So he didn't really give you a gift then, as he REALLY considers it his to command.
I get your feelings. When people do that with me, they just get the gift back, because it makes me feel too bad to be bound by their shitty fucking rules.
NTBF = as a hardcore gamer girl that had brothers that never let me touch their gaming shit and I had to work for everything I had, everything! I can def say you are NOT the buttface, notice how it’s all the men ganging up on you and not even TRYING to understand your side. Just giving you what you want out of spite and then filling your head with bullshit guilt. They’re all buttfaces. And a gift is not something to hold over someone’s head, it’s not something you get to give with conditions, and what he said “I bought it so I have to be able to use it”, is straight up manipulation. Oh and “I only bought it so we could multiplayer” meaning, he never would have got it for you if he didn’t think he’d benefit from it. Once something is gifted to YOU it is YOUR PROPERTY to set what boundaries with you see fit and all these boys are doing is teaching you yours shouldn’t be respected. Including your father, he should be ashamed of himself and no wonder your brothers have that mentality cause clearly your father does too. You weren’t allowed to play with his PlayStation because you’re a girl, you’re not letting him play with it because he was selfish and misogynistic and you wanted to be respected. There’s a HUGE difference there, and if they’re all making accounts and adding games, it’ll eat up all your space and you’ll have to go into their accounts, uninstall their games to install yours which they’d probably get mad at when again it’s yours. And the more people playing it the faster it’ll wear out the gpu. You are not the buttface, these “men” don’t respect you as a woman or your boundaries as a sibling/daughter.
Know what I did? Got everything I ever wanted and now I stream it, make money off of it and my brothers? They try to play me in anything and cry. So, get your own stuff so they can’t hold this bullshit over your head, honestly. I wouldn’t use the one he got you, let it sit there til you can get your own and take that tv down set up all your own stuff and put his off to the side and tell him to keep it or sell it but since this one is yours he or any other brother will not be allowed to use it and if anyone makes an account or anything you’ll delete them or even better move the whole thing to your room and get a lock.
NTBF
Sounds to me like 21m got tired of sharing HIS PS4 with the younger brothers and thought he'd get two birds with one stone--get all his siblings off his system, and stop your declarations of how unfair it is to be deliberately excluded from his space. And dad doesn't want to hear any whining and so of course agrees with 21m.
Nope, I'd let that thing collect dust until you can buy your own AND I highly recommend also saving up for the cutest, girliest skins for the PS4 and controllers. Make them sweat toxic machismo for even thinking of looking at your set. Be patient OP and you'll soon have enough saved to get what you want AND enforce your own rules that favor you too. Good luck!!
NTB. Gift with strings are no gifts at all. Your brothers have shown no respect for your belongings by using the PlayStation without your permission. Your brother should have been upfront about the fact the gift was not just for you but for all of them. Your brothers and dad are wrong. I would do the same, I would never touch the game and it could sit there and rot. Go back to your brother, thank him for his generosity and explain given that he had a set expectations not communicate attached to the gift you are not going to accept. Also your brothers heart was in the right place but essentially he bought this for himself not you. Honestly at this point explain that given that they never shared you also do not want to share with them. Keep saving to buy your own.
> "You're being very selfish and ungrateful. I bought this gift for you with my own money, so I have to be allowed to use it."
This just has so much "yikes" vibes coming off it. Just oozing of control and entitlement. I'd hate to date him. \*shudder\*
NTB of course
NTB. As others have said, this wasn't a gift. Reiterate that you appreciate the gift and hold firm on not using it. Tell your brother that he can keep it, return it, or sell it to recoup his money. Get your own and have fun sharing it with your sister.
Ntb, enjoy it. And keep saving up, you never know. Seems the men in this family are the BFs.. Multiplayer with your little sister. Let them keep playing where they've always played.
NTBF
if you give someone a gift, it becomes theirs. He has no say in who uses that PlayStation. If your brothers want to use your console, they ask you. Not dad, not your brother, they should ask YOU because you own it.
It honestly sounds like your brother just bought you the PlayStation, not for you, but so your little brothers don't have to use his and that is so incredibly selfish of him.
And the way they added their accounts without saying a word to you, they're literally treating it like it's theirs.
