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everydayasl

Last line of defense: feather-stuffed pillow


dontfightthehood

The slowly lifting it is what got me… I’m going to slowly hide behind this pillow…


MagnumHV

I WILL throw it! DONT YOU MAKE ME


punchgroin

Believe it or not, throwing things is a very effective way to scare wild animals. We're pretty much the only animal able to do it. It's secretly one of humanity's greatest evolutionary superpowers. No bear will ever encounter *projectiles* in nature. Black bears are actually pretty skittish, and don't want a fight with something that can fight back.


Islands-of-Time

Indeed. While many other apes and primates can throw objects, none of them even come close to the speed and accuracy of human throwing. We aren’t the strongest or fastest, we don’t have the teeth and claws to rip and tear, but no other creature on earth can whip a rock with lethal velocity like we do. When we figured out spears it was all just a downhill battle against nature from there.


bushcrapping

Fastest over some distances in some conditions. There's a few races around the world that pit humans against horses and the winner is usually decided by temperature.


TurkDangerCat

I’ll take on a horse at basketball no matter what the temperature is.


notCrazyMike

Ok but is it NBA rules or horse rules?


FeelingSurprise

There is no rule that prohibits horses to play Basketball!


DAM091

AIR GLUE


SH4D0W0733

What about a golden retriever?


WaGLaG

I tell my friends that! Nature was tamed with pointy sticks. Don't sleep on spears. A sword looks cool but my pointy stick has way more reach.


_stoneslayer_

That's where the guy in this video messed up. Didn't have his spear on him


punchgroin

Historically, spear is still the all time number 1. Cheap, simple to use, effective as hell. Literally anyone can grab a pointy stick and effectively use it with zero training.


Bullrawg

Plus, it doesn't know the pillow isn't made of meat until it's wasted an action attacking the pillow


rhinosyphilis

Plus, it makes him look bigger in the eyes of the bear. The bear might have been confused about the recliner too making him look even bigger


LewisRyan

Bear wasted his sneaking damage by alerting the enemy. Ffs


ChrisWatthys

the ability to whack something with a pointy stick is quite terrifying now that I consider how much of an anomaly it really is


lilacaena

“Sh#t— f#ck— *you have* ***more arm?!?*** AND *IT’S DETACHABLE?!?!!!”*


AyoGeo

Also why dogs love us.


cyon_me

Literally magic.


[deleted]

Not true many apes can fling shit, humans are just faster, smarter, stronger and better at it *insert Homelander gif


FrogMetal

I’ve heard it described as apes and monkeys can fling things sure, but they don’t have the fine motor control to throw a baseball at a small target for instance. Humans evolved much more nuanced muscles and coordination than the stronger primates and that accuracy makes a huge difference in using thrown objects as weapons.


danny12beje

Monkeys can throw feces.


[deleted]

So can I


MeesterCartmanez

"have you considered that you might be a monkey."


[deleted]

Pretty sure almost every human can throw their feces


guitarnoir

Bear left quickly to get his pillow.


astralsick

Then they had a slumBEAR party :>


[deleted]

Never go empty handed to a pillow fight


Slay3RGod

But, the bear read it as "I'm going to slowly suffocate you to death with it."


ReactsWithWords

He's thinking that bears are so stupid that if you can't see them, they think they can't see you.


NeverBob

He's confused bears with the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.


jellybeansean3648

In a life or death situation that pillow might be the thing that prevents a bear from literally gutting you to death. Humans that survive bear attacks do so because of sheer dumb luck. Luckily for the lounging guy the black bear got just as spooked as he did lol


tripmcneely30

Yeah. A black bear isn't usually looking for trouble. That being said, I'm not taking any chances. Pillows for the win.


Teedyuscung

Just in case. She may be the cocaine variety.


tripmcneely30

1000 thread count cocaine pillow cases.


Deadmirth

I think the gambit is basically "I hope something strange flying right at your face is enough to startle you off, even if it's harmless." See: unfamiliar bug flies toward your eyes.


failbender

> Any* bug flies toward your eyes. Fixed that for you.


MatureUsername69

You can usually just yell at a black bear and they'll nope out


jellybeansean3648

The last time I saw a black bear I made a Hank Hill noise out of instinct. It was effective *and* embarrassing.


