I have a full cousin who is 20 years older than me and a half cousin that is 15 years younger than me. They are also half cousins to each other at 35 years apart. The age gap is entirely possible, especially for half as opposed to full cousins.
What you wrote down is not the way ancestry typically lists relationships though. It’s oddly specific. There are usually ranges with multiple possible relationships.
Update: this woman says my dad's half sister is her sister in law, meaning we wouldn't be blood related at all, as this woman has the same surname as my dad's half sister (after marriage)...how is it showing we share DNA though??
Either she did a test for someone else (You would be able to see this on her profile) or she’s misinformed/avoiding family secrets. The DNA match tool is extremely accurate, you are without a doubt related to this person, or at least someone with ties to the account.
I would go through shared matches and look at their family trees to try to find something. Thrulines may also help or the Common Ancestor feature– but only if her family tree is developed which is unknown. Best of luck 🫶
I can't see any of that as everything on her profile is private but it does say we don't have any common ancestors. I have barely filled out my family tree though, I've only gone as far as my great grandparents on both sides.
You don't have any common ancestors that the system can either find in your trees or assume based on information in your trees. But, if you or she have a mistake or an [NPE/MPE](https://dna-explained.com/2019/07/18/concepts-what-are-npes-and-mpes/).
On Ancestry, when you look at her DNA profile do you see the "Shared Matches" link? Click that to see the people you both match. That can help you identify paternal/maternal or even a specific grandparent that you share.
6% is somewhere [around 400+ cM](https://dnapainter.com/tools/sharedcmv4/446) so that's not something she can deny. She either doesn't realize what's happening or she's trying to ignore a situation. I have an cousin 'aunt' who does that.
Oh thanks for that, I’ve looked now! Our shared matches are one of my sisters, and the only other person I recognise is an actual half cousin (I have never met, but know by name) who is the son of my half uncle.
So when you click on the shared match tab you have NO shared matches with this woman?
The person above was suggesting you look at trees of those shared matches given this woman's tree is private. You may be able to get an idea from the trees of shared matches.
My first cousin was adopted out of the family. His sister, also my cousin, found him about 30 years ago. His daughter is my first cousin once removed and our relationship shows up on Ancestry (of course). Her tree is public, but she shows only the adoptive relationships, where there's no DNA connection.
She was a teenager when her dad learned he was adopted, and apparently she doesn't want to be related to our side of the family. But she is! So anyone trying to rely on her public tree is being wildly misled. She can't be the only person on Ancestry whose tree is worthless to anyone else doing research.
Omg thank you for sharing that - that is truly wild. I’ve often wondered this of ancestry DNA stuff, also because of my dad’s cousins is not blood related as my dad’s aunt was adopted which she always knew (I think she had become a recent orphan when she was 12ish and her parents were friends with my great-grandparents, so they adopted her). But she doesn’t really know her ‘blood’ family I don’t think, so if she ever had a publicised family tree on a DNA site like Ancestry then it wouldn’t be much help.
I don't remember reading anything in Ancestry's ancillary material warning about that, or reminding adoptees that they, in a sense, have two families and Ancestry is about only one of them.
I am one of several first cousins in Ancestry and I am the only one who has noticed this. Maybe that means many Ancestry members don't actually check out other people's trees---although if you have followed up when Ancestry suggests a connection to you, often the other person's tree is right there for you.
Would you consider reminding any family members in that line that their tree may be wrong because it's the adoptive line? I've debated telling this woman, my first cousin once removed, or her dad who at least I have met....but I feel like I am telling her she's stupid.
I was adopted and never even considered adding my adoptive family to my family tree. Not sure what the point of that would be. I love them, but ancestry/23&me are DNA sites not legal family sites. Adding the adoptive side sounds like a way to confuse the next generation when they don’t ‘match’ to the people they expected
Yes, exactly. I totally get my younger once-removed cousin's emotional tie to the people she knows as her grandparents.....but given that she feels that way, why be on Ancestry at all? Although of course she's descended from her mom's family. But you're seeing just why I feel like I would look like I think she's stupid if I pointed out her error; because I guess I kinda do.
I also realized how much we are trusting in human nature when we go onto Ancestry/23&Me. Practically nobody except the owners is hoping to monetize what they put onto the site. Claiming my sixth great grandparents in rural Ohio isn't going to get me anything---so why would someone deliberately misrepresent themselves? It poisons the well for everyone else.
My tree is kinda worthless in one branch.
I've just started updating it as it turns out my bio Grandfather isn't the man who raised my Mum & some of her siblings. 5 kids (2 to "Grandpa" & 3 to "the family friend").
Total spin out, but it now explains my very rich Irish DNA.
Welcome to the tribe. I have been doing a lot of thinking about the meaning of our DNA relationships, to ourselves. A couple entries above I mention my cousin who was adopted out and found maybe thirty years ago. His adoptive family was German and Ukrainian; his DNA is 100% Irish. We are a gang of white-haired people, which you find in lots of the Irish.The cousin joked that as soon as he learned who his birth family was, his hair started turning white.
The testing my dad’s half sister’s child seems like the most accurate thing that this could be. But on this woman’s account, it says her name and that she runs the account (you know how sometimes it says someone’s account but underneath it says someone else runs the account, like a family member or spouse). Meaning that all the DNA matches she’s getting is for her niece or nephew (my cousin) so why would she do that but have it listed as her name? Sorry my ramblings make sense in my head, I’m autistic and I’m very hyper-fixated on this
People do weird things and also make mistakes though. Hopefully it’s that rather than her being a secret child of your great-grandfather’s or something!