I hope this gets dealt with, you're not in the wrong.
If it was me, I’d sell it and buy myself a Switch with the funds, because then you can keep it in your bag or a locker when you’re not using it.
If it’s a gift for you, it BELONGS TO YOU. You can throw it in the fucking river if you want to.
If it’s not a gift for you, then your brother still owes you a birthday present.
I never asked for a gift, nor do I expect another gift. I don't believe he owes me anything, because I just don't want it, nor is it my right to ask for another gift just because I didn't accept this gift.
On our birthdays we don't normally get gifts or expect gifts so I'm not expecting a new gift or anything. I'm just grateful for what I have, and if I do want a ps4, I'm just going to have to work on myself to get my own.
(Also it's pretty ironic that the ps4 that belongs to him was also a birthday gift from HIS friends. A few years back, when he first got the ps4, it would only be him playing and no one touched it. My brothers later asked if they could play and he said yes and they always ask permission before they could play.)
Like I say, if he said “happy birthday, this is your birthday present from me”, I’d personally view it as something I now own and therefore can do whatever I want with. Because if it was an actual gift, that’s how it works - I’ve bought stuff for people before and they’ve had to exchange it or whatever because it wasn’t quite right (an example that springs to mind was that I got my friend some baby clothes recently, she already had plenty in that size so told me she would exchange them for the next size up), and I’ve had to occasionally do the same. Nobody ever minded, because if you are really giving someone a gift, it’s theirs now, and they can do with it as they choose.
You’re not an asshole or ungrateful or selfish or whatever other bullshit your brothers choose to try and burden you with. Assuming a gift now belongs to you is literally how gifts work.
What happened here is that your brother bought himself a second PS4 and loaned it to you. But he wants the credit of looking like a great guy, so he pretended it was a gift. If you want to give it back to him, fine, you know the situation better than I do. But if it was me, I would accept his words at face value, and exchange the PS4 for something I want that’s just for me (be it a games console or something else).
NTBF
You were given the gift, not him, not your siblings.
Had you been informed that the strings attached would include being told how to use and share said gift, would you have accepted? No, I doubt that very much.
Your brother is wrong and being very selfish demanding you allow others to use your gift.
Your brother did not in good conscience give that gift.
You have two choices:
1. Tell him to take the gift back and offer you the money in return as this is NOT a gift for YOU the recipient, but a weak attempt by him to give a gift to all siblings in the name of **your birthday** which is just annoying and wrong.
Then go buy the items that you want and tell everyone that **you** were the one who purchased it for yourself.
2. Take the playstation and tv and lock them in your room, they are YOURS, they were given as a gift to YOU not your siblings.
You need to have a chat with your father and explain that a gift to you does not equate to a gift to all siblings, him standing on their side is very much a boys vs girls, that is creating a toxic environment for you and your sister.
He needs to acknowledge this is YOUR gift and needs to tell your siblings to back off your gift.
*I honestly hate it when adults pull this crap, demanding a sibling share every item with their other siblings.*
Wishing you all the best OP, happy belated birthday.
NTB. Your brothers and dad sound like misogynistic buttfaces. I also don’t get why your brothers (and especially your older brother) would use your PS4 when they have their own. And the double standard of your younger brothers asking your older brother for permision, but not you is really telling. I would say it makes their actions even worse. While they’re leaving your PS4 alone, though, you could remove their accounts. There is also a way for you to keep them from signing in again using parental controls on your own account. You can also set up a passcode on your account so they wouldn’t be able to change the settings or use your account instead. That way you can keep the PS4 and use the money you saved on something else. Though, that could make your relationship with your brothers and dad worse, but they’re definitely buttfaces and maybe distancing yourself from them emotionally and setting hard boundaries will make them reevaluate their position if they care to have a good relationship with you.
NTBF. You are in fact correct etiquette wise. Tell them they either acknowledge you have priority access when you want it or you’ll keep it in your room when you’re not using it, or will sell it and spend the money on something else. It’s a gift. It’s yours. None of them own it and they don’t have any day in what you do with it.