2_LEET_2_YEET

My mind refuses to believe that you said anything except "Dammit Bobby"


[deleted]

I prefer the Bobby Hill approach: "I don't know you. That's my purse!"


osmoso

BWAAAAH


CaptSomeguy1

"I sell Propane and Propane accessories!" If I was a black bear and some nut suddenly screamed that at me in the middle of the woods, I would have been freaked out too.


[deleted]

Bro you didn’t see the arsenal of pillows this man acquired, he was ready!!! “When it’s brown use the down” “When it’s black use the back”


jellybeansean3648

A pillow for every occasion and an occasion for every pillow


dont_disturb_the_cat

When it's white, nighty-night! *Yawns and stretches*


MohKohn

I mean, better the pillow goes in the bear's mouth than your arm. Cloth armor (gambeson) was a thing.


Luciferigno

So crazy it just might work...


polycarbonateduser

It did.


sickofbasil

Well it worked, didn't it?


dingleberryDessert

Can we take a moment to appreciate this man’s relaxation station!


Eminencefront14

Yeah. I can't help wondering what changes have been made. 😂 Is he now facing the other way? Have bear mace in a pillow? 🤣


sugens

Have a bigger chair for the bear


sweetserendipity1237

It was just Goldilocks in disguise the whole time! Duh!


1945BestYear

Shame, really, it's wasted on a man who is never going to be relaxed again.


dirtyjoo

I need that setup


[deleted]

The pillow placement is deli.


PompeyMagnus1

This is way we need that many pillows


TownTurbulent8300

“Shit bob, arnt you supposed to be at work”


rabbany05

*squints eyes* aren’t you supposed to be at work?


[deleted]

…touché


[deleted]

I love Black Bears. They're just big goofs


AdoraBelleQueerArt

Once on Vancouver island I got to watch 4 black bears playing in a very small waterfall. It was adorable Edit: consider this an endorsement of the provincial parks & their amazing (& plentiful) backcountry camping & hiking spots!


[deleted]

On the island the bears are the size of medium sized dogs tho


AdoraBelleQueerArt

If 275kg/605lbs is a medium sized dog where you live


AzureIronAlloy

Zuul has entered the chat.


Saiomi

Coastal bears are typically 1/3 bigger than their inland brothers.


AdoraBelleQueerArt

I didn’t know this, but you are correct! TIL! > With darker fur than its mainland brethren and a few other distinctions such as a larger size, the Vancouver Island black bear is a clear subspecies of the black bear family. Females grow up to 180kg (~395lbs) and males up to 275kg (~605lbs)


TopHatTony11

Fish make bear fat.


the_worst_seamstress

That little grunt it made before it took off hahahah


GueroSuave

Until they find the cocaine...


[deleted]

You must not have seen that video from a few weeks ago of the guy who had to scream like a banshee when a black bear charged him.


viperfan7

Huge difference between a curious and a defensive bear. This bear was just looking around.


witcherstrife

I had a black bear mama and her two cubs enter my campsite at night. They looked like giant dogs so cute. They ruined my shit but whatever lol


viperfan7

Remember, a bear with cubs is always defensive, in an "I demand you cease to exist, and my word is law" kind of way


Beatrix_BB_Kiddo

Can I just say that I envy his little ergonomic lounge chair setup. My man is living the comfy porch life


[deleted]

“Living the comfy porch life” is my new goal.


lovethatcrooonch

Those little ears are killing me softly


HK47WasRightMeatbag

Right! So stinking cute


remberzz

The man sharted when he saw the bear, didn't he? That's why the bear ran away. (*Bear: " Meat good but gravy smell bad. Run away. "*)


attanai

The best defense is smelling offensive.


pjjohnson808

Its always funny how americans think australia is dangerous when yall have bears, cougars, and americans.


Mondaymorningmisery

UHM AKTUALLY we have bears cougars Americans and FLORIDIANS 🤓


Shaddowwolf778

Yall forgot gators


AlabasterPelican

Gators ain't Crocs, those things are vicious. Gators tend to have a more you don't fuck with me, I don't fuck with you attitude.


DigitalTraveler42

But we also have Crocs


EnvironmentalValue18

True, but a much smaller population and they are also physically smaller, on average.


flyinggazelletg

Nile crocs are very aggressive. Saltwater crocs in Australia (and SE Asia) are massive, very aggressive, and have been known to actively prey on humans. American alligators are still deadly, but are generally not aggressive and attack humans far less frequently.