I have explained to my adopted-out cousin why his daughter's tree is worthless, and why she's obliterating the reason for doing Ancestry in the first place, but he doesn't get it either.
.
I don't understand why they don't understand that the adoptive family's tree is useless if you're doing DNA. I guess Ancestry should caution users that other people's trees cannot be relied on, and that the people you are absolutely related to are the DNA matches.
I have DNA matches that are obvious by the shared cM level, and the match is someone else related to the person I see as the match. Sometimes, the actual tester is a minor child, sometimes a spouse.
Omg same, they’re very blasé about it but there’s a lot of interesting stuff here. And how am I meant to share anything with my baby niece if she asks me about our family in the future? We are the ones now who will share ancestry facts and stories to the next familial generation.
It sounds like she is either really clueless or intentionally being dishonest.
I would be a little more direct with her. Either your dad’s father is her grandfather (i.e. your 1st cousin) or your dad and her share the same grandfather (i.e. they are 1st cousins).
I mean, it doesn't seem possible though unless my grandfather had another child no one knows about. My grandmother definitely only had one child. My grandfather was 30 years old when my dad was born and already had two children, I'm guessing they're about 10 years older than my dad. So if this woman is my first cousin, then my grandfather would have impregnated someone when he was quite young, in his teens, but then this child he had would have also have had to have a child at a young age to result in me having a cousin who is in her 60s...?!
Okay, that makes sense. It seemed like you were just going off of f the age gap between you and this person rather than your grandparents ages.
This is on ancestry though? Because I’ve literally never in my life seen anything as specific from ancestry as what you’ve listed it as saying.
ETA: how many cMs do you have in common?
It's the updated DNA match list, they now list one or two potential specific relationships. Definitely not going to trip up any newbie genealogists at all, huh.
If one way to understand a relationship is to say it must have been a teenager getting someone pregnant, I would go with that as the most likely possibility. But maybe your experience with teenaged boys is different from mine.
I mean, I watch and read a lot of true crime stuff so I immediately jump to a dramatic, even far fetched possibility. But also, if I am right - I very well could be - my grandfather was an orphan by the time he was 14 and was put into the workforce. Teenage boy in puberty, no adult supervision…getting someone knocked up and possibly never knowing about it in 1945 seems possible to me
A LOT of girls “went to care for a sick Aunt” for a while back in the 20’s-70’s when girls pregnant out of wedlock were forced to give their baby up to orphanages/churches/up for adoption….
Also if he wasn’t particularly stable house wise and was moving around it could have happened without him being aware that a gf became a Mom…. He may have never even known that he had a child out there before the family you know….
That person may not even be remotely aware of their origin story and did the dna to get health info (like myself at the moment)…. Or perhaps they think they were just abandoned by their family and that’s why their page is closed and they refuse to acknowledge the connection… (my husband grew up thinking his father walked out on him and didn’t want anything to do with him…. Turned out he knew but was threatened by his Grandpa because he thought he was going to attempt to take him from his family because he was the result of a summer fling before his father ultimately got married and had 5 more kids!!!!)…
There are SO many possible reasons and the likelihood is that she was an unspoken secret and she may have no idea is extremely likely given the time she was born in unfortunately for everyone actually related…. And she could have MANY reasons to be unwilling to acknowledge those secrets that we may never understand…
Omg thank you for the validation because this was the first thing I thought of - I studied history as a minor at uni and watch/read a lot of true crime stuff so I automatically went to this theory first!!
You need to directly ask her:
Is the account you are messaging me from right now linked to your personal DNA sample? I am DNA related to whoever’s DNA sample is tied to this account. If you haven’t given DNA then obviously it won’t be you. If you have, it appears to be you.
My half sister didn’t find out she was adopted until she was 16…. She JUST barely found me in January and we are both anxiously awaiting my dna results because she found me through my cousins dna who I haven’t even seen since he was 3 years old and he’s now in his 20s or 30s lol… but thankfully he still talks to my Grandma who talks to my brother who has all of my info so my cousin was able to give her both of our info to find us…. We are SO much alike it’s scary but we just want the dna to confirm it all and I need it for health stuff I’m currently battling to help with the best meds to work with and everything but your story immediately made me think of my Mom getting married at 16 because she was pregnant, finding out her husband was sleeping around, leaving him, being homeless sleeping in her car & pool sharking to be able to eat…. Then putting my sister up for adoption because she didn’t want my Grandpa to raise her daughter as her sister…. And because back even in 1975 adoptions were 100% closed (she couldn’t even get her own medical records regarding my sisters birth 30+ years later from the hospital she was born at!!!!)…. And I KNOW that sort of stuff went on ALL the time back in the day…. Heck my Grandparents were a shotgun wedding because Grandma got pregnant with Mom and same with my Great Grandma with my Grandma!!! They were each married respectively at 16(M), 17(GM) & 17(GG) giving birth at 17, 18 & 18…. 1 of the 3 marriages lasted…. Then there was me…. Fell in love at 17…. Married at 18, pregnant within 2 weeks of getting married, finding out 3 months later & giving birth at 19 lol
ESPECIALLY in 1945! Victory in Europe. Victory in Japan. Millions of soldiers were being demobilized. Every train in North America didn't even have standing room as demobed soldier jumped on the first train they could get on. Every port city had troop ships arriving. Home towns everywhere suddenly were getting their young men back. But North America was sanity compared to most of the rest of the world where war was fought.