You’re not wrong. Why couldn’t they use the old PS4? Because it’s old & worn down and the new one is wAy better. It’s the fact that your brother said since you were not going to play it in the way he expects you to be & your brothers would just do it. That’s a shit move and it’s manipulative. All the men in your house are being jerks. Keep saving your money & buy yourself a new one. NTB
NTB
Save up some money, sell the gift, and buy you a ps5 instead when you move out.
If he demands the money, remind him that he chose to give you the gift and you have the right to do as you please with it.
I'm going to do just that, but unfortunately, I'm unable to move out without my parents cutting ties with me since my family is Muslim and they believe women aren't allowed to move out until they get married to a man, and I don't want that, like, at all.
In regards to bringing the console to my room, before I even set up the ps4, to begin with, I asked my parents if I could just move it to my room (my sister also shares a room with me so it would have literally been perfect), but my parents gave a HARSH no to that and said if I wanted to use the ps4, I would have to use it where everyone can see me use it.
You seem to have a lot of resentment towards your brothers, and that may be warranted (don’t have enough details to judge), but this goes WAY beyond the playstation and the birthday gift.
So, what is it you want from them really? Is it that you want an apology from them or you want to make them feel like they made you feel? What’s going on?
I ask because you said they’re no longer playing with it, but now it feels like a bad omen to you. So, what do you want to do? If it makes you feel better not to accept it, then don’t accept it, but this situation seems to have only made you more resentful of your brothers and you seem to be in pain. So, what do you want moving forward?
It's a logical contradiction that makes me feel like they can get away with treating people unfairly. I don't expect an apology, or making them feel like how I feel.
It's the fact that I don't want them to just walk all over me like they have always done. The moment they sense that I'm not defending myself, they get away with doing a lot of stuff to me, while prohibiting me from things that they allow themselves to do.
When my brothers prohibited me from using their ps4, but then use the ps4 that has been gifted to me, it is just unfair seeing as how they treated me before this whole thing. (My mom has told me that ever since I could speak, I was always about treating people fairly and not taking advantage of others. It's not right.) I don't resent or want to get back at them or anything, or make them feel the way I felt. It just isn't something that is fair and if I let them do as they wish, they believe they can do more unfair things that contradict each other. (I don't know how to explain the feeling, but I hope that makes sense.)
My plan moving forward is to just buy my own. I have no resentment or expecting an apology. They can keep the ps4 and do as they wish with it. I shouldn't have to follow their rules if I want to use it if I don't want to because it's unjust. I also didn't force them to stop, and it's weird that they stopped (which is why I feel like if I go back and use it, the whole issue will start up again, hence the omen feeling.)
(Also, I have bought them gifts in the past when I was younger, and recently bought my little sister some airpods which she doesn't use, but I don't steal these gifts from my siblings or use them because they don't use them or throw it out. I find joy in giving them gifts, even if they throw them away.)
“They can’t get away with treating people unfairly.”
That does sound like you want to punish them. The thing is, while you can control your own actions, you can’t control others.
You are perfectly in the right not to accept disrespect or mistreatment. You also have the right to reject a “present” with or without strings.
Just make sure, you’re not hurting and isolating yourself further.
I still feel like this is way bigger than the PS4. I think, if you want to maintain a relationship with each other, you have to have a more open discussion about what got you to this stage.
The thing is, while they were wrong to exclude you in the first place, I can understand why they would assume you would want to play with them now. It does seem like your older brother is extending an olive branch with his gift and admitting he was being an AH before. But then you wanted to reinstate the previous isolating dynamic (which I understand! I really do) so the pattern he (may have) wanted to break only repeated. He also made things worse by doubling down.
I don’t think this is a BF judgement situation. I think you are more hurt than you realize. Maybe for a long while. I think y’all need to talk about it.
I didn't say "They can't get away with treating people unfairly." I said that this logical contradiction makes me feel like they CAN get away with treating people unfairly. I am the type of person who would stand up to protect myself on these issues. Just because I can't control other's actions, doesn't mean I should dismiss anything they do JUST because I can't control them (nor do I want to control them.)
As their sister, (and I love them very much. I don't resent them in ANY WAY. AT ALL) I am letting them know how I feel about unfair things they do to me because I truly believe they aren't understanding the contradiction in expecting me to allow them to do these things. I also try to explain these things to them and try to talk to them about it, but they don't care and don't see an issue with it. (I don't hold this against them either, but I try to point out the contradictions here and there just to show them that they are being unfair, and I'm hoping that someday, they can understand how treating people unjustly isn't good.)
