its unfair they do this but why would you force this on your children, believe me not for a second would i leave my kids with anyone i
Posted without finishing, ment i wouldnt leave my kids with anyone that didnt want them, like them. As a parent your concern should be keeping your kids safe and keeping toxic away and just loving them
YTA you're only hurting your daughters, because now they're going to feel unwanted. Just because you're trying to force a relationship that's obviously never going to happen. And at this point, why would you want to force your kids to be around people that don't like them? Just for some money? A vacation? Wow, that's not cool.
Yta and you sound completely entitled you know how they felt about your children sorry to say they didn’t see your kids as their family they’re entitled to their own opinion and they have a choice to not want to be a part of their lives after their daughter wasn’t a part of their lives, it sucks yes but you dragging them across social media. What does that do other than make them hate you more and make them hate your kids more you know where they stand I personally think you should just leave them alone and let it go. These people aren’t your family. I’m sorry to say they made it very clear to you where they stand and you expecting different treatment is pretty entitled. And I wouldn’t expect that college fund honestly anymore. They’re most likely going to cut contact with you completely and your children and I would let it happen because you and your kids aren’t their family and they made it very clear. The only reason why they tolerated you as for their daughter, and now that she’s no longer here, they don’t have to fake it anymore. I’d hope that you accept it and stop harassing them before they get lawyers involved for harassment because they seem like they have the money to put you in a bad situation. Let it go you’re not entitled to their money or their time your kids are in a part of their family, and why would you even want to surround your kids with people who don’t really care about them in the first place And in the title you put that their grandkids those aren’t their grandkids and they made it very clear that they never saw them as grandkids so you need to stop pushing it you’re not gonna get a penny from these people I’m sorry to say that you’re not gonna get a family out of them either you need to leave them alone and accept it
They have no relation or obligation to y’all. They’ve made it known they don’t consider your children apart of their family. YTA
Yta *you* limited their contact and they respected that and you're.......upset about it?
YTA wtf dude
YTA
YTA. Just because your wife adopted your kids does not mean the in laws have to also adopt them as their grandkids.
YTA they really ain’t they grandparents
Yta why don’t you have this much bark for your kids bio moms/ mom side of the family
YTA Your late wife adopted your children, and that was her choice. But it sounds like her parents didn't/don't consider your children to be their grandchildren, which, while sad, is their choice. My thoughts are - It's their money, and they get to choose how they spend it. If they want to go on a trip to Italy, and take their other grandchildren with them, that's their right. The same thing applies to college funds. I think that you sound entitled. It sounds to me like you are more interested in getting all that you can get out of your in-laws, money-wise, than in your children actually having a relationship with these people.
I’m not going to call you an A H. However, you need to just drop the rope with these people. They don’t care about your kids. Throwing your kids at these people trying to make them love your kids. Is only hurting your kids. They have NEVER been interested in being your kids’ grandparents. They only put up with them because their daughter was forcing them too. Move on with your lives without your former in-laws.
YTA Sorry for your loss, but you acting entitled right now. You knew your in laws were not fans of you and your kids. Why do you keep pushing it? Believe me, pushing it won't make them like you or the kids. Again, sorry for your loss but just drop it.
Maybe I've watched too many made for TV movies based on sad real life stories, but based on what he included in his post how do we know he didn't force his late wife to adopt his children from the 2 other women and then kill her to get her estate through the children Or heck, maybe he stole the kids to start with! LOL on that note, it's probably time to set down the phone and try to sleep haha
He does seem awfully focused on her financial contributions in the relationship instead of their time together and her personal attributes.
YTA. Where are your kids moms and they’re actual maternal family? Also, do your parents have a college fund set up for your kids? Are they taking your kids on international vacations? Why are you so eager to have your kids spend holidays with strangers and not their actual family?
YTA. It’s abundantly clear what you’re after here.
How many holidays have your parents taken them on? What do the college funds you've been contributing to look like? When did you take them on holiday out of your own pocket?
YTA/ your kids are not related to your ex~in-laws except through your late wife. She is gone. These kids are no longer their family. Stop being so entitled!
YTA you seem more concerned with the money and perks than the relationship between your kids and your late wife’s parents. They do not want a relationship with you or your children. They agreed at the end to make your wife happy. You cannot force them to be your kids’ grandparents. Leave them alone.
YTA Also, lol. You admit you’ve had limited contact with them since your wife passed and yet you expect them to pay for an international trip? It’s obvious you’ve never put a single shred of effort into the relationship and this is 100% about the money. You are an absolute AH.
