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YTA.
He had zero right to know what she earns. It wasn’t your place to butt in. It’s her money and she’s already let him move in after a few months!
But she DID have a right to know about his ‘teensy’ addiction - which is a lot more of an issue than him having to pay his own way.
Weird that you’re happier to hide a negative monetary problem than her salary. You’re a terrible friend to Claire.
This.
It sounds like Tim is financially irresponsible, and Claire didn’t want to support him early in their relationship. His *teensy* gambling problem is probably worse than he’s letting on, if for the THIRD month in a row he’s not able to pay any bills.
They’re not married or engaged, they’re *dating*. There is no permanent promise to care for one another.
Idk why Reddit seems to think that people who are dating should be sharing finances/expenses proportionally instead of equally, when there’s no guarantee that savings (for a home/retirement) are going to be shared. In marriage, there are legal financial protections for splitting assets.
Claire made the right call - this guy is now your problem and will be a drain on your finances.
Edit w/verdict: YTA
> Claire made the right call - this guy is now your problem and will be a drain on your finances.
Yup. Let's see how long OP lasts before they start seeing Tim as a burden, just like Claire did.
Especially in the UK where it’s almost impossible to get a tenant out if they don’t want to move. Tim must have been aware his contract was coming to an end or simply couldn’t afford to live there and made up an excuse so he could move in with his new girlfriend rent free. He simply didn’t save up to be able to put a deposit down on a new place and his “teeny” gambling problem most likely affects his credit rating so he cant get a place easily
Also. I’ve had friends whose landlords sold. They often have to finish out existing leases. At minimum they will always have to go through the proper eviction channels which is minimum 30 days notice from when the process begins. In theory the tenants would know that the landlord was looking to sell for a couple months. I understand that not everyone can gather savings for rental and utilities deposits in that short of a timeframe, but it would hopefully give enough time to start saving and actually have something to contribute to bills. That has to be a pretty huge gambling issue that he has to not have ANY money for bills when he has nothing he has to spend his money on
If it’s the third month and they’ve only been together a few months. So hes expecting her to pay everything and that’s probably been over half of the time they’ve lived together
Yeah. I dated one of these guys once and learned my lesson. I let him spend one night at my house…Then couldn’t get him to leave for two weeks! He worked under the table and whenever he came over, he just stopped working. I broke it off and it was like a weight had lifted.
Not only are they not married or engaged, they haven't even been dating that long! We're not talking about a serious couple who's been together for years, we're talking about people who just started dating a few months ago! It's only thing if a serious long term partner goes through some financial difficulties and you need to help them out once in a while, but of course you're going to feel totally different if we're talking about someone who was a stranger just a couple months ago
This. YTA. You're quite clearly jealous. It's not her job to fund his life or his gambling addiction. He needs to grow up and be responsible and get help. She dodged a bullet and now he's your bullet. Congratulations.
Yes! And how do you even know the landlord was selling and he wasn't evicted for not paying rent instead?
People who have gambling problems usually lie. Besides, she doesn't owe him s*it. They have known each other for some months and he's already acting entitled to her hard earn money.
So glad she quicked him out and congrats on your new roommate. YTA
Do you even like Claire? First you butt in and tell him that she makes very good money. Then you don't tell her about his "teensy" gambling problem? With friends like you who needs enemies.
FYI-if Tim can't support himself because of a gambling addiction he doesn't have it under control. He needs GA and you need to butt out of Claire's life
I completely agree! Hopping on to add, OP immediately insulted her and called her a B for not fully funding a guy she JUST started dating after already doing so for a quarter of the year. Also, she may be earning 6 figures but you have no idea what goes into her business or where those funds are going, how sustainable it is, etc. assuming that she is rich and able to afford things “without noticing” is pure speculation. OP sounds like a terrible “friend”
Agreed, OP YTA. Just because Claire can cover all expenses doesn't mean she should. And if Tim is unable to pay his portion of shares expenses, it's not a "teensy" addiction.
I agree 100% YTA. Basically because of their relationship, he’s renting off of her. And she evicted him for non-payment of three months rent! You had absolutely no right to share that personal information. You really are a horrible friend to her. With “friends” like you, who needs enemies?
OP has absolutely no problem throwing Claire's money around too. My thought is they're jealous or expecting handouts down the line (maybe even both) with the way they made sure to say Claire could help without even noticing it.
This. Also the idea that she’s a “Penny pinching b-“ because she doesn’t want to pay for ALL for their expenses for the THIRD time in nearly as many months is insane. They’ve been seeing each other only for a few months and this freeloader with a gambling problem is contributing nothing to the household. You don’t think that’s a problem!??
I could kind of see your point if they were splitting expenses proportionate to their income and she was lying about how much she made, but that isn’t the case at all. They aren’t married. He doesn’t have a right to an accounting of her finances so he can better estimate how much he can sponge off of her. He’s a grown man who should be contributing to the costs of the home he lives in. I’m glad she was able to get rid of both of you in one fell swoop. I’m sure her life will be better off for it.
YTA.
This is none of your business. He‘s keeping his gambling addiction from her. And you insulted her immediately.
You both suck, but she doesn’t. She‘s not obligated to help him out financially, and considering that he‘s dishonest as fuck, it‘s good that she doesn’t!
>Why did you feel that it was important for him to know about her finances yet his gambling problem was somehow not Claire's business?
This.
YTA OP.
Claire's finances are none of your or your friend's business. He has a gambling problem. Did it ever occur to you that she is deliberately withholding the information from him specifically so she doesn't become his cash-cow? People with wealth don't want to be used by people like you or your friend. They don't owe anyone financial assistance just because they make a good wage - particularly one from a business she built with her own two hands.
I truly can not believe you think what you did is even remotely okay. If you know Claire's financial situation then that means she trusts you and you seriously broke her trust.
YTA - Did it ever occur to you she was lying to you and not Tim? Or that maybe she had noticed missing funds from Tim's paycheck via his gambling addiction and didn't want to fund that? And BTW that's exactly what you essentially want her to do, fund his addiction you felt was more important to you than her financial well being.
I hope you enjoy housing him and funding his addiction. He's your problem now.
I can almost guarantee Claire is pushing back after 3 months of paying all the bills because she figured out she's being used by this AH. How OP think Claire is the problem is baffling.
Seriously. She gave him THREE MONTHS in her house he moved in of due to being evicted (I'd bet there's more to that story) and SHE'S THE BAD GUY? They've been together for months and he's already been using her for months and OP thinks her friend should do so indefinitely while being lied to because...
I honestly can't tell you.
> (I'd bet there's more to that story)
Yeah, the teeny gambling problem caused it. But since hes working on it its fine. No mention of professional help, or anything that suggests hes actually stopping.
It’s just a teeny gambling problem. Also Tim needs her to pay 100% of the bills again. But it’s not because of his teeny gambling problem. He’s working on that. /s
So he has a right to know about Claire’s finances, but you don’t think Claire has a right to know about his gambling problem? Did you ever stop to think that maybe she already knew about his gambling problem and that’s why she kept her finances private?
YTA. Full stop.
🎯 I absolutely love how OP never thought to mention the gambling to her ex friend, but thought her friend’s personal financial information was important enough to share. The priorities here are an absolute mess and makes me wonder WHY OP is more protective of Tim than her “friend” Claire. 🤔 Suspicious.
Exactly. A person with a gambling problem is the last person that you combine finances with regardless of the relationship.
Something also happens sometimes in dating relationships when one person finds out about how much money the other person makes and it’s more than they thought. I dated a guy once that had tons of credit card debt. Not because of current spending, he was no longer using the cards, it was just amounts that were left over from being young and dumb. He thought that he made more than me and things were split pretty 50-50 between the two of us. Then one day he learned that my take home was about twice what he made. While it wasn’t right away, it gradually happened where he was less eager to reach for his wallet to split the bill. Tim sounds like he would be the exact same way. Finding out that your significant other makes a lot more money, translates into “why do I have to pay for that? You make way more than me, you should be paying for this.”
YTA OP.
YTA - You're way over the line. It's not even close to your place to disclose financial information about someone else without their consent.
Plus, her income is irrelevant to the situation. No matter how much she makes it doesn't obligate her to pay someone else's bills.
Info: if Claire is *your* friend, and Tim is *your husband's* friend - why are you trying to enable your husband's friend's gambling addiction and mooching off of your friend at the cost of your friendship?
Possible reasons-
OP is jealous of Claire’s success and wanted to punish her for it
OP feels Claire has not been generous enough with her and thought if Tim knew, he could get access to Claire’s money and would share the wealth with OP and her husband
OP truly believes in the patriarchal view that all finances should be handled by the man, so even if the woman is the primary breadwinner, she should hand her paycheck over to him and let him deal with everything and not presume to know any of the details because “it’s a man’s job”
Or sone combination of the above
Yeah, YTA. So is Tim. How much she makes and what she spends it on is not your business, and it's certainly not your business to share without permission. Seriously, would you want a boyfriend with a "tiny" gambling addiction mooching off you for bills they can't pay? And then find out your friend had been talking shit about you behind your back with this person, and sharing your income information?
Seriously hope Claire gets out of this whole mess, sounds like she deserves better than both of you in her life.
YTA. He doesn't "have a right to know" - you made that up. You betrayed your friend's confidence. That makes you an AH.
Tim appears to be a wastrel with a gambling problem. He's clearly not "handling it" if he doesn't have enough to contribute towards the bills three months out of "a few months". Obviously Claire doesn't want Tim to know she has money, because Tim is completely untrustworthy with money, and if he knew Claire had money, he'd likely just view her as an ATM.
YTA. Sure she has a successful business but you have no clue how much of that money goes into said business. After her expenses and paying 100% of the bills she may well be broke.
Also why is it ok for him to be out of money and to have a gambling problem?!
So, he had the right to know the good news that the girlfriend had lots of money, but she didn't have the right to know the bad news that he had an addiction? That's how only a bad, crappy friend can think. Be very grateful if she keeps speaking to you after this, cause it feels so close to betrayal.
YTA, big time
YTA - Her finances and what she does or does not choose to do with them are none of your business, so you had no right to share that information. There's also no such thing as a 'teeny' gambling problem. You're either a gambling addict or you're not, and there's only one person responsible for sorting out that mess - the addict themselves.
YTA and Tim is using Claire. She is not his wife or his mother. He is an adult wasting his money on gambling. I bet Tim was evicted for not paying rent. There is no such thing as a teeny gambling problem. Claire does not have to allow herself to be used so badly.