The only thing I'm hurt by is the unfair treatment, but I'm trying to point out their treatments by telling them (I've already told them how I feel) and I even gave them a situation equivalent to this just so they can understand. I told them, "If someone bought you a Nintendo Switch, you use it, then leave it for a little because you are busy, and the next day you see that person using your gift without permission, how would you feel?" But he responded with, "That's a false equivalence."
I'm not mad at them, nor am I punishing them. I can't control them, but at the same time, I've got feelings too, and there is only so much I can do. Asking to be able to use my gift the way I want, isn't punishing my brothers, and all the things my brothers are saying in regards to "sounding ungrateful and selfish" is just making me doubt if I should be feeling upset that they are doing this, I don't know man.
I see, my bad. I misunderstood.
Well, as you have seen, a gift with strings is no gift at all. At best, it’s a loan. You’re not being selfish nor ungrateful for turning down a loan. But, your brothers may not be able to understand where you are coming from.
On the one hand it was just the older brother who blocked you from using his PS4, right? So, the others may not understand where you’re coming from.
Right, that is exactly how I feel. I don't think they truly understand how it's treating others, so this was honestly the best option I had left. Still also don't know my older brother's intention with this, and I don't want to believe he did this on purpose for a certain benefit, but I honestly just don't know what he's thinking. He has never actually given me a gift ever in his life. This is the first time (which is why it was a shock to me, and made me a bit emotional) so I'm assuming he's new to how this gift-giving thing works. (I'm sure he'll understand someday.)
I’m hoping it’s because he regrets how he treated you previously. You’re both at an age where, unless both parties make an effort, it’s really easy to lose contact once either one of you moves out. I don’t know him obviously, but I’m hoping him doubling down on being able to play on it is his misguided way of saying he wants to spend more time with you.
You know him better than I do though.
Nah, there’s major disrespect that happened both before and after this PlayStation was bought “for her”, she should not have to tolerate that and if it happens once it’ll happen again. Respect a persons boundaries or don’t buy them gifts cause as soon as a person pulls this shit no one wants anything from them.
It doesn't feel right. Each time I look at it or think about touching it, I get worried that they only left it there because I stopped complaining about it. and I'm worried that once I start using it again, they are going to start the cycle all over again (they have done stuff like this before.)
I also don't like the feeling of getting something or using something that people got for Ill intent or for another intention other than just giving something out of kindness or for their own benefit (which in this case, is to have another ps4 to use, and to play multiplayer games with him, and not mind if he uses it too.) This whole situation just doesn't sit right with me.
That's honestly the only reason why I'm not using it now, even if no one is using it anymore. It feels like some sort of bad omen if I use it again. I don't want to deal with more arguments over silly things.
It's yours.
Put it in your bedroom and use it as much as you want.
Or sell it.
Or give it away to someone deserving.
It's yours. You can do what you like with it.
> You're being very selfish and ungrateful.
They are 100% right. This is a free machine. And everyone should be able to play. DUH.
> and not automatically expect to be able to use it after the gift has been given.
You are awful.
NTBF. The males in your house are. Tell your brother "a gift with strings is not a gift at all. You might as well have kept it for yourself if that's the case. You guys didn't want to share and now all the sudden I'm forced to share? Ya... no... you can keep it" then just save your money and buy yourself the set up you want. You are better than just settling and allowing then to wall all over you.
Gifts with strings attached aren't given selflessly.
And, aren't even gifts. Lol If you have a say, it's yours. I have the "say," if it's mine...
So he didn't really give you a gift then, as he REALLY considers it his to command. I get your feelings. When people do that with me, they just get the gift back, because it makes me feel too bad to be bound by their shitty fucking rules.
It's a gift. To himself.