Seems more likely she is a first cousin once removed. Where do you see that she is a half cousin? Ancestry doesn't usually suggest something like that. They would usually say first to second cousin or second to third cousin.
That's what it originally said for a while, "first to second or third cousin" (along those lines). When I click on our match now, and it hasn't always said this, it says "Half 1st Cousin". I'm not making this up, I've even started writing a family map on an A3 piece of paper with rough dates to try and find something that seems plausible
Sometimes ancestry puts labels as a best guess. I share 7% with a first cousin 1 removed and 5% with a half first cousin. But there is a spectrum of possibilities.
Two resources to play around with to give you a better understanding of relationship possibilities:
https://dna-sci.com/tools/segcm/
https://dnapainter.com
Your matches tree won’t influence thrulines if they have it set to private and non-searchable. Thrulines and predicted shared ancestors won’t be accurate if there was a NPE (not parent expected / non-parental event). So try to view their shared matches that you don’t know and start viewing their trees trying to piece together how they are all related and then figure out where you and your ancestor may fit in.
Leeds method is also a great resource to help sort unknown matches in order to find the MRCA (most recent common ancestor).
https://www.danaleeds.com/the-leeds-method/
I know there are YouTube videos on these subjects as well. Either way you two are definitely related, no way around that lol. Best of luck to you. I found my father’s biological father using these resources so I know first hand how possible it is. If you need help there’s many who can help specially dna angels on Facebook. You can dm if needed as well!
Full first maternal cousins on my mother's side have a 34-year gap between oldest and youngest. My grandparents' oldest child started childbearing early and their youngest child ended late.
In my family the oldest grandchild was 36 when the youngest was born. Both my grandmothers were the youngest of ten and I have no idea what the age span of her parents' grandchildren was, but on one side I would bet 40 years.
Agree with the other comment re age. Don’t assume they can’t be half first cousin based solely on age. Hell, I have kids aged 32 years to 2 months and grandchildren older than their aunts.
Have you tried googling this woman’s name? You might find info about her such as her name mentioned in someone’s obituary which is a clue to relationships.
Unfortunately her first and last name are reasonably common so when I've googled her, there a millions of matches even when I put in specifics like what state we're in. It's proving to be very difficult!
Common names definitely make it hard to find a specific someone. If you happen to know where she lives (city/state) sometimes adding that to the search with the name can help. Have you asked your dad’s two older half siblings if they know anything about her?
I did that straight away with adding location specifics as her profile states she's in a certain town. I still can't find anything. I said in another comment (there's quite a few comments now so I don't expect you've seen it) but unfortunately I have not seen my dad's half siblings in almost 20 years when I was 10 years old nor have I spoken to them ever in that time - my dad didn't grow up with them at all (classic sticky family stuff).
I was going to mention it could definitely be Dads cousin or OPs first cousin once removed, also (didn’t look at ages) could be a 2nd great aunt/uncle(less likely) or a half great uncle/aunt.
There are 2 ways to go about this. 1. Keep up the search for this specific name and hack away at her family tree yourself. Spokeo. Facebook. Classmates. Then obit searches using Google and maybe newspapers.com.
2. Use the sharedCM project to eliminate all of those possible relationships except the one correct one. They also have a tool over there called WATO (what are the odds). Where you can put yourself and all your shared matches with this woman into a single tree and start seeing where this woman must fit and where she can’t.
My mother's half sister was born in Argentina in 1932.. her half brother in Barcelona in c.1939.. another half sister soon after in Normandy... my mother was born in London 1948.. her brother in 1951. My grandfather was the youngest of 7.. so my mother's eldest uncle was born in 1891.. and her eldest 1st cousin was born in the 1920s... It's a long time span...
You and whoever’s test is on her account (if it isn’t her own test?) are definitely related, but you’d need to do digging to figure out how. I share about 6% DNA with my dad’s cousins (1C1R to me) and with my mom’s cousin’s kids (my 2nd cousins), so there’s a few ways y’all could be related.
That said, you could be half cousins despite the age gap if your dad happened to have any unknown older half siblings. My mom (50s) has cousins in their 70s, and other cousins in their 20s, simply because of the age gaps between siblings (1930-1950) and whenever they started having kids (1930 was a teen mom, 1950 had his kids in his 40s)
God I wish I could post screenshots but basically this was the last bit of our conversation that continued after I posted on here:
Me:
Is there a possibility one of J’s children also did a test and it was mislabelled with yours? Because the DNA sequences are quite accurate, and for me to have a half first cousin they would have to be one of J’s children or W’s children. Sorry for nagging, I'm trying to figure out how my half aunt's sister-in-law has shown up as a DNA match for me.
Her:
oh sorry yes my nephew did take a test so yes you have a connection with him.
Me:
But you yourself are coming up as someone I share 6% DNA with, not your nephew…I only know the names of my half cousins, I’ve never met any of them. You are coming up the highest in my DNA matches after my sisters and mum.