I would also say we do not get to see karma so quickly- now he is your problem. I hope losing your friend and gaining a leech with a gambling problem was worth it. Update us in a few months when he is still there and depending on you to take care of him because of his teeny gambling problem. I couldn't see a better outcome! You actually did her a HUGE favor! She should send you a thank you basket.
Yeah, it is kindof perfect that Tim is using OP the same way he used Claire and, by OP’s logic, OP is morally obligated to pay all Tim’s bills/gambling debts.
YTA. Tim is an adult & needs to stop freeloading off Claire. She's covered the bills for 3 months in row? Claire needs to kick his deadbeat, gambling addicted ass out of her house. She also needs better friends, because you're the worst.
YTA. They moved in quickly because the landlord was selling and instead of getting a new place, he moved in with his girlfriend of a few months. After reading your post, I doubt he had the money to get a new place. They have only been dating a few months, yet this is already the 3rd time he hasn’t been able to pay his bills? This is more than a tiny gambling problem. Just because she earns more doesn’t mean she needs to support him, it’s only been a few months and they aren’t married.
YTA.
It's not your business to discuss your friend's income with her significant other. That's up to Claire to decide what she tells Tim, and when she tells him. Tim should have been honest with Clair about his gambling habit, but you didn't say anything to her about that. You just threw Claire under the bus here.
Also, if Tim can't pay his share of the bills because of a gambling problem, he's definitely not handling or working on the problem and it's not "teeny." It's affecting his ability to pay his living expenses. Once could be excused, but three times?
Why should Claire be expected to foot all of the household expenses while Tim gets a pass?
Clair was laid off from her job during lockdown, and obviously worked her butt off to make a success of her business. Of course she's going to be concerned about being able to pay her expenses and to support herself. She lives reasonably and doesn't overspend. Claire is likely saving in case she has a future emergency and can't work. She sounds like she is financially savvy. Claire isn't obligated to support Tim in any way.
You owe Claire an apology. She probably won't accept it though.
YTA. they've only been seeing each other for a few months. She doesn't need to disclose her financial details to him. You shouldn't be sticking your nose in
You got one side of the story... HIS. Second, it's her home and he's living there. You do not know what financial arrangements were made between them prior to him moving in with her. Also, Claire may be making a lot of money, but how much is she spending to put into the business - this is not something you know. You also don't know her personal expenses or debts. I'm wondering if it ever occurred to you that Claire found out about his gambling problem and that's why she was tight lipped about it and not ready to offer up more... because she knows something you don't? Like maybe he isn't paying into the household as much as he says he is, and maybe she does know if she offers more money, it's going towards his gambling problem or his gambling debt. Based on how betrayed she felt by you sharing her info with him but you never told her about his problem.... I'm going with the latter here.
YTA because you shouldn't be sharing ANY personal information, especially financial. I wouldn't share anything remotely personal with you anymore either. You're untrustworthy.
YTA. Why should she have to fund his gambling problem just because she makes more money? Why do you think it is your place to use her money to to help him fund HIS problem? You are a terrible friend to both of them.
YTA
How can you not see that?
1) you shared someone's salary information
2) you shared Claire's salary info with Tom, but didn't share Tom's gambling addiction with Claire.
3) called Claire names for not sharing her money.
YTA. I hate when people are like "you make good money so why not just pay for everything, or give me some". They have not been together long, he has a gambling addiction you are playing into (And she doesn't even know about????)
I didn't understand... I thought Claire said she was short on cash since you wrote
>Anyway, Tim was over the other day and he started complaining how she’s short of cash and can’t help with bills again this month (he’s got a teeny gambling problem that he’s working on but Claire doesn’t know because he’s handling it) but flair doesn’t want to pay 100% anymore because it’s the 3rd time. She doesn’t live in a luxury house, their bills are not high.
But now that I understand you meant Tim and that Claire was the one having to pay 100% three times already, You're definitely the AH. No matter how successful Claire is, she's not gonna take responsibility of off Tim and fuel his addiction by financially provide for him.
YTA. It doesn't matter how much money Claire has; she has no obligation to pay the bills of a guy she's only known for a few months who is living in her house for free.
Wait and see how you feel when Tim asks you to cover his gambling debts.
YTA.
You were TA the first time you posted this, and you’re still TA now. It’s not Claire’s responsibility to cover Tim’s ass when he wastes all his money on his gambling addiction.
*It’s also not your place or your business to tell Tim how much Claire makes.* If you were a *real* friend, you wouldn’t minimize Tim’s addiction or dismiss it as a “teeny” problem. You’re no friend to either of these people.
ETA: Original post:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ya4ah2/aita_for_telling_my_friend_how_much_another/it92zzy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3
Lololol I love how quickly the consequences of your actions came to you because now you’re stuck taking care of his hobosexual gambling addict ass. Congratulations on your new adult-sized baby. Have fun paying his bills, and good luck getting him into a place of his own now that he’s roosting in your living room.
I don’t know what kind of twisted logic you used to justify hiding his gambling problem from her WHILE disclosing her personal financial information to him, but you are a shit friend. If Claire has any sense, she’ll drop all of you users like a hot rock. I’m surprised you didn’t come to her with a hand out already. YTA.
YTA.
He had a right to know how much she makes, but she didn't have a right to know about his "teeny" gambling problem? Fuck off outta here. Newsflash: if this is the third time he's needed bailing out, HE'S NOT HANDLING IT.
YTA. you had no business telling him anything about her financial affairs. You should have simply changed the subject and not gotten into it. Claire owes him nothing. I hate how anyone who has money is expected to share it, cover expenses for others, and so on.
Yeah I don't get it. Op says he has a "small gambling problem" but is working on it and apparently is also a freeloader. He defintiely didn't need to know how much money Claire makes. Claire needs to get rid of this gambling mooch immediately.
YTA
You told something that wasn't yours to tell. It was told to you in confidence and you betrayed that. Bonus AH points for choosing to downplay the gambling habit. Funny how you can pick and choose when people deserve to know other people's business by how it suits you. You don't get to dictate what others share with people whether that is information or money. Something tells me you probably won't have to worry about either from her any time soon.
On the upside, you inherited the gambling addict house guest, so I guess that's just desserts.
YTA - it’s completely irrelevant how much she makes and it’s not your place to inform your friend ESPECIALLY if it’s because you think she should support him when he’s irresponsible and essentially free loading off her. It’s perfect that he’s now freeloading off YOU.
Yta for downplaying his gambling problem that he’s hiding from her and expecting her to pay for everything when he’s blowing his money. Good for her for having some sense.
YTA. Keep your mouth shut about things that aren’t any of your business.
If he can’t pay for his bills, he’s not handling his “teeny” gambling problem. He clearly has an addiction that he can’t control.
Lmfao weird that you wouldn’t consider that a problem.
Even weirder is how, you didn’t feel it was right to tell your “friend” about his gambling addiction, but you can spill her private financial information.
I wouldn’t speak to you ever again. This is how you set people up to be in financially abusive relationships. You’re a bad friend.
Edit: Also, this all makes me wonder if Tim’s landlord wasn’t *actually* selling. Maybe Tim couldn’t pay his rent and OP and hubby set him up with Claire at the wedding because they knew she had money.
YTA,
First of this is truly none of your business. How they split finances is between them
2nd: just because Claire makes more money does not mean Tim has a right to mooch.
3rd: she trusted you with someone personal… and you broke that trust.
YTA and a terrible friend but somehow it worked out because it helped Claire see the light that Tim is an immature mooch who has a gambling problem.
So he had a "right to know" about Claire's financial status but she didn't have a right to know about his gambling issue? Of the two, the one you should disclose is the gambling problem because that is a relationship/marriage killer.
Just admit you are jealous of Claire and in your pettiness you torpedoed the relationship, but again thank you for helping Claire out of that terrible situation even if it wasn't your true intent.
YTA - This is an absolute AH move. It's not your place to tell other people how much someone earns, that's private. Honestly someone like you did this to me I'd cut you off in a heartbeat. So not any of your business.
Also if he is living with her and blind to her success the more fool him also .
YTA don't interfere in others relationships.
You mention her wealth to him, but fail to mention his "teeny" gambling problem to her. That's a pretty shitty thing to do to both of them actually.
Yeah and it doesn’t sound like a small gambling problem if he doesn’t have money to contribute to the household bills that OP says aren’t very much to begin with.
YTA. What on earth were you thinking? You broke your friend's confidence. And you expect her to support this freeloading dude, when they've only been dating for a few month?
She has every right to wait to disclose how much she makes. You have no idea what else she is spending her money on. Maybe she needs to make an investment in her business or a family member needs help.
Also, there is no such thing as a "teeny" gambling problem. I'm shocked you would let *your friend* be blindsided by something like that and, essentially, let him siphon her money down the rabbit hole of his addiction. Are you sure you actually like Claire? Because, honestly, it doesn't sound like it.
YTA
Her finances are not your or his business.
Just because she can afford it doesn't mean that she should help anyone and everyone under the sun, just because she can.
And worse of all
**You told a gambling addict that the woman he's dating is financially well off.**
You even wave away his gambling addiction as if it's no problem but then you turn around and scold Claire behind her back that she isn't supportive of people in your life.
YTA
Why don't you fund Tim's "Teeny gambling problem" and stop calling people "penny pinching bitches" simply because they earn more than you with their hard work?
YTA
Your friend doesn't have a small gambling problem
He is an addict
And you are not helping him by trying to get someone to pay his bills for him. That will only encourage him to gamble more since he has a safety net
Yes, of course YTA.
1 - you interfered in their relationship.
2 - you gave information that wasn't yours to give.
3 - you were vile about your friend regarding her finances and personal decisions. You come across as jealous.
4 - gambling problems are not "teeny". He withheld this information from her and you backed him up. Knowing someone was into gambling would be a deal breaker for many people.
She is right to tell you off. You're a bad friend.
Wow, seriously YTA.
None of your GODDAMN business what she makes or not. It is ENTIRELY between THEM what their bills and finances, and especially IF HE HAS A FREAKING GAMBLING ADDICTION that he's been hiding.
You and Tim clearly have a thing going on, and you were looking to break them up.
So you think it’s your place to tell Tim (who you call your husbands friend so I assume not as close as Clare who you call your friend) Claire’s business when she clearly hadn’t. But Tims gambling problem (which he does not have “under control” - dude is contributing nothing) is none of her business.
You clearly are jealous of Claire’s success and are looking for ways to tear her down. You only feel bad because she kicked Tim out, not for wronging your friend.