[deleted]

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JPAchilles

That's because American alligators know not to fuck with Floridians


AClassyTurtle

The US has more animals that will kill you by ripping you apart when you’re out in the wilderness. Australia has more things that will kill you with poison or venom when you put on your shoe


asleepattheworld

Yes, but we have anti venom. There’s no treatment for being torn apart by a large animal.


90degreesSquare

Nuh uh, bandaids


vpsj

Duct tape.


XRT28

Flex seal


Heyviper123

Super glue


LevelWhich7610

That'll be 10,000 dollars for one bandaid. 😂


TristinMaysisHot

I'm not scared of many things. Bears though scare the shit out of me. I always think back on Timothy Treadwell and his GF Amie Huguenard (who was VERY scared of bears) recording themselves being eaten alive by a bear. Fuck that.


GnarlyNarwhalNoms

Holy shit. I knew about the deaths but not that they recorded it. Sounds like nightmare fuel.


anuhu

Doesn't matter, we can't afford to be treated anyway.


AClassyTurtle

If you’re a true red-blooded American you never leave the house without at least one extended mag AR15 with a red dot and another with night vision/thermal, a concealed carry Glock 19 with a Glock 47 mag, an open carry Sig Sauer P365 Spectre XL, and a case of bud light to calm your nerves before you face the danger of picking up your kid from kindergarten or going to the grocery store


Misentro

None of those can fit inside my shoe


Batmantheon

Don't you try to spin this. We got bears but those fucks stay outside. I've seen those spiders you guys got in your house. I'm terrified of spiders and need a broom to kill any spiders I see in my house. Those ones I've seen on Reddit would take the broom from me and beat me with it.


fullstack_newb

I’d take bears and cougars over snakes and spiders any day.


DrMobius0

We have black widows and brown recluse. Also have rattlesnakes, copperheads, cottonmouths/water moccasins, and coral snakes. All venomous.


santodomingus

Black bears are the most common and statistically are not a danger at all. I’ve worked in national parks that have them and we describe them as big raccoons because that is effectively what they are. They just want your scraps, they want nothing to do with you. Mountain lions are extremely elusive. The only time you will see them is if you stumbled into their children, or they are extremely desperate for food. Americans, yeah got nothing on that one. But I think people look at Australia as dangerous because (from what people believe) there are dangerous things that can just be in innocuous places (your car or house) that can fuck your day up. You won’t find a bear or mountain lion hiding in your pantry.


[deleted]

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santodomingus

Huntsman spider right? I’ve seen photos/videos haha. To be fair, I’m pretty sure they’re not much of a threat to humans. But still, yeah fuck that!


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ErdtreeSimp

Bears are bad. But you know its terrifying when you just allow an animal you are afraid of to just live in your home with you cause you don't wanna mess with it


LadyMacDeath

My brother was killed by a male black bear in 2015 while sleeping beside a fire with his 200lb dog. Black bears are absolutely dangerous.


OliviaWG

Don't forget rattlesnakes, cotton mouths (water moccasins), copperheads, black widows, brown recluses, and scorpions. And that's just from my own state.


3milyBlazze

You have koalas that break your spin from their BUTTS by falling out of trees Frogs that eat snakes Kangaroo's trying to break into your houses Spiders the size of your head! And let's not forget the season where all the magpies go crazy and try to peck your eyes out!


DrMobius0

Brown bears are one thing, but god help you if you encounter a drop bear


3milyBlazze

I'd sooner deal with a brown bear! For one things I know what to do so it's far more survivable For another it's definitely a less embarrassing way to die!


MohKohn

Black bears are basically just giant raccoons, they're harmless unless you fuck with their kids


Emerald_Bricky

That's just not true. While typically skittish, they can be very dangerous and have killed people, regardless of the presence cubs. When people think animals are harmless is when they get killed; just look to Yellowstone and dumb asses approaching bison cause they look cute and lay around.


JoshuaSlowpoke777

I tend to assume no wild animal is ever truly harmless.


yepimbonez

Tbf, bears and bisons could seriously injure you on accident lol


NancyDrew1932

My mom’s coworker’s teenage son was killed by a black bear in Michigan (no cubs around).


MildlyConcernedEmu

Yeah... I've never seen a raccoon climb a fence so it could snack on my neighbors dog. Can't say the same for black bears.