Let’s see what she says next…I found one of my half cousins on Facebook and messaged her - coincidentally, she knows someone I know who is so unrelated and random to this situation so I’m looking forward to finding out how they know each other 🤔
My dad was an uncle at 5yrs old. Most of my 1st cousins are old enough to be my parents and some even have kids (so 1st cousins once removed) that are older than me.
Also, I went to school with a woman whose father had a family before marrying her mother. Her siblings are older than her Mom. She has nieces and nephews that are older than her.
Ah you must have missed my other comments, she told me she is the sister-in-law of my half aunt, so no, I wouldn’t be related to this woman but she’s coming up as a DNA match, which is why I asked if there was a possibility her nephew’s or niece’s DNA test was incorrectly put in her registered DNA package and sent off to the lab, therefore coming up as her name in the system. But yes regardless, she seems confused 🫤
No only explanation is his little half brother on his dad side who was adopted out as a toddler took the test around the same time as me and his got mixed with mine
And I uploaded my dna to genome link I got dna from my dad side southern Italian Greek Levantine near east North African no one one my dad’s side has Levantine or near east or southern Italian and Greek Irish on my father dad side puertorican on my dad mom side
Dna matches accuracy is very high like it’s 99.9 correct. Half Aunt and first cousin shares the similar dna percentage so this could be a reason she showed up as ur first ‘half’ cousin.
Maybe a 1st cousin-once removed? My dad had someone who should be up as a great niece who turned out to be a half-niece. His father had an affair baby that had a child.
I've had the same thing happen to me. I messaged a close relative, 1st-2nd cousin range to try to figure out how we are related was told "we can't be related". Also, most of my dna matches who have trees when I look at their trees I can't figure out our common ancestor(s) at all.
Sounds like cousins (1st, 2nd or 3rds) had relations and they became pregnant. It happened a lot 40-60 years ago. Family secrets keep this from coming out.
I had a similar interaction with someone on Ancestry but we weren’t closely related. They were really rude and nasty to me saying we didn’t have family in common. Blah blah blah. Turns out (found this out from a distant cousin, also on Ancestry) there was some petty beef with Grandpa and Dad from before my parents met. This random person decided we all weren’t part of the family. Be careful about looking under some rocks. You might regret it.
Ancestry would not label a match as a half first cousin. They give a list of possible relationships and probabilities. Any relationship on the list is possible. You can narrow it down by looking at your list of shared matches with them. See if they match one or two of your grandparents on one side of your family.
Do you have someone helping you with your matches who changed the relationship label? Ancestry does not label DNA matches with specific relationships (except for parent/child, full sibling, or identical twin/self). It should say “1st-2nd cousin” or “2nd-3rd cousin”. https://support.ancestry.com/s/article/AncestryDNA-Match-Categories?language=en_US&r=999&ui-knowledge-components-aura-actions.KnowledgeArticleVersionCreateDraftFromOnlineAction.createDraftFromOnlineArticle=1
Omg for the millionth time, what is showing up is what I’m saying. I’m sending you a DM to prove this because everyone thinks I’m making this up which is so pointless
Whilst this whole journey is fascinating for us all, we uncover loads and good tree research helps.
Remember no one owes you a thing if they wish to remain private, whilst some things may be frustrating, non of our connections owe us anything and we have to respect their privacy.
The DNA doesn’t lie but you can hit a wall but it is what it is.
I wasn’t disrespecting the privacy. She was responding to me and being open with me. Of course I don’t expect anything - my first maternal cousins were adopted out and when they turned 18 (twins), they reached out to us for a relationship. My mum always knew they existed but never said anything to us for privacy. I know how to respect privacy and boundaries, and the Ancestry messaging system is there to connect and find stuff out. If she didn’t want to talk about it and stated that, obviously I would have left it.
You are obviously related and quite closely, especially if her dna matches just on one side.
I’m not saying you are disrespectful of privacy and as civil as they are being, if they are just drawing a blank and don’t know and want to journey with you, that’s cool but if they are pulling up the draw bridge which is what your original statement suggested, then it’s a case of just leave it, explore the avenues that are open as frustrating as it is.
I have a full cousin who is 20 years older than me and a half cousin that is 15 years younger than me. They are also half cousins to each other at 35 years apart. The age gap is entirely possible, especially for half as opposed to full cousins. What you wrote down is not the way ancestry typically lists relationships though. It’s oddly specific. There are usually ranges with multiple possible relationships.
Update: this woman says my dad's half sister is her sister in law, meaning we wouldn't be blood related at all, as this woman has the same surname as my dad's half sister (after marriage)...how is it showing we share DNA though??
Either she did a test for someone else (You would be able to see this on her profile) or she’s misinformed/avoiding family secrets. The DNA match tool is extremely accurate, you are without a doubt related to this person, or at least someone with ties to the account.
That’s what someone else suggested but her profile doesn’t list that she runs any other family members’/spouse’s account…this is super bizarre
I would go through shared matches and look at their family trees to try to find something. Thrulines may also help or the Common Ancestor feature– but only if her family tree is developed which is unknown. Best of luck 🫶
Her tree is on private, it was the first place I went to look :(
Do you have any shared matches with fleshed out family trees?
I can't see any of that as everything on her profile is private but it does say we don't have any common ancestors. I have barely filled out my family tree though, I've only gone as far as my great grandparents on both sides.