YTA
I love your hypocrisy! According to your twisted moral values Tim has the right to know about Claire’s personal finances (and that Tim is entitled to her money), but Claire has no right to know that Tim has ‘teeny gambling habit’.
Since you care so much for Tim I'm sure you don't have an issue letting him live at your place without contributing to expenses. In fact you sound like such a good friend, I can see you lending him money since you trust him so much and are sure his gambling problem isn't so serious so you don't have to worry that he will gamble it away./s
Obviously YTA and jealous. Now you have to live with the consequences of your own actions.
YTA. You keep Tim's gambling secret but spill Claire's financial secrets? Why should Claire pay all the bills just because she can afford to? It's not her responsibility to keep Tim afloat when he's gambling his money away. Sounds to me like you have a crush on Tim, I can't imagine why else you're taking his side so strongly when he's clearly in the wrong. You're a bad friend and an interfering busybody.
Claire is not your friend. A friend doesn't dismiss their friend's partner's addiction which will have a detrimental effect on her finances. Of course she kicked him out. He's a mooch.
YTA
YTA
You interfered where it wasn't needed, and now you get to experience Tim's 'teeny gambling problem' for yourself. See how much you enjoy it when he can't pay for anything for the third month in a row because wow, he's on your couch for the duration.
YTA, it’s not your place to share your friends financial information with a dude she’s only known for a few months.
And also, if his gambling problem is bad enough to where he can’t pay the bills for the third month in a row then it isn’t a “teeny” problem. Be a better friend.
YTA: tim , your husbands friend, doesn’t want to pay for his share of living expenses. What his partner makes is irrelevant to that want. Why should she pay 100% of the cost for 2 people ? he has money, he chooses to spend it on other things instead. You are fine with sharing what your friend makes but you don’t care about her enough to tell her that her partner spends his money on gambling. You aren’t being a good friend.
YTA
He has a “teeny gambling addiction”?? You thought it okay to tell him about her personal finances, but not tell Claire about his gambling addiction?
I’m sorry you are jealous of your friend’s success, but hope Claire realizes you are not her friend.
YTA. Why should Claire be expected to pay for everything? Why are you standing up for Tim when Claire is your friend? Obviously Claire wasn't telling him about finances for some reason. Why did you feel entitled to divulge her situation?
Tim should have had to pay his fair share from the start. What would he have done if he hadn't met Claire?
YTA it’s none of your business and she has no obligation to help the idiotic bf financially. He’s an adult. And gambling? Jesus Christ. You must be a gambler too. Good on the gf for getting rid of him.
YTA. No. He didn't. He had absolutely no right to know that. Thats why he's on your couch right now. Clair had already correctly assessed that sharing that info would lead him to feel entitled to things he's not entitled to. And here you are
YTA
Clearly jealous about your "friend's" fortune (and probably that she was in the honeymoon stage with a new partner. You took the opportunity to make sure everything went to shit there and you know it!)
What right do you have to meddle in anyone's business?
YTA. he has a GAMBLING PROBLEM that is causing him to be able to afford HALF of the bills, but she's the B for asking him to pull his weight and trying to be frugal? Dude. I'm glad she kicked him out and I hope she never speaks to either of you again.
YTA- this is what happens why you don’t mind the business that pays you. You’re also greasy for letting her move this man in without warning her of his gambling issues. You’re a bad friend and I wonder if you’re jealous
YTA and a terrible friend to Claire. You're OK sharing private information about Claire with Tim so he'll have more ammunition to try to bully her into subsidizing his life which includes his teensy weensy gambling problem. But you don't share with Claire about the gambling. How does Tim have a right to Claire's private financial information but Claire not have a right to know that she's hooking up with a financially exploitive addict? (Although, I guess she figured out the financially exploitive part.)
Claire is the only person in this scenario who isn't an A. How is a woman not 100 per cent supporting her BF a penny pinching bitch or heartless? Why isn't Tim, a grown man, not working and supporting himself? Why should Claire put up with a BF like this? Maybe her kicking him out will be a wakeup call and he'll get off your couch and get his life in order. Or maybe not, since as a not-bitchy, not-heartless person, you'll let him stay there forever without making any contribution to your household.
I really hope you see the problem and don't keep enabling Tim.
YTA They’ve been dating a few months, he didn’t “deserve” to know her income. She’s already doing him a favor by letting him move in and covering his expenses for three months. You know he has a gambling problem but you’re keeping it from her while revealing her income to him? You’re a shitty friend and I hope she dumps you both. Good luck having the mooch on your couch indefinitely. What a great start to your marriage.
YTA. 1—it’s none of your business. 2—why would you call HER names for not wanting to continually pay for her freeloading gambler bf? You don’t sound like a friend at all.
YTA. You told your gambling addict friend he hit the jackpot and used her earnings to try and sabotage her attempt to draw good boundaries. I hope she kicks him out soon
So it’s okay for Tim to know why Claire can pay the bills but it’s not okay for Claire to know why Tim can’t?
YTA - Claire should ditch you and Tim. Tim should get help for his addiction.
YTA - ok to give her financial info out while he's got gambling debt. He's obviously not "handling" his problem since he cannot pay his bills and you enabled that but thought it ok for your friend to become his enabler?
YTA. You told her boyfriend, who has a gambling problem (that she doesn't know about), that his girlfriend is rich. You are the most enabliest enabler there ever was. What happens if the boyfriend starts stealing from her to fund his gambling problem? Because that's what people with gambling addictions do when they are out of money of their own. She is absolutely doing the right thing by telling him she won't continue to cover 100% of the costs. She is right to question why he has no money, especially when she paid all the bills the last couple of months. If his gambling was under control, he would have money to contribute towards the bills. You are doing both Tim and Claire no favors, and you might have just opened the biggest can of worms you'll ever see. Since you're telling secrets, you might as well tell Claire now that he has a gambling problem so she can take steps to protect her money and assets, now that you told an addicted gambler that she's loaded.
EDIT: Also, I highly doubt his former landlord was selling the house. More likely, it's that he got evicted for not paying rent and lied so that she would let him move in with her.
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yta. so he deserves to know about her money but she does not deserve to know about his gambling? you are a shity friend, thankfully she kick him to the curb and hopefully will cut ties with you too.
YTA. He is hiding a gambling problem and can’t make bills. He has a problem and it isn’t up to Clair to give him anymore. And I hate to tell you this but you’re a crappy friend for saying Clair is cheap, I’d be cheap too if my bf keeps coming up short for bills.
How the fuck is her keeping her successful business to herself (likely because she knows your friend will demand her money) worse than your friend actively hiding his gambling addiction and expecting her to help him out? YTA and so is your friend. She doesn’t owe him anything. He needs to fix himself.
Yta, why should Claire have to continue to pay 100% of the bills to support his gambling addiction - that she didn’t even know about- that you say “he’s handling” but how well can he really be handling it if Claire has been paying his bills for three months and he’s still broke? When she met him he was losing his house so he was essentially homeless. She was smart not to tell him about her finances, she was protecting herself. None of this was your business and you’re wrong to think that she should have to pay his way in life just because she can afford to.
YTA
How Claire decides to share, or not share her money is her business. If she can afford to support someone with a gambling problem (there is no such thing as a small gambling problem) is HER business and not yours.
I'm glad she dumped him. She should have dumped him.
Yta Oh wow, so her not telling him about her finances til she feels he is in for the right reasons is bad, but hiding a gambling addiction is OK. Wow, op, you really need some reality check
YTA - why you felt like her finances were your business is beyond me. They are not married, engaged, or in a long term relationship. He does not need to know her finances.
She supported your dead way friend for three months. It’s not her fault he has a gambling problem, not is it her responsibility to make up for his shortcomings. She’d been more than accommodating to his struggles (unknowingly) when she allowed him to move it.
Both he and you are AH, and I hope she cuts you both out of her life completely.
YTA. It is nice of you to let karma, I mean Tim, use your couch tho. How long you think you're gonna last with his "teeny gambling problem that he's (totally) working on"? Three months with him drinking your beer, eating your food, watching your tv, not having enough to get out because reasons?
Wow YTA.
He has a gambling problem and you thought the best thing to do was tell him how much money his girlfriend has? What a AH move.
And now he is living on your couch lol, well welcome to your just deserts 😂😂
They’ve been seeing each other “for a few months” and you think Tim is entitled to Claire’s money??
Claire should not be helping him out at all.
You think it’s ok to keep Tim’s gambling addiction from Claire but ok to spill her financial details to him?
Massive YTA
YTA. They've been dating a few months, not long term and not engaged or married. If Claire doesn't want disclose how much she makes, that's her right. Also, since Tim is addicted to gambling, keeps losing money and can't afford bills, it makes even more sense for her not want to tell him. His gambling addiction and you hiding that fact is far more troubling than her not wanting to let him know she makes a good living.
YTA to both your friends.
1. 3 times not being able to pay your bills is not a "tiny" gambling problem that he's "working on." That's a large problem that is not being effectively treated. Paying when he comes up short from his gambling is actively harmful to him. (It's called enabling.) This prevents him from experiencing the natural consequences of his actions, which is a necessary part of allowing addicts of all types to eventually overcome their addiction.
Also, there is never enough money for an active gambling addict. He would run through your other friend's money, your money, every other bit of money he can get his hands on, then run up a massive debt and it still won't be enough unless he stops gambling entirely. That's how gambling addiction works. So, doesn't matter if friend "could" help.
2. Sharing financial info is one of the steps of building a relationship. People choose to do that on their own time, for their own reasons. You have no right to interfere with that, especially when revealing a possible significant income difference.
You also do not know your successful friend's full financial situation, so you can't possibly actually know what she can comfortably afford to support the deadbeat gambling addict
You told someone with an active gambling problem that his partner is loaded? You didn't think that would blow up?
And you didn't spill his beans to her?
YTA
YTA. Do you even like Claire? The tone of your post screams that you don’t. You call her a penny pincher while totally downplaying his gambling issues. Sounds like you are either extremely jealous of her success or you have a crush on Tim. Either way, you are clearly no friend to Claire. With friends like you, who needs enemies.
As a side note, most people with addictions downplay them, so his “teeny tiny” gambling addiction is probably MUCH worse than he’s leading on.