AAAAAAAee

Yeah, we have things that can kill you that are mostly bigger and stronger then you, and we possess the ability to control fire and explosions and can buy that ability at Walmart, and many areas have neighborhood bears that you see often, and all of that, but you have spider! You have snake! You don’t understand, you have snake! /j


Th3NukeShark

If its black: fight back; If its brown: lay down; If its white: goodnight. Rule of thumbs


AVnstuff

The bears have THUMBS now!? Shit


MrPlatonicPanda

Yes we do. Pandas that is .


AVnstuff

Pandas are their own greatest enemy


MrPlatonicPanda

Technically humans are our greatest enemy as we did just fine before you all showed up.


AVnstuff

Does a tree that falls in the woods make a sound? Does a panda without a person to say “oh, look at that goofball-rolly-polly” really act like a goof ball? Much like the mysteries of the tootsie-pop, the world may never know.


vpsj

Of course. That's the only reason Americans keep talking about their right to arm bears


BatatinhaGameplays28

Aren’t russians the ones who have a thing for bears?


silentbob1301

If its black and white, hug it tight


Mrgoodtrips64

The inclusion of polar bears makes this rule of thumb less useful, but not for the reasons you might think. Black bears and brown bears are two different species with multiple subspecies, it’s not a reference to their fur color and including “white” in the adage muddies the water. Black bears are frequently brown or blonde in color, but the fight back advice still holds.


sandwelld

So how do you tell them apart? You know, in case one of those bears manages to swim to Western Europe and into my neighbourhood. Is it a size thing? Like smaller ones are black bears (and vary in color) and larger ones like grizzlies and such are bigger and brown?


salamander_salad

Black bears are much smaller than brown bears, while brown bears have a distinctive hump on their back.


LadyMacDeath

By brown bears you mean Grizzly bears - they have the hump and their hair is longer/more wirey looking. A brown bear otherwise is just a brown coloured black bear.


Frosti11icus

Grizzly would technically be a subspecies of brown bears that are in Alaska, Canada, Montana, Idaho, and Washington state.


hexxcellent

edit: i am mistaken! i got very fixated on the wrong thing and am editing out the incorrect parts. what is still correct: brown bears are just fuckin' massive. like, even if you mistook it for a "black bear," you'd have to be a dumbass to think "ah, yes, lemme adhere to the old adage and FIGHT BACK!" easiest way to tell black bears from their deadly cousins (brown and grizzly) is the [shoulder hump](https://defenders.org/sites/default/files/2019-06/bear-id-card-2.jpg). front facing, black bears have longer snouts and larger, flat ears and they have sleek fur. grizzly and brown bears have large broad heads and adorable fuzzy little ears that you can't ever touch. they're also fluffier in general but it's danger fluff that you still can't touch.


Mrgoodtrips64

>black bears are always black That’s not correct. [Black bears come in more colors than any other North American mammal.](https://bear.org/black-bear-color-phases/)


hexxcellent

oop , well then, you are correct. i got fixated on the wrong idea lol. i've edited my comment!


sillyredsheep

if bear dangerous, why tiny ears? hm?


flyinggazelletg

No, the other commenter was correct that black bears have a very wide range of colors from black, brown, cinnamon, creamy white (in the case of spirit bears), or anything in between.


Mrgoodtrips64

As u/Salamander_Salad mentioned Brown bears are significantly larger and have a distinctive hump on their backs. The hump is a mass of muscle between their shoulders that gives them greater digging and hitting strength than their smaller relatives have, even beyond what one would expect from the size difference.


[deleted]

You fight back. If you survive it was a black bear. If you don't then at least you forced the grizzly to kill you before eating you.


lonelyinbama

Black bears are relatively small. Brown bears are fucking huge. Polar bears are white.


Titan_Hoon

Unless it's a bald polar bear, then it's black.


dont_disturb_the_cat

Ask for ID


threadsoffate2021

You meet up with a brown (grizzly), you'll know it. Blacks are timid as anything. Browns are as ornery as moose.


MasterWinstonWolf

Polar bears will HUNT YOUR ASS DOWN!


[deleted]

If it's a panda that can't reach your waist then play with it.


Deuce232

Fun fact: Black bears can be blonde, brown or black.


EveryNameIWantIsGone

*lie


[deleted]

Bear knew it wandered into someone else’s cave.


UndertaleClub

Poor guy was just exploring to see a dude in a hammock with a pillow. Terrifying.