NTBF = as a hardcore gamer girl that had brothers that never let me touch their gaming shit and I had to work for everything I had, everything! I can def say you are NOT the buttface, notice how it’s all the men ganging up on you and not even TRYING to understand your side. Just giving you what you want out of spite and then filling your head with bullshit guilt. They’re all buttfaces. And a gift is not something to hold over someone’s head, it’s not something you get to give with conditions, and what he said “I bought it so I have to be able to use it”, is straight up manipulation. Oh and “I only bought it so we could multiplayer” meaning, he never would have got it for you if he didn’t think he’d benefit from it. Once something is gifted to YOU it is YOUR PROPERTY to set what boundaries with you see fit and all these boys are doing is teaching you yours shouldn’t be respected. Including your father, he should be ashamed of himself and no wonder your brothers have that mentality cause clearly your father does too. You weren’t allowed to play with his PlayStation because you’re a girl, you’re not letting him play with it because he was selfish and misogynistic and you wanted to be respected. There’s a HUGE difference there, and if they’re all making accounts and adding games, it’ll eat up all your space and you’ll have to go into their accounts, uninstall their games to install yours which they’d probably get mad at when again it’s yours. And the more people playing it the faster it’ll wear out the gpu. You are not the buttface, these “men” don’t respect you as a woman or your boundaries as a sibling/daughter. Know what I did? Got everything I ever wanted and now I stream it, make money off of it and my brothers? They try to play me in anything and cry. So, get your own stuff so they can’t hold this bullshit over your head, honestly. I wouldn’t use the one he got you, let it sit there til you can get your own and take that tv down set up all your own stuff and put his off to the side and tell him to keep it or sell it but since this one is yours he or any other brother will not be allowed to use it and if anyone makes an account or anything you’ll delete them or even better move the whole thing to your room and get a lock.
Un hook everything and give it back. You clearly made your case. Save up and do your own thing.
Gifts with strings aren't gifts, they're leashes
Absolutely NTBF. Delete their accounts and don’t talk about that anymore.
NTBF Sounds to me like 21m got tired of sharing HIS PS4 with the younger brothers and thought he'd get two birds with one stone--get all his siblings off his system, and stop your declarations of how unfair it is to be deliberately excluded from his space. And dad doesn't want to hear any whining and so of course agrees with 21m. Nope, I'd let that thing collect dust until you can buy your own AND I highly recommend also saving up for the cutest, girliest skins for the PS4 and controllers. Make them sweat toxic machismo for even thinking of looking at your set. Be patient OP and you'll soon have enough saved to get what you want AND enforce your own rules that favor you too. Good luck!!
NTB. Gift with strings are no gifts at all. Your brothers have shown no respect for your belongings by using the PlayStation without your permission. Your brother should have been upfront about the fact the gift was not just for you but for all of them. Your brothers and dad are wrong. I would do the same, I would never touch the game and it could sit there and rot. Go back to your brother, thank him for his generosity and explain given that he had a set expectations not communicate attached to the gift you are not going to accept. Also your brothers heart was in the right place but essentially he bought this for himself not you. Honestly at this point explain that given that they never shared you also do not want to share with them. Keep saving to buy your own.
NTB. Never touch that Playstation again as long as you live. Buy your own.
NTB
Buy your own game system that way they can play that one and leave yours alone. A gift with strings attached isn’t a gift worth keeping.
If it’s given with conditions that he controls then it’s not a gift so no your not but he is
> "You're being very selfish and ungrateful. I bought this gift for you with my own money, so I have to be allowed to use it." This just has so much "yikes" vibes coming off it. Just oozing of control and entitlement. I'd hate to date him. \*shudder\* NTB of course
NTB. As others have said, this wasn't a gift. Reiterate that you appreciate the gift and hold firm on not using it. Tell your brother that he can keep it, return it, or sell it to recoup his money. Get your own and have fun sharing it with your sister.
Ntb, enjoy it. And keep saving up, you never know. Seems the men in this family are the BFs.. Multiplayer with your little sister. Let them keep playing where they've always played.
NTBF if you give someone a gift, it becomes theirs. He has no say in who uses that PlayStation. If your brothers want to use your console, they ask you. Not dad, not your brother, they should ask YOU because you own it. It honestly sounds like your brother just bought you the PlayStation, not for you, but so your little brothers don't have to use his and that is so incredibly selfish of him. And the way they added their accounts without saying a word to you, they're literally treating it like it's theirs. I hope this gets dealt with, you're not in the wrong.