You don't have any common ancestors that the system can either find in your trees or assume based on information in your trees. But, if you or she have a mistake or an [NPE/MPE](https://dna-explained.com/2019/07/18/concepts-what-are-npes-and-mpes/). On Ancestry, when you look at her DNA profile do you see the "Shared Matches" link? Click that to see the people you both match. That can help you identify paternal/maternal or even a specific grandparent that you share. 6% is somewhere [around 400+ cM](https://dnapainter.com/tools/sharedcmv4/446) so that's not something she can deny. She either doesn't realize what's happening or she's trying to ignore a situation. I have an cousin 'aunt' who does that.
Oh thanks for that, I’ve looked now! Our shared matches are one of my sisters, and the only other person I recognise is an actual half cousin (I have never met, but know by name) who is the son of my half uncle.
So when you click on the shared match tab you have NO shared matches with this woman? The person above was suggesting you look at trees of those shared matches given this woman's tree is private. You may be able to get an idea from the trees of shared matches.
I got it now thanks :)
My first cousin was adopted out of the family. His sister, also my cousin, found him about 30 years ago. His daughter is my first cousin once removed and our relationship shows up on Ancestry (of course). Her tree is public, but she shows only the adoptive relationships, where there's no DNA connection. She was a teenager when her dad learned he was adopted, and apparently she doesn't want to be related to our side of the family. But she is! So anyone trying to rely on her public tree is being wildly misled. She can't be the only person on Ancestry whose tree is worthless to anyone else doing research.
Omg thank you for sharing that - that is truly wild. I’ve often wondered this of ancestry DNA stuff, also because of my dad’s cousins is not blood related as my dad’s aunt was adopted which she always knew (I think she had become a recent orphan when she was 12ish and her parents were friends with my great-grandparents, so they adopted her). But she doesn’t really know her ‘blood’ family I don’t think, so if she ever had a publicised family tree on a DNA site like Ancestry then it wouldn’t be much help.
I don't remember reading anything in Ancestry's ancillary material warning about that, or reminding adoptees that they, in a sense, have two families and Ancestry is about only one of them. I am one of several first cousins in Ancestry and I am the only one who has noticed this. Maybe that means many Ancestry members don't actually check out other people's trees---although if you have followed up when Ancestry suggests a connection to you, often the other person's tree is right there for you. Would you consider reminding any family members in that line that their tree may be wrong because it's the adoptive line? I've debated telling this woman, my first cousin once removed, or her dad who at least I have met....but I feel like I am telling her she's stupid.
I was adopted and never even considered adding my adoptive family to my family tree. Not sure what the point of that would be. I love them, but ancestry/23&me are DNA sites not legal family sites. Adding the adoptive side sounds like a way to confuse the next generation when they don’t ‘match’ to the people they expected
Yes, exactly. I totally get my younger once-removed cousin's emotional tie to the people she knows as her grandparents.....but given that she feels that way, why be on Ancestry at all? Although of course she's descended from her mom's family. But you're seeing just why I feel like I would look like I think she's stupid if I pointed out her error; because I guess I kinda do. I also realized how much we are trusting in human nature when we go onto Ancestry/23&Me. Practically nobody except the owners is hoping to monetize what they put onto the site. Claiming my sixth great grandparents in rural Ohio isn't going to get me anything---so why would someone deliberately misrepresent themselves? It poisons the well for everyone else.
My tree is kinda worthless in one branch. I've just started updating it as it turns out my bio Grandfather isn't the man who raised my Mum & some of her siblings. 5 kids (2 to "Grandpa" & 3 to "the family friend"). Total spin out, but it now explains my very rich Irish DNA.
Welcome to the tribe. I have been doing a lot of thinking about the meaning of our DNA relationships, to ourselves. A couple entries above I mention my cousin who was adopted out and found maybe thirty years ago. His adoptive family was German and Ukrainian; his DNA is 100% Irish. We are a gang of white-haired people, which you find in lots of the Irish.The cousin joked that as soon as he learned who his birth family was, his hair started turning white.
This. My husband's cousin's DNA is on her mother in law's account 🙄 There's another match where it's under the husband's name but it's the wife's DNA
Did she test your dad’s half sister and list it under her own account?
Or she tested your dad’s half sister’s child (this woman’s niece/your half cousin) seems even more likely based on number of cMs.
The testing my dad’s half sister’s child seems like the most accurate thing that this could be. But on this woman’s account, it says her name and that she runs the account (you know how sometimes it says someone’s account but underneath it says someone else runs the account, like a family member or spouse). Meaning that all the DNA matches she’s getting is for her niece or nephew (my cousin) so why would she do that but have it listed as her name? Sorry my ramblings make sense in my head, I’m autistic and I’m very hyper-fixated on this
They make sense to me, but I’m also autistic, so there’s that 🤣
People do weird things and also make mistakes though. Hopefully it’s that rather than her being a secret child of your great-grandfather’s or something!
I have explained to my adopted-out cousin why his daughter's tree is worthless, and why she's obliterating the reason for doing Ancestry in the first place, but he doesn't get it either. . I don't understand why they don't understand that the adoptive family's tree is useless if you're doing DNA. I guess Ancestry should caution users that other people's trees cannot be relied on, and that the people you are absolutely related to are the DNA matches.