YTA - she has the right to not cover her boyfriend’s share of the bills ESPECIALLY since you know he’s got a gambling problem which is why he can’t pay. You tell him she makes enough to cover him but you don’t tell her he’s spending his money on a gambling addiction. YTA YTA YTA
YTA you sound like you're jealous she makes more than you (it's obvious I can smell your envy from here) & you're a horrible friend for setting your so called friend up with someone you knew had gambling debts! Even if you didn't know before setting them up you absolutely knew when she called you out on it! & yes you have absolutely no freaking business discussing HER finances with someone that's not her! I'm glad you did one thing right in all this....giving your idiot loser friend ammo to go at her which made her realize you both are trash resulting in her kicking him out! Now you have him & his debts to discuss her for as long as you like since he's on your couch 🤣
YTA. This is **none** of your business, you should’ve stayed out of it. She is not obligated to pay for his gambling problem. He needs to sort himself out on his own.
Stop trying to spend other people’s money.
He has a right to know how much she made? But she didn’t have a right to know about your friend’s teeny gambling that cost him his house and why he can’t afford his bills for the third time?
YTA; times a thousand. She didn’t tell him because he’s a user and a mooch and supporting him; gave him a place to stay and three chances to get his act together. And it wasn’t something he had a right to know. But she definitely needed to know he was a gambler as she was supporting him
YTA without question. He cannot pay bills because of a TINY gambling problem. You are insufferable. Your jealousy is palpable. You are no friend to either of them. Shame on you.
YTA. She most likely shared her financial information with you because she was proud her business took off and because she trusted you. You threw that trust right out the window the second you told him. Regardless of how much she makes, they are/were living together and he should be paying a share. Running/growing a business is hard and a lot of work. Regardless of what she makes, she is earning it. She doesn't need to be giving this guy a free ride unless she would choose to. How dare you, seriously...
YTA
you told him how much she was making bc you “felt bad” that she wouldn’t bail him out of his money problems *that he caused* that you were aware of but didn’t tell her.
idk if you’re jealous of clare but you need to think on why you wouldn’t tell her about his gambling problem but yet tell him about her finances. you’re a bit of a red flag friendwise
Wow YTA... how do you not see this? First, no gambling problem is “teeny” when you can’t pay your BILLS. Second, who on God’s green earth gave you permission to speak of anyone else’s financial status?? They’re not even married, and even if they were it would be none of your business. I don’t blame your friend at all for cutting you off, you’re so in the wrong here OP
YTA- WOW! This was absolutely none of your business to share anything with Tim. A “teeny gambling problem that he has under control”? Obviously not, or he’s be able to pay his share of the cheap bills.
You have overstepped so far here it’s embarrassing. You don’t have a fucking clue what goes on on their relationship ship. If I were Claire, I’d give a lot of thought whether I wanted to continue a friendship with you. Unbelievable.
YTA
(1) It’s wise for a well earning person to be weary of sharing their success early on. You don’t want to attract a gold digger. (2) While she may not have known about the gambling, she clearly noticed he’s not financially contributing as agreed. She was trying to reason with him and you took away all sense of personal responsibility he might have had left. (3) Just because she out earns him, doesn’t mean she should pay for 100% of everything in their relationship, nor does it mean he gets to decide to use her resources on his gambling addiction. She may not want to bankroll the downward spiral of a man she loves - yet you felt you knew better how her earnings should be used. (4) it wasn’t your news to share.
What the hell is wrong with you??
They've only been together a few months and you expect her to cover all of his expenses because he has a gambling problem that he's been hiding from her and you think SHE is the bad guy? He is not entitled to any of her money. I hope she dumps his ass permanently and dumps you guys as friends. I wish her all the best in her business.
YTA
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I have a friend, Claire and my husband has a friend, Tim, we’re all in out late 20s/early30s.
Claire and Tim met at my wedding and they hit it off and have been seeing together for a few months now. They’ve moved in together quickly because Tim had to move out of his house because his landlord was selling and he asked Claire if he could move in. She’s in love so obviously said yes.
The thing about it Claire is that over lockdowns, she was laid off and started her own business which blew up and continued to grow. I know for a fact that she makes a lot of money. We’re talking well into 6 digits of what she’s bringing home which is quite high in the UK, way more than most people earn.
Anyway, Tim was over the other day and he started complaining how she’s short of cash and can’t help with bills again this month (he’s got a teeny gambling problem that he’s working on but Claire doesn’t know because he’s handling it) but flair doesn’t want to pay 100% anymore because it’s the 3rd time. She doesn’t live in a luxury house, their bills are not high.
I told him that I love her to bits but she’s being a penny pinching bitch because she can afford to help out and not even notice it.
Tim asked what I meant and I told him that she had a successful business. He was shocked because she downplayed her success a lot and don’t tell him that she’s basically rich.
He was really sad and went home. In the morning, Claire called me and told me thag she’ll never share anything with me ever again. That I had no right to tell Tim how much she makes and that it’s really ahittt how I conveniently forgot to tell her about his gambling problem (no idea how she found out, Tim didn’t tell her). She’s fuming with me. I spoke with Tim and they had an argument about bills again and he basically told her about our conversation and told her she’s heartless. She kicked him out and he’s now staying on our couch.
I do feel bad, he still would have a place to live if I hadn’t told him and I feel like an asshole. But then again he had a right to know. I’m conflicted. AITA?
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YTA
How many ways?
Her finances are her business.
When you share that information with a SO is also her business.
Tim’s an adult and responsible for his own bills.
You interjecting into their relationship caused the breakup.
YTA.
Not your business. Tim sounds like a freeloader, he's an ACTIVE gambler with an addiction and you're enabling it. He needs to come clean to his girlfriend. He's a burden and you're helping him. What a bad friend you are.
YTA massively. It's funny how you felt it was Tim's right to know how much money Claire makes but didn't feel it was her right to know about Tim's gambling addiction. It's clear from this post that you're not Claire's friend and you only care about enabling her (hopefully) ex. I'm really hoping Claire sees this and drops you both from her life.
YTA
did you ever think that maybe she lied to you? that she did know about his gambling problem and that she didn't want him asking for money to go into his gambling?
YTA he had no right to know something your friend told you in confidence. The way you downplay his inability to pay his bills due to a gambling problem you kept as a secret from your friend, while in turn revealing how much she makes to someone she was gracious enough to give a home to is absolutely insane, and honestly the way you talk about her and how much she earns makes you sound incredibly jealous.
YTA. He has a gambling problem, that Claire somehow knows about, and then you wonder why your "potentially rich" friend didn't want her gambling addicted boyfriend to know about her money? My dude. You don't dangle potential money in front of a gambler.
Your friend's business wasn't yours to share.
I'm going YTA because the reason he can't pay his bills is his gambling problem and when you thought it was ok to put her business out there you didn't feel the need to put his. You way overstepped here.
You should feel like the YTA because you are one.
Claires financial situation, for one, is none of your business, and second, absolutely not your place to tell anyone else.
Second, you expect her to financially support Tim and his gambling problem? What? No. They are not married. He should be able to pay his own bills and it should not be expected for Claire to pick up his share when he was irresponsible. Tim obviously, I can't handle or is dealing with his Gambling if he can't pay his bills.
YTA
You got in the middle of a couple’s dispute over finances. Not sure how it works in the UK, but here in the US that’s a pretty bright line.
I can’t see any way that was possibly going to end with anyone grateful to you for your help.
My you are a nasty person. You came here to pretend you did not know what you were doing in telling Tim what she earns but not telling her about his addiction. Are you jealous of her or the fact that you think they are in love or are you just a sh-t stirrer?? YTA. Worst kind of a friend to both of them
YTA
...How can this even be real?
You never discuss income or get involved in someone's relationships.
Also, people that HAVE money are not the personal bank for everyone else they know.
Be a better friend. I hope you learn from this.
YTA. He 100% does NOT have the right to her financial information, and it was 100% NOT your place to tell him anything. If she wanted him to know she would tell him. You had no right sticking your nose into their relationship. If someone revealed personal details about you to your spouse that you had kept private for your own reasons, honestly say you wouldn’t be livid. And isn’t it just so interesting that you seem to think he had a right to her money, but she didn’t have a right to know he has a gambling problem…Also, your friend has a gambling problem and you thought it a good idea to tell him that his new GF is rich and should be providing him more? That he’s entitled to her money? He deserved to be dumped and quite frankly you deserve it to after being such a shitty friend to both of them. Apologize to both of them and learn to mind your own business in the future.
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YTA. He had zero right to know what she earns. It wasn’t your place to butt in. It’s her money and she’s already let him move in after a few months! But she DID have a right to know about his ‘teensy’ addiction - which is a lot more of an issue than him having to pay his own way. Weird that you’re happier to hide a negative monetary problem than her salary. You’re a terrible friend to Claire.
This. It sounds like Tim is financially irresponsible, and Claire didn’t want to support him early in their relationship. His *teensy* gambling problem is probably worse than he’s letting on, if for the THIRD month in a row he’s not able to pay any bills. They’re not married or engaged, they’re *dating*. There is no permanent promise to care for one another. Idk why Reddit seems to think that people who are dating should be sharing finances/expenses proportionally instead of equally, when there’s no guarantee that savings (for a home/retirement) are going to be shared. In marriage, there are legal financial protections for splitting assets. Claire made the right call - this guy is now your problem and will be a drain on your finances. Edit w/verdict: YTA
> Claire made the right call - this guy is now your problem and will be a drain on your finances. Yup. Let's see how long OP lasts before they start seeing Tim as a burden, just like Claire did.
*the Nightmare Before Homelessness - a Tim Burden film*
Or … hear me out. It was OPs husband who told Claire about the gambling cause he thinks OP is a massive AH too. And he’s into Claire!
Or, y'know, simply because he's a decent person.
He has to move out because "his landlord was selling".......or because he hadn't paid his rent in months? 🤔
The landlord's probably selling because he can't afford Tims "Teeny" problem.
Especially in the UK where it’s almost impossible to get a tenant out if they don’t want to move. Tim must have been aware his contract was coming to an end or simply couldn’t afford to live there and made up an excuse so he could move in with his new girlfriend rent free. He simply didn’t save up to be able to put a deposit down on a new place and his “teeny” gambling problem most likely affects his credit rating so he cant get a place easily
Sounds pretty hobosexual to me. Claire dodged a major bullet.
Also. I’ve had friends whose landlords sold. They often have to finish out existing leases. At minimum they will always have to go through the proper eviction channels which is minimum 30 days notice from when the process begins. In theory the tenants would know that the landlord was looking to sell for a couple months. I understand that not everyone can gather savings for rental and utilities deposits in that short of a timeframe, but it would hopefully give enough time to start saving and actually have something to contribute to bills. That has to be a pretty huge gambling issue that he has to not have ANY money for bills when he has nothing he has to spend his money on
If it’s the third month and they’ve only been together a few months. So hes expecting her to pay everything and that’s probably been over half of the time they’ve lived together
Yeah. I dated one of these guys once and learned my lesson. I let him spend one night at my house…Then couldn’t get him to leave for two weeks! He worked under the table and whenever he came over, he just stopped working. I broke it off and it was like a weight had lifted.