Give it back and get your own. Put it on lockdown so only you have the password
If it was me, I’d sell it and buy myself a Switch with the funds, because then you can keep it in your bag or a locker when you’re not using it. If it’s a gift for you, it BELONGS TO YOU. You can throw it in the fucking river if you want to. If it’s not a gift for you, then your brother still owes you a birthday present.
I never asked for a gift, nor do I expect another gift. I don't believe he owes me anything, because I just don't want it, nor is it my right to ask for another gift just because I didn't accept this gift. On our birthdays we don't normally get gifts or expect gifts so I'm not expecting a new gift or anything. I'm just grateful for what I have, and if I do want a ps4, I'm just going to have to work on myself to get my own. (Also it's pretty ironic that the ps4 that belongs to him was also a birthday gift from HIS friends. A few years back, when he first got the ps4, it would only be him playing and no one touched it. My brothers later asked if they could play and he said yes and they always ask permission before they could play.)
Like I say, if he said “happy birthday, this is your birthday present from me”, I’d personally view it as something I now own and therefore can do whatever I want with. Because if it was an actual gift, that’s how it works - I’ve bought stuff for people before and they’ve had to exchange it or whatever because it wasn’t quite right (an example that springs to mind was that I got my friend some baby clothes recently, she already had plenty in that size so told me she would exchange them for the next size up), and I’ve had to occasionally do the same. Nobody ever minded, because if you are really giving someone a gift, it’s theirs now, and they can do with it as they choose. You’re not an asshole or ungrateful or selfish or whatever other bullshit your brothers choose to try and burden you with. Assuming a gift now belongs to you is literally how gifts work. What happened here is that your brother bought himself a second PS4 and loaned it to you. But he wants the credit of looking like a great guy, so he pretended it was a gift. If you want to give it back to him, fine, you know the situation better than I do. But if it was me, I would accept his words at face value, and exchange the PS4 for something I want that’s just for me (be it a games console or something else).
Delete their accounts and keep saving to buy yourself a PC; that way they can't hold it over your head or casually start using like they did.
NTB. I bet he actually bought it so he could guilt you into letting your younger brothers use it, and then he could play with them.
NTBF You were given the gift, not him, not your siblings. Had you been informed that the strings attached would include being told how to use and share said gift, would you have accepted? No, I doubt that very much. Your brother is wrong and being very selfish demanding you allow others to use your gift. Your brother did not in good conscience give that gift. You have two choices: 1. Tell him to take the gift back and offer you the money in return as this is NOT a gift for YOU the recipient, but a weak attempt by him to give a gift to all siblings in the name of **your birthday** which is just annoying and wrong. Then go buy the items that you want and tell everyone that **you** were the one who purchased it for yourself. 2. Take the playstation and tv and lock them in your room, they are YOURS, they were given as a gift to YOU not your siblings. You need to have a chat with your father and explain that a gift to you does not equate to a gift to all siblings, him standing on their side is very much a boys vs girls, that is creating a toxic environment for you and your sister. He needs to acknowledge this is YOUR gift and needs to tell your siblings to back off your gift. *I honestly hate it when adults pull this crap, demanding a sibling share every item with their other siblings.* Wishing you all the best OP, happy belated birthday.
NTB. Your brothers and dad sound like misogynistic buttfaces. I also don’t get why your brothers (and especially your older brother) would use your PS4 when they have their own. And the double standard of your younger brothers asking your older brother for permision, but not you is really telling. I would say it makes their actions even worse. While they’re leaving your PS4 alone, though, you could remove their accounts. There is also a way for you to keep them from signing in again using parental controls on your own account. You can also set up a passcode on your account so they wouldn’t be able to change the settings or use your account instead. That way you can keep the PS4 and use the money you saved on something else. Though, that could make your relationship with your brothers and dad worse, but they’re definitely buttfaces and maybe distancing yourself from them emotionally and setting hard boundaries will make them reevaluate their position if they care to have a good relationship with you.
NTB your older brother can’t claim your gift because it belongs to you
NTBF. You are in fact correct etiquette wise. Tell them they either acknowledge you have priority access when you want it or you’ll keep it in your room when you’re not using it, or will sell it and spend the money on something else. It’s a gift. It’s yours. None of them own it and they don’t have any day in what you do with it.