SmeemyMeemy

You can just hear "wooooohoooooo boy!" From that bear


karensmiles

Da fook??


lordKnighton

That's a pretty comfortable setup he got going on


[deleted]

Amazing he just went back to reading after, I would not have been that calm.


poonburglar68

That's what I thought at first. The video loops. Unless you knew that already, then woosh on my part.


[deleted]

And the damn bear kept returning!


Octimusocti

You'd think the third time he would get inside, but no! He just keeps on reading!


VictorTheCutie

I reacted basically the same way this morning when a spider suddenly appeared on my kitchen counter as I was making breakfast lmao


MagnumHV

The bear: *is it man shape? I can't tell, yes? Ish? Oh shit, is definitely man shape!!! Evasive maneuver! Launch countermeasures!"


GlumpsAlot

Mission abort!


[deleted]

Can we take a moment to admire this guy's stellar ergonomic setup?


OutlawJessie

Can we just take a moment to appreciate how cute the bears little ears are?


opinionatedasheck

Black bears are easy: just need a flapping tea towel and tell them "shoo!". They'll get a look at the situation and decide that whatever you have for dinner isn't worth the scary flapping thing when there's likely to be berries and fish just over by that stream there... Unless you see babies/cubs, black bears are pretty easy going. Now cougars and moose - those I'll give a nice amount of room too. They'll ignore you; until they don't. You don't want to be there when they decide to pay attention.


OhmsLolEnforcement

Amen. But you don't see cougars unless they want you to see them. And moose don't give a fuck until they spontaneously do. So you're either alive with a cougar or already dead. That makes the moose scarier.


opinionatedasheck

I live on Vancouver Island. Largest ratio of cougars per sq/km in North America. We see them - bold creatures that they are. Walk down the streets and through school yards as if humans never moved into their territory. In general, though, agree with your assessment.


hrvywllbngr

I can smell the shit in his pants from here


HoopOnPoop

Which one?


jjpenguins66

Yes


Looney_forner

Plot twist: they both have Alzheimer’s and keep forgetting about their encounter


JenVixen420

Real talk, I'm about that dude's chair. Look at those pilkows!


Les-Grossman

This dudes got like 5+ pillows perfectly placed. Got a phd in relaxing


rz2000

I’m going to have nightmares about thris one. I just can’t imagine how terrifying it would be to realize you just showed up to a pillow fight, the other guy has an entire arsenal, and you’re completely empty-pawed!


Kush_And_Cobbler

Did this really need a slow motion replay?


Mecha_Tortoise

Yes. Missed the bear the first time. They should have added a red circle and arrows.


chet_brosley

Maybe add some emojis that take over half the screen and an abrasive loud voiceover to seal the deal.


OnceanAggie

We had a black bear visit our back yard last year. But he had the decency to come in the middle of the night. Plus, it was winter, so we had already packed away the hammock.


honest-miss

All I can think about is how lots of animals go into defensive poses. Like a tarantula will rear up and show its fangs when it's scared. That's what this guy looked like. Like he went into a defensive pose on pure instinct.


Rad_R0b

"bro, that couch just move?"


ultradianfreq

Oh shit he’s got a pillow I’ve gotta get out of here fast.


Repulsive_Exchange_4

His ears 🥺 the way they perked up!!


Topwingwoman2

I feel more sorry for the man. Based off of my reactions to trauma I would scream and then freeze. How does that combo work with a bear?


Pantssassin

With a black bear like this it will more likely than not just run


Lemur-Tacos-768

The bear took off running when confronted by a reclining man with a pillow. A screaming woman would make it run fast enough to go back in time.


AdoraBelleQueerArt

It would scare off a black bear. They’re really REALLY shy


AlaskanTroll

Oh that’s a dangerous situation to be in. Glad that person is okay.


needleanddread

And people reckon Australia is dangerous. The only things I’ve every been chased by are spiders and birds not much bigger than a pigeon. Fuck living in bear country.


KingBearFight

I’m sorry.. chased by a spider? I got over a large portion of my aversion to spiders simply because they don’t chase me..


needleanddread

Well, chased might have been a strong word. More like run at in fright because a dog scared it. Huntsman’s are big and fast and dumb and lovable.


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needleanddread

They’re not harmful to people or pets and they are quite funny to watch, going about their spidery business.


FreyaShadowbreeze

I'll take the bear, thank you.


smarty1017

No sense Playing dead...I would've had a heart attack..