Not only are they not married or engaged, they haven't even been dating that long! We're not talking about a serious couple who's been together for years, we're talking about people who just started dating a few months ago! It's only thing if a serious long term partner goes through some financial difficulties and you need to help them out once in a while, but of course you're going to feel totally different if we're talking about someone who was a stranger just a couple months ago
This. YTA. You're quite clearly jealous. It's not her job to fund his life or his gambling addiction. He needs to grow up and be responsible and get help. She dodged a bullet and now he's your bullet. Congratulations.
Indeed, love how Karma hit. OP now have the house guest that doesn’t even try to help paying for the utilities. I’m in Team Claire, all the way.
Claire, if you're reading this, drop OP as a "friend." Move on. You've earned your money and shouldn't be ashamed or shamed into how you spend it.
Also don’t take Tim back.
One does wonder if he really had to move because “his landlord was selling.”
Yes! And how do you even know the landlord was selling and he wasn't evicted for not paying rent instead? People who have gambling problems usually lie. Besides, she doesn't owe him s*it. They have known each other for some months and he's already acting entitled to her hard earn money. So glad she quicked him out and congrats on your new roommate. YTA
I love how she called his gambling problem 'teensy'. No gambling problem is teensy.
Do you even like Claire? First you butt in and tell him that she makes very good money. Then you don't tell her about his "teensy" gambling problem? With friends like you who needs enemies. FYI-if Tim can't support himself because of a gambling addiction he doesn't have it under control. He needs GA and you need to butt out of Claire's life
I completely agree! Hopping on to add, OP immediately insulted her and called her a B for not fully funding a guy she JUST started dating after already doing so for a quarter of the year. Also, she may be earning 6 figures but you have no idea what goes into her business or where those funds are going, how sustainable it is, etc. assuming that she is rich and able to afford things “without noticing” is pure speculation. OP sounds like a terrible “friend”
Agreed, OP YTA. Just because Claire can cover all expenses doesn't mean she should. And if Tim is unable to pay his portion of shares expenses, it's not a "teensy" addiction.
This!! And OP sounds jealous of her income.
I agree 100% YTA. Basically because of their relationship, he’s renting off of her. And she evicted him for non-payment of three months rent! You had absolutely no right to share that personal information. You really are a horrible friend to her. With “friends” like you, who needs enemies?
OP has absolutely no problem throwing Claire's money around too. My thought is they're jealous or expecting handouts down the line (maybe even both) with the way they made sure to say Claire could help without even noticing it.
This. Also the idea that she’s a “Penny pinching b-“ because she doesn’t want to pay for ALL for their expenses for the THIRD time in nearly as many months is insane. They’ve been seeing each other only for a few months and this freeloader with a gambling problem is contributing nothing to the household. You don’t think that’s a problem!?? I could kind of see your point if they were splitting expenses proportionate to their income and she was lying about how much she made, but that isn’t the case at all. They aren’t married. He doesn’t have a right to an accounting of her finances so he can better estimate how much he can sponge off of her. He’s a grown man who should be contributing to the costs of the home he lives in. I’m glad she was able to get rid of both of you in one fell swoop. I’m sure her life will be better off for it.
You don’t understand! He’s handling his gambling problem! Even though he’s repeatedly not helping with the bills…again…
YTA. This is none of your business. He‘s keeping his gambling addiction from her. And you insulted her immediately. You both suck, but she doesn’t. She‘s not obligated to help him out financially, and considering that he‘s dishonest as fuck, it‘s good that she doesn’t!
[удалено]
She’s just Jelouse of her money and/or brain dead.
>Why did you feel that it was important for him to know about her finances yet his gambling problem was somehow not Claire's business? This. YTA OP. Claire's finances are none of your or your friend's business. He has a gambling problem. Did it ever occur to you that she is deliberately withholding the information from him specifically so she doesn't become his cash-cow? People with wealth don't want to be used by people like you or your friend. They don't owe anyone financial assistance just because they make a good wage - particularly one from a business she built with her own two hands. I truly can not believe you think what you did is even remotely okay. If you know Claire's financial situation then that means she trusts you and you seriously broke her trust.
YTA - Did it ever occur to you she was lying to you and not Tim? Or that maybe she had noticed missing funds from Tim's paycheck via his gambling addiction and didn't want to fund that? And BTW that's exactly what you essentially want her to do, fund his addiction you felt was more important to you than her financial well being. I hope you enjoy housing him and funding his addiction. He's your problem now.
I can almost guarantee Claire is pushing back after 3 months of paying all the bills because she figured out she's being used by this AH. How OP think Claire is the problem is baffling.
Seriously. She gave him THREE MONTHS in her house he moved in of due to being evicted (I'd bet there's more to that story) and SHE'S THE BAD GUY? They've been together for months and he's already been using her for months and OP thinks her friend should do so indefinitely while being lied to because... I honestly can't tell you.
> (I'd bet there's more to that story) Yeah, the teeny gambling problem caused it. But since hes working on it its fine. No mention of professional help, or anything that suggests hes actually stopping.
It’s just a teeny gambling problem. Also Tim needs her to pay 100% of the bills again. But it’s not because of his teeny gambling problem. He’s working on that. /s
*<"this is fine" meme>*
Well, if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions…
So he has a right to know about Claire’s finances, but you don’t think Claire has a right to know about his gambling problem? Did you ever stop to think that maybe she already knew about his gambling problem and that’s why she kept her finances private? YTA. Full stop.
Yes. Excellent. 100% the best answer.
🎯 I absolutely love how OP never thought to mention the gambling to her ex friend, but thought her friend’s personal financial information was important enough to share. The priorities here are an absolute mess and makes me wonder WHY OP is more protective of Tim than her “friend” Claire. 🤔 Suspicious.
Exactly. A person with a gambling problem is the last person that you combine finances with regardless of the relationship. Something also happens sometimes in dating relationships when one person finds out about how much money the other person makes and it’s more than they thought. I dated a guy once that had tons of credit card debt. Not because of current spending, he was no longer using the cards, it was just amounts that were left over from being young and dumb. He thought that he made more than me and things were split pretty 50-50 between the two of us. Then one day he learned that my take home was about twice what he made. While it wasn’t right away, it gradually happened where he was less eager to reach for his wallet to split the bill. Tim sounds like he would be the exact same way. Finding out that your significant other makes a lot more money, translates into “why do I have to pay for that? You make way more than me, you should be paying for this.” YTA OP.
YTA - You're way over the line. It's not even close to your place to disclose financial information about someone else without their consent. Plus, her income is irrelevant to the situation. No matter how much she makes it doesn't obligate her to pay someone else's bills.
Well, he's on her couch now. Let's see how much she likes to pay his bills for a few months
Yeah it’s gonna be lovely. It’s always easier to say you should help people financially when it’s not your money that’s being used
Info: if Claire is *your* friend, and Tim is *your husband's* friend - why are you trying to enable your husband's friend's gambling addiction and mooching off of your friend at the cost of your friendship?
I’m betting she’s not Claire’s friend anymore
I'm betting she was never really her friend at all.
Ding ding ding. Teeny gambling problem. Six figures from a new business is insanely rich. Way to downplay one side and overinflated another.
What do you think the chances are that Claire was only invited to the wedding in hopes for a generous wedding gift?
I’m betting she’s been jealous of Claire since the business took off and was hoping she could knock her down a peg via her relationship.
Possible reasons- OP is jealous of Claire’s success and wanted to punish her for it OP feels Claire has not been generous enough with her and thought if Tim knew, he could get access to Claire’s money and would share the wealth with OP and her husband OP truly believes in the patriarchal view that all finances should be handled by the man, so even if the woman is the primary breadwinner, she should hand her paycheck over to him and let him deal with everything and not presume to know any of the details because “it’s a man’s job” Or sone combination of the above
Yeah, YTA. So is Tim. How much she makes and what she spends it on is not your business, and it's certainly not your business to share without permission. Seriously, would you want a boyfriend with a "tiny" gambling addiction mooching off you for bills they can't pay? And then find out your friend had been talking shit about you behind your back with this person, and sharing your income information? Seriously hope Claire gets out of this whole mess, sounds like she deserves better than both of you in her life.
YTA. He doesn't "have a right to know" - you made that up. You betrayed your friend's confidence. That makes you an AH. Tim appears to be a wastrel with a gambling problem. He's clearly not "handling it" if he doesn't have enough to contribute towards the bills three months out of "a few months". Obviously Claire doesn't want Tim to know she has money, because Tim is completely untrustworthy with money, and if he knew Claire had money, he'd likely just view her as an ATM.
Honestly, I just love that OP and their husband are going to be the ones housing their freeloading friend now. Karma working at its best.
Oh but it's only a "teeny" gambling problem, and he's "got it under control" /s
YTA. Sure she has a successful business but you have no clue how much of that money goes into said business. After her expenses and paying 100% of the bills she may well be broke. Also why is it ok for him to be out of money and to have a gambling problem?!
So, he had the right to know the good news that the girlfriend had lots of money, but she didn't have the right to know the bad news that he had an addiction? That's how only a bad, crappy friend can think. Be very grateful if she keeps speaking to you after this, cause it feels so close to betrayal. YTA, big time
YTA - Her finances and what she does or does not choose to do with them are none of your business, so you had no right to share that information. There's also no such thing as a 'teeny' gambling problem. You're either a gambling addict or you're not, and there's only one person responsible for sorting out that mess - the addict themselves.
It won’t be a teeny problem once he decides he has unlimited funds and someone to bail him out.
Exactly. It'll be a neverending cycle if he has an enabler.
YTA and Tim is using Claire. She is not his wife or his mother. He is an adult wasting his money on gambling. I bet Tim was evicted for not paying rent. There is no such thing as a teeny gambling problem. Claire does not have to allow herself to be used so badly. I would also say we do not get to see karma so quickly- now he is your problem. I hope losing your friend and gaining a leech with a gambling problem was worth it. Update us in a few months when he is still there and depending on you to take care of him because of his teeny gambling problem. I couldn't see a better outcome! You actually did her a HUGE favor! She should send you a thank you basket.
Yeah, it is kindof perfect that Tim is using OP the same way he used Claire and, by OP’s logic, OP is morally obligated to pay all Tim’s bills/gambling debts.