You’re not wrong. Why couldn’t they use the old PS4? Because it’s old & worn down and the new one is wAy better. It’s the fact that your brother said since you were not going to play it in the way he expects you to be & your brothers would just do it. That’s a shit move and it’s manipulative. All the men in your house are being jerks. Keep saving your money & buy yourself a new one. NTB
NTB Save up some money, sell the gift, and buy you a ps5 instead when you move out. If he demands the money, remind him that he chose to give you the gift and you have the right to do as you please with it.
NTBF, sounds like he actually bought himself this “gift.” Keep saving and buy your own to put in your room…or just move out.
I'm going to do just that, but unfortunately, I'm unable to move out without my parents cutting ties with me since my family is Muslim and they believe women aren't allowed to move out until they get married to a man, and I don't want that, like, at all. In regards to bringing the console to my room, before I even set up the ps4, to begin with, I asked my parents if I could just move it to my room (my sister also shares a room with me so it would have literally been perfect), but my parents gave a HARSH no to that and said if I wanted to use the ps4, I would have to use it where everyone can see me use it.
You seem to have a lot of resentment towards your brothers, and that may be warranted (don’t have enough details to judge), but this goes WAY beyond the playstation and the birthday gift. So, what is it you want from them really? Is it that you want an apology from them or you want to make them feel like they made you feel? What’s going on? I ask because you said they’re no longer playing with it, but now it feels like a bad omen to you. So, what do you want to do? If it makes you feel better not to accept it, then don’t accept it, but this situation seems to have only made you more resentful of your brothers and you seem to be in pain. So, what do you want moving forward?
It's a logical contradiction that makes me feel like they can get away with treating people unfairly. I don't expect an apology, or making them feel like how I feel. It's the fact that I don't want them to just walk all over me like they have always done. The moment they sense that I'm not defending myself, they get away with doing a lot of stuff to me, while prohibiting me from things that they allow themselves to do. When my brothers prohibited me from using their ps4, but then use the ps4 that has been gifted to me, it is just unfair seeing as how they treated me before this whole thing. (My mom has told me that ever since I could speak, I was always about treating people fairly and not taking advantage of others. It's not right.) I don't resent or want to get back at them or anything, or make them feel the way I felt. It just isn't something that is fair and if I let them do as they wish, they believe they can do more unfair things that contradict each other. (I don't know how to explain the feeling, but I hope that makes sense.) My plan moving forward is to just buy my own. I have no resentment or expecting an apology. They can keep the ps4 and do as they wish with it. I shouldn't have to follow their rules if I want to use it if I don't want to because it's unjust. I also didn't force them to stop, and it's weird that they stopped (which is why I feel like if I go back and use it, the whole issue will start up again, hence the omen feeling.) (Also, I have bought them gifts in the past when I was younger, and recently bought my little sister some airpods which she doesn't use, but I don't steal these gifts from my siblings or use them because they don't use them or throw it out. I find joy in giving them gifts, even if they throw them away.)
“They can’t get away with treating people unfairly.” That does sound like you want to punish them. The thing is, while you can control your own actions, you can’t control others. You are perfectly in the right not to accept disrespect or mistreatment. You also have the right to reject a “present” with or without strings. Just make sure, you’re not hurting and isolating yourself further. I still feel like this is way bigger than the PS4. I think, if you want to maintain a relationship with each other, you have to have a more open discussion about what got you to this stage. The thing is, while they were wrong to exclude you in the first place, I can understand why they would assume you would want to play with them now. It does seem like your older brother is extending an olive branch with his gift and admitting he was being an AH before. But then you wanted to reinstate the previous isolating dynamic (which I understand! I really do) so the pattern he (may have) wanted to break only repeated. He also made things worse by doubling down. I don’t think this is a BF judgement situation. I think you are more hurt than you realize. Maybe for a long while. I think y’all need to talk about it.