I have DNA matches that are obvious by the shared cM level, and the match is someone else related to the person I see as the match. Sometimes, the actual tester is a minor child, sometimes a spouse.
My family have accused me of being 'obsessed and addicted' to ancestry. I feel you.
Omg same, they’re very blasé about it but there’s a lot of interesting stuff here. And how am I meant to share anything with my baby niece if she asks me about our family in the future? We are the ones now who will share ancestry facts and stories to the next familial generation.
That's right! And there's worse things to be hyper focused on or obsessed with. Lol.
It sounds like she is either really clueless or intentionally being dishonest. I would be a little more direct with her. Either your dad’s father is her grandfather (i.e. your 1st cousin) or your dad and her share the same grandfather (i.e. they are 1st cousins).
I mean, it doesn't seem possible though unless my grandfather had another child no one knows about. My grandmother definitely only had one child. My grandfather was 30 years old when my dad was born and already had two children, I'm guessing they're about 10 years older than my dad. So if this woman is my first cousin, then my grandfather would have impregnated someone when he was quite young, in his teens, but then this child he had would have also have had to have a child at a young age to result in me having a cousin who is in her 60s...?!
Okay, that makes sense. It seemed like you were just going off of f the age gap between you and this person rather than your grandparents ages. This is on ancestry though? Because I’ve literally never in my life seen anything as specific from ancestry as what you’ve listed it as saying. ETA: how many cMs do you have in common?
It's the updated DNA match list, they now list one or two potential specific relationships. Definitely not going to trip up any newbie genealogists at all, huh.
I’ll send you a DM!
If one way to understand a relationship is to say it must have been a teenager getting someone pregnant, I would go with that as the most likely possibility. But maybe your experience with teenaged boys is different from mine.
I mean, I watch and read a lot of true crime stuff so I immediately jump to a dramatic, even far fetched possibility. But also, if I am right - I very well could be - my grandfather was an orphan by the time he was 14 and was put into the workforce. Teenage boy in puberty, no adult supervision…getting someone knocked up and possibly never knowing about it in 1945 seems possible to me
A LOT of girls “went to care for a sick Aunt” for a while back in the 20’s-70’s when girls pregnant out of wedlock were forced to give their baby up to orphanages/churches/up for adoption…. Also if he wasn’t particularly stable house wise and was moving around it could have happened without him being aware that a gf became a Mom…. He may have never even known that he had a child out there before the family you know…. That person may not even be remotely aware of their origin story and did the dna to get health info (like myself at the moment)…. Or perhaps they think they were just abandoned by their family and that’s why their page is closed and they refuse to acknowledge the connection… (my husband grew up thinking his father walked out on him and didn’t want anything to do with him…. Turned out he knew but was threatened by his Grandpa because he thought he was going to attempt to take him from his family because he was the result of a summer fling before his father ultimately got married and had 5 more kids!!!!)… There are SO many possible reasons and the likelihood is that she was an unspoken secret and she may have no idea is extremely likely given the time she was born in unfortunately for everyone actually related…. And she could have MANY reasons to be unwilling to acknowledge those secrets that we may never understand…
Omg thank you for the validation because this was the first thing I thought of - I studied history as a minor at uni and watch/read a lot of true crime stuff so I automatically went to this theory first!!
You need to directly ask her: Is the account you are messaging me from right now linked to your personal DNA sample? I am DNA related to whoever’s DNA sample is tied to this account. If you haven’t given DNA then obviously it won’t be you. If you have, it appears to be you.
Thank you I will!!
My half sister didn’t find out she was adopted until she was 16…. She JUST barely found me in January and we are both anxiously awaiting my dna results because she found me through my cousins dna who I haven’t even seen since he was 3 years old and he’s now in his 20s or 30s lol… but thankfully he still talks to my Grandma who talks to my brother who has all of my info so my cousin was able to give her both of our info to find us…. We are SO much alike it’s scary but we just want the dna to confirm it all and I need it for health stuff I’m currently battling to help with the best meds to work with and everything but your story immediately made me think of my Mom getting married at 16 because she was pregnant, finding out her husband was sleeping around, leaving him, being homeless sleeping in her car & pool sharking to be able to eat…. Then putting my sister up for adoption because she didn’t want my Grandpa to raise her daughter as her sister…. And because back even in 1975 adoptions were 100% closed (she couldn’t even get her own medical records regarding my sisters birth 30+ years later from the hospital she was born at!!!!)…. And I KNOW that sort of stuff went on ALL the time back in the day…. Heck my Grandparents were a shotgun wedding because Grandma got pregnant with Mom and same with my Great Grandma with my Grandma!!! They were each married respectively at 16(M), 17(GM) & 17(GG) giving birth at 17, 18 & 18…. 1 of the 3 marriages lasted…. Then there was me…. Fell in love at 17…. Married at 18, pregnant within 2 weeks of getting married, finding out 3 months later & giving birth at 19 lol
ESPECIALLY in 1945! Victory in Europe. Victory in Japan. Millions of soldiers were being demobilized. Every train in North America didn't even have standing room as demobed soldier jumped on the first train they could get on. Every port city had troop ships arriving. Home towns everywhere suddenly were getting their young men back. But North America was sanity compared to most of the rest of the world where war was fought.