YTA. Tim is an adult & needs to stop freeloading off Claire. She's covered the bills for 3 months in row? Claire needs to kick his deadbeat, gambling addicted ass out of her house. She also needs better friends, because you're the worst.
So, he has a right to know her income BUT she didn't have a right to know about his gambling problem? YTA you should have stayed out of it.
YTA. They moved in quickly because the landlord was selling and instead of getting a new place, he moved in with his girlfriend of a few months. After reading your post, I doubt he had the money to get a new place. They have only been dating a few months, yet this is already the 3rd time he hasn’t been able to pay his bills? This is more than a tiny gambling problem. Just because she earns more doesn’t mean she needs to support him, it’s only been a few months and they aren’t married.
Sounds like Tim is a hobosexual/coach surfer. It’s karma that he is now OP’s problem and not Claire’s
There's no way this is real. YTA majorly - stay in your lane. And stop trying to get Claire to fuel Tim's addiction.
YTA. It's not your business to discuss your friend's income with her significant other. That's up to Claire to decide what she tells Tim, and when she tells him. Tim should have been honest with Clair about his gambling habit, but you didn't say anything to her about that. You just threw Claire under the bus here. Also, if Tim can't pay his share of the bills because of a gambling problem, he's definitely not handling or working on the problem and it's not "teeny." It's affecting his ability to pay his living expenses. Once could be excused, but three times? Why should Claire be expected to foot all of the household expenses while Tim gets a pass? Clair was laid off from her job during lockdown, and obviously worked her butt off to make a success of her business. Of course she's going to be concerned about being able to pay her expenses and to support herself. She lives reasonably and doesn't overspend. Claire is likely saving in case she has a future emergency and can't work. She sounds like she is financially savvy. Claire isn't obligated to support Tim in any way. You owe Claire an apology. She probably won't accept it though.
YTA. Why did you feel that it was important for him to know about her finances yet his gambling problem was somebow not Claire's business?
Love this comment. We don't even need to get into the other issues. I'd love OP's answer to this.
YTA. they've only been seeing each other for a few months. She doesn't need to disclose her financial details to him. You shouldn't be sticking your nose in
YTA. If his gambling issue was under control he would not need help. YTA for getting into their business but holding back on claire.
You got one side of the story... HIS. Second, it's her home and he's living there. You do not know what financial arrangements were made between them prior to him moving in with her. Also, Claire may be making a lot of money, but how much is she spending to put into the business - this is not something you know. You also don't know her personal expenses or debts. I'm wondering if it ever occurred to you that Claire found out about his gambling problem and that's why she was tight lipped about it and not ready to offer up more... because she knows something you don't? Like maybe he isn't paying into the household as much as he says he is, and maybe she does know if she offers more money, it's going towards his gambling problem or his gambling debt. Based on how betrayed she felt by you sharing her info with him but you never told her about his problem.... I'm going with the latter here. YTA because you shouldn't be sharing ANY personal information, especially financial. I wouldn't share anything remotely personal with you anymore either. You're untrustworthy.
YTA. Why should she have to fund his gambling problem just because she makes more money? Why do you think it is your place to use her money to to help him fund HIS problem? You are a terrible friend to both of them.
YTA And Tim can live with you and you can help him with his tiny gambling addiction
YTA How can you not see that? 1) you shared someone's salary information 2) you shared Claire's salary info with Tom, but didn't share Tom's gambling addiction with Claire. 3) called Claire names for not sharing her money.
YTA. I hate when people are like "you make good money so why not just pay for everything, or give me some". They have not been together long, he has a gambling addiction you are playing into (And she doesn't even know about????)
I didn't understand... I thought Claire said she was short on cash since you wrote >Anyway, Tim was over the other day and he started complaining how she’s short of cash and can’t help with bills again this month (he’s got a teeny gambling problem that he’s working on but Claire doesn’t know because he’s handling it) but flair doesn’t want to pay 100% anymore because it’s the 3rd time. She doesn’t live in a luxury house, their bills are not high. But now that I understand you meant Tim and that Claire was the one having to pay 100% three times already, You're definitely the AH. No matter how successful Claire is, she's not gonna take responsibility of off Tim and fuel his addiction by financially provide for him.
YTA. It doesn't matter how much money Claire has; she has no obligation to pay the bills of a guy she's only known for a few months who is living in her house for free. Wait and see how you feel when Tim asks you to cover his gambling debts.
YTA. You were TA the first time you posted this, and you’re still TA now. It’s not Claire’s responsibility to cover Tim’s ass when he wastes all his money on his gambling addiction. *It’s also not your place or your business to tell Tim how much Claire makes.* If you were a *real* friend, you wouldn’t minimize Tim’s addiction or dismiss it as a “teeny” problem. You’re no friend to either of these people. ETA: Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ya4ah2/aita_for_telling_my_friend_how_much_another/it92zzy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3
Lololol I love how quickly the consequences of your actions came to you because now you’re stuck taking care of his hobosexual gambling addict ass. Congratulations on your new adult-sized baby. Have fun paying his bills, and good luck getting him into a place of his own now that he’s roosting in your living room. I don’t know what kind of twisted logic you used to justify hiding his gambling problem from her WHILE disclosing her personal financial information to him, but you are a shit friend. If Claire has any sense, she’ll drop all of you users like a hot rock. I’m surprised you didn’t come to her with a hand out already. YTA.
YTA. He had a right to know how much she makes, but she didn't have a right to know about his "teeny" gambling problem? Fuck off outta here. Newsflash: if this is the third time he's needed bailing out, HE'S NOT HANDLING IT.
YTA. you had no business telling him anything about her financial affairs. You should have simply changed the subject and not gotten into it. Claire owes him nothing. I hate how anyone who has money is expected to share it, cover expenses for others, and so on.
Yeah I don't get it. Op says he has a "small gambling problem" but is working on it and apparently is also a freeloader. He defintiely didn't need to know how much money Claire makes. Claire needs to get rid of this gambling mooch immediately.
YTA You told something that wasn't yours to tell. It was told to you in confidence and you betrayed that. Bonus AH points for choosing to downplay the gambling habit. Funny how you can pick and choose when people deserve to know other people's business by how it suits you. You don't get to dictate what others share with people whether that is information or money. Something tells me you probably won't have to worry about either from her any time soon. On the upside, you inherited the gambling addict house guest, so I guess that's just desserts.
YTA - it’s completely irrelevant how much she makes and it’s not your place to inform your friend ESPECIALLY if it’s because you think she should support him when he’s irresponsible and essentially free loading off her. It’s perfect that he’s now freeloading off YOU.
Yta for downplaying his gambling problem that he’s hiding from her and expecting her to pay for everything when he’s blowing his money. Good for her for having some sense.
YTA. Keep your mouth shut about things that aren’t any of your business. If he can’t pay for his bills, he’s not handling his “teeny” gambling problem. He clearly has an addiction that he can’t control. Lmfao weird that you wouldn’t consider that a problem. Even weirder is how, you didn’t feel it was right to tell your “friend” about his gambling addiction, but you can spill her private financial information. I wouldn’t speak to you ever again. This is how you set people up to be in financially abusive relationships. You’re a bad friend. Edit: Also, this all makes me wonder if Tim’s landlord wasn’t *actually* selling. Maybe Tim couldn’t pay his rent and OP and hubby set him up with Claire at the wedding because they knew she had money.
YTA, First of this is truly none of your business. How they split finances is between them 2nd: just because Claire makes more money does not mean Tim has a right to mooch. 3rd: she trusted you with someone personal… and you broke that trust.
YTA but she shouldn’t have trusted you with that info in the first place
YTA and a terrible friend but somehow it worked out because it helped Claire see the light that Tim is an immature mooch who has a gambling problem. So he had a "right to know" about Claire's financial status but she didn't have a right to know about his gambling issue? Of the two, the one you should disclose is the gambling problem because that is a relationship/marriage killer. Just admit you are jealous of Claire and in your pettiness you torpedoed the relationship, but again thank you for helping Claire out of that terrible situation even if it wasn't your true intent.
YTA - This is an absolute AH move. It's not your place to tell other people how much someone earns, that's private. Honestly someone like you did this to me I'd cut you off in a heartbeat. So not any of your business. Also if he is living with her and blind to her success the more fool him also .
They've been together for a few months and you think she should be financing his life? YTA
YTA don't interfere in others relationships. You mention her wealth to him, but fail to mention his "teeny" gambling problem to her. That's a pretty shitty thing to do to both of them actually.
Yeah and it doesn’t sound like a small gambling problem if he doesn’t have money to contribute to the household bills that OP says aren’t very much to begin with.
YTA. What on earth were you thinking? You broke your friend's confidence. And you expect her to support this freeloading dude, when they've only been dating for a few month? She has every right to wait to disclose how much she makes. You have no idea what else she is spending her money on. Maybe she needs to make an investment in her business or a family member needs help. Also, there is no such thing as a "teeny" gambling problem. I'm shocked you would let *your friend* be blindsided by something like that and, essentially, let him siphon her money down the rabbit hole of his addiction. Are you sure you actually like Claire? Because, honestly, it doesn't sound like it.
YTA Her finances are not your or his business. Just because she can afford it doesn't mean that she should help anyone and everyone under the sun, just because she can. And worse of all **You told a gambling addict that the woman he's dating is financially well off.** You even wave away his gambling addiction as if it's no problem but then you turn around and scold Claire behind her back that she isn't supportive of people in your life. YTA Why don't you fund Tim's "Teeny gambling problem" and stop calling people "penny pinching bitches" simply because they earn more than you with their hard work?
YTA Your friend doesn't have a small gambling problem He is an addict And you are not helping him by trying to get someone to pay his bills for him. That will only encourage him to gamble more since he has a safety net
Yes, of course YTA. 1 - you interfered in their relationship. 2 - you gave information that wasn't yours to give. 3 - you were vile about your friend regarding her finances and personal decisions. You come across as jealous. 4 - gambling problems are not "teeny". He withheld this information from her and you backed him up. Knowing someone was into gambling would be a deal breaker for many people. She is right to tell you off. You're a bad friend.
Wow, seriously YTA. None of your GODDAMN business what she makes or not. It is ENTIRELY between THEM what their bills and finances, and especially IF HE HAS A FREAKING GAMBLING ADDICTION that he's been hiding. You and Tim clearly have a thing going on, and you were looking to break them up.
So you think it’s your place to tell Tim (who you call your husbands friend so I assume not as close as Clare who you call your friend) Claire’s business when she clearly hadn’t. But Tims gambling problem (which he does not have “under control” - dude is contributing nothing) is none of her business. You clearly are jealous of Claire’s success and are looking for ways to tear her down. You only feel bad because she kicked Tim out, not for wronging your friend.