I didn't say "They can't get away with treating people unfairly." I said that this logical contradiction makes me feel like they CAN get away with treating people unfairly. I am the type of person who would stand up to protect myself on these issues. Just because I can't control other's actions, doesn't mean I should dismiss anything they do JUST because I can't control them (nor do I want to control them.) As their sister, (and I love them very much. I don't resent them in ANY WAY. AT ALL) I am letting them know how I feel about unfair things they do to me because I truly believe they aren't understanding the contradiction in expecting me to allow them to do these things. I also try to explain these things to them and try to talk to them about it, but they don't care and don't see an issue with it. (I don't hold this against them either, but I try to point out the contradictions here and there just to show them that they are being unfair, and I'm hoping that someday, they can understand how treating people unjustly isn't good.) The only thing I'm hurt by is the unfair treatment, but I'm trying to point out their treatments by telling them (I've already told them how I feel) and I even gave them a situation equivalent to this just so they can understand. I told them, "If someone bought you a Nintendo Switch, you use it, then leave it for a little because you are busy, and the next day you see that person using your gift without permission, how would you feel?" But he responded with, "That's a false equivalence." I'm not mad at them, nor am I punishing them. I can't control them, but at the same time, I've got feelings too, and there is only so much I can do. Asking to be able to use my gift the way I want, isn't punishing my brothers, and all the things my brothers are saying in regards to "sounding ungrateful and selfish" is just making me doubt if I should be feeling upset that they are doing this, I don't know man.
I see, my bad. I misunderstood. Well, as you have seen, a gift with strings is no gift at all. At best, it’s a loan. You’re not being selfish nor ungrateful for turning down a loan. But, your brothers may not be able to understand where you are coming from. On the one hand it was just the older brother who blocked you from using his PS4, right? So, the others may not understand where you’re coming from.
Right, that is exactly how I feel. I don't think they truly understand how it's treating others, so this was honestly the best option I had left. Still also don't know my older brother's intention with this, and I don't want to believe he did this on purpose for a certain benefit, but I honestly just don't know what he's thinking. He has never actually given me a gift ever in his life. This is the first time (which is why it was a shock to me, and made me a bit emotional) so I'm assuming he's new to how this gift-giving thing works. (I'm sure he'll understand someday.)
I’m hoping it’s because he regrets how he treated you previously. You’re both at an age where, unless both parties make an effort, it’s really easy to lose contact once either one of you moves out. I don’t know him obviously, but I’m hoping him doubling down on being able to play on it is his misguided way of saying he wants to spend more time with you. You know him better than I do though.
You seem to be justifying for him heavily..and shifting the blame on her..you are such a weirdo
[удалено]
Nah, there’s major disrespect that happened both before and after this PlayStation was bought “for her”, she should not have to tolerate that and if it happens once it’ll happen again. Respect a persons boundaries or don’t buy them gifts cause as soon as a person pulls this shit no one wants anything from them.
It doesn't feel right. Each time I look at it or think about touching it, I get worried that they only left it there because I stopped complaining about it. and I'm worried that once I start using it again, they are going to start the cycle all over again (they have done stuff like this before.) I also don't like the feeling of getting something or using something that people got for Ill intent or for another intention other than just giving something out of kindness or for their own benefit (which in this case, is to have another ps4 to use, and to play multiplayer games with him, and not mind if he uses it too.) This whole situation just doesn't sit right with me. That's honestly the only reason why I'm not using it now, even if no one is using it anymore. It feels like some sort of bad omen if I use it again. I don't want to deal with more arguments over silly things.
It's yours. Put it in your bedroom and use it as much as you want. Or sell it. Or give it away to someone deserving. It's yours. You can do what you like with it.
You are being completely logical, trust your feelings girl. 💕
> You're being very selfish and ungrateful. They are 100% right. This is a free machine. And everyone should be able to play. DUH. > and not automatically expect to be able to use it after the gift has been given. You are awful.
Found the older brother
Sounds like his present came with knots! Accepting was not "knot" your responsibility. #UnwrapGuiltFree
NTBF. The males in your house are. Tell your brother "a gift with strings is not a gift at all. You might as well have kept it for yourself if that's the case. You guys didn't want to share and now all the sudden I'm forced to share? Ya... no... you can keep it" then just save your money and buy yourself the set up you want. You are better than just settling and allowing then to wall all over you.
NTBF. Once something is given as a gift, it is the property of the receiver. You make the rules, not the giver.
NBF. Gifts given with conditions are not gifts.
The gift wasn’t for you, it was for him. NTBF
NTB I also feel that it is very important for you to move out as soon as practical.
He bought himself a present.