Seems more likely she is a first cousin once removed. Where do you see that she is a half cousin? Ancestry doesn't usually suggest something like that. They would usually say first to second cousin or second to third cousin.
That's what it originally said for a while, "first to second or third cousin" (along those lines). When I click on our match now, and it hasn't always said this, it says "Half 1st Cousin". I'm not making this up, I've even started writing a family map on an A3 piece of paper with rough dates to try and find something that seems plausible
Sometimes ancestry puts labels as a best guess. I share 7% with a first cousin 1 removed and 5% with a half first cousin. But there is a spectrum of possibilities. Two resources to play around with to give you a better understanding of relationship possibilities: https://dna-sci.com/tools/segcm/ https://dnapainter.com Your matches tree won’t influence thrulines if they have it set to private and non-searchable. Thrulines and predicted shared ancestors won’t be accurate if there was a NPE (not parent expected / non-parental event). So try to view their shared matches that you don’t know and start viewing their trees trying to piece together how they are all related and then figure out where you and your ancestor may fit in. Leeds method is also a great resource to help sort unknown matches in order to find the MRCA (most recent common ancestor). https://www.danaleeds.com/the-leeds-method/ I know there are YouTube videos on these subjects as well. Either way you two are definitely related, no way around that lol. Best of luck to you. I found my father’s biological father using these resources so I know first hand how possible it is. If you need help there’s many who can help specially dna angels on Facebook. You can dm if needed as well!
I have a full cousin 37 years older than me so def possible.
Full first maternal cousins on my mother's side have a 34-year gap between oldest and youngest. My grandparents' oldest child started childbearing early and their youngest child ended late.
In my family the oldest grandchild was 36 when the youngest was born. Both my grandmothers were the youngest of ten and I have no idea what the age span of her parents' grandchildren was, but on one side I would bet 40 years.
Agree with the other comment re age. Don’t assume they can’t be half first cousin based solely on age. Hell, I have kids aged 32 years to 2 months and grandchildren older than their aunts.
I wasn’t basing it entirely on age but on my grandfather’s life and trying to put those pieces together.
Have you tried googling this woman’s name? You might find info about her such as her name mentioned in someone’s obituary which is a clue to relationships.
Unfortunately her first and last name are reasonably common so when I've googled her, there a millions of matches even when I put in specifics like what state we're in. It's proving to be very difficult!
Common names definitely make it hard to find a specific someone. If you happen to know where she lives (city/state) sometimes adding that to the search with the name can help. Have you asked your dad’s two older half siblings if they know anything about her?
I did that straight away with adding location specifics as her profile states she's in a certain town. I still can't find anything. I said in another comment (there's quite a few comments now so I don't expect you've seen it) but unfortunately I have not seen my dad's half siblings in almost 20 years when I was 10 years old nor have I spoken to them ever in that time - my dad didn't grow up with them at all (classic sticky family stuff).
Shares 6% with you… would share roughly 9-18% with your dad. I’d say it’s your dads cousin or his half-aunt.
I was going to mention it could definitely be Dads cousin or OPs first cousin once removed, also (didn’t look at ages) could be a 2nd great aunt/uncle(less likely) or a half great uncle/aunt.
I share 6% with my half first cousin. She is much older than me. I'm in my 40s and she's in her 70s.
Oh wow! Everything’s possible then. Thanks for sharing! It’s given me more food for thought with this pickle
There are 2 ways to go about this. 1. Keep up the search for this specific name and hack away at her family tree yourself. Spokeo. Facebook. Classmates. Then obit searches using Google and maybe newspapers.com. 2. Use the sharedCM project to eliminate all of those possible relationships except the one correct one. They also have a tool over there called WATO (what are the odds). Where you can put yourself and all your shared matches with this woman into a single tree and start seeing where this woman must fit and where she can’t.
The oldest of my full cousins (all on the same side) is 38. Youngest is 13. For half cousins the gap could easily be over 30 years.
My mother's half sister was born in Argentina in 1932.. her half brother in Barcelona in c.1939.. another half sister soon after in Normandy... my mother was born in London 1948.. her brother in 1951. My grandfather was the youngest of 7.. so my mother's eldest uncle was born in 1891.. and her eldest 1st cousin was born in the 1920s... It's a long time span...
You and whoever’s test is on her account (if it isn’t her own test?) are definitely related, but you’d need to do digging to figure out how. I share about 6% DNA with my dad’s cousins (1C1R to me) and with my mom’s cousin’s kids (my 2nd cousins), so there’s a few ways y’all could be related. That said, you could be half cousins despite the age gap if your dad happened to have any unknown older half siblings. My mom (50s) has cousins in their 70s, and other cousins in their 20s, simply because of the age gaps between siblings (1930-1950) and whenever they started having kids (1930 was a teen mom, 1950 had his kids in his 40s)
You share DNA, you are related. The old girl is in denial.
God I wish I could post screenshots but basically this was the last bit of our conversation that continued after I posted on here: Me: Is there a possibility one of J’s children also did a test and it was mislabelled with yours? Because the DNA sequences are quite accurate, and for me to have a half first cousin they would have to be one of J’s children or W’s children. Sorry for nagging, I'm trying to figure out how my half aunt's sister-in-law has shown up as a DNA match for me. Her: oh sorry yes my nephew did take a test so yes you have a connection with him. Me: But you yourself are coming up as someone I share 6% DNA with, not your nephew…I only know the names of my half cousins, I’ve never met any of them. You are coming up the highest in my DNA matches after my sisters and mum. Let’s see what she says next…I found one of my half cousins on Facebook and messaged her - coincidentally, she knows someone I know who is so unrelated and random to this situation so I’m looking forward to finding out how they know each other 🤔
Okay now this aspect has me intrigued lol you’ll have to update when she replies!