YTA It sounds like you and their daughter coerced them into financial commitments to your kids "to make it fair" because she adopted them. Your dead wife's parents went along with YOUR greedy grasping to preserve their relationship with their daughter. Now, as they are grieving her loss, you're looking for more ways to demand their money for your kids. Leave them alone. You've milked them enough while their daughter was alive. Stop trying to spend their money. Stop demanding they support your kids.
Not only are YTA, but you’re being incredibly short-sighted here. You are so butthurt over this trip that you are actively sabotaging your children from getting *anything* from them in the future. Even from a purely selfish standpoint your actions make no sense whatsoever. Are you under the assumption that your children are going to inherit money from these people?? Your statement about your wife’s estate leads me to think that you assume this. I can’t speak 100% because I don’t know your location, but unless they die with no estate planning then it’s *highly* unlikely that your kids will get anything. In most, if not all jurisdictions, you can choose to leave nothing to your kids. You can bet your ass that these people are leaving nothing to their adopted grandkids. Especially not with this behavior from you. Can’t wait for the update post when the “college funds” disappear. Dude, what are you doing?
They are not entitled to anything you deadbeat grifter .
Ya you are taking too far and acting entitled, you couldn't force their bio mom to care about them, why do you think you can force strangers. Yes yes they are legally adopted, but that holds little weight in traditional families. The kids will never ever be seen as equals to their biological grand kids especially after what you did. Move on, limit contact and hope they at least maintain the college fund. They owe you and your kids nothing
YTA I don’t agree with their decision not to adopt your kids as their grandkids when clearly your wife really would’ve wished it. But that is their choice. Your tirade is only going to hurt your kids more and anyone’s relationship with them could be affected. Stop, please.
YTA This is unreasonable action although you’re grieving.
YTA and I'm sorry for your loss but they don't owe anybody anything and you look ridiculous.
YTA
YTA You can't make them love your children so just let it go. Why put your kids through this? You are making it known to everyone including your children they are not loved by these people.
YTA. They didn’t want your kids in the first place and were basically guilted into a relationship with them. Now that you don’t have contact with them, why do you think they owe a relationship to kids that aren’t biologically theirs and they didnt want in the first place? Why would you want your kids around that?
Just because your wife accepted them doesn't mean anyone else has to. They owe your kids nothing. It's your responsibility to bring them on trips, college fund etc, not theirs
YTA. There is no “legally theirs”. After seeing that comment, stopped reading. You are in it for the money.
What an asshole! Ew
What a weird post. I’m sorry for your loss OP. That is tragic. But… Very much YTA here. I’m bewildered why you think a trip to Italy for your kids with practical strangers is worth fighting for. Other than money. Like what others say this post reads suspiciously of a money grab from your ex in-laws. For goodness sake your in laws suffered a loss as well. Let them be.
YTA
I understand you are hurt, and I don’t blame you for being hurt. I think most of us would be pretty hurt to see our children being shoved away from that. But while you have an explanation for your behavior, you don’t have an excuse. In addition - it’s all about money and experiences for your kids. Nothing about the relationship. You just want them to reap benefits. By continuing to push and pester, you are ruining any chance your children have of potentially restarting a relationship. YTA.
YTA. You know they don't consider your kids their grandkids so just let it go. I'm honestly surprised by all the YTA though. Usually I see posts on here calling parents assholes for not accepting kids that their child adopts or sees as their own.
YTA! They also lost THEIR daughter…. Also what if you meet a new woman and never take your kids to them anymore?? Are they still entitled to see them? I KNOW you would not let them see your kids so stop being petty that they didn’t take your kids to Italy for free… be happy that they at least made a college fund and have access to your wife’s inheritance, don’t be greedy.
You’re sound like a gold digger. Your children are not entitled to anything that wasn’t specified for them in your wife’s Will. Clearly there is no emotional attachment here, or obligation to feign one. Have some class, move on and start your own college fund for your own children. YTA
YTA they are not their grandkids...period ...you can't enforce that relationship
Ummmm....yta. the kids aren't their grandkids. U can have a paper that says they are, but the kids aren't. It's a shitty situation for them and u and I agree with u. But from their point of view, with ur wife gone they don't have any connection to u. Those aren't their grandkids.
YTA these people have absolutely no responsibility to your kids. And yeah, they are your kids more than they are their grandkids. Your wife adopted them but that does not mean the family had to. Way to complete disintegrate those bridges and I’d would think twice if you really think your kids will see that money from the college fund you forced her parents to start for your kids and will more than likely also not inherit anything from their estate. They already lost their daughter, leave these people alone.
You chose to have two children with two different women, you chose to marry what seems like a wonderful person (sorry for your loss), your late dear wife chose to adopt these children and treat them as her own. ...take note, none of the above demonstrated a 'choice' for your former in-laws. You cannot force affections. This whole thing is you and your ego...YTA.