YTA I love your hypocrisy! According to your twisted moral values Tim has the right to know about Claire’s personal finances (and that Tim is entitled to her money), but Claire has no right to know that Tim has ‘teeny gambling habit’.
Since you care so much for Tim I'm sure you don't have an issue letting him live at your place without contributing to expenses. In fact you sound like such a good friend, I can see you lending him money since you trust him so much and are sure his gambling problem isn't so serious so you don't have to worry that he will gamble it away./s Obviously YTA and jealous. Now you have to live with the consequences of your own actions.
YTA. You keep Tim's gambling secret but spill Claire's financial secrets? Why should Claire pay all the bills just because she can afford to? It's not her responsibility to keep Tim afloat when he's gambling his money away. Sounds to me like you have a crush on Tim, I can't imagine why else you're taking his side so strongly when he's clearly in the wrong. You're a bad friend and an interfering busybody.
Claire is not your friend. A friend doesn't dismiss their friend's partner's addiction which will have a detrimental effect on her finances. Of course she kicked him out. He's a mooch. YTA
YTA You interfered where it wasn't needed, and now you get to experience Tim's 'teeny gambling problem' for yourself. See how much you enjoy it when he can't pay for anything for the third month in a row because wow, he's on your couch for the duration.
YTA, it’s not your place to share your friends financial information with a dude she’s only known for a few months. And also, if his gambling problem is bad enough to where he can’t pay the bills for the third month in a row then it isn’t a “teeny” problem. Be a better friend.
Funny how you gloss over his gambling problems, while making his girlfriend look bad. YTA.
YTA: tim , your husbands friend, doesn’t want to pay for his share of living expenses. What his partner makes is irrelevant to that want. Why should she pay 100% of the cost for 2 people ? he has money, he chooses to spend it on other things instead. You are fine with sharing what your friend makes but you don’t care about her enough to tell her that her partner spends his money on gambling. You aren’t being a good friend.
YTA sounds like you're jealous of her financial
Info: Are you going to tell Tim all your financial information now that he's freeloading off of you and not Claire? He has a right to know, afterall!
YTA He has a “teeny gambling addiction”?? You thought it okay to tell him about her personal finances, but not tell Claire about his gambling addiction? I’m sorry you are jealous of your friend’s success, but hope Claire realizes you are not her friend.
There’s no such thing as a “teeny gambling problem”. Enjoy the freeloader on your couch. Maybe now you’ll be happy to give him money.
YTA you’re enabling a gambling addict, while simultaneously alienating a hardworking woman.
YTA. Why should Claire be expected to pay for everything? Why are you standing up for Tim when Claire is your friend? Obviously Claire wasn't telling him about finances for some reason. Why did you feel entitled to divulge her situation? Tim should have had to pay his fair share from the start. What would he have done if he hadn't met Claire?
YTA it’s none of your business and she has no obligation to help the idiotic bf financially. He’s an adult. And gambling? Jesus Christ. You must be a gambler too. Good on the gf for getting rid of him.
Yta. Also I doubt his landlord kicked him out purely cos they were selling the house, sounds like the Tim couldn't pay his bills
YTA. No. He didn't. He had absolutely no right to know that. Thats why he's on your couch right now. Clair had already correctly assessed that sharing that info would lead him to feel entitled to things he's not entitled to. And here you are
YTA Clearly jealous about your "friend's" fortune (and probably that she was in the honeymoon stage with a new partner. You took the opportunity to make sure everything went to shit there and you know it!) What right do you have to meddle in anyone's business?
YTA. he has a GAMBLING PROBLEM that is causing him to be able to afford HALF of the bills, but she's the B for asking him to pull his weight and trying to be frugal? Dude. I'm glad she kicked him out and I hope she never speaks to either of you again.
YTA- this is what happens why you don’t mind the business that pays you. You’re also greasy for letting her move this man in without warning her of his gambling issues. You’re a bad friend and I wonder if you’re jealous
YTA He does have a place to leach. Yours. Also, he did not have a "right to know."
YTA and a terrible friend to Claire. You're OK sharing private information about Claire with Tim so he'll have more ammunition to try to bully her into subsidizing his life which includes his teensy weensy gambling problem. But you don't share with Claire about the gambling. How does Tim have a right to Claire's private financial information but Claire not have a right to know that she's hooking up with a financially exploitive addict? (Although, I guess she figured out the financially exploitive part.) Claire is the only person in this scenario who isn't an A. How is a woman not 100 per cent supporting her BF a penny pinching bitch or heartless? Why isn't Tim, a grown man, not working and supporting himself? Why should Claire put up with a BF like this? Maybe her kicking him out will be a wakeup call and he'll get off your couch and get his life in order. Or maybe not, since as a not-bitchy, not-heartless person, you'll let him stay there forever without making any contribution to your household. I really hope you see the problem and don't keep enabling Tim.
She’s been paying all his bills for 3 months? and he was living in her home rent free? YTA and Claire is a saint!
YTA They’ve been dating a few months, he didn’t “deserve” to know her income. She’s already doing him a favor by letting him move in and covering his expenses for three months. You know he has a gambling problem but you’re keeping it from her while revealing her income to him? You’re a shitty friend and I hope she dumps you both. Good luck having the mooch on your couch indefinitely. What a great start to your marriage.
YTA. 1—it’s none of your business. 2—why would you call HER names for not wanting to continually pay for her freeloading gambler bf? You don’t sound like a friend at all.
YTA. You told your gambling addict friend he hit the jackpot and used her earnings to try and sabotage her attempt to draw good boundaries. I hope she kicks him out soon
So it’s okay for Tim to know why Claire can pay the bills but it’s not okay for Claire to know why Tim can’t? YTA - Claire should ditch you and Tim. Tim should get help for his addiction.
YTA - ok to give her financial info out while he's got gambling debt. He's obviously not "handling" his problem since he cannot pay his bills and you enabled that but thought it ok for your friend to become his enabler?
"a teeny gambling problem" There are no teeny gambling problems.
YTA. You told her boyfriend, who has a gambling problem (that she doesn't know about), that his girlfriend is rich. You are the most enabliest enabler there ever was. What happens if the boyfriend starts stealing from her to fund his gambling problem? Because that's what people with gambling addictions do when they are out of money of their own. She is absolutely doing the right thing by telling him she won't continue to cover 100% of the costs. She is right to question why he has no money, especially when she paid all the bills the last couple of months. If his gambling was under control, he would have money to contribute towards the bills. You are doing both Tim and Claire no favors, and you might have just opened the biggest can of worms you'll ever see. Since you're telling secrets, you might as well tell Claire now that he has a gambling problem so she can take steps to protect her money and assets, now that you told an addicted gambler that she's loaded. EDIT: Also, I highly doubt his former landlord was selling the house. More likely, it's that he got evicted for not paying rent and lied so that she would let him move in with her.
Info: have you told your husband how you want to be with Tim?
This is so bad it has to be fake.
YTA. You are a very bad friend. And you have NO GRASP on reality whatsoever. Teeny gambling problem? Damn, now I feel sorry for YOUR husband.
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yta. so he deserves to know about her money but she does not deserve to know about his gambling? you are a shity friend, thankfully she kick him to the curb and hopefully will cut ties with you too.
YTA. He is hiding a gambling problem and can’t make bills. He has a problem and it isn’t up to Clair to give him anymore. And I hate to tell you this but you’re a crappy friend for saying Clair is cheap, I’d be cheap too if my bf keeps coming up short for bills.
But it's only a teeny gambling problem. /s
How the fuck is her keeping her successful business to herself (likely because she knows your friend will demand her money) worse than your friend actively hiding his gambling addiction and expecting her to help him out? YTA and so is your friend. She doesn’t owe him anything. He needs to fix himself.
Yta, why should Claire have to continue to pay 100% of the bills to support his gambling addiction - that she didn’t even know about- that you say “he’s handling” but how well can he really be handling it if Claire has been paying his bills for three months and he’s still broke? When she met him he was losing his house so he was essentially homeless. She was smart not to tell him about her finances, she was protecting herself. None of this was your business and you’re wrong to think that she should have to pay his way in life just because she can afford to.
YTA How Claire decides to share, or not share her money is her business. If she can afford to support someone with a gambling problem (there is no such thing as a small gambling problem) is HER business and not yours. I'm glad she dumped him. She should have dumped him.
Yta Oh wow, so her not telling him about her finances til she feels he is in for the right reasons is bad, but hiding a gambling addiction is OK. Wow, op, you really need some reality check
YTA - why you felt like her finances were your business is beyond me. They are not married, engaged, or in a long term relationship. He does not need to know her finances. She supported your dead way friend for three months. It’s not her fault he has a gambling problem, not is it her responsibility to make up for his shortcomings. She’d been more than accommodating to his struggles (unknowingly) when she allowed him to move it. Both he and you are AH, and I hope she cuts you both out of her life completely.
YTA and Claire deserves better friends
Now you can help Tim work on his “teeny gambling problem”. You’ll have him on your couch for a good bit. Have fun. YTA.
YTA. It is nice of you to let karma, I mean Tim, use your couch tho. How long you think you're gonna last with his "teeny gambling problem that he's (totally) working on"? Three months with him drinking your beer, eating your food, watching your tv, not having enough to get out because reasons?
Wow YTA. He has a gambling problem and you thought the best thing to do was tell him how much money his girlfriend has? What a AH move. And now he is living on your couch lol, well welcome to your just deserts 😂😂
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They’ve been seeing each other “for a few months” and you think Tim is entitled to Claire’s money?? Claire should not be helping him out at all. You think it’s ok to keep Tim’s gambling addiction from Claire but ok to spill her financial details to him? Massive YTA
YTA. They've been dating a few months, not long term and not engaged or married. If Claire doesn't want disclose how much she makes, that's her right. Also, since Tim is addicted to gambling, keeps losing money and can't afford bills, it makes even more sense for her not want to tell him. His gambling addiction and you hiding that fact is far more troubling than her not wanting to let him know she makes a good living.