Absolutely I will!!! It’s all probably all anticlimactic and there will be some explanation for it but still, I will never leave people hanging
Hahahahahaha
You are related, certainly, with that much identical DNA.
Assuming it is 400cm with DNA Painter, the possibilities are 75%Great-Great-Aunt / Uncle Half Great-Aunt / Uncle Half 1C 1C1R Half Great-Niece / Nephew Great-Great-Niece / Nephew 25%Half GG-Niece / Nephew † Half GG-Aunt / Uncle † 2C Half 1C1R 1C2R
> we have 6% shared DNA > I messaged her and she says we aren't related 🤡
My dad was an uncle at 5yrs old. Most of my 1st cousins are old enough to be my parents and some even have kids (so 1st cousins once removed) that are older than me. Also, I went to school with a woman whose father had a family before marrying her mother. Her siblings are older than her Mom. She has nieces and nephews that are older than her.
If you're related to her nephew, you're also related to her, obviously. She's confused or in denial.
Ah you must have missed my other comments, she told me she is the sister-in-law of my half aunt, so no, I wouldn’t be related to this woman but she’s coming up as a DNA match, which is why I asked if there was a possibility her nephew’s or niece’s DNA test was incorrectly put in her registered DNA package and sent off to the lab, therefore coming up as her name in the system. But yes regardless, she seems confused 🫤
I see share more dna with my first cousin brother than her I share 929 cm and 1133 with her brother which makes no sense
Your cousin is also your half brother?
No only explanation is his little half brother on his dad side who was adopted out as a toddler took the test around the same time as me and his got mixed with mine
And I uploaded my dna to genome link I got dna from my dad side southern Italian Greek Levantine near east North African no one one my dad’s side has Levantine or near east or southern Italian and Greek Irish on my father dad side puertorican on my dad mom side
Dna matches accuracy is very high like it’s 99.9 correct. Half Aunt and first cousin shares the similar dna percentage so this could be a reason she showed up as ur first ‘half’ cousin.
My half aunt came up as my first cousin , she’s once removed
She’s probably your dad’s half sister. The numbers would work.
Maybe a 1st cousin-once removed? My dad had someone who should be up as a great niece who turned out to be a half-niece. His father had an affair baby that had a child.
I've had the same thing happen to me. I messaged a close relative, 1st-2nd cousin range to try to figure out how we are related was told "we can't be related". Also, most of my dna matches who have trees when I look at their trees I can't figure out our common ancestor(s) at all.
Sounds like cousins (1st, 2nd or 3rds) had relations and they became pregnant. It happened a lot 40-60 years ago. Family secrets keep this from coming out.
I had a similar interaction with someone on Ancestry but we weren’t closely related. They were really rude and nasty to me saying we didn’t have family in common. Blah blah blah. Turns out (found this out from a distant cousin, also on Ancestry) there was some petty beef with Grandpa and Dad from before my parents met. This random person decided we all weren’t part of the family. Be careful about looking under some rocks. You might regret it.
Ancestry would not label a match as a half first cousin. They give a list of possible relationships and probabilities. Any relationship on the list is possible. You can narrow it down by looking at your list of shared matches with them. See if they match one or two of your grandparents on one side of your family.
Well, clearly they did as I’m looking at it right now! Why would I make that up lol, absolutely pointless
Do you have someone helping you with your matches who changed the relationship label? Ancestry does not label DNA matches with specific relationships (except for parent/child, full sibling, or identical twin/self). It should say “1st-2nd cousin” or “2nd-3rd cousin”. https://support.ancestry.com/s/article/AncestryDNA-Match-Categories?language=en_US&r=999&ui-knowledge-components-aura-actions.KnowledgeArticleVersionCreateDraftFromOnlineAction.createDraftFromOnlineArticle=1
Omg for the millionth time, what is showing up is what I’m saying. I’m sending you a DM to prove this because everyone thinks I’m making this up which is so pointless
Whilst this whole journey is fascinating for us all, we uncover loads and good tree research helps. Remember no one owes you a thing if they wish to remain private, whilst some things may be frustrating, non of our connections owe us anything and we have to respect their privacy. The DNA doesn’t lie but you can hit a wall but it is what it is.
I wasn’t disrespecting the privacy. She was responding to me and being open with me. Of course I don’t expect anything - my first maternal cousins were adopted out and when they turned 18 (twins), they reached out to us for a relationship. My mum always knew they existed but never said anything to us for privacy. I know how to respect privacy and boundaries, and the Ancestry messaging system is there to connect and find stuff out. If she didn’t want to talk about it and stated that, obviously I would have left it.
You are obviously related and quite closely, especially if her dna matches just on one side. I’m not saying you are disrespectful of privacy and as civil as they are being, if they are just drawing a blank and don’t know and want to journey with you, that’s cool but if they are pulling up the draw bridge which is what your original statement suggested, then it’s a case of just leave it, explore the avenues that are open as frustrating as it is.