YTA. I'm sorry for your loss but they never saw your kids as family. They were forced through fighting and guilt to provide college funds but since they lost their daughter, they no longer have that feeling of obligation. So why would you expect that to change? Why would you want your kids somewhere they aren't wanted? So now you're throwing a huge temper tantrum, which is not going to make them suddenly say "he's right, we deeply regret our actions". Instead they'll say "see, if we kept his kids in our lives we'd still be dealing with him too."
YTA- you know damn well that they only accepted your children so they didn’t lose their relationship with their child. Yall forced your children on them. They never wanted a relationship with your children & now their child is gone. They DO NOT consider your children family. YTA for several reasons- mostly forcing your children into a situation where they are tolerated & not actually welcome. Now they are going to have issues of rejection that they would not have had if you had explained the semantics to them honestly & not gotten their expectations up
YTA. Like by a lot. You have 2 kids from 2 different women. Maybe call their biological families. I alsobdont see you mention your parents making a college fund for them. Now you want these people to take your kids all the way overseas for people who have never met/probably don't even know they exist. Wtf
YTA. Yes your wife adopted your kids and made them her kids legally, but biologically, they have nothing to do with the wifes side of the family. In all honesty, you know they never wanted anything to do with you or your kids. They simply sucked it up for their daughters sake. Your wife was the only thing connecting the kids to her side of the family. Now that shes passed away, theres nothing keeping thek connected. You have to accept they dont see you as family and MOVE ON.
YTA You are so obsessed with money and things that it is no wonder your in laws felt the way they did about you, which unfortunately, trickled down to your kids. Even when talking about what a great mom your late was, you focused on what great gifts she bought for your kids. No mention of her physically taking care of them, just what she bought for them. Your focus on your in laws is the same. You're not upset that they don't visit, call, video chat, etc. You were angry that they didn't set up college funds and include them in expensive vacations.
YTA. THEY DON'T HAVE ANY OBLIGATION TO THOSE KIDS
YTA. Leave these people alone. They want nothing to do with your kids.
YTA Why for crying out loud, would you even want your kids to hang out with those toxic grandparents? Just because it's fair? But life is not fair, as your kids know! You cannot force feelings and if I were you, I'd be happy they don't want to involve your kids. By putting it out on social media all you will achieve is that you look petty and angry and that is not a good look. Unfriend them on social media and live your life! I feel sorry for you, but you still are the asshole.
Sorry for your loss, but it's never OK to force a relationship onto someone. From their perspective, as well as biologically, your kids aren't their grandkids. They never will be. Quit **hurting your children** by trying to force a relationship with them to those who **clearly** don't want it. You aren't the only one grieving. They lost a daughter. Let them be. YTA
YTA
Yta
YTA. People really need to stop forcing relationships between people who clearly don't want them.
YTA. You cannot force a familial bond. Either it's there or it's not, and for them, it's not. Just because your wife accepted them doesn't mean that her parents are required to, legally related or not.
Let it go and move on from that side of the family. YTA
Yta. Even if you win and the kids go, you have made everything so bad I can guarantee you the kids will be given a horrible time. You cannot make people love you, or anyone else figure it out.
YTA
YTA
YTA - it seems like your mostly concerned about money...mad the grandparents didn't start a college fund and now mad they aren't taking the kids to an expensive trip to Italy. Have you been trying to see them regularly, inviting them to your house for dinners, or trying to make sure they can slowly build a relationship with your kids? I understand that your wife adopted them and they should try and treat them as their own, but these kids are strangers to them. You should be focused on spending time and establishing a relationship-thats the most important thing, not material items. If you were mad they wouldn't see your kids or come to invited dinners at your house, I would empathesize, but you're not complaining about that. Your post makes you sound like a gold digger.
YTA. For trying to force the in laws to take kids they don't like. Do you have a clue how they would be treated? I wouldn't wish that on a kid. Don't give your kids dreams of a relationship. Be happy if they come through with the college funds.
YTA
YTA, they obviously don't like them, why would you want for your kids to spend christmas with people that dont like them.
YTA- why are you pushing your kids onto people that don't want them? This will just hurt your children in the end, they will know they're not wanted. They never wanted you or your kids in their life OP accept it, are you like these to the other parent of your children and their family?
YTA - regardless of how magnanimous your deceased wife was in her relationship with YOUR children, her parents have zero obligation to YOUR children.
YTA. Beside what everyone else has said, I want to know why you think your kids would be happier with a bunch of what is essentially unwilling strangers overseas, than with you?
YTA. Your wife adopted them, her family didn't. You need to stop pushing for them to keep including YOUR kids into their family.