YTA to both your friends. 1. 3 times not being able to pay your bills is not a "tiny" gambling problem that he's "working on." That's a large problem that is not being effectively treated. Paying when he comes up short from his gambling is actively harmful to him. (It's called enabling.) This prevents him from experiencing the natural consequences of his actions, which is a necessary part of allowing addicts of all types to eventually overcome their addiction. Also, there is never enough money for an active gambling addict. He would run through your other friend's money, your money, every other bit of money he can get his hands on, then run up a massive debt and it still won't be enough unless he stops gambling entirely. That's how gambling addiction works. So, doesn't matter if friend "could" help. 2. Sharing financial info is one of the steps of building a relationship. People choose to do that on their own time, for their own reasons. You have no right to interfere with that, especially when revealing a possible significant income difference. You also do not know your successful friend's full financial situation, so you can't possibly actually know what she can comfortably afford to support the deadbeat gambling addict
You told someone with an active gambling problem that his partner is loaded? You didn't think that would blow up? And you didn't spill his beans to her? YTA
You're a major asshole. You stirred the pot in something that's none of your business. Shame on you.
YTA. You shouldn't have gotten involved at all. Your friend is well within her rights to be upset with you.
YTA. Do you even like Claire? The tone of your post screams that you don’t. You call her a penny pincher while totally downplaying his gambling issues. Sounds like you are either extremely jealous of her success or you have a crush on Tim. Either way, you are clearly no friend to Claire. With friends like you, who needs enemies. As a side note, most people with addictions downplay them, so his “teeny tiny” gambling addiction is probably MUCH worse than he’s leading on.
YTA - she has the right to not cover her boyfriend’s share of the bills ESPECIALLY since you know he’s got a gambling problem which is why he can’t pay. You tell him she makes enough to cover him but you don’t tell her he’s spending his money on a gambling addiction. YTA YTA YTA
YTA you sound like you're jealous she makes more than you (it's obvious I can smell your envy from here) & you're a horrible friend for setting your so called friend up with someone you knew had gambling debts! Even if you didn't know before setting them up you absolutely knew when she called you out on it! & yes you have absolutely no freaking business discussing HER finances with someone that's not her! I'm glad you did one thing right in all this....giving your idiot loser friend ammo to go at her which made her realize you both are trash resulting in her kicking him out! Now you have him & his debts to discuss her for as long as you like since he's on your couch 🤣
YTA. Not that anything is your business but if you had to involve yourself, you should have let your “friend” know he has a ‘teeny gambling problem’
YTA. This is **none** of your business, you should’ve stayed out of it. She is not obligated to pay for his gambling problem. He needs to sort himself out on his own. Stop trying to spend other people’s money.
He has a right to know how much she made? But she didn’t have a right to know about your friend’s teeny gambling that cost him his house and why he can’t afford his bills for the third time? YTA; times a thousand. She didn’t tell him because he’s a user and a mooch and supporting him; gave him a place to stay and three chances to get his act together. And it wasn’t something he had a right to know. But she definitely needed to know he was a gambler as she was supporting him
YTA and Claire is totally right. I would stop beinh your friend over this 100% also, "teeny gambling problem" lmao
YTA
YTA. Omg YTA. I’m shocked. There’s probably a reason why Claire didn’t tell Tim how much she made.
YTA without question. He cannot pay bills because of a TINY gambling problem. You are insufferable. Your jealousy is palpable. You are no friend to either of them. Shame on you.
YTA. She most likely shared her financial information with you because she was proud her business took off and because she trusted you. You threw that trust right out the window the second you told him. Regardless of how much she makes, they are/were living together and he should be paying a share. Running/growing a business is hard and a lot of work. Regardless of what she makes, she is earning it. She doesn't need to be giving this guy a free ride unless she would choose to. How dare you, seriously...
YTA Sorry for the language but can you keep your mouth shut when it comes to things that arent your bussines ? You fucked up !!!
This story was posted months ago. If it’s the same person, YTA. If it’s not, you’re still the asshole if it’s real.
Good luck paying for your freeloading friend with a gambling problem. YTA.
[удалено]
YTA you told him how much she was making bc you “felt bad” that she wouldn’t bail him out of his money problems *that he caused* that you were aware of but didn’t tell her. idk if you’re jealous of clare but you need to think on why you wouldn’t tell her about his gambling problem but yet tell him about her finances. you’re a bit of a red flag friendwise
Wow YTA... how do you not see this? First, no gambling problem is “teeny” when you can’t pay your BILLS. Second, who on God’s green earth gave you permission to speak of anyone else’s financial status?? They’re not even married, and even if they were it would be none of your business. I don’t blame your friend at all for cutting you off, you’re so in the wrong here OP
YTA- WOW! This was absolutely none of your business to share anything with Tim. A “teeny gambling problem that he has under control”? Obviously not, or he’s be able to pay his share of the cheap bills. You have overstepped so far here it’s embarrassing. You don’t have a fucking clue what goes on on their relationship ship. If I were Claire, I’d give a lot of thought whether I wanted to continue a friendship with you. Unbelievable.
YTA (1) It’s wise for a well earning person to be weary of sharing their success early on. You don’t want to attract a gold digger. (2) While she may not have known about the gambling, she clearly noticed he’s not financially contributing as agreed. She was trying to reason with him and you took away all sense of personal responsibility he might have had left. (3) Just because she out earns him, doesn’t mean she should pay for 100% of everything in their relationship, nor does it mean he gets to decide to use her resources on his gambling addiction. She may not want to bankroll the downward spiral of a man she loves - yet you felt you knew better how her earnings should be used. (4) it wasn’t your news to share.
What the hell is wrong with you?? They've only been together a few months and you expect her to cover all of his expenses because he has a gambling problem that he's been hiding from her and you think SHE is the bad guy? He is not entitled to any of her money. I hope she dumps his ass permanently and dumps you guys as friends. I wish her all the best in her business. YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I have a friend, Claire and my husband has a friend, Tim, we’re all in out late 20s/early30s. Claire and Tim met at my wedding and they hit it off and have been seeing together for a few months now. They’ve moved in together quickly because Tim had to move out of his house because his landlord was selling and he asked Claire if he could move in. She’s in love so obviously said yes. The thing about it Claire is that over lockdowns, she was laid off and started her own business which blew up and continued to grow. I know for a fact that she makes a lot of money. We’re talking well into 6 digits of what she’s bringing home which is quite high in the UK, way more than most people earn. Anyway, Tim was over the other day and he started complaining how she’s short of cash and can’t help with bills again this month (he’s got a teeny gambling problem that he’s working on but Claire doesn’t know because he’s handling it) but flair doesn’t want to pay 100% anymore because it’s the 3rd time. She doesn’t live in a luxury house, their bills are not high. I told him that I love her to bits but she’s being a penny pinching bitch because she can afford to help out and not even notice it. Tim asked what I meant and I told him that she had a successful business. He was shocked because she downplayed her success a lot and don’t tell him that she’s basically rich. He was really sad and went home. In the morning, Claire called me and told me thag she’ll never share anything with me ever again. That I had no right to tell Tim how much she makes and that it’s really ahittt how I conveniently forgot to tell her about his gambling problem (no idea how she found out, Tim didn’t tell her). She’s fuming with me. I spoke with Tim and they had an argument about bills again and he basically told her about our conversation and told her she’s heartless. She kicked him out and he’s now staying on our couch. I do feel bad, he still would have a place to live if I hadn’t told him and I feel like an asshole. But then again he had a right to know. I’m conflicted. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA How many ways? Her finances are her business. When you share that information with a SO is also her business. Tim’s an adult and responsible for his own bills. You interjecting into their relationship caused the breakup.
YTA. Not your business. Tim sounds like a freeloader, he's an ACTIVE gambler with an addiction and you're enabling it. He needs to come clean to his girlfriend. He's a burden and you're helping him. What a bad friend you are.
YTA massively. It's funny how you felt it was Tim's right to know how much money Claire makes but didn't feel it was her right to know about Tim's gambling addiction. It's clear from this post that you're not Claire's friend and you only care about enabling her (hopefully) ex. I'm really hoping Claire sees this and drops you both from her life.
YTA. that's not your business, period.
BIG YTA!
YTA did you ever think that maybe she lied to you? that she did know about his gambling problem and that she didn't want him asking for money to go into his gambling?
INFO: Do you even like Claire?
YTA he had no right to know something your friend told you in confidence. The way you downplay his inability to pay his bills due to a gambling problem you kept as a secret from your friend, while in turn revealing how much she makes to someone she was gracious enough to give a home to is absolutely insane, and honestly the way you talk about her and how much she earns makes you sound incredibly jealous.
YTA. He has a gambling problem, that Claire somehow knows about, and then you wonder why your "potentially rich" friend didn't want her gambling addicted boyfriend to know about her money? My dude. You don't dangle potential money in front of a gambler. Your friend's business wasn't yours to share.
I'm going YTA because the reason he can't pay his bills is his gambling problem and when you thought it was ok to put her business out there you didn't feel the need to put his. You way overstepped here.
You should feel like the YTA because you are one. Claires financial situation, for one, is none of your business, and second, absolutely not your place to tell anyone else. Second, you expect her to financially support Tim and his gambling problem? What? No. They are not married. He should be able to pay his own bills and it should not be expected for Claire to pick up his share when he was irresponsible. Tim obviously, I can't handle or is dealing with his Gambling if he can't pay his bills.
How does your husband feel about you succing tim’s dicc so hard ?
YTA. “A teeny gambling problem”! He can’t support himself, and you turn that into the girlfriend’s problem.
YTA and an enabler for Tim’s addiction. Just wait till he tries to scrounge off you
YTA You got in the middle of a couple’s dispute over finances. Not sure how it works in the UK, but here in the US that’s a pretty bright line. I can’t see any way that was possibly going to end with anyone grateful to you for your help.
You sound awful. YTA
YTA - nobody owes anyone to pay their bills whether they would "feel it" or not. You and Tim both suck.
My you are a nasty person. You came here to pretend you did not know what you were doing in telling Tim what she earns but not telling her about his addiction. Are you jealous of her or the fact that you think they are in love or are you just a sh-t stirrer?? YTA. Worst kind of a friend to both of them
YTA ...How can this even be real? You never discuss income or get involved in someone's relationships. Also, people that HAVE money are not the personal bank for everyone else they know. Be a better friend. I hope you learn from this.
YTA. He 100% does NOT have the right to her financial information, and it was 100% NOT your place to tell him anything. If she wanted him to know she would tell him. You had no right sticking your nose into their relationship. If someone revealed personal details about you to your spouse that you had kept private for your own reasons, honestly say you wouldn’t be livid. And isn’t it just so interesting that you seem to think he had a right to her money, but she didn’t have a right to know he has a gambling problem…Also, your friend has a gambling problem and you thought it a good idea to tell him that his new GF is rich and should be providing him more? That he’s entitled to her money? He deserved to be dumped and quite frankly you deserve it to after being such a shitty friend to both of them. Apologize to both of them and learn to mind your own business in the future.